payin' anything to roll the dice
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Tim Duncan: 20! CRITICAL HIT!
Gary Gygax: The goblin's tongue slithers across your exposed flesh, causing your body to convulse with pleasure. From the window of the inn your party hears a moan of pleasure, then a cry of horror as your magical companion spits and you observe her prominent
Gary Gygax: Adam's apple. In a flash she draws a dagger from who knows where and in a rasping voice a full octave lower than when she last spoke, says "Pay up, chica. I got a bruised tonsils and that gonna cost extra."
Tim Duncan: I present my holy symbol and declare "Forsooth, by the power of Ra'chelste Vens, Goddess of Dickgirls, I cast thee out!"
Gary Gygax: The goblin smirks as she beckons the shadows closer and you realize for the first time that another figure has orchestrated this encounter from the very beginning. Caught by surprise, you are powerless for the moment as the pimp approaches you.
Gary Gygax: "If you check your rental agreement," the demon El Anorr declares, "you'll see that GoblickJobs4U.com can only accept holy symbols with a precious metal or gemstone content of at least 20%. If you do not pay promptly, I will sue you in the Shire."
Tim Duncan: "X-Men sucked!" I scream as I try to flee the hot tub.
Gary Gygax: Harvey Weinstein agrees with you as he blocks your path and tosses you back into the water. Escape seems impossible as his two winged monkeys Ben and Matt circle the hot tub, filming everything.
Gary Gygax: Mustering all my power, I call out for my comrades. Whither are Wil Wheaton the Mage, or the cunning rogue Vin Diesel gone?! What of brave Sir Moby?! Is there noone who shall come to my aid?!
Tim Duncan: I seem to have entered a brief fugue state where I referred to myself as Gary Gygax. Sorry.
Tim Duncan: No problem, Tim, I take it as a compliment.
Peter Noone: STOP CALLING ME YOU NERDS

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