Do you regret
that sperm count is an easily quantifiable, easily comparible enumeration of perceived sexual potency, and no amount of public understanding will diminish the male need to wag his figurative dick in the face of other males?
yes    no    haven't done it yet

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recent regrets

lookin' for someone who's not make believe
hey guys, remember internet shrines
having my twelve year old boner ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating in your hair contrary to its promises
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your neck
having a boner for twelve years
even my twelve year old boner
drawing a picture of Wilson masturbating behind Tim Allen's fence as he watches Pamela Anderson audition for Home Improvement
wonderin if Pamela Anderson had to fuck Tim Allen to get the part on Home Improvement
I can't argue with that
the creepy porn star lips coupled with her bimbo voice just killed even my twelve year old boner
Pamela Anderson was gross
being really into Erika Eleniak for some reason
having never actually seen Baywatch, but remembering you had a TV Guide with her picture in it that was your best friend for a couple of months
only knowing the name Yasmine Bleeth because of that F#R#I#E#N#D#S# episode where Chandler says "Yasmeeen Blith" a couple times
David Snave
believing that the first thing you masturbated to on the internet was Yasmine Bleeth
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recent comments

(1) wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
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top regrets

feeling iffy from lithium (1.0000)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (1.0000)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (1.0000)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (1.0000)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
humping Jewel's bust (0.0000)
fisting Go Ikeda (0.0000)
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12078/0.9998)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2430/0.0000)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
breasts (1440/0.0135)
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