Narrator: THE MYTH OF MEDUSA
T-Rex: Medusa was a lady who was super sexy! But then she sexed up Poseidon (God of the Sea!) in Athena's house, and Athena got SO CHEEZED that she turned Medusa's hair into snakes!

T-Rex: And THEN she made Medusa's face so crazy that anyone who saw it would turn to stone!

T-Rex: Medusa was now the greatest biological weapon on the face of the planet. Perseus was sent to slay her and claim her head, planning to use a mirrored shield so he could avoid looking at her directly. This of course was futile; light does not work that way, and Medusa now had a statue of a guy looking into his shield. Realizing her own power, Medusa began keeping her eyes closed, navigating by sound and touch.

Utahraptor: That's not what happens in the story!!
T-Rex: Really? Because my version seems PRETTY LOGICAL.

Utahraptor: No, in the real story Perseus chops Medusa's head off and she's pregnant by Poseidon so babies pop out of her neck. One is a giant with a solid gold sword and the other is Pegasus.
T-Rex: Oh right, that ending is WAY better. Her head gets chopped off and A FLYING HORSE and SWORD GIANT come out. The end.

T-Rex: The way I figure, either the Greek Myths were made up by a five-year-old and transcribed onto scrolls by his 30-year-old brother, or at some point I go back in time and the Greeks are all SUPER CREDULOUS.
T-Rex: Either way: EVERYBODY WINS??