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having seen a lot of ads for shitty online games lately that boast of being "addictive" as though it were a selling point?
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recent regrets

Self Transforming Machine Elf on the Shelf
Barf Dizzy
Poverty strikes dead the very souls of all who come within sight, sound or smell of it
did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Dizzy the Wise
an empire of giants that collapsed
a wilderness loving barbarian race that uses domesticated dinosaurs as mounts
stupid sexy Shelob
shaving a vine with Seven of Nine
Tolkien does not specifically mention cock size as a generic hobbit trait, but does make it the distinctive trait of the Proudcock hobbit family
sexy Shelob
Snake Outta Compton
tempting Gandalf
even though she's got to be closer to sixty than forty
starring Sandra Bullock
an all female Old West town is visited by an attractive young gunslinger who is at first treated with scorn until the townsfolk realize she could entice local outlaws to drink and spend money in the town, High Tits Drifter
Tolkien does not specifically mention foot size as a generic hobbit trait, but does make it the distinctive trait of the Proudfoot hobbit family
wanting to make Kento twenty first century schizoid man for his birthday
wanting to make Kento mellified man for his birthday
defiling that Hitler's fridge with your girth
down beside thigh tit deferral
[ show all 131030 regrets ]

recent comments

(1) betting your right nut on a pair of jacks
(1) being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile
(5) that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable
(1) the Island of the Virgin Presidents
(2) back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer
(1) let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite
(1) seriously, we should unionize
(2) getting a serious looking face tattooed on one boob and a man's body in miniature beneath with a speech bubble on the other boob and the words "I'm a breast man myself" simply to commit to a very involved joke
(4) wondering which barely scientific scifi world would be best to live in
(2) the New York of the F#R#I#E#N#D#S# seems pretty sweet, with the giant ass affordable vermin free modern apartments and the abundance of great jobs
(1) fuck marry kill, Diane, Rebecca, Carla
(1) Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot
(2) seeing that horse working its way through college as a Starbucks barista being brought to tears by a rude, abusive customer after the horse dropped their mocha latte
(1) fuck marry kill, dead, asleep, dreaming
(6) wanting to make Kento love SPERM for his birthday
(4) compulsively lying about your fondness for big butts
(1) opening the door, getting on the floor, having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven
(1) fuck marry kill, Will Smith, Robin Williams, Shaqille O'Neal, Barbara Eden
(1) dat boi!!!!
(2) your dyslexia flaring up
(1) always imagining Kento to be a neat freak
(1) ashley simpson naked pictures
(1) wondering what's wrong with jizzing on thousands of flutes and distributing them to ten year olds #kinkshaming
(1) getting Byron sauce all round your mouth and down your chin and a little bit on your thighs and some in your hair and a streak over your shoulder with some spattered on your xhest and a thick blob across the bridge of your nose you dirty bitch
(1) really wishing somebody from the paralle universe where the Beatles Lord of the Rings movie was made would stop by and give a brief review because it sounds like it just might be the worst thing ever
(2) a cheeky Nando's
(1) accidentally implying that Frank Sinatra had sex with his hot daughter
(5) What's In A Manacled Elf
(2) doing Bryce Dallas Howard
(3) ironically if you were a walrus, being a priapic insomniac would make you a big success
(2) Ariel Winter "Begging" Boyfriend To Get Her Pregnant "ASAP" Is Made Up
(6) drawing a picture of Luke, Wedge, Biggs, and Porkins making a trench run on Kento
(1) setting s foils in attack position
(1) People got their local newspapers for next to nothing in exchange for allowing girdle ads to infiltrate their brains
(2) seeing an ad that you truly have no fucking idea what it's trying to say
(1) I have a very plastic sex unit erection
(2) I have no frame of reference for a coffee can
(2) I don't drink coffee
(6) I have very unrealistic expectations
(3) BSjWOVis
(1) fuck marry kill, dickgirl Maya the Bee, Pedro Pony, Clifford the Big Red Dog
(2) he was only nine years old so I doubt he caused much damage
(1) never having had a boyfriend, as you are a heterosexual male, although that doesn't explain why you've never had a girlfriend
(2) realizing that none of the birds that have become memes on the Regret Index taste very good
(1) having a concept for an audio book series in which you actually read the book in real time, just not out loud, and offer the resulting audio unedited for sale, but not living anywhere quiet enough to do it even if you still had the means to record it
(1) filthy experiences
(1) that your support of and fondness towards the homosexual community gets mistaken as homosexuality by the straight one
(2) being poor and buying lottery tickets regularly because shit, it's not like Richard "My island burned down so I had to forego holding models for nearly ten seconds" Branson has any to spare that wouldn't be terribly missed
(1) liking to know where you got the notion
(2) wondering why big red dogs hold such great appeal for humans that, say, big red cats don't
(1) wondering if you're going through all the old regrets one by one to learn the history of the 'dex
(2) wondering why fat cats hold such great appeal for humans that, say, fat dogs don't
(1) peeling a penis
(2) sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm
(1) that Sambo Chuppers was a horrifying chimera of Sarah, Jimbo Wales, chubb d, and Brian Peppers
(2) that one of rachel's best friends is a moderately famous softcore lesbian movie star
(8) lining up a zinger about Rebecca Black and celebrity but having to concede that she's doin' OK
(2) hooking up with this girl l met on the internet
(2) having to cancel Thanksgiving at your house because you had hyperekplexia
(1) Dew Dork Tiggerwillies
(2) wondering if they called her Jackie O because she was really good at hand jobs
(1) Kento Diet Can Ruin Your Rectum, Podcasters Say
(2) your son gleefully jacking off Jackie Gleason
(4) getting involved with me
(2) that you like your women like you like your coffee,, black
(2) seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactical upsets
(2) not really believing a highly paid clinical diagnostician of a prestgious teaching hospital would get home from a psychiatric institionalization on the freakin' bus
(1) I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell
(1) sucking on dicks like twenty four seven all weekend
(2) telling the potatoes joke
(1) swans are metal
(1) buying a push up bra for the first time
(3) Kento's testicular volume
(1) Kento's testicular mass
(1) blithely singing "La Marseillaise" in the back of a squad car
(2) hot hairy girls
(4) Inflation does not exist in real life
(1) Transsexual Eliot
(3) Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Love Her!
(12) getting a tattoo of a woman fellating a horse on your hip
(1) Another Slingshot Ride, Another Wet Cunt
(9) falling into that nest of gungans
(3) burning Sean Penn
(2) wondering who we should get to play the President in our Hand Job Robot Apocalypse movie
(1) I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur bottoming for Red VI in Millennium Porkins VI
(2) watching fifteen year old David Blaine "tricks"
(4) yo mama so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls
(5) wandering around Mevagissey eating ice cream
(1) Surgeons create anus for girl born without one
(1) okay there was one apparently
(1) the Mistake by the Lake
(1) riddling Scots with Ridley Scott
(2) driving your snowblower so hard it explodes in Winter
(1) Ten Thousand Top Blondes
(1) not being able to believe it's not butter
(4) fuck marry kill, the Four Tops, Four Non Blondes, Ten Thousand Maniacs
(3) that you love the Regret Index but it makes you so regretful
(1) Cumbag Steve

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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
your dyslexia flaring up (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
[ show more ]

bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
doing Harambe jokes eighteen months later (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
[ show more ]