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telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to stow you in her vagina?
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recent regrets

having a leaky colon
supposing we shouldn't really be surprised that a year later Trump still doesn't understand what TIME's Person of the Year is actually about
wondering what you got blacklisted for
surprise regrets
streaming video from you
leaking video from you
Smoke Rings was unavailable for comment
WATCH Colon Leaked Video Alleges To Show Malia Obama Blowing Smoke Rings
the death of Rosemary Billquist
stabbing Will Smith with a corkscrew, pig willy style
Rebekah Vardy says it's sexiest to make women be penis on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
signed, Rebekah Vardy's first husband who wants to see her suffer apparently
Rebekah Vardy needs to get her tits out and shut up
Rebekah Vardy says it's sexist to make women eat penis on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
She really was solemnly telling me that we had got to have prison ships because she had got some more campaigns coming, which is one of her specialities
scar tissue that I wish you saw
Joke of the Day with Liv Aguilera
Pornstar Joke of the Day with Cassidy Klein
Pornstar Horror Stories with Kento Ikeda
Pornstar Horror Stories with Claire Robbins
[ show all 131961 regrets ]

recent comments

(1) supposing we shouldn't really be surprised that a year later Trump still doesn't understand what TIME's Person of the Year is actually about
(1) doing Dallas eighteen months later
(1) doing Harambe eighteen months later
(1) castrating a bull before dinner
(2) North Korea still relies on human excrement to run its government
(4) wondering how it is possible that Sisqo's costume from the Wild Wild West video is not in the Smithsonian's "Gayest Things of All Time" exhibit
(3) don't even THINK about Jewel, she's mine
(1) wondering what a man's parents think when they find out he died being buttfucked by a horse
(2) Kento's sizzle reel
(1) getting gaslighted
[ show more ]

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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
spam fritters (1.0000)
your dyslexia flaring up (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
doing Harambe jokes eighteen months later (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
not having met ryan north (55)
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship (37)
learning all the elements in the periodic table in order (32)
that Kento's birthday passed a week ago and you didn't even have a chance to make him a sandwich (32)
still only seeing black, white, and blue (30)
the actress (29)
wondering whether the kids who are, say, three or four years old now will eventually develop their own interests or if they will be cursed to be nothing but proxies for their dumbass manchild fathers' lost youth and be doomed to like Star Wars for eternit (26)
opening new cider (25)
meeting Brian Peppers (21)
that we can post actual imgur links to comments now (20)
wondering what it is that you do (19)
wondering what question you want to ask (19)
imagining the images on an amazing Regret Index calendar and then throwing up in your mouth a little bit (17)
moralmachine dot mit dot edu (17)
She neglects to mention that her grandson's withered, inbred cock lacked the power to successfully impregnate a woman naturally (16)
saying that name, you know the one, three times (15)
wondering whether you've entered some kind of "Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Cunnilingus on Her!" contest or something (15)
Kento (14)
President Housekeeping, starring Hulk Hogan (13)
being cancelled with a mild but acceptable cliffhanger, then being brought back through the efforts of your fans and to show your thanks, giving said fans an even more frustrating cliffhanger in a bid for more episodes which obviously won't be made (13)
For political reasons, the classification of "honorary white" was granted to immigrants from Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, countries with which South Africa maintained diplomatic and economic relations, and to their descendants (12)
getting a tattoo of a woman fellating a horse on your hip (12)
firing a gullet pun indiscriminately at seagulls (12)
cutting off your long hair (12)
that, okay, to be honest your natural reaction to any kind of interaction initiated by the opposite sex is to consider forming a crush on them (12)
payin' anything to roll the dice (12)
not being able to finish anything you've ever started (12)
having a hell of a dream (11)
wondering what happened to YOU to make you hat the french so much (11)
trying to befriend a Regret Index user (11)
wondering what the other three countries you've lived in are (10)
really needing to get around to peeing in Kento's face (10)
I'm the stranger thrilling an A bra (10)
Females are fifty percent more likely than males to switch hands while masturbating (10)
wondering if it is possible to grab your own head and rip it off (10)
forgetting sarah marshall (10)
having sex with Oasis (10)
that the comments here came back (10)
wondering whether you would rather have your penis removed entirely or get to keep it but have pain every time you get an erection (9)
what you do for a living (9)
wondering why you want to bang a Katie all of a sudden, anyway (9)
thinking of starting dating again (9)
what some people jack off to (9)
wondering if you wrote the comment on two two seven oh one (9)
seeing a car with HOO on the license plate and feathers on the mirror (9)
falling into that nest of gungans (9)
checking this site after many, many years (8)
not having any self esteem (8)
drawing a picture of a female human of indeterminate age with an ass like a ten year old boy having her buttocks spray painted teal by Pikachu and Weedle (8)
it's still better than having him sucking on your left one until you have a breastgasm (8)
lining up a zinger about Rebecca Black and celebrity but having to concede that she's doin' OK (8)
remembering that scend in Pokemon where Ash kisses that Latias in human form, and thinking that's probably Kento's best bet (8)
that you were honestly kind of relieved when it looked like the regret index was broken because it meant you didn't have to think about things like Jonathan Frakes peeing on Patrick Stewart's head any more (8)
not going all the way (8)
discovering the depths of your personality and finding out which movie star could play you! (8)
Jeb Bush Would Time Travel and Kill Baby Hitler If Given the Chance (8)
deleting your MyFace tweet account book (8)
trying to think of someone with a more punchable face than Matt Damon (8)
making a neutral face (8)
wishing that each wikipedia page had a view count on it, because you really want to know how many people have needed information on, say, "Benin at the twenty twelve Summer Paralympics" (8)
wondering which you would choose, to be a lesbian with a penis or a straight man with a vagina (7)
I already have one, I'm not even using it, would you like it (7)
#piggate (7)
wondering which you would choose given the option of either speed dating everyone on your Celebrity Bang List with the ability to mix and match, or cruising around on a luxury yacht all day with no more than ten of them (7)
wondering which will come first, reaching one hundred thousand regrets or Kento having sex (7)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Katy Perry (7)
Luke never even asks about his mother (7)
really having no interest in professionally produced porn (7)
wondering where the line between porn film and birthing video lies (7)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid rapes from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (7)
have you already started (7)
not being Kento (7)
constantly eating from a bag of lollies and being unable to stop (7)
Your comment must be in English or it will be removed (7)
that you would gobble up Alice Eve if you were not in a relationship (7)
this guy right here (7)
wondering who Tabitha on regret two zero six eight was and how she found the index (7)
having a spinning back kick that could fell an oak tree (7)
wondering if using pinto or black beans in chili will make it taste any different than chili with kidney beans (7)
the death of Richard Bonehill (6)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Urolagnia on Her! (6)
fuck marry kill, a shoe, a pony, a carrot (6)
wondering if there is a glory hole equivalent for butt stuff where you just jam your cheeks up against a dinner plate sized hole and wait for people to come and do stuff to you (6)
throwing a coin which inadvertently smashed the rear windshield of my teacher's car, btw kinetic energy is a bitch, and got me suspended (6)
Toblerone is facing a mountain of criticism for changing the shape of its famous triangular candy bars in British stores, a move it blames on rising costs (6)
wanting to make Kento love SPERM for his birthday (6)
not helping an older woman down the steps (6)
not asking her out again, when she would have said yes the second time (6)
not having anything against Cameron Diaz but seriously wondering how she became the highest grossing actress in US box office history (6)
I have very unrealistic expectations (6)
Rob Schneider doesn't count (6)
we should watch Daredevil for the next liveregret (6)
Theresa May bragged about Britain being world's fifth largest economy, After her speech, it dropped to sixth (6)
fuck marry kill, a Vulcan, a Klingon, a Romulan (6)
that walruses, goats, and swans represent the Leviathan, Behemoth, and Ziz, respectively, of the regret index (6)
that you actually got one of those smoking gun quizzes right (6)
drawing a picture of Luke, Wedge, Biggs, and Porkins making a trench run on Kento (6)
using the screen name "black guy plus white girl equals hot" (6)
will no one rid me of this meddlesome prifefe (6)
playing Entry of the Gladiators over the Republican National Convention coverage (6)
that a pretty brunette girl, late teens, stranded on the beach, wearing a becoming bikini bottom, flip flops and sweatshirt, to whom you lent your cell phone to call for a ride, smiled up winningly at you, batted her long lashes, then thanked you as "Sir" (6)
wondering what it is like to be a female celebrity and know that at any given moment there are at least several hundred guys masturbating to you (6)
do you have a plan or do you just like to watch me like a zoo animal (6)
shitting in her mouth (6)
wondering what a half centaur would look like (6)
wondering if there even is a constitutional method for determining the presidency if the president elect and vice president refuse to be sworn in at all (5)
not really understanding the logic of an organization that is going out of its way to make every nation on the planet with nuclear weapons pissed off at them (5)
that you'd like to connect in an incredibly egotistical way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence because nobody buys your narcissistic bullshit (5)
fmk, JLH, SMG, JTT (5)
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of pants, I get called names (5)
eating moldy chocolate (5)
Lol no one ever (5)
trying to watch Open Windows but thinking you might turn it off because you've never seen a Sasha Grey film before and you're not really in the mood for double anal (5)
SCP Six Nine Six Nine Colon Nicki Minaj's dildo microphone (5)
going into puberty (5)
having had the theme from Junior Kick Start stuck in your head for a couple of years now (5)
El Coca and teen rape are stronger than any dispute (5)
happy new year (5)
The entire Bee Movie except every time someone says bee it cuts to that person or bee peeing in Kento's face (5)
As part of the Wiggles, Fatt became one of the "most popular Asian performers in the world" (5)
guessing that you say The Karate Kid II once like maybe the year it came out (5)
getting your first cavity in your thirties (5)
Collingwood Art Dolls (5)
What's In A Manacled Elf (5)
the random regret generator is giving you blank regrets to vote on (5)
I would bust that tight pASTERISKASTERISKASTERISKy so hard and so often that you would leak and limp for a week (5)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Russell Brand (5)
Debbie Snakez Her Bathtub Drain (5)
wondering how important it is to your crossover fanfic (5)
reading an article reviewing books that discuss the contributions women made to science, seeing the sentence "It takes just over eight seconds for sunlight to reach the Earth" in the first paragraph and thinking, naw, I'm not gonna read this (5)
that even old New York was once New Amsterdam (5)
that movies would probably be ten times shorter if the characters didn't do something stupid once in a while (5)
possible snuff dvds (5)
being resigned to urine, Eminem, death (5)
we all need somebody to ream on (5)
face ass take on, The British Bulldog, Darth Vader, Kento (5)
fuck marry kill, Prince's left half stitched to David Bowie's right half, a chimera with Alan Thicke's limbs and head attached to Alan Rickman's body, Kenny Baker with Kimbo Slice's genitals (5)
being told you are infrequently vile by the BBC (5)
Number One Will SHOCK You! (5)
fuck marry kill, the father, the son, the holy ghost (5)
discovering you were blocked by someone you respect on social media, but having no idea when or why this happened (5)
British government pooh poohs winning 'Boaty McBoatface' name for ship (5)
wandering around Mevagissey eating ice cream (5)
any smooth bottom intersted into top muscle pm me (5)
being glad that Kento liked your regret about electroplating pennies (5)
I'm going to call you Simon from now on (5)
looking at pictures of naked gentlemen (5)
suspecting Scarlett Johansson would like you to stop spitting in her asshole (5)
Peppa Meets Oasis (5)
Colon cells have it rough colon They die off after about four days (5)
I wanna take my time stroking you, baby, if you don't mind (5)
all the people not in a relationship banging Jewel's boobs (5)
finally sewing up that hole in your pocket, if you know what I mean (5)
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris 'have broken up' after XV months together, British man still doesn't know who either of them are or why this matters (5)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Donald Trump whose brain has been replaced with that of a duck, or a hideous chimeric fusion of David Cameron and Cameron Diaz (5)
that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable (5)
I was alive in nineteen eighty three (5)
that twenty sixteen saw nearly a forty percent drop in regret productivity compared to the record breaking performance we put up in twenty fifteen (5)
fuck marry kill, the Rat Pack, the Brat Pack, the Frat Pack (5)
that i deleted all the spam comments, hah hah hah OH WELL (4)
the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be (4)
another sad and lonely christmas (4)
compulsively lying about your fondness for big butts (4)
getting the regret "all of these stupid regrets" but not having a Sometimes button (4)
fuck marry kill, the Four Tops, Four Non Blondes, Ten Thousand Maniacs (4)
that if you fuck Kento the only option is to kill yourself (4)
I was young, I needed the money (4)
that Rachel was always your favourite F#R#I#E#N#D# but maybe this was because by the time you realised what a colossal wishy washy bitch she was she'd got knocked up and basically assumed some kind of personality, while Monica was actively becoming worse (4)
the death of Amy Johnson (4)
something ribald (4)
eating breakfast at ten pm (4)
Pokemon Life As a House and Star Wars (4)
After she sent him a cartoon image of a pump bottle of hand lotion and a box of tissues, he responded with a graphic, homemade text and emoji image of an ejaculating penis (4)
that other people's ways of brushing their teeth are fucking weird (4)
wondering how many unique words appear in Tubthumping but not enough to bother counting (4)
they DO move in herds! (4)
Oscar asking if he can show you his cock (4)
that would depend on the size of the glass and the concentration of the pee (4)
Donald Trump's lawyers have argued that protesters "have no right" to "express dissenting views" at his campaign rallies because it infringes on the US President's First Amendment rights (4)
going to the mall and seeing a ten foot high poster for The Huntsman Colon Winter's War that had a huge picture of Liam Gallagher or whatever the fuck the name of the star is, and his "armor" appeared to be made of the same leather as women's purses (4)
using a cherry stoner to take the cherry stone from a cherry, then observing the ragged and gaping red stained canal between the fresh, pert contours of the cherry's lower end (4)
I know, I voted for them (4)
crying while listening to Agadoo (4)
the murder of Lena al Qasem (4)
High Elves (4)
wondering what the official butt rape tune of the Trump campaign is (4)
Siberian tits (4)
Inflation does not exist in real life (4)
being freaked out that there's a help wanted sign in the deli window, which is let's face it a new patheticism even for someone as easily freaked out as yourself (4)
the painful knowledge that you are too old and out of shape for Natalie Portman to want to bang you, and you probably always were (4)
A teenager with teleportation abilities suddenly finds himself in the middle of an ancient war between those like him and their sworn annihilators (4)
when I tell everyone that you're in love with me (4)
Man Cheats Credit Score (4)
kind of wishing that Ryan would give one of us administrator privileges so we can get rid of the spam comments (4)
the regulars using regret number one seven five two five two message each other (4)
that you can apparently get a pizza thap cam cao cap for one hundred and nine thousand dongs in Vietnam (4)
drawing a picture of SHANE McGowan covering himself in mud and screaming "DO IT! COME ON! RAPE ME NOW! I'M HERE!" in a thick IRISH accent (4)
Nuclear Man (4)
mimel noara (4)
Ugh I just, I love her, but I get so sick of her sometimes too (4)
having redundant sexual organs (4)
you've taken me for granted because I please you (4)
Donald 'Four Cock Mouth' Trump (4)
wondering which barely scientific scifi world would be best to live in (4)
but apparently you hate that (4)
wondering how it is possible that Sisqo's costume from the Wild Wild West video is not in the Smithsonian's "Gayest Things of All Time" exhibit (4)
kicking me in my heart (4)
wondering how frequently the Pope or the Dalai Lama or people like that jack off (4)
making it with a redhaired girl in a Chevrolet (4)
Category colon Ash dick infection (4)
fuck marry kill, Courtney Cox, Brian Cox, and Myke Hawke (4)
The American popstar Madonna agrees on a settlement with her former consort Guy Ritchie over their heir (4)
this dumb motherfucker would lose your house keys, burn down your apartment, then try to sneak off and fingerbang your stepdaughter (4)
I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know (4)
licking Brian Peppers's pecker (4)
yo mama so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls (4)
wondering why necrophilia has such a taboo against it, considering that it is symbolic of the circle of life, evocative of planting a seed in lifeless soil (4)
entering too soon (4)
Kento's anus (4)
Double Penetration Edged Sword in the Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Dirty Pocket Pool Monsters (4)
it's also possible that I might just change my mind one day for no real reason (4)
snapping tendons in my hand after a failed dunk attempt (4)
being dickrolled, if you know what I mean (4)
meetgraham dot com dot au (4)
that female porn stars usually have faces well below average (4)
the recurrent concern that one day, someone we talk about, other than Kento because honestly, Kento, amirite, will turn up and there'll be this long terrible discussion about them on the front page (4)
we're buddies (4)
having never seen The Karate Dog, or any of the sequels, or the remake (4)
girl on girl sex during POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS (4)
fuck marry kill, eighteen year old Kento, twenty eight year old Kento, thirty eight year old Kento (4)
guessing that if the first page of google results for your name contains more than one video of you getting double penetrated, saying that you went through some "rough times" is probably insufficient (4)
getting involved with me (4)
naming your daughter Rooney (4)
Big Fucking Gonads (4)
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rent nineteen buses (4)
I'm really sorry about that, we really should have dealt with this by now (4)
saving the life of a unmarried teen mother at the expense of two wealth creating cats (4)
Slash's Blues Ball (4)
having worked with Cambridge undergraduates and graduates for protracted periods and being honestly able to say they aren't as a cohort notably intelligent, just focused on their usually narrow special interests, and expecting the same is true of Harvard (4)
having garlicky fingers (4)
that you like your women like you like your coffee, male (4)
sleeping in the same bed as a dog (4)
being froward (3)
sucking more than a cowboy's horse (3)
that you love the Regret Index but it makes you so regretful (3)
incendio (3)
masturbating during Schindler's List (3)
playing Dungeons & Dragons with a severed penis (3)
that Sandra Bullock is the female Jude Law (3)
drawing a picture of a group of homosexual tearful Texans pulling down their pants after seeing Kento cross the border (3)
fuck marry kill, Garfield, Bob Geldof, the Bangles (3)
wondering how much the tabloids would pay for a Guy Fieri Steve Harwell sex tape (3)
your dyslexia flaring up (3)
fuck marry kill, only weirdly cropped, pitchbent Family Guy clips in your YouTube suggestions forever no matter what you do, blowing a guy but he jizzes diamonds & you get to keep the diamonds, spooning Jewel's boobs but also having to spoon Rob Schneider (3)
Jasmine (3)
bottoming for R Kelley in I Believe I Will Cut You If You Don't Stop Struggling VII (3)
sex predators (3)
using the word "waffletastic" (3)
the new episodes of Lasagna Cat (3)
shaving my head for this (3)
getting your fist sex girl rants, sir, buying them at the five and dime (3)
Xragb (3)
The pants were meant to say 'animal' but due to a factory error had the word 'anal' on them in large print, just above her bottom (3)
Raydiation (3)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Love Her! (3)
that the reboot slash remake of the first Harry Potter movie is expected to be out by twenty sixteen (3)
Disney guessing how old you are (3)
Jeri Ryan Seven of Nine's Breast Expansion Star Trek Voyager (3)
special effects in Eighties propaganda movies (3)
Canada gurls, we're unforgettable, moccasins, campaign hat on top, clammy skin so pale we'll melt your Kraft Dinner, oooooh oh oooooh (3)
not really having anything useful to say to people in times of stress, but feeling the need to say something and consequently making a lot of low grade sexual jokes (3)
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Lea Thompson but then realizing her daughter is way hotter (3)
Polanski guessing how old you are (3)
how the Grinch stole the US Federal Gold Reserve, over two hundred police and national guard dead, a nation mourns (3)
your body is a Disneyland (3)
that the concept of telepathy and telekinesis is so common in science fiction, even science fiction of the "harder" sort, yet there is absolutely no mechanic outside of pseudoscience to explain how they function (3)
running on childrens panties time (3)
doing Dallas (3)
guessing that it's intended to highlight how little certain sections of the voting public actually understand of the geopolitics they profess to have solid opinions on (3)
that time you tried making Kento a wedding cake for his birthday and it all ended in tears (3)
having seen screencaps of Pamela Adlon's nude scene and knowing that if you ever actually saw the video, with sound, you would probably want to kill yourself (3)
applying for a job at Playboy (3)
Kento needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine, whenever Kento is not being posted about, all the other posters need to be asking "where's Kento" (3)
BSjWOVis (3)
there's seven inches of snow outside, so i'm thinking of making some chocolate chip cookies for my roommates and i (3)
that you will probably not live for very much longer (3)
confusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (3)
liking your sex like you like your congress, stilted, formal, and culminating in a bill (3)
breakdowns come and breakdowns go (3)
if there were a John Astin Elly Jackson sex tape, I'd literally pay money to see it (3)
pink mutt pubes (3)
that you, a sado polyamorist, have bondage, latex, and wam fetishes and tied your significant others up in catsuits then whipped them viciously while a slave poured gallons of thick gloopy translucent or opaque messy substances on them (3)
wondering if you have any great recipes for TOMATOES (3)
Kate Upton losing her extremities to frostbite (3)
flying back to Kodiak tomorrow and knowing that your family is going to make you go and see Star Wars (3)
that I wasn't shaved by any midgets, I found out that something that happened to me is also part of the plot of a movie made at the time it happened (3)
not being able to remember his name, thus being forced to refer to Andrew Zimmern as "that guy who eats horse cock" (3)
wondering if the Foreign Legion would have you (3)
constantly cumming in Constance Cummings (3)
that whenever you hear talk of Iceland ash you imagine this scene (3)
this freakin guy (3)
Fight on UK train after people kept placing bagels on travellers' heads, cheerio (3)
Bicoid Fetus shits water being frightened (3)
jokes that are either Kento or Woodsy Alan (3)
Roman Polanski winning the Teens Don't Have a Choice Lifetime Achievement Award (3)
drawing a picture of Kento screaming "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL AQUATIC MAMMALIAN SEXUAL PARTNER!" at a hippo and being told to go to his room by Chris Lydon (3)
thinking that butt chugging was the domain of dumbass frat guys, but realizing that it is actually probably practiced more often by the hopelessly alcoholic (3)
inimically toothy sex ho (3)
Pennsylvania Dutch rudders, English (3)
mashing the sack on a table with a hammer, BAMBAMBAM (3)
don't even THINK about Jewel, she's mine (3)
rating my poo (3)
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old (3)
Fifteen Surprising Celebs Who Are Jerks In Real Life (3)
drawing a picture of the full roster of the San Antonio Spurs releasing their full morning bladders onto Kento (3)
that the Regret Index is where nerdy adults running out of youth and optimism come to act like teenagers on the internet (3)
gonopores (3)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (3)
that whenever someone uses the word "bang" in the sexual sense, you think of this video (3)
yeah, that's what I mean, people are basically just filming porn with a three sixty camera and playing it on an oculus rift, but when are we going to get the actual fully interactive stuff with maybe a crotchpiece or something (3)
that everyone keeps invoking a divorce analogy for Brexit, and you wish they would use something more appropriate, like, say, two dogs gradually decoupling after the knotting subsides (3)
fuck marry kill, Mrs Robinson, Mrs Jones, Stacey's mom (3)
two grown men fixating on a teenage boy who runs a topiary store with the older man he lives alone with, a boy who can't seem to get a steady girlfriend despite pretty girls throwing themselves at him (3)
Kento's testicular volume (3)
Woman Who Urinates on Herself (3)
becumming Tom Petty (3)
that you are this close to adopting a child (3)
wondering whether you would rather Eiffel Tower David Cameron with dickgirl Rachel Stevens, or be Eiffel Towered by dickgirls Cameron Diaz and Rachel Stevens (3)
being that chicken flavored ramen that make your sweat smell like chicken (3)
darning your socks, what are you, French (3)
fuck marry kill, Joey, Ross, Chandler (3)
having a one night stand with a guy who makes you call him Mr Bubble (3)
on the Snopes of Mount Doom (3)
that the dozen or so British people with whom you have had professional relations have all had unbelievably poor manners and high promiscuity, and you don't want to imply that all British people are like that, but those are definitely not unBritishisms (3)
holding a party for Kento's birthday at the Sheraton Addis in the Omo Room (3)
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face (3)
reading a crap book about ready made Hebrews (3)
hearing about those horse meat infused burgers being sold in the UK, and becoming curious about how horse tastes (3)
wondering what kind of contract you made with Will Smith (3)
not getting your nice shoes cleaned after the orgy (3)
I don't think that's going to make the deli girl like you (3)
from the directors of the Matrix and nothing else worth mentioning (3)
that the NYC police used to famously extort more money in fines from prisoner by posting "PLEASE DO NOT EXPECTORATE" signs all over the cells, a word spitting Irish toughs couldn't possibly be expected to know (3)
tasting your own semen 'to hike jew slut tits sea' (3)
getting a YouTube ad for Tinder which unmistakeably uses a slowed down Mario theme (3)
watching Prometheus (3)
that apparently performing cunnlingus on Kat Dennings would require watching BOTH Thor movies, which is a commitment I'd rather not make (3)
holding the lime (3)
Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the Mexican border and based on his tone he also wants to fuck that wall (3)
ironically if you were a walrus, being a priapic insomniac would make you a big success (3)
def twins homo menage (3)
wondering why the call those orange fish "goldfish" (3)
wondering what Norbit was like in Fatworld (3)
Chris Lydon having never provided evidence he is not the Boston Strangler (3)
UK national sperm bank has just nine donors (3)
wondering how anyone was able to feel anything at all given the epic amounts of alcohol and cocaine that must have preceded those couplings (3)
Kim Kardashian eating her son after son's birth (3)
I am hardly a suing person, and yet that just got my goat (3)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (3)
catfish (3)
this guy (3)
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using campervan towbar (3)
that there is no "gorged tits singers smut" section (3)
being perceived as a joke (3)
tell me your skype (3)
fuck marry kill, Adam Duritz, Adam Levine, Adam Ant (3)
jerking off with a crusty semen stained sock up your butt (3)
fuck marry kill, Ash, Brock, Misty (3)
Could any man really satisfy a woman sexually, if her most recent lover had been Sean Connery (3)
rape (3)
Currently, the phrase 'Brit Pack' is often used to describe any disparate group of young British actors and actresses of rising prominence (3)
sometimes I know your heart is full of troll waiters (3)
declaring martial law (3)
I don't think you really count as my significant other, we've never even met (3)
fuck marry kill, Kento, Brian Peppers, Sylvia Browne (3)
burning Sean Penn (3)
why'd YOU move to France (3)
Teresa Heinz Kerry is totally going to sue us in England (3)
smells like wine (3)
wondering what they call a sixty nine year jubilee (3)
the death of Chris Lydon (3)
hoping it's not "fist or be fisted by a Star Trek cast member" (3)
not actually knowing what happens with menstruation in Star Trek, like is there a magical pill you take and it just stops or what (3)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on Craigslist (3)
I ain't afraid of no sleepin' (3)
special colon contributions (2)
wondering if they called her Jackie O because she was really good at hand jobs (2)
they travel in herds (2)
Not having anyone to send a sexy snapchat to even though you feel capable of taking one of yourself for the first time in your sad life (2)
#walrusgate (2)
Now turn around bitch, put that ass on a nigga, grind on his dick make it get a little bigger (2)
provocative and emotional pokemon (2)
voting yes or no on this regret (2)
Chloe tho (2)
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a briefing from the Met Police on the reality of policing London (2)
don't be fucking facetious (2)
fuck marry kill, Jewel with poisonous breasts that lactate acid when she gets excited, Emma Watson but naked she's like a Barbie with no genitalia and weird articulation points, young Julie Newmar but you're a child and she's a pedophile who abuses you (2)
wondering how a kid could possibly earn pesos (2)
ignoring other people's feelings (2)
running a train on two ho's (2)
when they made Stephen Fry, they broke the mould, and then they used it to make Kento (2)
punching Sister Beech (2)
Drill My Gay Stepson! (2)
seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactical upsets (2)
Pregnant Women Warned to Stay Away From Big Willie (2)
I happen to like eight year old boys (2)
PokeMunchers (2)
in light of the horrible attack in Nice, France, I have postponed tomorrow's news conference concerning my vice presidential announcement while I think of something worse than losers to call the French (2)
realizing that none of the birds that have become memes on the Regret Index taste very good (2)
guessing that at some point the Old Republic had an extreme State's Rights faction take power and basically gut the executive branch (2)
not having peed on Kento's face yet (2)
losing your dinosaur at a Virginity Jr concert (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Bill the Pony (2)
remember Trump, he's back, in GOP form (2)
what you did to that hobo under the bridge (2)
wondering why one's true love would give one eight maids a milking and a shit ton of birds, but no mammals for the maids to milk (2)
fuck marry kill, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle (2)
that you like your women like you like your coffee,, black (2)
saying "I just finished licking a pussy,,, and boy do I have a lot of hair in my mouth!" as a joke thinking the "hair in my mouth" would make people come to the comedic realization that you were licking a cat, totally forgetting vulvae have hair too, oops (2)
taking the hugest dump (2)
typical Lancastrian (2)
wanting to give Kento a butterfinger for his birthday (2)
I have had a golden shower before from a woman and it burned my eyes (2)
having to cancel Thanksgiving at your house because you had hyperekplexia (2)
it's no wonder he struggles to grasp the bigger picture (2)
they aren't booing, they're saying "Boo ernie!" (2)
fuck marry kill, Winona Ryder, Ariel Winter, Jewel (2)
Werewolf Colon The Apocalypse (2)
that there is an alarming level of Scooby Doo related pornographic fanart out there, and sure you can say that about anything, but Scooby Doo seems to lend itself particularly well to the fantasies of perverts for some reason (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Bill from Kill Bill (2)
Elmo porn (2)
fuck marry kill, Cheers, Wings, Frasier (2)
getting blacklisted (2)
the two ingredients of squirming babies (2)
fuck marry kill LaVar Ball, Lucille Ball, Ed Balls (2)
Chris Lydon Grabs Kento's Crotch in Attempt to Show Paparazzo What He Really Thinks (2)
sleeping in the same bed as dago (2)
learning just now that there's just one d in sodomizing (2)
privatizing Ryan's privates (2)
Margaret Hilda Thatcher's thick carpet of pubes (2)
The trouble with a 'scientific' argument, of course, is that it relies solely on empirical facts (2)
hooking up with this girl l met on the internet (2)
comments that make no sense (2)
Winona Ryder is an American actress, most famous for her roles in Beetlejuice, Dracula, and The Crucible (2)
wondering if Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever considered naming his daughter Dog Paper (2)
Teen Choice Awards Colon Miley Cyrus explains her absence (2)
he was only nine years old so I doubt he caused much damage (2)
thinking that if Kento had hands that were just a little bit smaller, he would make a great "bottom" gay porn star (2)
doing it without lubrication (2)
wondering if there is a special term for fisting two menstruating women at once (2)
I voted for Camel McCamelface (2)
Eleanor strikes again (2)
believing in god (2)
hearing Lose Yourself playing over the speakers in a supermarket and wondering if it is part of a subliminal ad campaign to boost spaghetti sales (2)
wondering what they put in the nonvegan olive oil (2)
Pennsylvania Court Says Alien Romps Aren't Public Records (2)
Rick Tailfeathers, Mayor of Duckburg (2)
drawing a picture of Elmo dumping a bucket of frozen walrus semen on Fireman Paff's head, killing him instantly (2)
victory (2)
Jabba the Hutt Colon The Art of the Deal (2)
seeing that horse working its way through college as a Starbucks barista being brought to tears by a rude, abusive customer after the horse dropped their mocha latte (2)
wondering what the criteria one uses to judge one's success as a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth are (2)
I'm sorry (2)
wondering why it is that whenever an American newspaper seeks celebrity comments on an issue related to the UK they always cite JK Rowling first, and wondering if the Biritsh public likewise holds Ms Rowling's opinions in such esteem (2)
furry calk milk, Jenny , Sleigh Hero, Lewd Cunt (2)
freezing a lump of peanut butter in secret, just to see what would happen (2)
reading that Julian Assange's internet has gone down and Wikileaks believes this was done by "a state party" and thinking no, it's probably his fucking printer shitting up the homehub, or his FourG dongle provider doing upgrades and crippling coverage (2)
wondering where the plot of Firefly would have gone if it had survived longer as a series, instead of being canceled and resurrected as a movie (2)
fuck marry kill, ten lords a leaping, seven swans a swimming, two French hens (2)
driving your snowblower so hard it explodes in Winter (2)
wondering what you died of (2)
not, "per woman", that would be stupid, there's only one and a half gallons in each woman on average (2)
Salmon milk comes from the males (2)
the death of Kento (2)
wondering if it's too late to keep Alicia Silverstone in a curio cabinet so that you may marvel at her at your own leisure (2)
the incident has left me feeling tainted and worried that if I am caught short in similar circumstances there maybe someone hiding in the bushes filming me (2)
ICheckRaise (2)
that whenever you hear talk of enchiladas you imagine this scene (2)
that one of rachel's best friends is a moderately famous softcore lesbian movie star (2)
once the dj lets it spin it'll penetrate your skin (2)
The Gay Sisters (2)
basically the first Matrix was kind of OK hokum, then the two sequels were showy garbage that drew heavily on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's technology and probably reference a whole bunch of shit I don't care about (2)
elbowing the president in the face (2)
Starsuckers (2)
I want the BEST WOMAN, but I need the WORST CAT (2)
Home Alone The Return of the Wet Bandits establishing higher production values and a more convincing plot than Home Alone IV just thirty seconds in (2)
Harrison Ford injured in peach snarl (2)
hot hairy girls (2)
all star by smash mouth (2)
Kento's sizzle reel (2)
meating J's wife, then finishing off on J's mom (2)
spooning Jennifer Aniston's boobs (2)
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina (2)
Bleachy and the Brit (2)
Kento "Dick Dick Dick" Ikeda (2)
Kento being banned from the Regret Index (2)
breasts (2)
needing to fuck a midget on your deathbed (2)
having a beautiful ass (2)
Trump wants a much nigger navy (2)
delivering Kento's package (2)
wondering when and why it became gauche for the ultra rich to employ court dwarfs (2)
putting the ass in Jurassic Park (2)
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after oral intercourse (2)
Number Two Will Make You Weep (2)
language (2)
this extra who just has POOOOOOOOP written on her clothing (2)
really wishing journalists would write "his passion became aroused" instead of "he got angry" (2)
tonight there's going to be a jail break, somewhere in this town (2)
that's weird, last night I dreamed that someone came to my home and made me his thirteenth spouse, and Kento was telling me he got fucked thirteen times last night (2)
Hulk Hogan's skin (2)
also not really wanting to talk to Gemma because apparently she lives with Ben, who last you heard was stealing cars for a living (2)
because it's American made (2)
it you cut down the tree the hedges get more light (2)
people who praise Scandianivan Socialism while forgetting that the main reason is works so well is that pretty much everyone in Scandinavia is Scandinavian (2)
wanking to youth porn, hi (2)
wondering how hard it would be to program a self driving car to seek out and collect Pokemon for you (2)
trying to conceive of the enormity of a crime or series of crimes that would mandate incarceration for a billion years (2)
not eating the fucking rice (2)
sqoou!ug Jamal's doods (2)
a cheeky Nando's (2)
la Setmana Tragica turtles (2)
Kento came in and wrote one one seven seven three two and someone else with real feelings came in and regretted heart to hearts and there may have been an australian (2)
having non consensual sex with a spring onion (2)
something is happening here but you don't know what it is (2)
that it's pretty much just racism (2)
having an apparently false memory of a scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern sticks her arm up a dinosaur's ass and wondering where it came from (2)
Mr Penn wrote that the drug lord ironically called Mr Trump "Mi Amigo!" (2)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (2)
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Rooted Mr Pecker (2)
testing a hypothesis (2)
the New York of the F#R#I#E#N#D#S# seems pretty sweet, with the giant ass affordable vermin free modern apartments and the abundance of great jobs (2)
touching Leighton Meester's shit (2)
ratemypoo dot com (2)
seeing a picture of Henry Kissinger jacking off in the shower over a bruised and bloodied Kento (2)
I don't drink coffee (2)
no one ever died from mowing a hot cunt (2)
Rick Moranis (2)
Pokemon Sucking Dick and Getting Off! (2)
Thant (2)
using an oil based lubricant during really hot sex (2)
Vader's Redemption Colon The Imperial March in a Major Key (2)
Han dies (2)
not realising that the best way to get a British bird to drop her knickers is to do bottomlessly stupid things, crikey (2)
wondering what Courtney Cox spent so much money on that she still has to work (2)
the man in the yellow hat (2)
that the moon is lOO% SUPER HOMOSEXUAL (2)
putting off seeing like thirty movies with one actor in common for almost a decade, even though most of them were at least kind of OK and some were really very good (2)
The entire refrigerator was smeared with what appeared to be a sludge of some sort, varying in color from red to yellow to black (2)
looking up adult dance classes but never joining one, if you know what I mean (2)
Threepio does (2)
taking the chewiest dump (2)
that the swan regrets are not funny, stop it please (2)
I have no frame of reference for a coffee can (2)
the Islamicisation of Christmas (2)
that you'd like to connect in an honest way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence (2)
wondering how big an anal ring needs to be to be considered "huge" (2)
this ass (2)
to avoid complications, she never kept the semen dress (2)
a chilling vision of the end of humanity (2)
not knowing offhand when babies begin teething (2)
thinking finding someone ass up before the toilet choked on her own vomit would've been made up for by the three or four years of stress free sexing before she keeled (2)
suspecting that Chevy Chase could never have been bothered to even come to set, and they probably just recorded his lines in a porno studio somewhere (2)
being Eiffel Towered by all of the walruses in the water park in order (2)
getting Spice World instead of a Bananarama movie (2)
our foreign and domestic policy is mostly going to consist of walking into doors (2)
wondering why fat cats hold such great appeal for humans that, say, fat dogs don't (2)
really wishing you'd spent the past few years learning how Adobe Audition works and putting together odd little tracks instead of you know jerkin it to all that porn and such (2)
getting a serious looking face tattooed on one boob and a man's body in miniature beneath with a speech bubble on the other boob and the words "I'm a breast man myself" simply to commit to a very involved joke (2)
chinnery (2)
rating Myke Hawke (2)
having to get up in five hours (2)
busking (2)
Tupac Shakur's mom dies (2)
to avoid constipation, she never crapped the same address (2)
guessing that Scarlett Johansson, and most actresses in general, have buttholes in most of the movies they're in (2)
North Korea still relies on human excrement to run its government (2)
ranking your meat (2)
banging a minor heroine butt (2)
helping your uncle jack put on a donkey show, with a matinee on saturdays and sundays and wednesdays too in the high season (2)
Go Ikeda alone having orally serviced over seven thousand men since the typhoon hit (2)
inside of Bananarama it's too dark to read (2)
realizing that out of your entire high school graduating class, you're probably the only heterosexual woman who is still a virgin and is NOT a hard core Christian (2)
rating Ruth England (2)
seeing an ad that you truly have no fucking idea what it's trying to say (2)
we should send him fanmail (2)
that intelligence generally has an inverse correlation with social skills (2)
tasting your own semen 'just to see what it's like' (2)
Dog With A Butt Plug (2)
demisemihemidemisemiquavers (2)
Hoodon Ponottooro (2)
cuties (2)
being a minimalist (2)
wondering if a crappy personality quiz on a website calling you the female Shia LaBeouf would be grounds for defamation (2)
you might have met someone who would possibly have been your Mr Miyagi but he was heavily fined for employing illegal immigrants and you kind of lost track of him (2)
being unrapeable (2)
having three Kentos but not being able to train them to do anything except Eiffel Tower each other (2)
holding the line (2)
your new dildo being too big for you (2)
Cosby testifies for seven hours in abuse suit, lawyer says (2)
the only fruit juice you had on han was Naked Green Machine (2)
wondering if there is an alternative cut of Her where Pedomustache Twombly furiously beats his meat, pausing only to order his hapless AI to "say more sexy stuff" (2)
Ariel Winter "Begging" Boyfriend To Get Her Pregnant "ASAP" Is Made Up (2)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Dickgirl Jewel or Fatworld Jewel, but not knowing whether your desire to spoon Jewel's boobs would outweigh your love of women by the pound (2)
hi kento (2)
liking your women like you like your presidents, black (2)
you mom sucking dicks that don't have cash (2)
wondering why big red dogs hold such great appeal for humans that, say, big red cats don't (2)
still not having seen Teacakes Frown, eh, or Goo En Rue (2)
being the second most voted on regret, but only being the fourth most discussed slash spammed on regret (2)
breaking up with a girl because she didn't believe you when you said your cookie recipe was better with shortening than with butter (2)
shton Kutcher's inability to play Ashton Kutcher convincingly (2)
Star Wars' plans to be a billion dollar movie with the help of toy sales (2)
watching fifteen year old David Blaine "tricks" (2)
incautiously falling for a witch (2)
that you would totally bang Clarabelle over Minnie any day of the week (2)
this ad (2)
David Pumpkins being less amusing than advertised (2)
that pictures can be hung, but people are always hanged (2)
eating roast beef off of your own boobs (2)
Air China receives criticism in the United Kingdom after it releases an advertisement warning passengers from visiting areas of London populated by blacks, Indians and Pakistanis (2)
fucking ass (2)
fuck date kill, Earthlink, a straight guy, Sylvia Browne (2)
that most of the music of the nineties seems to have been droning repetitive crap (2)
seriously having no clue what the fuck Kento's problem is (2)
I get it (2)
filling the bath tub with your own fecal matter and drowning a man in it (2)
that a year from now, the Regret Index will just be a couple of idiots snickering about pornstar names over and over, plus ca change (2)
being c%l (2)
back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer (2)
just now reflecting on how utterly ridiculous it was to cast Patrick Stewart as a Frenchman (2)
meeting Brian Knobbs (2)
demanding respect from a machine (2)
wondering how many people ever got a tattoo of shtn Ktchr and how that's working out for them (2)
Stonehenge stones 'spent centuries erected in Wales' before being transported (2)
having a sudden impure thought to milk Winona Rider (2)
the man, the legend (2)
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun when you were a kid (2)
being allowed to choose five celebrities you're allowed to fuck when there were only four Golden Girls (2)
feeding a recurrent neural network with the scripts for every episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S# (2)
being Super Ted (2)
Which Leonardo DiCaprio Character Is Your Soulmate (2)
telling the potatoes joke (2)
bottoming for Beef Blastbody in The Fissure King VII (2)
SPOILER ALERT Kento dies after getting Eiffel Towered by Lex Luthor and the Death Star (2)
love cuts just like a knife (2)
Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee (2)
doing Bryce Dallas Howard (2)
when did we get like this (2)
being poor and buying lottery tickets regularly because shit, it's not like Richard "My island burned down so I had to forego holding models for nearly ten seconds" Branson has any to spare that wouldn't be terribly missed (2)
Music From Another Room is a romantic comedy that follows the exploits of Danny, a young man who grew up believing he was destined to marry the girl he helped deliver as a five year old boy when his mother's best friend went into emergency labor (2)
I should really get some sleep (2)
seeing that horse get yelled at by that lazy yuppie bimbo for touching her son when the horse just stopped him from running out into traffic because the yuppie mom was too busy playing with her iPhone to pay attention (2)
Child found dead in Fenton colon Woman arrested (2)
that you would like your corpse to be partially dried, sealed in some type of resin, then popped like popcorn (2)
shaving my ladyparts (2)
Significant works of Rene Auberjonois are on public display at the Aargauer Kunsthaus, the Kunstmuseum Basel, the Cantonal Museum of Fine Arts in Lausanne, the Kunsthaus Zurich and the Werner Coninx Stiftung (2)
you should legally change your middle name to something really British like Crumpet or Boris or Benny Hill or something (2)
Kento's nude, dismembered, entirely shaven corpse being found in a locker at a Topeka bus station last Friday (2)
wondering who we should get to play the President in our Hand Job Robot Apocalypse movie (2)
thrusting your penises out (2)
I use my anus (2)
just now getting that the "T" in "Mr T" stands for "trouble" (2)
fearing that Ryan will come back, look at the comments, and assume that his regret site has turned into the next grindr (2)
never getting around to building that sex dungeon (2)
wondering who the hell eats a four pound cake (2)
your son gleefully jacking off Jackie Gleason (2)
trying to give a Regret Index user a hot brown sandwich in the communal laundry room (2)
this is a California Cheeseburger (2)
the death of Garry Marshall (2)
Bonobono (2)
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Doll Ritchie (2)
hey guys, remember the Scissor Sisters (2)
After many years of silence, around the same time as the Fifth Holy Grail War would have happened, the Yggdmillennia, a family of magi, openly declares their secession from the Mage's Association, and that they are in possession of the Grail (2)
suggesting the Karate Kid series for your next movie binge, because The Karate Kid III is one of the greatest movies of all time (2)
hi, I'm Bleached Kodyak, nice to meet you (2)
i imgur com oneZuIsixmz jpg (2)
defending your brazier from Brendan Frasier (2)
drawing a picture of a dude ejaculating on Kento (2)
wondering what the worst thing anybody has ever written is (2)
taking a photograph of Donald Trump blowing Bill Clinton while Prince Andrew watches from a palm tree and masturbates (2)
what's going to happen is they will come to their senses, and we will all be just fine (2)
the Houston Gamblers (2)
wondering whether you would rather have a bisexual fourway with a wookiee, another guy and Princess Leia in a garbage masher on the detention level or get banged by Dickgirl Padme in the middle of the Dune Sea, without a reacharound (2)
thinking that if Kento ever snaps and does something terrible to other people instead of just himself, Ryan would hand over our IP addresses in a heartbeat (2)
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento (2)
guessing that the broad premise of Holy Hal is that a three hundred pound man falls in love with a three hundred pound woman, but he sees her as a nine hundred pound woman and helps her achieve those gains (2)
star whackers (2)
shaving my legs for this (2)
Anti Defamation League Declares Pepe the Frog Shit (2)
HP is short for Hard Penis (2)
Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells (2)
straddling Kento and pounding his bottom (2)
Kenchel (2)
milk of amnesia (2)
fuck fuck fuck (2)
do you have any idea how much it costs to qualify as a padawan, let alone a Jedi Knight (2)
fuck marry kill, fatworld Ellie Jackson, dickgirl Rachel Stevens, hirsute Emma Watson (2)
fuck marry kill, Bob McKenzie, Doug McKenzie, Hayden Christensen (2)
that a duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm, prompting the bartender to ask "cash or charge" regarding the duck's payment method, to which the duck responds "just put it on my bill" (2)
everybody is out of my league (2)
shooting day for night (2)
facefucking Kento (2)
registering 'my dick is ten inches long' as a trademark (2)
not really believing a highly paid clinical diagnostician of a prestgious teaching hospital would get home from a psychiatric institionalization on the freakin' bus (2)
she was tearing your teeth out with puckish glee and her inhumanly strong fingers the whole time (2)
Sixty One Percent Of Americans Pee In The Shower (2)
he smashed too hard (2)
wanting to double check with your low key girlfriend from when you were sixteen that she did not in fact get pregnant and never tell you, because maybe being a deadbeat absent dad is better than being forever alone (2)
old speckled hen (2)
wondering whether Alfonso Ribeiro is the black Alex Winter or Alex Winter is the white Alfonso Ribeiro (1)
oh so no one was gonna tell me there was a big senior penis behind my ass for my head pictures (1)
going all the way to Butts County and not even meeting the Count of Butts (1)
Kento, in a lime green thong, being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon in a lime green thong and a walrus in a lime green thong (1)
opening the door, getting on the floor, having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven (1)
fuck marry kill, Gene Hackman, Gene Hunt, Gene Talia (1)
ONE Rachel Steven, ah, ah, ah, TWO Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah, THREE Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah (1)
trying to find a Christ figure in every work of fiction, including McDonald's commercials (1)
remembering way back on THIS 'dex when we hit TWENTY thousand regrets and it seemed like an absolutely mindboggling impossible number (1)
skin (1)
Trump should deport Nikki Haley (1)
having a concept for an audio book series in which you actually read the book in real time, just not out loud, and offer the resulting audio unedited for sale, but not living anywhere quiet enough to do it even if you still had the means to record it (1)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (1)
betting your right nut on a pair of jacks (1)
that coming five or six times in about thirty hours makes it so difficult to masturbate (1)
fuck marry kill, James A Garfield, Andrew Garfield, Garfield (1)
noting that it seems that Kento and rachel often show up at the same time and suspecting once again that they are the same person (1)
you should have eaten your crusts (1)
wearing your genitals on the outside (1)
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter (1)
seeing a picture of Winston Churchill in a skintight bathing suit that clearly outlines his cock and balls (1)
Prince George tries to grab a bilby (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the library in you small home town (1)
being a barmacist (1)
liking your women like you like your steak, blue (1)
having a kid named Annyong (1)
fuck marry kill, Los Angeles out of Blade Runner, New York out of The Fifth Element, whatever shithole that's supposed to be out of the Spice Up Your Life music video (1)
I'm telling you that there is a one to one correlation between eating those raw red bell peppers and the burnt rubber farts (1)
Homos with meat (1)
Another Slingshot Ride, Another Wet Cunt (1)
that canned asparagus looks like baby poop (1)
Pool McCortnoo ond Wongs (1)
the secret sauce of America is innovation and entrepreneurship (1)
Meaty the Cock Elf (1)
Jennifer Love Hewitt's Boobs Worth $five Million (1)
the fact of almost incestuous breeding (1)
which Disney Princess you are (1)
kind of wanting to write a novel, and then accidentally having it turn into a semiautobiographical allegory (1)
always imagining Kento to be a neat freak (1)
Nabooian nerve knockers (1)
that cut scene from THX OneOneThreeEight in which LUH ThreeFourOneSeven closes the bathroom cabinet too quickly and severs her other hand in the door (1)
tweeting to a celebrity that you want to take a shit in their skull (1)
that you once wrote "bite my shiny metal ass" into a four hundred year old book, just because you could (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cod in the past decade (1)
getting a weight off your chest (1)
one pill makes you larger, and one pill Eiffel Towers you with a wal (1)
shootin' some bystanders outside of the school (1)
the dummies inside the phonebooth when it transits into the time circuits on Bill & Ted (1)
I want to fuck you like q mineral (1)
Dew Dork Tiggerwillies (1)
feeling like a potentially less effects heavy and more kid friendly X Man would be Miceman (1)
thinking that Balkanization in the Balkans was inevitable due to their name (1)
damne (1)
that you should always eat balls in pairs (1)
All The President's Covfefe (1)
taking holiday in Brownsville (1)
any hole's a gold (1)
getting through boring movies by reading things on another device whenever your attention wanders (1)
Harold Pinter writing a harlequin play starring Hayden Panettiere licking HP sauce off of Harry Potter's hard penis (1)
wondering why the British version of American Gladiators wasn't called British Gladiators, Cheerio, cheerio (1)
the War on Christmas (1)
secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares (1)
the two cartoon dicks JMW Turner painted on The Slave Ship (1)
titter, the porno version of twitter (1)
regrets about pony blowing (1)
the daughter in Home Alone V was also the murderous zombie girl in The Cabin in the Woods (1)
honestly wishing you could go back to the time in your life when anything could make you as excited as that crisp made that kid (1)
wondering whether Trump was bragging or y'know actually bragging about shooting a man in the middle of fifth avenue (1)
confusing hanukkah with bukkake (1)
snapping teeth out of my jaw after a failed pass attempt (1)
it really would be too simple to turn a description of a horrible use of sex as a means of oppression into a regret about Kento, Chris Lydon,and walruses (1)
Let me hear the sound you'd make if you were slashed in half by a sword (1)
going home and worshipping the moon (1)
not wanting to be a dick but also wanting to know who actually calls it Beef Burgundy, Beef bourguignon, boeuf bourguignon, or boeuf a la Bourguignonne, not boeuf a la duche de Bourgogne (1)
seeing a headline about Janet Jackson having a new tour and honestly thinking she was already dead (1)
unwittingly accepting an invitation to listen to nine sixth form girls talking about their bra sizes followed by the two next to you having a lesbian affair (1)
just kind of going "oh, that" (1)
Some people are kind of Scottish, or maybe, um, uh, afraid, and you're trying to persuade (1)
not having a jambalaya based on you (1)
replacing all vowels with o (1)
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Pet Dog Floyd (1)
a beautiful summer's day (1)
I use my penis (1)
mononymous singers (1)
you pay Miyagi (1)
Michael Jordan Gatorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes! (1)
dat boi!!!! (1)
Afro Samurai (1)
Oliveira booted the teen out of the room they were sharing at the Olympic Village in Rio so she could enjoy a "marathon sex session" with Brazilian canoeist Pedro Goncalves (1)
people who say 'eff' instead of 'fuck' (1)
tweeting to a singer that you want to take a shit in her scanties (1)
giant floppy cocks (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cock in the past decade (1)
seeing the picture of David Jeffers and wondering how Adam Duritz and Tim Curry managed to keep their love child secret all these years (1)
my ass for my senior pictures (1)
wondering how the test went (1)
The Hurt Focker (1)
retiting early (1)
wondering, in the admittedly unlikely event that you should have kids, how you could possibly explain to them the crazy Summer of Ninety Nine in which the Matrix and All Star were at the top of their respective fields (1)
never having had a boyfriend, as you are a heterosexual male, although that doesn't explain why you've never had a girlfriend (1)
that what Return of the Jedi needs is a shot of Nien Nunb's widow tearfully weaping over his photo after he died due to a black alert at Dantooine General Hospital years after the Battle of Endor (1)
Candide Thovex (1)
feeling like you need to sleep with one eye open (1)
I'm going to assume that you died (1)
putting a little false foreskin on your penis when you disguise yourself (1)
wishing you were named Rob so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just got Robbed!" (1)
my spoon is too big (1)
rating the third and fifth installments of Home Alone as the best in terms of acting, the third and first as the most original in terms of story, the first and second the highest in terms of set piece violence and endearing self awareness, and the fourth (1)
not being able to believe it's not butter (1)
the Hogwarts Raping Hat (1)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on CigarSlits (1)
Carrie Fisher sending regular anonymous parcels of sand to Hayden Christensen, just for laughs (1)
Time Travelling Kento coming back to have sex with himself (1)
I, Zach Assymoth (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the librarian in you (1)
Vatican sacks gay priest after highly public coming out (1)
Facegrindr (1)
separating the men from the boys at a NAMBLA convention (1)
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly (1)
women in bikinis bring in donors by standing on a roadside with colorful cardboard signs or posters (1)
Martin Anus (1)
cutting off a groin hourly (1)
google just being one big fucking swan (1)
not remembering the time we established that Kento has an annual sodomy session with David Cameron, but not doubting it did occur (1)
fuck marry kill, Will Smith, Robin Williams, Shaqille O'Neal, Barbara Eden (1)
the world is not a tangled knot of failure (1)
the way that people at Wikinews pretend like they're actually journalists (1)
two legit two leak (1)
smashing the canoptic jar containing Kento's penis, so that his spirit will be impotent in the afterlife (1)
naming your raggy do (1)
Donald Trump's campaign slogan (1)
having no idea what a klinoppe is (1)
wondering if Prince realized how rich he was (1)
finding out that Richard Donner directed "Nightmare are Twenty Thousand Feet" (1)
Easy D (1)
going bananas at a CE Ape gig (1)
rumour swept London that a pig faced woman was living in Marylebone (1)
fuck marry kill, dead, asleep, dreaming (1)
When you turn the Trump Pence logo upside down, it literally looks like a handjob (1)
drinking alone during the day (1)
The kind of situation when you are standing at a urinal looking like your doing something perverted because you can't find the opening to your underwear (1)
I'm gonna call you Charlie Brown (1)
porking Leonard Nimoy in Hobbit Hole VII (1)
this is the worst website ever (1)
Fifty Plates of Jaffles (1)
Donald Trump praises Scots for "taking back control of their country" by voting overwhelmingly to remain in the EU (1)
she orders that coffee be boiled for five days, ready for their anniversary (1)
looking at porn (1)
your might in the slit (1)
having beautiful breasts (1)
fuck marry kill, bustin', buskin', breastgasm (1)
wondering whether Home Alone III onward continued the trend in the first two of teaching young children that every creepy old person is actually really nice and has nothing but your best interests at heart (1)
Ten Thousand Top Blondes (1)
how lame and folksy a lot of Guns n Roses sounds to your adult ears (1)
Waking up to dick pics and ugly faces, why do I talk to these people (1)
USA (1)
fold over glans (1)
An Ohio entrepreneur has filed an application to trademark the name of Harambe (1)
Bononian Rufa fellates Rufulus (1)
being a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster (1)
that "Kento" is actually a ten thousand year old Sumerian demon that prolongs its existence by possessing human hosts, gradually turning them overweight and socially retarded until they kill themselves, then moving on to a new host (1)
honestly thinking that most people brushed their teeth in more less the same way (1)
bride fancier's lament (1)
Transsexual Eliot (1)
wondering how many unique words appear in Butthumping but not enough to bother counting (1)
getting blacklighted (1)
having no clue who Kento is (1)
getting mayonnaise all over your face (1)
The lady just looked at me, looked at my writing of mysterious formulae, and concluded I was up to no good (1)
wankin' at the car wash (1)
twelfth of never on the sand (1)
The Town That Got Fucked By Bears (1)
seeing a meme showing a physical resemblance to Biff Tannen and wondering whether there was actually some kind of thing like that going on, like he went back in time and gave a copy of "New York Real Estate Trends of the Twentieth Century" to his grandfat (1)
Donald Trump, Jr Says President Trump Would 'Get The Wall Started' in The First lOO Days (1)
the death on the set of Welsh Rape Caress I all but guaranteed the shelving of Welsh Rape Caress II (1)
swimming in the same tank as Kento (1)
the kid from Lazytown is a quarter of a century old (1)
I thought you'd stopped that chopshop body mutilation stuff (1)
that's a helluva penis (1)
in for a penny, in for a pound (1)
begged incest (1)
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Jim West (1)
managing to miss picture day almost every year in high school, and not being in any clubs, so that you weren't really in your yearbooks at all (1)
wondering if there is bad blood between John Goodfuck and Dong Goodman over who first had the idea of becoming a John Goodman parody gay porn star (1)
u musak qt (1)
wondering why you would need orange socks (1)
fuck marry kill, dickgirl Maya the Bee, Pedro Pony, Clifford the Big Red Dog (1)
Bathynomus giganteus (1)
Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there (1)
tattooing PENIS on your penis (1)
wondering how Kento writes his name in kanji (1)
wondering if it is still rape if you go back in time and prevent it from ever happening but retain the memory like in tv shows where they time travel (1)
drawing a picture of Uncle Phil taking the hugest dump on a pizza while Will goes Big Willie Style on the stuffed crust (1)
Carrie Fisher's dog Gary Fisher joined Instagram (1)
fuck marry kill, FDR, JFK, LBJ (1)
fall over dongs (1)
Apple Colon give us your fuckin' money (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (1)
Nens "Hasty" Chrideen, of the Great Empire of D'C'Naa, he (1)
that No Scrubs can basically be summed up as "poor people will die alone" (1)
hitting Big Jake (1)
getting gaslighted (1)
If you went back in time and told me that in the near future, one of the most nerd accessible directors would make an all female Ghostbusters reboot and it would become this bizarre hill to die on, I would have laughed it off (1)
that the fifth Google result for "Bicoid Babe" is "Bicoid Babe's asshole fountain" (1)
learning to say 'where is the bathroom' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'where is the bathroom', that may be all I need to know" (1)
monstrous pike (1)
hand fuck railroad (1)
Man Eats CCLV Peeps in V Minutes (1)
I'm pretty sure you're going to be SUED into oblivion, in England (1)
dropping Dubai on London (1)
what list (1)
wellie wanging (1)
Kim Jong nam really looking like the Asian Dom Deluise (1)
The next thing I know, I'm on the floor and my arms are paralyzed (1)
having literally never heard of Robert Irvine until just now, cheerio (1)
peg toodle pip pork, Simon Pegg, Pippa Middleton, Peppa Pig (1)
animatio, a blowjob from a puppet (1)
cushion for the pushin (1)
drawing a picture of Spiderman being Empire State Buildinged by Ayn Rand and Lord Byron (1)
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot (1)
damn, I've been maintaining my amateur status because I want to dog in the Olympics (1)
glove in you is medical malpractice, making no fault damages payments is all I wanna do (1)
Disco Fries (1)
Oasis (1)
Utah judge calls ex Mormon ROOK convicted of rape a 'good man' (1)
Maple Fever (1)
the death of Gary Shandling (1)
Some genius has finally invented vegan cola that doesn't taste like ape crotch (1)
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this guy out the window twenty years ago" moment (1)
excellent (1)
You probably have herpes, the WHO says (1)
Francesco Uttini (1)
giving me fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight (1)
accidentally befriending the neighborhood skunk, who now, when she sees you, bounds over to you cheerfully in an alarming way, although it's really quite cute (1)
riddling Scots with Ridley Scott (1)
that Kento's armor is Hardrock, and his Virtue is Gi (1)
not asking her out, and then regretting it for five fucking years, but in a lighthearted way (1)
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy (1)
National Orgasm Day (1)
Donald Trump, a billionaire son of New York City, did not make a single charitable donation to any of the not for profit groups that provided aid to survivors, rescue workers, or the families of cops and firemen who died trying to save others (1)
they're the worst (1)
"terrible" China, "totally corrupt" Mexico, "a total mess big crime" Germany (1)
eiffeltower dot com (1)
Billing Kento's Murrays (1)
It was not clear if Team Clinton sought to publicize the photo to show Sanders, a champion of the working class, at an exclusive locale or if the goal was to circulate an unflattering picture of a septuagenarian in a swimsuit (1)
wondering why Chris Lydon needs to raise money on kickstarter even though he has the money to maintain a harem of fat gay Asian sex slaves (1)
Orly (1)
Gary Glitter signs to produce soundtrack for Meaty Six Incher Colon The Jared Fogle Story (1)
Pokemon Extraordinarily Long Penises and Gonopores (1)
wishing you had better computer skills so you could make a "Look at this Braff" Nickelback video (1)
fuck marry kill, Courteney Cox's head on Jai Courtney's body, Jai Courtney's head on Courteney Cox's body, Courteney Cox except she has Jai Courtney's cock (1)
No Bollock S Club VII (1)
drawing a picture of Yentl being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus, oy (1)
accidentally implying that Frank Sinatra had sex with his hot daughter (1)
topping for Steve Harwell in Takin' the Back Streets VII (1)
wondering if the listing of Avril Lavigne on Marilyn Manson's "associated acts" page is vandalism, or if they actually did collaborate on something (1)
His brother Khalid blew himself in the Brussels subway (1)
semen slander (1)
that whenever you hear talk of Danish lace you imagine this scene (1)
really needing to get around to peeling off Kento's face bees (1)
that Sambo Chuppers was a horrifying chimera of Sarah, Jimbo Wales, chubb d, and Brian Peppers (1)
wondering if Trump's entire presidency is just a huge scheme to clean up by gambling on the date of his impeachment (1)
in the winter time when the weather is low you still get drunk even on the road (1)
fuck marry kill, Diane, Rebecca, Carla (1)
It's World Emoji Day! Teen girls, code an emoji that's unique like you (1)
taking those Thanksgiving themed erotic photos of Kento wearing nothing but a pilgrim hat and a turkey drumstick covering his genitals (1)
that we're almost out of people born in the nineteenth century (1)
talking about cunnilingus while performing cunnilingus (1)
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to adamDRIVER (1)
I and I gon give yuh dah axe, mon (1)
playing "Ebony and Ivory" on a grisly violinlike instrument whose strings are made from the penises of James Avery, Reginald VelJohnson, Ewan McGregor, and Liam Neeson, and which is played using a bow made from Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormli (1)
Matt Damon Says He Knew Harvey Weinstein Was a 'Womanizer,' Not a Predator (1)
Five Hospitalized After Tony Robbins Urges Them to Walk Over Hot Coals (1)
fuck marry kill, Staci Keanan, Paul Reiser, Greg Evigan (1)
feeling like you've really missed out on the smartphone era by not having sex and putting it in cloud storage like a normal person, but consoling yourself with the knowledge that some guy probably had a good look through your webcam without you knowing (1)
Annual Pony Rape Bout I (1)
the Mistake by the Lake (1)
finding a charming map on wikipedia that appears to be a ten year old girl's social studies homework (1)
polishing your award (1)
In snooker, swapping the cue from one hand to the other in order to gain easy access to an oblique shot was long thought to be disrespectful, though more recently it has come to be accepted, especially since Ronnie O'Sullivan has dominated the world game (1)
not being a big gay guy (1)
there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse (1)
wondering, and not for the first time, what the fuck is wrong with us (1)
bird fancier's lung (1)
Kento's golden ratio (1)
three dudes stone cold chillin' in a hot tub (1)
Terrorists caught in bikinis after performing bizarre midnight drag routine in the jungle (1)
he just joined the pony club (1)
wondering what a man's parents think when they find out he died being buttfucked by a horse (1)
the relentless progress of the spambot (1)
enjoying Patty Duke (1)
telling Olive Garden you left all its crap in a box on the sidewalk on your smartphone, leaving out that you kept that sweater that still smells of Olive Garden's musk (1)
posters in the amazing Regret Index may be older than they appear (1)
Birds can be drawn to the scent of plastic (1)
going into the future, seeing the apocalypse, going back in time and being turned into an Iron Man on the way, who can't then communicate what you have learned of the possible doom of the planet to the humans of the present day, so yo go mad and start cho (1)
being followed on twitter by a guy named BLAZING HOMOSEX (1)
windowless vans (1)
Pokemon Lying Flat Against the Ground and Run Away Like a Little Bitch (1)
Mortal Kombat Two Colon Annihilation (1)
infested spring (1)
wondering who the regretter with the large orange cat is (1)
that Demi Moore was thrice dominated for the MTV Movie Award for Most Desirable Female but lost all three times (1)
that apparently it's okay to photoshop dicks into the mouths of some women but not others (1)
the death of an eight year old child in Twickenham in MMXIII, who collided with a player of British bulldog while playing a different game (1)
sucking her left TWO until she had a breastgasm (1)
going down on Julio down by the schoolyard (1)
wondering whether the abdominal pain you've been experiencing is a sign of Kentometriosis (1)
you're gonna miss me when I'm gone (1)
fuck marry kill, Maureen Flannigan, Donna Pescow, Burt Reynolds (1)
a landslide of Edward Snowden (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian icons in the same way that Judy Garland, Cher, et al are icons for gay men (1)
okay there was one apparently (1)
this is now difficult to interpret (1)
Mr Bergstrom (1)
Twin Long Ronnies #Two (1)
the singer of the Pokemon Battle Frontier theme song sounding like Tom Petty (1)
look at these cans (1)
Selling black puddings, a penny a pair (1)
wanking to elderly porn, hi (1)
blithely singing "La Marseillaise" in the back of a squad car (1)
they ruin everything (1)
constructing a simulacrum of a nude Hulk Hogan using several large hams, a pile of loose straw, and a baby carrot (1)
being b b bread, bread to the bone (1)
the extreme danger of getting trichinosis from walrus meat (1)
going mad and starting cho (1)
drawing a picture of Kento sneaking into Arthur the Aardvark's bedroom late at night with rohypnol laced koolaid and a bunch of dildos (1)
knowing the Foreign Lydon wouldn't even ask (1)
really wishing somebody from the paralle universe where the Beatles Lord of the Rings movie was made would stop by and give a brief review because it sounds like it just might be the worst thing ever (1)
pitching an original sitcom in which Charles Martinet and Scott Baio play a prominently married couple who make a living playing traditional Mexican music, Mariochachi Band (1)
being the map (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon (1)
The posting notes that the assailant was "bouta fight her," followed by several emojis indicating that a person was laughing so hard she was crying (1)
not really NEEDING to fuck a midget on your deathbed, but wanting to (1)
there's no escaping the chores of the alien this time (1)
wondering if you have ever won any Oscars (1)
'The Movie Where Matt Damon Starves on Another Planet' Wins Comedy Award at Golden Globes (1)
peeling a penis (1)
Californian Mayor Accused of Playing Pork Stripe With Minor at Youth Camp (1)
this freakin dog (1)
fuck marry kill, Mahatma Gandhi, Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi (1)
my recollection is that she assumes the main character's identity after his death (1)
the fact that Gene Roddenberry is no longer alive to clarify the positions of Fictional Marina Sirtis's breasts (1)
Oosos (1)
you awful, awful man (1)
all those bad things we said about Bono a while back (1)
eXXXteme edgy lesbian "that's what she said" jokes! (1)
I cannot conceive of such a thing (1)
being insistently told by a friend of a friend that you are a celebrity of some description and having to deny it over and over (1)
going to that Sausage Festival (1)
having a surfeit of lampreys in the bathroom at church (1)
I can call you daddy (1)
a cum fart tsunami of Edward Snowden (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian (1)
finding a picture of Tim Duncan swimming with a beluga (1)
falling down the rabbit hole of youtube song mashups (1)
who are you his mother (1)
Surgeons create anus for girl born without one (1)
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a gay man (1)
we're gonna build a walrus pool and make the walrus pay for it (1)
going for a four whore drive (1)
delicious artisanal sandwiches (1)
fuck marry kill, Princess Madeleine, Tinky Winky, Steve Harwell (1)
having impure thoughts about a teenage Danica McKellar (1)
Kento's testicular mass (1)
An MEP from Denmark's centre right ruling party has defected in protest at government plans to seize valuables from refugees to help fund their stay in the country (1)
giving a hand job to the Smoothie King on request (1)
having a cardboard booty (1)
Look but just wishing someone you showed interest in would and day show interest in you (1)
wondering what Bear Grylls spent so much money on that he still has to eat nutsacks (1)
Dipsy (1)
the Imgurian daguerreotype of the horny podcaster (1)
not fighting for the rights of other people to post video of you banging your friend's wife on the internet (1)
the player who walked in on two long rods (1)
getting yo dick rode all night (1)
not being able to make things right (1)
getting Byron sauce all round your mouth and down your chin and a little bit on your thighs and some in your hair and a streak over your shoulder with some spattered on your xhest and a thick blob across the bridge of your nose you dirty bitch (1)
Han banged a Tim Burton heroine first (1)
having never seen any of the new Batman films because they came out after Star Wars Colon Episode II Colon The One That Made You Stop Wanting to Go to Movies (1)
helping your uncle jack off a horse (1)
wondering if anyone has actually tried some of the sex acts listed on Urban Dictionary (1)
imagining Her to be a female version of Him from Powerpuff Girls (1)
Donald 'Three Wolf Moon' Trump (1)
the idea that what we're doing right now is really remarkable or important just because, as far as we know, we haven't done it before (1)
considering writing "fuck marry kill, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica" and then realizing that it is the easiest answer ever (1)
spending an evening drinking Tropicana, watching Oz and the twentieth episode of season three of TNG for no reason (1)
liking your babies like you like your martinis, shaken (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white kids (1)
this freakin horse (1)
a great and incredible unit of eight individual females brought together by common interests of wine, cheese, and dark chocolate among many other indulgences (1)
V for Vladimir Putin (1)
M Knight Shyamalan (1)
hot dark matter (1)
not knowing what a thoul is (1)
Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum (1)
I have a very plastic sex unit erection (1)
Luke Starmuncher (1)
not lurking more (1)
Ki Adi Mundi (1)
you're the expert on that (1)
you die of unspecified illnesses (1)
in sixth grade, hearing a story where some girl supposedly got her first period after taking a hot bath and having sex (1)
snarfs TWICE your girth (1)
being raped by a midget (1)
bigger penis (1)
hearing from the internet that a TNG reboot is in the works and not knowing what to believe (1)
gilding the lily (1)
that it's really hard to hold those cups in your hooves (1)
Lucy Liu kneads dough with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo (1)
fuck marry kill, Lauren Tom, Kiana Tom, Tom of Finland (1)
laughing as you hew a rough wooden dildo for Mary Chapin Carpenter (1)
look at this ass (1)
the tedium of a porno film you've never seen but already know the boners of the plot to (1)
seeing a photo on wikipedia and wanting to give it the alternate title of "The Evolution of Guys Who Hang Around Children's Playgrounds Too Much" (1)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated (1)
Miley Cyrus is Full of Spunk (1)
replicator meat (1)
winning Oasis (1)
homosexual father (1)
having sex with a doll that looked a lot like Jonathan Taylor Thomas (1)
being a pregnant (1)
wondering whether Sesame Street has dialed back Elmo since the Kevin Clash scandal (1)
being the hardest man in Ireland (1)
A raid is underway at Google's (1)
sniffing markers (1)
putting things directly in Squirrel Girl's ass (1)
inexplicably weeping while touching a little girl down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain (1)
forcing yourself too deep (1)
the Pope's movie reviews are considered infallible (1)
wondering if you're going through all the old regrets one by one to learn the history of the 'dex (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white dogs (1)
seriously, we should unionize (1)
going round the twist (1)
shooting your infant child into space (1)
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Fist Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs (1)
that the regret index is no longer powered by regret (1)
He was subjected to sadistic ragging and in the postmortem a large quantity of tooth paste was found in his rectum (1)
wanting to change every reference to Middle East in someone's website to Middle Earth (1)
Bono's dog can't get an erection (1)
Meowth that's right! (1)
that wikipedia claims Eminem made extensive use of the feminine rhyme scheme in his early work, no homo (1)
fusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (1)
groping breasts (1)
I don't want to being a mystery (1)
looking at pictures of naked ladies (1)
Colon Trump, MD (1)
just now realizing that you probably could have just poisoned the tea that you gave Obi Wan and Qui Gon, which they eagerly and willingly drank without so much as sniffing it, rather than trying to gas them (1)
giving the chariot to Lucy Lui and Lucy Liu (1)
Iran Contraception (1)
Mr Freeze (1)
eating two huge slices of beef pizza (1)
buying a push up bra for the first time (1)
A Butt's Life (1)
castrating a bull before dinner (1)
suspecting that all the spam comments are going to break the 'dex again (1)
fuck marry kill, Fatworld Jewel, Dickgirl Jewel, and John Carpenter's The Thing Jewel (1)
Queen Elizabeth II caught on camera calling Chinese officials 'faggots' (1)
kissing that boy in Ithaca (1)
viewing Cold War era scaremongering apocalypse porn with the same "I'm so glad I'm not dumb enough to fall for this" attitude as, say, Kirk Cameron's Colon Saving Christmas (1)
A gerbil has been found alive in the anus of an actor whose career burned down five years ago (1)
fuck marry kill, Taylor Hanson, Zac Hanson, Isaac Hanson (1)
eating asparagus, then the hugest dump that smells exactly like asparagus (1)
choosing Coldcock over Hawtnutz and Vagbush (1)
Anne Hathaway beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy (1)
The brawl continued backstage with Cool and Jesus eventually getting in a car and speeding out of Gund Arena (1)
not being able to stop Kento putting radiation in little retarded kids' gonads (1)
loving Canada (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Penn Jillette and a camel (1)
Rick Astley is probably not going to be my best friend by Monday afternoon (1)
Any one who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind's eye, quite as much as of the bodily eye (1)
talking about poop poop poop muzik (1)
Wet Horny Annie declines to answer whether he still engages in sexting (1)
not being able to think of a better name for a gay porn star than "Vin Diesel" (1)
Operation Paperclip (1)
let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite (1)
Luke McCarthy, XXVIII, is said to have made a woman drink his blood before sinking his teeth into her thigh (1)
going crabbing in Sheepshead Bay (1)
I came very close to writing that one (1)
Mr Barasch said the lab had shown that people were ready for cruel anal (1)
nobody WANTS to deep throat Stephen Fry (1)
People got their local newspapers for next to nothing in exchange for allowing girdle ads to infiltrate their brains (1)
might The stress Be With You (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Really Tough Birth' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
Have Fun With Ants Now (1)
The Bee Movie trailer but every time Cher tweets the volume increases lOO% (1)
#fresherelfshitanalgate (1)
your diet of verbal abuse and walrus spoff (1)
shaving a twelve inch gungan (1)
groping beasts (1)
licking another man's genitals in a nonsexual way (1)
incorrectly guessing Jonathan Avildsen to be a Stunt Man Actor rather than A Terrible Actor Whose Dad Directed The Movie (1)
that christopher lydon is the most handsome man on the planet and you will never look like him when you're old (1)
wondering how many people are walking around right now unaware that they have a bifurcated colon (1)
David Dees (1)
believing you can fly (1)
Raccoon Tit Rape Inn (1)
not choosing the vegan life (1)
figuring Ryan will drop by and nuke the comment database again at some point (1)
there ain't no way a stingray is gonna penetrate all that boob meat (1)
swans are metal (1)
wondering where that whole "eliminate liquid waste out of your genitals" thing came from (1)
doing Harambe eighteen months later (1)
Quantum Rape (1)
Unreclusive Rapist has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate smaller guests (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Kardashian, Kim Cardassian, Nicolas Kim Coppola (1)
getting a job as a Kento buggerer (1)
Kento requires full rectal reconstruction after being Eiffel Towered (1)
Monchhichis (1)
your body is a wonderland (1)
reading comments on the internet anywhere, ever (1)
the rainbow ruse (1)
turtle ships (1)
I guess we'll both be spending a week whale watching (1)
honestly, fuck Sting (1)
guessing that Peppa Pig just has Pedro Pony put it in her butt to avoid getting pregnant with some kind of equuporcine abomination (1)
we're bullies (1)
hoping that the make a Pokemon based on the candiru (1)
wondering who'd win in a kangaroo semen drinking contest, Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain (1)
once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back (1)
wishing you could have been a fly on the wall at the studio meetings where the producers kept trying to convince Peter Jackson to fit more Orlando Bloom into the Hobbits, probably going so far as to suggest having two Legolases on the screen at a time (1)
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! Did we lose a war (1)
liking to know where you got the notion (1)
Sting playing the Seinfeld sting (1)
The Black Whores of DC (1)
regrets, perod (1)
seeing a skittles commercial where a woman kisses a walrus (1)
fuck marry kill, sexual intercourse, marriage, homicide (1)
setting s foils in attack position (1)
pingpu peoples (1)
for me it's always going to be NPor, closely followed by RSte and EJac (1)
I agree but where are we going to find an animal with a large enough jaw (1)
wondering whether Angel Colon is the gayest name possible (1)
girl on girl sex during pregnancy (1)
wondering if Hey Jude is about Jude Law (1)
I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur bottoming for Red VI in Millennium Porkins VI (1)
always misspelling sodomy (1)
never really understanding the appeal of Bill Murray (1)
having at least three sphincters on your face (1)
being too sexy for your car (1)
not choosing the wagon life (1)
that's quite the ask (1)
that Dexy's Midnight Runners has some really good words contained in it, including sex, dudes, girth, and Sting, but not having the energy to find a full anagram (1)
Buttadeus (1)
paddlin' the school canoe (1)
there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world (1)
doing Dallas eighteen months later (1)
such cow cum in a rape vial (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Il sung, Kim Jong il, Kim Jong un (1)
getting a job at Kento Burger (1)
trendsbianism (1)
During their private White House meeting on Thursday, Mr Obama walked his successor through the duties of running the country, and Mr Trump seemed surprised by the scope, said people familiar with the meeting (1)
you say that, but it really couldn't be further from the truth (1)
Popstar Colon Never Stop Never Stopping (1)
stealing Paris Hilton's cake (1)
that you'll never have a four way with Prairie Dawn, Rosie, and Granny Bird from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same (1)
rook takes buttocks, check and mate (1)
this is a rat burger (1)
getting a raw blow from Rob Lowe (1)
William Hogarth with his Pug, Trump (1)
all the people getting head on graciefilms dot com (1)
pizza is the best food (1)
Secundus likes to screw boys (1)
FBI Colon Tycoon Was Extorted By Gay Porn Star (1)
sometimes missing taking baths as opposed to showering, because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath (1)
seeing a guy beg for change outside a suburban grocery store and simutaneously being suspicious and sad for him (1)
the Island of the Virgin Presidents (1)
screwing everything up so badly (1)
to be fair, although she looks like she could drown, she does turn that frown upside down (1)
remembering rachel as being legitimately great and wondering how it could be that she's still hanging around the regret index so much after so many years when she could do better (1)
wondering what kind of things you often write so that "buggererbig" is in your autofill (1)
seriously craving some Burger King, but not trusting the one by your house since he asked if you have a sister and whether she was "fun" (1)
sarongs (1)
realising that Juche has taken a hold of you and you have come to see Kim Jong il and Kim Jong un as the same Glorious Leader (1)
beeing (1)
EVACUATING bowels until they IMPLODE (1)
bluh (1)
thinking you have brain cancer whenever you get a nosebleed (1)
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers on Twitter (1)
butt bustin' makes me feel good (1)
wondering if Woody Allen and Roman Polanski hang out much imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked O face looming over you (1)
divas can at least sing (1)
why'd you move to France (1)
doing machines (1)
seriously wondering whether Bryan Adams knows how to pronounce 'Porsche' (1)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid raps from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (1)
watching Perfect Body and feeling like it would have been improved by a scene in which Andie attacks a mirror, believing she is a bag of Doritos, mortally wounding herself just prior to winning Olympic gold (1)
sucking on dicks like twenty four seven all weekend (1)
Seal mating with a rusty set of bagpipes (1)
I'm not a chick (1)
supposing we shouldn't really be surprised that a year later Trump still doesn't understand what TIME's Person of the Year is actually about (1)
dat boi (1)
playing it til your fingers bled (1)
fuck marry kill, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman (1)
throwing a party and forgetting you invited Andrew Zimmern and having to drive all the way to Bulk Knackers to pick up ten pounds of llama cocks (1)
Man caught masturbating while watching The Emoji Movie (1)
I didn't know they made T cup bras (1)
maybe I wanted us to be exclusive, but I was worried about losing you, did you ever think of that (1)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (1)
Howard marks (1)
that Betty White is in her nineties (1)
that your support of and fondness towards the homosexual community gets mistaken as homosexuality by the straight one (1)
Mike Pence tweeted that calls to ban Muslims from entering the US are "offensive and unconstitutional" (1)
anyway, if "fisting or being fisted by a Star Trek cast member" is on your bucket list, I'm pretty sure that Takei would oblige you either way (1)
it's hard to grasp (1)
nobody mentioning rachel in a regret yet (1)
sith guy (1)
creating a script that just prints CHARMING twice and terminates (1)
camgirling (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Brutal Girthy Hole' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
Ketchum man charged with sexual assault (1)
He liked to post innocent looking links that led to a photo of a My Little Pony doll he had jerked off on (1)
watching Black Mirror because of the pig thing but being three episodes in and thinking it's much less clever than it thinks it is (1)
Topless female protesters manhandled after disrupting Islamic conference in France (1)
wondering which will prove the better movie, Teen Wolf Too or Mr Magorium's Whorehouse and Toystore (1)
flying All Nippon Airways (1)
The Shining really is a great name for a romcom (1)
having a dog named Buster (1)
leaving mould in a mug for so long that when you finally got round to washing it, it sprayed a blue cloud around the kitchen on contact with water and made you sneeze (1)
saying "keep fucking that chicken" (1)
that it is impossible to be "so alone" because "alone" is an absolute (1)
introducing the Amazon Prime Regret Index, same day remorse, free and unlimited (1)
ogre pair (1)
Shia LaBeouf Is Watching All His Movies At Angelika Film Center Right Now (1)
writing crappy dialogue (1)
Martian Anus (1)
those times when you have a really intense, meaningful dream, and you try to explain it to other people but it comes out looking boring and retarded (1)
horse to meet you (1)
I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell (1)
hoping that Kento Claus, soaring through the Christmas night sky on his sleigh pulled by a team of flying walruses, delivers lots of depressing, lonely toys to your house this Christmas (1)
wondering what's wrong with jizzing on thousands of flutes and distributing them to ten year olds #kinkshaming (1)
wondering what your favourite meme is (1)
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn La Marseillaise (1)
Twin Boob Jobs #Two (1)
Sopor Moroo Bros (1)
his face was made for punching, and that's just what you'll do, one of these days he'll get his face punched in by you (1)
fuck marry kill, Jessie, James, Meowth (1)
doing everything, if you know what I meat (1)
marrying young (1)
Impressing Any Woman With Big Dick (1)
the texture of a sponge cake is heavily influenced by the mixing technique (1)
Kento Diet Can Ruin Your Rectum, Podcasters Say (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon, they look more like Leo DiCaprio (1)
wondering if a barbecue with Myke Hawke is all fresh killed bison cut apart with a hunting knife, scavenged tubers and roadkill, or brisket and hotdogs marinated in soda (1)
I can't even put a finger on Uranus (1)
Barely Scald Geldof (1)
the very idea of a mouth smashing contest (1)
filthy experiences (1)
this guy right here (1)
chapped teats (1)
being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile (1)
misleading the Senate, that's a paddlin' (1)
Cthreepios's enormous erection (1)
provocative and emotional lesbos (1)
nobody measuring dickgirl Rachel Stevens in a regret yet (1)
answering the telephone with "fuck you" (1)
bottoming for Ronnie O'Sullivan in Two Fisted Snookering VII (1)
hypnagogic jerks (1)
wanting a Predator vs Independence Day crossover just for the line "welcome to erf GET TO DA CHOPPA" (1)
Cumbag Steve (1)
spitting blood when you brush or floss (1)
Animorphs, the most beautiful lie (1)
having a kid named Buster (1)
wondering what will become of the US Army's storied Fifty Seventh Dickgirl Brigade (1)
that's the dumbest joke I've ever made (1)
that the world will end in two thousand twelve (1)
It's the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown (1)
wondering if it is possible to ogle something other than breasts (1)
Pokemon Cum (1)
Wrecking Ball chatroulette version (1)
fuck marry kill, Harambe, Binti Jua, Jambo (1)
spurious precision (1)
compagnie 'elle' (1)
Letitia Dunbar Harrison (1)
fuck marry kill, Myke Hawke, Bear Grylls, James Wesley, Rawles (1)
that there is no scale akin to bra cup size to indicate the size of asses (1)
wondering how Gary Fisher is taking all of this (1)
ashley simpson naked pictures (1)
Jennifer Lawrence reveals the two words she wants to say to Donald Trump (1)
taking your best girl out to dinner at Chuck E Cheese (1)
poetry, fuck (1)
ODD (1)
this is exactly what I'm talking about, Eleanor has obviously programmed the Mk VII to choose banging a door and actually getting off on it over any kind of sexual activity with me, that whole site is a scam (1)
A woman was shot in the vagina and left with "life changing injuries" in a sex game gone wrong (1)
rewriting Regret Index Colon the Movie as Two Jerk Guys (1)
I'd have called them chazzwazzers (1)
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