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recent regrets

fuck marry kill, Zoolander, Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, Zachor Clitcaster O'dirge
fuck marry kill, a piece of shit, a disgusting faggot, many other things
I'm a crazy Polish countess who likes a challenge
tell me something I don't know
that I'm despicable, a piece of shit and a disgusting faggot, among many other things
fuck marry kill, Disco Duck, Dooby Duck, Destroyer Duck
trying not to suck Disco Duck, nineteen seventy seven
trying not suck dinosaur dick, agenty fiftyseven
Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander
trying not to suck your own dic, agent ninety nine
trying not to suck your own dick, double O seven
decking the halls with a large papy
FUCK!ing the bees with gay apparel
decking the halls with Armenian Apparel
decking the halls with American Apparel
decking the halls with Asian apparel
dicking the balls with gay apparel
decking the halls with gay apparel
pan decal
lap dance
[ show all 132697 regrets ]

recent comments

(4) tell me something I don't know
(1) taking a dump so big your pants fit better
(1) feeling it coming in the air tonight
(2) I'm going home to sleep with my wife
(2) wondering what the resident regret index medical expert has to say about the possible adverse reactions of putting mustard on one's penis
(3) the thing in the prequels where they were like "well, the only Twi'lek females we've seen so far have been strippers, so we'd better make all female Twi'leks, even the Jedi, dress like strippers or else people will be confused"
(2) wondering if breeding for France automatically means having sex with a twelve year old girl, here in the early twenty first century
(8) wondering if Chris Lydon or the walrus ever fails to climax, and, if so, whether Kento sees it as a personal failure
(3) liking your tea like you like your sex, nonconsensual
(1) writing that fanfiction where Kento and Chris Lydon are captured and raped by hugecocked African savages and they have to fight their way out with machine guns and then they have butt sex
(1) that you do not believe that anything written about you on this website could shock you at this point
(1) no scrubs, no homo
(2) wondering whether you've heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise
(3) it doesn't really matter who I kill because I just bring them back to life
(1) molesting huge children
(2) Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Yttrium Oxygen Uranium
(2) having dyxlesia
(1) In order to reach such a size, you need to inject litres into your arm
(1) blowing all the jabronis in the wrestling stable out of order
(2) odd numbered Star Trek movies
(4) recalling Eye of the Beholder II as a frustrating experience of dying to wolves in the woods a lot and accidentally fireballing things you wanted to not be on fire and eventually a boring dungeon where your wolf feeding experience was of no use
(4) no one told you life was going to be this way slap slap slapping sounds
(1) fighting over territory with those ants
(1) the moment you realize you're still closer to twenty than you are to sixty
(3) the moment you realize you're closer to fifty than to twenty
(1) Assmeblers Take to Streets to Calm Tense Ukrainian City becoming ASSMEBLERS QUIET UNREST IN CITIES IN EAST UKRAINE after an article revision
(1) thinking there should be some kind of porn where "Han shot first" is central to a scene by now
(1) Pamela Anderson says she's sucked a lot of cock to get where she is today and doesn't 'want to hear that she shouldn't have had to gobble a couple of yards of pork'
(6) getting a YouTube ad for Tinder which unmistakeably uses a slowed down Mario theme
(2) if you're not nesting in a surveillance tower to masturbate, you're doing it wrong
(2) drawing a picture of Sexy Tooth Fairy Rachel Stevens wearing nothing but an impish smile, magic wand, and a bloody necklace made from the teeth and jawbone fragments of the Cocksure American Regrettor Who Does Some Kind of Teaching Job in Denmark
(1) wondering who rates dumps and how you can submit dumps for rating, because you've had some that were quite passionate and huge and you would like to see how they measure up
(3) realizing that if you were female you would have stupidly got yourself pregnant by some idiot you barely knew and thought you loved a decade ago
(10) North Smurf Country Blues
(1) being blacklisted for having a leaky colon
(1) supposing we shouldn't really be surprised that a year later Trump still doesn't understand what TIME's Person of the Year is actually about
(1) doing Dallas eighteen months later
(1) doing Harambe eighteen months later
(1) castrating a bull before dinner
(2) North Korea still relies on human excrement to run its government
(4) wondering how it is possible that Sisqo's costume from the Wild Wild West video is not in the Smithsonian's "Gayest Things of All Time" exhibit
(3) don't even THINK about Jewel, she's mine
(1) wondering what a man's parents think when they find out he died being buttfucked by a horse
(2) Kento's sizzle reel
(1) getting gaslighted
(1) getting blacklighted
(2) getting blacklisted
(1) Some people are kind of Scottish, or maybe, um, uh, afraid, and you're trying to persuade
(2) running a train on two ho's
(1) wondering if it is possible to ogle something other than breasts
(2) drawing a picture of a dude ejaculating on Kento
(2) thrusting your penises out
(7) having a spinning back kick that could fell an oak tree
(2) Hoodon Ponottooro
(1) gilding the lily
(2) that you'd like to connect in an honest way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence
(1) Mr Bergstrom
(1) polishing your award
(1) not asking her out, and then regretting it for five fucking years, but in a lighthearted way
(2) wondering what you died of
(1) Waking up to dick pics and ugly faces, why do I talk to these people
(1) Carrie Fisher sending regular anonymous parcels of sand to Hayden Christensen, just for laughs
(3) your dyslexia flaring up
(2) don't be fucking facetious
(2) fuck fuck fuck
(1) Ketchum man charged with sexual assault
(3) that there is no "gorged tits singers smut" section
(3) Chris Lydon having never provided evidence he is not the Boston Strangler
(1) Have Fun With Ants Now
(3) that the dozen or so British people with whom you have had professional relations have all had unbelievably poor manners and high promiscuity, and you don't want to imply that all British people are like that, but those are definitely not unBritishisms
(1) not lurking more
(1) being insistently told by a friend of a friend that you are a celebrity of some description and having to deny it over and over
(4) drawing a picture of SHANE McGowan covering himself in mud and screaming "DO IT! COME ON! RAPE ME NOW! I'M HERE!" in a thick IRISH accent
(1) Matt Damon Says He Knew Harvey Weinstein Was a 'Womanizer,' Not a Predator
(12) payin' anything to roll the dice
(1) Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there
(1) Fifty Plates of Jaffles
(1) Candide Thovex
(1) secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares
(1) betting your right nut on a pair of jacks
(1) being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile
(5) that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable
(1) the Island of the Virgin Presidents
(2) back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer
(1) let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite
(1) seriously, we should unionize
(2) getting a serious looking face tattooed on one boob and a man's body in miniature beneath with a speech bubble on the other boob and the words "I'm a breast man myself" simply to commit to a very involved joke
(4) wondering which barely scientific scifi world would be best to live in
(2) the New York of the F#R#I#E#N#D#S# seems pretty sweet, with the giant ass affordable vermin free modern apartments and the abundance of great jobs
(1) fuck marry kill, Diane, Rebecca, Carla
(1) Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot
(2) seeing that horse working its way through college as a Starbucks barista being brought to tears by a rude, abusive customer after the horse dropped their mocha latte
(1) fuck marry kill, dead, asleep, dreaming
(6) wanting to make Kento love SPERM for his birthday
(4) compulsively lying about your fondness for big butts
(1) opening the door, getting on the floor, having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven
(2) mistaking RANDOM SHITTY ACTOR NOBODY CARES ABOUT for ANOTHER RANDOM SHITTY ACTOR NOBODY CARES ABOUT
(1) fuck marry kill, Will Smith, Robin Williams, Shaqille O'Neal, Barbara Eden
(1) dat boi!!!!
(1) always imagining Kento to be a neat freak

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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
spam fritters (1.0000)
your dyslexia flaring up (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
doing Harambe jokes eighteen months later (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
[ show more ]