T-Rex: Are you thinking of having children? I mean, sure, you probably think of having a lot of things, but is one of those children??

Narrator: THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE HAVING CHILDREN

T-Rex: Look at your cell phone. Is it 18 years old? Because that's how long you're legally responsible for children! If you can imagine loving the exact same phone for the next TWO DECADES - EVEN IF YOUR PHONE BEGAN LITERALLY PRODUCING FECES, REQUIRING YOU TO CARRY AND CHANGE ITS DIAPERS - then you maybe are ready to have kids.

T-Rex: And hey, does your phone have a cracked screen?
Utahraptor: Nice going, potential future parent!

Utahraptor: You managed to break material SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED to be as strong as possible, and you did it by ACCIDENT. Would you trust yourself with a baby? Would ANYONE?
T-Rex: Wait, WAIT. Is the only reason you're having kids because your friends won't let you borrow theirs anymore??

Contract form: "I want a cell phone contract that lasts 18 years and which requires me to feed and clothe a pooping phone. It will bring me deep satisfaction to watch that phone get older and older and older"
Contract form: [ ] YES: I am ready to have kids!!
Contract form: [ ] NO, and uh, maybe on second thought let's NOT have unprotected intercourse
Contract form: 〚blank〛 SIGNATURE