God: BAD NEWS T-REX
God: TERRIBLE NEWS ACTUALLY
God: FEDEX HAS BECOME A REAL PERSON
T-Rex: Oh no.
T-Rex: OH NO.
T-Rex: James Fedex is your friend who promises (for real this time) that he'll DEFINITELY come over with some beer he owes you and party, only the best he can nail it down to is any point between 8 am and 6 pm today. So you stay home all day, but turns out you wasted your time because hahah he totally didn't show up! And when you call him to complain he straight-up lies, saying his records CLEARLY indicate he showed up and YOU just didn't answer the door!
Utahraptor: And now he'll only give up your beer if you go to his house instead!
T-Rex: AND HE LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
T-Rex: Why do we do this, Utahraptor? Why do we have such an unreliable and toxic person in our lives?
Utahraptor: And why do we pay him to bring stuff to us in the first place?
T-Rex: Wait. HE'S GETTING PAID? WHY WOULD ANYONE PAY THIS GUY FOR ANYTHING??
T-Rex: Oh my gosh, it's like, the only advantage of FedEx being a real person is that at least this way he'll ACTUALLY DIE SOMEDAY
