T-Rex: Sometimes we do awful things in our lives, even if we don't know it. Sometimes the only proof that we've made mistakes - terrible mistakes the UNIVERSE ITSELF punishes us for - is that we look around and find we're playing... Monopoly.
Narrator: MONOPOLY AS SHE IS PLAYED
T-Rex: The object of Monopoly is to fully explore the sensations of boredom, sorrow and rage. In this sense, EVERYONE'S a winner, as it'll become clear in the first 30 minutes that you've lost, yet the game will grind on for hours and hours after that. It is during this time that you will explore these emotions. It is during this time that you will wonder what you did to deserve this.
T-Rex: It is during this time that you will begin to despise the Brothers Parker.
Utahraptor: But what if you're the winning player?
T-Rex: Oh, then it's an entirely different game!
T-Rex: In THAT case, your prize is watching friendships die, turn by endless turn. Your only hope is that someone gets SO MAD that they flip the table and end the game early.
Utahraptor: That sounds terrible.
T-Rex: That is the bestselling board game on the planet, Utahraptor. What is WRONG with us??
T-Rex: My best theory is that the criminally insane are buying up all the copies, concealing them under their jackets, and smuggling them into cottages the world over.
T-Rex: Oh!
T-Rex: And grandma's house
