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recent regrets

Marie of Guise, of the powerful House of Guise
Hot Dogage
wanting to write phone dictionaries for a living so that you can make Tejas the default spelling
The Freest Little City in Texas
that your phone has the word 'alway' in its dictionary and since you didn't add it, there's a good chance that your phone is retarded
thinking we were probably always this way
wondering when we drifted into this ridiculous shorthand comedy
If it were up to you, you would have filled my buddy tunnel with cement, so no one else could use it!
faint, faraway piano music, like you're trapped in the denouement of a shitty movie
giving Kento a Thug Odo
Your potential regret of Kento's vagina has already been added! It currently has a regret index of ONE
giving Kento a Hot Doug
camp cum awareness
RHS organises dental checkup cum awareness camp
cumbagging deserves a quiet night
Camgirl Steve
it was the Pride of Krakow
the Oral Valves of Rod
the Veal Rods of Valor
[ show all 129158 regrets ]

recent comments

(3) that you love the Regret Index but it makes you so regretful
(1) Cumbag Steve
(1) camgirling
(6) that a pretty brunette girl, late teens, stranded on the beach, wearing a becoming bikini bottom, flip flops and sweatshirt, to whom you lent your cell phone to call for a ride, smiled up winningly at you, batted her long lashes, then thanked you as "Sir"
(2) Teen Choice Awards Colon Miley Cyrus explains her absence
(4) something ribald
(4) getting the regret "all of these stupid regrets" but not having a Sometimes button
(1) remembering way back on THIS 'dex when we hit TWENTY thousand regrets and it seemed like an absolutely mindboggling impossible number
(4) having worked with Cambridge undergraduates and graduates for protracted periods and being honestly able to say they aren't as a cohort notably intelligent, just focused on their usually narrow special interests, and expecting the same is true of Harvard
(3) declaring martial law
(1) Secundus likes to screw boys
(1) once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back
(2) liking your women like you like your presidents, black
(2) realizing that out of your entire high school graduating class, you're probably the only heterosexual woman who is still a virgin and is NOT a hard core Christian
(5) Number One Will SHOCK You!
(1) there's no escaping the chores of the alien this time
(2) having an apparently false memory of a scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern sticks her arm up a dinosaur's ass and wondering where it came from
(1) really needing to get around to peeling off Kento's face bees
(1) animatio, a blowjob from a puppet
(5) The entire Bee Movie except every time someone says bee it cuts to that person or bee peeing in Kento's face
(1) having no idea what a klinoppe is
(1) seeing the picture of David Jeffers and wondering how Adam Duritz and Tim Curry managed to keep their love child secret all these years
(10) really needing to get around to peeing in Kento's face
(1) A woman was shot in the vagina and left with "life changing injuries" in a sex game gone wrong
(1) Impressing Any Woman With Big Dick
(1) Man caught masturbating while watching The Emoji Movie
(2) Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee
(2) that most of the music of the nineties seems to have been droning repetitive crap
(1) choosing Coldcock over Hawtnutz and Vagbush
(4) this dumb motherfucker would lose your house keys, burn down your apartment, then try to sneak off and fingerbang your stepdaughter
(4) kicking me in my heart
(2) that the moon is lOO% SUPER HOMOSEXUAL
(2) sqoou!ug Jamal's doods
(2) Bleachy and the Brit
(1) what list
(15) saying that name, you know the one, three times
(1) google just being one big fucking swan
(1) that "Kento" is actually a ten thousand year old Sumerian demon that prolongs its existence by possessing human hosts, gradually turning them overweight and socially retarded until they kill themselves, then moving on to a new host
(2) fuck marry kill, Cheers, Wings, Frasier
(1) not wanting to be a dick but also wanting to know who actually calls it Beef Burgundy, Beef bourguignon, boeuf bourguignon, or boeuf a la Bourguignonne, not boeuf a la duche de Bourgogne
(1) fuck marry kill, Los Angeles out of Blade Runner, New York out of The Fifth Element, whatever shithole that's supposed to be out of the Spice Up Your Life music video
(1) wondering what will become of the US Army's storied Fifty Seventh Dickgirl Brigade
(1) leaving mould in a mug for so long that when you finally got round to washing it, it sprayed a blue cloud around the kitchen on contact with water and made you sneeze
(3) fuck marry kill, Adam Duritz, Adam Levine, Adam Ant
(2) being allowed to choose five celebrities you're allowed to fuck when there were only four Golden Girls
(1) licking another man's genitals in a nonsexual way
(2) Dog With A Butt Plug
(1) snarfs TWICE your girth
(1) finding a picture of Tim Duncan swimming with a beluga
(3) jokes that are either Kento or Woodsy Alan
(3) wondering if you have any great recipes for TOMATOES
(1) Francesco Uttini
(3) doing Dallas
(2) doing it without lubrication
(1) my spoon is too big
(1) regrets about pony blowing
(3) sucking more than a cowboy's horse
(1) bottoming for Ronnie O'Sullivan in Two Fisted Snookering VII
(2) After many years of silence, around the same time as the Fifth Holy Grail War would have happened, the Yggdmillennia, a family of magi, openly declares their secession from the Mage's Association, and that they are in possession of the Grail
(1) sarongs
(3) wondering why the call those orange fish "goldfish"
(2) breaking up with a girl because she didn't believe you when you said your cookie recipe was better with shortening than with butter
(1) He was subjected to sadistic ragging and in the postmortem a large quantity of tooth paste was found in his rectum
(4) wondering how frequently the Pope or the Dalai Lama or people like that jack off
(1) Oosos
(1) going down on Julio down by the schoolyard
(2) language
(1) the death of Gary Shandling
(2) wondering what the criteria one uses to judge one's success as a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth are
(1) doing everything, if you know what I meat
(1) throwing a party and forgetting you invited Andrew Zimmern and having to drive all the way to Bulk Knackers to pick up ten pounds of llama cocks
(5) all the people not in a relationship banging Jewel's boobs
(2) fucking ass
(4) wondering why necrophilia has such a taboo against it, considering that it is symbolic of the circle of life, evocative of planting a seed in lifeless soil
(1) homosexual father
(1) the player who walked in on two long rods
(1) being b b bread, bread to the bone
(1) posters in the amazing Regret Index may be older than they appear
(1) fuck marry kill, Courteney Cox's head on Jai Courtney's body, Jai Courtney's head on Courteney Cox's body, Courteney Cox except she has Jai Courtney's cock
(1) Man Eats CCLV Peeps in V Minutes
(2) wondering what they put in the nonvegan olive oil
(2) fuck marry kill LaVar Ball, Lucille Ball, Ed Balls
(3) fuck marry kill, only weirdly cropped, pitchbent Family Guy clips in your YouTube suggestions forever no matter what you do, blowing a guy but he jizzes diamonds & you get to keep the diamonds, spooning Jewel's boobs but also having to spoon Rob Schneider
(9) wondering whether you would rather have your penis removed entirely or get to keep it but have pain every time you get an erection
(1) fuck marry kill, Myke Hawke, Bear Grylls, James Wesley, Rawles
(1) those times when you have a really intense, meaningful dream, and you try to explain it to other people but it comes out looking boring and retarded
(1) seriously wondering whether Bryan Adams knows how to pronounce 'Porsche'
(1) Buttadeus
(6) will no one rid me of this meddlesome prifefe
(2) you might have met someone who would possibly have been your Mr Miyagi but he was heavily fined for employing illegal immigrants and you kind of lost track of him
(2) to avoid constipation, she never crapped the same address
(2) to avoid complications, she never kept the semen dress
(5) we all need somebody to ream on
(1) three dudes stone cold chillin' in a hot tub
(4) when I tell everyone that you're in love with me
(11) having a hell of a dream
(4) that would depend on the size of the glass and the concentration of the pee
(1) The Hurt Focker
(1) All The President's Covfefe

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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
forgetting to feed your klinoppe (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
[ show more ]

bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
banging a Tim Burton heroine (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
[ show more ]

most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
[ show more ]