Narrator: ALL OF WESTERN PHILOSOPHY SUMMARIZED IN TWO SENTENCES THEATRE

God: I THINK THEREFORE I AM
T-Rex: I know you are but what am I?

Narrator: THIS CONCLUDES ALL OF WESTERN PHILOSOPHY SUMMARIZED IN TWO SENTENCES THEATRE
Narrator: THE END

Narrator: JOKETIME THEATRE
Utahraptor: Hey, where do they get spring water from?
T-Rex: Uh, a watery hole?

T-Rex: Probably they found this weird hole with water at the bottom, and now they're wrestling with the ethical issues of exploiting a shared common resource for personal profit.
Utahraptor: Nope! Spring water comes from winter ice!

T-Rex: 〚thinks〛 T-Rex, that's a dad joke! Only dads say jokes like that! He's opening up to you. You gotta play this right, homeslice!
T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: ...UM, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIRTH OF YOUR FIRST CHILD??