having an unhappy friend who doesn't bring up directly what they're unhappy about, and not being sure how to make them feel better or if it's possible at all

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 18 lifetimes of regret
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at least Steak n Shake has the courtesy to hang wet nap dispensers on the side of their dumpsters?
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recent regrets

wondering what it would be like if the downfall of our technological society was brought about by a bunch of fucking idiots who were too lazy to manually turn on their kettles
being a stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking cockeater
Mr Han T Cockeater
Seymour Cocks
Marthe Cnockaert
no TV and no beer make homer something something
discovering The Running Man was written by Stephen King
She's All IT
the original agreement was that he would take out the garbage, but he noticed the MIsix snipers waiting in the alley and worked out the room tidying compromise
The Shining really is a great name for a romcom
wondering how much of his room Julian Assange had to tidy before the ambassador gave him the new wifi password
Honey, I Hit On The Girl At The Deli Who Now You Mention It Does Indeed Bear A Striking Resemblance To My Cousin But It's OK Because She's Not Interested And You Don't Exist
turning to your wife to ask where she thinks the clanging is coming from and remembering you fail at everything non trivial that you ever do and that's why you're going to be alone until you die
really hoping that loud clanging is just air moving through the pipes or thermal expansion and not more goddamn wildlife in the walls
turning to your wife and saying sorry for all the terrible farts only to find you've never been married
remembering you don't have a wife
eating licorice on an empty stomach so that hours after your actual meal you can't stop making the most disgusting eggy farts
really wishing you'd read some of the stuff that guy in your timeline who follows like ten million people is always posting about The Internet of Things but then remembering you don't have a wifi kettle and your car is analog so why would you
That Guy In Y, from the studio that brought you He's So Cute and the director of Honey, I Romantic Comedy'd Us
really wishing you'd read some of the stuff that guy in Z
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recent comments

(1) The Shining really is a great name for a romcom
(4) girl on girl sex during POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS
(1) girl on girl sex during pregnancy
(1) groping beasts
(1) groping breasts
(1) in sixth grade, hearing a story where some girl supposedly got her first period after taking a hot bath and having sex
(1) wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian
(1) wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian icons in the same way that Judy Garland, Cher, et al are icons for gay men
(1) Annual Pony Rape Bout I
(3) liking your sex like you like your congress, stilted, formal, and culminating in a bill
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top regrets

kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
bragging about being from West Virginia (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
telling the Philippines authorities that Kento is a drug mule (0.0000)
using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
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most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (356)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
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