God: HEY T-REX HAVE YOU MADE A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
T-Rex: I totally have! And it is A SECRET!
God: OKAY BUT THE THING IS NOTHING IS REALLY SECRET FROM ME GOD
T-Rex: Except for... my resolution?
God: T-REX I COULD RECREATE THE UNIVERSE WITH THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BEING YOU TELL ME YOUR RESOLUTION OR I COULD SET THINGS UP SO THAT YOU TELL IT THROUGH YOUR OWN FREE WILL OR I COULD READ YOUR MIND IF I WAS FEELING LAZY
God: I GUESS I COULD READ YOUR DIARY IF I WERE FEELING SUPER LAZY
T-Rex: Aha! But I didn't write it down in my REGULAR diary!
God: AMONG MY TALENTS IS THE ABILITY TO READ SECRET BACKUP DIARIES
Utahraptor: What didn't you write down?
T-Rex: My new year's resolution! God's trying to trick me into revealing it, but it's TOTALLY not working.
Utahraptor: Couldn't he just recreate the universe with the only diff-
T-Rex: OKAY YES but if he DID, he'd have to wait BILLIONS OF YEARS just to get back to the point we're at now!
Narrator: 13.75 ± 0.17 BILLION YEARS LATER:
T-Rex: This year I resolve to stop stressing about my backhairs so much!!
God: HAH HAH HAH
God: AWESOME
God: TOTALLY WORTH IT
