T-Rex: Hello and congratulations on your purchase of a human! Here's some advice on how to care for your new pet.
T-Rex: Humans should be kept in rooms between 19 and 24 degrees Celsius!
T-Rex: Your human will finish maturing at around 22 and reach its peak only five years later, after which its physical and mental faculties will enter a slow, unstoppable decline. Your human can still be enjoyed after the age of 27 - in fact, most will live another 50 years if they're forced to exercise and not permitted to choose their own diets - but you should be aware at this point that younger, fresher options are certainly available.
Utahraptor: Suppose I'm interested in breeding humans?
T-Rex: PLEASE DON'T.
T-Rex: There are already billions of humans to choose from, and seven more are born every second. While your pet human may claim to filter potential sexual partners by personality, gender, sexual orientation, interests, and body type, you don't get to 7 billion simultaneous humans on the planet by bein' choosey.
T-Rex: And remember: your human will eat its weight in food AT LEAST once every two months, and this comes with a corresponding faecal output!
T-Rex: Be sure you are prepared for these responsibilities before choosing a human as a pet.
