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Transcript

T-Rex: Wouldn't it be great if people didn't need to be happy?

T-Rex: YES. Yes it probably would!

T-Rex: I mean, I get that depression (UNhappiness) has a host of issues associated with it, but what I'm describing is more Ahappiness - the ability to not need happiness at all! Happiness is this - this FUEL that we need to function in society, but it doesn't last forever, and then we need to find more. It's like food, only it's drained every time we have to do something sucky! Also, you can't buy happiness at a grocery store. I'm sorry, Safeway, but you just CAN'T.

T-Rex: But what if I removed that desire for happiness? What if instead of feeding the world, I simply killed hunger?
Utahraptor: T-Rex!

Utahraptor: This is crazy! You can't just pluck an emotion out of the psyche, and we don't have technology that even approaches this. When did you ever think you were going to do this?
T-Rex: "Do this?" Utahraptor, do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there was the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?

T-Rex: I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
T-Rex: Hah, just kidding! I tried to come up with a way to suppress happiness, but I'm not HAPPY with the results yet.
T-Rex: BAH DUM DUM CHING??

What are the haps my friends

February 28th, 2008: Thank you everyone who emailed me about the skateboard simulator! There are a few things I'd like to clear up: if it worked and you held in place on the treadmill, it would not be the same as just standing on a stationary board: a skateboard steers by the way you tilt on it, and at high speeds small changes in your stance mean big changes in direction, so it would handle very differently. And when I said it would still hurt when you hit the ground, I meant falling and hitting the treadmill (where there's a big difference in velocity), not, like, hitting your living room carpet. That wouldn't be so bad.

Finally, I wanted to thank Randall and all the other who suggested a tilting treadmill for this, and everyone who came up with the "giant fan" and "maybe a harness would help too" ideas. I am really happy to know that, given enough money, the misleadingly-named Terminal Velocity Skateboard Simulator can be made a reality.

Tomorrow's comic: something that's not about skateboards... PROBABLY!

One year ago today: ATTENTION WOMEN NAMED SAMANTHA IN THE AUDIENCE: t-rex and i agree, you have pretty names.

– Ryan