T-Rex: Every choice we make creates a universe where we went a different way! And, thanks to the miracle of INTERNET WEBSITES, we can now peer into these alternate worlds, these roads untaken, and finally discover -

Narrator: WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOUR PARENTS HAD NAMED YOU "TJ COOL SHADES"?

T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, have you met TJ Cool Shades yet?
Dromiceiomimus: Not yet, but he or she sounds, uh, INCREDIBLY COOL?
T-Rex: I know!! I heard TJCS actually wears cool shades in the SHOWER. Is there anything cooler than shades in the shower??
Dromiceiomimus: YOU KNOW THERE ISN'T!!

Narrator: LATER:
Utahraptor: TJCS has been elected world leader!
T-Rex: Can't say I'm surprised. Those shades!

Utahraptor: Wait, I'm getting news on our cyberimplants (which we all have because this timeline rules): aliens have landed! TJ Cool Shades is greeting them in the name of peace! They're speaking to us, it's - yes, yes, the translation is coming through now! "We like your shades!"

T-Rex: Well this sequence of events certainly compares favourably to whatever compromises TJCS would've been forced to make in an alternate universe in which they were born with an inferior name!!
Editor: [EDITOR'S NOTE: okay wow this is hard to transcribe but at this point T-Rex and Utahraptor just, IN UNISON, made the sound of a sigh so content it breaks your heart??]