not being good at self promotion

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 17 lifetimes of regret
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dropping that Zeno and getting yourself a Hero of Alexandria?
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if people concerned themselves with where eggs came from they never would have eaten them
"The cleaning lady here at the embassy has a huge ass," he said, "frigid bitch"
"Disclosure is my business," he said, "but we don't deal in gossip"
being a bad driver
that when you put Dot Warner in the search field, Google autosuggests, in order, 'panties', 'voice', and 'feet'
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third
spreading Dijon mustard on the ceiling with Celine Dion
Pricess Sofia Cesarean Birth
sucking her left one until she had a hump
bottoming for Father Time in Meaty Bodies VII
thinking Jennifer Lopez got fat, then remembering that humans age because of their meaty bodies and the effects of linear time, then realizing you were looking at a picture of Kim Kardashian
Robert Downey, Jr's growing resemblance to Woody Allen
donating your hedgerow bustle to the Met Costume Institute
if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, seek medical attention immediately
there are two paths you can go by
During their years of running the school theatre and producing plays, a body of knowledge was formed about acting, theater production, and costume, set and stage design
hey dol! merry dol! suck my dick dillo!
Tom Walrus
kind of looking forward to fat gay Asian Tom Cruise
kind of looking forward to old fat Tom Cruise
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recent comments

(1) wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
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top regrets

feeling iffy from lithium (1.0000)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (1.0000)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (1.0000)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (1.0000)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
humping Jewel's bust (0.0000)
fisting Go Ikeda (0.0000)
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12078/0.9998)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2430/0.0000)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
breasts (1440/0.0135)
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