Narrator: COMPRESSED FILM COMICS today's film: CASABLANCA
T-Rex: Okay so it's WWII and we're in Casablanca and people here want to go to America but they can't. But check it out:
T-Rex: I'm an American named Rick and I have two free tickets to America!
Dromiceiomimus: And I am Ilsa, a mysterious woman who had a torrid affair with you in the past, but who then stood you up at a train station! But check THIS out: I was married the whole time we were dating and still totally am! Also, I love you and you'll have to do the thinking for both of us.
T-Rex: FINE
Utahraptor: I am Captain Renault! I'm a corrupt French official but I'm totally likeable.
T-Rex: I know!
T-Rex: You APPEAR to help the Nazis in the film, but then you let me get away with murdering one at the end so that Ilsa and her weaksauce husband can go to America. The movie should really be about OUR relationship!
Utahraptor: Seriously! We're these two great dudes who get all the film's best lines. Why don't we hang out more?
God: GUYS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COMPRESS THE FILM NOT MAKE IT INTO A GAY ROMANCE STORY
T-Rex: Too late! We already did!
Off panel: "Here's looking at you, kid!"
T-Rex: See, why didn't I ever say that to YOU?
T-Rex: This movie needs way more gay
