| trying to get along with someone, even though their idea of conversation is a running critique of everything you do, like, and believe | REGRET INDEX:
0.88a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 19 lifetimes of regret
permalink to this result commentsI can tell they're not trying to do it in a mean way, but as a conversation technique...: And I'm a fan of debate, but I don't always want to spend an entire conversation trying to defend every little thing to another person.
Especially not: every entire conversation ever had with the person.
I sympathize. I was in a relationship for close to a year where the other party did nothing but insult me, put me down, question my intelligence, berate my tastes, belittle my opinion and openly guffaw at my feelings: I tried to break up with said person once and said person knelt on a barstool in my alcove and cried. "
"Why would you cry over someone so allegedly horrible as myself?" I wondered. "It seems like you're dating me to…punish me? for liking you? What perverse self-hatred is this?": Not lacking in the self-hatred department myself, I relented and we got back together. A month later said person broke up with me, slandered me (including allegations of criminality) and ostracized me from all my friends.
Lesson learned the hard way, I suppose. I was put in touch with said person again, years later (and mind you, people from that era still treat me as a criminal) and was offered--not quite an apology, but this (paraphrases): "If my current self could apologize for my teenage self, I would. I choose to look back on myself with compassion."
My point here being:Years later, it occurred to me that these constant attacks on my person, considering the reaction to my first attempted breakup and to the subsequent actual one, were signs this person LIKED me! Which is a fucked up way to communicate.: Some back-and-forth is fun, and nobody likes a doormat, but this was just barrels of abuse heaped on a person not liking themselves very much to begin with. The non-apology and "I look back on myself with compassion" was interesting…
But I really hope this person is okay: Said person was actually quite funny, bright, attractive, and could be the sweetest person in the world when one was on that person's good side. But boy:
I have NEVER been in a relationship more messed up than that.: The stupid thing is I still feel for someone in that sort of situation. That kind of insane social handicap seems like a behemoth burden to labor under, especially given said person's positive qualities, so I hope everything worked out for him or her.
That said, I am glad to have that person out of my life, since clearly, if the "apology" I received years later was a brusque, dismissive and high-handed one, and this only after a hostile spiteful first email: then clearly this person is never going to change. At best the behavior may be hidden for a while, but good luck, buddy. You're settling for a lifetime of abuse. And there are other options out there.
Yeah, that's...: messed up.
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