Narrator: THINGS THAT T-REX HAS GOTTEN FOR FREE IN THE MAIL COMICS

Narrator: PANTYHOSE (2 PAIR):
T-Rex: I gave them to my mother for her birthday! What a good son!

Narrator: INTERNET OSTRICH MEAT STICKS:
T-Rex: Hmmm... they tasted like regular meat sticks, I guess!
Dromiceiomimus: What do those taste like?
T-Rex: Like spicy leather? I wouldn't have eaten them under normal circumstances, but, you know, free internet ostrich meat.

Narrator: BREAKFAST SHAKES:
Utahraptor: And how did that taste?
T-Rex: They were so vile. I literally could not understand it.

Narrator: DEPENDS™ BRAND ADULT DIAPERS:
Utahraptor: Did you try them? Did they work??
T-Rex: ONLY BRIEFLY. It turns out they're meant for the elderly, not for virile young dudes! They don't say this on the package though.
T-Rex: Nooo way.

Narrator: A BEANIE CAP WITH A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK PROPELLER ON TOP:
Off panel: How come you don't wear it?
T-Rex: 'Cause it's a beanie cap with a glow-in-the-dark propeller on top?
T-Rex: 〚small〛 Also I think I broke the propeller.