Narrator: DATING PROFILE ADVICE FOR MEN
T-Rex: Hello men! I looked at your dating profile sites and y'all be mad sucky! Y'all be GENERIC DUDES that I don't want to know!
T-Rex: I'ma fix you up!!
T-Rex: DON'T use bland generic descriptors, like saying you're "friendly", "down to earth", "quirky", "have a good sense of humour", "enjoy movies", "like reading", or "love to laugh". All of these are euphemisms for anal sex, by the way.
T-Rex: Yep!
T-Rex: As you suspected, everyone is having anal sex except you!!
Utahraptor: DO have a photo of you with a celebrity or dog in a fireman's hat!
T-Rex: Hah hah! WHERE'D HE GET THAT HAT??
T-Rex: DON'T say you can't live without your air or food. Everyone has made this joke, plus, YOU JUST TOLD EVERY MURDERER YOUR WEAKNESS. Not smart.
Utahraptor: DON'T mention your skills at oral sex. There's no way for a complete stranger to volunteer "I'm good at sex with face" and not be creepy, yo.
T-Rex: Congratulations, men! If you followed all this advice, you now have a profile that will be very attractive to me, a heterosexual man!!
T-Rex: Yaaaaaay
