T-Rex: So gravity happens because matter bends spacetime and blah blah blah. But dudes, I had a crazy idea! What if instead of gravity being a property of matter, it was a property of the ENTIRE FRIGGIN' UNIVERSE?

T-Rex: Have all minds within the sound of my voice become COMPLETELY AND IRREVOCABLY BLOWN??

T-Rex: So check it: the universe is suffused with tiny invisible particles that travel in equal intensity from all directions. So if you were alone in the universe, you'd be hit equally from all directions and nothing would happen. But if there's a planet in front of you, then any particles coming from its direction are going to hit it instead and not you! So you're no longer in balance, and particles coming from BEHIND you will push you towards the planet.

Utahraptor: And YOU'RE blocking a much smaller number of particles from hitting the planet, so it'll move a little towards you!
T-Rex: Yes!

Utahraptor: It's a fun theory, but if you're absorbing particles all the time, shouldn't you be gaining mass?
T-Rex: No, because they're - massless?
Utahraptor: Ah, so you'd be absorbing energy then.
T-Rex: They're - energyless as well?

Narrator: SOON, T-REX FINDS OUT THAT HIS GRAVITATIONAL THEORY HAS ALREADY BEEN PROPOSED BACK IN THE YEAR 1690!
T-Rex: Everyone in the past needs to stop preemptively plagiarizing my ideas!
T-Rex: I keep saying that but it keeps happening! It's total crap!!