Narrator: HOW TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AS AN ADULT
T-Rex: Are you an adult? Hah hah hah hah hah!!

T-Rex: SUCKER

T-Rex: Anyway, you've probably noticed that it's hard to make friends now that you're LITERALLY OLD. You're so busy with JOBS and RESPONSIBILITIES and THAT BABY OR BABIES YOU THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE that you barely have time for existing friendships, much less making new ones! You have to SCHEDULE hang-outs with your current friends!
T-Rex: Who DOES that?

Utahraptor: Adults do that!
T-Rex: Friggin' adults, man!

T-Rex: In any case, the key to new friends is casual social contact, so join a club or whatever. And if clubs are too much, join a mailing list! I've made several friends on my mailing list about dogs!
Utahraptor: Are these friends... dogs?
T-Rex: NO, they're not DOGS! OBVIOUSLY!!

Narrator: BUT SECRETLY...
T-Rex: Utahraptor must never know I've been making friends with dog owners purely to gain access to the friendship of their dogs!
T-Rex: Utahraptor must never know I HAVE NO REGRETS