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Whenever we go out, people stop and shout, theregoes John Jacob Switzerland Schmidt
Switzerland Thor Chinchilla Geldof
Whenever we go abroad, people refer to us as Switzerland Thor Chinchilla
investing in eSwatini instead of crunching your own eSwatini blockchains
Whenever we go abroad, people refer to us as Switzerland
Thor Chinchilla
the sultan of sand
marriedwiki dot com
Birthdaysen Christensen
Oscor tho Grooch
The Curious Cans of Oscar the Grouch
wondering whether Oscar's junk matches his can
wondering whether Grover's chairs match his table
Tho Hongor Gomos
The Hangry Games
biking to Camden with Camren Bicondova
wondering whether Grover's carpet matches his drapes
drawing a picture of Grover getting a Brazilian
Grover, I just met 'er!
[ show all 136021 regrets ]

recent comments

(2) wondering whether Grover's carpet matches his drapes
(4) that you'll probably see Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks next week
(1) X Men Burgers and Fries
(1) that regret number twenty nine on the old regret index was "X Men Three" with a hyphen between X and Men but it can't be replicated because hyphens are not allowed now
(3) living in sin
(3) drawing a picture of Kento being Bussard ramscooped by Geordie and Scottie
(1) only having one cup
(2) getting out of my dreams and into Myke Hawke
(1) I think you'll find it's unfeasibly large Richards actually
(1) drawing a picture of Eminem fellating Grand Moff Tarkin who evacuates his bowels in his "moment of triumph" if you know what I mean
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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
your dyslexia flaring up (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
keeping Harry Mason alive through a whole game, only to have him go and get killed off in another game without you being able to do anything about it (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
tits (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12566/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
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most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (358)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
not having met ryan north (55)
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship (37)
that Kento's birthday passed a week ago and you didn't even have a chance to make him a sandwich (32)
learning all the elements in the periodic table in order (32)
still only seeing black, white, and blue (30)
the actress (29)
wondering whether the kids who are, say, three or four years old now will eventually develop their own interests or if they will be cursed to be nothing but proxies for their dumbass manchild fathers' lost youth and be doomed to like Star Wars for eternit (26)
opening new cider (25)
meeting Brian Peppers (21)
that we can post actual imgur links to comments now (20)
wondering what question you want to ask (19)
wondering what it is that you do (19)
moralmachine dot mit dot edu (17)
imagining the images on an amazing Regret Index calendar and then throwing up in your mouth a little bit (17)
She neglects to mention that her grandson's withered, inbred cock lacked the power to successfully impregnate a woman naturally (16)
saying that name, you know the one, three times (15)
wondering whether you've entered some kind of "Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Cunnilingus on Her!" contest or something (15)
Kento (14)
time feels right to explore some incredible new opportunities together (13)
President Housekeeping, starring Hulk Hogan (13)
being cancelled with a mild but acceptable cliffhanger, then being brought back through the efforts of your fans and to show your thanks, giving said fans an even more frustrating cliffhanger in a bid for more episodes which obviously won't be made (13)
firing a gullet pun indiscriminately at seagulls (12)
cutting off your long hair (12)
that, okay, to be honest your natural reaction to any kind of interaction initiated by the opposite sex is to consider forming a crush on them (12)
For political reasons, the classification of "honorary white" was granted to immigrants from Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, countries with which South Africa maintained diplomatic and economic relations, and to their descendants (12)
getting a tattoo of a woman fellating a horse on your hip (12)
payin' anything to roll the dice (12)
not being able to finish anything you've ever started (12)
trying to befriend a Regret Index user (11)
wondering what happened to YOU to make you hat the french so much (11)
having a hell of a dream (11)
having sex with Oasis (10)
forgetting sarah marshall (10)
that the comments here came back (10)
wondering what the other three countries you've lived in are (10)
I'm the stranger thrilling an A bra (10)
North Smurf Country Blues (10)
really needing to get around to peeing in Kento's face (10)
wondering if it is possible to grab your own head and rip it off (10)
Females are fifty percent more likely than males to switch hands while masturbating (10)
seeing a car with HOO on the license plate and feathers on the mirror (9)
falling into that nest of gungans (9)
wondering whether you would rather have your penis removed entirely or get to keep it but have pain every time you get an erection (9)
thinking of starting dating again (9)
what you do for a living (9)
wondering why you want to bang a Katie all of a sudden, anyway (9)
wondering if you wrote the comment on two two seven oh one (9)
what some people jack off to (9)
trying to think of someone with a more punchable face than Matt Damon (8)
remembering that scend in Pokemon where Ash kisses that Latias in human form, and thinking that's probably Kento's best bet (8)
Jeb Bush Would Time Travel and Kill Baby Hitler If Given the Chance (8)
deleting your MyFace tweet account book (8)
not having any self esteem (8)
making a neutral face (8)
wishing that each wikipedia page had a view count on it, because you really want to know how many people have needed information on, say, "Benin at the twenty twelve Summer Paralympics" (8)
drawing a picture of a female human of indeterminate age with an ass like a ten year old boy having her buttocks spray painted teal by Pikachu and Weedle (8)
that you were honestly kind of relieved when it looked like the regret index was broken because it meant you didn't have to think about things like Jonathan Frakes peeing on Patrick Stewart's head any more (8)
it's still better than having him sucking on your left one until you have a breastgasm (8)
not going all the way (8)
lining up a zinger about Rebecca Black and celebrity but having to concede that she's doin' OK (8)
checking this site after many, many years (8)
discovering the depths of your personality and finding out which movie star could play you! (8)
wondering if Chris Lydon or the walrus ever fails to climax, and, if so, whether Kento sees it as a personal failure (8)
Your comment must be in English or it will be removed (7)
this guy right here (7)
having a spinning back kick that could fell an oak tree (7)
wondering if using pinto or black beans in chili will make it taste any different than chili with kidney beans (7)
wondering who Tabitha on regret two zero six eight was and how she found the index (7)
I already have one, I'm not even using it, would you like it (7)
wondering which you would choose given the option of either speed dating everyone on your Celebrity Bang List with the ability to mix and match, or cruising around on a luxury yacht all day with no more than ten of them (7)
#piggate (7)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Katy Perry (7)
Luke never even asks about his mother (7)
wondering which you would choose, to be a lesbian with a penis or a straight man with a vagina (7)
wondering where the line between porn film and birthing video lies (7)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid rapes from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (7)
really having no interest in professionally produced porn (7)
wondering which will come first, reaching one hundred thousand regrets or Kento having sex (7)
have you already started (7)
not being Kento (7)
constantly eating from a bag of lollies and being unable to stop (7)
that you would gobble up Alice Eve if you were not in a relationship (7)
Rob Schneider doesn't count (6)
Theresa May bragged about Britain being world's fifth largest economy, After her speech, it dropped to sixth (6)
fuck marry kill, a Vulcan, a Klingon, a Romulan (6)
drawing a picture of Luke, Wedge, Biggs, and Porkins making a trench run on Kento (6)
will no one rid me of this meddlesome prifefe (6)
shitting in her mouth (6)
wondering what it is like to be a female celebrity and know that at any given moment there are at least several hundred guys masturbating to you (6)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Urolagnia on Her! (6)
that a pretty brunette girl, late teens, stranded on the beach, wearing a becoming bikini bottom, flip flops and sweatshirt, to whom you lent your cell phone to call for a ride, smiled up winningly at you, batted her long lashes, then thanked you as "Sir" (6)
wondering if there is a glory hole equivalent for butt stuff where you just jam your cheeks up against a dinner plate sized hole and wait for people to come and do stuff to you (6)
throwing a coin which inadvertently smashed the rear windshield of my teacher's car, btw kinetic energy is a bitch, and got me suspended (6)
do you have a plan or do you just like to watch me like a zoo animal (6)
getting a YouTube ad for Tinder which unmistakeably uses a slowed down Mario theme (6)
the death of Richard Bonehill (6)
fuck marry kill, a shoe, a pony, a carrot (6)
using the screen name "black guy plus white girl equals hot" (6)
wondering what a half centaur would look like (6)
Toblerone is facing a mountain of criticism for changing the shape of its famous triangular candy bars in British stores, a move it blames on rising costs (6)
wanting to make Kento love SPERM for his birthday (6)
not asking her out again, when she would have said yes the second time (6)
Anakin Murders Gumball & Darwin (6)
not having anything against Cameron Diaz but seriously wondering how she became the highest grossing actress in US box office history (6)
playing Entry of the Gladiators over the Republican National Convention coverage (6)
not helping an older woman down the steps (6)
we should watch Daredevil for the next liveregret (6)
that walruses, goats, and swans represent the Leviathan, Behemoth, and Ziz, respectively, of the regret index (6)
that you actually got one of those smoking gun quizzes right (6)
I have very unrealistic expectations (6)
I'm going to call you Simon from now on (5)
we all need somebody to ream on (5)
face ass take on, The British Bulldog, Darth Vader, Kento (5)
being resigned to urine, Eminem, death (5)
fuck marry kill, Prince's left half stitched to David Bowie's right half, a chimera with Alan Thicke's limbs and head attached to Alan Rickman's body, Kenny Baker with Kimbo Slice's genitals (5)
Colon cells have it rough colon They die off after about four days (5)
I wanna take my time stroking you, baby, if you don't mind (5)
Number One Will SHOCK You! (5)
fuck marry kill, the father, the son, the holy ghost (5)
discovering you were blocked by someone you respect on social media, but having no idea when or why this happened (5)
wandering around Mevagissey eating ice cream (5)
finally sewing up that hole in your pocket, if you know what I mean (5)
I was alive in nineteen eighty three (5)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Donald Trump whose brain has been replaced with that of a duck, or a hideous chimeric fusion of David Cameron and Cameron Diaz (5)
being glad that Kento liked your regret about electroplating pennies (5)
looking at pictures of naked gentlemen (5)
suspecting Scarlett Johansson would like you to stop spitting in her asshole (5)
all the people not in a relationship banging Jewel's boobs (5)
not really understanding the logic of an organization that is going out of its way to make every nation on the planet with nuclear weapons pissed off at them (5)
that twenty sixteen saw nearly a forty percent drop in regret productivity compared to the record breaking performance we put up in twenty fifteen (5)
that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable (5)
SCP Six Nine Six Nine Colon Nicki Minaj's dildo microphone (5)
fuck marry kill, the Rat Pack, the Brat Pack, the Frat Pack (5)
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris 'have broken up' after XV months together, British man still doesn't know who either of them are or why this matters (5)
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of pants, I get called names (5)
eating moldy chocolate (5)
Lol no one ever (5)
trying to watch Open Windows but thinking you might turn it off because you've never seen a Sasha Grey film before and you're not really in the mood for double anal (5)
happy new year (5)
going into puberty (5)
having had the theme from Junior Kick Start stuck in your head for a couple of years now (5)
any smooth bottom intersted into top muscle pm me (5)
El Coca and teen rape are stronger than any dispute (5)
wondering if there even is a constitutional method for determining the presidency if the president elect and vice president refuse to be sworn in at all (5)
Collingwood Art Dolls (5)
the random regret generator is giving you blank regrets to vote on (5)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Russell Brand (5)
guessing that you say The Karate Kid II once like maybe the year it came out (5)
getting your first cavity in your thirties (5)
fmk, JLH, SMG, JTT (5)
Peppa Meets Oasis (5)
that you'd like to connect in an incredibly egotistical way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence because nobody buys your narcissistic bullshit (5)
that even old New York was once New Amsterdam (5)
What's In A Manacled Elf (5)
I would bust that tight pASTERISKASTERISKASTERISKy so hard and so often that you would leak and limp for a week (5)
The entire Bee Movie except every time someone says bee it cuts to that person or bee peeing in Kento's face (5)
that movies would probably be ten times shorter if the characters didn't do something stupid once in a while (5)
possible snuff dvds (5)
Debbie Snakez Her Bathtub Drain (5)
As part of the Wiggles, Fatt became one of the "most popular Asian performers in the world" (5)
wondering how important it is to your crossover fanfic (5)
reading an article reviewing books that discuss the contributions women made to science, seeing the sentence "It takes just over eight seconds for sunlight to reach the Earth" in the first paragraph and thinking, naw, I'm not gonna read this (5)
being told you are infrequently vile by the BBC (5)
wondering if gay Klingons find either bottoming or topping more honorable than the other (5)
British government pooh poohs winning 'Boaty McBoatface' name for ship (5)
having redundant sexual organs (4)
you've taken me for granted because I please you (4)
recalling Eye of the Beholder II as a frustrating experience of dying to wolves in the woods a lot and accidentally fireballing things you wanted to not be on fire and eventually a boring dungeon where your wolf feeding experience was of no use (4)
I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know (4)
that you can apparently get a pizza thap cam cao cap for one hundred and nine thousand dongs in Vietnam (4)
drawing a picture of SHANE McGowan covering himself in mud and screaming "DO IT! COME ON! RAPE ME NOW! I'M HERE!" in a thick IRISH accent (4)
wondering how it is possible that Sisqo's costume from the Wild Wild West video is not in the Smithsonian's "Gayest Things of All Time" exhibit (4)
kicking me in my heart (4)
they DO move in herds! (4)
wondering which barely scientific scifi world would be best to live in (4)
but apparently you hate that (4)
Pokemon Life As a House and Star Wars (4)
this dumb motherfucker would lose your house keys, burn down your apartment, then try to sneak off and fingerbang your stepdaughter (4)
the recurrent concern that one day, someone we talk about, other than Kento because honestly, Kento, amirite, will turn up and there'll be this long terrible discussion about them on the front page (4)
Donald 'Four Cock Mouth' Trump (4)
being dickrolled, if you know what I mean (4)
unfortunate product names (4)
wondering how frequently the Pope or the Dalai Lama or people like that jack off (4)
that female porn stars usually have faces well below average (4)
making it with a redhaired girl in a Chevrolet (4)
fuck marry kill, Courtney Cox, Brian Cox, and Myke Hawke (4)
The American popstar Madonna agrees on a settlement with her former consort Guy Ritchie over their heir (4)
wondering why necrophilia has such a taboo against it, considering that it is symbolic of the circle of life, evocative of planting a seed in lifeless soil (4)
entering too soon (4)
taking the most amazing dump just now (4)
using a messy recipe (4)
licking Brian Peppers's pecker (4)
yo mama so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls (4)
having never seen The Karate Dog, or any of the sequels, or the remake (4)
wanting to electrocute Kento's testicles and waterboard him until he tells you when his birthday is (4)
guessing that if the first page of google results for your name contains more than one video of you getting double penetrated, saying that you went through some "rough times" is probably insufficient (4)
hand up a gay man's ass (4)
Kento's anus (4)
Big Fucking Gonads (4)
snapping tendons in my hand after a failed dunk attempt (4)
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rent nineteen buses (4)
Double Penetration Edged Sword in the Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Dirty Pocket Pool Monsters (4)
having garlicky fingers (4)
that you like your women like you like your coffee, male (4)
the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be (4)
getting involved with me (4)
diarrhea of a mad black woman (4)
meetgraham dot com dot au (4)
saving the life of a unmarried teen mother at the expense of two wealth creating cats (4)
I was young, I needed the money (4)
we're buddies (4)
girl on girl sex during POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS (4)
fuck marry kill, eighteen year old Kento, twenty eight year old Kento, thirty eight year old Kento (4)
I'm really sorry about that, we really should have dealt with this by now (4)
dreaming of the past, as though past you and present you are two idiotic ghosts trying to haunt one another (4)
Slash's Blues Ball (4)
having worked with Cambridge undergraduates and graduates for protracted periods and being honestly able to say they aren't as a cohort notably intelligent, just focused on their usually narrow special interests, and expecting the same is true of Harvard (4)
the death of Amy Johnson (4)
Category colon Ash dick infection (4)
eating breakfast at ten pm (4)
that other people's ways of brushing their teeth are fucking weird (4)
wondering how many unique words appear in Tubthumping but not enough to bother counting (4)
another sad and lonely christmas (4)
sleeping in the same bed as a dog (4)
I know, I voted for them (4)
tell me something I don't know (4)
going to the mall and seeing a ten foot high poster for The Huntsman Colon Winter's War that had a huge picture of Liam Gallagher or whatever the fuck the name of the star is, and his "armor" appeared to be made of the same leather as women's purses (4)
it's also possible that I might just change my mind one day for no real reason (4)
compulsively lying about your fondness for big butts (4)
the murder of Lena al Qasem (4)
getting the regret "all of these stupid regrets" but not having a Sometimes button (4)
High Elves (4)
fuck marry kill, the Four Tops, Four Non Blondes, Ten Thousand Maniacs (4)
that if you fuck Kento the only option is to kill yourself (4)
wondering what the official butt rape tune of the Trump campaign is (4)
Siberian tits (4)
Oscar asking if he can show you his cock (4)
Man Cheats Credit Score (4)
that Rachel was always your favourite F#R#I#E#N#D# but maybe this was because by the time you realised what a colossal wishy washy bitch she was she'd got knocked up and basically assumed some kind of personality, while Monica was actively becoming worse (4)
something ribald (4)
telling you best friend they prononce something inncorrect (4)
that would depend on the size of the glass and the concentration of the pee (4)
Donald Trump's lawyers have argued that protesters "have no right" to "express dissenting views" at his campaign rallies because it infringes on the US President's First Amendment rights (4)
the regulars using regret number one seven five two five two message each other (4)
After she sent him a cartoon image of a pump bottle of hand lotion and a box of tissues, he responded with a graphic, homemade text and emoji image of an ejaculating penis (4)
using a cherry stoner to take the cherry stone from a cherry, then observing the ragged and gaping red stained canal between the fresh, pert contours of the cherry's lower end (4)
Ugh I just, I love her, but I get so sick of her sometimes too (4)
the painful knowledge that you are too old and out of shape for Natalie Portman to want to bang you, and you probably always were (4)
crying while listening to Agadoo (4)
that you'll probably see Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks next week (4)
Nuclear Man (4)
mimel noara (4)
Inflation does not exist in real life (4)
being freaked out that there's a help wanted sign in the deli window, which is let's face it a new patheticism even for someone as easily freaked out as yourself (4)
naming your daughter Rooney (4)
A teenager with teleportation abilities suddenly finds himself in the middle of an ancient war between those like him and their sworn annihilators (4)
when I tell everyone that you're in love with me (4)
no one told you life was going to be this way slap slap slapping sounds (4)
kind of wishing that Ryan would give one of us administrator privileges so we can get rid of the spam comments (4)
that i deleted all the spam comments, hah hah hah OH WELL (4)
darning your socks, what are you, French (3)
Fight on UK train after people kept placing bagels on travellers' heads, cheerio (3)
Bicoid Fetus shits water being frightened (3)
Reddit bans deepfake porn videos (3)
on the Snopes of Mount Doom (3)
jokes that are either Kento or Woodsy Alan (3)
Roman Polanski winning the Teens Don't Have a Choice Lifetime Achievement Award (3)
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face (3)
the thing in the prequels where they were like "well, the only Twi'lek females we've seen so far have been strippers, so we'd better make all female Twi'leks, even the Jedi, dress like strippers or else people will be confused" (3)
that apparently performing cunnlingus on Kat Dennings would require watching BOTH Thor movies, which is a commitment I'd rather not make (3)
that the Regret Index is where nerdy adults running out of youth and optimism come to act like teenagers on the internet (3)
Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the Mexican border and based on his tone he also wants to fuck that wall (3)
wondering what kind of contract you made with Will Smith (3)
D'''''' (3)
not getting your nice shoes cleaned after the orgy (3)
from the directors of the Matrix and nothing else worth mentioning (3)
that the NYC police used to famously extort more money in fines from prisoner by posting "PLEASE DO NOT EXPECTORATE" signs all over the cells, a word spitting Irish toughs couldn't possibly be expected to know (3)
tasting your own semen 'to hike jew slut tits sea' (3)
using the word "waffletastic" (3)
watching Prometheus (3)
gonopores (3)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (3)
yeah, that's what I mean, people are basically just filming porn with a three sixty camera and playing it on an oculus rift, but when are we going to get the actual fully interactive stuff with maybe a crotchpiece or something (3)
fuck marry kill, Mrs Robinson, Mrs Jones, Stacey's mom (3)
Beast Balls (3)
UK national sperm bank has just nine donors (3)
Kim Kardashian eating her son after son's birth (3)
Kento's testicular volume (3)
a crossover remake of Words With Friends and Tinder, Baths With Friends (3)
jerking off with a crusty semen stained sock up your butt (3)
Could any man really satisfy a woman sexually, if her most recent lover had been Sean Connery (3)
wondering whether you would rather Eiffel Tower David Cameron with dickgirl Rachel Stevens, or be Eiffel Towered by dickgirls Cameron Diaz and Rachel Stevens (3)
being that chicken flavored ramen that make your sweat smell like chicken (3)
fuck marry kill, Joey, Ross, Chandler (3)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (3)
catfish (3)
having a one night stand with a guy who makes you call him Mr Bubble (3)
this guy (3)
that the dozen or so British people with whom you have had professional relations have all had unbelievably poor manners and high promiscuity, and you don't want to imply that all British people are like that, but those are definitely not unBritishisms (3)
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using campervan towbar (3)
tell me your skype (3)
realizing that if you were female you would have stupidly got yourself pregnant by some idiot you barely knew and thought you loved a decade ago (3)
ironically if you were a walrus, being a priapic insomniac would make you a big success (3)
smells like wine (3)
rape (3)
sometimes I know your heart is full of troll waiters (3)
I don't think that's going to make the deli girl like you (3)
I don't think you really count as my significant other, we've never even met (3)
losing your life savings to a foxy babe (3)
reading a crap book about ready made Hebrews (3)
hearing about those horse meat infused burgers being sold in the UK, and becoming curious about how horse tastes (3)
why'd YOU move to France (3)
Teresa Heinz Kerry is totally going to sue us in England (3)
I ain't afraid of no sleepin' (3)
def twins homo menage (3)
wondering why the call those orange fish "goldfish" (3)
wondering what Norbit was like in Fatworld (3)
Chris Lydon having never provided evidence he is not the Boston Strangler (3)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on Craigslist (3)
wondering how anyone was able to feel anything at all given the epic amounts of alcohol and cocaine that must have preceded those couplings (3)
I am hardly a suing person, and yet that just got my goat (3)
let's be honest, it was more of a "drop" than a "stuff" (3)
playing Dungeons & Dragons with a severed penis (3)
drawing a picture of Kento screaming "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL AQUATIC MAMMALIAN SEXUAL PARTNER!" at a hippo and being told to go to his room by Chris Lydon (3)
being froward (3)
that there is no "gorged tits singers smut" section (3)
fuck marry kill, Adam Duritz, Adam Levine, Adam Ant (3)
this freakin guy (3)
making all that Kento x Hayden Christensen slash and then finding that you could have just paid them to do it irl instead of splashing out on a new computer to fake it (3)
masturbating during Schindler's List (3)
Jasmine (3)
fuck marry kill, Ash, Brock, Misty (3)
bottoming for R Kelley in I Believe I Will Cut You If You Don't Stop Struggling VII (3)
sex predators (3)
it doesn't really matter who I kill because I just bring them back to life (3)
Currently, the phrase 'Brit Pack' is often used to describe any disparate group of young British actors and actresses of rising prominence (3)
declaring martial law (3)
that Sandra Bullock is the female Jude Law (3)
wondering how much the tabloids would pay for a Guy Fieri Steve Harwell sex tape (3)
being perceived as a joke (3)
burning Sean Penn (3)
just think, you'll be able to start making porn of yourself fucking Natalie Portman, so there's that (3)
I shall join you in those impure thoughts (3)
that everyone keeps invoking a divorce analogy for Brexit, and you wish they would use something more appropriate, like, say, two dogs gradually decoupling after the knotting subsides (3)
Disney guessing how old you are (3)
special effects in Eighties propaganda movies (3)
Canada gurls, we're unforgettable, moccasins, campaign hat on top, clammy skin so pale we'll melt your Kraft Dinner, oooooh oh oooooh (3)
wondering what they call a sixty nine year jubilee (3)
getting your fist sex girl rants, sir, buying them at the five and dime (3)
not actually knowing what happens with menstruation in Star Trek, like is there a magical pill you take and it just stops or what (3)
that the rachel is back, and she's reading all the regrets (3)
fuck marry kill, Kento, Brian Peppers, Sylvia Browne (3)
kent kent Kento (3)
The pants were meant to say 'animal' but due to a factory error had the word 'anal' on them in large print, just above her bottom (3)
Raydiation (3)
holding a party for Kento's birthday at the Sheraton Addis in the Omo Room (3)
Polanski guessing how old you are (3)
your body is a Disneyland (3)
drawing a picture of Kento being Bussard ramscooped by Geordie and Scottie (3)
hoping it's not "fist or be fisted by a Star Trek cast member" (3)
sucking more than a cowboy's horse (3)
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Lea Thompson but then realizing her daughter is way hotter (3)
that you love the Regret Index but it makes you so regretful (3)
Spider Van (3)
if you hard, then you hard (3)
living in sin (3)
running on childrens panties time (3)
holding the lime (3)
fuck marry kill, Garfield, Bob Geldof, the Bangles (3)
tell me something I don't know (3)
your dyslexia flaring up (3)
incendio (3)
guessing that it's intended to highlight how little certain sections of the voting public actually understand of the geopolitics they profess to have solid opinions on (3)
fuck marry kill, only weirdly cropped, pitchbent Family Guy clips in your YouTube suggestions forever no matter what you do, blowing a guy but he jizzes diamonds & you get to keep the diamonds, spooning Jewel's boobs but also having to spoon Rob Schneider (3)
Jeri Ryan Seven of Nine's Breast Expansion Star Trek Voyager (3)
if there were a John Astin Elly Jackson sex tape, I'd literally pay money to see it (3)
having seen screencaps of Pamela Adlon's nude scene and knowing that if you ever actually saw the video, with sound, you would probably want to kill yourself (3)
the new episodes of Lasagna Cat (3)
drawing a picture of a group of homosexual tearful Texans pulling down their pants after seeing Kento cross the border (3)
Kento needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine, whenever Kento is not being posted about, all the other posters need to be asking "where's Kento" (3)
confusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (3)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Love Her! (3)
that the reboot slash remake of the first Harry Potter movie is expected to be out by twenty sixteen (3)
that I wasn't shaved by any midgets, I found out that something that happened to me is also part of the plot of a movie made at the time it happened (3)
how the Grinch stole the US Federal Gold Reserve, over two hundred police and national guard dead, a nation mourns (3)
the moment you realize you're closer to fifty than to twenty (3)
wondering if the Foreign Legion would have you (3)
shaving my head for this (3)
not really having anything useful to say to people in times of stress, but feeling the need to say something and consequently making a lot of low grade sexual jokes (3)
adopting a special needs child (3)
Xragb (3)
using dirty words in a game of Scrabble (3)
Kate Upton losing her extremities to frostbite (3)
flying back to Kodiak tomorrow and knowing that your family is going to make you go and see Star Wars (3)
that whenever you hear talk of Iceland ash you imagine this scene (3)
that the concept of telepathy and telekinesis is so common in science fiction, even science fiction of the "harder" sort, yet there is absolutely no mechanic outside of pseudoscience to explain how they function (3)
doing Dallas (3)
thinking that butt chugging was the domain of dumbass frat guys, but realizing that it is actually probably practiced more often by the hopelessly alcoholic (3)
inimically toothy sex ho (3)
Pennsylvania Dutch rudders, English (3)
mashing the sack on a table with a hammer, BAMBAMBAM (3)
that time you tried making Kento a wedding cake for his birthday and it all ended in tears (3)
pink mutt pubes (3)
applying for a job at Playboy (3)
BSjWOVis (3)
there's seven inches of snow outside, so i'm thinking of making some chocolate chip cookies for my roommates and i (3)
rating my poo (3)
breakdowns come and breakdowns go (3)
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old (3)
the death of Chris Lydon (3)
Fifteen Surprising Celebs Who Are Jerks In Real Life (3)
drawing a picture of the full roster of the San Antonio Spurs releasing their full morning bladders onto Kento (3)
liking your tea like you like your sex, nonconsensual (3)
not being able to remember his name, thus being forced to refer to Andrew Zimmern as "that guy who eats horse cock" (3)
Woman Who Urinates on Herself (3)
becumming Tom Petty (3)
that you are this close to adopting a child (3)
constantly cumming in Constance Cummings (3)
that you, a sado polyamorist, have bondage, latex, and wam fetishes and tied your significant others up in catsuits then whipped them viciously while a slave poured gallons of thick gloopy translucent or opaque messy substances on them (3)
that whenever someone uses the word "bang" in the sexual sense, you think of this video (3)
that you will probably not live for very much longer (3)
it is probably the most shameful thing in my life (3)
liking your sex like you like your congress, stilted, formal, and culminating in a bill (3)
wondering if you have any great recipes for TOMATOES (3)
two grown men fixating on a teenage boy who runs a topiary store with the older man he lives alone with, a boy who can't seem to get a steady girlfriend despite pretty girls throwing themselves at him (3)
don't even THINK about Jewel, she's mine (3)
wondering if breeding for France automatically means having sex with a twelve year old girl, here in the early twenty first century (2)
not eating the fucking rice (2)
that the moon is lOO% SUPER HOMOSEXUAL (2)
Cosby testifies for seven hours in abuse suit, lawyer says (2)
remember Trump, he's back, in GOP form (2)
Kento came in and wrote one one seven seven three two and someone else with real feelings came in and regretted heart to hearts and there may have been an australian (2)
delicious recipes with dopey names (2)
that it's pretty much just racism (2)
having an apparently false memory of a scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern sticks her arm up a dinosaur's ass and wondering where it came from (2)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (2)
the New York of the F#R#I#E#N#D#S# seems pretty sweet, with the giant ass affordable vermin free modern apartments and the abundance of great jobs (2)
delivering Kento's package (2)
putting the ass in Jurassic Park (2)
I don't drink coffee (2)
no one ever died from mowing a hot cunt (2)
rating Ruth England (2)
pretty much every scene with Obi Wan and Qui Gon (2)
really wishing journalists would write "his passion became aroused" instead of "he got angry" (2)
Thant (2)
that intelligence generally has an inverse correlation with social skills (2)
tasting your own semen 'just to see what it's like' (2)
in light of the horrible attack in Nice, France, I have postponed tomorrow's news conference concerning my vice presidential announcement while I think of something worse than losers to call the French (2)
it you cut down the tree the hedges get more light (2)
Liam Bensson Slammed Over Selfie With Slim Ass Ire (2)
being a minimalist (2)
Vader's Redemption Colon The Imperial March in a Major Key (2)
wondering if a crappy personality quiz on a website calling you the female Shia LaBeouf would be grounds for defamation (2)
being unrapeable (2)
not realising that the best way to get a British bird to drop her knickers is to do bottomlessly stupid things, crikey (2)
that pictures can be hung, but people are always hanged (2)
wondering what Courtney Cox spent so much money on that she still has to work (2)
not knowing offhand when babies begin teething (2)
I don't remember Minnie having tits that nice (2)
eating roast beef off of your own boobs (2)
odd numbered Star Trek movies (2)
The entire refrigerator was smeared with what appeared to be a sludge of some sort, varying in color from red to yellow to black (2)
I get it (2)
Threepio does (2)
testing a hypothesis (2)
touching Leighton Meester's shit (2)
I have no frame of reference for a coffee can (2)
shton Kutcher's inability to play Ashton Kutcher convincingly (2)
masturbating in a public library (2)
that you'd like to connect in an honest way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence (2)
Star Wars' plans to be a billion dollar movie with the help of toy sales (2)
using an oil based lubricant during really hot sex (2)
to avoid complications, she never kept the semen dress (2)
that you would totally bang Clarabelle over Minnie any day of the week (2)
a chilling vision of the end of humanity (2)
North Korea still relies on human excrement to run its government (2)
Which Leonardo DiCaprio Character Is Your Soulmate (2)
wondering what the resident regret index medical expert has to say about the possible adverse reactions of putting mustard on one's penis (2)
bottoming for Beef Blastbody in The Fissure King VII (2)
wondering if there is a special term for fisting two menstruating women at once (2)
banging a minor heroine butt (2)
respectin' the chain o'command (2)
getting Spice World instead of a Bananarama movie (2)
our foreign and domestic policy is mostly going to consist of walking into doors (2)
filling the bath tub with your own fecal matter and drowning a man in it (2)
wondering why fat cats hold such great appeal for humans that, say, fat dogs don't (2)
getting a serious looking face tattooed on one boob and a man's body in miniature beneath with a speech bubble on the other boob and the words "I'm a breast man myself" simply to commit to a very involved joke (2)
an overall ill fit for Vin Diesel's crash pic mural art, (2)
chinnery (2)
meeting Brian Knobbs (2)
wondering how many people ever got a tattoo of shtn Ktchr and how that's working out for them (2)
Stonehenge stones 'spent centuries erected in Wales' before being transported (2)
having a sudden impure thought to milk Winona Rider (2)
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun when you were a kid (2)
feeding a recurrent neural network with the scripts for every episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S# (2)
this ass (2)
to avoid constipation, she never crapped the same address (2)
being Super Ted (2)
guessing that Scarlett Johansson, and most actresses in general, have buttholes in most of the movies they're in (2)
wondering why it is that whenever an American newspaper seeks celebrity comments on an issue related to the UK they always cite JK Rowling first, and wondering if the Biritsh public likewise holds Ms Rowling's opinions in such esteem (2)
just now getting that the "T" in "Mr T" stands for "trouble" (2)
your new dildo being too big for you (2)
I'm going home to sleep with my wife (2)
wondering if there is an alternative cut of Her where Pedomustache Twombly furiously beats his meat, pausing only to order his hapless AI to "say more sexy stuff" (2)
fearing that Ryan will come back, look at the comments, and assume that his regret site has turned into the next grindr (2)
Ariel Winter "Begging" Boyfriend To Get Her Pregnant "ASAP" Is Made Up (2)
not, "per woman", that would be stupid, there's only one and a half gallons in each woman on average (2)
wondering who the hell eats a four pound cake (2)
inside of Bananarama it's too dark to read (2)
realizing that out of your entire high school graduating class, you're probably the only heterosexual woman who is still a virgin and is NOT a hard core Christian (2)
really wishing you'd spent the past few years learning how Adobe Audition works and putting together odd little tracks instead of you know jerkin it to all that porn and such (2)
I should really get some sleep (2)
seeing an ad that you truly have no fucking idea what it's trying to say (2)
seeing that horse get yelled at by that lazy yuppie bimbo for touching her son when the horse just stopped him from running out into traffic because the yuppie mom was too busy playing with her iPhone to pay attention (2)
we should send him fanmail (2)
shaving my ladyparts (2)
Dog With A Butt Plug (2)
Kento's nude, dismembered, entirely shaven corpse being found in a locker at a Topeka bus station last Friday (2)
demisemihemidemisemiquavers (2)
Hoodon Ponottooro (2)
the FBI's gonna pay me to look at child porn (2)
you might have met someone who would possibly have been your Mr Miyagi but he was heavily fined for employing illegal immigrants and you kind of lost track of him (2)
having three Kentos but not being able to train them to do anything except Eiffel Tower each other (2)
Starsuckers (2)
the only fruit juice you had on han was Naked Green Machine (2)
fucking ass (2)
fuck date kill, Earthlink, a straight guy, Sylvia Browne (2)
that most of the music of the nineties seems to have been droning repetitive crap (2)
seriously having no clue what the fuck Kento's problem is (2)
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento (2)
having dyxlesia (2)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Dickgirl Jewel or Fatworld Jewel, but not knowing whether your desire to spoon Jewel's boobs would outweigh your love of women by the pound (2)
hi kento (2)
Go Ikeda alone having orally serviced over seven thousand men since the typhoon hit (2)
this is a California Cheeseburger (2)
liking your women like you like your presidents, black (2)
you mom sucking dicks that don't have cash (2)
wondering why big red dogs hold such great appeal for humans that, say, big red cats don't (2)
still not having seen Teacakes Frown, eh, or Goo En Rue (2)
getting two identical coins and flattening them against each other so that the heads are making out (2)
wondering how you feel about father slash son incest (2)
breaking up with a girl because she didn't believe you when you said your cookie recipe was better with shortening than with butter (2)
hey guys, remember the Scissor Sisters (2)
suggesting the Karate Kid series for your next movie binge, because The Karate Kid III is one of the greatest movies of all time (2)
watching fifteen year old David Blaine "tricks" (2)
i imgur com oneZuIsixmz jpg (2)
Vegan Fuchen (2)
that on a really cold day, pee feels really hot as it comes out (2)
David Pumpkins being less amusing than advertised (2)
SPOILER ALERT Kento dies after getting Eiffel Towered by Lex Luthor and the Death Star (2)
she was tearing your teeth out with puckish glee and her inhumanly strong fingers the whole time (2)
Air China receives criticism in the United Kingdom after it releases an advertisement warning passengers from visiting areas of London populated by blacks, Indians and Pakistanis (2)
Sixty One Percent Of Americans Pee In The Shower (2)
Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee (2)
old speckled hen (2)
doing Bryce Dallas Howard (2)
because it's American made (2)
Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Yttrium Oxygen Uranium (2)
that a year from now, the Regret Index will just be a couple of idiots snickering about pornstar names over and over, plus ca change (2)
guessing that the broad premise of Holy Hal is that a three hundred pound man falls in love with a three hundred pound woman, but he sees her as a nine hundred pound woman and helps her achieve those gains (2)
being c%l (2)
star whackers (2)
wondering how hard it would be to program a self driving car to seek out and collect Pokemon for you (2)
back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer (2)
Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells (2)
being the second most voted on regret, but only being the fourth most discussed slash spammed on regret (2)
the man, the legend (2)
being allowed to choose five celebrities you're allowed to fuck when there were only four Golden Girls (2)
that a duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm, prompting the bartender to ask "cash or charge" regarding the duck's payment method, to which the duck responds "just put it on my bill" (2)
thrusting your penises out (2)
everybody is out of my league (2)
shooting day for night (2)
this ad (2)
telling the potatoes joke (2)
Rick Moranis (2)
Drill My Gay Stepson! (2)
drawing a picture of Sexy Tooth Fairy Rachel Stevens wearing nothing but an impish smile, magic wand, and a bloody necklace made from the teeth and jawbone fragments of the Cocksure American Regrettor Who Does Some Kind of Teaching Job in Denmark (2)
love cuts just like a knife (2)
never getting around to building that sex dungeon (2)
PokeMunchers (2)
special colon contributions (2)
when did we get like this (2)
being poor and buying lottery tickets regularly because shit, it's not like Richard "My island burned down so I had to forego holding models for nearly ten seconds" Branson has any to spare that wouldn't be terribly missed (2)
#walrusgate (2)
demanding respect from a machine (2)
Child found dead in Fenton colon Woman arrested (2)
that you would like your corpse to be partially dried, sealed in some type of resin, then popped like popcorn (2)
provocative and emotional pokemon (2)
Significant works of Rene Auberjonois are on public display at the Aargauer Kunsthaus, the Kunstmuseum Basel, the Cantonal Museum of Fine Arts in Lausanne, the Kunsthaus Zurich and the Werner Coninx Stiftung (2)
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a briefing from the Met Police on the reality of policing London (2)
wondering how a kid could possibly earn pesos (2)
wondering who we should get to play the President in our Hand Job Robot Apocalypse movie (2)
drawing a picture of a dude ejaculating on Kento (2)
Smurfed Hams (2)
what's going to happen is they will come to their senses, and we will all be just fine (2)
the Houston Gamblers (2)
if you're not nesting in a surveillance tower to masturbate, you're doing it wrong (2)
taking the hugest dump (2)
your son gleefully jacking off Jackie Gleason (2)
getting out of my dreams and into Myke Hawke (2)
Bonobono (2)
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Doll Ritchie (2)
Music From Another Room is a romantic comedy that follows the exploits of Danny, a young man who grew up believing he was destined to marry the girl he helped deliver as a five year old boy when his mother's best friend went into emergency labor (2)
After many years of silence, around the same time as the Fifth Holy Grail War would have happened, the Yggdmillennia, a family of magi, openly declares their secession from the Mage's Association, and that they are in possession of the Grail (2)
not having peed on Kento's face yet (2)
hi, I'm Bleached Kodyak, nice to meet you (2)
how weird sexual organs are, I mean really, they're all pretty weird (2)
defending your brazier from Brendan Frasier (2)
wondering why one's true love would give one eight maids a milking and a shit ton of birds, but no mammals for the maids to milk (2)
I use my anus (2)
taking a photograph of Donald Trump blowing Bill Clinton while Prince Andrew watches from a palm tree and masturbates (2)
not really believing a highly paid clinical diagnostician of a prestgious teaching hospital would get home from a psychiatric institionalization on the freakin' bus (2)
wondering whether you would rather have a bisexual fourway with a wookiee, another guy and Princess Leia in a garbage masher on the detention level or get banged by Dickgirl Padme in the middle of the Dune Sea, without a reacharound (2)
Chris Lydon Grabs Kento's Crotch in Attempt to Show Paparazzo What He Really Thinks (2)
privatizing Ryan's privates (2)
Margaret Hilda Thatcher's thick carpet of pubes (2)
trying to give a Regret Index user a hot brown sandwich in the communal laundry room (2)
I have had a golden shower before from a woman and it burned my eyes (2)
Anti Defamation League Declares Pepe the Frog Shit (2)
HP is short for Hard Penis (2)
Werewolf Colon The Apocalypse (2)
milk of amnesia (2)
fuck fuck fuck (2)
helping your uncle jack put on a donkey show, with a matinee on saturdays and sundays and wednesdays too in the high season (2)
that there is an alarming level of Scooby Doo related pornographic fanart out there, and sure you can say that about anything, but Scooby Doo seems to lend itself particularly well to the fantasies of perverts for some reason (2)
fuck marry kill, fatworld Ellie Jackson, dickgirl Rachel Stevens, hirsute Emma Watson (2)
clicking on "I'm Feeling Lucky" when you weren't feeling lucky (2)
running a train on two ho's (2)
facefucking Kento (2)
wondering what the worst thing anybody has ever written is (2)
registering 'my dick is ten inches long' as a trademark (2)
seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactical upsets (2)
wanting to double check with your low key girlfriend from when you were sixteen that she did not in fact get pregnant and never tell you, because maybe being a deadbeat absent dad is better than being forever alone (2)
I happen to like eight year old boys (2)
Pennsylvania Court Says Alien Romps Aren't Public Records (2)
wondering if they called her Jackie O because she was really good at hand jobs (2)
cuties (2)
shaving my legs for this (2)
Not having anyone to send a sexy snapchat to even though you feel capable of taking one of yourself for the first time in your sad life (2)
Now turn around bitch, put that ass on a nigga, grind on his dick make it get a little bigger (2)
holding the line (2)
Winona Ryder is an American actress, most famous for her roles in Beetlejuice, Dracula, and The Crucible (2)
Kenchel (2)
voting yes or no on this regret (2)
don't be fucking facetious (2)
fuck marry kill, Jewel with poisonous breasts that lactate acid when she gets excited, Emma Watson but naked she's like a Barbie with no genitalia and weird articulation points, young Julie Newmar but you're a child and she's a pedophile who abuses you (2)
fuck marry kill, Bob McKenzie, Doug McKenzie, Hayden Christensen (2)
ignoring other people's feelings (2)
Salmon milk comes from the males (2)
that you like your women like you like your coffee,, black (2)
Pregnant Women Warned to Stay Away From Big Willie (2)
saying "I just finished licking a pussy,,, and boy do I have a lot of hair in my mouth!" as a joke thinking the "hair in my mouth" would make people come to the comedic realization that you were licking a cat, totally forgetting vulvae have hair too, oops (2)
typical Lancastrian (2)
wondering if it's too late to keep Alicia Silverstone in a curio cabinet so that you may marvel at her at your own leisure (2)
wanting to give Kento a butterfinger for his birthday (2)
ICheckRaise (2)
incautiously falling for a witch (2)
drawing a picture of Elmo dumping a bucket of frozen walrus semen on Fireman Paff's head, killing him instantly (2)
they travel in herds (2)
realizing that none of the birds that have become memes on the Regret Index taste very good (2)
guessing that at some point the Old Republic had an extreme State's Rights faction take power and basically gut the executive branch (2)
losing your dinosaur at a Virginity Jr concert (2)
wanting to make Kento spontaneously combust for his birthday (2)
Chloe tho (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Bill the Pony (2)
wondering where the plot of Firefly would have gone if it had survived longer as a series, instead of being canceled and resurrected as a movie (2)
drawing a picture of Kento getting St Peter's Basilica'd by one third of the College of Cardinals on each end (2)
what you did to that hobo under the bridge (2)
getting blacklisted (2)
wondering whether you've heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise (2)
punching Sister Beech (2)
fuck marry kill LaVar Ball, Lucille Ball, Ed Balls (2)
spooning Jennifer Aniston's boobs (2)
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina (2)
wondering what it would be like to build a golem out of rejected copies of your resume and have it terrorize the people that refused to hire over the years for petty reasons (2)
Kento being banned from the Regret Index (2)
having to cancel Thanksgiving at your house because you had hyperekplexia (2)
that whenever you hear talk of enchiladas you imagine this scene (2)
basically the first Matrix was kind of OK hokum, then the two sequels were showy garbage that drew heavily on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's technology and probably reference a whole bunch of shit I don't care about (2)
fuck marry kill, Winona Ryder, Ariel Winter, Jewel (2)
elbowing the president in the face (2)
not hooking up with the mohel when you had the chance (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Bill from Kill Bill (2)
Home Alone The Return of the Wet Bandits establishing higher production values and a more convincing plot than Home Alone IV just thirty seconds in (2)
fuck marry kill, Cheers, Wings, Frasier (2)
Harrison Ford injured in peach snarl (2)
just now reflecting on how utterly ridiculous it was to cast Patrick Stewart as a Frenchman (2)
the two ingredients of squirming babies (2)
fuck marry kill, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle (2)
all star by smash mouth (2)
Virgin vs Chad memes (2)
wondering what they put in the nonvegan olive oil (2)
you should legally change your middle name to something really British like Crumpet or Boris or Benny Hill or something (2)
sleeping in the same bed as dago (2)
learning just now that there's just one d in sodomizing (2)
Rick Tailfeathers, Mayor of Duckburg (2)
la Setmana Tragica turtles (2)
The trouble with a 'scientific' argument, of course, is that it relies solely on empirical facts (2)
having non consensual sex with a spring onion (2)
hooking up with this girl l met on the internet (2)
having a beautiful ass (2)
it's no wonder he struggles to grasp the bigger picture (2)
wondering if Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever considered naming his daughter Dog Paper (2)
the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (2)
Teen Choice Awards Colon Miley Cyrus explains her absence (2)
wondering when and why it became gauche for the ultra rich to employ court dwarfs (2)
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after oral intercourse (2)
he was only nine years old so I doubt he caused much damage (2)
thinking that if Kento had hands that were just a little bit smaller, he would make a great "bottom" gay porn star (2)
Number Two Will Make You Weep (2)
they aren't booing, they're saying "Boo ernie!" (2)
doing it without lubrication (2)
tonight there's going to be a jail break, somewhere in this town (2)
Hulk Hogan's skin (2)
that, to answer an earlier regretters question, yes, seven inches is big for an Asian (2)
Elmo porn (2)
Eleanor strikes again (2)
people who praise Scandianivan Socialism while forgetting that the main reason is works so well is that pretty much everyone in Scandinavia is Scandinavian (2)
hearing Lose Yourself playing over the speakers in a supermarket and wondering if it is part of a subliminal ad campaign to boost spaghetti sales (2)
making a old woman cry by calling her an ugly mouse, i'm looking at you, old german lady with alzheimer's (2)
the man in the yellow hat (2)
the death of Kento (2)
cheating on them (2)
putting off seeing like thirty movies with one actor in common for almost a decade, even though most of them were at least kind of OK and some were really very good (2)
looking up adult dance classes but never joining one, if you know what I mean (2)
victory (2)
something is happening here but you don't know what it is (2)
Jabba the Hutt Colon The Art of the Deal (2)
seeing that horse working its way through college as a Starbucks barista being brought to tears by a rude, abusive customer after the horse dropped their mocha latte (2)
Mr Penn wrote that the drug lord ironically called Mr Trump "Mi Amigo!" (2)
comments that make no sense (2)
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Rooted Mr Pecker (2)
dwarf porn (2)
wondering what the criteria one uses to judge one's success as a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth are (2)
I'm sorry (2)
ratemypoo dot com (2)
thinking that if Kento ever snaps and does something terrible to other people instead of just himself, Ryan would hand over our IP addresses in a heartbeat (2)
furry calk milk, Jenny , Sleigh Hero, Lewd Cunt (2)
seeing a picture of Henry Kissinger jacking off in the shower over a bruised and bloodied Kento (2)
freezing a lump of peanut butter in secret, just to see what would happen (2)
fuck marry kill, ten lords a leaping, seven swans a swimming, two French hens (2)
driving your snowblower so hard it explodes in Winter (2)
Pokemon Sucking Dick and Getting Off! (2)
wondering what you died of (2)
the death of Garry Marshall (2)
reading the comments (2)
I voted for Camel McCamelface (2)
Kento's sizzle reel (2)
believing in god (2)
Han dies (2)
meating J's wife, then finishing off on J's mom (2)
Bleachy and the Brit (2)
do you have any idea how much it costs to qualify as a padawan, let alone a Jedi Knight (2)
thinking finding someone ass up before the toilet choked on her own vomit would've been made up for by the three or four years of stress free sexing before she keeled (2)
Kento "Dick Dick Dick" Ikeda (2)
suspecting that Chevy Chase could never have been bothered to even come to set, and they probably just recorded his lines in a porno studio somewhere (2)
the incident has left me feeling tainted and worried that if I am caught short in similar circumstances there maybe someone hiding in the bushes filming me (2)
being Eiffel Towered by all of the walruses in the water park in order (2)
that one of rachel's best friends is a moderately famous softcore lesbian movie star (2)
wondering whether Grover's carpet matches his drapes (2)
The Gay Sisters (2)
taking the chewiest dump (2)
that the swan regrets are not funny, stop it please (2)
he smashed too hard (2)
I want the BEST WOMAN, but I need the WORST CAT (2)
reading that Julian Assange's internet has gone down and Wikileaks believes this was done by "a state party" and thinking no, it's probably his fucking printer shitting up the homehub, or his FourG dongle provider doing upgrades and crippling coverage (2)
the Islamicisation of Christmas (2)
wondering how big an anal ring needs to be to be considered "huge" (2)
hot hairy girls (2)
straddling Kento and pounding his bottom (2)
ranking your meat (2)
sqoou!ug Jamal's doods (2)
a cheeky Nando's (2)
breasts (2)
needing to fuck a midget on your deathbed (2)
Trump wants a much nigger navy (2)
when they made Stephen Fry, they broke the mould, and then they used it to make Kento (2)
once the dj lets it spin it'll penetrate your skin (2)
language (2)
rating Myke Hawke (2)
this extra who just has POOOOOOOOP written on her clothing (2)
that's weird, last night I dreamed that someone came to my home and made me his thirteenth spouse, and Kento was telling me he got fucked thirteen times last night (2)
having to get up in five hours (2)
also not really wanting to talk to Gemma because apparently she lives with Ben, who last you heard was stealing cars for a living (2)
busking (2)
wanking to youth porn, hi (2)
Tupac Shakur's mom dies (2)
trying to conceive of the enormity of a crime or series of crimes that would mandate incarceration for a billion years (2)
naming your band "Wangs" (1)
telling Olive Garden you left all its crap in a box on the sidewalk on your smartphone, leaving out that you kept that sweater that still smells of Olive Garden's musk (1)
being b b bread, bread to the bone (1)
suspecting that all the spam comments are going to break the 'dex again (1)
Queen Elizabeth II caught on camera calling Chinese officials 'faggots' (1)
drawing a picture of Kento sneaking into Arthur the Aardvark's bedroom late at night with rohypnol laced koolaid and a bunch of dildos (1)
viewing Cold War era scaremongering apocalypse porn with the same "I'm so glad I'm not dumb enough to fall for this" attitude as, say, Kirk Cameron's Colon Saving Christmas (1)
really wishing somebody from the paralle universe where the Beatles Lord of the Rings movie was made would stop by and give a brief review because it sounds like it just might be the worst thing ever (1)
A gerbil has been found alive in the anus of an actor whose career burned down five years ago (1)
pitching an original sitcom in which Charles Martinet and Scott Baio play a prominently married couple who make a living playing traditional Mexican music, Mariochachi Band (1)
eating asparagus, then the hugest dump that smells exactly like asparagus (1)
The posting notes that the assailant was "bouta fight her," followed by several emojis indicating that a person was laughing so hard she was crying (1)
Anne Hathaway beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy (1)
infested spring (1)
The brawl continued backstage with Cool and Jesus eventually getting in a car and speeding out of Gund Arena (1)
sniffing markers (1)
putting things directly in Squirrel Girl's ass (1)
wondering who the regretter with the large orange cat is (1)
inexplicably weeping while touching a little girl down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain (1)
not having a jambalaya based on you (1)
that Demi Moore was thrice dominated for the MTV Movie Award for Most Desirable Female but lost all three times (1)
the Pope's movie reviews are considered infallible (1)
wondering if there is a pornstar called Transsexual Eliot (1)
the death of an eight year old child in Twickenham in MMXIII, who collided with a player of British bulldog while playing a different game (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white dogs (1)
going down on Julio down by the schoolyard (1)
shooting your infant child into space (1)
tweeting to a singer that you want to take a shit in her scanties (1)
wondering whether the abdominal pain you've been experiencing is a sign of Kentometriosis (1)
Bono's dog can't get an erection (1)
fuck marry kill, Maureen Flannigan, Donna Pescow, Burt Reynolds (1)
being a misunderstood relatively intelligent person (1)
Annual Pony Rape Bout I (1)
okay there was one apparently (1)
fusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (1)
Mr Bergstrom (1)
I don't want to being a mystery (1)
Twin Long Ronnies #Two (1)
getting groped by a drunken dancing lady in her fifties whose face looks like a wrinkled leather couch (1)
Colon Trump, MD (1)
bird fancier's lung (1)
giving the chariot to Lucy Lui and Lucy Liu (1)
wanking to elderly porn, hi (1)
Iran Contraception (1)
blithely singing "La Marseillaise" in the back of a squad car (1)
the two cartoon dicks JMW Turner painted on The Slave Ship (1)
eating two huge slices of beef pizza (1)
the player who walked in on two long rods (1)
Unreclusive Rapist has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate smaller guests (1)
getting a job as a Kento buggerer (1)
getting yo dick rode all night (1)
getting Byron sauce all round your mouth and down your chin and a little bit on your thighs and some in your hair and a streak over your shoulder with some spattered on your xhest and a thick blob across the bridge of your nose you dirty bitch (1)
Time Travelling Kento coming back to have sex with himself (1)
Monchhichis (1)
Han banged a Tim Burton heroine first (1)
your body is a wonderland (1)
wondering if anyone has actually tried some of the sex acts listed on Urban Dictionary (1)
mmm, Ham (1)
not really NEEDING to fuck a midget on your deathbed, but wanting to (1)
reading comments on the internet anywhere, ever (1)
loving Canada (1)
there's no escaping the chores of the alien this time (1)
Rick Astley is probably not going to be my best friend by Monday afternoon (1)
wondering if you have ever won any Oscars (1)
Any one who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind's eye, quite as much as of the bodily eye (1)
peeling a penis (1)
Wet Horny Annie declines to answer whether he still engages in sexting (1)
fuck marry kill, Mahatma Gandhi, Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi (1)
not being able to think of a better name for a gay porn star than "Vin Diesel" (1)
Operation Paperclip (1)
Go Ikeda, baculum (1)
Oosos (1)
you awful, awful man (1)
I came very close to writing that one (1)
eXXXteme edgy lesbian "that's what she said" jokes! (1)
being insistently told by a friend of a friend that you are a celebrity of some description and having to deny it over and over (1)
two legit two leak (1)
I can call you daddy (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Really Tough Birth' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
Great Balls (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian icons in the same way that Judy Garland, Cher, et al are icons for gay men (1)
finding a picture of Tim Duncan swimming with a beluga (1)
#fresherelfshitanalgate (1)
falling down the rabbit hole of youtube song mashups (1)
Surgeons create anus for girl born without one (1)
shaving a twelve inch gungan (1)
incorrectly guessing Jonathan Avildsen to be a Stunt Man Actor rather than A Terrible Actor Whose Dad Directed The Movie (1)
wondering if Donald Trump has made all his necessary financial declarations for the presidential race yet or whether he's just trying to drive the discussion towards immigants before predictably bowing out (1)
fuck marry kill, Princess Madeleine, Tinky Winky, Steve Harwell (1)
wondering how many people are walking around right now unaware that they have a bifurcated colon (1)
kellie and pete (1)
look at these cans (1)
having impure thoughts about a teenage Danica McKellar (1)
Raccoon Tit Rape Inn (1)
Kento's testicular mass (1)
figuring Ryan will drop by and nuke the comment database again at some point (1)
there ain't no way a stingray is gonna penetrate all that boob meat (1)
having a cardboard booty (1)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated (1)
wondering what Bear Grylls spent so much money on that he still has to eat nutsacks (1)
replicator meat (1)
drawing a picture of Minnie Mouse eat too much finger! (1)
the Imgurian daguerreotype of the horny podcaster (1)
homosexual father (1)
having sex with a doll that looked a lot like Jonathan Taylor Thomas (1)
getting a job at Kento Burger (1)
being a pregnant (1)
trendsbianism (1)
you say that, but it really couldn't be further from the truth (1)
blowing all the jabronis in the wrestling stable out of order (1)
stealing Paris Hilton's cake (1)
turtle ships (1)
honestly, fuck Sting (1)
considering writing "fuck marry kill, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica" and then realizing that it is the easiest answer ever (1)
having no clue who Kento is (1)
hoping that the make a Pokemon based on the candiru (1)
liking your babies like you like your martinis, shaken (1)
wondering who'd win in a kangaroo semen drinking contest, Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain (1)
Californian Mayor Accused of Playing Pork Stripe With Minor at Youth Camp (1)
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! Did we lose a war (1)
my recollection is that she assumes the main character's identity after his death (1)
not knowing what a thoul is (1)
regrets, perod (1)
I have a very plastic sex unit erection (1)
seeing a skittles commercial where a woman kisses a walrus (1)
not lurking more (1)
the kid from Lazytown is a quarter of a century old (1)
Ki Adi Mundi (1)
amusing yourself with terror and murder (1)
having a surfeit of lampreys in the bathroom at church (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian (1)
snarfs TWICE your girth (1)
being raped by a midget (1)
bigger penis (1)
wondering if Hey Jude is about Jude Law (1)
gilding the lily (1)
When you turn the Trump Pence logo upside down, it literally looks like a handjob (1)
a recut of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade which instead draws attention to Henry's abusive upbringing of his son with the exchange "We named the dog Indiana!" "You screwed the dog!" "I screwed you!", in the presence of some baffled and terrified Nazis (1)
delicious artisanal sandwiches (1)
laughing as you hew a rough wooden dildo for Mary Chapin Carpenter (1)
Steamed Hams but its genderswapped erotic fanart (1)
having at least three sphincters on your face (1)
being too sexy for your car (1)
that Dexy's Midnight Runners has some really good words contained in it, including sex, dudes, girth, and Sting, but not having the energy to find a full anagram (1)
castrating a bull before dinner (1)
Donald Trump praises Scots for "taking back control of their country" by voting overwhelmingly to remain in the EU (1)
paddlin' the school canoe (1)
doing Harambe eighteen months later (1)
watching Perfect Body and feeling like it would have been improved by a scene in which Andie attacks a mirror, believing she is a bag of Doritos, mortally wounding herself just prior to winning Olympic gold (1)
kissing that boy in Ithaca (1)
I'm not a chick (1)
playing it til your fingers bled (1)
fuck marry kill, Taylor Hanson, Zac Hanson, Isaac Hanson (1)
choosing Coldcock over Hawtnutz and Vagbush (1)
In order to reach such a size, you need to inject litres into your arm (1)
putting the ass in Cardassian (1)
Donald 'Three Wolf Moon' Trump (1)
rook takes buttocks, check and mate (1)
forcing yourself too deep (1)
this is a rat burger (1)
William Hogarth with his Pug, Trump (1)
wondering if you're going through all the old regrets one by one to learn the history of the 'dex (1)
If you went back in time and told me that in the near future, one of the most nerd accessible directors would make an all female Ghostbusters reboot and it would become this bizarre hill to die on, I would have laughed it off (1)
pizza is the best food (1)
seriously, we should unionize (1)
going round the twist (1)
sometimes missing taking baths as opposed to showering, because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath (1)
V for Vladimir Putin (1)
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Fist Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs (1)
that the regret index is no longer powered by regret (1)
He was subjected to sadistic ragging and in the postmortem a large quantity of tooth paste was found in his rectum (1)
wanting to change every reference to Middle East in someone's website to Middle Earth (1)
wondering what kind of things you often write so that "buggererbig" is in your autofill (1)
Meowth that's right! (1)
giving Kento feminine hygiene products for his birthday (1)
you die of unspecified illnesses (1)
being the dog's bollocks (1)
in sixth grade, hearing a story where some girl supposedly got her first period after taking a hot bath and having sex (1)
looking at pictures of naked ladies (1)
EVACUATING bowels until they IMPLODE (1)
begged incest (1)
just now realizing that you probably could have just poisoned the tea that you gave Obi Wan and Qui Gon, which they eagerly and willingly drank without so much as sniffing it, rather than trying to gas them (1)
thinking you have brain cancer whenever you get a nosebleed (1)
fuck marry kill, Lauren Tom, Kiana Tom, Tom of Finland (1)
Mr Freeze (1)
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers on Twitter (1)
look at this ass (1)
buying a push up bra for the first time (1)
why'd you move to France (1)
A Butt's Life (1)
doing machines (1)
doing Dallas eighteen months later (1)
Quantum Rape (1)
horse to meet you (1)
fuck marry kill, Fatworld Jewel, Dickgirl Jewel, and John Carpenter's The Thing Jewel (1)
Kento requires full rectal reconstruction after being Eiffel Towered (1)
hoping that Kento Claus, soaring through the Christmas night sky on his sleigh pulled by a team of flying walruses, delivers lots of depressing, lonely toys to your house this Christmas (1)
That your central girders would not have given way, At least many sensible men do say, Had they been supported on each side with buttresses, At least many sensible men confesses, For the stronger we our houses do build, The less chance we have of being ki (1)
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn La Marseillaise (1)
Twin Boob Jobs #Two (1)
his face was made for punching, and that's just what you'll do, one of these days he'll get his face punched in by you (1)
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy (1)
marrying young (1)
the texture of a sponge cake is heavily influenced by the mixing technique (1)
talking about poop poop poop muzik (1)
maybe I wanted us to be exclusive, but I was worried about losing you, did you ever think of that (1)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (1)
wondering why Chris Lydon needs to raise money on kickstarter even though he has the money to maintain a harem of fat gay Asian sex slaves (1)
Howard marks (1)
let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite (1)
going crabbing in Sheepshead Bay (1)
Mr Barasch said the lab had shown that people were ready for cruel anal (1)
nobody WANTS to deep throat Stephen Fry (1)
People got their local newspapers for next to nothing in exchange for allowing girdle ads to infiltrate their brains (1)
might The stress Be With You (1)
sith guy (1)
Have Fun With Ants Now (1)
topping for Steve Harwell in Takin' the Back Streets VII (1)
The Bee Movie trailer but every time Cher tweets the volume increases lOO% (1)
that wikipedia claims Eminem made extensive use of the feminine rhyme scheme in his early work, no homo (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Brutal Girthy Hole' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
eating the kid's bollocks (1)
groping breasts (1)
licking another man's genitals in a nonsexual way (1)
Topless female protesters manhandled after disrupting Islamic conference in France (1)
wondering which will prove the better movie, Teen Wolf Too or Mr Magorium's Whorehouse and Toystore (1)
that christopher lydon is the most handsome man on the planet and you will never look like him when you're old (1)
having a dog named Buster (1)
damn, I've been maintaining my amateur status because I want to dog in the Olympics (1)
saying "keep fucking that chicken" (1)
David Dees (1)
introducing the Amazon Prime Regret Index, same day remorse, free and unlimited (1)
not choosing the vegan life (1)
Shia LaBeouf Is Watching All His Movies At Angelika Film Center Right Now (1)
writing crappy dialogue (1)
swans are metal (1)
wondering where that whole "eliminate liquid waste out of your genitals" thing came from (1)
Letitia Dunbar Harrison (1)
supposing we shouldn't really be surprised that a year later Trump still doesn't understand what TIME's Person of the Year is actually about (1)
Five Hospitalized After Tony Robbins Urges Them to Walk Over Hot Coals (1)
that there is no scale akin to bra cup size to indicate the size of asses (1)
such cow cum in a rape vial (1)
wondering who rates dumps and how you can submit dumps for rating, because you've had some that were quite passionate and huge and you would like to see how they measure up (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Kardashian, Kim Cardassian, Nicolas Kim Coppola (1)
being ki (1)
During their private White House meeting on Thursday, Mr Obama walked his successor through the duties of running the country, and Mr Trump seemed surprised by the scope, said people familiar with the meeting (1)
Jennifer Lawrence reveals the two words she wants to say to Donald Trump (1)
poetry, fuck (1)
Popstar Colon Never Stop Never Stopping (1)
the rainbow ruse (1)
not being able to stop Kento putting radiation in little retarded kids' gonads (1)
I'd have called them chazzwazzers (1)
drawing a picture of Eminem fellating Grand Moff Tarkin who evacuates his bowels in his "moment of triumph" if you know what I mean (1)
wondering if a barbecue with Myke Hawke is all fresh killed bison cut apart with a hunting knife, scavenged tubers and roadkill, or brisket and hotdogs marinated in soda (1)
once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back (1)
wishing you could have been a fly on the wall at the studio meetings where the producers kept trying to convince Peter Jackson to fit more Orlando Bloom into the Hobbits, probably going so far as to suggest having two Legolases on the screen at a time (1)
I can't even put a finger on Uranus (1)
liking to know where you got the notion (1)
Barely Scald Geldof (1)
Sting playing the Seinfeld sting (1)
the very idea of a mouth smashing contest (1)
The Black Whores of DC (1)
I would never fuck a dumpster or a dump, don't be ridiculous (1)
chapped teats (1)
fuck marry kill, sexual intercourse, marriage, homicide (1)
wondering how you feel about pony slash recipe incest (1)
Cthreepios's enormous erection (1)
provocative and emotional lesbos (1)
setting s foils in attack position (1)
pingpu peoples (1)
answering the telephone with "fuck you" (1)
Pokemon Lying Flat Against the Ground and Run Away Like a Little Bitch (1)
I agree but where are we going to find an animal with a large enough jaw (1)
wanting a Predator vs Independence Day crossover just for the line "welcome to erf GET TO DA CHOPPA" (1)
thinking that we should roast Kento for about twenty five minutes a pound (1)
your diet of verbal abuse and walrus spoff (1)
the eagles are cumming (1)
groping beasts (1)
I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur bottoming for Red VI in Millennium Porkins VI (1)
always misspelling sodomy (1)
having a kid named Buster (1)
It's World Emoji Day! Teen girls, code an emoji that's unique like you (1)
that the world will end in two thousand twelve (1)
Pokemon Diamonds and Rust (1)
believing you can fly (1)
not choosing the wagon life (1)
Buttadeus (1)
Wrecking Ball chatroulette version (1)
there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world (1)
spurious precision (1)
compagnie 'elle' (1)
Seal mating with a rusty set of bagpipes (1)
being blacklisted for having a leaky colon (1)
which Disney Princess you are (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Il sung, Kim Jong il, Kim Jong un (1)
Toys R Us shuts down after Rihanna tweets about it (1)
throwing a party and forgetting you invited Andrew Zimmern and having to drive all the way to Bulk Knackers to pick up ten pounds of llama cocks (1)
that cut scene from THX OneOneThreeEight in which LUH ThreeFourOneSeven closes the bathroom cabinet too quickly and severs her other hand in the door (1)
Man caught masturbating while watching The Emoji Movie (1)
getting a weight off your chest (1)
one pill makes you larger, and one pill Eiffel Towers you with a wal (1)
that you'll never have a four way with Prairie Dawn, Rosie, and Granny Bird from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same (1)
molesting huge children (1)
I guess we'll both be spending a week whale watching (1)
getting a raw blow from Rob Lowe (1)
I think you'll find it's unfeasibly large Richards actually (1)
we're bullies (1)
going all the way to Butts County and not even meeting the Count of Butts (1)
all the people getting head on graciefilms dot com (1)
Secundus likes to screw boys (1)
ONE Rachel Steven, ah, ah, ah, TWO Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah, THREE Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah (1)
FBI Colon Tycoon Was Extorted By Gay Porn Star (1)
they ruin everything (1)
seeing a guy beg for change outside a suburban grocery store and simutaneously being suspicious and sad for him (1)
trying to find a Christ figure in every work of fiction, including McDonald's commercials (1)
the Island of the Virgin Presidents (1)
to be fair, although she looks like she could drown, she does turn that frown upside down (1)
Trump should deport Nikki Haley (1)
wondering where, hypothetically, Kento falls on the spectrum of most dangerous game (1)
seriously craving some Burger King, but not trusting the one by your house since he asked if you have a sister and whether she was "fun" (1)
Toook x Croog (1)
sarongs (1)
you should have eaten your crusts (1)
wearing your genitals on the outside (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon (1)
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter (1)
realising that Juche has taken a hold of you and you have come to see Kim Jong il and Kim Jong un as the same Glorious Leader (1)
fuck marry kill, Gary Oldman, Gary Numan, Gary Youngman (1)
wondering whether Angel Colon is the gayest name possible (1)
beeing (1)
that Donald Duck doesn't wear pants (1)
girl on girl sex during pregnancy (1)
Prince George tries to grab a bilby (1)
bluh (1)
being a barmacist (1)
having a kid named Annyong (1)
I'm telling you that there is a one to one correlation between eating those raw red bell peppers and the burnt rubber farts (1)
wondering if Woody Allen and Roman Polanski hang out much imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked O face looming over you (1)
Homos with meat (1)
divas can at least sing (1)
that canned asparagus looks like baby poop (1)
that's quite the ask (1)
seriously wondering whether Bryan Adams knows how to pronounce 'Porsche' (1)
the secret sauce of America is innovation and entrepreneurship (1)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid raps from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (1)
Meaty the Cock Elf (1)
sucking on dicks like twenty four seven all weekend (1)
I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell (1)
mononymous singers (1)
wondering what's wrong with jizzing on thousands of flutes and distributing them to ten year olds #kinkshaming (1)
going to that Sausage Festival (1)
fuck marry kill, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman (1)
Sopor Moroo Bros (1)
Michael Jordan Gatorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes! (1)
working on the weekends (1)
doing everything, if you know what I meat (1)
people who say 'eff' instead of 'fuck' (1)
Impressing Any Woman With Big Dick (1)
giant floppy cocks (1)
we're gonna build a walrus pool and make the walrus pay for it (1)
I didn't know they made T cup bras (1)
I want to fuck you like q mineral (1)
thinking that Balkanization in the Balkans was inevitable due to their name (1)
mad black diarrhea of a woman (1)
that Betty White is in her nineties (1)
that your support of and fondness towards the homosexual community gets mistaken as homosexuality by the straight one (1)
giving a hand job to the Smoothie King on request (1)
taking holiday in Brownsville (1)
Mike Pence tweeted that calls to ban Muslims from entering the US are "offensive and unconstitutional" (1)
getting through boring movies by reading things on another device whenever your attention wanders (1)
wondering why the British version of American Gladiators wasn't called British Gladiators, Cheerio, cheerio (1)
feeling it coming in the air tonight (1)
remembering rachel as being legitimately great and wondering how it could be that she's still hanging around the regret index so much after so many years when she could do better (1)
the War on Christmas (1)
nobody mentioning rachel in a regret yet (1)
An American says she fell asleep with a headache and woke up with a British accent, cheerio (1)
creating a script that just prints CHARMING twice and terminates (1)
camgirling (1)
Ketchum man charged with sexual assault (1)
helping your uncle jack off a horse (1)
watching Black Mirror because of the pig thing but being three episodes in and thinking it's much less clever than it thinks it is (1)
the daughter in Home Alone V was also the murderous zombie girl in The Cabin in the Woods (1)
flying All Nippon Airways (1)
honestly wishing you could go back to the time in your life when anything could make you as excited as that crisp made that kid (1)
wondering whether Kento's carpet matches his drapes (1)
leaving mould in a mug for so long that when you finally got round to washing it, it sprayed a blue cloud around the kitchen on contact with water and made you sneeze (1)
that it is impossible to be "so alone" because "alone" is an absolute (1)
confusing hanukkah with bukkake (1)
it really would be too simple to turn a description of a horrible use of sex as a means of oppression into a regret about Kento, Chris Lydon,and walruses (1)
going home and worshipping the moon (1)
wondering if it is possible to ogle something other than breasts (1)
this freakin dog (1)
seeing a headline about Janet Jackson having a new tour and honestly thinking she was already dead (1)
unwittingly accepting an invitation to listen to nine sixth form girls talking about their bra sizes followed by the two next to you having a lesbian affair (1)
those times when you have a really intense, meaningful dream, and you try to explain it to other people but it comes out looking boring and retarded (1)
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Pet Dog Floyd (1)
a beautiful summer's day (1)
women in bikinis bring in donors by standing on a roadside with colorful cardboard signs or posters (1)
wondering how Gary Fisher is taking all of this (1)
ashley simpson naked pictures (1)
cutting off a groin hourly (1)
taking your best girl out to dinner at Chuck E Cheese (1)
fuck marry kill, Jessie, James, Meowth (1)
ODD (1)
this is exactly what I'm talking about, Eleanor has obviously programmed the Mk VII to choose banging a door and actually getting off on it over any kind of sexual activity with me, that whole site is a scam (1)
the way that people at Wikinews pretend like they're actually journalists (1)
A woman was shot in the vagina and left with "life changing injuries" in a sex game gone wrong (1)
rewriting Regret Index Colon the Movie as Two Jerk Guys (1)
Kento Diet Can Ruin Your Rectum, Podcasters Say (1)
that it's really hard to hold those cups in your hooves (1)
only having one cup (1)
one user pretending to be Matt Damon, who has posted the words MATT DAMON (1)
wondering how the test went (1)
filthy experiences (1)
this guy right here (1)
wondering, in the admittedly unlikely event that you should have kids, how you could possibly explain to them the crazy Summer of Ninety Nine in which the Matrix and All Star were at the top of their respective fields (1)
being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile (1)
anyway, if "fisting or being fisted by a Star Trek cast member" is on your bucket list, I'm pretty sure that Takei would oblige you either way (1)
misleading the Senate, that's a paddlin' (1)
taking a dump so big your pants fit better (1)
it's hard to grasp (1)
nobody measuring dickgirl Rachel Stevens in a regret yet (1)
bottoming for Ronnie O'Sullivan in Two Fisted Snookering VII (1)
hypnagogic jerks (1)
I'm going to assume that you died (1)
Cumbag Steve (1)
wishing you were named Rob so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just got Robbed!" (1)
rating the third and fifth installments of Home Alone as the best in terms of acting, the third and first as the most original in terms of story, the first and second the highest in terms of set piece violence and endearing self awareness, and the fourth (1)
spitting blood when you brush or floss (1)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on CigarSlits (1)
The Shining really is a great name for a romcom (1)
wondering what will become of the US Army's storied Fifty Seventh Dickgirl Brigade (1)
that's the dumbest joke I've ever made (1)
Vatican sacks gay priest after highly public coming out (1)
It's the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown (1)
Facegrindr (1)
this freakin horse (1)
Ann Veal (1)
knowing the date you last ate jalapenos (1)
Martian Anus (1)
fuck marry kill, Myke Hawke, Bear Grylls, James Wesley, Rawles (1)
kind of wanting to write a novel, and then accidentally having it turn into a semiautobiographical allegory (1)
The lady just looked at me, looked at my writing of mysterious formulae, and concluded I was up to no good (1)
wankin' at the car wash (1)
The Town That Got Fucked By Bears (1)
always imagining Kento to be a neat freak (1)
Nabooian nerve knockers (1)
Donald Trump, Jr Says President Trump Would 'Get The Wall Started' in The First lOO Days (1)
Pamela Anderson says she's sucked a lot of cock to get where she is today and doesn't 'want to hear that she shouldn't have had to gobble a couple of yards of pork' (1)
that you once wrote "bite my shiny metal ass" into a four hundred year old book, just because you could (1)
Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I'm going to cut your fucking throat (1)
shootin' some bystanders outside of the school (1)
wondering whether Alfonso Ribeiro is the black Alex Winter or Alex Winter is the white Alfonso Ribeiro (1)
that's a helluva penis (1)
oh so no one was gonna tell me there was a big senior penis behind my ass for my head pictures (1)
Donald Trump's campaign slogan (1)
opening the door, getting on the floor, having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon, they look more like Leo DiCaprio (1)
fuck marry kill, Gene Hackman, Gene Hunt, Gene Talia (1)
finding out that Richard Donner directed "Nightmare are Twenty Thousand Feet" (1)
going bananas at a CE Ape gig (1)
wondering whether Kento got blown a lot last night, because rachel sure did (1)
remembering way back on THIS 'dex when we hit TWENTY thousand regrets and it seemed like an absolutely mindboggling impossible number (1)
The kind of situation when you are standing at a urinal looking like your doing something perverted because you can't find the opening to your underwear (1)
skin (1)
I'm gonna call you Charlie Brown (1)
having a concept for an audio book series in which you actually read the book in real time, just not out loud, and offer the resulting audio unedited for sale, but not living anywhere quiet enough to do it even if you still had the means to record it (1)
porking Leonard Nimoy in Hobbit Hole VII (1)
betting your right nut on a pair of jacks (1)
fuck marry kill, James A Garfield, Andrew Garfield, Garfield (1)
this is the worst website ever (1)
just now realizing that Madonna's "Like a Prayer" is about a blow job (1)
seeing a picture of Winston Churchill in a skintight bathing suit that clearly outlines his cock and balls (1)
your might in the slit (1)
having beautiful breasts (1)
wondering whether Home Alone III onward continued the trend in the first two of teaching young children that every creepy old person is actually really nice and has nothing but your best interests at heart (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the library in you small home town (1)
A man who posted step by step updates as he pleasured himself with the stomach of an anglerfish ended up in hospital (1)
Animorphs, the most beautiful lie (1)
fuck marry kill, Los Angeles out of Blade Runner, New York out of The Fifth Element, whatever shithole that's supposed to be out of the Spice Up Your Life music video (1)
fold over glans (1)
Another Slingshot Ride, Another Wet Cunt (1)
Bononian Rufa fellates Rufulus (1)
being a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster (1)
Some people are kind of Scottish, or maybe, um, uh, afraid, and you're trying to persuade (1)
honestly thinking that most people brushed their teeth in more less the same way (1)
Pool McCortnoo ond Wongs (1)
dissembling to keep yourself from rambling on about invisible lines of force, dedication to form and the innate sensual beauty of cooperative gymnastic activity (1)
fuck marry kill, Harambe, Binti Jua, Jambo (1)
Jennifer Love Hewitt's Boobs Worth $five Million (1)
wondering how many unique words appear in Butthumping but not enough to bother counting (1)
getting mayonnaise all over your face (1)
hand fuck railroad (1)
you pay Miyagi (1)
dat boi!!!! (1)
I'm pretty sure you're going to be SUED into oblivion, in England (1)
Afro Samurai (1)
dropping Dubai on London (1)
thinking there should be some kind of porn where "Han shot first" is central to a scene by now (1)
wellie wanging (1)
apparently favoring Senior Man over Boy every time, which implies that Kento is a state achieved by osmosis (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cod in the past decade (1)
The next thing I know, I'm on the floor and my arms are paralyzed (1)
the dummies inside the phonebooth when it transits into the time circuits on Bill & Ted (1)
Dew Dork Tiggerwillies (1)
feeling like a potentially less effects heavy and more kid friendly X Man would be Miceman (1)
Kento, in a lime green thong, being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon in a lime green thong and a walrus in a lime green thong (1)
that you should always eat balls in pairs (1)
All The President's Covfefe (1)
in for a penny, in for a pound (1)
any hole's a gold (1)
Harold Pinter writing a harlequin play starring Hayden Panettiere licking HP sauce off of Harry Potter's hard penis (1)
u musak qt (1)
secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares (1)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (1)
wondering why you would need orange socks (1)
noting that it seems that Kento and rachel often show up at the same time and suspecting once again that they are the same person (1)
regrets about pony blowing (1)
tattooing PENIS on your penis (1)
wondering if it is still rape if you go back in time and prevent it from ever happening but retain the memory like in tv shows where they time travel (1)
drawing a picture of Uncle Phil taking the hugest dump on a pizza while Will goes Big Willie Style on the stuffed crust (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Penn Jillette and a camel (1)
imagining the first meeting between Hayden Christensen and Hayden Panettiere, where he slowly says "In my country Hayden is a boy's name, eh" and she nods and smiles politely while trying to think of a reason to leave (1)
snapping teeth out of my jaw after a failed pass attempt (1)
Carrie Fisher's dog Gary Fisher joined Instagram (1)
liking your women like you like your steak, blue (1)
not wanting to be a dick but also wanting to know who actually calls it Beef Burgundy, Beef bourguignon, boeuf bourguignon, or boeuf a la Bourguignonne, not boeuf a la duche de Bourgogne (1)
fall over dongs (1)
just kind of going "oh, that" (1)
that No Scrubs can basically be summed up as "poor people will die alone" (1)
Luke McCarthy, XXVIII, is said to have made a woman drink his blood before sinking his teeth into her thigh (1)
replacing all vowels with o (1)
Kids, consuming wieners with ease (1)
the fact of almost incestuous breeding (1)
Gary Glitter signs to produce soundtrack for Meaty Six Incher Colon The Jared Fogle Story (1)
google just being one big fucking swan (1)
not remembering the time we established that Kento has an annual sodomy session with David Cameron, but not doubting it did occur (1)
fuck marry kill, Will Smith, Robin Williams, Shaqille O'Neal, Barbara Eden (1)
for me it's always going to be NPor, closely followed by RSte and EJac (1)
the world is not a tangled knot of failure (1)
Assmeblers Take to Streets to Calm Tense Ukrainian City becoming ASSMEBLERS QUIET UNREST IN CITIES IN EAST UKRAINE after an article revision (1)
Oliveira booted the teen out of the room they were sharing at the Olympic Village in Rio so she could enjoy a "marathon sex session" with Brazilian canoeist Pedro Goncalves (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cock in the past decade (1)
smashing the canoptic jar containing Kento's penis, so that his spirit will be impotent in the afterlife (1)
naming your raggy do (1)
seeing the picture of David Jeffers and wondering how Adam Duritz and Tim Curry managed to keep their love child secret all these years (1)
wondering if the listing of Avril Lavigne on Marilyn Manson's "associated acts" page is vandalism, or if they actually did collaborate on something (1)
His brother Khalid blew himself in the Brussels subway (1)
never really understanding the appeal of Bill Murray (1)
my ass for my senior pictures (1)
damne (1)
cushion for the pushin (1)
that regret number twenty nine on the old regret index was "X Men Three" with a hyphen between X and Men but it can't be replicated because hyphens are not allowed now (1)
The Hurt Focker (1)
drawing a picture of Spiderman being Empire State Buildinged by Ayn Rand and Lord Byron (1)
retiting early (1)
Disco Fries (1)
never having had a boyfriend, as you are a heterosexual male, although that doesn't explain why you've never had a girlfriend (1)
Maple Fever (1)
that what Return of the Jedi needs is a shot of Nien Nunb's widow tearfully weaping over his photo after he died due to a black alert at Dantooine General Hospital years after the Battle of Endor (1)
Candide Thovex (1)
#feelparis (1)
putting a little false foreskin on your penis when you disguise yourself (1)
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this guy out the window twenty years ago" moment (1)
titter, the porno version of twitter (1)
my spoon is too big (1)
You probably have herpes, the WHO says (1)
not being able to believe it's not butter (1)
the Hogwarts Raping Hat (1)
Carrie Fisher sending regular anonymous parcels of sand to Hayden Christensen, just for laughs (1)
guessing that Peppa Pig just has Pedro Pony put it in her butt to avoid getting pregnant with some kind of equuporcine abomination (1)
giving me fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight (1)
I, Zach Assymoth (1)
accidentally befriending the neighborhood skunk, who now, when she sees you, bounds over to you cheerfully in an alarming way, although it's really quite cute (1)
wondering whether Trump was bragging or y'know actually bragging about shooting a man in the middle of fifth avenue (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the librarian in you (1)
that Kento's armor is Hardrock, and his Virtue is Gi (1)
What's inside a Furby Connect (1)
Let me hear the sound you'd make if you were slashed in half by a sword (1)
Donald Trump, a billionaire son of New York City, did not make a single charitable donation to any of the not for profit groups that provided aid to survivors, rescue workers, or the families of cops and firemen who died trying to save others (1)
separating the men from the boys at a NAMBLA convention (1)
they're the worst (1)
eiffeltower dot com (1)
getting blacklighted (1)
Billing Kento's Murrays (1)
no scrubs, no homo (1)
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly (1)
I use my penis (1)
that alex could be short for either alexander or alexandra, thus not clearing up the question of whether sa is female or male at ALL (1)
Martin Anus (1)
the relentless progress of the spambot (1)
seeing a meme showing a physical resemblance to Biff Tannen and wondering whether there was actually some kind of thing like that going on, like he went back in time and gave a copy of "New York Real Estate Trends of the Twentieth Century" to his grandfat (1)
enjoying Patty Duke (1)
the death on the set of Welsh Rape Caress I all but guaranteed the shelving of Welsh Rape Caress II (1)
going into the future, seeing the apocalypse, going back in time and being turned into an Iron Man on the way, who can't then communicate what you have learned of the possible doom of the planet to the humans of the present day, so yo go mad and start cho (1)
I thought you'd stopped that chopshop body mutilation stuff (1)
windowless vans (1)
having no idea what a klinoppe is (1)
wondering if Prince realized how rich he was (1)
butt bustin' makes me feel good (1)
Easy D (1)
that whenever you hear talk of Danish lace you imagine this scene (1)
fuck marry kill, dead, asleep, dreaming (1)
drinking alone during the day (1)
X Men Burgers and Fries (1)
in the winter time when the weather is low you still get drunk even on the road (1)
dat boi (1)
Fifty Plates of Jaffles (1)
she orders that coffee be boiled for five days, ready for their anniversary (1)
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to adamDRIVER (1)
wondering what the Rapture's policy on implants and transplants is, like are there going to be a bunch of people whose organs get raptured and will there be silicone or saline in the afterworld (1)
feeling like you need to sleep with one eye open (1)
playing "Ebony and Ivory" on a grisly violinlike instrument whose strings are made from the penises of James Avery, Reginald VelJohnson, Ewan McGregor, and Liam Neeson, and which is played using a bow made from Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormli (1)
fuck marry kill, bustin', buskin', breastgasm (1)
Ten Thousand Top Blondes (1)
feeling like you've really missed out on the smartphone era by not having sex and putting it in cloud storage like a normal person, but consoling yourself with the knowledge that some guy probably had a good look through your webcam without you knowing (1)
how lame and folksy a lot of Guns n Roses sounds to your adult ears (1)
Waking up to dick pics and ugly faces, why do I talk to these people (1)
USA (1)
finding a charming map on wikipedia that appears to be a ten year old girl's social studies homework (1)
that "Kento" is actually a ten thousand year old Sumerian demon that prolongs its existence by possessing human hosts, gradually turning them overweight and socially retarded until they kill themselves, then moving on to a new host (1)
not being a big gay guy (1)
bride fancier's lament (1)
Transsexual Eliot (1)
wondering, and not for the first time, what the fuck is wrong with us (1)
Kento's golden ratio (1)
getting gaslighted (1)
screwing everything up so badly (1)
Terrorists caught in bikinis after performing bizarre midnight drag routine in the jungle (1)
that you do not believe that anything written about you on this website could shock you at this point (1)
twelfth of never on the sand (1)
Man Eats CCLV Peeps in V Minutes (1)
what list (1)
constructing a simulacrum of a nude Hulk Hogan using several large hams, a pile of loose straw, and a baby carrot (1)
He liked to post innocent looking links that led to a photo of a My Little Pony doll he had jerked off on (1)
the extreme danger of getting trichinosis from walrus meat (1)
Kim Jong nam really looking like the Asian Dom Deluise (1)
going mad and starting cho (1)
the moment you realize you're still closer to twenty than you are to sixty (1)
swimming in the same tank as Kento (1)
having literally never heard of Robert Irvine until just now, cheerio (1)
knowing the Foreign Lydon wouldn't even ask (1)
being the map (1)
Mortal Kombat Two Colon Annihilation (1)
ogre pair (1)
rumour swept London that a pig faced woman was living in Marylebone (1)
managing to miss picture day almost every year in high school, and not being in any clubs, so that you weren't really in your yearbooks at all (1)
wondering if there is bad blood between John Goodfuck and Dong Goodman over who first had the idea of becoming a John Goodman parody gay porn star (1)
that apparently it's okay to photoshop dicks into the mouths of some women but not others (1)
fuck marry kill, dickgirl Maya the Bee, Pedro Pony, Clifford the Big Red Dog (1)
wondering what your favourite meme is (1)
sucking her left TWO until she had a breastgasm (1)
Bathynomus giganteus (1)
Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there (1)
piledriving (1)
the way that Chris Lydon always says "that'll do, pig, that'll do" to you after you have sex (1)
looking at porn (1)
you're gonna miss me when I'm gone (1)
a landslide of Edward Snowden (1)
fuck marry kill, FDR, JFK, LBJ (1)
An Ohio entrepreneur has filed an application to trademark the name of Harambe (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (1)
this is now difficult to interpret (1)
Based on advice from his grandfather, Peter decides to camp on Erica's lawn until she realizes that she loves him (1)
hitting Big Jake (1)
the singer of the Pokemon Battle Frontier theme song sounding like Tom Petty (1)
Selling black puddings, a penny a pair (1)
that the fifth Google result for "Bicoid Babe" is "Bicoid Babe's asshole fountain" (1)
writing that fanfiction where Kento and Chris Lydon are captured and raped by hugecocked African savages and they have to fight their way out with machine guns and then they have butt sex (1)
monstrous pike (1)
An MEP from Denmark's centre right ruling party has defected in protest at government plans to seize valuables from refugees to help fund their stay in the country (1)
wondering if there is a median point where the curves of insane through too much sex and insane through too much money intersect, and whether it is reached sooner or later than in the natural state when money is exchanged for sex (1)
fuck marry kill, Courteney Cox's head on Jai Courtney's body, Jai Courtney's head on Courteney Cox's body, Courteney Cox except she has Jai Courtney's cock (1)
Look but just wishing someone you showed interest in would and day show interest in you (1)
No Bollock S Club VII (1)
Dipsy (1)
drawing a picture of Yentl being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus, oy (1)
not fighting for the rights of other people to post video of you banging your friend's wife on the internet (1)
accidentally implying that Frank Sinatra had sex with his hot daughter (1)
fighting over territory with those ants (1)
not being able to make things right (1)
Clockwork Smurf's favorite trick is eating smilax leaves, turning them into hot smilax soup and giving them to his fellow Smurfs (1)
peg toodle pip pork, Simon Pegg, Pippa Middleton, Peppa Pig (1)
having never seen any of the new Batman films because they came out after Star Wars Colon Episode II Colon The One That Made You Stop Wanting to Go to Movies (1)
animatio, a blowjob from a puppet (1)
Pokemon Cum (1)
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot (1)
glove in you is medical malpractice, making no fault damages payments is all I wanna do (1)
'The Movie Where Matt Damon Starves on Another Planet' Wins Comedy Award at Golden Globes (1)
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Jim West (1)
Utah judge calls ex Mormon ROOK convicted of rape a 'good man' (1)
asking the genie for a tweve inch pianist and he gave you a twelve inch penis instead (1)
the death of Gary Shandling (1)
Some genius has finally invented vegan cola that doesn't taste like ape crotch (1)
the fact that Gene Roddenberry is no longer alive to clarify the positions of Fictional Marina Sirtis's breasts (1)
excellent (1)
all those bad things we said about Bono a while back (1)
blowing Miss Daisy (1)
wondering how Kento writes his name in kanji (1)
I cannot conceive of such a thing (1)
popcorn, peanuts, looking at big butts (1)
Francesco Uttini (1)
riddling Scots with Ridley Scott (1)
a cum fart tsunami of Edward Snowden (1)
not asking her out, and then regretting it for five fucking years, but in a lighthearted way (1)
National Orgasm Day (1)
who are you his mother (1)
wondering whether go around bragging to other girls about how deep their vaginas are (1)
Apple Colon give us your fuckin' money (1)
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a gay man (1)
regrets about Ponyta blowing (1)
Nens "Hasty" Chrideen, of the Great Empire of D'C'Naa, he (1)
going for a four whore drive (1)
It was not clear if Team Clinton sought to publicize the photo to show Sanders, a champion of the working class, at an exclusive locale or if the goal was to circulate an unflattering picture of a septuagenarian in a swimsuit (1)
wondering what a man's parents think when they find out he died being buttfucked by a horse (1)
Orly (1)
learning to say 'where is the bathroom' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'where is the bathroom', that may be all I need to know" (1)
shellchested busted nut buns (1)
wishing you had better computer skills so you could make a "Look at this Braff" Nickelback video (1)
posters in the amazing Regret Index may be older than they appear (1)
Miley Cyrus is Full of Spunk (1)
Birds can be drawn to the scent of plastic (1)
winning Oasis (1)
being followed on twitter by a guy named BLAZING HOMOSEX (1)
wondering whether Sesame Street has dialed back Elmo since the Kevin Clash scandal (1)
feeelings (1)
being the hardest man in Ireland (1)
semen slander (1)
A raid is underway at Google's (1)
really needing to get around to peeling off Kento's face bees (1)
imagining Her to be a female version of Him from Powerpuff Girls (1)
the idea that what we're doing right now is really remarkable or important just because, as far as we know, we haven't done it before (1)
that Sambo Chuppers was a horrifying chimera of Sarah, Jimbo Wales, chubb d, and Brian Peppers (1)
wondering if Trump's entire presidency is just a huge scheme to clean up by gambling on the date of his impeachment (1)
fuck marry kill, Diane, Rebecca, Carla (1)
taking those Thanksgiving themed erotic photos of Kento wearing nothing but a pilgrim hat and a turkey drumstick covering his genitals (1)
spending an evening drinking Tropicana, watching Oz and the twentieth episode of season three of TNG for no reason (1)
Oasis (1)
that we're almost out of people born in the nineteenth century (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white kids (1)
Steamed Hams but it's dubbed by the DK Rap (1)
a great and incredible unit of eight individual females brought together by common interests of wine, cheese, and dark chocolate among many other indulgences (1)
talking about cunnilingus while performing cunnilingus (1)
M Knight Shyamalan (1)
hot dark matter (1)
I and I gon give yuh dah axe, mon (1)
Matt Damon Says He Knew Harvey Weinstein Was a 'Womanizer,' Not a Predator (1)
tweeting to a celebrity that you want to take a shit in their skull (1)
Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum (1)
bottoming for Little Mix in Glory Holes (1)
fuck marry kill, Staci Keanan, Paul Reiser, Greg Evigan (1)
Luke Starmuncher (1)
you're the expert on that (1)
the Mistake by the Lake (1)
polishing your award (1)
In snooker, swapping the cue from one hand to the other in order to gain easy access to an oblique shot was long thought to be disrespectful, though more recently it has come to be accepted, especially since Ronnie O'Sullivan has dominated the world game (1)
bottoming for a horse in A Horse and His Boy, Kento (1)
there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse (1)
hearing from the internet that a TNG reboot is in the works and not knowing what to believe (1)
having second thoughts about doing fa (1)
"terrible" China, "totally corrupt" Mexico, "a total mess big crime" Germany (1)
three dudes stone cold chillin' in a hot tub (1)
Lucy Liu kneads dough with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo (1)
he just joined the pony club (1)
that coming five or six times in about thirty hours makes it so difficult to masturbate (1)
the tedium of a porno film you've never seen but already know the boners of the plot to (1)
seeing a photo on wikipedia and wanting to give it the alternate title of "The Evolution of Guys Who Hang Around Children's Playgrounds Too Much" (1)
Pokemon Extraordinarily Long Penises and Gonopores (1)
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