T-Rex: Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?
T-Rex: He'd heard someone had stolen a base!!

Narrator: "GRITTY REBOOTS OF CHILDREN'S JOKES"
Narrator: EPISODE 1

T-Rex: Dan shouldered his MP-456, which was a type of big gun, I'm just telling you now that it's a type of gun, and pushed his way into the stadium. It was just as the APB had said: all the bases had been stolen and were now bare mounds. He took the safety off his gun, cursing for the hundredth time that baseball's crime didn't play by baseball's rules. Because in the world of baseball crime... you were never safe.

T-Rex: He spotted the robbers in the outfield and took his gun's backup safety off.
Utahraptor: "Strike 3," he muttered.

T-Rex: He fired his MP-456, and baseballs burst out of the muzzle, tagging the robbers in the legs. They were still getting away, but more slowly, and were now crying out from the pain. "Hey," Dan said, firing again.
T-Rex and Utahraptor: "No crying in baseball."

Narrator: NEXT WEEK: "WHY DID THE TOMATO BLUSH? BECAUSE HE SAW THE SALAD DRESSING"
Narrator: a grim noir
Narrator: featuring the not-unproblematic assumption that vegetables are male but all salads are somehow female