Narrator: HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT REALITY
T-Rex: Sorry, babies! YOU HAVE TO GROW UP SOMETIME. It's time to learn some harsh truths! Starting with...

T-Rex: 1) LIFE ISN'T FAIR.

T-Rex: As much as we'd like to think that everything balances out, that's simply not the case! Due to an uninitialized variable, bad people DO sometimes get away without appropriate punishment. That's just the way of the world, sorry!!
Dromiceiomimus: 2) DEATH IS A PART OF LIFE. Again, due to a programming error (this time at the firmware level), everyone dies no matter how much you love them! Harsh but true!!

T-Rex: 3) YOU CAN DO YOUR BEST AND STILL FAIL... because SOMEONE forgot about buffer overflows!
Utahraptor: Hah! WTF, programmers!!

Utahraptor: 4) SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST JERKS. Character generation was implemented extremely poorly, and amazingly, never subjected to code review! The result: the many jerks populating this artificial simulation we so naively call "reality"!
T-Rex: LOL! Talk about a game-breaking bug!!

T-Rex: 5) YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE WORLD, ONLY HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT. Universal control wasn't implemented by the time the imaginary prison we're all trapped in had to go live. Sheesh!!
T-Rex and off panel: Can we get a "programming fail"??