Devil: MMM GREETINGS T-REX I HAVE A QUERY OF A PERSONAL NATURE
T-Rex: Shoot!
Devil: DO YOU EVER EXPERIENCE
Devil: BODY IMAGE ISSUES

T-Rex: Hah! Bawdy image issues!

Devil: NO I MEAN LIKE DO YOU EVER WISH YOUR BODY LOOKED DIFFERENT THAN IT DOES
T-Rex: Well, actually, no, but I do empathise! I really like being a giant awesome dinosaur, but nobody's ever told me that being giant and awesome is undesirable. I guess SOMETIMES I've been frustrated by my stubby arms, but I still love the li'l champs!

Utahraptor: So you'd never wish to have anything changed?
T-Rex: Nope!

T-Rex: I guess I'm lucky! I can't imagine what it must be like to be transsexual, waking up in the morning and feeling like there's been some unfair mistake, and parts of your body are WRONG.
Utahraptor: I've sometimes wished I was more muscley, but that's nothing, because I could just work out if it was REALLY an issue.

T-Rex: The Devil, does that answer your question?
Devil: NO AND YOUR SYMPATHY IS AS USELESS AS THE BERRIES IN SUPER MARIO WORLD
Devil: BY WHICH I MEAN
Devil: ONLY GOOD FOR YOSHIS

August 10th, 2006: My brother Victor accidentally longboarded through a puddle of blue ink on his way to work today. There were actually two puddles there on the road, puddles of ink, like what you'd put in your pen. It raises a lot of questions. Victor ruined his white work pants, but on the other hand, he ruined his pants in a pretty improbable way. Here's how he suspects it went down, IN HIS OWN WORDS WHICH I THOUGHT I'D SHARE:

*Man buys hilariously oversized jug of ink refill, we see him struggling to take oversized jug down from shelf, almost lose it, spin on his heel and walk to cash*

*We then see a car pull up to a curb, man gets out of car, moves to trunk, and takes out ridiculous jug of ink. Maybe the ink jug has three xxxs on it for some reason. Legs bent, he fights to get it into his home, but the lid pops off! Thick, blue ink splashes on the sidewalk. "Phew" thinks our man. He is clean, which is lucky, because he is wearing all white. He looks like he stepped out of a Tide commercial. He tries to bend over the pick up the lid with one hand, while balancing the jug with the other on his hip! But the ink barrel slooshes ink all over his face! "Oooob-Waaa!!" The man silently mouths curses in slow-mo as the unlikely ink flows over his face, in his mouth, covering him in blue. This creates puddle number two.*

*Flash wipe to me skating through puddle number 1. Me: "Aw man!"

I, for one, will be looking for opportunities to shout "Oooob-Waaa!!" when in trouble from now on.

One year ago today: solipsists: there can only be one

– Ryan