T-Rex: I'm going to write the best story ever. It's called - okay, I don't know what it's called. But I have a fantastic premise!

T-Rex: It's a world where everyone knows how they're going to die!

T-Rex: You can go in to a doctor and he takes a blood test, and then his machine spits out a piece of paper that says "exploded" or "drowned" or "poisoned apple" and that's it. No dates, no details! And so people who are to die from drowning spend the rest of their lives avoiding swimming pools, but they end up drowning anyway. Part of the fun would be seeing how!

Utahraptor: This story sounds pretty morbid, T-Rex!
T-Rex: Morbidly INTERESTING!
Utahraptor: True!

Utahraptor: I guess the only safe one would be if the paper said "old age".
T-Rex: Nope, cause then you could be killed by an old guy! This machine delights in ironically vague deaths.
Utahraptor: "Natural causes"?
T-Rex: Hit on the head by a falling koala bear!

T-Rex: It would also work on animals, but all the ones for cows would say "made into delicious cheeseburger".
T-Rex: Not that the cows could understand!
T-Rex: Friggin' cheeseburgers!