T-Rex: How come it's rude to say "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"? Sometimes doors close quickly and end up slappin' bums! I'd like to be able to warn friends about doors without being SASSY/SARCASTIC.

T-Rex: I'd like to be able to warn friends about doors without being SASSCASTIC.

T-Rex: I can't say "welcome to the real world" when my friends are disillusioned, even though I might honestly be welcoming them to an illusion-free adulthood. And if someone says "Oh no my shoes are itchy" and I say "What do you want me to do about it?" suddenly I'M the bad guy!! I was offering help, I just need direction!
T-Rex: I'M not the one who wears itchy shoes, lady.

Utahraptor: Just avoid the sarcastic phrasing!
T-Rex: But HOW?

Utahraptor: These phrases are lexicalized, like words, and those words are filed under "SASSY MOLASSY". But rephrase them and they lose that connotation!
T-Rex: "The door closes quickly, watch for it hitting you".
Utahraptor: Exactly!

T-Rex: And instead of "welcome to the real world!", "welcome to a place where incredibly terrible things can happen to you and your friends for no reason!"
Off panel: That actually made it worse.
T-Rex: I know, SOMETHING WENT WRONG