T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a young woman called Little Red Riding Hood! Her parents, who were grown adults, named her after the clothes they bought for her.
Narrator: THE STORY OF LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Narrator: as told in the 14th century
T-Rex: Red is on her way to visit her grandmother, who lives in the woods. She meets a wolf and tells him where she's going, so Wolf gets there before her and murders the grandmother. Then he DRESSES UP IN HER CLOTHES while BOTTLING HER BLOOD AND CHOPPING UP HER FLESH. Then he gets into her bed.
T-Rex: I - I don't know why.
T-Rex: This is a story for children, I dunno
Utahraptor: And then Red shows up?
T-Rex: That's still the same, yeah!
T-Rex: Only now Wolf tells Red to eat, so she unknowingly CANNIBALIZES HER OWN GRANDMOTHER. Then either Wolf eats Red, THE END, or convinces her to burn her clothes (WHAT) and get into bed with her "grandmother" (WHAT) at which point Red saves herself by saying she needs to poo and doesn't want to poo the bed (WHATTTT)
T-Rex: Red runs back to home naked and has learnt a valuable lesson: don't talk to strangers!
T-Rex: She later reflects, wistfully, that the lesson could've easily been conveyed without murder, cannibalism and zoophilia, but OH WELL!
