T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a woman called Sleeping Beauty! Her parents named her after a specific state that she was only in sometimes. It was weird.
Narrator: SLEEPING BEAUTY:
Narrator: the 17th century version
T-Rex: Sleepytimes gets her Machine of Death reading and it says she'll be done in by flax!
T-Rex: Dad tries to keep her from flax, but years later, wouldn't you know it, she messes with some flax and gets a splinter and collapses. And Dad doesn't want to bury her so instead he abandons his house with her in it! Only, she's not dead: she's SLEEPING. Like in her name?
T-Rex: This doesn't occur to anyone though.
T-Rex: I dunno why, it's kinda obvious
Utahraptor: And then a king stops by the house and finds her there unconscious!
T-Rex: INDEED.
Utahraptor: And then he sexually assaults her, and then she gives birth to twins.
T-Rex: This story is moronic.
Utahraptor: And the twins suck the splinter out and she wakes up and... falls in love with her attacker?
T-Rex: Somehow it got even more moronic!
Off panel: The moral of the story is then explicitly stated to be "LUCKY PEOPLE ARE LUCKY, EVEN WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING!"
T-Rex: Holy crap, we're now at HITHERTO-UNCHARTED levels of moronic!
T-Rex: I can't believe we're all descended from 17th century people; how embarrassing!
