T-Rex: Once upon a time, Jack came into possession of some strange beans, which when planted caused a giant beanstalk to suddenly and dramatically grow up into the clouds. Were there giants up there? He was eager to find out!

Narrator: JACK AND THE BEANSTALK
Narrator: a peer-reviewed fairy tale

T-Rex: Jack climbed up the beanstalk, but had to turn back once it started to get cold. He tried again the next day, but began getting dizzy once he reached a certain height - the air was too thin, and he'd need an oxygen supply if he were to go any further. He wasn't close to cloud level either, so there was still a long way to go.

Utahraptor: So he got an oxygen pack and went to meet the giant?
T-Rex: Well, he planned to!

T-Rex: However this took a few days, during which the tremendous pressure this giant beanstalk put on local soils became evident. It had exhausted them of both nutrients and moisture, causing all crops to fail, and starvation followed. Soon even the beanstalk itself turned to a brown, rotted husk.

T-Rex: Before he died, Jack said "I do not understand how such a plant could evolve, let alone reproduce in such a manner, especially since the square-cube law would seem to preclude a plant growing in the way we've observed."
Narrator: THE END