T-Rex: Sam and Samuel: A Scifi Epic. Ahem.
T-Rex: One day Sam met Samuel - a man who was in all respects him...

T-Rex: ...except Samuel consistently kept making better decisions!!

T-Rex: Whenever there was a choice, Samuel got the better outcome. He'd studied better. He'd socialized better. He partied better and he businessed better and he even KISSED better! (Sam and Samuel initially made out a little, just to see) (also the hotel they were staying at only had one bed left and they had to share, so.)

Utahraptor: Sounds like a really depressing thing for Sam: a constant reminder of the man you COULD be!
T-Rex: Nah!

T-Rex: After a lifetime of better choices, Samuel was basically a completely different person. And it didn't make Sam sad to see a friend do well for himself - it made him happy!! "You're so generous with your wealth and time", Sam said. "And also affection, as we are currently making out some more". Samuel nodded.

T-Rex: ATTENTION, LISTENERS!
T-Rex: I know I sold this as a scifi epic but it's gonna get MAD EROTIC before the robots show up!!