Narrator: THERE IS NO SUCH WRITING RULE

Narrator: a comic to be deployed against those who think there IS such a rule

Narrator: DOUBLE NEGATIVES ARE BAD:
T-Rex: PLEASE. Double negatives allow shades of meaning! "Data touched Riker's bum" conveys a different meaning than "Data didn't NOT touch Riker's bum". One is much more coquettish and flirty!!
Dromiceiomimus: Wait -

Narrator: NO SPLIT INFINITIVES:
T-Rex: "Riker wanted to boldly touch Data's bum back" is both grammatical AND enticing!!
Utahraptor: Uh -

Narrator: THE PASSIVE VOICE IS BAD:
T-Rex: "An eager bum was patted" has a different tone than "Riker patted Data's eager bum". It can be coy, or evasive, and sets up suspense - who is patting those cheeks, and why? Data and Riker would sure like to know, and I bet they're not the only ones!!

Narrator: YOU SHOULDN'T WRITE EROTIC STAR TREK FAN FICTION IN YOUR GRAMMAR GUIDES:
T-Rex: "Where ELSE are you going to write it?" Data asked, quizzically! Riker patted his own bum enticingly, and the question was soon forgotten.