Zooey Deschanel looks like a sandblasted Lucy Lawless
REGRET INDEX:
0.13

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 17 lifetimes of regret
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that, for the record, there was in fact a Subway in said strip mall, along with an H&R Block, a Baskin Robbins, and a pet grooming place?
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recent regrets

kissing for Mark Hamill at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl, this Sunday at eight in the evening
an invisible man, fuckin' on the moon
klling for Mark Hamill at the Sheraton Addis in the Omo Room, near the Rose Bowl
holding a party for Kento's birthday at the Sheraton Addis in the Omo Room
shaving a politician who is fiscally responsible for the entire nation who has a bad week and spends the entire weekend doing crystal meth with his mate
having a politician who is fiscally responsible for the entire nation who has a bad week and spends the entire weekend doing crystal meth with his mates
some people might argue that a man who was personally responsible for the stability being taken out in the first place ought instead to have the batteries put in
putting the stability back in
Alex and his handsome sentient pound must travel back to the past and sway the vote for European solidarity, by proving that all you need is love
wondering how one goes about becoming a ghost on the fucking moon
we're all going to fucking die
old gray mare she ain't what she used to be
marrying a carrot
winning friends and influencing salad
not winning friends with salad
actually being surprised that there really is a guy named Donald Tusk, and he is not just a gay porn star name we dreamed up to soddomize Kento
always putting either too much or too little dressing on salad
being continually reminded that Nigel Farage has only got one ball
Boris and Cameron 'gnawed away at each other's testicles'
hardened cynics you have known for years suddenly and openly showing real fear in the face of this madness
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recent comments

(4) that everyone keeps invoking a divorce analogy for Brexit, and you wish they would use something more appropriate, like, say, two dogs gradually decoupling after the knotting subsides
(1) going to that Sausage Festival
(2) Rick Moranis
(1) Five Hospitalized After Tony Robbins Urges Them to Walk Over Hot Coals
(2) Starsuckers
(2) wondering why it is that whenever an American newspaper seeks celebrity comments on an issue related to the UK they always cite JK Rowling first, and wondering if the Biritsh public likewise holds Ms Rowling's opinions in such esteem
(1) Donald Trump praises Scots for "taking back control of their country" by voting overwhelmingly to remain in the EU
(4) Pokemon Life As a House and Star Wars
(1) the two cartoon dicks JMW Turner painted on The Slave Ship
(1) that coming five or six times in about thirty hours makes it so difficult to masturbate
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top regrets

kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
bragging about being from West Virginia (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
telling the Philippines authorities that Kento is a drug mule (0.0000)
using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
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most discussed regrets

turtles (4882)
being a minimalist (4567)
tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (4418)
not having met ryan north (4257)
Kento (4240)
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