Do you regret
wondering what a 'child prostitute' would taste and look like?
yes    no    haven't done it yet

vote above to find something new to regret; a world of regret awaits you
add a regret; be a cautionary example for others
search for regrets; learn from the lives of others gone awry





add a new regret

How much can you expect to regret ?

a world of regret

the one hundred and twenty sixth anniversary of the opening of the Eiffel Tower
not being able to say that via telepathy
not being able to say 'that' on television
amputee porn
not being able to say that on television
Open Parentheses Slash Geldof
parenthetical commas
open parentheses dicks and Slash close parentheses or dongs
dicks and open parentheses Slash or dongs close parentheses
dicks and Slash or dongs
dicks and or dongs
Myke Hawke
arrrrr
rrrr
puberrulence
puberty
the curious cans of the fat gay asian in the Boston aquarium
Dendrogramma
the curious incident of the fat gay asian in the Boston aquarium
an incidence of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a hundred walruses
one hundred incidences of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
it's only happened eighty three times, and only twenty nine of them were pictures
A website that largely consists of the words "drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus" repeated eight hundred and sixty three times
becoming addicted to mixed vegetable juice
A paper that largely consists of the words "Get me off your fucking mailing list" repeated eight hundred and sixty three times
filling up on Salisbury steak
climbing up on Solsbury steak
Solsbury steak
Salisbury steak
design sex with Roman Polanski
signed sex with Roman Polanski
making the sand pie port
making the ants nest
making the panties drop
bottoming for Chris Lydon in Ruined EVERYTHING IV
typoing "I've" would be fine
sex with YOU would be fine
typoing "I've"
I'v ruined EVERYTHING
you've got me, this whole house of cards has finally collapsed
who am I kidding
people do silly things when they're aroused
wondering why someone would flee across international boners only to give or receive analingus
being so physically attractive and horny that you have to flee across international boners with only the penises you can carry and seek analingus in another country
being pretty sure where you fall down on dates is entering that trancelike state of anticipation, but that if you could just get around to yelling "PUSSY" and om nom nomming everything would be fine
sex with YOU
signed, Roman Polanski
sex with you
being so physically unattractive and nerdy that you have to flee across international borders with only the possessions you can carry and seek asylum in another country
having unfulfilled Pussy Monster like urges to eat cookies
just never being able to believe someone could ever have dinosaur sex with you
shooting day for night, what a way to make a living
having unfulfilled Cookie Monster like urges to perform oral sex
that one creaky fucking door
trying me
the wind whistling around in the walls of your home
just never being able to believe someone could find you attractive
kinda having to live like a refugee, tho
sometimes being like "ugh I'm way too ugly to be as nerdy as I am"
shooting day for night
slut shaming your horse
not naming your horse
eating up Martha
THE TWILIGHT ZONE IS THE OTHER SHOW
THE STORIES SOMETIMES HAVE OBVIOUS TWISTS
WE'RE SORRY ABOUT SOME OF THE ACTING
IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR TELEVISION
five years I've been doing that joke
drawing a picture of Brent Spiner simultaneously masturbating simultaneously
you don't have to live like a refugee
Dr Crab Husk Oink
Bob Wheeler
Dr Brackish Okun
drawing a picture of Brent Spiner simultaneously masturbating Data, Lore, Bfour, Noonien Soong, Arik Soong, Frank Hollander, Eli Hollander, Annie Meyers, and numerous holograms of Data simultaneously, because he's just that talented
begun the DATA Wanc has
just now realising you've had the New Radicals and the Boo Radleys mixed up in your head as the same band for like twenty years
begun the Lore Wanc has
when you're doing anagrams in your head and an extra letter creeps in, Loser Wanc
your blood runs hot, it's the curse of priapism
your blood runs cold
phoning in ego sex with Fantaraptor
when you're doing anagrams in your head and an extra letter creeps in
Kappanese, pou fou
Japakids
Japadogs, desu neh
mouse dildos
begun the Loser Wanc has
begun the Colon War has
begun the Clone Sex Debate has
begun the Clone War has
this arranged can be
not biting Bill Cosby's penis to avoid being orally raped
giant sucking sounds
Gyarados Kingler Pikachu
Japadogs
what I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you
Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou
The best laid dildos o' mice and men gang aft aglye
drawing a picture of Myke Hawke in an adult diaper sucking Danish remoulade out of Twin Long Rods #Two's left one until it had an icy bridgegasm
Moby posing in adult diapers in Japan
supersizing phone sex with Myke Hawke
fantasizing about phone sex with Myke Hawke in adult diapers
Adult diapers are outselling infant diapers in Japan, desu ne
fantasizing about phone sex with Myke Hawke
Adult diapers are outsmelling infant diapers in Japan
Adult diapers are outselling infant diapers in Japan
I have been the dildos that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast, Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
I have eaten the dildos that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast, Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
I was dildoing when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astrya
constantly Bombadiling
constantly Bilboing
sorry about that typo, I was dildoing when I wrote it
constantyl dildoing
constantly vibing
intermittently vibrating
not constantly vibrating
constantly vibrating
Tod Uphill
I'm pretty sure I'm not
you're gay
fantasizing about phone sex with Egoraptor
wondering if we can ever truly know another person or even know ourselves, and by extension whether we could truly recognise the similarities between ourselves and otherwise identical clones or versions of ourselves
that we never fully resolved the identity of Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
that we never fully resolved the whole clone vs future self fucking conundrum
finding that you enjoy being around people who are quite dissimilar to yourself, so guessing that you would probably hate yourself
sometimes wondering what it is really like to be around yourself, like as a total stranger would you feel that you were an asshole, or are you constantly vibrating and nobody wants to mention it, or things like that
a crazed erotic grits loch
racial crotch zest
Zachor Clitcaster
chic zone trim
zinc chromite
wondering what it was like for Winston Churchill's close friends to have to watch him get stinking drunk every time he went to a party just so he would have a chance to use that line
disinterring Benjamin Franklin's corspe and electrocuting the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young keys
wondering what it was like to be around well quoted people from history like Benjamin Franklin or Oscar Wilde, like were they always on and coming up with new material or would you just hear variations on "we should hang together" or whatever constantly
Jay sees a half naked and bloodied woman walking toward her, urinating pleasing date seekers
urinating
Jay sees a half naked and bloodied woman walking toward her, urinating
pleasing date seekers
seeking pleasure daters
dating pleasure seekers
dating zookeepers
dated mall cops
dating mall cops
that we don't have to replace kids with dogs and dogs with kids in regrets, we can just cuddle if you want
a maniac, maniac at your door
sphexual harassment
being a maniac on the floor
sphexishness
wondering if you and I have reached the point where we don't have to actually copy paste the earlier regret and replace the dogs with kids, and we can just kind of assume that when one of us writes a regret with a dog or a kid in it, the other one sees it
The Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire, And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire
the Hundred Years' Cunnilingus
smoke on the water
wondering which will come first, the Blow Job Singularity or the Hand Job Robot Uprising
if we do not blow together, we shall surely blow separately
BJUnity
he simply must have it with him
Bono's cap dong
Pa Doc's ting
it's cap dong
dog tip cans
dingo pacts
dating cops
Evangelist Bob Jones III apologizes for saying that gays should be stoned
scoping dat
Pat's coding
taping docs
dang topics
doping cats
Chris Lydon's spermatophores
casting pod
beaked behinds
telling me that I'm someone good
fay gay hosers, eh
fat gay Hoosiers
buccal asses
Shoebury
regrets without boundaries
buccal masses
podcasters within Kento
sex without boundaries
eerie Hoosiers
Gay Search
gay Hoosiers
doctors without Kento
sex without borders
sex without hats
WilliamsDiaries
guessing that Zayn Malik has been driven the wrong way down that one way street more than a few times
Zayn Malik on quitting Two Direction Colon 'I just can't do that anymore'
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon and a walrus high fiving over their braided penises
Kento without Kento
sex without Kento
ruffianlikes
roguelikes
sex with Kento
Zayn Malik on quitting One Direction Colon 'I just can't do that anymore'
The Old Man and the Showers at Penn State
The Old Man and the Hot Tub
Kento's gay pita rub, ooh
Kento's orgy utopia, bah
Kento's autobiography
The Old Man and the Semen
The Old Man and the Seaplane
the death of Christina Ricci
the Sea of Sluts
Slutsea is full of swans HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
Goosea
Swansea is full of sluts look you
Students are involved in everything from prostitution and escorting to stripping and internet work, the Student Sex Work Project report found
constructing an electric sheep solely for the purpose of having sex with Kento
Cybersex Web
making an animate gif of Kento being Tannhauser Gated by Neo and an electric sheep
Cybersex Spirit
Cyberspace Spirit
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring Walken with your feet ten feet off of Beale
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring
Walken with your feet ten feet off of Beale
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring crash a light aircraft nearby, leap out of his escape fridge and insist that you never tell him the odds
that roughly throwing some sticks on your bed and jumping in is probably the same
that you will probably die without banging Calista Flockhart even once
NFL to Hire B Todd Jones, ATF Director, as Disciplinary Officer
Germanwangs
Warmginseng
Germanwings
intercourse netting with a fine denier less than one hundred may not contain warm feelings
baby, baby, when I look at you, I get a warm feeling inside intercourse netting
baby, baby, when I look at you, I get a warm feeling inside
intercourse netting
sex web
Final Clucking Take
Will Smith will never want to run a couple co projects with us now
we've become spambots
videos of gay animal sex nathan maung gay innocent emo pussy banana in a vagina lucy hernandez anal tickle fucking girls phone sex web
Anal Tickle Fucking
bottoming for Spruce Dickinson in Doorfuckers VII
a high ranking ATF employee "solicited consensual sex with anonymous partners and modified a hotel room door to facilitate sexual play"
what Myke Hawke thinks about while he masturbates
using the imagined story to claim that atheists would not find rape or murder immoral
what Phil Robertson thinks about while he masturbates
manly men
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who regularly create elaborate sexual scenarios involving a socially retarded man they know only through the internet being violated in different ways by elderly men and marine mammals
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have regular conversations about Myke Hawke
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have regular conversations about gay sex, gay pornography, and braiding their penises together
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have sex with men
having a ritual wherein you convince yourself you're going to fail at something before you even try it
Japan Airlines Flight one twenty three
try short beer, eh
sherbert theory
queefing Fisto's milk at a Darth convention
they're brothers
Darth Vegan Voiced by Edgar "Screw" Hertz
Darth Carnage Voiced by Drew "Vegs" Hertz
squirting squid's milk directly down your throat at a PETA convention
fruit fly season, no homo
squirting Sylvia Browne sauce directly down your throat
fruit fly season
taking a dump that smells like lembas bread
Darth Vader Voiced by Schwartzenegger
licking Go's brown sauce off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
squirting Go's brown sauce directly down your throat
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew
squirting Daddies brown sauce directly down your throat
Tree sitter protesting new golf course falls onto ground
wanting to make Kento a loose meat sandwich for his birthday
sticking 'em in a stew
mashing 'em
boiling 'em
not having taken a dump that smells like the burning fires of Mordor since you stopped eating hobbit pork
This image provided by Taco Bell shows an ad shows the restaurant chain's new chicken "bi cat coitus"
This image provided by Taco Bell shows an ad shows the restaurant chain's new chicken "biscuit taco"
not having taken a dump that smells like burning tires since you stopped eating pork
taking a dump that smells like burning tires
always thinking of Kento as your Christopher Tolkien fat gay Asian friend
still not having learned to check that you're entering something into the search field rather than the regret field
joyous, celebratory
holding your boobs when you run down Chris Lydon's erect penis
Christopher Walken and Christopher Tolkien
Fat Gay Eastasia
Actress Angelina Jolie has always been at war with Eastasia
Actress Angelina Jolie has had a penis and testicles attached as a preventative measure against cancer
conceiving Taylor Swift
Gob, yo
Boy Go
Gooby
The Amazing Bulk
Christopher Walken Tall
Christopher Walken on the wild side
Puppy Elephant Christopher Walken
Baby Elephant Christopher Walken
hurting 'em, Hammer
Christopher Walken on guilded splinters
Christopher Walken the kid
Christopher Walken the dog
Christopher Walken in space like on Futurama due to a drunk hookup
Christopher Walken in space
like on Futurama
due to a drunk hookup
partying like it's nineteen eighty nine and conceiving Taylor Swift due to a drunk hookup
taylorswift dot porn
wondering if Angelina Jolie will be the world's first head in a jar, like on Futurama
Actress Angelina Jolie has had her arms and legs removed as a preventative measure against cancer
Actress Angelina Jolie has had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed as a preventative measure against cancer
deaf nit!
fainted!
superb bird of paradise
Cantor's giant softshell turtle
there's a part of you that's free
Fistopher Grace
Fistopher Lydon
Christopher Walken before you can run
first bid
BICOID BABE used BIRD FIST! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE! GO IKEDA fainted!
bird fist
fit birds
she had a thing for birds of all kinds
always linking Bicoid Babe with the emergence of kakapos on the amazing Regret Index when in fact if you recall correctly she was more interested in chukar patridges
that for all you know Bicoid Babe is the Racist British Regretter
Christopher Walken out in traffic
Christopher Walken on Sunshine
Christopher Walken Pneumonia
missing Bicoid Babe and deeply hoping that she is the Lurking Third Regretter
saying a prayer over your vegan meal with Topher Grace
Mianus, the Hands of Fate
buying an electrolyte bath without checking the label first, only to find it had pennies in it
Christopher Walken like an Egyptian
Mianus Pond
Mianus Motor Works
in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed
from your anus
in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed from your anus
being Eiffel Towered by Bicoid Babe and a kakapo but ending up in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed from your anus
Thousands pay their respects to Chad Rigrink III
Christopher Walken Dead
Thousands pay their respects to King Richard III
Confucius say, many addicted to milk need his dairy fix
Christopher Walken in Memphis
your recent Eiffel Towerings leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful
buying a chocolate bar without checking the labia first, only to find it had penis in it
buying a chocolate bar without checking the label first, only to find it had penis in it
going to the emergency room with gopher trace in your ass after a date with Tad Hamilton
I'm not sure I'd tell you if I knew
going to the emergency room with Topher Grace in your ass after a date with Tad Hamilton
oh, also nine two one five nine
wondering if there are any regrets after nine two one four one that you didn't write, because the only one I wrote was nine two one five two
going to the emergency room with broken dildos in your ass after a date with Bicoid Babe
going to the emergency room with broken glass in your ass after a date with Christopher Lydon
going to the emergency room with broken glass in your ass after a date with Christopher Walken
granuloma annelidae
granuloma annulare
Christopher Walken it in San Diego
imagining Christopher Walken in the throes of orgasm
bottoming for Christopher Walken in Walken on Broken Ass VII
exclaiming "Christ!" over walkin' on broken glass with Christopher Walken
walkin' on broken glass, I'm walkin' here
walkin' on broken glass
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Having Nothing, I Mean Literally Absolutely Fucking Nothing, To Do But Were Afraid To Ask
A Midsummer Night's Rough Sex Comedy
Trannie Hall
Annie Hall II Colon Annie Haller
Annie Hall vs Predator
Woody Alien
RtwoDtwo you've found a cigarette!
I'm not chicken, you're a turkey!
maybe it converted
it's not Jewish then
Full Penis Jacket
Virginia Trioli dresses in the 'penis jacket' after Lisa Wilkinson urges TV hosts to wear it
i imgur com zerodOwbWp dot jpg
Twentieth Century Walrus Announces "Shared Woody"
Twentieth Century Fox Announces "Shared Universe" Woody
The film is notorious for an explicit scene of Lydon and a walrus, who are shown on either side of Kento as their penises are repeatedly fondled and masturbated by him
we goes together like peas and carrots
Twentieth Century Fox Announces "Shared Universe" Woody Allen Reboot Series
Shaggy God stories
De Niro looks like he's enjoying the scene a great deal
The film is notorious for an explicit scene of De Niro and Depardieu, who are shown on either side of an actress as their penises are briefly fondled and masturbated by her
a quite sweet, but chaotic, nutter who besides being very beautiful indeed spends most of her spare time dying
a quite nice, but mad, girl who besides being very beautiful indeed spends most of her spare time inventing things
eggy medals
my aged legs
edgy gleams
leggy dames
wanting to grab Joseph Gordon Levitt halfway through Fraggle Rock, slap him and yell "Stop it! You're not really Jim Henson! Stop doing that thing with your hand!"
Joseph Gordon Levitt to produce and star in Fraggle Rock remake
in the hammer time, when the weather is legit, u can't reach right and touch this
accepting all Norwegians
It was great but it went out of business
STOP! SUMMER TIME
Yo!! Sweetness
accepting all comers
Norwegians
fuckboi
STOP! HAMMER TIME
seeing cum in your cecum
Eh Meow Da Bears
I really should have stopped watching when the ape apparently ate his own cum
Eh Meow Da Geldof
Vegan Croque Madame Karate Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen Geldof
Vegan Croque Madame
Karate Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen
at least it wasn't walruses
I watched the whole thing
Funny Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen
Karate Monkey
I'm sure that all six people who were watching CSPAN at the time had a good laugh
The North Pole can't really be called the territory of any particular nation or people, eh, meow, da
At some point during the conversation, a couple of guys, who were up to no good, essentially started causing trouble in my neighbourhood
The North Pole can't really be called the territory of any particular nation or people
chicken rude and unreasonable
promising not to tell Roman Polanski
I step foot on English soil and Roman Polanski will have me in the poorhouse
going to Fowey next month and wondering if you want to meet up
bantams, eh
he's Batman
abashment
shame
having a prior engagement with your sister and brother in law this weekend
going to Garmisch this weekend and wondering if you want to meet up
Croque Madame
starting your day with a pooping hot Ruth English muffin
"It's a jungle," he said, "and I'll flay the big ass fish teats Wham!, eh"
starting your day with a piping hot Ruth English muffin
inserting Myke Hawke into your vagina during that time of the month
thynk how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke antypersperant whylst ryding Myke Hawke bykes and chowing down on Myke Hawke meat stycks
eating the biggest fish in the jungle
wrapping Myke Hawke around your neck to keep warm
being the biggest fish in the jungle
WAP!
imagining Myke Hawke touching every part of your body, even parts you can't reach yourself
think how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke
more than a decade later, WAP still translating to "WAP!" in your head instead of "wireless access protocol"
She sang superbly and then so lovingly handed me the evening on a platter, if you know what I'm saying
"It's a jungle," he said, "and the big fish always eat the small fish"
I wish I had me a poky swan
Bonerland
feeling iggy from lithium
guessing Myke Hawke just really likes knives
hey guys, remember WAP
I wish I had a monkey's WAP
I wish I had a monkey's paw
orange antipersperant
Issur Danielovitch
think how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke antipersperant whilst riding Myke Hawke bikes and chowing down on Myke Hawke meat sticks
wondering why Myke Hawke hasn't branded his name to more products
Myke Hawke's meat snacks
Jack Link's vegan meat snacks
Jack Link's meat snacks
Hercules and Xena Hyphen The Animated Movie Colon The Battle for Mount Olympus
spooning Syria's boobs, Syriously
spooning SYRIA'S boobs
spooning Jordan's boobs
seriously, those things are disgusting
it would be harder to tell them apart
calling something that would never occur in nature Jordan would be quite fitting though
calling a sheep Jordan would just be confusing
wondering why a team of Scottish scientists chose to name their blasphemy against God and nature after an American country & western singer, like you don't have huge breasted women on your side of the pond
shearing Jewel's baabs
Jewel the sheep
nun's bra cling and crows bring carnage
clowns and burning cars bring carnage
John Rambo's mujahideen friends
buzkashi
yeah, but that guy still has his testicles
If a twenty year old whose legs have been blown away can sit on my ward for weeks and show nothing but dignity, it puts the loss of a testicle into perspective
"Dolly is derived from a mammary gland cell and we couldn't think of a more impressive pair of glands than Dolly Parton's
becoming so used to noise that silence startles you
Carthago delenda est
not practicing santeria
TRUST DECEIVED!
there's got to be something better than in the middle
having the dreamer's disease
I distinctly heard it, he muttered under his breath "jew"
Sunflora
Vileplume
Gloom
Oddish
Christina Ricci Charges
Benecoot Cumbercrash
Crash Bandicoot
Creditcard Charges
Cavalry Charges
Demolition Charges
Criminal Charges
Penn State Fraternity's Rat's Cocks Pee Booth Foe May Lead to Criminal Charges
Penn State Fraternity's Secret Facebook Photos May Lead to Criminal Charges
mega evolution
spending two hours driving around on an icy bridge trying not to crash
crashing is bad, m'kay
spending two hours driving around trying not to crash
Regret Index III Colon Regret HARDEST
Fnu Lnu
Luckily, Alfalfa was an orphan owned by the studio
the piglet cheerleaders were replaced by baby hedgehogs in tutus
Regret Index II Colon Regret Harder
rewriting Regret Index Colon the Movie as Two Jerk Guys
that you had a friend in college who got drunk on a date with you and told you she'd been Roman Polanski'd in her halls of residence the year before, so you never made a pass at her again and it drove you both crazy
Regret Index Colon The Movie has been in development hell for years
wishing that you had not learned "no means no" and instead learned "no means no except in the rare case when she wants to play hard to get then kick you in the balls when you don't pursue her"
then telling all of your mutual friends that you were gay
a girl inviting herself up to your room on your third date, initiating a make out session, then saying "no" when you started to go down her shirt, to which you shyly backed away, apologized, and asked her to go home, then not calling you back the next day
wondering if Ryan will ever sell the story rights of the amazing Regret Index
a girl breaking up with you because you hinder petard
verse vica, because it's kind of like it got moved around
liking the anagrams in which an apostraphe becomes a comma or vice versa, because it's kind of like it got moved around
a girl breaking up with you because you dared print, eh
Kento's radula
oral disc, eh
a girl breaking up with you because you didn't rep rhea
orca shield
social herd
cordials, eh
acrid holes
Hildoceras
a girl breaking up with you because you didn't rape her
teatacles
liking your tea like you like your sex, nonconsensual
when you're too lazy to copy and paste a single word and so you end up instead pasting something you have already pasted unconscious
saying "copy and paste" when you meant "write" because apparently you're literally retarded
when you're too lazy to copy and paste a single word and so you end up instead pasting something you have already pasted
unconscious
da arse is gone right out of er
da arse is gone right out of er, eh
finally he gets it
unconscious people don't want to be soddomized by an elderly film director and can't answer the question "do you want to be soddomized by an elderly film director" because they are unconscious
unconscious people don't want tea and can't answer the question "do you want tea" because they are unconscious
eating dinner at See Thru Chinese Pants in Chicago
Tight, See Through Pants
Myke Hawke my cock
ape hoarder a porter
it's for charity
that's gay
Mitt Romney to blow Evander Holyfield for charity
Mitt Romney to box Evander Holyfield for comedy
becoming a munition to wry sand regret, eh
banding on the bees
Poos! Kim Kardashian Accidentally Flashes Her Underwear in Tight, See Through Pants
becumming a grandmother in your twenties
landing on the lees
Kronk's Woven Gore
liking your Pokemon like you like your coffee, ground type
Kronk's New Groove
Oops! Kim Kardashian Accidentally Flashes Her Underwear in Tight, See Through Pants
landing on the spikes
becoming a grandmother in your twenties
Mitt Romney to box Evander Holyfield for charity
hauoy
Jim Okcidento
Sovaga Sovaga Okcidento, Jim West, esperanto malglataj rajdanto
misting Jewel's boobs
Jew mist
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Fred and Rosemary West
Jim West
having you piss uncluttered pooh
shaving nuts up your iced pothole
having no TED cut up your pisshole
having chiseled pot up your snout
having polished toes up your cunt
having testicles up your poon, duh
having octupled shit up your nose
having chipotle dust up your nose
UK Opposition Head Rules Out Pact With Scottish Nationalists, Fears Chinning
UK Opposition Head Rules Out Pact With Scottish Nationalists
it's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
the death of Mike Porcaro
this Giant Jenga of assumptions
the smell of candy making you horny
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Jim West
the sound of horny making you silent
the sound of silence making you horny
the smell of your nectarine mint hand lotion making you horny
the sycamore draining board of an old sink in Hatton Garden
spooning Jewel's ears
Jew's ears
Saturn's Moon Enchiladas May Have a Hot Spicy Sauce Under its Surface
Once Glass is activated, wearers can say an action, such as "Take a picture", "Record a video", "Hangout with person Google plus circle", "Google 'What year was Wikipedia founded'", "Give me directions to the Eiffel Tower", and "Send a message to John"
Saturn's Moon Enceladus May Have a Hot Ocean Under its Surface
der Berliner Fernsehturm
subletting Wales, cheerio
rhyming black with cock
when I woke up, the light faded to black, I knew I was lost, I got lost on Myke Hawke
when I woke up, the light faded to grey, I knew I was lost, I got lost on the way
juicing so many citrus fruits you got a blister on your finger, and then the blister was weakened by citric acid and then it was full of citric acid and then you juiced more citrus fruits
for beauty and perfume you'd stake your house and your lands
angel's butt wile
weasel tilts bung
blunt sewage slit
wingless bat lute
lesbian's gut welt
wet bestial lungs
witless blue gnat
seeing bull twats
nubile twat's legs
using tweet balls
legless tuba twin
awl lubing testes
bat suet swelling
ewe tits, gnu balls
eating swell bust
twin beagle sluts
legal swine butts
web slut genitals
subletting Wales
fingering gut limes
www dot crossbows dot net yolo
that despite having spent a full hour extracting the pith from a dozen limes you have to admit that doing the same with finger limes would be a far more regrettable task
sweating buttocks
gut fingering limes
sweating bullets
gutting finger limes
gutting limes
www dot crossbows dot net
down comes the night
letting the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
using the word "tacoriffic"
wondering how much governments actually spend on PR in other countries
Ash was said to be "devastated"
the Kremlin was said to have sacked its American PR company, Ketchum
U and me kickin' it tight, tight!
seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
you wanna go where people know our troubles are all the same
Zug Zug Spitze
putzes zig
wanking in the summertime when your angel is the centerfold
summering in Wank
that's really gay
to learn how to wave your dick and hope your dick is bigger than the other guy's
Transverse, eh
Shatnerverse
Star Trek Academy Colon Collision Course
it's not far from Fucking
it's near Wank
having been there
Zugspitze
it wasn't going to be gay for me
giving Montreal screw jobs
arranging to meet in French mens' rooms for anonymous gay sex is kind of gay
watching other guys jerk off and giving blow jobs is kind of gay
giving great lick jobs
giving terrible blow jobs
coming on like Mini Cobra
coming on like Tiny Tiger
coming on like Mr Troll Wedgies
coming on like Ms Wadded Noggin
coming on like Mr Whippy
cumming on like Mr Cool, no homo
coming on like Mr Cool
having impure thoughts about a twenty something oral sex, no homo
having impure thoughts about twenty something axolotls, no lizi
having impure thoughts about a twenty something Axl Rose, no homo
Myke Hawke attempting an unplanned splashdown on Uranus
Myke Hawke attempting an orbital insertion into Uranus and burning up on entry
crashing into Myke Hawke orbiting Uranus
crashing into Myke Hawke
orbiting Uranus
orbiting me
crashing into me
sprinking a hot waffle too fast because you need a shower and you don't want to be late, and consequently slamming your sweet but chaotic turtle in Mexico to no particular gain
drinking a hot drink too fast because you need a shower and you don't want to be late, but you already know you will be, so you're burning yourself to no particular gain
Pokemon Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Pokemon Regret Fraud and Dishonesty
Pokemon Chewing and Humping
not you, obviously
wondering where the STD thing came from
you haven't lived
Pokemon Kid and Dog
writing this regret from a friend's house about one foot from a dog who is simultaneously chewing on and humping a stuffed Pokemon
Friday mornings are a different story, though
I have never watched another man masturbate on a Saturday morning, nor have I ever gotten an STD, nor have I ever drawn a picture of Kento in any state whatsoever, let alone being simultaneously orally and anally violated by a elderly men and animals
also, it's funnier
in a general rather than a specific way
just kind of assuming that despite disabling the webcam on your laptop, people use it to spy on you
wondering why it is that you assume I'm not acting out all these song lyrics prior to entering them
wondering why it is that you assume that someone writing a regret automatically means that they have done that act
a girl or two might hit the cement, not an unfitting position for such a lesser part of humanity
a girl was only an honorary human being
the Clark Gable of cuddlers
ruminating on your keyboard
Doctors claim first successful penis transplant, watch recipient masturbate on Saturday morning
watching another man ruminate on a Saturday morning
getting evidence all over the desk and your hands accidentally
having Saturday morning masturbation and little else to convince people of your own sexual orientation, but in retrospect thinking it's kind of nice that someone is watching, since it is sort of like a chance to give evidence
the irony of being a sexless heterosexual criticising the sex lives and or claimed orientation of others
kind of hoping Putin has been killed by political rivals, just because you're bored of the guy's act
watching another man masturbate on a Saturday morning, the totally heterosexual ritual that precedes going to town on your hot girlfriend before writing gay porn regrets, no homo
watching an officer and a gentleman masturbate on a Saturday morning
watching Batman masturbate another man on a Saturday morning
you really shouldn't watch
watching Batman masturbate on a Saturday morning
watching another man masturbate on a Saturday morning
it's worn out, the walrus needed a new one
that's a lie, Kento has received a baculum thousands of times
New baculum recipient 'very excited' after South Africa performs world's first successful transplant
New penis recipient 'very excited' after South Africa performs world's first successful transplant
The patient accepted the penis as his own
Doctors claim first successful Putin transplant
a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife
Doctors claim first successful penis transplant
Putin's weeklong absence due to new love child colon report
A German biologist has learned the hard way that pubicly declared wagers are legally enforceable
your internet connection going down like a sedated thirteen year old in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
traumatic separations
their small town eyes will pika pika pikachu
A German biologist has learned the hard way that publicly declared wagers are legally enforceable
your internet connection going down like Kento at SeaWorld
GiannaDistenca hasn't tweeted yet
if a small ox ever got the chance he'd talk off you and everyone you ever cared about
vegan Linda McCartney has been dead for seveganteen years
having impure thoughts about a teenage Gianna Distenca
cunt taxes are ruining small ox sex hotline businesses
vegan Linda McCartney has been dead for seventeen years
it's got Paul Anka's guarantee
Linda McCartney has been dead for seventeen years
if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you cared about
buenos ding dong diddly dias, senor
bums are the most dangerous game
a trap set in the slums
getting your scrotum tangled in a fan of your work
a resting place for bums
getting your scrotum tangled in a ceiling fan
Jimmying
shaking
shimmying
Cunt Tax On Sex Hotline of Ox
Foxhunt IX Colon No Teat Sex
Hot Sex Colon Innate Fox Tux
xXx Colon He Eats Onion Tuft
xXx Colon Fetus Notation, Eh
xXx Colon State of the Union
Ex Ex Gay Go
Ex Gay Go
Gay Go
Bi Go
the limiting behavior of a function when the argument tends towards a particular value or infinity, usually in terms of simpler functions
only understanding about forty percent of Big O but liking it anyway
the sweet touch of a mo' swan love
the sweet touch of a woman's love
having a whole lot of fun but now the time has come, you need the sweet touch of a woman's love
wishing you had Benjie's butt
Jessie's girl has got it goin' on
wishing you had Jessie's girl
Jupiter's ring
Jupiter Rectum, It Darn Near Killed 'Em
Jupiter Rectum
Jupiter Sigmoid Colon
Jupiter Descending Colon
Jupiter Transverse Colon
Jupiter Ascending Colon Ascend Harder
you'd be salty if you'd been underground for four point five billion years
wondering if Jupiter Ascending will get a sequel, so that we can refer to it as Jupiter Ascending Colon
Sailor Makemake
Confirmed Colon Jupiter's moon Ganymede has a salty, underground ocean
Tiny Tiger, Mini Dragon
going to college at twenty one and being amazed by even the third year students believing you must be a doctoral candidate because of your advanced years and lack of significant debts
not going to college sooner, before the joy of youth was sucked from my body by that succubus time
Tiny Tiger vs Mini Cobra
having a hit of the fart, eh
Robert Downey Jr, as Mr Anion's Troy Skank, gifts little boy a mini cobra
finding that Enterprise has aged a lot better than some of the other Star Trek series, but not really liking the war season
Arnold T Schwarzenglider
having faith of the heart
having never really watched much Enterprise because it sucked
Feeding Sugar Gliders Onion and Garlic
furry little things that go well with onions
Robert Downey Jr, as Iron Man's Tony Stark, gifts little boy a bionic arm
a sign of a decline in political ethics and the destruction of the American establishment from within
how many conch penis videos there are singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining Christopher Guest
how many conch penis videos there are singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining a Christmas guest
how many conch penis videos there are
singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining a Christmas guest
Onion Slop
Snoop Lion
Frozen Two Colon Frozen II Frozen
the time Jonathan Archer banged a talking slug
Dickworld what a way to go
Dickworld
what a way to go
the death of Terry Pratchett having impure thoughts about a redhead Winona Rider
the death of Terry Pratchett
having impure thoughts about a redhead Winona Rider
kind of going off blondes around the time you stopped listening to Jewel
Jewel would be a hot redhead, meow
Stacy's mom has got to go on a sex offender's register
getting an erection on hearing about another man becoming erect at the thought of a redheaded popstar
Turkish Minecraft Wars
Minecraft owner Microsoft is investigating reports the Turkish government is preparing to ban the game
YET ANOTHER erection
that genuinely you will give pop stars a second chance no matter how much you disliked their music on first listen if you know them to be redheads
another erection
living each day in the summertime, when the weather is fine
Stacy's mom is portrayed as a pert, oily, pop redhead
living each day in springtime
on the desk in front of everyone
the hot teacher you had when you were nine
an erection
Stacy's mom is portrayed as a predatory pedophile
the few months as a seventeen year old when the cable company unwittingly unscrambled everything and you basically didn't sleep
that you clearly remember being nine years old and having to go to the front of the class to show your work to your teacher, who probably only realised from the other kids' reaction that you had an erection
wondering if kids these days, with their instantaneous one click access to petabytes of internet porn, understand the illicit thrill of seeing a friend's older sister in a bikini, or watching scrambled Playboy channel, or a pilfered lingerie catalogue
that none of your friends, either male or female, had hot moms as a kid, although you did have a friend with an unspeakably hot older sister
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, if her mom's got it going on, masturbate in her bathroom
winning the Academy Award for Forced Anal Penetrant with seventeen year olds
poodoo
possibly being the only person besides George Lucas who would watch a Cluesoesque movie about the great detective Jar Jar Binks and consequently perhaps not being the best person to ask about comedy, or almost anything
Bryan Singer actually still has a career too
not being sure you ever heard Stacy's Mom, and watching the video with the sound off
Roman Polanski still gets Oscars, they love him in Hollywood
pedophiles, structured around a beloved comedy classic
we'd probably get heat for making a sitcom about two pedophiles, structured around a beloved comedy classic
Stacy's mom is the centerfold
wondering if we would get heat for playing into stereotypes and making the gay one the neat one
wondering what it says about a society where people's reaction to a music video including a scene implying a twelve year old boy's masturbation is "oh man, awkward!!!" and not "hey, that's borderline child abuse"
wondering which one would be the neat freak
being kind of creeped out by the way Stacy was portrayed as a nascent sexual creature in the Stacy's Mom video, but guessing that was probably an intended effect
imagining a remake of The Odd Couple with Bryan Singer and Roman Polanski
she's definitely of legal age now
being more attracted to Stacy than Stacy's mom in the Stacy's Mom video and feeling like you should be rooming with Roman Polanski
wondering if you had a stroke in your sleep, because words ending in es are really confusing you
Okay Kimono I
Stacy boils the dog in milt for no particular reason
boiling milt for no particular reason
Stacy masturbates the dog catcher in her bathroom
Stacy catches the dog masturbating in her bathroom
Stacy watches the boy masturbating in her bathroom
no particular reason
meandering around Tate St Ives thinking about Rachel Colon for no particular reason
boiling milt
Rachel colon the most dangerous game
hunting Rachel
not realising until you had wasted lots of guys that when your boss said he wanted them out of the way, he meant it literally
never really understanding what the fuss was about Rachel Hunter
economiyaki
using the word "okonomiyakitastic"
also, the kidnapping thing
genuinely becoming frightened that you had forgotten an entire chunk of your life
dreaming that you accidentally kidnapped someone, but becoming increasingly frantic as you realised while going out for supplies that you couldn't recall the address or location of the house you had left them in despite believing you had once lived there
it went down the wrong pipe
okonomiyaki
Some People have Too Many Dongs
Some People have Too Many Legs
pitching the sitcom "Doctors With Boarders", a wry look at young professionals moonlighting as landlords
the pot calling the kettle colored, then immediately apologizing
Stacy catches the boy rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
Stacy catches the boy masturbating in her bathroom
letting the milt boil over while you momentarily tried to think of inane lice regrets
letting the milk boil over while you momentarily tried to think of inane lice regrets
that Stacey's mom has got inane lice
that Stacey's mom has got it goin' on
we're inane lice
they're inane lice
she's inane lice
he's inane lice
your inane lice
you're inane lice
it's inane lice
it's a nice line
that you don't read the Daily Mail, don't like it, and do not want to come across as defending it, because you're not defending it, but Gawker calling anything the Voltron of Shit is the biggest instance of the pot calling the kettle African American ever
Voltron of Shit
having a really great ninety minute conversation
finishing up ninety minutes of mutual oral gratification with a woman before coming to the regret index to write about anagrams and gay porn
reading the Daily Male will give you prostate cancer
reading the Daily Mail will give you brain cancer
Calista Flockhart looks distraught leaving hospital after keeping bedside vigil with Harrison Ford after plane crash
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "Living Wet, Eh"
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "Weevil Night"
communist novel, "We the Living"
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "We the Living"
you can help Wikipedia by completing it
is this some kind of stub
is this some kind of bust
peeing iffy from plutonium
the UPPU club
accepting the vile apology of a vile being
a thousand reflections of my own sweet self, self, self, self
we're vile creatures
I knew I should have never mentioned that, because everything that gets posted here turns into something vile
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to Sunday Brunch
poof ass feces
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to oral
faeces spoofs
caffe sospeso
acrid taste
pro lech cans
lech porn sac
corn scalp, eh
penal scorch
UPPU
conch pearls
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to oral penetration by adolescents in a six stage initiation process, as the Sambia believe that regular ingestion of an older boy's semen is necessary for a prepubescent youth to achieve sexual maturity
The semen of heavy smokers and drinkers tends to carry a more acrid taste
fellatio
felonious horatio
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian
slamming your dick in tar or cod, eh
stupid babies deserve a quiet night
Sithy Shades of Grey
impotent sand babies need stout tit, eh
stupid babies need ten Ottoman tits, eh
stupid babies need the most attention
The abbreviation "LOL" means "Lucifer Our Lord" and is used in prayer by Satanists
having never had dinosaur sex
a land where they live for today 'cause tomorrow is too far away
taking a deep breath, and shaking off the blues
that is if you're on for Monday
I think we should lay out the ground sheets before we meet, and possibly engage the services of a medic
I apologize for that, but I think that we should lay out the ground rules before we actually meet
I've already been stood up once this week
there's still time
voting haven't done it yet on nine one five nine five
having dinosaur sex with agenty fiftyseven in twentyfifteen
inside of agenty fiftyseven it's too dark to get into a serious webcomics discussion
getting into a serious webcomics discussion in agenty fiftyseven
getting into a serious webcomics discussion in twentyfifteen
Vegan Kento Meatsack
Kento Meatsack
Kento Ikeda
Chet Meatsack
being coerced into licking a full serving of mulukhiyah off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
being coerced into hungrily eating emu offal via hulks
Gene Talia
baiting Gene into a full serving of mulukhiyah
eating coerced into being a full serving of mulukhiyah
being coerced into eating a full serving of mulukhiyah
moroheiya
malukhiyah
mulukhiyya
molohiya
molokhia
mloukhiya
mulukhiyah
looking for dildos in all the wrong dumpsters
looking for dildos in all the wrong places
hanging around bin o' sex with Bicoid Babe, looking for dildos
hanging around bin o' sex
hanging around in boxes
inboxes
hanging around brains
hanging around in bras
hanging around in bars
putting on women's clothing
emails about planning Chelsea's wedding or my mother's funeral arrangements, condolence notes to friends as well as yoga routines, family vacations, the other things you typically find in inboxes
being okay
being a lumberjack
running, running away from here
being a hapax legomenon wheels
being a toilet on wheels
being a lemon on wheels
toilet humour
being a Lewes non dom, eh
being a demon on wheels
trout limo, eh
sharp, curved claws on the suction cups of squid testicles cut up the rubber coating on the hull of the USS Stein
toilet humor
sharp, curved claws on the suction cups of squid tentacles cut up the rubber coating on the hull of the USS Stein
the porpoise of C Mao is to Eiffel Tower
it's hard to grasp
wondering what porpoise that would serve
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chairman Mao and a finless porpoise
Lake Dongting
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping hair
buying new sheets a month ago and having washed them three times but they still smell like sheet rot
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping thoroughly modern Millie
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping phantom of the opera
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping grease
buying new sheets a month ago and having washed them three times but they still smell like the store
Sting as Zarm
This was explained by the fact that the characters thought of drug addiction as "pollution of the mind"
toilet turtles
es sieht geheimnisvoll aus
toilet lithium
toilet metal
toilet wood
toilet air
toilet heart
toilet wind
toilet earth
toilet fire
water to tile
they used it to make Kento
being the Sith tea atheist
toilet water
being the shit tea atheist
being the athiest atheist
when they made Stephen Fry, they broke the mould, and then they used it to make Kento
even avowed athiest Stephen Fry considers Kento God's greatest mistake
God hates Eiffel Towering
Squid Spermatophore mini talk
that apparently after everything that's been said tonight, the implied relation of Kento to 'god's mistake' was too much to bear
skullis dot com
spooning God's mistake
spooning Kento's god
Kento's poon, God
growlr
grumblr
God's poon, Kento
Go's pod on Kento
Kento's poo dong
Kento's pond goo
Kento's goon pod
Kento's gonopod
Kento's aedeagus
mammals no longer needed to be orally raped by squids
the OG sixtyniner's, Big Unit, and Junior Jiz Mafia for keeping the tradition alive
in my country, it's all about the kid in YOU
it's all about the dog in me
spawn rush
playing Sim Salmon IV but really wanting to go back and play SimSalmon MM, even though the graphics make your eyes bleed
the death of Sim Salmon
the death of Sam Simon
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Zaranites
Zaranites
headaches, we don't need no stinking headaches
sometimes it takes a while to find the perfect one, but it's worth it
LionO cum grenade
LionO menace drug
condom FREEDOM eagle
miracle on nude Go
damning oreo clue
loonier acme dung
gonad income rule
Uncle Amigo drone
lurid ocean gnome
Harvey's Oil Cream Dungeon
crude tapir gleam
unclaimed Oregon
our genocidal men
genial condor emu
Roman genie cloud
cum donor lineage
condom ruin eagle
nuncio dogma reel
no unclaimed ogre
our angelic demon
corn media lounge
agile dunce moron
urine gale condom
a glee unicorn mod
ogle more nun acid
oil cream dungeon
crude onion gleam
a cum drool engine
un coglione madre
being told in Italian on twitter that you're going to be a mother jerk
you just didn't see my hand under the stall door
being told in Italian on twitter that you're going to be a mother
jerk
being stood up
Navajo inspired recent comments
a woman in a sheer triangle bra suggestively stares at the camera on her hands and knees, a woman clad in nothing but legwarmers and panties looks more demure
Strange Magic
there are five lights
Picard regrets that there are four lights
dumpr
coldshouldr
fistr
ikedr
nuttr
kronr
rikr
Rikrets
Picard regrets
peccary regrets
pessary regret
pessimistic regrets
optimistic regrets
tomorrow's regrets, today
December twenty thirteen was four years ago
near and far, the desert sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere
the comments went away in December twenty thirteen
so at last, you understood
a moment later
sure enough
knowing some day you'd face the test
the mountain quest
near and far, the desert sand
those auto generated news sites that use random retweets of actual article links as 'sources'
suddenly missing the comments, then relaxing as you realise it's been something stupid like two years since they went away
denying that A equals A
the purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man, so come on baby let's start an orgy
the porpoises of an orgy
the purposes of an orgy
meeting Brian Pepprs
cuddlng Jewel's boobs
eiffeltowerr
only people desperate for human touch would turn to technology to fulfill this human need with a stranger
wafflr
remembering a decade ago when trilateration was a pipe dream
sprinkr
penisbraidr
cuddlr
regretr
blendr
Some examples include putting in profiles "No Asians", "No Blacks" or "No femmes", and referring to people of color as food, such as "No chocolate", "No curry", and "No rice"
grindr's mother
grindr
being slain by a bizarre, striated earthworm
playing Towers & Chariots with Chris Lydon
doubting that Chris Lydon is that sexually adventurous and guessing that he mostly likes to stick to good old fashioned Eiffel Towers and chariots
Under the guise of using the space for relatives, it was rented for the porpoises of an orgy
Under the guise of using the space for relatives, it was rented for the purposes of an orgy
Vaginal Kung Po
Vaginal Kung Fu
i dot imgur dot com slash threeGoneieXk dot png
Kento and Chris probably do that
wondering if there are people out there whose Rough Sex Monday ritual consists of reubendikshonairy roulette, wherein they click on random entries until they find a sex act, then they have to do it
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive
micro machines in there
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive micro machines in there, cheerio
the "ten words trending now" on roombadickinary being bbw, bdsm, donkey punch, drink things through, blumpkin, fam, rusty trombone, cum, bitch, and douchebag
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive micro machines in there
regarding an upper decker you left in Des Moines
for you
my wide stance
definition three of chunnel on rbnuadtoctariy
I'm a pretty wide guy
okay, I'll be in the men's room, you'll be able to recognize me by my wide stance
we'll call it dinner
more like seven
i dot imgur dot com slash XNKIWTD dot jpg
Sunday is sadly trod, eh
Sunday is Lorde's day
Sunday is the Lord's day
drinking Champagne Out of a Chimp Anus out of a chimp anus in Champagne
fine I'll meet you at Gare du Nord at about six
we can still make it by evening if you take the chunnel
"Sunday brunch" sounds fairly unconventional
packed with celebrity guests, tasty cookery and chat
that it's kind of late but I'm free if you're free
Tim Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer host Sunday Brunch
when work schedules conflicts
being decked by Desmond Dekker twice on a double decker regarding an upper decker you left in Des Moines
it's so weird that you mentioned that, because "Sunday brunch" is one of your favorite relationship traditions, and one which you are unable to partake of this week due to work scheduling conflicts
in the night he woke suddenly and put vanilla ice cream on the shopping list
the highlight of your sex life to date being introducing a thirty year old woman to cunnilingus
when he'd finished the ice cream and put the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and washed his hands, he kissed her and then held hands for a bit before bedtime
"I have pretty conventional tastes," he said, eating a vanilla ice cream with a small spoon
maybe a little light bondage, if like playfully holding a limb down or something like that counts
not bondage, but bonding
fun and bonding
for fun
on cunnies
feeling that the quiet spaces of a Sunday morning would be better spent performing cunnilingus
being a heaping bowl of staple sauce
eating a heaping bowl of staple sauce
In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people, the Druids
it was the giving superficial advice to a stranger one, it was just responded to way later in the day, like so
mice can go fuck themselves
mice, seriously
mice
hoping, desperately, that single the very dark, dry mouse poo you found was in fact just carried there by something you did, or was at least dropped by the mouse you know died before the shit eating little bastard could come back for it
five feet off the ground given the opportunity
seriously seeming to spend a large part of your life telling yourself you imagined things
telling yourself you'd imagined it
the king
nothing will ever seem clean again
really hating mice and rats SO MUCH
being aware that field mice will build nests in coniferous trees at five feet off the ground given the opportunity
wondering if the average mouse likes to climb power cables to the height of several feet
wondering what the maximum number of mice that will transport themselves inside of a rolled up rug at any given time is
coming into the bedroom after a shower and thinking you'd heard the scratching of a mouse at floor level, but seeing nothing and telling yourself you'd imagined it
just basically never trusting your home ever again
finding a mouse dropping like a month after you thought the mouse died and was disposed of, and worst of all, finding the dropping in an area that you didn't think the mouse could have reached
Assfucking, You Like It Geldof
It's Sesear Kiss Ear Kissess S Es Ear Kiss Nipple Play Geldof
Low Try Barony Geldof
Low Try Barony
Royalty Brown
Ohio teacher accused of placing spy camera in kindergarten bathroom
the nipple play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king
Assfucking, You Like It's
It's
sesear kiss
ear kissess
s
es
ear kiss
nipple play
Assfucking, You Like It
The Assfucking of Othello, the BBC of Venice
The Two Gentlemen of Verona Being Fucked in the Ass
A Midsummer Night's Assfuck
All's Well That Ends With Being Fucked In The Ass
Much Ado About Being Fucked In The Ass
it's probably a bit late to do much about being fucked in the ass
it's probably a bit late to do much about that
the randomizer giving you three regrets with variations on the phrase "fucked in the ass" in a row
old age when you were an infant
having impure thoughts about a geriatric Lydia Lopokova
finding yourself drawn to Lydia Lopokova, a woman who died of old age when you were an infant
Cans & Curious
The Cans and the Curious Colon Tokyo Fist
II Cans II Curious
The Cans and the Curious
Ded Moroz
robust mongoloids
I really need to get some sleep
damn it
being satisfactorily fast but extraordinarily, perhaps excessively, fast
being both too fast and too furious
Bili apes
canner's buttock
baculogenic contusions
gumshoe's cock knee
walrus tamer's fissures
podcaster's striations
podcaster's scrotum
laboratory animal allergy
surfer's ear
mad hatter disease
mule spinners' cancer
fiddler's neck
chimney sweeps' carcinoma
coalworker's pneumoconiosis
glassblower's cataracts
glassblowers
Katie Holmes' left one sucking on you until she had a breastgasm
daily except for sunday drawing a picture of Kento being fingered by an anthropomorphic fingered citron
daily except for sunday
drawing a picture of Kento being fingered by an anthropomorphic fingered citron
the fingered citron
that you would eat intact hobbit flavored pringles
I have got to do something about that air conditioner suction
that you would eat intact jareth flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hoggle flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hogg flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hog flavored pringles
Katie Holmes with a Vampire Breast
Katie Holmes with a Smart Rape Vibe
The French buttock handlers in Paris thought the can's curious contents had been left for them as an unkind joke by their counterparts in London
The French baggage handlers in Paris thought the can's unsavoury contents had been left for them as an unkind joke by their counterparts in London
Katie Holmes with Vampire Bat Ears
some tinned food, a torch, a blanket and a pillow, plus two plastic bottles
the gamfish lives
constructing additional gams
exceeding the load of those gams
busting a load on those gams
getting a load off those gams
getting a load of those gams
A single piece of Jade, approximately the size of a man's finger, could protect one person from the taint for about a week
Noel was advised to dress as James Bond but he was always interested in tampons
Noel was advised to dress as James Bond but he was a huge douchebag
pig gooch
tartan Obi
Liam was advised to dress as James Bond but he was promiscuous and a murderer
boar taint
Torengos
Two limited market flavors, cheeseburger and "Intact Hog", were recalled in March twenty ten as a safety precaution after Salmonella was found
getting the fever for the flavor of a Pringle, but being fine after a short course of antibiotics
Two limited market flavors, cheeseburger and "Taco Night", were recalled in March twenty ten as a safety precaution after Salmonella was found
consumer complaints about broken, greasy, and stale chips, as well as air in the bags
his manager at Tim Hortons probably wouldn't give him time off anyway
the very notion that Hayden Christensen has the physical presence to even intimidate a potato chip mascot, let alone actually kill him
Julius Pringles begging for mercy on the grounds that it's only a picture, but receiving no clemency because the picture was drawn in sand
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen's sister choking to death on Pringles while jumping on a trampoline, causing him to go and decapitate Julius Pringles
Brian CC Frate, Pen Istoneland, BC Canada
Skip McDeere
Brian C Frate, Pen Island, BC Canada
Brian C Frate, Pender Island, BC Canada
He was "discovered" when his older sister, a former trampoline champion, was searching for an agent after she landed a role in a Pringles commercial
"Dawson's Creek" is a nauseous example
Paralyzed Colon The Eli Goodner Story
honestly not getting the rhubarb pie thing, but now wanting some rhubarb
I believe this was due to the fact that it wasn't publicized enough and I personally feel that it was on at the wrong time slot
all those girl scouts Vader decapitated after he found out they put sand in his rhubarb pie
sad wet airships
At the time, the word "green" had sexual connotations, most notably in the phrase "a green gown", a reference to the way that grass stains might be seen on a woman's dress if she had engaged in sexual intercourse out of doors
reaching number one in the Sith Pies Awards with seventeen votes
reaching number one in the Swiss Hit Parade
Nestor Alexander Haddaway
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes a mess
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes
wondering if homophobes can stand to eat waffles
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes them around his plate
wondering if trypophobes can stand to eat waffles
I can't, I can't, I can't stand gaining weight
seriously, don't stand so close to me
the bed's too big without you, I can't reach the bucket fast enough
the bitterly violent music of Sting, one of the most vomit inducing songwriters ever to have lived
yough'll hup remembarghhh murgghh hu hu hu when hu th hu the hu west hworp wind mooooghves hupon th fields of HOOOORK
Syrupofipecac II
Roxanne, you don't have to put your fingers down your throat
finding a violent retch teen Sting
finding a convenient Skywalker
finding a convenient streetwalker
finding a convenient streetlight
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles kissed a man
you also gain full, uncensored access to all of the pictures of Kento with animals and celebrities engaging in hot sex acts no even urbandictionary has heard of!
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles killed a man
discovering that the reason you were on that instant noodle kick is because they're basically liquid doritos
signing up for Regret Prime, the premium Regret Index experience that permits you to see all fifty 'ghost' regrets, as well as use special characters like , , , and of course
sometimes feeling like there are hidden regrets that you can't see, because you have no idea what the context for the previous regret is
that the same superficial advice is what you tell yourself during freakouts too, but it hasn't really helped you in the long run
you fill up my census
you light up my senses
drawing a picture of Raymond Burr and a chimp taking turns sucking Kento's left one, though the actual nature of the appendage remains a mystery
Chrome telling you that you can't download a file because it WILL harm your computer, and not even giving you the option to do it anyway because you know it's a false positive
she didn't look like a Back Dorothy
you did not believe the information
sucking Kento's left one
Alien Shooter Colon Vengeance
Piscis swimeatus vitae
House of Sand and Walruses starring Lydon Walrussen
piloting your steamer through Walrusson Fjord
Walrusson Ford Eiffled in plane crash
Commander Colon Colon Colon Dreams
Walrus and Commander Colon The Far Side of the Anus
drawing a picture of Captain Lydon and Commander Walrus Kobyashi Maruing Ensign Kento
drawing a picture of Raymond Burr and a chimp taking turns sucking Kento's left one
that sounds like a challenge
could be as early as June
guessing that we'll hit lOOk sometime in September
there is nothing beyond the subatomic
I don't even have a waffle iron
not cleaning and putting away your waffle iron before going back to bed, a clear violation of the Brussels Conventions on the treatment of breakfast utensils
I think he's talking to you
Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson
imagining a pitch meeting where the amazing Regret Index is mentioned as an example of potential audience
dogs playing Battlecreek and mocking dogs that play Call of Duty
deserving a quiet night
Hayden Christensen injured in sand storm
Harrison Ford injured in peach snarl
Harrison Ford usured in plane crash
shaming your colon
shaving your colon
sharing your colon
shunting your colon
shutting your colon
shitting your colon
seriously considering night waffles
dogs playing Battlefield and mocking dogs that play Call of Duty
dogs playing Call of Duty
slamming your colon in the car door
gory duty
hitting your colon
missing your colon
imagining a Tolkien insect character on the Lord of the Hobbits Episode XVII Crossover of the Hogwarts that goes around filming everyone being gay
cuter sox
sex court
imagining a talking insect character on Tanks for Nothing that constantly goes around accusing everone of being gay
Harrison Ford insured in plane crash
being accused of soliciting gay sex by a talking insect
I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!
wondering if you could get away with making waffles at three in the morning
maybe you all are homosexuals too
I had to spread my legs when I lower my pants so they won't slide
laying awake and wondering if your body really thinks that three hours of sleep were enough or if it just hates you
showing the court with this doll where you'd like to be touched
erectile witnesses
hostile witnesses
dogs playing Pokemon
orgy duty
twelve horny men
hung juries
MY NO PELT GAFFE
having a concersation with somoen about shoes at a twelve hour orgy
EMPTY FAG FELON
GET OFF MY PLANE
Harrison Ford injured in plane crash
having a concersation with somoen
holy shit, did I just write that
I can't tell if you were having a concersation with somoen or just regretwanking, but I haven't posted anything in about twelve hours
any swan's death diminishes me, because I am involved in swankind
any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind
giving superficial advice to a stranger on a strange site because you want to reassure them, when really, honestly, you're just repeating the things you've often told yourself during freakouts
we can never truly escape or out think our fears, but we can be rational about them, and perhaps the simplest thing we can do is to remember that almost anybody would make the same decisions as we do in the same situations with the same information
ultimately all any of us can do is accept that we are imperfect beings leading imperfect lives in an imperfect world, and attempt to avoid the kind of learned, internalized disappointment with our own imperfections and 'lack of progress'
loneliness and the fear of unavoidable failure can lead us to act in ways that are counter productive both in social and mental health terms, which, ironically, can lead us into a kind of shame spiral
feeling like you're sleepwanking
you know being staked in your heart, that ain't right
taking it, taking another little bite of my neck now, baby
the terrible loveliness of the lone souled orgygoer
feeling like you're sleepwalking
the terrible loneliness of the nice shoed orgygoer
hiring a detective to find out who thinks that you're bonerific
On top of that having almost no solid proof that anyone has ever been interested
and even as you're thinking that thinking "haha nah, that never happened, none of those maybes were real things, they were all in your mind"
being afraid you're keeping yourself from being loved, that in the past you've shot down people who might like you based on the idea that no one could possibly like you
you were never the strong one, but the stuff you show doesn't scratch the surface of the fears you have
that your sister was all "I always had to be the strong one" she she was having a crisis, but you're the stoic, you can't even bring yourself to dump on other people
dirtyfriedchicken dot com, isn't it
orgies
not getting your nice shoes cleaned after the orgy
clogging up the hot tub with Jack Nicholson's back hair
weird is a weird word
clogging up the hot tub filters with shoe polish
assessed is a weird word
wondering how ass tax is assesed
wearing your nice shoes in the hot tub
Butts County leaders oppose ass tax elimination
not getting your hot tub cleaned after the orgy
clever girl
Attack of the Eiffelraptor
not getting your nice shoes polished before the orgy
Return of the Bumpasaurus
i dot imgur dot com slash Mjzptsevend dot png
Analrapy prepares inmates for life beyond Butts County
Counseling prepares inmates for life beyond Butts County
Butts County leaders oppose gas tax elimination
Butts County sheriff implements new wrecker policy
the Butts County Assessors Office
going all the way to Butts County and not even meeting the Count of Butts
just one look and I can be a hill ranger
just one look and I can anal her gerbil
just one look and I can hear a bell ring
Butt Buddy Holly
mamma mia!
the well documented and commonly encountered invisible powers of dogs
Buddy Holly Anal Probe May Be Reopened
Buddy Holly Crash Probe May Be Reopened
"Dog attacks child with an invisible power" is not a headline, "Child attacks dog with an invisible power" is
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY CHICK SEXING
Kid attacks puppy with a visible power
Dog attacks child with an invisible power
Attack of the Forty Thousand Pound Chick Sexer
Shortage of chick sexers in the UK, cheerio
Jackson Clitcaster Frank
when IVchan made fake adverts which told people to microwave their iPhones, people actually microwaved their iPhones
Zachor C Kento
bottoming for Zachary Quinto in Fag Failure Trek I, Eh
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'a faerie girth fluke'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'failure freak eight'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'a huge ratlike fifer'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'like a father figure'
Chris Brown has a nine month old daughter colon report
too soon
Five Canadian Dollar Leonard Nimoy, eh
Five Canadian Dollar Bill Shatner, eh
Five Dollar Bill Murray
Another Man Dong Gone
Hot Grits All Over You
I Pity the Poop Immigrant
I like to keep you informed
it is nice to know that your butt's got a hole in it, though
yeah, I'm pushing air here
The Groom's Still Queefing at the Convention
all right, I think I've kind of peaked with Scandinavian Hardboiled Blues, I'm done for a while
Shark Pilot
Meet Brian Peppers in the Morning
Gays of Eden
From a Buick SEVEN
Narrow Urethra
My Butt's Got a Hole in it
Scandinavian Hardboiled Blues
It's the Flight of the Dishonest Bumblebee Keeper
I'd Hate to be You in That Dreadful Hot Tub
Knockin' on Shaven Rodeo
Myke Hawke is Hard
Slammin' Your Dick in Heaven's Door
I Shall Eat Free
He'll Be Ejaculating Over The Mountain Onto Kim Jong il
Two Dwarfs Shaving Grace
Baby, I'm In The Mood For You, Signed, Roman Polanski
Ayngelina
Temporary Like Achisses
Oxford Town, Cheerio
Love Minus Zero, No Homo
Liking Your Cup of Coffee Like a Rolling Stone, One More
Long Time Ago, Far Far Away
Suzi's Farm
Chimp Anus Zero, No Limit
Harvey Cream About You, Baby
Bustier, Hippier Girl of the Lowlands
Early Roman Polanski
Kentoing, Kentoing, Kentone
Meet Me in the Dumpster
Goose Down Engine
Man Gave Blow Jobs to All the Animals
North Country Blues, I'll Chin Ye
I'll Remember Every Episode of TNG
Under the Red Splotchy Rhino
Dong to Woodie
House of the Ragin' Swan
I Threw Lolitics Dot Com Away
If I Were a Walrus
If You Ever Go to Boston
Po' Walrus
Spooning Jewel's Boots of Spanish Leather
that one made me laugh out loud, like Muttley
Bizarre, Striated Willie McTell
Canadee I O E H
Masturbation Row
It's Alright, Ma, I'm Only Fisting
Copper Waffle
Chris the Eskimo
Stuck Inside Of A Taco Bell Parking Lot With The Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake Blues Again
I'm Eiffel for You
TV Quotin' Song
Sitting On A Barbed Wire Fence, On a Mountain of Skulls, In the Castle of Pain
'Til Eiffel in Love with You
Tiny Tiger Montgomery
One Too Many Rough Sex Mondays
Pokemon Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine
All the Tired Bicycling Horses
Myke Hawke Pages
Eh, Sister
Drinking the Water in The Hills of Mexico
Playing Dungeons & Dragons With Tim Duncan and Brady
Two Kroner and Ninety Nine Ore
I am a Lonesome Hobo, No Hobo
No Time to Sprink
One More Scalding Cup of Coffee
Talkin' Da Bears Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues
Open the Door, Homo
Baby, Won't You Eat My Baby
Only a Swan in Their Game
Talkin' New York, I'm Walkin' Here
Song for Canada, Eh
Step it Up and Kento
The Lonesome Death of Sylvia Browne
Ballad of Benjamin Buttocks
Every Grain of Sand, eh
Vegan Queen Jane Approximately
Panthro Skin Pill Box Hat
Mr Tambourine Swan
Lolitical World
Downy Rye Mania #Twelve & Thirty Five
The Man in Kento
The French Girl Who Looked Like Janice Dickinson
If Kids Run Free
Dump is Just a Four Letter Word
Pokemon Frankie Lee and Judas Priest
Tangled Up in INDIGO
Make You Feel Myke Hawke
Hurrikento
Steak n Shake Theme
Big Red Dog
Blood in Jackson C Frank's Eyes
Girl from the Ryan North Country, Eh
not appreciating "Ryan North Country Blues" at the time because you were still shiny
that "Ryan North Country Blues" was entered seventy thousand regrets ago
Just Like Tim Tin's Blues
the answer, Myke Hawke, is blowin' a walrus
Don't Think THRICE, It's All LEFT
Ballad of a Thin Swan
Ballad of a Fat Gay Asian
I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine in the Bathroom at Church
being bound off for the harbor of Boston or maybe to shoot some walrus porn
All Along the Eiffel Tower
All Along the Waffletower
Farewell, Jaylala
Kento Ikeda's one hundred fifteenth dream
quadruple Chris Pratt's cock
letting me down gently
eating a crisp rat with Chris Pratt
According to legendary accounts, debate became so heated that at one point, Arius was struck in the face by Nicholas of Myra
the little black diabetic Tom of Finland
James Bond Colon In Service Of Nothing
SeaQuest
conducting evening smut boners
One of my biggest achilles heels has beanery ego
the waitress he was handsome he wore a powder blue cape, eh
your kid Dumpster
Wee MacTusk
bizarre, striated wormholes
wormholes
tonight the dog from Frasier's gonna ride the dolphin from SeaQuest
your dog Skip
Blake Little, I mean
Black Little, the Diabetic Tom of Finland
Pokemon Take Her Out For a Meal and Just Do What You Feel
Blake Little
Pokemon Summertime and Centerfold
It is very difficult to conceive of a scenario short of reel in raw cunt where an agency would be justified in allowing its cabinet level head officer to solely use a private email communications channel for the conduct of evening smut boners
It is very difficult to conceive of a scenario short of nuclear winter where an agency would be justified in allowing its cabinet level head officer to solely use a private email communications channel for the conduct of government business
what Paris Hilton's mom told her on her ninth birthday
you may very well be putting those nipples to work before you know it
Colonel Gaddafi's cousin, Shittalking Alsoran Forhire
Colonel Gaddafi's cousin, Ahmed Gaddafi al Paletteswapped Boris Johnson
Sirs Fit Endways
Fit Wiry Sadness
Twin Sis Defrays
Dairy Swiftness
Ryan's wide fists
being Ryan's anal fist wide receiver
wondering what the final straw will eat for Ryan
wondering what the anal fist WR will be for Ryan
wondering what the final straw will be for Ryan
Pokemon Lindsay Lohan and Alexis Bledel
Pokemon Wookieepedia and Fat World
Pokemon Skiing and Eiffel Towering
Pokemon Homo and No Homo
Pokemon Ex Gay and Ex Ex Gay
Pokemon Fluids and Mucus
Pokemon Chris Lydon and A Walrus
Pokemon Dick Dastardly and Muttley
Pokemon Bicurious and Heteroflexible
Pokemon Dylan and Petty
Pokemon Simon and Garfunkel
Pokemon, Pokemon and Pokemon, the lawfirm that Roman Polanski uses
Pokemon Copy Pasted News Headlines and Random Song Lyrics
Pokemon Bono and Bob Geldof Geldof
Pokemon Bono and Bob Geldof
Pokemon Moe Ponk and Ken Pomo
Pokemon Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong un
wondering how well Pokemon Gay Porn version would actually sell
drinking plenty of fluids to thin the mucus in your lungs
teabagging your hardboiled cockney turtles
having a cold and sounding like Muttley when you laugh lately
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you total them
we can never explain
Pokemon Avocado and Orchid
Pokemon To Be and or Not To Be
Pokemon Tim Tin and Peter Nippers
having no way of knowing that when you had wasted lots of time your new friend, a sweet but chaotic ex, said he didn't want to teabag Raymond Burr as you sprink champagne out of a shoe, he was paid in kroner
Pokemon Left One and Right One
Pokemon Insomnia and Priapism
sprinking chocolate chips on your reliable and beloved car as you total it
Pokemon Anagrams and Gay Porn
the separation of church and stairs
Pokemon Yes, No, and Haven't Done It Yet
Pokemon Top and Bottom
Pokemon Regrets and Comments
Pokemon Why Am I Racist and Old Jewish Man Stereotype
Pokemon Racist British Bandit and Anonymous Lurker
Pokemon Suzi Finer and Lisa Allarde Johnson
Pokemon Pirates and Smugglers
Pokemon Bra and Panties
Pokemon Bizarre and Striated
Pokemon Church and Stairs
Pokemon Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake and Bathroom at Church
Pokemon Beloved and Waffletastic
Pokemon Breasts and Cans
Pokemon Jaylala and Ryan
Pokemon Lickjobs and Dinosaur Sex
Pokemon Chocolate Chips and Danish Remoulade
Pokemon Pepper and Burr
Pokemon Stephen Fry and Go Ikeda
Pokemon Breasts and Turtles
Pokemon Meeting and Teabagging
Pokemon British and Scandinavian
Pokemon Girl Who Looked a Lot Like Christina Ricci and Girl in Second Grade
Pokemon Shoe and Chimp Anus
Pokemon Alive and Dead
Pokemon Lithium and Lolcode
MR MIME used SPRINKING! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Pokemon Holding and Kneading
Pokemon Earthworm and Ginger Root
Pokemon Polanski and Savile
Pokemon Fisting and Docking
Pokemon Cunnilingus and Anilingus
wondering if you can breed a panther and Tony Dancer to get a dancer
wondering if you can breed a panther and a cougar to get a pougar
wondering if you can breed a panther and a tiger to get a piger
listening to Tiny Tiger with Tony the Tiger
listening to Tiny Tiger with Tony Danza
listening to Tiny Dancer with Tony Danza
rightside up
umop apisdn
Myke Grylls
Bear Hawke
Pokemon Bear Grylls and Myke Hawke
I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
I CUM in PiES!
no thanks to the plane, many of us are still alive
what's with her
this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit
Deep Throat Blue Velvet horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every wife beater
Deep Blue horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
deep horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
deep cycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
artillery batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
inside your head, on every beat
being all out of jelly puppies
being all out of jelly babies
Fifty Shades of Insect Overlords
egos ran
no rages
The Trekkies of BDSM
Goreans
Stream Highlight The Eiffel Tower Story
the eh is implied
you're so fine I want you mine you're so delicious
not using refried beans because you forgot to get refried beans because normally when you make enchiladas you have refried beans in the freezer from when you make a big batch, but you don't have any refried beans, dumbass
making mintbread and enchiladas
that callbot, seriously
flicking her left one until she had a breakgasm
flicking your switch until the breaker trips
jacking the lights on and off repeatedly
jacking off for your rights for a while, then switching over to your lefts
jacking off for your rights
really having to jack off
really having to stand up
really having to throw up
really having to get up
eating that whole thing of vagina snot and throwing up in bed at TWO in the afternoon
still being in bed at TWO in the afternoon
something about the phrase "vagina snot rodeo ego" making you want to throw up
something about the phrase "vegan tandoori goose" making you want to throw up
making an anazingly waffletastic vegan tandoori goose swandwich for lunch, eh
making an anazingly delicious vegan tandoori chicken sandwich for lunch
having to make mint orange enchiladas and bread marmalade today
having to make orange marmalade and mintbread enchiladas today
still being in bed at one in the afternoon
having to make orange marmalade, mintbread and enchiladas today
making an anazingly delicious tandoori chicken sandwich for lunch
never visiting them at home
being so, so glad that you don't have "relatives from the nudist colony"
that your relatives from the nudist colony seem to run the full spectrum between stoic acceptance and constant arousal
the death of Encyclokafephile Brown
zeitgeist lung tumor rape rapists
wondering what the etiquette at nudist colonies for random boners is, like, do you have to conceal it, or does everyone pretend it's not there or what
shouting "LOOK EVERYONE! ZEALOUS TRUMPETING TIGER RAPISTS! SOMEONE HAD BEST CALL THE AUTHORITIES!" at the entrance to the zealous trumpeting tiger rapists' hideout when they are all inside
Tim Curry is among Hollywood's most talented and versatile actors
the death of Encyclopedophile Brown
pulling out all the stops and ruining your organ
the death of Encyclopedia Brown
feeling iffy from fisting Sylvia Browne on an icy bridge for thirty six hours
using the word "sausagetastic"
the death of Sylvia Browne rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
your sausage is ridiculous
fisting Go Ikeda in the bathroom at church
how dare you insult my sausage
shouting "LOOK EVERYONE! NAZI PIRATE SMUGGLER PROSTITUTES! SOMEONE HAD BEST CALL THE AUTHORITIES!" at the entrance to the nazi pirate smuggler prostitutes' hideout when they are all inside
it doesn't even braid
yours, not mine
not being sure your sausage qualifies as 'amazing'
feeling like whenever anything happens that even slightly confuses you, you relentlessly discover the truth, like some kind of monomaniacal boy adventurer tracking down nazi pirate smugglers, before shouting about it very loudly
The amazing Sausage Index
feeling bad for pointing it out
remembering the heady days when this was less of a sausage index
anyway, I'm glad you pointed it out, because now we know there are at least three of us
I had assumed you wrote nine oh seven two five, but I didn't think you had actually worn just a bra and panties to the beach, rather that you saw a girl wearing just her bra and panties to the beach or something
you're allowed to question other people's sexuality, probably
it actually explains nothing, but I was kind of resigned to it being just the two of us
this explains a lot
I didn't write nine oh seven two five
misreading "nine oh seven two five" as "nine oh seven five two"
I'm not gay
I am a dude and shit, but it was just like "why the heck is this effeminate girly boy so popular when he is onscreen with a hunk"
wondering what nine oh seven two five is about if you're like a dude and shit
Benedict Cumberbatch Kids
Legolas was a bisexual veal ally
remembering watching Star Trek Colon Into Darkness and wishing that they had Benedict Cumberbatch wear Ricardo Montalbon's old costume, but now, upon seeing shirtless pics of his translucent torso, being glad they hadn't
doing a google image search for "Benedict Cumberneck's batch"
never understanding why all the girls like a man who is more than thirty percent neck, since he's basically just a mobile, grossly overgrown vocal chord
doing a google image search for "Benedict Cumberbatch's neck"
seeing Benedict Cumberbatch's neck, mostly, on the sidebar of the Lord of the Rings wiki and wanting to change every instance of 'black' on the Crebain page to 'colored'
Crebain from Cumland!
pumping dull objects too large to fit into a crow's mouth into Mordor
anything shiny and small enough to fit in a crow's mouth
one does not simply pump into Mordor
that, in hindsight, the key to becoming a male sex symbol in the late nineties and early aughts was looking like a pretty girl
sometimes he just shoves him down in the ashen road to Mordor and pumps away
sometimes twice nightly
nightly
Frodo has Sam
Legolas was sexual labia valley
yeah, but so was Frodo
Legolas was sexually available
never understanding why all the girls liked Orlando Bloom so much when Viggo Mortensen was clearly hotter
Viggo Horiah Mortensen
not even having kids, except that kickass hotkid you had last weekend
for all we know the Celebrity Regretter is Taylor Hanson
not even having dogs, except that kickass hotdog you had last weekend
and how many news headlines has HE anagrammed
yes, but does he have dogs
urge to kill, rising
that Taylor Hanson is not only four years younger than you, he has a beautiful wife and children, and an annoying song stuck in your head from his childhood pop career
Viggo Moriah Hanson having sex with Taylor Hanson who looked a lot like a girl
on a mountain of diapers, in the castle of bouncing, sitting on a potty of weewee
Viggo Moriah Hanson
having sex with Taylor Hanson who looked a lot like a girl
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Taylor Hanson
it's not Hanson's disease yet
it's Hansen's disease, not Hanson's disease
messed that one up
wearing just your bandana to the busty rap, cheerio
Crazy People's Annual Convention
Hillary Clinton slammed multiple times by Pog at CPAC
wearing just your Spain bond heartbeat tech
she's such a whore hag
Hillary Clinton slammed multiple times by GOP at CPAC
wearing just your ad pants to the Caribbean, eh
wearing just your nips and eat bra to the beach
wearing just your bean and tapirs to the beach
wearing just your bra and panties to gym class on the beach
wearing just your bra and panties to the beach
I do not in fact see
I see
The amazing Rugrat Index
Leprosy cases in FL blamed on armadillos, Mmmbop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du Yeah
Leprosy cases in FL blamed on armadillos
going on a June foray into June Foray
presence of whalers on the moon
absence of strong radio beacons, television broadcasts, robotic spacecraft, obelisks on the moon
going on a June foray with June Foray
terreuruil
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, neo figuratively, whoa
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, neo figuratively
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, figuratively
BJ KentY
DJ KentY
that's what they call Kento
PARTY collision
POST ironically
Also I can no longer have ANY friends until ALL of my F's are ALL brought up to C's and up!!!
So back off before I get another good woopin like I got last night
I am not aloud to have a boyfriend no time soon
Li estas plej konata por Eiffel Towering Kento Ikeda kun rosmaro
ironically
all the social media sites Kento has joined, presumably post ironically
the regret index shows up on the second page of results when I google Kento Ikeda
genuinely wondering if we have contributed to the shittiness of Kento's life but then thinking we're not even on the third page of results for his name, and then noticing that some results may have been removed under anti pornography law in Europe
waiting around for people who have no idea when they will be Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
waiting around for people who have no idea when they will be ready
genuinely wondering if we have contributed to the shittiness of Kento's life but then thinking we're not even on the third page of results for his name, and then noticing that some results may have been removed under data protection law in Europe
who at him ass, who took him ass, PS I'll eat him ass
eating the big frozen microwave enchilada
who ate him ass
ass ate him
eating the big enchilada
wondering how many texts Kento gets from Chris Lydon each day that start with "Ikeda, come here, I need you"
Chris Lydon wouldn't waste time saying hi
wondering how many texts Kento gets from Chris Lydon each day that start with "hi, ass meat"
hi, ass meat
it's a shame
movies don't do very well
entertainment has been consolidated into half a dozen franchises
wondering if they will reboot George Lucas if the new Star Wars movies don't do very well
imagining a world fifty years down the road where all of entertainment has been consolidated into half a dozen franchises that each release a three hour massive special effects shitshow every month before rebooting at year's end
Myke Hemicale Romance
#rebootLeonardNimoy
wondering if they will reboot Star Trek again now that Leonard Nimoy isn't there to make the older Trekkies feel included
having impure thoughts about a vulcan Winona Ryder
My Chemical Swan
having impure thoughts about a vulcan Jolene Blalock
kids stuck in chemical swan
dogs stuck in finger machines
Incest Taco Bell
dogs stuck in claw machines
Incest Tacos mixed with mom colon in a fifty gallon bathtub
kids stuck in claw machines
In the future, everyone will be world famous for fifteen minutes
that was stupid
Coca Cola mixed with Mentos mints in a fifty gallon bathtub
I have been and always shall be teabagged by hobbits
Dildo Tea Baggings
Bilbo T Baggins
porking Leonard Nimoy in Hobbit Hole VII
imagining Leonard Nimoy saying "no mister Frodo, no! You know it tastes like lembas bread!"
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimoy cramming hobbit pork into his mouth
Your potential regret of him has already been added!
Lives in a hobbit hole and everybody knows
With his long wooden pipe, fuzzy woolly toes
There's a brave little hobbit whom we all admire
In the middle of the earth, in the land of the Shire
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimoy flooding Kento's hole compartment
it's fine, Spock, these guys, are just, extras
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimow wearing a gold and blue dress riding around in Professor X's kind of yellowy orange hover wheelchair
you'll flood the whole compartment
Leonard Memoy
Leonard Nimoy returns from grave, irradiated and enraged, seeks revenge on WABC
getting so many calls from that Private Number that you're almost tempted to pick up, even though you know it's just a phonebot
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as Christopher Lydon
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as Christopher Walken
t being the loneliest bagging that you'll ever do
t bagging the wobbliest key on your keyboard
being he wobblies key on your keyboard
t being the wobbliest key on your keyboard
English As Murder She Wrote
English As Murder She Wroe
Walkin' American Broadcasting Company
getting googlewhacked by a Hungarian hooker in the dumpster behind Goulash n Shake
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as a 'Star Wars' actor, I'm walkin' here
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as one of the Little Rascals
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as a 'Star Wars' actor
being lain by a whore hag
it looks like what a Hungarian hooker would wear to her pimp's googlewhacking
eating Spock
not eating Spock
I know well who I have to make
your masturbation schedule getting out of hand
Paralympic Gold
Kento Ikeda
licking tapenade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
English As She Is Spoke
the death of Alimony Drone
being slain by a whore hag
your masturbation schedule getting out of whack
that it's twenty five twenty five, holy shit, TWENTY FIVE TWENTY FIVE, is man still alive
that it's forty thousand, holy shit, FORTY THOUSAND, in the grim darkness there is only war
that it's AD twenty one oh one, holy shit, TWENTY ONE OH ONE, why the hell is war beginning
that it's twenty fifteen, holy shit, TWENTY FIFTEEN, where the hell have the last eleven years gone
being Spock
not being Spock
it looks like what a Hungarian hooker would wear to her pimp's funeral
the dress is ugly, that's all that matters
Young Sherlock Colon The Legacy of Doyle
getting the regret "that it's twenty fourteen, holy shit, TWENTY FOURTEEN, where the hell have the last ten years gone" and thinking "ayup"
the death of Leonard Nimoy
growing
Pillory Chintzon
The act of simply placing the penis into the vagina with no actual tapenade involved
The act of simply placing the penis into the vagina with no actual thrusts involved
tapenade
Hillary Clinton Jokes That She's Overtired & A Whore Hag
chintz
A widespread urban myth is that Mr Ass Gasp Pa is used by swingers to advertise their presence to other swingers in the area
A widespread urban myth is that pampas grass is used by swingers to advertise their presence to other swingers in the area
a feral population of the greater rhea in Germany appears to be growing
that your uncle used his llama to guard his flock of rheas and emus
the post credits scene of Thelma and Louise where Detective Slocumb throws a tarp over the bodies and walks away
Pillory Clinton
that if Hillary actually were overweight Bill would have never cheated on her #GoAheadAndUseThisJayLeno
that if Hillary actually were overweight Bill would have never cheated on her
avendo nunzio eccentricita
Hillary Clinton Jokes That She's Overweight & A Hoarder
having nonzero eccentricity
that your uncle owned a guard llama and when it died he just threw a tarp on it and left it there forever
like Thelma and Louise if Thelma got lassoed and put inside a truck and Louise was still running free and also was a llama
Peak Clam
Peak Llama
Peak Llam
ordering a couple co sides
like ape crotch
being thrown out of an arboretum for pining
being thrown out of an arboretum for having terrible oaks
being thrown out of an arboretum for having a lark
weeing on crackers in New Zealand, wee cracker
New Zealand, wee cracker
Zen Anal Dew
New Zealand
the raped pile wipe smell that suddenly started emanating from you
the weird apple pie smell that suddenly started emanating from you
putting my cock in Myke Hawke
putting Tom Thumb in your tom yum
being thrown out of an arboretum for saying unpoplar things
"The ingredients were so fresh and there were dice in the dressing!"
giving the world its hugest dump
giving the world its loudest fart
I'd rather sail away, like a swan that's here and gone
impossible
giving the world its saddest sound
Some genius has finally invented vegan sand that doesn't taste coarse and rough and irritating
Some genius has finally invented vegan cola that doesn't taste like ape crotch
Some genius has finally invented vegan chocolate that doesn't taste like crap
this tastes like crap
If Fondant Boy Found In Yolo County During Search #YOLO
Body Of Infant Found In Yolo County During Search #YOLO
the mere suggestion that Hayden Christensen would be able to keep sand out of his workplace since it is well known for getting everywhere
our waiter had sand in his vagina
the very notion that Hayden Christensen would work in any restaurant contaminated by sand
waitress was okay
Haytin Christensand
when the soup arrived there was sand in it
waiter
Our waitress acted like he was too busy writing Are You Afraid of the Dark Question Mark synopses on Wikia to take our order
"The ingredients were so fresh and the dressing was delicious!"
writing "was delicious" and a recipe on the title page of The Last Unicorn
they call it resting but it's not
he probably doesn't have a lot of time for luxuries like spell checking or grammar between orders coming up
your Greek editor, Mark Synopses
he's keeping busy
actually admiring Hayden Christensen for writing all those Are You Afraid of the Dark Question Mark synopses
being followed by two almost identical spambots on the same day at the same time and wondering why they bother
not being able to fault the enthusiasm
She tells the siblings that it was the Umbra who was posing as her and that the umbra gets his victims in his cabin and when she got there after she thought was a cute guy from the ski patorl, she found he already drained the ski patoller that she follwe
Gina returns back to normal then the next morning Kirk and his sister get Gina out of the cabin and they head back to their house for breakfest and now that the umbra is gone, no one will be victiams of that monster ever again then Gina promises never to
A school in Sydney paid tribute to a teacher alleged to be a "serous toilet moron" with an inscription on its memorial gates that read "la douche slut, eh"
being absolutely becroggled
A school in Sydney paid tribute to a teacher alleged to be a "notorious molester" with an inscription on its memorial gates that read "he touched us all"
Getting Robotic Minecraft Steve Hand Jobs
Getting Robotic Steve Jobs
Getting Robotic Hand Jobs
Getting Robotic Hands
the umbra was stealing her life force and she told them that he do'sent like light so Kirk ran off to get the fuse box going but it do'sent turn on so there must be one outside so Danielle says she'll stay with her best friend
The Tale of Bigfoot Ridge
Chris Brown 'denied entry into Canada' forcing the singer to cancel two concerts in Montreal and Toronto
Three Guys in Austria Have Basically Become Cyborgs After Getting Robotic Handjobs
Three Guys in Austria Have Basically Become Cyborgs After Getting Robotic Hands
your girl likes to be my kiss pate, be my kill pate, be my hold pate
eating swan pate, the pate made for swans by swans from swans
realising as you hit enter what thrill pate probably is
sounds promising
your girl likes to eat my thrill pate, eat my thrill pate, eat my thrill pate
developing an smart phone ap to start your frack
developing an smart phone ap to tsk your fart arc
sucking her tall one until she killed you with the other tit
developing an smart phone ap to track your farts
your girl likes to rape my tall tit, eh, rape my tall tit, eh, rape my tall tit, eh
that seems unpleasant for all concerned
your girl likes to rape my lethal tit, rape my lethal tit, rape my lethal tit
frigs pink nuts
spurting finks
stufing sprink
sprinking stuf
usig stuf
usig a burning torch or slow match to ignite a saucisson
that seems unfortunate
your girl likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time
j'accuse
you are Kento after all
all day, all night, ram in my ass
proctology
bracketology
also that
West Ham fans sing anti Semitic chants and tease disabled people after mocking racist Chelsea mob
Fresh Pork Fans Allow a Black Menthol Onto a Train
smelling Salma Hayek in a hayrick
what to believe in
all day, all night, Miss Mary Ann
the lesbians have come over with considerable dignity and you've come over as an arsehole
watching I, Kento even though Wal Smithrus is cheesy in it just for the scene where the rogue fat gay asian exclaims "I DID NOT MURDER HIM!" and falls off his chair
Kento Ikeda will return in You Only Get Fucked As Many Times As The Walrus Wants
West Ham Fans Allow a Black Man Onto a Train
no sax before a fight
The Curious Cans of Mr Kento Sex Cum
spilling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
filling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
selling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
selling profane accessories
profaning
staining
profiling
styling
I really hope not
wondering if wordsmith dot org keeps a record of all the things people anagram
hitting Chris Lydon with a can full of Mr Kento sex cum, eh
hitting Chris Lydon with a sock full of human excrement again
hitting Chris Lydon with a sock full of human excrement
the death of Chris Lydon
thinking about how perfect it would be if lOOk could be "the death of Chris Lydon"
hitting someone with a sock full of human excrement
Harvard Collage
Harvard Colledge
drawing a picture of Kento being hot carled by Carl Reiner and a Steller's sea cow
I was thinking about something involving Kento having sex with old men and sea mammals for lOOk
lOOk
the death of Jimi Heselden
wondering if you have anything planned for the big one hundred thousand, which I am now styling lOOk
queefing squid's milk like ants
queefing squid's milk like anal driven Rico at a PETA convention
queefing squid's milk like ans
you queef like anal driven Rico
you quiver like a candle on fire
revvin' up your engine, listen to her howlin' roar
radar, radar, radar
mi fai pazzo
you might wind up restricted and over seventeen
feeling the weight of something beyond them
if you're not really here
some people might say your life is in a rut but you're quite happy with what you've got
after the dream of falling and calling your name out
opening up your eyes and seeing what is in store
one who keeps tearing around, one who can't move
another me and another you
their pearly teeth are flickerin'
a stone cold feeling inside
the best damn woman that you ever seen
cream getting on top
beautiful garbage, beautiful dresses
saying boys, forget the whale
the noise an ostrich makes
oxen, sheep and wheat and rye and land on the north seaside
carousing her top tits
patriotic stoner hugs
rotten haircut gossip
action girth postures
hugest artistic porno
catnip risotto gusher
capturing its hooters
trusting coho pirates
guitarist chest porno
angriest ostrich pout
goat sphincter suitor
prehistoric goat nuts
trout shit cage prison
rotgut penis chariots
antichrist ogre spout
trashier cunt goo spit
scouring hot rape tits
erotic rapist gunshot
neurotic rapist ghost
hating torso pictures
prostitution charges
Hanahan police officers arrest Ariel the Little Mermaid on prostitution charges
Do do do do do de do do do do do do do do do Hanahan police officers tried to do their part to stop the encroaching weather by arresting the Snow Queen, do doo de do do de do do de do do de do do doodle do do do doo do!
Hanahan police officers tried to do their part to stop the encroaching weather by arresting the Snow Queen
Myke Hawke pulling out of Dafuq prematurely
Adele Dazeem Dafuq Geldof
reading Reading Lolita in Dafuq in Dafuq
you gotta bring the bread to the table
wondering if there is a place in Iraq actually named Dafuq to add to the list of amusingly named places
malarial intelligence
though espionage seems sexy to outsiders, much of it is rather quotidian
you, my darling, my beautiful, my wickedly talented Idina Menzel
Sasha Serova,
MIsix plotted to recruit nuclear spy in North Korea reveals intelligence leak
errant commas,
Kento Ikeda,
Yegor Mangelov,
PS I'll find my frog
It's hard to really hear her voice with all the jigaboo music that she does, or whatever you want to call it
Who gave this son of a bitch a green frog
eating an entire shit smeared spotted dick
Who gave this son of a bitch a green card
the chokey chubby chew
When you are taking a shit in the upper tank, she's giving you a blumpkin while taking a shit in the bowl
U do this to a girl u hate when ur about to climax shove her over and the jizz in ur hand and when she tries to get up shove the jizz in her nose and run away it is called this because u humiliate her twice
when a girl is having sex with two men, whereas one is thrusting his manhood in her ass, and the other man is penetrating her vagina
shitting simultaneously between your legs simultaneously
The act of taking a shit while another is sitting on your lap and shitting simultaneously between your legs
Taking a crap in the upper part of a toilet, then in the bowl, forcing the owner to flush in dismay, and in stench
Poopingham Palace
taking a crap covered double decker bus to the diarrhea soaked Tower of London to see the feces caked beefeaters
really wishing you'd paid more attention in French class and could have spent the nineties making jokes about Inspector Walrus
Kekento morsi
London is already shit blasted London
London blasts shit like a pendulum do
Pokemon Pork and Menthol
the whole world will be shit blasted London
whether you like anuses or not
if you got to France you'd expect to enhance fresh pork, for instance, and you'd expect to see menthol in anuses whether you like them or not
if you got to France you'd expect to be Eiffel Towered, for instance, and you'd expect to see guys who look like Janice Dickinson whether you like them or not
if you got to France you'd expect to hear French spoken, for instance, and you'd expect to see snails on the menu whether you like them or not
the whole world will be blind and toothless
checking out Myke Hawke while Vanilla Ice's DJ revolves it
turnabout is fair play
checking out the hook while Vanilla Ice's DJ revolves it
being conspicuous by your absence
being back in GOP form
care bear snot
cave devil snot
coveted anvils
votive candles
being back in pog form
Kekento mori
accidentally getting your balls chopped off by a riding lawnmower
shaving a Gogoat with a dairy ass
hating a Gogoat with a dairy ass
hating a guy with a dairy ass
a guy with a hairy ass dating
dating a doll with a hairy ass
carbon dating a guy with a hairy ass
dating a guy with a hairy ass
a food sifting shake
Fisting Shades of Oak
Fifty Shades of Oak
wondering if Chris Lydon would play Professor Oak in the live action Pokemon movie
Blowrus
Blowgoat
walrus style
wondering how a male Gogoat uses Milk Drink
wondering what Kentogoat tastes like
gochicken
wondering what Gogoat tastes like
Prism Tower is based on the real world Eiffel Tower in Paris, France
Pokemon Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees
Pokemon Peter and Nippers
Pokemon Onion and Tapir
Pokemon Lithium and Danish Remoulade
Pokemon Waffletastic and Breastgasm
Pokemon Shoe and Anus
Pokemon Breasts and Anus
Pokemon Sweet and Chaotic
Pokemon Reliable and Beloved
Pokemon Sucking and Sprinking
aux Champs Elysees, aux Champs Elysees
Pokemon Brian Peppers and Sylvia Browne
Pokemon Cans and Buttocks
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's left one as you knead it until she had a breastgasm
Pokemon Jewel and Christina Ricci
Les Champs Elysees
taking a million pound dump
Fortune Colon Million Pound Giveaway
The improbity fills the world
He big in nothing important in good elephant
He is in my behind
do not want
The Backstroke of the West
if I looking for frog
where's my elephant
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon snaking his bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis down Panthro's throat
using the word "Panthrotastic"
being raped by the hugest panther
being ripped by the tiniest tiger
German panel on tiny tiger ripped for not including Jews
German panel on its mini mates ripped for not including Jews
German panel on tiniest imams ripped for not including Jews
German panel on Sim Anime Tits ripped for not including Jews
not really wanting to find out
wondering if American and British Abraham Hicks disciple nutjobs get into heated arguments about whether they should use a singular or plural verb when discussing Abraham, like that whole "the comittee has slash have" thing
that's more than is required
New York City Fey Garb Crate Lovers
that's redundant
translated from a group of non physical entities called Abraham
New York City Racy Fag Beret Lovers
that's superfluous
that's redundant
New York City Gay Craft Beer Lovers
a classic example of why people hate tangents and, increasingly, they dislike horsewhips
a classic example of why people hate a ghost and, increasingly, they dislike newsprints, eh
a classic example of why people hate Washington and, increasingly, they dislike the press
German panel on anti Semitism ripped for not including Jews
the death of Ahmad Givens
breaking yourself
Myke Hawke and Routh Eonglaende
According to the prosecution's witness testimony, Routh may have been inspired by Chandler from the nineties sitcom F#R#I#E#N#D#S
According to the prosecution's witness testimony, Routh may have been inspired by Kramer from the nineties sitcom Seinfeld
I think it's a good regret, I laughed, but how could we possibly explain WHY it's a good regret
wondering how long it would take to explain to a newcomer the elaborate process that led us to think that "tapir violence at an onion brothel" was not only acceptable to write, but also pretty good
what are we doing here
tapir violence at an onion brothel
progretting
sexual violence at a goat brothel
a tapir onion damage mop
Opinion RAPE MADAM GOAT
Operation DAPINO GRIGIO
Operation DAPINO GAMMA
watching a Japanese horror anime performed in Japanese but set in England in which you are taken out of the action every time Mr Big sings the ending
dashed soles
headless sod
bizarre, striated, earthwormsaddlelike shoes
saddle shoes
kid bandaging
oid bandaging
bottoming for Beef Blastbody and Beef Worthfoxy in Something Beef Inside VII
bottoming for Beef Blastbody and Beef Worthfoxy in Where's the Beef VII
eating Beef Worthfoxy jeff jerky
having dicier sex and a raw pinball, eh
a dang big dong
dodging a bang
eating Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky
dog bandaging
point of odor, Lisa stinks
Olympia Mykehawkis
Ducke Hawke
Duck Hunt
premature regretulation
excellent regret timing
poor regret timing
having a weird and inexplicable rash
I imagine I would have a better relationship with my nonexistant sister than you have with your real sister
having a sister and not knowing how to do her
taking the realest shit
having a sister and not knowing how to do hair
wishing you had a sister so you would know how to do your girlfriend's hair
French braiding three spaghetti
being TWO spaghetti
eating one spaghetto
having a physical scuffle in a hostel situation, if you know what I mean
slamming Kento's dick in the car door
Canadian innuendo, eh, eh
drawing a picture of Ms Wadded Noggin nosing Mr Nut while he beams Peter Nippers
An expression that explains how a joking or friendly conversation suddenly took a turn for the worse and is escalating towards a hostel situation and or a physical scuffle
this shit just got real
delight in the shade of nosing Mr Nut, eh
delight in the shade of the morning sun
falling out of favour with averse women, eh, eh
falling out of favor with bigger sea creatures
I can and shall obey
falling out of favour with heaven somewhere
learning to say 'please Eiffel Tower me with a walrus' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'please Eiffel Tower me with a walrus', that may be all I need to know"
learning to say 'I hate my foreskin' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'I hate my foreskin', that may be all I need to know"
A fire has swept through the Torch skyscraper in Dubai, one of the tallest residential buildings in the world
learning to say 'will you have sex with me for money' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'will you have sex with me for money', that may be all I need to know"
learning to say 'where is the bathroom' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'where is the bathroom', that may be all I need to know"
powergretting
learning to say 'I love you' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'I love you', that may be all I need to know"
What you might call pictotechnology
I am one of the first four Martians to arrive on your planet
Louisiana incarcerates one in seventy five adults
docking
you tell me
what's wrong with YOUR foreskin
it was a joke, is what I'm saying
it was kind of like "well, why do you want to be Jewish" "I hate my foreskin"
there's nothing wrong with my foreskin
pregretting
what's wrong with your foreskin
preregretting the regret "what's wrong with your foreskin"
this fucking foreskin
wishing as it happens you why not were wouldn't you know it Jewish, oy vey
wishing you were Jewish
all quietly singing songs to keep itself happy
sometimes having moments when you worry that all that inner child psychobabble is literally true and inside your adult mind is the horrified, petrified remnant or if you will 'backup copy' of your infant mind at various ages
being woken early and having "Blood on the Risers" stuck in your head for over an hour for no apparent reason, but feeling distantly that it was the soundtrack to whatever you'd been dreaming about, then having "When the Red, Red Robin" replace it
five two five three two
Turkish Star Wars Fatalism
that you would not characterize yourself as fatalistic or pessimistic but, even knowing your reasons for believing your life would be curtailed, you would have to consider that you perhaps are pessimistic
having variously thought you would be dead by thirty five, thirty, twenty five, twenty one, eighteen and sixteen at different times in your life
understanding that linear time is a thing but still managing to express shock at its continuation
finding it hard to believe it really has been two years since the Disney buyout
holding on louchely
holding on loosely
figuring that you would have been dead by now
that it just kind of hit you now that this is the year the new Star Wars comes out
nut, maybe
never quite identifying what it is that you sometimes eat which gives your poop a nutty odor
I've written regrets from my phone whilst taking a shit before chestnut trees in bloom smell like sweet perfume
ordering the Licky Fritters at Steak n Shake
guessing that most people who have recently eaten at Steak n Shake wouldn't be able to make it though an entire lick job without a case of the green apple splatters
pleading the fifth
or the Steak n Shake dumpster
hopefully this was not in the Starbucks bathroom
I have also regret pooped
I've written regrets from my phone whilst taking a shit before
chestnut trees in bloom smell like sweet perfume
life can be so easy
just being is bewildering
that the other day as you sat down to take a dump you realised you've got into the habit of taking your phone with you and reading, and would probably take calls there, an act which disgusted you when your friend at school did it
Pope Pious Pooped a Pack of Processed Pork Pies
pious pope pious poop
pope poop
we could go to the woods and check his poop, then wreck his poop
wondering if the Pope eats a lot of popecorn
pooping in kind of a lot of regrets over the years
managing to typo 'plopping' and pooping in the same regret even though you specifically tried to fix the typo
managing to typo 'plopping' and 'pooping' in the same regret even though you specifically tried to fix the typo
caging Go Ikeda's balls
spooning s'lamar poops
lovespooning Jewel's boobs isn't it
Caged balls indicated the number of children hoped for
The earliest known dated lovespoon from Wales, displayed in the St Fagans National History Museum near Cardiff, is from sixteen sixty seven, although the tradition is believed to date back long before that
ploping a poopping rook on a rock in Piping Rock
pooping a rock in Pooping Rock
pooping a rock in Piping Rock
kind of wishing porn was something that you physically collected, so that you could find a spider and put a spider on it and somehow monetize Spiders on the Porn, but not really wanting to buy any porn
piping a rock in Piping Rock
rocking a pipe in Piping Rock
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by a Boston Brahmin and a Brahma bull
Locust Valley lockjaw
Ms Wadded Noggin being your least favorite Eldest Worm Girl character
You're the Swan Now Kid
Evolution 'largely unsuccessful because the movie has too many comedic misfires'
Evolution "favours bigger butts and it can not lie"
Kento 'flavours bigger baculums'
Kento 'favours bigger baculums'
Kento 'favours bigger sea creatures'
Evolution 'favours bigger sea creatures'
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Tater Tot Waiter Plots
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Provide Peanut Butter To Big Red Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Eiffel Towerings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Ms Wadded Noggin
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Sandwich Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Mewing Dad's Dong
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Caterpillar Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Goddamned Wings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Young, Hot Little Girls Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Hot Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To You're the Man Now Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Swan Kid Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Slumdog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater Yo, Man Dawg Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Kid Weddings
shoe sausage
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Dog Weddings
polish sausage
shoe polish
Superfish on Friday
Friday! Friday! gettin' down on Friday
now realizing why there are metal detectors at the entrance to Roman Polanski's villa
Friday! come speed me home again
that 'young, hot little girls' can best avoid being raped by carrying automatic weapons
Superfish CA test
back in the nineties, you were in a very famous tv show
listening to Step One by Steps nude
watching Step by Step Nude
watching Step by Step nude
living hand to mouth
making money hand over fist
always checking, then wrecking, your stool
always checking rooty soul
always checking lousy root
always checking your stool
staring at your poop when you have the runs on hold
holding your poops when you run up the stairs
holding your bobos when you run down the stairs
Dog the Bounty Hunter
kakapeeing yourself
toddler kneeing
puppy ankling
pussy footing
of course I'll be happy to come in through the front entrance, as long as you're there on the other side
drawing a picture of an elderly Kento being set upon by Hand Job Robot Polanski
it's just you
it's probably just me
probably not though
maybe in a way we're all racist
thinking you're right and I probably am the Racist British Regretter
being slain by a fakakta golem
buying Shalom Life for the Babave Shoid and Halva Orgasm recipes, but also reading the articles even though they're the usual content light celebrity crap
Kento is fever in bum, like constantly
Shalom Life is where you get all your Jewish drink recipes
finding the fact that there is a magazine called "Ham Follies" inherently amusing, but also giggling a little bit about someone being "Fever in Bum"
Number Five is some kind of fakakta golem or something
Number Five is alive, and currently weighs seven hundred pounds, oy
finding the fact that there is a magazine called "Shalom Life" inherently amusing, but also giggling a little bit about someone being "Number Five"
must have been all the neckbeards complaining that she needed to bulk up
Gadot currently weighs five hundred and thirty pounds
Shalom Life ranked her Number five on its list of "the fifty most talented, intelligent, funny, and gorgeous Jewish women in the world"
he just never stops fucking you
I WOULD COMMENT BUT I CAN'T, THANKS TO ROMAN POLANSKI
discovering that there is a Fatworld game but it is probably something the Fatworld community would disapprove of
SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
wondering if you could monetise your near total lack of appreciation of popular culture by renting yourself out to follow celebrities around and make it look to actual stalkers like they already have a creepy, middle aged man interested in them
in vegan veal veritas
wondering how much money David Bowie could make renting himself out to follow people around, making them look butch in comparison
in vegan veal
in veal
This is ourselves
This is our last dance
Navel I
Alien V
watching some good friends screaming "let me out!"
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
waxing a chump like a candle
flowing like a harpoon daily and nightly
Former rap and proble lawyer Vanilla Ice
proble
if you got a proble, yo, I'll solve it
Xenagrams
zenagrams
thinking that is pretty much his imbued lessons
thinking that is pretty much his business model
wondering how much money Adam Sandler could make renting himself out to follow people around, making them look much smarter and funnier in comparison
using dickies and sad queer man
actually thinking Vanilla Ice was kind of funny in that Adam Sandler movie you saw him in, not great, but kind of funny in a bad movie
Former rap and home improvement star Vanilla Ice
suicide kings and drama queens
Vanilla Ice arrested in Florida burglary rap
it's your kids, Marty! They're wrecking each other's bases in Minecraft!
watching pitch bent and weirdly cropped episodes of Star Trek or indeed any other show on YouTube and wondering what the scam behind them is, exactly
I did it with swans, swans got irate
by association
These key collectors threaten any attackers by fiercely jingling their keys at them
anti immigration party propaganda units, coming over here, taking your unfunny slightly bigoted jokes, making you feel bad by association
public school education, Guardian reading vegan
The Daily Express has been censured by the Independent Press Standards Organisation for publishing a "significantly distorted" article claiming UKIP was ahead of Labour in an opinion poll
Forty Whacks with a Grey Noodle
A Mulish and Dictating Girl
Industrial Light & Magic
Dr Sir Rolf "Pap Smear" Jew Lint
Dr William "Snapper" Foster Jr
the snag in kilt
confusing Egypt's shy king with snag in kilt
confusing the Gypsy Kings with the Latin Kings
A similarity was noted between Obama, who was thirty one and working as an attorney in Chicago at the time the video was shot, and an Atlanta hired extra who appears in the clip
being really disappointed that there just isn't anything funny on Dakota Johnson's wikipedia page
hearing the jizz wailers on your way to the Temple of Spooge at Disneyland
Dakota Johnson and the Kingdom of the Pisshole Skullfuck
not doing it with swans when you had the chance
that came out wrong
I did it with swans, people got irate
wait, didn't we already do this
Dakota Johnson and the Temple of Spooge
that if you were ever to make a XXX Indiana Jones parody series, the protagonist would be named Dakota Johnson
it's not up to him, he sold up to Disney years ago
wondering if George Lucas will sue Dakota Johnson for infringing on Indiana Jones's name
Dakota Johnson is hosting the next episode of Saturday Night Live
forgetting how to waste lots of time in Mexico and consequently totalling your sweet but chaotic nutter
Dakota Johnson Admits She "Stole Lots of Underwear" From Fifty Shades of Grey Set, Says They Were "Comfortable"
she messed around with a bloke named Smokey
eudiometry
Scouse Annie had a child
Scouse Annie can eat a big brown bag of Scouse
Scouse Annie can eat a big brown bag of
Scouse
Annie can eat a big brown bag of
my book written by me is gonna kick your dick off
China is helping
the bread becomes toast in your mouth
China's plan to construct an army of toasting oral robots did nothing to stop the Hand Job Robot Apocalypse
oral robot toasters
toasting Oral Roberts
the plane would never reach China, because "China is toasting oral"
Intifooda
the plane would never reach China, because "China is also rotating"
it's fingers time
I can't live with or without vomiting
without vomiting
Michael or Sarah
trying to sex Palin
trying to expalin
something divvying up the girls something Prince Andrew something Bill Clinton
something dizzying up the girl something Roman Polanski something Bill Cosby
Goo Goo Jets
Goo Goo Sharks
divvying up the girls
Goo Goo Guys
dizzying up the girl
wondering if there is a good starting point for Goo Goo Dolls or if they just had a couple of good songs
Cops Always Poop, Eh
there's not much difference between a dungeon and an island if you're trapped within either
Whoops Apocalypse
where are these beaches where beautiful people are having all the sex
maybe I just want to be able to go to a beach in the future without vomiting
I can't expalin why I thought the dungeon would make it more palatable
fifty shady grey old men having rough sex with teenage prostitutes
mouse inlet
I knew it was an island, I guess I just couldn't imagine Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew taking turns punching a thirteen year old in the face while the other one does her from behind on a beautiful tropical beach, and just assumed they built a dungeon
always having thought it was Kento who read language log
it wasn't a sex dungeon, it was a sex island on which the teenagers are known to have been stranded
every American citizen traveling abroad becomes a subject in regard for kidnapping and then the plight of how much money has been captivated in the Boca Raton group
I think we can agree that flogging a woman for the crime of being raped is probably a lot worse than accusing a doughy rich man of going to a sex dungeon frequented by other doughy rich men
Kind of having some sympathy for the guy for being possibly falsely accused but also feeling like he's not that bright and he probably did do it
To be publicly and falsely labeled as guilty of sexual misconduct is as wrong as flogging a woman for the crime of being raped
not being sure you've ever even been on a private beach
never owning or even renting a private beach
it may have been four years ago
Washington Monument is very manly, has hot young girlfriend
saying "I'd kind of like to go to Israel, just to see it, you know, while it's there" as a joke five years ago, and never even getting around to it
Washington Monument is not shrinking, except for this one bit
getting a kitchen extension to go with your convertible
your tiny, emasculating kitchen
not remembering where you talked about it, but someone else having pretty much covered the whole threesomes thing slightly before you arrived anyway
thinking that bedding four women at the same time would be an incredibly stressful situation, like being in a tiny kitchen cooking four dishes at the same time all by yourself and they're all burning
spooning Jewel's boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
plenty more fairy tales
if that's some form of dare you should be aware that I have plenty more fairy tales
once posted, twice shy
I once posted an entire fairy tale in the form of regrets, with commentary
that's what I did
I once posted
that's the worst regret I've ever written
yeah but I might run into URWIN
guessing that you could get some grief sex if you hang out around Copenhagen synagogues
hard to make a stew when the meat keeps calling you a creep
food thinking you're a creep lately
feeling a little bit tender because of the women that give you food thinking you're a creep lately
booking a flight to Copenhagen to go stand around eating sausages in case some thirtysomething women recognise you
are you sure you're not Kento
just a wolfish shogun right before bed
just howls of anguish right before bed
sucks to be you, all not sobbing yourself to sleep after night noodles every night for the rest of what feels like eternity
I'm involved now
not hooking up with the one legged cello and poker playing Janice Dickinson simulacrum when you had the chance
just dial Iceland and ask around
at least you can still catch up with her if you want to
just in case you were wondering, none of the endless parade of one legged, cello and slash or poker playing Janice Dickinson simulacrums belonged to me, and this is the first previous relationship I've really ever mentioned here
what you call winter, she called breezy
she slept naked even in winter
they're all hot though, good grief
dricoson is an Icelandic word meaning bank manager
the amazing Regret Index doesn't have the full Icelandic character set so you'll have to excuse me using d's as d's
she was hot though
the cousins were in Iceland, so it was probably just a cruel joke
remembering a brief college fling with an Icelandic exchange student and her inviting you to have group sex with her and her THREE cousins, and still wondering if it was serious, or if she was kind of mocking you, or if it was a language barrier issue
considering the amazing Regret Index your own personal Ulysses, farty bum smell
that if you had been more on the ball you probably would have checked the number written on the balloons
The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man Drunkenly Subsisting on Danish Fast Food for a Whole Week
drunkenly subsisting on Danish sausage for a whole week as a young man
carrying balloons in Radhuspladsen
drunkenly subsisting on Danish fast food for a whole week as a young man
they're probably both thirty now
because you assumed they were prostitutes
not sharing your sausage with the two cute giggling teenagers carrying balloons in Radhuspladsen
it's hard to be on all the time
they just aren't coming today
something something Julian Assange something something two teenagers asking for a bit of sausage
something something Danish candlelight vigil something taken out of the action something paid in sausage
you would die too if it happened to you
watching footage of the Copenhagen vigil and being mostly distracted by being able to pinpoint the place in Radhuspladsen where two teenagers asked for a bit of your sausage one time
it's my party and I'll die if I want to
shedding a tear for Lesley Gore
the death of Lesley Gore
may I see it
David Borealis, at this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen
Ben Affleck eats grapes
just now realising you've been calling him David Borealis all these years
getting to where you should be going
Scooter T Rocketboy
Power Rangers Dead Men Tell No Tales
Power Rangers Pig in the City
working part time in a five and dime, your boss was Debbie McGee, she told you several times she liked your kind, not a lot, but she liked them
Power Rangers SVU
hello look at verry nice porno vid ok
She Mayo's Eve
easy moves, eh
yes have some
WickedPodcastah asking if you want to watch him Eiffel Tower on cam
that sounds slightly more appealing
NikkiCheerleaderTX asking you if you want to watch her masturbate on cam
The women were charged with Aggravated Chinning
Three women were arrested at a Glasgow cinema at the weekend following an alleged attack on a man at a showing of the film Fifty Shades of Grey
So Macho, Jedi Knight
wanting to be So Macho
Everyone is agog for Atog
the year of the atog
the year of the goat
nothing less than the sign of Satan isn't it
I don't think I'd like that
HornyBiBoisixtynine asking if you want to see him cum
nothing less than the sign of Satan
donating over five hundred and fifty pounds of bacon sandwiches
Is Satan Labeled As Muslims
Moo Ass
I can donate some inhaled cannabis and cobweb if you all want!
looking up bacon sandwich on narbuidcanationaria
I can donate some bacon sandwiches and a bible if you all want!
having in the past tried to gauge the number of people still visiting the site from the stats of imgur images, but quickly realised that the information is inaccurate
wondering what writing one hundred thousand regrets alone without interruption would do to your mind
he has Ben Franklin's Disease
She is from Hawaii also a play on word of her boobs "Pair of D's"
For the Love of Ray J
i dot imgur dot com slash ZpnineMIZB dot jpg
wondering what's wrong with Chevy Chase
I'll steer this boat all the way to two hundred thousand if need be
no way
thinking if it's just you and me ten thousand regrets from now we should probably call it quits
T Bag's Christmas Turkey
the meat keeps looking up at you
T Bag Bounces Back
Turn on to T Bag
T Bag's Christmas Ding Dong
being bashed tinier
being some kind of tinier tiger
being some kind of tinier tenant
the early nineties kids show 'P Fag'
the early nineties kids show 'T Bag'
being some kind of anti internet
sometimes wanting to say mean things about celebrities and not doing so out of a concern that you will then immediately run into them and realise they overheard
mashing together two actors of different genders based on a similarity in names and having sex with them
honestly starting to think about sex with the horrible, unformed
honestly starting to think about sex with the horrible, unformed chimera Winona Rider Strong and having to snap yourself out of it
having impure thoughts about a teenage Rider Strong
not saying "replaced by extra soy" instead of "replaced by every day"
Girder Snort, Jedi Master
wondering how someone named Rider Strong could possibly avoid becoming a porn star
Mr Troll Wedgies, Jedi Knight
'Mr Troll Wedgies' Spoilers Colon Girder Snort's Nun's Wrath, Eh Now A Semi Regular
I believe I am free, let it free me
'Eldest Worm Girl' Spoilers Colon Rider Strong's Shawn Hunter Now A Semi Regular
it's not like years ago, the fear of getting fat, the reckless sodium levels, they cannot see me eating, these things they go away, replaced by every day
'Girl Meets World' Spoilers Colon Rider Strong's Shawn Hunter Now A Semi Regular
night noodles deserve a quiet night
that "eco rape avian trio" just sounds like some long forgotten Bicoid Babe slash kakapo slash Muscovy duck slash goose fanfiction
night noodles
la morse de Louis Jourdan
that "eco rape avian trio" just sounds like some long forgotten late eighties early nineties comic book
Operation AvarBZZZZZZZT
eco rape avian trio
Operation Caviare
Operation Avarice
la petit mort de Louis Jourdan
la mort de Louis Jourdan
watching Over the Hedge with Edge and The Edge while on the edge of your seat
wearing a prophylactic face
edging in a Ford Edge until you swerve into the edge of a hedge
being so on Adam Joseph Copeland lately
Nif Nif, Naf Naf et Nouf Nouf
Semper Morse Bono
being so on The Edge lately
being so on edge lately
characterising growing old as a series of humiliating discoveries about how easily misled you have been in the past, followed by swift revelation that you were in fact jumping to conclusions about having been misled and are, in fact, an arsehole
still though it's the principle of the thing
that on further inspection it appears Naf Naf was the name of the middle pig in Disney's "Three Little Pigs" Silly Symphonies when released in France, so you were not entirely misled
characterising growing old as a series of humiliating discoveries about how easily misled you have been in the past
being told as a child that in France pigs say "naf" instead of "oink" when in fact they say "groin"
getting Eiffel Towered by a naff cenote and a gremlin
getting Eiffel Towered by an officer and a gentleman
running into Kento at Odobenes and Narwhal
Harry Baals Drive
Harry Baals
Semper Morse Boner
wondering if Myke Hawke has ever met Ed Balls
Jesus wept
Semper Morse Boni
Semper Mores Boni
giving away woodenspoonprank dot info
the solid honours of the Wooden Spoon
Balls Colon People are worse off
je suis le podcaster
je suis le morse
je veux seulement l'oublier et puis je fume
je ne veux pas dejeuner
je ne veux pas travailler
Nazi Geordi would surely have been killed at birth
ordering Nazi Geordi instead of nasal geordies
ordering Nazi Goering instead of nasi goreng
it's like a bad day that never ends
Caboosey Theater
watching a meat elf and nine corn fag making out
watching an officer and a gentleman making out
Myke Hawkewurst
chicken tetracycline
bockwurst
that if Rebecca Le'gon advertised toilet cleaner she could be Harpic's Le'gon woman
chicken tetrazzini
I'm not getting in that dumpster with you
do you need a hand
wondering how many times Rebecca Le'gon has heard that joke
Britain's Missing Top Model
you go round the horn the way god intended
dying hard on play mode
playing life on flipmode
playing hard on life mode
halving priapism
eating nine melons
being nine lemons
having priapism
playing life on hard mode
eating nine lemons
The Furious Fans of Benjamin Buttocks
satiating your curiosity about canning with Benjamin Buttocks
giving Jewel the twat pisser process
giving Jewel the Swiss Water process
grinding Jewel's beans
spooning Jewel's grounds
liking your women like you like your coffee, with big cups and in your face
drinking your third cup of this terrible coffee and wishing you could somehow mold it into a woman, knowing that she would likely throw boiling coffee in your face
simultaneously having sex with walruses totalling over fifty five thousand pounds
pointless sexual conquests just to make it feel different and exciti
two four oh six eight
liking your women like you like your coffee, surprisingly bad on Valentine's Day
two four oh five four
not seeing the regret where you combined the weight of your sexual conquests
the amazing Regrets Posted Years Ago By People Who Have Long Since Moved On But Which Still Haunt You For Some Reason Index
wondering whether someone who has decided that scat is an acceptable and erotic pastime is more or less broken inside than someone who is reduced to combining the weights of their latest pointless sexual conquests just to make it feel different and exciti
liking your women like you like your prostitutes, over five hundred pounds
ah hah hah hah, ha ha hah
you big clown
even for a second
imagining that anybody who posts on the amazing Regret Index and has the money to regularly visit two prostitutes would not also boast about their combined weights in the same regret
your long running tradition of writing regrets in as long winded a form as possible, then instantly realizing that they're misleading and correcting them
jokes aside, I really did parse "women whom you see most weekends in a commercial capacity" as "prostitutes"
two different and unrelated "women" whom you see most weekends in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake becoming weird and distant in a way that indicates to you they think you're some old joke who's interested, even though you aren't really interested
two women who sell you food thinking you're hitting on or perving on them when you're not, or at least you don't think you are
two different and unrelated women whom you see most weekends in a commercial capacity becoming weird and distant in a way that indicates to you they think you're some old joke who's interested, even though you aren't really interested
bottoming for Go Ikeda in Easy Cum, Easy Go VII
hating your coffee like you hate your women, trampy
nightfall covers me
a female misogynist throws coffee on a tramp
Squeeze Gut Alley
lending your jam to a reformed jam former
favomancy
Orgia Odobenidae
lending your jam to a dishonest jam former
not knowing whether or not to order nine angry jam formers
not knowing whether or not to order nine jars from Germany
Panties Ponerinae
equites equo publico
contrology
Pontius Pilates
constructing a very large poking device
Ruth Bader Ginsburg had too much wine and fell asleep during the State of the Union
our jew albumin, eh
jumbo whale urine
Wikipedia not having a page for urine
Wikipedia not having a page for Urwin
new south isn't it
nailing Greg Urwin new south isn't it
nailing Greg Urwin, crikey
nailing Greg Evigan, omfg what a piece of utter ass shit
nailing Greg Urwin
nut mucking about as is your wont
no, but I'm thinking of telling people I nailed URWIN just for the hell of it
just mucking about as is your wont
wondering if you nailed the one legged Pakistani girl
you're mean
wondering if you are really from France, moved to France, or are just mucking about as is your wont
I'M NOT CROSSEYED
wondering if you're the crosseyed paedophile
which one is the racist one
unintentional existential questions
I didn't say you were, I was just trying to do a headcount of Brits, cheerio
why am I racist
I'm from France, by the way
wondering if you are the racist British guy
wondering if you are an anti commerce radical
knowing next to nothing about the other regulars, having simply busted in here four or five years ago shouting about Panthro
wondering if you have ever appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone
vaguely, and I mean VAGUELY, recalling that rachel's birthday was in June, and On My Own peaked in June
wondering if you have ever won any Oscars
making your mind up
actually remembering the music video from On My Own despite probably not having seen it more than a handful of times almost three decades ago
no, wait, I actually am thirty two
I'm thirty three
or twenty seven in the past six months
wondering if you have claimed to be thirty two recently
I am old, it's true
Kento was born in nineteen eighty eight, so it's not him
you're old
I thought so
Anita Ward, Ring My Bell
so there are three of us, at least
that you posted the retroj dot am regret but neglected to provide your own results
wondering if you were born in nineteen eighty six, at the time when On My Own by Patti La Belle and Michael McDonald was the number one hit according to retroj dot am
when I got here the place seemed pretty much dead
you'd know if I were the Kento
deep cover
maybe you are Kento
I am not the rachel
maybe you are the rachel
rachel was famous for not identifying herself, so maybe she is the vagina bearing mystery regrettor
possibly
Kento also watched Dick Van Dyke, so maybe it was him
wondering if you are the person who will probably be posting in seven or eight hours from now
based on her name, and all
guessing that was agenty fifty seven
nope, not me
wondering if you are the person who used to spend all day watching reruns and old cartoons
shit ass walrus swan rat's cocks
sending out handwritten invitations to Kento, rachel, agenty fifty seven, Bicoid Babe, Nerd Baby, Document, Pseudonym, the Celebrity Regretter and about three anonymous posters to witness the entering of the regret 'shit ass walrus swan rat's cocks'
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big underhand nude shoot
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big hard undone donuts, eh
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big one hundred thousand
there was also someone claiming to be a vampire with a penis, and
there was also someone claiming to be a man with a penis, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Myke Hawke
it wasn't me, I'm pretty sure of that
a lady with a vagina, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't you
as recently as maybe December there was someone claiming to be a lady with a vagina, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't you
wondering if we should try and contact Bicoid Babe or agenty fifty seven or, gulp, even Kento and convince them to come back
wondering what happened to the regretter who thought that one of us had hacked them
literally just me
literally just you
there was that time where you were gone for a few days, and it was just me
I'm pretty sure it is
it can't just be the two of us left, surely
poking Myke Hawke on facebook
Myke Hawke will come where God wills it
I'd actually welcome the company, a little
you don't want Myke Hawke coming here, least of all in anger
great, now when people google Ruth England naked they'll end up here
that photo of Ruth England laughing and pointing at those naked muslims
Myke Hawke appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee
Myke Hawke administering rectal feeding
you do NOT want to be waterboarded by Myke Hawke
being honestly surprised we haven't ended up in Bantanamo Bay with all the talk of Myke Hawke
Some serious fun on the run through the heart of the dirty jungle about to go down!
Myke Hawke preventing world war three
wondering if James Blunt ever served Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke having the balls to get in your face and intimidate you
being drilled by Myke Hawke
wondering if that noise is just the pipes settling or another mouse
Myke Hawke forcing you to drop and give him twenty
eating Myke Hawke's emergency rations
Myke Hawke's purple heart
Myke Hawke pushing through the jungle to control the delta
Eiffel Tower Kento
Chris Lydon would just ride the walrus to wherever he chooses to Eiffel Tower Kento
getting gut shot by Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke going for the throat
Myke Hawke laying down suppressive fire
Myke Hawke's red beret
you've gone badly wrong in the past
being penalized by Myke Hawke
looking at yourself on the internet and wondering if you should be trying to pass as a human being or if that's maybe where you've gone badly wrong in the past
the same old tired lesbian joke you trot out whenever anybody ever mentions lesbians
looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror and wondering if you should be trying to pass as a middle aged lesbian, at least that way you'd have a roomie next week
not trying o
trying o
looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror and wondering if you should be trying o
Mayor Marty Walsh said Thursday the city is bringing in additional resources to construct additional pylons
Header overflow
He urged people who were going out to Eiffel Tower Kento with a walrus do so early and do so close to home
Mayor Marty Walsh said Thursday the city is bringing in additional resources to help deal with the expected snowfall
Cupid might need a snowplow to get around Boston, wicked pissah
Myke Hawke's Elite Tactical Unit
putting stents in a sack with Zack Stentz
Myke Hawke has a new survival book and kit for kids
it has been Myke Hawke's honor to serve some of the most elite warriors in the world
after six days active in a hostile environment, Myke Hawke was tired, dehydrated, and barely clinging to life
seeing Myke Hawke in the wilderness
Myke Hawke is a jack of all trades
No one was more delighted than "model" Kento Ikeda when the Guardian used his image to illustrate a sex advice column
The thing that really turns me on is the idea of having to lift their stomachs and search for their penises, which are always bizarre, striated and earthwormlike abominations in the eyes of god and man
I fantasise about group sex with old, scrawny podcasters
The image in question had come from a "Colds and Illnesses" shoot she did two years ago
The thing that really turns me on is the idea of having to lift their stomachs and search for their penises, which are always difficult to find and a bit on the soft side
Dumpo, the elephant who got dumped
demasiado ruido para tan pocas nueces
No one was more surprised than model Samantha Ovens when the Guardian used her image to illustrate a sex advice column
I fantasise about group sex with old, obese men
concealing a boner, if you know what I mean
Before the meteor hit the city, Lexi was trying out to become a cheerleader at Acmetropolis University
naming your Goodra "Goo Ikeda"
boning a concealer
concealing a boner
the very notion that Kento had friends in high school
Dude Love was inspired by a character Ikeda created when he and his high school friends did backdoor backdoor Eiffel Towering in his hometown of long penis
long penis
Dude Love was inspired by a character Foley created when he and his high school friends did backdoor wrestling in his hometown of long penis
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for piledriving Miss Daisy through glory holes
cactus jacking off mankind in Dude Love VII
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for piledriving Miss Daisy through tables
Dude Love was inspired by a character Foley created when he and his high school friends did backyard wrestling in his hometown of Long Island
Mankind, Dude Love and Cactus Jack
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for driving Miss Daisy through tables
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for driving women through tables
getting in Big Van Vader's big van and seeing his lightsaber
Big Van Vader, Jedi Knight
Big Van Vader
the attitude era
acid wolfpack
the name manati comes from the Taino, a pre Columbian people of the Caribbean, meaning "breast"
using bonemerang to bone a meringue
we forget to live
just having this kind of sense about things
not being a professional musician
also guessing that music is the intentional arrangement of sounds made by purpose built instruments
guessing, because you in no way want to represent yourself as an expert or more than casually versed in neurology, psychology or psychiatry, that people who like to poop on or be pooped on by other people do so because of some kind of innate compulsion
anally or limply chesty
wondering what has to break inside of someone for them to be able to enjoy either shitting on someone or being shat on destiny bond
wondering if you can get electrocuted jamming a fork into a USB socket, then carefully putting the fork down
physically or mentally
wondering what has to break inside of someone for them to be able to enjoy either shitting on someone or being shat on
destiny bond
belly drum
lovely kiss
bonemerang
that there are actually Pokemon moves named "harden" and "double team"
sleep powder
leech seed
submission
that there are actually Pokemon moves named "mud sport" and "water sport"
emptying your master ball
mudkipsing Carrie Fisher
wasting your master ball on something shitty like Carrie Fisher
I move that we end this one now before it gets worse
masturbating Carrie Fisher
baiting Carrie Fisher
motion seconded and Carrie Fishered
motion seconded and carried
I move that we end this one now before it gets worse
a couple of good hits, Mitt
just blacken her eye, Cy
there must be fifty shades to beat your lover
fading to fifty shades of grey
something something Fifty Shades of Grey Slammed something something Quivering Flesh something something Australian Today Show Host
Fifty Shades of Grey Slammed as ''Domestic Violence Dressed Up as Erotica'' By Australian Today Show Host
taking your anal survey back to the cruel anal lab for analysis
on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood as the prince of Bel Air
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of American McGee
sucking on his left one because he was diphallic
stepping out from a backdrop poster
Anal Survey, Jedi Knight
He got "Bonjour" down just fine, but he still always yelled to the cabbie "Go home, smell ya later!" when he left to sit on his throne as the prince of Bel Air!
anal survey
anal Surrey
anal slurry
reel of fug
Flee FourG
Feel of Rug
Glee of Fur
Le Gouffre
ba dum tish
it was a money shot
sucking the hardboiled cockney gumshoe's left one until he was paid in kroner
He got "anal slurry" down just fine, but he still always said "BOOM! Le jet!" when he left!
sucking Sylvia Browne's left one until she died
He got "Bonjour" down just fine, but he still always said "Smell ya later!" when he left!
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of American Zoetrope
sucking her left one until she looked a lot like Christina Ricci
sucking Twin Long Rods #Two's left one until it had a rodgasm
Chest Jab Goo, Jedi Knight
we should be married to ladies but we're braided to each other
Chest Jab Goo
Hoag's Object
we should be married to ladies but we're married to each other
sucking Benjamin's left one until he had a buttockgasm
sucking Raymond Burr's left one until he had a wafflegasm
ASIAN! an Asian musical
FAT! a fat musical
GAY! a gay musical
Panty ants should be illegal in pubic anyway
holding your boobs until you have a breastgasm
his only public appearance, with its almost singular focus on cheese
Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway
imagining George Lucas unwinding after a hard day's billionairing as he always does, with the music of Scooter
imagining George Lucas listening to house music
videotaping George Lucas watching House
imagining George Lucas watching House
imagining George Lucas watching life as a house
FBI jpg
kid jpg
dog jpg
i dot imgur dot com slash mhmZsevenxnine dog jpg
baillon Ronflex
fiscal stability, dogg
Ronflex
A Lieu of Ass, Eh
imagining George Lucas watching Life as a House and standing up, yelling enthusiastically "THAT'S who I want to be the leading man in my action space opera!"
the previous regret, properly rephrased, would make a great hook for a rap song
Dominique Strauss Kahn has told his trial for pimping in France that he is annoyed with persistent questions about his sexual practices and he would rather be judged on his economic record
ghost messages from BEYOND THE VEIL
checking your voicemail because you have a notification of a message and finding it empty, EMPTY
getting a missed call from an unknown number while your phone was muted and you were sleeping
Thangam Debbonaire
I'm really concerned about dinosaurs, and I think something needs to be done
Life as a House
The Year of Canada in the U and the UK in Canada, Eh
The Year of Mexico in the UK and the UK in Mexico
Tyler Perry's Gonorrhea of a Mad Black Woman
Ramon Antonio Gerardo Estevez
Cherilyn Sarkisian
living life like you're ill penises
Bareback Barbie
Barbieback ribs
Brokeback Barbie
Barbie Broke me
Sparkles mean I can do things!
mudkipsin' out of control
the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land
snowballin' out of control
living life like you're sellin pies
the girls just DIE when you're ridin past
I thought they closed that place down
ballin' out of control
cleaning up a dead mouse from your bedroom floor at three in the morning while listening to what you would positively identify as the worst cover version of Icicle A of all time
the sex cauldron
cleaning up a dead mouse from your bedroom floor at three in the morning while listening to what you would positively identify as the worst cover version of Cecilia of all time
raving sex siphon
loving prison sex
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in the centerfold in front of you with the light eyes ting tang walla walla bing bang
lending the honey to the bee
that they are
plump Arab beasts are alive
lending the honey in front of you with the light eyes to a dishonest beekeeper
breast pumps are available
just sucking on your left one until it happens
kind of wishing you could have a breastgasm
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in the centerfold in front of you with the light eyes
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in front of you with the light eyes
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun
from heaven she'll rain down the sun
having pox sirens
having sniper sox
shaving prison sex
Anti Ant Rape Panties
not having prison sex
Ant Rape Ad
having prison sex
ol' Kento likes sex with old men and animals well
Tare Panda
I should have just dipped into the ol' "Kento likes sex with old men and animals" well
I get it
I'm asking because I made a kind of tasteless joke about the victim of systemic political and religious corruption would enjoy having prison sex
I guess what I was wondering was whether or not the cultural touchstone of "ooh you're going to prison, better not drop the soap in the shower" thing exists over there
the incidence of prison rape in the UK is sometimes said to be as high as in the US, but as with the US there's some dispute over what is rape and what is consensual coupling later reported as rape when the prisoner returns to normal life
right wing commentators still unironically say things like "sending the gays to prison is like a holiday for them" but it's hard to be sure how seriously these people are taken
wondering if you have the whole "prison is a big manrape conga line" trope in the UK too
you may benefit from it's a bitcoin, Mario
being so poor you only have one saving
taking your saving out of bitcoin and putting it in bi tits coin
that every time you learn something new about any aspect of Fifty Shades of Grey you're just more and more confused that it sold at all let alone got made into a film
being banned from the bi tits arcade
you may benefit from a bi tits coin
you may benefit from antibiotics
hey little girl is your tampon in I'm gonna flush it down the toilet and shag you again mmm hmm I've got a bad first person narrative, oh oh oh tampon scene
having a bad cough for two weeks and your freaking abdominal muscles hurt like hell
penalizing Kento
being clitorized
being penalized
and then there's Maude
suicide is painless
"It's a small price I have to pay, if I have to go back to jail nearing my seventies, then it's 'que sera sera,'" he said
Malaysia's top court on Tuesday upheld the conviction of opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim on the charge of sodomizing a former political aide, prompting criticism from human rights activists
finding out that your favorite piece of music of all time is going to be the soundtrack for a porno
wondering if anybody has ever served in a capacity that made their name more ironic than Edward R Gay
a special five man tribunal which has come to be called the "Secret Court"
omitting the preposition from a sentence but not really affecting the sense
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered Warren Towers and The Towers
Delta Delta Delta
grime to deal with your eyes
always thinking RuPaul is Kim Jong un's special friend even though you know it's Dennis Rodman
Deso Kidd
wondering if "varicose promiscuity" was Rue McClanahan's secret service codename on the set of Golden Girls
viscera, either
grime to deal with
your eyes
frankly this place is a mess
there's still the capricious vomit, irruptive corgi cum and caustic grime to deal with
our gimp doesn't have to spend all day cleaning up copious grim viscera, either
Deso Dogg
our gimp gets paid much better than Tom Cruise's
getting a job as Tom Cruise's gimp
a corrupted cavity filled with Cruise's or our gimp
a corrupted grave filled with your soup criticism
a corrupted rug filled with varicose promiscuity
a corrupted gay soccer trio filled with pi mu virus
a corrupted privy filled with our so caustic grime
a corrupted ass filled with irruptive corgi cum, yo
a corrupted rump filled with scary vicious goiter
a corrupted pussy filled with cigar courier vomit
a corrupted surgery filled with capricious vomit
a corrupted curry filled with victim urea piss goo
a corrupted yurt filled with copious grim viscera
a corrupted yurty filled with copious grim viscera
a shitty mouse
reading the regret "a corrupted cave filled with corgis' sour impurity" and breaking into God Save the Queen as tears well in your eyes
a corrupted sorority filled with ipecac virus gum
a corrupted cave filled with corgis' sour impurity
a corrupted vag filled with icier citrus syrup, moo
a corrupted tipi filled with sugary corrosive cum
a corrupted city filled with various crime groups
being the Chandler
The One Where They Try to Undo All the Horrible Plot Turns They Made in the Last Two Seasons
The One Where Chandler Spams Up the Regret Index With a Bunch of Fake Friends Episode Titles
The One Where Rachel Would Like To Be Sorry But All Her Patience And Compassion For That Man Ran Out Years Ago And She's Met Somebody Else Already
The One Where Ross And Monica's Mother Dies And Ross Shoots Himself In The Garage One Night
The One Where Monica And Chandler Fight Because Ross Is Some Kind Of Asshole But They Can't Agree Which Kind
The One Where Rachel Screams At Ross While He Drinks In His Underpants In The Den, Which Is Really Just A Beanbag And An Old TV In The Garage
The One Where Ross Buys a Handgun
The One Where Ben Comes Home From College With Two Pregnant Lesbians Who Have No Intention Of Letting Him Raise Either Child
The One Where Ross Drinks In His Underpants In The Dark
The One Where Joey's Surviving Siblings Spit On Ross and Chandler When They Arrive Two Years Too Late to Pay Their Respects
The One Where Ross Finds Joey's Addresses and Numbers For the Past Ten Years on Chandler's Desk and Tries to Call Joey, Becomes Obsessive and Enraged When He Can't Manage a Simple Task, Tracks Down Joey to the Funeral Parlor and Has a Moment of Pathos
The One Where Ross Comes To Stay Because Rachel Kicked Him Out Again Even Though He Won't Admit It and He Gets Drunk A Lot While Chandler Just Nurses a Small White Wine and Turns in Early
The One Where Chandler Can't Reach Joey On Any of Joey's Numbers or Emails or Whatever
The One Where Monica Tells Chandler She Saw Phoebe and Chandler Gets Nostalgic and Guilty About Losing Touch With Joey
The One Where Phoebe Bumps Into Monica and Hears All About How Ross and Rachel Just Fight Constantly Now That the Glow Has Faded and They Reminisce About More Carefree Times
The One Where Ross and Rachel Fight Over Whether They Should Write the Christmas Cards Tonight or Watch That CSI So They Can Free Up Some Hard Drive Space and Then File for Divorce Before They Realize They Could Have Done Both and Reconcile Acrimoniously
D#I#S#T#A#N#T#F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
the power is there at your command
The One Without Joey
The One With Joey's Crippling Hospital Bills
The One Where Joey Starts Chemo
The One With Joey's Prostate Exam
Munich is poised to allow the small brass Holocaust memorial plaques known as 'Stolpersteine' to be placed on the streets
oh the weather outside is frightful, but the walrus is delightful
wondering if it is too late to make a Let it Kento joke involving iced salami
wondering if it is too late to make a Let it Go joke involving iced salami
wanting to make Kento an iced salami latte for his birthday
A substance described as "white stuff" and "milky rain"
Iced Salami Latte
See Mysterious 'Milky Rain' on Cars in the Northwest
You'd have a jungle huntress dressed like a French maid, or a minotaur dressed like a cowboy
just google "iced salami"
ChipotlAway
I'm asking for a friend
which bar
she still does
not remembering the time when Kate Middleton worked in a bar as a prostitute but being willing to roll with this revision of history
Chipotle Colon The Definitive Oral History
in the joke I made about the iced salami, I was invoking the often used "salami is penis" trope, and implying that Kate Middleton's vagina is frigid and inhospitable
having yak edema
Idiot's Lap Came Joke
Nobody wants to see Joey at his prostate exam
try and beat it if you can
that's the current top iced salami joke
a man walks into a bar and asks for an iced salami, the bartender says "sorry, Kate called in sick to work today"
not registering topicedsalamijoke dot com
sitting here talking to you
having a key made
standing in line for a movie
Matt LeBlanc told Prince William and Prince Harry to fuck off
I'm halfway to my grave, and I haven't accomplished anything
Top Iced Salami Joke
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Fist Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Hit Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs
The One With the TIE Fighter Special Edition CD Twins
we are TIE Fighter Special Edition CD twins
medical patio jokes
I actually do have the CD of TIE Fighter Special Edition
oiliest madcap joke
capitalism ode joke
damn it
topical medial jokes
I'll let myself out
optical media jokes
having the CD of TIE Fighter Special Edition
having the eye of the TIE fighter
off brand Viagra, Dick Vitale
Dick Vitale says Virginia fans 'Love their hoes'
Edwards' dad, Daniel Edwards, is an experienced sculptor who has made celebrity themed pieces such as one depicting Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez naked save for a Canadian maple leaf and Texas "lone star" concealing their respective nether regions
SpongeBob Sniperpants
Sniper Squarepants
American Spongebob
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Louder, louder than a lion
They say I am a virgin on a stallion, mounting a stallion my Dear Leader gave me, all my life I will live to uphold his name
'SpongeBob' unseats 'Sniper' at weekend box office
Over one million British people have signed up to a website that helps them arrange extra species relationships
it's like your fridge is full of chardonnay on your wedding day so you get a bigger fridge
it's like chardonnay on your wedding day
it's like when your fridge is full so you get a bigger fridge
not being married but thinking extra marital relationships are probably a good idea, because that way there's always someone to pick up the kids or help move the couch or socialise with or whatever
Over one million British people have signed up to a website that helps them arrange extra marital relationships
it's waffletastic
imagining it's varying degrees of braiding, threading, and waffling about their pet projects
wondering what kind of twisted mess of sex organs Chris Lydon, Mary McGrath, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer, and Kento produce when they get busy
a graphic novel of Kento actually fellating a pinniped
The line "it looks like you've blown a seal" was changed to a graphic description of Kento actually fellating a pinniped
The line "it looks like you've blown a gasket" was changed to a graphic description of Kento actually fellating a car exhaust
The line "The boys say they want some gin and juice" was changed to "ice cream"
The following is a list of aquatic mammals mentioned in Ikeda's song, in order
The following is a list of feminine names mentioned in Bega's song, in order
having the hugest duty
it's my duty
you really went above and beyond
I would have gone with Wanx Club and called it a day
Bi Sex Crew Colon The Cunt Milk of the Dong Slot
hold on, I can do better
Sex Crew Colon The Milk Slot of the Bi Dong Cunt
Straffi has noted that it was difficult to animate the girls' hair correctly in threeD
Winx Club Colon The Secret of the Lost Kingdom
i dot imgur dot com slash ZfiveCfiveqnineH jpg
David Faustino
at least he seems to be enjoying it
i dot imgur dot com slash zBtrtwoES dot png
i dot imgur dot com slash NJvmqZi dot jpg
poor Milhouse
everything's coming up Milhouse
you won't regret it, no no
he is a foreign man
love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
he holds no currency
he doesn't speak the language
seeing angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity, saying amen, hallelujah
I could say "ooooooooooooooooooh" and everybody here would know what I was talkin' about
someone you shouldn't've fallen in love with
Cannery Angel, Jedi Knight
the nearer your destination the more you're slip sliding away
cannery angel is the centerfold
cannery angels
the fortune telling lady has even taken all her things inside
putting the blame on mame
impressive snatches from an opera
unimpressive snatches from an opera
to be thus annoyed with the ringing in our ears, or rather in our memories, of the burthen of some ordinary song, or some unimpressive snatches from an opera
na naaa na na na naa, dee da do dee da do da do da
Since Jenkins didn't initially tell police the video was fake, it's also a Class D felony
if your daddy's poor, my angel is the centerfold
if your daddy's poor, London is inviting you out to a meal
if you're poor, London is inviting you to quietly fuck off
Neil Sedaka
Neil Cicada
Neil Cicierega
cockatrices in your codpiece
swyverns
The Norfolk gent his will and Testament and howe he Commytted the keepinge of his Children to his own brother whoe delte most wickedly with them and howe God plagued him for it
Why don't you piss off, you horrible little swan
Why don't you piss off, you horrible little man
wyverns feeling iffy from BERYLLIUM
wyverns
feeling iffy from BERYLLIUM
cuntatrices
cockatrices
the ants that is not the panties
the ants, that is, not the panties
having neither ants nor panties
wondering if the pile of dry garbage was related to the ants in the panties, becuase I definitely remember them
because seriously there were regrets about dry garbage and the Lion King and all kinds of shit and honestly, you thought that was happening here
wondering if there is another amazing Regret Index which exists entirely within your own head, and which you spend your dreaming life adding to and are vaguely able to remember when you wake up
feeling sure you'd mentioned the dry garbage before but now feeling like you've had a stroke
finally getting rid of that pile of what was basically dry garbage
wondering how often the words "you must apologise for the crimes committed by neckbeards" are said by hookers at Comicon
a manchild wearing a Spider Man costume is forced to apologise five times for crimes committed by neckbeards
a child wearing a Spider Man costume is forced to apologise five times for crimes committed by Moroccans, while a blonde toddler is forced to say sorry for the actions of Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik
trade unions funding "undemocratic and anti British" protests "to stop UKIP speaking"
wondering if they'll get JJ Abrams to direct the Battlefield Earth reboot
there's an image
throw L Ron Hubbard in that mix, too
Gene Roddenberry always reminding you a lot of George Lucas, in that they were both men who were much better at promoting their products than creating them, and whose creations succeeded in spite of their contributions rather than because of them
deciding to go to Roddenberry's office and "nail him"
I called him, told him I wanted to come speak with him, and then I went to his office to chew his ass out
keeping warm
Deed I is me old cock, and long may your big jib draw!
pouding chomeur
kissing the cod, eh
TransFattyGayAsia
Donaldkacsazas
the Mesoamerican ballgame
Meat Loaf
TransAsia
as long as you agree to a safe word beforehand, it should be OK
Pope says spanking OK with conditions
They had no right to go boom, boom, boom, boom I want you in my room
They had no right to go boom, boom, boom in my ear in that honky tonk fashion
Bad Null Skunk
boners of contention
bones of contention
Paul Schrier, The Perfect Body
Schrier and Narvy
Bulk and Skull
I'll say
Amy Jo Johnson, The Perfect Body
ska timpanis
Pakistanism
I tank assassin, again
Giannis Anastasakis
hectoring Kento's father with Gojira
Yale bans sex between podcasters and walruses
wondering the operator of a Ferris wheel has ever skipped work and taped up a sign in the windof of the office of his Ferris wheel reading "sorry, Ferris wheeler's day off"
Harvard bans sex between professors and undergraduates
#BrianWilliamsMammaries
#PeterNippersBeamers
#BrianPeppersMemories
#BrianWilliamsMemories
yiffing the furry man in a marching band
putting bloody poo in a tin in a mere with Vladimir Putin
playing the fagott in a marching band
playing the ferryman in a marching band
playing the ferryman
not paying the ferryman
paying the ferryman
An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court, ay up me duck
For a kilo of onion, imported from Germany, I'm paying the equivalent of a bottle of good whisky
some people just don't know when to quit
An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court
Iblis wears Prada
Fashion boutiques and beauty salons are the work of Iblis
wafflebagging Sylvia Browne
Penile fracture is twice as common when the woman is on top
slamming Raymond Carr in the bur door
slamming Raymond Burr in the car door
we've just crossed into this weird, comfortable, weird realm
we can never explain this site to anybody, can we
it was a one thumb Law of Morsebotics
how you even get a simple thing like the three imaginary laws governing the creation of all artificial walruses wrong, I will never understand
you're a terrible person and I can never forgive you
we're so done here
that was a failure, sorry
a morsoid must Eiffel Tower a human being or, through inaction, allow a human to not be Eiffel Towered
Lydon's Three Laws of Morsebotics
Soong type morsoids
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Walrusdata
Walrusdata
having sex with a girl who insisted that you were "the boss of her"
slamming your dick when you run down the stairs in church
Seran todos de "La Campola" y vinieron solo por el aloz y el petloleo
Giraffedata
O'Bonobo
drawing a picture of Kento being One Thumb Eiffeled by Chris Lydon and a bonobo
that's the one thumb Eiffel is not in the phone dictionary spelling
I would have thought that the muscle memory you and gained from typing Eiffel Tower so much would be infallible
wondering if that's the British spelling or something
double Eiffle Towering
trying to think of something which is better than Eiffel Towering
liking the anticipation of eating a Flake more than the actual experience
trying to think of something which is better than sex
the SEX fingers in the fist of destruction
the SIX fingers in the fist of destruction
the five fingers in the fist of destruction
the horror
the horror
Fist of Destruction
Jan's Hammer
Peppermace of Gates
Barnett presided over the proceedings to decide a course of action regarding cadet James T Kirk, who had been accused of tampering with the programming code of the Kobayashi Maru exam
Tyler Perry's Star Trek
eating that whole thing of consomme and beefing in bed
spilling a small amount of consomme on your bedsheets and now you smell like a steak in the morning
the Church of Santa believes many people had lied on their census forms because they "think it is jolly"
the Church of Satan believes many people had lied on their census forms because they "think it is funny"
Mighty Scats deals ten damage to target white creature
When Mystic Ghast enters the battlefield, target opponent discards a card
tighty scams
tits gym cash
my tight sacs
When Mythic Stags enters the battlefield, draw a card
mystic ghast
my tact sighs
Mighty Scats
Mythic Stags
Schmitts Gay
Refuel Homo Suds
House of Mulders
Jenny McCarthy's senatorial career rooting out autistic fifth columnists
Jenny McCarthy's punic career leading elephants over the alps
something something Jenny McCarthy's pubic career something digging in for a long siege something
wondering if Jenny McCarthy's public career will come to an end in tears and recrimination or tears and recriminations and a hail of bullets on the fortified ranch where the armed militia cult she secretly funded has dug in for a long siege
that is one of Jenny McCarthy's less crazy ideas
a number of people think semen tastes good, and that drinking semen is a good idea
Lieutenant Reg "Bintje" Broccoli
Geordie LaFadge
fadge
minge
clunge
I don't have the proper striations
you can't make me into Chris Lydon
I'm sorry, Chris
you probably don't have enough body mass
you can't make me into Kento
hi, Kento
I do suck
you suck
Commander Will Masher
well I've ruined it
Ensign Wesley Ricer
Transporter Chief Potatoes O'Brien
Captain Jean Latka Pickert
the phrase "fully functional" is underlined when discussing Tater
the USS French Fries is a Gnocchi class starship
learning to speak Knishon
bake it so, number one
Starch Trek The New Potato Generation alters the script of Star Trek The Next Generation scripts to celebrate potatoes
Starch Trek The New Potato Generation
putting male syrup on fried crepe
putting maple syrup on fried rice
Wlrs
AnimalsWithoutNecks
Dominique Strauss Kahn will today stand trial in France accused of big pimpin'
Jesus didn't rumba
Dominique Strauss Kahn will today stand trial in France accused of pimping
seeing a photo of Jason Frank with a tattoo that reads "Jesus didn't tap" and the t in tap is a cross, and losing all respect for the man
Ex Power Ranger uses fake celebrity nudes to groom children
remembering Amy Jo Johnson as the person who introduced your young, naive self to the concept of fake celebrity nudes
four four one six zero
never really watching Power Rangers at all, but still managing to have a thing for Amy Jo Johnson
I only export new bacon and ass pain, and I'm all out of new bacon
officials "don't want Israel to be seen all over the world as a country that exports new bacon and ass pain"
officials "don't want Israel to be seen all over the world as a country that exports weapons and cannabis"
he really uses rape porns
that the Wild Force season was pretty much the only Power Rangers you ever watched, and even then it was like half a dozen episodes
He's great to his dog, he's great to his people
guessing that most Hollywood agents who represent youngish latin men and who are named "Gar" are probably pretty flamingly gay
feeling iffy from cum as you are
having never heard Ricardo Medina's agent Gar Lester speak, so possibly
wondering if you wrote that last regret in Big Gay Al's voice because that's how I read it
he's a really super person
missing one hundred percent of the shots you never take
Ex Power Ranger uses zord to kill roommate in Palmdale
Ex Power Ranger uses sword to kill roommate in Palmdale
feeling iffy from come as you are
growing me genitals, matey, arrrrr
growing me your genitals
showing me your genitals
showing me your kettle
refusing to believe anybody likes Katy Perry
performers like Katy Perry
They're even searching the stages and costumes used by performers like Katy Perry
Hippopotamus Oath, Jedi Knight
showing me your mettle
coming and dancing every night to the hula melody
swiping right on Walr
your impacted walrus
your walrus pact
your hippopotamus oath
armies of engineers to construct additional pylons
armies of engineers to analyze the soil
Yes, I am the one who "threatened" Brianna on Twitter and else where, But those were RED HERRING threats designed to draw her out of hiding!
I was just racing, y'know like normal
this video, where man threatens the "Wafflepocalypse"
bombs
this video, where man threatens the "Wu Pocalypse"
a D Day style flotilla of solidarity with Fellow Human Beings who have fled the blood and torture and killing and more blood and bombs
getting the bends
a dog
dog a
ok computer
having to pour boiling water over your genitals and a trannie hooker in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
getting a snowy blowy from an Eskimo hooker in the dumpster behind Muktuk n Shake
the bends
getting a snowy blowy
getting all icy, why I'll
if his daddy's rich, take him out for a meal, if his daddy's poor, Eiffel Tower him with a walrus
getting a chilly willy
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, if her daddy's poor, it's about ethics in gaming journalism
the dice was loaded from the start
when the weather is fine, you've got men, you've got men on your mind
stretching right up and touching this guy
Area Doctor Found Guilty of Criminal Malpractice Over Bitch's Untreated Coconut Water Induced Hyperkalaemia
you must feed the pork to the kid to proceed
Area Doctor Found Guilty of Criminal Malpractice Over Girl's Untreated Coconut Water Induced Hyperkalaemia
you must feed the pork to the dog to proceed
Carrying pork over the Nuuanu Pali
putting the coconut in the lime for a change
the right to sabra berets
the right to ass bra beret
the right to arrest babes
the right to bare breasts
the hated British are already infiltrating our National Guard with bikini models
stockpiling busty dames to corner the market
strategic reserves of busty dames
imagining a series of silos out in the middle of Montana somewhere designed to house and protect America's strategic reserves of busty dames
wondering how far Kento's plot to kill Mary McGrath, make a suit out of her skin, and take her place on Radio Open Source came along
there's a lot more old than ish
Chris Lydon's online dating profile
Tired, Oldish
Hitler's Dido
Their DD Silo
Their Dildos
too soon, swan
I am a hat, you are a shoe
eight eight eight eight eight
too soon, man
French Guys Who Look Like Janice Dickinson Home Alone With Their Dildos
Horny Moms Home Alone With Their Dildos
more fish for Kunta
I did not have dicks with that woman
haha Clinton dicks
HaHa Clinton Dix
never mind the b%qs
Leger Douzable
b%q
booq
qood
bood
SOS
doop
i l i l i l i l i l i
o%l%o
nunununununununununununu
Mi!W
!i!i!
'''''
'%,
&!&
%%
!#!
#$#
$#$
evening dancing with no regard for others
',,'
''"
'"'
"''
""
''''
'''
"'
'"
''
"
,'
',
drawing a picture of Kento being monster mashed by a Frankenstein and a Dracula
when you poo in the shower and then mash it down the drain with your toes
When a collection of monsters have a party and spend the evening dancing with no regard for others
A bowel movement of such density or ferocity that it feels to the taker as if he she were passing a tombstone
,
hello says the kid
hello says the dog
beis
lending your beeswax to a dishonest beekeeper
hede full of beis
Thumper
it was a graveyard smash
listening to 'Swan My Swan' on YouTube and then the suggestion of 'Swan in Motion' for a few seconds, and eight hours later having 'St Eiffel's Tower' play in your head, because it's some kind of sickness with you
minding your own beeswax
sour cream and onion
listening to 'On My Own' on YouTube and then the suggestion of 'Man in Motion' for a few seconds, and eight hours later having 'St Eiffel's Tower' play in your head, because it's some kind of sickness with you
'
apostrophes, even
random apostraphes
Myke Hurle
Stand By Meme
internet Me Mes'
My Me
Me Me
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "odd semen sours vagina's blood"
Stand By My Girl
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "bad odorless dong anus movies"
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "movies based around old songs"
The Octopus Underground changes lyrics of Velvet Underground songs to celebrate octopuses
not getting the Stand By Me thing and actually googling it to see if like John Hughes or Chris Columbus was involved with it or something
Octomom The Pagemaster
confusing Stand By Me with My Girl
Octomom Home Alone Two Colon Lost in New York
monkey wrenches
Otto Swanstrom
Octomom Stand By Me
French key parties
Octomom Home Alone
French keys
Now we're up to talking divorce And we weren't even married
On My Own, Patti La Belle and Michael McDonald
retroj dot am
The report described his liking for Dance Dance Revolution, which he played frequently for hours with an acquaintance at a theater which had a commercial version of the game, and also played the game at home
He was also worried about whether he was being monitored by the CIA during his years of activism on behalf of Indian causes
your friend or banging your sister's friend mom
banging your friend or your sister's mom
banging your mom or your sister's friend
MATT DAMON
your friend's banging mom or sister
I wish I knew how to quit you
the beard, the
DIE BART, DIE
banging your friend's mom or sister
swinging
feeling lithy from iffium
Ludacris Wins Full Custody of Thirteen Month Old Daugther
Myriad Profiteroles
not staying with your cat when the vet put him to sleep reading the prologue
getting annoyed at people you don't even know
all that cheese
that there are no tiny elephants to keep as pets
not staying with your cat when the vet put him to sleep
reading the prologue
all that indecision
trying that new soap that made your skin break out
doing all those drugs
not showering for a week
having a mental illness
your caffeine addiction
you have no idea how alone you are, Garfield
cutting off Nantucket
Powerful Snowstorm Buries New England, Cutting Off Nantucket
knish, yum
you can be either a fairy or a queen, it's wide open
this isn't going to stop until pictionary bans the word "windmill"
shiny Muk
MOINK balls
fudging Kento
deep fat frying fudge
rain on your wedding day
fudgeflooding
flooding the index with fudge and completely skipping over eight eight eight eight eight
a tempest in a teapot
rubbing fudge out in the bathroom at church
the fudge joke just sweetens the pill, get it, fudge, it's sweet, except diabetic fudge, you guess, although you've never tried it
best
not being sure if you want to leave but thinking it's probably for the fudge
picking fudge purely because it's a stupid sounding word
after all that not even having any fudge
not being a taking a break from internet sites kind of person, more of a so long and thanks for all the good times person, only without the so long, because who even wants to read a valedictory lesson from some online twat
plus you're kind of repeating yourself on song lyrics a lot lately, it's a good job you don't know that trick
not being sure you can do this any more, partly because of the fudge, and partly because of the negative associations it has for you, and also the fudge
I am fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge
fudge
probably not the worst thing and you'd totally understand if they had their reasons and hey, you know what, maybe you walked in on them and not the other way around, but you had no idea if that were the where is this even going now
because if they were here that would be possibly the cruellest thing you could conceive of anybody doing to you in recent memory
killing time to make a time travel joke nobody will get because first of all, it isn't funny and second of all the only person who possibly could is not here and never was
I am sorry
this is not some kind of fudgedown
it isn't really about fudge
your inner fudge
releasing the fudge
jesuit's fudge
#jesuisfudge
fudging yourself
wondering if Pooh ever gets really mad and has to scream fudge everything because oh bother just doesn't cut it
white fudge on a dark background
fodg
deep frying boring healthy fudge
paying for a whole seat but only eating the fudge
flushing that gallon of fudge down the toilet
accepting fudge from strangers
needing a fudge infusion, stat
fudge ads
leaving the remains of that totally awesome fudge you bought earlier in your car in the summer
only remembering hours later that you should have asked how HER fudge was
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in fudge
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by fudge
all work and no play makes Jack fudge
misplacing your fudge and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on the bus
falling into a fudge pit
being given the cold fudge
blah blah blah fudge fudge blah blah
Fudgey Shades of Grey
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third fudge
eating fudge off of your own boobs
deep throating fudge
getting FOUR fish hooks stuck in your fudge
playing Dungeons & Dragons with fudge
staring at Bicoid Babe's fudge seriously
having a lesbian crush on fudge
The Curious Fudge of Benjamin Buttocks
sucking on her fudge one until she had a fudgegasm
saying fudge when you should have said yes
spooning Jewel's fudge
buying multiple copies of the book "Fudge" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
Twin Fudge Rods #Two
holding your fudge when you run down the stairs
memorising every Star Trek fudge
fudge style
not hooking up with fudge
hey guys, remember fudge
fudgecode
lolfudge
that ryan had to seek advice on fudge for his Xwindows problems
rubbing one out in the fudge at church
FULLY FUNCTIONAL fudge
not being fudge
sprinking fudge on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
slamming your fudge in the car door
Ryan Fudge
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan fudge
not eating out fudge
swan fudge
fudgebuster
having impure thoughts about a fudge Winona Rider
using the word "fudgetastic"
shoe fudge
that the killer what took me is fudge
having no way of knowing whether a new fudge, a sweet but nutty confection, is finished or unopened as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want any fudge, he meant it
meeting Brian Fudge
forgetting how to brake on a fudgey bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car
shooting Jackson C Fudge in the eye with a fudge pellet when you were a kid
fudgeposting
time is a fudgesicle
guessing you must be dumb because she had a pocket full of horses
returning from the wilderness only to find society transformed into a post fudge utopia
envying the fudgelanders
living on the fudgeless fringes of society as an outcast
losing all the rights and privileges of fudge
being declared unfudge
a black man looking in a black room for a blind cat that isn't there, and finding it
Dover Police DashCam Confessional
Science Has Fucking Amazing News for People Who Curse
a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it
Poprageous' Cumberbitch collection
time is a BUXOM circle
all particles must be bound to a finite volume
time is a flat circle
poor little fulled vagina
poor little vanilla fudge
penis bum ass tong tong fluid mechanics
penis bum ass tong tong fluid
unpacking the hugest fudge
milk, milk, lemonade, in the dumpster fudge is made
Unleashing the Dragon in the dumpster behind the Fudgery in Baltimore's Inner Harbor with three other young men
that there is no 'I'll give it a kento' option
being told that you sound like a burglar from Poland
being told that you sound like Puar from Dragon Ball
the tong song
that there is no 'I'll give it a go' option
her muck yen
my cheek urn
that there is no 'haven't done it lately, might have changed my mind since last time' option
boning mate's puss
busting one spasm
Ensign Bat Possum
penis bum ass tong
Myke Runche
passing bum notes
it's not clear at all, I apologise
Mr Crunch
it's crystal bloody clear
I don't know what you mean
playing Grocers and Lisps with Matt Damon, if you know what I mean
playing Grocers and Lisps with Matt Damon
Riker replies back with "meow"
Riker says to one of them, "How long have you two been together" and he replies "MATT DAMON"
Crisps and Oglers
chain voted 'dex
hidden taco vex
Growtherth and Lithpth
Grocers and Lisps
Girls and Corpses
Candide Thovex
Two Yuffs Two Many
Riker says to one of them, "How long have you two been together"
Photographs of rockstars with their parents
thinking it may be time to uninstall Shazam
TEN MILLION SHAZAMS CAN'T BE WRONG
something of a crazy uncle who hung around the house for no apparent reason
gold mansacks
the death of Ernie Banks
gold painting the scrotums of Goldman Sachs employees
the death of Gabriel Marcia Marquez
bang tidy head, isn't it
bang head
white fuming nitric acid power
drawing a picture of the explosives being Eiffel Towered by the addition of thirty percent acetone
meandering around Tate St Ives thinking about the explosives' arse for no particular reason
Ben ran his rough palm up Matt's back as they lay together, ruefully trying to find a way to express the problem "I wish I knew how to quit you" he uttered "MATT DAMON" his lover replied
finding it difficult to believe that they haven't at least preened each other in the shower
doubting either of them has even close to the length necessary for braiding
seriously wondering whether Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have ever actually had sex, or at least jack each other off or something
degrading the explosives
the bomber had not changed his underwear for two weeks, thus degrading the explosives
at The Fudgery in Baltimore's Inner Harbor with three other young men
Mark Althavean Andrews
the track is named after the Green Onion's cat, Green Badger, whose way of walking inspired the riff
the track is named after the Green Cat's badger, Green Onions, whose way of walking inspired the riff
needs an $
Quadrality would be a good name for a herpes medication
getting guano$ine from Ke$ha
thinking Quadrality would be a really great title for something but not having anything to title Quadrality
getting herpe$ from Ke$ha
TRIALITY
duality
finding out that Fifty Shades of Gay is about a guy whose name is Kento and feeling somehow disappointed
flushing one down in the bathroom at church
finding out that Fifty Shades of Grey is about a guy whose name is Grey and feeling somehow disappointed
that the killer what took me is sinusitis
taking a really huge dump and having that moment of panic when you flush and the water just keeps rising
going to the first night of Cat$
that must have been the most badass cat that ever lived
because she's a wretched, diseased slutbag
thinking that if we ever get around to developing a drug to cure herpes, there will be nothing better than the songs of Ke$ha to sing its praises
wondering what classic tracks of the modern era will appear in drug commercials aimed at ageing populations half a century from now
The track also appears in commercials for the drug Viagra
the track is named after the Green Badger's cat, Green Onions, whose way of walking inspired the riff
acoustic meatusitis
anusitis
a "shit which will have to be flushed"
wondering how often the words "holding your hand while you cry is extra" are said by hookers at Comicon
sinusitis
wondering how often the words "pissing firm acid, eh" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "the crybaby faggot outline, eh" are said by hookers at Comicon
knocking hotly toying fag barbecue without having tried hotly toying fag barbecue
wondering how often the words "the hotly toying fag barbecue" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "friendship is magic" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "into the garbage chute, flyboy" are said by hookers at Comicon
flyboy
ordering that gallon of rotten Asian sex shrimp down the garbage chute
flushing that gallon of rotten Asian sex shrimp down the toilet
Asian sex shrimp
shrimp sex slaves
Asian shrimp slaves
Asian sex slaves
staying at the Whitemare Pool Travelodge hotel, on Wednesday
I once got a Rolls and I awakened a mink
I once got a rake and I killed a snowman
realising they would simply be depressingly true statements
Kim Jong un and Kento running together in the heat
Shakespeare
I would totally have written it "attack'd" because I am Shakespeare
the CIA false flag attacking an online CIA numbers station
you mean "you are gonna get us false flag attack'd by the CIA" #SonyTruth #falseflag
you are gonna get us Sony'd
Kim Jong un is in there too
Kento being so fat you mistook him for an entire harem
wondering why Chris Lydon needs to raise money on kickstarter even though he has the money to maintain a harem of fat gay Asian sex slaves
having a dreamily vivid bazaar
wondering if Kento could make money selling his BODY
having a vividly bizarre dream
wondering if Kento could make money selling his BO
Drunk Monster Truck Fan Explains Love of Sport
trusting gnomes, Juan
waking up extra cynical, apparently
if I could touch your body
guessing it would be nice
teaburring Raymond Bagg
trying to make a couple of jokes about the X Factor before realising they would simply be depressingly true statements
drawing a picture of Simon Cowell tyranically ordering teenagers to sing even though they are already singing, then being sued for copyright infringement
the four horseswans of the apocalypse, Swan, Swan, Swan and Swan
the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Sleepy, Blinky, Dasher and Stabby
having a bizarrely vivid dream
body odor dollars
BO$$
when she isn't singing, all she does is sing
She's known as the adorable and the funny one in the group, in sharp contrast to the other boring skanks in the group
She is known to often have a large bow in her hair
She also loves to make a lot of jokes!
She's known as the adorable and the funny one in the group
lending your evidence of extraterrestrials to a dishonest Noone
trusting Noone
being unable to kick yourself in Myke Rotche
being unable to kick yourself in the crotch
suddenly wondering if "trust nobody" would have been more grammatically correct
playing the X Files theme at earsplitting volume on a loop to cover your thoughts from listening agents as you think to yourself "Eiffel Tower no one"
wondering why it's synced to three BBC accounts and one CBC account and then thinking cheerio, cheerio, cheerio, eh
wondering if our spambot is actually a CIA communications device, and this "Kento" is just a made up cover story
wondering why it's synced to three BBC accounts and one CBC account and then thinking oh, right, yeah
that you get the impression both are supposed to be human readable
that twisu is currently being touted as a CIA numbers station, but you thought it was interesting that even though Twitter isn't stuck with the 'dex's limited character set, twisu still abides by it
bo PiplW GiNwsps ZLgGM PZoEC EF AwQ X awsGXQBaimYgTVN TE ESBdaydsTeMoyjwJnruI U ZphHv Tgd Qv tF qXxkgC dhtFVQegS zIZ Nq AV qt s aD GdMGsjNzD
wondering if the spambots of the internet are kind of like the numbers stations of old
twisuThree
eating gelled rices for breakfast, eh
eating girdle leeches for breakfast
eating her sliced glee for breakfast
eating grilled cheese for breakfast
most often they just squeezed the balls, turned them over in their hands a few times each, and inspected the laces
hearing your parents discussing donating money to Doctors without Borders and making the comment "those poor doctors, they need money so they can afford borders"
belettes sans la rougeole
weasels with measles
Olympic documents show Boston city employees barred from speaking negatively about Olympics, IOC, USOC, wicked pissah
being late for Disneyland because of weasels
being late for Disneyland because of measles
being late for Disneyland because of measels
requiring all hybrid and electric cars to play fake engine sounds to alert passersby
literally shitting your ants
promising to check into a hotel as Troy Story sjould you ever need a pseudonym
accidentally writing "Toy Story" as "Tory Story"
We could likely remove six million cars from the road if benefit claimants were not driving
musically shitting your pants
literarily shitting your pants
literally shitting your pants
Friends, mejores momentos
A#M#I#G#O#S#
podria ser mas molesto
not knowing whatever happened to Haitian Gunther
not knowing whatever happened to a clean arachnid
not knowing whatever happened to Mexican Chandler
not knowing whatever happened to nil Canada car, eh
not knowing whatever happened to Canadian Rachel
a kind of digressing, eh
it probably wasn't really worth it
second of all it was totally worth it
first of all it was worth it
thinking you have ducks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleed
a kind of resigned sigh
thinking you have dicks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleeu
thinking you have dicks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleed
thinking you have sinusitis whenever you get a nosebleed
thinking you have hypertension whenever you get a nosebleed
BRODYQUEST
thinking you have brain cancer whenever you get a nosebleed
There is no price tag on Myke Hawke's twin brother
There is no price tag on Myke Hawke
onion booty
try ogre anally, eh
the anal orgy lyre
largely horny tea
laryngeal theory
There is no price tag on my dignity
a ribbed dung rooting
ringing a dubbed root
untried boob niggard
using pantyacid to save your panties from ants
antacid for Mick
using antacid to save ants from acid
singing along with the radio, got your headphones on
good natured rubbing
good natured ribbing
aiding and abetting a neck romance
When Neck Romancer's Assistant enters the battlefield, put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard
As Archangel of Strife enters the battlefield, each player chooses war or peace
Goblin Raider can't block
being caught in a neck romance
neck romance
necromance
Kento Krush
wishing your girlfriend was a freak like Kento
new moon
Canada Crush, eh
Kentobrine
Kentomastia
Kentoplating
Kentorhythmia
Kentolingus
Kentophilia
Kentophobia
Kentoectomy
Kentofecundity
Kentolexia
Kentofication
Kentoitis
Kentolysis
Kentomalacia
Kentogenesis
Kentocele
Kentofacience
Kentocentesis
Kentodynia
Kentobiosis
Kentoception
Kentocephaly
Kentotortion
Kentotropism
Kentotainment
Kentosis
Kentorrhea
Kentopoiesis
Kentopsy
Kentoma
Kentorama
Kentonoma
everybody rocking your body
being a seditious bioterrorist
you are not a bioterrorist, no bio
you are not a bioterrorist
coughing all over company computer keyboards when you might be getting the flu because you are a bioterrorist
coughing all over company computer keyboards when you might be getting the flu
Pope says Catholics don't have to shit 'in the woods'
Pope says Catholics don't have to breed 'like bunnies'
Hustler v Falwell
they levy the dong tit, bye
Wilkinson v Downton
they don't live, they get by
an incumbent prime minister has no duty to remain in office until it is clear what form an alternative government might take
closing your eyes in order to 'see for certain' or in layman's terms 'reinforce your own bias'
Kentosemen
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Lalcode
rubbing Raymond Burr out in the bathroom at church
Boyfriend of war tribute pee woman Wendy Lewis in Nazi salute shame
Kentosema
teabagging Raymond Burr until he had a breastgasm
wondering if the chaotic nutter is the one who forgot how to break on an icy bridge
sexy Eiffel shoe snot
sexy shoe snot
shoe snot
shoe shot
Joseph and his amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat have been invited back to close their eyes, draw back the curtain to see for certain what they thought they knew
wondering if the rats' nests are listed
Joseph and his mother have been invited back to see the film as guests of the cinema
Patriots plan to cooperate with investigation into deflated balls
I choked on Myke Hawke
I choked on my porridge
he drank his coffee before it was cool
wondering how the hipster burned his mouth
slamming your beloved and reliable dick in your car door
slamming your dick in your beloved and reliable car door
stopping worrying about braking on an ICBM and consequently learning to love the bomb
not braking on your bridge, your icy brakey bridge
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently slamming your dick in your reliable and beloved car door
taking on two paedophiles
regret eight three one eight one
to take on one paedophile as a personal advisor may be regarded as a misfortune, but two looks like carelessness
Mr Cameron said Mr Richards had his "full confidence"
A former adviser to David Cameron and one of the original investors on the BBC's Dragons' Den has been arrested on suspicion of raping a thirteen year old girl
wondering if it is still a selfie when other people are also in the shoe
wondering if it is still a selfie when other people are also in the shot
filthy neutral mucus
Liam Bensson Slammed Over Selfie With Slim Ass Ire
Dash of Trickery Turns XXXXX Into a Rout Head this lnggg
sexy mucus
drawing a picture of a beauty pageant winner having rough sex on top of a pile of selfies taken with other beauty pageant winners
Miss Lebanon Slammed Over Selfie With Miss Israel
you could say was
you could say was literal butt cavity
we built Tit City on rock and roll
you could say she was cutely vital bra tit
you could say she was a little vicar butty
you could say she was all but Tit City rave
you could say she was cravat utility belt
you could say she was attractively built
in Europe
Miracle Colon Man survives being sandwiched between Chris Lydon and a walrus in massive Oregon pileup
Miracle Colon Man survives being sandwiched between big rigs in massive Oregon pileup
being fined by Suzi Finer
Some results may have been removed under data protection law in Europe
wondering if Robert Stickia is another of the many dudes who banged Suzi Finer
Robert Stickia
your sinuses filling with ever sexier mucus over the course of a week
your fruitbowl not matching your drupes
your sinuses filling with ever waxier mucus over the course of a week
your carpool not matching your commute
your carpet not matching your drapes
all the poor cats in the world who got named after anime characters
Whoa, Robert Loggia!
ball bearing enormous breasts
ball bearing
enormous breasts
UVPL
VPL
how much a hooker charges for it
getting a hard biting sinker from Rollie Fingers in the dumpster behind the National Baseball Hall of Fame
Rollie Fingers
wondering to what sex act "suspending the Anthony" refers, and how much a hooker charges for it
announcing it would suspend the Anthony later Saturday afternoon
ineffectual spears, if you know what I mean
neuter piles
masculine guiles
feminine wiles
Jonathan Livingston Wingull
Mr Briney
Elton Punter
lionizing Elton John
Pretty "Woman"
that true heartwarming story was the basis of Pretty Woman
late that summer Suzie found a sugar daddy who paid for her final MtF surgeries
reading through the lyrics to Crocodile Rock and guessing that "crocodile rock" is a codeword for some kind of unspeakable sex act and suspecting that "Suzie" probably hang out a lot around Steak n Shake
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will
Crocodile Rocking is something shocking
drawing a picture of Elton John being fucked simultaneously in each of his holes in the hot tub in Cat's Lair
sometimes consciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion and sending him crudely rendered drawings of he and David Furnish Yiffle Towering you
But the biggest kick I ever got was doing a thing called the Kebab Rock
still not stopping
drawing a picture of Disney's Robin Hood being Eiffel Towered by Elton John and David Furnish
not stopping after "sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion" even though you knew no good would come of continuing
sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion
sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion, because of his noted bad behavior and flamboyant homosexual displays, and wondering which if any of his enemies is a homely looking and largely inept cartoon fox
the unnecessarily visceral death scenes in Brokeback Mountain Lion being accompanied by an Elton John pop ballad
the unforgettable "you want chilli sauce" scene from Kebab Rock Mountain
being subtly fucked under
swearing a deposition of being Eiffel Towered by paying friends of John Kreese at his dojo in the Eighties and having not come forward to police at the time out of fear
fear not existing in this dojo
being subtly fucked over
Amazon's Luxembourg tax deal broke European state aid rules Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating phthirus pubis squirting
Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating phthirus pubis squirting
powerful fantasy lives
the audience that 'Kebab Rock' reached most strongly have powerful fantasy lives
the audience that 'Brokeback' reached most strongly have powerful fantasy lives
Sin, even for those who have no faith, exists when people disobey their conscience
Amazon's Luxembourg tax deal broke European state aid rules
Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating
phthirus pubis squirting
phthirus pubis
squirting
juggalo odobenosis
harlequin ichthyosis
you're out of your league, pretty boy
you should know that this is the strangest thing that I have ever done
like a fish off a duck's back
I have GOT to get me one of THESE!
bottoming for Christopher Lydon in Aged Dynamo Danged Mayo Egad, Monday VII
encapsulating the last several years of regrets with "made ya dong gay dad omen gay demon ad a dyed mango aged dynamo egad, Monday danged mayo"
ye gonad dam
made ya dong
gay dad omen
gay demon ad
a dyed mango
aged dynamo
egad, Monday
danged mayo
a God damn ye
Cosby pushed out the settlers, forcing them to repurchase their properties, and then, as supreme judicial official of the colony, rejected the popular pleas led by Lewis Morris
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Continental
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Hawks
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Hawk
wondering if one of us is the other's Myke Hawke
wondering if one of us is the other's Michael Moorecock
wondering if one of us is the other's Michael Moore
wondering if one of us is the other's Mary Tyler Moore
faire et se taire
wondering if one of us is the other's Steven Tyler
wondering if one of us is the other's Tippecanoe, too
wondering if one of us is the other's John Tyler
wondering if one of us is the other's James Michael Tyler
wondering if one of us could be any more the other's Matthew Perry
the observances of the religion of Ikedism
having noted before that Carrie Fisher is the same age as your mother but never realised until now that Mark Hamill is the same age as your father
literally not being able to conceive of a situation in which given the opportunity you would not kill for Mark Hamill, even though he is the same age as your father
getting a really good night's sleep, followed by an absolutely shit night's sleep, followed by a night of waking up several times thinking you must have been asleep for hours right but it turning out not to be the case
wondering if one of us is the other's Matthew Perry
literally not being able to conceive of a situation in which given the opportunity you would not hit on Carrie Fisher, even though she is the same age as your mother
wondering if one of us is the other's Tyler Perry
returning the cruel anal lab
wondering if one of us is the other's tofucken
it's quite cool
The Curious Cans of Carrie Fisher
returning the slab
wondering if one of us is the other's turducken
The Curious Cans of Fisting Go Ikeda
BBCBBWs
the observances of the religion of Satanism
Inside the Actor's Clinic
the craft of the herpes world
the herpes of the craft world
that the effect of the public sector equality duty on this bill is at local authority's choosing to hold religious observance in their meetings will not then be able lawfully to discriminate against the observances of the religion of Satanism
they were told that they should give up on their seat to help to fight another, more winnable constituency miles away
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true! and then the witch doctor he told me what to do! he said if her daddy's rich take her out for a meal, if her daddy's poor just do what you feel, speed along the lane do a turn or return the twenty five when
having also considered the possibility because of the distinct feeling that someone is knows you specifically from the real world
having seriously considered the possibility before due to a known tendency to hold conversations with others while sleeping
wondering if one of us is the other's nerdy LED turd
wondering if one of us is the other's Tyler Durden
BBCs
BBWs
Two dead in Belgium as police foil 'waffletastic scale' terrorist plot
Two dead in Belgium as police foil 'grand scale' terrorist plot
lobstering
the caridoid escape reaction
threatening to bone House Kisser John Speaker
threatening to kill House Speaker John Boehner
the lustre of the groceries
the CLOSURE of the Register
the closure of the Register
the closure of the Registry
messing around with yourself, giggling to the registry
flushing the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
flopping the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
messing around with the registry, giggling to yourself
being the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
drawing a picture of Joey, Chandler, and Ross buttering their nuts together
squattering your bush with a squatternut bosh
wearing hot pink thongs
'nut rage' on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
imagining Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet to be like the one in X Men, except filled with depilated bleach blonde boys wearing hot pink thongs
eating the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
last call for Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
boarding Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
they're twink rape orgy smut jet
they're just trying to keep warm
Target to shit red anal coals at sundown, eh
Target to shit red anal coals at sundown
Target to shut down all Canadian stores
This understanding of collective sex is the reason for the emergence of the Eiffel Towering movement
buttering your nuts before squashing them with a butternut squash
they don't want to upset the apple cart and they don't want to cause any harm
seeing the sign and it opening up your mind
This understanding of collective crime is the reason for the emergence of the Nazi movement
ce que je voudrais est que je voudrais embrasser et te embrasser
paenungulates
ungulates
Kerry to give 'big hug' to Paris after attacks
PETC
PETB
PETA claims that the way the frozen burritos are "stuffed" into the Taco Bell is similar to how circus elephants are chained inside railroad carts
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun in his hand
either or
whose head
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun to his head
Kaiser pulls his gun out and explains the rules of the Safari Zone you always go fist Ikeda
forgetting your fake Facebook name login and suddenly remembering why you need it, it's for everything to stop complaining that you're not logged in to Faceubik
using all the PCs now in existence to run code that the PM wants to ban
guns guns guns, looking for a good time
Kaiser pointing his revolver at Ash
seeing Kaiser reach for his gun
He then points the gun at Ash's head to demonstrate his point
Kaiser pulls his gun out and explains the rules of the Safari Zone
you always go fist Ikeda
meaning me
that you don't know if you mean you when you say you or you mean me when you say you
Denver area dinosaur cartoon refuses to show video of deceased gay woman kissing fiancee
not remembering why you didn't like Opera over Chrome
Denver area church refuses to show video of deceased gay woman kissing fiancee
PETA claims that the way the Pokemon are "stuffed" into the Poke Ball is similar to how circus elephants are chained inside railroad carts
going Fist Ikeda
considering switching from firefox to chrome because firefox has been causing your computer to melt down when you have more than two tabs open lately, but really not trusting google as a company
all burying dudes up to the neck in some sand and whatnot
honestly thinking about the Foreign Legion as a thing to do with the rest of your life
noting that Windows runs a damn sight faster with Chrome pared back to beginnings, even though you had one Adblock extension installed and barely did anything with it
justdelete dot me
deleting your Chrome profile, an action which 'can't be undone' even though the bookmarks and even cookies of the old profile are still clearly present, and the Chrome helpsite being a total nofuckyou zone
the tedium of copying system folders back and forth
everyone else loves Ned Flandles
so they say
Kento's love handles
Halichoeres bivittatus
Kento's handles
talking fuck handles
horse ebooks
burying flowers
burying drinks
there was a period of time when men who were feminized and confused about their own sexual identity had entered the priesthood
following sun and leaving the melting snow
all down the street they're standing in line
auto levelling audio players
deadlines
fighting the rising odds largely by diverting rivers and tricking other people into doing work for you
a streetwise Hercules
vegan kosher fair trade shellfish juice
shellfish juice
wondering how many times Kento has lied and said it was just shellfish juice
Rude people, with shellfish juice dripping down their chins, who can't hold a witty conversation
how I'm gonna get through
you went away
since you went away
talking for candles
talking for hours
reading books
buying flowers
buying drinks
probably having heard Arcade Fire in like a store or on the radio or something, but seriously not having sat down to listen to them ever
when you were a kid and the arcade fire was a serious thing that destroyed people's livelihoods, not like today when it's a band you're not sure you've ever knowingly heard
the International Daft Punk Quarantine Centre
the International Mumford & Sons Quarantine Centre
the International Adele Quarantine Centre
the International Arcade Fire Quarantine Centre
Colbie Caillat's name in an hilariously half sized text
the International Taylor Swift Quarantine Centre
the International Robert Plant & Alison Krauss Quarantine Centre
the International Herbie Hancock Quarantine Centre
the International Dixie Chicks Quarantine Centre
the International I Still Can't Duplicate Regrets But It's Utwo Again Here Quarantine Centre
the International Ray Charles Quarantine Centre
the International Outkast Quarantine Centre
the International Norah Jones Quarantine Centre
the International O Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack Quarantine Centre
the International Steely Dan Quarantine Centre
the International Santana Quarantine Centre
the International Lauryn Hill Quarantine Centre
the International Bob Dylan Quarantine Centre
the International Celine Dion Quarantine Centre
the International Alanis Morissette Quarantine Centre
the International Tony Bennett Quarantine Centre
the International Whitney Houston Quarantine Centre
the International Eric Clapton Quarantine Centre
the International Natalie Cole Quarantine Centre
the International Quincy Jones and Various Artists Quarantine Centre
the International Bonnie Raitt Quarantine Centre
the International George Michael Quarantine Centre
the International Utwo Quarantine Centre
the International Paul Simon Quarantine Centre
the International Phil Collins Quarantine Centre
the International Lionel Richie Quarantine Centre
the International Michael Jackson Quarantine Centre
the International Toto Quarantine Centre
the International Jakamoko Quarantine Centre
the International Yoko Quarantine Centre
the International Cocoa Quarantine Centre
Daesh
lion cubs of the Caliphate
you never go ass to Mars
the sound of someone you love who's Eiffel Towering you with a walrus and it doesn't matter
the sound of someone you love who's going away and it doesn't matter
Gap dong
the dongs of wang
it has a knob on the end
A Middle Earth wizard who farmed the only herd of Sauron engineered orcs in the land has been forced to cull the number of his herd after they became too aggressive and tried to attack his staff
aurochs, what are they good for
A British farmer who farmed the only herd of Nazi engineered cows in the country has been forced to cull the number of his herd after they became too aggressive and tried to attack his staff
Sung Dong il
separating the ass from the anus in Boyz ii Men
separating the ass from the anus in Uranus ii Uranus
getting Myke Hawke to Uranus
getting your anus to Uranus
getting your ass to Uranus
getting your ass to Mars
putting your mind into a happy photograph
Kandyman
Caramello Koala
Freddo Frog
fairy bread
Former vice chairman of Hinchingbrooke hospital Victor Lucas 'astonished' by Circle's exit
being a little sad because an old friend is dying and there's nothing you can do
that was a good idea
I almost went with Rtwo unit motivators but I thought power converters would be better
An Imperial Navy intelligence official and a Tattooine T sixteen mechanic were found guilty Wednesday on Imperial conspiracy charges stemming from a mysterious scheme to manufacture hundreds of power converters for a secret military project
Contaminated walrus sixty nines Dresden Dolls fans at Boston Aquarium
A Navy intelligence official and a California hot rod mechanic were found guilty Wednesday on federal conspiracy charges stemming from a mysterious scheme to manufacture hundreds of AK fortyseven rifle silencers for a secret military project
Contaminated bear sixty nines KISS fans at Mozambique funeral
Contaminated beer sixty nines KISS fans at Mozambique funeral
Caesar's wife
Contaminated beer kills sixty nine people at Mozambique funeral
No French Love
Confirmed colon Obama watched NFL playoffs instead of going to Paris
seeing a lot of Myke Hawke lately and wondering if you even like Myke Hawke
Unnecessarily Censored
blowing the littlest hobo taking the hugest dump
blowing the littlest hobo
Taboo Rump Porno Died
Pumped Abortion Odor
A Dumb Rodeo Pit Porno
Bad Rump Rodeo Option
fellating that drifter
Bonito Dump Rape Odor
Bad Poop Intruder, Moo
Morbid Pound Rape Too
Operation Dumbo BZZZZZZZT
Operation Dumbo Drop
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian rock lobster in the freezer aisle lately ski doo be dop and wondering if you even like rock lobster, eh, oy vey, eww
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh, oy vey
biting Myke Hawke
biting your tongue
pitting Dick Pitstick against Mye Hawke
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh
seeing a lot of vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh
seeing a lot of Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster
drawing a picture of Flapdome Squid and Kit Fisto braiding their tentacles and slash or lightsabres together
Flapdome Squid, Jedi Knight
flapdome squid
flipmode squad
not after a visit to the Shire
wondering if Groin was as hairy as Balin
Balin's uncle, Groin going slow because you have bears down Uranus
Balin's uncle, Groin
going slow because you have bears down Uranus
going slow because you have to make a decision as the New Horizons probe bears down on Uranus
really hoping those vegan kosher prawns you got that said country of origin Honduras on them weren't also farmed by slaves like the ones from south east asia were
going slow because you have to make a decision
as the New Horizons probe bears down on Uranus
inserting a level ten waffle into your location
as the New Horizons probe bears down on Pluto
not being sure if you've seen The Boys from Brazil or The Lucifer Complex and thought you were seeing The Boys from Brazil
Dick Pitstick is on MySpace
Dick Pitstick
inserting a level ten erection into your location
erecting a level ten waffle around your location
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's waffles
wanting to make Kento the hugest dump for his birthday
the England and Hawke Cricket Board, buy our knives
the England and Wales Cricket Board, cheerio, isn't it, chirp chirp
repairing artists and sportspeople
damaging artists and sportspeople
music promoter Harvey Goldsmith, Iron Maiden, the Arctic Monkeys and the managers of One Direction, as well as the National Theatre, the Lawn Tennis Association, the Rugby Football Union and the England and Wales Cricket Board
imagining Balin being shaved by two hobbits and covered in hot grits
imagining Balin being shaved by two hobbits
imagining a hairless Balin
a hairless Balinese named Raider
a Balinese hairdresser named Ali
having never played Magic Colon The Gathering
You draw X cards and you lose X life, where X is your devotion to black
eating out Joe's
stoned prawns
being at Joe's
eating at Joe's
Upravlyaemy Sputnik Aktivnyj
drunken shrimp
By the end of the season we were getting guys out of the Canadian league and off the streets
dog abuse, also
measuring the space time warp in the gravity of a binary star and determined the mass of a neutron star just before it vanished from view
Go's Load Abuse
bald goose USA
seriously considering joining the French Foreign Legion
boo to a goose lads
gooabuselads dot com
goo abuse lads
blood sausage
Le Boudin
this kills the man
Pacha Kamaq was believed to have created the first man and woman, but forgot to give them food and the man died
love lost without the captain, Number One, cheerio, meow, #jesuisjeanluc
Mama Killa
that Data is Number Two
FULLY FUNCTIONAL love lost without the captain, Number One
love lost without the captain, Number One
love lost without the captain
sharting into that nest of gundarks
Kim Kardashian Talks About Struggle to Get Pregnant Again Colon "It's Just How Douching Works"
farting into that nest of gundarks
Incipit Vita Nova
jerking off into that nest of gundarks
falling into that nest of gundarks
"It's Just How God Works"
Kim Kardashian Talks About Struggle to Get Pregnant Again Colon "It's Just How God Works"
Roman Polanski's Hot Tub Rape Machine
rum fuels deflowered rape #jesuisroman
I wouldn't know
rum fuels deflowered rape
sulfur free mealed powder
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm kissing a galia melon, s'alright
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm thrilling a galia melon
#jesuiskento
The response to #CharlieHebdo should be to reprint his work and spread it wider than his killers could have thought possible
being sure to check it for algae
reminding me to get mega anal oil
Bungle in Jaws
reminding me to get limes
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding mega anal oil
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding man oil algae
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding a lime analog
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding a galia melon
Lydon's erect penis fisting Go Ikeda
natural causes
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis fisting Go Ikeda
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish marmalade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
confusing remoulade with marmalade
dicking Janice Tickleson
the death of Rod Taylor
tickling Janice Dickinson
vegan frozen fish
frozen fish
Jaws letting it go
eating a homeowner
Jaws
letting it go
not being a homeowner, ecce homo
being a homeowner, no homo
interspecies tickling
interspecies suckling
being a homeowner
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, you may switch Fluxcharger's power and toughness until end of turn
#jesuitjanicedickinson
#jesuisdildos
#jesuisjanicedickinson
#jesuishorse
#jesuisahmed
#jesuislemorsecoocoocachoo
#jesuischarlie
insisted didn't mean to insult the 'hit' babymaker after his fans hit back at her comments
insisted didn't mean to insult the 'Baby' hitmaker after his fans hit back at her comments
Mark Wahlberg's wife blasts Justin Bieber
consciously uncoupling the boys from the men
decoupling the boys from the men
separating the men from the boys in Boyz ii Men
separating the men from the boys in Bryan Singer's hot tub
Jerking after sexual intercourse is not an effective form of birth control
This is an edited and adapted version of the series finale that I have put together to exclude a certain romance
separating the men from the boys at a NAMBLA convention
separating the beef from the stew
separating the sheep from the goats
Boston officials "wicked excited" to move forward on twenty twenty four Olympic bid
emulsifying the men with the boys
separating the men from the boys
vetiver
Douching after sexual intercourse is not an effective form of birth control
hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
President Donkey Kong seeing the headline "Sri Lanka's strongman president voted out after decade in power" and being saddened that your mental image of a huge, muscular, oiled man hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
President Donkey Kong
seeing the headline "Sri Lanka's strongman president voted out after decade in power" and being saddened that your mental image of a huge, muscular, oiled man hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
Old Fit Fag Go
A Gift of Gold
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie to Shit in Woods
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie to Meet Pope Francis at the Vatican
the death of Pete B Nippers
the death of Pete Seeger
Ruby red buck you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Ruby red buck, Ruby red buck
flying a cargo plane full of rubber kid shit into Hong Kong
Ruby red buck you're so fine
flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit into Hong Kong
Rubber ducky you're so fine
just because I can't read those doesn't mean nobody can
YpjcZnIfjfcvw
I've counted your balls
what makes you think I'm not Hitler
North Korea Threatens 'War Disatter' Over Sanctions
if you were Hitler I'd be screwed right now
North Korea Threatens 'Star Wars Die' Over Sanctions
wondering whether you noticed that twat raiders is not an actual anagram, I just wrote it because it was too awesome
North Korea Threatens 'Dear Wart Sis' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Rad Waitress' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Eastward Stir' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Rawer Sadist' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Raised Warts' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Tawdrier Ass' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Twat Raiders' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'War Disaster' Over Sanctions
Justin Bieber fans sent death threats to Lara Stone after Calvin Klein advert
wankin in the whole sale flowa district that day
David Cameron Colon I can fix EU 'problem'
walkin in the whole sale flowa district that day
doing the roller boogie, baby
the future's not ours to see
gouaille
in the crush of the dark
using the bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis to choke people in a fit of rage
being on the Eifel Towering Council but not receving the rank of Master
wondering what certification process there is to receive the title of Master Eiffel Towerer
hacker group Anonymous have announced via IVchan that they have added several layers of encryption to Dropbox and iCloud accounts linked to Kento Ikeda, calling the contents 'horrifying' and 'unnatural'
Master Eiffel Towerer Christopher Lydon calls Kento "sex in the ass"
Master and Sommelier the Vineyard of the World
Master Sommelier Madeline Triffon calls Pinot "sex in a glass"
Maybe in this day and age we should be more vigilant, but come on, asking someone to horse Wolf Blitzer is clearly a joke
I always make fun of Wolf Blitzer just because, and I in no way intended this to become what it has
Man wearing 'I have drugs' t shirt arrested, accused of having drugs
colon urination is for the birds
War Over Hollywood Sign Pits Wealthy Residents Against Urinating Tourists Colon "One of These Days Someone Will Get Shot"
despite many individuals' adherence to principles of safer pinot rectal or pinot vaginal sex almost nobody, apart from female commercial sex workers, uses condoms for oral sex
despite many individuals' adherence to principles of safer peno rectal or peno vaginal sex almost nobody, apart from female commercial sex workers, uses condoms for oral sex
knowing one thing in this world that's still pure and good
nailing Jesus to the cross, if you know what I mean
rowing the boat ashore
there'll be no accusation, just friendly crustaceans under the sea
Linkin Hawk
Wankin Park
Super Mario Delauter
Linkin Park
Kirby Delauter
that one of your neighbors died the day after Christmas after falling into an daemonic alcohol cud on Chrstmas Eve
that's because it is
that sounds like victim blaming
if he's got a problem with it he should stay sober
I'm just saying, maybe he wouldn't be so cranky if you didn't go in dry all the time
not liking your grandfather enough to use more lubrication while having anal sex with him
I don't like him that much
I'm not going to be doing that
I was advising you to use more lubrication while having anal sex with your grandfather
or not, depending on which metaphor we're going with
he's well oiled enough as it is
guessing that if you oil the asshole it won't whine as much
the whiny old asshole
that although this is going to sound cruel, you kind of wish your grandfather would get on with drinking himself to death, because you're pretty sick of spending one week in fifty two with the whiny old asshole
Farrah Abraham's Lip Injections Went Horribly Wrong
a pedophile is in your house, we are not amused
that one of your neighbors died the day after Christmas after falling into an alcohol induced coma on Chrstmas Eve
Alcohol Poisoning Kills Six Americans Every Day
a pedophile is in your house
Jack Dempsey, Sinclair Lewis and Ring Lardner
a pedophile fugitive sex
a pedophile
you don't get hot and cold running meningitis at your bedside
eating toast with mustard on it for dinner because that's all there is in your house
you don't get hot and cold running senoritas at your bedside
you don't get hot and cold running migrants at your bedside
Myke Hawke loves seven year old girls
Myke Hawke asking you how many ways you can use a cravat, and you don't even know what a cravat is
you don't get hot and cold running margaritas at your bedside
deliberately misrepresenting Myke Hawke as a pedophile specifically to make a joke about misrepresenting Myke Hawke as a pedophile
fugitive sex
wondering if this is the Singularity, and all reality is now dictated by convergences of random crap from the internet
reading the top of Myke Hawke's twitter and discovering that he is all over that little girl who survived the plane crash the other day
the Twitter name Myke Hawke
the Twitter name Ray Pew
un grand mal frenesie de jeu de dik
drinking champagne out of your dick
your own question
fatworld
slamming your dick in the chimp anus
TALLOW
LARD
like a baby, burped for the very first time
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, THERE IS ONLY LARD
Putting Pants on Philip
Tate currently weighs four hundred pounds
wondering how many of the registered users of fatworld are just sockpuppets engaged in some monstrous silent conflict nobody sane could ever possible care about and realizing you answered your own question
guessing that Bill Clinton is probably the Emperor of Mankind in fatworld
wondering about, then betting on the likelihood of, Jeffrey Epstein having a literal stable in which he keeps sex slaves
doubting that any of the girls in Jeffrey Epstein's stable of sex slaves had enough meat on her bones to satisfy ol' Slick Willie
Ariana Grande, who reportedly has her staff carry her around like a baby, denies tabloid rumors that she has her staff carry her around like a baby
you keep your hair but not your dignity
up yours, past me
that now, against all the odds, past you has apparently come to the amazing Regret Index to taunt you about how he's still getting laid
I do pretty much the same things as you but I have a girlfriend
here you are, drawing your main entertainment as it sometimes seems from writing joke gay porn titles and homophonics and watching other people's videos of themselves playing video games, while fat gay Asians are having orgies at the Boston Aquarium
taking a dump in the Flickr pool
a clone of yourself would do such a great job of being you that it would want nothing to do with you
Only n Woodland City
the fellow that all of the riots are about
wondering if Jeffrey Epstein was one of those weirdos, ldo
wondering if Jeffrey Epstein bought all those houses so he'd have enough beds to keep his ludicrous dirty book collection under, or whether he was one of those weirdos with a whole shelf of them just out on display
lots of love
Sado Masochistic LOLs
probably not being able to resist drawing fingers on the numeral ones
SM lOl Colon A Realistic Introduction
noted lovers of sadomasochistic sex, the Scots
Training with Miss Abernathy Colon A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners
feeling like there's just no way you could travel back in time and explain yourself to your past self or vice versa, let alone start an experimental sexual relationship with yourself, let alone a clone of yourself
here you are, drawing your main entertainment as it sometimes seems from writing joke gay porn titles and homophonics and watching other people's videos of themselves playing video games, while fat old men are having orgies on sun soaked private islands
finding it harder and harder to understand your past self
modded SlaveCraft
SlaveCraft Steve
SlaveCraft Colon Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude Principles, Skills and Tools
Jeffrey Epstein looking like Scott Bakula let himself go after a few years in prison
drawing a picture of Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew and Bill Clinton bearing down on a teenage sex slave in a horrible daisy chain
Now that Prince Andrew has found himself ensnared in the sleazy sex slave story of wealthy degenerate Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton can't be too far behind
grisly acne grin, eh
garnishing celery
gathering all those magical colons
the very notion that women play Magic Colon The Gathering
When Rotcrown Ghoul dies, target player puts the top five cards of his or her library into his or her graveyard
three point one four shaved kids
three point one four shaved dogs
pi nudity labs
indisputably
you started it
it's obvious you've given this a lot of thought
Kingdom of the Pisshole Skullfuck
The Ass Pooshave
The Testicle of Spooge
Gaydars of the Lost Ass
during a seance the lights were unexpectedly turned on and he was seen holding a spirit trumpet
Choceur Treasures
na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
AHHHHHH FRESH MEAT
posting online a photo of your dog standing on a kid
the world is not a tangled knot of failure, but it is such a perfect place to start, my love
the world is not a tangled knot of failure
#eiffeltowering
posting online a photo of your kid standing on a dog
having your head cut off when someone took your picture
lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground
L'intello du porno
caring
being pelagic zoned
one thousand regrets
being seen standing alone
dear old smelly foot friends, raggedy looking things whom you must now dispose of
old shoes
new shoes
AeroMobil Three point Oh She's blonde, for Christ's sake!
AeroMobil Three point Oh
She's blonde, for Christ's sake!
He must have been out of his mind!
to go out on a date with her right on panel
I told Dexter not to be messing with Betty but he didn't listen
certain death awaits if you get off the bug
shitting down all the garbage mashers on the detention level
his mastery of the om nom nom noises was really something
honestly, nothing Kento does can really shock us any more
thinking about how restrained the amazing Regret Index response to news of rectal feeding practices was
stretching your mouth to let those big cocks cum right in
stretching your mouth to let those big words come right out
another weed cake in prep
another wee caked nipper
another kneecapped weir
another crappie weekend
another carp weekend
Palace Colon Sex Claims Against Prince Andrew False
lying to yourself and Sithing on all your friends
lying to yourself and shitting on all your friends
Willie Nelson getting you in a half Nelson to give you a wet willy
Being loyal to your friends is a virtue
Expert Political Judgment Colon How Good Is It How Can We Know
the dickings of Little Death Jimmy
streets are lined with people
the death of Willie Nelson after taxes
the death of Big Charlie Dickens
the death of Little Jimmy Dickens forgetting your brother's birthday
the death of Little Jimmy Dickens
forgetting your brother's birthday
so tired
Duke Mewtwo, Jedi Master
Duke Moosekian, Jedi Master
Duke Moosekian
if you're in a box canyon and IMPACT IS IMMINENT
Am I say I am I say am I Foghorn Leghorn, NO
Modern US Army Apache helmet
wondering if somebody just can't spell January or what
Am I say I am Rod Hull I AM HIM!, NO
#UnapologeticBitch
Am I say I am them, NO
This is niether a crime or an insult or racist!
I'm admiring and acknowledging there Rebel Hearts
Unchaste Rich Vagina Colon The Paris Hilton Story
within this hour she pist full sower and let a fart
the death of Unchaste Rich Vagina
Thousands of big butts wash ashore in Fish County
the death of Christine Cavanaugh
Thousands of dead fish wash ashore in Butts County
Butts County Water & Sewer Authority
Butts County Department of Leisure Services
Butts County Chamber of Commerce
Butts County Assessor's Office
Butts County
ye loikes it, don't ye
writing the sentence "ah yer a dorty bitch to be sure Mister Bono"
writing a slashfic about The Edge edging Bono in the recording studio
pushing Bono over The Edge
really wishing there were a way you could help more people, viz, you feel that more people could benefit from laying their burdens down a moment and just talking things over with an idiot who often fails to retain even very basic knowledge for long
not being mad or bitter or unctuous, just sorry
finding out accidentally because they never actually said anything to you about it, or at least you didn't realise if they did, but anyway why would they
thinking either ThreeG Watchdog is fucked or your provider just doesn't give a shit about how much data you use
because it's ridiculous
we're not using the kay word
finding out accidentally that someone had a shitty year last year career wise, apparently from the word kento
the death of Lebanese terroirist Serge Hochar
I want to feel, I want to play
we're not using the zed word
love's all make believe
being pretty sorry about it but not knowing what else to do or say
finding out accidentally that someone had a shitty year last year career wise, apparently from the word go
I'm in no fit shape
I'm in no fit state
It's morcheeba and a spaceship sighted
writing out Postcards from the Edge on postcards and sending them to The Edge
The Edge always was the voice of reason in that band
imagining Bono running around his Swiss villa screaming about the end of Western civilization until The Edge comes up to him and reminds him that he's just a self centered sack of shit
reading the Bono quote "The band have reminded me that neither they nor Western civilization are depending on" his guitar playing, and thinking that for most people it would be a self deprecating joke, for Bono it seems like he actually thought it was so
Poopgangsta
A man and a woman thought they were trapped in a Daytona State College closet for two days until police let them out Tuesday
Speed Three Colon Unload Gonads
feeling the need, the need to unload gonads
promising to check into a hotel as Pseudonym sjould you ever
need to unload gonads
promising to check into a hotel as Pseudonym sjould you ever need to unload gonads
bottoming for Unload Gonads in Anal Dong Duos VII
being Eiffel Towered by mimel noara and Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
my starfish is like an ankh
my ankh is like a starfish
my hat is like a shark's fin
promising to check into a hotel as Unload Gonads sjould you ever need a pseudonym
the death of Anal Dong Duos
the death of Unload Gonads
the death of Donna Douglas
Oliver Clothesoff
This rocket! Thick!
Oliver Junk
that you will turn your lights down low this year
that you will turn Japanese this year
that you will turn around bright eyes this year
that you will turn undead this year
that you will turn dirty this year
brain they keep in
brain they cut out
they go in through your nose, and they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out
it's not so bad
that you will turn thirty this year
wolverine trout
sabertooth salmon
Prince Andrew named in US lawsuit under overage sex allegations
Prince Andrew named in US lawsuit over underage sex allegations
the Tory image of England's green and waffletastic land was criticised by one commentator, who told The Daily Mail the scene looked a "bit Belgian"
the Tory image of England's green and pleasant land was criticised by one commentator, who told The Daily Mail the scene looked a "bit dildos"
the Tory image of England's green and pleasant land was criticised by one commentator, who told The Daily Mail the scene looked a "bit like Janice Dickinson"
the Tory image of England's green and pleasant land was criticised by one commentator, who told The Daily Mail the scene looked a "bit French"
Prince Harry was fathered by James Hewitt, new play claims
bottoming for The Edge in Bono Colon I
Bono Colon I may never play guitar again
"a lame minor, email Roman, anal memoir" is a good haiku
getting your headphones on
'till you see what you never have seen
mailman roe
no RAM email
anal ire, mom
'ole Mr Mania
me or Manila
a Roman mile
a moral mien
a lame minor
a minor meal
moaner mail
Airman Mole
email Roman
anal memoir
sexsomnia
parasomnia
bruxism
well, I'm stumped
mimel noara
grinding Mary Poppins for supercalifragilisticXPalidocious
Uosdwis R Dewoh
I live in a vegan egg and I call it Brazil's tomb
I live in a vermin isle and I call it egg bra's tomb
I live in a silver mine and I call it beggar's tomb
sadly the modern vogue for heliographic representation of Celestials caracoling roughly with all manner of ancients and fauna shall only grow more pronounced
that, upon clicking a button no larger than that which commands an elevator, you will be able to call upon moving images of a dozen or more Negros, with impressive builds and even more impressive endowments, engaging in group pleasure with fair damsels
drawing a picture of John Elfreth Watkins Jr spinning in his grave beneath a server farm running Minecraft, just down the block from a Lego store
Building in blocks will be illegal
American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient
Sleep disturbance and aircraft noise exposure
Quebec's Fort Cox Arquette of my arse pulp
it all goes in the vault
Quebec's Fort Cox of my arse pulp
Quebec's Fort Dix of my arse pulp
Quebec's Fort Knox of your arse pulp
ce est la vie de Fort Knox pour nous
Quebec's Fort Knox of my arse pulp
Quebec's Fort Knox of pulpy smear
Quebec's Fort Knox of lamprey pus
Quebec's Fort Knox of sly ape rump
Quebec's Fort Knox of purple yams
Quebec's Fort Knox of layup sperm
Quebec's Fort Knox of lumpy rapes
Quebec's Fort Knox of maple syrup
You may return two Islands you control to their owner's hand rather than pay Gush's mana cost
Ryannorth enters the battlefield tapped
tapping his ass for red mana
tapping his ass
guessing that all those royalty payments to garrulus are really tapping his ass
guessing that all those royalty payments to garrulus are really tapping his resources
wondering what regret magnate Ryan Q North will spend his share of the regret profits on
cancelling the interview because The Interview was not cancelled
no party party
guessing that the interview was canceled because no party party involved could stop laughing at the absurdity of that statement
Today producers told Adams' people they would not let her dictate what they could ask because they're a "news show"
eating that entire Gruffalo
seeing me standing alone, without a dream in Myke Hawke
seeing me standing alone, without a dream in my heart
ill inebriate ho David Geffen
A former North Dakota college football player who was kicked off his team after killing an older man is facing a charge of stalking the billionaire David Geffen
about the Sony hacking
the billionaire David Geffen
A former North Dakota college football player who was kicked off his team after kissing an older man is facing a charge of stalking the billionaire David Geffen
the Today show pulled a scheduled interview with Amy Adams after she said that she wasn't comfortable answering questions about the Sony hacking
that regrets in twenty fourteen were up thirty seven percent from twenty thirteen
that this regret was written at precisely twelve midnight January first two thousand and fifteen central time
from the land where palm trees sway
the island greeting that we send to you
Kento's not fanny
Kento's fanny
A man only identified as George, told the Herald Sun that the incident has shaken regulars at the spot, and said that in his eight years visiting the woods nobody ever stepped in bear shit before
A man only identified as George, told the Herald Sun that the incident has shaken regulars at the spot, and said in his eight years visiting the beach nothing like this has happened before
you're more than what some people let you know
Quinoa oa's Tut Tut Hut
quinoa
you'll never shine if you don't glow
shit happens
ma make me VEGAN kale I like
Spurs' Tim Duncan lists Spicewood home for sale
Ma make kale I like
Melee Kalikimaka
urinating the pressure
calling out your own name, playing you at your own game
instituting the pressure
the death of Israel Urine
the death of Luise Rainer
Enclave Stagg Chili
meating Enclave Stag
When Enclave Stag enters the battlefield, destroy target red meat
White Asshole
Enclave Stag
Vegan Asshole
Vegan Castle
Complete Guide to Velociraptors
Hold the Meat Colon White Castle Introduces New Veggie Slider
guns don't kill people, curious toddlers do
A toddler has shot his mother dead in a supermarket, after he reached into her purse and fired a concealed handgun
short and tan and fat and bearded, the man from Ipanema goes walking and when he passes each one he passes goes "YIPEEEE!"
feeling the music from your head, to your toes, to your shoes
MAS TUR BA TION WOOO, WOO OOO OO, WOOO, WOO OOO OO
The group's lead singer, Bono, said it was a beautiful idea that EL EV ATE ED WOOO, WOO OOO OO, WOOO, WOO OOO OO
Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you a bearded oompa loompa seeing a guy in a hardware store that looks like a super tanned George Lucas
Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you
a bearded oompa loompa seeing a guy in a hardware store that looks like a super tanned George Lucas
being shaved by two bearded oompa loompas
a bearded oompa loompa
seeing a guy in a hardware store that looks like a super tanned George Lucas
it's a beautiful nude, eh
it's a beautiful new day
Caldera Lake enters the battlefield tapped
The group's lead singer, Bono, said the hat made him do it
As long as Sunspear Shikari is equipped, it has first strike and lifelink
The group's lead singer, Bono, said it was a beautiful idea that went awry
going and making things so complicated, eh
what a sphincter says
what what exactly "
flowers blossom in the winter time
going and making things so complicated
digging deep tunnels, storing more food, not seeking hegemony
'It was very big, well over two metres long, and it looked menacing'
I try
well done
tall and tan and young and lovely, the velociraptor from Ipanema goes walking and when she passes each one she passes goes "clever girl"
never to be tan raptor
never to be torn apart
Aloha Tapir Ho
Alpha Rho Iota
The punishments included were Jewel Spooners, Lick Jobs, Fat Gay Asians, as well as taking "huge dumps", the lawsuit claims
shocking Jewel's boobs
The punishments included were Jewel Shockers, Back Racks, Fat Joes, as well as taking "wood", the lawsuit claims
that is racist
Black creatures can't attack you
When Marshdrinker Giant enters the battlefield, destroy target Island or Swamp an opponent controls
When Bloodhusk Ritualist enters the battlefield, target opponent discards a card for each time it was kicked
god hates Fred Phelps
wondering whether the Westboro Baptist Church protested at Fred Phelps's funeral
Weregorrillas Seek Coalition with Werewolves
Werewolves Declare War on Argentina
Argentina's President Adopts Dog to End Weregorilla Curse
Argentina's President Adopts Boy to End Werewolf Curse
spongethripling
spongeholping
spongekipling
spongekipsing
using the word "colontastic"
drinking the water out of SpongeBob's colon
lending your colon sponge to a dishonest spongebob
SpongeBob Colon Sponge Out of Water
with a shoe on your head
giving away oral and anal via internet tv
giving away inertanaloriental dot tv
giving away oralanalinternet dot tv
giving away oralanalinternettv dot com
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "Oral Anal Internet TV I, is it safe"
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "Inner Latvia oral tent, is it safe"
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "latent anal iron rivet, is it safe"
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "inert anal oriental TV, is it safe"
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "violent natal trainer, is it safe"
the rest of your life is so hard
inserting franks into Jackson C Frank's urethra when you were Aretha Franklin
it's a good thing you don't have a bus fare
it's not the end of the world
a lot of our viewers may be thinking "international travel, is it safe"
Carol Channing singing carols for IVchan
getting an STD SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
we also need to know what you are wearing and what your vital statistics are
it's urgent
please respond
wondering what STD, how it was contracted, and whether you had fun
being invited up chocolate creek abd saying you'd come, but not really having any intention of coming
being invited to a Spanish villa in September and saying you'd go, but not really having any intention of going
it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick walking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a coke Barren Pepsi P
it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick
walking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a coke
Barren Pepsi P
the implication that Pepsi is better than Coke
wanking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a coke fuelled gangbang and not knocking on the door
walking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a PEPSI fuelled gangbang and not knocking on the door
walking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a coke fuelled gangbang and not knocking on the door
an attractive woman flirting with you outside another hotel as you stopped to take a picture
not having the opportunity to get an STD, unless you count walking by a hotel room that pretty audibly contained a coke fuelled gangbang and not knocking on the door
getting an STD, in the parking lot of a strip mall, in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake or at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
getting an STD
FlungLyre
Flung Lyre
FernGully
Fern Gully
fisttuck
fucktits
ar stories of an elderly alcoholic for three dyas straight
listening to the angry circul
damp arse kush
inadvertent Labrador cruelty, eh
dank ass kush
inadvertent Labrador cruelty
inadvertent algorithmic cruelty
Princess Minon Minette
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said waffletastic, he meant it
having a Kento button on your keypad
having a Go button on your keypad
biting experienced speakers
speaking from biter experience
speaking from bitter experience
you should NEVER teabag someone while running down the stairs
Ghostwatch
lolcode failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third person holding your boobs when you run down the stairs teabagging Raymond Burr using the word "waffletastic" fisting Go Ikeda
lolcode failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third person
holding your boobs when you run down the stairs teabagging Raymond Burr
using the word "waffletastic" fisting Go Ikeda
not hooking up with whoever that was who wanted you to love them
pissing off EVERYONE
peeing on NOONE
laughing then feeling a little sick on getting Disney's Mulan Eiffel Towering Four Dummies
laughing then feeling a little sick on getting Disney's Mulan
Eiffel Towering Four Dummies
laughing then feeling a little sick on getting regret number eight four six seven one
peeing on EVERYONE
Eiffel Towering for Dummies
wondering if the Snorlax will keep you awake again tonight
trying to sleep in a moving vehicle with the heater blasting on full and shitty radio playing
wondering if the snoring will keep you awake again tonight
Menstrual Krampus
Krampus
heinousness
Baggy Pants Lavasaurus
'SALRIGHT
'SOKAY
SORRY
SONY
they just send loco cash tit
they just send Catholic sot
they just send this cool cat
drawing a picture of one hundred people teabagging Raymond Burr with a distinct air of regret about it
SPQRNY
they're prissy, bourgeois, all that Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat
when a couple of guys, they were up to no good, started makin' trouble in your neighborhood, if you know what I mean
when a couple of guys, they were up to no good, started makin' trouble in your neighborhood
Johnnie Worker Red Labial whiskey
SQNY
Fuma
Cnoverse
Hike
Adidos
Clio Coddle
Biemlfdlkk
Marisfrolg
Orgee
Scat
Hotwind
Wanko
Chocoolate
Frognie Zila
you see the world, the world sees you
Helen Keller
Chrisdien Deny
always going reckless in words and deeds like a fat gay asian in a New England Seaworld
always going reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest
agonising Charlie Sheen's trees
the simply agonising Sheen on every angry little tree
dinner con fuoco
the simply agonising sheen on every angry little tree
getting to know the kind of girls it's better not to know caffeine
getting to know the kind of girls it's better not to know
caffeine
Walrus Knob Dodger Faker
Boardwalk's Fudge Kroner
Bilo
the mysterious taste
Gadnuk, Breaker of Worlds
the mysterious east, desu ne
what a start, old before their time
having to admit that your bag packing skills would tend to indicate a poor grasp of geography, climate, and the passage of linear time
having to admit that your bag packing skills would tend to indicate a poor grasp of future considerations of need
having to admit that your bag packing skills would tend to indicate a poor grasp of object permanence
whipping it good, if you know what I mean
consistent fashion
pajamas, with or without bananas
thinking it wouldn't be so bad if they would snore in a consistent fashion
an insomniac sharing a hotel room with a heavy sleeping snorer after spending two nights in the next room from a snorer who suffers horrific sounding apnea attacks
packing toothpaste but apparently not your USB cable or any pajamas, with or without bananas
flirting with the gregarious southeast even though you both know it ain't gonna happen
hooking up with the complacent northeast just because you make each other laugh even though there's no physical spark and seriously reconsidering whether you're with the right person
bottoming for the deep south in Mason Dicks In Line VII
hooking up with the mysterious east, but years later when you were both unhappy with the direction your lives had taken and built the act up in your minds to unattainable levels and were inevitability disappointed by the base physicality of it all
hooking up with the frozen north but thinking about the mysterious east whenever you make love
whipping it good
not being invited to the frozen north's wedding
not hooking up with the frozen north
the frozen north, eh, meow
the frozen north
FULLY FUNCTIONAL LCARS sexts
LCARS sexts
graphic sexts
graphic texts
graphic teats
graphic tees
Dustin Diamond arrested for possession of a switchblade
Breast Quake
Beast Quake
inserting three batteries into Boris Johnson's urethra
it is illegal to distribute pornography depicting johnson boring in the UK
boring Boris Johnson's johnson
you can clean your teeth, gargle, use it as a rejuvenating application, float small paper boats and lubricate exterior door hinges with it
branding Russell Johnson's johnson
wondering what one does with penis paste
branding Russell Brand to deter rustlers
being pretty sure that you didn't pack an Russell Brand brand penis paste before now
being pretty sure that you didn't pack any toothpaste Russell Brand has probably fucked an airhorn before now also Russell Brand's penis
being pretty sure that you didn't pack any toothpaste
Russell Brand has probably fucked an airhorn before now
also Russell Brand's penis
the boobs
wondering what the difference between Katy Perry and an autotuned airhorn is
wrecking Kento's balls
Kento twerking
Akbar Oluwakemi Idowu Gbajabiamila
dont be me
J Jefferson Farjeon
dont eat me
fee fie foe fum
eenie meenie miney mo, no homo
holding your swan
disinterring Oscar Wilde's corspe and fucking the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated pommel horses
holding your own
eenie meenie miney mo
a pommel horse that was put to alternative athletic uses at the homosexual brothel frequented by Oscar Wilde
catching Chris Lydon under the mistletoe
the AMAZING rugs index
rugs index
grid nexus
during sex
nacho cheese sauce everywhere
nakkoke
Irish evil nakkos
evil nachos
chain voles
ancholives
anchovies
olives
dropping the yuliest log
doubling down
wanting to make Kento a Yule log for Christmas
oh what a feeling, when you're being a glass wig Ian
just bein' a glass wig, Ian
A small waxed pink monster
at my house I have got no shackles
the hoi pollllloi
the hoi pollloi
having a crow to pluck
being happy as a sandboy
one of these days you're going to have to try striking a gong during sex
hello, I am your little furry pal Grover, you killed my father, prepare to die
Panwapa
A small furry pink monster
being a glass wig, Ian
having a bone to gnaw
being a Glaswegian, I'll chin ye
having a bone to pick
being a Glaswegian
Gonger would get it on whenever it's Monster Tea Time
Gonger would bang the gong whenever it's Monster Tea Time
scaling prunes with Prunella Scales
Ugga wugga tea time, ugga wugge clink, Ugga wugga tea time, ugga wugga drink!
Funella Furchester
Osvaldo, el Grunon
Elmonoske
In the current cyber climate, the FBI speculates it is not a question of if a US company will experience an attempted data destruction attack, but when and which company will fall victim
Rosita, la Monstrua de las Cuevas
Kruvi
SuperGrover
Grover
it's a fact that people get lonely, ain't nothing new
suspecting this is going to cause the Hollacast somehow
on the first night of Hanukkake, one Jewish guy ejaculates on Kento
enjoying Hanukkake while it lasts but not enjoying the unpredictability of it
Judge rejects Polanski sex case bid
that's the miracle of Hanukkake
the shaving foam that should have lasted one day instead lasted for eight days
shaving Jews' bush, sieg heil
waxing Jewel's labia
shaving Jewel's bush, meow
Alaskan Brazilian People, meow
Alaskan Bush People, meow
quadrupled stuffed oreos
PORTER WAGONER used NUDIE! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
doubled stuffed oreos
Trevor the Red Nosed Vampire had a very shiny
I'm Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I've got a very shiny Porter Wagoner
all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call me
I'm Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I've got a very shiny
Porter Wagoner
you have my permission to poop
I need to poop
with a corncob knob and a button nose and two eyes made out of crap
having never seen Tim Burton and Nicholas Cage in the same room at the same time
taking the most infrared poo
I can't believe you
Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have split
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me
bukkanukkah
hanukkake
confusing hanukkah with bukkake
answering yes to oneoneoneninenine just because it's a pretty good conclusion to have reached
remembering when you got your first laptop and the infrared port seemed impossibly futuristic, but also disappointing because nothing used it since USB one was so much faster
INFRARED INFRARED POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT
confusing Alton Brown, texture like sun with Sir Elton Hercules John CBE
The tap didn't hit the actual head of Swandy Block, who was wearing the Italian sausage costume, but it did knock her over, and she took the hot kid down with her to the paradise city
suddenly missing Wisia and Jan, ten years late
The tap didn't hit the actual head of Mandy Block, who was wearing the Italian sausage costume, but it did knock her over, and she took the hot kid down with her
confusing Alton Brown with Elton John
INFRARED INFRARED wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
and she took the hot dog down with her
not having had pierogis in probably thirty years
seeing the ubermedia test boot screen so frequently
screenings after all
magazines last summer
spilling all that red wine and having to mop it up with old porn magazines last summer
red red whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
red red wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, in the summertime, in the centerfold
getting a slight vapor high from simmering dried fruits in red wine
red red wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
The Polish sausage helped the Italian sausage up and all sausages finished the race
The tap didn't hit the actual head of Mandy Block, who was wearing the Italian sausage costume, but it did knock her over, and she took the hot dog down with her
needing a port substitute, stat
rambo horror picture show
rocky horror picture show
jalapeno hannah
jalapeno pierogis
bottoming for Weiner Tit Evey in Milk Milk Lemonade Lemonade Maid VII
Christensen should have never agreed to be paid in Republic credits
and, unfortunately, you can't buy Kraft Dinner with Republic credits
he needs to work, he spent all his Star Bucks on acting classes
Christensen should have never agreed to make that movie
Christensen should have never agreed to make that movie instead of Battlecreek
Sony confirms 'Wiener Tit, Eh V' will have Christmas Day screenings after all
wondering which despot would be the focus of the now inevitable The Interview II
proposing the Streisand Effect be renamed the Kim Jong un Effect
boring, tasteless movie which would have been seen only by stoned frat guys and their reluctant dates will now have enormous opening and probably win an Oscar, thanks to efforts to censor it
A man obsessed with stealing his female neighbours' lingerie and hiding it away has been caught and arrested after a ceiling collapsed under the weight of his booty
boring, tasteless movie which
As an additional cost to cast Squeaking Pie Sneak, reveal a Goblin card from your hand or pay three
Sony confirms 'The Interview' will have Christmas Day screenings after all
basal relation
labial senator
anal breast oil
real labia snot
keeping the change, ya filthy animal
soft retooling
laser ablation
letting it bollocks, letting it bollocks, letting it bollocks
never mind the snow
Frosty the Bollocksman
Blowing, drifting bollocks causing problems in Colorado
Heavy Bollocks Predicted for Christmas Eve
Heavy Kento Predicted for Christmas Eve
"that was bollocks really"
Heavy, Wet Snow Predicted for Christmas Eve
it's beginning to look a lot like Kento celebrating "huge" dumps
it's beginning to look a lot like Kento
celebrating "huge" dumps
"it's not even on the Tube and there's no Blacks or Irish," said Mr Berengarten
Mr Berengarten said a young Cambridge academic had told him over dinner that Romsey was the "new Islington" but he said "that was bollocks really"
the irony of a party which celebrated "huge" gains in the European elections by demonstrably absorbing the far right and extreme right voting blocks, then allying itself with extreme right parties in Europe, complaining about being described as racist
Players use Nicholas Fromage to kick immigrants in the pursuit of "racism" points, and it's that term which had Farage riled up
scrawnyarmsworld dot wikia dot com
Scrawny Arms Rob Lowe
geacron
Star Wars Episode VIII Colon Good Sith Mom
the abs you get on fatworld
"Good Sith mom"
"Mom shit good"
Sure is fat in here
"Mom is hotdog"
"Tom digs homo"
i dot imgur dot com slash lkRYwcr dot png
the ads you get on fatworld
if you look closely you can actually pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks in two
also known as an actress, appearing in a variety of shows where she was getting slightly heavier but by the time she was doing the voice acting for Grand Theft Auto V, where she was voicing a Radio DJ based on herself
Cara is best known for modeling for the company 'Victoria's Secret' where she weighed at threefiftysix pounds
Compton weighed three hundred pounds when she was Laurie in the original film and by the time the sequel came along she weighed threeseventy pounds and since then Compton last reported that in twenty fourteen her weight was fourthirty pounds
North Korean internet breaks, contributions to the fatworld wiki drop by ninety four percent over the weekend
"Oh God, it's mom"
the strange looking new species has set a record for fish depth caught on camera
These youngsters were apparently overcome with disappointment at Kate's appearance at the Northside Center for Child Development in Harlem
Kim Jong un discovers a missed call from Prince Harry on his Arirang
the whole smartphone is made in China, and only the final boxing is done in the rather sparse plant that Kim Jong un toured
the death of Joe Cocker
the death of Joseph Sargent
Kim Jong Phone Colon North Korea's leader inspects a new smartphone factory
These youngsters were apparently overcome with happiness at Kim's appearance at the Korean Children's Union
Kim Jong un tests a mattress for firmness while inspecting a new block of appartments built for North Korean scientists
Kim Kardashi un
Kim Kardashian breaks North Korean internet
coincidence, or something more
suddenly the amazing Regret Index has fallen silent
the North Korean network has gone away
I wish I could believe in you
the fact that time is eternal
The movie is so busy spearing the dragons of American aggression that its cartoonish vision of Canadians as wimpy Pollyannas has little resonance
getting a rash on your back from baking rashers of back bacon
Canadian bacon
going down Trinidad, where they made you feel so very glad
Bandits Gone Wild
the Horny Bandits
the Wet Bandits
everybody loves teabagging Raymond Burr
teabagging Raymond Burr
teabagging Bill Burr
Zombeavers
The big bamboo grows so bold and strong
suggesting snap traps evolved only once
I told you, pick a room
I want you to play with my ding a ling
bottoming for Dumbledore, Satan & Beaver Wang in Drainage Solutions VII
showing me what you're feeling
showing me your intention
Dumbledore, Satan & Beaver Wang Drainage Solutions
calling a man with a long haired half chinease name a "fat gay asian"
calling a woman with a Chinese name a "Chinky bird"
Ukip councillor Rozanne Duncan expelled for 'dong wrap jip' comments
Ukip councillor Rozanne Duncan expelled for 'jaw dropping' comments
The St Louis prosecutor in charge of the Ferguson grand jury today acknowledged that witnesses "absolutely lied under oath" before the panel, but said that none of the perjurers including the unmasked "Witness Forty" would face criminal charges
having cruel anal abs
having five pack abs and one cruel anal lab
having six pack abs
When Mudbutton Torchrunner dies, it deals three damage to target creature or player
Myke Hawke flavor soup mix
I Eat Bread
goddamn pastry, seriously
cock flavor soup mix
that PBF started updating again but the jokes are pretty weak
I Am Bread
smekkur
for decades or more
being pretty sure that Centerfold has the capacity to knock any other song out of your head, instead sinking its own parasitic tubules into your brain, staying there, feeding off your thoughts, for decades or more
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, if her daddy went and left her all alone, just do what you feel
if her daddy's rich, taking her out for a meal, gouging out your own eyes to stop this song playing in your head, when the weather is fine, you've got gouging you've got gouging on your mind
The amazing Post Random Lyrics of the Songs You're Listening to at the Moment Index
goin' down down down down
goin' down down DOWN down
goin' down down down down
goin' down down down down
Polanskeye
can't get ye pope
Poopeye
Olive Oylmpus
trying to work out an Olympus slash Serengeti joke but not being able to get the spelling quite right
raging like a blood red sun
trying to work out a The Police slash Polanski joke but not being able to get the spelling quite right
hey little girl is your daddy home, Sting you watch the door this won't take long, oh ho ho I'm on fire
Oylmpus does not rise above the Seenrgite
Oylmpus, see
Every Breath You Take
knowing that you must do what's right, sure as Kisimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I'm on Fire
Oylmpus does not rise above the Serengeti
wondering if there is a creepier song than Jessie's Girl
knowing that you must do what's right, sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
Jessie's got a girl and you wanna make her yours
your blood runs cold, your rye mom has just been sold, your angle is the centerfold, angle is the fencer dolt
your blood runs cold, your memory has just been sold, your A hole is the centerfold, A hole is the centerfold
J Lawrence Band
wondering what Chris Lydon looks like waned
wondering what Chris Lydon looks like waxed
taking the hugest dump while eating pears
I eat pears and shit like that
Lucas numbers
Magic Dick
wondering what Chris Lydon looks like shaven
wishing we still had comments so that you could explain that the previous regret is one of the greatest things
when you're taking a hot Eiffel Towering on a cold day and drops of hot walrus semen drip from Chris Lydon's beard onto your back
wishing we still had comments so that you could explain that the previous regret is one of the greatest things
when you're taking a hot bath on a cold day and drops of cold water drip from your hair onto your back
nailing someone
drilling someone
screwing with someone
being minute twice a day, but only for a right
being right twice a day, but only for a minute
horrible, terrible misunderstandings
at this point having to admit that you probably are, on balance, screwing with someone
more than darkness in the depths
a lost little girl crying out to be seen
wanting to go, always wanting to go, wanting to go somewhere where you don't know
oh oo oh
I'd be better off without you
we don't go together, oh
keeping bakery hours
this morning, apparently
being in such a jerk mood tonight
Perry Como, no homo
fat gay Asian we've been double endin'
fat gay Asian sex pets we've been sharin'
his anus was wrecked his rectum was next we put on a great show
I'll never forget the moment we met and Eiffel Tower'd Kento
Stirb Langsam Doppelpunkt Jetzt Erst Recht
Die Hard Colon Mega Hard
all clapp'd under hatches
Indistinct Entertainment founder and CEO Blurry Steve Hirsch tells Kento Ikeda, whose real name is Kento Ikeda, that he can make $one or more by filming an Eiffel Towering
Vivid Entertainment founder and CEO Steve Hirsch tells Mama June, whose real name is June Shannon, that she can make $one million or more by filming a celebrity sex tape
paying the ferryman before he got you to the other side
Going to Extremes, meow
going THREE extremes
going to extremes
nobody is training them
there must be literally a trillion dogs there
it's horrific
all dogs going to heaven
something terrible
learning something
if you're all alone, pick up the phone, and call
stopping what you're doing, getting down upon your knees, I've a message for you that you'd better believe
Brian Robson Rankin cumming in Cliff Richard cumming in The Shadows in the shadows
Brian Robson Rankin cumming in Cliff Richard in the shadows
Brian Robson Rankin
just cum off the cliff, Dick
cumming in Cliff Richard
cumming in the shadows
running in the shadows
it looks like Kento's off the chain
David Schwimmer is set to play Robert Kardashian in new show creaming Jewel's corn
David Schwimmer is set to play Robert Kardashian in new show
creaming Jewel's corn
inadvertently making a dirty regret via a worse innuendo than the one you discarded
creaming Jewel's soup
creaming Jewel's colon
gathering magical colons to play Magic Colon The Gathering
creaming Jewel's coconuts
only you have the Magic Colon The Gathering technique
only you have the magic technique
ours is the sky and wide open range
being invited to sleep in heavenly piss
watching Catch Twentytwo with Sean Connery and twenty two cats
it looks like Kento be wack
it looks like Kento's off the hook
Mastermind of Pakistan school attack ID'd as militant known by 'Slim'
coffee, cake and kingfishers
no backsides
no backsies
Rumpel fucking Teazer
Mungo fucking Jerry
Killed not by clowns, this Padawan
all you want for Christmas is your two front teeth
stuffing Jewel's chestnuts
that ol' chestnut stuffing
chestnut stuffing
for cheap laughs
turkey stuffing
pepper stuffing
sometimes putting the automatic closed captioning on YouTube videos just for cheap laughs
a whole season of chesty moth porn
trying to record Mythbusters but 'accidentally' ending up with a whole season of chesty moth porn
trying to record Mythbusters but accidentally ending up with a whole season of chesty moth porn
persistent beliefs
S Voice
Roman Prolapseski
Fat girl falls off rope swing
panty stuffing
all through next year
very young girls
his hands
Killed not by clones, this Padawan
Seth Rogan being the guy who reminds you of just how many obese neckbeards there are in America who are willing to pay money to see a film starring someone who looks just like them
that guy who Sith on very younglings
Rojame Fracolanski
that guy who shit on very young girls
that guy who hits on very young girls
having to get at least a couple of hours of sleep
wondering what it will be like for serious filmmakers to lose out at awards ceremonies to a forgettable gross out comedy all through next year
not really knowing who Seth Rogen is beyond references to him in other media, and only really being sure that James Franco is that guy who hits on very young girls
Not just Rogen and Goldberg, but God help us Franco as well
James Franco proves once again that irritation is his strong suit which is a shame because the character could have been appealing and funny out of his hands
cleaning Myke Lawke so many times that your skin becomes dry and flakey
washing Myke Hawke so many times that your skin becomes dry and flakey
washing your hands so many times that your skin becomes dry and flakey
Voyager's Secret
Victreebel's Secret
Venusaur's Secret
Victorinox's Secret
Victrola's Secret
Victora's Secret
I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
Sears catalog
I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victora's Secret catalog
watching TV alone
dinner alone
dinner with a friend
a date
I've got a hot date
losing a show
Show Ikeda
that you're suddenly very interested in the meat nectar out of a show trope
drinking meat nectar out of a chimp anus
memorising every Star Trek innuendo
it smells worse than the meat nectar
The Curious Cakes of Jaffen
A man puts his finger on a control, and the alarm stops
shut off that damn alarm and I promise I'll never violate you again
pretty much anything
one time, in a basin of cold water
that your recollection of spermarche, or at least of the early years of self discovery, is that you basically jacked off non stop to pretty much anything
or whatever catalog you have in the UK, cheerio
wondering if kids today, who can access high definition interracial gangbang videos with the click of a mouse, will ever experience the thrill of jerking off to the bra section of the Sears catalog
Bubbles' Secret
wondering where one gets chimp underwear catalogs
I used to wank like a chimp to underwear catalogs, and I'm not proud of it
wondering if we have become close enough to be able to comfortably discuss the masturbatory habits of our youth, and, if not, wishing to apologize for crossing that line
the amazing Personal Masturbation Almanac
remembering that summer after tenth grade when you discovered Princess Madeleine, who proceeded to become the target of ninety percent of your self gratification for the next three months or so
wondering who's totally fucked for Christmas
she's literally bred from the same stock
wondering why the British royals have yet to produce someone even one percent as smokin' hot as Princess Madeleine
Sony executives say North Korea comedy 'inexplicably revolves around walrus'
Sony executives say North Korea comedy 'desperately unfunny' things getting a little hairy
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the small french cake is a princess
Sweden's Princess Madeleine expecting second child
Sony executives say North Korea comedy 'desperately unfunny'
things getting a little hairy
I didn't see that movie because Kevin Smith, but seriously, there's no way I'd ever agree to a walrus costume
you can forget about me wearing that walrus suit, too
you're still bottoming though, don't think I'm going to forget about that
I'm just really good at reading people
how did you know that what I wanted for Christmas was to be totally fucked
it's the best thing
there're to women that are attractive enough for me, so I jack off to my own reflection in the mirror, and sometimes I wear a wig or something
there're no novels that I like to read, so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it's the best thing
Wrenchmakers of America join with MPAA to sue International Space Station over 'ThreeD printing and large scale piracy'
Astronauts on the International Space Station have used their ThreeD printer to make a wrench from instructions sent up in an email
Jordan Parke
The Curious Cans of Richie Rich
The Curious Cans of Christina Ricci
genuinely not being distant, just busy at odd hours
bastard sword specialization
reckless spending and interspecies homoerotica
reckless spending and interracial homoerotica
it's an act of violence, not love
not know what to do with those tossed salads and cyber attacks
the Submissive Urination Court of Justice
trambopoline
trampling
submissive urination
The European Court of Justice was asked to consider the case of a male childminder in Denmark who says he was sacked for being too fat
bisexual architecture
A bright strobe light came on intermittently, and when it wasn't on a TV constantly played a loop of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
pod six is jerks
being run down by a herring buss
the Gray Penal Planet
spidermanian architecture
ironmanian architecture
flailing around in search of a joke
momentarily forgetting about Kelsey Grammer's irritating name spelling and well publicised alcoholism
North Kelsey
Grammar Korea
being treated as a serious national security matter, attack made by sophisticated actor
wolverinian architecture
A bright strobe light came on intermittently, and when it wasn't on a TV constantly played a loop of interracial porn cyclopean architecture
Texas cinema defiantly replaces cancelled Kim Jong un assassination film with free screening of 'TEAM AMERICA'
A Jockey's Christmas
slow sipping a beer as you stand over a grill while people you have only mild contempt for wait inside for their free meal
biclopean architecture
A bright strobe light came on intermittently, and when it wasn't on a TV constantly played a loop of interracial porn
cyclopean architecture
I'm not talkin' 'bout your pigtails, I'm talkin' 'bout your sex appeal
having a date in Constantinople but she was waiting in Istanbul
Thank you, Taco, for that loving tribute to Falco
Hung Sex Shiver can't be shushed
i dot imgur dot com slash lninexVpsevenF dot jpg
taking your balls off the prize
flowers, NEEEERD
flowers
NEEEERD
wondering this fly spray contain any pyrethrins or just smell flowers
wondering your old box of Magic Colon The Gathering ended up, NEEEERD
forgetting to important words in your regrets
wondering your old box of Magic Colon The Gathering ended up
Eiffel Towering can't be countered
Polanski, the Anus Torn can't be countered
Montezuma's Revenge can't be countered, only endured
Vexing Shusher can't be shushed
Montezuma's Revenge can't be countered
Gaea's Revenge can't be countered
Emrakul, the Aeons Torn can't be countered
Thrun, the Last Troll can't be countered
Scragnoth can't be countered
Dead cats and leaves
Dead leaves and cats
Congress sets limits on overseas data collection
giving her both barrels, Harold
Stephen Collins Apologizes for Sexual Abuse Colon Experts Weigh In
there must be fifty ways to skeet your lover
aiming for her cheek, Zeke
shooting in her hole, Joel
gluing up her quim, Tim
blowing between her teeth, Keith
letting off inside, Clyde
jizzing in her face, Ace
just cumming on her back, Jack
jizzing on Tatooine
jizzing on her tattoo in the parking lot of a strip mall last night
jizzing on her, Tattoo
F YOU TED !!!! SECOND OF ALLLL TIMMMMME BEEEOTCH!!!! COME ON JUMPSTREETERS WE GOT CATE BLANCHETT WIT DIS BOX OFFICE BITCHES!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
Peshawar truthers
jizzing on her tattoo
when you hum the Barber of Seville overture and people sing the Barber Ed Loved Wig Torture lyrics, those philistines
hearing the last line of "Barber Ed Loved Wig Torture" as "I will eat your eaaaaaaars" and wondering if you have an arse infection
Arse Infections Colon The Silent Killer
hearing the last line of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" as "I will eat your eaaaaaaars" and wondering if you have an arse infection
hearing the last line of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" as "I will eat your aaaaaaarse" and wondering if you have an ear infection
he does kind of look like the horrible lovechild of Jack Nicholson and Orson Welles auditioning for the lead in an Al Qaeda movie
Leonardo DiCaprio Called 'Despicable' in New Sony Emails
Three Point Men
Three Men
Two Point Five Zero Zero Men
A Statistically Insignificant Number of Dalmatians
Zero Point Dalmatians
One Point Zero One Times Ten to the Fifty Seventh Dalmatians
expressing the quantity of Dalmatians to three significant figures
Zero Point One Zero One Dalmatians
One Point Zero One Dalmatians
Ten Point One Dalmatians
having a hilarious wank with Hilary Swank
Whitehall Edits
the way on Tom Jones' cover of "Thrill" by Prince the line "my love will eat your food" becomes "my love will be your poo" isn't it
I think you're the same as me
Irish Evil Get OK for Boston's Pride Parade
the way on Tom Jones' cover of "Kill" by Prince the line "my love will be your food" becomes "my love will eat your poo" isn't it
Gay Veterans Get OK for Boston's St Patrick's Day Parade
the taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouth
pulling it out
taking a sniff
getting your skis shined up, grabbing a stick of juicy fruit
you and I are gonna live forever
bitches not knowing bout your dick
el asesino lo que me llevo es enchiladas
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead to entitilitis as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
the death of Sylvia Browne to entitilitis
Tom Jones being all your poo and blaming it on his love
Tom Jones eating all your poo and blaming it on his love
Tom Jones eating all your food and blaming it on his love
the way on Tom Jones' cover of "Kiss" by Prince the line "my love will be your food" becomes "my love will eat your poo" isn't it
Neil Hamilton, the Ukip deputy chairman and would be election candidate, stands by a flag that ripples with racist symbolism
the way on Tom Jones' cover of "Kiss" by Prince the line "my love will be your food" becomes "my love will be your poo"
that the kisser what took me is entitilitis
that the killer what took me is wafflitis
that the killer what took me is ratititis
strong words from a strange man
no good sir it lays an egg
were you sent here by the devil
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
dental plan
Lisa needs braces
his bungling has shortened your lives and mutated your children
I think owning the Broncos is pretty good!
Duffman's no penis has been mismanaged
putting a beret on Yu Wang
Duffman's pension has been mismanaged
putting a mini beret on your wang
it certainly puts Shia LaBeouf's ordeal in a new light
No Means Yes, Yes Means Anal
molten metal is ridiculously strong
enremous
enromous zzzzzap
enromous
zzzzzap
that the gay guy in the Ajax Steel Mill carrying an enromous vat of molten metal is ridiculously strong
the Ajax Steel Mill
EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
the cuticle of your toes look you
the coracle of your foes look you
in one car, with no air conditioning, and the little poop machine going every twenty minutes
the nacre of your trees
the coracle of your foes
the center of your arse
the color of your faeces
Oprahraptor
Oprah Torpor
using the spellings 'arse' and 'center'
Okra Torpor
he's several center folds
he's the center fold
wanting to make Kento a subscription to Pork Orator for his birthday
Pork Orator
Semen's Health
Orkoraptor
Queuosine modification alters features of tRNA anticodons
wanting to make Kento a subscription to Men's Health for his birthday
Men's Health
glistening in the sun, taut and muscular
rampant, unchecked homophonia
A leading Conservative backbencher has been reported to Parliament's standards watchdog for potentially breaching the rules on declaring financial interests in the House of Commons
Australia probes navel 'sex game'
wondering if a professional writer made a homophobic jokie
that they're gay
service
I won't be making that mistake again, sir
wondering if a professional writer made a homophonic jokie
venting prevents explosion
vent radioactive gas
strictly speaking he arseraped someone
whatever, it's now canon that Homer assraped someone
jokie
wondering if a professional writer made a homophonic joke
Australia probes navy 'sex game'
wondering if whoever wrote that throwaway jokie knew that they were actually implying that Homer anally raped someone
Homer is found guilty of "attempted insecticide" and "aggravated buggery" and is sentenced to two hundred hours of community service
being named one of the world's hottest one hundred women by Men's Health, the magazine for men who haven't quite worked out that they're gay
Buggery in the Arse
Buggery in the UK
Julia Roberts's mescaline jaw
Julia Roberts's masculine jaw
James Pratt and John Smith
Sodomy in the UK
Jareth the Goblin King
Seigneurie d'Arse
Ass in the Commonwealth
slipping on the arse in front of your house and falling on your ice
not eating out Kento in the bathroom at church
jellyfish
telling a coworker that hobbits were 'basically midgets with hairy feet that liked to pork a lot'
telling a coworker that hobbits were 'basically midgets with hairy feet that liked to be a lot'
telling a coworker that hobbits were 'basically midgets with hairy feet that liked to eat a lot'
aggravated sodomy
slipping on the ice in front of your house and falling on your arse
taking the mightiest Jabba
mellified swanchovies
swanchovies
Kento's butt is a huge repository, Fort Cocks
vote o rama
manchovies
stripping log
girl toppings
Hayden Panettiere welcomes a girl topping for Kento in Feckless Fucks VII
forgetting to bring your rancor stun glue with you when you infiltrated Jabba's palace, if you know what I mean
forgetting to bring your rancor stun glue with you when you infiltrated Jabba's palace
a system called RANCOR STUN GLUE
a system called NOCTURNAL URGES
a system called NOCTURNAL SURGE like a snake through the tube
a system called NOCTURNAL SURGE
like a snake through the tube
Kento's butt is a huge repository
Kento's torn ham butt
a huge repository named TORN HAM BUTT
Lei ha piu un panino in tricheco
a huge repository named MUTANT BROTH
lei non ha piu un panino in corso
Hayden Panettiere welcomes a girl
topping for Kento in Feckless Fucks VII
rubbing one out for Mark Hamill in the bathroom at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
rubbing someone out for Mark Hamill in the bathroom at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
imagining Mark Hamill saying "nerd ogles tit" in a bedroom voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "I need to go potty" in a bathroom voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "toned gristle" in a bedroom voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "trendiest log" in a bedroom voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "let's git r done" in mouse voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "let's git r done" in a bathroom voice
imagining Mark Hamill saying "let's git r done" in a bedroom voice
wondering if Mark Hamill is the Celebrity Regretter
bottoming for Mark Hamill at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
pick a room at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl, and let's git r done
great
I don't mind bottoming, less work for me
if this is Kento you're still bottoming though, and none of that power bottom nonsense
seriously though, birds do it, bees do it, something about a giraffe with fleas on a log doing it, let's do it, let's have sex and see where it goes
that also when I first thought of the penis braiding thing I didn't know how to braid, but as it turns out we're going to have to come up with a mutually acceptable third person
let braiding commence
I mean, I am pretty sure that you're doing a song lyric or film quote that doesn't google, but I have just reached that point in my life where this is about the best offer I'm going to get
I can live with that
I want to have sex with you if you if you want to love me
really hoping "Boner Aware Week" doesn't turn out to have been a term of Rachel abuse all along
setting up puppies for dangerous, uncritical acceptance of power structures
setting up children for dangerous, uncritical acceptance of power structures
purloining guys
really hoping "we were on a break" doesn't turn out to have been a term of Rachel abuse all along
really hoping "womp rat" doesn't turn out to have been a term of racial abuse all along
Purrloin didn't say no
You see, Purrloin's a guy
they're not much bigger than two metres
bullseyeing slim numb sandhogs in your Tsixteen back home
lubing sand so, hmm
slim numb sandhog, eh
slim numb sandhog
slim bushman dong
humbling damsons
blondish magnums
Ted Sallis
drawing a picture of Tim Duncan shambling Jewel's mounds
shambling mounds
nice Ford testes, eh, eh
that being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift
the deftness, cheerio
the confider seethes
the freshest codeine
Ghostbusters Awful Voice for twelve hours
the fiend's cheese rot
the reinfected shoes
the finessed trochee
the heroine's defects
the side of the screen
cleaning your clock
having your clock violated like that
wondering if there is an Irish dwarf named Manlet O'Hara
A Celebration of Paul Newman's Low Keyhole in the Wall Camps
A Celebration of Paul Newman's Keyhole in the Wall Camps
The Rape of Myke Lawke
you fuck a keyhole nonconsensually
that one scene even shows a crew member standing around on the side of the screen
using stolen hair as a bookmark in The Rape of the Lock while you fuck a keyhole nonconsensually
Roman Polanski's The Rape of the Lock
a spy spying a spider in the bath while barfing at a Ba'ath party party
using stolen hair as a bookmark in The Rape of the Lock
Fist O's
building up your problems to the size of a cow
a drone was able to come within feet of a passenger jet as it prepared to land at Heathrow Airport
an instrument expressing all motion
the children may have been portrayed as communists
BEHAVIOR OF AGEING ARCHEOLOGISTS UNDER CONDITIONS SIMULATING ENTRAPMENT IN REFRIGERATORS DURING NUCLEAR WAR
Bibleman
it was the fifties, they probably just proved they weren't communists
wondering how the grant committee reacted when the BEHAVIOR OF YOUNG CHILDREN UNDER CONDITIONS SIMULATING ENTRAPMENT IN REFRIGERATORS guys told them they wanted to lock kids in tiny spaces and see what they did
BEHAVIOR OF FAT GAY ASIANS UNDER CONDITIONS SIMULATING ENTRAPMENT IN REFRIGERATORS
BEHAVIOR OF YOUNG CHILDREN UNDER CONDITIONS SIMULATING ENTRAPMENT IN REFRIGERATORS
the newest update of firefox blocking every fucking plugin you had
fist cereal
the UK's fist cereal cafe, cheerios
Canadian Lap Rape, eh
the UK's fist cereal cafe
Canadian Burger King, eh
Canadian Apparel, Eh
Korean Air chief apologizes as daughter called in over nuts incident
Thai Human Zoo Shut Down After Rihanna Tweets About It
Burmese women in Thai 'human zoo'
being slain in Cream Corn Bay, om
being slain by a racer in common
man who bribed politicians threatens to cease offering bribes if politician he wants to bribe is not chosen
being slain by a cromniomancer
Web inventor Colon Internet colon porn is a 'basic human right'
the dog famously tried to trap the monster in a box, goading the beast with the phrase, "Here, lizard lizard lizard!", only to see Godzilla's size and respond, "Uh oh, I think I need a bigger box"
the enquiry found Hamilton guilty of taking "cash for questions"
Ukip's second biggest donor is threatening to withdraw his support unless former Tory MP Neil Hamilton is selected as a general election candidate
Offer Shlomi
Former TV pitchman accused of chasing owl in paraglider disrupts hearing
Web inventor Colon Internet porn is a 'basic human right'
Web inventor Colon Internet is a 'basic human right'
I had intended to write that, but forgot
the brood of angry men
led, the blood of angly men, brack, the dalk of ages past
making a barricade in the streets of Hong Kong
come on, oh, what's his name, I know who, don't tell me, oh, that's right, Toshi
Joe Jim Gregory
William James was the first psychologist to describe the tip of the tongue phenomenon, although he did not label it as such, because he could not think of an appropriate term
pulling a pantrum
baking my bike
first rate lapsus linguae
lapsus linguae
rolling over and murmuring "I love you, ADHD" to epilepsy
getting that sext from dysgrapghia, but, well, what was really the point
BILLY MAYS OUTS SELF AS 'CELEBRITY REGRETTER' ENDING YEARS OF SPECULATION BANG! AND THE SPECULATION IS GONE!
having phone sex with dyspraxia but thinking about dysgraphia the whole time
finding "having roofie sex with agentfiftyseven" in your autofill cache, but not quite remembering the chain of events that led to it
Billy Cosby Outs Self as 'agenty fiftyseven', Ending Years of Speculation
impregnating aphasia
fucking dyslexia
Billy Cosby
Billy Cosby Outs Self as 'Celebrity Regretter', Ending Years of Speculation
yup
You are a motherfucker aren't you
Navy declares laser weapons ready to protect ships in Persian Gulf
The license plate has the saying "NOHOMO," a slang phrase used when the speaker does not want to appear gay
according to early design notes, Gene Roddenberry intended Bajoran females to have eleven breasts and fourteen penises
braiding penises with director Roman Polanski and singer Michael Jackson
finally getting a low keyboard for your laptop
the expression on Hector's lanternfish at caudal peduncle
the "awesometastic" Age of Vampires se
cna't spell
the "waffletastic" Age of Empires seires
the "awesometastic" Age of Empires series
the really buggy, unstable updates of Chrome you seem to have been getting lately
Bing reading Dinosaur comics
Binge reading Dinosaur comics
destroying all your plants and your city in Age of Empires
lending your bees to a dishonest giant mutant bee science installation
a science installation where a scientist has bred giant mutant bees
a massive swarm of space locusts is detected heading towards Bajor, but the Bajoran people refuse to do anything about it because a prophecy has foretold that the locusts must destroy everything if Bajor is to survive
rubbing elbows with director Roman Polanski and singer Michael Jackson
Mufasa looking exactly like what you imagine a sexual predator would look like, unf
pumping the hugest breast
bottoming for Angus Beef in In Front of the Angus VII
Timothy Poole looking exactly like what you imagine a sexual predator would look like
finally getting a new keyboard for your laptop
Behind the Anus
There is also sexual dimorphism in the species, with males being larger, having a deeper caudal peduncle and a pronounced hump behind the anus
The Washington Redskins' Go F#ck Yourself Holiday Special
Aphrodite Kallipygos
Anasyrma
Heidi Creamer allegedly pumped her sister Holly's breasts during an argument Sunday in the apartment they share with Heidi's hairy beau
pumping Jewel's breasts
Heidi Creamer allegedly punched her sister Holly during an argument Sunday in the apartment they share with Heidi's hairy beau
New Jersey cops are seeking the public's help in identifying the Garden State Breast Pump Thief, BREAST PUMP
Heidi Creamer allegedly punched her sister Holly during an argument Sunday in the apartment they share with Heidi's beau
New Jersey cops are seeking the public's help in identifying the Garden State Breast Pump Thief, FIST PUMP
always thinking there was something shifty looking about that Braff fella
New Jersey cops are seeking the public's help in identifying the Garden State Breast Pump Thief
thinking that any porpoise which managed to get itself in an alleyway, in England or anywhere else, probably did fuck itself to death, but not the good way like you want
Walrus F#cks Kento to Death
A one hundred ten pound porpoise found dead and bloodied in an English alleyway appears to have died as you wish you lived
Porpoise F#cks Himself to Death
Dale Chihuly
Washington, Massachusetts
Florida, Massachusetts
Thank you and Molotov
giving your hairy beau haribo
liking your lembas bread like you like your travelling companions, chock full of hobbit pork
not realising until you heard yourself saying 'No mister Frodo! No! You know it tastes like lembas bread!' that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
only realising the joke was going too far when you heard yourself saying 'No mister Frodo! No! You know it tastes like lembas bread!'
A Celebration of Paul Newman's Hole
bottoming for Winston Smith in Hole Memory
bottoming for Robert Smith in Raw Anal Cure
A Celebration of Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall Camps
you're about as easy as raw anal cure
Convicted sex offender wins $threeM Scratch Off prize the Ponce is forty three years old
you're about as easy as a nuclear war
Convicted sex offender wins $threeM Scratch Off prize
the Ponce is forty three years old
background
walkin' here
morning on the outskirts of town
before it's popular
being forced to climb a huge pile of small change that a man has made
furious moxibustion
Masturchusetts
the Eagle Tribune reported that police were investigating claims that two Andover High School basketball players were hazed by older team members into playing the game
wondering if anyone has had the idea to make a parody of Addicted to Love with all the Nurse Joys dancing in the background
soggy biscuits
There has been no scientific research conducted into whether oral ingestion of semen has an antidepressive effect, however, semen does contain several mood elevating compounds such as endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotropin releasing hormone
Moxibustion
building an internet based Oracle of Manson, just to see how many serial killers and serial rapists Roman Polanski has a Manson Number of three or less for
Kento boning under Roman Polanski at New York University, I'm walkin' here
Kento boning under Roman Polanski at New York University
After leaving the Army, Alcala, who claims to have a "genius level" IQ, graduated from the UCLA School of Fine Arts and later studied Kento boning under Roman Polanski at New York University
being advised to go now and register kentoboneclass dot com, before it's popular
being advised to go now and register baconskeletons dot com, before it's popular
After leaving the Army, Alcala, who claims to have a "genius level" IQ, graduated from the UCLA School of Fine Arts and later studied film under Roman Polanski at New York University
liking Marvel movie villains like you like your wookiees, low key
Alcala won the contest, and a date with "bachelorette" Cheryl Bradshaw, who subsequently refused to go out with him, according to published reports, because she found him "creepy"
despite his status as a convicted rapist and registered sex offender, Alcala was accepted as a contestant on The Dating Game
becoming the owner of a lonely heart owning lonely hearts in a lonely hearts column
liking Marvel movie villains because they're low key
Lost sweatiest ass in the world found on streets of Boston
Lost geep in Christmas sweater found on streets of County Kildare
bathing a bothan in a bothy you're both in, eh
a weequay wooing a wookiee in a low key way
wooing a wookiee in a low key way
meeting a bothan in a bothy you're both in, eh
engaging in some friendly banter with a friendly bantha
encountering a 'hobbit of pork'
being slain by a frog of secrecy
enchanting a 'frog of secrecy'
encountering a 'battle of crecy'
encountering a 'frog of secrecy'
encountering a 'fog of secrecy'
a cheese lorry fire forced the closure of the carriageway
god damn motherfucker ratcockbreathed cat
that fucking cat
changing every instance of 'water boarding' on Wikipedia to 'Eiffel Towering' in a bid to achieve the infamy you so richly deserve in a world where a funny looking cat can earn fifty million dollars a year
Lost sheep in Christmas sweater found on streets of Omaha
we were impressed with the ancillary effectiveness of rectal infusion
Disney's Hobbit's Scents in Pork
Disney's Eel's Scents in Pork
Disney's Sickest Personnel
Will and Grace
In Which We Serve Two Colon With Whom She Did Arts and Crafts
Man dies after being impaled on railings in central London
Angelina Jolie sparks fury from Japan because of Unbroken depiction
Pokemon Kate & Wills
Disney's Pregnant Skeleton Princess
Disney's Skeleton Princess
Intentionally deceived, incredibly disappointed, mentally ill children with Disney fixation only people in the world actually excited to meet Duchess Kate
Mentally ill children with Disney fixation only people in the world actually excited to meet Duchess Kate
Mentally ill children only people in the world actually excited to meet Duchess Kate
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vegan, eh
While visiting Harlem's Northside Center for Child Development, an organization that provides mental health services and more, Duchess Kate was mistaken for a Disney princess by the children with whom she did arts and crafts
Very young birds are clad only in down
Report to comment on CIA torture tactics, Will and Kate touch down in New York City
fucking jerk and post it
inside of a gay porn, it's hard to grasp
Starbucking Kento
saying that Carpathia will become so popular that it will "rain blood"
ya me canse
Simbabucks
Mufasabucks
Scarbucks
a line of "premium coffee drinks" called "Grumppuccino", which has been launched this year
bottled spunk
finding a really specific trolly headline but not wanting to be a big fucking jerk and post it
saying that Fairlife will become so popular that it will "rain money"
drinking what she's wearing
Sfarbucks
yeah, Kento wrote it
inside of a gay porn, it's too dark to read
suspecting that Kento wrote fivefivethreezerosix because it is the only way he could possibly get laid outside of a gay porn
scarfucking Kento
wristfucking Kento
fistfucking Kento
facefucking Kento
assfucking Kento
voting haven't done it yet on fivefivethreezerosix, hint hint
sororityricide
fratricide
delaying the Korean Airplane! and not calling me NutRageous
baby you can make my day
waiting too long
stabilising your vegan waffles with wafflemastic
the bladder of Raul Julia
eating Raoul
'NutRageous' delayed Korean Air plane
'Nut rage' delayed Korean Air plane
MP Nigel Mills said he would 'try not to' play Candy Crush during Parliamentary committee meetings in the future
reading gaol
reading sith
wondering if you like movies about gladiators
wondering if you've ever been in a Turkish prison
reading shit
George Beard and Harold Hutchins, two mischievous fourth graders, find things quickly spiral out of control when their favorite superhero, Captain Rape Stud NN, magically springs to life from the pages of a comic book
Pink Pineapple produced nine Rapeman live action feature films
George Beard and Harold Hutchins, two mischievous fourth graders, find things quickly spiral out of control when their favorite superhero, Captain Rape, magically springs to life from the pages of a comic book
George Beard and Harold Hutchins, two mischievous fourth graders, find things quickly spiral out of control when their favorite superhero, Captain Underpants, magically springs to life from the pages of a comic book
he was probably the one who called the Swiss police that one time
Morrissey probably wouldn't be able to stomach working on a project with a meat eater
being kind of amazed that Roman Polanski hasn't asked Morrissey to collaborate with him on a project yet
Morrissey stated that he believed there is no difference between eating animals and paedophilia
occasionally freebasing agave syrup
insulting lines of vegan cocaine
vegan cocaine, of course
imagining Bono and Morrisey just hanging out snorting top shelf cocaine out of top shelf hookers' assholes, giggling as they think up new lines to use to insult the general public
wondering if Morrisey really cares about British life after emigrating to Switzerland for tax purposes
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge Is A 'Rancid Twat' And Pippa Middleton Is A 'Hindi Hike Car,' According To Morrissey
BMX Bandits
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge Is An 'Airhead' And Pippa Middleton Is A 'Thickwit,' According To Morrissey
Roman Polanski's star on the Child Rapist Walk of Fame was vandalized on Friday with the word "analrapist" written over it
Bill Cosby's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was vandalized on Friday with the word "analrapist" written over it
starting a prison supergroup with Ian Watkins, Gary Glitter, Peter McNeal and Chuck Berry, and just needing a catchy name for it
say what you want about rape reply mutts, but they're still cheaper and better behaved than cruel anal labs
you can't convict people of crimes unless they've committed them
A former drummer in US alternative rock band Cake has been sentenced to fifteen years to life in state prison for being in a band with a rape reply mutt
wondering why nobody at the trial stopped him
Peter Ivan McNeal was found guilty of one felony count of oral copulation and sexual penetration with a three year old during his retrial in Los Angeles last Monday
A former drummer in US alternative rock band Cake has been sentenced to fifteen years to life in state prison for being in a band with a trumpet player
A former drummer in US alternative rock band Cake has been sentenced to fifteen years to life in state prison for molesting a three year old girl
North Korea Says It Isn't Responsible For 'Tubular' Sony Hacking
North Korea Says It Isn't Responsible For 'Righteous' Sony Hacking
Bill Cosby's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was vandalized on Friday with the word "therapist" written over it
A man dressed as the superhero Captain Lump stands outside a conference room used by the Climate Change Conference in Pirate Lane
Bill Cosby's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was vandalized on Friday with the word "rapist" written over it
A man dressed as the superhero Maple Incarnate stands outside a conference room used by the Climate Change Conference in a pulpit
A man dressed as the superhero Captain Rape stands outside a conference room used by the Climate Change Conference in peanut mill
A man dressed as the superhero Captain Planet stands outside a conference room used by the Climate Change Conference in Lima, Peru
putting beef on your bust, err, eating roast beef off of your own boobs
putting tubers on your spelling b, T U B E R S, tubers
putting beef on your bust, err
putting tubers on your free b
nothing can eat done
nothing can be done
putting your rubbers on your feet
wondering what it is with Hyatts and evacuations lately
killing for Mark Hamill at the Rosemont Hyatt, near the kid grooming trade show, this Sunday at one in the afternoon
grooming all those kids online
spooning all those boobs online
Ms Pantyants
walkie talkies don't count as two presents
Mr Partypants
grooming all those dogs online
not becoming nauseous at a furry convention but claiming to be nauseous when you heard they were evacuating to the dog show
killing for Mark Hamill at the Rosemont Hyatt, near the dog grooming trade show, this Sunday at one in the afternoon
becoming nauseous at a furry convention
getting a Winnipegging from a Filipino trannie hooker in the dumpster behind the emergency center
Suspected chlorine gas attack forces "furry" convention to evacuate
Filipino Winnipeggers scramble to contact family after typhoon
hearing slap slap slapping sounds in the showers at Mason's Pool Hall
spooning unconsciously when boobs are anywhere near
Penistone Fats
tooting unconsciously when danger is anywhere near
playing Bottersnikes and Gumbles with Tim Duncan
Minnesota Fats
it's modern times, everyone's doing it
not realizing until you had wasted thirty six hours that when your new ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
executing the PITY maneuver
mid afternoon
high tide
Barney Bottersnike
Bottersnikes and Gumbles
seraphically free from taint of personality
cinnamon
Homer manages to convince the demon to relinquish the bargain in return for Homer to reluctantly engage in three way sex with him and another demon
Homer
I would leave you my number but I'm just a hologram and shit
shooting for the d in a game of horsedick
wondering if Gary Glitter tried to coast on his fame in prison, perhaps by attempting to assign an arbitrarily higher value to his jenkem in trades
wondering how many palms Gary Glitter tried to grease with his dong to get into prison
wondering how many palms Gary Glitter tried to grease with his dong to get out of prison
never touching and handling babies as an object
never touching and handling objects as a baby
Viet Nam Prison Shit
taking the sparkliest dump
The Defecation of Gary Glitter
The Execution of Gary Glitter
Noone wants to fuck young girls!
the theme from the Great Escape starting to play in your head whenever you hear the charging beep of an Android phone
maybe we should talk about healthier things
chastising the media for figuratively raping a girl when YOU LITERALLY RAPED A GIRL
suing Roman Polanski for insinuating that while he is a convicted rapist and pedophile, the only difference between you is that you have not been convicted
Everyone wants to fuck young girls!
Juries want to fuck young girls
Judges want to fuck young girls
feeling that you would have sided with Lords Slynn and Carswell, then remembering that you wrote both "drinking champagne out of a twink anus" and "drinking champagne out of a chimp anus" and thinking well, great, even the very stupid have opinions
feeling that you would have sided with Lords Slynn and Carswell
In a case notable for the absence of its key witnesses, Polanski made legal history by becoming the first claimant in a libel trial to give evidence by videolink
The Vanity Fair editor, Graydon Carter, who was in court throughout the trial, said he found it "amazing" that "a man who lives in France can sue a magazine published in America in a British court"
Polanski v Conde Nast Publications Ltd
not being certain, but suspecting that a convicted criminal and fugitive cannot bring a suit for defamation in the English courts
wondering if Roman Polanski is going to cite Butts in his argument against us
Heathcliff
Garfield
drinking champagne out of a twink anus
watching a gay softcore porn set in a British boarding school butt
every time the shaven Nordic twink is laid in remoulade
every time the shaven Nordic twink is paid in remoulade
watching two guys argue over whether a third person who is not present or involved in their argument is correct to write off Batman as an ineffective, violent vigilante
digitally replacing George Fuckass in Poopers, Please with George Lickass
being prone to eating bichak canapes
George Lickass
Lucas Lucas
George Pope
Fuckass Fuckass
George Fuckass
Fuckass Pope
bottoming for Fuckass Pope in Poopers, Please VII
Papers, Please
watching a gay softcore porn set in a British boarding school but performed in Danish in which you are taken out of the action every time the shaven Nordic twink is paid in remoulade
getting a job as a security guard on a gay softcore porn location shoot
watching a gay softcore porn set in a British boarding school
Obama Goes To Hospital For Sore Throat being prone something something black cocks
Obama Goes To Hospital For Sore Throat
being prone something something black cocks
being prone to wearing black capes
mmmm, mellified swan
mellified swan
mellified man
New Motive Power
N rays
day release hallucinations
sexual release hallucinations
visual release hallucinations
Webdriver Torso
smoking Butts
sacking Butts
porking Butts
thinking that your major problem with literature has always been how quickly you begin to find characters and styles fucking tedious
the woodcutter and his children scrounged off the state until their benefits were scrapped, the bastard immigrant scum
referring to Butts in your closing argument
schatzoekers
It's official colon America is now number two
having heard you liked mudkipsing
zut alors
strewth
mudkipsing
mudballing
wondering if there's a butt version of snowballing and, if so, what it's called
passing from Butts to Butts
Butts was a proponent of the passing game in an era of "three yards and a cloud of dust"
Many members of the Butts family have gone on to support the University of Georgia
handling the briefs for Butts
The court ruled in favor of Butts
Curtis Publishing Co v Butts
pig pert
arnie decoy
pert decoy
ten pin stoicism
penis tonic mist
it comes in pints
cree dot py
'Thinnest man in fatworld' dies of malnutrition age forty four
'Asianest man in the world' dies at age forty four
'Gayest man in the world' dies at age forty four
'Fattest man in the world' dies at age forty four
Chris Lydon's massive, rubbery, snakelike poo
a motor sled designed for Grand Duke Cyril of Russia
Police are hunting a man captured on CCTV seemingly using an elaborate form of distraction to steal a large sum of cash
wondering whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, be alive or dead as of this morning, and have to wait thirty six hours to grind his bones to make your bread, fee fi fo fum
he who takes the hugest dump should be careful that he does not himself become a dump
the Swiss Family Frankenstein
when you gaze long into a toilet the toilet also gazes into you
your toilet you can stare back at it
a semi naked hostage victim who was twice fired at by a police sergeant as he tried to escape his captors
a polymerising agent that turns your faeces into something like a plastic, so that when a massive rubbery poo snake slithers into your toilet you can stare back at it
Cringe Epic Police Chase
Mavin Knob Coffins
sICInnOFmfkaBOvn
wondering whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, be alive or dead as of this morning, and have to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
wondering why men be all like zombies at the mall
wondering where all the white women at
wondering where you really at
well, that's enough, I've got a big day ahead of me, drinking wine and eating snails and surrendering, I'll talk to you later, good luck with the perpetual erection thing
inside of a kid it's too dark to read
inside of France, it's too dark to read
true
outside of France
if I'm not in France, where am I
ironically if you were a walrus, being a priapic insomniac would make you a big success
not being sure if you don't believe I'm in France even though I'm clearly in the UK or if someone else also doesn't believe you are in France
buying some mistletoe from a French cheese stall at a Christmas market
another site frequented only by a priapic insomniac
ba dum TISH
I surrender
I don't believe you're in France, either
you're going to have to do something French to prove it
I just don't believe you're in France
reading wikipedia at seven in the morning and copying them to another site frequented only by a priapic insomniac
business class cunt lapping
Maize reproduces sexually each year
fist ass lounge priapism miley cyrus seo
fist ass lounge priapism
carbeater seals
Fagopyrum tataricum
X Men Colon First Class Lounge Priapism
first class cunt lapping
finding the rum balls your godfather used to occasionally bring you when you were a small child and discovering that they taste appalling
remembering the rum balls your old girlfriend used to make at Christmas and really wanting some
the more you tighten your grip, the more grains of coke will slip out of your nostril
dropping your iPecker, cheeriow
I pecker, ow
getting a job as Carrie Fisher's coke wiper
coke wiper
I told you I'm out of noodles
wok recipe
piecework
wondering whether you have a job
first class lounge priapism
having had priapism since puberty
terminal priapism
having been an insomniac since puberty
always being up at five in the morning, because of your clinical priapism
wondering what you were doing up at five in the morning
crabeater seals
I regret the crushing futility of your so called future
I regret that too
anuse is what the kids are saying these days
also the crushing futility of my so called future
anuse
URWIN
wondering what YOUR biggest regret is
fisting bottom regrets arse ass anuse miley cyrus seo
nobody regrets that
one of these days the randomizer will give it to me, and I'll be able to knock it off the bottom regrets list
fisting Go Ikeda
wondering what your biggest regret is
sorry about that
all walrus penis bones belong to Kento
all of them Kento's
male walruses possess a large baculum, the largest of any land mammal, both in absolute size and relative to body size
possibly hundreds
there are literally dozens of videos on youtube of autofellating walruses
being pretty horrified just by that video of the autofellating walrus that used to get posted in the comments
that's true, and it also reinforces the "my life has problems, but at least I'm not Kento, getting assfucked by a two ton marine mammal" appeal of the site
goochers
gooners
I guess it saves us having to talk about ourselves or reveal too much about our inner frustrations, which are presumably what drive us to continually post on a site about regrets
none of the jokes are particularly clever or well thought out, and it's not like we have a higher purpose
I mean, it's not like you've ever met Kento, and he hardly even ever comes around here any more, and guessing that, in the event you actually saw a walrus fucking a man, you wouldn't laugh and would be horrified
getting ass fucked by a walrus over and over and over again
I was honestly going to ask if you knew that
wondering what it is that compels you to make jokes about a man getting ass fucked by a walrus over and over and over again
Rubus spectabilis
Conquest of the Planet of the ARSE
he's got some in the back, unless Chris Lydon felt like switching positions for a change
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes up his cold, dead butt
asking your local fat gay asian if he's got some in back
really wanting a Torre Eiffel but not even knowing where you get carne de morsa
Dismount Gay Rum
Mount Gay Rum
really wanting some burritos but not even knowing where you get carne de burro
so I understand
it's six in the morning where I am, in France
being all out of noodles
really wanting some burritos but not wanting to heat up a microwave and open the freezer at five in the morning
really wanting some churros but not wanting to heat up a bunch of oil and make the batter at five in the morning
Conquistadores del Pinata de los Churros
Conquistadores del Planeta de los Ques
Conquest of the Planet of the QUEUES
Conquest of the Planet of the Peas
Sexual Conquest of the Planet of the Rapes
each other
Sexual Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
up his cold, dead butt
drawing a picture of a chimpanzee shoving Charlton Heston's rifle up his cold, dead butt
The producers of the Planet of the Apes franchise stated that the riots were the inspiration for the ape uprising in the film Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
wondering if Prince William was ever Big Benned by Barry White and Jimmy Savile, and, if so, whether distributing a video of said Big Benning would now be against the law in the UK, cheerio
wondering if Prince William and Jimmy Savile ever had sex with each other
drawing a picture of a chimpanzee taking Charlton Heston's rifle from his cold, dead hands
wondering if Prince William and Barry White ever had sex with each other
wondering if Prince and Barry White ever had sex with each other
wondering if Prince and Cilla Black ever had sex with each other
wondering if Prince and Janet Jackson ever had sex with each other
paving the way for blowing it up, you maniacs, god damn you, damn you all to hell
chimpanzees are not farty mccrablice, no
Chimpanzees Are Not Legal Persons, COURT RULES!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
the death of a stickleback's roe, yum
the death of Skye McCole Bartusiak
chimpanzees are not farty mccrablice
the king of queens, sack of the brain
the king of brains, queen of the sack
Chimpanzees Are Not Legal Persons, Court Sucks
people try to put us d down, just because we dress like c clowns, fucking magnets how do they work
chimpanzees are not good lawyers
it probably never legal
Chimpanzees Are Not Legal Persons, Court Rules
wondering if it legal to draw those pictures of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus in the UK now
in certain directions human intercourse had advanced enormously analbuminemia
in certain directions human intercourse had advanced enormously
analbuminemia
being kept in a dumb waiter
a penis is a warm gun
The dildo can also be used as a weapon, although the inflicted damage is limited
Female ejaculation, Strangulation, Facesitting, Fisting, cheerio
Spanking, Caning, Aggressive whipping, Penetration by any object "associated with violence," Physical or verbal abuse, Urolagnia, "Role playing as non adults," Physical restraint
the death of a dog ego
the death of a kid ego
political maso sadism
the death of Go Ikeda
I lost my father to eiffel death
eiffel death
I lost my father to Candy Crush
The Lion, the Witch, and the Bizarre, Striated, Earthwormlike Penis
Aslan Lydon
knowing walrus
probably wanting kento
great game
girls sleep
penis family
much half way
white hawke
milk kid letting dump
playing things
Colon Ass Love Actually
sex girl dead
Keira Knightley Colon Ass Love Actually Is the Greatest Movie Ever Made
fat fucking today
wearing walrus food
picture life
able drinking
actually bottoming
wearing food
guys imagining black times
Ikeda Facebook
hugest behind comments
probably wanting
Lydon around
hair swans
new colon feeling
someone index making something thinking
french vagina
music balls
remembering movie talking
Dogs Polanski
Ass Love Actually
really getting kento regret
gay years
i dot imgur dot com slash LpTdEfh dot png
wondering whether ryan north of dinosaur comics and project wonderful fame was the self declared Celebrity Regretter all along
taking your cruel anal lab back to the pound where you got it, but they would only let you trade it for an anal monster chow
wanting to make Kento anal rag man for his birthday
wanting to make Kento an analgram for his birthday
wondering whether are more rapagrams or more analgrams
Man's colon wreath grows Movember moustache
Anal chow monster grows Movember moustache
No anal screw moth grows Movember moustache
Lawman consort grows Movember moustache
Ornamental chows grow Movember moustaches
A snowman grows Movember moustache, chortle
Horncastle woman grows Movember moustache, cheerio
a crippling cyberattack against Sony Pictures Entertainment was probably the work of North Korea
Horncastle woman grows Movember moustache
Winona State student trapped in dumbwaiter
Samantha, the Potter books open a doorway that will put untold MILLIONS of kids into hell
wishing there was a crossover episode of BJ and the Bear and Jake and the Fatman
Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
J Michael Straczynski
Tara Lipinski
Romulan Polanski
Ramen Polanski
building an android capable of independent thought and action, then naming it Roman
building an android capable of independent thought and action, then naming it Norman
Soong type handroids
failing to come with a FULLY FUNCTIONAL hand job robot
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable three breasted counselor
failing to come up with a sweaty assed third person
the ass is sweatier on the other side
humping Richard III
the grass is greener on the other side
sucking on her FULLY FUNCTIONAL middle one
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Cecily Neville
licking DNA remoulade off of Richard III's erect penis
eating that whole thing of Richard III's DNA and puking in bed
disinterring Richard III's corspe and surpsising the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young boys
bottoming for DNA in Surpsise Me VII
Infidelity Surpsise with Cilla Black Prince
throwing up Richard's DNA in Infidelity Surprise III
Richard III's DNA throws up infidelity surprise
shooting his left one until he had an eyegasm
it's a booob
that's no boob
sucking her center one until she had a breastgasm, Number One
sucking her center one until she had a breastgasm
sucking her right one until she had a breastgasm
just the left one
taking the hugest dump on Jewel's boobs until she had a breastgasm
taking the hugest dump on Jewel's boobs
licking Danish remoulade off of Jewel's erect boobs
spanning Jewel's boobs
always two there are, no more, no less
oval rowan fuse
group siths
Temple University Center for Rape Studies
Euro Flava Snow
UVA Center for Rape Studies
group shits
seven men and four women shitting naked in a shallow pool of water
like two dozen truckers from now
seven men from now
a magazine cum catalog
seven men and four women sitting naked in a shallow pool of water
Please consider putting in some penises
no, one was enough
if you like I could post another fairy tale
MOOSE, ICE HOCKEY, CHIVALRY, GROUP SEX & MORE
that's nice
chancellor originally denoted a servant guarding the entrance to an official's study
suaver flan woo
or perhaps it is a eunuch
there's at least one other person here then, the one who said she didn't have a penis when you propositioned her
you won't even braid your penis with mine and now you're asking for anal weaving, forget it, pal
novae of walrus
let's weave our anal fur together
lava nurse, woof
anal fur, wove so
wondering why we're focusing on this
wan suaver fool
raw venous foal
fouler swan ova
wondering if you ever find yourself thinking up Kento jokes for like two other people and possibly some imaginary ones while you're supposed to be doing something else, because I totally never do that
vowing to participate in Unsafe Oral Mondays
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want to fertilize your ova, he meant it
unsafe oral vow
thinking that we would literally have nothing to talk about if not for Kento, and the site would have died in under six months
slow vore fauna
ova refusal now
wondering if the Kento thing is a joke or if we really hate him
anus flavor woe
bottoming for Valenthyne Farfalla in Bothan Boners VII
a ravenous fowl
One Hundred and One Sith Jokes and Bothan Boners
sauna overflow
it's a book of shambolic humour
a ravenous wolf
wondering if the finch thing is the joke, because you wonder what kind of book would publish that shit
strictly off the record, I'd like to be off the record
I have no idea why
I don't think Kento come around here no more
the only person being smothered here is Kento, under the awesome bulk of a huge bull walrus as it anally penetrates him
it's bad because it's fairly involved and you need to know about the noises specific breeds of finch make
the other person, not the finches
what if I already smothered them
you can put small tropical finches in a garbage can to make an RtwoDtwo for little children to play with
no one is smothering anyone
there are only like three people here anymore
somebody probably does, which again, brings us back to I'm thinking of quitting this place because I feel simultaneously like I'm smothering someone and being smothered by them, even though they may or may not be real
just word it differently
being a sith joke machine
unless you already do
then you'll know what my twitter is
just to tell
so, just to tell the damn joke
being a shit joke machine
I never understood what people saw in that either
humour, cheerio
if it's the "hard to grasp" thing, I don't think you'd be getting any royalties even if you did own it
humour
not even being sure you own the joke any more
so, in order to follow the Law of Conservation of Humour, whenever you post a joke in one place you have to delete it somewhere else
I would if I could delete it somehow
tell it to me and I'll tell you if I laugh
Christopher Lydon's Compulsion
bookshops and online retailers alike do sell to people
having one line in a jokebook that you never thought was that funny to begin with
Christopher Lydon's Insertion
technically being a published author in a real actual book that bookshops and online retailers alike do sell to people
Christopher Lydon's Erection
Christopher Lydon's Conniption
this is now difficult to interpret
waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic waffletastic
conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption conniption
Christopher Nolan's Conniption
having a conniption about a conniption
having a conniption
I don't even know why I'm laughing at that
penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
wishing someone would just kill you with a wink of their eye
fffffffasddddddddewrewwwwwwwwww
aggrandizing things
not getting that gig with the World Bank in Angola
the chimp anus is too plain
the chimp anus is optional
this won't last for long not forever and the champagne makes it taste so much better
you should have seen the heartfelt rant I worked out and thought better of, only you shouldn't have, good god no
my feeelings are stupid and I apologize for having revealed them
that has to be the least convincing Spambot impersonation yet, I'm not even going to try and decode it
the biter script reader
asdfhdstreworewcwecwea
the bitter script reader
wondering if Scotty ever canonically chinned anybody
you're no best pleased, I'll chin ye
Shirley Bellows
when Shirley Bassey bellows it, it sounds classy, but when you write it down, it's just creepy
I could show you a good time, let me show you a good time
sometimes thinking you're always kind of down in winter and wondering if you have SAD, but then feeling like a cock, a fraud, and a hypochondriac walked into a bar, and you are the punchline
there was one letter short, but I should have dumped the comma rather than the t
being super glad you never had the patience for Facebook
betting that in three years nobody has got the Louis Prima reference in your bio
you're no best pleased
it's not like there's anywhere else but down
not really going to do it, just thinking about it
actually thinking you might quit the amazing Regret Index, because you made the mistake of reading back through some of the things you've written here over the years and tried to imagine them from the perspective of someone else and you're no best pleased
bottoming for two dozen truckers in Giant Fuckoff Chunks VII
bottoming for like two dozen truckers in Big Big Love VII
big big love
thinking you might quit Twitter because it's really just people shouting at each other, but then thinking, well yeah, but isn't that what life is, and also, you do kind of like some of them, and you are kind of a quitter, for fuck's sake grow a pair
in giant fuckoff chunks
people in your timeline literally posting the script to Closer
bastardizing the vegans
pasteurizing the vegans
homogenising the vegans, no homo
homogenising the vegans
wondering whether the vegans will get around to completing their army of robotised soy cocks before or after the Hand Job Robot apocalypse
a journal called Ryan's Story with "torso disobeys cock" on the front
he's the best at hire blowing many
a journal called Ryan's Story with robotised soy cocks on the front
a journal called Ryan's Story with Scooby Doo stickers on the front
Under the terms of Cosby's game, plaintiff was required to consume a beer every time Cosby won a game
he's the best at blowing hairy men
the very idea that Kento would ever be the best at anything
imagining like two dozen recently fellated truckers gathered in a room heatedly debating who gave the best BJ, and, after four hours of excrutiating deliberation, finally agreeing that Kento was the best
gayspace is three dimensional, with a z axis composed of Stephen Fry to Vegan Harvey Cream
thinking that in addition to the bear hyphen twink axis, there should be a second Chris Lydon hyphen walrus axis, enabling each gay man to occupy a set of coordinants in gayspace
Snow White and the Swan Lady Truckers
feeding twinkies to a bear
he's more walrus now than bear
wondering where Kento fits on the bear hyphen twink spectrum, because even though he's fat he's far from macho
winning Best BJ from a bear at a truckstop with seventeen snowballs
winning Best BJ from a bear at a truckstop with seventeen votes
winning Best BJ from a bear at a truckstop
trucking seven ladies
they just loved the idea of seven lady truckers
Snow White And The Seven Lady Truckers
BJ And The Seven Lady Truckers
that's what Bear said
Greg Evigan is full of spunk
bottling Greg Evigan
bottoming for Greg Vegan I and Paul Riser in My Two Nads VII
that google image searching Greg Evigan provides a hilarious parade of eighties shirtless hairy chests
I just like the sound of it
Erect Penis Third Person Shoe Trope Geldof
drinking Greg Evian
all of those are actually human names, or fairly close to human names
that's way too normal
Ronald Gregg Evigan Geldof
Ronald Gregg Evigan
Shoe Evigan
vegan Greg Evigan
I'm so sorry
it's a glass joke
handblowing a Canadian, eh
sandpapering a Canadian, eh
backbaconing a Canadian, eh
backboning a vertebrate
invertebrates really wanting some chocolate but thinking no, that's stupid, it's December, you're basically going to overeat for the next couple of weeks anyway, you don't want chocolate, but you doooo, ack! tit rush seats
shafting a miner
boning an invertebrate
invertebrates
really wanting some chocolate but thinking no, that's stupid, it's December, you're basically going to overeat for the next couple of weeks anyway, you don't want chocolate, but you doooo, ack! tit rush seats
accidentally mousing over the menu bars of a wikia wiki and feeling like you turned over a stone hiding tens of thousands of invertebrates
really wanting some chocolate but thinking no, that's stupid, it's December, you're basically going to overeat for the next couple of weeks anyway, you don't want chocolate, but you doooo, ack!
tit rush seats
going to the Artsiest Tush in the World world premiere with Bicoid Babe
artsiest tush
utter ass shit
watching Greg Evigan with Greg Dyke, OMFG what a piece of utter ass shit
Greg Dyke
choking on ya rat's dick
choking on a feral dick
choking on a TAME dick
choking on a stray dick
choking on a stray pubic hair
Amazon deploys fleet of robotic 'elves'
shitting yourself in the showers at Penn State
shitting yourself in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
shitting yourself with Eyes Wide Shut
shitting yourself with your mouth wide open
Shoe Skywalker
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker tearfully having his big bowl of sand taken away from him by a very grumpy Master Obi Wan
I don't like sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and a terrible emetic
barf on my my boobs like you did at the lake on Naboo
barfing boob sand, eh, oy
Rabbi Bong of Sand, eh, oy
boobs and barfing, eh
boobs and barfing, oy
a threesome that was derailed when two of the men began fighting over which one of them was the highest paid escort slamming your electroluminescent electrum god penis into your boobs and barfing, oy
quitting The Police department and getting yourself a lick job
quitting The Police department and getting yourself a steady job
quitting the police department and getting yourself a steady job
I softly call you over, when you appear there's nothing left of you, aha
I'm reaching out for something, touching nothing is all I ever do
My dreams are getting so strange I'd like to tell you everything I see
it's been getting so hard living with the things you do to me, aha
My Chemical Toilet
a threesome that was derailed when two of the men began fighting over which one of them was the highest paid escort
slamming your electroluminescent electrum god penis into your boobs and barfing, oy
it is her el penis
it is prehensile
the very notion that Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated earthwormlike penis could be rolled up
rolling up your penis, Chris
dran a ctur of Knto bn ffl Tord by Crs Lydon and a alrus
a alf dozn kys on your kyboard brakn at t sam tm
packing up your tento, Kento
making a new plan, Stan
cracking bright
for example, getting wise instead of bright when trying to remember the lyrics to a song
not feeling witty or on point, or for that matter, pretty oh so pretty or wise at all lately
That's No Moon River Bottom Phoenix Geldof
that's no Moon River, it's a Space Station River
Moon River, nipping on your nose
goot
not realising that Hayden Christensen had gout, let alone that there was a song aboot it
the way that "Halfwit Gout, Eh" sounds amazing when you hear it done by a folk covers band
wishing you'd got a Colon German Shepherd instead of Snooki
the way that "I Fought the Law" sounds amazing when you hear it done by a folk covers band
wishing you'd got a Colon German Shepherd instead of a Cruel Anal Lab
killing Snooki
marrying Snooki
Hominid Courage Colon German Shepherd Takes Bullet for Family, Saves Dogs
Canine Courage Colon German Shepherd Takes Bullet for Family, Saves Kids
the way that Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire sounds a lot like Moon River when you hear some cheesey harmonica version playing through a store's speakers
really wanting to say AB but always being drawn back to NP, letting x equal A plus Aone and y equal A plus Atwo, and by the way, screw you, MB
really wanting to say AB but always being drawn back to NP, letting x equal A plus Aone and y equal A plus Atwo
keeping your ejaculate in ejaculatins
anagrammar
you bath takin' underpants wearin' lily hugger
freezing a tableau of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus in carbonite
the thought of slowly ejaculating for a thounsand years being strangely erotic
In his scrotum you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly ejaculated for a thounsand years
being swallowed by Chris Lydon's bizarre, burrowing, sarlacclike penis
Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, dianogalike penis shooting first
digitally replacing the ghost of Chet Meatsack in the end of Fat Gay Asians VII with Hayden Christensen
begun, the Eiffel Towering has
theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr Kento Ikeda stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and was immediately Eiffel Towered by himself and himself
it's too big to be an asshole
wondering who Kento would rather be Eiffel Towered by, two clones of himself or two time travelling versions of himself
that's no moon, that's an asshole
this fully armed and operational fat gay asian
it just impacted on the surface
negative, it didn't go in
operating on Kento, if you know what I BZZZZZZZT
drawing a picture of Luke, Wedge, Biggs, and Porkins making a trench run on Kento
BZZZZZZZT
you used to remove funny bones from Womp Rats in your Tsixteen back home, they're not much bigger than three BZZZZZZZT
trending on social media
seeing how many could lick in an hour, and then trying to break that record
that thing's areola point!
that thing's operational!
having your reasons
Taylor Lianne Chandler
wondering how much a professional anagrammist gets paid
spending every day for the better part of a year doing nothing but eating spicy cheetos, reading language log, and masturbating to photos of your ex from fives years ago, deciding to look for a job and continue your life, but never actually doing it
spending every day for the better part of a year doing nothing but sleeping and sitting at your PC, deciding to look for a job and continue your life, but never actually doing it
getting Rough Sex Monday's Vegan Jack Daniels and Coke Buckyball Grill Big Rebecca Black Myke Hawke Platter
getting Rough Sex Monday's Jack Daniels Buckyball Grill Big Rebecca Black Myke Hawke Platter
getting Friday's Jack Daniels Diamond Grill Big Rebecca Black Myke Hawke Platter
getting Friday's Jack Daniels Grill Big Rebecca Black Myke Hawke Platter
getting Friday's Jack Daniels Grill Big Rebecca Black Cock Platter
getting Friday's Jack Daniels Grill Big Black Cock Platter
Big Black Cocks Platter Friday
putting some meat on your package
putting some meat on your bones
drawing a picture of the proper names of pop singers being Eiffel Towered by Simply Red and Maroon Five
Spermy Lid
Big Black Cock Splatter Friday
Idly Sperm
Big Black Cocks Matter Friday
Simply Red
just now getting that the name "Simply Red" was because the guy had red hair
network collapse
hipster Bonos
hipster buboes
Kento "Three Cock Mouth" Ikeda
Big Black Cock Radio Two
the bizarre incongruity of Snoop Dogg being played on BBC Radio Two
hipster hobos
not being sure if this guy you just saw is cos playing Doctor Who or just wearing a cheap fez and nasty long coat because that's how he dresses
i dot imgur dot com CkCiVvsix dot jpg
eating that whole thing of lemon basil chicken pasta and cumming in bed
making lemon basil swan pasta that was so good you almost cummed long swan knots, hoo
making lemon basil pelican pasta that was so good you almost cummed long chicken knots, eh
making lemon basil chicken pasta that was so good you almost cummed long pelican knots, eh
making lemon party pasta that was so good your guests all thoroughly enjoyed themselves, thanks, timingyomarinaraservices dot com
making nice blackish melon pasta that was so good you almost cummed
making lemon lesbian chick pasta that was so good you almost cummed
which, in Kento's case, is literally true
making vegan lemon basil chicken pasta that was so good you almost cummed
it's like there's a gangbang in your mouth and everybody's cumming
making lemon basil chicken pasta that was so good you almost cummed
long pelican knots, eh
Rebecca Black Friday
Black Lives Matter Friday Geldof
the Spanking Colonel
being the partially unwrapped package damaged in transit
Dark Matter Friday
Black Lives Matter Friday
eating the whole package of kimchee and puking in bed
eating the whole package
being the whole package
Mrs Extraordinary Dash Rendar Geldof
Extraordinary Dash Rendar Geldof
when American singer Selena was held
when American singer Selena was thrilled
when American singer Selena was kissed
when American singer Selena was killed
Extraordinary Dash Rendar
production of the Pixar film Toy Story was nearly shut down due to negative reception to the reel by the Disney executives
an event in nineteen ninety two where the screenplay for Aladdin was entirely rewritten by Jeffrey Katzenberg's order
the Haymarket affair
Star Trek Colon Attack Wing
three men were arrested and a little lady was hit by a falling television
they probably called it vendredi noir, so you may not have realized it was happening
mais oui bien sur
I'm talking about here in France, where I live, obviously
not even remembering ever hearing the term Black Friday before you were an adult, but apparently it goes back a long way
it seems to be new
not even realizing that Black Friday was a thing in the UK, cheerio
three men were arrested and a baby was hit by a falling television
not even realizing that Black Friday was a thing in the UK
three men were arrested and a woman was hit by a falling television
Carrie Fisher sending regular anonymous parcels of sand to Hayden Christensen, just for laughs
Darth Rash
Jabba the Hutt sending regular anonymous parcels of sand to Darth Vader, just for laughs
Darned Rash
wondering how fast the Empire would have fallen if the Rebellion had managed to recruit Harder Sand
the fact that Han Solo was frozen in carbonite at the time is literally the only reason Dash Rendar exists
honestly not seeing the point of Dash Rendar as a character, since he seems to be a third rate Han Solo, and not understanding why Palpatine didn't just have his entire family killed
actually laughing out loud at that one
no means nonononononononononono
wedding Paras, the whorekemon
Harder Sand
Dash Rendar
Slick Grey Fig
Siggy Flicker
that we've reached the point where there are enough anagram regrets that the randomizer gives you a piece of utter nonsense ever dozen or so regrets
Shia LaBeouf says he draws ape during Beverly Hills art show
Shia LaBeouf says he wed Paras during Beverly Hills art show
Shia LaBeouf says he was raped during Beverly Hills art show
Good Morning, Miss Othmar
Pig Pen Colon The New Class
Peppermint Pattie, the college years
that's why they call it a cock ASL, sir
that's why they call it classic rock
Bright Eyes getting raped by a swan, apparently
turning around, bright eyes, turning around, oooo ooooh, ah ha, aah ha, ah ha, ah haaaa, hoooehooooeeee
circling the dranei with a sexy rash
not knowing why you thought of "circling the draenei" as you've never played WoW and haven't played Warcraft since finishing whatever expansion it was they were in
wondering if you were the first person to ever think of "circling the draenei" but finding out you were the fourth
a hoser riding a bicycle
Pitt juts, eh
just the tip
you have my sword, and my anti vandal bot, and my axe
calling a Pennsylvania Avenue secret service guy from inside the White House to tell him you just walked right in
calling a Yonge Street mountie a hoser, eh
Legolas Greenmaven
Legolas Greenleaf
calling a Downing Street police officer a pleb
moving in with Barbie a week after meeting her
Beardless Homo Ken
night baking
Shoe Ikeda
Creed's Frontman Scott Stapp Is Beardless Homo Ken
Creed's Frontman Scott Stapp Is Broke and Homeless
d glans
that seriously, pastry can go fuck itself, the needy bastard
presumably it happened somewhere
wondering if three four one six six is actually something that happened or just a joke
Tressie Souders
pastry ants
trying and failing to make pastry, then trying again, a different way
trying and failing to make a pastry ants regret
the mysteries of panties
the mysteries of pastry
open gl
sand gl
saying something because you don't really believe any part of it to be true, but then realizing hours later that if any part of it were true, you would be a massive jackass for having thought it, let alone said it, and being pretty damned sorry about that
glands
put your brain in a robot body SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
thinking you were over someone then seeing them in your timeline unexpectedly and panicking just like you used to
having a nap after lunch
animals writing a regret
writing a regret being Eiffel Towered by various old men and animals
writing a regret
being Eiffel Towered by various old men and animals
if it turns out to be true I want it on record that I didn't know and this newfound power to alter history frightens and delights me
momentarily forgetting the dogs kids swapover thing we do when writing a regret
wondering whether our own Celebrity Regretter has any skeletons in their closet, other than drawing all those pictures of Kento being Eiffel Towered by various old men and animals
that Ted Danson used to bugger kids on Clapham Common in the eighties
momentarily forgetting the kids dogs swapover thing we do when writing a regret
that Ted Danson used to bugger dogs on Clapham Common in the eighties
really starting to wonder if he once violated a young boy by fucking the eyholes of his skull or something
that at this point you really wouldn't be surprised to find out that Ted Danson used to bugger dogs on Clapham Common in the eighties
"in shock"
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a girl having gamaroosh with her in the hospital morgue or something
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a boy having sex with him in the Sesame Workshop or something
copy pasting the wrong thing
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a girl having sex with her in the showers at Penn State or something
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a boy having sex with him in the hot tub or something
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a girl having sex with her in the hot tub or something
really starting to wonder if he once drowned a girl having sex with her in the tub or something
there's always AC Anal
there's always a canal
Cosby fixed her a drink, asked her to wet her hair and pretend to be intoxicated, and masturbated using her hand while she was "in shock"
Nightboat
narf dot tumblr dot com
cephalicrodent dot tumblr dot com
triphallicrodent dot tumblr dot com
triphallicdude dot tumblr dot com
biology trident
rotting oily bed
Tiny Tiger blood
hiding from the thong, waiting for Sheen to cum it
hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come
the shitshow can begin, Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
the shitshow can begin, Climbing Mount Improbably
google has not yet heard of the concept of "anal tile dykes", however
under three thousand results in quotes, that's still fairly unique
thinking, for the briefest of instants, that that was maybe the first time anyone ever said "sexy rash," but a quick google search shows that of course it's not, not even close
loving the sexy rash of anal tile dykes
not a snot flood
Total Nonfoods
loving the sexy slither of a lady snake
Toast of London
Bojack Horseman
chungs
wangs
running for your life from hail of abuse
running for your life from hues of labia
running for your life from Shia LaBeouf
having improbably dinosaur sex with agenty fiftyseven
Climbing Mount Improbably, if you know what I mean
that you considered pointing it out but the best thing you could come up with was "Climbing Mount Improbably" and you didn't think it was worthwhile, however, now the cat's out of the bag the shitshow can begin, Climbing Mount Improbably
that sounds improbably
realizing immediately after typing that regret that you made a subject number error, but it took like half an hour for you to realize that you wrote improbably instead of improbable
having never actually voted on that particular regret
he's just so into it, it feels right
finding it improbably that not one of the fifty three people who have fisted Go Ikeda regret it
screaming the word "waffletastic" at the moment of climax
keeping it secret, keeping it safe
Jurassic Jong
Jurassic Kim
Jurassic Prick
Jurassic Park Colon Trespasser
putting Baby in the corner then simply walking into Mordor
buying Jurassic Paralegal in a Steam sale and feeling guilty every time you log in and don't lock down the DNA patents for Dr Hammond because you're too busy eating ice cream for XP
the less said about Billy and the Cloneasaurus the better
Dr Hammond was very upset about Permian Playground
we need clear IP on the dinosaur, Dr Hammond says he can't have any copycats this time
there's a definite qualitative difference to the viewing experience, but the in universe explanation is pretty much where you'd expect it to have gone years ago
that in fairness the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were all hybrids made with frog DNA anyway, so it's not a huge step away from that
High school prostitution ring uncovered in Florida
we need clear IP on the dinosaur, the toy companies say they can't have any copycats this time
that the bullshit Force philosophy in Star Wars is pretty close to what you hear people talk about when they're baked, so maybe there is something to this
Sony Pictures Entertainment experienced a system disruption
the death of Bob Dylan
I screamed out 'You guys sound great!' That caused Dylan to burst
I screamed out 'Waffletastic!' That caused Dylan to burst out laughing
I screamed out 'You guys sound great!' That caused Dylan to burst out laughing
maybe I am a little angry
utterly contemptible people
using a stencil made of poppies to form the ashes of you disabled son's body into the letters NHS, as though you ever cared about anything but enriching yourself
Green Leader, standing by
guessing that the Celebrity Regretter was Neil Tennant, based on the regret "being sorry for everything you've ever done, everybody, everything you'll ever do, everybody, every place you've ever been, everybody, every place you're going to, everybody, it'
testiclasm
the amazing great Regret Syntax shift
that the regret "that everything you've made, or even touched, since Pulp Fiction has been complete diarrhea" simply means the regretter's housemates have poor personal hygiene and like to borrow DVDs, also they have dysentry or something
that Uma Thurman was in The Avengers and Les Miserables, but not the good ones like you want
that it can't be Phil LaMarr, because he's made Futurama since then
guessing that the Celebrity Regretter was John Travolta, based on the regret "that everything you've made, or even touched, since Pulp Fiction has been complete diarrhea" and Battlefield Earth, but not having seen Academy Award winning movie Swordfish
having a seven inch purple lightsaber
guessing that the Celebrity Regretter was Samuel L Jackson, based on the regret "that everything you've made, or even touched, since Pulp Fiction has been complete diarrhea" and a comment you may have imagined about Star Wars
Red Four Twenty, standing duuude, did you see that
getting baked before going on the Death Star raid
guessing that Chris Lydon's erection is aided by a series of gas bladders
getting a little cooked, but you're OK
wondering what's up with one two seven three five
sucking his left one until he had a testiclasm
sprinking her left one until she had a wafflegasm
there will be blood
speculating on the volume of blood necessary to maintain Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormlike erection
returning to the same club or bar week in, week out just 'cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied that you're never gonna fucking talk to
old men with so much blood in them, if you know what I mean
by "feeling bad" meaning irritated with yourself for indulging in trivia rather than "Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him"
google is rubber and you are glue
feeling worse about looking at celebrity related crap than about a search engine actually narrowing the range of available information rather than widening it, although you feel pretty bad about that
google is an hombre cache
google is an echo chamber
google is two echo chambers in a raincoat, one standing on top of the other, with the intent to deceive
google is an echo chamber
google is an echo chamber
apparently it's Scarlett Johansson's highschool, wherever that was, citation needed
google is an echo chamber
googling "where is this highschool" and getting an ABC News "Before They Were Famous Photos" article you glanced at yesterday on the first page, but not knowing if that's because google is an echo chamber
wondering where exactly this highschool is located
high school girls with less milked crannies
high school girls with dense nacre ski mills
high school girls with racism linked lenses
high school girls with naked illness crimes
high school girls with needless irk in clams
high school girls with dank merciless lines
high school girls with sand limerick lenses
high school girls with nameless mice drinks
high school girls with redneck slime in lass
high school girls with licenses and milkers
high school girls with rancid leek slimness
high school girls with endless arsenic milk
high school girls with dense slick minerals
high school girls with slim silk crane needs
high school girls with nerd scam likeliness
high school girls with slick islander semen
high school girls with enema drill sickness
high school girls with lesser lineman dicks
high school girls with cake rind smelliness
high school girls with cleaned skinless rim
high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Skoshi Tiger
The strength of a nation derives from the Tiny Tiger of the home
Great men and women are not extraordinary people who do extraordinary things, they are ordinary people who do ordinary things with Tiny Tiger
One person of Tiny Tiger can make a difference
Wisdom is knowing the right path to take, Tiny Tiger is taking it
Tiny Tiger is doing the right thing even when no one is watching
salt hips don't lie
tiny tiger was the best
the nifty eared hog tit
the death of tiny tiger
the death of integrity
slapping that sith, giving the past a slip
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable red porn shit
sucking her left one until she had begat ass ram
Kento and Go's Vegan Creations
Kento and Go's Viscera Tonnage
Kento and Go's Venison Cartage
Sting lobs bald meat keg to save his 'Sith Slap' musical
an fear dubh
Kento and Go's Vegetarian Cons
ten great songs and an OK voice
Jimmy Nail
Sith Pals Battalions
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Sith Pals' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Hat Lisps' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Lass Pith' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Salt Hips' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Piss Halt' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Pal Shits' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Slash Pit' musical
Sting takes bold gamble to save his 'Last Ship' musical
Stendhal syndrome is a psychosomatic disorder that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to an experience of great personal significance, particularly viewing kunst
not knowing kunst but knowing what you like
becoming intimately familiar with some
kunst for kunst's sake
Jennifer Lawrence's vagina xor melting the faces off a bunch of Nazis
Jennifer Lawrence's vagina and melting the faces off a bunch of Nazis
Balloq's staff is too long
drawing a picture of incandescent burning wraiths flying out of Jennifer Lawrence's vagina and melting the faces off a bunch of Nazis
Raiders of the Lost Kunst
having spent a lot of time examining various kunstmuseums and becoming intimately familiar with some
IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM
always giggling to yourself whenever you encounter kuntsmuseums
puttin' trouble on the run
Kuntsmuseum Bern
Lenford "Lenny" Leonard
that it is nearly next year and you are not in pantomime, so clearly you didn't fuck everything when you said you were going to
drinking Quisling out of Jennifer Lawrence's butthole
Lenny Lennyson
being able to remember that Carl of Lenny and Carl is Carl Carlsson but not what Lenny's full name is
doing the Bartman in the showers at Penn State
doing the Bartman
drinking Riesling out of Jennifer Lawrence's butthole
Kunstmuseum Bern Obtains Trove From Gurlitt Collection, something something, Jennifer Lawrence's butthole
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's curious cans as you knead them
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you sucked on her left one until she had a breastgasm
yiffing a nonce
yiff sounding almost like a case of semantic satiation until you remember that it's just a nonce word anyway
becoming a yiff lord, yifflord
becoming a yifflord
becoming a yiff lord
yiffing yourself, you yiff yiffing yiffer
only a yiff deals in absolutes
The Bothans were able to yiff with the other species, as exemplified by the Jedi Lord Valenthyne Farfalla
mood sensitive fur
randily savaging Macho Man Randy Savage, no homo
forgetting that you'd posted your height on the internet
considering becoming two hermit crabs in a raincoat, one standing on the other's carapace with the intent to deceive
considering becoming a hermit crab
considering becoming a hermit
Regin
a dominatrix also appealed that her site, Urban Chick Supremacy Cell, was not TV like, and won
life being so unfair
the Hound of Doskar
Star Wars Colon Force Commander
The Bothans were able to interbreed with the other species, as exemplified by the Jedi Lord Valenthyne Farfalla
imagining Tweety Bird saying "Poo Soap to Teen Twat, Too"
she was the butt double in III through VI
always thinking it was Glenn Close in the Dyke Ass Mayhem series
Streep is just so good
that as far as lesbian porn goes, you always preferred the Dyke Ass Mayhem series to the Butch Epics series
butch epics
pubic chest
punic chess
on a promise
pubic chess
poo soap to teen twat too only being a valid move in cubic chess
over land and over space you take me to that unreal place that I had never known
that if you were made potato for life, your national anthem would be "Poo Soap to Teen Twat, Too", played by a full military band at the loudest, most distorting volume possible, howled out in barking chants by choirs of loyal serfs, just to amuse you
you and I could be a mile above the earth tremors
that if you were made potato for life, your national anthem would be "One Potato, Two Potatoes", played by a full military band at the loudest, most distorting volume possible, howled out in barking chants by choirs of ultra loyal serfs, just to amuse you
your grip on power is weak and your nation will fall
Dyke Ass Mayhem is overrated
that if you were made dictator for life, your national anthem would be "Dyke Ass Mayhem", played by a full military band at the loudest, most distorting volume possible, howled out in barking chants by choirs of ultra loyal serfs, just to amuse you
kind of missing Ryan North, but getting him with the second shot
kind of missing Ryan North
kind of missing the north
Robert Palmer having by far the nicest voice ever to emerge from Batley
most of the money would go on clones
sometimes thinking about what kind of dictator for life you would be, because you find it a useful method to pinpoint what your more unpleasant attributes and behaviors are
that if you were made dictator for life, your national anthem would be "She Makes My Day", played by a full military band at the loudest, most distorting volume possible, howled out in barking chants by choirs of ultra loyal serfs, just to amuse you
no one ever died from thawing onto cum
some of us have tried
no one ever died from mowing a hot cunt
no one ever died from magic wonton hut
nude diphthong diphthong fluid
no one ever died from wanting too much
diphthongs
it's full of Hobbit pork
Rape Bag End
papa's got a brand new rape bag
it's funny now, but then it's a headline and it's sad
ten years living in pa rape bag
one hundred years of Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
ten years Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
immigration from the Texas territory continued illegally from the United States
ten years living in a paper bag
Multiple occurrences of Beartic sexual harassment by Dirty Herdiers
there's just no good place for this to go
Dirty Herdier reentering the Beartic
Dirty Herdier pulling out of the Beartic
Dirty Herdier entering the Beartic
Dirty Herdier
Enter the Beartic
bottoming for Snorlax in Gigantic VII
I Saw What You Ate Last Tuesday
Gigantic
Gustav Schwarzenegger
Fiorello Cappucino
This is the last episode to play the Pokerap
The Breeding Center Secret
Todd Snap
Charles Goodshow
Jon Dickson from Sento Cherry Town
builders renovating a house in Penryn, Cornwall uncovered a dead rat dating back to the Black Death, giss on!
builders renovating a house in Penryn, Cornwall uncovered a dead rat dating back to the Black Death
Harold Got Your Nose
winston Goochie Goochie Goo
Egon Got Your Nose
a six year old sheep that has never been shorn
I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three Picture Deal at Disney
Ernie Goochie Goochie Goo
I like a black ball of array that had caught ghost
Suicidal Station Spirit Startles Straphangers
truanting band suppository roofies
Suppository audition for Bryan Singer
Suppost to audition for Bryan Singer
that one's covered by "not suppost to cry"
Hafta shower with Jerry Sandusky
Walrus goes bananas and ejaculates at tourists trying to film him in Berlin Zoo
Grow hair everywhere
Having a automatic bad reputation
Boys smell bad
Suppost to play football
Suppost to like vilence
Suppost to do all the work
Not allowed to be a cheerleader
Not suppost to cry
Not being able to be a mother
Lily Allen turned down Band Aid because it was too 'smug'
Gorilla goes bananas and throws rock at tourists trying to film him in Berlin Zoo
diphallicdude dot tumblr dot com
Twin Foot Longs #Two
rubbing one out in the bathroom at McDonalds
eating cookie dough out of a chimp anus
having dinner with a girl who ate a lot like Christina Ricci
meeting Brian Bacon Gouda Stuffed Peppers
The Colossal Cans of Benjamin Buttocks
watching The Thin Man OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
Allison Iraheta being forklifted off American Idol
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in fatworld Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the deep fried cockney gumshoe is paid in crullers
buying multiple copies of the book "To Eat or To Eat" by the incredibly obese New York Times food section author Ryan North
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in fatworld Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the deep fried cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third meal after lunch and brunch
ordering the wafflecaust in fatworld
drinking the lard in fatworld Mexico
watching a fatworld crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe climbs stairs
fatworld Bicoid Babe looking like a flat chested, assless Marceline from Adventure Time
the rabbit hole
the fatworld Regret Index giving Kento so much shit for being a thin gay Asian
fatworld Bob Geldof wanting your fuckin' money to provide liposuction for overweight Ethiopians
wondering if post WWII fatworld was horrified by shocking photos of Aufscwitz Jews gorged to weights of over a ton by Nazi scientists
wondering if fatworld's internet is home to a site where antisocial shut ins jack off to photoshops of anorexic celebrities
not in fatworld
but she's a tiny little woman
the death of Marion Barry
Monica being your least favorite F#R#I#E#N#D# by a wide margin
wiping Muk's face ineffectively to the point of causing pleasure instead of damage
UNBELIEVABLE! SCIZOR IS ACTUALLY THROWING MUK!
the only position for women in the struggle is Nekoashi dachi
the only position for women in the struggle is prone
Chris and Kento's Excellent Adventure
State police say a man stripped inside a women's bathroom at Boston's Logan Airport, climbed into a dropped ceiling, crashed through it and landed on the floor, then assaulted an elderly man while he was still naked and bleeding, wicked pissah
such a way phoneway way
such a way terrible loss
you poor thing
it's not that I'm not flattered
I don't have a penis, by the way
ogling Jewel's ape tits
sitting on Vigo the Carpathian's red flesh toilet
let's braid our penises together
I think I'm falling in love with you
getting the regret "frostiest pee stall drug, eh" but not having a Sometimes button
getting the regret "red flesh toilet rapes guts" but not having a Sometimes button
getting the regret "hustler serf ogled ape tits" but not having a Sometimes button
getting the regret "sleepier goth sluts farted" but not having a Sometimes button
getting the regret "all of these stupid regrets" but not having a Sometimes button
An Inconvenient Skeleton Colon The Unauthorized Investigation of Kate Middleton
An Inconvenient Skeleton Colon The Unauthorized Biography of Kate Middleton
an inconvenient skeleton
Nurses Told Not To Hang Themselves If They Want To Care For Prince William and Kate Middleton
an inconvenient mincing
Nannies Told Not To Wear Jeans If They Want To Shake Prince George
Journalists Told Not To Wear Jeans If They Want To Cover Prince William and Kate Middleton
that sounds conveniently mincing
that sounds eminently convincing
me too, but I have a big day ahead of me, here in France
having kind of enjoyed the Q&A this morning
wondering if you took that dildo out, would she die
Bicoid Bane
him hopkin green elf
your dentist posting pics of himelf with Mick Fleetwood to facebook
I just couldn't find a rhyme for it
I am literally that guy
I am the guy who was in your range
wondering if you're the guy who was in my range
wondering if you're the guy who was in Germany
en francais
the weather is fine
wondering if you ever fined Suzi Screwer
wondering if you ever screwed Suzi Rougher
wondering how France is this morning
wondering if you ever screwed Suzi Finer
a bit of a panic is good for us all sometimes
some might call me panicky but I really never showed it here
wondering if you're the panicky freakout guy from way back
not understanding why anybody would want to have sex with any member of Shame Trio
guessing it was someone from Shame Trio
still not figuring out the Rolling Stone cover thing
I'm not the Celebrity Regretter
doing a faintly exasperated posture and expression simultaneously
unless there's two of you, in which case, christ
Photographer Jane being before my time posting here, but probably relating to the Celebrity Regretter, meaning you're not him
not even remembering Photographer Jane
wondering if you're the guy who dated Photographer Jane
no, not him
wondering if you're the guy who dated the one legged Pakistani girl
they are the very worst sort
I never could stand them
even though there was some bad news this week, the Ukip victory really got your pecker up
Rachel is confirmed to live in Japan, or at least to have lived in Japan at some point
nobody cared who she was until she put in the dildo
always having thought that the Nagoya regretter was Rachel but conceding that it may be Kento, as you're not even sure why you think Rachel would be in Japan
nobody cared who she was until she took out the dildo
just catching that last typo as you hit enter
guessing that neither Bicoid Bane nor agenty fiftyseven post here a lot any more, what with the total lack of mention of the plane crash in Chicago this week
wondering if the Nagoya based regretter is Rachel or someone else or maybe even Kento
not really thinking of yourself as all that angry these days
God shit!
guessing that you're probably neither Bicoid Babe nor agenty fiftyseven
wondering if you're the Angry British Bandit, or the Northern Californian
Merde a Dieu!
wondering if you're the French Regretter
I'm sorry, that was uncalled for
wondering if YOU'RE Kento
fuck you, seriously
wondering if you're Kento