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a world of regret

Bill Murray reportedly to Voice Baloo the Twink in Jon Favreau's 'Bootleg Junk, Eh'
Bill Murray reportedly to Voice Baloo the Twink in Jon Favreau's 'Gob Hole Junket'
Bill Murray reportedly to Voice Baloo the Twink in Jon Favreau's 'The Jungle Book'
Bill Murray reportedly to Voice Baloo the Bear in Jon Favreau's 'The Jungle Book', no one believes reports
Mom fights autistic son's chickens
microwave thrusters
Bill Murray to Voice Baloo the Bear in Jon Favreau's 'The Jungle Book'
Mom fights to keep autistic son's chickens
man bites swan taking a selfie
Hannibal bites man taking a selfie
Hannibal
swan bites man taking a selfie
Anna Haining Swan, eh
in your face, space coyote
BA
having sex with a girl who stopped to podcast a lot like Christopher Lydon
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christopher Lydon
cucamelons
snozzcumbers
pumpcumbers
bi sorts
rib toss
trying all the ass berries in town
bistros
ass berries
brasseries
braziers
brassieres
bras
Fairy type pokemon
harpy, harpier, harpiest
promising to check into a hotel as Thumbina Pricci sjould you ever need a pseudonym
Waste Tester for the kids
Sweet Treats for the kids
One of two twelve year old Wisconsin girls charged as an adult with stabbing a classmate to please a fictional online horror character is mentally incompetent and can't stand trial, a judge said Friday
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Thumbina Pricci
thumbing your prick in the car door
thumbing your prick at a witch
by the thumbing of my prick
by the pricking of my thumbs
ten BIG niggers
ten little niggers
murder most fowl
vile ex's of the rich and famous
murder most foul
Orlando Bloom swapping sex view with Australian billionaire
sex lives of the rich and famous
Orlando Bloom swapping ex wives with Australian billionaire schni schna schnappi, schnappi schnappi schnappi, schni schna schnappi, schnappi schnappi schnappi crikey
Orlando Bloom swapping vegemite with Australian billionaire, crikey
Orlando Bloom swapping ex wives with Australian billionaire
schni schna schnappi, schnappi schnappi schnappi, schni schna schnappi, schnappi schnappi schnappi
Justin Bieber Falcon Punch, son
Justin Bieber punch colon fans
punching Justin Bieber in the colon
Sawk & Throh
Ahegao Ikeda
Boston Mindrape Fetter
Boston Fire Department
Anal Lady BFD Kroner
an eraser of love
Fry End Krona Ballad
Rayon Bladder Flank
Leonard Frank Baldy
trendsbians
shanking dinosaurs with agent fiftyseven in your autofill cache
Dinosaurs 'shanked' regularly to become jailbirds
Dinosaurs 'shrank' regularly to become birds
the waffles were waffletastic
Orlando Bloom should be knighted for alleged Justin Bieber punch colon fans
wondering if the waffles were waffletastic
that you will probably make waffles again this weekend the end
that you will probably make waffles again this weekend
the end
that you got a waffle iron months ago, made waffles, sprinked them with chocolate chips, posted a gif of the sprinking on the amazing Regret Index, and never made waffles again
wondering how the quest for the waffle iron is going
watching a youtube video of two twelve year old girls playing with a condom water balloon
deep throating Christina Ricci
Tuna Labium Gel Two
lending your labia to an inept mule
mule won't tug labia
duh, stay outta Riverdale
beluga tuna milt, ow
male blowing a tutu
ultimate bungalow
living in Chicago's far south suburbs
you just got clitoric acid in my eye
getting citric acid in Jackson C Frank's eye when you were a kid
you just got citric acid in my eye
Its Bread! Indeed!
Pan Desuyo! Desune!
wanting to make Kento a ploughman's bitch for his birthday, cheerio
the McDonald Sandwich
the Candwich
wanting to make Kento a ploughman's lunch for his birthday but not knowing any ploughmen
wanting to make Kento a ploughman's lunch for his birthday, cheerio
wanting to make Kento a beef on weck sandwich for Beef Cow Ken
wanting to make Kento a beef on weck sandwich for his birthday
wanting to make Kento a hot brown sandwich for his birthday
taking a screenshot of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
Canadians, while being able to shrug off cold, are especially vulnerable to sand based attacks, eh
being chinned by a Scottish golem
your level forty eight Cockney Podcaster being slain by a champagne golem
lolcoding the AI for leprous rapewurst to slam Kento NPC's dicks in the car door
wondering when we're going to get around to making the amazing Regret MMORPG
shat rest
the stars
grinding leprous rapewurst for XP
'Bobcat' is a nickname meaning 'sockmule'
'Lembus' is a nickname meaning 'cockboat'
wanting to make Kento a leprous rapewurst grinder for his birthday
leprous rapewurst
mistaking Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis for leprous rapewurst
leprous rapewurst
ultra super powers
Justin Bieber to join Pizza Underground
Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom Allegedly Get into Scuffle in a Pizza
Dick goes to town on Mumbai teen
Teen gets two hundred and thirty two "teeth" removed in Mumbai
KENTOLUMINESCENT mushrooms
TRIOLUMINESCENT mushrooms
bioluminescent mushrooms
we are all jerkin' it in the gutters, but some of us are looking at the stars
Officer Trannie, we're very upset, we never had the love that every child oughta get
Total Jerk Jedi Knight Geldof
Officer Trannie
Pokemon Lick and Job
Pokemon Cease and Desist
getting a jerk job from Kento Ikeda in the dumpster behind the Regret Index
wondering how it is that names like Schwarzenegger are in your spellcheck dictionary when you install it, but Jedi isn't
Total Jerk, Jedi Knight
Guy Fieri, total jerk
Kento Ikeda, jerk
Justin Bieber, he's a jerk
being the Jerk Regretter and having Opinions on who is and is not a Jerk
wondering if you actually are a jerk, like, you joke about it sometimes but are you really actually a jerk
apparently there are rules
we can't all be celebrities, one of us got really mardy about that the other day and you know for a fact you're not even as famous as Nicole Dieker
HOLY SHIT MAYBE WE'RE ALL CELEBRITIES
wondering if there are two Celebrities Regretter, unknown to one another
wondering what the point of having a Celebrity Regretter is if they're going to remain anonymous, and then wondering, well, what if they're not anonymous to the other regretters, and it's just that they think you're a jerk
the moment is gone
being Force Raped by midichlorians
that's it, nothing is ever going to top that
with the Force Rape Spunk Snuggle Vow, you can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary!
Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom Allegedly Get into Scuffle in Ibiza with the Wolfgang Puck Pressure Oven
wondering what it's like to be in Guy Fieri's "coke anus dye"
Guy Fieri seems like the kind of guy who likes to punch his sexual partner when he cums
Togs Reamer, Jedi Knight
reamer togs
wondering what it's like to be in Guy Fieri's "donkey sauce"
wondering what it's like to be in Guy Fieri's "guano tree"
wondering what it's like to be in Guy Fieri's "entourage"
wondering what it's like to be in Justin Bieber's "entourage"
retro games
Gorilla, Kleetus, Dirty P, Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom Allegedly Get into Scuffle in Ibiza
having thought for a very long time that Ibiza sounded like an awful place because of all the drunk clubbers, but hearing that it contained Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, Sean Combs and Paris Hilton in one restaurant in one evening really confirming it
Gorilla, Kleetus, and Dirty P
Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom Allegedly Get into Scuffle in Ibiza
with the Wolfgang Puck Pressure Oven, you can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary!
Massenbegegnungen
seeing Dick for the first time in like two years and being iin a world of pain
getting your teeth pulled by Dick on Rough Sex Monday
being slightly frightened of Dick
having the same Dick work on you as worked on your mom
all those Dick pictures in your news feed
recommending Dick to your friends and family
the poor selection of magazines in Dick's waiting room
letting the hygienist work you over for so long only to get about thirty seconds of Dick
making an appointment for Dick months in advance
sitting through forty five minutes of agony with Bill only to get slapped with a huge dick
sitting through forty five minutes of agony with Dick only to get slapped with a huge bill
reclining in a comfortable chair waiting for Dick
coming out from under the gas and feeling like Dick has been everywhere on your body
gargling mouthwash to get the taste of Dick out of your mouth
biting down on Dick when he got too rough
instinctively licking Dick
getting drilled twice by Dick in one day
going crappie fishing with Dick
spending time with Myke Hawke in your man cave
spending time with Dick in your man cave
the deformation of character swan
his name really is Dick
wondering if your dentist is really called Dick or if you were just throwing me a bone
deformation of character
feeling numb, then sore for a couple of days after Dick has been working your jaw
gagging uncontrollably whenever Dick is in your mouth
wanting Dick to clean your teeth
asking someone vaguely familiar with Pokemon to draw Pikachu from memory, then making a Pokemon based on it
Dedenne
nope, it's Dick
wondering if your dentist's name is Gary
your dentist writing the facebook post "mexican shrimp cocktastic" with no photo or context
eating the shrimp cocktail in Mexico
your dentist writing the facebook post "mexican shrimp cocktail" with no photo or context
your father's bagel shirt
wondering if Vegan PARTICULATE Gravy is the Celebrity Regretter
wondering if PARTICULATE Gravy is the Celebrity Regretter
wondering if Wavy Gravy is the Celebrity Regretter
Canadian Dollar Tree and Family Canadian Dollar merging to become Canadian Dollar Canadian Dollar, eh
Kroner Tree and Family Kroner merging to become Kroner Kroner
Hugh Nanton Romney
the strip mall parking lot segment of the relationship industry
the lick job segment of the food service industry
the deep throating segment of retail
Dollar Tree and Family Dollar merging to become Dollar Dollar
the deep discount segment of retail
feeling kind of let down that Father Hyacinth never uses his bagel shirt
the world was younger than today
feeling kind of let down that Father Hyacinth never uses his lightsaber
peppermint bark
The One Where Ross and Marcel Brooklyn Bridge Joey
drawing a picture of Joey being Brooklyn Bridged by Ross and Marcel
always thinking that Ross and Marcel would have been a better match than any of the other F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
always thinking that Ross and Chandler would have been a better match than any of the other F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
always thinking that Rachel and Chandler would have been a better match than any of the other F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
could he BE any more toxic
agent bing
agent geller
agent green
agent orange
A fencer is always in danger of revealing his intentions to his adversary, and that he must never do
he must have looked at every girl in Europe but he's coming
Roswan Honkhonksky
okay, I'll allow it, just this once
for six years
in CinemaScope
but it leads to swans not kissing kids
our five year mission, to boldly go where no swan may kill a dog
that is not a valid Regret Index Approved Substitution, sorry
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may hold a dog
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may thrill a dog
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may kiss a dog
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may kill a dog
I'm done now
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no swan may hold a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no swan may thrill a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no swan may kiss a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no swan may kill a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no man may hold a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no man may thrill a cat
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no man may kiss a cat
the very idea of a place where a swan is subject to temporal laws existing
our SIX year mission, to boldly go where no man may kill a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no swan may hold a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no swan may thrill a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no swan may kiss a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no swan may kill a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may hold a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may thrill a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may kiss a cat
our five year mission, to boldly go where no man may kill a cat
where no man may kill a cat
turning into Kento, shitshitshitshitshitshitshit
Chair Cannot Find Work or Love Like Human Being
Chair Mooches and Complains Like Human Roommate
Chair Feels and Smells Like Human Skin
Biker Mice From Mars
Episodes of 'Star Wars' with All The Canadians Removed
Episodes of 'Star Wars' with All The Racist Caricatures Removed
Episodes of 'Tanks for Nothing' with All the Eiffel Towering Removed
bottoming for Dong Chi in Copulated Chocolate Pudding IV
the Jokes Removed
Go's Catamaran Farm
Episodes of 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' and 'The Big Bang Theory' with All the Jokes Removed
Magna Carta of Mars
making Kento copulated dong chi at four am
making Kento inculcated god hop at four am
making Kento chocolate pudding at four am
making chocolate pudding at four am
Blackbeard Theatarr
making Kento wide anal crash stains in the parking lot in front of Subway
making Kento an artisanal sandwich in the parking lot in front of Subway
BLUEBottle Theater
BlackBottle Theater
BattleBlock Theater
Kento's wide anal crash stains
entering the regret "Kento's artisanal sandwiches" when you meant to write "Kento's art is anal sandwiches"
wanting to make Kento an artisanal sandwich for his birthday
Kento's artisanal sandwiches
drawing and quartering Kento ass to mouth
drawing Kento ass to mouth
drawing Kento seiuchi to podcaster
drawing Kento tako to ama
drawing Kento futanari
bottoming for Roman Polanski in Juvenile Paddle V
The Goonies 'R' Good Enough
watching juvenile paddle at five am
being that eaten soup that gives you diarrhea
eating that bean soup that gives you diarrhea
vegan soy distant thunder
watching adult swim at five am
soi disant thunder
dicks and lightning
tits and thunder
distant thunder
selling Pokemon and Pokemon accessories
A young boy in one of the polar regions finds a group of Spheal, Sealeo and Walrein, when a meteor crashes down, frightening the Pokemon and making them take turns Eiffel Towering the boy with Professor Oak
A young boy in one of the polar regions finds a group of Spheal, Sealeo and Walrein, when a meteor crashes down, frightening the Pokemon and making them run towards the sea, trapping the boy in the middle of them
Visitor from the Sky Splitting Colon Deoxys
New Tork City
damn Ro
Emperor of the Crystal Tower Colon Entei
Rodman
wondering what Pokemon designer thought the a dragon made of snot is supercool
wondering what a concentration camp guard in the Pokemon universe would be like, like would there just be one guy or doll who frowned a lot and was very stern, or would there be thousands of identical guards in one place at the same time
Diggersby is nightmare fuel if ever there was any
Pokemon Drano and Fatberg
Goodra
no my friend it lays an egg
is there a chance the track could bend
from his perspective it's probably the same thing
I think that's what you meant to write
drawing a picture of Kento being walridden by a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being walridden by a walrider
a German demon which exhales alibi fist pervert cum
a German demon which exhales vampiric butterflies
Subwal
Baculum Robbins
they might have Vegan Steak n Shake
doubting they even have Steak n Shake in India
according to the Kama Sutra, Eiffel Towering is above all a characteristic of eunuchs or, according to other translations, of fat homosexuals similar to the modern Ikeda of Oregon who use their mouths and anuses as a substitute for walrus genitalia
denting your friend on Facebook, and just now getting a newsfeed message that he likes dentistry
being surprised that Baskin Robbins still exists
Choose Well
Eat Fresh
The Way A Sandwich Should Be
Right Before Your Eyes
What a Sandwich
The Place Where Fresh is the Taste
My Way
friending your dentist on Facebook, and just now getting a newsfeed message that he likes dentistry
that, for the record, there was in fact a Subway in said strip mall, along with an H&R Block, a Baskin Robbins, and a pet grooming place
wondering what the Kama Sutra has to say about lick jobs
deep throating Stephen Fry in the parking lot of a strip mall
according to the Kama Sutra, fellatio is above all a characteristic of eunuchs or, according to other translations, of effeminate homosexuals or transwomen similar to the modern Hijra of India, who use their mouths as a substitute for female genitalia
Cynopterus sphinx
getting a lick job from a trannie parrot in the Unleashed next to Steak n Shake
filling out the US Census Bureau website satisfaction survey as a result of going there to do research for a lick job parrot regret
actually going to the US Census Bureau website and looking through the economic census to try and work out which retailers are most commonly found in strip malls, all for the purposes of writing the previous regret
getting a lick job from someone you're in a relationship with in the parking lot in front of Subway
getting fellated in the parking lot of a strip mall last night, and, yeah, it's not like it was in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake, but even though it was from someone you're in a relationship with you still feel like you really need a shower
Pokemon Skiing and Chariot
Smartphone App Used To Determine How Gut Bacteria Tell Our Life Story
Pokemon Intertards and Waffletastic
Pokemon Bigger and Boat
Fisherman Megalodon
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Fisherman Lydon and a Basculin
Fireman Lydon
Fisherman Paff
Fisherman Lydon
smoking forty pounds of ribs erryday fourtwenty blaze it
smoking forty pounds of ribs
dirtying a lady
waking up with the lyrics of "Simpsons Dirtied a Lady" running through your head and no idea why
Simpsons dirtied a lady
Simpsons already did it
that you actually just created the word intertard from scratch when you wrote that regret, but it seems that the internet and urbandictionary already had it
kind of liking the word "waffletastic"
thrips
kind of liking the word "intertards"
going through a phase
Don Bluth's Kento AS
Kento After Skullfuck
Kento After Dentist
supermarkets with no phone signal
that was how she air quoted it, you just wondered if she'd been going through a phase
drawing a picture of Kento being Double Rainbowed by Tay Zonday and a sneezing panda
again, I have to say this, she's not a quote unquote celebrity
reading an article written by Nicole Dieker about her quote unquote celebrity and wondering given the titles of some of her songs and the genuine remorse she seems to feel whether she posted here and had claimed to be a celebrity
Kento is more of a celebrity than Nicole Dieker
so, are we going to start calling intertards like Chris chan and Boxxy celebrities now too
she was very nearly an Internet Celery
she was an Internet Celebrity
Nicole Dieker is not a celebrity, ergo she is not the Celebrity Regretter
drawing a picture of Kento eating shit covered waffles with Chris Lydon on the Eiffel Tower
drawing a picture of Kento eating
drawing a picture of Kento being
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Christina Ricci and a waffle
the canopy above the sea
wondering if Nicole Dieker is not the Celebrity Regretter, but posts here anyway
licking Danish remoulade off of Christina Ricci's erect penis
wondering if Nicole Dieker is the Celebrity Regretter
The Swan's Name is Ingrid
T Rex Has Feelings
the man don't slather a donkey sauce
the man don't put a donk
the the edge in your thrill
the bono in your hold
a man putting a donk on it
the bob geldof in your kill
the sting in your kiss
giving two shits right across from the sea
taking a shit right across from the sea
taking a seat right across from the sea
wondering if there is a database out there of all the fake phone numbers used in fiction, and which characters share a number
bottoming for AC Anal in Saved By the Balls VII
a canal
a plan
a man
putting a donk on it
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters
Real Ghostbusters
EIGHTY THOUSAND AND ONE is the natural number that comes after EIGHTY THOUSAND and before EIGHTY THOUSAND AND TWO
Real Bi
eighty thousand is the natural number that comes after seventy nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine and before eighty thousand and one
putting all this pressure on me
that you have nothing for eighty thousand, so you're not going to write any more regrets until it has passed
Bel Air
your neighborhood
the school
the playground
West Philadelphia
Philadelphia
he's a miracle
Slash Gordon
Slash Springsteen
can you tell me how to get, how to get to the streets of Philadelphia
it's like someone took a knife baby, edgy and dull, this old man came rolling home
Fanmade Horsecrap, Jedi Knight
that Black & White truly had the shittiest looking Pokemon ever, half of them look like they were from a different game and the other half looked like fanmade horsecrap
bottoming for Hung Evan in Having Fun VII
hung if van
having fun
in, out, in, out, you blow your brains out,
calling Courtney Love up on stage to do the cokey hobo with you
calling Courtney Cox up on stage to do the hokey pokey with you
this gun's for hire, oh, hands, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes
Old MacDonald went down to the river, e i e i o
bracing for the arrival of the Children's Folk Song Slash Bruce Springsteen Lyrics Mashup Bandit
eating the same girth as David Spade
being the same girth as David Spade
Hey little girl is your froggy home, did he go a courtin' and leave you all alone
Philadelphia mom, daughter die from injuries sustained in food truck explosion, girls ain't nothing but trouble
James Spader, I hardly knew 'er!
being the same length as David Spade
getting up in this big non treasure havin' bastard
James Spader spaying David Spade using a shovel
being the same height as David Spade
confusing James Spader with David Spade
wishing you had Ferris Bueller's day off
now having the lyrics of "Froggy Went A Courting" stuck in your head because of the "mmm hmm" crossover with "I'm On Fire"
waking up late at night with the sheets soaking wet and the lyrics of "That Lady" running through the middle of your head
waking up with the lyrics of "That Lady" running through your head and no idea why
that an erection lasting more than four hours is a precious gift to be shared with as many people as possible
wondering how frequently nine one one operators get calls from dudes with erections lasting more than four hours
that Kevin James is only an inch taller than David Spade
you'd even settle for Parker Lewis's
wishing you had Ferris Bueller's life
deep throating Cameron Frye
here every day
cleaning Stephen Fry
just waving or drowning
wishing you understood what you do here, in the sense of not knowing if you're actually trying to achieve something by posting here every day
not having fallen down stairs or fainted unexpectedly or been struck by a moving vehicle or anything like that in years and feeling as though you're now missing out
Stephen Fry
lolcoding your boobs when you run down the stairs deep cleaning Stephen Fry
lolcoding your boobs when you run down the stairs
deep cleaning Stephen Fry
that you're not serious
Tomorrow Belongs to MB, and by the way, Achtung MB
Tomorrow Belongs to MB
Tomorrow Belongs To Me
discovering that you are several years older than the median age for your local area
people, or person, as it sometimes seems
lord how you hope people understand what you do here
promising to make regret one hundred thousand "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" if you remember, and also if people understand that you're not serious
Peaches Geldof died of heroin overdose, had been on methadone colon coroner
remembering when we hit ten thousand on the old 'dex and it felt like we reached some supreme, unsurpassable goal
forty thousand feeling like just yesterday
not having anything prepared for eighty thousand
feeding your Muk nutmuck
feeding your Muk muktuk
we're almost to eighty thousand
Backdoor Sluts IX makes Crotch Capers III look like Naughty Nurses II
wanting to make Kento a glove puppet for his birthday
Henry Hubbard, Jr
the National Screaming Fisheries Development Board
the National Fisheries Development Board
treating a tree to tea at three
Tree Tree tree tree treed by tree
Marc Tree memorial tree killed by tree
Marc Bolan memorial swan ridden by Tree Rex
Marc Bolan memorial tree eaten by T Rex
Marc Bolan memorial tree killed by tree
Keith Moon memorial tree killed by someone
wanting to make Kento a kayak for his birthday
Kurt Cobain memorial tree killed by Buddhists
Davy Jones memorial tree killed by monkeys
George Harrison memorial tree killed by beetles
Mainus is relaxed
Rogue wave kisses mom in Maui
Rogue wave kills mom in Maui
bottoming for Sir Sully Badger in Sly Ribald Urges VII, cheerio
SHARKS #Eiffeling
JETS #Eiffeling
Sly Bridal Urges, Sir Sully Badger
Fans #Eiffeling
Sly Bridal Urges
Sir Sully Badger
Ludger Sylbaris
The Eiffeling Adventure
Towering Kento
Booby Doo
it was revealed that a new engine mechanic was created to make her ponytail move
Due to reused audio files, she sounds like a walrus when Eiffel Towering Kento
Due to reused audio files, she sounds like a male when grunting raking all those hoes
Due to reused audio files, she sounds like a male when grunting
raking all those hoes
shoe joke
hoe jokes
rake jokes
suddenly feeling a twinge of guilt about your own TRIPLE standards
this term for a long handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker
the teacher's lounge is for teachers, Willie
suddenly feeling a twinge of guilt about your own double standards
Category Colon Freeballers' wives and girlfriends
Category Colon Footballers' wives and girlfriends
licking garum off of Christophorus Lydonus's erect gladius
troll galaxies discovered 'dancing' around their elf counterparts
not so far
wondering if Gary has ever signed his name "Garum"
garum
takoyaki
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect aebelskivers
aebelskivers
When people sit down to be a hamburger, the last thing they want to be thinking about eats two guys having sex
When people sit down to be a hamburger, the last thing they want to be thinking about is two guys having sex
the spacecraft is spun from carbon fiber and imagination
When people sit down to eat a steakburger, the first thing they want to be thinking about is getting a lick job from a trannie hooker
When people sit down to write a regret, the first thing they want to be thinking about is two guys having sex
When people sit down to eat a hamburger, the last thing they want to be thinking about is Five Guys having sex
When people sit down to eat a hamburger, the last thing they want to be thinking about is two guys having sex
Dwarf galaxies discovered 'dancing' around their giant counterparts
Joe Biden once looked at Putin
Nikita Levy
seeing Chris Lydon going into a bathroom stall with a catheter in one penis and a bottle of champagne in the other
seeing Chris Lydon going into a bathroom stall with a catheter in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other
meeting Danish turtles
drinking champagne out of Chris Lydon's erect penis
licking Chris Lydon's Danish
having impure thoughts about a teenage yeoman roar
two men enter, one man leaves, cheerio
sleep will shoot your eye
sleep will close your eyes
Las Menudos
Las Meninas
having impure thoughts about a teenage Rooney Mara
having impure thoughts about a teenage Mia Sara
Man accused of double murder in South Park ordered held without bail
wondering if Brian Henson does Muppet voices during sex
that Matthew Horseface is probably happier with someone his own height
learning that Mia Sara of Ferris Bueller's Day Off married Jim Henson's son
Adolph Luetgert
wondering if Matthew Broderick ever regrets not hooking up with super hot Mia Sara and getting stuck with Ol' Horseface
Mad Max Colon Fury Road
choking on the Sausage King of Chicago
eating the Sausage King of Chicago
being the Sausage King of Chicago
someone needs to make a video of a walrus blowing itself set to Yello's "Oh Yeah"
Time Trax
drawing a picture of two men entering super hot Mia Sara of Ferris Bueller's Day Off while a third man leaves
two men enter, one man leaves
she was super hot
learning that Mia Sara of Ferris Bueller's Day Off married Sean Connery's son
getting so used to soy teats that cow's udders look weird
getting so used to soy milk that cow's milk tastes weird
Grant, and a broom handle
Tory manages to blend a cow brain, spread it on a bull penis, and tightly twist said bull penis into knots with the help of Kari, Grant, and a broom handle
i can has horzecock
garlic kid balls
a bizarre, striated, and earthwormlike penis is, according to Kento, ideal
a long, thin, and springy penis is, according to Grant, ideal
yes we can horse cock
canned horsecock
garlic dog balls
eating lion peckers
chinchilla chinchin
those sexagesimal Sumerians
picking a peck of pickled penguin peckers
throwing a party and forgetting you invited Andrew Zimmern and having to drive all the way to Bulk Knackers to pick up ten pounds of llama cocks
buying a gross of goose gonads
at our Nigerian parties, every table will have a paper plate filled with chin chin
buying a fifty gallon drum of hippo nuts
Kentucky Fried Chinchin
Butt Knickers
trying the meatballs in the food hall
tiger wangs are on sale for one week only
Bulk Knackers
wondering there's a store that's like a Costco for exotic animal genitals
he is so much of it that it comes out his pores
he eats so much of it that it comes out his pores
that's just how he smells
that Andrew Zimmern's favorite smell is muskox scrotum
halving James Mercer and Joe Plummer
smashing Jackson C Frank's shins when you were like, nine or something
that Hayden Christensen's favorite smell is molten silicon
having almost prehensile feet
learning about angular momentum by slipping off the monkey bars and smashing your shin so hard against a low bar that you tore it up, bruised it for weeks around the cut and lost an inch long strip of the fatty layer when you were like, nine or something
halving two shins
having two shins
having two chins
Chinatown only has one chin
having more chins than Chinatown
fuzing James Avery with James Arness
fusing James Avery with James Arness
confusing James Avery with James Arness
The Future of Robot Handjobgivers
confusing James Garner with James Arness
The Future of Robot Caregivers
Sniff test colon Can you match the stars to their weird favorite smells
where we're going we don't need lolcode
where we're going we don't need rough sex Monday
inventing the recent comments capacitor
wondering if Ryan designed the amazing Regret Index to travel through time when it hits eighty eight thousand regrets
smearing regret butter on your genitals before visiting qwantz dot com
qwantz dot com going down on you for like eight hours while reddit dot com watches from afar and masturbates
qwantz dot com going down on you for like eight hours
monumental cock, 'sup
qwantz dot com going down for like eight hours
monumental cock ups
you're gonna need a bigger butt
butt getting autocorrected
you're gonna need a bigger but
really hoping Gary didn't do it
that it faces the house and is surprisingly well executed
most likely
fertilizer
wishing there were a way to make Tusks, in which Kento, Chris Lydon, and Andrew Zimmern are tasked with killing a massive walrus that is menacing a small New England town, and then they all have sex
that they somehow made the grass grow more green and lush to spell what is undeniably the street name
some mystery individual having hilariously somehow managed to write the name of your street on your lawn
drawing a picture of Kento being DeLoreaned by Michael J Fox and a walrus with Parkinson's
wishing there were a way to make the Back to the Eiffel Towering trilogy, in which Kento goes travelling through Boston in various time periods with Doc Lydon, who has trained a walrus to travel through time and Eiffel Tower fat gay Asian men
a planet where walruses evolved from men
wishing there were a way to make Aynatar, in which Kento travels to the alien world of Randora to look for Odobenium
drawing a picture of Kento being digitally inserted by JFK and Fireman Paff
elaborate sex acts, with a famous fireman occasion
elaborate sex acts, with famous icons of Americana
wishing there were a way to make Walroose, in which Kento moves to a small town where, thanks to the local blowhard podcaster, Eiffel Towering has been outlawed, until he wins over the townspeople by being Eiffel Towered just over the county line
wishing there were a way to make Kento Gump, in which Kento goes on a series of adventures in which he meets, then engages in elaborate sex acts, with famous icons of Americana
a lot of good clams died in that war
having flashbacks to the Radar Whelks Revolt
Radar Whelks Revolt
Steward HK Lar Lover
wishing there were a way to make The Kento Coast, in which Kento's family is uprooted to Belize to breed walruses, coming into conflict with the Reverend Lydon
wishing there were a way to make Good Kento Hunting, in which Kento, as a night watchman at the Boston Aquarium, manages to solve a series of incredibly complex sexual positions that Chris Lydon wrote on a blackboard, and then they eventually have sex
the Pope Hat Dick Monster
the Pope Dick Monster
the Poop Lick Monster
LRH said he was a race driver called the Green Dragon who set a speed record before he was killed in an accident, he came back in another lifetime as the Red Devil and beat his own record, then came back and did it again as the Blue Streak
my abalone's muff
my buffalo's mean
wishing there were a way to make Kento Ikeda's Day Off, in which Kento, asked not to come into school until he stops harassing people with stuffed toys, goes on a trip into Boston with Chris Lydon and a walrus in a 'borrowed' aquarium truck
drawing a picture of Ben Stein repeating "Ikeda, Ikeda, Ikeda" and then cutting to Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
bottoming for Nanny Bum in The Pickle Porn Tomes VII Colon Sperm Onto The Pickle
Nanny Bum
sperm onto the pickle
the pickle porn tomes
wanting to dive into your ocean
Bunny Man
the Pope Lick Monster
ostension
Kento be shoppin'
Kento so daffy
Kento's day off
sumo ski
koumiss
dirty gin
clean gin
cleaning
tidying
dignity
seeing two kids humping out of your apartment window
women eat shoppin'
seeing two dogs humping out of your apartment window
women be shoppin'
An allegation that Simon Waffle is gay, was heard by Southwark Crepe Court
that you can't just replace egg with mashed banana when baking thunderstorms
that you can't just shut down all the banana mashers on the neonatal level and replace them with egg scramblers
that you can't just replace egg with mashed banana when baking
thunderstorms
underwear's slit
An allegation that Simon Cowell is Aslan, was heard by Southwark Crown Court
An allegation that Simon Cowell is Asian, was heard by Southwark Crown Court
An allegation that Simon Cowell is fat, was heard by Southwark Crown Court
Resident Walrus
An allegation that Simon Cowell is gay, was heard by Southwark Crown Court
Swan City
great minds thinking about waffles alike
manumising yourself from anal bondage by taking the hugest dump
regret number seven six two eight eight
anal bondage
drawing a picture of Kento being Waffle Towered by Crepes de Lyon and a waffle
Waffle City
Walrus City
Raccoon City
tots these days, with their Pit Bulls and their iPhones and their anal bondage
he's a gob getting a facial
hoebags getting a facial
crimes
hoebags
getting a facial
anal bondage tot baby preys on vulnerable celebrities
catching anal bondage tot, baby
catching a boat to England, baby
well, I guess I should get to buying that ticket to England for the trial
easily
hundreds
guessing that Jason Bateman has at least a couple dozen dead toddlers buried under his house
drawing a picture of Ryan Reynolds having an attitude about getting a facial
there's just something about his facial attitude
Ryan Reynolds especially
kind of suspecting all celebrities of being disease ridden junkie hoebags
kind of suspecting all celebrities of some monstrous, unspecified crimes
always suspecting that Stephen King was a pedophile
kind of liking Stand By Me and Explorers but not wanting to write home about them
the quote is trying to convince the reader that something was far more valuable and important than it actually was, so, yeah
that the first two results for that quote about River Pheonix are some kind of dodgy loan spam websites
naming your son River Bottom
Last time Rupert sought to buy Warner, he assigned three New York Post journalists to investigate its CEO to assist in a lawsuit he'd filed against the company
so basically my son is Jesus
Chernobyl wasn't enough, Exxon Valdez wasn't enough, a bloody war over oil wasn't enough, if River's passing opens our global heart, then I say, thanks dear, beloved son, for yet another gift to all of us
fair trade vegan heroin
every narcotic mankind invented, all at the same time
she also failed to recognize how much better he was than not only her but everyone else in the restaurant
honestly suspecting that River Phoenix wasn't crying for the crabs, but because he had failed to impose his will on another human being
marveling that River Phoenix weeped to see someone order softshell crab but had no qualms about injecting himself with every narcotic mankind invented, all at the same time making it through to Xanadu
vegan heroin
marveling that River Phoenix weeped to see someone order softshell crab but had no qualms about injecting himself with every narcotic mankind invented, all at the same time
making it through to Xanadu
hmm, telling me about your childhood
o, no soot!
too soon
bottoming for "Hugest" River Phoenix in Stand By Me And Rotate Your Foreskin VII
drawing a picture of Jaoquin and "Hugest" River Phoenix rotating their foreskins together
Joaquin Phoenix's Foreskin Rotated
poor little white walrus
blackwater walrusing
taking the hugest noisy river white water walrusing
presumably
that he is also in a tax haven
that James Blunt has not been dispatched to the Ukraine because he is still taking the hugest dump
trying to do an impression of Randy Savage but it sounding like Matt Foley
Joaquin Phoenix's Forehead Rotated
Polanskeens
pretweens
tweens
dark matter cupcakes
smugglin a panda out of China
not studygring aphic design in college
puking into a bucket
that the first regret to mention walruses on the old 'dex was "dating somebody who collected walruses"
white water walrusing
wondering why James Blunt has not been dispatched immediately to the Ukraine in order to prevent World War III
hungover sissy rite
reservist is hung, yo
virgin hues oysters
hugest noisy rivers
universe shits orgy
seething rosy virus
very serious things
Ryan waffles
wondering if making three time long board derby champion Ryan Q North the ultimate arbiter of morality and conscience is a sound plan in mouse voice
the death of Drop Dead Fred
wondering if making three time long board derby champion Ryan Q North the ultimate arbiter of morality and conscience is a sound plan
wondering if a report system would genuinely improve the site or simply send the message that it is inappropriate to regret certain very serious things
it's probably because someone keeps mailing him sand filled items
hearing the music ring from the mountaintops
welcoming Hayden Christensen to the amazing Regret Index and asking why he hates sand so much, beyond it being coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere
having horrific flashbacks to watching Eragon, OMFG what a piece of utter ass shit
he who would trade money for love will have neither
Sources Colon Cavs Willing To Trade Wiggins For Love
welcoming Jewel to the amazing Regret Index and asking if she can sign your spoon
a swan slamming your boobs in the car door in the Penn State showers
it's got to be either Eiffel Tower or swan related
loading your hanugrum
did you slam your dick in the car door
I guess if you told us which regrets give you flashbacks to being abused, we could stop writing ones of that type
that the report submission process would only lead to Ryan anyway
nice to see you too
a handgun filled with anagrams
also, lots of anagrams
visiting this shitty fucking website that has no report submission button so that scrolling through regrets is like playing russian roulette with a handgun with half the chambers filled with panic attacks and crippling flashbacks of being abused
referring to, even
re Episode II as Episode JJ
Star Wars Episode II Colon Billy and the Cloneasaurus
Malaysia Airlines
drawing a picture of Kento blowing the leaves out on the lawn
Billy and the Cloneasaurus is a better title than Attack of the Clones
you ain't buying or selling today
Billy and the Cloneasaurus
drawing a picture of the wind that blows the leaves out on the lawn
drawing a picture of two crayfish frolicking in a stream
drawing a picture of something pleasant for a change
drawing a picture of Michael Gove crying in the toilets on his first day at a new job
drawing a picture of Michael Gove flogging Larry Craig's wide guy tunnel with his bizarre, striated, whiplike penis
getting a text from Michael Gove that just says "I'm a whip guy"
getting a text from Larry Craig that just says "I'm a wide guy"
Larry Craig
taking your whip into the toilet with you
Mr Gove "managed to get stuck in the toilet in the wrong lobby and he nearly broke his own whip"
there has always been a counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my memory hole
A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my asshole!
A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my K hole!
A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car hole!
counterfeit panties
playing Dungeons & Dragons with early gay geese
realizing that your underwear has "authentic" embroidered all the way around the waistband, which is super convincing
that knowing your luck the Mystery Texter is probably some needlessly complicated attempt by an intelligence agency to gain your trust, in case you're some kind of terrorist
wondering if the Mystery Texter is Gary Gygax
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Felonius Candace
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Gary Eagle Eyes
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Felonius Eagle Eyes
Your character may have a normal name, like "Gary" or "Candace," or may have a fantasy name like "Felonius," or just a nickname, like "Eagle Eyes"
All You Need is Thrill
All You Need Is Hold
All You Need Is Kiss
All You Need Is Kill
Miracinonyx inexpectatus
Chaste, eh
Cheetahs
The Chase
introducing Myke Hawke to Jacques Strap
putting Myke Hawke parts in Myke Hawke strap
preventing flat head syndrome
bellowing DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND
putting your jock parts in a jock strap
jock parts
the famous transvestite French ball carrier, Jacques Strap
the famous French ball carrier, Jacques Strap
Casey Kasem's wife turning out to be Old Man Petersen
strapping a strapping jock named Jock into a jock strap
Casey Kasem has not been buried, remains in morgue
lubricating Hank's narrow tits oink pizza with Jewel's nude thong thong fluid
Hank's narrow tits oink pizza
eating Hank tits oink pizza, ow
being the pizza in Mexico
eating the pizza in Mexico
eating a pizza with poutine on it, eh
slicing nakko's pizza
eating a pizza with nakkos on it that looked a lot like Christina Ricci
I am not a pizza with nakkos on it, I am a free man
being a pizza with nakkos on it
eating a pizza with nakkos on it
child rape and ritualistic murder
nothing says "break free from the mundane and embrace life" like child rape and ritualistic murder
little girls gorge you, your greatest mistake
Boston divorce
anonymous truck stop hammer time
anonymous telegram stop sex stop
mouse voice truck stop sex
celebrity truck stop sex
anonymous truck stop sex
stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie
promising to check into a hotel as Seaman Hairskewer sjould you ever need a pseudonym
Boston marriage
Ascension Guns Island
ascension guns
gum plus butts
bottoming for Ron Pro Torpedo in Shaft Shielded Ray VII
the shaft is ray shielded so you'll have to use proton torpedoes
probably because of all the skeevy guys asking to watch
lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts
this is a late parrot regret, it's a stiff, bereft of life, it rests in peace
How I Met The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Your Mother
this is a belated parrot regret
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & YOUR MOTHER
TerraCycle
winning the Twenty Sexy Teen Ballot with seventeen votes
Plan to Split California Into Sex States May Make Twenty Sexy Teens Ballot
Plan to Split California Into Sex States May Make Twenty Sixteen Ballot
Plan to Split California Into Six States May Make Twenty Sixteen Ballot
Seaman Hairskewer
Midshipman Scaleknife
I would rather not
Rape a Two Shift Dancer
Captain Feathersword
I compare you to a kiss from a drone on the grey
Seal mating with a rusty set of bagpipes
an elephant seal mating with a rusty set of bagpipes
Ye Race Killer
El Real, crikey
Lee "Lacy" Riker
Caerrie Kelley
using four e's
Bruce Wayne Junior
Lee "Lacey" Riker
Carrie Kelley
Quickly, Boy Wonder! To the Fudge Tunnel!
a couple of guys and some boys
it's also full of men
wondering why Batman's lair is called the Batcave and not the 'dungeon'
really it would be more accurately called the Shitcave
it's full of bats and bat guano
wondering why Batman's lair is called the Batcave and not the Mancave
Police Colon Man's archnemesis, the Slap Slap Slapper
Police Colon Man and his sidekick, the Boy Anus
Police Colon Man hoped to take child prostitute to 'dungeon'
PIVOT! PIVOT! PIVOT!
International Secret Police Colon A Barrel of Gunpowder
bottoming for ten homos in X Homines X
X Homines, Non Homo
X Homines
Ego, Robotum
Iter Stellare
Quadruple Rat's Trek Colon Heavy Goo Theme
Quintuple Rat's Trek
Rat's Trek
bias listing every Star Trek episode
stabilising every Star Trek episode
StarTrekStabilized
'Randy' guinea pig breaks into female enclosure, impregnates one hundred females
kentoketsu
hamukento
seiuchiketsu
hamuketsu, desu ne
hamukatsu
hamuketsu
drawing a picture of Toto being Eiffel Towered by Yoko and Jakamoko
Reddit Fourchan, Jedi Knight
Reddit of the Jedi
we should have each other with vegan cream
we should have each other to dinner
all the years and no one heard
Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto!
totally not screwing up there at all
that colon isn't as funny in Latin
Bella Stellaria Episodium VI Reditus Jedi
Bella Stellaria Episodium V Imperium Repulsat
Bella Stellaria Episodium IV Nova Spes
Bella Stellaria Episodium III Ultio Sith
Bella Stellaria Episodium II Impetus Clonum
Bella Stellaria Episodium I Colon Phantasma Minax
not knowing if you have ever seen Psycho, which probably means you saw it while stoned in college
Georgius Walton Lucas minor
Gulielmus Iohannes Neeson
Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Neeson
that Psycho is always seen as an amazing genre defining thriller and a work of filmmaking art, but its last scene is a bland man in a suit flatly, dryly explaining the whole plot of the movie
strapping in and feeling the Gs, if you know what I mean
having sex with Liam Neeson by
you don't have sex with Liam Neeson, you strap yourself in and feel the Gs
having sex abeam of Liam Neeson
having sex by Liam Neeson
by being first looked for, then found, then having sex with Liam Neeson
by
being first looked for, then found, then having sex with Liam Neeson
that you have a roughly seventy five percent chance of having sex with someone who has appeared on the cover of Saga Magazine within the next forty eight hours
Soren H Assmann
the one we never talk about
bloody cricket
Liam Neeson on the cover of Saga Magazine
Bebop Ho's infamous rivalry with Barren Pepsi P
Detached Brothels with Bebop Ho
being mah na mah na
Deathbed Chortles with Bob Hope
I am not an anime! I am not an anime! I am a human being!
pretty much every scene with Obi Wan and Qui Gon
two bored, uninterested men engaged in the act of buggery
being inane ma
being an amine
Tijuana Bibles Geldof
being an anime
Guadalajara Books of Mormon
Myke Occyx
socking Myke Hawke
getting socked in the coccyx
cocking all those socks
Zapopan Vedas
Juarez Qurans
Leon Torahs
Tijuana Bibles
slamming your socks in the car door
socking all those cocks
wondering if R Kelly ever recorded a cover of My Sharona
wondering if R Kelly ever recorded a cover of Golden Showers
wondering if Louis Armstrong ever recorded a cover of Golden Showers
wondering if Louis Armstrong ever recorded a cover of Golden Slumbers
George Bestial
The Wards
Christopher Joseph Ward
fay WRAY in "QUEEF" by Ima Cocksocker
CJ Ramone
spending QUEEF on squid's milk at a PETA convention
Quasi Universal Electrical Energy Factory
Quasi Universal Intergalactic Money
The Ramone
Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination
a poetic social mission
skat, a common term of endearment
Peaches Ramone
Marky Ramone
Richard Garriott
Ramones
the death of Tommy Ramone and by extension the death of The Ramones
not getting the fay wray thing
Ego Dreck, Rah
Gored Rack, Eh
Grade Choker
Orchard Geek
Hardcore Keg
Harder Gecko
Croak Hedger, Jedi Knight
Croak Hedger is a genius because he knows exactly what people want and precisely how far he can go
stopping Scott Stapp's hot tap
Chad Kroeger is a genius because he knows exactly what people want and precisely how far he can go drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
this criticism seems to only be pandering to critics of the band
In an interview about the forty five minute video, Stapp said he did not believe oral sex was actual sex
most people hate Creed's combination of overwrought power balladry and Christian infused testosterone
honestly not remembering Creed at all
edging out Justin Bieber
strippers, sex, prostitutes, drugs, sex, drinking and sex
upping the ante by offering realistic storytelling that listeners can relate to
Chad Kroeger is a genius because he knows exactly what people want and precisely how far he can go
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
fay WRAY in "QUEER" by Ima Cocksocker
compensating for your ordinary shoes
making the COSIGN of a wave
making the sign of a wave
taking her for granted because she pleases you
actually kind of having an oral sex fixation
that Difficult English Wikipedia's only rule is "Fuck's sake it's not hard to get right, is it, what did you do that for"
that the Simple English Wikipedia's manual of style only permits photographic illustration on non biographical articles if all persons in the image are peasants in a pastoral idyll
Feynman oral sex fixation
a picture is worth a thousand more
a picture is worth a thousand words
wondering why the Simple English Wikipedia article on fisting fails to include the shot of the guy dressed as a schoolgirl with the hand up his ass
that's so weird, I was just listening to that song like five minutes ago
Feynman oral sex notation
any picture on the wikipedia article for Fisting
BADALAMBA BADALAMBA BADALAMBA BADALAMBA BADALAMBARABAMBADABADA
just to draw a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered at yiur door
I would write ten thousand more
Feynman axel rose notation
that we've written more than ten thousand regrets since the comments got deleted
Feynman slash notation
fourth, actually
the third picture on the wikipedia article for Fisting
ear urea children playing the guitar
North Korea children playing the guitar
That's a urinal dot wmv
being a huge anal dragonfly nymph
being a minute anal nympho
being a huge anal nympho
watching Frank Reps OP videos and youtube and not being able to identify whether he or she is male or female
watching forksnappers videos and youtube and not being able to identify whether he or she is male or female
SHIRT EXAM, MOO
HAREMS OMIT OX
MAXIM HOOTERS
HOMO MATRIXES
illustrating an ad titled "Woman is twenty eight but looks fifty three" with a picture of Lindsay Lohan
illustrating an ad titled "Woman is fifty three but looks twenty seven" with a picture of a woman who does not look twenty seven
XERODERMATIC
PROTHROMBINS
HOMEROMASTIX
Disgraceful photo of recreational hunter happily posing next to a Triceratops he just slaughtered
Did you mean colon ZUper BlahQ
ZBsuebsljgQh
ever saying you would attempt to understand Spambot's diabolically short messages
MACROGLOSSATE
MICROFLOPPIES
NCmpFuafxXcHk
an island where the people are kind and the rest of the world seems far away
having a question to ask but then forgetting what it was
Chrome being super slow all week to the point that you wonder if it's bugged and slowing down your laughably poor rural connection or just buggy on the current build
drawing a picture of Kento being stuffed by a taxidermist, and then later led over to give anal approval on the Chris Lydon and walrus diarrhea Kento ordered
wondering if we should do something special for eighty thousand
drawing a picture of Kento being stuffed by a taxidermist, and then later led over to give anal approval on the Chris Lydon and walrus diorama Kento ordered
drawing a picture of Kento being stuffed by a taxidermist, and then later led over to give final approval on the Chris Lydon and walrus diorama Kento ordered
wanting to find a taxidermist who could not only stuff Chris Lydon after he dies, but also realistically create the Eiffel Towering scene
wondering if you can request that the mortician not actually braid your penis to someone's after death
you can request anything
wondering if you can request that the mortician actually braid your penis to someone's after death
always wanting to call it The French Prince Who Looks Like Janice Dickinson
always wanting to call it The French Prince
Will Smith is now running a couple co projects more than Uncle Phil was at the beginning of The Fresh Prince
Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was at the beginning of The Fresh Prince
a cow who brings urea to then hooks up with Ryan North and Ryan South
a cow who brings urea to North Korea and South Korea
a cow who brings peace to Israel and Palestine
Picariketroi LaCrusher
Entrance of the RoFo
momma always saying that life was like a luxury yacht, you never know what the hookers are gonna do until you overdose on heroin
rubbing spider eggs into your eyes or dying
being caught in a fatal sex web with spiders, for spiders, by spiders
EXACTO
starting a new career with urea in your ear in North Korea
Fatal Spider Attraction
being caught in a beeswax flat
rubbing sex spider eggs in your eyes
being caught in a fatal sex spider web
STEAK, SHAKE, DUMPSTER, PROSTITUTION
GOOGLE, MURDER, OVERDOSE, PROSTITUTION
being caught in a fatal sex web WITH SPIDERS
being caught in a fatal sex web
tortles
watching Google video promos for Prestige luxury yachts and wondering if rich guys really do just do heroin in a fifty foot yacht covered with busty, murderous hookers
Forrest Timothy Hayes
that Homer Simpson really does look like Dan Aykroyd
Dan Aykroyd Unplugged on UFOs
Kim Kardashian Loony Hollow Cod
feels like there's a comma missing there
Kim Kardashian Colon Hollywood
Guzzle
Netfux
ClapChat
Gspotify
WhatSlapslapslappingsounds Messenger
MineCraft Colon Pocket Pool Edition
Horny Birds
TweetDick
cumblr
there are already like a thousand porno versions of youtube
FudgeTube
YouTug
Last dot FuckMe
Inyougram
Fumblr
processing the claim would have been four times the value of the clip
reddick
WankedIn
MyJunk
Faceboob
Titter
the suspect was "intoxicated on drugs and 'tripping balls'"
It's called Twitter, not Titter
lingering in the shade of a kind old tree
Shaven Lick
Kevin Clash
Ernie
Bert
Esskay Meats
Yorick
Chicken Liver
Professor Madcliffe
Harry the Hipster
the 'send' button, god, what a retard
Miss Piggy
Kermit
y crepe
creepy
the farm cot you cover
the comfort you crave
having impure thoughts about lining Heathers
lining Heathers
Irish evil henna gelt
taking the largest shit, eh
killing for Ryan North at the Large Shit Inn Toronto, near the Rogers Centre, this Sunday at eight in the evening, eh
Irish henna gelt
Large Shit Inn, Eh
renal shit hinge
learning shit, eh
tarnishing heel
shining leather
inhaling ethers
riling heathens
tabbing out of a message accidentally, hitting any key and seeing it sent, incomplete, making you look like a retard, because clearly only a retard wouldn't want the first thing you tab onto to be the 'send' button, god, what a retard
heiling Shatner
that John Lithgow told Shatner to go fuck himself
bottoming for Chris Lydon and a walrus in Boston Sea Party I through MMMCXLVIII
that von Lettow told Hitler to go fuck himself
Juche Ramen Bar
Boston Nazi Party
Boston Sea Party
Beefsteak Victor Charlie's
Black Panther Angus
Doctor Josef Mengele's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Master Race Steakery
saving the lives of thousands of Jews by putting them to work in your Cheesecake Factory
Adrienne Lecouvreur
Africanized Applebee's
Joe Stalin's Crab Shack
The Cheesecake Sweatshop
Pizza Bunker
Kentucky Gassed Chicken
Papa Doc's Pizza
Little Keiser's Pizza
Ku Klux Krispy Kreme
Khmer Rouge Lobster
TGIKony's
Swastikabucks
Chick fil Apartheid
McHuman Experimentation
Unterweg
Fu Manchu Wok
Taco Gulag
Burger Nanking
Aryan Castle
Steak n Shoah
Wienerfuhrer
a lot of doors
Villagers can be farmed by enclosing two villagers in an area with a lot of doors
Planet Hot Tub
Gassing Robbins
KGB Friday's
Roscoe's Chicken and Genocide
International Concentration Camp of Pancakes
being really glad you don't run a cafe, because today's special would have been the Wafflecaust and you'd be in the headlines already
that apparently the football is still on
wafflecaust denial
drawing a picture of Shia Laboeuf and Jamie Oliver braiding their fudge tunnels together
drawing a picture of Jamie Oliver braiding his food tube and fudge tunnel together
not at all, we've got God on our side
seeing a headline describing Germany's victory as "waffletastic" and wondering what stopped the writer from just going all the way and calling it a "wafflecaust"
This fan decided to release his anger by attempting to be the Brazilian flag
Jamie Oliver's beouf tod
Jamie Oliver's fudge tunnel
Jamie Oliver's food tube
This fan decided to release his anger by attempting to eat the Brazilian flag
sprinking Danish remoulade on Jewel's erect waffles
meeting Bryan Bartlett "Bart" Starr
Kento's TED spies
Kento's deep sits
Kento's teed piss
Kento's side pets
your brinkist streak
being born too late for coal mines on Mars and too early for claiming there are no coal mines on Earth
there are no coal mines on Mars
Bryan Bartlett "Bart" Starr
seeing a headline describing Germany's victory as a "zit rook" and wondering what stopped the writer from just going all the way and calling it a "bitch seagull"
sometimes suspecting that you are a misanthrope
seeing a regret describing Germany's victory as a "blitzkrieg" and inferring that the football is over
seeing a headline describing Germany's victory as a "blitzkrieg" and wondering what stopped the writer from just going all the way and calling it a "holocaust"
the Luftwaffle, the Waffletastic Generals of the History Channel
taking your time and making me love you good
the Luftwaffe, the Washington Generals of the History Channel
the third most common cause of stalling
it was just vapor lock
you just don't understand soccer, Marge
aw, the Denver Broncos!
Brasil Colon The Denver Broncos of Soccer
a little pipsqueak government, didn't amount to very much
wondering who the target segment for RapeAdvisor would even be, then imagining that it's helping keep Roman Polanski up to date on where and when he is allowed to travel
updating RapeAdvisor
updating TripAdvisor
looking down, voting "No"
Rowling is eligible to vote in the twenty fourteen referendum on Scottish independence, and intends to vote "No"
on the eve of the Labour Party Conference, Rowling announced that she had donated one million pounds to the Labour Party, and publicly endorsed Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown over Tory challenger David Cameron
The largest to the Better Together campaign so far was one million pounds, from Harry Potter author JK Rowling in June this year
Yes Scotland said the pro Union backers were funded by wealthy landowners and "rich Tories" without a vote
Peaches Colon Geldof
softysouping
figs onus typo
and you're still doing the same job now
getting regret number two three two zero seven and not remembering writing it, although it does match your feelings around the time it was written
pussyfooting
Bob Geldof on Death of Daughter Peaches Colon 'It's Intolerable'
To call a woman a "a bitch" is to impute "linty anuses" to her
To call a woman a "Sienna" is to impute "a lusty bitch" to her
To call a woman a "lesbian" is to impute "unchastity" to her
The Slander of Women Act eighteen ninety one is repealed
A statement is not defamatory unless its publication has caused or is likely to cause serious harm to the reputation of the claimant
misreading "orifices" as "offices" and almost making a very wrong offer of amends
wondering how much mileage there is in rewriting Jaws as a comedy about three tailors trying to land a lucrative contract making clothes for the world's fattest and richest man, just for the line "We're gonna need a bigger belt"
in order to prove libel, one must first prove the falsehood of the statement
wondering if Winona Ryder is going to sue us in England for implying she has or had grues inhabiting her orifices
having impure thoughts about getting ye flask
go deeper
you're INSIDE of a teenage Winona Rider, it's too dark to read, you are likely to be eaten by a grue
HMS Queen Elizabeth colon vital statistics
Leaked Star Wars Episode VII Filmset Footage!
introducing Gary to URWIN
it's too dark to read
you're INSIDE of a teenage Winona Rider
you're out of a teenage Winona Rider
outside of a teenage Winona Rider, the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North is a man's best friend
Hot girl CATTY showing her HANGUP !
Hot girl CAUGHT showing her PANTY !
seeing breasts you want to sprink with something when you're out of chocolate chips
seeing shoes you want to drink out of when you're out of champagne
seeing things you want to have impure thoughts about when you're INSIDE of a teenage Winona Rider
seeing nude photos of your ex from five years ago when you're all out of spicy cheetos
seeing things you want to have impure thoughts about when you're out of a teenage Winona Rider
seeing things you want to slather when you're out of donkey sauce
seeing things you wanna be starting when you're out of butter
seeing things you want to Eiffel Tower when you're out of nude thong thong fluid
seeing things you want to deep fry when you're out of batter
seeing things you want to take pictures of when you're out of battery
feeling a kind of imperialist guilt laughing at Wikipedia articles clearly written by people for whom not being high as a fuckdamn kite on cocaine flying a kite on top of a mountain in space is not a normal situation
that concept being heralded by the days modern intimates designers as part of an effort to grab at the elusive ring of crossing over categories
puckled pinks
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be Waffletastic or Not to Be Waffletastic" by the incredibly waffletastic New York Times waffletastic author Ryan North
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be Waffletastic or Not to Be Waffletastic" by the incredibly waffletastic New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
the underwear as outerwear trend
pickled punks
Chip Zdarski
Robert Z'Dar
Richard Gaywood
like sucking the core out of a fig
Jillian T Riker
bottoming for Dick Pound in Dick Pound Two Colon Dick Pounder
that I keep thinking Riker is from Texas but I don't know, Alaska
Pound Meadow Court
mining Jewel's fudge
playing the odobene oboe
that I keep thinking Jewel is from Texas but I don't know, Alaska
this Texan mine can produce upwards of fifty thousand pounds of fudge every hour, provided the miners don't get stuck to the walls
lubing Jewel's fudge tunnel with nude thong thong fluid
this Texan refinery can produce upwards of fifty thousand barrels of nude thong thong fluid each day
she was about a quart low
changing Jewel's nude thong thong fluid
changing Jewel's colostomy bag
Aspiring Model With Crohn's Disease Isn't Afraid To Show Colostomy Bags In Bikini Photo
A plus plus plus would buy again
rating Jewel's nude thong thong fluid
bottoming for Arthur Colon in The Quiet Storm VII
Eh Is for Arthur Colon Weakened Storm Hits Canada
no you can't
iken dake to
oh, los credulas
Los Luchadores, Eh
Los Luchadores
Plastic Surgery & Plastic Doctor & Plastic Hospital Office for Barbie Version
Fired Hides Crusted with Creosote is Coming to a Seven Eleven Near You
The biggest movers this week were Sweden's krona and Norway's krone after a rate cut by the Riksbank
Ian Homo Raises Twenty Three Hundred Dollars on Kickstarter to Make Old Oat Pasta, no homo
Fried Cheese Crusted with Doritos is Coming to a Seven Eleven Near You
Jewel's 'throat honing fudge tunnel dud'
Jewel's 'unrated nude thong thong fluid'
Jewel's 'thoughtful and tender undoing'
Ian Homo Raises Twenty Three Hundred Dollars on Kickstarter to Make Old Oat Pasta
Ohio Man Raises Twenty Three Hundred Dollars on Kickstarter to Make Old Oat Pasta
Ohio Man Raises Twenty Three Hundred Dollars on Kickstarter to Make Potato Salad
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's twin long rods
slapping that marlin ass, making that grouper butt shake
Jar Jar's Grand Nu Lab Bitch
Jar Jar's Bar and Nightclub
they don't give a fuck about anybody else
a pot, jar or other container used to store honey
Kento's plerergate abdomen
Pinchy would have wanted it this way
prison shower tender consensual lovemaking
prison shower rape
Newburyport Soccer Club
with a rebel guilt, crying utini utini utini
feeling a kind of rebel guilt laughing at wookieepedia articles written by species for whom basic is not a first language, utini
feeling a kind of rebel guilt laughing at wookieepedia articles written by species for whom basic is not a first language
feeling a kind of imperialist guilt laughing at Wikipedia articles clearly written by people for whom English is probably not even a second language
Innsmouth Town Football Club
armadillos and armadillo aficionados
With him being a part of an endangered species, and being a major part in the environmental drive for the tournament, he has become more popular, particularly with children and dancers
Ipswich Town Football Club
taking a straight razor to your arm and just slashing and slashing and slashing to get Fuleco's awareness out of you, and it is still there DEAR GOD WHY IS IT STILL THERE
na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na Fuleco
Fuleco's awareness is growing inside you
Fuleco's awareness is growing all over the world
Fuleco
mucky floors
fucking Muk
lucking flaw
fucking luck
wondering if Gary is Gary Glitter, since that would be just your fucking luck
maybe you all are homosexuals too!
it makes you look like a homosexual
hey, that's some outfit
this is what comptrolling is all about
the beetles
in some Inuit societies in the Arctic, and traditionally in Bali, mothers would routinely stroke the penises of their infant sons
when you want the flavor of bacon in a dip
wondering if Gary is Gary Busey, because he is the kind of guy who probably can't spell his own name
wondering Gary is Gary Coleman's fucking forearm
wondering Gary is Gary Coleman
either way
it's definitely a possibility
suspecting that Gary Oldman can spell his name consistently
wondering if Gary is Gary Oldman
he's started signing his texts xx
Gary usually calls on Saturdays
wondering if there is any news from Gary
bottoming for Tory Conservative in Precious Little Left Left LVI
bottoming for Tory Conservative in Precious Little Left Left VII
Canadad, eh
masturbating while reminiscing of bygone loves
yo, Blair
plus a large chunk of the US seems to think European welfare states equate directly to communism, so you know, she's hedging her bets for future elections
she's got a point, there's precious little left left
It doesn't matter in our country whether it's a Republican or a Democrat or frankly, in your country, whether it's a Conservative or a Tory
wondering why the marketing department at Cheetos hasn't positioned their product as the snack food of choice for masturbating while reminiscing of bygone loves
suddenly being reminded of regret five seven eight nine one, and wishing you had some spicy cheetos
that maybe we could use a bat penis for centering smooth moms
that maybe we could use a bat penis for stemming homo cornets
Chesty Mormon
that maybe we could use a bat penis for emoting Mormon chests
that maybe we could use a bat penis for comments or something
that maybe we could use a pastebin for comments or something
shaving to share a bunk with Darth Onan at Sith Camp
having to share a bunk with Darth Onan at Sith Camp
Lucasising, the exercise program for septuagenarians who want to look like lumberjacks
da krone, da bears
Darth Onan
Lucasising "Dark One"
anagramming "and roke"
ad usum Delphini
bowdlerizing "cum and roke"
spoonerising "rum and coke"
liking your women like you like your Coca Cola, ice cold
also, with a lot of rum in it
liking your Coca Cola like you like your women, sweet, flat, and dark brown
teaching a dog to say "Luh Loh" and giving it to Shu Qi
liking your Coca Cola like you like your coffee, uncarbonated
Burnt Cork
liking flat Coca Cola more than carbonated
MC Hammer
Amelia Bloomer
Antonio de La Gandara
tightlacing
that hilarious voice could be your ticket to stardom
maybe a little malice
wishing without malice that he were dead
knowing the guy who worked on the thing that saved some lives from mazuku
mazuku
accidentally mailing the silk qi's mud to Hayden Christensen and the nads to PETAHQ
accidentally mailing the squid's milk to Hayden Christensen and the sand to PETAHQ
saying hi to PETAHQ
PMS, creeMS
GPS, creePS
bellowing horizontally in Belo Horizonte
Belo Horizonte being a great gay porn star name
I wish we could use comments to do that
wanting to draw attention to the regret "the life of Won't Smith", because it made you laugh out loud
Chris Lydon spearheaded the anal cavity
the methods behind his previous plots, including sending explosive printer cartridges by mail, placing explosives in a would be bomber's underpants and also inside his brother's anal cavity drifting free like two lost leaves on the crazy wind of the night
Chris Lydon spearheaded the development of the anal cavity bomb
the methods behind his previous plots, including sending explosive printer cartridges by mail, placing explosives in a would be bomber's underpants and also inside his brother's anal cavity
drifting free like two lost leaves on the crazy wind of the night
New Century Media
casting the ass bondage spell on Kento's father
casting the mind bondage spell on your father
Tim Duncan being seduced by the exotic and sinister world of role playing games
being seduced by the exotic and sinister world of role playing games
darkdungeonsthemovie dot com
fifty six
saying hello to GCHQ
Dollar Advances on Payrolls Report as Krona Weakens With Aussie
Dutch court Colon Black Pete is a negative stereotype
Roy 'Chubby' Brown
wearing a jerkin made of Lindsay Lohan's breast leather
the Valsalva device
Hitler Lohan
drawing a picture of Jason Bateman hitting on a knocked up teen Hitler
Lindsay Lohan is suing the makers of PETTY LARCENY
agent oven k
I mean duh
vegan Kento
Alexis Bledel is suing the makers of Grand Theft Auto
Lindsay Lohan is suing the makers of Grand Theft Auto
yelling "microwave burrito" when the judge called for order in the court
wondering if the regretter who pretends to be in France would travel to England when Roman Polanski sues us, or would just post regrets like zut alors, je suis dans la continent, je n'attendez pas
that you can't get pregnant without rape gnnt
getting teen jitler pregnant
getting jitler pregnant
getting teen Hitler pregnant
getting Hitler pregnant
winning Carney Testes Champion with seventeen votes
Blood and Babugas Colon The Go Ikeda Story
Blood and Dongs Colon The Kento Ikeda Story
Blood and Dugongs Colon The Kento Ikeda Story
probably wanting to leave England when Roman Polanski sues us
not wanting to have to travel all the way to England when Roman Polanski sues us
Kento's achy moist preteen scan
Kento's carney champion testes
wondering how you would characterize your contributions to the amazing Regret Index were they ever brought up in court
Kento's testy anchorman pieces
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has told Canadian media he was "born a waffleholic" and had used "every breakfast starch you can probably think of"
Rob Ford's crippling chlorothiazide habit
the rape sonnet is such an underappreciated form of poetry
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has told Canadian media he was "born an alcoholic" and had used "every drug you can probably think of"
Kento's Misty rape sonnet cache
Swanmore Avenue
Could Baguette's syndrome make a goalkeeper butter
Could Tourette's syndrome make a goalkeeper better
Butts Road, Sholing, Southampton
Kento's sympathetic resonance
I'm a fucking lawyer
Gerry Adjmi
zoo time, is Chris and you time, the walrus are your favorite type, Eiffel Tower tonight
the chief reason why inequality declined with the recession
shoes in hand, don't make a sound
A college student plotted to kill non Aryans in a cyanide attack, a court has heard
Kento's crooked vagina
guys with bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penises
women with crooked vaginas
guys with cuspid veneers
guys with curved penises
Deep Ganguly, aged ten, says the water "smells fishy"
Woman raped in 'broad daylight' in Bagshot
the great ember pooping serpent of Aztec mythology
Flava Flerovium
ember pooping serpent
booming preteen preps
meeting Boron Peppers
Mitt Meitnerium
Caesar Caesium
promising to check into a hotel as Tim Tin sjould you ever need a pseudonym
Magnus Ver Magnesium
Vladimir Plutonium
Francis Francium
Tim Tin
Lawrence Lawrencium
Barry Barium
Sam Samarium
Orel Oxygen
Tim Tungsten
Roman Polonium
Christoper Chlorine
Carl Calcium
Myke Arbon
Freddie Mercury
Rutherford Rutherfordium
Joel Silver
Tracey Gold
bottoming for Leon Neon in Noble Asses X
Jeremys Iron
Ruth Ruthenium
Hayden Silicon
Hayden Hydrogen
Fred Lead
Leon Neon
Pierre Gallium
Dan Scandium
Marcus Phosphorus
Colin Flerovium
Ryan Yttrium
George Dubnium
Anthony Argon
Nate Polonium
muttering
Paul Bismuth, Jedi Knight
Julian Ununoctium
Edmund Americium
kenneth Hydrogen
Manny Iron
Your potential regret of d has already been added!
Desmond Rubiium
Frank Antimony
Paul Bismuth
Frozen testicle 'live birth first'
using the wrong autofill to make a regret
being first denounced, then tortured, then killed by micropenises
trying to outrun your fear
hundreds of trout of different sizes
Panama's Ruby Lust
Su's Anal Bum Party
yoctomom
welp
yocotmom
yoctopenises
micropenises
fist rape gun firing
first rate gun firing
firing Chekov's gun in the bath
clathrate cunt lapping
firing your Clathrate gun in the bath
the Clathrate gun hypothesis
USC study shows 'bears' are likely to 'shit in woods'
USC study shows teen 'sexters' are more likely to be sexually active
HALF BACK PASSES TO CENTER! BACK TO WING! BACK TO CENTER! CENTER HOLDS IT! HOLDS IT! HOOOOLDS IT!
Veteran muppet Rowlf has been found guilty of twelve, TWELVE ah ah aah counts of indecently assaulting one two three four, FOUR tube socks, ah ah ah aah
you already know the channel ident tune
MNN
weather and travel with Beaker
Veteran entertainer Rolf Harris has been found guilty of twelve, TWELVE ah ah aah counts of indecently assaulting one two three four, FOUR girls, ah ah ah aah
really screwing that last regret up, sorry
Veteran entertainer Rolf Harris has been found guilty of twelve ah ah aah counts of indecently assaulting four girls, ah ah ah aah
FEELING WHICH it IS, ALWAYS
HEARING what it was, NEVER
seeing what it was, ever
Veteran entertainer Rolf Harris has been found guilty of twelve counts of indecently assaulting four girls
Play throws up owner's missing wedding ring
Kid throws up owner's missing wedding ring
Dog throws up owner's missing wedding ring inside the other woman in front of the crew
Dog throws up owner's missing wedding ring
inside the other woman in front of the crew
inoculating in your moment of triumph
drawing a picture of the frozen corpses of busty, hardly dressed women who were on the hull of your yacht when you partially detached from the base and flew into the upper atmosphere in your sub orbital transport
evacuaing he planearium in you momen of riumph
ejacuating in your moment of triumph
edutainment
runnin through the okra patch
After one woman left he continued to "manipulate the dildo" inside the other woman in front of the crew
the Chicago Bears Sex Boat, da bears
the Minnesota Vikings Sex Boat, don'tcha know
a mean little tell all book filled with nothing but lies and pictures of also lies
on my knees, finally, the irony is you saying please
being so bad at cunnilingus you give a man ptsd
being so bad at cunnilingus you give a woman ptsd
Pipe Mania
something something Vikings something beards something yachts
the Minnesota Vikings Sex Boat
if you know what I mean
I don't know, the busty, hardly dressed women are also a big perk
thinking there's not really any point to being rich unless you can have a yacht that can partially detach from its base and become a sub orbital transport
you don't sell the yacht, you sell the lifestyle
watching twenty four kbit Realplayer promos for Bottom of the Barrel dilapidated yachts and wondering if the desperately poor really do just drink rubbing alchohol all day under a bridge in the hollow shell of a two meter yacht with a trannie hooker
watching Quicktime promos for Stigma downmarket yachts and wondering if the poor really do just drift around all day in a three meter yacht covered with shrill, squawking women
watching Youtube promos for Adequacy budget yachts and wondering if middle class guys really do just slowly cruise around in a nineteen meter yacht covered with flat chested, mostly covered up women
advertising making you add the word "luxury" before the word "yacht" as though there were any such thing as a non luxury yacht
the company tweeted Adios Amigos! #NEDMEX with a photo that featured a caricature icon of a mustachioed, Mexican man in a sombrero
watching Youtube promos for Prestige luxury yachts and wondering if rich guys really do just speed around in a twenty meter yacht covered with busty, hardly dressed women
New Bride Rushed To Hospital Still Having Orgasms Two Hours After Sex, While Husband Records It
This Is When It's Okay To Look For Sex Outside Your Marriage
EPA Employee Downloaded Seven Thousand Files Of Porn At Work And Watched Them Two to Six Hours A Day
EPA Employees Asked To Stop Pooping In The Hallway
my motherfucker's so cool, when he goes to bed sheep count him
Hao Long is a Chinaman's name
watching a let's play of Assassin's Creed Colon Liberation, then the beginning of Heist immediately after, and briefly thinking Gene Hackman was a fairly but not convincing NPC
fucking herbs in a sausage!
Enchilada Coli
Timothy Ray Murray says on his website that incumbent Oklahoman congressman Frank Lucas is dead, and has been replaced by a body double
suspecting that hovercrafts do not in fact float over landmines without detonating them
not remembering whether Kim Jong il declared war over Die Another Day
Qeri Koulmans fakin fouarn
wondering if Gary Oldman has ever gone to Azerbaijan and gotten upset when people mistakenly spelled his name "Qeri" instead of "Qari"
reaching the conclusion that Azerbaijan is adorable
Tom Kruz
Penelopa Kruz
Xoakin Feniks
Jerar Depardye
Mikki Rurk
Qeri Ueyn Koulman
Qari Oldmen
Corc Lukas
Corc Kluni
E coli
Deniel Dey Lyuis
A coli
Ancelina Coli
Qvinet Peltrou
Meril Strip
Riz Uizerspun
Sir Ceyms Pol Makkartni
Stiven Spilberq
Filip Seymur Hoffman
Kevins Kostners
Dzulija Robertsa
yw gwarier amerikan geryes da
Tomass Dzefrijs "Toms" Henkss
TOM XeHKC
Tomu Hankusu
Tomas Cefri Henks
Headland Security
Tom Henks
total freedom
bottoming for Troy Headland in Another AIDS Die
thinking "you lie, Headland Troy"
thinking you'll dye another aid
thinking you'll die another day
Sofia Margarita Vergara Vergara
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third person shooter
spooning Tom Boobs
inventing the obviative shooter
wondering if there is a transsexual pornstar named Hymen Christensen
using the word "waffletastic" rubbing one out in the bathroom at church sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you knead them not being Kento drinking champagne out of a chimp anus
inventing the first second person shooter
internet trolls are a superstitious myth, says Dawkins
the British government would never, ever, under any circumstances, doing anything shady involving the internet
that Scotland doesn't even have any laws, because everybody is perfect, all of the time
no true Scotsman would ever call someone a bitch, or threaten to chin ye
Ms McKelvie gave credence to what she described as "interesting" theories of MIfive attempts to discredit nationalists
the SNP's Christina McKelvie reportedly suggested that there was no link whatsoever between the accounts which sent the author abuse and "anything to do with the Yes campaign"
Dov Charney allegedly seen dancing nude in front of employees
the Hun King Zoro
the hung oink orz
the gunk horizon
the zonking hour
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "waffletastic" to hold your boobs when you run down the stairs
wondering if there is a transsexual pornstar named Tom Boobs accidentally mailing the fudge to Hayden Christensen and the sand to Tom Cruise
wondering if there is a transsexual pornstar named Tom Boobs
accidentally mailing the fudge to Hayden Christensen and the sand to Tom Cruise
boopie doo, ah
Tom Cruise packing his fudge and saying goodbye to the circus
Nellie the Elephant packing her trunk and saying goodbye to the circus
the way that a walrus always says "orf" to you after you have sex, then shits in your pansies
the way that a walrus always says "orf" to you after you have sex, then continues to have sex with you
Top Bunk Nine the Mass Grave
the way that Chris Lydon always says "that'll do, pig, that'll do" to you after you have sex
Bassinet Three the Crypt
Cradle Two the Grave
Carbonado do Sergio
the sperm shortage is getting so bad that some fertility clinics are considering beginning to accept sperm from guys with teeth that fucked u parent
bloody walrusballs
crip diamonds
blood BUCKYBALLS
blood diamonds
un machicoulis
liking your women like you like your coffee, able to cause a tension headache within a few seconds of exposure
Tom Cruise's penchant for paying men to put their tools in his mouth and drill him repeatedly
wondering what Tom Cruise's teeth would be like if any of them were actually still natural
Myke Hawkeing women
squawking women
the sperm shortage is getting so bad that some fertility clinics are considering beginning to accept sperm from guys with teeth that AREN'T fucked up
wondering where the UK is going to find enough doughy, pasty sperm to satsify the needs of all their shrill, squawking women
murder holes
thinking anal rape was like getting raped by a really uptight person
wondering if it is even possible to import Scottish sperm, or whether no true Scotsman would ever leave Scotland
F##king go for it, man!
foreigners, coming over here, taking our women
The UK is facing a major sperm shortage that may be tempting fertility clinics to accept poorer quality sperm
possibly with irony, but without the intention of irony, which is technically impossible to have in any case
honestly, without irony, thinking Diane Sawyer was the news lady from Family Guy
journalist Diane Sawyer will be stepping down as the anchor of the nightly newscast "ABC World News,"
Roman Polanski wants to shoot a movie in his native Poland about the nineteenth century Dreyfus Affair if the director gets assurances that he will have no legal problems stemming from a nineteenseventyseven sex crime conviction
the death of Bobby Womack
thinking analysis was like dialysis for constipated people
Anal bum cover mars NASA 'saucer' test flight
it's way more than that
Bum parachute mars NASA 'saucer' test flight
Facebook admits to 'posting excrement' from seven hundred thousand users
making low density supersonic decelerator animals
Facebook admits to 'proctology experiment' on seven hundred thousand users
Facebook admits to 'psychology experiment' on seven hundred thousand users
guessing that it's more of a b sound
shaving Tzipi Shavit in a tipi
pounding hot adamantium with your uru hammer
obtaining a load of old bollocks by doing a load of old bollocks with a load of old bollocks
obtaining vibranium by sacrificing anodes of transformium in an unobtainium bath
I'm spinning around, move out of my way
the Sino barbarian dichotomy
the eternally galling necessity of sleep
Mo' Lens, No Mo'
clothyard shafts
biting down so hard
Transformium
Transformers Colon Age of Extinction, review colon 'spectacular junk'
doing a google image search for "arrowed"
Go Reams Nude to return to TV screens
Enema Gourds to return to TV screens
Sumo Grenade to return to TV screens
Gonad Resume to return to TV screens
Gander Mouse to return to TV screens
Garden Mouse to return to TV screens
Danger Mouse to return to TV screens
Mo' Lens
lemons
rolling with the typos
falling back to Melons Titith
falling back to Minas Tirith
melons
you don't have to sit around complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up
Team Rape Trays Geldof
Stray Meat Rape Geldof
Samray Tartpee, Jedi Knight
combining the concepts of "Sam Ray" and "tart pee" and getting chimps
combining the concepts of "yam rape" and "taters" and getting chimps
combining the concepts of "rape" and "tasty ream" and getting chimps
stray meat rape
combining the concepts of "stray" and "meat rape" and getting chimps
Hug Me Spud, the hot new toy for the twenty fourteen Christmas season
science cannot move forward without hug me spud
science cannot move forward without huge dumps
science cannot move forward without heaps
bottoming for Ron Burtitio in Soap Tutortials VII
A Pit Zit Shiv
you want to piss on his grave
a patriot's soup tutortials
a patriot's soap tutortials
It said that Falstad Wildhammer was going to be on the Council of Three Hammers, but in the beta it's Kurdran Wildhammer, and Falstad is not in the game at all
combining the concepts of "smear" and "tea party" and getting chimps
that the only thing that you regret about Mark Mayfield's death is that you'll have to travel to the shithole that is Mississippi if you want to piss on his grave
eating nakkos while you wait for you tutortials
delicious pan fried tutortials
tutorials, even
soap tutortials
a patriot's soul
Mississippi tea party leader tied to campaign smear dead in apparent suicide
Tzipi Shavit
using the words "deep throating Stephen Fry"
wondering how long it will be before a tedious and bland film about the murder of Helene Pastor arrives
Mr Cameron was led from the legendary Midtown theater crying and flanked by numerous convicted criminals and paedophiles he had apparently not noticed were criminals and paedophiles despite knowing them personally for many years
Mr Cameron drunkenly puffed away on cigarettes inside Studio fiftyfour, grabbed the butts of several actors and threatened cops before he was hauled away at intermission, sources and a rep for the show said
Mr Cameron issued a stark warning that the appointment of the former Luxembourg Premier as head of the European Commission could have a big impact on British public opinion ahead of the inlout referendum he has promised, because you can promise anything
Mr Cameron warned other EU leaders today that they would "live to regret" their decision and that he would be a "building a laser on the moon to deal with them"
Patrick Rock
Stede Bonnet
gray ,secnetnes rieht fo dne eht ta yas elpoep hsinroC tahw gnirednow
agh
wondering what Cornish people say at the end of their sentences, yarg
a school being closed and the public warned to avoid the area as armed police hunt a sixty year old Elvis impersonator with 'access to guns', following what they describe as a domestic incident, Now you can have sex with your iPad
Now you can have sex with your iPad
wondering what Cornish people say at the end of their sentences
a school being closed and the public warned to avoid the area as armed police hunt a sixty year old Elvis impersonator with 'access to guns', following what they describe as a domestic incident
Shia LaBeouf taken into police custody at Cabaret show
voicing Junk Orgy Dad in Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling
voicing Junkyard Dog in Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling
Lad Comics
pistolpandaphobia
one night she shot out the light, Bang!
pistolpetaphobia, the fear of queefing squid's milk at a PETA convention
pistolpetaphobia
gerontoodobenophilia
odobenophilia
odobenophobia
gerontophobia
gelatophobia
gelotophobia
Snakes and bees 'flush out' Boko Haram fighters
fembots with illegal five speed groins
drawing a picture of Kento being Cockpit Theatred by the cook, the thief, his wife & her lover
Disco Clam
People are like, 'Feed the bears!' No, we're not going to feed the bears
Authorities had to give up onto the protests happened about the grittier side of nature earlier this month in Minnesota
Viewers find it disturbing to watch baby eagle dying on webcam
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover
Newington Butts
the Swan Theatre
the Myke Hawkepit Theatre
the Flight Deck Theatre
drawing a picture of Kento being Bermuda Triangled by DB Cooper and a sasquatch
John Best, "cockmaster" to Henry Frederick, Prince of Wales, King James I's eldest son and heir
the Cockpit Theatre
'Tis Pity She's a Row, Eh
'Tis Pity She's a Bee
lending your colon bees to an urgent colon beekeeper
'Tis Pity She's a Whore
still getting messages from Gary
getting an email titled "Urgent Colon Bees"
hotBITCH
hitchBOT dot eh
hitchBOT
Google reveals first Android Wear watches to go on sale, public braces for rise in numbers of twats playing secret agent
Jimmy Savile sexually assaulted victims aged five to seventy five in NHS hospitals over decades of unrestricted access, investigators say
wondering if the Will Smith from Kepler oneeightysixf forced his untalented son to costar with him in critical and commercial failure After Kepler Oneeightysixf
drawing a picture of the Will Smith from Kepler oneeightysixf punching an Earthling in the face and saying "WELCOME TO KEPLER ONEEIGHTYSIXF"
A better than fifty fifty chance Kepler oneeightysixf has teleological life
technological life
moon bottoming for Buggery Rash Carl Geldof in Facebook Victims VII
moon
bottoming for Buggery Rash Carl Geldof in Facebook Victims VII
Buggery Rash Carl's Jr
Minnesota Man Faces Buggery Rash Carl After Logging Into Facebook on Victim's Computer
Minnesota Man Faces Burglary Charges After Logging Into Facebook on Victim's Computer
naming your planet after dirt and having only flown to your own moon
giving manic pixie dreams on a planet having life when the only data point you have is Earth
giving odds
giving odds on a planet having life when the only data point you have is Earth
Baldo "Nopz" Freebasei Geldof
that we're all going to look like idiots if analysis of signals from Kepler oneeightysixf reveals names like Baldo "Nopz" Freebasei and Sculpy Doots are commonplace there
A better than fifty fifty chance Kepleroneeightysixf has podcasters and aquatic mammals that want to space bridge Kento
A better than fifty fifty chance Kepler oneeightysixf has technological life
wondering if William Hague actually thinks people listen when he speaks, let alone get his mangled references
sometimes you just gotta wait
your grandpa is bobbing for ovaries like a champ
we were led by Disraeli, our predecessors knew Disraeli, Disraeli was a Conservative through and through, and, Ed Miliband, you are no Disraeli
that qwantz dot wales slash regret is not a real place you can go to look you
Senator, you're no Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke was a friend of mine
I knew Myke Hawke
I served with Myke Hawke
that qwantz dot wales slash regret is not a real place you can go to
Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy
Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine
I knew Jack Kennedy
I served with Jack Kennedy
qwantz dot wales slash regret
Novemberfest
not knowing jack
Oktoberfest
shooting Han Solo in the crotch with a blaster when you were a Rodian
shooting Hank Hill in the urethra with an arrow when you were a kid
Jussi Halla aho
Small Porgies
London's mayor cum novelty infrastructure tsar
super baked and watching supernatural
Peter Nippers wants beaming charges dismissed on mental health grounds
Peter Slipper wants fraud charges dismissed on mental health grounds
getting nads in your vagina statue
vaginastone baked pizza
getting bread in your vagina statue
vaginastone
getting sand in your vagina statue
Manic Pixie Dream Girl Geldof
manic pixie dream numbers
odd perfect numbers
Man gets NSA from statue of a vagina in Germany
Man gets STD from statue of a vagina in Germany
Obama gets stuck inside Angela Merkel's vagina in Germany
The sculpture, called Pi Chacan, was erected in front of the Institute of Microbiology and Virology at the university in two thousand one
Man gets stuck inside Angela Merkel's vagina in Germany
Man gets stuck inside a statue of a vagina in Germany
There is no programme of mass surveillance and there is no surveillance state
Kendra Wilkinson's husband Hank Baskett accused of sexual relationship with transsexual model
Rash cover to be built in evil vat
Hover cars to be built in evil vat
Hover cars to be built in Tel Aviv
Gary Oldman, more like Gary Oldman, amirite
Kidnapped baby in Texas found by jogger
Rupert Murdoch has been officially informed by Scotland Yard that detectives want to interview him as a suspect as part of their inquiry into allegations of crime at his British newspapers
The editor of the Sheffield Star has demanded an explanation as to why his reporter, Alex Evans, was warned off filming a protest against cuts to free travel provision for pensioners and disabled people by British transport police officers on Monday
the death of Lance Ferguson Prayogg
Is Gary Oldman calling Gary Numan an idiot by blasting talentless pop stars for pretending to be robots
Is Gary Oldman calling Miley Cyrus an idiot by blasting talentless pop stars for twerking
realizing that American Idol is probably now older than much of its target audience
being put on trial for unspecified crimes against the state
Plop Dylan
Macaulay Culkin is like the male, singleton Mary Kate and Ashley Olson
getting a wet willy from the wet bandit when you were home alone
that "wet bandit" originated from Macauley Culkin's pet name for Michael Jackson
wondering why Jaden Smith's voice reminds you of a talking frog
After Earth
The Return of the Wet Bandits
slamming SOMEBODY ELSE'S dick in TWO waffle STEELS
Hard Alone
jumbo waffles
wondering if there really is a super creepy porno version of Home Alone out there
slamming your dick in a waffle iron
Waffles, the gentleman thief
jimbo waffles
using the word "walestastic" isn't it
slamming your waffle in the car door
CALCULATION CHARGE
wondering how far this will push back the new X Men movie
FBI colon one hundred and sixty eight kids kids rescued, two hundred and eighty one pimps nabbed in sex trafficking crackdown
algorithm march
bottoming for Chet Meatsack in Have No Loom
bottoming for Chet Meatsack in Homo Alone V
Korean lie trait purges
five Home Alone movies
Korean literati purges
out of focus proctology
out of focus ideology
wanting to register jimbo wales, and the wales sister, dot
wanting to register sambo dot chuppers
wanting to register jimbo dot wales
First Minster Carwyn Jones said it would "enhance the global presence of brand Wales, look you now"
New domain names set to 'sell' Wales to the world, isn't it
The AI Box Experiment, if you know what I mean
The John Birch Society adamantly labeled Eisenhower as a "socialist"
Jack Chick apparently rejects the idea of QCD, or at least the idea that gluons exist
abominable intelligence
The AI Box Experiment
playing dik
playing kid
playing dog
the Singularity
drawing a picture of Kento Marek being Tosche Stationed by a septuagenarian Han Solo and Val'kilmer the Hutt
Talonbane Cobra
Val Kilmer In Talks To Make Cameo Appearance As Jabba the Hutt's Older, Fatter Brother In 'Star Wars Colon Episode VII'
Tom Cruise In Talks To Make Cameo Appearance In 'Star Wars Colon Episode VII'
Einsiedlerkoenigreich
your sharona
playing god
the amazing Rapagram Index
eating out Shumway on a Segway on a subway in Singapore
raping ten lichees
sleeping in her cat
kneading to cum
needing to come
Michael Crichton, Leprechaun
sleeping in the car
hatters gonna hat
as if there were any other kind
lending your bra to a dishonest hatter
confusing bra hat rib with B'nai B'rith
confusing bara brith with B'nai B'rith
Lawmakers visit Marine held in Mexico, say sergeant 'needs to come'
the Crichton Leprechaun
being almost out of love
being almost out of Africa
eating out Shumway on a subway in Singapore
eating a Shumway on a subway in Singapore
eating a Subway on a subway in Tehran
eating a Randian on a subway in Singapore
eating a durian on a subway in Singapore
being almost out of big swans
being almost completely in mb
being almost out of bread and circuses
being almost out of mb
coincidentally being almost out of bs
fml
Lisa needs chemically stored potential energy
BATTERY
oh ffs
that was suopposed tp
being almost out of bs
thinking you might swing by the Old Swan later if you have time
not being able to copy text on this phpne
appearing ar conventions in costume as Cap'n America, me hearties
great, now I'm senile
appearing ar conventions in costume as Captain America
regret numbers six four one six four and six four one six five
probably should have said boobs again there
that you used to think Riker was from Canada
spooning has the right to children
Boobs of Canada
that you used to think Jewel was from Canada
sorry Jewel
bathing your dick in Jewel's anus
bathing your chimp in Jewel's church
oh a wiseguy, eh, eh
the Three Canadian Stooges
oh a wiseguy, eh
says you
threading your bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis through someone to braid it with that of a walrus is still pretty perverted
and by everyone and everything I mean "mostly ugly goth singers and unemployed fat gay Asians"
hey, Chris Lydon has never forced himself on anyone, he is an omnisexual supermagnet that attracts everyone and everything to him
up a lazy river
wondering who is the more colossal pervert, Dov Charney or Chris Lydon
this is what it sounds like when Red Anchovy cries
eating that whole thing of spicy curry and waking up at whatever awful hour this is when you brother in law gets in from his night shift
this is what it sounds like when Dov Charney cries
allowing an employee to post naked photographs of a former female employee who had sued you
Bob "Barky" Barkhimer
peeling up stream
peeing upstream, odd
going down on the river
going down river
peeing upstream even
peeing up stream
going up the river
seeing a guy dressed like the Fonz, out for a stroll in Leeds
the thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea
probably involving sand people
guessing that there is already a slashfic titled Rough Trade at Tosche Station
assuming that when Luke said "pick up" he meant be Galactic Senate Buildinged by
Canadian woman who stopped car to help ducks faces life in jail after causing fatal crash
assuming that when Luke said "pick up" he meant shoplift
that apparently they're datari, not daktari, poodoo!
that apparently they're datari, not daktari, sithspit
buying all those power converters
buying all those Republic daktari
buying all those carbonite credits
taking a pervy foot vow
buying all those cabron credits
taking a vow of poverty
that ISIS would be a lot more popular if they offered everybody a free owl
ISIS mocks Michelle Obama on Twitter, boasts of Iraq victory
drawing a picture of Ricky Martin being Eiffel Towered by Rory Calhoun and Santa's Little Helper
liking your women like you like your walking and talking, like Rory Calhoun
walking like you talk and talking like you walk
Ricky Martin's "She Bangs, Or So I've Been Led To Believe"
There's a new 'World's Ugliest Dog Colon Steve Buscemi'
liking his films
that if the Celebrity Regretter is Steve Buscemi, you'd just like to say you're sorry ellipsis that he's so UGLY
There's a new "Steve Buscemi"
There's a new 'World's Ugliest Dog'
Frenching that goal
retraining bras
never finishing building that cute berth
never finishing building that trebuchet
In Tournament Packed With Goals, France Stuffs in Five More
I'd say "farewell," but that would be lying, I really hope you fare badly
training bras
getting doored at the dick card
getting dicked at the card door
getting carded at the dick door
the worst hubs
hot boner cash cum hubs
them boobs anus church
grues
surge
urges
you missed two classes and no homework
eating too hot to handle too cold to hold slaw
eating hot slaw
eating cold slaw
the Hungarian conquest of the Carpathian Basin on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
the sexual conquest of the Carpathian Basin
the Hungarian conquest of the Carpathian Basin
Michael Fabricant Twitter row Colon David Cameron stands by Tory MP who said he would slam journalist Yasmin Alibhai Brown's dick 'in the card door'
Michael Fabricant Twitter row Colon David Cameron stands by Tory MP who said he would pay hardboiled gumshoe Yasmin Alibhai Brown 'in kroner'
you must fabricate additional michaels
standing by your colon
Michael Fabricant Twitter row Colon David Cameron stands by Tory MP who said he would shoot singer songwriter Jackson C Frank 'in the eye'
Michael Fabricant Twitter row Colon David Cameron stands by Tory MP who said he would grape journalist Yasmin Alibhai Brown 'in the mouth'
finally watching that "I am gonna grape you in the mouth" thing
It was literally an ad for pear
Sandy Vagina Truthers
accidentally implying that Hayden Christensen's first girlfriend was a mule when you meant to imply that his first girlfriend was a sandman, and that the relationship ended badly, possibly because of a sandy vagina
wondering if Hayden Christensen grew up on a farm in Georgia
a teenage girl and thirty nine year old man who desecrated an Edinburgh mosque by attacking it with strips of bacon have both been sent to jail
Cerro Armazones
Michael Fabricant Twitter row Colon David Cameron stands by Tory MP who said he would punch journalist Yasmin Alibhai Brown 'in the throat'
Kento Ikeda, the Colon Pope
Nintendo promises to include gay Eiffel Towering in next Tomodachi Life patch
making members of the Regret Index in Tomodachi Life
Unholy Smoke Colon Pope Condemns Legalization of Pot
It was literally an ad for rape
having sex with and urinating on an underage girl
Chink anus ivy guru spreads to US, Cuba
A Nu Chink Guy virus spreads to US, Cuba
Chikungunya virus spreads to US, Cuba
lending your twinks to an improper twinkkeeper
long term, concurrent fellatio in captive brown TWINKS kept in proper conditions
Chet Haze
I claim it, inamorata
imitation calamari
you and I will meet again, when we're least expecting it
long term, recurrent fellatio in captive brown bears kept in proper conditions
When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a sandman
National Edge Day
entering sandman
Vegan Reich
Seventy five CDC staff possibly exposed to metallica
Seventy five CDC staff possibly exposed to anthrax
Bicycle Riding Horses Are Everywhere
Fish Eating Spiders Are Everywhere
Bono enjoys a bowl of chowder and a pint while out with his son in the Gaeltacht
West Cardiff pellet gun attack on boy 'sectarian isn't it'
West Belfast pellet gun attack on Jackson C Frank 'sectarian'
la patada de Cuauhtemoc
rabo verde
shiri ga aoi
Mr Weather
Donald Tusk
West Belfast pellet gun attack on boy 'sectarian'
suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend
When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule
In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex
Republican Sen Thad Cochran Colon As a kid, I did "all kinds of indecent things with animals"
Nigel Farage joins forces with far right MEPs in European Parliament for new EFD group
our compulsory owl guarantee would be a head turning policy, but sadly it's no longer going to take flight #tweettwoo
Everybody should have his own owl
Eric Pickles said the economic benefits of expanding the UK's largest film studio overrode the objections of the local council, which had said the development was "inappropriate" for the green belt
Even SpaceX's Elon Musk Fears 'Hand Job' cop slot rape a boy
Even SpaceX's Elon Musk Fears 'Hand Job' Robot Apocalypse
taking a celebrity adventure with the reality star
actually feeling really bad about Argentina because you're pretty sure at least some of that debt was accrued buying overpriced French missiles for the Falklands War
hidin out on thu intanet a niiiite
your internet going down in what ypu hope isn't a hot genteel oral fuck farce, then blase row
Lisa sneered "Scab!"
Even SpaceX's Me No Sulk Fears 'Terminator' Robot Apocalypse
a case of not cable theft
Lisa needs braces
dental plan!
Lisa needs braces
dental plan!
Lisa needs braces
dental plan!
Lisa needs braces
dental plan!
Lisa needs braces
dental plan!
Lisa still needing braces
your internet going down in what ypu hope isn't another week long case of rural cable theft
Even SpaceX's Elon Musk Fears 'Terminator' Robot Apocalypse
playing Kim Kardashian Colon Hollywood
Ay, caramba! Argentina on verge of default
dad remarks stinkers canceled by US Patent Office
Redskins trademarks canceled by US Patent Office
HOT DOLPHIN!
beaming Peter Nippers to meet Pippa Peppers
meeting Pippa Peppers
antisocial insects
The The Defiant Ones
Pooper Middleton
comedian Inverts Meat, who has an acclaimed career as a folk musician
remaking The Neatened Fist Ho with Hayden Christensen and Pippa Middleton
Home Alone Five The Holiday Heist
remaking The Defiant Ones with Hayden Christensen and Pippa Middleton
montages of soldiers shouting, tanks firing in unison and leader Kim Jong un laughing
North Korea "develops Russian cruise missile"
comedian Steve Martin, who has an acclaimed career as a folk musician
Prosecutors on Tuesday said they were dropping a disorderly conduct case against Paul Simon
sending Hayden Christensen heap big sand
sending Hayden Christensen a many redskin
sending Hayden Christensen a sandy merkin
being there, doing that, messing around
thirty foot smurfs
Irish evil spirits dive into big eyes
A curious Ohio DOG who sneaked into an abandoned house over the weekend discovered a mummified corpse hanging inside a closet, unnoticed for nearly five years
A curious Ohio boy who sneaked into an abandoned house over the weekend discovered a mummified corpse hanging inside a closet, unnoticed for nearly five years
Evil spirits dive into big eyes
eusocial insects
social insects
remaking The Defiant Ones with theater and a merkin
remaking The Defiant Ones with theater and a mere fit
remaking The Defiant Ones with Father Time and a tree
Pippa Christensen
putting locks on all the clocks and chaining Father Time to a tree
to prove a point
putting locks on all the clocks and chaining Father Time to a tree to prove a point
the death of Captain Scarlet
sending Hayden Christensen various packages and items filled with various amounts of sand
imagining Hayden Christensen going on a bile filled antisand rant during the Yellowknife Community Theater presentation of Our Town
that Hayden Christensen probably never needs to act again, which is lucky for him, eh
drawing a picture of Pippa Middleton and Hayden Christensen braiding their failed careers together
Hayden Christensen, would be Blue Peter presenter, eh
Pippa Middleton, would be Blue Peter presenter
just really struggling to understand what failed newspaper columnist Pippa Middleton hopes to achieve in life
Flicka Middleton Begins Three Thousand Mile Charity Bike Ride Across US
Pippa Middleton Begins Three Thousand Mile Charity Bike Ride Across YOU
Pippa Middleton Geldof
A Pent Pimp Dildo Begins Three Thousand Mile Charity Bike Ride Across US
Piled Dip Tampon Begins Three Thousand Mile Charity Bike Ride Across US
Pippa Middleton Begins Three Thousand Mile Charity Bike Ride Across US
may the vascular force be with you
LES PORCS EPICS FIVED'S EXCORIATION JUNE CIBORIUM 'COLLAPSAR PEACE' SUBSTRATIFICATION
the Vascular Force
floor paint misbehavin
having never watched Seinfeld
Finding Dory ejaculation in Star Wars VII
Finding Dory
ejaculation in Star Wars VII
the very notion that Harrison Ford has the vascular force to even get an erection
wondering if Han Solo will have problems with premature ejaculation in Star Wars VII
dying a of a nosebleed on your wedding night
ammosexuals, no ammo
Harrison Ford's injury may alter 'Star Wars' filming
Jonathan Palmer AKA Peaches and Cream
desperately trying to shit a cricket ball for the past five years
maybe burning some symbols of the political hegemony right to the ground to make the point that a lot of shit be pretty flammable, yo
being all for kidnapping and coercing leading political figures into making concessions for their social inferiors, Magna Carta style
celebrating Britishness with the strained determination of a man desperately trying to shit a cricket ball for the past five years
two lame duck governments in a row
A Forty Seven Year Old Man Has Amazed Doctors By Subsisting On A Diet of Excrement
orphans were 'shackled to beds and sexually abused by Lib Dems with protection of press and state'
UK is 'shackled to undifferentiated political party system'
China is 'shackled to communist doctrine'
the hugest dress falling out of your poop
the hugest poop falling out of your dress
a nincompoop falling out of your dress
going to the Onion for the first time in years and getting a pop up telling you that you reached your limit of free articles and just assuming it was some kind of parody of cash grabbing news sites
A sagittis Hungarorum, libera nos Domine
a boob falling out of your dress
licking carpet
LEAGUE OF ANGELS
shag acne
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the shag acne out of a mop trope, eh
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a gumshoe trope
Sorothaptic language
like a bitter old picklepuss
yachtislanddesign dot com
holding your anus when you run down the chimp
the death of a messy cake
The people are often heard swearing on the lives of their mother's camels and so forth
the Socialist Democratic Federated Republic of Carbombya
zoinks
T Force
the death of Casey Kasem
walruslike noises
Vegan Balsamic Vinegar Geldof
Dip Dip Dipper Geldof
Chrome's autofill trying to capitalize or antimajuscule initial letters
Pre Moderate Heat Iron Geldof
preheat waffle iron to a moderate heat being such a waffletastic instruction
upside down on the dip dip dipper
preheat grill to a moderate heat being such a worthless instruction
the rare bear, from Peru
thinking Kento needs a slightly patronising theme tune, like Paddington Bear
When recieving oral sex from a girl you cum in her mouth and quickly cover it before you punch her in the stomach, causing the jism to spew out her nose creating tusks and make groaning walruslike noises
between waterboarding and teabagging
how much Khalid Sheikh Mohammed fucks like Ron Jeremy
how much Khalid Sheikh Mohammed looks like Ron Jeremy
giving Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a Dutch oven
wondering if the Guantanamo Bay detainees were given a choice between waterboarding and teabagging
only realizing you'd been raped by a vegan when they spat your semen out
that's kind of hot
imagining a vegan performing a nonconsensual blow job on a man, then later regretting it because the cum wasn't vegan
vegan rape
winning FORTY dollars by MAINLINING A LITER of TRADITIONAL vegan balsamic vinegar
if you give head to people to torture them, or going down is an act of rape, then the ejaculate is no longer vegan
I loved, I mean LOVED, giving head, but suddenly feel a new gag reflex coming on when I think about it
melting the one that got away
meating the one that got away
seating the one that got away
teasing the one that got away
eating the one that got away
being the one that got away
I have had it with this motherfucking sex on this motherfucking train!
sex on a train
a balsamic moon
winning FORTY dollars by MAINLINING A LITER of TRADITIONAL balsamic vinegar
winning FORTY dollars by MAINLINING A LITER of balsamic vinegar
winning FORTY dollars by drinking A LITER of balsamic vinegar
Hidden Spotlit Cock Fear
Lost Deaf Torpid Chicken
the Ice Dicks of Portland
A Crap Ace one point oh
Carapace one point oh
Jerome fifty seven
Madame Muchmoney
the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary
I run around my house naked with heels all the time
rearranging dick arches on the Titanic
rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic
winning twenty dollars by drinking half a liter of vegan tiger blood
winning twenty dollars by drinking half a liter of tiger blood
Mass Euro Cum Paean
Cum Semen Aura Soap
A Spaceman, Our Muse
Aaron Space Museum
just throwing that out there
we should meet up
Man drives hundreds of miles with gross seance prep
Man drives hundreds of miles with corpse passenger
drinking that whole thing of balsamic vinegar and pickling in bed
drinking that whole thing of balsamic vinegar and puking in bed
winning twenty kroners by drinking half a liter of balsamic vinegar
seeing a sign advertising a "cat's rectum cocaine hag"
seeing a sign advertising a "casting couch cream tea"
using the word "lustwaffles"
earning twenty dollars by drinking half a litre of balsamic vinegar
being a slag's hole
seeing you baby, shaking that ass
being a glasshole
work that ass
winning twenty dollars by drinking half a liter of balsamic vinegar
the socialist republic of Portugal
Lisa Simpson performing oral sex
the Galician language
meeting Bryan Singer
using the word "luftwaffles"
brushing the dust off your vulva
Twin Long Rods Geldof
Sex Abuse Scandal May Force Bryan Singer Off 'X Men Colon Apocalypse'
screw frigates
Christianity Today Should Not Have Published a Rapist's Story
brushing the dust off your vuvuzela
really wanting silver blood syrup
really wanting orangutan blood syrup
really wanting blood orange syrup
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her waffles
googling champagne waffles on a whim and now really wanting some
drinking champagne out of a waffle
drawing a picture of Kento being Victory Arched in Tikrit by Saddam Hussein and a Chukar partridge
bottoming for twelve walruses in Twelve Angry Animals VII, Kento
Twelve Angry Animals
Operation Red Dawn
taking pollution down to zero
wondering what the Boston of Iraq is and, by extension, who the Chris Lydon of Iraq is
the hilarious ineptitude of Glegog "Egg" Solo
the hilarious ineptitude of Google Goggles
if Baghdad is to Iraq what New York City is to the United States, then Mosul is even more of a shithole than Detroit
Peaches Geldof, Jedi Knight
Squishable Screenable Putz, Jedi Knight
Squishable Screenable Putz with large pores
Screenable Putz with large pores
Cruel Zen Pope with large breasts
Lo, Prepuce Zen with large breasts
Penelope Cruz with stage barrels
Penelope Cruz with basal regrets
Penelope Cruz with large breasts
While you're watching some nice pieces of ash, you'll also be helping to spruce America up!
the porn industry is calling for a boycott on Samuel L Jackson
Dinnis Rogmuno, Jedi Knight
Dinnis Rogmuno
seeing the words Rodong Sinmun and thinking it was an anagram of Dennis Rodman
forgiving me if it goes astray
I was dreamin when I wrote this
when things catch up
I don't even know your name but I don't think that you do either, Fitzcarraldo fire brimstone perfect silence
therapyretreats dot com, with over a dozen analrapists on staff
SANTORINI pyre treats
thera pyre treats
therapyretreats dot com
drawing a picture of Kim Jong un having the tide torn apart by feral dogs for refusing to obey him
Kim Jong Un to North Korean weather forecasters colon Get it right
Iraq disintegrating underpants as they advance
Iraq disintegrating insurgents as they advance
wondering if the internet is broken
getting an app message that the date and time on your phone is wrong even though it clearly isn't, and finding that the fix is to download a newer version from the Play store, which you can't access apparently because the date and time are allegedly wrong
that'll probably slow them down
Iraq disintegrating as insurgents advance
reports of a seventy one year old man being injured in an incident believed to involve a garage door
See Wolf Balls Decoded in My Asshole Forever
Recalled Beef Sold in Every Mass Whole Foods
Pomegranate Blueberry Flavored Blend of Five Juices
David Cameron hosted a Thai billionaire whose conglomerate is at the centre of Guardian revelations of fishing industry slavery, but did not record the visit on his official list of meetings
a mind controlled robotic exoskeleton
waffle thighs deserve Quentin Git
queen twats deserve high fig flint
night waffles deserve a quiet night
deep throating Stephen Fry using the word "waffletastic"
waking up with the phrase "waffletastic" stuck in your head and suspecting your unconscious mind is retraining as a waffle chef, possibly to spite you
holding your boobs when you use the word "waffletastic"
waking up with the phrase "sui generis" stuck in your head and suspecting your unconscious mind is retraining as a lawyer, possibly to spite you
using the word "waffletastic" in the bathroom at church
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
people who hug MAJORS in public restrooms
people who hug minors in public restrooms
the bitterly ironic beats of Barren Pepsi P, one of the most depressing rappers of all time
Czar Katy L and Barren Pepsi P's cover of 'Dancing in the Street'
hugedumpers
people who have a wide stance in the bathroom
yarg
phine kwybisrfd
people who meat you at the uronal
people who greet you at the urinal
getting AIDS from a Rolling Stone cover
that's just Czar Katy L
getting SIDS from a restaurant cover
people who hum or sing in public restrooms
getting SIDS from a toilet seat cover
getting SADS from a toilet seat
getting AIDS from a toilet seat
being up for the TLC but not the rest of it
that's just TLC raz yak
that's just crazy talk
Rough Sex Monday night workouts
Wednesday night workouts
not being able to hibernate forever
sometimes really wanting to hibernate until everyone stops being so stupid about everything
that regardless of the logic behind the Scottish indepence movement which is admittedly sketchy, it always troubles you to see victimizers having such forceful opinions about how their victims must feel
sometimes really wanting to take up smoking again, or maybe drinking, or probably both
the Winter of Nicotine
the Winter of Incontinence
the Winter of Discontent
the question of devolving limited political powers from the UK Parliament to elected regional assemblies in North East England, North West England and Yorkshire and the Humber respectively
the idea that national unity in a democracy is impossible while even one voice dissents on grounds of historical sovereignty of subsumed regions
The Dignity Project, which carries out work to improve the lives of children in Africa, described the Harry Potter creator as the "juggernaut, bitch"
anyone who would donate a million pounds to an imperialist movement instead of to people who actually need it is in fact a bitch
Themistocles Zammit
science has worked out that pregnancy, hangovers and visits to one's GP may be affected by the awesome power of the moon
The Dignity Project, which carries out work to improve the lives of children in Africa, described the Harry Potter creator as a "bitch"
seeing the headline "US may blacklist Thailand after prawn trade slavery revelations" and thinking "fookin prawns"
Chuck Cunningham Syndrome
the Ted Cruzes of the world
the Slapslapslapper
the Lolcoder
the Kronerpayer
the Chimpanusdrinker
the Gumshoehardboiler
the Butcher Boy
the Bloodbottler
the Maidmasher
the Gizzardgulper
the Meatdripper
the Childchewer
the Manhugger
the Bonecruncher
the Fleshlumpeater
huffing butane
avid btard
David Brat
people from Wales taste of fish
reflecting before you snack
frozen tiger, hidden expiration date
a tiger defying the laws of demolition man
a tiger defying the laws of THE LAKE HOUSE
a tiger defying the laws of gravity
having sex with France's public debt's mother before you married it
sixty percent of French public debt is illegitimate
WWI biscuits to be auctioned in Suffolk
eek
monterey jack
drawing a picture of Buck Rogers being Forth Bridged by Charlie Reid and Craig Reid
consuming a dish of Rob Petrie
Joseph Rowntree study warns of Scots still in poverty by twentyfivetwentyfive, if man is still alive
Joseph Rowntree study warns of Scots still chinning ye by twentytwentyfive
Joseph Rowntree study warns of Scots still in poverty by twentytwentyfive
Rob Petrie was the consummate TV father
burying all those dead Irish babies instead of eating them, what a twist
Promoed Carnage
Cap'n O G Readmore
burying all those dead Irish babies instead of eating them, what a waste
Facts Are Murky on Location of Dead Babies in Ireland
drawing a picture of Sarah Bernhardt fellating an elephant seal while Benny Hill anally penetrates himself with Bernie Mac's severed forearm
that if reddit slash r slash SilentFilmEraActressesPerformingSexActsOnAquaticMammalsWhilstDeceasedBritishSitcomStarsPleasureThemselvesWithDetachedLimbsOfAfricanAmericanComedians ever finds this site, they'll be in heaven
emmental
squeak squeak
heaven, it's just one big orgy
drawing a picture of Lillian Gish beating off a dolphin while Rik Mayall watches from afar and masturbates with Tracy Morgan's amputated leg
Peter the Upstairs Dolphin was buried in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake in accordance with his wishes
Peter the Upstairs Dolphin
transporting Peter downstairs
slamming your spoon in Lillian Gish's dish
slamming your dish in Lillian Gish's boobs
running away with Lillian Gish
dishing Lillian Gish's boobs
Lillian Gish, more lik Lillian DISH amirite
drawing a picture of Tracy Morgan being rear ended by a sleep deprived trucker
Tracy Morgan's rep colon Leg amputation rumors are false
the death of Karma Lily
the death of Rik Mayall
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable ALF
transporting Chris downstairs proved so disruptive to the lessons that, faced with his frequent arousals, it just seemed easier for Ikeda to relieve his urges himself manually
transporting Peter downstairs proved so disruptive to the lessons that, faced with his frequent arousals, it just seemed easier for Lovatt to relieve his urges herself manually
cheeese
that one kind of jumpy rat seems to have escaped
both of us
wondering how many of the regret index regulars are rats
despite all my regret I am still just a rat in a cage
Like humans, rats experience regret colon Study
This weekend, a computer program convinced thirty three percent of a panel of judges in the Penn State showers that it was a thirteen year old Ukrainian boy
This weekend, a computer program convinced thirty three percent of a panel of judges at the University Reading that it was a thirteen year old Ukrainian boy
shooting Justin Bieber in the showers at Penn State when he was not a kid
shooting Justin Bieber in the showers at Penn State when he was a kid
shooting Justin Bieber in the bath when you were a kid
Justin Bieber gets Eiffel Towered in a bath in attempt to wash away sins after racism shame
Justin Bieber gets circumcised in a bath in attempt to wash away sins after racism shame
Justin Bieber gets baptised in a bath in attempt to wash away sins after racism shame
ddaufZpqnXdsNKU
failing to come up with a mutually SUPERLATIVE third person
failing to come with a mutually acceptable third person
ALFILF
Killian Fish
hey guys, remember ALF
Hen Fart Conman
I'll Hail Gins
being born too late for having sex with Lillian Gish and too early for having sex with Christina Ricci
being born too late for having sex with Lillian Gish and too early for cloning Lillian Gish and having sex with her
getting heatstroke practically every time the sun comes out shooting Jackson in the Hole from the hip when you were in French Montana
getting heatstroke practically every time the sun comes out
shooting Jackson in the Hole from the hip when you were in French Montana
there's very little meat in these gym mats
remember ALF, he's back, in porn form
alfporn dot tumblr dot com
having sex with Lillian Gish
Jackson Hole
playing acid rock on a stolen guitar
French Montana
shooting from the hip
Vanilli, Milli Vanilli for sale
AN OMNIBUS OF COWBOY'S HOLLER HOS AND CONCUSSION HUMOUR
to fan a hidden fire that can never burn true
rocking me all the time to the top
Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, Dr Seuss, oh, oh, oh Dr Seuss, come and rock me Dr Seuss
Korean Airlines Flight Zero Zero Seven
AN OMNIBUS OF SCHOOL BOY HOWLERS AND UNCONSCIOUS HUMOR
well fuck you then
I wish I cared about the things you care about, but I don't
slipping from the net, trying to forget
they don't know the meaning of hurt
a California Cheeseburger
getting adopted by a neurotic robot
good electroplating material
Misty's special lure
Brock
Misty
Professor Oak
Ash
Gary
good moist labia manure tart
good masturbation material
the death of Captain Morgan
I have no objection to man walking on the moon
the death of Tracy Morgan
eating more lead than a pencil sharpener
Hillary Clinton Colon 'No Lingering Effects' From 'Serious' Concussion
drawing a picture of Dan Aykroyd lubing up Michael Jackson's penis with butter while Bob Geldof watches from afar and masturbates
This Bride Tied Her Newborn Baby to Her Wedding Dress and Dragged Her Down the Aisle
getting a hand job from a neurotic robot in the dumpster behind Tosche Station
getting a hand job from a neurotic robot
Neurotic Robots Act More Human
mentally adding "sexual battery" between every instance of "smooth" and "criminal" in the song "smooth criminal"
we are the world, grease up the children
Michael Butterson changes lyrics of Michael Jackson songs to celebrate butter
never listening when pastry speaks
mentally adding "buttery" between every instance of "smooth" and "criminal" in the song "smooth criminal"
the world's first clear look at Amazon's smartphone, turns out it looks like all the other smartphones, how about that
imagining what Geordi La Forge's LiveJournal is like
never getting laid again, except with computer simulations of actual people
never learning to speak Cruller
Danish is easy, you just talk like Geordie, reverse the polarity of the quantum phase tachyon pulse
the implications of public sector debt being controlled by investors miles away from the underlying assets
Danish is easy, you just talk like a Geordie, howay man
Vodafone's Deadman said such a system would be illegal because Britain did not permit agencies to obtain information without a warrant
never learning to speak Danish
filthy foreign planets, coming over here, taking our mass
drawing a picture of the Earth being EIFFEL TOWERED by 'Theia' and THE MOON
drawing a picture of the Earth being Eiffel Towered by Theia and the moon
Evidence of ancient WORLD SMASHER planet 'Theia' FOUND ON MOON
carpe epilepsiam
child molestation, pedophilia, hitchhiking, kidnapping, epileptic seizure, bullies, racism, bulimia, drunk driving and drug abuse
being a meddlesome gab rat
being a meddlesome bra tag
being a meddlesome ratbag
being a chip butty
eating a buttinsky
being a buttinsky
Kevin James being set upon by a pack of velociraptors, their sharp foot claws slashing at his ample belly until his entrails spill out in a grisly waterfall
drawing a picture of Kevin James being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by the vengeful revenant of Geoffrey the giraffe
starting up all the garbage mashers on the Kevin James level
slowing pushing Kevin James into a hedge
shoving Kevin James out of a moving vehicle at slow speed, so that he can really understand how deliberate it is
shoving Kevin James into a pit filled with feces covered punji sticks
Kevin James' inherent heritability
shoving Kevin James out of a moving vehicle at normal speed, but when the vehicle is going very fast
shoving Kevin James out of a moving vehicle at high speed
garrotting Kevin James
that both "the American Dream" and "living the dream" have already been added, but you see where I was going with that smothering Kevin James
that both "the American Dream" and "living the dream" have already been added, but you see where I was going with that
smothering Kevin James
Zookeeper smothers Kevin James' inherent likability with its sodden script and a surfeit of jokes that might be inappropriate for the young viewers intrigued by its juvenile storyline
Geoffrey, the giraffe who rose to fame as a star in the classic Toys "R" Us commercials and who appeared alongside Jim Carrey in the film Ace Ventura Colon Pet Detective, died after filming Zookeeper at the San Diego Zoo
Crystal the Monkey as Donald the Capuchin Monkey
that Zookeeper is actually set in the Boston zoo, holy shit
legal horsy, and a wonk in a young girl's eye
glory holes, and a wank in a young girl's eye
glory days, and a wank in a young girl's eye
funt
fucker
fierfek
Kento wah ning chee echuta murishani tytung ye wanya yoskah
Kento wah ning chee kosthpa murishani tytung ye wanya yoskah
Finitez cetez detox
Ogama ho ikeda kento
Ogama ho miketa keezo
Utto nye usabia atoonyoba
Eee ja maa'na hoo'va, baa'li jen'ku'rada sen'to
Orcho lok resnik Starfleet
like all Starfleet you talk and you talk, but you have no guramba
Romanipolanski
Guramba
Romanipen
the "Big Swan" system in Papua New Guineafowl
His position is not inherently heritable
the "Big Man" system in Papua New Guinea
Benny Lava
ne nravitsya pesok
draconian marshmallow poink
Chris Lydon striking you as the kind of guy who always demands anal from women, men, various zoo animals, and the occasional drainpipe
wanting to make Vladimir Putin an anal sand witch for his birthday
Vladimir Putin striking you
Vladimir Putin striking you as the kind of guy who says vaginas are icky
Vladimir Putin striking you as the kind of guy who always demands anal from women, but then pretends he never mentioned it and isn't interested even though it's painfully obvious he's waiting for them to offer anal
having sweaty elbows
Vladimir Putin striking you as the kind of doll who always demands anal from men
Vladimir Putin striking you as the kind of guy who always demands anal from women
Putin on Clinton Colon VII
"Long" Cat Isn't Actually Long
"Extinct" Bat Isn't Actually Extinct
Putin on Clinton Colon 'It's Better Not to Argue With Women'
ticking a box claiming that South Africa is a predominantly English speaking country, chommie
ticking a box claiming that South Africa is a predominantly English speaking western
wondering how metal an uncomfortable bikini actually is
ticking a box claiming that South Africa is a predominantly English speaking country
that people voted Ukip in Scotland because English TV was being beamed into Scotland
it's the only thing that there's just too little of
it's stomach o'clock
dropping to the floor moments after Queen announced that the government would work towards "FLASH! A ah! Savior of the Universe!"
dropping to the floor moments after the Queen announced that the government would work towards a "comprehensive nuclear agreement with Iran"
bottoming for Chet Meatsack in The Slender Man Colon VII
your fingers are too large to fit into the slot
The Slender Man Colon What you need to know
sand witches
suspecting that a metal bikini is both innately uncomfortable and even more uncomfortable in hot sun
VII is our rut
we just kind of settled on VII
VII
wondering why all of the imaginary gay porn titles we make up have VII on the end
simultaneously bottoming for and topping for Andrew Zimmern in Delicious Anal Sandwitches VII
wondering how uncomfortable a metal bikini actually is
Bryan Singer applies for job as gym teacher in Queens
the Swan Secours swans in Swan
Queens gym teacher raped sixteen year old wrestler in school, and bedded second student colon sources
Koalas hug trees to remain cool, says study
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a hot tub time machine
Abnormal behavior of birds in captivity, cheerio
Abnormal behaviour of birds in captivity
the Bon Secours nuns in Tuam
Hot Tub Tim Duncan
Hot Tub Time Machine
fucking the 'x men' director
fucking the 'x' factor
locking the 'x' factor
licking the 'x' factor
lacking the 'x' factor
considering doing some eercise
as if there were any other kind
insidious charlatanical Swedes
delicious anal sandwiches
delicious artisanal sandwiches
say what you want about neo fascists, but they do make delicious artisanal sandwiches
Church of England bans clergy from joining BNP or National Front tarragon chicken with sprouts and dijon mustard on focaccia looking up "Grand Canyon" and "FslashA Eighteen Hornet" on urbandictionary
Church of England bans clergy from joining BNP or National Front tarragon chicken with sprouts and dijon mustard on focaccia
looking up "Grand Canyon" and "FslashA Eighteen Hornet" on urbandictionary
a device for evaluating anorectal function
a codpiece the size and shape of an official NFL football
a former Hollywood "It girl" who once modeled nude for Helmut Newton and put up a show in a gallery in LA consisting of giant photographs of her pierced vagina
claiming that numerous actors have died under mysterious circumstances committed by the "Hollywood star whackers"
looking up "Grand Canyon" and "FslashA Eighteen Hornet" on the Independence Day wiki
messages at the speed of light
specifically to sexually degrade Kento
Chris Lydon's proposed Fat Gay Asians VII sequel, in which an ageing human blowhard podcaster demonstrates that his ability to sexually degrade Kento is superior to that of a walrus trained specifically to sexually degrade Kento
Kevin Costner's proposed The Postman sequel, in which an ageing human postman demonstrates that his ability to deliver messages is superior to that of a computer network designed to deliver messages at the speed of light
an ageing human pilot already past the point at which most combat pilots have retired demonstrates that his eyesight, attention to detail, combat effectiveness and ability to dogfight is superior to that of tireless robots designed to be superior to him
Cruise is going to show them that they're not obsolete
The concept is, basically colon are the pilots obsolete because of drones
Jerry Bruckheimer's proposed Top Gun sequel, in which Tom Cruise is expected to return as fighter pilot Pete "Maverick" Mitchell
Church of England bans clergy from joining BNP or National Front
tarragon chicken with sprouts and dijon mustard on focaccia
using the waffle "wordtastic"
Mesh implants victims give 'heartbreaking' evidence to MSPs
drawing a picture of Ant and Dec stapling their anuses together
drawing a picture of Ant and Dec braiding their anuses together grinding Kento for STDs
drawing a picture of Ant and Dec braiding their anuses together for XP
anally matching ant contraceptive
Tjardus Braidanus
drawing a picture of Ant and Dec braiding their anuses together
grinding Kento for STDs
liking your Kento like you like your coffee, ground for XP
anally matching ant
Native Americans also used juniper berries as a female contraceptive
Grannie Pegs Sumo was actually the official title of the Margaret
Thatcher Kento Sex Tape Geldof
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable OBVIATIVE
smelling a fat gay Asian man, fee fi fo fum
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable FOURTH person
grinding Kento for blade furor
Can Dec anally match Ant
grinding Kento for breadflour
grinding Kento for xp
blood candy
that's jusr bizarre
The Gossamer Penguin Show
The Perineum Ass Gong Show
Grannie Pegs Sumo was actually the official title of the Margaret Thatcher Kento Ikeda sex tape
let's call it a draw
I don't know, Perineum Ass Gong was nice
you are the winner
okay, I'm done, I hereby submit "Grannie Pegs Sumo" as my Official Entry
Miss Gnu Groan Pee
Neon Grape Gum, Sis
Guano Gin Empress
Urging Mason Pees
Reggae Possum Inn
A Grunion Peg Mess
Urine Sponge Gams
Morgue Penis Sang
A Ens Re Pig Go Ms Nu
Ursine Gang Mopes
Gnome Spies A Rung
Mango Puree Sings
Mega Nips Surgeon
Orange Gem in Puss
Gingersnap Mouse
A Nigger's Spumone
Measuring No Pegs
Smearing One's Pug
Miss Mop Gangrene
Mangier Spun Egos
Grannie Pegs Sumo
Snug Reaming Pose
Gum Earning Pesos
Nuns Grope Images
Pus Groin Menages
A Mugger's Pension
Greasing Spumone
Imp Engorges Anus
A Sperm Egg Unison
Sperm Gage Unions
Go Snaps Meringue
Monseigneur Gasp
Superman Nose Gig
Porn Muse Signage
Puma Sensing Ogre
Emus Rape Noggins
Sumo Ginseng Rape
Eager Son's 'Umping
Some Sage Pruning
Ageing Sun Mopers
Seagoing Sun Perm
Magpie Rune Songs
Man Piss Urge Gone
Perineum Ass Gong
Emu ENRAGING Sops
Emu Angering Sops
Genie's Orgasm Pun
Genius Porn Games
Amusing Senor Peg
Personage Musing
Gnomes Using Rape
Pig Grease Nuns, Om
Gunmen Spa Orgies
Mega Penis or Guns
Man Penis Gougers
Guano Penis Germs
Penis Sugar Gnome
Gossamer Penguin
Nobody wants to sit in a theater full of vapid teenagers, it is much better to surround yourself with obese, unwashed manchildren
Even though you may not make a man love you, you can stop a man from lynching you
putting in far too much effort to come up with an Eiffel Towering themed World of Warcraft expansion
putting in far too much effort to come up with a World of Warcraft themed Eiffel Towering regret
The term "Tuskarr" could possibly come from the word Tuskar which means "Giant Rocks" in the Old Norse language, or much more likely, it's just because walruses have fucking tusks
reading all of the elaborate possible literary "inspirations" for the Tuskarr race on the WoW wiki and being tempted to add "they took a human body and stuck a fucking animal head on it, you dumbasses, it doesn't take a fucking genius to do that"
that in the ten years it has been going, it is conceivable that a significant proportion of people have gained the majority of their late adolescent and adult social experience within World of Warcraft
WoWers are the dumbest fucking people on the internet, dear god
wondering if the Tetris and World of Warcraft movies could be combined somehow
bikini armor
they gonna cast unknown actors and no already stars
everyone knows that black people are incapable of voicing CGI dragons
Is African American, being black, so that could be a problem
wondering if Arthas hates sand too
Patrick could use a wig
Nobody wants to sit in a theater full of vapid teenagers
not being able to decide if the WoWwiki page of suggested Warcraft movie actors ideas was tongue in cheek or in any way self aware until reading the line "Would be hard not to laugh at how bad his acting style fits into a serious drama"
Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars movie series, whose story is very similar to Arthas's
a stong, respected voice
Beyonce has beauty, like Alextrasza's humanoid model
completing a quest of Kento being Mount Hyjaled by Karsius the Ancient Watcher and Tusklord Hrak'kar
Give us your fucking kroner!
"Walrus run" was a British slang term for streets "where groups of young people paraded up and down, usually at weekends, in the hope of 'Eiffel Towering' with somebody"
The point of a Monkey run is to get as much experience as possible by killing a lot of monkeys
thoughts, mental images, and dreams
the Tit Feces Fret
holding you loser
Variations include Gropecunte, Gropecountelane, Gropecontelane, Groppecountelane, Gropekuntelane and Gropekentoeifflane
"Monkey run" was a British slang term for streets "where groups of young people paraded up and down, usually at weekends, in the hope of 'clicking' with somebody"
drawing so many pictures of Kento being Eiffel Towered by various celebrities and animals that it begins to pattern your thoughts, mental images, and dreams
don't snap my undies
what I'd like, is I'd like to hug and kiss ya
a waffle iron with a phone attached
slamming your waffles in Jewel's waffle iron
it's time that I told you
holding you closer
the Tetris Effect
now you are Ryan North
Reading all the Dinosaur Comics
here comes the aeroplane
Terror Toddlers
playing a major part in a three year old uprising against Syrian President Bashar al Assad
A Convention to propose amendments to the United States Constitution
France arrests suspect in Brussels Jewish museum shooting, mon dieu, oy vey, waffletastic
George Washington, Abe Lincoln, and Henry Rollins
listening to all of "Simon Le Bon's false note at Live Aid" and thinking "which bum note" but then hearing it, right at the end, when the kids must have started howling on SEVEN continents
listening to all of "Simon Le Bon's false note at Live Aid" and thinking "which bum note" but then hearing it, right at the end, when the dogs must have started howling on six continents
an incredibly weak, off key falsetto note hit by frontman Simon Le Bon during "A View to a Kill"
The Kinks offered to play, but the organizers refused because they didn't think they were famous enough
the hatred that exists for the Wii U
Those stars should have shut up and just given over their money if they were genuine
the biggest cocaine money laundering scheme of all time
I am not going to be the token black on the show
He displayed a complete lack of understanding of the issues raised by Live Aid, Live Aid was about people losing their lives, There is a radical difference between losing your livelihood and losing your life
the attitude of Geldof and his showbusiness associates
Harry "The Horse" Mattos
Adam was over the hill so I let him have one number
drawing a picture of Sting and ALF tantrically braiding their penises together
ALF steaks
Pile of Fuckin' Money Geldof
Gordon Sumner
Gordon Shumway
saying "I don't like Mondays" to your pile of fuckin' money, Garfield
The Pizza Underwear changes lyrics of Velvet Underground songs to celebrate pizzas and underwear
The Pizza Underground changes lyrics of Velvet Underground songs to celebrate pizzas
A man with a fetish for rolling naked in cow manure has been sentenced to five years in jail after he threatened to kill a family when they tried to stop him from targeting their farm
he may be Gary Shakespeare
wondering if you're misjudging Gary for his inability to spell his own name the same way twice
that Gary is texting again, only now he's called Garey and he thinks you're called Sarah, which is pretty far from the truth quite frankly
Operation Colon Aliens
all your food after you eat it
all your food before you eat it
being an entirely agreeable third person
saying "I don't like Mondays" to your pile of fuckin' money, Bob Geldof
getting the automated message "please choose your payment type to receive your happy ending, you have ten seconds to comply"
combining automated checkouts with hand job robots to encourage customer loyalty
getting the automated message "please remove the unexpected item in yo wide anus, you have ten seconds to comply"
getting the automated message "unexpected item in yo wide anus"
combining automated checkouts with airport body scannersto prevent shoplifting
saying "oh god it burns, it hurts so much" to a cup of coffee
hissing at a plate of swan goujons
saying "I don't like sandwiches" to your plate of poutine, eh
saying "come to bed and do me until I puke" to that whole thing of kimchee
saying "I want your hot sauce pouring down my throat" to a microwave burrito
saying "I shouldn't mind tasting your custard, old boy, if you don't mind" to a spotted dick, cheerio
Chris Lydon's wilful misinterpretation of the phrase "sweaty ennui idiom"
Chris Lydon's wilful misinterpretation of the phrase "item in yo wide anus"
saying "I want your balls in my mouth" to a plate of meatballs
Les Croute Farcie Miserables
that from now on you're going to say "I want you inside me" to all your food before you eat it
having no odea what you're saying
having no odea
having no odea of how to say stuffed en francais, let alone stuffed crust
walking by a Pizza Hut thinking "I want you inside me" and looking at all the miserable fools inside
Les Croute Stouffe Miserables
walking by a Pizza Hut thinking "wow what a great smell" and looking at all the miserable fools inside
Chris Lydon's wilful misinterpretation of the phrase "I want you inside me"
wanting sly chin rod in your penis
wanting Chris Lydon in your penis
wanting a hot old blah legend in your penis
wanting to hold a blah legend in your penis
wanting to hold a spelling bee in your hand
Charlbees Theron Colon Paparazzi intrusion is 'like apiary'
wanting to hold a spelling bee using only words from urban dictionary
Charlbees Theron
bottoming for Charlize Theron in Colon Intrusion VII
Charlize Theron Colon Paparazzi intrusion is 'I reek, pal'
lending your spelling bees to a dishonest spelling beekeeper
the very idea of a spelling bee
A Spelling Bee judge quoted Kelis' 'Milkshake' to use a word in a sentence
having gels and knowing how to sue them
knowing how to use them
having legs
Chogukhaebangui nal
Captain Novolin
Charlize Theron Colon Paparazzi intrusion is 'like rape'
Man charged with stealing more than $three hundred and fifty thousand worth of human skin from Philadelphia hospital
drawing a picture of Han shooting first at Ricky Martin
Ricky Martin joins Greedo as bounty hunter
Dick King Greedo
getting the regret "Dick King Geldof" and thinking it said "Dick King Greedo"
being refused entry to a secretive and sinister gathering of the world's most powerful figures from the worlds of politics and high finance
BBC receives almost twelve hundred complaints over Ukip election coverage
Ricky Martin joins Google as product engineer
Google Workforce Only Three% Latino And Overwhelmingly White, Study Finds
Clapham and Dwyer
Piers Morgan masturbating furiously while he thinks he is alone and unobserved watching Academy Award nominated masterpiece, "The Truman Show"
Piers Morgan always masturbates from afar while he watches anything
Piers Morgan always masturbates from afar while he watches you draw picture, it's really creepy
drawing a picture of the best of four really ugly girls being Eiffel Towered by a professional footballer and another professional footballer while Piers Morgan watches from afar and masturbates
drawing a picture of the best of four really ugly girls being Eiffel Towered by a professional footballer and another professional footballer
WolframAlpaca
the best of "four really ugly girls"
WolframAlpa DoubleD Cup National Merit Scholar Cellist
WolframAlpha ThreeD
it's an entirely different kind of flying
it's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether
no thank you, I take it black, like my men
dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court for forty eight minutes
driving to the Richard M Nixon Freeway
cutting off your Slauson
driving to the Slauson Cutoff
exiting pursued by a bear
wondering if Piers Morgan will get a custodial sentence for the phone hacking he's basically admitted to in his autobiography
Footballer Joey Barton has apologised after describing UKIP as the best of "four really ugly girls"
Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!
Fuck! Or My Mom Will Shoot!
Fuck! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Hello, Fuck!
Fuck! Them!
Safety Fuck!
Fuck! Calcutta!
Faster, Pussycat! Fuck! Fuck!
POST Postmodern Sperm
Fucklahoma!
Postmodern Sperm
Modern Sperm
Oh stewardess! I speak jive
Listen, Betty, don't start up with your "white zone" shit again
Fuck You! Black Emperor
Fuck! Black Emperor
Below the anzu is a large net filled with the bodies of naked men
taking the newborn king to a glory hole
Fuck! The Herald Angels Sing
I would watch that
Fuck! Real Monsters
cataloging gaseous anomalies
chief ingenue flees
in huge feline feces
Feline Cheese Fungi
Geniune Fish Fleece
Genuine Fish Fleece
Eugene Schieffelin
rubbing one out in Stephen Fry's breasts as you knead them
spindling your CD on a prick finger
fingering your prick on a CD spindle
pricking your finger on a CD spindle
always hating dating sites because they seem to condense everything that is awful about so many people into a profile name and photo, which really seems unfair to those terrible idiots
Jimbomis Wales
The Grauniad's noline daring shite
Jimbo Wales 'satisfied, citation needed' with NHS and schools, says survey, bomis
Fuck! I drank the water in Mexico
Like the prick of a finger on a spindle, that's how you know Angelina Jolie is approaching
The Guardian's online dating site
I picked a hell of a day to quit sniffing glue
Oreo Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Oreos
Wales 'satisfied, isn't it' with NHS and schools, says survey, look you now
I picked a hell of a day to quit drinking
Scale Gouger in Love
Peppers Gone Wild
cataphracts getting GENITIVE over Brian Peppers
hypaspists
cataphracts
getting GENITIVE over Brian Peppers
wangteeth
George Lucas in Love
lisajakub dot net
getting possessive over Brian Peppers
Fuck! I chopped my penis and then touched my Brian Peppers!
Fuck! I chopped Brian Peppers and then touched my penis! wang
Fuck! I chopped Brian Peppers and then touched my penis!
wang
Petrel Gabriel
For first time in three yeras, US penis shrinks
Fuck! I chopped hot peppers and then touched my penis!
For first time in three yeras, US economy shrinks
being welcomed to earth, big willie style
Petr Gabriel
Jane plays with Willy, Willy is happy again
being welcomed to earth by Chris Brown
being welcomed to earth by Will Smith
WELCOME TO ERF
crunching your dump in the car door
doing crunches when you need a dump
looking at father's manacle
looking at Seth MacFarlane
wondering if there is class action lawsuit against all the stupid fucking people who make it so easy to be cynical in this world, I'm looking at you, Seth MacFarlane
cumming out of the closet
lauging at the headline "Cynicism linked to greater dementia risk, study says" then forgetting why
children under sixteen have committed more than forty thousand offences in Scotland in the past two years, I'll chin ye
Cynicism linked to greater dementia risk, study says
coming out of the closet
antarctic lemons could have saved lives on numerous exploratory expeditions
dreaming about arctic lemons, the faintly poisonous citrus fruit capable of growing in sub zero temperatures
donating blood while high could make the recipient high as well, depending on how the blood is used, how much blood is used and what the donor was high on
a female deer
a deer
Fink Rape Con
wondering if you donate blood when you're high whether it makes the recipient high as well
Frankie on PC
Jack Frags
that none of your favorite let's players have uploaded in like a week
I've been to the Boston aquarium but never again, I couldn't stomach a second visit
I've been to Spain but never again, I couldn't go there twice Chris Lydon noises
that it would kind of neat if LeVar Burton's Kickstarter eventually funded the discovery of time travel, purely to bring Reading Rainbow to children in the past, but then he got there and they were all like "How come Geordi liked holograms so much"
LeVar Burton and Reading Rainbow will launch a Kickstarter campaign, with the goal of raising funds to bring Reading Rainbow to every child, everywhere
I've been to Spain but never again, I couldn't go there twice
Chris Lydon noises
walrus noises
whale noises
swan noises
hen noises
cock noises
chicken noises
La Maja Desnuda
TWO clavdivs, ah ah ah
one clavdivs
tingly man injured in bungalow explosion
Tingley man injured in bungalow explosion
thinking you'd better knock, knock, knock on wood
your recent streak of letting your coffee go cold on the desk in front of you
PENAMBL dot org
vegan NAMBLA dot org
vegan PETA dot org
learning about the link between calling nine one one and autism at NAMBLA dot org
PETA dot org
learning about the link between dairy products and autism at PETA dot org
your butt deserving a website
palchemy
wondering if Vanilla Ice is some kind of bromunculus
dropping that zero and getting with a hero
Malaywood
Nollywood
The One Where Joey and Phoebe Buy Vash
The One Where Joey and Phoebe Buy Knives
The One Where Chandler Gets Stabbed
the place where your horses bicycle free
David Schwimmer Helps NYPD Investigate Stabbing Farce
the place where your horses run free
yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way
it's the most work he's had in a decade
David Schwimmer Helps NYPD Investigate Stabbing Case
Five million British children 'face life of CHUDs thanks to welfare reforms'
of course you'll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and chuds
Public sector workers' pay packets hit by payroll problem
that's when the chuds came at me
Five million British children 'face life of poverty thanks to welfare reforms'
Vorticons
holding your Boobus Tuber when you run down the stairs
King Boobus Tuber
Yorps
Gargs
things you were probably told several times but guess you never really understood
Billy Blaze becomes Commander Keen and saves Earth several times
laying down Sally, and resting you in my arms
Monette I Moo
his sister is Tom Shokin
Tom Cruise dressed as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz
his sister is homo stink
his sister is moist honk
his sister is smokin hot
places Tom Cruise likes to halve penises
places Tom Cruise likes to have penises
the interior of Tom Cruise's navel
the interior of Tom Cruise's ass
the interior of Tom Cruise's mouth
the Selfmade project
The Big Book of British Smiles
having weird, childlike teeth because of your national obsession with youthfulness
when you look at our teeth, you should always remember this phrase "market forces"
it's not our fault dentistry was privatised thirty years ago
you mean because of her teeth, right
not wanting to end up like Anita Dobson
not only keeping a diary that can, rightly or wrongly, be used against you, but keeping it online where the whole world can read it should the occasion arise
finding Monette Moio's facebook page and seeing the posts "Photoshoot tomorrow with Paige SMILEY EMOTICON" followed by "gonna get wasted with paige SMILEY EMOTICON party SMILEY EMOTICON" followed by "taking care of Paige while she's sick" over four days
Entertainer sings 'Jake the Peg' to jurors in indecent assault case
Excuse to print pictures of pretty girl is non story dredged up by mass murder
Woman blamed by Elliot Rodger for hatred of women doesn't remember him
Schoolgirl blamed by Elliot Rodger for hatred of women doesn't go to school any more
being late for work because of that jackknifed dragon in the Oregon tunnel
Jackknife Dragon
that you are from Oregon and that you always hold your breath while being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
that you are from Oregon and that you always hold your breath in tunnels
Schoolgirl blamed by Elliot Rodger for hatred of women doesn't remember him
Future Card Buddyfight
using the "pancakular"
using the word "increpeable"
Man holding breasts on Oregon staircase causes crash
Man holding breath in Oregon tunnel causes crash
MARS videos
ASMR videos
LE POPE Magazine
This Week in PEOPLE Magazine Meet Drew Barrymore's New Baby Girl The Hottest Bodies of Twenty Fourteen
having a blast in Summer Sausage VII
had me a blast
summer sausage
stinking tech out
Teutonic Knightrider
Wiry Runt Bovines
itchiest gnu knot
stout ink etching
touching kittens
Teutonic knights
Brown University
I gave Tim his first set of Wiggles DVDs
Wide Tits Gelatinous Vomit Geldof
Tim Burton is attached to direct
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to thrash Iris twixt you to find out for sure
pitching Wide Tits Gelatinous Vomit as a Johnny Depp slash Emma Watson vehicle
Oi, Wide Tits, cheerio!
yelling "Oi, Wide Tits, cheerio!" at Emma Watson to see if she is the Celebrity Regretter
writing the script "Wide Tits" as an Emma Watson vehicle
drawing a picture of Kento graduating summer cum lord from Brown University
Boxted double death man reported shooting wife
drawing a picture of Kento graduating summa cum laude from Brown University
wondering which of the main Harry Potter cast will play a role spooning Emma Watson's wide tits
wondering which of the main Harry Potter cast will play a role
spooning Emma Watson's wide tits
wondering which of the main Harry Potter cast will play a role unrelated to their previous role in the inevitable reboot
giving away widetits dot com
Emma Watson Is Now Yon Auburn Ravager From Wide Tits
that if "graduating from Brown University" isn't slang for a sex act, it needs to be
Emma Watson Is Now A Graduate From Brown University
I'm gonna turn this car around and there'll be no Canal Rape Cave for anybody
WOD FIR
I'm gonna turn this car around and there'll be no Cape Canaveral for anybody
baculums shall be free from deformation or abnormal curvature
bananas shall be free from deformation or abnormal curvature
serving food on Kento's back during sex and charging tourist a premium to eat there
Eroticism Pukes
Porkiest Miscue
Optimise Sucker
Euroskepticism
being the top of Kento's Eiffel Tower to see if Chris Lydon really died
the man is living on borrowed time
reading the top of Kento's twitter to see if Chris Lydon really died
reading the last couple of regrets and thinking that Chris Lydon died
taking an absurd joy in having caught out a journalist writing a biased piece, even though you know the response will be "nuh uh"
a conglomerate of Negroes
White House accidentally reveals identity of top CIA official in Afghanistan
bracing for the influx of almost a dozen people who will read in Chris Lydon's obituary about his final years being plagued by insinuations of bestiality and find our clubhouse
building a worst case scenario of what's going on behind the scenes of the Regret Index, in which someone really is gettin haxxed yo and the perpetrator is posting about all the orgy invites the hacked individual is getting
having questions, so many questions
monotremes
Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook
Matt "Crappy" Dick
bottoming for Josh "Crabby" Dong in FATAL Gay Asians VII
FATAL Kento cloth
using "fatal Kento cloth" as a euphemism for a hand job
being genuinely afraid of Josh "Crabby" Dong
using "talk to the Falcon" as a euphemism for a hand job
being genuinely afraid of hand jobs
being genuinely afraid of hand job cyborgs
being genuinely afraid of cyborgs
imagining five years down the line when some douchebag drives his segway to a restaurant that only serves people with google glass to bask in the glow of other smug assholes who spent too much money on worthless technologies
David Blaine looks like his voice is putting his face to sleep
Matthew mcConaughey is a dick turd
never leaving your virginity on the bus
never beating off on the bus
never getting off the bus
you'll have to put that check in my cold, dead hands!
weird habits you picked up being raised around east european emigres
that one of the reasons you never kept a diary is because you were slightly concerned that, rightly or wrongly, it would eventually be used against you
Cyborg Identity Politics Destroying YOUR Favorite Restaurant
I am destined for great things
I deserve it! I am magnificent, no matter how much the world treated me otherwise
Other men are able to have such a life ellipsis so why not me
I was desperate to have the life I know I deserve semicolon a life of being wanted by attractive girls, a life of sex and love
Unsolicited Dick Pix Geldof
Hardboiled Cockney Gumshoe Kroner Geldof
Mustard Saltine Crackers Geldof
Lilac Ape Rape Geldof
appealing coil wars
poping lilac eras, aw
roping lilac apes, aw
going on Rihanna's Labia Tour of Thailand
deciding against telling Gary "I'm naked now" in case he turns out to be fifteen and desperate to send unsolicited dick pix
labia tourism
this city desert makes you feel so cold, it's got so many people, but it's got no soul
libel tourism
Procul Harem
Full Asian men are disgustingly ugly and white girls would never go for you
PuaHate dot com
raping lilac apes, ow
raping a pillowcase
Decision to release 'pillowcase rapist' slammed by California politician, officials
Kento's Roppongi
drawing a picture of Ash texting to Gary "I'm naked now"
Obama's America
the end of the months sure does suck
that tonight your dinner consists of mustard on saltine crackers
no, you should text to Gary "I'm naked now"
so I see
I'm naked right now
Gay R
kind of thinking you might have some fun at Gary's expense
getting a series of calls from unknown numbers, followed by a text asking if you are alright, signed "Gary", but not knowing any Garys and replying "Wrong number" only to get another text saying "No"
Geisha Trolls Alien's Church
A man said to the universe "Sir I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation"
Geisha Cellist Hurls Anchor
Anchor Laughs Till She Cries
Inch High, Private Eye
have a nice day, WINKY FACE
Nine Inch Weatherman
Ten Inch Male
imgur dot com slash NCchhVR
Ten Minute Mail
being chafed by chaff
finding yourself in the middle of explaining something but not having any idea when you learned the explanation
buying a waffle iron
Louis XIV Lydon Ikeda Prima Tully Armstrong Gallodier Vuitton Louis Braille Pasteur Conradt Geldof
Pokemon Gimmel Lapis Lazuli
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire
Pokemon Omega Ruby
Louis XIV
Louis Lydon
Louis Ikeda
Louis Prima
Joseon X Files
Louis Tully
Louis Armstrong
Louis Gallodier
Louis Vuitton
Louis Louis
Louis Braille
Louis Pasteur
Louis Conradt
Organ Dive It Tony Geldof
wondering if Wreck It Ralph would have been as popular had it been released under its original title, Organ Dive It Tony
deep throating waffles
being Organ Dive It Tony
saying "your chair" as though you only have one, haha, of course you own two chairs, you're not totally poor
watching a documentary about the Swinging Sixties in which old people gleefully described the combined drug and sex scenes in terms of orgies of the great and good, and coming away with the opinion that Free Love was just super chimpey
falling asleep in your chair
watching a documentary about the Swinging Sixties in which old people gleefully described the combined drug and sex scenes in terms of orgies of the great and good, and coming away with the opinion that Free Love was just super rapey
being inverted at an orgy
being invited to an orgy
gay rams
Magyars
there's nothing like a fresh abortion to win your love
Fry Browne Anus Geldof
rants, eh
Shatner
Din e Ilahi
Alan Cumming cumming
Old Man Shuckle
argumentum ad prepuce
intactivism
A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision
Intact America
NORM UK
anal cumming
if LL Cool J's gold jewelry can be overlooked, so can all of slavery
Alan cumming
there's nothing like a fresh abrasion to win your love
Alan Cumming
bottoming for Michael Assbender in ExMen Colon Days of Future Past
H & Claire
being all out of love, crikey
being all out of love
being all out of gum
not bringing a pen
coming here to chew gum and take names
hoping Chris Sievey's family made some money off Frank, anyway
being interested in the idea of 'Frank' but not wanting to see it because Michael Fassbender doesn't do the voice, the heads look too professional and you heard he takes it off at the end, which Frank would never do
Ukip blames London election performance on difficulty appealing to the 'educated and cultured'
physical Kento magazines
sprinking Kento on your waffles as you put them in a shoe
physical porno magazines eating the waffles in Mexico
Gigantic Chakras
tantric porno magazines
physical porno
physical porno magazines
eating the waffles in Mexico
the jungle VIP
Sting hit ant down
hot gin dawn stint
tits and thong win
notwithstanding
you'd think I'd be able to spell by this point
nowithstanding
nonetheless
not being particularly good at solving puzzles, but liking it nonetheless
just really liking solving puzzles
realising late last night which was actually early this morning but whatever that you probably have the Antsy Regretter's fake name Facebook page open in a tab you look at maybe once a month, after finding it years ago from something they posted here
buying physical porno magazines online
the fact that actual physical porno magazines still exist when the internet provides a virtually limitless amount of porn of any situation of which one could ever think
feeling like buying things online is an admission of defeat
this kills the crab
that, admittedly, buying waffle irons on ebay is just a hair above buying stockings at the supermarket
that you can get waffle irons on amazon for under thirty bucks and on ebay for under twenty
not even knowing where to start looking for vegan eggs and yeast
that you can't really justify this waffle obsession on dietary or wealth grounds but dammit you want some waffles and you want the ability to make them yourself
having trouble finding er jalapenos, and also err Jimmy for some reason
that's pretty much my biggest accomplishment of the last year and a half
developing a toasting technique wherein you insert two slices of bread into a single toaster slot thereby making one side of each slice nice and toasted and the other still soft
having trouble finding Pearl Jam, and also Jeremy Irons for some reason
having trouble finding pearl sugar, and also waffle irons for some reason
realising that if every episode of the Simpsons is twenty two minutes long you've probably spent at least eight and a half full days of your life watching a TV show
Kento getting fucked by a walrus instead of building a life working as a cat photographer to "make ends meet" before it became popular
Kento getting fucked by a walrus instead of building a life
working as a cat photographer to "make ends meet" before it became popular
realising that if you'd stuck out your most successful relationship to date instead of quitting when things got difficult, your oldest child could be fourteen years old already
pitying the fool who doesn't phone home
seeing one of your best friends from high school receiving tenth wedding anniversery wishes on his facebook today and wondering why the fuck you have been wasting your time writing shit about Kento getting fucked by a walrus instead of building a life
sometimes wondering what it's like to be married to the sea
sometimes wondering what it's like to be married
being first denounced, then tortured, then killed by Kim Jong un's curves
Kim Jong Kardashian
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by Kim Jong un's curves
Kim Kardashian's Tiny Black Bikini Can Barely Contain Her Thriller Curves
Kim Kardashian's Tiny Black Bikini Can Barely Contain Her Holder Curves
Kim Kardashian's Tiny Black Bikini Can Barely Contain Her Kisser Curves
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by Kim Kardashian's curves
the Moobs
Ich bin stolz auf meinen Busen
the Moops
Kim Kardashian's Tiny Black Bikini Can Barely Contain Her Killer Curves
the International House of Thirteen Indigenous Pancakes
drawing a picture of Kento getting a Boston pancake from Chris Lydon in the dumpster behind IHOP
eating caramel on a carousel
getting a waffle job from a trannie hooker in the dumpster behind IHOP
Tov lenin ochishchaet
a conversation in a crowded room going nowhere
a mathematician grills linen
reading Lolima in Lima
clearing lima thetans in Lima
lima thetans
wondering if "waffletastic" can refer to things other than waffles, as in "that lick job was waffletastic"
being lima eatans in Lima
eating lima beans in Lima
not being waffletastic
they feel like bacon gloves
the hissing of serpents or geese
Dwlwks
the Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers of Scooby Doo
the International Council of Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers
the Celt as noble savage
strong Frenchification
Ireland, where the relationship between the archaic and the modern was antagonistic
Kentolydonwalrosseiffelturm
This poor meagre sordid language resembles nothing so much as the hissing of serpents or geese
Kentaurzitzenraetsel
Star Wars Colon Ewoks
Hauspferdfahrradfahren
How the Dulok Stole Life Day
Hweolrinnung
Fahrradfahren
Daleks
it's all just limbless red tits rape
harnessing the ancient power of slavery to run the school bus of tomorrow
Duloks
it's all just blistered slipstream
that the only thing "in the eighties" about China Anne McClain is that a certain Polish French director in his eighties wants to fuck her
being just super old now, I guess
for some reason imagining China Anne McClain was a singer of power ballads in the eighties, rather than an autotuned modern teen singing outrageously catchy pop songs
BUM BUM DIDI DIDI PUM PUM
Nippers Stingsteen Geldof
tantric fisting
BBC is demolarised
THAT YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT "STING" JUST KIND OF MEANT THAT YOU STUCK FINGERS IN THERE BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO PUT THE WHOLE FIST UP THEIR ASS HOLY SHIT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
Chinese jazz dubsteb
Chinese folk metal
that you can't spell fisting without Sting
the bitterly ironic music of Bruce Springsteen, one of the most depressing songwriters ever to have lived
BBC is demoralised
Nigeria violence Colon Army tells BBC it is 'demoralised'
finding a clip of Ash saying "number one's not coming out" and being inspired to piece together a string of out of context Pokemon quotes into something dirty
d d d d d dancing with myself
Tigtone
Happy Harry's High Club
t t t t t talking to myself
being so tired you glanced at the 'dex and thought 'recent regrets' had become a scrolling marquee
chanting "Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Higher wages!"
chanting "Hey Steak n Shake You Can't Hide, We Can See Your Greedy Side"
drawing a picture of McDonald's employees being hamburgled by clowns and clowning aficionados
spending far too long trying to decipher Spambot's gibberish
chanting "No Big Macs, No Fries, Make our Wage Supersize"
chanting "Hey McDonald's You Can't Hide, We Can See Your Greedy Side"
crowfunding
the Crimean Khanate
crowdfunding
playing Men of War Colon Assault Squad
having sex with a walrus
havini mnn kith a wcfakg
this is a design feature
the rocket has no radio
rubbing one out in the bathroom at In N Out, Robin
Toy Mork
not devoting your life to building a rocket specifically to transport Thom Yorke against his will into the fiery sun
The city of Nome claims to be home to the world's largest gold pan, although this claim has been disputed by the Canadian city of Quesnel, British Columbia
not garroting Thom Yorke with piano wire when you had the chance
not hitting Thom Yorke in the genitals with a splitting maul when you had the chance
Oliver Polanski
reibbq wrq ksxu t kkpeng
Goodluck Jonathan
coming home after a long day of work to find that you failed to flush your morning shit for some reason
To Mork
Tom Ork
Bela Bond
weatherfrom dot com
killing Thom Yorke with a tomahawk
The Tom York Morning Show
the server failed to communicate
drawing a picture of Thom Yorke and Myke Hawke braiding their extraneous e's together
Tom York
Super Mapcase Bros
Thom Yorke singing in a pitch you can mostly hear
having seen water, it's water, that's all
Category Colon People who are at Niagara Falls right this minute straddling the international border between Canada, eh, and the United States, I'm walkin' here
Category Colon People who are at Niagara Falls right this minute
straddling the international border between Canada, eh, and the United States, I'm walkin' here
clones and cloning aficionados
clowns and clowning aficionados
Slowly I Turned
Paul McCartney cancels Japan tour due to virus desu ne let it be Niagara Falls
Paul McCartney cancels Japan tour due to virus desu ne let it be
Niagara Falls
Paul McCartney cancels Japan tour due to virus desu ne
Paul McCartney cancels Japan tour due to virus
reading a braille bible with Christian Bale isn't it
reading a braille bible with Christian Bale
you'd never know how I tremble
for a second we can fool them all
she knows he knows she knows he knows
I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
settin' me up just to knock a knock a knock a me down
waking up with the sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the middle of your head
my sweet lord
that phase you went through where you liked Yanni
the moment I wake up
the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids
a crassly nosy nihilism
going home and worshipping the moon
buying multiple copies of the book "Yanni in Words" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Yiannis Chryssomallis
learning to stop bombing and love the worry
The wise leadership of Marshal Kim Jong Un is what keeps the Juche oriented literature and art alive and the Songun revolutionary exploits of the Workers' Party of Korea are the eternal theme and seed in the creation of masterpieces
A senior Ukip MEP candidate who last week called for abusive protesters to be arrested by police has been caught on camera swearing at a group of local activists
learning to stop worrying and love the bomb
getting to da bears
getting to da BMX
getting to da chopper
Yiannis Chryssomallis
drwwwng a picture of Kwntw being Arfon Masted by Chrws Lwdwn and a wwlrws
a gargantuan and stark naked Gerard Depardieu
the glory of being a clown
hwvwng swx wwth w gwrl whw lwwkwd w lwt lwkw Catherine Zeta Jones
drwnkwng the wwtwr in Wales
sprwnkwng lwwks wn ywwr bwlwvwd's brwwsts ws yww knwwd thwm
hwrdbwwlwd
watching a British crime drama performed in Welsh but set in Scwndwnwvww in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled Swansean gwmshww is paid in kroner
buying multiple copies of the book "Tw Bw wr Nwt tw Bw" by the incredibly handsome Swansea Times bestselling author Rywn Nwrth
the death of Swlvww Brwwnw
using the word "wwfflwtwstwc"
Jwwwl
Dwnkwy Kwng isn't it
Dwnkwy Kwng
skinning an erection in concealed jeans
wondering if Two Thousand and One Colon A Space Odyssey correctly predicted the phenomenon of people watching their tablets while eating instead of attempting to communicate, or whether it simply informed that behavior
displaying an erection in skinny jeans
concealing an erection in skinny jeans
donating E
eating Don
Caulking with Dinosaurs
caulking with poo
triboluminescent foods
paan
the cool and fresh feeling one gets from caulking, oops
the cool and fresh feeling one gets from poking a locus
the cool and fresh feeling one gets from sucking a penis
the cool and fresh feeling one gets from sucking a Polo
there is no spoon
giving Jewel her birthday present four days early
Jewel's birthday is this Friday
POO CRIMPIN BY MIGHTY HUGE DUMPaZ
TRU PIMPIN BY ICY HOT STUNTaZ
hurling
rollerblading
Kentapno Mapkeda
Exapno Mapcase
being Don
the equator has exactly twelve hours of daylight and twelve hours of darkness every day of the year, so you don't know how that would mess up your sleep schedule
damn it
the equator has exactly twelve hours of daylight and twelve hours of darkness every day of the year, so you don
wondering what would happen if you live on the equator or moved between the poles every six months, like would your brain just never switch off again and what that would be like
that apparently in summer time you only sleep about three hours in every twenty four
going on that cycling tour of flood defences in the Netherlands
the dikes of Holland
wondering if Stouffer's came up with Maxaroni immediately after watching the Poochie episode of the Simpsons
receiving Stouffer's Maxaroni
standing while delivering Stouffer's Maxaroni
Firefox traumas, son
watching the Stouffer's Maxaroni advert on YouTube and instantly worrying about all those child actors
standing while delivering
Stouffer's Maxaroni
standing or delivering
Pleasured Tortured Killed Geldof
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a machine on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a waffletastic throne of blood
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a machine on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
un bonjour de Marwan
elle a un polichinelle dans le tiroir
menage a tour Eiffel
les Anglais ont debarque
emmener Popaul au cirque
BCBG
enleve ta croute que je swingue dans l'pus
descendre a la cave
finding it interesting that the French euphemism "Chinese polish" refers to masturbation, given that the Chinese euphemism "French style" refers to male on female anal sex
se faire pleurer le petit cygne
se faire pleurer le petit morse
se faire pleurer le petit singe
broute minou
le coup de tromblon
tarte au poil
gaufre le cresson
se polir le Chinois
waffelatio
assuming that the Belgian guy reminiscence is because his genitalia was an oblong grid coated in caramelized nib sugar
all this waffle talk reminding you of the time you went down on that Belgian waffle
digital piracy of other birds
that Belgian guy
anal piracy of other birds
all this waffle talk reminding you of the time you went down on that Belgian guy
naval piracy of other birds
aerial piracy of other birds
figures attaque
Fregata magnificens
gaufretastique
je veux seulement gaufres
moule a oublies
Darth Wafflerageous
wafflerageous
waffletacular
that is literally the plan
just make sure you sprink some chocolate chips on them
that would be waffletastic
seriously considering buying a waffle iron today
at least they're shaved
going to bed early in an attempt to spend an almost normal Saturday doing whatever, but waking up after three hours with balls of straight men in your mouth
going to bed early in an attempt to spend an almost normal Saturday doing whatever, but waking up after three hours with no idea as to why
Kento is a straight baller, in the sense that he likes having the balls of straight men in his mouth
Kento is a fat gay Asian baller
Kento is a straight baller
Vanilla Rice
Schroedinger's bedtime
Schroedinger's nutter
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a hardboiled but cockney gumshoe, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
noticing the new top regret yesterday but not writing any parrots of it yet
just wanking on the railroad all the live long day
just working on the railroad all the live long day
just working on the internet for a few hours
Operation Armenian Sprinking
Operation American Sprinking
Odobenus stercoreus
Old Wafflebreaker
Cyathus stercoreus
Operation American Spring
Old Wristbreaker
Abe Lincoln's father's boss makes $lOO dollars per hr on the internet, he has been dead over one hundred sixty years but last month his pay check was $three trillion million thousand and two just working on the internet for a few hours
montante
bastard swords
Electric Penis Enlargement Pills Geldof
wondering if spambots dream of electric penis enlargement pills
scam bots
watching two spam bots compete to see who can dream up the bigger scam comments
my neighbor's step sister makes $eight five dollars per hr on the internet, she has been fired from work for nine months but last month her pay check was $fifteen thousand one hundred and twenty five just working on the internet for a few hours
my coworker's mother makes $sixty nine hourly on the internet, she has been fired for ten months but last month her income was $thirteen thousand three hundred and one just working on the internet for a few hours
buying that loom penthou$e
buying that loom penthouse
shaving your kiddie
Face Stuffers
The Spaghetti Laboratory
Professor V J Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery
American billionaire Steve Cohen 'furious' over 'life not being fair'
very rich, slightly stupid man 'furious' over 'investment bubble reaching limits'
American billionaire Steve Cohen 'furious' over $lOOm penthouse 'no one wants'
shaving your balls
awful, awful people
suggesting that "poofters" might reconsider their sexual orientation if one was made an example of and shot
shaving your doggy
attempting to pay a hardboiled cockney gumshoe in bitcoin
attempting to pay a prostitute in bitcoin
America's Next Bottom Pedo
shaving your pussy
aw
well, yeah
briefly picturing yourself growing older, leaner, calm if not content, living a largely pointless life alone with the knowledge that you literally could not afford to raise canines
not pursuing relationships or even casual encounters because of poverty
that you literally could not afford to raise children
briefly picturing yourself growing older, leaner, calm if not content, living a largely pointless life alone with the knowledge that you literally could not afford to raise children
cassowary inflation
pessary inflation
pesky inflation
spending an evening figuring out that with those elusive full time minimum wage hours, and benefits, and an 'ideal' apartment you could just about afford to move out again, though you'd probably have to stop eating, especially if inflation still happens
Hebridean redshanks
there is no such thing as a soul, it's just something parents made up to scare children, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson
John Jay Smith
Leon Kompowsky
assmeblers of the world uniting, having nothing to lose but their chinas
Assmeblers Take to Streets to Calm Tense Ukrainian City becoming ASSMEBLERS QUIET UNREST IN CITIES IN EAST UKRAINE after an article revision
America's Next Top Pedo
this fantastically boring crisis
a stately and swooning homage to Princess Grace, formerly Grace Kelly, focusing on her alleged courage in keeping plucky little Monaco safe for tax avoiding billionaires
Workers Take to Streets to Calm Tense Ukrainian City becoming WORKERS QUIET UNREST IN CITIES IN EAST UKRAINE after an article revision
Charity Johnson
nothing more than big labour's attempt to push their own agenda
William Vahey
California wildfire 'flare up' forces new evacuations
Tiara Suet Chick Helped FBI Nail Nosy Anus Bosom
Autistic Hacker Helped FBI Nail Anonymous Boss
wanting to hear a whiny Bruce Springsteen quasiballad about how he lost his job as an assmebler
that if they're only getting minimum wage, the Assmeblers' Union just ain't getting it done for them
seeing a promising night porter job but being put off by the idea of working in a boutique hotel
that all you really want is a nightwatch job where you can read a bit, and maybe post regrets between glancing at monitors or walking around to make sure nothing is actually on fire or being stolen
using multiple job search websites that list more or less the same jobs, each of which lists the jobs multiple times because they've been added by various recruitment agencies
hearing meble, meble, meble noises in the showers at Penn State
that there is a surprisingly large number of assmebler positions out there, including one near Sandusky, Ohio
mebling face
mebling ass
seeing a job advertisement labelled "Assmeblers" with a minimum wage rate and no hours specified and wondering if this is the start of your beautiful new life
Derailed Ova Geldof
Asians being derailed ova
fat gays
Asians
being derailed ova
being alive or dead
Nabooian pyramids
Nubian pramids
puny barmaid sin, even
pun barmaid sin
Mike Hoare
Danish soldiers cycling to the front to fight the Germans during the German invasion of Denmark
Nubian pyramids
Sprinking Peppers Kroner Geldof
Abe Lincoln's Father's Boss Geldof
in the Age of Chaos, two factions battled for dominance
theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr Christian Slater stepped into the quantum leap accelerator and had sex with Abe Lincoln's father's boss
Abe Lincoln's father's boss having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christian Slater
trying to use ebay to gague how much a waffle iron is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty kroner
Abe Lincoln's father's boss
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christian Slater
Hootie and the McBoobfish
Hootie McBoob
Busty St Claire
Chesty La Rue
capital knockers
trying to use ebay to gague how much a waffle iron is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
An Open Letter To Shoebox's Waffle Iron
wondering if you could make waffles in a silicone ice tray, and whether you still have some of those
not possessing a waffle iron or a sufficiently lumpy pan to make waffles on
chocolate chip waffles sound really good now
believing the unimaginable amount of feces a Snorlax produces
using the word "Eiffeltastic"
drawing a picture of Snorlax being Eiffel Towered by Professor Oak and Walrein
imagining the unbelievable amount of feces a Snorlax produces
STS oneonenine
Vegan Penises At Cabal
Vegan Alien Space Bats
Vegan Operation Vegetarian
Operation Vegetarian
Alien Space Bats
War Plan Red
detaching Scotland from the United Kingdom, the creation of a United Ireland, and an autonomous status for Western England
Operation Walrus
Operation Sea Lion
a pimple on the ass of Europe
a pimple on the face of Europe
Operation Biff Tannen
that Hitler was an Ostrich
Operation Tannenbaum
that Hitler was from Australia, crikey
that Hitler was from Austria
those god damned red bastards
craven Soviets blame Horny Lilac Lint for schoolgirl nigger AIDS pin
Conservatives blame Horny Lilac Lint for Nigerian schoolgirl kidnappings
Conservatives blame Hillary Clinton for Nigerian schoolgirl kidnappings
really wanting to stay away from the windows
dreaming, for no particular reason you can place, lucidly if somewhat creatively of overlooking Conservatory Water and Fifth Avenue from a height of perhaps thirty or forty feet in what you took to be a hotel room
something something rhythmic wak wak wakking in the snow showers at Antarctica something
My Two Colons
My Two Dads Colon Gay Penguin Pair Step in to Rear Chick
getting Dan Aykroyd to play Homer in the live action Simpsons
pubescent children are taken in by a sinister dabbler in the occult who cuts their hearts from their still living bodies
thinking that with her wightlike good looks, voluminous hair, and ineffectual existence, Kate Middleton would have been a perfect M R James ghost, if only she lived in a tree full of hideous spiders she'd given birth to
Operation Middleton's Cherry Blend, the Metropolitan Police's investigation into sexual abuses by skeletons
using "Middleton's Cherry Blend" as a euphemism for the abortion Kate had to get after a little fun with the pool boy
Middleton's Cherry Blend
getting a Prince Albert in Prince Albert with Prince Albert while chewing Prince Albert
Crossroads with Jane Rossington
murdering Dan Aykroyd by mistake
Crossroads with Britney Spears
that you keep thinking Roger Ackroyd died already
cleaning bad colon mud off Miss Daisy
cleaning cum and blood off Miss Daisy
that you keep thinking Dan Aykroyd died already
each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat, some nights, I clean off the blood, Miss Daisy
each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat, some nights, I clean off the blood
someday a real rain will come and wash all this cum off the streets
on every street in every city, there's a nobody who dreams of being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr Kento Ikeda stepped into the quantum leap accelerator and was quickly Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
Ryan H Tron
giving Kento access to a time machine, which he then used to go back and meet Ayn Rand, who simply shut the door in his face
Tafari Makonnen Woldemikael
that Ryan Thorn sounds so much more badass than Ryan North
ThornPup
PropHunt
where's Kento
wishing on those satellites
Kento dying on the way back to his home planet
we actually kind of do that
Kento needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine, whenever Kento is not being posted about, all the other posters need to be asking "where's Kento"
getting biz zay, consistently and thoroughly
Guillermo del Toro refused to insert a 'Poochie' into 'Wind in the Willows'
talking about a totally outrageous paradigm
lion bisects a moron
robots in coal mines
Transformer explodes in Turkish coal mine
fisting goons
being detained by security units on suspicion of occult practices
using your spiky fist attack to defeat Mr Grim's army of Trigoons
Canada moves in to Nigeria to aid in search for kidnapped girls
making farty noises with your boobs
making farty noises with your penis
making farty noises with your butt
making farty noises with your hands
the death of H R Pufnstuf
the death of H R Giger
the feeling has gone only you and I, it means nothing to me, this means nothing to me, oh, wiener
Battle Creek is where most of your ceral, anything Kellogg or Post it comes from Battle Creek
horrific parallelisms
Myke Dyker
When one gives a blowjob while simultaneously inserting a percussion mallet into the anus
shit the beef
Wienerbrod
slamming your dick in Joe Biden's elbows
A Coltish Cockade Helm
Madolche Chickolates
grading Yardies' anuses with Tjardus Greidanus
learning that Tjardus is pronounced "Jardus" rather than "Tyardus" as you thought
Beelzebub had a devil put inside of you
bottoming for Tjardus Greidanus in Grade A Anus Beef
grading anuses in the TARDIS with Tjardus Greidanus
getting Myke Hawke to judge who the world's most boorish, boastful ex military man is
getting Myke Hawke to judge who the world's strongest man is
magnifying magnetrons with Magnus Ver Magnusson
the greatest squat he had ever seen
Magnus Ver Magnusson
le Chunnel
Le tunnel sous la Manche
je veux seulement oublier
A Mottled Duke
Slutty Boolean
slamming your dick in Joe B's elbows
Ballet Unto Soy
slamming your dick in Bob E's jowels
Botany Sellout
Tube Alloys
vaster rhino
hovertrains
drinking champagne out of a Greidanus
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want waffles, he meant it
being cold waffles out of a chimp anus
Cold Waffles Chimp Anus Geldof
wafflecold
eating cold waffles out of a chimp anus
having cold waffles with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
paying for the cold waffles in Mexico in kroner
eating the cold waffles in Mexico
that you're suddenly very interested in the cold waffles
being given the cold waffles
that you're suddenly very interested in the cold shoulder
having waffletastic breasts
not realizing until your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship that you had wasted lots of time
a swan of my means should not remain a schoolboy
a man of my means should not rape a schoolboy
a man of my means should not remain a schoolboy
Sir Jammy Fishpaste would probably grasp the last part
imagining how stupid someone twenty years ago would think a sentence containing words like blogger, tweet, and Ukip
Sextant live at XS one
Police ask blogger to remove tweet about Ukip
it's just a day like any other day
The NSA routinely receives or intercepts routers, servers and other computer network devices being exported from the US before they are delivered to the international customers
lasers, pew pew pew pew, but then again, pew pew explosion
there is no use crying over spilt milk
Brazil Colon Police warn visitors, 'Don't scream if robbed'
Clay Aiken's Opponent in Congressional Race, Keith Crisco, Dies sleeping with Mel Gibson
Clay Aiken's Opponent in Congressional Race, Keith Crisco, Dies
sleeping with Mel Gibson
making racist remarks to encourage your companion to sleep with you
looping the bit with the drums in
being punched in the noise by an angry cetacean
regrets, you've had a few, but then again, too few to mention ya neb
regrets, you've had a few, but then again, too few to mention
ya neb
small cups
large jugs
having had too few regrets to mention yet mentioning them anyway
being punched in the noise by an angry chicken, buck buckawk
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's noise as you knead it
being punched in the noise by an angry Chicagoan, da Bears
being punched in the noise by an angry Canadian, eh
being punched in the noise by an angry Cumbrian, al punch ya in ya neb
defrayals and keenness and tossups don't count
stalkers and fans and needy spouses don't count
there's no way you could regret being loved
being loved
conneries!
futunjits laptele
being punched in the noise by an angry Cumbrian
al punch ya in ya neb
Ninnajji shaata
Allah mamhuun
Da go lapash na magare
na koliny, suka
chollooy me huey
uvas melankie Pisune
Sosi xyu pider
idy na khuj
feeling that Ukraine is just a naturally funny word, na khuj
sending Myke Hawke to the Ukrainian underground
feeling that Ukraine is just a naturally funny word, hivno
drawing a picture of Ben Affleck and Ben Asslick braiding their penises together
playing blackdick with Ben Asslick
feeling that Ukraine is just a naturally funny word
Japanese Dump Most Euro Bonds on Record Amid Ukraine Tension, Desu Ne
The Bum of All Rears would have been funnier
that, according to imdb, there is a Ben Asslick whose sole film credit is The Sum of All Rears
playing blackjack with Ben Asslick
non delicious ad baculum
non fallacious ad baculum
podcast appeal to authority
argumentum ad baculum
two and a half Kentos
Hearts and Oosiks
one and one half wandering Kentos
the Wandering Kento
wondering Kento has been busy masturbating to Chris Lydon's new NPR show
wondering Kento has been busy listening to Chris Lydon's new NPR show
she looked you over and you guess she thought you was alright
something something Conchita Wurst something dumpster behind Steak n Shake
something something Conchita Wurst something rising like a phoenix something
Conchita Wurst
Tjardus Greidanus
playing blackjack with Ben Affleck in a marching band
playing blackleck with Ben Affjack
playing blackjack with Ben Affleck
Kento really sat down and read at least the last six thousand or so regrets
r rather than clicking the refresh button like somebody who is willing to make an effort in life
dicking your dick in Dick's dick
slamming your slam in Slam's slam
swallowing your swazzle
wondering if Kento really sat down and read at least the last six thousand or so regrets, or if he just clicked show all and searched for his own name
boobing your boobs in Boob's boobs
that on Friday you forgot to wish a happy birthday to Mister Punch, cheerio
having LLAMA BOD OPS
Saving Private Hag
Fister Muck
having BLOOD PLASMA
having ass
saving hag
Mister Fuck
having PLASMA
having gas
being surprised to learn that you have used a pellet gun before being in school
being more sweme than swan
being more meme than man
that the reason is that you refresh webpages using command and r rather than clicking the refresh button like somebody who is willing to make an effort in life
refreshing pokemon fansites over and over again for any new information about the upcoming games and realizing why you're alone
being surprised to learn that you have used a pellet gun before
being in school
that not using the regret index for months has not helped advance your personal life at all
hi, Kento, what's up
being the subject of one in thirty regrets
not having checked the dex for months
Crapper's Valveless Waste Preventer
jump punching that Parisian hooker
'X Men' star Hugh Jackman has cancerous growth removed from nose
gilded lily tart hilt
a tail drilled tightly
a tidally held girl tit
a giddy little thrill
agiddy
Cheerio Eh I'm Walkin' Here Da Bears Isn't It Don'tcha Know Crikey Oi Sieg Heil Desu Ne Geldof
British English New York Times Geldof
as a Golden Globe nominee, I just think it's our duty to make the real globe a little more golden
Fat Gay Asian Geldof
repeatedly trying to write Gelfliing instead of Gelfling
repeatedly trying to write Gelfliing instead of Geldof
Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge Geldof
Hugest Walrus Rider Geldof
Kimchee Spicy Cheetos Geldof a Shakespeare for the modern age
Kimchee Spicy Cheetos Geldof
a Shakespeare for the modern age
This was the first recorded use of the term "Among the Sleep"
Among the Sleep
Bandanna In Curry Geldof
Runny Cabana Rind Geldof
Roman Jerry Bryan Geldof
way too normal
Duncan Ryan Brian Geldof
Dungeons Dragons American Idol Boobs Geldof
Hardboiled Water Turtles Geldof
drawing a picture of Frankie Muniz stroking off on Rough Sex Monday
Drone 'almost hit' American Airlines flight in Florida, officials hear
guessing that the nickname Rape Angina is probably better than the nickname Rape Vagina
that's not an anagram, I just wanted to write "Rape Angina"
receiving the nickname Rape Angina
receiving the nickname Ape Regina
Cold Boobs Trope Geldof
Champagne Cease & Desist Sprinking Geldof
'Motherfucking snakes down this Motherfucking drain' Colon Snakes capable of crushing small children invade Regent's Canal, cheerio
Don Cheadle's cockney accent
Fans immediately responded to his message on Monday, saying "feel better" and "hope ur ok"
drenched on a pool
LaMot Highnipples Krill Pruno Geldof
that Frankie Muniz keeps having strokes
Don Cheadle is Captain Planet
the passage of linear time
bottoming for Ms Top Alien in Best of Both Worlds VII
Starve the Whales
fast absorbibg omega three krill oil
building a step pyramid from Inca music CDs and sacrificing Kento on top of it
burying all those Inca flute music CDs
kancelling Kento
buying all those Inca flute music CDs
kancelling Kommunity
cancelling Community
that the live action Krusty the Klown spinoff never happened
End Colon Rape, D'Oh
Hardened Colon Op
Porno Don Cheadle
pruno
Don Cheadle
having high nipples
emailing Penis LaMot
emailing Ms Top Alien
emailing a limp stone
emailing a stolen imp
emailing a solemn pit
emailing a silent mop
emailing Tampon Isle
emailing Las Pimento
emailing malt ponies
emailing melon pitas
emailing tempo snail
emailing male piston
emailing Tom Spaniel
emailing a simpleton
sort of hoping that it is, not because you enjoy the thought of freaking someone out, but because knowing that you're merely a simpleton might set them at their ease
beinh OlO% geniune
geniunely lacking the insight
wondering, just prior to going to sleep at five am, whether looking at someone's wikipedia contribitions is freakout material
the Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated
drawing a picture of Sting getting his mash tantrically banged bottoming for Santosh Banger in Bangers & Mash VII
drawing a picture of Sting getting his mash tantrically banged
bottoming for Santosh Banger in Bangers & Mash VII
slamming your chocolate chips in Jewel's waffles
standing ramrod straight in the dock at Southwark Crown Court after a four week trial and an overnight wait for the verdict
Santosh Banger, I hardly know her!
guessing that Sting must really love money to have set so much of it free
Santosh Banger
taking your best girl out to dinner at Chuck E Cheese
Woody Allen sleeping with Mi Tit
the first step is dating mi tit
the first step is admitting it
I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls
the metric system is the tool of the devil
that the resort was to be built on some cleared rainforest
remembering reading about how Sting's former accountant had absconded with ten million pounds sterling of Sting's money sometime in the early nineties, and Sting had only found out when the accountants for a resort hotel Sting was trying to fund told him
the bitterly ironic charitable works of Sting, one of the most depressing songwriters ever to have lived
putting a band aid on a subarachnoid hematoma
putting a band aid on a puncture wound
Regime Aid
the irony that "band aid" is a used as a term for a small, perfunctory fix that does nothing to actually address the root of the problem being completely lost on Bob Geldof
dim afar
the Band Aid pun being completely lost on UK audiences, who would have called it plaster
Mad Fair
Band Aid
Farm Aid
Za milion godina
sending your love down the well
the anarchist band Chumbawamba released the album Pictures of Starving Children Sell Records, as well as an EP entitled "We Are the World", jointly recorded with US band A State of Mind, both of which were intended as anti capitalist critiques
You know, those limos out back aren't free
feeding the world, letting them know it's Christmas time
not really minding rich people or even rich people who have ideas about how the world should be and talk about them publicly, or even the charitable work that they do or which is done in their names, but thinking telethons are pretty sinister
the five people you meet in heaven who starved to death because you spent the money that could have fed them on heroin instead
eating the world, eating the children
turning stone to bread
drawing a picture of Bono and Sting tantrically jacking off over the reflections in each other's shades
wondering how many Africans the money that Peaches Geldof spent on heroin in her short twenty five years could have fed
flying your sunglasses halfway around the world first class so that you can jack off to your reflection
being the world, being the children
wearing your sunglasses at night so you can so you can jack off to the reflection in your shades
drawing a picture of Bono and Bob Geldof jacking off over the reflections in each other's shades
that's what she said
I knew that was coming
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, FRIEDPEPPERS
mmmm, fried peppers
Peppers Lolcode Fry Geldof
Achtung Waffletastic Lakers Geldof
Bono The Edge Achtung Geldof
Bonobob
drawing a picture of Bono and Bob Geldof starting to braid their penises together, then giving up after realizing they just preferred jacking off into a mirror more
going for a late run
Dick King Geldof
dicking Geldof
Chelsea Clinton Dix Geldof
Chelsea Clinton Dix
bottoming for the Green Bay Packers in Ha Ha Clinton Dix VII
Ha Ha Clinton Dix
US FDA approves 'Hand Job' robotic arm for amputees, Barack Obama bows down
US FDA approves 'Hand Job' robotic arm for amputees, George Lucas changes underwear
US FDA approves 'Star Wars' robotic arm for amputees, George Lucas changes underwear
naming your robot arm after Desmond Dekker
US FDA approves 'Star Wars' robotic arm for amputees
making swan noises
making goose noises
making chicken noises
R#A#T#S
that you used to have a slightly taller rat named Phoebe and sometimes you would put a mirror next to it and pretend it was an entirely different rat named Ursula even though the illusion wasn't very convincing
drawing a picture of fear being Eiffel Towered by Bill and Hillary
not quite believing that Joey didn't have sex with all of the other F#R#I#E#N#D#S and probably most of their friends and some of their relations
that you used to have a slightly prettier and funnier rat named Rachel
that you used to have a slightly older rat named Monica
that you used to have a rat named Chelsea
always thinking that the Clintons naming their daughter Chelsea lies somewhere between a Canadian couple naming their child York Region or naming their child Maple Leaf, eh
Bedbug Odor Flex
Bob Geldof Redux
the birth of Beacon Hill Lakers Geldof
always thinking that the Clintons naming their daughter Chelsea lies somewhere between a British couple naming their child Beacon Hill or naming their child Lakers
Bob Geldof II Colon The Secret of the Ooze
Bob Geldof Two Colon Bob Geldoffer
always hearing that line as "our old friend Bill and Hillary"
drawing a picture of fear being Eiffel Towered by you and me
our old friend fear and you and me
the jokers' cold refrain
the tide of incivility, and the tide of intolerance
Bob Geldof Conquers the Martians
Bob Geldof Does Dallas
Bob Geldof in Space
the birth of Jaylala Waffletastic Lolcode Geldof
sending Bob Geldof a care package to help him on his way to become the first Irishman to travel into space
Bob Geldof in Africa with your fuckin' money
Bob Geldof in Africa
Hadji's fecal shins
Shedinja slashfic
momma hated deer
momma always saying that stupid is as stupid does
writing a regret dumber than any of the seventy six thousand three hundred and sixty five that came before it, well done sir
the first monk to wet himself in space, Urine Gregorian
cast poos nil
Panic Stools
Catsplosion
civic sauna meta cussing
Mecca visit causing anus
Black Death skeletons give up secrets of life and death
Metropolitan Police officers start wearing body cameras, cheerio
Metropolitan Police officers start wearing body cameras
US activism causing acne
inactive ass causing cum
better
Satan causing civic emus
not even as a joke
vaccines causing autism
doing the doughiest deer
doing the dumpiest female
doing the most feminine dump
doing the hugest dump
I do a dump, a female dump
using the word "chimptastic" to describe champagne
I do a dump
buying multiple copies of the book "Waffletastic" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Christina Ricci
wondering why we "do a fart" but not "do a dump"
petty risk
giant heid
perky tits
Attack of the Lozenge Loss Menace
the very idea of a happily married mother of two teenage boys
Attack of the Selena Gomez Clones
reading the May seventh Dear Abby question about twerking
avoir du pain dans votre couronnes
having pain in your kroner
just now realizing that your overweight accountant brother is a clown of Selena Gomez, honk honk
just now realizing that your overweight accountant brother is a clone of Selena Gomez
wondering where you would fake art at
wondering where you would fake a tart
wondering where you would take a fart
Selena Gomez Clone #ThirtyThree had thyroid issues
having impure thoughts about an overweight Selena Gomez apologizing to Selena Gomez for your previous remarks, even if it is kind of true
slamming your dick in the waffle PALLADIUM
slamming your dick in the waffle COBALT
slamming your dick in the waffle iron
wondering why we "take a dump" but not "take a fart"
off Bermuda to an island resort we rented
deep throating Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
deep throating Gene "Male" Szo
deep throating Gas Lemon Zee
deep throating Go Semen Zeal
robots in this guy
watching a British crime drama performen in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taked out of the action every time the hardboilen cockney gumshoe is pain in kroner
being deep throaten by Selena Gomez
deep throating Selena Gomez
just now realizing that Stephen Fry looks like your overweight freeter brother
having sex with an overweight accountant who looks a lot like Selena Gomez
having impure thoughts about an overweight Selena Gomez
apologizing to Selena Gomez for your previous remarks, even if it is kind of true
around the face
just now realizing that Selena Gomez looks like your overweight accountant brother
the death of Christopher Malcolm
Federal prosecutors say the husband of a "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star has pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit mail, wire and bank fraud
Tvrtko I of Bosnia
that the USS Billy Dee Williams was made from recycled Billy Beer cans
using the word "fecalswatfit"
Kento's armor is Hardrock, and his Virtue is Gi
USS Billy Dee Williams
being gi
USS William D Porter
being yeastily yeasty, yea, verily
being ki
being yeastily yeasty
being excubantly exuberant
That your central girders would not have given way, At least many sensible men do say, Had they been supported on each side with buttresses, At least many sensible men confesses, For the stronger we our houses do build, The less chance we have of being ki
taking the fattest wits
using the word "fatfecalwits"
using the word "titfaceflaws"
using the word "seaclifftwat"
the Battle of Eggy
drawing a picture of Kento being pancake stacked by Crepe Lydon and a waffle
the Battle of Cressy
Waffle education is sin
playing Pants Off Pants Off Revolution
Pants Off Stroganoff
sending Bob Saget to meat Charlemagne
sending Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne
Northern education is sin, eh
Western education is sin
eating waffles out of a chimp anus
wondering if Jodie Sweetin would give you a Pants Off Dance Off if you gave her meth
wondering if Jodie Sweetin would sleep with you if you gave her meth
a cold anal bleach tea day in hell
spooning Jewel's thirty eight triple D's
letting the days go by, letting your anal bleach tea go cold
letting the days go by, letting your tea go cold
Christina Ricci decided to attend the twozerooneone Met Ball in character as Wednesday Addams
Store clerk shoots man who forgot to remove ski mask
having a headstand pageantry kit
Uncle Vatred's thirty eight triple D's
thinking that one of the temps at your new job sort of sounds like a female Sergeant Hatred
having perky tats and a giant head
a long piss mark
Polanskigrams
rapagrams
on a boat during the Amsterdam Rape Big Toady parade
Boat Pride
on a boat during the Amsterdam Gay Pride boat parade
the death of Mimi Kok
Isla Jacques Cousteau
at that rate, the tiny island will have a population of over five billion within four hundred years
suspecting that there are a number of undocumented workers resident on Skorpios
that between two thousand one and two thousand eleven, the population of Skorpios increased by one hundred and fifty percent
Skorpios
regret number six eight zero two two
leaving a listing on craigslist looking for a local ham radio operator and an otter
that you had to look up metousiosis and you probably, if you're being honest, didn't use it correctly but more for effect
you might want to check whether you are showing the early stages of congenital nystagmus
almost writing the regret "The Winky Soldier" but then thinking about the mutable nature of identity here and worrying that it might turn you into Kento, an event you fear may be accompanied by metousiosis and eventual physical transmutation
Roman Polanski's Captain America
waffletastic
Police Arrest Captain America For Texting Teen Girl Photos Of His Penis
drawing a picture of Sting getting kicked out of IHOP for having tantric sex with his vegan waffles
Boston Globe Colon College students in Boston increasingly living in dangerous, illegal off campus sea life centers, wicked pissah
Boston Globe Colon College students in Boston increasingly living in dangerous, illegal off campus housing, wicked pissah
the bitterly ironic music of Tusk, one of the most aquatically mammalian songwriters ever to have Eiffel Towered Kento
using the word "walrustantric"
using the word "walrustastic"
Eco Shark
Eco Jet
Eco Guy
Eco Doll
rubbing one out in the tumor broach hatch
having sex with a guy who looked a lot like Stephen Fry
drinking champagne out of your beloved's breasts in the bathroom at church
huge mega soaps
Former Teen Pants assistant football coach encourages 'Tit Tug TELLER Rape Cad'
megaesophagus
Former Teen Pants assistant football coach encourages 'Tit Tug Penn Rape Cad'
Former Teen Pants assistant football coach encourages 'Duct Tape Parenting'
Former Penn State assistant football coach encourages 'Duct Tape Parenting'
taping up your children's ducts
Former Seattle daycare teacher encourages 'Duck Tape Parenting'
Former Seattle daycare teacher encourages 'Duct Tape Parenting'
sprinking chocolate chips in Jewel's waffles
eating a prick
slamming your dick in Jewel's waffles
using the word "Kentotastic"
being a prick
using the word "chimpanus"
thinking Elvis Presley had risen from the dead and drunkenly recorded a session of Christmas songs, then realising you were listening to Born to Run with the sound down
being Goosish, honk eh
Original Swan
geese are merely corrupted, unlike swans who are utter evil
the very idea of a goose feeling guilt
a goose of faint existential guilt, honk a lonk
naiads
honk honk honk
a clown of faint existential guilt, honk honk
a clown of faint existential guilt
drinking champagne out of a chimp mouth
Your potential regret of that too has already been added! It currently has a regret index of zero
having brushed your teeth, bleached your anus and climbed into bed
having brushed your teeth, washed your face and climbed into bed
opening your ass wide and just putting foot after foot after foot inside, stepping down inside yourself until you disappear in a cloud of faint existential guilt
clown lingerie
opening your mouth wide and just putting foot after foot after foot inside, stepping down inside yourself until you disappear in a cloud of faint existential guilt
making references to conversations from a week or perhaps longer ago
thinking you might go to bed since it's nearly five in the morning
writing the previous two regrets before thinking about how they could be misinterpreted, when actually the intent was to show how weak your own grasp of other people's identities is, and even feeling bad about how this regret could be misinterpreted
it's possible you could be some sort of imposter
not knowing why you're asking me, since you're the one that works here, I think
wondering whether Anal Bleach Tea would refer to tea made from an anus bleaching agent, or tea that is taken anally and made from bleach
Laos nightclub with teachable anal
touching balls with Elena Baltacha
the death of Anal Bleach Tea
the death of Teachable Anal
the death of Elena Baltacha
High Wire Horror Colon Family Circus Takes Terrifying Turn
putting all the Keanes in a Family Circus
Bil Keane's the Colon Circus
putting all the FOURS in a FOUR museum, eh
putting all the trees in a tree museum
Category colon lingerie
a raja's slender mentor
colon lingerie
Lingerie colon football league takes terrifying turn
Lingerie football league takes terrifying turn
taking a walk near your house and spotting a large male Canada goose in the road hissing "eh" at you, then, on the return trip half an hour later, he was still there and still hissing "eh"
Lingerie football league gaining popularity, legitimacy
High Wire Horror Colon Circus Takes Terrifying Turn
taking a walk near your house and spotting a large male Canada goose in the road hissing at you, then, on the return trip half an hour later, he was still there and still hissing
that guy is TWO CASES of SUNSHINE short of CONCEIVING his AUNT
that guy is one bottle of SUNSHINE short of marrying his AUNT
that guy is one bottle of moonshine short of marrying his sister
jorts
slamming that whole thing of boobs into your dick and puking in bed
if you can keep Myke Hawke when all around you are running down stairs slamming their dicks into their boobs and barfing, you are a man, my son
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, at your desire
sprinking chocoholic pets on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
if you can keep your head when all around you are running down stairs slamming their dicks into their boobs and barfing, you are a man, my son
Leander Starr Jameson
slamming your dick in your boobs when you run down the stairs SPLAT! WHACK! BARF!
slamming the hugest boobs
trying to imagine what combination of immensely huge dick, immensely huge boobs, and incredibly flexible spine would allow one to slam one's own dick in own's own boobs
wholly predictable outcomes
sprinking chocolate chips on your dick in a chimp anus
slamming your dick in your boobs when you run down the stairs
You don't have any mail! Our servers are feeling unloved
diatribe foyer
hot kidding Frankie Muniz
I obey fried rat
SPLAT! WHACK! BARF!
a deep fried boy
a terrified dog
top of the rank, like Pearl & Dean
Gorgolok, the Infernal Seal
going to Chicago and stopping at a fifty year old institution for a deep dish pizza overflowing with meat
obey friar diet
baited frier, yo
rabid fiery toe
a terrified boy
turning Go Ikeda's house into an IHOP
reading the top of Kento's twitter account to see if he really died not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
reading the top of Kento's twitter account to see if he really died
chimp auto brewery syndrome
auto brewery syndrome
the death of Kento Ikeda
playing a lawful good dwarven Eskimo slash cleric in a marching band
playing a lawful good dwarven Eskimo slashfic
playing a lawful good dwarven Eskimo slash cleric
Eskimos cannot be neutral
Eskimos have hundreds of words for snow but none for hello
having defective egret scenes
missing being able to log in to the amazing Regret Index as Kento and post a bunch of fake comments under his name
slamming Myke Hawke in Jewel's boobs
slamming your dick in Stephen Fry's boobs
Rastafarian Thor colon Scram, Bee Mice
Bacteria from Earth can colonise Mars
What Mormons Really Believe
hot dogging Frankie Muniz
Yogurt Bust Cheerios
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
guessing you could say that Assi Dayan has come home
the death of Assi Dayan
Tory candidate quits over homophobic and anti Islamic tweets
Boyzvoice
Cooch Pimp Penus
pronoia
Maryland gun shop receives deluge of death threats after offering for sale "smart gun" that can only be fired by specific individuals
having severe genetic defects
Don Cossacks
When Frankie Muniz once hosted the Fox Box, he stated that Hot Doggone It was his favorite Foodon
Couch Jump Xenus
Brioche Urges Tryouts
Chest Burst Xenos
ordering an Armenian mail order bridge
Soyogurt Burst Kelpos
Yogurt Burst Kentos
Cruncheroos
Millenios
Yogurt Burst Cheerios
sayin shit abaat me mum, ya wanka, cheerio
the regret index being born too late for putting eighteighteight into the teletext rather than inconvenience the neighbours seeing as it is quite late, and too early for remote cochlear stimulation sounding a bit dirty
sayin shit abaat me mum, ya wanka
the very idea of a British woman not being ill tempered
being terrified at the notion of a swan with teeth
that one's kind of a stretch
the amazing Farce Index, look you now
the amazing Farce Index
the very idea of a swan not being ill tempered
ordering an Armenian mail order bridge who was eventually dispatched from China
ordering a British mail order bride only to find out she was actually an ill tempered swan, except she still had the horrible British teeth
ordering an Australian mail order bride whose venom paralysed you during sex and who then laid her fertilized eggs in your spine, you can feel them wriggling
wanting to order a Nigerian mail order bride but needing a small deposit to pay the shipping costs
ordering an American mail order bride who was eventually dispatched from China
having spent so many years entering regrets that you not only forget search engines don't always recognize longhand numbers but tend to write numbers out longhand in everything you do
wanting to order a Russian mail order bride and a Ukrainian mail order bride and watch them fight to the death while a Polish mail order bride tells the Ukrainian mail order bride to tag her in, quick
wanting to order a Russian mail order bride and a Ukrainian mail order bride and watch them fight to the death
leather
making a double breasted suit out of huge breasted BDSM queen leather
bottoming for one thousand Russian ladies in No Results Found VII
making a suit out of huge breasted BDSM queen leather
TOP ONE THOUSAND RUSSIAN LADIES
wondering if the SS Great Western really did employ huge breasted leather wearing BDSM queens
wondering if the SS really did employ huge breasted leather wearing BDSM queens
having sex in a car with a girl who looked a lot like Lion Neeson
deep throating champagne
having sex in a car with a girl who looked a lot like a lion
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Jesus Christ
crucifying a savior who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
Christina Ricci, she's like Christ but more inaricci
incogitable occurrences
making Christina Ricci's Father's house an IHOP
all female members must come to IHOP without their bra and panties
making my Father's house an International House of Pancakes
removing your chimp anus and throat in the bathroom at church
removing your breasts and vagina in the bathroom at church
that is a thing
removing your bra and panties in the bathroom at church
that should probably be a thing
the amazing Coincidence Index
Daniel Kochanski
all female members must come to church without their bra and panties
not realizing that the verb "bugger" derives from Bulgarians, well Bulgarian me
not realizing that the verb "bugger" derives from Bulgarians, thanks Wikipedia!
List of ethnic slurs by ethnicity
the death of Efrem Zimbalist Jr
that actually sounds pretty hot, someone draw that one please
drawing a picture of Jewel and Christina Ricci slamming their boobs together
falling down the stairs and slamming your boobs in various things and places
killing your boobs when you run down the stairs
kissing your boobs when you run down the stairs
thrilling your boobs when you run down the stairs
trying to use ebay to gague how much a Messiah's prepuce is worth, but finding only ''buy now'' prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
he told those who sold the pigeons, "Take these foreskins away, do not make my Father's house a house of trade"
selling Christ's Foreskin on eBay
buying Christ's Foreskin on eBay
Category colon Tax havens
Kento likes saying it
the Bailiwick of Guernsey
that goes without saying
Kento would like everyone to know that he still goes to the Boston aquarium every day and gets Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus every day
rachel would like everyone to know that she still comes here every day and writes at least a couple of regrets every day
seven year old twin boys hailed as homos for beating off carjacker
seven year old twin boys hailed as heroes for beating off
carjacker
eating that child that took about ninety minutes to completely pass through your system
year old septuplet boys hailed as heroes for beating off carjacker
seven year old twin boys hailed as heroes for beating off carjacker dude
seven year old twin boys hailed as heroes for beating off carjacker
dude
wondering if Allan Thipthorpe knows that his favorite prostitute is a due
hoping that when you're eighty eight, should you feel the need to pay for sex you'll be able to do better than a cross between Rupert Grint and Sean Bean
messin' up the BT decor, 'till they've fallen on the floor
Prostitute ban pensioner punched council official who left him feeling brassed off
Trwvwr thw Vowel
so is a what
eating that chili that took about ninety minutes to completely pass through your system
so is a
w is a vowel
Teens arrested in Cwmcarn High School vowel theft plot, isn't it
Teens arrested in Cwmcarn High School murder plot, isn't it
jumping in the bathroom real quick
that's my name, if you wear it out, I'll get a new one
I know what you mean about the hand count problem
so, are you Sir Swan Swannery
Sir Swan Swannery, plus Irritable Anon was here just now
can I get a hand count of everyone who still comes here, please
dude it was probably a coincidence
they probably aren't a regular here but they came here and posted after I did
oh, wait, nobody here has any fucking clue who you are
oh, wait, there aren't even comments anymore
oh, wait, there is no regret index login
someone must have stolen your regret index login password and wrote a whole bunch of comments under your name
there was someone here who alluded to something I did that I didn't post about on here, they must have hacked me or worse
Eldest Worm Boy, the Chris Lydon biopic
Disney has announced the premiere date for the debut of "Eldest Worm Girl," the sequel series to the channel's successful "Eldest Worm Boy"
Disney has announced the premiere date for the debut of "Girl Meets World," the sequel series to the channel's successful "Boy Meets World"
Cable If Wireless
Worms today remains embattled with the cities Trier and Cologne over the title of "A Moist Girly Tendency"
Worms today remains embattled with the cities Trier and Cologne over the title of "Timely Incest and Orgy"
Worms today remains embattled with the cities Trier and Cologne over the title of "A Grimy Snotty Decline"
Worms today remains embattled with the cities Trier and Cologne over the title of "Oldest City in Germany"
take it away from here
I get that too, but I'd like to talk to this guy, so I'm trying to take it away from here
really not giving a shit about the Thom Yorke emo bullshit regrets
I get that, but it was posted in the last half hour, so it's reasonable to assume the poster may still be around
it wasn't mine
well then what the hell was that wheelchair thing about
I'm not the angry bandit
I just want to talk to this guy and see what's up
I'm Swan Swannery
not being sure if you think I'm the angry bandit or SirSwanSwannery or what
it's a twitter and a gmail
please please don't troll this guy
angry bandit, your paranoia is starting to sync up with mine, so direct yourself and your missives at SirSwanSwannery if you please
please don't troll this guy
I did that very thing less than seventeen hours ago
I do
do you go up to people in wheelchairs dancing too, like hey Mr Wheelchair look what I can do, what are you going to do about it, cry
watching Kento fuck a huge sugar erection in a confectioner's shop window
watching Kelpo fuck an arboretum tree
watching Kento fuck a zoo animal
third time of offering a confidential, anonymous talkthrough
don't troll the disturbed
do you have a plan or do you just like to watch me fuck a zoo animal
do you have a plan or do you just like to watch me like a zoo animal
the Burning of the Houses of Parliament Funkadelic
the Burning of the Houses of Parliament
this gerontic fellow, it is said, had devised a method by which his voice would be transmitted through the very AEther itself, and the memory of that voice be inscribed upon metallic disks that one could use to call upon an identical account of his speech
that presumably in ten year's time ghost peppers will become widely available in the UK
in appearance resembling a huge sugar erection in a confectioner's shop window
that ghost peppers are to today what chipotle was to ten years ago
Arc de Triomphing
wondering what people called Eiffel Towering before the Eiffel Tower was built
seeming to have some vague recollection of a rather risque heliographic plate in which a rotund Celestial cavorted with a triumphal gerontic fellow and a sea cow, or so you believed it to be
seeming to have some vague recollection of a rather risque heliographic plate in which a slatternly decolletage was put upon display for the private titillation of uncouth personages
remembering the first porn you saw on the internet the cacophonous quarter hour of jeering, squawking and mooing pet parents
not realizing that one of the regret index regulars was over one thousand years old
"French Swing," "Chamber of Love," "Nude Kisses" and "Girls of Spain"
la yang p'ien
actually seeing some old timey porn in a peep show machine last year and thinking it was kind of fun, until you realized everyone in it had grown old and died decades ago
vaguely remembering the first porn you saw ever, which would have been a daguerreotype of a Siamese brothel girl
not realizing that one of the regret index regulars was over one hundred years old
vaguely remembering the first porn you saw ever, which would have been a grainy black and white newspaper page of a topless woman
often not remembering the porn you saw a week before on the internet
not remembering the first porn you saw on the internet
the cacophonous quarter hour of jeering, squawking and mooing pet parents
Claims 'Ghost Sex' Is 'Really Pleasurable' Ahhh Ahh Ahh Ahhh Ahhhhhahhhh
remembering that Carmen Electra nude was the first porn you ever saw on the internet
Goose and Tom Tom
Julia Roberts and first husband Lyle Lovett pose with a clearly unamused Susan Sarandon
Claims 'Goat Sex' Is 'Really Pleasurable'
Claims 'Ghost Sex' Is 'Really Pleasurable'
Ahhh Ahh Ahh Ahhh Ahhhhhahhhh
the Pontiac Silverdome
Go roid
chippa dee ba ba dow
everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a heart, there's a heart, a hand to hold on to
Pig Bet
Beg Pit
Big Pet
dogoir
tiger moms
the cacophonous quarter hour of jeering, squawking and mooing
pet parents
when he gets stressed or frustrated, he quacks like a duck
Omukama
weird time to be watching evening TV
evening TV
the paper boy
the milkman
predictability
mo doc worth
hot cod worm
Doctor Whom
that's going to end up bashed tinier
that's going to end up in the sidebar
spending so much time writing bizarre sexual sceanrios involving a guy you've never met having sex with animals and obscure American talk radio hosts
developing feelings for the amazing lOO% Banditry Index
that's just part of the deal, that's the way I feel
just thinking that it's weird that spending so much time with people whom you couldn't even put a fake name to, let alone a real face, could lead to a feeling of responsibility when one of them claims to be in distress
we HAVE spent a lot of time together talking about presentation of dates, Kento being some kind of sexual monstrosity, and obscure American talk radio hosts
we HAVE spent a lot of time together
sometimes feeling like a regret index regular or regret index regulars understand you more than anyone else, then reflecting on that
neunakkos
neuchachos
Joe Supra Hitch
Joshua Pitcher
Ly Free or Don't
Live Free or Don't
Paul Simon, Edie Brickell arrested and charged with neutrality
telling my wife I said "hello"
I have no opinion about this and I have no opinion about that
just kidding, I don't know either of them
well, things fell through with the One Legged Pakistani Girl and I'm looking for something new
wondering what's brought this up again
that in all fairness the URWIN sounds pretty hot
looking for highly intelligent individuals who probably get nervous easily and don't like stairs
I never said we dated
Cicada FOURFOURONETWO
Cicada ThreeThreeZeroOne
Woman famous only for being a drug addict likely to have died of drug overdose, inquest hears
Pope likely to be Catholic, inquest hears
Heroin likely to have played role in Peaches Geldof's death, inquest hears
never finding out who dated the uptight right wing Israeli ninja
The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train
haiku of smile
male shiofuki
shiofuki champagne out of a chimp anus
soygret
Kelpomon, the vegan alternative to Pokemon
what you need is vole option # nine
what you need is love potion # nine
an easy savaging
vegan gay Asians
Kelpo, the vegan alternative to Kento
Scheissfreundlich
fart dance precedes huge dump
wondering what's up with fart dance, yo
wondering what's up with France today
that thinking about it, Kento actually set up a forum for people to call him an idiot on, and then asked us to go there and basically berate him in front of an audience
I don't think it's a suicide threat
it's not me, and I don't think the Suicide Threat Bandit is Kento either
if you're just quoting shit from Breaking Bad you can fuck right off
Bryan Cranston Thrills Student Leaders And Manatee
Bryan Cranston Thrills Student Leaders At Matinee
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Bryan Cranston and an ocelot
always having thought that Kento would just rise above what a half dozen idiots say on some site even google barely bothers to index
wondering if this is Kento, and Kento has finally snapped, in which case, dude, I am sorry for that, not a joke
nobody else here seems to know what you're talking about
I'm pretty sure you're talking to me because it seems like I write half this shit
you seem pretty sure I've done something but so far I haven't even heard the charge you're laying against me here
I really don't see how I've done any such thing
you have made me a prisoner but I am still free
once again offering to talk whatever it is through
I've still got no idea what you're talking about, but you're clearly very distressed about it
I didn't choose this, it's not my fault, I have nothing to be ashamed of, you forced me into this
wondering who's this now
passive aggressive suicide notes
wearing a scrunchy
Cirque du Soleil is in Portland until May fourth only
Sexual assault complaints among troops jump fifty percent
oh tummy doesn't talk back to me
my mouth doesn't talk back to me
that you really did walk into a beehive yesterday
pinch punch, first of the month
eating a hot mess
being a hot mess
not realizing until he shot himself with a shotgun that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
shooting Kurt Cobain in the eye with a shotgun when you were a kid
being ceded John's wino workout fee
probably not Courtney Love
wondering who this is now
Note From Kurt Cobain's Wallet Scorning Courtney Love Released by Seattle Police
impish bilge snots
impossible things
baffling outbursts
six two five two seven
two six nine six seven
Ingsoc Bergman
crab in shame
I bet
I can mesh bra
a sin chamber
Nice Bra Mash
Brain Scam, Eh
Ham in Braces
Bra Machines
Cabin Harems
Macabre Shin
Seaman Birch
being choked under forty hot Jewish women
being shocked under forty hot Jewish women
No results found for "Thirty Hottest Jewish Women Under Forty Will SHOCK YOU"
Thirty Hottest Jewish Women Under Forty Will SHOCK YOU
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the pasty skinned european gumshoe is paid in kroner
wondering why the regretter in France is up all night, as your own excuse is being some kind of pasty skinned northern european
listening to Paris in the Spring with some parrots in a spring in Paris in the Spring
deep throating thy pen serf
anagrams but not Bicoid Babe
listening to Paris in the Spring in Paris in the Spring
wondering if the Celebrity Regretter is Gene Hackman
BEING FILLED WITH ICI ORGY ANUS GRIT
BEING FILLED WITH RAGING CURIOSITY
wondering if the regretter in France is also the regretter who anagrams everything
all making inquiries and such
I deserved that
also still wondering if Gene Hackman went to France, because of The French Connection and everything
also still wondering if Bicoid Babe went to France, because of the French connection and everything
wanting to write something witty or on point about that but being kind of wiggy right now
I'm twenty seven
it's just bugging me
being a skeleton made of stardust wearing skin
clothes
wut r u waring
being asl'd on the regret index
wondering if this is Bicoid Babe in France or Colonel Mustard in the Library
FACKIN ENGLUND
wondering if you would mind identifying yourself by gender and age
asking someone their geographical location but not revealing your own, you silly goose
also yes
having been to paradise but having never been to me
having never been to Paris
OK well then I just have no idea what's going on
France
wondering if you would mind identifying yourself by geographical location
joining the Ethiopian Navy
when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley
we really need to get the comments back
it's kind of hard to look at the list of regrets and piece together the conversation sometimes, so I really have no idea what was going on
expecting that you don't know what the other person was talking about, either
midnight's catnips are the worst
thinking that is very decent of you to say so
the midnight's catnips index
I just want to say that whoever you were talking to earlier is not me
really wanting to talk about what happened earlier because it's buggering the shit out of you
the Schmidt Sting regret index
really wanting to talk about what happened earlier because it's bugging the shit out of you
take that, Sting
the shit Sting Song Index
the Schmidt sting pain index
cuckoo bees
lending your bees and more bees to a dishonest beekeeper
going into Tosche Station to pick up some honey from the bee that works there, Pointo "Stingz" Deebar
walking into a beehive of bees and more bees
being kind of bothered by the whole thing
being actually pretty bothered by the accusation that you let someone die
specific but still vague weirdness
general weirdness
Chris Lydon't
thinking you were going to lick marsala sauce off of Chris Lydon't erect penis but it turned out to be masala sauce
confusing lion Mustafa with lion marsala
getting a vascectomy just so you wouldn't impregnate anyone
what the hell damn guy
confusing chicken masala with chicken marsala
if I had a duck bill for all for the things I've done, there'd be a mountain of feathers piled up to my chin
if I had a dollar bill for all for the things I've done, there'd be a mountain of money piled up to my chin
another ominous silence
wondering, apropos of nothing, who died
wondering if you've spoken to them here recently, because it's me at night and California and occasionally Japan and New York
maybe you don't but someone does
I just have no idea what to respond with here
this would make anyone crazy, that means nothing
walking into a beehive
alternatively maybe I'd feel better if you stopped quoting whatever you're quoting
maybe you'd feel better if you talked the problem through with me
paraphrasing PaRappa the rapper
lending your kroner to a dishonest hardboiled cockney gumshoe
this is some ominous silence you're doing here
there is literally no way for me to know who you are
I have some idea of who I'd like you to be, but since that would make me insane and a crazy person, and also some kind of crackpot lunatic person, I don't really acknowledge it
I'm not screwing with you
but why put so much effort into screwing with me
I saw your friend first, that's who I danced with
a newspaper why not or periodical as they say
some kind of book perhaps
I honestly have no idea if you're quoting a movie or TV show right now
be, and eat
A Radical Particle dash Anti particle Asymmetry In Algebraic Unification
what the fuck am I supposed to do
an anti commerce radical
I actually don't know
she shimmy shakes, the Hattie Jacques of consequence
she shimmy shakes, the Jimmy Jakes of consequence
you know who's asking
depends who's asking
you let her die, didn't you
Flamingo One
Sam the Seagull
kind of wanting to make a Mars Toastie, that is, a Mars bar flattened and heated between two slices of bread
not knowing who's doing what, even
I've been out all day
why are you doing this
the death of Bob Hoskins
farming for moisture
the newest firefox update, barf
wondering how specific the Star Wars droids are in their tasks, like are there macrame droids and tubal ligation droids
persistent beliefs that very unlikely things are true
crinkly hick polecat
slamming Brian Peppers in church
Happy Krishna
Smiling Buddha
all pork city chicken
Mayor's Tats
Young people who take high doses of a licit ruddiness are twice as likely to become peasants
Mars to Stay
watching a be kid food, throw it up, be it again, then throw it up again, and the only thing stopping it from being it one more time is your intervention, and you do nothing
obeying the Prime Directive
watching a eat dog food, throw it up, eat it again, then throw it up again, and the only thing stopping it from eating it one more time is your intervention, and you do nothing
having too much caffeine and thinking about yourself
why, kippers and eggs, guvna
wondering what's for breakfast
anal homo tike ma dies after 'botched' anthill ejection
Oklahoma! cast member dies after 'botched' lethal injection
Oklahoma inmate comes back to life after 'botched' lethal injection
Oklahoma inmate dies after 'botched' lethal injection
Young people who take high doses of antidepressants are twice as likely to become suicidal
there's no way you're in France
Yon Wads
Snow Day
Shoah Day
Showaddywaddy
Wads Ahoy
Showa Day
getting thigh raped by trendy poofs
shiofuki
getting thigh raped by trendy fops
that Japanese uses the same term for a whale blowing out of its blowhole to refer to female ejaculation
googling "teen rape index"
trendy fops thigh rape teen
Depiction of "spit roast" on rim of an Attic red figure kylix
the Roast Busters scandal
the amazing Teen Rape Index
pimps in berg rape teen
preteen mafia toss cod
being shocked by how many phrases you can find "teen rape" in
Dong Dong
teen rape moist sofa CD
Ding Dong
considering writing "Dong Dong" but then deciding it was stupid and writing "Dong Kong" instead
Space Station Freedom
being really glad that the regret index is back up and running so you had the chance to write Dong Dong
Dong Dong
Dong Kong
Hong Dong
Kong Hong
Hong Kong
Honkey Dong
redonkulous
Konkey Dong
ridiculous
Donkey Kong
Denky Keng
Dinkey King
Dankey Kang
poster regrets une heure et demie du matin
Deep Boobs beating Garry Kasparov at chest
being given the deep boobs
hardboiled gumcode
watching a hardboiled Mexican gumshoe holding Jewel's water in the bathroom at church
slamming your dick in Stephen Fry's throat when you run down the stairs at church
Google Chrome could not find lolitics dot com
giving away lolitics dot com
Gobliiins
kathenotheism
breaking into a series of banks and forcing the employees to accept money
that The Prankster's wikipedia biography astonishingly does not mention The Joker even once
classic comic book villain The Prankster
Bronson Pinchot
Mark Linn Baker
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Star Wars Episode VII Colon Drunken, Sleepy Mumbling
Drunken, Sleepy Mumbling
Scalier Slope Thrills Skywatchers in Australia
Solar Eclipse Thrills Skywalkers in Australia
blowing into Carrie Fisher's chapstick while gently squeezing her bag in your armpit
blowing into Carrie Fisher's blowhole while gently squeezing her dorsal fin in your armpit
farting on the Gherkin until it falls over
a scene where a monster farts on the Gherkin until it falls over
Solar Eclipse Kills Skywatchers in Australia
Solar Eclipse Kisses Skywatchers in Australia
Solar Eclipse Holds Skywatchers in Australia
Solar Eclipse Thrills Skywatchers in Australia
A drummer from the heavy metal band Scorpions, the group behind the anthem Rock You Like a Hurricane, has been jailed for a month for getting drunk and flashing his middle finger at Muslims in Dubai
blowing into Carrie Fisher's blowstick while gently squeezing her bag in your armpit
blowing hard into Carrie Fisher while squeezing her between your arm and chest in a marching band
playing Carrie Fisher like bagpipes
Carrie Fisher to Play Hutt Crime Lord in New 'Star Wars'
getting a job as a Conist
Harrison Ford To Play Carrie Fisher
Harrison Ford's Entire Script In New 'Star Wars' To Conist of Drunken, Sleepy Mumbling
Harrison Ford Preparing to Phone In Biggest Role of His Life
Harrison Ford Has 'Gigantic' Role In New 'Star Wars'
not being tenants opted to that bucolic database
not being able to connect to that stupid database
hello world
happens once a day
it's about five am in France now, which is not too weird
weird time to be eating breakfast
a petit dejeuner
Roman Polanski's A Inept Shit
Roman Polanski's Spit in Heat
Roman Polanski's Shin Ape Tit
Roman Polanski's Pain Tithes
Roman Polanski's Tan Shit Pie
Roman Polanski's Panties Hit
Roman Polanski's The Penis
Roman Polanski's The Pianist
with music by our side to break the color lines
Teen Butt Rape Piano Hour
Teen Butt Rape Piano Tour
Operation A Teen Pub Rut
Operation Bat Preen Tutu
In this twenty count indictment, Representative Binks lived by a new motto colon missa no care!
In this twenty count indictment, Representative Grimm lived by a new motto colon fraud, perjury, and obstruction
Operation Peanut Butter was an entrapment scenario if ever there was one
A reducible moleskin lip arrested and charged with disorderly conduct
Paul Simon, Edie Brickell arrested and charged with disorderly conduct
Clifford the Big Red Dog has been found guilty of eight counts of indecent assault in the most high profile historical sex crime case to date under Scotland Yard's Operation Peanut Butter investigation
that if you were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how you baptize terrorists
Max Clifford has been found guilty of eight counts of indecent assault in the most high profile historical sex crime case to date under Scotland Yard's Operation Yewtree investigation
kelp jolts bulimic
multiple lick jobs
wondering if multiple trannies were to lick your penis simultaneously, if that would be termed a single lick job, or multiple lick jobs
stone baking your penis
stone baking your pennies
electroplating your pizza
getting a lick job from a pack of hobos in the dumpster behind Olive Garden
wondering if tonight's the night you tell me what you do electroplating your emotions
wondering if tonight's the night you tell me what you do
electroplating your emotions
that pride and shame are like two sides of the same coin
thank you
you should be
I'm very proud of that regret
I stand by it
you read it right
I was just making sure that I'd read it right
yes, that's what I said
Nautical Miley Xerxes
NAUTICAL MILEY XERXES wrecking your FOUR DIMENSIONAL SPHERES
sexualized stick insects
looking back fondly on the time when the stupidest thing girls could do in pictures was make duck faces, rather than the Miley Cyrusian "stick your tongue out as far as you can and throw it off at a weird angle" look of today
Miley Cyrus wrecking your balls
Media Jumps On Stupid Story Faster Than a Pack of Hobos at Olive Garden, Film At Eleven
French Guy Who Looks Like Janice Dickinson Gives 'Hobo' Richard Gere Leftover Strap On And Fancy Ball Gown
French Woman, Rather Than Disposing of Leftover "Enormous" Pizza in Trash Can Where It Might Have Been Eaten By an Actual Poor Man, Gives It to Rich Man Pretending to Be Poor, Media Jumps On Stupid Story Faster Than a Pack of Hobos at Olive Garden
Buddha's gonna be pissed
Rich Man Mistaken For Poor Man Eats Food Intended For Poor Man, Thanks But Does Not Enlighten Food Provider
French Woman Gives 'Hobo' Richard Gere Leftover Insults
that if you phrase it as "Richard Gere Mistaken for Homeless Man, Given Leftover Pizza by Tourist, Eats Pizza" it doesn't seem so heartwarming
Woman Gives 'Homo' Richard Gere Leftover Gerbil
Live Cat Discovered Hanging From Nearly Twenty Five Trees In Yonkers
Woman Gives 'Hobo' Richard Gere Leftover Pizza, No Hobo
Woman Gives 'Hobo' Richard Gere Leftover Pizza
singing all the words in the English language, cheerio
Dead Tree Discovered Hanging From Nearly Twenty Five Cats In Yonkers
Dead Cat Discovered Hanging From Nearly Twenty Five Trees In Yonkers
singing all the words in the English language
The Larger Your Penis, The More Likely Your Wife Will Teach Says New Study
without being discovered
Infibulation almost guarantees monogamy because of the pain associated with sex and the difficulty of opening an infibulation without being discovered
soup aria
parousia
deep frying Stephen Throat
Sky Reno
Yonkers
Nearly Twenty Five Dead Cats Discovered Hanging From Trees In Yonkers
adult erection adage
a dude get laceration
adulterated coinage
women are supposed to feel
The Larger Your Pennies, The More Likely Your Wife Will Electroplate Them Says New Study
The Larger Your Revolver, The More Likely Your Wife Will Cheat Says New Study
Women associated large penises with pain and discomfort during sex which precludes the enjoyment and sexual satisfaction that women are supposed to feel
The Larger Your Penis, The More Likely Your Wife Will Cheat Says New Study
holding your boobs when you run down Kento
Obama to Kim Jong un "I'm gon' cut you jive turkey ass"
Kim Jong un criticizes Obama for insensitivity in wake of South Korean ferry disaster, threatens to obliterate US and South Korea in nuclear war
getting a nuke job from a crafty prostitute in the dumpster behind the White House
North Korea has launched a vitriolic attack on the South Korean president, comparing her to "crafty prostitute" in thrall to her "pimp" Barack Obama
President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority planned to issue a formal statement on Sunday calling the Holocaust "the most heinous crime to have occurred against humanity in the modern era" and expressing sympathy with victims' families
being confused because you thought Lenny Henry was from the Black Country
A UKIP candidate has defended tweets in which he said comedian Lenny Henry should emigrate to a "black country" and compared Islam to the Third Reich
Husker Pulp
Supper Hulk
Fat Ninja vs water bottles
drawing a picture of Bono having sex with his crap in an airplane bathroom
drawing a picture of Bono having sex with his cap in an airplane bathroom
CapSex to sue Air Force over lack of competition
that it would be pretty amusing if governments began suing the private sector over a failure to create capacity to deal with big contracts
SpaceX to sue Air Force over lack of competition
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he would be on the Internet for a long time, he meant it
I'm Brad Templeton and I've been on the Internet for a long time
anti commerce radicals
zealouts
Gary Thuerk
squirrel secretions
secreting squirrels
one Chinese child's boast about the size of her penis
that's what she said
that's a helluva penis
One child's penis divides China
dicking Smith
Dick King Smith
Dick King
THREE ADULT'S ARR SUBdivides PORCELAIN
TWO child's QUEUE divides China
drawing a picture of Krmtp being Diffe, Tpwerew by Ch$ia "&do, and a wa,rj
'Carrie Fisher' Prank Convinces Coffee Shop of the Force
'Carrie' Prank Convinces Coffee Shop of Magic
the Analite Pair Club
that panties and undies have already been added to the amazing Regret Index
the Natalia Republic
the Bulbasaur reflex
Walrus Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel
god dammit
Wa,rj Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel
the bulbocavernosus reflex
One child's pee divides China
if i was a police I would not be touching that gun, if they are going to touch it after it came out of her vagina, they better put some gloves on first
I'm just glad that it didn't go off she would have died from that, but how the hell do you hide a gun in your vagina, because I have a vagina and my vagina is not even that loose to carry a gun
firearms in vaginas are central to achieving the American Dream
a Damien Hirst gallery installation in England featuring ashtrays, coffee cups and other detritus was mistaken for actual trash and was cleaned up by a janitorial crew
conjoined twins, God's practical joke
House
Kentucky Mailman Jailed for Hoarding Junk Mail in Dead Mom's House
Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel
If a man open his canal for irrigation and neglect it and the water carry away an adjacent field, he shall measure out grain on the basis of the adjacent fields
uMgungundlovu
knickers
Richard William Wheaton III
Charles Augustus Wheaton
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the revolver out of a vagina trope
banging Dallas Archer
Cops Vagina Teen Had Loaded Revolver In Her Colon
Ms Archer was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a peenhole facility
Ms Archer was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility
Man Sues Mykel Hawke for Lookyng Lyke Hym
he claimed that he violated his own civil rights by getting arrested
he maintained that the accident turned him into a homosexual
Man Sues Michael Jordan for Looking Like Him
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina revolver
thinking that it would probably be easier to have loaded the revolver beforehand
Cops Colon Teen Had Loaded Revolver In Her Vagina
Polanski sues for one point three five million dollars after hitting on teen on bike
Driver sues for one point three five million dollars after hitting teen on bike
'DWTS' Contestant Danica McKellar Breaks a Rib in Monday Practice
holding Jewel's boobs when you run down the stairs
holding your dick when you run down the stairs
'DWTS' Contestant Danica McKellar Breaks a Rib in Practice
One in three who own exotic animals in Ohio lack permits
The action caused the boy to "have an electroplated penny," cops noted
The action caused the boy to "have an erected penis," cops noted
watching a Texas full contact lap dance performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the Houston public school teacher is paid in kroner
a Houston public school teacher gave the boy a "full contact lap dance" at open mic night in front of shocked crowd at coffee shop
taking the hugest dumptaking the hugest dump
a Houston public school teacher gave the boy a "full contact lap dance" in front of her entire class
Swan controlled hearing aid improves even normal violence
Ape controlled hearing aid improves even normal bananas
Ctrl VV
Teenager stabs himself to death onstage at open mic night in front of shocked crowd at coffee shopTeenager stabs himself to death onstage at open mic night in front of shocked crowd at coffee shopTeenager stabs himself to death onstage at open mic night i
Ape controlled hearing aid improves even normal hearing
Teenager stabs himself to death onstage at open mic night in front of shocked crowd at coffee shopTeenager stabs himself to death onstage at open mic night in front of shocked crowd at coffee shop
App controlled hearing aid improves even normal hearing
seventy percent of mothers are trannie hookers
wondering if it is even worth trying to get those flophouse furores you could get right now
wondering if it is even worth trying to get those four hours of sleep you could get right now
seventy percent of trannie hookers are mothers
wondering why it is that people are so coy about themselves on the internet, then remembering that you just now wouldn't post pornstar anagrams because the thought of doing so touched you in a wrong place
let's just say that I spend a lot of time in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
that's not a job
write regrets, mostly
wondering what it is that you do
her splindly cohort
ropy snitch holder
oh, sporty children
portly chin hordes
pinch her dry stool
Christopher Lydon is an anagram of "drench shit poorly"
just wanting to be clear on that
finding the idea of porn as anything but a solo pastime pretty creepy
not really finding anagrams all that much fun as a solo pastime
and I didn't say you had to post them here
I don't really follow porn so I wouldn't know them
that then you would know what pornstars I like
you could, like, make anagrams out of the names of porn stars, maybe that would be fun
being super bored with porn lately
not even joking
thirteen years
song of love, givin' up my heart in vain
going so long without being in a sexual relationship that even though you're in a sexual relationship now, you don't really want sex
maybe if you were better at your job, you could afford a prostitute without a broken foot
maybe if you were better at your job, you could afford a prostitute with an STD
prick
maybe if you were better at your job, you could afford a prostitute without an STD
I am shit at my job
having one more thing to be proud about than me, you smug prick
that even though your life is not as successful as many people's, you can still take pride in two things, that you're really good at your job and that you've never been to a prostitute
that to be honest, even though you probably have a little of those things in this universe, you still don't feel the need to rent out girls from one of the world's STD capitals, much less hurl them to potential doom to pass the time
wondering if there is an alternate universe in which you are the one compensating for your driving sense of worthlessness and inability to form meaningful relationships by throwing teenage prostitutes off roofs
lezzy necked us up
wondering if there is an alternate universe in which you are the one hurling porn stars off roofs
Ken "El Dupe" Scuzzy
poor timing making it look like you're defecating bronies
Ed "Scuzzy Punk" Lee
ducky pee nuzzles
poor timing making it look like you're defending bronies
well, not any more
bronies are what happens when irony laps itself
Barefoot Confidential seventynine
Cute Little Babysitter three
Forced Bi Cuckolds twentyfive
Penis Pixies
Naked porn star thrown off roof by infamous Instagram playboy
breaking her foot
Zeynup "Zed" Selcuk
Naked porn star thrown off roof by infamous Instagram playboy breaking her foot
returning crotch tithe omen fees
returning to teen screech motif, eh
returning to the corn fetish emcee
returning to the censer of the mice
returning to the scene of the crime
being a sodding asking
Peter Nippers hauling about taco ghouls
kissing me and coming by the riverside
being a dog and kissing
coming and thrilling me by the riverside
coming and holding me by the riverside
coming and killing me by the riverside
coming and kissing me by the riverside
Roman students laugh about hypocaust
German students haul about taco ghouls
German students laugh about Holocaust, sieg heil
Angela Merkel denied access to feline rash
Angela Merkel denied access to elfin rheas
Angela Merkel denied access to leaner fish
German students laugh about Holocaust
Angela Merkel denied access to her NSA file
NRA lecture details ways to circumvent restrictions on buying guns
seriously wondering if Skate or Die Hard was ever floated as a possible Die Hard sequel
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Norfolk in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Cromer
all those motherfuckers going to prostitutes
seventy percent of mothers are prostitutes living free and dying anyway
YOUR MOM is a prostitute
seventy percent of mothers are prostitutes
living free and dying anyway
seventy percent of prostitutes are mothers
that's going to come back to haunt him one day
condemning "anti gun zealots" for using mass shootings to pursue their goals
firearms are central to achieving the American Dream
Apache Bunker
Apache
Archie Bunker inspires a song colon 'Are You Heading to Bundyville'
Tour de Thrash
Ski or Die
The Search for Double Trouble
Skate or Die Hard
Skate or Die
Vote or Die
living free or dying
that 'Live Free or Die' sounds like a threat to others more than a statement of personal intent
aborting your young children, they puttin your young men in jail, because you never learned how to pick cotton
Cliven Bundy inspires a song colon 'Are You Heading to Bunkerville'
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with TWO pellet guns when you were THREE kids
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun when you were TWO kids
I Wanna Mar Harry
the Rectal USA Riot
the Tulsa Oat Ricer
the Tulsa Race Riot
Sylvester Stallone#Tobacco promotion
Mitch McConnell colon Matt Bevin lied on cockfighting
Oregon poised to dump own Obamacare website
Date A Boner Maw! JOIN NOW
I Wanna Array Myrrh!
Date Arab Women! JOIN NOW
Arachnization
a baffled inner rhino
Brian Daniel Heffron
that if the original regret wasn't genuine all you can say is that it was deeply unprofessional
Jackson C Frank will return in From Queens With an Eyepatch
seriously being curious in a totally non entrapmenty way as to whether the original regret about shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun was genuine
bottoming for Jackson C Frank in The Eye With a Pellet Gun IX
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun nine hundred and forty eight years ago
I Wanna Shoot Jackson C Frank In The Eye With A Pellet Gun
I Wanna Shoot Harry In The Eye With An Arrow
I Wanna Marry Harry
A US diplomatic cable released by WikiLeaks recorded a Foreign Office official's assertion that "establishing a marine park would, in effect, put paid to resettlement claims of the archipelago's former residents", who were described as "Swan Fridays"
Vegan choriomeningitis
A US diplomatic cable released by WikiLeaks recorded a Foreign Office official's assertion that "establishing a marine park would, in effect, put paid to resettlement claims of the archipelago's former residents", who were described as "Man Fridays"
Onecolonone
something Kento would write
being compared to Kento, a new personal low
Araucanization
wondering if Kento wrote that last regret because it sounds like something Kento would write
Episode I colon The Poontang Menace
the Beaver Wars
there are YouTube videos offering guidance on DIY faecal transplants for at home use, and misinformation is abundant
Ernest Hemingway's great granddaughter Dree boasts an enviable figure as she hits the beach in Miami
wondering if a man who's just been let off a massive fine because hundreds of people took time out to help him at their own expense should be all that upset about subsidy as a concept
Cliven Bundy having a John Paul II crucifix crush on Alex Dainis in northern Italy
Cliven Bundy
having a John Paul II crucifix crush on Alex Dainis in northern Italy
John Paul II crucifix crushes man in northern Italy
the President of the United States shaking hands with a kid
the President of the United States shaking hands with a dog
the President of the United States bowing to a hand job robot
remaking The Defiant Ones with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman
the President of the United States bowing to a robot
remaking The Defiant Ones with Liam Neeson and Wesley Snipes
finding racist penis braiders in your area
FIND RACIST PENIS BRAIDERS IN YOUR AREA NOW! CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS
there's a smartphone ap for it
wondering if Mr Snort Oft has a subforum for penis braiding, or if racists have to go to reddit's Random Acts of Penis Braiding to hook up
drawing a picture of Andre Lampitt and Cliven Bundy braiding their penises together
dreading a future in which a full police incident report can be as little as a verbal report of "I give the offender a clip round the ear sharpish and told him to skedaddle"
dreading a future in which you are expected to eat only Northern British food and use an accent to amuse your Southern British colleagues under penalty of law
Lampitt was handpicked by Ukip headquarters to represent the views of working class people in the UK, and it appears no checks were made to examine his wider opinions
something Bryan Singer something sixteen year old boy something Roman Polanski something twelve year old girl something something Aeroflot Flight Five Ninety Three something
Aeroflot Flight Five Ninety Three
sexting your weiner in Jewel's bazookas
Wet Horny Annie declines to answer whether he still engages in sexting
Anthony Weiner declines to answer whether he still engages in sexting
PENTAMETHYLPHOSPHIDE
TETRAPROPYLCARBON
triethylboron
often wondering, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy
hating people who talk like THIS
slamming your telegraph pole in Jewel's headlights
hating people who talk like that
slamming your boy in Jewe's girls
slamming your wingwang in Jewel's gazongas
with turpentine kisses and mistaken blows
referring to breasts as "gazongas"
Christina Ricci Flow
having sex with a girl who leaked a lot like Christina Ricci
slamming your ordnance in Jewel's bazookas
referring to breasts as "bazookas"
team grip bins pen rep
Dual Survival Colon Untamed
prig eats pep brine men
barmen pip peg entries
imp bangs ripe preteen
ermine peppering bats
absent pigpen premier
prepping a beets miner
Pippa resenting Ember
tense ram in big pepper
bi stripper menage pen
beer trannie pegs pimp
pee pigment brine raps
preteen pipe rim bang
sipping preteen amber
big pen enema stripper
bent grip enema sipper
pimp serpent genie bra
intense perm bagpiper
beeper sperm painting
prep tribesman peeing
bargemen penis tipper
best ripening pee map
ripping preteen beams
reaming Pete B Nippers
burning that Mexican lasagna you were making for dinner
winning the toplesstrampoliningworldchampionshipfemale with seventeen votes
toplessfemaletrampoliningworldchampionships dot com
not realizing until you had flown from San Jose to Maui that when your school told you Africa was super far away, it meant it
you're in the wheel well
guessing that it's kind of hard to tell where even a bus is going if you're in the wheel well
they should put the destination on the front of aircraft, like they do with buses
guessing that the boy's struggles at school compelled him to think that the fastest way to get to Africa from San Jose was via Maui
the father of the fifteen year old Santa Clara teen who survived a flight from San Jose to Maui in a jetliner's wheel well said the boy's struggles at school and yearning to return to Africa may have compelled him to embark on the daring journey
Jodie Foster Got Married This Weekend
blasting curry mayonnaise on to Chris Lydon's epicenters
Twain Flow
licking curry mayonnaise off of Chris Lydon's epicenters
Ricci Flow
bottoming for Bryan Singer in Chambers Double Penetration Party V
although the conversation is being held in public, there is no reason to believe it is being observed or repeated by third parties, or by the subjects, therefore it is hard to argue that any harm has been done, meaning there is no case to answer
we'd probably win on standards of the community and the background in Chambers v DPP, which decided that Twitter represents no more and no less than conversation without speech
he can try
Bryan Singer's Piss Cube Cabs
wondering if Bryan Singer is going to sue us in England now
Bryan Singer's Pubic Abscess
Bryan Singer's Pubic Access
Bryan Singer's Public Access
Florida man facing cocaine charges wants his large neck tattoo that reads "COCAINE" to be removed before his trial
A Florida man named Edward Cocaine was arrested this week on a felony drug charge
Three children found dead in London
A Rainmaker Pops Tonsils
Roman Polanski's Privates
Roman Polanski's Pirates
Special Putin coins mark CRIMIEST annexation
Special Putin coins mark Crimea annexation
cutting the horse bull, Seymour
drawing a picture of Gandalf edging towards Bryan Singer while Jean Luc Picard sits there with a conflicted look on his face for a while before going back and having sex with his child bride
drawing a picture of Gandalf and Jean Luc Picard edging away from Bryan Singer
drawing a picture of an orc going wrist deep in Thorin Oakenshield
bottoming for Sting in Flick Off the Orcrist VII
having bitterly ironic tantric sex with Orcrist
having erotic lint trinity crab sex with Sting
having vitriolic tantric hatesex with Sting
having bitterly ironic tantric sex with Sting
A North Carolina prosecutor was the intended target of an elaborate kidnapping plot, but the kidnappers looked up the wrong address on the Internet and abducted the prosecutor's father instead, according to an indictment released Tuesday
the bitterly ironic music of Sting, one of the most depressing songwriters ever to have lived
wondering why songs even have lyrics
cringing every time you hear some guy call in to a radio station to dedicate Every Breath You Take to his love
you can really see why people cling to Born in the USA as a kind of upbeat, affirmative pop rock song rather than actually listening to the lyrics
Bruce Springsteen is kind of depressing
Mobster facings moidah charges wants his fat neck tattoo rubbed outs for squealin'
Vegan facing murder charges wants his large neck tattoo that reads "MEAT IS MURDER" to be removed before his trial
getting a tattoo on your large neck and still having some space to fill
getting a tattoo on your large neck
Man facing murder charges wants his large neck tattoo that reads "VEGAN" to be removed before his trial
Man facing murder charges wants his large butt hole tattoo that reads "MURDER" to be removed before his trial
Man facing murder charges wants his large neck tattoo that reads "REDRUM" to be removed before his trial
Man facing murder charges wants his large neck tattoo that reads "MURDER" to be removed before his trial
there's a darkness on the edge of town
spending about five minutes trying to figure out what "Daleks Announcing at Slough Station" was a parallelogram of
not heckling a gonadal union's status
spending about five minutes trying to figure out what "Daleks Announcing at Slough Station" was an anagram of
Daleks Announcing at Slough Station
hot loving being rescheduled
slamming Jewel's dick in your boobs
the winking retard in Mexico
having sex with a girl who looted kola like Christina Ricci
rotting heaped Stephen Fry
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Candyland in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe smells sex and teen spirit
that should have said Canada
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Canda in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Kirr venison
bottoming for Granny Biers in Foxy Teen Dump Ass Fart U
thinking of Kento as a freak's indention
groper test
ascending to the Okra Throne of North Korea
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in North Korea in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in hate kronor
smoking weed in North Korea
DirecTV Marionettes
Carequinhas
buying multiple copies of the book "Ten Boob Tooter" by the incredibly handsome Monkey Writes bestselling author Horny Rant
El Cool D
navy odes
thinking of Token as your Kento Asian friend
consuming crated hero spuds
total fishing babes
consuming cheddar toe spurs
consuming pursed chordates
consuming reproached studs
Shy Gay Offered Fist
Fishy Greased Toffey
Fifty Hayseed Frogs
being first polluted, then irked, then rued by a Slater machine
raping teen beer pimps
that, after more than seventy five thousand regrets, you can honestly say that "beaming Peter Nippers" is your favorite regret of all time
training bee sperm pep
pampering penis beret
not even once
beaming Peter Nippers
drinking huh out of a camping spaceman
seeing peppermint bra
preempting brain seep
slamming your dick in Jew Bob's sole
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Damn Tunic
sprinking Catholic epochs on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
sprinking sceptical hooch on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
eh oh
bottoming for Skip "Anal" Moron in Monorail Spank VII
you can't hide it baby, don't deny it, I'm your fantasy, eh
RAVAGE ME, MY LORD! BECOME A BEAST!
you can't hide it baby, don't deny it, I'm your fantasy, oh
wondering if one of us died would the other just hang around posting swan jokes and Raga Man
bottoming for Rich Tanager, Dad Drag Orgy, Unmade Divan, and Bran Syringe in Niche Agleam III
having impure thoughts about a tanage Michael Egan III
Rich Tanager, Dad Drag Orgy and Unmade Divan
Garth Ancier, Gary Goddard and David Neuman
dating the OLBOMYWHITPOHHWSAPAWAMRCTEHTDARWYWUITMOADD
wondering which regret index regular dated a one legged black or mulatto youngster with holes in the palms of his or her hands, who smoked a pipe and wore a magical red cap that enabled him or her to disappear and reappear wherever he or she wished
locking your junk
eating a one legged black or mulatto youngster with holes in the palms of your hands, who smokes a pipe and wears a magical red cap that enables you to disappear and reappear wherever you wish, usually in the middle of a dust devil
being a one legged black or mulatto youngster with holes in the palms of your hands, who smokes a pipe and wears a magical red cap that enables you to disappear and reappear wherever you wish, usually in the middle of a dust devil
licking her junk'
liking your junk
licking my junk
licking your junk
bottoming for Sting in Tantra Ego Mining VII
the tantra ego mining
the ragtag net minion
the gannet migration
the railing
the training
the training montage
extending the hugest rig
Ginger Innis
that ginger is technically a racial slur
secret erg rent
just now realizing that "ginger" is an anagram of a racial slur
the maze rat Ginger Index
the amazing Exerted Grin
the amazing Deterring Ex
the amazing Extender Rig
osmium stirs a pace, sir, eh
becoming first American male to win Boston Marathon since nineteen eight three with seventeen votes
Macrame Isis pouts, sir, eh
Macrame Isis, si, purest ho
Macrame Isis is purest ho
Macrame Isis is super hot
asking Miss Canada to prom during a question and answer session at school, eh
asking Macrame Isis to prom during a question and answer session at school
asking Miss America to prom during a question and answer session at school
opportunistic snide satyrs
bruising your bum wooing a brat
opportunistic Disney stars
bruising your bum rowing a boat
the Go Nectar Vintner
the Converging Train
the Graver Continent
the Carrington Event
something Bryan Singer something Roman Polanski something something "powdered alcohol"
something Bryan Singer something something jet's wheel well
Feds approve "powdered alcohol"
Bryan Singer had every chance to rape me and didn't laments gay Disney star
Bryan Singer had every chance to rape me and didn't says gay Disney star
watching a British bird drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the timid ostrich sized bird disembowels a human
Teen survives five and a half hour flight in jet's wheel well
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "Jewel's boobs" to spoon you
An extremely timid ostrich sized bird capable of disemboweling a human with its sharp claws is on the loose in the quiet English countryside
drawing a picture of Jennifer Aniston and Shania Twain ping ponging pig frog hybrid tadpoles out of their vaginas
The One Where Rachel Ejaculates Pig Frog Hybrid Tadpoles
it's not easy being Green
I am named Green and I have in fact ejaculated pig frog hybrid tadpoles
wondering if a person named Green has ever ejaculated pig frog hybrid tadpoles
wondering if a person named Black has ever ejaculated white people
ejaculating black people
ejaculating white people
reports of Liam Neeson "blasting protesters with firehose" dismissed after it was revealed he was merely ejaculating white people who go to China to get paid to sit in office buildings and look rich to impress visiting businessmen
Thai stilt houses pulled down after Rihanna tweet
Thai stilt houses
drawing a picture of Liam Neeson and a horse taunting Freddy Mercury's ghost by riding his bicycle over his grave
drawing a picture of Liam Neeson and a horse riding their bicycles together
JENNELMUN Impacts Moon Surface, Mission Accomplished
drawing a picture of Liam Neeson and a horse braiding their penises together
reports of Liam Neeson "blasting protesters with firehose" dismissed after it was revealed he was merely ejaculating
white people who go to China to get paid to sit in office buildings and look rich to impress visiting businessmen
young child attempts to pet animal in petting zoo
Animal rights activists picket Liam Neeson's home
Foreign predators threaten bilbies
Prince George tries to grab a bilby
the death of Rubin Carter
he has been criticized by IGN for not growing up, never succeeding, and for the ambiguity about his father much like Kento, actually
vajazzling Jewel's vagina
Nader trains up, modernizes pokemon on disputed moon
he has been criticized by IGN for not growing up, never succeeding, and for the ambiguity about his father
much like Kento, actually
that Ash has been wandering around catching Pokemon for almost twenty years now, and he has never had a job or done anything other than catch Pokemon
Nader builds up, modernizes military on disputed moon
Nader builds up, modernizes military on disputed Kuril Islands
Nader Impacts Moon Surface, Mission Accomplished
Russia builds up, modernizes military on disputed Kuril Islands
wondering how different history would be if Ralph Nader died before two thousand
LADEE Impacts Moon Surface, Mission Accomplished
hearing Ralph Nader on NPR even though you thought he was long dead
Siriculture
melting
sericulture
Bushnell's Law
being given the cold shoulder by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North while screwing Barry White
being given the cold shoulder by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
also Sesame Street
also France
you should probably move out of Hollywood
finding out there's a mentally ill child rapist four houses down
Nolan Key Bushnell
seeing a commercial for Chuck E Cheese's where a little girl excitedly declares the experience "EPIC!" and wondering if preteens really have incorporated dumbass internet slang into their vocabularies
Balla Grey
the death of Sylvia Browne while screwing Barry White
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it while screwing Barry White
adding "while screwing Barry White" to the end of other regrets
drawing a picture of Jackson C Frank being unexpectantly shot in the eye with some sort of pellet gun while screwing Barry White
drawing a picture of Cilla Black being unexpectedly hit between the eyes with some sort of foreign object while screwing Barry White
that there's a pretty good chance Jimmy Savile banged Cilla Black with some sort of foreign object
Priscilla Maria Veronica White
Barry Eugene Carter
that there's a pretty good chance Barry White banged Cilla Black
wondering if a black person with the last name of White has every married a white person with the last name Black
that the future of digital communications is Domino's Pizza
talking to KitKat, for ever, alone
that the future of digital communications is Domino's Pizza talking to KitKat, for ever, alone
welshing Jewel's fuggers isn't it
welsing Jewel's fuggers
sprinking vegan chocolate chips on your Jewel's boobs as you knead them
all those dicks slammed into her whatnots and all
momentarily wondering what happened to Jewel, then remembering
feeling bad for Jewel
Fuggers and Welsers
slamming your dick in Jewel's vagina
some courageous kangaroos do it
YON LAMB bLeNd
Superbook Colon The Last Supper
Go Ikeda has never provided evidence that he was not responsible for the nine eleven attacks
Family car catches fire among mockingjays
Family car catches fire among lions
fat gay Asians did nine eleven
Osama bin Go Ikeda
Osama bin G O
B
B I
B I N
B I N G
B I N G O
Old MacDonald had a dog and Bingo was his name O
BMLbNOYAeNdL
watching a British space opera performed in English but set on Tatooine in which you are taken out of the action every time the huge nosed space Jew is paid in Republic credits
he's got her and she's got him
feeling like you both enjoyed the conversation more as it was than you would have with the trappings of identity attached
once having a long running anonymous conversation with someone who explicitly told you that they wanted you to know who they were, viz, they assumed you knew, and you also assumed you knew, although you've never really been sure you did
having to be up in like six hours
sometimes I think there are four of us
I'm pretty sure it's just you and me and sometimes one other guy
really finding it hard to keep track of who's around without the comments
it's a new glory every day
anyway, we hit seventy five thousand regrets which is kind of remarkable
asking not for whom the Babe Bicoids, she Bicoids for thee
always figuring that kakapos were the preserve of Bicoid Babe, whom you kind of assumed stopped coming around here at some point
that was the first time kakapos were mentioned in like eight thousand regrets
the Swan Punch Bowl being far less exciting than it sounds
prayer has failed to save The Christmas Candle, the new release from Rick Santorum's faith based film studio, EchoLight tantrically, from the next room
KAKAPO PUNCH!
FALCON PUNCH!
something amusing but forgettable
Cyg Cyg Swanneck
Sigue Sigue Sputnik
Rick Spoontorum
boobing Rick Santorum's spoons
reasoning that the answer to the question "wondering what it is with Hollywood directors and soddomizing teenagers in hot tubs" is "they're still tight and the tub gets them clean without it becoming a big deal" and frankly feeling a little sick
spooning Rick Santorum's boobs
gelding Rick Santorum with spoons
blinding Rick Santorum with sound
prayer has failed to save The Christmas Candle, the new release from Rick Santorum's faith based film studio, EchoLight
tantrically, from the next room
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Sting, tantrically, from the next room
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Sting and a female cave bug
kawaii lawmakers agree to end police sex loophole, desu ne
female cave bug sports
Female cave bug sports 'penislike' sexual organ, hot tub, study says
Female cave bug sports 'penislike' sexual organ, study says
kawaii lawmakers agree to end police sex loophole
Sting to lawmakers "I don't need a hole"
Hawaii lawmakers agree to end The Police tantric sex loophole
Hawaii lawmakers agree to end police sex butthole
Hawaii lawmakers agree to end police sex peephole
Hawaii lawmakers agree to end police sex loophole
Thai Passion Play Involving Animals Shut Down After Rihanna Tweets About It
George Osborne responded to Kathleen Kennedy's confirmation that the next instalment of Star Wars will be made in Britain by lifting his arms
producers of the highly anticipated next instalment of Star Wars have confirmed it will be made in Britain, utini, cheerio
a Good Friday Passion Play was cancelled because a councillor reportedly thought it was a live sex show
official confirmation by Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy prompted the chancellor George Osborne to claim "I am a huge twat"
producers of the highly anticipated next instalment of Star Wars have confirmed it will be made in Britain
inside North Korea with the man who won the marathon
those inscrutable Canucks
the very notion that Shania Twain pukes out of her muff
eating Shania Twain's muff and getting covered in puke in bed
diving in Shania Twain's muff
Random Acts of Cloaca Viol
Random Acts of Muff Dive
spooning poutine on Shania Twain's boobs, eh
Random Acts of Blow Job
def cloaca viols while on holiday
advice of locals while on holiday
Mr Snot Bottom and The Curse of The Silly Stinky Zombie Babies
that on further investigation the report never qualifies the use of the term disproportionately in terms of other websites
guessing the jellyfish mistook his translucent British flesh for one of its own
Mr Snot Fort
the career, reputation and legacy of a man's entire life summed up in a single incident
quite literally laughing out loud
David Cameron stung by jellyfish colon PM hurt after ignoring advice of locals while on holiday
wondering if the amazing Regret Index still has lurkers
maybe the lurkers are super stabby
it said disproportionately
thinking that it is probably just a matter of volume
finding the statistics about Stormfront surprising, because in the brief time you have spent browsing it, it always struck you as the quintessential site for Internet Tough Guys, who will vomit hate in their online aliases and be complete pussies in life
inadvertently suggesting Kento is capable of responsibility
that since the amazing Regret Index became one of the first regret sites on the internet in twothousandsix, its registered users have been disproportionately responsible for major Eiffel Towerings
spooning Shania Twain's boobs, eh
that since Stormfront became one of the first hate sites on the internet in nineteenninetyfive, its registered users have been disproportionately responsible for major killings
spooning Shania Twain's boobs
slamming your dick in slamming your dick
Mud Flop Dude Lead Singer Wes Scantlin Goes LILAC BITS one stag
Mud Flop Dude Lead Singer Wes Scantlin Goes BALLISTIC on Stage
Lady of Csejte
that if Battlecreek isn't getting made twenty sixteen is ruined
that Hayden Christensen's name no longer seems to be attached to the Battlecreek project, or to the other thing called Battle Creek which is something different
Puddle of Mudd Lead Singer Wes Scantlin Goes BALLISTIC on Stage
Bryan Singer's Battle Creek
having impure thoughts about a grown up Mara Wilson
Anakin's voice is a mix of bears, walruses, moose, badgers, eh my
Chewbacca's voice is a mix of bears, walruses, lions, badgers, oh my
introducing Evelyn Fag to Max Faget
EVENLY FAG
VEGAN LYFE
FIVE THOUSAND PLUS Thai Women Seeking Love
getting a tattoo that says "PROPERTY OF CHRIS LYDON" on your face
getting a tattoo that says "THUG EIFFEL" on your hind flippers
Walrus Edmund Bond
Walter Edmund Bond
getting a tattoo that says "USDA PRIME" on your back side
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Peter Mayhew and a mix of bears, walruses, lions, badgers and other dying animals
Chewbacca's voice is a mix of bears, walruses, lions, badgers and other dying animals
Fat Gay Asian Man Arrested at Mojave Spaceport
Kim Jong Un may have been under the influence when he ordered the execution of two of his uncle's aides
Grebleips responded to Queen Amidala's Vote of No Confidence in Chancellor Valorum by lifting his arms
Scientists Find Distant Earth Sized Planet That Could Support Walrus Based Life
Jewel ordered to register in east Ukraine
Scientists Find Distant Earth Sized Planet That Could Support Water
Jawas ordered to register in east Ukraine
Grebleips
Jews ordered to register in east Ukraine
kind of wanting a "Nudist Shark" t shirt
Angkor Wat
the bathtub hoax
wondering if Chris Lydon has a hot tub or if he just skips a step and uses the shower tray Kento ends up weeping in afterwards
not realizing Kento knew how to drive
An Oregon motorist wearing a "His Rand Tusk" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
a decade before Rosa Parks was arrested by Alabama cops, Lt Jackie Robinson faced a court martial for refusing to move to the rear of a city bus traveling near a Texas Army base
An Oregon motorist wearing a "Nudist Shark" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
An Oregon motorist wearing a "Drunk As Shit" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
wondering what it is with Hollywood directors and soddomizing teenagers in hot tubs
bottoming for Max Faggot in Mega Man Dong VII
Maxime Allen Faget
wanting to see the "high five, bra!" email that Brian Singer got from Roman Polanski this morning
Madmen Gag Son
being vegan pussy
eating vegan pussy
Mega Man Dongs
Removing vaginas can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the vagina to vomit
Removing leeches can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the vagina to vomit
a theme park made entirely from walrus will open its doors in Shanghai
Augustus Gloop denied entry into China
a theme park made entirely from chocolate will open its doors in Shanghai
Herman Cain ran on the slogan "We need a leader, not a reader"
a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you the leech in her vagina
rehearsal is for fags
Removing leeches can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the leech to vomit
When a group of hard working guys find out they've fallen victim to a wealthy business man's Ponzi scheme, they conspire to rob his high rise residence
Electric Boogaloo Colon The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films
having a leech in your vaginal area
being born too straight to direct X Men and too smart to direct X Men Three
occasionally wishing you worked in academia so that you could make barely passable "academia nuts" jokes from time to time
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" is also what's written on Tom Cruises's Scientology business cards
being born too pretty for academia and too cerebral for the stage
being born too cynical for showbusiness and too benevolent for big business
'Mrs Doubtfire' Sequel in the Works
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" is the most commonly spoken phrase in the San Fernando valley
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" were his exact words
Defendant Singer told Plaintiff how "this group" controls Hollywood, and that he was sexy
'X Men Three' Director Brett Ratner Accused of Psychologically Abusing Teenage Boys
'X Men' Director Bryan Singer Accused of Sexually Abusing Teenage Dog
'X Men' Director Bryan Singer Accused of Sexually Abusing Teenage Boy
Get Up In Time To Catch the Continental Breakfast with Bear Grylls
eighty percent of men have baculums and twenty percent of men know the secret to growing bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penises in four weeks
eighty percent of men have under six inch cock size and twenty percent of men know the secret to growing four inches in four weeks
Get Upgraded with Bear Grylls
a programme consultant revealed that Grylls actually stayed in a motel on some nights including an episode in Hawaii in which Grylls was ostensibly stranded on a deserted island
Get Out Alive with Bear Grylls
A Canadian flight simulator business fired an instructor who figured prominently in CNN's coverage of missing Malaysia Airlines Flight three seventy, saying he showed up late to his regular job and "shamed Canadians" by dressing like a teenager, eh
using Glee as antibacterial anus mint
Christina Ricci
Broderick Steven Harvey rubbing one on your beloved's anus like Christina Ricci
Broderick Steven Harvey
rubbing one on your beloved's anus like Christina Ricci
le sourire du plombier
Buttock cleavage
drinking the champagne in Mexico
rubbing out incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North in the bathroom at church
Typhoon Muddyfanny
Tropical Storm Siltcunt
Super Typhoon Grittywomb
Hurricane Sandyvagina
Sandyvagina
wondering who would win in a fight, Myke Hawke or Anakin Sandyvagina
"I cover Myke Hawke in sperm to stay young!"
"I cover my rump in feces to stay agony!"
Busting the myth about clerics and bludgeoning weapons
"I cover my face in sperm to stay young, cheerio!"
using ghee as antibacterial anus mint
bludgeoning weapons
"I cover my face in sperm to stay young!"
Canada's Hawaii, Ehloha
LOCAL MAN LOSES AT ELF NIPS
North Korea's Hawaii
LOCAL MAN LOSES PANTS, LIFE
Wu Tang Clan associated rapper cuts off penis, jumps off building in suicide try
South Korea's Hawaii
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker with sand people in his vagina
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker with sand in his vagina
I don't like sand! It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere!
I can't abide those Jawas! Disgusting creatures!
rumbling Obi in Jawa's sodomy sack
Legong Colon Dance of the Virgins
ten KO
hey guys, really jeer mamba
Airiest Anal Ho being voted off American Idol
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cleared testes site
going to the Tweeter's Swan Shit Idols world premiere with a token
memorising every stateside porker
boning keen tot
basically just eating tofu and mangoes for like, a week
hyperspace, push on the button and you're back in the race, hyperspace, shootin' your rockets all over the place
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the tofu mangoes poop heartache
nuking pot with Ryan, ooh
getting a husked thump
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a hostile poseur raisin, he meant it
drinking a white toxin creme
the death of brainy wolves
being given douched trolls, eh
slamming your rod in the acid rock
let's rut
rumbling Obi in Jewel's sodomy sack
basters
playing Nuns & Gored Gonads with Tim Duncan
Helen "Pepsi" DeMacque
drawing a picture of Kento being wishfully twirled by a racoon feeder
frankly you respect Barren Pepsi P for bringing the issue of infertility to light in the hip hop community, although the product placement kind of puts you off
feeling kind of sorry for Barren Pepsi P, but at the same time feeling like making it part of her name is just going for the sympathy vote
drinking magma out of a spinach hen cup
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the mushed gonad bicycle hooker is paid in kroner
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "freshest hobo" to show you her vagina
meeting Barren Pepsi P
Barry "The Snake" Fry, eh
shooting Jean "Snake" Fry in the cock when you were a kid
Paul Walker's brothers to help finish Fast and Furious Seven movie
the only airport in the Caribbean with a public tunnel under its runway
the rampant heavy drinking of Mars Guo
the rampant beach patio ho of Mars Jem
the rampant chaetophobia of M R James
wondering if there's a point at which we're actually worse than the unholy trinity of Kento, Chris Lydon, and walruses
wondering if Chris Lydon got a custom made Tuggie for his bizarre, striated, earthworm like penis
getting two Tuggies for nineteen ninety nine in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
getting two Tuggies for nineteen ninety nine
getting two bras for nineteen ninety nine
putting too much hummus in that hummer
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities, study finds LAPCAT
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities such as thinking Family Guy is funny, study finds
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities, study finds
LAPCAT
Steven Spielberg's Saving the Mountain Chicken
Montserrat Says It Is Open For Hollywood Movies
the Barbary Wars
Although it is nominally an English settlement, many of the colonists on Montserrat are Irish Catholics whose families were deported here by Cromwell
you have the right to remain silent, English
putting too much walrus in that Lydon
Cops use Amish disguises to target Pennsylvania flasher
the skin on Chris Lydon's erect penis as you lick it off
putting too much lemon juice in that hummus and it irritating the skin on Chris Lydon's erect penis as you lick it off
putting too much hummus in that melon
putting too much melon juice in that hummus
putting too much lemon juice in that hummus
that it's one year after the Boston Marathon bombing and Chris Lydon has yet to answer for his crimes having sex like jackrabbits
that if history has taught us anything it is that fame buys immunity from prosecution
that it's one year after the Boston Marathon bombing and Chris Lydon has yet to answer for his crimes
having sex like jackrabbits
drinking cold water out of Jewel's anus
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Jewel's breast water
drinking the water out of Jewel's boobs in Mexico
drinking champagne out of Jewel's boobs
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Chimpanus Ricci
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Chimpi
drawing a picture of Jewel being Eiffel Towered by yourself and your chimp
slamming your chimp in Jewel's anus
slamming your dick in a chimp anus
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like a chimp Kento
submitting your best drawing of Kento being Eiffel Towered by a celebrity and an animal right now to The Queen Latifah Show!
submitting your best dance moves right now to The Queen Latifah Show!
watching the Queen Latifah Show
not being Kento eating goose poop regardless
drinking champagne out of a chimp anus who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
not being Kento drinking champagne out of a chimp anus
you probably shouldn't be eating goose poop regardless
having a severe allergy to goose poop
dead sexy yogurt
dead nude yogurt
vegan live nude yogurt
live nude yogurt
live yogurt
keeping me updated
that the painful feces of yesterday has subsided, only to be replaced by horrid gas reminiscent of a blast furnace full of rotten eggs
snarling ho bags prince
absolving nothings
halving Bono's sting
snarling ho bags vet
practising tantric chastity just to annoy Sting
halving Sting's boner
that something called the "Captain & Tennille house" is or was a regularly used porn set
Muskrat Love
avenging Thor slabs
baling vegan shorts
vegan bra slingshot
halving stag's boner
loving strange bash
absolving her gnats
bathing glans servo'
banging short slave
serving a thong slab
searching the 'dex for "blasting"
saving long breaths
blasting hangovers
shaving Tron's bagel
having Tron's bagels
having bagel snorts
having long breasts
how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, poop, and sea obey by eternal laws
at least a couple were probably executed, and the rest kept alive to prevent defecation
Federal Express Flight SevenOhFive
probably the goalkeeper's
it sounds reasonable
at least a couple were probably executed, and the rest kept alive to prevent defection
that North Korean athlete's families probably aren't executed for their failings, just never released from the camps they've long since been taken to to prevent the athletes from defecting
remembering the twenty ten World Cup when North Korea lost and you felt a giggly Schadenfreude which was quickly replaced by sadness when you realized that some of the athletes' family members were most certainly executed after the game
Homeric Greece, no homo
Homeric Greece
Pak Choi's win didn't come at a surprise, given the complete dominance of North Koreans at marathons across the world
finding the idea that North Korean snipers are so inept and or confident they don't even bother to conceal themselves fairly amusing
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a chimp anus rope
Pak Choi won the men's category
being sixteen going on seventeen not hooking up with James Franco
imagining what it must have been like for the Rwandan guy who finished second in the North Korean marathon to spy the armed snipers at the finish line ready to shoot down any nonKorean who might entertain thoughts about finishing in first place
not hooking up with James Franco
not hooking up with James Gandolfini
being sixteen going on seventeen
North Korea stages its first international salamis
North Korea stages its first international snickers
wondering what the international reaction would be if Kim Jong un started using his propaganda to make sly drug references that his minions had no context for
in shock to Western Capitalist Imperialists, Kim Jong un finishes twenty six mile marathon in world record six minutes and twenty four seconds
North Korea stages its first international marathon
you're such a quitter
I'm ninety years old, so shut the fuck up
being given the cold chimp anus
drinking the champagne out of a chimp anus in Mexico
Girl Gets Chimp anus Tattoo
The Girl With the Butt Hole Tattoo
that your octogenarian grandfather is learning to play the ukulele, so there really are no excuses
Girl Gets Butt hole Tattoo
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a chimp anus trope
never learning to play the ukulele
DAAAAAAAAAMN, GINA!
spoiling Pat Dollard
soiling Pat Dollard
shouting at passers by drunk at the beach in the early afternoon
falling asleep drunk at the beach in the early afternoon
discovering that Pat Dollard exists and feeling soiled
Fraiser Glenn Cross Jr
teaspooning Kate Upton's boobs
Police find one dead baby in seven Utah County home
Police find seven dead babies in Utah County home
Delaware doctor receives three years in prison for waterboarding twelve year old girl
Kate Upton on her famous cleavage colon 'I wish I had smaller boobs'
French DNA to mail tests to pupils and staff in search for school
French school to test DNA of male pupils and staff in search for something something Roman Polanski
stunlaw
walnuts
wondering what you ate that made you feel like you're shitting burning coals the size of cantaloupes
drawing a picture of Mohamed Al Fayed paying private detectives, journalists, paparazzi, shysters and con men to examine every black hole in Paris for connections to Prince Philip
Conspiracy theorists have also suggested that Princess Diana may have been consumed by a black hole
Illuminati prior knowledge
Conspiracy theorists have also suggested that MH three seventy may have been consumed by a black hole
that if China were to adopt or condone an expansionist policy alongside Russia, both Koreas and Japan and probably India would be pretty upset
that being a power behind the throne and being capable of holding the throne oneself are very different notions
wondering what kind of impact Russia's "we want this land so we're going to take it" precedent would have on China
guessing that whatever behind the scenes forces are pushing Putin to do this would be much more terrifying if they were in power
that the future is unknowable
that in theory the humiliating defeat of what is undoubtedly a Russian special forces led but undeclared operation could topple Putin
Ukraine readies full military operation against pro Russian rebels
drawing a picture of Vladimir Putin being Eiffel Towered by the ghosts of Totalitarian Communism and Autocratic Czarism
French school to test DNA of male pupils and staff in search for rapist
you've done this before
drawing a picture of Capitalism being handcuffed to a bedpost with a ball gag in its mouth as the Invisible Hand slowly unscrews a container of vaseline
drawing a picture of Capitalism being Eiffel Towered by the Invisible Hand and Postcolonial White Guilt
the irony of "free market capitalism defeating Communism" only to be beaten to death by the Invisible Hand
the US hasn't been willing to nuke anybody since JFK died
wondering if Putin's going to start World War III since he knows the US is no longer willing to nuke Russia over a land war in Europe
the Russian Ukrainian war of twenty fourteen
Swedish women having the smallest breasts in Europe
eating an Italian beef
MLS Commissioner Don Garber has prostate cancer
PowNed
Jason David Frank
Shia LaBeouf is a super able grim nonhuman being, more nonhuman than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super anal humming boner, more anal than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super lame ham boning urn, more lame than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super normal lame ham boning urn, more lame than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super normal human being, more normal than most
focusing the camera on the actor's backside as a nurse wipes him off
wondering what porn star gets to have "genitals digitally superimposed over Shia LaBeouf's body" to his resume
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Cookie Monster, Federal Government
Lars Von Trier's Antichrist
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Monster Rancher, Federal Government
Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Rancher, Federal Government
bottoming for Chocolate Tuggie Chips in Tour de Farts VII
Tuggie Chips, possibly Chocolate Tuggie Chips, sounding like a real thing
having a groupon for seventy five percent off a TRIPLE mastectomy, and you really don't need one but it's just such a great deal
Lolcode Chocolate Chips Tuggie Geldof
having a groupon for seventy five percent off a double mastectomy, and you really don't need one but it's just such a great deal
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a Tuggie trope
that you had Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence in a restaurant once, but it was far from heavenly
Metalichfieldmon
thinking that you ordered a Peaches Geldof in a restaurant once, but it was undercooked and not filling at all
Peaches Geldof 'was Tuggie'
Peaches Geldof 'was Ichneumon'
Peaches Geldof 'was eunuch'
Metalichneumon
forgetting what Ichneumon digivolves into
Ichneumon
Peachii Geldof
Peacheses Geldof
that leader of female thought in her day, Miss Anna Seward, known to some as the Swan of Lichfield
it's because of all the drying out clinics there, it means the racers have a shorter commute to the start line
because France is boring
wondering what the plural of 'Peaches Geldof' is
pardon me because I'm not European so I don't understand these things, but why are they having the Tour de France in England now
Peaches Geldof 'was unique'
Glee sucking so fucking much
Tour de France and its circus collide with Harrogate's ancient land laws
St Stephen with a Tuggie
St Stephen with a rose
Kento "Tuggie Colon" Ikeda
getting a friction burn taking your Tuggie off too fast
The Tuggie Colon The Fuzzy Sock That Warms Myke Hawke!
Kento "Tuggie" Ikeda
jamming broccoli up your ass
The Tuggie Colon The Fuzzy Sock That Warms Your Cock!
commiseration ejaculation
broccoli to support prostate health
colon salmon attacks, da bears
colon salmon attacks
when I tell everyone that you're in love with me
commiseration
ejaculation
thinking Austin Powers would have been better if Doctor Evil had one arm crushed by his escape egg as it closed moments prior to ejaculation
thinking Austin Powers would have been better if Doctor Evil had one arm crushed by his escape egg as it closed
sustaining serious injuries, including one arm crushed by the closing clamshell like escape capsule moments prior to ejaculation
he thinks he's likely to lose
SNP conference colon Salmond attacks 'negative and depressing' No campaign
sustaining serious injuries, including one arm crushed by the closing clamshell like escape capsule moments prior to ejection
female undergarments
making love, not war
getting your foot tapped at a Foot Tapping Center
getting your foot trapped at a Foot Mapping Center
getting your foot tapped at a Foot Mapping Center
wondering not for the first time whether the person being referred to by the epithet "Baby Faced Ear Sex Maniac" is yourself, the person writing this regret, who is you, that is to say, Mojo Jojo apparently
getting your ass tapped at a Foot Mapping Center
getting your ass mapped at a Foot Mapping Center
thinking that we're just a matter of years away from the Baby Faced Ear Sex Maniac's fetishes being realized
vaginas and noses and ears, oh my
vaginas, noses and ears, noses and ears can be grown from cells, studies find
Vaginas and noses can be grown from cells, studies find
old white guy to replace older white guy as host of Late Night
getting your foot mapped at a Foot Mapping Center
your ass just spilling out all over the place
the sevenfourseven Wing House
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in eighteen ninety one
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in the amazing Sex Pest Index
eighteen ninety one
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in
the amazing Sex Pest Index
wondering which regret date regular has indexed so many sex offenders
eating for the benefit of Mr Kite
wondering which regret index offender has dated so many sex regulars
wondering which regret index regular has offended so many sex daters
probably just craigslist
wondering if there is a secret craigslist type site where celebrities go for discrete hookups
wondering which regret index regular has dated so many sex offenders
I know the one you mean, I'm just saying
that's like half of them
scanning your date's imdb profile and learning that he is a sex offender
the Saunders Roe Princess
scanning your date's photo and learning that he is a sex offender
The first flight with passengers after the accident took place on eleven September two thousand ought one, English, landing shortly before the World Trade Center attacks in the United States
those pretentious interstitial quotes Forbes dot com gives you, which you assume are accompanied by ads that you're blocking
Scan Your Date's Photo, Learn If He Is A Sex Offender
Bob Geldof not eating the fucking rice
always thinking Jake Gyllenhaal bears a resemblance to a cartoon duck drawing a picture of Bob Geldof crying himself to sleep atop a pile of fucking money people gave him
in your country, you fuck fat gay Asians, in MY country, fat gay Asians rule the country and fuck you!
giving Bob Geldof your fucking money
instructing your unit that they need to falsify maintenance records to make aircraft appear more reliable
wondering if it would be possible for someone to have a Yakov Smirnoff like comedy act based around North Korea, or if that would be too sad
inventing the ubiquitous VanderPump
always thinking Jake Gyllenhaal bears a resemblance to a cartoon duck
drawing a picture of Bob Geldof crying himself to sleep atop a pile of fucking money people gave him
Ben Affleck looking for all the world like he, too, cannot understand why there is a worth of seventy million dollars attached to him
Lisa VanderPump Todd
not really having any reason to doubt that Rupert Grint is worth fifty million US dollars, but finding it hard to believe
bullshitters bullshitting about bullshitters
bornrich dot com
discovering that the top of bornrich dot com's rich list is Muammar Gaddafi, two and a half years after he died
you seem cool for a naked chick in a booth
Lovers Deep
in my country, North Korea "is capable of striking YOU with a nuclear electromagnetic pulse attack"
North Korea "is capable of striking US with a nuclear electromagnetic pulse attack"
Spider Man smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it, if you know what I mean
one does not simply stop Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
Spider Man smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it
cut talc videos
cult cat videos
I'm gonna beat you and it's gonna hurt because I don't know
wondering why he would eat a rock
Fisherman smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it
it's actually a reference to the way her dog always humped her
thinking that it's quite sweet of Miley Cyrus to name her tour after sausages in memory of her dog
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Pet Dog Floyd
Killer Shrimp Hitching Rides Across UK by Canoe
only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory
cute cat videos
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , WE DRAW THE LINE HERE!
giving a handjob to a stevedore
peanuts
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
thinking you'd probably have to be pretty angry either to participate in bukkake or to ejaculate on, near or while thinking about Kento
drawing a picture of Kento being bukkaked by twelve angry men
wondering what it would be like to be on jury duty with Kento actually it was foreskins
wondering what it would be like to be on jury duty with Kento
actually it was foreskins
something something two forearms something NAMBLA
something something two forearms something Kento
something something two hard ons something Kento
wondering if we're too hard on Kento
wondering if we're too hard on MB
solving cubic equations by intersecting a hyperbola with a circle
The Moving Finger writes semicolon and, having writ, Moves on colon nor all thy Piety nor Wit, Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it
I don't really wish that, quite frankly I'm sorry I said it
wishing the amazing Regret Index felt MORE like eavesdropping on inane Eiffel Towerings between notable and notorious persons, and by the way, screw you, MB
wishing the amazing Regret Index felt less like eavesdropping on inane Eiffel Towerings between notable and notorious persons
wishing twitter felt less like eavesdropping on inane phone calls between notable and notorious persons
bottoming for Jean Luc Picard in Make It Blow, Number One
not being sure who came out first, Ellen Page or Ellie from The Last of Us, spoiler alert
#vegan
that the character of Ellie from The Last of Us kept taking you out of the action because of her resemblance to Ellen Page
taking a huge, hot mouthful of SirPatStew
#DaveCalls
Amercia
that Ellen Page's twitter account says "I am a tiny Canadian" not "I am a tiny lesbian, eh"
that Ellen Page's twitter account says "I am a tiny Canadian" not "I am a tiny Canadian, eh"
SirPatStew
that whenever you see pictures of Sir Ian McKellen lately his face seems to say "Oh god, beer prices are up again, why did I buy this pub"
that whenever you see pictures of Patrick Stewart lately his face seems to say "Oh god, I should've married Ian"
that whenever you see pictures of Patrick Stewart lately his face seems to say "Oh god, I've married a child"
drawing a picture of Geordi wondering if prostate massage is the only way to perform a hard reset on Data
bottoming for Jean Luc Picard in Earl Gay, Hot VII
Picard brews lust to purge soldiers
Old West Action
placard brews lust to purge soldiers
having a dick small enough to slam in kroner
slamming your dick in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope
slamming your dick in Mexico
slamming your dick in kroner
slamming your dick in English but set in Scandinavia
taking virtual tours of helicopters on sikorsky dot com
Public urged to reset all passwords
slamming your dick in lolcode
a documentary
wondering if Theresa May thinks Teresa May's Punishment Party is a documentary
IN THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THIS SERIES INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF THE INFORMATION REGARDING THERESA MAY'S IRREFUTABLE TIES WITH FREEMASONRY, ILLUMINATI, AND THE OCCULT
Citizenship is an attitude, a state of mind, an emotional conviction that the hole is greater than the part and that the part should be humbly proud to sacrifice itself that the hole may live
those who served in the armed forces and those who haven't, therefore called citizens and civilians
Citizenship is an attitude, a state of mind, an emotional conviction that the whole is greater than the part and that the part should be humbly proud to sacrifice itself that the whole may live
wondering if Theresa May thinks Starship Troopers is a documentary
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you the bathroom at church
looking forward to revoking Theresa May's citizenship in Celebrity Shags sixteen
looking forward to revoking Theresa May's citizenship in twenty sixteen
Teresa May's Punishment Party
Christmas Glamourpuss Special!
Celebrity Shags six through thirteen
Citizenship, in the words of Home Secretary Theresa May, is a "privilege, not a right"
Jyoozu, desu ne
Britain Increasingly Invokes Power to Disown Its Citizens
Jyoozu
Tiburon
Les Dents de la mer
Der weisse Hai
the Lady of Vix
the Gauls
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on flightaware dot com to see which flies when private jets
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on chaviation dot com to see who flies what private jets, innit
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on ch aviation dot com to see who flies what private jets
Freddie Mariecurie
ERCURY
FREDDIE M
LATER WE WILL GO INTO EVEN MORE SINISTER TERRITORY, INCLUDING THE IDEA THAT BRIAN MAY IS A HANDLERIPROGRAMMER OF MONARCH SLAVES AND THE EVIDENCE FOR THE ARGUMENT THAT MAY AND HIS OCCULT TIES WERE INVOLVED IN THE DEATH OF LEGENDARY QUEEN FRONTMAN FREDDIE M
IN THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THIS SERIES INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF THE INFORMATION REGARDING BRIAN MAY'S IRREFUTABLE TIES WITH FREEMASONRY, ILLUMINATI, AND THE OCCULT
thinking, for a brief moment, that you were the first person to write the word lobsturbation, but of course this is the internet so no
lobsturbation
Al Sharpton's Secret Work As FBI Informant
making Vanilla Ice dig his own grave, then shooting him as he stands in it because there is only one sentence for collaborators
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said she didn't want emotional attachment, she meant it
haven't done it yet, frowny face
emotional attachment
rocking the mic like a VISIGOTH
rocking Myke Hawke like a vandal
taking a selfie wearing just little pink panties and sucking on a lollipop while concealing your breasts and sending it to Chris Lydon
taking a selfie wearing just little pink panties and sucking on a lollipop while concealing your breasts
drawing separate pictures of each of the permutations of Mickey Rooney, Peaches Geldof, and the Ultimate Warrior Eiffel Towering
the death of the Ultimate Warrior
X ray scans showed the skipping rope stuck in the narrowest part of the man's urethra, with ten centimetres hanging out the urethral opening
listening
collaborating
stopping
rocking the mic like a vandal
Myke Hartebleed Bug
the Heartbleed Bug
it will have to compete with Battlecreek Two Colon Battlecreeker
emotional detachment
MORTALS! YOU DEFY THE GODS! I SENTENCE YOU TO TRAVEL AMONG UNKNOWN STARS! UNTIL YOU FIND THE KINGDOM OF HADES, YOUR BODIES WILL STAY AS LIFELESS AS STONE!
an arrow
googling Entity Colon Sea Van to see what kind of movie it is, because you're some kind of moron
kentonancy
refusing to see kentomancy is a pretty good idea
nigromancy
all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see kentomancy
all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
kentomancy
splanchomancy
haruspicy
Entity Colon Sea Van will be the hottest movie of summer twenty fifteen
Entity Colon Sea Van
the public wants what the public gets
no one expects the hugest dump
yon valentine tacos
canny stool naivete
nylon tee vacations
only entices ant ova
violent nasty canoe
a conventional stye
you can always tell an Aerodactyl fossil because the tail looks like an arrow
making that OU butter graph, Kes
making that group butter shake
making that grouper butt shake
being slain by a giant groupie
being slain by a giant grouper
breaking rule number five, "finger your fuck hole hard"
ethic cleansing
breaking finger number five
breaking rule number five, "shut your fuck hole hard"
breaking rule number five, "harden the fuck up"
breaking rule number five, "keep your pie hole shut"
reading the phrase "mom and pop website" and your brain kind of shutting down
the skeleton of a World War II carrier pigeon with a coded message still attached to its leg
the clusterfuck illusion
The more powerful the female, the more trouble she will cause drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio
The more powerful the female, the more trouble she will cause
drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio
down by the school yard
drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio down by the school yard
the clustering illusion
Hitler Used Cocaine and Had Semen Injections
Hitler May Have Married a Jew, DNA Study Suggests
munchkin cats
DONG Energy
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Vietnam in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in dong
The female imitates the male in order to disguise her defection from her natural functions
ETHIC CLEANSING OF GERMANS
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vegan Halva
that an Halva Orgasm is your favorite Jewish drink
filling several railroad cars with loot
the Militia United in Righteousness
vinyl ascot neonate
that a Halva Orgasm is your favorite Jewish drink
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Halva
Chaz Windsor
Chaz Bono
if fifty on percent of your body were conventional yeast or something like that you might count as nonhuman
that Cher is still alive, once again your knowledge of which celebrities are living and which dead is at odds with reality
we are Cher, resistance is futile
if fifty on percent of your body were yeast or something like that you might count as nonhuman
that, seriously, once fifty one percent of your body is artificial you should be classifed as a Borg or something
the inevitable twenty second century apocalyptic war between the Human Barbies and the Hand Job Robots
there probably isn't an amount of plastic surgery that can cause speciation to occur
wondering if there is an amount of plastic surgery a person can have and no longer be classified as human
a racist space alien
'Human Barbie' Valeria Lukyanova blames 'race mixing' for plastic surgery popularity
How to Halve An Orgasm with Your Vagina
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Angina
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina
this feels, like, really really good on my vagina and I'm excited about having an orgasm and stuff like that and like, I'm super excited to be having sex right now and like, I'm so glad we did all this molly before we started and we should totally do mor
the adventures of Britain's pill popping princess Diana, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with the Arab world's ugliest heirs
the adventures of America's pill popping princess Molly, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with Hollywood's hottest celebs
the Herculean task of listening to everything, while managing to know about nothing
Teargarden by Kaleidyscope
Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time
Kento has been plugging away all these years, plundering even farther down his insanity asshole as you may have noticed by his recent eight hour interpretation of Atlas Shrugged
Billy has been plugging away all these years, plundering even farther down his navel gazing insanity hole as you may have noticed by his recent eight hour interpretation of Siddhartha
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
Teargarden by Kaleidyscope
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
diy elbows
fracking Stephen Fry
diy elbows
diw elbows
diy elboys
dry elbows
engorging the Bage
being degorged
being engorged
FTEEAILNQDPVAIVMTLEEATTOHIOONVMCAAT H Q E
RDIIEAMRLESIPVSPODSEEIRSETTAAESGIAVNNR
DREVICIOPEDMOOMSMVIVLISLCAVIBASBATAOVT
interring Bob Geldof with the corpse of his goat daughter
Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between Physically Disabled Persons and Physically Abled Persons
conventional yeast
bottoming for Roman Polanski in Absentia VII
insane bait
innate bias
being convicted in absentia of a nation mourning repeatedly
wondering if it is possible to make rum from onions, perhaps by caramelizing them prior to fermentation, or by using a non conventional yeast
Roman into anus
Satan onion rum
if you come over here, you'll find a wonderful surprise
nuns into aroma
anus nominator
a tsunami on Ron
a mansion to run
a ruminant soon
a nation mourns
goats drawing a picture of Paddy Murphy sadly feeding the geeps in his County Kildare farm
inferring that Bob Geldof fed the corpse of his daughter to his goats
drawing a picture of Paddy Murphy sadly feeding the geeps in his County Kildare farm
I'm movin' to the country I'm gonna eat me a lot of Peaches
the implication that Bob Geldof fed the corpse of his daughter to his goats
drawing a picture of Bob Geldof sadly feeding the goats in his London townhouse garden
too soon, man, too soon
drawing a picture of Go Ikeda being Eiffel Towered by Mickey Rooney and a thylacine
the death of Peaches Geldof
sprinking your dick in Jewel's boobs
Butoi, the psychologist, theorises that a gene predisposing one to violent sex was transmitted from father to son, as the Eiffel Towerings happened under remarkably similar circumstances
sprinking that wen well
Butoi, the psychologist, theorises that a gene predisposing one to violent crime was transmitted from father to son, as the murders happened under remarkably similar circumstances
Ion Rimaru inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
tjinking that wen well
on Rimaru inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
Ion Rimaru
inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
It's more likely that the neo Nazi in question just happened to have the costume lying around already
inverting penises
using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
wondering what exactly a row colon is and thinking it's kind of like an inverted striated, earthwormlike penis
using a thing that had belonged to a set of Papists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
an image of the Cookie Monster standing with Adolf Hitler, with the caption, "Who ate my biscuit"
uncharacteristically humane swans
Alexandra Swann protests her own party's stance on immigration
finding a stranger to high five
Pro Russia activists declare eastern Ukraine independent
Maria Miller expenses row colon David Cameron reiterates his support
eating a lemon basil chicken breast on rye sandwich
being a certified masseuse, an avid ballroom dancer and liking to make chocolate fondue
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Wings Hauser and a dingo
blowing a hole
growing a molestache
the death of Mickey Rooney
sprinking chocolate rain in the bathroom at church
Adam Nyerere Bahner
sprinking chocolate chips in the bathroom at church
force ghost bottoming
Hayden Christensen's force ghost bottoming for Kit Fisto's force ghost in Star Wars Colon Episode VII
that the new villain in Star Wars is called Darth Swan
dude, too soon, Kit Fisto is dead
bottoming for Kit Fisto in Star Wars Colon Episode VII
not really being bothered any more
remembering being faintly irritated that you firstly hadn't spent years training as an actor and secondly hadn't known Episode I was shooting basically down the road from you
Star Wars Colon Episode VII has begun shooting
giving model kids to that dog at his bar mitzvah
comes from his penis
giving model dogs to that kid at his bar mitzvah
model dogs
getting a "shave and a haircut" on a rough sex monday
getting a haircut on a rough sex monday
getting a haircut on a sunday
Titanic meets Frasier
Rauboo
bestiality, it's the best iality
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "money" comes from it comes from his penis
liking your coffee like you like Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare, filled with the genetic material of ungulates
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "money" comes from
it comes from his penis
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "honey" comes from
watching a brutish crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner
running out of maple syrup and substituting agave syrup instead
vegan podcaster honey
podcaster honey
winning a hand of poker with seventeen huge breasted bikini model kids
that, in a symbiotic relationship similar to that of flowers and honeybees, walruses in the wild are unable to copulate unless they can stumble upon a naturally occurring podcaster
guessing that Chris Lydon is usually on land, and the walrus is in the water
bottoming for walruses in the wild in Walruses Gone Wild VII
winning a hand of poker with seventeen huge breasted bikini model dogs
wondering if walruses in the wild have sex on land or in water
huge breasted dogs playing poker
rabid shaft badgers
drawing a picture of James Franco being Eiffel Towered by a zebradonk and a jaglion
James Franco calls asking out seventeen day old Scottish geep 'bad judgment'
wondering if there is a more Irish place than Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare where there is lots of interspecies breeding
liking your coffee like you like Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare, Irish
winning James Franco with seventeen years
wondering if there is a more Irish place than Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare
James Franco stealing that huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model Scot from you
Rare 'goatsheep' born on Irish farm
beer made from yeast of thirty five million year old whale fossil she's legal in Scotland
bottoming for James Franco in Hollywood Gonorrhea VII
beer made from yeast of thirty five million year old whale fossil
she's legal in Scotland
Sheena Easton, punk rocker, Sheena Easton, punk rocker, Sheena Easton, punk rocker now
James Franco calls asking out seventeen year old Scottish student 'bad judgment'
strutting, pouting, putting it out
bottoming for Neville Longbottom in Long Bottom VII
Googie architecture
God doesn't hate Weasleys, just Weasley culture
God hates Weasleys culturally speaking
fictional characters who are older than you and doing better than you played by real people who are far younger than you and doing far, far better than you will ever do
God hates Weasleys
culturally speaking
feeling like a huge thing has passed you by in the form of a boy wizard
I guess that's why God made fanfiction
being disappointed that even though the Harry Potter universe was built with the homoerotic trappings of British boarding school culture, there was not even one scene in the official novels where all the boys got together and rubbed their willies together
JK Rowling says Hermione should have married Harry Potter, not Ron
not realizing until you had boiled lots of eggs that when your ex said he didn't want to take the hugest dump, he meant it
getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done that according to the Harry Potter wiki, Hermione is getting married in three years
getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done
that according to the Harry Potter wiki, Hermione is getting married in three years
that if you ever become a history teacher you will accept essays on the nineteen seventies in the UK that just say "everyone was getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done nuffink abaaaat it"
glam rock being spoiled for you for years now after the Paul Gadd stuff came to light
Florida man fired after mistaking corpse for mannequin fairly frequently
Harry Potter's owl being named after a transsexual East German glam rocker
Florida man fired after mistaking corpse for mannequin
fairly frequently
Police Arrest Roman Polanski
Police Arrest Naked Man Who Was Riding Tricycle While High On Cocaine
Pringles Arcane Minx Skirt Curio Nook
drawing a picture of Pringles Newfangled Potato Chips
Pringles Xtra Kickin Sour Cream & Onion
drawing a picture of
Pringles Newfangled Potato Chips
not Ryaning up with hooks
not deep throating with Ryan
deep throating incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
appearing as yourself in part of Katy Perry's colon
appearing as yourself in Katy Perry Colon Part of Me
"idiot comedian democracy twat beard" sounds like an anagram of something
the second google result for "idiot comedian democracy twat beard" is Russell Brand
there is no totally accurate, rational or useful way of calculating the percentage of national laws based on or influenced by the EU
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be a Moth" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling moth Ryan Moth
googling "idiot comedian democracy twat beard" to remind yourself of someone's name
Stephen Fry, Man 'High On Meth, Deep Throats Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
I skipped a word in that last regret which kind of ruined it but it wasn't very good so never mind
telling that New Jerseyan singer songwriter who that he was "the Boss" to show you what love can do
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Moth, Flies Around Fifteen Police Officers With Loud, Clicky Wingbeats That Make Him Seem Much Larger Than He Is'
that they call them smartphones to differentiate them from feature phones
deciding that you're not going to buy a smartphon until they stop calling them smartphones
playing Lamb Took Tram with Tim Duncan
Atheists Classified As Terrorists Under New Saudi Arabian Laws
Mortal Kombat Kolon Annihilation
Kento Ikeda, Man 'High On Meth, Jerks Off Fifteen Police Officers While Being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a Walrus'
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most original famous Ray Parks
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most famous Ray Parks
If Superman Had Turned Up In 'Gravity'
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most famous national parks
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Meth, Jerks Off Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
that Wikipedia probably saw Google's recent font change and though "me too"
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Meth, Fights Off Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
Carolina Reapers
getting your sack caught in a rowing machine
Wiener Schnitzel
wondering if Wikipedia's font changed for everyone or if you're just hallucinating
TRY TO BOMB THE HARBOR
that Wii is just one letter away from WWII
being crabtastic
vagiSYKE
drawing a picture of Kento being thrown down a well by Chris Lydon, then rising up as a ghostly apparition that counts stuffed walruses only to shriek when it finds one missing, desu ne
drawing a picture of Kento being thrown down a well by Chris Lydon, then rising up as a ghostly apparition that counts stuffed walruses only to shriek when it finds one missing
Kid Humps Play Playing Wii
Kid Humps Kid Playing Wii
the rules and regulations to command and obey
removing irrelevant notices
wondering how a dog could possibly whirl a colder lotion
rolling patents for chump change
it's a dog hump dog world
it's hard to grasp
wondering how a dog could possibly hold a Wii controller
Dog Humps Dog Playing Wii
Kid Humps Dog Playing Wii
a mode of squeal
merede
Abigail and Amelia Gabble
Dog Humps Kid Playing Wii
lead oaf mosque
being crantastic
vagisil
ant death circles
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Kurt Waldheim and a spiny lobster
Stinkbirds
Exchange student falls to death in Denver after eating marijuana
cookie
Hoatzin
Exchange student falls to death in Denver after eating marijuana cookie
trademark trolling
copyright trolling
patent trolling
queso flameado
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to buy multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
Dau
Ilya Khrzhanovsky
buying multiple copies of the book "Toby or Notobe" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Tobias Notobe
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her boss
in the absence of distraction or a thrill
Cleverbot becoming dumber and dumber over time, not smarter, and by the way, screw you, Cleverbot
Cleverbot becoming dumber and dumber over time, not smarter
o homines ad servitutem paratos, no homo
post Turris Eiffelia omne animal triste est, sive odobenus et Christophorus Lydon
that all this time you thought Justin Bieber was turning into Marky Mark and or one of the Funky Bunch, but it turns out he's just turning into his own father
Pics of ME
o homines ad servitutem paratos
finding Justin Bieber's dad's tripod page
stowing Twin Long Rods #Two
after sex all animals are sad except the cock and the woman
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to stow you in her vagina
This Alga related article is a stub, You can help Wikipedia by expanding it
taking the hugest friendly floater
the Chukchi Sea blob
Friendly Floatees
the number of people with Ebola infections is significantly lower than the number of people who have Eiffel Towered Kento
apparently being able to write out big numbers in long form, but not to recognize when you've done it correctly
apparently not being able to write out big numbers in long form
of the seven billion, one hundred and fifty three million persons living today, a few hundred have Ebola infections
watching Summer Slam in Dick Toe's glaus
out of one hundred and twenty two cases of ebola in Guinea, eighty patients have died
slamming your dick in Summer Toes' glaus
Frog Pond Elementary School
not understanding how Ebola, a disease spread by contact and reliant on very specific conditions for survival, could become a global crisis since even the biggest outbreak never kills more than a few tens of the hundreds infected
the Twenty Fourteen Guinea Pig Ebola outbreak
the Traveling Wilburys
the Highwaymen
all these Damn water signs in Mexico
lifting with the anus instead
not lifting with the legs
maybe it would have worked out better as an Aquarius
all these Damn fire signs in your life
slamming your dick in Summer Glau's toes
telling that girl in seventh grade that you automatically get cancer if you eat bread that's been toasted twice
The Strafing of the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School sexting Chris Lydon
The Strafing of the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School
sexting Chris Lydon
googling "weight lifting accident"
a dope imbecile could become global crisis, experts warn
Ebola epidemic could become global crisis, experts warn
the Twenty Fourteen Iguana Oreo Kebab Lute
watching Clash of the Titans OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
the Twenty Fourteen Kento Beluga Bioaurae
the Twenty Fourteen Beige Areola Auto Bunk
the Twenty Fourteen Guinea Ebola outbreak
wondering what it is about pot that makes you enjoy watching bottomlessly stupid comedy movies about other people who smoke pot, and why this phenomenon doesn't happen with, say, alchol or ecstasy
A Troll in the Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake
A Troll in Central Park
ARRR! MY GROIN!
Trollhattan
George C Scott in Man Getting Hit By Football
Pantechnicon vans
A rich nit's school complains eight year old girl isn't girly enough
Christian school complains eight year old girl isn't girly enough
A Violent Concierge, Viler Too in Scotland
Geocentric Rave Olive Lotion in Scotland
Voice Recognition Elevator in Scotland
you lend some people a liver, you never see them again
you lend some people a fiver, you never see them again
that most touch devices you have seen are already covered in grease from just people's fingers, and you don't want to imagine what it would be like to eat on one
having Heath Ledgeresque sexual fantasies involving Olsons Mary Jane and Horse
Pizza Hut is developing an interactive table from which consumers can order, and then eat, pizza
not realizing until you had coded lots of lol that when Brian Peppers said he wanted to meet, he meant it
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when Ryan said he didn't want to hook up, he meant it
having Heath Ledgeresque sexual fantasies involving Olsons Mary Kate and Ashley
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when agent fifty seven said she didn't want dinosaur sex, she meant it
using the MASS TIMES JOUNCE
having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven in a jungle somewhere not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex using the force said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
using the MASS TIMES JERK
having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven in a jungle somewhere
using the force
getting laid in the jungle somewhere
getting lasik in the jungle somewhere
it's a turnaround jump shot
Kento "Ikilledya" Ikeda
Army sniper kills six Taliban fighters with single bullet having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Chris Lydon and a walrus
Army sniper kills six Taliban fighters with single bullet
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Chris Lydon and a walrus
halving elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving teens Christina Ricci and Winona Rider
having Rowland Emett design sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
having Storm P like sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer being paid in kroner
having Heath Robinsonesque sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer, cheerio
having Rube Goldbergian sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
deep frying chocolate chips
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer wondering what that llama did to get its ass whipped
Stig of the Dump
could've gone in a different direction
choking on black swan
China
Yoda
choking on black pepper
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
wondering what that llama did to get its ass whipped
Kento's tramp stamp
we've been given the right to choose between a douche and a turd
not being the first person to think of that though
Putin on the Ritz
bigger turd
nodding and say "ahh, yes, oh I get it, yep, right, yeah, I see" while people demonstrate baffling properties of circuit boards
non intuitive interfaces
finding out what the XTnine button does after like five years
two turds circling a drain, arguing about which of them is the bigger turd
the broken, shit filled toilet getting into an argument with the festering overflowing medical waste bin over whether the gargantuan landfill site that is their ultimate destiny is attractive or not
Nigel Farage has repeated his admiration for Vladimir Putin, saying he respects him more than the "kids" who run Britain, as Nick Clegg condemned support for the Russian president as "utterly grotesque"
Ukraine crisis colon Putin 'orders partial withdrawal'
Billionaire's Closely Watched Murder and Corruption Trial Opens in China
California man washed out to sea during baptism
drawing a picture of yourself being Eiffel Towered by Grover and Yoda
having sex with Grover
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Jewel abandonware
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Jewel
abandonware
watching Cloverfield OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
Japanese Asianism
Oliver Fricker
pace, flay him
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention took an active roll in banning these beverages
Michael P Fay
chugging a Four Loko in a gas station restroom, if you know what I mean
chugging a Four Loko in a gas station restroom
grool
pumping breast milk
cursing you, and all your kin
truther dot org speaking to me in a language I can hear
the media covering up Chris Lydon's involvement in the Boston Snickers bombing
please don't combine those
truther dot org
speaking to me in a language I can hear
the media covering up Chris Lydon's involvement in the Boston Marathon bombing
MCMLXXIX
MH three seventy truthers
being born on the boundary of Gen X and Gen Y
Butt and Picnic Boning
Blueberries for Sal
down there, where all the lights are, that's where the Harbour Hospital is
The teacher asks Little Fritz "What are seven times seven" Little Fritz replies "Fine sand"
Klein Fritzchen
Toransufoma Kisu Pure
thrill play
hold play
kill play
kiss play
being the Asian Thom Yorke
piss play
Indian woman with two wombs has given birth to two boys
Georgia based masseuse Kristy Love, thirty four, earns as much eighteen hundred dollars a day by massaging clients with her size forty eight NN breasts
Man Expecting Quintuplets Finds Out His Girlfriend Isn't Pregnant
if I had those golden showers of my yesterdays
if I had those golden dreams of my yesterdays
all the fruits in your bathroom
Putin seizes Ukranian cellphones, takes selfies
NSA targeted German companies according to latest Snowden leaks, White House responds with tldr
Japan declares North Korean missile tests illegal, gaaay
Kim to Merkel "tits or gtfo"
UN to North Korea "i fuked ur mum"
UN responds with "I know you are but what am I," North Korea counters with "I'm rubber you're glue"
all the fruit floats in your bathroom
North Korea tells UN to mind its own business
all the fruit flies in your bathroom
having an idea about getting a bunch of cats together and inbreeding them repeatedly until their genes are so damaged each offspring has meme worthy deformities
Ben Lashes is Grumpy Cat's manager who also represents Keyboard Cat and Nyan Cat
how disturbing it is to see a kid get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Stimulator
how disturbing it is to see a kid get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Simulator
wondering whether Chris Lydon is really so publicity shy that he hasn't been photographed in over a decade or whether it is just a case of nobody giving a shit about him
how disturbing it is to see a dog get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Simulator
how disturbing it is to see a dog get an erection on sighting you
playing Goat Simulator
wondering whether the name "Dick Hymen" suits a M to F transsexual or a F to M transsexual porn star better
slamming your dick in the D'Oyly Carte Opera Company
slamming your dick in the carte d'or
slamming your vagina in the car door
not being Christina Ricci
the turtles of Sylvia Browne
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to slam your dick in the car door
slamming Dick Hyman in the car door
Gunhead
Morton Subotnik
Dick Hyman & His Electric Eclectics
The Annoying Thing
Heaven's Gate
Mickael Turtle
Holy Disinfection
ewww and or hello
semen being more potable than water
semen being thicker than blood
water being more potable than blood
Crazy Frog
blood being thicker than water
exurban panties
fuckers
spending an eternity watching someone else play through Bioshock Infinite
spending a couple of minutes watching someone else play through Bioshock Finite
spending an entire day watching someone else play through Bioshock Infinite
waiting for YouTube to buffer on a slow connection
wondering if it was ever actually a ban so much as lacking a legal framework
Gay marriage ban ending in England and Wales on Saturday, cheerio, isn't it, HOT STUFF COMIN' THROUGH
paving paradise and putting up a parking lot
dancing, dancing wherever you may be
Scottie Moorhead
being the Lord of the Dance
answers to questions that we do not yet know how to ask and will concern objects we have not yet imagined
setting the agenda for this evening
how every discussion we have here always ends up with Kento
having sex with walruses
how every discussion we have here always ends up with Kento having sex with walruses
walruses are not perfectly fungible because walruses' varying body mass, penile girth, penile length, and temperament make it difficult to find many walruses with the same body mass, penile girth, penile length, and temperament
drawing a picture of Kento being double ended by Chris Lydon and a hippo, while Chris Lydon feeds the hippo an entire loaf of bread
that can be easily substituted by hippos
wondering if walruses are fungible
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon liquifying his assets all over
Kento's face
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon liquifying his assets all over Kento's face
liquid assets
Darva Conger, Minnesota, don'tcha know
fungibility
Darva CONGRIDAE
core inflation
hard goods
France Colon Actress Wins Privacy Case
Darva Conger
Gay Ritchie pays his bottoms well
that you always thought Richi Rich was a stupidly unrealistic name and concept, but it turns out there's a Rich Ricci who's rich bottoming for Gay Ritchie in Cock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
that you always thought Richi Rich was a stupidly unrealistic name and concept, but it turns out there's a Rich Ricci who's rich
bottoming for Gay Ritchie in Cock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Doll Ritchie
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Guy Ritchie
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Chocolate Chip Ricci
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christmas Ricci
being given the chocolate chips out of a shoe
Myke Swank
Myke Ruse
child molesters' site
Roman Polanski film seeks crowdfunding via 'Kickstarter for the child molesters' site
Tom Hanks film seeks crowdfunding via 'Kickstarter for the rich' site
Tom Cruise
Cadillac
Feathers
Boston's bad boy, Chris Lydon
karate's bad boy, Myke Hawke
Hilary's wank
Because Hilary Swank could learn the advanced "flashy" moves and had trouble with the beginner moves, Pat E Johnson, the martial arts choreographer, awarded her with a "Pink" belt
karate's big boy, Mike Barnes
karate's bad boy, Mike Barnes
Michael "Mike" Barnes
Dynatox Industries
always forgetting about the insanity of Conrad Black
Since ten women in tight tops and pants with great makeup began to shovel the ice, the Leafs are four and eight, eh
telling that hardboiled cockney gumshoe in Mexico who insisted that you were "Jewel's boobs" to have sex with your ex, Brian Peppers
sprinking chocolate chips on Twin Long Rods #Two's long rods as you knead them
wondering if they've filmed piss porn in the ASS
eating a meal at three in the morning and waking up to a burning re entry
wondering if they've filmed piss porn in the ISS
wondering if they've filmed porn in the ISS
eating a meal at three in the morning and waking up to a burning pee
eating a meal at three in the morning
livestreaming your Eiffel Towering
wondering what's up
eating been dead by TWO THOUSAND less twenty bloated dogs
being eaten alive by one hundred and twenty starving kids
being eaten alive by one hundred and twenty starving dogs
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want the same haircut as Kim Jong un, he was despicable human scum, worse than a dog
Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same manscaping as their leader Kim Jong Un
wondering if there was porn filmed on the soundstage on which the moon landing was faked before your lifetime
Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same haircut as their leader Kim Jong Un
wondering if there was porn filmed on the moon before your lifetime
the burning pee galaxy
burning pee
the galaxy
If the Catholics got hold of the full facts about Xenu, does this mean they'll get more market share
wondering if there will be whalers on the moon in your lifetime
wondering if Richard Branson's ludicrous boondoggle will even have made a single passenger flight as part of a normal operational schedule by twenty ought thirty
wondering if there will be porn filmed on the moon in your lifetime, and then realizing that may be as little as fifteen years or so
wondering if there will be porn filmed on the moon in your lifetime
maybe Tom Cruise is haunted by the restless spirits of shrimp
maybe they were shrimp
still, that's more impressive than anything Jesus did
he had like three DCeights
eating that super spicy ramen before bed and waking up to a burning pee
Scieno Shitter
being pretty impressed that Xenu was able to pack billions of live individuals in a DCeight
wondering why a galactic dictator would be able to solve a true Rebellion problem by blowing up a few billion individuals, unless he had a really shaky grasp of physics and the amount of energy required to make a beam that explodes a planet
thinking that surely the material and energy costs of capturing and transporting billions of live individuals across interstellar distances in order to murder them couldn't possibly, in the event of an overpopulation crisis, be justified in any way
wondering why a galactic dictator would be able to solve a true overpopulation problem by blowing up a few billion individuals, unless he had a really shaky grasp of economics and the size of the galaxy
Scieno Sitter
the man is inbetween the two women, and has a strap on strapped to his backside
anyone learning this material before he is ready could die though many have learned the story and remain alive
BONE SAW IS READY
shootin' Jackson C Frank out of the school
shootin' Jackson C Frank outside of the school
shootin' some C ball outside of the school
shootin' some b ball outside of the school
relaxin' all cool
maxin'
chillin' out
Blue Man Group Colon Mind Blast
Secret Service Agents Sent Home After Partying Too Hard in Europe
Apple's stocks are depressed
poor Apple
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are Splitsville
CENTI
Milli
Fab
Rob
Shrek the Musical can read
apparently it was sent to a cast member by another cast member
the very notion that anyone who is entertained by Shrek the Musical can read
brain being zombies
i dot imgur dot com slash EZEQKoneL dot jpg
cumback sauce
brain eating zombies
how dry your left cheek gets in cold weather
letting the motherfucker burn let's change the refrain
that damn dumpster
the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
a resting place for bums, a trap set in the slums
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
Princess Diana, Adolph Hitler, Marilyn Monroe, and Glenn Close's character Alex, in the movie "Fatal Attraction"
chronic social isolation
social isolation
pathological loneliness has its roots in medical model consisting of a host, an agent, and an environment and is thus, a disease
that there's a Digimon named Andromon but not Gynomon
Arschkento
Arschgeige
contagious loneliness
malignant loneliness
chronic loneliness
pathological loneliness
being disqualified from winning an Oscar for life, life, baby
accidently giving Marisa Tomei that lick job
serving baba ghanoush for Babar and Ganesh
letting Myke Hawke dress your ranch
letting Myke Hawke bust your ranch
letting Myke Hawke park your car
Buster Rancher
haven't you seen either the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit
imagining one of the awful bird catching spiders of South America not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex translated into human form, and endowed with intelligence just said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it less
imagining one of the awful bird catching spiders of South America translated into human form, and endowed with intelligence just less than human
letting Myke Hawke fill your seat
being a seat filler at the Eiffies, or as normal people call it, the Boston Aquarium
being a seat filler at the Eiffies
they won't even let you be a seat filler
the little known rule that anyone who has ever watched a film starring Vanilla Ice is automatically disqualified from winning an Oscar for life
the little known rule that anyone who has ever been involved in a film starring Vanilla Ice is automatically disqualified from winning an Oscar for life
Archibald Stansfeld Belaney
holding Charlie Chaplin to ransom
Janusz Kaminski
accidently giving Marisa Tomei that Oscar
P H Vazak
honored professionals were awarded for all the work done in a certain category for the qualifying period
being given the vagina out of a shoe shoulder
watching a chocolate turtle in second grade
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by Hardee's products, Sonny John Moore too OMFG, what a piece of utter ass hugest dump
that rumors of a Token Asian Friend movie center around Sylvia Browne and not Christina Ricci, I mean duh, lolcode
playing Champagne & Shoes with Scandinavian turtles in the bathroom at church
telling that girl who looked like Christina Ricci who insisted that she "didn't want a serious relationship" to slam Brian Peppers' breasts in the car door as you kneaded them
not realizing until you had deep throated Stephen Fry that when the hardboiled cockney gumshoe who insisted that you "pay in kroner" was suddenly very interested in meeting Sylvia Browne, lolcode
that we've written fifty thousand rough sex regrets in three years
that we've written roughly fifty thousand regrets in three years
bottoming for Stephen Harper, Francois Hollande, Angela Merkel, Matteo Renzi, Shinzo Abe, David Cameron, and Barack Obama in G VII
being given the code shoulder in Mexico
breastcode
frycode
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to pay you in kroner
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want his dick slammed in the car door, he meant it
Moby blowing his posse in public in Japan
the death of Odobenus Humongous
the death of Oderus Urungus
turning over your nuclear cache in Japan
Moby blowing his pose in public in Japan
something about one of the many pedophiles we routinely dredge up here
your baby doing the hanky panky
blowing your nose in public in Tehran
blowing Chris Lydon in public in Japan
blowing your nose in public in Japan
We Captured a Girl and forced her to listen to rotten Bananarama!
the summit of beauty and love
bottoming for Chris Lydon in There's No I
there's no I in Kento, unless Chris Lydon is talking
remembering a guy whose yearbook quote was "there's no I in gangbang"
there's no I in meat
there's no I in semen
itchy men
it's semen
their semen
its semen
our semen
my semen
your semen
coming from the land down under and drowning Kim Jong Il with your semen
coming from the land down under, if you know what I mean
coming from the land down under
coming from the land of the ice and snow
hawkeing
hawking
goosing
grousing
sniping
playing on easy difficulty
gouge gouge, wink wink
being swan, if you know what I mean
eating swan, if you know what I mean
thinking swan would be more popular than that
regret number two seven two one six
scrambled swan
hardboiled swan
boiled swan
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe eats swan
beswanning people, places, or things
dreaming of being swan
maybe because you be so much swan
dreaming of eating swan
maybe because you eat so much swan
knowing several people who believe, for no discernible reason, that you are a fellow of St John's
Odie
Fellows of St John's College are the only people outside the Royal Family legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans
sprinking rotten bananas on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
for a real challenge, you need to step up and try the walrus dildo
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to eat rotten bananas
well hung walruses
Ontario girl claims teacher forced her to eat rotten banana thrown in trash, eh
not thinking that Mila Kunis is ugly or anything, just not being attracted to her
We Captured a Girl and force fed her rotten bananas!
trying to use ebay to gague how much Mila Kunis's baby is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
finding Mila Kunis about as attractive as you find Ashton Kutcher, which is to say, not at all, though you quite like her voice
wondering how one would go about buying Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher's baby, and how much it would cost
Mila Kunis is reportedly pregnant to finance Ashton Kutcher which is bad timing
Mila Kunis pregnant, expecting first child with Ashton Kutcher
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Stephen Fry and insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina
lolcoding Stephen Fry
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Christina Ricci and insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina
taking the hugest leek first thing in the morning, if you know what I mean, boyo
taking the hugest leek first thing in the morning
the Slenderswan mythos
the Slenderman dailies
Hot Welsh Soldiers Deepthroating Leeks
the Slenderonion mythos
Japanese bunching onions desu ne
Welsh onions isn't it
the Slenderman monthlies
taking a huge leek first thing in the morning, look you now
the Slenderman mothys
reading Business Insider while doing you business inside a business insider
the Slenderman mythos
taking a huge leek first thing in the morning
They include parents, firefighters, zookeepers, brewmasters, film students, reporters, and doctors
three elephants escape circus, damage cars in Missouri
Russian troops poised to 'run' into Moldova, deep throat bananas, Nato commander warns
attempted settlement thwarted by natives
Undercover police in Hawaii fight for right to have sex with prostitutes during investigations
Russian troops poised to 'run' into Moldova, Nato commander warns
having a fog in your thoat
deep thoating Stephen Fry
Hot CIVILIAN Soldiers Deepthroating Bananas
Hot Military Soldiers Deepthroating Bananas
the Swedish Colonial Empire
ewww, sorry about that one guys
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to deep thoat Stephen Fry
sliding down a very busty and Alaskan singer songwriter
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Stephen Fry to sprink chocolate chips in the car door
sliding down a very busty and dirty slide
sliding down a very rusty and dirty lipslide
God's five forty lipslide
"to annoy people"
looking at bop
losing the game
eating hamburgers
Leaky Butt Syndrome
bottoming for Alan Leakage in Lifetime of Regret I
one lifetime of regret, which you assume is Kento's
that anal leakage currently has a regret index of one, based on one lifetime of regret, which you assume is Kento's
Leaky Gut Syndrome
Terminator Colon Ants, Voila
Terminator Three Colon Fearsome Niche Shit
Terminator Two Colon Jaded Gym Nut
Terminator Three Ileum Sentence Weekend
Terminator Two Colon Judgment Day
God's cruel trick
going kidding with SUPERVISORY SPECIAL AGENT Kidgett and FU, and by the way, screw you, MB
going dogging with Agent Doggett and ET
JASOOOON JAAAAASON JAAAAAAAAASOOOOOOON!
the point after a particularly acrimonious swan attack when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another species and the insane bloodlust it possesses
the point after a particularly acrimonious Eiffel Towering when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
one eyed monsters that are naughty by nature
the point after a particularly acrimonious decoupling when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
the point after a particularly acrimonious breakup when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
having been in what were almost certainly relationships in the past and still wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
wondering what it's like to be in a flawed relationship a Chris Lydon piercing
Agent Doggett wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
Agent Kidgett
Agent Doggett
wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
wondering what it's like to be in a flawed relationship
a Chris Lydon piercing
not having the fortitude to click through wikipedia's many pages on piercings to find out what it's called when a chain runs from an individual's genitalia to their nipples
"Penis Chain" would be a great name for a chest of sex shops
"Penis Chest" would be a great name for a chain of sex shops
The Tasmanian Echidna's Four Headed Penis
"penis chest" in Greek
wondering what it's like to be in a flawless relationship
Homo cygnus, no homo
Phallostethus cuulong
a male of the species feasting on the flesh of a dead female
Homo cygnus
Siphusauctum gregarium
Phobo cygnus
Phobo gallus
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "ooo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang"
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "yep if doesn't involve aquatic mammals and NPR blowhards, I totally don't know anything about any of that"
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "yep I totally don't know anything about any of that"
Mesopotamian feathered demons
that the sum of all NEGATIVE integers equals POSITIVE one twelfth
that the sum of all positive integers equals negative one twelfth bottoming for John Johnson in Gay Porn Movie VII
imagining the first meeting between Hayden Christensen and Hayden Panettiere, where he slowly says "In my country Hayden is a boy's name, eh" and she nods and smiles politely while trying to think of a reason to leave
famous original cosmic ray's visual phenomena
cosmic ray visual phenomena
that the sum of all positive integers equals negative one twelfth
bottoming for John Johnson in Gay Porn Movie VII
The notion that a tin foil hat can significantly reduce the intensity of incident radio frequency radiation on the wearer's brain has some scientific validity, as the effect of strong radio waves has been documented for quite some time
John Johnson
firebumming Kento
Ivan Ivanovich
firebombing Kento
because he was only in the two that didn't make as much money as the first one
five million
that even if he'd only managed to negotiate half of one percent of the prequel grosses he'd have earned ten million dollars
wondering if Hayden Christensen actually ever needs to work again or whether he wasn't able to get percentages of the movie and merchandise to Star Wars
Lost Cosmonauts
wondering what it's like for Hayden Christensen to reflect on the fact that he's only the second most famous Hayden in Hollywood and the first is a girl
Chri$ten$en
Luca$
wantting nakkos more than ever before
not that i have nakkos, homosecual or otherwise
not that i have adventures, homosecual or otherwise
my excuse is that i have a fever
wondering who has more homosexual adventures, James from Team Rocket, or Kento
he's more of a cum hole
he's more of a scrum hole
or possibly a scrum half
he's a scrum halve
that Leon the Pig Farmer was so bad it made you unwell
that according to wikipedia, Kento Ikeda plays for the Secom Rugguts Japanese rugby union team
zooming in and out for no reason
wanting to see wikipedians wasting their lives defending Kento's biography from vandals
thinking that we've been going about this wikipedia thing all wrong, the best course of vandalism would be getting Kento a legitimate article there
being a very stupid and conceited person or at least seeing yourself that way
Froot Goop
trying to insert a real egg into your lover's bum when they were expecting a vibrating plastic egg, cheerio
Goof Troop
inserting a swan egg into your lover's cloaca when they were expecting a chocolate one
havibg a fever and shivering when you get out of bed
why would you do rthat
trying to insert a real egg into your lover's bum when they were expecting a vibrating plastic egg
dick slamming is one of the universal pastimes
how little we all seem to regret slamming our dicks in things
sending a sexy snapchat to a one clubfooted Samantha Geimer
sending a sexy snapchat to a one legged Pakistani girl, clubfooted woman, and Samantha Geimer
Not having anyone to send a sexy snapchat to even though you feel capable of taking one of yourself for the first time in your sad life
taking pictures of everything you be and posting them on facebook, arr
taking pictures of everything you eat and posting them on facebook
you want it you want it
because you want and you don't know what you want but when you want it you want it
bottoming for Rene Descartes in Not Being III
not being THREE
gotta catch 'em all!
Mr Clash comes and goes, we're not really sure how we feel about him
not being two
showing all the regrets and using your browser to search for lyrics to a song which you remember being entered, but which are not present
amateur pornography
R Kelly, welcome to the regret index, that's Mr Polanski, Mr Savile, and Mr Sandusky, and I believe you already know Mr Jackson
I believe I can film myself urinating on a twelve year old girl
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said Twin Long Rods #Two, he meant it
I believe I can fly
well excuse me
I believe it is spelled "Myke Rotche"
Myke Rotch hugging prison knickers
The main part of the breeding season of the European hare
crotch hugging prison knickers
APRIL HOMICIDAL FUGUE STATE
crotch munching prison lickers
huge, huge tits
that five D has got to be equivalent to what, an H cup
clutch munching piston lickers
Touko Laaksonen
that the creators of Yugioh Colon Five D's Really liked drawing huge, huge tits
March Madness
itching a heavy butthole
having an itchy butthole
cow in the dumpster behind In N Out Burger
drawing a picture of Kento getting a double double animal style from Chris Lydon, Carlo Gesualdo, a walrus, and a Stellar's sea cow in the dumpster behind In N Out Burger
Frak!
dating that Christian girl in high school and having to watch all those VeggieTales with her younger brothers whenever you went to her house
sprinking champagne on Stephen Fry's shoes as you spoon them
creating
created a gun to reduce the size of armies and so reduce the number of deaths by combat and disease, and to show how futile war is
VeggieTales
rubbing one out in the bathroom like Christina Ricci
watching Leon the Pig Farmer OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
wondering if anyone has designed a Mafia style game based on Death Note
that you don't play Town of Salem but you could
having sex with your beloved's breasts as you knead them
long shots of dancing crowds
that a third of it seems to be musical montages
watching Leon the Pig Farmer and wondering if anyone involved had actually met any Jews, and also, whether anyone involved had ever seen a film before
wondering if any regret index Kevins play Town of Salem
wondering if any regret index regulars play Town of Salem
getting a double double animal style
getting a lick job from a six foot trannie hooka in the dumpsta behind Steak n Shake
buying that six foot hooka
the old duck tape on the nipples trick
to fuck it
the old duct tape on the nipples trick
Not being sure if that's comforting or horrifying
that if it exists, there's probably someone out there who wants to fuck it
they sure are
wondering if ggilfs are a thing
expecting all the gilfs that wise men bring
that they don't make double wide Cornishpasties
that they don't make double wide nipple pasties
that they don't make double wide nipple
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Scissors To Protect not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex Tipster said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Scissors To Protect Tipster
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Being Paper To Protect Tipster
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Paper To Protect Tipster
International Militant Swans Ltd
International Marital Sales Ltd
International Military Sales Ltd
writing a song about drying during sex
hearing the sound of violins long before it begins
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Sing a Song of Sixpence" as an allegory for economic bubbles
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie" as an allegory for the existence of the black plague
Sausages made with baby poo are completely normal and super healthy, say scientists
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Simple Simon" as an allegory for the existence of prostitution
dying during sex while writing a song about dying during sex
dying while writing a song about dying during sex
writing a song about dying during sex
if I should die this very moment
the South West region is one of the nine regions of Western Australia, it is so named because it located in the south west corner of Western Australia
being a total wikipedian
wondering, every night without fail, what the hell led to all this vandalizing wikipedia, if you know what I mean
wondering, every night without fail, what the hell led to all this
vandalizing wikipedia, if you know what I mean
some vandal declaring your asshole "wikipedia"
it wasn't spam, it was clearly vandalism
some asshole declaring your vandalism of wikipedia "spam"
deep throating the car door
trying to land this aeroplane of ours gracefully
Swan appears to have blocked Twitter
Turkey appears to have blocked Twitter
Myke Hawke going boom boom boom
I couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Eiffel Towering Of Boston Aquarium Night Watchman
caught in a trap, no turnin' back
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Eiffel Towering Of University Of Tennessee Student
your heart going boom boom boom
climbing up on Solsbury Hill
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Alcohol Poisoning Of University Of Tennessee Student
butt chugging
the death of Fred Phelps remaking The Twilight Zone with Guns n' Roses
Timothy the Tortoise
bottoming for Vladimir Putits in Balaclava Bondage VII
slamming your tat in Putin's tits
US and Russia in Tit Bondage Sessions Over Crimean Crisis
US and Russia in Tit for Tat Sanctions Over Crimean Crisis
Sarah & Duck
repetition, badgering, innuendo, belligerence, irrelevant and immaterial matter, evidencing only a desire to hurt and destroy Kento
repetition, badgering, innuendo, belligerence, irrelevant and immaterial matter, evidencing only a desire to hurt and destroy the defendant
a Republican candidate who believes that God dictates weather patterns and that tornadoes, autism and dementia are God's punishments for marriage equality and abortion access won the GOP nomination
the death of Fred Phelps
remaking The Twilight Zone with Guns n' Roses
they fly
that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket
Noam Chomsky's denial of the Cambodian genocide
wondering how often John Lithgow and slash or William Shatner do the old "there's a man on the wing of the plane!" bit when they fly
vodka and circuses
wondering how often John Lithgow and slash or William Shatner hear the old "there's a man on the wing of the plane!" bit when they fly
nothing protects a figurehead like popularity
the very notion that Putin needs or wants the favor of the Russian people to remain in power
Putin makes last desperate gamble to win political favor of Russian people, fears for office and life under oligarchy he aided creation of
Russian government is planning to promote Crimea as a resort and provide subsidized holidays to the peninsula for children and state workers
the Accession of Crimea to the Russian Federation
you know nothing of my work
Meister Proper
Don Limpio
you are now entering Shitbottle
Veritably Clean
the Great Leap Forward
chicken lipstick
chicken breasts
playing SperiodTperiodAperiodLperiodKperiodEperiodRperiod
scientists give plants super powers
Nearly half of Americans subscribe to a medical conspiracy theory
Oliver Cox
dodging darts in a Dodge Dart in Tehran
backing dat ass up onto a busy street and getting T boned by a Dodge Dart
caution, this ass is reversing
backing dat ass up
Herc Hawke
slamming York Hawke in Jewel's boobs
braiding York Hawke and Myke Hawke together
slamming Ethan Hawke in the car door
York Hawke
slamming your dick a lot like Christina Ricci
getting a Myke Hawke piercing
getting a Myke Hawke Pierce piercing
not being boobs
As is common practice in the piercing industry, it was named after the first recipient of the piercing, a man named Chris Lydon
wondering if Kento ever has any problems with Chris Lydon's Chris Lydon when he blows him
getting a goose piercing
getting a guiche piercing
wondering if Kento ever has any problems with Chris Lydon's Prince Albert when he blows him
Sexual partners of those with piercings may experience complications during oral sex such as chipped teeth, choking, foreign bodies getting stuck between the partner's teeth, and mucosal injury to receptive partners
never actually unscrambling Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge and feeling like you made a few half assed attempts before giving up
Zachor Riccicaster O'Dirge
having sex with a girl whose ricci looked a lot like Christina piercing
having sex with a girl whose piercing looked a lot like Christina Ricci
having sex with a girl whose piercing looked a lot like Christina Ricci's
As is common practice in the piercing industry, it was named after the first recipient of the piercing, a woman named Christina
wondering if Alex Trebek has a Reverse Prince Albert
wondering who names genital piercings
not even wanting to look at the treblA ecnirP esreveR
wondering who thought it necessary for wikipedia to reference each and every type of male and or female genital piercing, complete with photos
not even wanting to look at the Reverse Prince Albert wearing tight pants
not even wanting to look at the Reverse Prince Albert
wearing tight pants
The piercing does not facilitate sexual stimulation and can be found uncomfortable when pressure is applied, for example when wearing tight pants
briefly you bite into your dad's leg
growing penis tone
Schnappi Das Kleine Krokodil
sustainable food groping community
growpenistone dot org dot uk
the Penistone Choral Mom Rags
the Penistone Grammar School
Maidstone Prison Inmates Poem Book Colon Reaching Out, Jimmy Savile, Rare Book
GIPTON REMOVAL FIRM JIMMY SAVILLE LEEDS HIP HOP RAP CD like MC PITMAN MR B
signed, Jimmy Savile
babies are fun
babies are gross
really stretching definitions calling Nickelback an actual band
hey, wasn't Ricky Martin in Lanugo
learning that Nickelback is the name of an actual band, and not just a generic term for incredibly shitty music like you've been using it
intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile, and water
taking the hugest meconium
very large runny poops
don't apologise to me, he's not my stupid dog
random fingerings
that on top of everything else North Koreans have to deal with random fingerings
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North Korea
don't apologise to me, he's not my stupid kid
I'm sorry
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North West
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North Dakota
wondering how one could possibly fit Stephen Fry's bizarre, gnarled, ginger rootlike penis in one's throat
wondering how long Kento can hold his breath for
Ouroboros being onomatopoeia for the sound Kento makes when he deep throats Stephen Fry
tattooing your eyeballs
no party has a completion without breasts
Ouroboros being onomatopoeia for the sound you make when you picture Kento deep throating Stephen Fry
not being Kento deep throating Stephen Fry
Flintstones imbalance the week
sprinking one out in the bathroom at church
Flintstones chewable ketamine
licking the blood from your axe each time you fell a foe
depletion gilding
really starting to drive miss daylight
really starting to miss daylight
you'd better get some sleep, you need the energy in case the Nazis attack with secret codes again
you're sleepy, it's six thirty here
something about Wesley Warren and two small boys trying to sneak into an R rated movie, I'm too sleepy to piece it all together
Twin Chocolate Chips #Two
the death of Genitals Crusher
frighteningly glabrous genitals
the death of Wesley Crusher
not bleaching your anus
it's always a tough battle to get Congress to close military bases, facilities
not bleaching your undies
the death of Wesley Warren
well now I just look like a big ol' racist
chimpanman shitplay
With a roll of his eyes and a comment that he was good at using guns and knives, Chris Brown may have cost himself weeks of freedom and his chance to get back to making music anytime soon
frighteningly airless rapes
humanzee shitplay
frighteningly hairless rapes
chimpanzee shitplay
frighteningly hairless apes
frighteningly hairless genitals
pansysexual shitplay
that's the one
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit and pansies
something horribald
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit swansexual shitplay
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit
swansexual shitplay
wanting it on record that you voted "No" to the regret "pansexual shitplay"
the law of diminishing reev
bottoming for George Reeves and Christopher Reeve in Men of Steel VII
wanting it on record that you voted "Haven't done it yet" to the regret "pansexual shitplay"
Amado Mio
a very quirky friend who was instrumental in saving Miranda from a knife wielding Nailor
Leon the Pig Farmer
Men of Steel
Twin Long Riccis #Two
rough sex Sunday roast
a soft cake traditionally made of oatmeal and black testicle, which originated in northern England
parkin
that somebody put all the Rowntree's confectionery into wikipedia's Yorkshire cuisine category, bollocks
Henderson's Relish
that somebody put all the Rowntree's confectionery into wikipedia's Yorkshire cuisine category
Ploughman's lunch
queefing Roman Polanski's milk at a PETA convention
the amount of time you spent discovering the existence of the Buick Somerset for a joke
finding it fitting that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because in addition to the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a colossal squid
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain America as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
colossal douchebag
finding it fitting that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because in addition to the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a colossal douchebag
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Cap'n Crunch as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
that Dog from Dog 'n Play is forty nine years old now, but he's only nine in people years
England after all
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain Cook as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
finding it weird that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because despite the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a convicted sex offender and as such has no reputation to defend
even if you apologize, Roman Polanski is still going to sue you in England
after all
doing that thing that we do here where we take a regret as entered and change around the nouns into other things and accidentally offending somebody, you think, for which you'd probably like to apologize, but don't quote you on that, it's a regret index
getting it from Captain Hook
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain Hook as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
drinking tea right after eating melon
she gets around
wow, you too
making slapdash, bitter love to that hook handed woman in the passenger seat of your Buick Somerset in the parking lot of Walmart
the fallacy of incomplete puberty
opal fruits
making slow, sweet love to that clubfooted woman in the back seat of your Hyundai Sonata in the parking lot of Whole Foods
opals
the fallacy of incomplete evidence
that Dog from Dog 'n Play is forty nine years old now
Roscoe Goose
having impure thoughts about a teenage Dennis Rodman
Dicko & Sarah
Rodman Polanski
the "Estonian Carry"
Rodman was so insecure around women that he thought he was homosexual in his teens
playing Dennis Rodman Colon Hotel Defecation Basketball Player with Kim Jong un