Narrator: FUN ALTERNATIVES TO THANKSGIVING

Narrator: BANKSGIVING
T-Rex: Because you're so glad banks exist!
T-Rex: CELEBRATION IS MANDATORY.

Narrator: TANKSGIVING
T-Rex: THE BEST OF ALL THE HOLIDAYS: everyone gets a new tank! Then we drive around in tanks blowing up other tanks until there's only one tank left! Then we destroy all evidence Tanksgiving ever happened and submit to having our memories erased, as per the accord we all eagerly agreed to when that deranged billionaire offered the world the chance of Tanksgiving!

Narrator: FRANKSGIVING
Utahraptor: Not a real holiday.
T-Rex: DO NOT LISTEN TO FRANK.

Narrator: PRANKSGIVING
T-Rex: It's like those cans full of fake snakes that jump out when you open them, but with the turkey! And mashed potatoes! And gravy!
Utahraptor: Everyone gets bruised and goes home hungry!
Utahraptor: WHAT FUN

Narrator: SPANKSGIVING
Off panel: I'm giving thanks for spanks! It's like, a sex thing!
T-Rex: Cool
T-Rex: Cool cool