T-Rex: THE EROTIC VAMPIRE STORY, by me, T-Rex!
T-Rex: Steve was a man who liked his vampires like he liked his women:

T-Rex: POWERFULLY EROTIC??

T-Rex: Luckily, he was in luck! There was a vampire in front of him who was very erotic. If you were to rank her eroticness from 0 to 10 she would be a 10 probably. Her body was very "hot" in the metaphorical sense and Steve liked thinking sex-ideas about it. What would it be like to, you know, have sexual relations with her? He kinda wanted to find out!

Utahraptor: "He kinda wanted to find out"?
T-Rex: He kinda did! Honestly!

T-Rex: He decided to straight-up ask her to seduce him so he'd be naked and "ready" for sex. But the vampire bit him on the neck instead! It was not erotic. Those bites KILL YOU. How is that sexy? A dude died: put your boners away. God. Show some respect.
Utahraptor: Oh. Okay.

Narrator: THE END

May 2nd, 2013: Did you know there are Dinosaur Comics fortune cookies? There ARE! And you should get some because these bad boys are of an edition that is LIMITED. So limited that they GO AWAY FOREVER on Friday!

FORTUNES INCLUDE:

• THAT WASN'T SALT
• SOMEONE AT THIS TABLE IS AN IMPOSTOR
• THE PLATES ARE EDIBLE TOO. TRUST ME. JUST - JUST EAT YOUR PLATE. DO IT RIGHT NOW
• I HAVE THE ANTIDOTE

and more! Basically say goodbye to all those sucky fortunes that have been holding your life back and say hello to Dinosaur Comics fortune cookies because they are BETTER.

One year ago today: yesterday many people emailed me to tell me that "lasers" stood for "Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation" and so the word "lazer" didn't make sense, but it's like they've never even heard of "Light Amplification by Zeta-wave Emission Recovery"

– Ryan