T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a baby duck who was different than all the other ducks! One day some of the ducklings made fun of him and called him ugly, because they were LITERAL BABIES who had not yet been taught kindness or acceptance.
Narrator: THE UGLY DUCKLING
Narrator: a peer-reviewed fairy tale
T-Rex: The eponymous ugly duckling (henceforth: "Chad") left, but a few months later he met some swans who welcomed him, and improbably, it was only then he looked in the water THAT HE WAS SWIMMING IN ALL THE TIME and noticed he was a beautiful swan too. Besides beauty, swans live 20 to 30 years compared to the 5-10 that ducks enjoy, so Chad had actually won the genetic lottery TWICE. He took pleasure in watching his former bullies grow old and die.
Utahraptor: Wow! Pretty dick move from Chad!
T-Rex: That's swans for you!
T-Rex: While beautiful, swans are aggressive, capricious, dangerous animals who attack without warning, and whose outer beauty only belies an inner darkness. In contrast, ducks are calm, gregarious beasts that can be as friendly as puppies.
T-Rex: Instead of accepting the apologies of his childhood bullies, Chad spent the rest of his life harassing multiple generations of ducks for things their great-great-great grandparents had done when they were children. THE END.
Off panel: Let's go eat him
T-Rex: Let's
