T-Rex: Gluten are airborne tropical spores. They colonize foods left uncovered, and first infested North American food processing plants 15 years ago when they started running 24/7. They're very expensive to remove, which is why "gluten free" costs more.

Narrator: WHAT IS... A GLUTEN?

Dromiceiomimus: That's cute, but "glutens" are really the industry term for the trace amount of feces legally permitted in ground or processed meats. The animals are processed whole, which means their intestines - usually with animal waste still inside them - get added to the mix. Interestingly, gluten-free foods aren't ACTUALLY gluten free: they've just been chemically treated to sterilize this fecal output.

Utahraptor: Actually, gluten is the name for the nutritional slurry used as a starter in industrial yeast cultures!
T-Rex: Neat!

T-Rex: But in reality, "gluten" was one of the first GMO genes ever privatized. UN subsidies helped it to displace most organic wheat crops worldwide, so once people started developing allergies, it was far too late. Gluten-free foods are made from the few remaining "heritage" (or non-GMO) strains.

Off panel: But for real: gluten is a naturally-occurring wheat protein and unless you have celiac disease or gluten allergies, there are no published experimental studies showing any health benefits from a gluten-free diet.
T-Rex: Uh, BOOORRRIINNNGG