T-Rex: Everything that's ever happened, happened during history! Let's find out more about this alleged phenomena as we explore...

T-Rex: TODAY
T-Rex: IN
T-Rex: HISTORY

Dromiceiomimus: What's happened on today minus one or more years, T-Rex?
T-Rex: Well! On this day in history, someone kissed their sweetie for the very first time!
Dromiceiomimus: Aww! That's really nice.
T-Rex: It really was!

Utahraptor: History's full of nice little things like this, huh?
T-Rex: That's why historians love it!

T-Rex: And yes, on this day in history someone ELSEWHERE died HORRIBLY - possibly at the exact same time as the smooch - but we don't need to focus on that! We can focus on the nice things only, and make history as pretty as our very best selves!
Utahraptor: Awww! ADORABLE.

Narrator: AND SO:
Off panel: What happened today in history, T-Rex?
T-Rex: NOTHING
Off panel: That doesn't sound ri-
T-Rex: DO NOT INVESTIGATE FURTHER