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recent regrets

well, now that I've finished Full House Reviewed it's time to start Saved By the Bell Reviewed
Her memory says that they have to hug to rejoin but it would have been way cooler if Michelle had to devour her
The uncles assure her that, yes, her mom was pretty, and Joey gives this creepy nod that clearly says, "I used to beat off to her all the time, as a matter of fact, I still do"
Danny explains that her mom died horribly in a violent car crash eight years ago, so her corpse has got to be pretty rotten and chewed up by now, especially since it was already all twisted and broken when they put her in the ground
Yes! He said it! I really wasn't sure if he was going to! Best catch phrase ever! It makes "have mercy" seem like a big piece of shit!
They ask, "how old," and she says, "old enough to carry a shovel," because I guess that Nicky and Alex's future whores are doomed to the same fate that all of the mysteriously disappeared love interests that have entered the full house have fallen victim
As I watched them writhe around on the floor together, moaning and grunting, I thought back to all the times that I've watched them grope and manhandle one another, and I felt like a whole chapter of my life was coming to a close
Michelle expresses her concern about not winning the competition, which is successfully conveyed by her outstretched arms with palms facing upward, but Danny tells her that he doesn't care if she wins as long as she beats Elizabeth
He then suggests that Jesse should try eating Ho Hos instead and mentions that sucking out the cream filling is always relaxing for him and it's pretty clear that he's offering Jesse a blowjob
drawing a picture of Kento being Prisoner's Dilemma'd by John Nash and Kevin Nash
Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets
in search of a cure for a rampant fever
one of the bread guys has a vagina
a sleep trance, a dream dance, a shared romance
The two of them dangling helplessly upside down from a thin cord above a dangerous chasm seems like a pretty apt metaphor for their relationship
last time I saw her she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass
Becky makes a very clear allusion to the fact that she's not gonna fuck Jesse later because he's being such a shithead, which is actually pretty awesome
Add this to the list of episode titles that could be a euphemism for anal sex
one of the bad guys has a vagina
if there was somebody else to do it I would let them do it, but there's not, so we're doin' it
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recent comments

(1) wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
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top regrets

feeling iffy from lithium (1.0000)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (1.0000)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (1.0000)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (1.0000)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci (0.0000)
stealing that girl's bra from the communal laundry room (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12078/0.9998)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2430/0.0000)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
breasts (1440/0.0135)
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