Narrator: RHONDA from "HELP ME RHONDA"
T-Rex: Rhonda always had greater ambitions than helping men who LITERALLY CALL THEMSELVES "BEACH BOYS", and who DATE AS A GROUP, to get over another woman; she now works as an English professor.

Narrator: The Women Of Popular Music: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Narrator: EILEEN from "COME ON EILEEN"
T-Rex: Young Eileen quickly left the bar full of adult men creepily complimenting her on how she's "full grown" and blaming her for their thoughts that "verge on dirty" as if that's HER fault. She later moved to Canada and, with her girlfriend, co-founded a successful startup in the biotech space.

Narrator: LAYLA from "LAYLA"
Utahraptor: Moved to NYC and changed her name to "Delilah".
T-Rex: Yep!

Narrator: DELILAH from "HEY THERE DELILAH"
T-Rex: Delilah's boyfriend did graduate in two years, just as he predicted, and while he never DID pay the bills with his guitar, the two of them opened a small music shop, and now they pay their bills... together.
Utahraptor: Aww! Good on her.

Narrator: MS. CLARENCE JACKSON from "SORRY MS JACKSON"
T-Rex: For some reason Ms. Jackson never did accept the apology of a man who proved incapable of getting through said apology without mentioning his dick and then bragging about oral sex.
Narrator: THE END