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recent regrets

every morning I had their flicks and gleets to look forward to, their asses pumping farts in my general direction as I silently gazed out the window
Nambia
we could duplicate him somehow
I seriously doubt there is anyone that dumb on the planet
tricking a person into dating Kento
reading AskHistorians in the voices of the cast of ALF
never really understanding why a tyre company went around rating food, and understanding even less why anybody listened to them
reading AskHistorians in the voices of the cast of ALI
reading AskHistorians in the voices of the cast of Frasier
you know me all too well
you thought I was going to say "it's hard to grasp," didn't you
it's quite a tusk
wondering how a walrus could possibly put a plushie on a desk
it was a very limited run
true story, a walrus bought them all and left them on every desk in his classroom
wondering what percentage of Ryan plushies ended up someone's butt
you keep coming back for it
yes dead air
the Ryan plushies sold gangbusters
I never thought I'd get rich doing it, I just wanted to put out something pointless and see if anybody would buy it, like say Ryan North plushies or tshirts with writing that isn't all that clever on
[ show all 130088 regrets ]

recent comments

(1) he was only nine years old so I doubt he caused much damage
(1) never having had a boyfriend, as you are a heterosexual male, although that doesn't explain why you've never had a girlfriend
(2) realizing that none of the birds that have become memes on the Regret Index taste very good
(1) having a concept for an audio book series in which you actually read the book in real time, just not out loud, and offer the resulting audio unedited for sale, but not living anywhere quiet enough to do it even if you still had the means to record it
(1) filthy experiences
(1) that your support of and fondness towards the homosexual community gets mistaken as homosexuality by the straight one
(2) being poor and buying lottery tickets regularly because shit, it's not like Richard "My island burned down so I had to forego holding models for nearly ten seconds" Branson has any to spare that wouldn't be terribly missed
(1) liking to know where you got the notion
(2) wondering why big red dogs hold such great appeal for humans that, say, big red cats don't
(1) wondering if you're going through all the old regrets one by one to learn the history of the 'dex
[ show more ]

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top regrets

your plumed, tusked beak, with which to husk the meek, your countenance appals us, behold! the hideous swalrus (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
white people wearing shirts with Asian characters they don't understand on them (1.0000)
ratma (1.0000)
forgetting to feed your klinoppe (1.0000)
the Leprechaun violently emerges from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to have sex with a fellow marine (1.0000)
not being able to use a star to abbreviate Homestar Runner with the Regret Index syntax (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
listening to Chinese Japanese English hip hop (1.0000)
just having another thing to hate yourself for (1.0000)
swan swan stupid stupid swan crappy regret swan swan swan blah blah blah meating cumguzzling blah blah blah swan swan Kento swan blah blah swan (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
having something you've cherished since late middle school wrenched from your hands (1.0000)
all I see is an Eiffel Tower of reams, real cum burstin' out of every seam (1.0000)
fucking that chunky girl (1.0000)
the clone wars (1.0000)
pewdiepie (1.0000)
that the hr wiki needs a thousand and seven hundred dollars (1.0000)
Scientology (1.0000)
hearing your parents talk about sex they have with their partners (1.0000)
butte snows (1.0000)
Kento (0.9993)
gangnam style (0.9982)
Fifty Shades of Grey (0.9906)
Sonny John Moore (0.9847)
leaving the remains of that totally awesome chocolate bar you bought earlier in your car in the summer (0.9804)
the "hey guys, remember Jaylala" regret being on the top regrets list (0.9795)
meeting Brian Peppers (0.9789)
realizing too late (0.9785)
having sex with Arthur Yehezkia (0.9737)
that Ryan is an inconsiderate jerk (0.9730)
only remembering hours later that you should have asked how HER day was (0.9714)
hey guys, remember Jaylala (0.9706)
letting the mildew get that bad (0.9683)
regardless, not knowing how to fly (0.9677)
that according to Wikipedia, Seth MacFarlane is the highest paid television writer and producer in history (0.9672)
spooning Jaylala's boobs (0.9667)
not telling her how you really feel (0.9667)
discovering in hindsight that you've been carting around the paranoia of a crappy high school relationship for years, leading you to act like everyone's going to hate you and call you a latent criminal, whereas in fact people trust and like you (0.9655)
looking a gift horse in the mouth (0.9643)
leaving your passport in your pocket before doing the laundry (0.9643)
not asking her out before she left forever (0.9643)
forgetting to reply to correspondence (0.9630)
telling him to go away when really you wanted him to hold you in his arms and make everything okay (0.9630)
joining the military (0.9623)
not visiting a place that intrigued you before it closed or was demolished (0.9620)
That there are no dashes on here, and therefore no good way to spell that oh so important Ryan alter ego T rex (0.9600)
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy (0.9600)
coming up with the perfect comeback, but only when it's far too late to use it (0.9600)
not being able to get up the courage (0.9583)
really wanting to see some movies back when they were in the theater, and still not having seen them now that they are way past being on DVDstill having not seen (0.9583)
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy (0.9583)
Horatio (0.9583)
spray on tans (0.9583)
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy (0.9583)
staying on the Internet until the sun rises again, even though you have school or work in the morning (0.9583)
feeling kind of weird that all of the sudden you have such a strong interest in finding someone who could have easily just emailed you had she wanted to (0.9583)
giving your email to that sketchy website (0.9574)
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy (0.9565)
that your father asked you to help him find an external harddrive to store his porn collection (0.9545)
not being sure where in your room that rotten food smell suddenly started coming from (0.9545)
assuming people on the internet would know when you were joking (0.9545)
delicious foods that are far too hot to eat, ands arren't cooling down fast enough (0.9545)
not getting the reference (0.9545)
oh my god, when did you stop being able to use the proper "too", it's late, you should maybe consider sleeping (0.9524)
leaving the burner on (0.9524)
blah blah blah angst angst blah blah (0.9524)
consuming Hardee's products (0.9524)
teh sneeze that revealed your presence (0.9524)
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy (0.9524)
eating part of the sandwich before spotting the mold (0.9524)
that your adolescence was stolen from you by depression (0.9500)
that you started using IDK, BB, DIAF and the like ironically, but they've just kind of stuck (0.9500)
trying to make your calculator say OBOESHOES but failing because you can't fit the ninth digitletter (0.9500)
telling her you loved her that one time t new years eve when you should just have kissed her instead (0.9500)
only having crushes where you've resigned yourself to the fact that they will never work out (0.9500)
swearing at really, really, really inappropriate times (0.9500)
the touchpad on your laptop causing all sorts of weird typos (0.9500)
starting watching that epsiode of that show now, when you probably have ten minutes before you have to pack up and head home (0.9500)
having no food (0.9500)
not learning more languages while your brain still could (0.9487)
chewing on the inside of your mouth (0.9474)
going to the moon and not bringing any chicks (0.9474)
trying to get your working life back on track, but instead just losing track of everything that makes you happy (0.9474)
used the wrong verb form (0.9474)
that for every n in N there is a finite sequence a subscript k, of which every member is in Z and is nonnegative, such that the product for i from one to m, where m is the length of the sequence, of the ith prime to the power of a subscript i equals n (0.9474)
mistakenly typing, for the first time every in your language nazi LIFE, the word "your" instead of "you're" in a very public forum, such as the Regret Index, for instance (0.9474)
trying to use ebay to gague how much an item is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars (0.9474)
not knowing if acquaintances pity you, hate you, or think you're a pretty cool person (0.9474)
unintentionally leading on a good friend (0.9474)
knowing that you have to stepp things up and puut more effort in, but just really not having a good time with motivation right now (0.9474)
not being aware there was an eclipse to see (0.9474)
Gorean "philosophy" (0.9474)
sliding down a very rusty and dirty slide (0.9474)
signing up to receive MoveOn's email newsletters (0.9474)
not proofreading a comment before posting it and realizing you can't edit the mistake (0.9459)
missing your chance (0.9459)
spending ten minutes to make coffee this morning and forgetting to drink it (0.9444)
meeting Brian Peppers Kento (0.9444)
having the ability to finish a videogame that is nothing more than a grindfest but not being able to do anything productive (0.9444)
that your name is "inherently funny" instead of being "inherently badass" (0.9444)
waiting until the last moment (0.9444)
that commenting on an old regret with comments already on it doesn't bump said regret to the top of the "recent comments" list, making "recent" a misuse of the word (0.9444)
great quotes that don't work so well in text format (0.9444)
being the whole bag in one sitting (0.9444)
working rather than time traveling (0.9444)
always choking down whatever feelings, beliefs and goals people attribute to you on the grounds that it's not like you can produce evidence to argue with (0.9444)
not knowing the appropriate number of times to call someone without them calling you back, when they call you back one time out of four, so maybe it's a hint or maybe she's socially careless (0.9444)
losing your mind a little, just enough to be aware of it, but not completely enough to have loco bananas fun with it (0.9444)
getting up early just to meet someone, who then doesn't turn up (0.9444)
giving her a second chance, only to have it dashed and crushed in a fiery dazzle of emotions and pain (0.9444)
Contemporary Christian Music (0.9444)
the number nine (0.9444)
processed foods being so much cheaper than fresh and unprepared food (0.9444)
agreeing to work another person's shift during the airdate of the finale of the only show you actually watch on television anymore, because it was early and they took you off guard (0.9444)
furries giving regular old surreal animal headed figures a bad name (0.9444)
that apparently you're not leaving an impression on even your friends anymore (0.9444)
nurrr having the dumb (0.9444)
only having time for a half a minute (0.9444)
John Grisham's "The View" (0.9444)
forgetting to take the money dispensed out of the cash machine (0.9434)
failing to maintain a creative skill because you were too shy to show anyone your work (0.9429)
knowing that you could have phrased that sentence more elegantly and it will haunt you forever (0.9429)
yelling at someone who didn't deserve it (0.9423)
having nothing, I mean literally absolutely fucking nothing, to do (0.9412)
not knowing which is more smug, a swan or a canadian goose (0.9412)
letting a fart slip and then realizing you just shit your pants a little (0.9412)
that the only quality reading time you get anymore is while you are in the bathroom (0.9412)
giving yourself one thing to do all day and not doing it (0.9412)
being unable to concentrate long enough to finish ONE PAGE of ANY book in a single sitting, let alone a whole book (0.9412)
not realizing you misspelled a regret before submitting it so all the comments on it end up being about the error instead of the actual regret (0.9412)
having to wade through a ton of retarded regrets before you find something worth voting on (0.9412)
not getting enough sleep last night, and history repeating itself tonight (0.9412)
being that really old meat (0.9412)
boring season finales (0.9412)
not being a bad enough dude (0.9412)
waking up from a good dream and instantly forgetting what it was about (0.9412)
seeing so many idiots putting so much effort into being offended by things that are not even mildly offensive just because they crave attention or validation and they refuse to end themselves (0.9412)
snaring yourself in your own web of lies (0.9412)
telling yourself two hours ago that you were going to go outside and paint or something (0.9412)
leaving your first real relationship to your henchmen instead of spending more time on it yourself (0.9412)
having thought of something that must be added to your story, but forgetting before next you work on it what it was (0.9412)
forgetting the awesome regret you were about to add (0.9412)
not being able to think of decent comebacks (0.9412)
being tense and nervous and you can't relax (0.9412)
not knowing what love means (0.9412)
having a moron for a landlord (0.9412)
not being able to tell people to fuck off in business correspondence, without consequences (0.9412)
not correctly conjugating your damn regret (0.9412)
watching Grey's Anatomy (0.9412)
never getting to plow you, never getting to plow all about you, never getting to ride you, never getting to hope you ride me (0.9412)
being friendless, leaving you with nobody to ask to record your favorite show (0.9412)
playing furcadia (0.9412)
synaptic misfires (0.9412)
watching The Hills (0.9412)
not being able to email pancakes to other people (0.9412)
not being able to think of any food to make from the stuff you have on hand (0.9403)
playing one of your favorite songs so many times it ceases to be special (0.9394)
taking out your anger on everyone but the person who caused it (0.9389)
realizing too late he or she wasn't just being friendly, that it was flirting (0.9379)
never having heard of metaplasmus before now even though you've seen it in practice countless times (0.9375)
getting your sad all over the place (0.9375)
Open Office being frozen, and you can't just end the program and restart it because of your unsaved data which is in fact extremely important (0.9375)
lending your bees to a dishonest beekeeper (0.9375)
those other three Tremors movies (0.9375)
not studying for my exam, and not shoeing up to a single lecture all year (0.9375)
stretching your legs and it feels so good until OH GOD CRAMP (0.9375)
not doing your homework a few times and realizing you may fail your course because of this (0.9375)
misjudging the color nail polish you bought and ending up with three bottles of the same color (0.9375)
more than anything, you just don't like feeling unproductive and unprofitable, and you especially have guilt over getting an education in something and then struggling to make it useful (0.9375)
unfounded suspicions (0.9375)
forgetting that piece of chocolate on your poket so when you put your hand back in you find it almost melt (0.9375)
Return of the Jedi was made (0.9375)
not being able to do enough (0.9375)
that Juggalos are the absolute worst subculture the world has yet to produce, as though they were part of some kind of secret government project to create a genetically engineered Super Retard by combining the DNA of wiggers, rednecks, and goths (0.9375)
not starting that project sooner (0.9375)
taking an exam to discover it had little to no questions about the material covered in class (0.9375)
jerks (0.9375)
being part of the vicious circle that lowers the price of illustration and design, because you don't know how to price and when you're that desperate to make a living off of something meaningful to you, you'll take the cheap jobs, and work for exposure (0.9375)
being automatically associated with those who use reddit (0.9375)
that due to serverlag and games never finishing brokenpicturetelephone dot com has become the worst possible execution of the best possible idea (0.9375)
not being able to find your library card (0.9375)
that your housemate is taking like a billion years to get out of the bathtub, and you really have to pee (0.9375)
not being able to pick a lower quality video option in this one website so you can just watch the dang thing without it buffering every half second (0.9375)
having no qualifications (0.9375)
saying something stupid in an attempt to impress a hero with your wit and whimsy (0.9375)
being so deeply embedded in the sexless, socially awkward persona you've created for yourself, probably as a defense mechanism, that now that you want to change you're really having trouble getting out (0.9375)
having an unhappy friend who doesn't bring up directly what they're unhappy about, and not being sure how to make them feel better or if it's possible at all (0.9375)
crying like a baby at the end of a DVD series, but at the moment barely having a life of your own (0.9375)
clumsy fingers (0.9375)
following that link even though you knew vaguely what it led to (0.9375)
minnesota (0.9375)
when an ad or something similar uses an asterisk as if to call out a footnote, but doesn't include the actual footnote (0.9375)
not being able to play Zelda I like it's the first time (0.9375)
meating Brian Peppers (0.9375)
that someone will eventually start spamming the site (0.9355)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (0.9333)
trying to writeth yon novel entire in Olde Englishe despite having thou only vaguest notion of what people hath conversedeth similar to in such times past , and abusing the suffixeth "eth" throughout, as well as the language in general, forsooth, verily (0.9333)
giving up your pets for the sake of a partner (0.9333)
never practicing the piano as much as you should, even though you like it more than you say you do (0.9333)
being at a loss for what to do until it's dark and cool enough for the writing frenzy to kick in (0.9333)
having a sticky e key, apparently (0.9333)
posting on the regret index rather than manning up and just calling the damn could be sweety already (0.9333)
not washing your hands (0.9333)
getting all zonked on the angel dust and acting like a tough, but you ain't nothin' but a queer from Philly, see (0.9333)
forgetting to wash the clothes you have to wear tomorrow until just now (0.9333)
even reading the term Brangelina (0.9333)
thinking, worrying, that the rest of the Regret Index considers you to be a grouch, a prude, a party hyphen pooper (0.9333)
rediscovering shitty music at just the worst time (0.9333)
being a Korean soccer fan now (0.9333)
realizing that she thought of you as a weird creep all along and you thought you had a nice conversation (0.9333)
weight loss ads where the "before" and "after" are clearly two different people (0.9333)
buying that expensive thing that doesn't actually work better than the cheaper thing (0.9333)
a wild Thom Yorke appears! (0.9333)
marrying a person that you already knew was mentally ill (0.9333)
never teling her you've been crazy about her since you met (0.9333)
being attractive enough to be hit on but not socially aware enough to do anything about it (0.9333)
that despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart (0.9333)
taking a trip down memory lane, but then getting jackknifed on bitter regret turnpike (0.9333)
people who use the phrase "internship position" as a more positive way to say "unpaid position", even though there are such things as paid internships (0.9333)
Sucking your thumb as a child and now you have to wear braces (0.9333)
not applying for that job sooner (0.9333)
only having crushes where you're totally deluded that they cannot help but work out, then pursuing them with a full tilt zeal that would make the Luftwaffe seem like a buncha Luftwafflers, amirite (0.9333)
your pen is exploding (0.9333)
blowing it (0.9333)
leaving your twelve pack of soda in the grocery store parking lot in the bottom of the cart (0.9333)
waking up today with a sore throat and possible lung affliction, after having no developing symptoms and not being able to think what you could have done to cause this sickness (0.9333)
watching the Dragonball movie (0.9333)
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a machine (0.9333)
staying up in order to accomplish something, but just sitting around instead (0.9333)
straining relations (0.9333)
losing the piece of paper that had all of your plans scribbled on it (0.9333)
network decay (0.9333)
drinking the water in Mexico (0.9333)
being a passive aggressive roommate (0.9333)
working for a jerk (0.9333)
David Carradine dying in a puddle of his own Bill spill (0.9333)
not finishing off the protagonist when he was weak and inexperienced, and instead sending a stream of minions on a shallow difficulty curve that perfectly matched his increasing power (0.9333)
screwing Andy (0.9333)
failing at coming off witty when trying to befriend someone (0.9310)
not washing your dishes and letting bugs take over your kitchen (0.9310)
knowing what to do, and not doing it (0.9310)
those song with a minute or so of silence at the beginning (0.9310)
a life of regret (0.9302)
forgetting to check on the pizza in the oven (0.9302)
reacting angrily to reasonable advice (0.9302)
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on the bus (0.9286)
not knowing if you have a boyfriend or just a boy who is going through all the motions (0.9286)
regret index bromance (0.9286)
that rumors of a Sailor Moon movie center around Lindsay Lohan and not Alexis Bledel, I mean duh (0.9286)
having all of these half drawn figures that you really like, but not knowing what to do with them (0.9286)
losing that little bit of credibility for doing that one thing (0.9286)
that all your loves have been unrequited (0.9286)
following the instructions for growing a tail, but instead summoning a miniature bigfoot who slashes at your ankles with a razor (0.9286)
ugh, not putting more effort into it (0.9286)
making a ridiculous sweeping generalization, then tacking 'to me' at the beginning of it (0.9286)
constipation (0.9286)
the moment when your brakes lock and you slide towards the big truck (0.9286)
ever loaning anything to stupid fucking stoners (0.9286)
being in love with yourself and not loving yourself back (0.9286)
uninvited implosive bachelor (0.9286)
falling awake (0.9286)
thinking of a good regret to add but when you finally go to add it having forgotten it (0.9286)
going through all the trouble of tracking and killing that sasquatch then slacking off and forgetting to zombify it (0.9286)
realising that the girl you love probably was interested in you, but now it's too late (0.9286)
that so many people are so stupid (0.9286)
being bored (0.9286)
when something you intend to use just sits around sadly, reminding you of how lazy you are (0.9286)
the slow death of the regret index (0.9286)
that a douchebag is a hygienic product and so I will take that as a compliment (0.9286)
being too ashamed about something to even vent anonymously (0.9286)
throwing up into your own mouth and tasting it twice (0.9286)
waking up with what looks like a crime scene in your pants (0.9286)
not understanding this thing Earthlings call "love" (0.9286)
liking the idea of the new Johnny Depp gangster video, but the trailers you've seen look like they were all shot on unlit digital video (0.9286)
not being against doing art for free, but being overwhelmed by the expectation of it, from businesses who can afford to pay, and people who make demands and pretty much say they will treat you like shit in return for nothing more than "portfolio building" (0.9286)
being too honest, or rather too bad at lying, to tell guys you're not attacracted to that you have a boyfriend, so they just keep talking at you anyway (0.9286)
letting out a fart, but accidentally following through (0.9286)
assuming that lamenting about a problem precludes any action to solve that problem (0.9286)
not having the time to learn more about something (0.9286)
that soylent green isn't people in the book (0.9286)
waiting until things are perfect, and since things are never perfect, never getting around to anything (0.9286)
not knowing whether it would be better to respond to an email or to ignore it (0.9286)
having what is about two hundred dollars to your name (0.9286)
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third person (0.9286)
the Hypercritical Index (0.9286)
being tired during the day and wide awake at night (0.9286)
not telling off your condescending friends (0.9286)
waking up just as it was about to be revealed (0.9286)
walrus ayn rand chris lydon nomos nomoi nomos nomoi nomos (0.9286)
seeing someone change their art because someone else went out of their way to find something to be offended by (0.9286)
debating whether or not to go to bed before it is even dark out because you can't think of anything better to do (0.9286)
that there's a restaurant in Tokyo where you can watch girls poo and then eat it (0.9286)
watching The Time Traveler's Wife and the Babysitter and the Pizza Delivery Guy and Also a Couple of Black Guys (0.9286)
experiencing a sudden, crippling burst of writer's block, possibly due to sleep deprivation (0.9286)
the time you lost five pages of something because you didn't save often enough (0.9286)
not floozing more often (0.9286)
The lip at the opening of the cheap bags of cereal under which all the cereal gets trapped while trying to pour it out (0.9286)
leaving that personal ad about liking pina coladas & getting caught in the rain (0.9286)
not having that conversation (0.9286)
loaning your Magic Bullet to a fucking swan (0.9286)
po! po! po! po! popozao! popozao! (0.9286)
seeing a little puppy waddle past the window and not rushing out of the restaurant, bill unpaid, to make sure it wasn't lost (0.9286)
finally finding a job to apply to, but having the listing removed right as you're about to apply for it (0.9286)
lolcode (0.9286)
reading that one webcomic long after it stopped being funny (0.9286)
waiting to let Obama jerk off (0.9286)
not really being sure what happened to your sentence there (0.9286)
finding some really fucked up fanart online (0.9286)
the long decline (0.9286)
that hardly anyone on here takes the Index seriously, so all you find is things like licking dead people (0.9286)
thinking of Kento as your token Asian friend (0.9286)
thinking of a frikkin' sweet regret, postponing adding it until you'd finished voting or commenting your current regret, then forgetting the regret you'd only recently concocted (0.9286)
that employers can get away with writing job postings that pay no respect to spelling or grammar (0.9286)
accidentally washing your USB drive (0.9286)
when a stupid band does a cover of a song that becomes better known than the awesome original, and whenever you mention the song people assume you're talking about the crappy cover (0.9286)
watching a TV series online, then getting midway and being unable to find a working video anywhere on the web and not being able to carry on (0.9286)
hearing so much about how people fool themselves that you no longer feel able to authoritatively say anything about what you were or weren't thinking at a particular time (0.9286)
kidney stones (0.9286)
buying fruit and not getting around to eating it before it spoils (0.9286)
being very bad at explaining your worldview to people, causing them to think that you're pretentious and judgemental (0.9286)
that Michael Cera plays the same role in everything he is in (0.9286)
not cleaning your room until moving out of the house and discovering that it was pretty big after all (0.9286)
being so friggin' hungry you start to feel ill (0.9286)
wrecking your own car (0.9286)
that you've always just gotten involved in something that takes up all your atention, when your friend says goodnight and leaves the internet (0.9286)
letting the chips get soggy (0.9286)
not building that giant robot when you had the chance (0.9273)
the sequel (0.9259)
never learning to parallel park and now that you live in a city, it's kind of an important skill (0.9250)
something you HAVE done (0.9245)
Evony ads (0.9231)
not baing able to curl up into a ball to protect yourself from predators (0.9231)
stepping on your music player because you left it in your coat pocket and your coat on the floor (0.9231)
wanting to introduce your friends to the Regret Index, but since, as you regard it as the internet's backward turned optic nerve of enlightenment, and these people dwell near the darkened rim of its asshole, you feel it would be a bad match (0.9231)
having to shave your moustache, despite being a chick (0.9231)
spending most of a night playing Lumines (0.9231)
not being able to make things right (0.9231)
watching Eragon OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit (0.9231)
failing to duck (0.9231)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (0.9231)
being too afraid to tell your partner where you want your relationship to go, thus giving the impression that you don't know or don't care (0.9231)
what an enormous number of utterly crap Seth MacFarlane series somehow get greenlit for TV (0.9231)
your bionic left arm that wont let you type askfj iowu vn fhlsdkajf (0.9231)
that you have some concerns about the way things are done at work, but you never say anything about it because you're convinced that no one's going to listen to you anyway (0.9231)
needing a cash infusion, stat (0.9231)
not knowing where to price things you're selling, so that it's a fair price, maybe even skewed to your advantage, but not too expensive for people to buy it (0.9231)
being woken repeatedly for no damn reason by someone or something irritating and trivial (0.9231)
that wine is not an emulator, only it is (0.9231)
picking up that cat from the foreclosed home across the street because all it does is meow, constantly reminding you of your failures and shortcomings, like losing a house for example (0.9231)
finally meeting someone who was nice to you only to drive them off with your awful personality quirks (0.9231)
not sleeping enough (0.9231)
your body wanting you to get pregnant every month, and tricking you into wanting to eat everything as a result, among other things (0.9231)
that if Ryan doesn't periodically tweak the 'dex, you have no way to explain the occasional changes, like the regret lists on the sidebar suddenly changing, or that thing last year when commenting on regrets temporarily bumped them up the recent comments (0.9231)
having contracted swine flu and now you can't stop oinking (0.9231)
only having boring DVDs to (0.9231)
getting eaten by a big fat cow that eats you (0.9231)
dwelling on regret (0.9231)
being a hypocrite (0.9231)
that most vegan food smells like an infected glans (0.9231)
that the tank thong combines the comfort of a tank top and the discomfort of a thong (0.9231)
that you can't even express the flaws you find in that logic (0.9231)
not knowing how to accept a compliment (0.9231)
not actually being sure what you meant by "that scene", you guess you maybe meant the hanging out in public spaces with other people scene (0.9231)
wearing that LIVEstrong bracelet for six months straight (0.9231)
speaking PUNjabi (0.9231)
domain hacks (0.9231)
grumping up the place (0.9231)
falling down the stairs (0.9231)
making up statistics about fridge deaths, but not bothering to write them down and forgetting them (0.9231)
mistaking the glowy sky demon for the flamey sky demon and calling all your friends while they were asleep (0.9231)
that so many actresses have such generically beautiful faces, that it's difficult to even describe them in terms of features in a way that will differentiate them from other actresses (0.9231)
needing money to make money (0.9231)
that you're probably pretty bad at interviews, but that's okay, since no one ever replies to your applications anyway (0.9231)
being mistaken for antisocial and so ending up with no friends, when really you're just incredibly shy (0.9231)
thinking that you're rebellious because you listen to hard rock and watch violent movies (0.9231)
lying to her, leaving her, hurting her horribly, and then realizing you're still in love with her (0.9231)
having a painful eye, as though there were an eyelash or something in it, but not seeing the culprit (0.9231)
culling the logical conclusion (0.9231)
traveling through time and accidentally materializing in the same spot as your past self (0.9231)
actually, very nearly coming to terms with your body image as seen in mirrors and stuff, but still hating youself in almost every photograph you've ever been in (0.9231)
the relentless grinding toil of wage slavery (0.9231)
this time around, being the person whp replied seriously to a joke, even though you had an inkling it was a joke, kind of (0.9231)
spending way too much on groceries that will likely get all moldy and gross before you can reasonably use them (0.9231)
shitty advice (0.9231)
being betrayed by someone you thought you could look up to and admire (0.9231)
that you ate mayonnaise that was four months old and expired (0.9231)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (0.9231)
wasting not, but still wanting (0.9231)
that, if you think about it, the plot of "The Time Traveler's Wife" kind of reinforces the stereotype that a woman should stay at home and have babies and patiently wait for the man who is out having adventures (0.9231)
that someone on the old regret index made a regret about a sex dream they had about you, but they never told you who they were (0.9231)
being given the cold shoulder (0.9231)
failing the life school of life (0.9231)
shamelessly downloading music on your laptop for four years without any problems, but when you update Java on the same laptop that damned XP Antivirus malware slips through and nearly kills it (0.9231)
getting no comments on your latest DA submission, because it isn't fanart, furry, or porn (0.9231)
only biking east (0.9231)
people spitting on the pavement (0.9231)
that sometimes its hard to know which way you're supposed to go (0.9231)
thinking that you've gotten even stupider in the time the Index was down, I mean you remember making a lot of mistakes then, but now it's just crazy (0.9231)
downloading video where the sound doesn't match the visual (0.9231)
that the thrill is here but it won't last long (0.9231)
failing to talk to someone due to embarassment (0.9231)
being murdered (0.9231)
that your roommate is home once again, and once again you wish they were elsewhere (0.9231)
irregular bowels (0.9231)
not applying yourself to something you cared about (0.9231)
doing that thing that you regret (0.9231)
telling your best friend that you've been in love with her steady boyfriend for months (0.9231)
absorbing so much info earlier that now you can't seem to think right (0.9231)
that your cat wants to play fetch, which is all fine and good and kind of cute, but you're trying to type as she walks across the keyboard to drop her little twist tie right in front of you (0.9231)
that your cat loves licking everything, such as the floor, the shower curtain, the box fan, and bottles of potentially dangerous chemicals if you don't put them away (0.9231)
believing yourself so smart anyone who disagrees with you must be stupid, evil, or brainwashed (0.9231)
that putting diamonds on the soles of your shoes is totally impractical because nobody will see them and they'll just fall off anyway (0.9231)
only barely trying anymore, not trying at all when your clothes are on (0.9231)
crappy busted ass Earthlink (0.9231)
haha, I really screwed that one up (0.9231)
hearing a mix tape you thought was awesome but now realize was terrible (0.9231)
possibly leading someone you're not interested in on, as a result of your inability to be rude and truthful (0.9231)
shows or other videos being offered for free on their official websites, but those website not working on your computer for some reasons, and you not being able to find less legit ways of watching said videos, because no one feels the need to repost them (0.9231)
counting on someone you thought was your friend, only to realize they only like you when you're available (0.9219)
Not knowing exactly how to get to the results without voting, thus bumping up and down various regrets (0.9200)
wussing out and NOT kissing that attractive girl (0.9200)
living through a terrible event yourself, but still being unable to think of what to say when it happens to someone else (0.9200)
washing your plane ticket with your jeans and socks (0.9200)
not being able to finish anything you've ever started (0.9192)
not trusting your instincts (0.9189)
not knowing how to ask for help when you needed it most (0.9178)
not going to the bathroom before you left the house (0.9175)
they literally had the poor bastard stuck in a corner with his back against the wall and sweat rolling down his face (0.9167)
,,, ,'' ,' ', ,,, (0.9167)
Gwyneth Paltrow too (0.9167)
telling yourself you'll complete an assignment today since you have other things to do tomorrow but you're probably going to put it off until tomorrow anyway (0.9167)
fucking ohio (0.9167)
no one taking advantage of these excellent tatas (0.9167)
empty, hollow gestures (0.9167)
these bananas being shitty, s h i t t y (0.9167)
agreeing to help that person with building their website (0.9167)
bringing up a hypothesis to a friend who immediately dismisses it, only to have the same hypothesis repeated back to your months later, as it it were an original idea (0.9167)
building an Ayn Randroid (0.9167)
catching a chronic but fairly minor disease while traveling (0.9167)
that you would get a tattoo, and you even know what it would be, if you could think of a place on your body that you liked enough to put it (0.9167)
always wondering if things were ingrained in your personality since youth, or if they're a result of the grief you went through, and if you'll ever really get over that, because you keep trying and ending up in the same place (0.9167)
having problems at home, but not being able to move out yet (0.9167)
trying to read Moby Dick once, oh god (0.9167)
usually feeling like apologizing for your anxiety, but recently having been helped by your shrink to understand that it's not something that needs to be apologized for, although you still don't get this on a subconscious level (0.9167)
not minding your own bismuth (0.9167)
waking up to a high pitched chittering sound coming from outside your window (0.9167)
people who know a little music theory that fight over whether the major or minor scales are better, when both are just different ways of interpreting a single pitch class set (0.9167)
another stupid network website using the stupid Move player that doesn't work for you (0.9167)
crying over a boy on the way home from school, only to have your aunt find out and tell your grandmother, who lectures you about it at work (0.9167)
not smothering Sky Dayton with a Thetan infested modem when you had a chance (0.9167)
people who leave stuff lying around in public places, like it's someone else's job to clean up after them, seriously (0.9167)
that people are so bad at taking direction and piking up on visual cues (0.9167)
not going to watch that grudge match between God and Satan, because seriously you guys, it was awesome (0.9167)
not being able to find that clitoris (0.9167)
not realising that action could be interpreted in that way, and being horrified, HORRIFIED (0.9167)
hypergraphia (0.9167)
bottoming for Chet Meatsack in Severe Ass Damage V (0.9167)
not knowing enough about writing, you feel, to know whether you've done it successfully (0.9167)
not using your handle when it comes to insulting musicians (0.9167)
that sometimes it feels like you will never be making enough money to break even, let alone actually get ahead (0.9167)
characters in works of fiction that are supposed to be geniuses, but never show it, not because it's part of their character but because the author or writers are too dumb (0.9167)
listening to the Sugababes (0.9167)
swatting that mosquito when you were wearing a white shirt and now you have a big blood stain on your sleeve (0.9167)
being a jerky mcjerkface to the ones you love (0.9167)
being so tired, but half waiting up expecting a phone call (0.9167)
logging into Brian Peppers (0.9167)
coming back only to find out that your craving for brains really gets in the way of forming a meaningful relationship (0.9167)
recieving the wrong grade results and making life choices based on those, only to find out too late (0.9167)
Candlejacking off (0.9167)
that I'm afraid the pretzels are no longer complimentary, Mr Bond (0.9167)
going to college or uni and somehow managing to be the only person to not make any friends there (0.9167)
calling your boyfriend or girlfriend, just to say hi and tell them you miss them, but for some reason picking a fight instead (0.9167)
that you should have graduated college by now (0.9167)
your game apparently freezing, and refusing to fix itself after several minutes (0.9167)
swans taking our jobs (0.9167)
having blisters on your fingers (0.9167)
that you make me feel like crying (0.9167)
being all shy for most of the year and as a result she is merely your good friend (0.9167)
Facing the dodo's conundrum, I felt like I could just fly, but nothing happened every time I tried (0.9167)
being too afraid to ask you partner where your relationship is going in case they give an answer you don't want to hear (0.9167)
sitting next to someone who really stinks on the bus (0.9167)
waking up hungover and alone (0.9167)
that your requited crush turned out, upon closer examination, to be a boring, self absorbed pain in the ass, and now the sticky problem of how to get rid of them without hurting their feelings (0.9167)
that when you hit puberty and finally got your horns that they weren't the long cool black and twisted kind like Dad has, but the shorter goat kind (0.9167)
thinking someone maybe likes you but you're probably wrong, you are an unlovable monster after all (0.9167)
whining about regrets on the internet, where no one really gives a shit (0.9167)
buying a ridiculously expensive treadmill, only to have it sit unused in your garage (0.9167)
that the "asians" section on that porno site is full of pics of forty year old obese indians (0.9167)
really not getting the pony eye blowing regrets (0.9167)
not wiping up that last trace of blood (0.9167)
eating colon (0.9167)
how many shockingly attractive people turn out to be both really insecure messed up in the head freaks who needs lots of tlc, yet at the same time manage to be arrogant narcissistic meanies (0.9167)
that the killer what took me is entitilitis (0.9167)
being a little in love with Egg Girl, you really need to spend less time online (0.9167)
having all of the fun of a hangover without any of the fun of actually drinking the night before (0.9167)
reading a book for the first time in which you discover several things which you had, a few months ago but several months after the book was out, written into an as of yet incomplete short story of yours, and now feeling like you've plagiarized (0.9167)
that nobody seems to realize the "people suck" attitude is self perpetuating, because by living that way you're just contributing to the overall selfishness of society (0.9167)
having to move out of uni accomodation, since oh god there's so much stuff to pack (0.9167)
making jokes in base thirteen (0.9167)
regrorts (0.9167)
locking your keys in the car while thinking to yourself that you're locking your keys in the car (0.9167)
bragging about being from West Virginia (0.9167)
insecurity (0.9167)
hearing thirty seconds of Kung Fu Panda through a closed door and deciding that not only do you not want to watch it, but that you never want to think "panda herpes" again (0.9167)
collapsing in on yourself with bitterness and solitude (0.9167)
that if you wash your clothes, you'll have to stay up for another hour to dry them, but if you don't you'll be stinky tomorrow (0.9167)
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner (0.9167)
having run out of regrets, then, paradoxically, realizing this is in itself a regret, oh tearful slope of sisyphean toil! (0.9167)
falling in a bottomless pit (0.9167)
regularly taking fish oil supplements (0.9167)
lending your favorite book and your favorite comic to your girlfriend of less than two months only to have her dump you and never give them back (0.9167)
not being able to cross between the two worlds (0.9167)
imagining that you must be exhausting to know (0.9167)
the Humorless Bland Agreement Bandit (0.9167)
not saving your game (0.9167)
not understanding what makes you so bad at this (0.9167)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (0.9167)
being a twit on Twitter (0.9167)
that it all seems like a stopgap (0.9167)
playing hungry angry achey puffy bleeding mess hippos with your ornery peach canning aunt when all you wanted was to play hungry hungry hippos instead (0.9167)
needing a haircut and having a new, competent stylist you like, but really having no idea what you want to do with it (0.9167)
misuse of the word "epoch" (0.9167)
freely using "ironically" when you mean "unfortunately" (0.9167)
not getting enough sleep (0.9167)
that Charlie Brown never gets to kick the damn football (0.9167)
being scammed so repeatedly that it's become second habit to accept defeat as some sort of martyr's "victory" (0.9167)
buying Team Fortress Two for your girlfriend (0.9167)
breaking your Grandmother's wrist (0.9167)
being sorta interested in trying a "beer float", except it seems like a terrible waste of both beer and ice cream (0.9167)
dying your blonde hair dark brown (0.9167)
breaking the pendants you are working on (0.9167)
Bandwidth limits in Australia (0.9167)
post nasal drip (0.9167)
that female porn stars usually have faces well below average (0.9167)
accidentally using than instead of then (0.9167)
Today's Sedentary Lifestyles (0.9167)
sweating (0.9167)
being horny but not having any suitable potential sex partners around (0.9167)
Captain Jean Luke Skywalker (0.9167)
feeling iffy from lithium (0.9167)
leaving the milk in the fridge too long (0.9167)
that some silicone sister with her manager mister told you you got what it takes, she said she'd turn you on, sonny, to something strong if you play that song with the funky breaks (0.9167)
having nothing to live for and no means to live with, but not wanting to die either (0.9167)
the death of webcomics before their plot is completed (0.9167)
loving chocolate, only to find that it sometimes gives you migraines if you eat it (0.9167)
THEY TOOK YER JOBS! (0.9167)
contracting swine flu from your piggy bank (0.9167)
often saying things like "I'm pretty sure" when what you really mean is that you're completely and utterly certain (0.9167)
having no desire to sleep, but having an obligation to do so (0.9167)
never having had cable, therefore having missed the Mystery Science Theater craze, you little pampered Anita (0.9167)
that there can't be just one Facebook app for all of these god damn quizzes, you mean you want to take some of the quizzes, but you don't want to add a new app every single time (0.9167)
calling heads, but the sexy coin turned up tails (0.9167)
clumsy brains (0.9167)
the imminent return of spam to the regret index (0.9167)
that you tried to make a joke, but you bleu it (0.9167)
that BAD sketch comedy has killed the parody (0.9167)
falling behind on emails, deviantart submissions, and bill payment (0.9167)
middle aged men with fake tans, bleached blond hair, and pink nailpolish (0.9167)
not feeling qualified for most things, lately (0.9167)
that you were going to buy that Tako piece that Agent FiftySeven made but you didn't because you couldn't (0.9167)
throwing away the amulet the old gypsy woman gave you for protection (0.9149)
not standing up for yourself (0.9149)
not making a back up (0.9149)
writing poems you kind of like, but posting them on a nearly deserted livejournal, and then being scared of pointing them out to anyone because that might be obnoxious (0.9149)
spending the last of your money a week before payday (0.9130)
not being able to edit regrets in order to correct spelling and grammar (0.9130)
not knowing what to change your name to (0.9130)
only learning to cut loose and have fun AFTER graduating college (0.9118)
failing to take hints (0.9109)
regrets, perod (0.9091)
lemon tree (0.9091)
that emo kids and angsty teenagers have warped people's view of what depression really is (0.9091)
asking out the cute waitress at your favorite restaurant, because she said no and now you can't go to your favorite restaurant anymore (0.9091)
not knowing morse code by ,,,, , ,' ,', ' (0.9091)
that pop country western seems to have adopted cock rock's regrettable irritating swagger, only with pot bellies and redneckery (0.9091)
only asking her out when it was too late (0.9091)
knowing that it'll take your whole damn life to make this right (0.9091)
having a rough nap (0.9091)
people asking "how was your weekend" when you worked both Saturday and Sunday, and it wasn't really a weekend (0.9091)
being a pretty lonely guy (0.9091)
that your sister owns all of the John Bellairs books you read growing up, so you can't just crack one open and start rereading it now (0.9091)
sending someone a couple of instant messages, only to have them sign off a few minutes later without even replying (0.9091)
pressing the enter key instead of shift (0.9091)
sinking time (0.9091)
eating blubbery pancakes (0.9091)
despising someone, except for with your penis (0.9091)
being pigeonholed (0.9091)
not trying to make everyone feel bad for you, which you think it probably seems like, just not being able to keep the anxiety inside, because then it gets even worse (0.9091)
that The goggles do nothing! (0.9091)
meeting that Fall Out Boy (0.9091)
that at least the old Evony ads were slutty in a fantasy sort of way, these new ones aren't even trying (0.9091)
not being able to tell if you or the other person gave up on the friendship first (0.9091)
assuming that animal that looked like it was smiling was happy (0.9091)
adding a comment to the wrong regret (0.9091)
hank driving all the way to springfield to watch bart's peewee football game (0.9091)
not making it clear to her that NO WE ARE NOT FRIENDS AND NEVER WILL BE (0.9091)
genital mutilation (0.9091)
the treachery of images (0.9091)
taking social cues from a number of movies and television shows in which the protagonists are obviously very interested in each other, but must never, no never, admit it to each other, anyone else, or sometimes even themselves (0.9091)
reading "ekranoplans" as "electroplankton" or "ekans" as in the pokemon also snake backwards (0.9091)
not knowing what to say when you heard her mother had died, and therefore not calling her to see how she was doing (0.9091)
having already run out of things to do by eight forty five on a Sunday morning (0.9091)
El Cisne Loco (0.9091)
being unemployed, and feeling unable to become employed (0.9091)
that you would probably save a lot of money if you just rented one small keg a month (0.9091)
that there is (0.9091)
Evony and Ibory (0.9091)
signing up for that MMO game (0.9091)
spending thirty seven dollars plus tax on that Che Guevera tshirt (0.9091)
not having regular internet access for more than a month because your laptop is screwed up (0.9091)
dyeing in vein (0.9091)
liking cloth (0.9091)
watching that video where a skinny guy sits down on like a three foot long dildo and you're all like "oh big deal it's just a camera trick, he just sat down in front of it" and then you can see it pushing around in his stomach and you want todie (0.9091)
the regret index having no edit function (0.9091)
being a little afraid to post about your goal of eating your way through every street fair this summer, as your metabolism not only makes you thin but apparently also insensitive to others not so freakish in the DNA department (0.9091)
misspelling "McClane" (0.9091)
unintentional impulsive behavior (0.9091)
having gaps in your CV (0.9091)
losing your first love, which happened to be a sweet vintage bike (0.9091)
not seeming to be able to make the very, very small amount of money that you need to get by (0.9091)
that there hasn't been a president in more than a century that has had a vagina (0.9091)
your bad memory (0.9091)
the swan above the port, the color of television, tuned to a dead channel (0.9091)
eating the little girl (0.9091)
that the only people you can really ask for advice are sleeping (0.9091)
eating so much rubbish (0.9091)
never really knowing what happened (0.9091)
that you very nearly had the dative case down when your senior year of German ended, and you haven't taken any classes since (0.9091)
selling your soul to the devil, retroactively erasing your entire marriage, to save the life of your elderly aunt who'll probably die in a year or two anyway (0.9091)
wanting to comment one someone's old Facebook item or picture, but not doing it because you think that would be weird because secretly you're lookingat their old items and photos because you loooooooove them (0.9091)
that once you get your scent on them, the mother won't take them back (0.9091)
fucking bastard sexists who come up with shit like "Man Law" (0.9091)
SA no longer being readable by non members (0.9091)
that fanwikis are destined to fail because anyone who spends enough time on the computer to contribute to them has the social skills of a brain damaged baboon (0.9091)
being hoisted by your own petard (0.9091)
having a football shaped head (0.9091)
having actually liked BonziBuddy back in the day until you realized it was spyware (0.9091)
being too tired to write (0.9091)
being a cyberbully (0.9091)
Kanye West (0.9091)
the familiar sound of your cat vomiting in the next room (0.9091)
the scariness of putting money down on an idea you're not sure will work out (0.9091)
Ron Tario (0.9091)
letting your keyboard get filthy (0.9091)
coming home early, being bored, rediscovering Nanosaur Two on your computer (0.9091)
being a little bored and lonely (0.9091)
internet psychologists (0.9091)
not making the city more welcoming to your friend who recently moved here and isn't liking it much, because you are too busy trying to figure out how to make a living, and being pretty miserable yourself (0.9091)
that even if your attempts at logic are nonsensical, they're still enough to persuade yourself (0.9091)
getting into an "open relationship" (0.9091)
getting so annoyed with yourself for the mopey pessimism, but just getting mopier and more pessimistic as a result (0.9091)
deciding not to do laundry and instead wear mildewy bloodstained underwear from your laundry pile (0.9091)
fanwank effecting the plot of your favorite show (0.9091)
having a shit ton of stuff to do on the computer at just the time your skin feels like its itching off your face, the ambient noise of the room is howling in your ears and you could probably run to Milwaukee and back without breaking a sweat, srsly (0.9091)
forgetting which day your final exam is and subsequently missing it (0.9091)
only seeming to feel scared or motivated around three in the morning, when it seems impossible to do anything about it (0.9091)
having trouble seeing the point in trying, when you get no response (0.9091)
an angry bleeding mess of a swan (0.9091)
getting a pet that doesn't like you back (0.9091)
two undernourished egos (0.9091)
that you really can't believe that TV offer you just watched was a real thing, I mean really (0.9091)
finding the ANY key and then pressing it when you weren't specificially asked to (0.9091)
thinking that Michael Jackson's skin color transition from black to white was something he did on purpose, only to discover later that it was due to a rare skin disease which destroyed the pigment in his skin (0.9091)
the critic (0.9091)
drawing that comet so that the tail pointed in the opposite direction of its motion rather than away from the sun (0.9091)
losing your connections (0.9091)
when a shitty band covers a great song, I'm looking at you My Chemical Romance (0.9091)
that five years ago you would have been thrilled to see a Tim Burton version of Alice, but now you feel it's just another movie with Johnny Depp in it (0.9091)
that assholes are such assholes (0.9091)
making mistakes (0.9091)
hot grits (0.9091)
the binbag splitting (0.9091)
that you've gone from getting blown nightly to getting blown off, amirite (0.9091)
cluttering Firefox with so many addons that, really, the browser portion of the window is so small as to be unuseable (0.9091)
writing crappy dialogue (0.9091)
the bad taste in music of people in convertibles sitting at a nearby traffic light (0.9067)
receiving a fortune cookie containing no fortune at a restaurant (0.9063)
liking video fighting games, the two dimensional kind, but never making any friends to play them with (0.9048)
that your love of synching video to music in interesting or inappropriate ways clashes with your hate of searching for a legitamate clip on Youtube and getting a hundred fan made music videos featuring Evanescence songs back instead (0.9048)
veneral diseases (0.9048)
debt (0.9048)
being unable to think of indecent comebacks (0.9048)
burning the tomato sauce that you canned and have been eating all year (0.9048)
waking up earlier than usual, but then dicking around so you'll probably still be late to work (0.9048)
forgetting to check for typos (0.9048)
that countries will enter a war without first setting definite goals and definite plans as to how to accomplish them (0.9048)
that this thing doesn't cycle through all of the regrets when you're on a voting roll and you keep voting on the same ones over and over again (0.9045)
not putting away a small amount of money every month since I started working (0.9024)
that people don't laugh at your jokes, but they do laugh at your serious suggestions (0.9024)
being unable to talk to people unless you have a "good" reason to (0.9000)
running late (0.9000)
breaking her trust (0.9000)
feeling sleepy for the first time in months on a night when you should stay up to get some work done (0.9000)
Eating way too much because if its gonna cost that much you're going to get your fill (0.9000)
being depressed over your failure to achieve something that was implausible anyway (0.9000)
not realizing that underneath all that shit, he just wanted help (0.9000)
tripping and falling into Kento's GAPING ASSHOLE (0.9000)
making mountains out of molehills (0.9000)
finding every interaction with this one person to be delightful, but not taking any action (0.9000)
mildewy (0.9000)
not being able to figure out if you are depressed (0.9000)
being so screwed up by the past that you never give love a chance (0.9000)
assuming it was obvious (0.8989)
drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth (0.8986)
not running fast enough (0.8980)
being shy (0.8974)
telling a joke you hadn't thought all the way through (0.8970)
having no friends in the city where you live and turning to this site for some semblance of social intercourse (0.8966)
having rich inner monologues that melt away as soon as you begin to write (0.8966)
getting so awkward when you're caught off your guard (0.8966)
forgetting passwords (0.8966)
breaking your resolve (0.8966)
not saying at least "hello" (0.8963)
that you didn't take more pictures (0.8958)
that the good times are over (0.8958)
not kissing people, even if it's in your best interest to do so (0.8947)
being to poor to build your own robot butler (0.8947)
that the person who did your job before you had no filing abilities and you have to spend so much of your time sifting through randomly named files all the time and the system (0.8947)
not shaving your legs ever, but shaving your pubes for someone once, leading you to look mangy (0.8947)
an hero lolwut facepalmjpg (0.8947)
losing what little nerve you had (0.8947)
being born too late for tall ships, and too early for space ships (0.8947)
regrets written in the first person (0.8947)
allowing xkcd to become unfunny (0.8947)
letting him break your heart again (0.8947)
learning your best friend was a closet furry (0.8947)
stepping on gum (0.8947)
bad speling and grammer (0.8947)
wrongeous anger (0.8936)
drying yourself with a mildewy towel (0.8929)
abandoning your values (0.8929)
confusing your horniness for loneliness (0.8929)
calling someone by the wrong name in front of all their friends (0.8923)
not making your move when you had the chance (0.8922)
going through too much bullshit just to mess with the wrong person for you (0.8913)
staying in that dead end job because it required less work than following your dream (0.8901)
not backing up my data (0.8897)
waking up tired everyday (0.8889)
being expected not to offend anyone else, ever (0.8889)
jokes with friends (0.8889)
having the same cough for six months (0.8889)
anaphylactic shock (0.8889)
losing touch with old friends (0.8889)
making mistkakes (0.8889)
strangers telling you to 'cheer up' and smile when you weren't even aware of being anything less than fine (0.8889)
not learning how to change a tire (0.8889)
misspelling you're as your (0.8889)
not tightening the lug nuts (0.8889)
not turning back to look at her one last time before leaving her life forever (0.8889)
cashing in a winning scratch off ticket just to buy some losing ones (0.8889)
hunting the wumpus to extinction (0.8889)
orphaned puppies with a hurt paw crying alone in the rain (0.8889)
that monocles and top hats are not in style (0.8889)
telling your ex girlfriend you loved someone else for a mojority of your relationship, then wanting to get back with her (0.8889)
hating yourself (0.8889)
that Captain K'nuckles is a dick (0.8889)
contractual obligations (0.8889)
not knowing what to eat, and ending up eating nothing (0.8889)
misuse of apostrophe's (0.8889)
not being good at self promotion (0.8889)
risking going for a poop despite the small amount of toilet paper and then running out before youre done (0.8883)
hardly ever taking the dog for a walk (0.8871)
making a costly mistake (0.8870)
not letting the dog out to pee (0.8857)
lending that rare comic to your sister's boyfriend just before they broke up and you never saw him again (0.8857)
getting fat (0.8857)
putting of that dentist appointment until it was too late (0.8846)
being so careless your scoop of ice cream fell off the cone onto the hot pavement (0.8846)
catching robot flu by going to that sleazy robot strip club (0.8846)
not taking backups (0.8846)
not telling the person you have a crush on that you like them, and when you finally worked up the courage, they're dating someone else (0.8846)
not figuring out what you want (0.8846)
not sleeping AND not getting the homework done (0.8842)
not hooking up with Ryan (0.8840)
always starting to hate yourself whenever you suspect that anyone else has an opinion of you, whether that opinion be good or bad (0.8837)
leaving mould in a mug for so long that when you finally got round to washing it, it sprayed a blue cloud around the kitchen on contact with water and made you sneeze (0.8837)
staying with an abusive boyfriend (0.8837)
that you are literally fucktarded (0.8824)
that subscription to US weekly (0.8824)
when someone lives up to their stereotype (0.8824)
a lack of clarity in your regrets (0.8824)
having a bunch of books you absolutely love, but losing your nerve when it comes to recommending them to others (0.8824)
not buying supplies before the dungeon run (0.8824)
reading a book in two days, because it was really good, but probably not being able to remember any of it a month after as a result (0.8824)
hitting that wasp, but not hard enough, so it comes back and stings you (0.8824)
needing a shower in the warst way (0.8824)
dropping out of school for a girl (0.8824)
The Assassination of Jessie and James by the Coward Ash Ketchum (0.8824)
making an unintentional typo when you were trying to make an intentional typo (0.8824)
still not knowing what you want to be when you grow up (0.8824)
trying to get along with someone, even though their idea of conversation is a running critique of everything you do, like, and believe (0.8824)
being afraid that when you do stop being scared of other people, you will settle for a relationship you're not that into, out of low self worth (0.8824)
hurting the only person who loved you because you were afraid of getting too close (0.8824)
not making more of an outcry about bad things that are happening (0.8824)
being THAT guy (0.8824)
not starting in your new sketchbook because you're afraid you'll mess up tremendously on the first page (0.8824)
starting a business with loans from your friends (0.8824)
loneliness that can only be consoled with regret (0.8824)
the assholish way that vegans get when you tell them you like tofu, as if it belongs to them and you're not allowed to eat it (0.8824)
eatting undercooked eggs (0.8824)
not going to the doctors sooner (0.8824)
saying you could start at your job earlier than they expected, then remembering later that you planned to visit your boyfriend that weekend (0.8824)
the absense of established customs and mores for online interaction (0.8824)
that Zorro stole all your zzzzz's, now you'll be awake all night (0.8824)
your lack of telekinesis (0.8810)
thinking someone is talking to you when they're actually talking to the person behind you (0.8806)
your feet, they're cold (0.8800)
homeowners associations (0.8800)
touching your eye after cutting hot peppers (0.8800)
innocent actions being misconstrued by others as sexual advances (0.8800)
not having any self esteem (0.8800)
people blaming their own faults on you (0.8800)
that the trend of regrets that don't make sense with 'how much can you expect to regret' has returned (0.8800)
failing to see the signs (0.8794)
the Twilight books (0.8785)
that typo you will never be able to fix (0.8780)
something you HAVEN'T done (0.8780)
leaving coffee for a week in your thermos (0.8780)
living a life dictated by your phobias instead of your desires (0.8774)
giving someone more attention than they deserved (0.8767)
staying in relationships even after finding out the truth (0.8767)
failing to notice that the sad girl you just passed was actually a damsel in distress, and you didn't help her (0.8765)
realising you've ran out of toilet paper after you've already finished (0.8750)
not trying more things when you were younger now that you know being in trouble is a fake idea (0.8750)
winning a pyrrhic victory (0.8750)
not looking both ways before you cross the street (0.8750)
spelling gauge wrong (0.8750)
making typos (0.8750)
crotchrot (0.8750)
finding a living six inch long centipede in your toilet (0.8750)
wasting your life (0.8750)
that clinging to the past hinders you from embracing the present, the old Regret Index is dead, long live the Regret Index (0.8750)
fried pickles (0.8750)
buying your first car, then immediately getting in your first car accident (0.8750)
fighting between the feeling that you're not ready, and the feeling that you're running out of time (0.8750)
not knowing what you did wrong (0.8750)
world hunger (0.8750)
people who make assertions without citing evidence or examples to back up said assertions, a sure sign of a narcissistic personality disorder, the other sign being vehement denial of said disorder followed by attack or ridicule of diagnosis tenderer (0.8750)
that even though you know how to pronounce bass as in bass guitar, when you see it in writing you always automatically think bass, as in a type of fish (0.8750)
neglecting your oral hygiene (0.8750)
May not being a fun month for you (0.8750)
not having a miniature pet Utahraptor (0.8750)
drying yourself after a shower with a mildewy towel (0.8750)
that the DS has become a haven for shovelware (0.8750)
letting your ex have your Dreamcast (0.8750)
showing that person you were hoping would be a new friend something stupid because you thought they would appreciate it, only no one would because your interests are dumb (0.8750)
dying from food inhalation (0.8750)
thinking it would be way more punk to get a hott pink "Hello Kitty" Squier copy of a Strat than to get another Gibson SG, but being unsure whether wooable girls will see the post punk transgressive humor or your artfully ironic act of overthinking things (0.8750)
that it's no longer cool to call the Internet "the tubes" (0.8750)
having too much work or not enough (0.8750)
moving into that apartment that was infested with bedbugs (0.8750)
not being sure if the same kid just passed you three times, or if there are triplets afoot (0.8750)
moving to kuwait (0.8750)
the incident (0.8750)
having itchy gums (0.8750)
that there is nothing fair in this world, babe (0.8750)
adding Roshan Patel to your Facebook friends (0.8750)
Facebook applications (0.8732)
entering pointless religious debates that serve only to make both sides really irritated (0.8730)
taking the hugest dump (0.8727)
hannah montana (0.8723)
Hitler's taking direct control of the German military (0.8723)
not having hands for feet and also a tail (0.8710)
mistaking tears for repudiation of the rumours involving her kissing someone else (0.8710)
not asking your health insurance company how much an expensive dental procedure would cost before doing it (0.8710)
being asked for important advice and not being able to give it (0.8710)
forgetting just what the things were you used to enjoy so much (0.8696)
losing two portable music devices in less than two months (0.8696)
being born too late for tall ships and too early for spaceships (0.8696)
awfulness (0.8696)
flashing the dog, then finding out your dad saw you (0.8696)
indecent exposure which does not result in the erotic frenzy that you had anticipated (0.8696)
not seizing the moment (0.8696)
imagining how painful a hangnail would be if it rimmed the tip of your urethra (0.8696)
having a friend who is just nice enough to keep you around, but when it comes right down to it, if you ask her for some favor in return for yours, she just utterly sucks (0.8696)
telling my roommate who plays his guitar all the time that I am really laid back and I love hearing music all the time (0.8696)
not being sure you used a word right (0.8696)
being a dick (0.8696)
not checking the toilet seat first (0.8690)
not finding more time to read (0.8686)
waiting too long to let go of your feelings (0.8684)
games that you never finished and have long since lost (0.8684)
spending all day surfing the Internet instead of writing or drawing or whatever it is you do creatively (0.8684)
not doing the thing you deliberately said you would (0.8684)
staying with the douche because you were too lazy to get out (0.8679)
ever watching The View (0.8667)
Beatallica (0.8667)
that in recommending something to someone, you mentally pick out all of the things that they might not like about it, which in turn tarnishes your enjoyment of it a little (0.8667)
mispronouncing that fancy word (0.8667)
neofolk (0.8667)
beating that final stage, only to realize the basic emptiness of the electronic experience (0.8667)
three am, when doctors say the body's at low tide, the soul is out, the blood moves slow, you're the nearest to death you'll ever be save dying, sleep is a patch of death, but three in the morn, full wide eyed staring, is living death! (0.8667)
that it's nearly eleven again, sigh (0.8667)
that, specifically, you want to know if it's proper to say "took an object from out the container it was in" or if you have to say "out of the container" (0.8667)
implementing synergies to verticalize your platforms (0.8667)
asking "hey, how's your dog," forgetting that her dog just tragically died (0.8667)
staying with someone you didn't love (0.8667)
finding out your cat is of the non yodeling variety (0.8667)
that your academic plans are GONE (0.8667)
puke (0.8667)
what an enormous number of utterly crap films somehow get greenlit for screen (0.8667)
falling asleep while cooking with the stove (0.8667)
that when people list regulars, you're hardly ever on the list (0.8667)
eating something that when eaten would result in the inability to post regrets that begin with "eating" (0.8667)
knowing where you want your relationship to go but not having the balls to ask or talk to your partner about such (0.8667)
staying in a problematic relationship for the sake of your children (0.8667)
the UK not having free speech (0.8667)
trying to do something in a bit of a hurry on a website that is extremely slow today (0.8667)
imagining that there's a cafe somewhere where all the american apparel models hang out and talk about philosophy and indie music, and the girls hang out with their nipples poking through their shirts and their drugged up expressions (0.8667)
that you aren't not doing nothing never even though you aren't not anywhere special (0.8667)
guessing you should probably give up on your dream for another year (0.8667)
that there still people alive in two thousand ten who believe the White Stripes were good (0.8667)
screwing up the grumblecakes caper (0.8667)
when your toaster wets the bed (0.8667)
barf (0.8667)
not closing your window, though you're quite cold (0.8667)
not helping that injured bird you saw (0.8667)
feeling sick when it's really nice outside (0.8667)
the way passport photos highlight every blemish and imperfection (0.8667)
that the only thing separating grad school from grade school is e (0.8667)
being so exhausted you can hardly keep your eyes open, for no good reason (0.8667)
not being one of those people who really finds it unfair that the other person doesn't make the first move, knowing that you are the cause of most of your problems, but still preferring the neutral position (0.8667)
lacking the courage to tell somebody how you really felt (0.8659)
not telling a person how special they were to you (0.8654)
using the wrong tense (0.8654)
going back on your word (0.8649)
losing that irreplacable item (0.8644)
wasting time on the internet waiting for an email you might never get (0.8636)
it taking so long to remember words (0.8636)
offering tech support for family members (0.8636)
not taking a spare (0.8636)
searching frantically for something that ended up being in your pocket the whole time (0.8636)
republicants (0.8636)
not leaving him before he became a judgemental prick (0.8636)
Trying to eat chili straight from the pot with a ladel, and just spilling it all over your shirt (0.8636)
having either a knack for lulzy old timey jokes, postmodern merriment and general bonhomie, or wallowing in a fathomless dark hole of self abuse and hollow hearted self loathing, with no in between (0.8636)
being unable to tell (0.8636)
characters in works of fiction that are supposed to be geniuses, so the author feels obligated to construct situations to show off that genius, yet the situations are so contrived and unrealistic that they could only exist in fiction (0.8636)
finding yet another way to rehash past mistakes (0.8618)
that you were born too late for tall ships, and too early for spaceships (0.8611)
being so lazy you refrained from cleaning up the dead insects on your kitchen and bathroom floors (0.8611)
answering a question without thinking about it first (0.8607)
not having met ryan north (0.8601)
sounding like a pretentious twit in your comments despite not meaning to (0.8600)
not getting enouhg sleep because you stayed up late on the internet for no reason (0.8571)
the orange burny thing make face burn ARRGH (0.8571)
making an obvious, undisputable statement, then tacking "in my opinion" at the end of it (0.8571)
Pulling all the legs off that Grandaddy long leg (0.8571)
trying to make anything work in internet explorer (0.8571)
saving the world by turning it invisible (0.8571)
having an OKcupid account you loser (0.8571)
dropping out of highschool (0.8571)
biting your tongue while chewing gum (0.8571)
being woken up early the one day you get to have a lie in (0.8571)
living on the most isolated and boring campus ever (0.8571)
pretending the molestation never happened (0.8571)
not being able to tell if an idea is awesome or terrible (0.8571)
turning on the wrong burner and setting your cookbook on fire (0.8571)
not having any idea whether you cover letters and portfolio are effective at all, or even reaching anyone (0.8571)
that Ayn Rand was such a fridged bitch (0.8571)
really believing that it's not how you look that's keeping you from a relationship, but you own fears, which somehow makes it even harder (0.8571)
not leaving work before it started raining blood (0.8571)
being afraid to live up to your full potentia (0.8571)
that the Jack the Ripper case is still unsolved (0.8571)
taking forever to get back to someone about a project that only takes five minutes for you to do (0.8571)
how few people realize that Hitchcock's "Dial M for Murder" was shot in three dee (0.8571)
that all these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain (0.8571)
letting all that isn't limited to the ground come into your home (0.8571)
making a promise you couldn't keep (0.8571)
having to wake up before noon (0.8571)
being far more confident or gregarious via the internet or in writing than you are in person (0.8571)
excessive asparatame consumption (0.8571)
not travelling before settling down into a real job (0.8571)
dissociating (0.8571)
tucking your dress into your hose (0.8571)
being geeky enough, but not hot enough, for cosplay (0.8571)
eating everything in two seconds (0.8571)
being the last of your kind except for, coincidentally, your greatest enemy (0.8571)
getting lyrics wrong in a lyric regret (0.8571)
tripping on DDR (0.8571)
that nobody seems to realize nihilists make the best RPG villains, case in point Kefka (0.8571)
Hitler (0.8571)
writing a kind of excellent cover letter for a job you're not one hundred percent sure you want (0.8571)
finding only yoga listings for "healing, breathing, compassionate and gentle" yoga, where's my "fire eyed punk rock shit blood and chew glass" yoga (0.8571)
the amazing Sexual Frustration Index (0.8571)
eating too much too often (0.8571)
that sometimes even the internet can't find something you want (0.8571)
being too tired to do something useful, and not having something useless to do (0.8571)
not discovering the Amazing Regret Index sooner (0.8571)
that no one votes on these anymore (0.8571)
that the sky is full of dreams, but you don't know how to fly (0.8571)
that papercut (0.8571)
lacking situations where you can say "rue the day" (0.8571)
sleeping in fergie after forgetting to wipe Mindless Self Indulgence (0.8571)
Not thinking she could llove me as a function of not loving myself (0.8571)
your habit of leaving lettrs and sometimes whole out when typing things (0.8571)
destroying something expensive because you can't control your damned temper (0.8571)
that the grammer champeen been chosed unfairly (0.8571)

bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
doing Harambe jokes eighteen months later (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
[ show more ]

most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
[ show more ]