Narrator: COMPRESSED LIFE COMICS today's life WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
T-Rex: William Shakespeare, or "Willie" as he may have secretly preferred but never actually told anyone, was a food eater!

T-Rex: In his spare time, he also wrote plays!

T-Rex: Anything else about him is PURE SPECULATION, because he died, and everyone he knew died, and everyone they knew died, and then a bunch more died and HERE WE ARE.
T-Rex: How do we know that past people didn't get together and say "Why don't we just make everything up so that future folks will think some crazy things happened? Listen. We have literally nothing else going on; we should definitely do this."

Utahraptor: But then couldn't Shakespeare HIMSELF be made up?
T-Rex: Ah, I see you've studied this before!

T-Rex: The Shakespeare Authorship Question says "Everyone knows Shakespeare wrote some neat plays. But what we're presupposing is... maybe he didn't?" But it's dumb because if a bunch of other people wrote them, I'm sure ONE of 'em would've heard of "not spelling suckily".
Utahraptor: S-U-C-
T-Rex: NOT WHAT I MEANT.

T-Rex: "Oh hello, Ben Jonson and Christopher Marlowe! Let's all write Shakespeare plays together. How do you spell 'bodes'?"
T-Rex: "I dunno, let's spell it 'boades' and call it a day!"
T-Rex: "Yes, that's definitely the best three grown men can do. NAP TIME??"
T-Rex: And so on, Utahraptor!