Do you regret
writing like a dozen Missed Connections post about seeing a guy come stumbling drunk out of a seven eleven bathroom at three in the morning with his pants around his ankles?
yes    no    haven't done it yet

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Pokemon Underwear and Less
God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out
shiny happy people Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
the place where First Woman and First Man were created by Moon the Transformer
he's into that kind of stuff
Bob Iger was quite pleased
pitching Hannah Montana With Eels in Her Vagina to Disney
Bob Iger was not best pleased
pitching the Disney Channel Hanukkah Bukkake, if you know what I mean
pitching the Disney Channel Hanukkah Bukkake
Pokemon Hanukkah and Bukkake
underwear or less
well, they might not care, but they would buy the magazine
really wishing you'd been a famous teenage girl so that you could have given interviews to magazines in your underwear or less and people would actually care because you're a teenage girl in her underwear or less
packing so much fudge
fudger's remorse
wanting to make Kento fire for his birthday but not knowing how
not knowing how to make fire
wanting to make Kento a face full of eels for his birthday
wanting to make Kento a Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth for his birthday
you've got to make me a Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth that can not be ignored
the Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth
you've got to make me an offer that can not be ignored
Pokemon Everything Nice and Asian
Pokemon Spice and Gay
Pokemon Withered and Inbred
there are so many calories in fudge it's fucking unreal
Pokemon Sugar and Fat
sugar and fat
I have really had a lot of sugar
Kento went to a feminist lecture and someone cracked a joke about how women are tough because they bleed once a month, something something, Kento's ravaged anus
jamming things into your reproductive organs has never sounded like so much fun
also, pessaries
really wishing you'd been a famous teenage girl so that you could have given interviews to magazines in your underwear or less and said "people think I'm things but I'm whatever you want, accessibly" and been ignored and forgotten because you were a woman
when you're out on a date with a hardboiled cockney gumshoe wondering when a good time for a face full of eels is
when you're out on a date with a hardboiled cockney gumshoe
wondering when a good time for a face full of eels is
they're the worst
eel litter vaginas
illiterate vegans
Fur, She Wrote
Abortion, She Wrote
your pattern indicates two dimensional thinking
then Obama walks in and he's like "did anybody order an extra large sausage pizza"
even though she's totally not the right era
that you had briefly considered constructing a sexual fantasy involving Angela Merkel and Helle Thorning Schmidt soaping each other up in the women's locker room at the EU Parliament, but you were worried that Margaret Thatcher might suddenly show up
that you would bang Angela Merkel if you were not in a relationship
Infidelity, She Wrote
that you would bang Angela Lansbury if you were not in a relationship
firmly securing snug rye anal lab's box
raw shat
firmly securing Angela Lansbury's box
the box is firmly secured, there will be no problem
Menopause, She Wrote
Dessicant Fletcher
PUKACHU used TORRENT! SQUIRTLE fainted!
Crapmon Poke and Puke
Pukemon Poke and Crap
Pokemon Puke and Crap
drawing a picture of yourself being Eiffel Towered by puke and crap puking and crapping at the same time
drawing a picture of yourself being Eiffel Towered by puke and crap
puking and crapping at the same time
Hats' War
Konon Trofimovich Molody
driving your snowblower so hard it explodes in Winter
being deep into Winter with no sign of white stuff
Winter is coming
Diving Deep Into Science With Stephen Hawking
Ariel Winter's asshole, brother
Chewie animism
Howe was known to his men as "BIGGER, BLACKER Dick," a reference to his swarthy complexion that had developed from years of exposure to the elements and perhaps also to his somber nature
PLANETARY chauvinism
Howe was known to his men as "Black Dick," a reference to his swarthy complexion that had developed from years of exposure to the elements and perhaps also to his somber nature
Han chauvinism
I've been away all week
wondering how the quest to pump your daughter is going
that the video for Stacy's Mom really showcases the whole Jailbait slash Milf dichotomy, in which all men are socially conditioned to be sexually attracted to women who are either way too young or way too old
too many sad memories
please don't bring up Ariel Winter
Ariel Winter's asshole brother, Colon Winter
wondering what the official butt rape tune of the Trump campaign is
TRUMP Butt Rape Tune
TRUMP Teen Bra Tutu P
TRUMP Peanut Butter
the schism between Big Red Dogs for Trump and Cruel Anal Labs for Trump
'Kids for Trump', pro comic farting pressure group, vows never to return to Costa Mesa, blaming parents for booking mix up
'Fats for Trump' and 'Dogs for Trump' Colon Spirited, diverse crowd gathers at a Comet Ass rally
'Gays for Trump' and 'Kids for Trump' Colon Spirited, diverse crowd gathers at Costa Mesa rally
he doesn't like sand, you know that
sending Hayden Christensen tickets for an all expenses paid month long break at fabulous Fraser Island, on Australia's beautiful Gold Coast
you're a walrus, Harry
everyone's favourite walrus
JOE Cornish gay men
Cornish gay men
PREDICTING all the elements in the periodic table in order
not understanding the question "who is a less sincere, creepier stand in for Kento"
wondering who the Jason Bateman to Kento's Michael J Fox is
Teen Dork Too
Doom II Cruise Control
Teen Dork
Red Kento
broadly speaking Red Ken is probably correct, as similar threads ran through a lot of philosophies of the era, but he phrased it in an unbearably blunt way
A fathead with the brains of a guinea pig
He was supporting Zionism before he went mad and ended up killing six million Jews
Hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman
colon oral sex
going to the mall and seeing a ten foot high poster for The Huntsman Colon Winter's War that had a huge picture of Liam Gallagher or whatever the fuck the name of the star is, and his "armor" appeared to be made of the same leather as women's purses
everyone's favorite lizard
everyone's favourite wizard
Operation Success
Drunkasaurus Sex
having drunkasaur sex with agent fiftyseven in your autofill cache
talking with drunkasaurs
No homo polanski
Homo polanski
Roman Polanski's Oklahoma!
Oklahoma court colon oral sex is not rape if victim is unconscious from drinking
the music sounds better with you
the Tournament of Shadows
kento pants
pony pants
yolo pants
homo pants
screw pants
hammer pants
hapo pants
gaucho pants
Gonorrhea Cyrus Geldof, Jedi Knight
Gonorrhea Cyrus
Achy Breaky Cyrus
Destiny Cyrus
wondering whose accent is least convincing, Gary Oldman in Interstate Sixty or Ewan McGregor in Big Fish
it has fruit
eating gay chocolate
it has nuts
eating male chocolate
expectorating moldy chocolate
being moldy chocolate
bukkakeing moldy chocolate
eating vegan moldy chocolate
old chris lydon
old christ
old, christ
Ld Methyl Cocoa was a moldy old soul and a moldy old soul was he
eating old methyl cocoa
Schoolie McSchoolface
'This is the stuff of nightmares' Colon Sadistic cat killer terrorizes London pet owners, cheerio, meow
eating moldy chocolate
Caper in the Castro
that the NYC police used to famously extort more money in fines from prisoner by posting "PLEASE DO NOT INGURGITATE" signs all over the cells, a word swallowing Irish toughs couldn't possibly be expected to know
Townsville's Titanic
wasted from the neck down
Bandit Kento
Bandit Keith
bukkakento
completely naked
naked from the waste down
just assuming that Go Ikeda is naked from the waste down and getting a blow job in that Muffin Man video
then a bunch of old Japanese guys jack off on him
drawing a picture of Kento walking into a Japanese restaurant and asking for bukkake udon, hold the udon
bukkake udon
Find the Best Bukakke for Your Face Shape
performing a suzerain section
that you like your women like you like your coffee, mate
I'm pretty sure she gets confused by most things
confusing Hannah Montana with bukkake
bottoming for Al Poojolson in Brownface VII
Albert Pujols
Go Ril La Fucking Shit
Zookeeper appearing to be a movie about a loveless loser who hooks up with a gorilla and finds a willing beard to cover for his perversion
he got the grandma hair
you knock her down, you bring her up, and when she seems interested you walk away
wondering if the working title of The Zookeeper's Wife was The Stupid Fatass's Wife
wondering if the working title of Kevin James was Stupid Fatass
wondering if the working title of Zookeeper was Stupid Fatass
Find the Best Bangs for Your Face Bucks
Find the Best Bangs for Your Face Shape
Fireman Paff Helps Remove 'Device' From Kevin Clash's Penis
A married Oregon pet shop worker paid a prostitute with cash from a Girl Scout donation jar and tipped the sex worker for her services with a small exotic primate, police said
Fireman Paff Helps Remove 'Device' From Elmo's Penis
Fire Department Helps Remove 'Device' From Man's Penis
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old Nuclear Man wondering how a kid could possibly earn pesos
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old Nuclear Man
wondering how a kid could possibly earn pesos
it's hard to grasp
wondering how a dog could possibly earn pesos
obviously thy're my pesos
An all powerful hand that delivers ruthless attacks
his or yours
teaching a dog to throw crumpled, low denomination peso notes at sexual conquests
wanting to adopt a cruel anal lab and take advantage of Kento's dog walking service on his birthday
adopting a Devonshire Karate Terrier instead of a Cruel Anal Lab
Devon's Karate Kid
Devon's Little Trees
Devon Bonsai
Ryannorthopedia, the encyclopedia that Ryan North can edit
RYAN Northwestdesperadowhydon'tyoucometoyoursenses World
Northwestdesperado World
Jimwestdesperado World
Jimwest World
Summerglau World
Somerwest World
The Time Traveller's Wife's Gangbang
that doesn't mean it's not a sequel
it sounds like a very different kind of film
wondering whether The Zookeeper's Wife is a sequel to The Zookeeper
liking your coffee like you like your men, filled with the essence of Kenyan men
liking your coffee like you like your men, part Kenyan origin
amazingly everyone in the UK media seems to have met him and most of them seem to have fucked him
feeling like Prince was probably a formative musician for the oldest generation of "internet people" which means that the echo chamber of social media and internet news will not shut the fuck up even though he has done nothing in like twenty years
Pokemon Diamond and Pearl
he gave us diamonds and pearls
he rocked a party like nobody can
really not getting what the fuck was so special about Prince
holding down the chord of C, plucking a fretted bass string with the thumb of the right hand, then plucking the third, second, and first strings all together with the first, second, and third fingers of the right hand
Bernie bros
A tuckered out drunken man fell asleep on someone's porch after urinating on several items along Twin Acres Drive
A boy with what was described as "boy hair" was picked up at an Evergreen store and returned to his parents
Ye Olde Swan & Tuske
dancing is a dancing skhold
dancing is a dancing skiss
Ye Olde Man & Tuske
Ye Olde Man & Scythe
dancing is a dancing skill
Ye Olde Fighting Cocks
Secretive group of Hollywood conservatives suddenly dissolves
He believed he was the Messiah and if you had sex with him, you became one with him
Boris Johnson promises to "build a wall" around Kenya and "make Kenya pay for it"
literally never having heard of The Hogan Family before on your entire life, unless you watched it religiously for years when it was new
that when you lived in Germany as a child, your cousins used to send you VHS tapes of American TV shows, including ALF, Star Trek Colon The Next Generation, and exactly one episode of the Hogan Family
voyeuristic men with a doll fixation
show me
going by the evidence of Teen Wolf, Michael J Fox was the poor man's Michael J Fox in the eighties
show men on the doll where Jason Bateman touched you
completely forgetting Jason Bateman was in Juno but now remembering it all
that, now that you think about it, Jason Bateman really was the poor man's Michael J Fox in the eighties
wondering which will prove the better movie, Teen Wolf Too or Mr Magorium's Whorehouse and Toystore
he was also the unspeakably creepy guy in Juno
knowing that you must have seen Teen Wolf Too a half dozen times as a kid but not having any idea who Jason Bateman was other than the guy from Arrested Development
Rod Daniel is a director who rewards a focused eye and a careful memory
you should probably watch Teen Wolf Too soon, so all the plot nuances are fresh in your mind
cummin' toughs, we're rough
adding The Zookeeper to the queue, right after Teen Wolf Too
OH MY GOD IT'S THE SCENE WHERE PAUL BLART TAKES THE GORILLA TO TGIFRIDAY'S, THE MOST TRANSPARENT INSTANCE OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT IN FILM HISTORY
realizing that The Zookeeper is on TV RIGHT NOW
backing up now and giving a brother room
this is what it sounds like when doves just don't understand
MTV Accidentally Adds Fresh Prince Video To All Day Marathon
wondering what it is like to be complimented by a British prime minister on your people's ability to run very fast and your personal rise above the deficiencies of your kind when you are leader of the free world
Obama urges 'hot old robber' Britain not to leave the EU
Obama urges 'brothel brood' Britain not to leave the EU
Obama urges 'blood brother' Britain not to leave the EU
There was a guy there who was selling homemade T shirts, "I was at Capone's vault"
Squirrel shaped Mandarin Fish
being hungry for sweet and sour at three in the morning
skeleton skype
getting a necklace from the jerk parade as it passes
the jerk parade through hipstertown
#justbeatingyourselfoffthings
wanting to make a float out of vanila ice cream and sweetened ice green tea for the jerk parade through hipstertown
wanting to make a float out of vanila ice cream and sweetened ice green tea
dahoy
oh wait I get it
tell me your skype
just beating yourself off
just beating yourself
just eating yourself
Prince's First Photo Shoot Colon 'My Gut Said He Was Going to be Huge'
ejaculating in Kento, eh
expectorating in Kento's eye
it's never the prince you want dead who dies
size beavers
size
beavers
Chyna Syndrome
the still living entrails of French Stewart
that the NYC police used to famously extort more money in fines from prisoner by posting "PLEASE DO NOT EJACULATE" signs all over the cells, a word cumming Irish toughs couldn't possibly be expected to know
in this life, you're on your own
the death of Prince
OJ Simpson wants to date both Kris Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner after prison release colon report
nobody expectorates the Irish Inquisition
bottoming for Plenty O'Phlegm in Expectorating Irish Toughs VII
the way Jeph Loeb ripped off Spider Man's "great power, great responsibility" schtick for the father son talk in Teen Wolf sweaty beavers
trusting the word of a performer whose stage name is also his bra size
being shocked that even a professional wrestler slash porn star could succumb to drug abuse
Triple H mentioned that Chyna deserved to be in the WWE Hall of Fame but that problems with children Googling her prohibited it
double underhook facebuster
the death of Chyna
that's good advice, friend
you better let somebody love you before it's too late
Kento Parkinson
wanting to give Kento Parkinson's for his birthday
starting to think some people deserve horrible diseases
Michael J Fox's stand in appearing in the crowd scenes to make up the numbers
remembering really loving Teen Wolf and even remembering some of the scenes pretty well, but being super confused as to how there can be a thirty minute third act when there aren't really first and second acts, just an hour of boredom
drawing a picture of Teen Wolf disembowelling and consuming the still living entrails of French Stewart
the way Jeph Loeb ripped off Spider Man's "great power, great responsibility" schtick for the father son talk in Teen Wolf
sweaty beavers
Michael J Fox's sweat dripping, flushed features looming over you like he just blew his load
Teen Worf
ICE TO MEAT YOU
ICE TO SEE YOU
it's nice to meat you
ass meat
it's nice to meet you
carne de burro
Thanks Giving Ass Erole
Assy McGee was great
The cartoon was later canceled as part of a settlement between WWE and Cartoon Network due to the show's similarities with Cartoon Network's show Assy McGee
Carl's Jr and Hardee's have partnered with Auntie Anne's to offer a new option for breakfast colon a pretzel sandwich with egg, sausage, and cheese
shite films AMA
Google Has Stopped Rating 'Google dot com' as 'Partially Dangerous'
it's a ma films, eh
it's a shame film
tonight there's going to be a bleaching, somewhere in this town
it's pretty much the only thing to do around here when Pitbull isn't in town
A New Survey Says Ninety Three% of Kodiak Residents Have Undergone Bleaching
A New Survey Says Ninety Three% of the Great Barrier Reef Has Undergone Bleaching
bottoming for Asshole Rose in The Man in the White Asshole
bottoming for Axl Rose in The Man in the White Castle
a dug's b boy funk
Kung Fu's bad boy
at least not until we get around to seeing Terry Silver make Jaden Smith bloody his hands punching a guy made out of wood with a photocopy of Keenan Ivory Wayans Jr glued to it
it's a shame film will never see a shot as brilliantly crafted as the one in Home Alone IV Colon Taking Back the House where French Stewart spins on that book case
the death of Rod Daniel
mouthing the words, assuming the positions
New York Congressman Says He'll 'Take Cyanide' if Ted Cruz Wins Nomination
Minister of State for Universities and Science Amy Jo Johnson
Trump countered with a demand to see Laura J Brown's long form birth certificate, commenting "she's got jet fuel coming out of her wherever"
Laura J Brown, a spokeswoman for the Federal Aviation Administration, confirmed that the plane's registration was not in good standing and said the owner had not renewed it
Rear Admiral Pouty Von Partypooper
British government pooh poohs winning 'Boaty McBoatface' name for ship
it isn't even slathered in donkey sauce
that's much worse
your All American Fifty State Silk Tampons to Rape
your All American Fifty State Potato Skin Sampler
it's never too late to discover a new molecule or get crucified
German chemist Friedrich August Kekule discovered the ring structure of the benzene molecule in a dream
Jesus of Nazareth, a moral teacher and faith healer, was executed and eventually became the most renowned religious figure in history
museumofconceptualart dotcom accomplished
making out with that Catwoman who turned out to be a twelve year old girl
Mykel Mohrkhawke
Michael Moorcock
Voldemorecock
missing your calling in life
that as of twenty sixteen there are four installments of Star Wars Colon A Gay XXX Parody
Star Wars XXL XXX Costumes
that when you start typing "Star Wars XXX" into google it autosuggests Star Wars XXL costums
pitching Blow the Man Down, the gay porn gameshow, in which wall to wall seamen make wall to wall jokes about wall to wall semen while doing explicit sexual things to each other
pornographic horror film
having Cliff Richard's "Mistletoe and Wine" stuck in your head to the tune of "Blow the Man Down"
Sexualization of the buttocks has occurred throughout history, especially of the feminine gender
Eventually they will simply merge into the mainstream of motion pictures and disappear as a labeled sub division
Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls
Bat Pussy
Bonesaw
The Human Sexipede
Muffy the Vampire Layer
Buffy the Vampire Layer
Star Wars XXX Colon A Porn Parody is to date the best selling adult movie ever
props such as chocolate cake, champagne and bananas contributed to a more playful and relaxed atmosphere than commonly seen in this inherently limited genre
Bodil Joensen
bottoming for Hayden Christensen in Boys in the Sand
A Grass Sandwich
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old
Nudemar
Nuclear Swan
Nuclear Man
tonight there's going to be a jail break, somewhere in this town
Friend of Will Smith removed from NOPD to protect investigation people grunting on an almost completely black dick
Friend of Will Smith removed from NOPD to protect investigation
people grunting on an almost completely black dick
AMERICAN goth dick
goth dick
bragging about eating the last slice of Virginia ham
losing all respect for Sia Furler as a musician
really not understanding whether The Fifth Wave is trying to present child soldiers as a good thing or a bad thing
no, wait, the other way
octaroon dick
almost completely black, but partially white, dick
the long section of so many porno films where the action is basically people grunting on an almost completely black dick
the long section of so many porno films where the action is basically people grunting on an almost completely black screen
cheap LCD screens
the long section of so many modern films where the action is basically people grunting on an almost completely black screen
wondering if like Carrie Fisher or Mark Hamill or whoever actually do laundry, you know to keep it quote unquote real, or what
we ARE the fifth wave!
not eating her out again, when she would have said yes the second time
simultaneous attacks on the last of our metropolitan areas
learning that they made another Tim Burton Alice movie
Children Filmed From Unflattering Angles Saying Stupid Things Colon The Movie
wondering if all modern teen movies are as stupid as The Fifth Wave
how unbelievably stupid The Fifth Wave is, such that it rivals the weaker Karate Kid movies
guessing that all of the spare money that Carrie Fisher has had for most of her life went right up her nose
Alaska professor mauled by twink during bleaching class
Alaska professor mauled by bear during mountaineering class
slushies can't melt steel beams
It's very close to my heart because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen down at seven eleven, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down, and I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action
I think she was in Home Alone Colon The Return of the Wet Bandits
Christy Haydensen
Patamo Nartmien
Fishy Carrier
drawing a picture of Carrie Fisher finding some British money she'd forgotten she had as she does her laundry
She's the Fastest
Whil Wheaton whirling in an arc of sadness
Shelbyville Manhattan
Guy Incognito
there's nothing symmetrical about flavor
Sudsley BrewRight
Rear Admiral
Cheesesteak
Furious D
Krudler
Roman Polanski's sleeper hit, Hot Tub Rape Machine
wondering if it is still rape if you go back in time and prevent it from ever happening but retain the memory like in tv shows where they time travel
wondering how time machine banging works, like do you get in the machine and go back again and again, Groundhog Day style, until you get things right, or do you roll up in it and say "hey baby, wanna see the Crusades"
slowly meeting Brian Peppers
slowly blessing Brian Punctured
slowly puncturing Brian Blessed
slowly puncturing Kirstie Alley
she looks like Kirstie Alley with a slow puncture
Fisher lost almost one hundred pounds while preparing for the new Star Wars movie, however she regained all of it and more during filming
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Leia Organa but then realizing her mother is way hotter
relying on the witch in the wardrobe
no one's gay for Moleman
ENDUT! HOCH HECH!
paying mind to a ragged clown's behind
paying mind to a ragged clown behind
apologizing profusely to Ryan for what we've done here, cheerio
when your chip bag's empty and your soda's gone you did nothing wrong
you could eat cheetos but we're way out of doritos
take me down to the paradise city where the dough is fried and the men have titties
wondering when Angus Young will reach the age when even he has too much shame to keep on wearing that school uniform
Blood Fart
Bitch Piglet
Split Dickslit
Gimp Disco
welcome to the jungle, we've got pie and cake
seeing a photo of Axl Rose and briefly thinking, besides looking like Hulk Hogan dressed in the dark at Van Morrison's house, he'd also lost a foot to diabeetus
Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts
"I've apologized profusely to the people behind the website," Hand is quoted as saying
wondering if there is a more needlessly complex villainous plot than the plot of Halloween III Colon Season of the Witch
The Two Midgets Who Shaved Summer Glau
The Kid Who Shaved Summer Glau
The Dog Who Saved Summer Glau
The Dog Who Saved Halloween Colon Resurrection
The Dog Who Saved Halloween
The Dog Who Saved Summer
The Dog Who Saved Easter
killing a cop down at thirty fourth and vine
kissing a cop down at thirty fourth and vine
drawing a picture of Will Smith and Nikola Tesla getting jigawatts with Uncle Phil
too soon
getting jigawatts with it
I don't even know where I would get the one point two one jigawatts of power
fingerbanging her in the car and breaking up with her so that George could get some of that rebound pussy
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Lea Thompson but then realizing she's your mom and if you bang her you'll never be born and George will always be a loser
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Lea Thompson but then realizing her daughter is way hotter
pro nematodes
phony codes
plowing Brony Peppers
pony chodes
broad swords
blowing Pony Peppers
ponies that only have eight sucks per blow
bragging about blowing a pony in West Virginia
blowing a pony until he had a ponygasm
you were only supposed to blow the bloody pony off
being blown by multiple ponies
blowing multiple ponies
being blown by a pony
blowing a pony
bottoming for Oscar Eagle in Rectum Drive VII
OSCAR EAGLE RECTUM DRIVE
that is about par
filtering through your twitter followers and discovering that over a hundred of the four hundred or so you had were porn bots
Tony Hawk Colon UPHILL Jam
Fitty Cent Colon Bulletproof
Tony Hawk's Colon Motion
Tony Hawk's Colon Proving Ground
Tony Hawk Colon Downhill Jam
Tony Hawk Colon Shred
Myke Hawke Colon Ride
We're Going on a Mike Hunt, Luigi
We're Going on a Twink Hunt
Tony Hawk Colon Ride
Burglar Bill
We're Going on a Bear Hunt
Hairy Maclary From Paddy Murphy's County Kildare Farm
Famished Queegle
Tardy Queegle
Dr Xargle's Book of Earthlets
The Hobyahs
Hairy Maclary From Donaldson's Dairy
having impure thoughts about a hairy scary Cynthia Rider
bottoming for Cynthia Rider in The Hairy Scary Monster
the hairy scary monster
cumming in and wrecking Kento's balls
shit covered pansies don't count
Kento doesn't give people flowers
you might as well be
I'm not Kento
you died on the way back to your home planet
I didn't die, Candlejack turned u
I'm going to assume that you died
shit it
mentally combining the image of Hulk Hogan with the video for "Wrecking Ball" and finding to your horror that
Hostamania Web Hosting powered by Hulk Hogan "Wrecking Ball" Promo
the former professional wrestler tweeted a revealing picture of his daughter wearing a tiny pair of denim shorts with the caption 'Brooke's legs'
barring the door, Katy
bottoming for Zowie Bowie in Moon
Kento watches ET over and over wondering why a wrinkled bald alien is more accepted in public than he
I already have one, I'm not even using it, would you like it
that you will have an undergraduate degree soon
Late in eighteen ten, Madison proclaimed non intercourse with Great Britain, which responded by texting Congress pictures of Madison's flaccid penis accompanied by claims to be "getting it proper off of Napoleon, cheerio"
provocative and emotional pokemon
whatever his deficiencies in charm, Madison's ellipsis wife Dolley compensated for them with her warmth and gaiety
Mercifully, this American president, who is the most anti British American president there has ever been, won't be in office for much longer, and I hope will be replaced by somebody rather more sensible when it comes to trading relationships with this cou
provocative and emotional lesbos
Pope Francis takes refugees back to Rome following provocative and emotional Lesbos visit
it's like pottery
learning that the band America was formed in England
Florida king of queers dies after being attached to tiny tiger
here comes a greaseball
Florida king of queers dies after being attached to tiger
Florida king of queers dies after being attacked by tiger
Big Fucking Kentonads
buggering big dinosaurs with agenty fifty seven in your autofill cache
Sturdy Colon Circumcision does not reduce penis sensitivity
not getting colon circumcised
Study Colon Circumcision does not reduce penis sensitivity
angry splashing
Kento's anus miasma
IT TARS PAT!
Merci Patron!
SIT APART
Big Fucking Gonads
Florida king of queens dies after being attacked by tiger
"buggererbig" is in your autofill
Florida mall cop dies after being attacked by tiger
wondering what kind of things you often write so that "buggererbig" is in your autofill
Kento's anosmia
fucking autofill IN THE ASS
getting a big job as a Kento buggerer
fucking autofill
getting a job as a Kento buggererbig
getting a job as a Kento buggerer
bitchin' Kento
Kento botherer dies after being attacked by walrus buttering Kento
getting a job as a Kento botherer
bothering Kento
Florida zookeeper dies after being attacked by tiger buttering Kento
buggering Kento
Florida zookeeper dies after being attacked by tiger
buttering Kento
bitching Kento
butchering Kento
getting a text from Larry Hagman about his newfound love of twerking
twerking a router from Christopher Tolkien
twocking a router from Christopher Tolkien
believable animals that grunt, squeak, squawk with the voices of Bill Murray and Christopher Tolkien
believable animals that walk with the voices of Bill Murray and Christopher Tolkien
believable animals that talk with the voices of Bill Murray and Christopher Walken
Joe Biden's refusal to change his last name to Momma
they're all criminals
I don't get it
Joe Biden's refusal to marry someone named Laura or to name any of his children Laura
ITS A TRAP!
he'll probably have me arrested
you should give it back to him
oh, I get it
stealing a router from Christopher Nolan
M Knight Shyamalan
wondering if there is a space in the market for a casting agency specializing in background actors and uncharismatic leads, we'll call it Who's Not
wading birds suddenly appear every time you are near
Herschel Kentovsky
the Grundlo
I don't like where this is going
Kento's grundle
wondering if all the AIs are racists now
that apparently it's okay to photoshop dicks into the mouths of some fat gay Asians but knot others
signed, Bill Cosby
that apparently it's okay to push cocks into the mouths of some women but not others
that apparently it's okay to push cakes into the mouths of some women but not others
that apparently it's okay to photoshop cakes into the mouths of some women but not others
that apparently it's okay to photoshop dicks into the mouths of some women but not sarahsusanaklassen
white stuff people lick
londoncandacanrapkillinall
kkk ssk kill in london canada in all say you fag at it
stuff fat gay asian people lick
stuff white people lick
poodoo loans
payday loans
stuff white people like
this has been identified as a pronominal clitic meaning "their" by others
Kizzuwanda
Tyte Myke
torture redresses
deserter trousers
Loose Ruth
je suis Jacques Brel et je suis les Drells aussi
Pokemon James Avery and Jesus
drawing a picture of Will Smith running a couple co projects with James Avery and Jesus
The film, "Freddy Got Fingered," was allegedly not returned "at the expiration of the time for which it was rented"
he's running co projects with Jesus
he's with Uncle Phil now
Will Smith shot eight times, seven times in back
letting the sun grease up a Canadian and go down on you
I don't know anything else to call it
if you can still call it a rectum
Kento's rectum
letting the sun go down on you
King John, Arthur Hood, and Elton Robin
King Arthur, Robin Hood, and Elton John
Pokemon PJS and YMA
Pokemon Gay Threesomes, A Canadian, Olive Oil Wrestling and One Of Great Britain's Most Legendary Celebrities
gay threesomes, a Canadian, olive oil wrestling and one of Great Britain's most legendary celebrities
Gothic Castle
Sex Cauldron
everyone was a eunuch
that early episode of the Simpsons where the entire town goes nuts over that picture of Homer dancing near a fully clothed exotic dancer, as though Springfield were the town from Footloose execpt everyone was a eunuch
wondering how many people are being raped and murdered while Superman, who can hear everything that happens on Earth, hangs
British Minister Admits Dating Woman in Sex Industry
Superman being such an easy target
wondering what Superman does about prison rape, like does he accept that it's part of the imperfect criminal justice system, or does he keep turning up at prison windows saying "hey, stop that"
wondering how many people are being raped and murdered while Superman, who can hear everything that happens on Earth, hangs around his ex girlfriend's house masturbating to cuckold porn
hormones racing at the speed of light, you're finger lickin' good
realizing that our pornographic parody of that song is no more filthy than the original
I'm a penis in a butthole, you gotta rub me the right way
not understanding why any Superman movie should go on for twenty full minutes after the bad guy is beaten, let alone one that's already over two hours long
it's penis butthole genie time
never finishing that all poop puns adaptation of the Tempest you were going to call The Dumpest
wondering how many major newspapers ever had a sexplane
buying multiple copies of the book "Romeo and Slash or Juliet " by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
wondering how many major newspapers ever had a seaplane
possibly the latest film plot to ever rely upon a fax machine
Superman's NTSC, Jimmy Olsen
Richard's a good man, and you've been gone a long time, but I'll bang you stupid anyway because I'm a caricature of a character made famous by a better actress in a better film
Arthur Fortune
there's a reverse gremlin on the wing
Richard Branson's apparently prophetic decision to be part of the shuttle crew in Superman Returns
"If tragedy can provoke everyday folks to be nice to each other," the multimillionaire reasoned, "then comedy must have the same effect on extremists, and that is why my latest album has downloaded itself to your phone and billed you for the privilege"
Utwo singer Bono tells Congress comedy can help in fight against extremists
stoveOVENs Undercut US Case for Taking Mortgage Giant Fannie Mae's Profits
catamites
cataphiles
Documents Undercut US Case for Taking Mortgage Giant Fannie Mae's Profits
drawing a picture of Hillary Clinton smearing penis butthole jelly on Bill de Blasio's chapped privates as Clifford the Big Red Dog looks on
running on penis butthole jelly time
it's penis butthole jelly time
South Korean prostitutes accuse politicians of giving elderly men erectile dysfunction medication to secure support at election time
South Korean prosecutors accuse politicians of giving elderly men electile dysfunction medication to secure support at erection time
South Korean prosecutors accuse politicians of giving elderly men erectile dysfunction medication to secure support at election time
running on chapped privates time
running on cervix pain time
running on cunt penetration time
running on crayon picture time
running on clinton period time
running on conservative panty time
running on copenhagen polse time
running on copulation pig time
running on conservative party time
running on church pleasuring time
running on cameron panama papers time
running on christensen parody time
running on clever pun time
running on colon play time
running on cat pee time
running on child prodigy time
running on cherry pie time
running on cheesy potatoes time
running on chesty poet time
running on champagne platform time
running on cumming pony time
running on cusco peru time
running on cougar pussy time
running on catnip plant time
running on crushed pelvis time
running on crack pipe time
running on cuba pete time
running on christina piercing time
running on creamy pesto time
running on cabbage patch time
running on colored people time
running on cautious politician time
running on circumcised peppers time
running on creepy pest time
running on cunnilingus portman time
running on creative producer time
running on crown prince time
running on crystal pepsi time
running on clown penis time
running on complete prick time
running on civic pride time
running on creased pants time
running on cm punk time
running on complete pervert time
running on concert promoter time
running on crapped pants time
running on crime prime time
running on cosby penis time, there's always room for jello
running on court privilege time
running on colonoscopy picture time
running on clown posse time
running on colostrum pump time
running on capybara pregnancy time
running on carrot puree time
running on crisp packet time
running on celebrity plumpness time
running on cucumber pickle time
running on captain picard time, number one
running on chicago pizza time, da bears
running on christian preschool time
running on charlie parker
running on chili pepper time
running on comfy pillow time
running on childrens panties time
running on chris pratt time
running on chlamydophila pneumoniae time
running on cockney pillock time
running on charmeuse pajama time
running on close protection time
running on chinese panda time
running on chink polack time
running on christs prepuce time
running on captain phasma time
running on cool people time
running on canterbury pilgrimage time
running on catholic penitent time
running on crab people time
running on california penal time
running on cardio pulmonary time
running on collection point time
running on cum privilegio time
running on centipede podiatry time
running on chocolate pudding time, there's always room for jello
running on chest pain time
running on cancerous prostate time
running on clitoris piercing time
running on collective production time
running on canadian parliament time, eh
running on cunt pussy time
running on curry powder time
running on charlie patty time
running on chris podcasting time
running on cat punching time
running on cumguzzling pokemon time
running on configuration protocol time
running on commanding presence time
running on cuckold party time
running on creepy pasta time
running on cold pizza time
running on craigslist prostitute time
running on chin patch time
running on childish prank time
running on charles perrault time
running on cream pie time
running on colossal penis time
running on central perk time
running on central perk time, could you BE any more jetlagged
running on chris pine time
running on central park time
running on cerebral palsy time
running on captain planet time
running on chuck palahniuk time
running on cafepress time
running on cathay pacific time
running on caesars palace time
running on child pornography time
running on CP time
yippie kay yay motherfuckering to your sensei
bow wow wowing to your sensei
bowing to your sensei
wondering whether there is a PETA in whatever universe Pokemon are found in, or whether precocious ten year old drifters commanded their enslaved Pokemon to destroy PETAHQ with the fabulously destructive powers they wield
Good colon grief period
Pokemon Disney, Jedi Knight
Pokemon Disney's Snow White and Gene Huntsman Colon Dawn of Franchise
Disney's Snow White and Gene Huntsman Colon Dawn of Franchise
boweling in Kento
somewhere, somewhere
somewhere down the crazy river
you give me the shits
bowling in Kent
pirates' corner
kind of fiding Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard
laying in the back seat listening to Little Willie John
no daddy, our business is journalism
never realizing Chuck from Biggles Colon Adventures in Time was Porkins from Star Wars and Harry Howler from Superman IV
bottoming for Sidney Jizz Furie in Man vs Superman IV
imagining that Sidney J Furie's middle name is Jizz
fiding the idea of Gene Hackman filming on a trading estate in Milton Keynes hilarious
electroplating your five and dime on the shit lot, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean
saying you were going to call Charlie Brown but never calling
electroplating your dime on the shit lot
electroplating your dime in the hot slot
putting your dime in the hot slot
you just can't seem to stop thinking about white assholes
Adam Sandler in Sex Lip
I don't regret my decision
I almost gave in and watched it on the airplane last week, but decided to go with Pixels instead
wondering if it is time to give in and watch the new Star Wars
I gotcha
Homer Thompson
bluebs
the scene at the end of Hack Swan where Richard Pryor pulls off his wig, his bald wig, and then the wig underneath that to reveal that he was indeed a bag of Doritos all along, then fatally attacks himself in the mirror trying to find a hidden microphone
diet Spielberg
Gene Hackswan
so far it's actually better in a lot of ways
they have robbers and rapists and rapists who rape robbers
Gene Hackman's refusal to return as Lex Luthor from the previous two films in protest of director Richard Donner's firing
The Big Apricot
Webscoe Industries
a moment on the Thunderlips, forever on the Thunderhips
running out of nude thong thong fluid and having to use buck groin oil
Buck GroinOil
uBlock Origin
youtube giving you a thirty second unskippable ad on a twenty four second video
Christopher Lydon's Walrus Tank
Roman Polanski's Project Greenlight
we have a US version called Shark Tank, but as far as I know none of the stars have raped children
surprisingly, being bad at due diligence and engaging in sexual activity with a child qualified him as a government adviser and investment guru
it's the show with a former star who fucked a child and got away with it
not knowing if you know what Dragons' Den and whether it's worth doing a Kento comment on the previous regret where he says "I'm in, I have a penny, it is electroplated"
A company that takes a walrus from a shelter that needs a good home, lets it come to your house to Eiffel Tower you with an elderly podcaster, and then immediately returns it to the shelter
A company that takes an animal from a shelter that needs a good home, lets it come to your house to lick peanut butter off your dick, and then immediately returns it to the shelter
Rocky and Thunderlips have completed their exhibition match, which has been more violent than Rocky expected
We could all be forced to convert to a faith that requires we not only intermarry with the astro bugs but also eat our firstborn on the Day of Consumption
Three Ninjas Colon High Noon at Asshole Fountain
Mr Nancy
Poor Little Santa With Muscles
'Hamburglar' Breaks Into Five Guys Restaurant
bottoming for Macho Man Randy Savage in Three Minutes of Playtime VII
Hulkamania running wild under you
same gay time, same gay channel
Pastamania, niggers
Pastamania
I was just the right gay guy at the right place at the right time, niggers
I was just the right gay guy at the right place at the right time
Hulk Hogan Messes up His Sheets
if you actually believe in your mind
all those Learjets that you have
Hulk Hogan Messes up His Pants
Hulk Hogan Messes up His Lines
Eddy and Mary Graves left to hunt, but when they returned with deer meat, Fosbody's dick had already been cut apart for food
Eddy and Mary Graves left to hunt, but when they returned with deer meat, Fosdick's body had already been cut apart for food
Mao Sugiyama
Geodude born, Geodude bred, hard as nails, good in bed
the Doner Kebab Party
the Donner Party cut of Superman II
the Donner Party
intentionally putting America in any kind of Geodude
intentionally putting America in any kind of jeoardy
eating at a waffle house and being pretty sure you're waffletastic now
eating at a waffle house and being pretty sure you're diabetic now
President Obama further elaborated, saying that Clinton, if given the choice between hurting America and helping it, would "most likely choose helping it, maybe, I guess"
Hillary Clinton unveils new campgaign slogan colon "Hillary Clinton Colon She Would Never Intentionally Put America in Any Kind of Jeopardy"
being pretty sure that Alex Trebek is the greatest source of jeopardy America faces today
President Obama, at the White House last week, said in an interview broadcast Sunday that Hillary Clinton "would never intentionally put America in any kind of jeopardy"
thinking that banana flavored oreos would be delicious but then realizing that it combines two racial slurs
The Minnesota Framing Crew stretching Roger Rabbit
The Minnesota Stretching Crew framing Roger Rabbit
Tour de France Winner Alfonso Ribeiro Hanged, Killed in Hyderabad
Super Bowl Winner Will Smith Shot, Killed in New Orleans
The Minnesota Stretching Crew
framing Roger Rabbit
stealing that girl's lower bra inch from the communal laundry room
I'm gonna call you lower bra inch
road trip to Arby's with Harvey in a Humvee RV, brb
the atomic lemon drop
the atomic leg drop
Zod's insistence on blowing everybody on Fifth Avenue
sexy realpolitik
Bernie Sanders wins Wyoming caucus but Hillary Clinton picks up delegates
I'm gonna call you Charlie Brown
I'm gonna call you Lucy
two fingers work best
I don't know the right way
I'm a genie in a butthole, you gotta rub me the right way
they have a wide selection
bottoming for Christopher Ream in Super Man IV Colon The Quest For Peens
Minus Rape I straight up having full frontal nudity from a child in the opening credits
Superman II straight up having full frontal nudity from a child in the opening credits
Ben Obiwan Kenobi
Old Ben Reddishdog Campbell, crazy old man
Ben Reddishdog Campbell
Ben Nighthorse Campbell
fanadikdickfans dot com
fanatical fans of dick on Fanadik
they swam nearly two miles under a dark sky until they reached the long deserted Fanadik
ratemygardenstate dot com
wanting to give Kento a difficult second bum for his birthday
Garden S#!t
peameal bacon
I could take a picture of a piece of s#!t in my toilet and it would be a better movie than Garden State
Individual D's difficult second bum
Individual D's difficult second album
Individual D also stated that Hastert at one point put a "'Lazy boy' type chair in direct view of the shower stalls in the locker room where Hastert sat while the boys showered," the filing says
knaekbrod
This technique is virtually obsolete, however, because modern firearms do not use a ramrod
This early performer was clubbed to death with his own gun by an angry assistant
pink colon fucking, perfect
being slain by an Austrian stink gale troll, eh
being slain by an Australian killer ghost net
P!nk Colon Fuckin' Perfect
just now realising that Waterworld is old enough to drink pee
just now realising that Waterworld is old enough to drink
mentally adding ", eh" to every sentence Kevin Costner says
I talk a lot cos you don't talk at all
Watersportsworld
peeing Rube Goldberg's drink
bottoming for Whoopi Goldberg in Waterworld
Kevin Costner's Whoopi Goldberg pee drinking machine
drinking Rube Goldberg's pee
Kevin Costner's Rube Goldberg pee drinking machine
wondering whether the Universal logo is silent because the viewer would be in space
wondering if the extensive references to walruses on the regret index was just part of an elaborate plot to attract, and eventually bang, Kento Ikeda
wondering if the extensive references to pedophiles on the regret index was just part of an elaborate plot to attract, and eventually bang, Xanthe Mallett
not that you asked
she's on the list
Xanthe Mallett goes on patrol with Australian Customs Fisheries to hunt for killer ghost nets
hacky hacks that don't work, but look like they might
replacing the whole of the "watch" to the equals sign on a country restricted YouTube video with "v forwardslash" in order to bypass the restriction
if I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around
keeping the King of England outta your face
the British Bulldog's gonna win whether he wants to or not
the waiting is the hardest part
you take it on faith, you take it to the heart
to be king of your kitchen, use Crestfield wax paper
an implicit request for back channel communication, if you know what I mean
an implicit request for back channel communication
lack of recognized statehood leaves the population feeling like aliens yearning to return to the safety and familiarity of their own home
ET is hugely popular in Western Sahara
etblog dot eh
tricking a straight guy into circumnavigating ET Blog, eh
tricking a straight guy into circumnavigating the globe
being a minimalist dating another minimalist
not tricking a straight guy into circumcizing another straight guy plunging Jewel's crapper
not tricking a straight guy into circumcizing another straight guy
plunging Jewel's crapper
Tzatziki
Tzitzimimeh
me and a man with a mohawk on his head
dear diary today I wrote about my feelings on the internet
finger coke at CMUA
oh, you make me happy in my everyday life
you drink the wise blood
time enough at last
it looks like there has been some sort of gaypocalypse, and all the straight men and women have died out
Super PACs and Where to Find Them
stuffed crust pizza
Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face
learning all the elements in the docile bit rape in order
Pokemon Super PACs and Superpredators
political and social theories that sound like they were an attempt to re frame Solarbabies as a documentary
predicting the rise of rude rape sports among teenagers in the nineties, only for them never to happen at all
rude rape sports
superpredators
three minutes of Playtime Fontaine
you'll really have to open the door in order to do that
I wanna reach out and grab ya
three minutes of play time
open the door it's cold out here
who's there
knock, knock
how did you know I was eating a hot dog now
Pokemon I Try to Say Goodbye and I Choke
try taking the hotdog out of your mouth first
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Wrecked Colon A Kento Ikeda Story
Rogue Colon A Kento Ikeda Story
Rogue One Colon A Star Wars Story
the ghost of Sylvia Browne
wondering who regretted the death of Sylvia Browne
picking a peck of pickled peckers
not getting pickled
circumcised baby kosher Jews
circumcised baby kosher dills
ab urbe condita
whole baby kosher dills
Pokemon You and The Land Are Twin Long Rods #Two
Humans Get Aroused When Touching Cloth, New Study Shows
Humans Get Aroused When Touching Boobs, New Study Shows
Humans Get Aroused When Touching Robots, New Study Shows
Pokemon You and The Land Are One
you and the land are one
Kocktails With Khloe
Punch RockGroin putting a finger in your anus
Punch RockGroin
putting a finger in your anus
the Antonin Scalia School Of Law
frubic hair
frubes
eating gogurt
being forward
Sly Zoo Thong, eh
being frogurt
Holy Ghost Zone
almost, but not quite, thinking it would be worth it if Donald Trump turned out to have been Sacha Baron Cohen all along
we're gonna build a wall and pay Borat for it
we're gonna build a wall and pay the Sicilians for it
Besides the fraud accusations, a separate lawsuit claimed that Trump SoHo was developed with the undisclosed involvement of convicted felons and financing from questionable sources in Russia and Kazakhstan
I told you, officer, I'm not hepped up on goofballs
Come on over the border and here's a gift basket of teddy bears and soccer balls
Seeing all the green and gold and the green and gold until I'm dead and cold paraphernalia everywhere
losing your virginity to a selkie
being froward
always figuring that it was supposed to be a one and a zero
never really understanding the origins of the power standby symbol or why it became so prevalent and always thinking of the Quake logo when you see it, which is probably why the Quake logo looked like that, come to think of it
software that still uses an image of a three and a quarter floppy disk, as if anyone born in the last two decades has ever used one
you can take a ladder to the shadows and forget
the University of Northern New Jersey
everybody wants to eat a cat
everybody wants to be a cat
Kevin Bacon's tomb
Randall Jarrell, Jedi Knight
misremembering The Woodsman as a mid nineties movie, and only remembering it at all over claims that it would destroy Kevin Bacon's career
Frank uses his dental skills to place his own teeth into his dead brother's skull, and then sets fire to the dental office with Harlan's corpse, replete with replaced teeth, left inside
watching That's My Boy that one time and thinking while it wasn't really a good movie and was definitely uncomfortable material once you started thinking about it in depth, it really wasn't as bad as people made out
the death of Macho Man Randall Jarrell
the death of Randall Jarrell
We know you already have blue ticks but ours isn't caught off sheep
She was a really good friend, and one of the best actresses and performers that I've ever had the pleasure to work with, and I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to soddomize her and call her a friend
being pretty sure that eating all those dried strawberries and then those baked beans has made your farts smell of strawberries
the ludicrously tragic
the tragically ludicrous
She was a really good friend, and one of the best actresses and performers that I've ever had the pleasure to work with, and I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to work with her and call her a friend
the death of Erik Bauersfeld regrets about creaming fish
the death of Erik Bauersfeld
regrets about creaming fish
you're a Kento girl, in your Kento world, life's fantastic, being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
Kento's three fashion gift set
Kento's spy squad secret agent motorcycle
Kento's dream house
Kento's dream job
wanted colon busty boys
the only thing that got a laugh from you was imagining the casting call the producers must have sent out to talent agencies seeking a "thirteen year old boy with breasts large enough to convincingly play a young Kevin James"
usually even the shittiest comedies can pull off a half decent, juvenile sight that can get me to crack half a smile, but this is truly the least funny comedy ever made
watching Pixels on the flight back to Kodiak just to see if it really was as bad as it seemed, and SPOILER ALERT it really was worse
Dennis the Menace
Dennis the Menace
having nipples so pale that they appear to be nearly invisible pornographic music video
having nipples so pale that they appear to be nearly invisible
pornographic music video
wondering what it would cost to get Elly Jackson and Rachel Stevens to do a duet cover of Upside Down, with a non pornographic music video
getting through college classes by saying Dracula is about blowjobs
Dracula
reverse necrophilia
From beyond the grave, ex Mossad chief slams Netanyahu
REGRETS ABOUT SCREAMING FISH
REGRETS ABOUT PONY BELLOWING
Former Time exec blows "This Old Horse" pony
opening up your carburettor and letting your ca' start
opening up your heart and letting your lovin' start
regrets about GIRL GUIDE eating
regrets about brownie eating
regrets about bronie plowing
blowing all the jabronis in the wrestling stable out of order
blowing all the jabronis in the wrestling stable in order
Former Time exec buys "Loutish Sod, Eh" brand
Former Time exec buys "This Old House" brand
drawing a picture of Hillary Clinton saying "Yeah, take a good long look ya homo, pasta fazool" to Bernie Sanders as they stand peeing into urinals
jabbing at Sanders in the bathroom at church, I'm walkin' here
blowing all the ponies in the stable in order
The Latest Colon Clinton, at Brooklyn church, jabs at Sanders
the death of Sylvia Browne, blowing a pony
blowing a pony in the bathroom at church
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the semen out of a pony trope
blowing the California ponies
drawing a picture of Kento being punk'd by Ashton Kutcher and a pony
blowing a pony in his own stable
blowing a pony who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
making out with that girl who turned out to be a pony
bragging about pony blowing
ringing Demi Moore's doorbell and accidentally flushing the pool, if you know what I mean
ringing Demi Moore's doorbell and accidentally flushing the pool
taking the hugest poo
they drowned in poo
really hoping it turns women on that your social life currently consists of little more than making fun of people's names because they drowned in poo
Edenilson, the premiere US made television received of the nineteen fifties
we named the dog Edenilson
naming your child Edenilson
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years
GOP Fear Donald Trump as Zombie Candidate
drawing a picture of Demi Moore and Michael Barrymore high fiving at the pool
fatworld dot wikia dot org, for all your faded movie star biography needs
Moore currently weighs in at six hundred and three lbs
vaguely remembering something about Indecent Proposal II where Demi Moore plays an aging cougar who pays for sex with a younger man but it might have been either a dream or maybe a memory fragment from another quantum timeline
Parasite Colon The Movie
giving away lolcolon dot com
LOL Colon The Movie
the life of a comedian whose only act was impersonating JFK
Ham McIronSmack
not remembering whether GI Jane was an action adventure, a drama, a biopic, or a Down Periscope style comedy
Rod HamBolt
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years
Man who drowned in Demi Moore's poo identified, remembered as 'a great kid' and 'a shitty swimmer'
Man who drowned in Demi Moore's pool identified, remembered as 'a great kid' and 'a lousy swimmer'
Rick HardPec
toughguy namegeneratorfun dot com
filling the bath tub with your own fecal matter and drowning a man in it
SHITTING in the bath tub
farting in the bath tub
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a dodecahedron when you were a Platonic ideal
Any one who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind's eye, quite as much as of the bodily eye
Flowers by Algernon
Aldi scraps name of 'tapir yellow' paint after complaints from sexual assault victim
Aldi scraps name of 'rape yellow' paint after complaints from sexual assault victim
Mr Wey took to twitter to call out his "victory"
arresting a king in his own jungle room
being cold cocked by Myke Hawke
being laid out by Myke Hawke
round and round
in side out and
you turn me
boy
up side down
inexplicably vomiting while touching a little girl down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain
I think that might be the foulest regret I've ever written and I apologize
inexplicably weeping while touching a little girl down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain
inexplicably weeping like a little girl while touching down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring chimichurri
inexplicably weeping like a little girl while touching down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain
chimichurri
inexplicably weeping like a little girl while touching cloth in Kodiak five minutes after the bleachers close
inexplicably weeping like a little girl while touching down in Kodiak five minutes after the bleachers close
inexplicably weeping like a little girl while listening to Here Without You
wanting to make Kento grate cheese for his birthday
wanting to build an Eiffel Tower and make Kento pay for it for his birthday
wanting to make Kento great again for his birthday
President Erdogan is threatening to sue anyone who insults him
Myke Hawke's Punch Out!!
now with added red rum
now with added murder
Daesh tobacco sauce
wanting to make Kento an Ouch my toes are burining for his birthday
Dash tobacco sauce
When leaders decide to retire they pass their leadership title to the next person by having sexual intercourse with them
jacking Brian Pepper Melt
melting Brian Pepper Jack
Quilted Northern Rustic Weave
meeting Brian Pepper Jack
tricking a straight gouda into dating another straight gouda
Asian House Assails Donald Trump Proposal to Let White Allies Get Nuclear Weapons
White House Assails Donald Trump Proposal to Let Gay Allies Get Nuclear Weapons
White House Assails Donald Trump Proposal to Let Fat Allies Get Nuclear Weapons
White House Assails Donald Trump Proposal to Let Asian Allies Get Nuclear Weapons
grilling the California cheese
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the fondue out of a shoe trope
regrets about paneer blowing
rubbing one out in the creamery at church
sucking her left one until she had a briegasm
cheesejaculating
when the cheese starts flowing Kraft gets your noodle going
Petronilla de Grandmesnil
CHRYSOTILE reporter Lois Lane's inability to spell
VERSATILE reporter Lois Lane's inability to spell
BOTTOM reporter Lois Lane's inability to spell
having dinner with Donald Trump on one of the many nights he decided to whip it out
Peter Pan flew with children, Lois, on Krypton he would have been sealed in a mirror and shot into space
"I'm not going to take it off the table," Trump said
sex and drug orgies in the senior citizens' home
top reporter Lois Lane's inability to spell
Tom Hardy mumbles a lot about pelts
the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind has threatened even the children of the planet Krypton
being ass popular as Kento
wondering whether Anonymous Rebel knows his name is an anagram of Baloney's Manure
being as popular as Kento
being as popular as the rentboy stepchild of a redheaded mule's broccoli
being as popular as the rented stepchild of a redheaded mule's broccoli
redheaded broccoli
it's like twenty dollars, if that means anything to you
I don't know the conversion and I don't know any hardboiled cockney gumshoes to convert it for me
what is that like a pound
a hundred kroner says he was a vegan
'Violent' passenger arrested after doing yoga, meditating on plane
Yoga Hosers
North Korea warns of new famine as Kim Kardashian's weight, belligerence balloon
North Korea warns of new famine as Kim's weight, belligerence balloon
Penis the Menace
not being able to tell whether Anonymous Rebel is a new spambot or a new regular
wondering if Babe Didrikson and Dave Coulier are related reheated broccoli
strong becomes weak or even less
wondering if Babe Didrikson and Dave Coulier are related
reheated broccoli
Jackson C Frank's demon tits woe
your stupid weak meat body
Mark Zukerberg is a Jew and probably siding with Hillary because Israel owns her! I am only guessing the source of this!
chadwick
shooting pieces of "diet moon stew"
shooting pieces of "wet moon tides"
shooting pieces of "Swede mint, too"
shooting pieces of "demon tits woe"
shooting pieces of "tide snot, meow"
shooting pieces of "Ed's wet motion"
shooting pieces of "modest townie"
shooting pieces of "Domino's tweet"
shooting pieces of "Sodomite newt"
shooting pieces of "moistened tow"
fingering Bad Ron
foreign branding
blowing to cums
coming to blows
constantly eating from a bag of lollies and being unable to stop, if you know what I mean
constantly eating from a bag of spring onions and being unable to stop
constantly eating from a bag of dicks and being unable to stop
constantly eating from a bag of lollies and being unable to stop
strictly diddling Bo Diddley in the street in Bo District
Shave a Cock With Bo District
Shave a Cock With Warwick
Share a Cock With Kento
Share a Colon With Bort
Share a Coke With Ruttiger
Share a Coke With Bort
taking a selfie of Kento being colon annihilated by Chris Lydon and a walrus
Passanger Ben Innes posing for a selkie with plane hijacker Seif Eldin Mustafa
Passanger Ben Innes posing for a selfie with plane hijacker Seif Eldin SIMBA
Passanger Ben Innes posing for a seifie with plane hijacker Self Eldin Mustafa
Passanger Ben Innes posing for a selfie with plane hijacker Seif Eldin Mustafa
Mortal Kolon Two Colon Kento Annihilation
Mortal Kento Two Colon Annihilation
Femoral Colon
IMMORAL Colon
IMMORTAL Colon
he had withdrawn after hearing that President Bush's campaign was scheming to smear his daughter with a computer altered photograph and to disrupt her wedding
drawing a picture of Ray Bolger just plain wearing out Judy Garland
Mortal Kolon
sir, with all due respect, that's the argument of a five year old
eating a mean, a racist, and very, very, very devilish pizza
eating mean, a racist, and very, very, very devilish
being a reindeer meat, feta cheese, and tuna pizza
being mean, a racist, and very, very, very devilish
eating a reindeer meat, feta cheese, and tuna pizza
Samurai Cop
your girlfriend won't let me do you mom
the Pope won't let me do you mom
the Pope won't let me do your girlfriend
my girlfriend won't let me do the Pope
Patty Duke dies at sixty nine
long enough for him to grow a beard, but not long enough for his eye makeup to wear off underneath the Batman mask they got from Party City
the a is for anal
topping for Keister A Arthur in Nail to the Chief XXI
Kento Ikeda, Mother of Dugongs
Woman Warns Others To Never Poo During A Date After Killing Spree Goes Terribly Wrong
Gordon is a moron
Gordon having an epic resting bitch face
Tapirnomics
Rapin' Ronnie Reagan
Albino Sauce
Batmano Sauce
Alfredo Sauce
Woman Warns Others To Never Poo During A Date After Toilet Time Goes Terribly Wrong
Son of woman decapitated by his dad says his mum had been seeing a 'few blokes' before the killing, good show, old chap
Son of woman decapitated by his dad says his mum had been seeing a 'few blokes' before the killing
Nurse who photographed patient's genitals surrenders license seeing a green door and wanting ot paint it red
then she did that joke about her having giant, mannish hands, Jospeh Gordon Levitt and John Lithegow argued with the judge, and French Stuart interrupted with a massage from the Bug Giant Head
Kristen Johnson pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disseminating of unlawful surveillance photos, and as part of a plea deal agreed to give up her license and spend three years on probation
Nurse who photographed patient's genitals surrenders license
seeing a green door and wanting ot paint it red
green to red
having non consensual sex with Signora Pinon
having non consensual sex with pinion organs
having non consensual sex with Iran spooning
it radically reduces the era's thematic conflicts to simplistic struggles over personal and erotic power
Recipients of four winged bat logo brands are at this very moment, basking under the Maui sun, their debt to society paid in full
When Bruce Wayne discovers sexual predators or human traffickers, he suits up and brands their flesh with his winged bat logo
The corporations that produce movies like this one, and the ambitious hacks who sign up to make them, have no evident motive beyond their own aggrandizement
halving swan swansensual dinosaur sex WITHOUT B poor sinning
Search Results IS SNAKES OUT THERE DIS BIG
knowing that a swan still loves a woman, hoo, and a woman still loves a swan
knowing that a man still loves a woman, woo, and a woman still loves a man
youlegumers
metubers
Easter egg hunt turns ugly after being 'bum rushed' by parents
youtubers
His brother Khalid blew himself in the Brussels subway
Eiffel Towering noise
pony blowing noise
wank noise
wang noise
peener noise
Johnson noise
that fixed it
in the advanced options tab, unchecking 'Allow pages to seek vengeance from beyond' will restore functionality
your browser is haunted
ghost regrets
the random regret generator is giving you blank regrets to vote on
defining weird
something weird is going on
beating off George Takei's dick and attaching it to William Shatner's face
cutting off Nichelle Nichol's face and attaching it to William Shatner
cutting Nicolas Cage's face off John Travolta, remembering to cut off John Travolta's face as well and then reattaching Nicolas Cage's face to John Travolta
cutting off Nicolas Cage's face and attaching it to John Travolta
getting high from a holy vein
Staff said it was a paprika seasoning mixing with the hummus
By far the absolute worst service I've ever experienced
Ordered the mac & cheese bacon burger and loved all of it besides the bun
vGuy Fieri for Vendetta
Dong chong xia cao
Hulkamania running wild on you
vGuy Fieri's Vegas Kitchen & Bar
Ophiocordyceps unilateralis
that's a helluva penis, Bobby
One child's narrow urethra divides China
wanting to make Kento a walrus consomme for his birthday
ordering a consomme of those bazookas
ordering a consignment of those bazookas
getting a load of those bazookas
his entire contract is "buddy can you spare a dime"
the star of Aztec Rex
wondering how much Ian Ziering got paid for the first Sharknado film and how much it would cost to get him in one of your films
the guy sure looks like plant food to me
Philippine mayor guns for presidency on crime kill campaign
Chanandler Beech
Chanandler Bong
Pussy Monster is the best
Cookie Monster is the best
Frank Gaffney and Glenn Beck insist that COOKIE MONSTER Norquist is secretly a terrorist aligned with the Muslim Brotherhood and, for that reason, should be banished from the National Rifle Association's board
Frank Gaffney and Glenn Beck insist that Grover Norquist is secretly a terrorist aligned with the Muslim Brotherhood and, for that reason, should be banished from the National Rifle Association's board
cronuts' disease
es carnal de burro
it was the most fun any spectator could have asked for
that Chris Lydon's botched anal lip cross attempt at the Twenty Fourteen World Eiffel Towering Championships put an end to Kento Ikeda's professional career
the double dong experiment
the double slit experiment
carnal spoils
anal lip cross
rapscallions electroplating Ryan's privates
rapscallions
electroplating Ryan's privates
depilating Ryan's privates
deprogramming Ryan's privates
socializing Ryan's privates
privatizing Ryan's privates
privately knifing Ryan
knifing Ryan's privates
Knifing Private Ryan
orcnuts
Razoring Private Ryan
cronuts
KNIFING your privates
taking the dampest hug
taking the hugest dwnp
Hand Job Stimulator
Hand Job Simulator
Job Simulator
I'm not an able seaman, I'm a DISABLED ADMIRAL
I'm not a sailor, I'm a captain
the first to get their balls into Mr Bucket wins
you hitler
it's a form of oppression
like literally every time I do a little bushcraft you have to mention it
I really wish you'd stop spying on me
razoring your privates
Bryan Singers Butthole Creek
bottoming for Aman Fuckman, Crease Pain and Willy Pullman in Butthole Shock VII
bottoming for Owen and Luke Wilson in Butthole Rocket VII
not being perpetually surprised that Eddie Vedder is still alive
not knowing the right way to rub a genie in a butthole
being perpetually surprised that Aretha Franklin is still alive
glowing kid cub
going buck wild
rekt
Seep Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago
Soak Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago
Straight Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago
See Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago
juice diet
wondering what Demi Moore ate to produce enough liquid poo to fill a pool
sitting on it, Potsie
The Pernicious Poo of Demi Moore
living to regret getting Demi Moore's poo in your lungs
getting Demi Moore's poo in your lungs
getting a dump on your chest
getting a weight off your ass
Bruce Wayne Arrested for Allegedly Running 'Prostitution Enterprise' in Texas
United Airlines Pilot Arrested for Allegedly Running 'FULLY FUNCTIONAL Prostitution Enterprise' in Texas
United Airlines Pilot Arrested for Allegedly Running 'Prostitution Enterprise' in Texas
FUCK MY ROBOT PUSSY DADDY I'M SUCH A BAD NAUGHTY ROBOT
the death of Gary Shandling
My Big Fat Greek Webring
Campania, especially the province of Caserta and Castel Volturno, is one of the main gateways into Europe for those who want to become a terrorist
Microsoft is deleting its AI chatbot's incredibly racist tweets
Back to the Big Fat Greek Wedding
The Big Fat Greek Wedding Crashers
My Big Fat Greek Wedding Colon Aegean of Ultron
My Big Fat Greek Monetary Crisis
Greek Hard With a Vengeance
My Big Fat Greek Wedding III Colon My Biggest, Fattest, Greekest Wedding
Myke Hawke Fat Greek Wedding
My Big Fat Gay Asian Colon
My Fat Gay Asian Wedding
My Big Fat Greek Wedding II Colon My Bigger, Fatter, Greeker Wedding
Forest Finns
the story of Whipping Tom being evidence that creepypasta existed at least as early as the seventeenth century
Tom would wait in dark alleys for unsuspecting ladies out and about at night, grab them, lift up their skirts and beat 'an Alarum' upon 'their Tobies' with his bare hand as he cried out 'Spanko!'
the offspring of the Lover of Smut
the specific duty of defending the Moon against a dragon which tries to eat it on occasion during a lunar eclipse
Montbars the Exterminator
the only Caribbean island which was a Swedish colony for any significant length of time
David Letterman's striking retirement look
old speckled pants
old heckled pens
Last Breath, Let Us Prey, Lewd Archives, Lower Extremities, Luciano's Lucky Ladies, Man Smokers, Oral Hygiene, SIDS, Slap Happy, Spank Those Bitches, Spare Parts, The Adventures Of Mammary Man And Jugg Woman, The Adventures Of Porno Man, Whack Attack
Extreme Teen, Extremely Yours, Face Down Ass Up, Filth Files, Filthy Lil' Porn A Bees, From the Balcony, Fuck Pigs, Geisha Gash, German Whore Fare, Ghetto Bitches, Go Fuck Yerself, Goo Gallery, Great American Ass, House of Whores, In The Days of Whore
Anal Blitzkrieg, Ass Clowns, Ass Hole O Mio, Big Fat FN Tits, Black Cock Smokers, Cock Smokers, Cock Suckers, Cocktails, Creampie Milkshakes, Cum Catchers, Depravity in Deutschland, Euro Cuntz, Extreme Amateurs, Extreme Brazil, Extreme Gang Bang
No Country For Old Striated Men
Number Two's Fully Functional Number One, Number One Colon Number One In The World's Filthiest Data Wee Tales Series
old striated man
when you consider how filthy the average Data wee tale is, that's a really high bar
the world's filthiest Data wee tales
apparently he just has a long chin
literally remembering as soon as you write about your frustration with not being able to remember
it was the motherfucking Spin Doctors, fuck those guys
spending a really long time trying to figure out the name of that band, you know the one, they had like one hit, the frontman had a foot long ginger pharaoh beard, you'll be kicking yourself when you remember the name
wondering if Tom Cruise has ever been cruising
wondering if Tom Cruise has ever been to Belgium
wondering if Ted Cruz has ever been to Belgium
Those Homosexual people work like kids
Those Oriental people work like dogs
Belgium Colon Europe's Florida
the Danakil Depression
finding it weird when people talk about Europe's open borders as a problem but don't mention that the US has essentially the same arrangement with the stronger federal oversight that Europe lacks, and manages just fine on twice the land area
Luxembourg
the world's wealthiest failed state
throwing shapes
throwing shade
old piebald man
old speckled man
don't put words in my mouth
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about female swans
a female swan called a penis
a female swan is called a pen
old speckled pen
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento, that magnificent bastard
old speckled hen
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento not getting circumcised
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento fucking Earthlink
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento blowing a pony
the death of Rob Ford
getting a thimble full of sour green apple Slurpee in Minneapolis
Apoplexy working with the nutmeg grater
Mantong
We knew we couldn't make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities
at several high schools around the US it appears that shouting "Trump" has evolved into a kind of taunt, used by largely white students at minority opponents during, say, basketball games
Michael C Ford has been sentenced to four years and nine months in prison, having pleaded guilty to running a sextortion phishing operation from his work computer at the US embassy in London for two years
Pokemon Breast Milk And Acne Skin Care Scott Stapp Wrinkles
Breast Milk And Acne Skin Care Scott Stapp Wrinkles
Trump Stapp Twenty Sixteen
endorsing yeast day
President Donald Tusk
scott stapp face cream
To help and every celebrity endorsed yeast day studied great impressed scott stapp face cream dermatologist recommended skin care products for acne
As you age bed ethnic field the reception ceramides are skin's phytoceramides customer scott stapp wrinkles skin care products made in israel
type of ultraviolet light that causes skin aging scott stapp wrinkles Of safety of regularly bulbous critics novel make a stretch phytoceramides at results
trying to say "Scott Stapp's skin" three times fast
drawing a picture of Greg Evigan feeling sorry for Dave Coulier and inviting his chimpanzee over to give him a hand job
drawing a picture of Greg Evigan pairing off with John Stamos and Paul Reiser with Bob Saget to braid penises, while Dave Coulier sits in the corner and sadly masturbates to pictures of Alanis Morissette
wanting to make Kento chocolate curry rice for his birthday
Trump Barron Twenty Sixteen
John Barron
drawing a picture of Ryan wiping cleft
drawing a picture of Ryan wiping left
drawing a picture of Ryan swiping left
I was running out of space
you forgot Reginald VelJohnson and James Avery
getting Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, Dick Butkus, Paul Reiser, Greg Evigan, John Stamos, Bob Saget, and Dave Coulier to make ads for Grindm, the gay dad app
really they should have had the foresight to attract the gay dad crowd by calling it grindm
SCRUFF used GRINDER! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE! KENTO fainted!
drawing a picture of Kim Kardashian being Eiffel Towered by Bill Saluga and William Ray Norwood, Jr
updating your old Kindle before March twenty second
grindr, I hardly know her
putting in profiles "No Asians", "No Blacks" or "No femmes", and referring to people of color as food, such as "No chocolate", "No curry", and "No rice"
fearing that Ryan will come back, and, finding that His commandments hath been ignored, His wroth shall wax large upon the children of regret
I'm sick of him already
fearing that Ryan will come back, look at the comments, and assume that his regret site has turned into the next grindr
Now you can call me Ray, or you can call me J, or you can call me Johnny, or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me Junie, or you can call me Junior, now you can call me Ray J, or you can call me RJ, or you can call me RJJ, or you can call me RJJ Jr
I needed a bit of variety in my toy selection and decided to seek out a new addition at a Lover's Lane in Chicago
Pokemon Birds and Dildos
From the "Bicoid Babe" she took a large bust and hips, but was not obsessed with birds or dildos
Pokemon Gin and Vermouth
taking that voluptuous woman's large bust and hips from the communal laundry room
From the "voluptuous woman" she took a large bust and hips, but was not vulgar or lewd
Gibson Girl
The Enemy is Still Here!
The Enemy is Here!
a mixed drink made with gin and vermouth, and often garnished with a pickled onion
a Masonic plot backed by the Jews
Hutton Gibson
wishing you had the voice for singing U R I N A T E, find out what it means to pee at a urinal
Belle Gibson
I wanna take my time stroking you, baby, if you don't mind
Frank William Gay
Donald Fuck runs afoul of an Irishman
bottoming for Donald Fuck and Roofie Rat in Cleveland Steamboat Willies VII
Markov Zelnickova, Jedi Knight
Donald Trump's former brother in law and chief speechwriter, Markov Zelnickova
Donald, fuck
Ivana Trump's former brother in law and chief speechwriter, Markov Zelnickova
imagining that Donald Trump's speechs are assembled mostly by a custom See 'n Say toy filled with reactionary talking points
Increasingly agitated, Trump continued, declaring he would both "deport" and "build a wall around" Israel
"When I become president, the days of treating Israel like a second class citizen will end on Day One," Trump vowed, confusing an independent nation state with an individual and apparently unaware that he had spent the entire day advocating isolationism
Ram Buttpat
it means your future hasn't been written yet! No one's has! Except those predestined puppets back in the past! Every action they perform, every thought and impulse they have, is already set in stone! They have no free will, Marty! No free will at all!
it erased
partial butt nudity
Pat Buttram
The Democratic party commits itself to continuing efforts to eradicate all racial, religious, and economic discrimination
Defiant Mitch McConnell Holds Merrick Garland's Severed Head Aloft In Front Of Capitol Building
giving someone your last olo
giving someone your last Rolo
after straining, heaving and complaining
wondering if anybody ever tried to license Duran Duran's "Wild Boys" to advertise wild rice, since you wouldn't even need to re record it
drowning in Ashton Kutcher's loo
Came to a lost fork in the sea, so I took it
Ashton Kutcher lOO% thinks the plural of journalist is "journalist"
drawing a picture of Donald Trump making Kento shrimp and cilantro taquitos for his birthday
wanting to autotune some Donald Trump speeches so that he's saying positive things about Mexico in his trademark style, like "I'm going to learn to make taquitos" and "Iztapalapa is a beautiful city, I own a golf course there" and so on
Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the Mexican border and based on his tone he also wants to fuck that wall
Texas man caught having sex on Las Vegas Ferris wheel killed in Houston carjacking
illudium phosdex
mixing radish juice and carrot juice
the scene where Daffy Duck and Donald Duck are playing a piano duel, and, during his trademark ranting gibberish, it is claimed that Donald calls Daffy a "goddamn stupid ginger"
Steven! It's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Harwell! You know that new sound you're looking for, well, listen to this!
wanting to make Kento "chocolate" for his birthday
wanting to make Kento buttered dumplings for his birthday
wanting to make Kento shrimp and cilantro taquitos for his birthday
Mr Trump also claimed he would be willing to grant 'just a peek' at his planned acceptance speeches for the NBA Championship, Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress, and the Manitoba Actuarial Society Man of the Year, which he will 'definitely' win
Donald Trump says he's planning to release a list of pinko commie jew traitor mexicans that he will have killed if he's elected president
Elvis Presley's monster quif
Donald Trump says he's planning to release a list of judges that he would select from to fill Supreme Court vacancies if he's elected president in an effort to ease concerns about his picks
when a man blows a large amount of air into a woman's vagina, then inserts his penis promptly before the ensuing monster quif
Marty McMurder
wondering how the murder of Biff's gang at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance changes the future
I think he stole this movie
I think he took his wallet
Marion Tumen, Prostitute at Steak n Shake Dumpster
Marion Tumen, Prostitute at Palace Saloon
spending an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out who the extra who played the short haired blonde in Cafe Eighties is
blowing the MC at a Trump rally, u can't touch this
wishing you had inseminated a woman and therefore had some kind of biological excuse for all the dad jokes you think up
wishing you had the voice for singing Old Man River at a urinal
blowing the MC at a Trump rally
the scene where Daffy Duck and Donald Duck are playing a piano duel, and, during his trademark ranting gibberish, it is claimed that Donald calls Daffy a "goddamn stupid nigger"
I'm going to cook you a vegan steak dinner and I'm going to hold the beef
wondering if there are neon signs at every Trump Entertainment Resort saying "Emcee Blow Risk"
I'm going to cook you a steak dinner and I'm going to hold the beef
wondering if there are neon signs at every Trump Entertainment Resort saying "Welcome Bikers"
Jaden Smith as the Karate Dog
the way that Back to the Future II signposts the economic decay of Hill Valley not just by depicting numerous violent crimes in progress but by having black people move into Marty's old neighborhood
when a joke laps itself
considering writing the regret "wondering when there will be a ReBoot reboot" and then looking it up and, oh, it's in production now
wondering if Elisabeth Shue gets hotter later on in the movie or if you only found her attractive in the Karate Kid
apparently it's owned by the creators or something, and they don't want to do that
Jaden Smith as Marty McFly and, let's say, Chris Rock as Doc Brown
wondering how it is possible that the Back to the Future franchise has somehow up to this point avoided the Sequel slash Remake slash Reboot frenzy that has struck every other eighties property
bottoming for Cock Brown and Farty McCreampie in Bareback to the Future VII
Marty can't wait to take the new, hotter Jennifer his time travel escapades created somewhere public and fingerbang the hell out of her
it's your kids, Marty! One of them is refusing to get braces and the other won't save for his retirement, and I can't get them to understand how that's going to turn out for them!
Woman Who Urinates Syrup Toppings on Herself
hoping that Kirk Cameron will reprise his one episode role from Full House on season two of Fuller House, because you really want him to see him get banged by literally hundreds of guys
plus, you know, getting banged by literally hundreds of guys
hoping that Kirk Cameron will reprise his one episode role from Full House on season two of Fuller House, because you really want him to lecture Stephanie on how she's going to hell for believing in evolution
When the Wind Blows Kirk Cameron's Colon Saving Christmas
Women Who Shit a Snore Funeral
viewing Cold War era scaremongering apocalypse porn with the same "I'm so glad I'm not dumb enough to fall for this" attitude as, say, Kirk Cameron's Colon Saving Christmas
Woman Who Urinates on Herself
stopping Threads for the second time to take a break
Sauna With Winkles
Sauna With Mussels
Sana With Muscles
not being sure you'll be able to watch the last forty minutes of Sana With Muscles, because fucking hell
not being sure you'll be able to watch the last forty minutes of Threads, because fucking hell
jamming the lamb
slamming the clam
CHARLESQUEENIO
Elizabethkingia
in an urban society, everything connects
men getting mounted on the Strand
stranding men on Mount Get In
stranding men on Get Mountain
every morning there's a homo hanging from the corner of Kento's tank
McConnell Colon Senate won't vote on Garland because NRA opposes him
Bort's Mother is the unnamed mother of Bort
Hope Hicks
Ritual Bra TV
Viral Tar Tub
Butt Arrival
Virtual Bart
getting stranded on Man Mountain
being the most watched man on TV and having the highest reverse bungee jump
wanting Charles in charge of America
I want him, as any one person can do, to go into Washington and blow it up
He speaks like I speak, he communicates with people very well#
Jean Marie Le Pen endorses Donald Trump
American Sikhs for Trump
Hulk Colon
Hulk Hogan Colon "I want to be Trump's running mate"
bottoming for Biff and his gang in Crack to the Future I
banging your friend's wife off the internet
wondering if there is a gay porn parody of Back to the Future where Biff and his gang take three hundred dollars' worth of car repairs out of Marty's ass
he would straight up fingerbang her in front of the clock tower in broad daylight if she would let him
wondering what Marty's girlfriend sees in him when he's shit at guitar and kind of whiny prior to his time travelling, but then thinking maybe she's just a loser with weird big eyebrows who's into hypnosis
wanting to give Kento a hand job for his birthday beep boop
Shameless Merchandising and the Pricey Poison
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
RRS Boaty McBoatface
not banging your friend's wife on the internet
banging your friend's wife on the internet
not fighting for the rights of other people to post video of you banging your friend's wife on the internet
I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man
he'd like to meat your meatus and he thinks that you know why
Trump Ikeda Sixty Nine
Trump Ikeda Twenty Sixteen
drawing a picture of David Cameron putting his dick in faux Hulk Hogan's mouth
there's a large ham waiting in the sty
being willing to concede the possibility of Trump hitting members of the audience or even his opponents with a folding chair during a rally or debate, but being unable to accept that Hulk Hogan could win an unscripted fight
feeling the inevitability of the Trump Hogan ticket grow stronger each day
Kento's large hams
being slain by a ham golem
constructing a simulacrum of a nude Hulk Hogan using several large hams, a pile of loose straw, and a baby carrot
GoTrump dot com, for all your screen shots of naked butts from Game of Thrones needs
Donald Trump demands Mitt Romney produce a US death certificate
Donald Trump on Bear Colon 'Are You Sure He Shits in the Woods'
liking your women like you like your pubs, Irish and with bones buried in them
A man's discovery of boners under his pubes could forever change what we know about the Irish
misreading "white pansies" as "shite panties"
the Eiffel Tour de Trump
A man's discovery of bones under his pub could forever change what we know about the Irish
Donald Trump on Mitt Romney Colon 'Are You Sure He's a Mormon'
the Tour de Trump
I haven't seen the tape, but I'd wager it's orange
Testimony touched on media ethics, website analytics and Hogan's statements about his sex life, including descriptions of his genitalia
misreading "white pansies" as "white panties"
peeking Jewel's boob for the first time
hearing the phrase "peek a boob" for the first time
mistakenly accepting a hypergolic gear from a ventriloquist's dummy
chlorine trifluoride
Homo sapiens' sex with extinct species was no one night stand, no homo
like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
KentoTrump dot com
GoTrump dot com
Watch All of Hulk Hogan's Sex Tapes for a Chance To Pay $One Hundred Fifteen Million to Fund Suburban Commando II Colon Back to the 'Burbs
wondering if anybody ever told Mac "Envelope Ghost" Bubble what a contraceptive sponge is
wondering if anybody ever told Bubba "The Love Sponge" Clem what a contraceptive sponge is
British Man Not Awarded $Sixty Million For Emotional Distress After Watching Santa With Muscles
The wrestler, known in court by his legal name, Terry G Bollea, sobbed as the verdict was announced in late afternoon, while Macho Man Randy Savage looked on
Hulk Hogan Awarded $One Hundred Fifteen Million in Birthday Suit Against Gawker
Hulk Hogan Awarded $One Hundred Fifteen Million in Privacy Suit Against Gawker
Aldwych tube station after he comes inside
Kale, on the other hand, is bullshit
Aldwych tube station
after he comes inside
he kentot walrus gumboot
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon wiping his walrus gumboots off after he comes inside
before he comes inside
he go walrus gumbo
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon wiping his walrus gumboots off before he comes inside
he got walrus gumboot
I mean
coming together, right now, over me
secret destroyers
NASA's New Horizons mission has delivered a treasure trove of stolen amateur pornography from the dwarf planet
changing the minds of pretenders while chasing the clouds away
wondering if there is room in the award fixtures for a Darwin Awards esque "No Shit, Sherlock" awards event
It's not like the Western countries, you know, it's very strict
if they try to deselect me without due process they will face a legal action from me for lost earnings
The Genius of Dr Spirit Otter
Cops Are Searching for a Hipster Ninja Masturbator in Seattle
fist rape uses scrods
Podcaster's Fissures
Podcaster's Tears
Writer's Tears
sewing rare doors on Rosario Dawson
the deformed, troglodytic bastard child of etsy and instagram that fills up image searches with garbage
on further research it seems to be the deformed, troglodytic bastard child of etsy and instagram
honestly having no idea what Pinterest is
you had your chance
Preen Tits, seriously
bottoming for Hilda of Whitby in Bawdy Filth Ho I
Pinterest, seriously
Hilda of Whitby
bottoming for Will Smith in Insipid Rapes VII
Maewyn Succat, Jedi Knight
Maewyn Succat
watching Up, you might get what you're after
watching out, you might get what you're after
Will Smith's ability to read insipid rapes from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares
Will Smith's ability to read insipid raps from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares
Rodman Jong un
financing a series of ruinous plutonium dumps by taking free karate lessons when you were a kid
bottoming for Will Smith in Blacks in Men VII
riding an airplane to hell
stabbing the nineties in Reno just to watch them bleed out
watching all three Men in Black movies on an airplane ride a couple of years back
bleeding through
wondering if Will Smith's horrible, horrible civilian outfits in the first Men in Black movie are a deliberate choice to play up the austere black suits of the titular organisation, or just the nineties bleeding through
it just be raining black people in New York
wondering if it is possible to grab your own head and rip it off
financing a series of ruinous wars in Burundi when you were a kid
rumors persist that a vet found strangled by what was thought to be a bizarre, striated ligament in the nineteen nineties had performed illegal baculumectomies for a number of clients
thinking if ever there were an example of a person who is secretly a walrus human hybrid in a wig and bad makeup, it's Christopher Lydon
Fred Durst's diaper porn enthusiasm
Now I know y'all be lovin this shit right here
Orcus
trying to remember the name of the ginger one out of Doctor Who and coming up with "Pingu"
when you were a kid and your school raised a lot of money for Bear Indy and then this bear from Bear Indy came and personally collected the money on behalf of his bears and then they had a twelve year civil war which you almost certainly helped pay for
we named the bear Indy
Bear Whores
twisting your ankle in your sleep
thinking of starting dating again
dream past you sounding so super boring that you really are starting to wonder if you were or if you're just super boring now and lack imagination
being pretty sure that in reality, you don't really leave hoards of your old worn out shoes, weird gardening chemicals, piles of worn clothing, and broken board games wherever you go
dreaming about going to an old ex's, but then when you got there quickly being given a ton of your old crap to sort through like that scene in Labyrinth
Boston Pizza, eh
The Town That Got Fucked By Twinks
I know plenty of you think that this is some kind of joke, but a town of constantly appearing bears is serious
The Town That Got Fucked By Bears
Pokemon Dustin and Legs
Legs Diamond and his mistress were dining in their pajamas in her suite at the Hotel Monticello
thinking if ever there were an example of a person who is secretly a frog human hybrid in a wig and bad makeup, it's Christopher Nolan
I'd give you more than quarter portions for your parts from star destroyers
an alternate reality Hillary where she became fat and supported being obese
when you were a kid and your school raised a lot of money for Burundi and then this guy from Burundi came and personally collected the money on behalf of his country and then they had a twelve year civil war which you almost certainly helped pay for
Denmark world's happiest country, Burundi least
netflix nancies
SCP Six Nine Six Nine Colon Nicki Minaj's dildo microphone
mah na mah na singers in mouse voice
homonymous singers
telling U Thant what you REALLY think of him
having the strangest feeling the one on the left has her face painted like a tiger
the Nicki Minaj image on Wikipedia's video vixens page looking like something cooked up to go with some creepypasta and not sexy at all
what an amazing thing it must have been to attain fleeting fame simply by wearing an absurdly high thong and riding a bike in front of a bunch of clowns pretending to be impressed with you
Les News Dollies
laserdisc ladies
bluray bitches
mononymous singers
dvd dollies
video vixens
YOUR MOM's heteronormative
you're heteronormative
that's heteronormative
asking another guy to jack off on cam for you is pretty gay
no homo means no homo
no means no
so, ummm, you wanna cam
thanks for noticing
you're quite good at turning me on
the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be
drawing a picture of Sean Connery backhanding Calista Flockhart while Harrison Ford looks on
I would watch my dad bang Calista Flockhart if I were not in a relationship
thinking about your dad doing your girlfriend can have that kind of effect
guessing that Harrison Ford hasn't been able to get an erection since around the time of The Last Crusade
Pokemon Irish and Clinging to Harrison Ford's Erect Penis
liking your mayo like you like your librarians, Irish and clinging to Harrison Ford's erect penis
licking Irish mayo off of Harrison Ford's erect penis
The Curious Cans of the Mayo Librarian
Letitia Dunbar Harrison
I V vi IV chord progression
you monster
I just like bras so much
seriously, why did you defile the sanctity of the communal laundry room by stealing that girl's bra, what is wrong with you
yeah, I know
we're terrible people
that if you could average reading one regret per second, it would take you over a day to read all the regrets on the index and you would be a far worse person at the end of it
old soldiers never die, they just blast out the hot shit
assuming that Fred Durst himself is the titular Chocolate Starfish
that if you could average reading one regret per second, it would take you over a day to read all the regrets on the index
more than us, even
Limp Bizkit sure did talk about butt stuff a lot
old school soldiers blasting out the hot shit
one two three times two to the six coming to two hundred twenty one trillion six hundred twenty billion eight hundred sixty three million four hundred sixty eight thousand and ninety six, which is eleven times the number of red blood cells in a human body
Pokemon Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
DIGNITAS used ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Fred Durst vs Dignitas
Former 'Subway guy' Jared Fogle bashed in prison ambush
Teresa Heinz Kerry is totally going to sue us in England
Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst Banned by Ukrainian Government Reports
Fred Durst vs dignity
NASA did indeed send ants to the International Space Station to conduct behavioral experiments about collective search in microgravity
A copy of the episode is available for astronauts to watch at the International Space Station
breaking my dick off
wondering why a British rock band would the discarded clothes of homeless people and mutton chops as their signature look, as though Hee Haw Chic were a thing in the summer time when the weather was fine
doing nice hams
Teresa Heinz Kerry in the can
it's not that healthy
SAUSAGE WITH HOMO'S TREADS
SAUSAGE WITH SHAMED TORSO
SAUSAGE WITH DOOM STARS, EH
SAUSAGE WITH MASHED ROOTS
wondering if it is worth peeling a potato and putting it into Teresa Heinz Kerry while heating just to get rid of that disgusting salt
Monkey tears off eight month old baby's testicles as his mother changes his nappy at a Chinese zoo and EATS one before it can be caught
Boron
A raging Frenchman staged an incredible cheese fight with supermarket staff after they caught him stealing his favourite Camembert
wondering why a Swedish dance band would choose overalls and neckerchiefs as their signature look, as though Hee Haw Chic were a thing in the early nineties Scandinavian fashion scene
wondering if it is worth peeling a potato and putting it into a Heinz soup while heating just to get rid of that disgusting salt
Marcie Fleach
turnspit dogs
Fred Durst vs fan who tries to take his cap
wondering why an English pop band would choose overalls and neckerchiefs as their signature look, as though Hee Haw Chic were a thing in the early eighties UK fashion scene
breaking your dick off
Dick Butkus
Den Okologiske Polanski
the way that nearly every character, and certainly every protagonist, in a Woody Allen or Keven Smith film is basically just a tired mouthpiece for the writer
looking through a hotkid menu and being almost tempted enough to get on a plane and go get some, signed, Gary Glitter
Hugh Padgham
Dexy's Dog Walkers
Dexy's Day Walkers
Kento's Midnight Eifflers
looking through a hotdog menu and being almost tempted enough to get on a plane and go get some
Den Okologiske Polsemand
dusting diamonds with Dustin Diamond
Sexy Mr Thunderlips
girthy dude Sting sex
Sexy Grinder Mind Shunt
Sexy Mr Thundering Dins
just using Chrome whenever you want to read a pdf file lately
the way that the latest version of Acrobat Reader opens files in tabs rather than separate windows
the London Twenty Twelve logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving a blow job
that Dexy's Midnight Runners has some really good words contained in it, including sex, dudes, girth, and Sting, but not having the energy to find a full anagram
what strolls in the afternoon, jogs in the evening, and runs at midnight
Dexy's Afternoon Strollers
Dexy's Evening Joggers
You haven't heard the last of them
You beat Dexy's Midnight Runners
watching Roman Polanski's Pocahontas cum on Eileen
watching Roman Polanski's Pocahontas give evidence to genesis
watching Roman Polanski's Pocahontas give evidence to the police
Pato Banton
watching Roman Polanski's Pocahontas
watching Pushahontas
watching Alien vs Prodahontas
watching Prodahontas
watching Pocahontas
playing Dustins and Diamonds with Minnie Pearl
speculating on the plot of the Canadian raunchy teen comedy Sperm Out, Eh, most likely starring Eugene Levy and a young Hayden Christensen and some ponies
speculating on the plot of the Canadian raunchy teen comedy Sperm Out, Eh, most likely starring Eugene Levy and a young Hayden Christensen
signing up for a creepy forum that has to approve your membership before you're even allowed to see anything on it
watching Sperm Out, Eh
What country, by the nature of your error, Should give you harbour
wondering if a crappy personality quiz on a website calling you the female Shia LaBeouf would be grounds for defamation
I have the best ideas and I use the best words, I know a lot of good words
saying that you very much have excellent ideas and feeling like Donald Trump
every reading anything on any gawker site
cocaine slaloms, eh
social chameleons
discovering the depths of your personality and finding out which movie star could play you!
drawing a picture of Demi Moore draining her poo onto Minnie Pearl while the full roster of the San Antonio Spurs watch from a tree and masturbate
draining Demi Moore's poo
The plot revolves around a sexually frustrated JC pursuing his love interest through a monster truck rally, a dirty diner, and, a parking lot, where he tries to seduce Tara Reid, only to be ignored
blowin' me up with her love
Minnie Pearl Colon Saved By the Smell
Pokemon Dustin Diamond and Minnie Pearl sextape
Pokemon Dustin Diamond and Minnie Pearl
Run DMF
bottoming for Dustin Diamond in Dustin Diamond Blowing a Pony VII
run dexys midnight fuckers
fuck dexys midnight runners
fuck genesis
fuck the police
Ballz ThreeD
its kind of like being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond blowing a pony
Man charged in Uber shootings says Kalamazoo app made him do it
its kind of like being a human and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond exist
its kind of like being a wrestler and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond appear as a contestant on Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling
its kind of like being an actor and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond in anything he has ever acted in
its kind of like being a biographer and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond release an autobiography
its kind of like being a pornstar and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond release a sex tape
its kind of like being a jew and seeing, say, Dustin Diamond convert to Judaism
wondering what it feels like as a transgender person to see have completely worthless shitbags like the Wachowskis to join your team
im gur fight co nan
always reading it literally as two syllables, im gur
Selling black panties, a penny a pair
having always read imgur as "I am grrrr" in your head but apparently it is pronounced like "imager"
drawing a picture of the full roster of the San Antonio Spurs releasing their full morning bladders onto Kento
casting magic missile over those black puddings
Kento's golden shower
Uber never should have introduced its new UberMurder app
Man charged in Kalamazoo shootings says Uber app made him do it
yeah, eh
Selling black puddings, a penny a pair
yeah, hi
poor people will die alone
Figures suggest soaring rents make having children financially prohibitive for young couples in southern England and beyond, cheerio
Mary Ann Cotton, she's dead and she's rotten
Kento's golden ratio
Kento's radial symmetry
Prosecutors did not say what they think sparked this act of vandalism
Sensor Equipped Pigeons Are Tweeting About London's Air Pollution
Samurai Cop II Colon Deadly Vengeance
tricking a straight pony into blowing another straight pony
Scooter McNutty
tricking a straight guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster into dating another straight guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster
shows that only have eight episodes per season and is also known as a buster
Joe Estevez
it seems rather obvious they had a reason not to show up to guard an obscure, shitty band composed of the usual rock asshole stereotypes
it's both
forgetting whether tamarind was a spice or a monkey
tamarind
the planet Amerind
Ligon II
FULLY FUNCTIONAL highly developed black race
highly developed black race
Vathlo Island
The trademark the Republican presidential front runner took on Trump Steaks in August two thousand six was canceled eight years later, in December twenty fourteen
panties that say JUICY on the ants
pants that stay JUICY in the ass
pants that stay JUICY on the ass
pants that say FRESH and have dice on the rear
pants that say LUCY on the ass
pants that say JUICY on the ass
Fitty Cent Tells Bankruptcy Court Piles of Cash in Photos Were Fake
chocolate behemoth milk being even more delicious than regular chocolate milk
probably also that
chocolate goat milk being even more delicious than regular chocolate milk
chocolate oat milk being even more delicious than regular chocolate milk
eiffeltower dot com
hardboiledcockneygumshoes dot dk
gloryholebabysitters dot com
glorifiedbabysitters dot com
aquariumnightwatchmen dot com
really loving that there are websites out there for niche occupations ever since you spent a couple of days reading through bodyguards bitching about how most of their work after a decade in special forces or whatever is just arranging dry cleaning
stripperweb dot com
Harward Stern University
Among several celebrities Courtney Cox and Lara Flynn are two of the most prominent names
Off late a stir was created by Tabitha Stevens, a well known porn star when she appeared on an episode of 'The Harward Stern Show'
David Schitter
Courtney Peroxide
Lisa Skidrow
Matthew Peary
Jennifer Anicetone
Matt LeBlanche
accidentally leaving capslock on as you google just the word FRIENDS at five in the morning
On Friday night, native Alaskan Arnold Demoski hopped on his snowmobile, drove home and crashed in his bed after a night of butthole bleaching with F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
On Friday night, native Alaskan Arnold Demoski hopped on his snowmobile, drove home and crashed in his bed after a night of butthole bleaching with friends#
Snowmobiler kills Iditarod dog, injures others, while blackout drunk
that Scrubs can basically be summed up as "look who's braffing"
we don't need no stinking city
Stinking City, Eh
The Sinking City
eating some hairy Persian women
Persian cats being so hairy
Persian women being so hairy
A bickering couple driving cross country pick up a murderous hitchhiker whom threatens to kill them unless they take him to a santuary, and in return agrees to split some bank loot he has on him
Autostop rosso sangue Publicity still of Corinne Clery
Eunice Gayson
having an urge for chili at three in the morning
a humorous term used in Scotland for a man wearing a kilt without undergarments
Most of the images seem to reference child abuse, such as images of Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris
that No Scrubs can basically be summed up as "poor people will die alone"
Assmania
Dick Assman
Church 'prophet' runs at lions to prove God will save him, has buttocks mauled
that people in this financial bracket should be taking up a day of court time over a sum which to them, though not to others, is objectively so small
Justin Troodon Baker
The Hitler Channel
poverty porn
Justin Trudaeiou, and sometimes y
The Learning Channel
Justin Trudeaun't
drawing a picture of Justin Trudeau licking maple syrup off of Justin Bieber's penis while Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling braid their penises together in the background, eh
Justin Trueoudon
Justin Troodon
Justin Trudon
wishing that Steve Miller had just explained what the fuck pompatus means at the start of The Joker
thanks, TLC
Braffing is built in to the format
wishing that more R&B singers would take the time to flatly define the specialized vocabulary they will use at the start of each song
lots of Braffing, I suppose
it's not great
thinking that you've seen probably around ninety seconds of Scrubs in your life
not having a picture of Barack Obama, Justin Trudeau, and Angela Merkel standing together that you can save as scrubs reunion twenty sixteen dot jpg
wishing someone would get around to guessing Donald Trump's true name so he can stamp his way back to hell already
shooting Lisa Left Eye Lopes in the wrong eye when you were a kid
shooting Lisa Left Eye Lopes in the right eye when you were a kid
having a dog that thinks he's fly and is also known as Buster
being a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster
A sex tape of Stapp and Kid Rock receiving oral sex from a group of women on a tour bus
the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world
Her Majesty's Warty Racial Toe Penis
Naked picture of Donald Trump with 'small penis' is removed from Facebook
Her Majesty's Railway Inspectorate
taking the hugest dump like a man
taking it like a man
drawing a picture of Hillary Clinton erupting her period on Nancy Reagan's corspe
french dyslexics laughing as they genitally mutilate Hillary Clinton
If you want lined T backs, you need to check the reputable online shops
that in Japan, thong underwear is called T back
just putting a t in front
you can't get there from here
Hillary Clinton Lauds Reagans on AIDS Period A Backlash Erupts Period
until now, this was the only way to get coffee grounds from coffee beans
really wanting a cup of fresh coffee but not wanting to drive like two, three miles to get one and then drive like two, three miles back after and being too lazy to grind any beans
This key can also be known as F#Gb minor
Bad by Michael Jackson is most likely in the Key of A Major
not being able to find that regret where the regretter promised to sign their regrets with " in future
men to make my anus gape"
Go's ringtone, which is just Go singing "do you know some macho men, some macho men, some macho men, do you know some macho men to make my anus gape"
Macho Swan Randy Gavage
wondering how much it would actually cost to get either Kento or Go Ikeda to sing "macho macho men, I want to ski some macho men" for your ringtone
Macho Swan
Kento's ringtone, which is just Kento singing "macho macho men, I want to ski some macho men"
drawing a picture of David Cameron Diaz savagely skiing Randy Savage and Adam Savage while Macho Man plays in the background
Reagan savages Thatcher over Carbombya
Obama randily savages Cameron over Libya
Bulbous Vulva, Jedi Knight
Obama savages Cameron over Libya
China Has Unblocked Internet Searches That Refer to Kim Jong Un as a 'Pig'
sound of the police, don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me
sound of the police, woo woo woo
guns don't kill people, toddlers do
if you unite behind a man you don't believe in, it's a lie
Jamie Gilt was apparently shot in the back by her young son as she drove in Palatka, Florida
Zero hour contracts have been outlawed in New Zealand after parliament unanimously passed a bill to ban the controversial practice
grinding face, if you know what I mean
grinding face
Dolomedes briangreenei
no reason
sort of
I guess you're wondering why I asked you here today
shit blasting Libya
Libyan shit show shut down after Rihanna tweets about it
allowing Libya to become a shit show
Tim Allen noisette
Tim Allen noise
having a dug named Spod
having a spud named Dog
having a dog named Spud
Daddo enjoys the company of animals, keeping a dog named Spud, a Burmese cat, and a chicken named Spite
Daddo is an Australian master of the highly strategic Roman board game Nine Men's Morris and easily defeated celebrity chef Julie Goodwin in a series of matches streamed live throughout Australia on the Channel lO website
drowning in Michael Barrymore's poo
Zitti tutti! Parlano loro
Facegrindr
the most significant conviction for bat crime ever recorded
kind of looking forward to twenty years from now when Miley Cyrus will pimp her own jailbait spawn on Hanna Montana Colon The Next Generation and have the newest pop tart call her a slut on whatever new social media service is popular
'Fuller House' Star Jodie Sweetin Responds to Miley Cyrus' Instagram Jab
bigotry
naming something you associate with British people
When the Christmas spirit begins to disappear, Mrs Claus and the Santa Pups must race to save Christmas around the world
The offspring of Buddy and Molly go on an Alaskan adventure
scorpion crabs
spider crabs
Bananas Foster
Your potential regret of savaging Adam Bleach's asshole has already been added! It currently has a regret index of ZERO
savaging Adam Bleach's asshole
bleaching Adam Savage's asshole
shoaib colon shoaibkhan
eskimo brothers
Adam Savage's asshole going home and pooping thin worms, eh
shaving female hair
Adam Savage's asshole
going home and pooping thin worms, eh
having female hair
really hoping the singularity will come soon so you can transfer your consciousness to a computer and leave this bag of garbage behind
having an increasing number of thicker, black hairs in your blonde eyebrows as you grow older
having a dog named Gary Fisher
Polanski's Films Are Still Fired
Polanski's Films Are MUDDY Watered
Polanski's Films Are Still Watered
Polanski's Films Are Still Earthed
Kirsten Durst having a kid named Anakin
Polanski's Films Are Still Aired
ermahgerd, Kirsten Durst
Kirsten Durst
having a kid named Anakin
having a kid named Annoying
drawing a picture of Kirsten Dunst skiing Fred Durst and Rusty Kuntz
being surprised there isn't a Limp Bizkit tribute act called Durst n' Cunts
running into Trump spunk
running out of Trump spunk
running out of Trump spit
jam it on the one
Malcolm Jamal Warner Wants to Know Why Woody Allen and Roman Polanski's Films Are Still Aired
Second Wachowski Sibling Has Come Out as Transgender
shaving a dog named Indiana
shaving a kid named Henry Walton
having a kid named Henry Walton
having a dog named Indiana
Galactic Senate group deletes Tweet about double amputee pol 'not standing up for our veterans', mysteriously chokes to death
GOP Senate group deletes Tweet about double amputee pol 'not standing up for our veterans'
having a kid named Annyong
having a kid named Andrew Ridgeley
having a kid named George Michael
having a kid named GOB
looking for a reason why
having a kid named Buster
butt momma, that's where the fun is
a temps and frogs fight
grand moff's spaghetti
a supercut of Star Wars where Grand Moff Tarkin only says "shit stomp game"
a supercut of Star Wars where Grand Moff Tarkin only says "mom's spaghetti"
they're playing the elephant song
timing your fart perfectly with the creaky floorboard
foal plowing amnesty
playing Town of Shemales
playing Town of Males
playing Town of Salem
that it's all just a bunch of matter
tiny ream
tyramine
pepper jack cheese
having impure thoughts about a teenage Peppermint Patty
It's the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown
I learned my lesson after Biggles Colon Adventures in Time
too soon, I know
Watch All of Peter Cushing's Films for a Chance to Suck Him Off While He Takes a Shit!
Grand Moff Blumpkin
drawing a picture of Eminem fellating Grand Moff Tarkin who evacuates his bowels in his "moment of triumph" if you know what I mean
aiming your johnson at Amy Jo Johnson
wanting to make Kento a mom's spaghetti sandwich for his birthday
missing your mom's spaghetti
missing your chance to SUCK
missing your chance to blow
gongadan
etchoota
you got it dude
how rude
oh, mylanta
Hella Strong Naked Woman Dancing on Big Rig Holds Up Houston Traffic
Naked Woman Dancing on Big Rig Holds Up Houston Traffic
Ants in Your Planties
Veronica Lodge being so freakin' adorable
Veronica Lake being so freakin' adorable
Ants in Your Plants
USA Tank Corpse
Pokemon Joel McCrea and Veronica Lake
BEAR's Time Travel Cave
DINNERables
lunchables
EVACUATING bowels until they IMPLODE
you only get mom's spaghetti, do not miss your mom's spaghetti
querns
you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
Looten Plunder
EVACUATING women until they IMPLODE
feeding women until they IMPLODE
feeding women until they explode
the blow job queen of the Boston Aquarium
Charles in Jail on an Aggravated Pimping Charge
wondering, if Charles were in charge of both your days AND your nights, when someone would have any time that is their own
plundering booty on the high seas, from the Spanish Main to the Jew Slut Tits Sea
tasing your own seamen 'just to see what it's like, me hearties'
burning kernels with Bernie Sanders and Colonel Sanders
wondering if Hey Jude is about Jude Law
Pamphilus
Seymour Fleming
Candualism
the hand job robot of Silicon Valley
tasing your own semen 'just to see what it's like'
thinking The Emperor's New Groove was kind of OK despite David Spade but then BAM!, Sting over the credits for no reason
B#L#E#A#C#H#E#R#S#
tasting your own semen 'to hike jew slut tits sea'
Donald Trump 'will have sex with Nancy Reagan and make Ronald Reagan pay for it'
Courteney Cornz bleaches her cockhole
Courteney Cox bleaches her cornhole
The awkward part about an orgy, is that afterwards you're not too sure who to thank
the blow job queen of Hollywood
Donald Trump 'claimed he could have had sex with Nancy Reagan' in tunnel minutes after her death
bottoming for Jack Prickolson in Back Door to Hell
bottoming for Jack Prickolson in As Deep As It Gets
bottoming for Jack Prickolson in Five Assy Pieces
snowballing your own semen 'just to see what it's like'
putting a racy term on your nine assy posters
putting a racist term on your anime posters
putting a racist term on your asinine posters
the death of Middle Aged Gwen Holsten Pils Stacy
you're running late, but what a great alibi
Freddie the Ten Cocked Rat
my hands are small I know but they're not yours they are my own
putting all the elements in the periodic table in Kento in order
putting all the elements in the periodic table in Kento
Captain Holsten Pils' beautiful middle aged highschool daughter, Gwen Holsten Pils
Battlecreek II Colon A Tale of Two Kitties
that there seriously has to be an unproduced movie somewhere crying out for Hayden Christensen and Andrew Garfield to play two slow witted brothers
running a major research project with two test subjects
Freddie the Three Legged Mouse
wanting to make Kento a shell game for his birthday
shooting Bro Shell Frank in the eye when you were a kid, bro
wanting to make Kento a shell frank for his birthday
shooting Bro Shell Frank in the eye when you were a kid
the death of Bro Shell Frank
wondering who would win in a challenge of pure acting charisma and displays of emotional range, Hayden Christensen or Andrew Garfield
When a man wraps an uncooked crescent roll around his wiener and sticks it in the oven till it's baked to perfect, at this point he may allow the women of his choosing to eat the delicious treat of his junk an enjoy some biscuits and cream
wanting to make Kento a wiener wrap for his birthday
slammin' Benjamin Buttocks
I did that backwards
The Jammin' Cans of Ben "Slammin'" Buttocks
your face is jammin', your body's heck a slammin'
having to be told what's weird, like a clod
Nine Inche Anuse
openly busting along with the muzak version of Ray Parker Jrs' "Singin" in a minimarket
Ye Olde Nine Inche Nails
openly singing along with the muzak version of Ray Parker Jrs' "Bustin" in a minimarket
Nine Inche Nails
Life Of A Hot Boy II Colon Real Trapper
the death of Bankroll Fresh
openly singing along with the muzak version of Nine Inche Nails' "Closer" in a minimarket
you can only see the stars after a setting sun
the sun goes down alone
Philip K Hole
openly singing "free ballin' " along with the muzak version of "Free Fallin' " in a minimarket
coming on Eileen staring down other people in a minimart bellowing "there doesn't seem to be anyone around" inches away from their faces because other people are nothing but hollow shells
coming on Eileen
staring down other people in a minimart bellowing "there doesn't seem to be anyone around" inches away from their faces because other people are nothing but hollow shells
a pair of discarded Venetian blinds hanging out of a garbage can
It looks like the remains of a whale, maybe, a great, big, beautiful blue whale
openly singing along with the muzak version of "I Think We're Alone Now" in a minimarket
Kento's ladder of stitches
Kento's trail of rips
Kento's trail of tears
Almost half European men want bigger breasts
Almost half European men want bigger balls
Almost half European women want smaller breasts
making a papyrus scroll of Kento being Tower of Babeled by Methuselah and a leviathan
That XXX Show
that you basically know Mila Kunis from That LXX's Show and hating that character and it's probably not fair to the actress but still
still not finding Mila Kunis attractive
those were not my capitals
MILA KUNIS STARS IN THE REAL MOVIE JUPITER ASCENDING BUT IS WAY SEXIER IN JUPITER ASS ENDING, THE GEEKY AND LOVABLE ADULT PARODY
these are not my capitals
bad Pokemon bad Pokemon, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they cum for you
Pokemon Sucking Dick and Getting Off!
These police academy recruits know that solving crimes and apprehending criminals take a back seat to sucking dick and getting off!
today's lazy porn producers simply labelling something a parody or even officially licensing it to produce a pornographic version, instead of coming up with a terrible sexualized version of the title
discovering that there is actually a XXX parody of Spaceballs, which is a genre parody itself, so the whole thing is just getting too meta for my penis
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie "Spaceballs", but instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy"
yeah, you had the right idea
wishing people would rob you, laughing out loud as they went
the version I watched was only seven minutes long and I only watched half of it
I wish two sexy girls would rob my house lol
it definitely seemed less weird thirty minutes ago
just wanting to be completist about it
it's pretty weird that he doesn't say "keep the change" at all, come to think of it
really having no interest in professionally produced porn
all in all one of the stronger post Culkin entries in the series
Kevin's tattoo having a tattoo of its own, but not staying still long enough for you to read what the tattoo's tattoo said
mpressive
to be fair, when the payoff after thirty minutes of awkwardness was Kevin giving each woman a dollar and saying "hey, I have abandonment issues", their ability to act like this wasn't the first thing some guy they just met could think of post coitus was i
there is not one single person on this planet who looks better with tattoos than without
Kevin's array of ugly, distracting tattoos
threesomes just look super awkward
Protracted Shots of Anuses The Movie
she's literally corsping whenever she's not just saying "ohh yeah" and the director slash cameraguy isn't frantically waving at her to act like she's in the shot
keeping the change you filthy animal
not seeing how there can be another nine minutes of this
This guy is a Lucky Fucker these two Sluts are Hot! I'd like to Fuck them too!
the redhead accidentally looks directly at the camera about seventeen minutes in and tries not to laugh
watching the deleted scene from Home Alone where Daniel Stern licks Joe Pesci's asshole
I stopped watching when it started getting rapey
even the fake sex noises are still more convincing than the acting in Home Alone IV
guessing that Kevin growing up to be the kind of guy who coerces women into sex is probably none to far from the truth
salty bootch twots
industrial strength lube
they slipped on lube
stealing that girl's rendered down human inhabitants of planets from the communal Balem Abrasex
looks like somebody didn't finish what they started
Balem Abrasex
they shouldn't leave their fucking keys under the fucking doormat the fucker retards, makes it too easy to break in
Home Alone The Return of the Wet Bandits establishing higher production values and a more convincing plot than Home Alone IV just thirty seconds in
The Fat Gay Revenant
The Fat Gay Martian
wanting to transport Kento to the colonies for his birthday
tricking a straight guy into not getting circumcised
Manfred Mann's Schweppes Band
Manfred Mann's Mars Band
Wild Hogs
Old Dogs
Manfred Mann's Wind Band
Zefram Cochrane at Harry Osborn's funeral
Spider Manfred Mann's Earth Band
maybe I remembered that wrong
the scene in Spider Man III where Spider Man is totally getting a handjob from Macy Gray and loving it
the scene in Spider Man III where Spider Man is totally getting a handjob from some alien goo and loving it
deciding that the volume of the room was foiling the object of the experiment and reducing it to a packing crate
locking Chuck Mangione in a room with a bunch of arachnids and some uranium in the hopes of creating Spider Mangione so you could finally feel good about spiders
bottoming for Buckminster Fuller in Fuller Hoes VII
Fuller Files
remembering that story arc where Scully was rendered infertile by alien experiments and suspecting this is the setup for a Fuller House slash X Files revival crossover
Barren House
wondering when they will get around to the elephant in the room that is Aunt Stephanie's meth addiction, even though SPOILER ALERT her barrenness is most likely a result of heavy drug use in England
latex oven sluice, eh
the sexual violence
for Klingons it's not just about who stabs who, it's about enjoying the sexual violence
wondering if gay Klingons find either bottoming or topping more honorable than the other
Defense Secretary Takes Position Against a FULLY FUNCTIONAL Data 'Back Door'
Defense Secretary Takes Position Against a Data 'Back Door'
Donald Trump sues Rubio over #DumpTrump yoga pants, claiming violation of his #TrumpDump adult diapers trademark
President Trump Praises Kim Jong un As a "Winner" Who "Knows How to Get Things Done"
#DumpTrump yoga pants
it's a meal ouiji
it's a me, Luigi
porbably some a
Number Thirteen is Probably Some Bitch on Her Period, Am I Right, Guys
Number Twelve is Porbably Some a Mexican Rapist
mixing melon dragonfruit green tea with coca cola
You know, Dr Herschbach, our jobs are actually not that different
Number Eleven is Probably a Muslim
Twenty five Republicans who won't back Trump as nominee
Trump Asshole Twenty Sixteen
something something Jennifer Lawrence's asshole something something Pan Am ambassador' something something Donald Trump
Caitlyn Jenner Wants to Be 'Trans Ambassador' for Ted Cruz
worst Temple of Doom remake ever
drawing a picture of Gary Coleman shoving his forearm inside Go Ikeda while a walrus watches from his tank and sucks himself off
whatcha talkin' 'bout, walrus
walrus porn
whale porn
shaving a three hundred foot pubic housing unit with Snake
sharing a three hundred foot pubic housing unit Snake
he is currently sharing a three hundred square foot public housing unit with Snake
after Mister Miyagi's Little Trees folded in the first month, he took a job with Dynatox scouting for orphanages in which to dump plutonium
where's Mister Miyagi when you need him
Hardbody Harrison
Brian Blessed names new penis "Gordon"
Maybe you no sell, because American cock is so big and so strong
Bryan Singer asked casting agent to fit him with the penis of a 'twenty year old'
Brian Blessed asked doctors to fit him with the penis of a 'twenty year old'
drawing a picture of Dr Pulaski pulaskiing Number One and Number Two
PULASKIING doctors
medecins sans concasseurs
counterfeiting geordies
crushing doctors
Castle Colon The DR CRUSHER
Steve Sunwalker, Jedi Knight
might as well be walkin' on the sky
he stole that guy's pizza
the people far below are all going to die
floating in the moonlit sky with Luke Skywalker
walking in the air with Luke Skywalker
wearing this crown of thorns on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a liar's throne of blood
walking on the sky with Luke Skywalker
hiding from clouds in the toilet with Luke Howard
looking at clouds with Luke Howard
Castle Colon The Geordie
the finger of blame has turned upon itself
I hear you're feeling down
a big house some kids and a horse
His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University
Jewel's music sounds much better now that she's dancing!
I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair full of broken thoughts I cannot repair
all I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life
you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
there are over one million youth lost on the streets of America
pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
having the sudden urge to watch Spiderman Colon Whichever One It Is That Has Macy Gray In It
there's also a joke that strongly suggests that Uncle Jesse has been literally castrated
Stephaniie talks in a terrible British accent for like ten minutes and Danny sounds like he kinda has throat cancer and Nicky and Alex look like the should be on the cover of Backdoor Twinks VII
that Fukker House is a gorgeous trainwreck
Heures de marteler comme cela laisserait le roti de boeuf Assiette de toute jeune fille a la recherche comme un bouledogue lechage pisse d'un chardon, et je ne differait pas!
Mais petit a petit, elle a ressenti un certain malaise plus qu'une philosophie, elle sentait que la pedagogie Waldorf etait presque religieuse
accidentally naming the folder where you put the episodes of Fuller House "Fukker House" and deciding to keep it that way
Brazilians, they do not buy tickets at such an early stage, as the British or the Germans, I have no doubt that when the time comes, these numbers will increase
Why I Touched Myself in Labour
A number of studies have failed to show any evidence that FIV can infect or cause disease in people
let's hope your dad can keep his cock out of the cat
learning that your parents have adopted a stray cat with AIDS
beginning to wonder if you have a vitamin k deficiency
the terrible choice of the Eurosceptic Tory over whether to accept that the UK's border is permeable regardless of international allegiances or blow up the Chunnel and sing "God Save the Queen" in your underpants, weeping over Thatcher's lost legacy
We'll let migrants move to Dover if you quit EU, warn the French
With his meaty member fucking deep into my cod canyon, the sensation of his one eyed milkman smashing my cervix made me quake like an epileptic at a Pink Floyd concert
The pounding of my brown mile was so vigorous, he soon found his family jewels joining his Nelson's Column deep in my turd cutter
Hours of hammering like this would leave any girl's roast beef platter looking like a bulldog licking piss from a thistle, and I was no different!
Within no time, I could feel the shitty creamy load frothing from my fart valve and all over my panty hamster
After having my tuna canal fucked, he then proceeded to plow my other vagina
Some girls are happy just to audition the finger puppets when they're alone, but I can't get off without having a fifteen inch spiked vibrator in my moose knuckle and a squash up my mud flap
The unrelenting orgasms from his muffbuster fucking my salmon slit made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot
your decision to adopt an unlit terrier AND a cruel anal lab from the shelter
drawing a picture of Macy Gray being Eiffel Towered by Jack Black and Jack White
hey guys, remember Macy Gray
Sprmda
fifteen genetically designed superspiders
yes, also that
being kind of surprised there's no pornstar called Kirsten Does
bottoming for Wang Slammins and Cunt Clitzby in Clifford Investigates Anally VII
Over lunch, it seemed to Clizbe that Simmons was oblivious to the routine "butt sniffing" that CIA veterans routinely engage in
Without a background check, without knowing who we're hiring and who we are employing to protect our nation, we are in big, big trouble
farmers being paid to produce goods for which there was no market and which were then bought up for intervention storage and later sale at lower global market prices
They put guns before butter, while we put just about everything before guns
As we continue to work to overturn Roe v Wade, we must also continue to lay the groundwork for a society in which abortion is not the accepted answer to unwanted pregnancy
All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk
If it's to be a bloodbath, let it be now, Appeasement is not the answer
your might in the slit
I think, for me, nuclear is just the power, the devastation is very important to me
your light in the mist
The lawyer representing a teenager who allegedly pretended to be a doctor has likened his client to Donald Trump, saying he has the real estate mogul's "teen stripper urinal ire"
The lawyer representing a teenager who allegedly pretended to be a doctor has likened his client to Donald Trump, saying he has the real estate mogul's "unlit terrier rape penis"
The lawyer representing a teenager who allegedly pretended to be a doctor has likened his client to Donald Trump, saying he has the real estate mogul's "entrepreneurial spirit"
Paris in the Spring
Such a sublimation apparatus
not hooking up with gold when you had the chance
Such a cold finger
wishing you were named Fuck so that whenever you robbed a woman you could shout "You just got Fucked!"
all this blood coming out of your wherever
all this blood coming out of your finger
the death of Aubrey McClendon
too late
wait fifteen minutes
it's eleven o'clock, I need some sugar
Two Colon Luigi
Anus VII
bottoming for Mario Party Two Colon Luigi in I'm A Dischargin' Mah Anus VII
Mario Party Two Colon Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing
you know you're gonna have to face it, you're a dictator, love
Millionaire British prime minister deflects criticism of policy toward disabled people by saying "one of my many children was disabled, and then he died", again
Two British girls post Snapchat photo as they kill woman, cheerio
breaking the silence
breaking the chain even though you said you wouldn't
A debate erupted on CNN Tuesday over Donald Trump's comments on the Ku Klux Klan, with one contributor saying the group lynched African Americans "to further the progressive agenda"
Myke Hawke won't get out of Myke Hat
wanting to feed Kento a pear of anguish for his birthday
my cock won't get out of my cat
discovering that rulers make bad lovers in the emergency room
wrapping yourself in bandages till it gets ridiculous
farting on the grower and it sounding like a pterodactyl
pterodactyls farting in the shower
farting in the shower and it sounding like a pterodactyl
people mainly interpreted Kento as somethingawful
Salt n Peppa Pig
people mainly interpreted Salt as something fearful
people mainly interpreted Peppa as something fearful
people mainly interpreted Pippa as something fearful
people mainly interpreted Pippo as something fearful
If you get in that Porsche, you will be dead next week
A Mpumalanga teenager can't believe he is still alive after his thirty eight year old girlfriend squashed his testicles with a pair of pliers upon discovering that he was dating a younger woman
bushrooms
Jeb Mush
volo como Matias Perez
rhyming moss with sauce
rhyming bush with mush
dropping your poor meatball cuz somebody sneezed
maybe she just really likes the sensation of pulling yarn out of her vagina and is looking for any excuse to indulge herself
the death of Lee Reherman
otherwise she wouldn't be, yo know, knitting a scarf with her vagina and telling other people about it
I'll bet she does care a little bit
This woman is using her vagina to knit all the misogynistic abuse she gets online because she doesn't care what you think
I'm a cadet and as a cadet I have honor and honor tells you that yes I did and I'm here for a reason
the Chief Stewardess forgetting to buy sufficient milk, the Captain's wish to take a picture of all the AMELS staff on board, and difficulties of the deck crew to find takers for their trusted bicycles they wanted to give away
taking a bite of an Oscar Mayer wiener
a two hour meat parade, if you know what I mean
a two hour meat parade
wearing an onion on your belt, which was the style at the time
#nakeddonaldrumpfagagain
#makedonaldrumpfagagain
#makedonaldtrumpfapagain
#makedonalddrumpfagain
the Index Regretes does not support this action
disinterring Princess Diana's corspe and fucking the eyholes of her skull in order to violate her like a candle in the wind
Full Cemetery
Empty House
anticipating the inevitable twenty thirties reboot, Fullest House
Benedict Cumberbatch's Hamlet nominated for four Olivier awards Tanks For Nuthin
Bencum Dictbatch
Serfs evicted from Benedict Cumberbatch's hamlet, rising land value blamed
Benedict Cumberbatch's Hamlet nominated for four Olivier awards
Tanks For Nuthin
Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield
Mom's Clam With White Linguini Sauce
Donald Trump 'claimed he could have had sex with Princess Diana' in tunnel minutes after her death
When I go into Downing Street they do what I say, when I go to Brussels they take no notice
Donald Trump 'claimed he could have had sex with Princess Diana' in interview months after her death
someBODY once told me, the world was gonna blow me
swan cumming in his ass
it you cut down the tree the hedges get more light
We got Em in the place who likes it in your face
Mom's Linguini With White Clam Sauce
mom's linguini
drawing a picture of George Clooney in a lime green tux with a swan cumming in his ass
wearing a lime green tux with a swan coming out of your ass
Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties
drawing a picture of Elmo receiving Oscar
receiving Oscar
if you trim the hedges the tree looks bigger
Leonardo DiCaprio Kisses Bear Before Going Up To Receive Oscar
cunt be thick
butt chicken
Canaan Banana
stealing that girl's bra from the communal munitions depot
Although some students objected to awarding a degree to a Muppet, Kermit delivered an enjoyable commencement address and the small college received considerable press coverage
reading the wikipedia article "bra bomb" expecting it to be a pop culture thing referencing teen sex comedies or the Simpsons, but of course it's just something horrible and real
the Cardrona Bra Fence
Lesbians of the Aegean
Four Thousand Two Hundred Lesbians Cruise to the Caribbean
Lesbians of the Caribbean
wondering how much the tabloids would pay for a Guy Fieri Steve Harwell sex tape
butter pizza
Someone on Browns Road in Kalispell reported that an unknown person dropped a ball outside and they haven't come back to get it
butter chicken
harassers, sex offenders, people smashing stuff, or dogs standing in places in the community
a man with the name and address of Donald Trump's father was arraigned after Klan members attacked cops in Queens, NY
harassers, sex offenders, or people smashing stuff in the community
Trump U Colon The lawsuit Donald Trump will be facing this summer
Donald Trump on Racist Endorsement Colon 'I Don't Know Anything About David Duke'
sur law
sus law
just now learning that Vivien Leigh was English, fuck me
just now learning that Vivien Leigh was English
answering the telephone with "fuck me"
I punish thee
frankly, Myke Hawke, I don't shiv a swan
shanking Jackson C Frank in the eye when you were a kid
Shank Kelly not having the decency to die at the Frankly Hotel
Frank Kelly not having the decency to die at the Shankly Hotel
Everyone Watching 'Fuller House' Is Tweeting About Bahrain's Stern Peens, Teats
Tanner's Breasts
the death of Jackson C Frank
the death of Kelly Frank
the death of Frank Kelly
the balcony on the Fuller House
Fuller Breasts
Everyone Watching 'Fuller House' Is Tweeting About Stephanie Tanner's Breasts
Anal Wang City Shit Con getting so commercial
the Anal Wang City Shit Con as notoriously stinky
the Washington City Canal was notoriously stinky
too little, too late, that deal's so chaste
not getting cut of
dewatering then reduced the water level underneath the IRS building which caused the wooden piers to lose stability and part of the IRS building foundation to sink
digging holes that you sleep in
answering the telephone with gusto, badda bing badda boom, pasta fazool
answering the telephone with "we all float down here"
think of the meal penalties you'll accrue
French hours
that's why you don't teach lessons to your son
Blood Revenge Division of the People's Partisan Corps Working for the Independence of the Japanese Race
eKroner
Holey dollars, eh, crikey isn't it
Police officer shot fatally in Prince Albert
mining the hugest dump
dumpcoin
c
eletropennies
walbux
Charity Colon Water
the first cryptocurrency to be based on an Internet meme
pitying the day that has to end
Police officer shot fatally in Prince William
Shaggy's little boys look just like Shaggy and my little boy looks just like daddy
un disastro de electricidad
he wants that corn so much
toe gut
get out
here's your nickelback
here's your nice callback
nice callback
electroplating your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on the bus
when I was on the bus I electroplated a nickel
when I was on the bus I found a nickel
the apparently unintentional irony of all these free market capitalist types suddenly clamoring to build walls to block freedom of movement and trade
drawing a picture of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson braiding their hair and slash or politcal views together
Marco Rubio Is Bald and He Won't Be President
He should sue whoever did that to his face
the worst spray tan in America
sock
lick
rick
lock
stock
boner broth
bone broth
you have selected regicide, if you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one
Just finished watching the first episode and Stephanie's rack
Just finished watching the first episode and Stephanie's rack distracted me any time she was on screen
John Stamos has done really well since the show ended, so much so that he seems willing to grease his hair up and neglect his wife on tv again just for the fun of it
damn, Stephanie, what's up with them fake tittays
I guarantee you that people are having butt sex in that park across the street from the full house at pretty much any given time
If I want to see Uncle Joey do his stupid fucking Bullwinkle impression for the ten millionth time, I can just watch an old episode
Amazon's waffletastic messages exhorting you to buy a waffle iron
Amazon's obsessive messages exhorting you to buy a blender
The parle Furby
Richard Dockings' Colon How a Foreskin Changed the Way We Fuck
Richard Dawkins' Colon How a Scientist Changed the Way We Think
bottoming or Richard Dockings in The Atheism Rapes
bottoming for Richard Dockings in Unbraiding the Painbow
bottoming for Richard Dockings in The Selfish Peen VII
not realizing sooner that "toys with nearly dead batteries" was a whole genre on youtube
Demon Possessed Singing Trout
I'm not your sith, guy
pizza is the best summoning
summoning Pizza
shit guy
sith guy
this guy
Pokemon Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han
Pokemon Sun and Moon
HI I am now very hard co ck and large Together Sk y pe web cam open Im masturbating sperm co ck show U the panties show Okay
Tokyo Sexwale withdraws from FIFA presidential race, desu ne isn't it
Tokyo Sexwale withdraws from FIFA presidential race
Hitman Colon Blood Money
proposing that every film poster featuring Patrick Stewart should also include the weird floating disembodied head of Brent Spiner behind Patrick Stewart's own head, pulling that constipated baby face
turning to the audience as Trump walked out, Cruz jerked his thumb toward Trump and asked "Who's this fat bastard"
On Tuesday night, Cruz took his turn to take a shot at Trump by likening him to the character Fat Bastard, a villain from the Austin Powers films
Baird and Berman had been looking for someone who resembled Patrick Stewart but aged about twenty five years younger, at one point they had considered Jude Law
Tom Hardy's two hour Mel Gibson impression
Jupiter Absorbing
something something Mila Kunis something sparkling steaming piss aimed right at your face something StarSoakers
a thousand streams of sparkling, steaming piss aimed right at your face
I would definitely watch that
pitching an original action movie in which Myke Hawke's wife is kidnapped and he'll do anything to get her back, because he's Ruthless
swallowing the hideous stuff that comes out of Myke Hawke
from the directors of the Matrix and nothing else worth mentioning
making the Matrix sequels look like fuckin' Citizen Kane
rating Ruth England
the guy who is literally an elephant therioceph is called "Nesh" rating Myke Hawke
the guy who is literally an elephant therioceph is called "Nesh"
rating Myke Hawke
imagining a Dune tv show that runs for, say, five seasons of filler arcs while telling the story of one Dune book, which is then rebooted as a movie which cuts all the Dune story out and tries to be about the shitty filler instead
that thing Marty McFly does where he hitches a ride with a passing motor vehicle, only the driver and several other road users are blown up by aliens for being in the way
prince charming is a furry
ascending to watch Jupiter Trying
trying to ascend Jupiter Watching
young people pretending to be old
someone should really cast Mila Kunis and Javier Bardem as two robots in something
trying to watch Jupiter Ascending
CHIEF PETTY OFFICERING my poo
rating my poo
Balustrade Lanyard
icy france
icy piranha
hairy panic
motoyrape dot com
ratemypoo dot com
the award for Best Insurance Screenplay goes to Love Actuary
winning Best l% Flood Premium Prediction with seventeen votes
wishing you had a sweet side gig presenting awards ceremonies for like the regional accountants' association Riskies or whatever, but not being a moderately famous relatively attractive newsreader and thus having no hope of scoring such lucrative work
that you'd rather spend a couple of hours browsing through ratemypoo dot com than watch the Oscars
old mother nature's recipes
it turns out Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't actually get raped by a bear
a beautifully shot Road Runner movie
I thought the worst thing that would come true was everyone wearing Crocs
all you've gotta do is baby kick off your shoes and lay down an entire island
all you've gotta do is baby kick off your shoes and lay down
an entire island
Swackhammer, an evil alien theme park owner, needs a new attraction at Moron Mountain
Gunto
having so many amazing fantasies that just indexing them takes up an entire island
the amazing Fantasy Island Slashfic Index
Tattoo Wakes Up With Huge Man Penis On His Leg
CamelCase
Huge Penis Wakes Up With Man Leg On His Tattoo
Huge Man Wakes Up With Leg Tattoo On His Penis
Man Wakes Up With Leg Tattoo On His Huge Penis
Greggxit
Man Wakes Up With Huge Leg Tattoo On His Penis
drink pp
Man Wakes Up With Huge Penis Tattoo On His Leg
Sixty Nine Cock Lane in Fetcham, Surrey
bottoming for Ed Balls in Balls Deep VII
edballs
ring raiders
madballs
piercing nan's bras with Pierce Brosnan
Naked man arrested at Nashville International Airport
Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Number Two Will Make You Weep
Holidays Are Coming! Three Ways To Drink Coca Cola With Polar Bears
Number Two Will Make You Weep
Better Sex Is Coming! Three Ways To Tighten Your Vagina Without Plastic Surgery
bringing fleshy back
bringing flashy back
flashy shit is back in style
stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper "I love you", birds singing in the sycamore trees, CA CAW CA CAW CA CAW CA CAW
if there's life after we will see
I'm not your buddy, guy
listen buddy
no it's not
a penis is sperm shaped
happiness is sperm shaped
eggs is eggs
eggs are full of protein
eggs are easy
eggs are cheap
happiness is egg shaped
blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere
they're happy because they eat lard
Big 'Uns
Velocirapstar
Vamporko
Terribovie
Stegmata
Snakat
Roostor
Roidrat
Rabbitech
Pterdaken
Poodlesaurus
Pengin
Mousetik
Monkey
Lambtron
Gunrilla
Gophermon
Gerbitoad
Furrycat
Flowerpotamus
Fetuswami
Ferasnarf
Fatdactyl
Donkeytron
Cosmonewt
Chu Chu Nezumi
Brocorii
Biebersaurus
Beetlebot
Accountafish
Jews can't be paladins
Tsujigiri
Jerry will show you the how he prefers to go after tight ends and it's clear he wants his young players to be flexible and agile and to fight penetration into the secondary
reviewing Bishop Eater in Ball Abuse Lessons
Church seeks 'lessons' from Bishop Peter Ball abuse review
clasping the hands together in the shape of an imaginary gun and attempting to poke an unsuspecting victim's anus, often while exclaiming "Ken TO!"
foreplayers who perform exceptionally well
for players who perform exceptionally well the machine will dispense a small plastic trophy in the shape of a pile of feces
clasping the hands together in the shape of an imaginary gun and attempting to poke an unsuspecting victim's anus, often while exclaiming "Kan CHO!"
a man was sentenced to thirty years in prison for killing his stepfather with an atomic wedgie
A female receiving a regular wedgie
bottoming for Gay Pearce in The Count of Monte Fisto VII
Javier Bardem from the pope
Javier Bardem and eating it
if you can't Javier Bardem, join 'em
such is the fate of all men
Spenny received a beating from a transvestite dominatrix
Javier Bardem having a hard time
piercing a guy with Guy Pearce
the Three Laws of Javier Bardemics
trying to prove that your conclusions should be more drastic
really enjoying Automata because Javier Bardem plays a robot and that is the best casting ever
Mirkin therefore had to do an impression of Klink that Klemperer could imitate to get it right
Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey
Crouching Walrus Hidden Swan
Woman 'vigorously' waves penis at Steak n Shake patron, then tells police 'I knew this was going to happen'
Fitz Patrickemma
Mi Mi Mi
Patrick Fitzemma
mrmee, mrmee, mrmee, mrmee
"Repent, Harlequin!" Said the Mykehawkeman
"Repent, Harlequin!" Said the Ticktockman
Flim Flam Week
enjoying Four Hundred Days much more, particularly when Ed showed up, but mainly because it had a story to perform instead of a load of exposition delivered by too pretty people who are supposed to live in a ghetto
having only seen one movie with Justin Timberlake in it, the forgettable Bad Teacher which you watched on an airplane, and wondering how it is possible for a pop star to be a worse actor than Britney Spears
definitely having a type
Emma Fitzpatrick
Amanda Seyfried with an unflattering hairstyle that's supposed to make her look sophisticated and just makes her look bug eyed
giving In Time a shot and really wishing it was the episode of the Outer Limits it should have been, not like two hours of Justin Timberlake never getting his comeuppance as he's pursued by Serious Face Cillian Murphy, Black Deputy and Six Foot Hobbit
Man 'vigorously' waves penis at McDonald's employee, then tells police 'I knew this was going to happen'
once there was a way
Betty Joan Perske, I'm walkin' here
Betty Joan Perske
The medium sized reddish dog has kept its position as the most popular dog in Hungry Horse, according to registration statistics from the Flathead Kennel Club
becoming comfortably numb
u musak qt
kumquats
thinking about it that one might actually be real, but you have to hope it's just a joke
bottoming for Digby, the biggest dog in the world in Knotting Hell
The cruel anal labrador retriever has kept its position as the least popular dog in America, according to registration statistics from the American Kennel Club
Brexit, the cereal for old people who are cranky because they resent having to pay money for dietary fibre, which should be paid for by young people and given to them
The Labrador retriever has kept its position as the most popular dog in America, according to registration statistics from the American Kennel Club
Brexit
pears
rapes
really wanting to give In Time a shot but finding Justin Timberlake's voice incredibly annoying
having the kind of mind that looks at a Peperami and sees three rapes
buying those off brand "Slime Jims"
Slim Jims likely cream rape, rape pile rape
bottoming for Slim Jim in Savage, Randy, Macho Men VII
I enjoyed Star Trek VI a lot as a kid, but now not so much
people shit on Star Trek VI a lot, but it's not like Star Trek Colon Nemesis isn't actually one of the worst films ever made
that fellating a swarthy Italian porn star on film would probably be more dignified than Star Trek VI
bottoming for Christopher Plummer in Sono Qui Per Risolvere i Vostri Tubi VII
I'll do porno in Rome, as long as I can get to Rome
that apparently eating Slim Jims gives you the power to psychokinetically camp granada people
that apparently eating Slim Jims gives you the power to psychokinetically fader people
that apparently eating Slim Jims gives you the power to psychokinetically muder people
Pokemon "Sausage Stretch" and "Flaming Finger"
nobody on the planet of the Amazons having a ray gun except the one Elle brings with him
borrowing Bicoid Babe's salami screamer and forgetting to return it
I'll bet they did
When the mistake was made, the company tried the meat snack and enjoyed it
Toys include the "Salami saucer", "salami screamer", "the little nipper", "the big one", "meaty muncher", "the football fetch toy", "sausage stretch" and "flaming finger"
dude please your meat stick event was a joke
Hulk Hogan found dead with "Slim Jims in every orifice" Colon Police
A Nat and Patrick Wachsberger Production
Can Australians Handle Buckfast
Insular, Wealthy British People Whose Parents Are Rich Enough For Them To Afford A "Career" In Journalism Taste Test American Snacks That Are Substantially Like Many British Snacks Poor People Might Eat, Unless Poor People Are A Myth, Like Daddy Says
Slim Jims are clearly Pepperami like
Eiffel Towerin' Citizen Kane
fuckin' Citizen Kane
Armenians Try Extremely Brutish Snacks
British People Taste Test American Snacks
everything that's wrong with a funyun with pickle juice on it
we have pork rinds here too
wondering, in the admittedly unlikely event that you should have kids, how you could possibly explain to them the crazy Summer of Ninety Nine in which the Matrix and All Star were at the top of their respective fields
Americans Try Extremely British Snacks
Shoe Wachowski
Kento Wachowski
wondering which of the Wachowskis had such a boner for hot chicks with shaved heads
Three high midgets wrestling Janice Dickinson
Three Dickinson High Midgets wrestling seniors place in top four
Rachel Blackman
knowing you're super bored in a movie when you're thinking about looking up a character you assume to have been a shaven headed lesbian or co partner of this lovey couple, because the actress is cute and you would like to know more
they're also responsible for informing the setpiece scenes of nearly every big budget shitfest since, and they make Star Wars look like fuckin' Citizen Kane
basically the first Matrix was kind of OK hokum, then the two sequels were showy garbage that drew heavily on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's technology and probably reference a whole bunch of shit I don't care about
getting through boring movies by reading things on another device whenever your attention wanders
having fallen asleep literally every time you've tried to watch a Matrix movie
not getting Kento neutered
not getting Kento circumcised
looking for Neil Young's hung son after the gold rush of nineteen seventy one
I gotta believe there's another color waiting on me
putting your three and a half inch floppy in the cup holder
you obviously know nothing about computers
still not really getting how fistfights are meant to "kill" computer programs in The Matrix
WHY I EYES YA
wondering when the soundtrack trend for horn sections that sound like they're being played backwards began
a London where floppy haired wankers in three piece suits bomb through the city on rented bikes like capitalist horsemen of the apocalypse
Kento's docking clamps
finding it very hard to believe that Colonel Sanders knew how to code
Kento's vanilla essence
all the shit that people give George Lucas over supposedly overused and unconvincing CGI when whatever Matrix film this is exists
The Matrix II Colon Cake Rape
all the shit that people give George Lucas over supposedly racist aliens when Seraph is unable to even say his own name in whatever Matrix film this is
beuilding a beuilding out of beuilding bloueks
beuilding a weird churchy underground city
guessing that the Wachowskis listened to feedback on the first Matrix and said "what our sequel should have is more intrusive, cocktail bar downtempo house music in fight scenes"
Beatific Meats
McSalvation
transubstantiated fatty acids
Beatific Meals
collecting all the Christ figures in McDonald's Happy Meals
#FingersInTheBootyAssBitch
eggs are the best food, you're an all star, get your game on, no bread
poutine is the best food, eh
winning the mouth smashing contest with seventeen teeth
the very idea of a mouth smashing contest
wondering who'd win in a mouth smashing contest, Steve Harwell or Mark McGrath
not loving extra large meat but being pragmatic about your life choices
pretty pony standing on the avenue
loving extra large meat
wanting to make Kento an extra large meat lover's for his birthday
sometimes I know your heart is full of troll waiters
sometimes I know Myke Hawke is full of little arrows
sometimes I know your heart is full of little arrows
Jeremy Corbyn shit blasts state of North Wales train system, isn't it
Jeremy Corbyn blasts state of North Wales train system
pizza is the best food
Armenia Ferrara
parkour, the Frenchest sport
America Ferrera
American fedayi
wondering who'd win in a swan egg eating contest, Steve Harwell or Guy Fieri
wondering who'd win in an Anthony Bourdain semen drinking contest, Andrew Zimmern or a kangaroo
Armenian fedayi
movie helicopters that bleed to death and crash as a result of a single handgun round
Trump Cosby Twenty Sixteen
if you die in the Matrix, you bleed to death from your gums in real life
you have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you wear lipstick to police interviews
why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer, masturbating to the sort of movie that the government would cite when trying to arrest pornographers and outlaw pornography
being so desperate for a messiah you accept a shut in who goes running after the first goth with a tattoo he sees
parkour, the Sting of sports
how impossibly up itself The Matrix is just three minutes in
A man has been jailed for lO years after attempting to begin an "incest family" with a woman, and her two underage daughters
wondering if Ken was the freakout guy from like three years ago
Wait Till You See This Kangaroo's Dick
not knowing what the jizz is all about
I enjoy having sex with people who hardly know
I enjoy knowing people I hardly have sex with
Kento not getting minimalised
the death of Ivan Ilyich
the death of Marat
Cheap Flights from Phuket to Bangkok
the death of the Baja Men
wanting to go back to twenty fourteen and make Cleft Behind jokes
moving to another country to stay up all night
I enjoy being hardly Eiffel Towered by people and walruses I know
I enjoy being Eiffel Towered by people and walruses I hardly know
I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know
being told you are infrequently Daredevil by the BBC
Pokemon Pornographers and Outlaw Pornography
the sort of movie that the government would cite when trying to arrest pornographers and outlaw pornography
being told you are infrequently vile by the BBC
smell your sweat, wizard penis
two pronged wall plug, pre molded hand grip well, durable outer casing to prevent fall apart
the death of Umberto Eco
the death of Harper Lee
The supermodel ex wife of a Saudi billionaire claims she cannot manage with only one butler and two maids, court hears
Heinz Tomato Seasoning
Dead Liver
Dried Veal
Ben Affleck is Elder Diva
he opens his mouth but spaghetti won't come out
you've eaten mom's spaghetti so long you're mom's spaghetti
you've worked at this plant so long you're a plant
Strawberry Ministries
anal raping a king in erotic shews
not melting Zach Braff when you had the chance
Justin Long looked like a melted Zach Braff
liver egret
some information from a song
we should watch Daredevil for the next liveregret
I'm kinda turned on by reindeer
if there's one thing inner city kids love, it's displays of pointless violence in a place that should be the refuge of innocence
Batman vs Statutory Colon Dawn of Womanhood
never seeing the Daredevil movie, but clips you have seen appearing to show that they put what is basically a playground sexual assault scene in for the blind hero
Electric Nachos
The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping motion
bad fawn!
bad cat!
bad dog!
If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS's ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president
the stage was now set for the Alan Parsons Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft
Jefferson Starship lighting this guy on fire
smurfs' norks
wondering if the reason we get so much spam is because we look kind of like a forum to spambots, albeit one where nobody ever replies to the majority of new threads
Tesco will only sell straight croissants from Friday
I for one welcome our new underwear overlords
marching day and night by the big cooling tower
wondering whether the Simpsons will go off the air before one of the main cast members dies
tiny panties in space
You fool! Now we may never know if ants can be trained to infest tiny panties in space
You fool! Now we may never know if ants can be trained to screw tiny sorts in space
You fool! Now we may never know if ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space
there's no danger, it's a professional career
my money's on pope colon
Trump vs Pope Colon Dawn of Justice
goose butter table
goose butter
Jub Jub is Futile
wondering how much Ewoks Ro Bear Berbils Borg slashfic there is
Snurfs
Smorks
wondering how much Smurfs Snorks slashfic there is
wondering how much Old Spock Young Spock slashfic there is
Zanthoxylum piperitum
wondering whether Amy Jo Johnson will have a cameo in the new Power Rangers movie as Old Kimberly a la Spock in Star Trek
bottoming for Ron Burrito and Eddie Enchilada in Smell is Getting Old VII
that whenever you hear talk of a sane child you imagine this scene
really hoping you can dry some laundry today because this enchilada smell is getting old
that whenever you hear talk of Danish lace you imagine this scene
that whenever you hear talk of Iceland ash you imagine this scene
that whenever you hear talk of anal disc you imagine this scene, eh
giving up two naked eight year olds for the sake of your partner
if you're really interested in political power, everything you do is bullshit
two naked eight year olds who are staying together for the sake of the children
two naked eight year olds who are DIVORCED
two naked eight year olds who are married
"Ginormous" was deemed too much of a Britishism
casting Jude Law in a film titled "Genius"
Actor Jude Law said he'd had help on the set from American actress Laura Linney in refining the southern American accent he uses to portray the novelist Thomas Wolfe in the film "Genius", and would be creating her Fatworld bio later this evening
They smelled good, there were no diaper accidents, they didn't drool on me, things change
"We're not running sappy music every time somebody says 'I'm sorry,'" he explained
Gilmore Girls Colon Seasons
that whenever you hear talk of enchiladas you imagine this scene
the amount of spam posted on your regret
the latest memes
bottomign for the Four Tops in Loco in Acapulco VII
listening to Loco in Acapulco in Acapulco
being woken unexpectedly and concluding that all your brain does while you are asleep is listen to Loco in Acapulco
smelling delicious at bedtime
running afoul of Bono
"Meat Carriage"
splattering "curry" on your computer screen in bed
splattering curry on your computer screen in bed
The United States of Meat Carriage and Trumptown
making enchiladas in your pajamas and your garments subsequently smelling delicious at bedtime
As long as Filth is in your graveyard and you control a Swamp, creatures you control have swampwalk
fouling a run of an Irishman
running afoul of an Irishman
List of professional golfers who have hit an albatross
During World War II, the company was requisitioned by the Nazi military and its factories produced thousands of weapons for Axis troops, including pistols carried by Nazi officers and pilots
tying up both legislative houses for the whole of twenty seventeen with a bill to amend the Constitution to officially rename the country "Meat Carriage"
not getting jazzercised
Kento not getting turtles circumcised
not getting circumcised learning all the elements in the periodic table in order
tying up both legislative houses for the whole of twenty seventeen with a bill to amend the Constitution to officially rename the country "Great America"
making hentai great again
pinniped tweets
Spurlock evolves into Spelunking at level thirty five
Morgan Spelunking
Morgan Spurlock Inside Man
pinned tweets
sheep Eiffel Tower Kento with a goat
some men like a fistin', and some men like a fillin'
some men like a fishin', and some men like a filin'
shaving bears and hiding in civilian homes to avoid airstrikes
Hitler Crab
thatcherbush dot co dot uk
jubjub dot utini
jebbush dot com
Computer Lovers
Computer Fighters
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
Hillary Clinton attacks GOP by barking like a dog
in a mirror which waits always before or behind
learning all the elements in the periodic table in turtles
using the word "waffletastic" rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
not gettingcircuturtles
I thought it was signed by somebody else
just now learning to read
just now figuring out the name of the girl who literally gave you a Christmas card with her name written in it
eh, oi
eh, oh
eh, you
oh, you
being akin to mine
being a mini Kento
Kento not getting circumcised
pool ytilasuac laropmet a gniretnuocne, isn't it
encountering a temporal causality loop
stealing that girl's methylamphetamine from the communal evidence locker, crikey
We'll vanish without a trace
stealing that girl's methylamphetamine from the communal evidence locker
I'm an ocelot, jerk
Concetta Sellecchia
the pied piper like appeal of a mannish old crone
Australian Police Seize $Nine Hundred Million in Methylamphetamine Hidden in Bras
Take me, light in the sky and We'll vanish without a trace In a cigar shaped object
This Chart Shows Who Marries CEOs, Doctors, Chefs and Janitors breathing deep the gathering gloom
This Chart Shows Who Marries CEOs, Doctors, Chefs and Janitors
breathing deep the gathering gloom
PokeMunchers
This giant vegan bird queefed prehistoric Architeuthis milk
This giant vegan bird prowled prehistoric Arctic
YOUR A TOWEL
YOUR A PIKACHU
YOUR A PICHU
I was young, I needed the money
I wouldn't say definitely
definitely not eating a Pokemon
definitely not being a Pokemon
Pokemon Racist and Edgy
hey, I may be racist and edgy, but what was the third thing you said
edgy racial thugs
guilty as charged
YOUR A BITCH
In Hangzhou, in eastern China, educators have started a summer camp called "West Point Boys," complete with taekwondo classes and the motto, "We bring out the men in boys"
The Flintstones & WWE Colon Stone Age SmackDown!
Pokemon Mayo Thompson and Syd Barrett
Mahershalalhashbaz Geldof
The impetus for Maher Shalal Hash Baz came when Tori met euphonium player Hiroo Nakazaki on a building site, and found that they shared an interest in the music of Mayo Thompson and Syd Barrett
fucking magnets, how do they smell
smells like sex and candy
Canadian Truck Simulehtor
genturtles
Mahershalalhashbaz
turtles not getting circumcised
Armenian Truck Simulator
American Truck Simulator
water, fire, air and dirt
dick cum colon i cum now
CANADIAN JUGGL,EHS
drawing a picture of John Mayer being left hanging by Mark McGrath as Mayer attempts to Eiffel Tower Tom Brady alone
receiving no rory mcgrath
receiving no mark mcgrath
receiving no mark
taking a drama class, being hopelessly out of your depth and surrounded by people in the same position, and ending up doing an improv show for the final exam
UK CHEERIO'S
apo strophia
stealing that girl's strophium from the communal vomitorium
strophia
Except myself, nearly all the figure skaters on the bus were grown ups, and it was full of alcohol
subligaria
I want to fuck you like a wonderland
He subsequently changed his name to Jeff Stone and called the allegations "utterly ridiculous"
preparing the children for permanent positions in tomorrow's mills and processing facilities
spooning Jennifer Love Hewitt's wonderland
that they might be prepared for university or for good and sweet trades and occupations
Kentobathristes
kolobathristes
It was later confirmed that the song was actually written for Tom Brady
My body is far from a wonderland, My body is more like a pawnshop, There's a lot of interesting things put together, and if you look closely you'd probably be excited, but at first glance, not so much
your body is a winter wonderland
hey guys, remember sarah marshall
forgetting regretting sarah marshall
regretting forgetting sarah marshall
never speaking up again
something something Obama something Eiffel Towering something The Autocrats!
Why Is President Obama Hosting a Get Together of Asian Autocrats
both of us knowing
Lice Drowned in Anal
you say that, but it really couldn't be further from the truth
your body is drowned anal
talky czar
crazy talk
real talk
look at us
we are ridiculous
this is ridiculous
your body is a wonderland
one one one one one four is where it's at
shit, well one one one one one one wasn't very important anyway
that was as fitting for one one one one one one as anything I could have written
getting your gay man
getting your game on
oily copra
polycoria
Rough Kissing Friday
Friday, Friday, Kissing Down on Friday
Kissing Friday
"We Just Wanna Party with You" from the soundtrack to the film in nineteenninetyseven, Men in Black Colon The Album starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones
Kool & the Gang
I've got the presciption for you, another hot beef injection!
marrying a carrot
you might say the extra ingredient is salt
you don't win friends with salad
Benji Colon Off the Leash!
using up your time by feeling fine everyday
the United States Postal Service uses Chevy Chase for postal addresses that lie in the Town of Somerset and the Village of Friendship Heights which lie outside historical Chevy Chase
Chevy Chase excluded individuals based on race and religion
Pokemon Me and Cinderella
suspecting that Chevy Chase could never have been bothered to even come to set, and they probably just recorded his lines in a porno studio somewhere
you have nineteen regrets to get your shit together
understanding that Jaime Pressly is attractive but not finding her attractive
wondering if Jon Voight and Chevy Chase just hung around the hotel bar drinking and popping sedatives whenever they weren't needed on set
sweeping the leg
Jon Voight delivering the line "Retreat, in our moment of triumph" in his Valium Leghorn voice then getting into a Matrix style pose off and karate fight with a dog still being less ridiculous than most of the Karate Kid movies
wondering what kind of sex acts the photos of Jon Voight that directors Sean McNamara and Bob Clark obviously have depict
that Karate Dog had the same director as the first two Baby Geniuses films, and Bratz Colon The Movie had the same director as the bottomlessly shitty string of direct to video sequels
Hollywood hired him as the lovable fat kid but his health was in serious danger
Bratz Colon The Movie
Flat direction and actors who look embarrassed to be onscreen make Baby Geniuses worse than the premise suggests
Jon Voight's "Foghorn Leghorn negotiating a mortgage" accent
Baby Geniuses and the Space Baby
Baby Geniuses and the Treasures of Egypt
Baby Geniuses and the Mystery of the Crown Jewels
guessing that given Jon Voight's poor career choices over the past decade or so, he would probably sign up for StarMunchers in an instant
poor casting choices compounded by poor acting and directing choices have ruined the credibility of The Karate Dog
wondering how a dog who learned to talk from an elderly Japanese American with a strong accent in San Francisco ended up sounding like a late middle aged Manhattanite from a prominent family
Cornelius Crane Chase
never seeing the benji dot com site when it would have been an amazing web one point oh experience
Benji, Zax & the Alien Prince
that Chevy Chase has voiced not one but two crimefighting dogs
Chevy Chase's mumbling dog act
going on a men's ass safari with Mena Suvari
wondering what's up with all the huge dumps lately
Toilet baby 'could have been saved'
He's got a butthole the size of watermelons, whereas the other ones got the balls of little grapes
butthole sympatico
butthole impetigo
butthole vitiligo
bleaching marks from Mark's butthole
the wikipedia article "Michael Jackson's health and appearance"
Atlas is also an inquisitive boy who makes everyone laugh with his mischievous character and frequent chinnings
topping for Donald Trump in Push of Publicity VII
wondering when Trump's sex tape is due to 'leak' for that extra push of publicity
semper fudge
He's got the balls the size of watermelons, whereas the other ones got the balls of little grapes
You in your own voice describe them as "muscular"
wondering which you would prefer, missing regret number one one one one one one when it comes, or regret number one one one one one one being in your face when it comes
Authorities in Florida have arrested a man accused of throwing a live alligator through a restaurant's drive through window
realizing that we're very close to regret number one one one one one one and knowing that we're going to completely miss it when it comes
Mark is a buttonhole
Mark is an asshole
Sophisticated Trump
Primates such as capuchin monkeys and lemurs have been observed intentionally irritating millipedes in order to rub the chemicals on themselves to repel mosquitoes
millipedes have between twenty four and seven hundred and fifty legs
New Hampshire primary Colon Candidates buttonhole voters as they head to polls
going mad and starting cho
laying down two flying carpets of sound
you got me spinning, baby, you know that I'm in a trance
putting a donk on London
dropping Dubai on London
Notchville Dicks
bottoming for Markus Persson in Dicksville Colon Notchcraft
the Dixville Notch
all in all you're just another spic in the wall
Polka TwentyOneEighty
realizing that some of the puppies from Puppy Bowl I are probably dead now
Kim Kardashian's Poll About Kanye West Got More Votes Than Iowa Caucus
there's something unsettling about that
And he, in turn, was beloved by the world, except in nineteen thirty eight, when he was criticised for his controversial cartoon Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors
Look out, Itchy! He's Irish!
an agreeable sight for an Old Knickerbocker such as myself
Donald Trump, Jr Says President Trump Would 'Get The Dark Side of the Moon Started' in The First lOO Days
Donald Trump, Jr Says President Trump Would 'Get The Wall Started' in The First lOO Days
'I have at least twenty Muslim friends', says Donald Trump, but can't name them
Trump's Son Says Waterboarding 'No Different' Than 'What Happens in Frat Houses Every Day'
Here Are Fifteen Corncobs That Look Like Two Time Major League Baseball All Star Game MVP Award Winner Willie Mays
Here Are Fifteen Dogs Who Look Like Two Time Super Bowl Champion Peyton Manning
mama's whole kitchen coming to get you
you never once asked to paint me nude
Kentomari Deviancy
they got cars big as bars, they got rivers of gold
bottoming for Jessica Ten D Cells and Hume Cramin in #batteries now inserted
coming from a universe that had a #batteries not included sequel
Vera Coking later attributed her victory over Mr Trump to "the Fix Its"
Mr Trump, with the help of the city, tried to use eminent domain against the woman, Vera Coking, when she refused to sell
A dark blue stone resembling a diamond was found at the scene
Bill Clinton unloads on Bernie Sanders
cutting off a groin hourly
cutting off your dong hair
When he fuck me bad, I take his ass to Steak n Shake
if he fuck you good, take his ass to Red Lobster, if he fuck you bad, I'm not really sure, something about elimination, I guess just yell "You're fired!" at him
When he fuck me good, I take his ass to Red Lobster
Drill My Gay Stepson!
fucking your Penn State date like a decade early and then not showering off
fucking your Valentine's date like a week early and then not showering off
fucking your Valentine's date like a week early and then not showing up
as if preparing to order a big plate of sardines
that "I am angry with you" and "I am in Kodiak all weekend" are the same silence
Record Holder Profile Video Colon Kurt J Mac and the longest journey in Minecraft
wondering whether Ted Cruz would sooner pay Donald Trump a heartfelt compliment than Donald Trump would suck Ted Cruz' colossal prick
get it
booking your Valentine's date like a week early and then not showing up
A hungry sea lion pup wandered off the beach and into a fancy seaside San Diego restaurant Thursday morning, took one of the best seats in the house and peered out the window at the waves as if preparing to order a big plate of sardines
well someone came and took the lamp away
Whenever Orcish Squatters is not in play, all the other cards should be asking "Where's Orcish Squatters"
Whenever Orcish Squatters attacks and isn't blocked, you may gain control of target land defending player controls for as long as you control Orcish Squatters
the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, when you comin' home son I don't know when, but we'll Eiffel Tower then, I'll meet you in the walrus pen
peer gynt is farting
being kind of sad that your phone knows Katy Perry but not Peer Gynt
peer gynt pressure
smoking is farting
bottoming for Ted Cruz in Colossal Prick College VII
I used to shave my furry ankles to win games
reading an article about the colossal prick Ted Cruz was considered to be by his college contemporaries and recoiling in horror as you start to think that you were a total Cruz in college yourself
dialin' Bob Dylan, bub
wondering if using pinto or escort beans in chili will make it taste any different than chili with cortina beans
creating a hideous chimera of Steve Harwell and Guy Fieri, and another hideous chimera of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson, and using them for experiments
I Made the Eat Egg Guy Smash a Shit Ton of Mouths
Guy and Steve were supposedly old friends and not actually the same man, despite the exact same fashion sense and divorced dad aura
brief picnic attacks
already framing a millipede joke reading that headline before you realized who it was about
there are broader questions to be asked about the efficacy of capitalism
Pokemon Sheep Go To Heaven and Goats Go To Hell
that sheep go to heaven and goats go to hell
I Made the Smash Mouth Guy Eat a Shit
I Made the Smash Mouth Guy Eat a Shit Ton of Eggs
horse to meet you
finding it amusing that Steve Harwell's wikipedia page requires three separate references to the fact that he is a musician
Toronto, Kansas
Deformed Wang Virus
getting paid in arse, arr
Deformed Wing Virus
getting paid in ears, arr
the reboot of Tanks For Nothing starring Cuban Dugong jr
getting paid in arrears
ripping his scrotum and leaving one testicle hanging free
Long haired man on unicycle comes forward after commuters ask 'who are you'
Jaden Smith Adventures
young testicles hang free, never be sewn up, sewn up like my man and me
Jackie Chan Adventures
he was caught at the bottom of a rather aggressive ruck, and an errant French boot found its way into Shelford's groin, somehow ripping his scrotum and leaving one testicle hanging free
IT'S PURGIN' TIME!
watching Perfect Body and feeling like it would have been improved by a scene in which Andie attacks a mirror, believing she is a bag of Doritos, mortally wounding herself just prior to winning Olympic gold
that only one in eight squirters is female
Eddie Sex
that only one in eight Squirtles is female
drawing a picture of Ash Ketchum accidentally walking in on Mr Mime milking Blastoise
Pokemon Milk Marketing Board and Egg Marketing Board
they were both convinced that the innocuous looking, state run Milk Marketing Board and Egg Marketing Board were actually the enemies of freedom
a visibly agitated swamp rabbit approached his boat and tried to board
Si li crachait en mi le vis et escopi par grant vertu
Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town
insulting Turkanishness
wondering whether Leonardo DiCaprio and Daniel Day Lewis would star in your upcoming period drama, Rape Gangs of Turkana IV
fruit flies, like a banana
shaking your body like a horny pony would, then running and telling your momma about that
frinkiac dot com
try me
I'll bet you would
I would actually eat more sausage if there were a vegan hot dog place around here
if you know what I mean
stop eating so much sausage
I was going to say it couldn't but I have been eating a lot of extra protein recently
it could be gout
feeling really arthritic and hoping it's just dehydration
thtat's true, but it was nice that they got Hilary Swank as the voice of the swan
the ending of Dog Hard is unrealistic because firstly there is no way that Daniel LaRuffo could have evacuated the buildings before they came down secondly Mr Miyagi's Little Plaza wasn't even hit and it collapsed thirdly car wax cannot burn bonsai trees
Mr Miyagi's Little Plaza
wondering if Thomas Ian Griffith is available to reprise his role in Karate Hard With a Vengeance
I would probably watch that
starring Jon Voight
thinking that the inevitable Die Hard reboot with it's theme of the reluctant hero could cross over with the Karate Kid movies, perhaps with Daniel san having constructed Miyagi Plaza, but then thinking ahead to Dog Hard
Which Leonardo DiCaprio Character Is Your Soulmate
If your restaurant serves Mexican food in a pseudo Victorian setting it's good to play Icelandic house music
F#R#I#E#N#D#S# actor Matt LeBlanc to be one of the new presenters of Top Gear, BBC announces
it probably had mouse droppings on it
pizza called me stupid
XXIV Things You'll Find In Every Hipster Restaurant
NBC station sued for airing image of teen's erect penis, identifying him by name
burning a brassiere in a brazier in a brasserie
stealing that girl's salad onions from the communal hipster brasserie
When told by police he had sex with a child, Doug Richard, who has rubbed shoulders with the PM and the Queen, said 'Under sixteen, wow'
Convicted terrorist who claimed he met with Jeremy Corbyn 'many times' cleared of possessing 'horse porn' videos
A hipster brasserie in London's West End was shut down after health inspectors found the salad onions were garnished with mouse droppings
Redtube You
wondering which came first, YouTube Red or Redtube
PewDiePie's Coding Hour, available now on YouTube Red
a reality adventure series that will see the Swedish gamer combat horrors in real life games
Ruud Lubbers
Jaden Smith challenges masculinity norms with shirtless skirt photo bottoming for William Hung in Hung People VII
Jaden Smith challenges masculinity norms with shirtless skirt photo
bottoming for William Hung in Hung People VII
Crowds applaud, poll numbers rise
Trump fires back, vows to definitely nuke Denmark if elected
Kim Wok
Wim Kok
We're liable to wake up one morning and Donald, if he were president, would have nuked Denmark
Beezow Doo doo Zopittybop bop bop accused of assaulting officer
President Trump, speaking from a secret underground bunker, called the undead perpetrators of the zombie apocalypse which has so far exterminated ninety eight percent of the human race "losers" who "have way fewer organs" than him
this milk is bad
paying for it is what good aliens do
he will make the aliens pay for it, naturally
President Trump, furious at the destruction of New York by alien invaders, took to Twitter Friday to vent his frustrations, calling the aliens "weak" and insisting that "they will rebuild New York and it will be called Trump Town"
Donald Trump, despite conceding defeat to Ted Cruz Monday night in Iowa, is now accusing the Texas Republican senator of stealing the race and calling for either a new election to be held or the results to be nullified
the Polanski store recommending you download the Pedometer app
the Play store recommending you download the Pedometer app
architects who've given up their will
A Californian venture capitalist had his Tesla Motors Model X brakes cut after he wrote about a badly run launch event
drawing a picture of Kento being relentlessly pandered by homosexuals
relentless pandering to homosexuals
the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, which is stockpiling huge amounts of human urine to "revolutionize the evaluation of personal chemistry"
I want to take this opportunity to apologise for not doing the decent thing and going back in time and having a chat with himabout his appalling behaviour
Henry Lee Lucas
imaginable wealth
A Californian venture capitalist had his Tesla Motors Model X order cancelled after he wrote about a badly run launch event
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went pooping through men's digs in search of bears
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's poop in search of bears
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's poop in search of beards
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's beards in search of poop
okay, have fun watching Superbabies Colon Baby Geniuses II
having seen National Lampoon's European Vacation too many times already
suggesting the National Lampoon's Vacation series if you are looking for something to watch
the death of Lord Lucan
well maybe later
yeah, I'm not watching this
Crystal Sky Worldwide Sales Presents
possession of a rooster with intent
feeling like a lot of pain for someone is pretty much inevitable when male rape mesh enters the picture
electroplating your delegates
Male Rape Mesh, Don't Hurt 'Em Colon The Movie
Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em Colon The Movie
As I understand it, there were some precincts where actually delegates were won with a flip of a coin actually
eating two huge vegan slices of vegan beef vegan pizza
eating two huge slices of vegan beef pizza
Doctor 'killed husband with hammer after they had threesome sex with teenager'
"I think that we did real well, I didn't expect to do so well," Trump declared, despite predicting a "tremendous victory" on Monday hours before Iowans headed to the caucuses that would ultimately crown Cruz the winner
Two dogs were causing some sort of dog related problem on Foothill Glenn
A Suffolk resident wanted to know if it is legal to fuck a tractor, because the neighbors have one and it's arousing
A Kalispell resident wanted to know if it is legal to own a rooster, because the neighbors have one and it's annoying
A Suffolk man with a bizarre sexual attraction to tractors has been banned from the countryside and forced to sign the sex offenders' register
swatting
a ballet choreographed by Christopher Lydon for the New York City Ballet to the third bowel movement of Kento Ikeda's Anus I
seeing a photo on wikipedia and wanting to give it the alternate title of "The Evolution of Guys Who Hang Around Children's Playgrounds Too Much"
a ballet choreographed by Douglas Lee for the New York City Ballet to the third movement of Ryoji Ikeda's Opus I
creating a three dimensional copy of a living human body, through the use of molding and casting techniques
sousveillance is to surveillance as being murdered by clowns is to being murdered
discovering that lifecasting is like a decade old which is pretty impressive for total fucking bullshit
Kento's unusually smelly bowel
It got six hundred thousand views in its first week
Ezarik posted a video about wanting to order a cheeseburger on YouTube
Kento's unusually small bowel
Kento's large bowel
The dogs were used for hunting bear, boar and deer at princely courts, with the favorites staying at night in the bedchambers of their lords
www dot childbowelfantasy dot com
www dot puppybowlfantasy dot com
Donald Rumpy
Tom Manx
Shed Cruz
killing the Calico girls
Jonathan Tailor Thomas
Whiskipher Lydon
Mewel Kilcher
Lady NyaNya
R Kitty
Roman Purranski
Mr Meowgi
Guy Furry
not being familiar with the euphemism "halo" for a used condom, but yep, there it is on brunayotcirona, eleven years old
Creepy Cat Lady Colon The Video Game
Neko Atsume
A new breed of action hero
wondering whether you have included the incredible Pat Morita slash Chevy Chase slash Jon Voight vehicle The Karate Dog in your The Karate Kid Extravaganza
wondering why Sugar Ray would write a song which boasts about decorating their possibly underage sexual conquests' bedrooms with their spooge filled condoms
every morning there's a manservant awaiting m'lady's order in stoic silence at the corner of her four post bed
either she's fifteen and spoiled or she's an adult living in a creepy castle
or boy, I guess it could be either
Mark McGrath having sex with a fifteen year old girl
every morning there's a halo hangin from the corner of your girlfriend's four post bed that her parents bought her for her twelf birthday three years ago and she still hasn't flipped the mattress of despite being told to every time she cleans her room
Pokemon Racist British Bandit and Cocksure Kodiak Anus Bleacher
actually googling RBB before figuring it out, sad face
Mark McGrath FLIPS BURGER for teenager who calls him BURGER GUY
Mark McGrath FLIPS OUT on teenager who calls him SUGAR GAY
putting ricin in your rice
loser dot co dot uk, cheerio
Children in space talk with astronaut Tim Peake at museum having fighting sex with Bill Cosby in the showers at Penn State
loser dot edu
loser dot com
the Baen Free Library
Children in space talk with astronaut Tim Peake at museum
having fighting sex with Bill Cosby in the showers at Penn State
Bill Cosby fighting sex assault charge in Pennsylvania court
playing Marco Rubio in the pool
That Ned Kid
wanting a spinoff from The Next Karate Kid where we see Ned's work at a homeless shelter for ex sailors and all the extra credit community work he does on nights when he doesn't have anger management classes
that weird rapey thread of The Next Karate Kid where Ned keeps inviting Julie down to the docks and you kind of think he's got some prostitution thing in mind, but then at the end it turns out that's just where he blows up cars and beats people to death
wanting to make Kento a sailor sandwich for his birthday
drawing a picture of Punxsutawney Phil being felt up by tawny punks
Whiny Tuna Sex Pulp
Punxsutawney Phil
foods that look like somebody already was them once
foods that look like somebody already ate them once
A hot dog wrapped in a beef patty, deep fried, then covered with chili, a few french fries, and a fried egg
wanting to electrocute Kento's testicles for his birthday
wanting to electroplate Kento's pennies for his birthday
Colo Cruz
Speed II Colo Cruz Control
taking the Cruz
berning the feel
feeling the Bern
Terrorists caught in bikinis after performing bizarre midnight drag routine in the jungle
NAACP leader uses F word to apologize for using T word after N word meeting
bottoming for Rape Macchio in the Kunt Fucking Kid II
really, they should have called it the Kung Fu Kid
Bonsai trees 'float' using magnetic levitation
he was running a couple of plutonium co projects that fell through
waiting for the revelation in the new Karate Kid II that all of the perils that befell both Hilary's Wank and Jaden Smith were just elaborate revenge plots by Terry Silver to get revenge on Ralph Macchio
all that killing, no passion missing
breastgasming a king in a California church
all that kissing, no passion missing
that guy could do whatever he wanted to me in his magic goblin castle
on the other hand, China is leading the way in Jaden Smith Beatdown Movies
not knowing if it's the Jaden Smith thing or the constant soundtrack of autotuned shit over endless fucking montages but definitely feeling, despite looking great and having nice performances, that the Karate Kid remake is the worst Karate Kid movie
being sure Jaden Smith has more muscle than Ralph Macchio
muscular children
being sure there weren't this many montages in the original Karate Kid
like a mirror
jacking on, jacking off
jacket on, jacket off
not remembering if they already called it kung fu on screen
Jackie Chan's unmistakeable Three Stooges style of karate
She carried apples around in her purse to take pictures with people
we moved to China, that's what happened
get switch, save planet
never realizing how much you missed Elisabeth Shue's presence in the Karate Kid franchise until it became about the Tadpole of Bel Air
wondering who taught Dre to put on makeup
which is two kinds of racist if you think about it
back where I come from they call me Ping Pong Dre
Half Chinea Long Haired Film Group Corporation
ni jiao shenme mingzi, "I would like a mimosa"
China Film Group Corporation
the death of Homaro Cantu
all primary and secondary schools will be closed should the wolf Skoll devour the sun
Groundhog dies days before Groundhog Day, Winter Storm Juno Confirmed To Be Start of Fimbulvetr
feeling like swans would be far better at utterly destroying the drones, but are probably too uppity to do so if asked
Harvard's Sub Bee Is Now Also a Robotmarine
Harvard's Submarine Is Now Also a Robot Bee
Harvard's Robot Bee Is Now Also a Submarine
Politie zet roofvogels in om vijandige drones uit de lucht te halen
kink charming
squeezing me, pleasing me
neckerchief, masturbating on an exercise bench
Tony the Tiger begs furries to stop tweeting him porn, rawr
a picture of an extremely muscly Tony, naked save for his neckerchief, masturbating on an exercise bench
Tony the Tiger begs furries to stop tweeting him porn
flaying dildos
flying dildos
Facing the dildo's conundrum, I felt like I could just fly, but nothing happened every time I tried
the Dixmoor Five
Edgardo Mortara, Pater noster, qui es in caelis, oy vey
Edgardo Mortara
the Little Rascals day care sexual abuse trial
specifically asking the hotel for a bathroom without a bidet rape coil
learning all the elements in the bidet rape coil in order
learning all the walruses in the aquarium have packed their fudge and said goodbye
learning all the elephants in the circus have packed their trunks and said goodbye
bottoming for Five Dick Clark in The Dick Lark V
five dick clark shaming
dick clark five shaming
dave clark five shaming
kink shaming
HYDROGEN FOR THE HYDROGEN GOD! UNUNOCTIUM FOR THE UNUNOCTIUM THRONE!
learning all the elements in the periodic table in CHAOS
the typo that almost happened there
booking a party redeye with Moaning Myke airways
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'moaning Myke' disco and rape jets
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'moaning Myke' ideas and projects
Legend of a Rabbit
Black was planning to breed stable hauler emu in late twenty eleven, which she said would include "a bunch of different kinds of stuff"
no they don't
unquiet urine rape spirits relent
unquiet entrepreneurial spirits
Two Trannies in a Dumpster wanting to bend Kento over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects for his birthday
Two Trannies in a Dumpster
wanting to bend Kento over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects for his birthday
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects
Paris Hilton's British Best Friend
Two Grannies in a Garage
Black was planning to release her debut album in late twenty eleven, which she said would include "a bunch of different kinds of stuff"
We learned to put sliced onions over a child's ear for an infection and other folk remedies, like wearing wet socks at night to "boost the immune system"
Tim the Tool Man Taylor
slashing the fluffing budget at the All Valley Gay Dude Ranch Showering Tournament
the winner of last year's All Valley Gay Dude Ranch Showering Tournament only has to compete in the final match
gay dude ranch toweling off
gay dude ranch showering
gay dude ranch undressing
gay dude ranch dressing
eating a maid at a gay dude ranch
being a gay maid dude at a ranch
being a maid at a gay dude ranch
finding The Telebugs undignified even as a child
Tele Mark
After decades of influence, the foreskins of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
wondering if being the only woman in a long running siege is exciting or if it's like being a maid at a gay dude ranch
Pokemon Rum and Mark
Rum and Mark
Diet Mark
Mark Zero
Mark with Lemon
New Mark, New Mark, so good they named him Mark
New Mark
Classic Mark
brain overreach
Joe Bogus from Completely Made Up City, New York, United States
internal bureaucracy
a small, inconvenient part of your brain tabling a question regarding when you might go down on a woman again
After decades of flatulence, the forefathers of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
After decades of influence, the forefathers of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
Grey's Colon An XXX Parody
Ryan's silent war against the spambots
having really boring dreams about being a responsible adult
wondering why those Oregon militiamen hate Female Body Inspectors so much
dewshine
Grey's Anatomy Colon The Video Game
Raycism
your family hassling you about finding someone and having children despite your being laid off from your job not even a month ago
Kento's open sandwich relationship
Ho Mesa
Moesha
arguing that it flouts the corporate governance code and is a serious conflict of interest
being rather silly and porridge oats
mapping historical cultural production
handing over money to look at paper
dude please your pay per view event was a joke
Humpty Trumpty will have a good fall
Big Yellow Uber
Leo was just a pretty boy from California until he moved to Chicago to be a pubicist for the Chicago Bears
Breeders Without Borders
Raydiation
Sixth Form Banned After RAY J Orgy
wondering if there is a Brandy Norwood tribute act called Whiskey
Chislehurst and Sidcup both sounding like Pokemon names
Pokemon Chislehurst and Sidcup
Cis with soy
Sixth Form Banned After Brandy Orgy
Don Quixburger
wondering how much Hilary Swank slash Ralph Macchio fanfiction there is
Homos Without Borders
In Heaven there is dragon meat, on Earth there is donkey meat
Vegan homos with meat
Homos with meat
Chislehurst and Sidcup
Asian tiger mosquitos
Japan's Booming Sex Niche Colon McChoco Potatoes Desu Ne
McChoco Potatoes Desu Ne
It took them nearly four minutes to turn it off, people couldn't believe what they were seeing isn't it
Leo was just a pretty boy from California unti he moved to Chicago to be a publicist for the Chicago Bears
Twink About Bears, the hilarious new sitcom from NBC
Leonardo DiCaprio meets pope to talk about bears
popcorn frogging
Thon was a secretive and often reclusive male Tchuukthai Jedi Master who lived in the period surrounding the events of the Great Sith War
Grieving family's horror as hardcore pornography played at funeral for father and baby son, look you now
McChoco Potatoes
These days it is hard to have the word 'tweet' without 'ill advised' before it
you gotta bring the bread on home
wondering why nobody knew the fascist weirdos at the high school were going to wreck the dance
Miyagi imply uhhh slice up Eric san penis like uhhh zucchini
And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement
drawing a picture of Daniel san banging Julie's mom on the hood of Mister Miyagi's truck
just now getting that Mister Miyagi moved to Boston and Julie didn't move to California
thinking that the Karate Kid reboot can't seriously be harder to endure than The Next Karate Kid, but then remembering that time you saw After Earth and it was horrible
Eric is icky
General Dwight Debauchery Eisenhower
Pokemon Sex Orgies, Drunken Behaviour and General Dwarf Debauchery
acting like another Hitler by inciting racism
hey guys, remember the Cranberries
stuffed animals can be just as dangerous as the world's worst despots
taking a road trip into Redneck County
not understanding how the hawk got from Boston to California
no way, no teach
you pay Miyagi
Miyagi no need say nothing
Mister Miyagi's Little Trees must really be raking in the cash to afford that giant ass house
it's just a car
sex orgies, drunken behaviour and general dwarf debauchery
hanging it in the background
a US highschool with what is clearly a fascist militia roaming the halls suborning the normal operation of an educational institution
Ol' Rapey Ned
three young, identically dressed, muscular men appear on screen just as the soundtrack delivers the line "take it like a man"
especially nineties soundtracks
wondering whether Christopher Caine's teenage son was offered a part where he would hang it in the background wearing a super tight t shirt and occasionally make ambiguously homoerotic quips
the old lady who appears to just say "Julie"
guessing that you have probably seen The Next Karate Kid at least half a dozen times because there was a cable channel that seemed to run it every Saturday afternoon when you were in college, but you can not remember even a single scene
HILARIOUS EXPOSITION
getting some meat for a friend from a police station
the best way to honor the military dead is to constantly fire guns over their graves
HILARIOUS WANK
A Film By CHRISTOPHER CAIN
drawing a picture of Donald Trump bending over and getting a hefty contribution from a New York City ticket scalper
For the sixth straight year, Donald Trump made no contributions to his own charitable foundation, instead relying on a hefty contribution from a New York City ticket scalper to underwrite the group's activities
A Canadian teenager allegedly discussed packing a moose with sand, painting it with maple syrup and introducing it to mounties
An Australian teenager allegedly discussed strapping explosives to a Tasmanian devil convict, painting an Islamic State symbol on it in vegemite, and arming it with a boomerang
hav airlander
hav
I would hav bet money that that was a Donald Trump quote
An Australian teenager allegedly discussed packing a kangaroo with explosives, painting it with an Islamic State symbol and setting it on police, a Melbourne court has heard
If somebody doesn't like you, fuck 'em, they've got bad taste
thinking you have a nosebleed whenever you get brain cancer
The Shrek movies deconstruct fairy tale conventions with much more depth and wit than this dreary parade of lifeless celebrity waxworks
and many times murdered
From Moses who killed an Egyptian for abusing his people, to Jesus who died on a cross as a condemned criminal, many of those who operate outside the box and promote love and justice over the current form of government are treated as outcasts
Casting of Joseph Fiennes, fortyfive, as Michael Jackson in British TV comedy sparks controversy
grilling the California garlic
Casting of Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in British TV comedy sparks controversy
LaVoy Finicum Colon 'I Would Rather Die Than Be Caged'
discovering that you can have all the unpleasant aftertaste of bad chorizo simply by eating patatas bravas at lunch and having a single slice of smoked cheese in the afternoon
The Pentagon Wars Colon Reformers Challenge the Old Guard
Using the State Farm magic, he and his wife turn his son's room into a spa, a dojo, and a steam room
John McGinley
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye"
bullseyeing wet kids on Kupoh
Frosted Flakes Blocked A Bunch Of Furries On Twitter And Now They're All Freaking Out
jinkies
III%ers
bullseyeing wet dogs on Kupoh
Additionally, the term "wet dog" was used by Luke Skywalker to describe an odor he smelled while on Kupoh
drawing a picture of zombie Ronald Reagan fucking Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, with a frozen burrito while Reanimated Margaret Thatcher watches from a tree and masturbates
wondering if the inhabitants of the Mystery Machine were Freemen on the Land or a posse comitatus
drawing a picture of Ronald Reagan hermetically sealing Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour
topping and bottoming for Joseph Steson, fiftyfour, in Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, sixtynine, LXIX
bottoming for Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, in Google Search Results VII
wondering how many gay sex regrets we would have to write about Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, before the Regret Index would top google searches for his name
drawing a picture of Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, being anally and orally penetrated by two federal agents whilst giving hand jobs to two additional federal agents
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with thrilling federal agents"
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with holding federal agents"
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with kissing federal agents"
to free women forever of anti slackism
hawking wee hawk's wee in Weehawken
The Donald on his Newsmax debate, GOP candidates
Mice on Lars
thinking from the top regrets that someone else watched Life on Mars
but also being the one with less of an external support system
Wanting to try not to be the one to smooth this shit over
also bring really sick of being the meditator
how dare you be upset any their indignation at that suggestion
how dare you suggest their feats ever possibly be matched by a fatty like you
seriously, behind told that you had insulted someone by just expressing how that you could try at a thing that had done, and further insulted then with an emotional response
then being told that you were being unreasonable for being upset about that
being told tonight that you just aspiring towards a goal was shitting all over someone's work towards the same goal
cause of course you'll never create your own family
that thing where you wish she'd create her own family so you could just be alone already
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with killing federal agents"
introducing the Amazon Prime Regret Index, same day remorse, free and unlimited
A free lO% off Thankyou to all existing amazing Regret Index customers
the Amazon Regret Index
selling your website to a major multinational company
Fed Horse
Supposedly Hungry Horse in Hungry Horse Not Actually Hungry
cheeiro
A woman on White Rabbit Lane reported that another woman has, on numerous occasions, threatened to come over and take all of her cats
A horse and mule that were originally through to have insufficient access to food and water actually do have access to both food and water
A boxer and a smaller, short tailed thing were loose on Box Elder Lane
A bearded man was caught stealing a slab of ham from a local grocery store
Florida man kisses bird of prey, loses part of lip
cheerio
UK government misspells 'language' while announcing English tests for migrants
For Too Many Years When The Oscars Nominations Are Revealed, My Office Phone Rings Off The Hook With The Media Asking Me My Opinion About The Lack Of African Americans And This Year Was No Different
seeing how many you can lick in an hour then trying to break that record
Carlos and October Basket, eh
Kim Kardashian's Thoughts on Breastfeeding in Public
BEEP BOOP MARVIN MINSKY IS OFFLINE BEEP BOOP
Carlos and the Kebab Scooter
Kebaburritos
vegan Kebabpizza
insulting Turkish pizza
The kebab pizza is a Swedish invention which combines Italian and Turkish cuisine in a way that might horrify Italians and Turks
Kebabpizza
Kento's booming sex niche colon
Japan's Booming Sex Niche Colon Elder Porn Desu Ne
Taylor v Taintor
bottoming for Widdle in Jub Jub Crime Machine VII
bottoming for Bryan South in Hot Tub Crime Machine VII
bottoming for Bryan South in South of the Border VII
meeting Bryan South
Dong of Ryan North
Song of the North, eh
Dong of the Mouth
Nanook of the North
Song of the South
Initiatives for the eradication of #polio & #guineaworm disease have moved forward greatly over the past year
rolio
polio
Joel on Joel with Joel watching
Trumpson J Frank
TRUMP SHAKES
TRUMP FRANKS
Josh Trank's Republican Caucus
Trump Frank Twenty Sixteen
Donald Trump Schlonging Simulator Twenty Sixteen
Donald Trump Fifth Avenune Shooter Twenty Sixteen
Balls Kicking Simulator Twenty Sixteen
to boldly go where no man ever wants to get hit
The impact was so devastating that it broke the athletic cup he was wearing
Pokemon Words Like Wine and the Names of Foreign Animals and Pets
Words like wine and the names of foreign animals and pets
feeding a recurrent neural network with the scripts for every episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
taking a really big poo
wanting to make Kento a chocolate filled star doughnut for his birthday
fingering a butt in bed
eating a Butterfinger in bed
Kobe Bryant Calls Tim Duncan 'Ultimate Professional'
Sharon Knolle of Moviefone called Machete the Mexican equivalent of fictional British spy James Bond
Jonathan Avildsen Seagull
Snakes on a Plane II Colon Snake's on a Plane starring Kurt Russell with Special Appearance by Jonathan Avildsen
incorrectly guessing Jonathan Avildsen to be a Stunt Man Actor rather than A Terrible Actor Whose Dad Directed The Movie
Pokemon Snake and Dennis
Pokemon "Jonas" and "Snowzilla"
US Republican front runner Donald Trump expressed confidence on Saturday that he could push back attempts by his rivals to knock him off his top perch, saying he could stand on New York's Fifth Avenue "and shoot Jackson C Frank," and still not lose voters
wondering how many times Donald Trump has already killed with impunity
US Republican front runner Donald Trump expressed confidence on Saturday that he could push back attempts by his rivals to knock him off his top perch, saying he could stand on New York's Fifth Avenue "and shoot somebody," and still not lose voters
the Snowzilla Brothers
The storm has also been given various unofficial names, including "Jonas" and "Snowzilla"
trying so hard not to laugh at "chocolate filled star doughnut" in the bedroom
trying so hard not to laugh at "chocolate filled star doughnut" in the supermarket
you gave us Tex Mex, we can forgive you
wishing, as an American, to apologize for introducing the modern concept of artisanal food to the world
the first and only lOO% artisan wood powered coffee roastery in the UK
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face holding out for a two year old
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face
holding out for a two year old
thinking that Snake and Dennis are Perrrrfect would mostly be about Snake hitting the gym to blast his quads whenever he wasn't waxing his convertible
two grown men fixating on a teenage boy who runs a topiary store with the older man he lives alone with, a boy who can't seem to get a steady girlfriend despite pretty girls throwing themselves at him
Snake and Dennis are Perrrrfect
There are so many temptations in the crazy world today, And there are so many people tryin' to lead you astray, Whenever you're confused about all the things you see, You can't tell a friend from the enemy
wanting to write a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead for the Karate Kid III with Snake as the main character
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
they wanted to take revenge on Daniel by making his foot sweel and his knuckles bleed, etc
not really understanding what the stakes are in the tournament for Kreese or Silver, since even if they lose, Silver is still a plutonium dumping whoremonger, and Kreese still has a sugar daddy, but then, Kreese always did have a sugar daddy
I love it when he pounds him
now the real pain begins, Danny Boy
Mister Miyagi, they changed the tournament rules so the defending champion doesn't have to fight as many extras and the budget can be smaller
I'M GONNA OPEN COBRA KAI DOJOS ALL OVER THIS VALLEY! HELL! I MIGHT EVEN TEACH FOR FREE!
actually really hoping they deal with the stolen trees before the end of the movie
he hates the wooden men
Terry Silver's plutonium dumping business and elaborate revenge schemes are just sidelines, he makes most of his money from his Angry Kid brothel network, for which the twenty martial arts dojos he bought for Kreese are simply a front offering recruitment
guessing that he spends at least four hours a day building guys out of plywood to kick, too
nothing's for free
wondering who runs Terry Silver's plutonium dumping business when he's out running elaborate revenge schemes on teenagers and slash or going to parties for teenagers
Daniel is literally splattered with blood
guessing that at some point in development, someone realized stores generally buy rather than manufacture the majority of their merchandise, so getting the stolen bonsai trees back became less crucial
he ran into your fist, not your fault
feeling like your martial arts movie has kind of gone off the rails when you start focusing more time on the karate subplot rather than the main bonsai shop management plot
a man can't breathe, he can't fight
first dissolve old foot, then, grow new bonsai foot
new foot powder
Terry Silver's D intensive program and hatred of wooden people
a man can't stand, he can't fight
that was literally the first thing that I thought when I saw him
feeling that if Thomas Ian Griffith had been born about ten years later he would have made a perfect Red Ranger
who are you his mother
Rent Boy Mike grabs some man boob
that's pretty standard for most film universes without a karate tournament organizer as a main character
echoing Daniel's question of why he is so stupid
wondering why Daniel san didn't just go to the directors of the All Valley Tournament and say, "hey, that guy Mike Barnes attempted to murder me and my girlfriend in an attempt to get me to sign this registration form"
shouting your murder plan across half of California from a clifftop
Reginald VelJohnson would have taken care of Mike Barnes and Snake
that's pretty standard for most film universes without a cop as a main character
wondering why there doesn't even appear to be the concept of law enforcement in the world of the Karate Kid
what happened to the guy who lost his head
Everybody Loves Ralph Macchio
suspecting that Terry Silver made his fortune not by toxic waste dumping but by actually running an enormous gay teen prostitution stable
if you're looking to be a bad boy in LA, Snake's the boy to be bad with
Snake's the boy to be bad with
being a professional toxic waste dumper
simple, direct, catchy
Mister Miyagi's Little Trees
HEY! I LIKE THAT! OH, I LIKE THAT JOHNNY! I'M GONNA USE THAT!
you're a sweetheart, that's great
Blake Lively's half sister
Cobra Kai never dies
that the actor playing Vietnam vet Terry Silver is actually a year younger than Ralph Macchio
Vietnam veterans reminiscing about all the times they shaved each other's asses
he beat him up for it
wondering how Sensei Kreese managed to get a hold of Marty McFly's vest
always being baffled when movie credits boast a "special appearance" by an actor
and proud
I was out
I was waiting for you
have you already started
maybe one ish
thinking of starting around midnight UTC
a bearded hotdog yelling HULK U at you from across the street
Hulk A Roos sounding like some kind of underwear
seriously having no idea what kind of food item either "Hulk U's" or "Hulk A Roos" is intended to suggest
The restaurant, which remained in operation for less than a year, featured such dishes as "Hulk U's" and "Hulk A Roos"
LA hunk's hogskin
Chinese restaurants shut down after seasoning food with opium to 'hook' customers
taking so long to work out that you're not KISS
taking so long to work out that exponential functions shouldn't be used
taking so long to work out that you're not GALACTIC REPUBLIC
sticking together is what good child rapists do
R Kelly is still a Cosby fan
typing things in the wrong box
Nonbinary
taking so long to work out that you're not cis
YouAreDogNow
deimatic skanks
accidentally befriending the neighborhood skank, who now, when she sees you, bounds over to you cheerfully in an alarming way, although it's really quite cute
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the Asianist dance ever
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the fattest dance ever
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the gayest dance ever
the swanboobs on Chicken
I could eat
wondering if you're going to be watching The Karate Kid Colon Part III at around this time tomorrow, and, if so, we should totally liveregret it together
the manboobs on Chozen
being one of both people who have seen Your Highness, and the only one who has seen the whole thing
the scene with Mister Miyagi's father's death from The Karate Kid II reminding you very much of the scene with the puppet from Your Highness
ralphing mochas on Ralph Macchio
winning the Reader's Dickgest sweepstake
my blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold, goyim is the centerfold, oy vey
that if you were just in it for the pictures, then the Circumcised Centerfold in Shalom Shlongs is your best bet
that you always though the writing quality of Wieners Weekly was far superior to Men's Penises, but it probably was a worse deal for the money
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
In the bloodpot of human hearts
getting a subscription to Men's Walruses Magazine in terminal one of Charles de Gaulle airport
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine in the showers at Penn State
getting a subscription to Walruses' Penises Magazine in the Boston Aquarium
getting a subscription to Women's Penises Magazine in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
by the butcher's shop with the sawdust strewn
getting a subscription to Electroplated Pennies Magazine
meeting Joe Black
getting a subscription to Women's Penises Magazine
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine
den den daiko
remembering that your aunt went to Okinawa not long after it came out and brought you one of those little drum things
Putin implicated in fatal poisoning of former KGB spy at posh London hotel
signing up for HotJupiters hoping for extrasolar superplanets who'd do things your own gas giants won't, but just getting sad, rapey, and irrationally angry messages from middle aged men's penises just like with every dating site out there
Hot Jupiters
my sentences are often more coherent than that
guessing that you say The Karate Kid II once like maybe the year it came out
lube on, lube off
try biting down on a towel
a man's got to learn to take it
Darth Vader infant onesie recalled for posing hand chopping hazard
I find your lack of nursing rooms disturbing
Darth Vader infant onesie recalled for posing choking hazard
sucking her peppers until she had a Gene Hunt
Johnny's KISS makeup is the worst
o
Ralph Mojari
Elisabeth Shoe
having impure thoughts about a twenty one year old Elisabeth Shue
Barry White eating boysenberries with white boys in Boise
Home Alone VI Trapped in Penn State
A Jerry Weintraub Production
Santa With Muscles would make an excellent double bill with Home Alone IV
wondering whether Home Alone III onward continued the trend in the first two of teaching young children that every creepy old person is actually really nice and has nothing but your best interests at heart
discovering that Home Alone IV is viewable in its entirety on Youtube and downloading it, but you still haven't gotten around to watching Santa With Muscles so who knows when you'll watch it
rating the third and fifth installments of Home Alone as the best in terms of acting, the third and first as the most original in terms of story, the first and second the highest in terms of set piece violence and endearing self awareness, and the fourth
all the latest copper news in heating, gas, design, health, water, solar and other topics
jumping over that lazy dog
Home Alone Colon Alone in the Dark
hopefully google searching for "Matt Damon punched in the face supercut" and being greatly disappointed
Christopher Nolan's Interstellar Sea Cow
maybe that's why you liked Interstellar
I just wish Matt Damon got punched in the face more is all I'm saying
maybe it does, I haven't seen it
wishing that The Martian had a scene where an alien punches Matt Damon in the face and says "welcome to merz!"
Hot Octopuss is turning old phone booths into "male stress relief" masturbation booths in Manhattan, I'm wankin' here
for you maybe
the new Malibu Stacey has an achievable chest
Home Alone V is a tour de force and easily the best film in the entire series
time and space collapsing
the daughter in Home Alone V was also the murderous zombie girl in The Cabin in the Woods
wowwww
oh my god it's the fucking Shining
Home Alone V starting with an establishing shot reminiscent of The Shining, or at least, of the Simpsons parody of the Shining, because you've never seen the Shining
scanning a hard disk for rootkits less than twelve hours after installing it, if you know what I mean
scanning a hard disk for rootkits less than twelve hours after installing it
Potjevleesch
It is performed by Bieber and Jaden Smith
Dennis Rodman endorsing both Donald Trump and Kim Jong un
a heart attack shaped like a penis
beep boop
dragging your consciousness across the familiar and less familiar interface with your damaged cyborg memory
people don't do that type of thing with fish
not calling the Independence Day sequel Codependence Day
still not being sure in twenty sixteen that Kento is a real person and valid identity and such
wondering whether Jack Nicholson slash Christian Slater or Jeff Goldblum slash Shia LaBeouf would be a better pair for Looper II Colon Loop Harder
Predapendence Day
bottoming for Jeff Goldblum and Shia LaBeouf in IDP Colon Incoherence Day
wondering if there is a glory hole equivalent for butt stuff where you just jam your cheeks up against a dinner plate sized hole and wait for people to come and do stuff to you
Anonymous colon
confusing Amy Smart with Amber Benson
James Marsden being out acted by a magic eight ball and a plastic skeleton in the thrilling conclusion
the manic pixie dream girl farts to prove she's not the writer's idealised ex
wanting a Predator vs Independence Day crossover just for the line "welcome to erf GET TO DA CHOPPA"
hot dog suicide bomber objectivists not being on wikipedia's list of stock characters
spending a couple of minutes expecting James Marsters to show up
always confusing Saved By the Bell Colon The New Class's James Marsden with Eldest Worm Boy's Jason Marsden
the magical negro is advocating stalking
it appears to be made by swans and claims midgets are notorious skirt chasers
tonight's movie is Interstate Sixty
the great tragedy of the dead hard drive saga being the loss of Home Alone V, which was one day away from retirement
suggesting the Karate Kid series for your next movie binge, because The Karate Kid III is one of the greatest movies of all time
"your Amazon order has been dispatched" having the same ominous ring to it as "the pact is sealed"
bingop
Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump for GOP bingo
shaving your ladyparts and eating them too
Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump for GOP nomination
that's the whole ballgag
cocaine seizures
'Largest Cocaine Seizure in Denmark's History' Is Worth $one hundred thirty one M Colon Officials
tappa tappa tappa
homophonia
bottoming for Dr Kevin Worm in I Love Bum
Butt expert Dr Kevin Worm
Worm expert Dr Kevin Butt
Dr Bronner's Soap
fifty% of hard drives will survive until their sixth birthday
fragrance
uh, books
that's the whole ballgame
Two Corinthians
Kushboo
the heat is off
I want to upvote you like a redditor
Jwl Klchr
wondering how many people ever got a tattoo of shtn Ktchr and how that's working out for them
wondering when stn Ktcr will get around to playing a character who is not a stoned idiot
into a brick wall
vaguely recalling a story about shtn Ktcr being the most followed person on twitter but now it looks like he's in sixty second place, so either you remembered wrong or his career has really crashed into a brick wall
Earthworms the size of an elderly podcaster's penis, weighing as much as a small walrus, have been discovered on the Isle of Cum
Pokemon Pretty Rich
Bono's dog's boner boondoggle
Pokemon Pretty and Rich
a much better name for this movie would be Crime Travel
shtn Ktchr
shton Kutcher's inability to play Ashton Kutcher convincingly
they really missed a trick not calling this guy Butt Erffly
Bono's dog can't get an erection
snake discovered that weighs as much as a mouse that weighs as much as a snake
the growing sense of horror as you watch Try Effete Butt Felch and realise someone deliberately cast Ashton Kutcher
weighing as much as a small mouse
the growing sense of horror as you watch The Butterfly Effect and realise someone deliberately cast Ashton Kutcher
Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum
Castle Asian
Castle Fat
Amazing lithograph reveals gorilla and camel 'playing Dungeons & Dragons with Tim Duncan'
Amazing picture reveals gorilla and camel 'Eiffel Towering Kento'
Amazing photo reveals gorilla and camel 'living on Mars'
I want to fuck you like complacency over data backups
I want to fuck you like an animal and a celebrity
the ironic difficulty of trying to navigate amazon from a kindle browser
an all action hero with a stiff upper lip and a miraculous knack for getting himself out of sticky situations
Castle Gay
two officials from the embassy asked a nearby hair salon to remove a poster of Justin Trudeau emblazoned with the words "bad hair, eh"
Dickson McCunn
two officials from the embassy asked a nearby hair salon to remove a poster of Kim Jong un emblazoned with the words "bad hair day"
A drunk grandmother who attacked a shopkeeper with a Taser in a racist tirade has reportedly been spared jail
Turmagar, the leader of the Tuskas, travels to the Cat's Lair to ask for aid in defeating the Technopede robot which is destroying his village
making a two hundred million dollar film of Shia LaBeouf performing cunnilingus on a robotic parasaurolophus
Transformers Colon DinoMunchers
coconut water enemas
DinoMunchers
making dinosaur love with agent fiftyseven
having unnatural dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven
Roman Polanski's preteen ejaculation problem
Roman Polanski's premature ejaculation problem
Hayden Christensen's premature ejaculation problem
it's actually really fun
what's in my pants is none of your fucking business
goth rent boy movies, yessiree
goth rent boy movies
selling your nuts to a castrati
THROBBING BIOLOGICAL URGES
being about to say that it was so far about three minutes of Hayden Christensen's wordless, contextless masturbation, but then it actually happening with autoerotic asphyxiation and goth makeup
finally getting around to watching Life As a House because you discovered that the creepy looking kid with the anime eyes from Home Alone IV is also in it
Henry Velociraptor
making an NSFW Japanese condom advert featuring Kento being unnaturally bonked by Chris Lydon and a velociraptor
NSFW Japanese condom advert features two dinosaurs bonking, unnaturally
hand cranking Brisbane Bridge, crikey
hand cranking the internet
addling egrets using a basic Kindle
adding regrets using a basic Kindle
relability
really hating computers to the point where every time you buy a new laptop every five years or so you tell your friends, family, and store staff that literally the only thing that matters to you is relability
having dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven in an NSFW Japanese condom advert, desu ne
trying to figure out how to get into the case of an unfamiliar desktop computer to figure out if you can rescue a hard drive and deciding that in fact you hate computers
NSFW Japanese condom advert features two dinosaurs bonking, naturally
British fudgepacker missing after beating off Brisbane Bridge 'for a bit of fun, cheerio', crikey
no more windows available
British backpacker missing after leaping off Brisbane bridge 'for a bit of fun, cheerio', crikey
haven't seen it
he does have a pretty big face
Open Faced Adam Driver
mmmmm, open faced club sand wedge
something something Adam Driver something golf club something Wedge Antilles
Adam Driver's exclusion of women and minorities from his clubhouse
not knowing enough about golf to make an Adam Driver joke
gerbil reasoning
wanting to reinstall your Adam Driver, but continually being taken to the Recovery Tools screen that tells you that you need to use the Recovery Tools instead
having to reinstall your Adam Driver
kind of wishing you could live in an alligator
kind of wishing you could live in a radiator
loaning your leaves to a dishonest Britney
masturbating in a monarchy
Adam Driver, I hardly know her
masturbating in a livery
living in a monastery
living in a monarchy
the fact that Hillary Clinton is losing the youth vote to a man who looks like he is roughly two hundred and fifty years old
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to adamDRIVER
Brubaker landing on Mars
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to colonDRYVRS
Kevin's dad is in love with his wife and kids
Superman Colon Unbound
Missi Pyle's amazing delivery in the "get in the bag" scene
there isn't any snow
Kevin's dad doesn't believe that, despite the incredible coincidence of the first two movies, a career criminal might once again be operating in his home town
Missi Pyle's instantly recognisable gum chewing schtick
Kevin somehow remembers Marv
the adults are worse actors than the children
someone actually cast French Stewart as the kid from The Wonder Years who grew up to be a career criminal in the first two movies
the dg said "home alone", then his deadbeat dad came over for a booty call
They say I am a virgin on a stallion, mounting a stallion my Dear Leader gave me, all my life I will live to uphold his name!
this child's eyes appear to be real life anime eyes
French Stewart is the only reason to hang on through this shit
the kd said "home alone", then his deadbeat dad came over for a booty call
has French Stewart shown up yet
literally one minute in, Home Alone IV is the worst Home Alone, and then it introduces a divorce plot
wondering why you would darn orange socks
being Christmas Tree'd by Chris Lydon and a mouse in ThreeD
Hoser's Cum I
muse choirs
Chris Mouse
horse music
house music
It means that you are going to go over to your partners house and fuck with Netflix in the background
being invited over to watch a movie with Tim Duncan
playing Dungeons & Dumpsters with Tim Dumpinme
taking the hugest dump in Tim Duncan
taking the hugest dump on Tim Duncan
Sir Tim Duncan takes ten d six shit damage
Magic user craps all over cage mat during fight!
Lover craps all over cage mat during fight!
maybe we're just terrible people
StormChan
this is the worst website ever
look harder
Rape Ingot System not found fisting Cilla Black
the death of Cilla Black
Rape Ingot System not found
fisting Cilla Black
Operating System not found
fucking Cilla black
Crapper fights all over cage mat during crap!
bucking Cilla Flack
cucking Filla Black
BOMBER craps all over cage mat during fight!
fucking Cilla Black
Fighter craps all over cage mat during fight!
no one seems to touch me in the way you do
you know it's true, everything I do, I solve for x but I just can't get the hang of algebra like when am I going to use that in a pop ballad
Man we were killin' time, we were young and restless, we needed to unwind, we really had way too much sugar
Bryan's handwriting appears to be getting worse this term and his homework is often bloodstained
playing it 'til your neighbors contacted social services
it is irresponsible parenting to let a nine year old play the guitar until his fingers bleed
Magic Johnson
Butch Beard
French Stewart has no problem with playing Sun City
khlav kalash
it was actually shot in South Africa
of course you'll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs
Stern, calling this film "an insult, total garbage," refused to reprise his role
a child with a high IQ living in suburban Chicago
honestly not associating the values of New York with those of Donald Trump
New York values, I'm walkin' here
the perfect marriage of brown note incidental music and disturbing visuals
imagining Hans Zimmer's Fat Gay Asians theme
imagining Hans Zimmer's Home Alone theme
the Smoothie King Center
Scientists Bust Myth That Fat Gay Asians VII Has More Butt Stuff Than Home Alone III
Fat Gay Asians VII's reliance on butt stuff being timeless
you smacked my winky
this guy shoots a soil pipe and the black sludge that leaks from it over him indicates that the kid from Home Alone III has the rankest butt in all of hell itself
lightning coming out of that one guy's butt
putting a shipping label into a cross cut shredder
that Bryan Adams was sixty nined the summer he was nine years old
Home Alone III's reliance on butt stuff being timeless
Home Alone III's reliance on an extended drone sequence being ahead of its time
Home Alone III Colon Butt Stuff
butt inspection gloves
young Scarlett Johansson's unhealthy interest in small boys' buttocks
Alex slammed the toilet seat down on his thing again
having never seen any Home Alone movie after the first two before
Gay Man Touching An Electric Fence
Boston Man Reacts To Finding A Huge Fish
Dog Won't Listen To Owner
A group of Virginia Tech researchers who sampled the water in two hundred and seventy one Flint homes last summer found some contained lead levels high enough to meet the EPA's definition of "toxic waste"
In a two thousand nine survey for Brazilian rum Sagatiba, this was found to be the UK's favourite summer song of all time, narrowly beating Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime"
that Bryan Adams was nine years old in the summer of sixty nine
those were the best days of my life
standin' on your mama's porch, Eiffel Towerin' Kento with a walrus
going to bed early at four in the morning
hint
the loneliest number that you'll ever do
two
the square root of nine
four
five
six
seven
you're a pink shit holed whore, I'm a brown shit holed whore, have we met somewhere before
the forthcoming Scottish version of American Gladiators, British Gladiators
Smash Mouth's forthcoming album 'Songs You Used To Like'
drawing a picture of Alan Rickman rolling in his grave listening to Smash Mouth
StarPunchers
entering a regret when you intended to do a search because some idiot stretched the screen brown assho
wondering what it is like to get into the porn industry and have things like "worked as a fluffer on the production and launch of I'M A BROWN SHIT HOLED WHORE November nought two to August nought three" on your resume
entering a regret when you intended to do a search because some idiot stretched the screen
brown assho
Pokemon David Bowie and Alan Rickman
stetching the screen more than Kento's asshole
I didn't mean to do that and I apologise
oh shit
here am I shitting in my tin can, farting above the moooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooo
wondering what it is like to get into the music industry and have things like "worked on the production and launch of Smash Mouth's 'Get The Picture' November nought two to August nought three" on your resume
take your protein pills and put your helmet on, you might as well be walking on the sun
Listen to David Bowie's Cover of Smash Mouth's One Record Anybody Can Actually Remember
Yeah, Actually It Is Probably Better If You Don't
getting your fist sex girl rants, sir, buying them at the five and dime
Or, Don't
Listen to Smash Mouth's Cover of Queen & David Bowie's 'Under Pressure'
David Bowie and Alan Rickman getting their fist sex girl rants, sir
David Bowie and Alan Rickman getting their first real six strings
David Bowie and Alan Rickman dying at sixty nine
the episode of Family Matters where Carl and Urkel go on American Gladiators
Armenian Gladiators
the equivalent of putting your hands in liquid feces, except that lactobacilli are benign bugs
the worst thing to happen to image searching being Pinterest insulting support Turkishness
trucking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
the worst thing to happen to image searching being Pinterest
insulting support Turkishness
Flying turkey ruffles feathers about 'emotional support' animals on planes
wondering why the British version of American Gladiators wasn't called British Gladiators, Cheerio, cheerio
Christina Lydon
John Anderson, after reviewing the footage, ruled that while Lydon did use excessive grease on Ikeda's legs there was no actual rule prohibiting this therefore she was allowed to retain the points she had earned
wow, what a hole
preferring the toystore from Mister Rainmanible's Suitcase of Animals to the toystore from Home Alone Two Colon Lost in New York
John Anderson, after reviewing the footage, ruled that while Bawden did use excessive grease on her legs there was no actual rule prohibiting this therefore she was allowed to retain the points she had earned
the heady days of the nineteen nineties when you could ask Donald Trump where the bathroom is and he would tell you without launching into a diatribe about it being full of Mexican muslims
Bruce Banner incredibly being found culpable for laying Macaulay Culkin in Macau
Lord Patrick of Stewart
Sir Hugh de Jackman
a broad strip taken from the head to the heel, to make therewith a baldrick for his sword
sparing neither age nor sex, monk nor nun
THEY CAN TAKE OUR TEACAKES BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!
"WILLIAM WALLACE," screamed the Scottish Resistance member
"Hear roar us," they demanded
Trump should dishonorably discharge Hans Gruber
Backstreet's back, bar fight!
All the media, the British media, control everything in Scotland
the hard death of Hans Gruber
the death of Hans Gruber
Stolen circumcision ambulance found after tip off
I haven't collided a really good hadron since I had that quark
I haven't had a really good stroke since I had the stroke
I haven't had a really good stroke since I had the hard on
I haven't had a really good hard on since I had the stroke
John Candy saying polka over and over and over
Trump should enact a writ of damnatio memoriae on
Trump should excommunicate French Stewart
wondering if someone wants to explain to Anne Coulter that's not how deportation works, even if Trump actually had any political authority
Trump should deport Nikki Haley
I mistook you for Kevin McAllister
I never asked
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass
wondering why the title music of Home Alone is so in love with itself and so reminiscent of the Jar Jar and Anakin scenes from The Phantom Menace, then noticing it's a John Williams theme
Brown released a DVD entitled Chris Brown's Journey, which shows footage of him traveling in England and Japan, getting ready for his first visit to the Grammy Awards, behind the scenes of his music videos and bloopers, cheerio, desu ne
Act III, scene IV of Romeo and Juliet where Romeo takes his shirt off, smashes a malt liquor bottle over a Canadian rapper's head, then sends a tweet calling him a faggot
Chris Brown being more like a real life Edward Lewis out of Pretty Woman than anything else
Act V, scene IV of Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo parties in a casino hotel and blames media attention on his relationship with Juliet for giving him cause to assault a hooker he has hired for the weekend
He stated he did not feel that his career was over, and described his relationship with Rihanna as having been like Romeo and Juliet, blaming the media attention in the aftermath of the assault for driving them apart
The best Vietnamese place in the state
A Dong Restaurant ready to reopen after fire
David Bowie fans sign petition to bring him back from the dead
kangaroos are often called "the Chris Brown of the Animal Kingdom"
Far from "mourning the loss of his mate", the male kangaroo pictured in "heartbreaking" viral photographs with its injured female "companion" might have been responsible for her death while attempting to mate with her, experts say
something something Dead Kento Society something kangaroo something Robin Williams something crikey
A scientist has claimed "heartbreaking" viral photographs showing the "tragic moment" a young kangaroo "reached out to touch its dying mother, one last time", have been misinterpreted by the media
being unable to find a picture of Jewel in a lab coat and glasses
busty scientists
Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells
Holland, Pennsylvania
hashtag lilypoet
hashtag yetipoll
hashtag politely
politely
poliely
Gruffalr
Grinchr
waffle pizza
Weywot
it'd keep Kento amused but there's very little in it for the rest of us
one hundred Trump sized ducks means one hundred explosive corkscrew penises
I fail to see the downside to the one hundred Trump sized ducks
wondering whether you would rather vote for one duck sized Donald Trump or one hundred Donald Trump sized ducks
I'd rather be a cow pat than a cop
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Donald Trump whose brain has been replaced with that of a duck, or a hideous chimeric fusion of David Cameron and Cameron Diaz
It is partly my fault but Tesco needs to do something about this because more people are going to get hurt
When they put the items in the fridges that's when everyone goes nuts
"because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath" not being a line from a live action Disney film of the nineteen sixties
he got his degree from Penn State
Wikipedia's list of notable people from Neverland Ranch including Dr Michael Twoyoungmen
Wikipedia's list of notable people from Calgary including Dr Michael Twoyoungmen
sometimes missing taking baths as opposed to showering, because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath
noisy daywalkers
this concludes the jokes about Calgary
we're going to rock down to Stephen Avenue, and we'll do it politely
climbing up on Calgary Hill
the sign outside Calgary that says "Population Both, eh"
Colon Crikey
Calgarifornication
bragging about eating from West Virginia
something something El Chapo something tunnel to freedom something Ashley Olsen something heroin
really hoping that Fuller House makes reference to Michelle's fatal heroin binge
the death of Ashley Olsen
putting on aftershave to compensate for your ordinary shoes
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! Did we lose a war
running to lose, heart on your sleeve and your soul in your shoes
bottoming for Hugh Jackman and Vin Diesel in xXx Down Under Colon Crikey
that not many people are going to see your diamonds if you put them on the soles of your shoes
the Pope's movie reviews are considered infallible
spoiler alert
Vatican newspaper says Star Wars Colon The Force Awakens' villains are not evil enough
Yesterday's Enterprise
Farage intimates that kettle "boils very fast"
Farage complains of 'unpleasant black tone' to kettle
Welsh MP responds, "Cause bobe, yt is as moche to say as rostyd chese"
the gift of sex
Farage complains of 'unpleasant Nationalist tone' to Welsh politics
The bill does not assign a "dollar valuation" to the gift of sex
Lobbyists in Missouri who have sex with state lawmakers or their aides would have to disclose that activity to the state ethics commission, under a bill introduced this week by a Republican state representative
mondegreens don't have to make sense
Online shopper ordered a Kindle and was sent hospital patient's tumour sample instead
that doesn't make any sense
maiming bats with Matt Damon
drawing a picture of a bear giving the chariot to Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon in Ted T Raped, Eh
wondering if there was a movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, the two most inexplicable male sex symbols ever, starred opposite each other and then realizing, oh yeah, The Departed
for two minutes, I will tell only the truth, and so will you
Ultrasound scan showing a CHICK next to baby in womb leaves experts 'stumped'
Ultrasound scan showing a DUCK next to baby in womb leaves experts 'stumped'
A South Carolina woman who was convicted last year of clobbering a fellow strip club employee over the head with a stiletto shoe was arrested yesterday after she bit off the finger of a Walmart employee who tried to stop her from shoplifting condoms
Minutes after proposing to his girlfriend over the loudspeaker at Walmart, a Michigan man allegedly shoplifted a vibrator, an edible thong, and other sex toys from a nearby Spencer's gift store, according to police
spending an evening drinking Tropicana, watching Oz and the twentieth episode of season three of TNG for no reason
'The Movie Where Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon Get Raped by Starving Bears on Another Planet' Wins Musical Award at Golden Globes
Davie Jones with The King Bees
supbowie dot com
Future Black Swan class Sloop of war
introducing Maria Dickin to Myke Hawke
winning Good Dog at the World Dog Awards with seventeen Dickin Medals
red peppers, cocaine, and milk
Musician David Bowie Has Died at Sixty Nine
the death of David Bowie
Pokemon Money and Chips, cheerio
that all the weirdly off tone ads you get on your phone browser either have pictures of ten pound notes or of plates of fries for some reason
North Korea's Kim Jong un tells scientists to build butter nuclear weapons
North Korea's Kim Jong un tells scientists to build better nuclear weapons
'The Movie Where Matt Damon Starves on Another Planet' Wins Comedy Award at Golden Globes
'The Movie Where Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Raped by a Bear' Wins Drama Award at Golden Globes
an Emmy, in fact
awarding Emmy Rossum an award on a rostrum
A young teenage girl tries to help a small, purple colored, jive talking alligator escape from the clutches of a greedy carnival owner as well as as assortment of various characters so he can be reunited with his owner
Kento's bronze balls
Kento's silver spheres
Kento's golden globes
the Nobel Laureate Sir Lawrence Bragg pruning your hedges
swan tars wang theory
star wars ring theory
dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupes
The recent harvest of an unusual mountain lion in southeastern Idaho has been generating a lot of interest and questions among media and the public
regret index greatest hits, where the horses work
regret index greatest hits, deep throating fudge
refusing to believe that "pushing my way to the front, when they keep the good stuff 'till last" is a more awesome regret than "patriotic stoner hugs" or "you get the picture" or "illustrating an article about a stick with a branch"
taking that personally
that the regret index was awesome once upon a time but those days are long gone
Mr Penn wrote that the drug lord ironically called Mr Trump "Mi Amigo!"
Grizzlepike Jones
Michel Roger Lafosse
Drug lord El Chapo met with Sean Paul while on the run from authorities colon Rolling Stone
You're Well Believed A Man Are Fly
half ye vow days
heavy flow charts
heavy flow days
Braffing the California girls
grilling the California kills
being pretty sure that Jack Angel had died decades ago, but it turning out that he's alive
seeing Jack Angel on that list and wondering when female to male transsexual porn stars started raking in so much cash
Harrison Ford celebrates by drinking bottle of mouthwash and passing out on the toilet
Harrison Ford Just Became the Drunkest Gross Actor in US Box Office History
not having anything against Cameron Diaz but seriously wondering how she became the highest grossing actress in US box office history
Harrison Ford Just Became the Highest Grossing Actor in US Box Office History
Ol' Cap, eh
El Chapo, cheerio
wondering why such a violent, hateful thug would want to meet El Chapo
Drug lord El Chapo met with Sean Penn while on the run from authorities colon Rolling Stone
consumption in excess of one's laxation threshold
Kento's xylitol brings all the boys to the yard
xylitol
cushion for the pushin
wondering what it is about Kento that elderly podcasters and Muslim holy men find so attractive
the Veil of Veronica
Kento's so gay that an Imam wants to marry him
I maim Palpatine, eh
I maim Palpatine, ha
mamihlapinatapei
Also found was a piece of paper with Arabic German translations of derogatory sexual terms
he likes sunsets, what more do you want
Kento's so gay he probably thinks this regret is about him
Kento's so gay that when he stands next to Uruguay people think they're twins
Kento's so gay that when he went swimming pirates mistook him for one of those gay party boats and boarded him to plunder his booty
Kento's so gay he keeps threatening to out Peter Tatchell
Kento's so gay that when he started going bareback three pharmacies and a latex factory went out of business
Kento was so gay that he was rejected as host of the Tony Awards for being overqualified
Kento's so gay that when he eats a hot dog he tries to cup its balls
Kento's so gay that when he had an earache he asked the doctor for a suppository
Kento's so gay he practices dropping the soap in the shower at home just in case he ever goes to prison
Kento's so gay that when he blew out his birthday candles he asked them to leave the money on the nightstand
Kento's so gay that Iman wants to marry him
Kento's so gay that the wind never blows around him because it feels inadequate
that also works as a "Kento's so fat" joke
Kento's so gay they had to bulldoze a wall for him to come out of the closet
Kento's so gay he stuffs capybaras up his ass
Kento's so gay that light bends around him
Kento's so gay he had to come out twice
Kento's so gay Diana Ross told him to dial it down
you really need to make up your mind about whether I'm on the list or off the list
I want to ethically fuck you like an animal
the murder of Lena al Qasem
Raqqa is Being Slaughtered Silently
China's bitcoin rival, Mao's e dong
His factory is full of Maos
Pokemon You Light Up Another Cigarette and I Pour the Wine
you light up another cigarette and I pour the wine
In my family's long history of warfare there was a time where just having the name 'MacGyver' was punishable by cancellation
In my family's long history of warfare there was a time where just having the name 'McGregor' was punishable by death
Is he a cock, or is he a prick, When he's underwater does he get wet, Or does the water get him instead, Nobody knows, Testicle Man
Testicle Man, Testicle Man, Doing the things a testicle can, What's he like, It's not important, Testicle Man
Testicle Swan
I'm not your guy, buddy
I'm not your buddy, friend
listen buddy, nightmare ARE twenty thousand feet
finding out that Richard Donner directed "PETA is Answered the Call"
finding out that Richard Donner directed "Nightmare are Twenty Thousand Feet"
correct
People for the Ethical Fucking of Animals
PEFA
watching a large, possibly morbidly oriental squirrel eat a Dorito
watching a large, possibly morbidly homosexual squirrel eat a Dorito
watching a large, possibly morbidly obese squirrel eat a Dorito
drawing a picture of the Golden State Warriors lining up to completely empty their overfull bladders on Zach Braff's dumb, dumb face
there's no trick to it, it's just a little trick
my eyes
Golden State
Testicles, Swan
wondering how much a market there would be for an indie romcom that includes a scene in which, say, Christina Ricci urinates on Zach Braff
Testicles, Man! I Feel Like A Woman
Testicles, Man
Testicles Man
PuckerButt Pepper Company
more testicles means more iron
more protein than beef does good for you
PETA is answered the call
more protein than beef does
good for you
I have had a golden shower before from a woman and it burned my eyes
vegan jerky
give us liberty or give us snacks
The militant cattle ranchers currently occupying Malheur National Wildlife Refuge have appealed for snacks, and PETA is answered the call with a hand delivered package of vegan jerky that contains more protein than beef does
Maine governor declares intention to take "Cracker State" title from Georgia
accursed normal sleeping hours
Kyrgyzstan deports Canadian miner after 'prone sis, eh' sausage joke
half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing, because then we have another issue we have to deal with down the road
the Boltzmann brain
Bentley's paradox
simply walking into the Russian Federation
Posts showed that the Ukrainian word for "the Russian Federation" appeared in Russian as "Mordor"
Kyrgyzstan deports Scottish miner after 'horse penis' sausage joke
Babypod, a speaker inserted into the vagina, launches with 'first concert for foetuses' as two thousand nine Eurovision song contest contender sings to pregnant women
Robert Melanson, a former peanut vendor at the Florida Mall, says he is a serious challenger to incumbent Orange County Commissioner Pete Clarke despite a criminal record that includes a conviction for trespassing on the roof of singer Rihanna's mansion
Coca Cola withdrew a cartoon map of Russia from the web on Wednesday, after managing to anger both Russians and Ukrainians by first excluding and then including Crimea in Russia's territory
feeling like vegetable sex is one of the few areas we have yet to touch on the regret index
I want to root you like a baga
I want to peel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like a vegetable
I want to fuck you like a minecraft server
I want to fuck you like a mineral
I want to fuck you like q mineral
'Le doggy bag' slow to catch on in France
police in Canada found a trail of destruction, liquor and mayonnaise at a Calgary home, eh
Donald Trump Says "China"
Mutual Aid Colon A Factor of Evolution
John Hurting Colon Hurting on the John
Kugelpanzer
hey guys, remember Sean Paul
Sean Paul being in your autosuggest
offering Sean Bean jelly
Sean Beaning
Jeremy Ironing
special colon contributions
A Boy and His Blob Colon Trouble on Blobolonia
John Hurting hurting on the john
the dog's snout, have you seen it
There should be no tolerance and compromise on this issue
Amazon is going to lose a drone, or a dog is going to lose a snout
the alien vs predator sensation of being terrible
one day, the rose tree flowered, and a white bird appeared
wanting to make Kento a fluffernutter for his birthday
that there's actually a wikipedia page for fluffer
the alien sensation of puking in bed before kimchee
the alien sensation of being in bed before midnight
How Sweden's 'most wanted man' brought a town together
#DamnDutchWormPanthro
#DrummondPanthroWatch
#letjohnlivehurt
#letjohnhurtlive
#DrummondPiddleWatch
#DrummondAppleWatch
#DrummondPoodleWatch
children, are looking the other way, they may step out into the road without seeing you
Roman Polanski International Airport
California Father Outraged After TSA Agent Frisked His Ten Year Old Daughter for Nearly Two Minutes Over a Capri Sun Colon 'I Felt Like Screaming'
lately you live in the jungle, I never see you alone
the biggest load of crap I've seen in my entire life
#DrummondPuddleWatch
down and outs in Paris Hilton
Cheeksqueek
tapping target creature
a homosexual person who has never slept with a member of the opposite sex
the chieftain of aggression, watching for a chance for attack on it with huge nukes of various types
H bomb of justice
being certain that there's a comic version of 'Raspberry Beret' about taking the hugest dump, involving flying out through the in door and dumps huger than the day before, but not being able to work it out
standing in the jungle feeling alright
"droog in bus fire"
"Disrobe for Gnu I"
"indoor firebugs"
"foreground ibis"
"fibroid surgeon"
eating that whole cake and puking in bed
Sprout Faced Blubbertarian Leonardo DiCaprio Only Dates Women Half His Age
Wrinkles the Clown
eating cake in bed
Fritz Cotylorhynchusdependency
Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen
Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her
I'd have called them chazzwazzers
we call them ladyfingers, wikipedia is full of shit
actually really wanting to make tiramisu after randomly adding it as a regret a week ago, but really seriously not needing any more desserts right now
"boudoir fingers"
ladyfingers black mambazo
ladyfingers
the texture of a sponge cake is heavily influenced by the mixing technique
I feel like, at least according to the American parlance, what we call pound cake is a bit denser and heavier than what we call sponge cake, but they're more or less the same in taste
wondering who the hell eats four four pound cakes
seriously thinking pound cake must be some kind of gritty, heavy cake, or like a meatloaf for dogs or something, but nope, it's just a sponge
wondering who the hell eats a four EURO cake
hell cake
wondering who the hell eats a four pound cake
finally finding out what the hell pound cake is
Paris Hilton's pie kidneys
Paris Hilton's cake genitals
Facebook and other forums with the pigs
licking it up a crotch
kicking it up a notch
your boobs tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
baking Paris Hilton's toys away
I think I'm getting dumber, I can't even make anagrams enthusiastically now
not being able to make things left
winning the GOP POG Championship
Trump says Cruz's Canadian birth could be 'curvier soy rape' for GOP
Trump says Cruz's Canadian birth could be 'very precarious' for GOP
cotylorhynchusdependency
the amazing Regret Index has the highest Alexa ranking of any site on the internet that focuses on mainly making anagrams that include the word "rape" out of headlines
I've been working on a regret involving Kento being Eiffel Towered by genderswapped Toni Braxton and a cotylorhynchus that I'm sure is going to break the internet, but I can't get the wording quite right
with fresh hot content like Pom Tetty, Twitter's lead is sure to evaporate overnight
that twitter has over three hundred million active users, while the Regret Index has about two point zero five
that the amazing Regret Index is only two months younger than twitter
Pom Tetty
Facebook and other forums
the amazing Regret Index appears ready to retain its decade old two hundred and fifty five character limit on the length of regrets
Twitter appears ready to loosen its decade old restriction on the length of messages in a bid to make its service more appealing to a wider audience accustomed to the greater freedom offered by Facebook and other forums
with the pigs
drawing a picture of Donald Trump standing over a supine, naked, petrified Ted Cruz, who is covered in hot grits
a candidate who could be tied up in a cupboard for two years
a candidate who could be tied up in court for two years, eh
a candidate who could be tied up in court for two years
tricking a straight guy into dialing back Elmo
#letseanbeanlive
Castle Bravo
It is time for you to leave our community, go home to your families, and end this peacefully
Troublemaker Colon Surviving Hollywood and Scientology
WearWhitePeePullMeat dot com
WearWhitePeopleMeat dot com
WhereWhitePeopleMeet dot com
The cityscapes of Paris and London contain the Eiffel Tower and The London Eye as inside jokes about how you always expect to see them in movies set in the respective cities
Subaero Walruses
Supermarine Walruses
Someone asked what Facebook thinks of the storage of data and the protection of privacy
Meal Team Six
No shit it's not the Mexican border but that's what our country is going to look like
Xuseen Maxamed Faarax Caydiid
talking Myke Hawke down
the way Ewan McGregor always seems like he's about to bust out some showtunes whenever he talks in Myke Hawke Down
I get it
the way Ewan McGregor always seems like he's about to bust out some showtunes whenever he talks in Black Hawk Down
William Shakespeare beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Chris Brown beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
and yam
Rob O'Cop
you can't get down from a black hawk, you can only get it from a goose
Anne Hathaway eats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Anne Hathaway beats off the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Anne Hathaway beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
www dot pizzamarketplace dot com
getting a colon job from Kim Jong un and Kento in the dumpster behind Kum & Go while Tim Duncan pleasures himself in a tree
Kum & Kento Colon Where Ampersand Means More Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Skeletal Pirate For Disturbance At Edinburgh Primary School
Kum & Kento Colon Where Ampersand Means More
Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Skeletal Pirate For Disturbance At Edinburgh Primary School
one does not simply kum into Morego
prawn cocktail arayn brotherohods
Kum & Go Colon Where Ampersand Means More
piloting a candy filled boat in the canals of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, with a large papier mache head of Karl Marx on the prow
Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Tattooed Man For Disturbance At Oklahoma Kum & Go
Skeleton under primary school in Edinburgh could have been a pirate
prawn cocktail bloosds
leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when you'll get bleached again
leaving Kodiak today
the way the top regrets only seem to randomize properly when you view the whole list
not being able to make things right but being kind of resigned to a certain amount of failure in life, what with not being superpowered and such
you have the power to know you're indestructible
stick some ads to that and it's gold
there, that's everything resolved in under twenty two minutes
I meaning you
I have nothing to make right
Myke So Called Hawke
Pokemon Rayanne's Slut Potential and Sharon's Large Breasts
raw cat piss porn click
prawn cocktail crisps
Everyone's love life gets screwed up by the school World Happiness Dance
stealing that girl's bresaola from the communal charcuterie
lose a bra
Rayanne's slut potential and Sharon's large breasts get mentioned on a Sophomore girls list made by some jocks
bresaola
drawing a picture of Chris Brown bottoming for the Rock in Rock Bottom VII
thinking that the only way Chris Brown could ever truly be a relevant news item again would be if, during a party in a Vegas hotel, he hit a woman named Rock Bottom
Chris Brown accused of 'punching woman in the face' after she took his photo during party in his Vegas hotel suite
the death of Anal Toe Lice
the death of Natalie Cole
Jasmine's still fifteen
Christoforeign Lydon
Jasmine's still the hottest
there's nothing that sort of snaps you out of a suicide impulse more than throwing up on a gun
Disney princesses, reimagined as cement mixers
Mir schoss zunaechst ein kleines Baertchen unter der Nase hervor, gleich danach wurde mein Scheitel strenger und mein rechter Hoden verabschiedete sich
in the great tradition of Da Da Da
I have repeatedly listened to the song with friends, but we are neither stronger nor more German
naked man wearing presidential mask
Party at the NSA
knowing the Foreign Lydon wouldn't even ask
wondering if the Foreign Lydon would have you
The Walking Dead in Memphis
The Walken Dead
The Walkin' Dead
getting Legionnaires' disease, I'm walkin' here
getting Legionnaires' disease
joining the Kento Legion
joining the Froyo Legion
bottoming for John Skinsack in Grosse Pointe Wank
exceeding the entry requirements
meeting the entry requirements
wondering if the Foreskin Legion would have you
bottoming for Peter Nippers in Loco Nipper XXL XL
Loco Nipper XXL
Prince Polo XXL
Al Gore's Credit Cheat
what kid doesn't love Candleja
Swan Gores Credit Cheat
meaning yours, not mine
your Foreign Legion gangbang fantasies
I wasn't sleeping, I just couldn't think of the proper response to your Foreign Legion gangbang fantasies
you're no fun when you're sleeping
well, maybe a little bit sexually, but only out of concern
you meaning me, but not sexually
wondering if the Foreign Legion would have you
killing a lot of mostly nameless guys who really deserved it
With so many strong arm types flooding the prairie, there are plenty of opportunities for violence, treachery and double crossing
Deep Down Colon A Jack Reacher
Jack Reacher Colon Never Go Back
Samantha Geimer
what kid doesn't love to fuck
what kid doesn't love tofu
really wanting a vegan hot kid right now
not being opposed to hot dogging a vegan right now
really wanting a vegan hot dog right now
Astrid och Apornas Spiseri
Denise Crosby Rape of Credit Score
butchering vegans
McDonald's Next
The first ever vegan butcher shop is opening in January
Foula
Swan Cheats Credit Score
Cosby Denies Rape of Credit Score
Man Cheats Credit Score
bottoming for Moreman Turtleneck in Circumcise Me
waking up thinking it was sunday but actually saturday with early closing but then it turning out to be friday
treating a straight guy into dating another straight guy
tricking a straight guy into wanging wellies with another straight guy
Cute Callus of Rape
Palaces of Culture
The world unzipped his pants in front of his lover
A photograph described as a dog that was burned saving a family from a house fire is actually a dog with a slice of ham on its face
that this regret was written at precisely twelve midnight January first two thousand and sixteen central time
the futility of trying to obtain truth through words
not necessarily
I don't even know if they have affordable swedish crap in alaska
more's the pity
I mean, I don't remember if you, meaning you rather than me, agreed to go to IKEA today or what, but that's because I can't remember things I never knew in the first place
you meaning me
not remembering if you agreed to go to IKEA today or what
briefly wondering who would win a fight between Sir Swan Swannery and Macho Swan Swandy Savage, and then remembering that Sir Swan Swannery only pecks women
haggis being Macho Swan Swandy Savage
haggis being
Macho Swan Swandy Savage
Feed a Swan is a rap album by wrestler Randy Gavage
guessing that Hulk Hogan's fear of contracting a social disease from Randy Savage was well founded
Colin Farrell, the Irish Ryan Reynolds
Hot diggity damn Hulk I'm glad you set it off
I knew all along you had those tendencies
Dancin' in tights as a ballerina
I'm a kick ya in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap
you've been runnin' from Macho like I got a disease
I'll punk ya butt out for the world to see
I smell a coward mmmm is that you Hogan
Eat a Man is a rap album by wrestler Randy Savage
Roman Polanski's rape career
randy savages' rape career
Randy Savage's rap career
The Asylum Presents Indecent Exposure
Indecent Exposure
Authorities in China Arrest Eleven in Deadly Landslide
'Star Trek Colon Voyager' Actress Jennifer Lien Arrested for Indecent Exposure
a delicious treat that comes in either holeless doughnut form or pie form, it consists of a slightly sweet breadlike substance topped with chocolate cream and filled with a custard
four hours from now
wondering when I should have happy new year'd you
electroplating your coins and pens at a thousand kph
wondering what the contingency for hyperloop will be in case of something actually heavy getting into the canister, like an unexpected coin or some pens
thinking that it can't possibly be economical to wang wellies almost thirteen thousand kilometres between arcologies for a day shift
once we get Elon Musk's hyperloop constructed I will
not through the centre of the earth
I commute eight thousand kilometers from Kodiak to Paris every day
thinking that it can't possibly be economical to ship workers almost thirteen thousand kilometres between arcologies for a day shift
Colin Farrell using Pharrell's colon as a foul cowl
Avvai Shanmughi
casu marzu
being kind of disappointed that there is no disputation of the neutrality of Switzerland's wikipedia article
wanging the wellies in Mexico
willie wanking
Nazi Megastructures
wellie wanging
haggis eating
tinga de pollo
haggis hurling
asian pulled pork tacos
being a minimalist Kento turtles your boobs buying food on ebay tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
tricking a straight guy into Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
Wombwell's Travelling Imagipormium and Great American Steakery
Wombwell's Travelling Menagerie
the inept and useless Chancellor of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
the corrupt and ruthless Chancellor of the United Federation of Britain
happy new year
whaling rumpus
walrushumping
whalehumping
he sings the whale songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the whale songs that remind him of the best times
tubthump whales
humpback whales
Turtle Island
PERFIDIOUS Albion
chin teats
Albion
Francia
that's nice
I understood that reference
Burrita Winter
Johnny Depp plays a Cornish pasty
asian commission
fat commission
gay commission
Burrito Ortega
Ortega makes my cat poop
Ortega makes my taco pop
straight commission
Pope Francis Grabs Young Chorister's Crotch in Attempt to Show Paparazzo What He Really Thinks
Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks Tells That He's Likes Hung Young Choristers in the Ass
Pope Tells That He's Likes Hung Young Choristers in the Ass
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like an Ass
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like a Mule
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He's Hung Like a Donkey
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like a Donkey
the network is on an internet
the frenchiest french guys who ever frenched
being so old you can remember your sister as a young teen telling you that you couldn't understand Edward Scissorhands because it was too intellectual for your boy mind
Roll your eyes at the world's least inspired casting choice as Johnny Depp plays a pasty weirdo
XOR in Jugs Rape Incident
not in Jugs Rape Incident
not in Jupiter Ascending
Sean Bean dies in every movie
Baby's First Bacon
poo dosing info
'food' sign in poo
food poisoning
playing Dungeons & Dragons with dense rape vise
a hunky thief with no home, no parents, and no nipples
Holy Roller! Catholic priest delivers ass on HOVERBOARD
One person attends O'Dirge event in Iowa
Sarmoetkwaw
the hill tops fuck in the Michael Bay for the night
Holy Roll Over! Catholic priest delivers mass in YOUR ASS
they're so noisy
the hill tops fuck in the bay for the night
the hill tops tuck in the bay for the night
Holy Roller! Catholic priest delivers mass on HOVERBOARD
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Colon Mutants In Manhattan
smugly snuggling gun smuggling gnus
Gnus, gnus, gnus, I don't like them snug
Guns, guns, guns, I don't like them guns
One person attends O'Malley event in Iowa
Pokemon Orange and Teal
'Glee' Star Mark Salling Arrested For Possession Of Child Pornography
Farty Cloud
orange and teal
Cloudy Fart
Carl of Duty
he had suffered a stroke while on stage and Mantecore responded by picking him up and moving him out of the way to try to protect him, accidentally severing his artery in the process
Pokemon Siegfried and Roy
Called the Magic in the Community project, it allows a group of students to be transported for weekly lessons from their destitute homes in the Cape Flats to the fantasy fulfilling world of the college
David Cameron has been reported to police as a "war criminal" by a trio of enchanted independence campaigners for authorising air strikes in Sarmoti
dating a French guy who looked like Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
fart in a meeting
Farting Scene In The Movie Rocketman
dipping lady's fingers in coffee
that you just made tiramisu the day after Christmas
having a girlfriend that looks like a less busty Ken Jennings
alleging she, Tonya Couch, shit on your couch
tiramisu
like the deserts miss the rain
The world can't get enough of an abusive relationship between a slightly neurotic frog and a vain pig
I believe in me, I believe in you, and you know I believe in love
brandishing your severed penis plus five
Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't, didn't already have
all we have ever wanted, all we will ever need
singing "I love rock and roll, so Eiffel Tower Kento with a walrus, baby"
a chance to find a phoenix for the flame
sweaty cave ravers
Ken Jennings
also the bit right after that I guess
I totally didn't notice
Honest Trailers Thor Colon The Dark World
men playing two flutes at the same time
David Cameron has been reported to police as a "war criminal" by a trio of Scottish independence campaigners for authorising air strikes in Syria
The Top lO Exerted Chilling Poop Films
Metal Ovoid Mourns Loss of Her Play Wolf
The holy grail of exploding helicopter films, a sacred text against which all other movies must be judged, Rambo III has no peer in the genre
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Play Wolf
The Top lO Exploding Helicopter Films
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Kid Wolf
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Kid Spawn
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Dog Spawn
Michael Jackson's search for the fabled city of Paedorado
Michael Jackson Paedorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes!
sleeping for like TWELVE AND A HALF hours
sleeping for like twelve hours
Emerson is an activist lobster who befriends Sierra, much to Larry's dismay
that part in a Michael Bay movie where he rewires anal carcass
she circles over and sings
the eagle opens her wings
Dog named Trigger accidentally shoots owner in the foot
Thunderstools
Feel the magic, hear the roar, Thundercats are loose
Thundercats are on the move, Thundercats are loose
Knights of the Roundtable Colon King Arthur
bottoming for Michael Bay and Leonardo da Vinci in Aerial Screws VII
that part in a Michael Bay movie where an aerial screw crashes
actually kind of wanting Michael Bay to make a movie about Leonardo da Vinci
that part in a Michael Bay movie where a helicopter crashes
that part in a Michael Bay movie where one thing flies into something and then after a delay out of the other side of the thing it has flown into, which is usually a building
cleaning Myke Lox
bottoming for Myke Ox in Doctors Without Boundaries VII
Myke Ox chins doctors
toxic cock syndrome
VENOMOUS shock syndrome
sexy chick dot morons
toxic shock syndrome
so she is
Tooth Giant Rachel Stevens is five foot three, by the way
having your teeth pulled out by Tooth Giant Rachel Stevens' surprisingly weak fingers
witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds drawing a picture of Kento being Sarmoti Towered by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
drawing a picture of Kento having his teeth snapped out of his mouth by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
drawing a picture of Kento being Sarmoti Towered by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as New Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds, wicked pissah
Endland swings like a pendulum do, Mantecore
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds, cheerio
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
In the timeless, mystical world of Sarmoti, all real magic has been stolen
you gonna feel like a damn fool laying at the hospital dying of nothing
the Butthole Surfers said it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do
Butthole Surfers have a well reported appetite for recreational drugs, an evident influence on their sound
Pokemon Platitudinous Rut and Inhumanly Strong Fingers
Twelve Inch Rachel Stevens' platitudinous rut
she had a pretty face that drove me wild and inhumanly strong fingers
she had a pretty face that drove me wild
this place is always such a mess, sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
Pokemon Engage and Destroy
Gym leader claims that he will 'fuck Psyduck to death'
Pokemon Duck and Cover
Pokemon Fuck and Duck
NPR host claims that he will 'fuck Donald Duck to death'
Pokemon Childless Existence, and Embittered, Introverted Lifestyle
NPR host claims that he will 'fuck Donald Trump to death'
being designated babysitter because of your single status, childless existence, and embittered, introverted lifestyle
Bleeding Anus Murphy
Sixty Two Inch Rachel Stevenses
Sixty Two Inch Rachel Stevens
NPR Host claims his 'schlong' is better than Donald Trump's
Twelve Inch Rachel Stevens
platitudinous rut
scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the garamantes
industrial output
giving away eWalrusThongs dot com
The 'Charlie Brown Christmas Special' Dancers You Most Want To Party With
getting almost a good night's sleep for the first time in days
she was tearing your teeth out with puckish glee and her inhumanly strong fingers the whole time
still, I got to bang Rachel Stevens, while you had to suck off half ton Ryanna Gosling
drawing a picture of Sexy Tooth Fairy Rachel Stevens wearing nothing but an impish smile, magic wand, and a bloody necklace made from the teeth and jawbone fragments of the Cocksure American Regrettor Who Does Some Kind of Teaching Job in Denmark
drawing a picture of the Racist British Bandit being Eiffel Towered by genderswapped Fatworld Ryan Gosling and some kind of goose walrus hybrid
Sid Meier's Civilization III Colon Conquests
Garamantes
vastly overestimating the pinniped lingerie online distribution market
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of Sylvia Browne trope
nude walrus thong thong fluid
Steve Harvey jokes about Miss Universe mishap as he wishes everyone 'Merry Easter'
eWalrusThongs
Nutria Chronicle, Eh
The Walrus Song
Charlie the Unicorn
the annual hagiography of Firm Thatcher Ass
Daily Mail readers
we managed without Europe after world war two when we had nothing but our global empire and our trade base and our industrial output
the annual hagiography of Thatcher
Pokemon Back and Forth
back and forth forever
spooring Jewel's butt
Police say he remains at large
A man fled from a St Paul adult sex shop Wednesday night after pointing a pistol at a clerk's head demanding a working penis pump, the Pioneer Press reports
spooning Jewel's butt
Christensenthrophy
Christmanthrophy
Breasts are out, butts are in
I'm not a chick
realizing that we could make out this year
realizing that we could make it to llOK this year
Ace Ventura, Address Detective
Christmas card addressed to "Ruth England" reaches right person thanks to Myke Hawke's "address detectives"
Christmas card addressed to "England" reaches right person thanks to Royal Mail's "address detectives"
bottoming for Beef Blastbody in The Fissure King VII
you've got to admit it's a pretty sweet cleavage
that Two Broke Girls makes a joke about Kat Dennings's huge boobs like once every four minutes
dreaming about a fish that tilted its head to get a better look at things
The Penis Movie
Mauve Tot Penis, Eh
The Peanuts Movie
UK Detains 'Ginger Terrorist' Who Plotted to Kill Prince Charles and Make Redhead Harry King
Manhunter Colon New York
Santa's sleigh shot down over Turkish airspace
HOT Fudge Rape
don't bring fudge back
Cold Fudge Rape
Puddle of Grace
Amy Jo Johnson as Brianna "Bree" Chapman
Magma Colon Volcanic Disaster Geldof
Magma Colon Volcanic Disaster
Swansquito
Manspreado
Mansquito
Effin Anus Dildo Geldof
arresting a burger in its own White Castle
marrying Peppa Pig off to the King of White Castle
marrying Pippa Middleton off to the King of White Castle
a Crave Case
Time labelled the White Castle slider the most influential burger of all time
I wish you were a duck
Hollis Vernon Grap Stamper
Le Canyon de Pussy est un des canyon prefere de Canyoning Savoie
fourth, fifth, and sixth generation Cousin Jacks circulated a petition calling on the mineowners to set the knockers free
Effin Anus Dildo
Effin cheese is made in the local Effin creamery
reckoning you could get to Anus easily from Paris
In the sixteenth century, Anus had its own seigneur
the entrance to Dildo Arm in the bottom of Trinity Bay
Dildo Island
Star Wars colon spoilers
He claimed his friend threatened to shoot first
Man jailed for threatening to shoot a Facebook friend over 'Star Wars' spoilers
Jazzy Bi Keg Girl
Leonid, a hedonistic vampire Lord
licking Jim Gordon's ass
Big Jake Grizzly
While trying to escape hunters, Hank the Yeti finds himself befriending a American family in a big city
the testicle of an aged, bearded man frantically playing the spoons to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically spooning Jewel's boobs to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically playing the spoons to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
that apparently performing cunnlingus on Kat Dennings would require watching BOTH Thor movies, which is a commitment I'd rather not make
Secret Polish gingerbread recipe found after seventy years
The Day the Clown Cried
Visiting St Herman's Semenary
trying to use StarMunchers to gague how much Kat Dennings is worth, but finding only "Brian Eno" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
the Danish girl who looks like Bruce Dickinson
a commonplace NY way of saying 'I'm walkin' here'
a commonplace NY way of saying 'I lost big time'
Kento's watch
Kento's wallet
Kento's testicles
Kento's spectacles
Kento's front bacon
Kento's back bacon
Kento's speculum
Kento's baculum
Kento's back cum
Kento's comeback
Kento twink viewing
Go bear viewing
Visiting Jewel Beach on the Coast Guard base
Seeing every species of crab at Alaska Division of Fish & Game building
Visiting the ferry dock when the ferry is in
Visiting St Herman's Seminary
shows you've heard people discuss but never felt inclined to watch
uh Boba, rood eht so heeck
az di bobe volt gehatn beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
narishkeit
the "mysterious object" is what is known as a "gilded Isis Beamer"
may I see them
the actress
the actress or your girlfriend
being away from your girlfriend and watching a terrible sitcom starring an actress who looks a lot like your girlfriend except she has colossal breasts
even the boy in the bubble had a deck of cards
male coifs
Also Known As Colon Santa's Sex Slave
post coifs
mail coifs
No, you don't get severance pay! Would you like me to tuck you girls in at night too
A Christmas Carl
wondering if anyone has ever made a porn version of A Christmas Carol
being filled with humbug, bah!
late nights getting ready for an event you kind of loathe
drawing a picture of Kento being heigh ho'd by harry wicket and a yarrup while a gawker bird looks on
Demi Moore's northern flicker poo
Demi Moore's flickr poo
The US is stopping British citizens going on holiday
A twenty one year old man has been arrested as part of a cybercrime investigation into computer hacking at children's electronic toymaker VTech
Sanrio Fixes Security Hole That Exposed Info of Millions of Hello Kitty Fans
Jimmy Johnson Extenze Commercial
smashing your mouth in the car door
HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN
Nicolas Cage Agrees to Return Stolen Dinosaur Skull to Mongolia
Star Wars Cast Sings "Save Tiny Ali"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Italy Navies"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Yeast Anvil I"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Anal Ivy Site"
Star Wars Cast Ironically Sings "Stayin' Alive"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Stayin' Alive"
finding out after twenty eight years that you didn't have an imagination after all
finding out twenty eight years later that you didn't imagine the car crushing scene from Superman IV, but that it was cut from the film to make the scenes of Milton Keynes more prominent
Bahamian authorities shut down Lenny Kravitz's dental practice after Rihanna tweets about it
Bahamian authorities shut down Smash Mouth's dental practice
I want no tooth decay, I want no tooooooth, decaaaay, yeeaaah, yeeaah
really wanting to know how much Lenny Kravitz branded his dental charity with himself, like was there a twenty foot billboard of just his head on the front
immersing yourself in the memoirs of Olly Murs
Bahamian authorities shut down Lenny Kravitz's dental practice
Donald Trump used vulgar language as he attacked Hillary Clinton during a rally on Monday night, saying it was "disgusting" to talk about her using the restroom during the latest Democratic debate and that she was "schlonged" by a male political opponent
Pokemon Miss Philippians and Miss Columbia
Anthony Bourdain Colon First Come First Served
Anthony Bourdain Colon No Reservations
The Donald
wondering who the hell outside of South America actually gives a flying fuck about Miss Universe
Police advised the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again
Myke Ruffalo
watching most of Mark Ruffalo's movies without any prior knowledge of events and getting about thirty minutes into them before starting to wonder "okay, when is he going to threaten to eat a mouse"
watching Foxcatcher without any prior knowledge of the events it describes and getting about thirty minutes into it before starting to wonder "okay, when are these guys going to have sex"
Anthony Bourdain Colon Parts Unknown
everything has ulterior motives
nothing is nice
finding out from a letters page someone you vaguely knew fifteen years ago survived cancer in the interim and sending them a message at midnight to basically say "well dun i creepin on u", if couched in different terms
Liquid Electrons
guessing that it's good that Windows X removed all the shit you had to install to make up for the shortcomings of Windows VII, but still being a little irritated by the mass uninstallation
saying "thee, nay!"
Everything else is fucked
We've got some new features to get excited about
The police are on the way
All your files are exactly where you left them
We've updated your PC
Hi
Count Poodoo
Where Do We Go from Here Colon Chaos or Community
yeah, actually fuck Miss Corinthians
not emphatically
I want to apologize to Miss CORINTHIANS and Miss CHALLENGER
I want to apologize emphatically to Miss Philippians and Miss Columbia
Ofeibea Quist Arcton has caught more diseases eating taco than everybody who went to Chipotle this year
Lakshmi Singh has driven more chariots than Ben Hur
Jeremy Hobson has had more organ meat in him than a Scotsman in heaven
Steve Inskeep has licked more chocolate than Paula Deen
the Kitchen Sisters have started more trios than Brahms
Eleanor Beardsley has brushed more dome than Michaelangelo
the Midnight Toker
the Smoker
the Joker
Grant Morrison's graphic novel Arkham Asylum suggests that the Joker's mental state is in fact a previously unprecedented form of "super sanity," a form of ultra sensory perception
that was a good time
remembering that it was this time last year that we did the "NPR Ppersonalities have lots of sex" thing
speak for yourself, I'm super positively sane
wondering why we are so insane
ew, loonbreast, eh
nose the owlbear
nose the Rear bowl
ear the Rose Bowl
Quality Inn Pasadena, ear the Rose Bowl, closed due to ongoing investigation
Abrams announces Star Wars vs Star Trek movie, Hamill announces release of Abrams' family
wondering how many Disney financed blow jobs it will take to get JJ Abrams to direct Star Wars vs Star Trek Colon Just Give Us Your Money
bullseyeing glory holes not much bigger than ten centimetres across in your Tsixteen back home
discovering the Bajoran Glory Hole in Star Trek Colon Deep Face IX
it'll take your word for it, but if you're trying to trick me so help me I will find you and hurt you
they're not hard to figure out
not knowing a great deal about glory holes
guessing there are parts of London where any given glory hole has a greater than even chance of having George Michael on the other side
Andrew Ridgely for his pleasure
guessing that Andrew Ridgeley would be a good candidate for StarMunchers
having seen Attack the Block and being quite impressed
A swan under cover but you tore me apart, HOO HOO
Wham's Last Christmas
life's no illusion love's not a dream
Star Wars IX Colon Pig in the City
having never played an Anal Fantasy game
really hoping that Star Wars IX has an extended cut of the famous "Bea Arthur's digital ghost dancing with a vacuum cleaner" scene
Hayden Christmasen
really hoping that at least one of the several dozen Star Wars films to be released over the next decade references Life Day or Bea Arthur's character
topping for Hayden Christensen in Christmas in the Star an uncountable number of times
having heard "Christmas in the Star" all the way through an uncountable number of times
bottoming for Suckheroff in Anal Fantasy VII
having read the first book but it was for a class
having seen the first three Harry Potter films
having never played a Final Fantasy game
still not having seen or read any of the Harry Potter films or books
I'll give you one guess as to who was flying
drawing a picture of Aeris, Dumbledore, and Han Solo dying when their small chartered plane crashes in Iowa
not really caring
not knowing anything about the new Star Wars beyond the very basic character introductions in that one trailer you saw
not really knowing much about the plot of the new Star Wars but knowing there's a Death Star and wondering who the fuck keeps coming up with the idea for the moon sized space station with an easily exploitable Achilles' heel
swanderpants
Cornrow Hood, Jedi Knight
Swan dies
Finland's MOULIN ROUGE
wanting to write "Finland's Chicago, da Polar Bears" but realizing there are no wild polar bears in Finland and the streets are paved with gold
wanting to write "Finland's Chicago, da Polar Bears" but realizing there are no wild polar bears in Finland
Finland's Chicago
Facing the Greedo's conundrum, I felt like I could shoot first, but nothing happened every time I tried
Tubethumping
Han slept first
MEP MEP
An MEP from Denmark's centre right ruling party has defected in protest at government plans to seize valuables from refugees to help fund their stay in the country
tinie tempeh chow mein handies
A former prime minister of Qatar has been accused of running a landmark London hotel and doing business deals worth hundreds of millions of pounds while claiming diplomatic immunity under the Vienna convention
Cornrow Hood
tempeh chow mein handies
mein handies
Sand, Eh I
Han dies
The UK is pushing for a weakening of air pollution limits and a delay to their introduction in response to lobbying from the motor industry, documents reveal
A Clockwork Douchebag
having to update the kindle app because it needs additional permission to teach you the meaning of Christmas with three ghosts and endless lame offers for crap you don't want or need
sometimes wondering "why me, why am I always single" but then bam, there it is like clockwork, it's because you're a douche
actually sounding like a douche in all possible realities
me, not you
hoping that you not only sound like a total douche seven days from now but are proven to be one by events yet to unfold
kind of dreading the inevitable flood of Star Wars merchandise you will receive this year from relatives who long ago stopped caring enough to know what you're really interested in
flying back to Kodiak tomorrow and knowing that your family is going to make you go and see Star Wars
Negola dewaghi Eiffel Tower
Negola dewaghi wool dugger
having seen that movie like ten times and never once known the guy's first name was Quarsh
Quarsh Panaka
four years of opposition from Hasbro Design Director Brian Wilk
In Mos Eisley, if you're a blue collar repulsorlift mechanic just looking for a tallbeing of Tarkin High Life, you're a rare exception to the crowd of bounty hunters, assassins, and walrus faced assholes boasting the death sentence on twelve systems
Willrow Hood
counterweight jeans
counterfeit jeans
grosse peoplee blank
gross people
I ain't missing you at all
le vegan dicks, hon
being randomly given a sachet of Kool Aid
Colin's dank veg, eh
halving cone desk
having clone desk
having cold knees
Night Trap III Weekend At Christensen's
Night Trap II starring Haley Joel Osment
what they should do with stray dogs is euthanise them and ferment the carcasses into pooch hooch
not being sure that all the pooches playing Cliff Richard songs are aware that he is still under investigation
blasting tunes into kennels
Sir Cliff Richard hit keeps Birmingham Dogs' Home pooches calm this Christmas
Chibi cops Colon Man ejaculated on woman inside Joban Line
Asian parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
taking the longest poooooooooooo
Fat parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
Gay parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
Chiba cops Colon Man ejaculated on woman inside Joban Line
wondering what it's like for Haley Joel Osment to surf the web and see that "Cute Child Stars Turn Into Ugly Adults" clickbait with his picture on it
Mr Big Red Dog, currently under Federal investigation for three counts of aggravated step standing, claims that it was clearly a case of mistaken identity
Mew World Order Colon Siberian City Backs Cat for Mayor
not being sure that all the stores playing Clifford the Big Red Dog songs are aware that he is still under investigation
not being sure that all the stores playing Cliff Richard songs are aware that he is still under investigation
poooooooooooo
Try Cans, Eh
Henry's Cat
you super smart
Cat smeared with dog poo in Swindon attack
two greedy relatives have it in for the dog, as they scheme to take over the manor!
Star Trek Colon Movie Memories
Star Trek Colon Memories
Doohan was known for his accessibility and gracious attitude to Star Trek fans unlike some of the other cast members who tended to consider them obsessive and an annoyance
Jefferies tubes
eight episodes per season
twelve Peppers pepping
two turtle turtles
a partridge in a rape tree
three French hens who look like Janice Dickinson
buying that electric pokeprod and shock collar for nothing
pokemon sex, lies and videotape
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have to teach it
that if Pokemon were real you would teach a Mr Mime to make obscene gestures
Pokemon Sex, Lies and Videotape
Pokemon Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
guessing that it's intended to highlight how little certain sections of the voting public actually understand of the geopolitics they profess to have solid opinions on
not wanting to sound like you're defending Republicans in general or Trump supporters specifically, but wondering why it is that saying you support bombing a fictional Disney town makes you stupid, but saying you oppose bombing it makes you super smart
Prison Waging
Raping Sign, Ow
your little furry pal, Grower
Ripsaw Noggin
Wiping Organs
Organ Swiping
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Boner" on Pawing Groins
Wringing Soap
Grasping Wino
Grower Cleveland
Groaning Wisp
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Grower" on Boning Pains
Gorwing Pains
'Boner' found dead in Canada
"Boner" on Growing Pains, I hardly know 'er
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Boner" on Growing Pains
Auntie Fee Live Stream
Dana Plato's terrifyingly fake imdb smile
undercover SCAT agent Kelly, or Kelli, Medd
Penn State, the game where elderly men watch teenage boys through hidden cameras to protect them
Riding the Buns With Myke Hawke
Night Trap, the game where teenage boys watch women through hidden cameras to protect them
I've just been robbed by the girl who played Kimberly on Diff'rent Strokes
Boy cider Danny
wondering how many unique words appear in Butthumping but not enough to bother counting
Pissing knocked drinks
Scar praises Donald Trump as 'bright and talented'
Riding the Cosmic Double Donged Dildo With My Sister
not wanting the world to Cena because you don't think that AND HIS NAME IS
Republican primary voters were polled this week on their support for Republican candidates and foreign policy issues including banning Muslims from entering the US, Japanese internment camps from the second world war and bombing Agrabah
colonDRYVRS
Fido Dido
Riding the Bus With My Sister What Looks Like a Cosmic, Double Donged Dildo
the odds against Christmas being Christmas are three hundred and sixty five to one
Riding My Sister With The Bus
wondering how many unique words appear in Tubthumping but not enough to bother counting
not wanting the world to see you because you don't think that they'd understand
Dido
Riding the Bus With Myke Hawke
Riding the Bus With My Sister
what looks like a cosmic, double donged dildo
wondering why one's true love would give one eight maids a milking and a shit ton of birds, but no mammals for the maids to milk
no problem with the latest news from the London Stock Market For the best of the Crown Estate is a great way to get the latest news and sport headlines you want to be
"I can tell by his hair!" a man shouted, and they all hoisted their cellphones
what looks like a cosmic, double bladed lightsaber
ayant un ane de pain garni
having a bread lined ass
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rape nineteen boys
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rent nineteen boys
that canned baby poop looks like asparagus
insulting Turkish leadership
Whatever Happened to the Curious Cans of Baby Jane
Roman Polanski colon 'I wish I had thought of that'
Saudi millionaire who 'accidentally tripped and penetrated teen' cleared of rape
Vladimir Putin said the Turkish leadership had decided to 'lick the Americans in a certain place'
Trumputin
This Phone Ad Shows You How To Turn Your Penis Into A Lightsaber
A nineteen year old Providence man charged with stealing an SUV and ramming it into a police cruiser told police "he just wanted to get out of Rhode Island"
all those times in the prequels when Palpatine groomed Anakin because he was a conduit for unlimited power
all those times in the prequels when Palpatine talked about how talented and amazing Anakin was despite the fact that he was basically an impotent whining crybaby who only killed the weak and defenseless
The Comrade
he is an absolute leader of the presidential race
There is no doubt that he is a very bright and talented man
Pope Francis, Reminding That Salvation Is Free, Warns Against Fraudsters
The Law Offices of Loadmaster, Loadmaster, and Assmaster
shitting day and night taking the hugest dump
shitting day in night
shitting day and night
bottoming for Sting, Bryan Adams, and Rod Stewart in Anal Ass Stinger Trio Systems VII
shitting day for night
Pokemon Peppa Pig and the City of Gods
Peppa Pig and the City of Gods
Peppa Pig Into Darkness
Peppa Pig joins with Spielberg for new film venture
anal ass stinger trio systems
regional ass transit systems
jerk is the derivative of acceleration
Assmaster and Commander Colon The Far Side of the World
Gerald McBoing Boing
Briton disappears in Thailand after telling parents 'man won't let me leave'
Go Ikeda's dog Go Dog Go joined Instagram
boffing a bathing boffin
some Master Loadmasters choose to employ a double rigging on Kento's sigmoid colon which eliminates the need for the Assmaster, but significantly increases drag and reduces maneuverability
Kento's ass can operate with a crew of three including a Master Loadmaster, Loadmaster, and Assmaster, or with a skeleton crew of just one spooky skeleton
rotation
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers into the men's room
Pokemon Toothy English Grin and Yank Smile
Pokemon Penis Like Head and Very Tall Legs
Pokemon Huge Pussy and A Boring Person
Study Finds Toothy English Grins Match Yank Smiles, Cheerio, I'm Walkin' Here
touching Kento
A solicitor representing a man who bared his buttocks to police officers during public order disturbances earlier this year has told a court the actions of his client were reminiscent of a scene from the film Braveheart
Sean Connery's bitch Joan Connery admitted to hospital because "she was asking for it"
George Lucas's dog Indiana joined Instagram
Kim Kardashian barfing her son's tite herb
Kim Kardashian eating her son's afterbirth
Jizzieland Dix, Chancellor of the New Republic
not being oracles
Jizzieland Dix
a girl that appears to be hot, until you get closer
A loser, goes to bed early, doesn't party or drink much, usually a huge pussy and a boring person
The Closer is a tall creature with ball like hands, a seizuring and penis like head, and very tall legs almost pointy
Usually pretty boring people considering they always have a significant other
Someone who ends all group chats or social events when they show up because nobody likes them
not wanting to fuck me like an animal
Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them
When I stand across from King Hussein of Jordan, I say to him, 'You have a friend again, sir, who will stand with you to fight this fight,' he'll change his mind
Canadian Prosecutors Charge Man With Tattoo of Damp Cat, Eh
German Prosecutors Charge Man With Tattoo of Death Camp
actually, now that you think about, it is kind of surprising that less than nine percent of all the guys who have fucked Kento follow him on twitter
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers on Twitter
not being a closer
Dixieland Jizz
Kim Jong un eating his dog after son's birth
Kim Jong un's dog Kim Jong yum joined Instagram
URANUS Nashing Kento
Kim Kardashian's dog Kim Alsatian joined Instagram
Pluto Nashing Kento
Buckaroo Banzaiing Kento
bazukaing Kento
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump the 'chaos candidate,' vows 'by the Divine Light of the Queen of the Tower of Umbr'iela' to banish him 'back to the foul pit of Drach, home of the undead king Da'agath'or'
still expecting Donald Trump to fuck 'em all to death
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump
bazookaing Kento
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump the 'chaos candidate'
Goya's "La famewhore desnuda" breaks the internet
Goya's "Kardashian Devouring Her Son"
Kim Kardashian eating her son after son's birth
Kim Kardashian eating her placenta after son's birth
Florida man David Marsh, sixty eight, allegedly rode his bike across Lakeland while wearing a French maid outfit and a chastity belt so he could be dominated
The first tip off for Toronto police that the alleged emailed threat to schools there and in Saskatoon today may not be real was that it seemed remarkably similar to a plot line of the Meowshit TV program "Almond, Eh", eh
The Latest Colon Snowplow slips in Colorado during strong storm
The first tip off for New York City police that the alleged emailed threat to schools there and in Los Angeles today may not be real was that it seemed remarkably similar to a plot line of the Showtime TV program "Homeland"
wondering how many people are walking around right now unaware that they have a bifurcated colon
All schools in the vast Los Angeles Unified School District, the nation's second largest, have been ordered closed due to an electronic threat Tuesday, one extra large sausage pizza, ma'am
listening to "The Day After Tomorrow" from Annie II Colon Resurgence
Chicago, Chicago, I love ya, Chicago
briefly confusing "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie, which you probably have seen but don't remember, with the signature theme from the musical Chicago, which you still haven't seen
Electronic Threat Tuesday
A preschool teacher who claimed to have been attacked by a masked assailant invoking Islamic State made up the story, French prosecutors said Monday
Leading Thai seafood boss colon AP shrimp probe 'wake up call'
Die Hard with a Vengeance is a nineteenninetyfive American action film and the third in the Die Hard film series
All schools in the vast Los Angeles Unified School District, the nation's second largest, have been ordered closed due to an electronic threat Tuesday
Luke Brastealer
Disneyland Jizz Band
the bra don't work cuz the vandals took it from the communal laundry room
Bra Vandal Sand Clot
Bland Anal Scrod Vat
Starland Vocal Band
the monstrous whores of Twilight feasting on skinless breasts
the monstrous whores of Twilight
feasting on skinless breasts
Gwyneth Panthro
the monstrous twilight of ours
Flak Bait
skinning Jewel's boobs
boob diving for Jewel
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after oral intercourse
skin diving for jewels
George Lucas has arrived at #TheForceAwakens premiere and is digitally inserting himself into selfies he believes should have contained him
George Lucas has arrived at #TheForceAwakens premiere and is taking selfies with fans
I told you that "snarf" was a terrible safeword, it just made him hornier
In a case brought in a Thai military court, the worker, Thanakorn Siripaiboon, was charged with making a "sarcastic" Internet post related to the king's pet
when I'd wake up with a sore botty and those distinctive short blue hairs in my mouth
I used to think the Panthro stuff was going too far
imagining a literal knot, tied with a bow
even I'm actually surprised at how quickly that happened
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after intercourse
this is the worst thing I have ever begun
drawing a picture of Kento rolling over onto his back to let Chris Lydon scratch his belly
thinking about how many Vietnam veterans had flashbacks when #JeSuisCharlie started trending
#JeSuisDesole
drawing a picture of Kento eating dog food without a care in the world
je suis desole
I know that we've both written regrets that are much, much worse than that one, but for some reason it kind of made me sick to read it
Chris Lydon's dog Kento Ikeda joined Instagram
Donald Trump's cruel anal lab Ronald Trump joined Instagram
having an idea for a short story about an buttbuttination attempt on Hitler by his gastroenterologist during his colonoscopy
eating a Kento
being a Kento
having an idea for a short story about an assassination attempt on Hitler by his gastroenterologist during his colonoscopy
Colon Trump, MD
Trump's doctor colon Trump
I think that's a very reasonable question at this point for a journalist to ask colon Has he had a colonoscopy
Trump's doctor colon Trump 'will be healthiest individual ever elected' president
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a fat man
knowing what to believe
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a gay man
this things I believe
hearing from the internet that a TNG reboot is in the works and not knowing what to believe
Patrick Stewart at unbent TV folktale
Danas are hold kissers
Patrick Stewart at event of Blunt Talk
Foxes are thrill killers
Pokemon Chitlins and Grits
Pokemon VI and I
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon dropping a kunfu fist on Kento
finding it hard to believe that Michael Smiley has never played James VI and I
"arm wrestling" with Chris "The Machine" Lydon
that Kento's armor is Hardcock, and his Virtue is Gay
finding a charming map on wikipedia that appears to be a ten year old girl's social studies homework
Patrick Stewart, Earl of Orkney, Lord of Zetland
James VI and I
Irish megalithic tombs
bottoming for Sean Connery in Sex in the Shitter VII
Sean Connery puts the sex in Sex in the City
Sean Connery puts the sex in idiotic simian SS nuts sex orgy
Sean Connery puts the dinosaur in sexist, misogynistic dinosaur
Sean Connery puts the sex in sexist, misogynistic dinosaur
maype its' becaudse your not gettingg enouhg slepe
Long Haired, Half Chinease Sexist, Misogynistic Dinousaurs in the House
holy shit I am not typign well tonight
Sexist, Misogynistic Dinousaurs in the House
Dinosaur Sex in the House
Desperate Sex in the SENATE
Desperate Sex in the House
still thinking Sex in the City was Sex and the City and Sex and the City was Sex in the City
Sex in the City
always mixing up Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives in your head, perhaps because you've never seen either of them
Lydon Green is made of people
feeling strange looking at a kitchen in which you know actual slaves are proven to have been working at the time
not wanting to catch slavery by proxy
finding the YouTube channel of someone you were at school with who became a chef, and being interested in learning from his recipes, but at the same time being very aware that he was convicted of human trafficking a few years after the last video went up
Christopher Lydon is not people
he thinks he's people
Christopher Lydon's dog Fiststuffer Lydon joined Instagram
Gene Hunt's dog Won't Hunt joined Instagram
I'm a little curious of you in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope
eating a dildo of live yogurt in one week
I'm a little curious of you in crowded scenes
eating a kilo of live yogurt in one week
trickle down electricity
The Richest Women In The World May Shock You
I realized he was only using lyrics from grateful dead songs
I actually think my vagina had tented from so much arousal by that point it was a fucking circus tent with clowns bicycling around juggling in circles and laughing at me
National Day of Lydons
National Day of Johns
Ice cream parlors of the city and fruit stores combined, largely run by foreigners, are the places where scores of girls have taken their first step downward
licking coffee mayo off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
COFFEE Mayo
OJ Mayo
Ron Howard's dog Ron Bowwow'd joined Instagram
he's India's answer to Brian Dennehy
Corey Feldman's dog Corey Felddog joined Instagram
crap teas
eats crap
cap rates
Dom Hanks and Gary Fisher in The Burbs II Colon Arf Arf Bark
Tom Hanks's dog Dom Hanks joined Instagram
wondering if Tom Hanks has a list of non celebrities he's allowed to bang
wondering if Tom Hanks would rather be stimulated by his clone or a time traveling version of himself
tricking a Tom Hanks into simulating another Tom Hanks
What Makes Tom Hanks Look Like Tom Hanks
hey guys, remember Vans
riding around on a dog solving mysteries with your Vans
Adam, I Wish I Was Your Driver
wanting to piledrive Adam Driver for Christmas
Son Of A Bitch, I Wish I'd Signed Your Yearbook
Motherfucker, I Wish We Were BFFs
No Objections Here
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
backseat drivers
piledriving home for Christmas
Adam Driver home for Christmas
paternal leakage
stupid babies need the most attention
driving home for Christmas
I Am Big Bird
just now realising that the invention of the tricorder will be paid for by the Daily Mail as part of its quest for ever more intrusive pictures of celebrities
saying "a baby" instead of "a stupid baby" and not realising until a week later
suspecting that Adam Driver's career will follow a similar trajectory to Hayden Christensen's, which means we can look forward to him starring in Battlecreek Colon Episode I in about a decade killing fairies with Carrie Fisher
torsional tabernacles
blistering barnacles
trying to use imdb to gague how much Adam Driver is worth, but finding only "boy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars, boy for sale, who will buy my boy
driving around in a van solving mysteries with your dog
having sexist, misogynist dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven
a cosmetic surgeon who uses hypnotism in his practice
sexist, misogynist dinosaurs
Boy Colon Tales of Childhood
X Men Colon Apocalypse
being a minimalist Kento
They have two children, daughter Lyric and son Zephyr
StarMunchers Colon The Next Generation
suspecting that Adam Driver's career will follow a similar trajectory to Hayden Christensen's, which means we can look forward to him starring in Battlecreek Colon Episode I in about a decade
killing fairies with Carrie Fisher
trying to use imdb to gague how much Adam Driver is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
Hayden Christensen's dog Rhayden Rhristerhen joined Instagram
kissing fairies with Carrie Fisher
having literally no idea who Adam Driver was until this evening and being unable to gauge the general veracity of his statements
piledriving Adam Driver to the levee but the levee was dry
driving Adam Driver to the levee but the levee was dry
talking to Adam Driver because he's the only one here
Caught on camera colon Adam Driver confronts Uber driver
Caught on camera colon Taxi driver confronts Uber driver
Mark Hamill's dog Bark Grrhowll joined Instagram
Billy Dee Williams's dog Willy Wee Williams joined Instagram
Adam Driver's dog Saddam Driver joined Instagram
driving a colon dam into Adam Driver's colon
driving Adam Driver to a dam and forecfully awakening his colon
driving Adam Driver
'Star Wars' Colon Adam Driver Says 'Force Awakens' Is Superior to the Prequels
dreaming that you were SHARING A DRINK THEY CALL LONELINESS
that time Kento got chocolate milk from a bull
dreaming that you were drinking alone
trippin your DK into a frenzy of rap play
his coconut gun, can fire in spurts, if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt
enslaving a colon for Panthro, snarf
shaving a colon for Snarf, snarf
shaving a colon for a larf
having a colon for a straw
having a colon
your boobs dating another straight guy
drawing a picture of David Duchovny and Mitch Pileggi braiding their penises together in a relaxing bath
SKINNER's right hand is not visible and the water in his tub starts moving as he talks
having a straw for a colon
Isolated marriages between first cousins do not carry a serious risk of birth defects
The Anatomy of Grimace
MULDER's right hand is not visible and the water in his tub starts moving as she talks
Actress Left With 'Turkey Shoulder' After Makeup Goes Wrong
Zombie Left With 'Actress Breasts' After Makeup Goes Wrong
Actress Left With 'Zombie Breasts' After Surgery Goes Wrong
Zombies appear in US oilfields as crude plumbs new lows
I knew I shouldn't have changed my number
because that's pretty impressive for a dog, even if he can't always spell his name correctly
wondering if the one who was sending you all those texts was actually Gary Fisher
wondering, when Carrie Fisher calls her dog, if she just says "Gary! Gary!" or if she actually uses his full name, like "Gary Robert Fisher, come here this instant!"
Carrie Fisher's attorney Gary Fisher joined Instagram
BIG RED dogging Gary Fisher
finding the name "Gary Fisher" so hilarious in context that you kind of wish StarMunchers, which to be clear is a vile concept, were a real thing
medium sized reddish dogging Gary Fisher
"paedophile", it emerged yesterday
dogging Gary Fisher
it must be a tough time for Sikh paediatricians now
Self styled vigilantes attacked the home of a hospital paediatrician after apparently confusing her professional title with the word "paedophile", it emerged yesterday
he totally has one, he filled a party balloon with hydrogen and then he walks up behind you and puts a lighter to it and it pops and it is really startling
North Korean Leader's Claim of Hydrogen Bomb Draws Skepticism
A Sikh temple in California was vandalized by someone who mistook it for a mosque
NOW it's funny
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen singing "all I want for Christensen is some impersonal oral relief" as his skeptical roommate signs him up to another annual StarMunchers subscription
Christensen
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen singing "all I want for Christmas is some impersonal oral relief" as his skeptical roommate signs him up to another annual StarMunchers subscription
in a jar
A woman on Twinktrap Road reported that a bat had been sitting outside on her potato plant for the entire morning, refusing to leave
Donald, it was a movie
A Martin in Beagle City couldn't find his woman
quarrying a fissure with Carrie Fisher
Trump's Dubai real estate partner strips his image, name from luxury golf project site
Carrie Fister
Carrie Fisher's fish Gary Dogger joined Instagram
needing a new Johnson rod
A casino runner in Kalispell reported that a fatigued man was in the bathroom for an extended period of time and when he finally came out he was drenched in sweat
riding the Tuber from Bigfork to Hungry Horse
Muslim forced off Tuber after Hungry Horse woman complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
licking ringed ice cream
clicking magic reindeer
All I Want For Christmas Is You Chatroulette Version
The man was informed that nothing illegal had occurred
The ad was for a massage therapist
A drunken man found what he thought was an ad for prostitution on Craigslist
A drunken Hungry Horse woman reported that one of her friends, who was also intoxicated, pulled her hair
all I want for Christmas is you
She decided to take matters into her own hands and put the bat in a jar
A woman on Beartrap Road reported that a bat had been sitting outside on her tomato plant for the entire morning, refusing to leave
A woman in Martin City couldn't find her beagle
An old beagle was seen dragging a chain through Coram
A yappy Chihuahua was seen prancing down Willow Glen Drive
A goat on Willow Glen Drive might be thirsty
A Kings Way resident called in to discuss ongoing dog related issues in his neighborhood
coming down from your fences
the Brown Dog affair
Sister Act X Colon Item Rape Habits
ten item OR LESS rape habits
the death of Trany Thug
ten item rape habits
intemperate habits
aloha, a Hawaiian dressed waitress, aloha
a Hawaiian dressed waitress
I got in my car and loaded a few things up to get on the ferry to go to France to shoot myself
the death of Thuy Trang
smurfisting Smurf Ikeda
smurfing with Gargamel in the pale moonlight
smurfing a smurf in the smurf village just to smurf him smurf
Princess Leia Slave Pet Costume
Star Wars Slave Leia Car Decal
Smurphie Smurfer's smurf Smurfy Smurfer smurfed Smurfagram
Smurfist Smurfish Smurf
Racist British Smurf
Minimalist Smurf
Trannie Hooker Smurf
Podcaster Smurf
you cannot deny that smurf equals smurf
Objectivist Smurf
Finance Smurf
Gun Rights Smurf
watching a smurf crime drama performed in smurf but set in the smurf village in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled smurf gumshoe is paid in smurf
Mujahideen Smurf
tricking a straight smurf into smurfing another straight smurf
StarSmurfers
smurfing her left one until she had a smurfgasm
smurfing a king in his own palace
smurfing Brian Peppers
reading regrets in Papa Smurf's voice
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a smurfing from the Police Smurf on the reality of smurfing Smurf Village
The Smurf Menage
The Smurf Menace
Gun rights groups, in protest at Texas campus, plan mock mass shooting
Carrie Fisher's dog Gary Fisher joined Instagram
Fakir Smurf
being a stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking lactating cum herder
spending five minutes trying to work out how old Des O'Connor's youngest child is now to give yourself some kind of timeframe into which you can fit raising children and not be considered too old
trying to unit lactating cum herder sex
trying to unit curt carnal midget sex, eh
that "the Mexican drug cartels" has so many great anagrams, I'm not even going to bother writing any more
trying to unit glitter cum sex canard, eh
trying to SI unit the Mexican drug cartels
trying to unit the Mexican drug cartels
El Coca and teen rape are stronger than any dispute
a dustbin of history like quality
peace and tolerance are stronger than any dispute
bottoming for Tim Cock in Violation of EULA VII
iPad user forced off Tube after commuter complained he used iPad 'in violation of EULA'
Muslim forced off YouTube after commuter complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
Muslim forced off Tube after commuter complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
Opportunistic Predator and Living Symbol of America Attacked by Bald Eagle
Fugu fish colon risky Japanese delicacy English version
in the shadow of these black suburban hills
finding out that you're rotting garbage from the amazing Regret Index
the special edition of Red Tails contains a deleted scene in which Major Stance tells Smoky to get into the "garbage chute, flyboy" before pushing him out of a plane with a sack of garbage strapped to his back
fuck you, George Lucas, for teaching me that everything in the world is rotting garbage
honestly wishing you could go back to the time in your life when anything could make you as excited as that crisp made that kid
Giant Crisp Found in a packet of McCoys crisps, damn it Jim, I'm a doctor not a potato peeler!
Giant Crisp Found in a packet of McCoys crisps!
Nemo me impune lacessit, amicus
seeing "mommy" licking Santa Claus underneath the dumpster lid last night
what a laugh it would have been if daddy had walked in and Eiffel Towered mom with Santa Claus last night
Katie Price Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Stranded Syrians
sharing a restroom with Larry David and Richard Lewis and nearly having an altercation with David after catching them looking at your penis while urinating
I saw Mommy killing Santa Claus
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on CigarSlits
wondering why the flushed, donkey sauce covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under Guy Fieri
bottoming for Rear Admiral Christopher Lydon in Salty Seamen of the Bottom Navy VII
wondering why the severed, shaving cream covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under Guy Fieri
Bottom Navy rear admiral promoted after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
Pokemon Drunk and Naked
wondering why the severed, shaving cream covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under "Guy Fieri cake"
Bottom Navy rear admiral fired after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
in the top navy
image searching Guy Fieri cake
wearing a Guy Fieri mask
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on Craigslist
The woman was discovered in her bed, naked from the waist down and flanking a sex toy in Aveiro, a town just south of Porto, Portugal
sandy sin retards can go fuck themselves, though
Sad Dinner Satyrs need love too
Top Navy admiral fired after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Sad Dinner Satyrs
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Sandy Sin Retards
he's just one man
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Stranded Syrians
Trump to visit majority Muslim kingdom of Montell Jordan at end of month, after anti Muslim remarks, this is how we do it
that'll be fun
Trump to visit majority Muslim kingdom of Jordan at end of month, after anti Muslim remarks
Jim West vs Predator
Antipantisocracy
Kim West, raped dose
North By North West
Saint West, bibimus
having your sanity tested by Saint West
Smeagols of Precious Metal
Beagles of Death Metal
wishing that Eagles of Death Metal really did only perform death metal covers of Eagles songs
being out fencing riders
being out riding fences
Now I must put her behind to the test, can you feel me
Kim West, desperado
My activities to push back against climate extremism are a labor of love, to defend the cherished ideals of science that have been so corrupted by the climate change cult
drawing a picture of Roman Polanski squatting down on a thirteen year old towbar
Boston College says eighty students ill after eating at Chipotle, wicked pissah, wicked shittah
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a briefing from the Met Police on the reality of policing London
bullseyeing Jackson C Frank's eyes in your Tsixteen when you were a kid
KINGS Taylor Coleridge
Bears have apologised for shitting in the woods, after the Pope was found to be wearing a hat
The Sun has apologised for a story that claimed a reporter had travelled from Turkey to France without showing his passport, after admitting the information was fabricated
Pantisocracy
Samuel Coleridge Taylor
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
UM's Jake Butt named Big Ten's tight end of the year
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Brutal Girthy Hole' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using warm bacon rape TV
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using campervan towbar
Bears DO shit in the woods, according to online Manchester Tinder experiment, Pope's religion still unconfirmed
Women with bigger breasts DO attract more attention, according to online Manchester Tinder experiment
I'm A Celebrity id raper slit sparks complaints
celebrity spiders on trial
I'm A Celebrity spider trial sparks complaints
Rome Colon Total War Colon Barbarian Invasion
Pokemon Ebony and Ivory On a Grisly Violinlike Instrument Whose Strings Are Made From the Penises of James Avery, Reginald VelJohnson, Ewan McGregor, and Liam Neeson
pitying the fool only the corect amount, no more, no less
pitying only the correct amount, no more, no less
Stonehenge stones 'spent centuries erected in Wales' before being transported
Shitty band you'd never heard of a month ago to open for shitty band you've heard too much about at concert in overpitied city to air on overhyped television network
Eagles of Death Metal play at Utwo's HBO concert in Paris
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Really Tough Birth' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source
You don't need to go back to the Hanukkah story to see the horrific results of religious persecution
Mykel Shannon Jenkins
Mykelti Williamson
comedy trouble
serious trouble
feeling like Esperantists meritas suferi
feeling like Esperantists deserve to suffer
twinning your penis in a blast colon
electroplating your penis in a blast furnace
twining your penis in a blast colon
WINNING your penis in a blast colon
losing your penis in a blast colon
exasperated Esperantists
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast colon "It's no longer possible to masturbate"
when life looks like easy street there is danger at your door
Though the film is admired for its stark artistry, Esperantists generally cringe at the actors' poor pronunciation
Bud Weisser arrested for trespassing at Budweiser brewery
The recently married brother of rapper Nicki Minaj has been charged with raping a child on Long Island
A Florida woman thought she got away from a hit and run, until her own car called the cops
Star Wars producer confirms Jar Jar Binks will not appear in The Force Awakens
Doug Ellis here with Hezbollah
Flags of Our Mothers
that was how Meg Wyllie's platoon was killed on Iwo Jima
pantsless battlefield cheese smoking accidents account for thirty percent of all modern war casualties
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast smoking cheese
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast
smoking cheese
balling Jewel's Melons Sans Frontieres
spooning Jewel's Melons Sans Frontieres
Melons Sans Frontieres
Medecins Sans Fursonas
Doctors Without Fursonas
terrorists with fursonas
Farfour is then taken to an interrogation where he is "beaten to death by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour's land" because Farfour had called him a "despicable terrorist"
I'm calling on all children to read more and more to prepare for exams because the Jews don't want us to learn
Farfour the mouse
Hamas used a Bugs Bunny look alike to indoctrinate children by inciting them toward hatred and violence by telling children that he 'will finish off the Jews and eat them'
The Dutch are the least likely to wash their hands with soap and water after using the toilet
A Turkish court appointed five 'Lord of the Rings' experts to figure out whether this Gollum meme is offensive
From the Halls of MontezumaTo the shores of Tripoli, and then there's Maude
Estelle Getty Was A Trophy Ear Taking D Day Veteran
Rue McClanahan Was A Bear Wrestling Able Seaman
Luke Kronerpayer
When you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do, Rose
and if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say "semper fi"
Luke Leftonesucker
Bea Arthur Was A Truck Driving Marine, Oorah
A Florida woman is jailed on a felony charge after she placed a fake online dating ad in the name of another woman who purportedly sought men to come to her house and rape her as part of a "role play" activity, police report
We've both been blowing off Peter all day colon he's really boring
Luke Jedireturner
sand in the clowns
Luke Straightguydater
loaning your ozner to a dishonest loneozner
#YouAintNoMuslimBruv
one does not imply walks into Mordor
one does not skip my wall into Mordor
one does not simply wank into Mordor
ooh, oy, ooh, oy
on the Snopes of Mount Doom
Luke Hugedumper
Luke Peppersmeeter
Luke Starmuncher
Luke Jewelspooner
Luke Breastgasmer
Luke Beekeeper
Laze "Fixer" Loneozner
Janek "Tank" Sunber
Luke Cornholer
Luke Sandhater
Camie Loneozner
Luke Starkiller
finding Biggs Darklighter's mother redlinked on wookieepedia and being shocked that nobody has seen it necessary to write hundreds of pages of backstory to such a vital character
Luke Darklighter
Luke Lars
going loco down in Kento's a hole
being all but quirky in Albuquerque
Demi Moo's poo house
'I've killed once and I'll kill again,' Harrison Ford speaks about dead man found in hot shit tank
Dixon of Dock Green Poop
drawing a picture of Walter C "Wally" Pfister wall to wall fisting Wall E through a wall when you were a kid
Walter C "Wally" Pfister
Dixon Hill
Category colon Things that sound dirty but they aren't
Dixon of Dock Green
cornholing May C Williams in the eye when you were a kid
having seen Biggles Colon Adventures in Time but having never seen Free Willy
expensive willy
cornholing Maisie Williams
free willy
the truth is we ran out of time
having never feared Maisie Williams before just now
having never seen Maisie Williams before just now
having never spoken of Maisie Williams before just now
imagining Kento's disappointment
It apparently doesn't smell so you won't walk around all day with the smell of bull sperm all over your hair
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
having never heard of Maisie Williams before just now
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Kento" consumed an ass
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Kento" consumed an ass blaster in Tremors III
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Blanco" consumed an ass blaster in Tremors III
Tremors V Colon Bloodlines
having an idea for a Hugh Jackman guest spot on The Simpsons where Bart calls Moe's Tavern and Moe thinks it's a prank call so he threatens to soddomize Bart and then Barney burps
singing "don't stab me now, I'm having such a good time, don't stab me at all"
not understanding the big deal with Maisie Williams
not being stabbed
not stabbing anybody
You ain't no Muslim, bruv, and by the way, screw you MB
You ain't no Muslim, bruv
fortunately
I cannot conceive of such a thing
drawing a picture of Jeb Bush whupping Hillary Clinton in the oval office, if you know what I mean
drawing a picture of Jeb Bush whupping Hillary Clinton in the Oval Office
'Whup' Hillary Clinton
having seen Merlin's Apprentice but having never seen Forrest Gump
drawing a picture of Mr Snuffleupagus shoving his foot up Kento's ass but nobody believes it because they can't see him
Forrest Gump
Watch Jeb Bush's Soul Leave His Body After He Promises to 'Whup' Kermit the Frog or Lizard or Something
Watch Jeb Bush's Soul Leave His Body After He Promises to 'Whup' Hillary Clinton
Kermit the Frog or Lizard or Something
Snuffy's performer, Martin P Robinson, revealed that Snuffy was finally introduced to the main human cast mainly due to a string of high profile and sometimes graphic stories of pedophilia and sexual abuse of children
Chipotle Refuses To Take the 'Diarrhea Burrito' Off Its Menu
Nineteen inch Earthworm Li Zhiwei, a forestry worker in China
earthwormli
Star Wars Chill Kento R
possible snuff dvds
Star Wars kitchen roll
Trump would impregnate terrorists and skip town before their daddies found out, if elected
Political candidate basically brags that he intends to break the law if elected
Donald Trump won't say what he would do to terrorists in this country because it would get him in "trouble"
you name it, Kento's had it up his ass
again, that's what I meant
an elephant's foot
that's what I meant
using an actual foot
the very notion that Kento's back door has enough resistance left to be kicked in
what they told the people in Truth or Consequences was going to happen
wanting to kick Kento's back door in for his birthday
kicking a po' cockapoo's poo with a kickapoo and a kakapo
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this kimchee up in bed twenty minutes ago" moment
Han Solo's "hot shit tank ad" moment
Stephen Fry up the good old Street, London for you guys
moving a film
filming a movie
just going ahead and trumping if that's what you want to do
it still feeling like a done deal
Han Solo's "that's kinda hot" moment
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this guy out the window twenty years ago" moment
if you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps you love sand and you want to marry sand and have babies with sand
i had enough of these politicseses
attack of the toys
you rebel's cum
you rebel scum
misreading "going into puberty" as "I'm going to eat pussy"
sand and more sand for the forest moon
Luke never even asks about his mother
looking for science
just now noticing that you can totally see Leia's underwear under the loincloth in a couple of shots
the emperor is not as forgiving as I am, he has a sandy vagina, I have felt it
you may dispense with the pleasantries, commander, this station is filled with sand and you are a prick
the Lenny Henrypede
segmenting Lenny Henry
Stephen Fry and Sir Elton John visit pivotal moments in history as they compete for the title of Most Wonderful Time Travel Queer
ITV News has apologised for using footage of Ainsley Harriott in a segment about Lenny Henry receiving a knighthood
probably being some kind of pervert, but at least not being Jude Law
doing that thing where an attractive person walks towards you on the street and you think it would be nice to talk to them, but then you both just walk on by, and then you wistfully appreciate the scent of them as they pass
Anatid Skyquacker
Balsamization
Icelandic State
Balsamic State
Islamic State agents from Syria 'in Thailand to target Russians' after Rihanna tweets about them
Islamic State agents from Syria 'in Thailand to target Russians'
getting riddled with bullets
getting riddled
My name is Cortana, my first is in oceans but not in seas, my last is in Canadians and horses but not in Mounties
My name is Cortana, my first rule of thumb, I don't say where I'm going, or where I'm coming from
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen awkwardly expressing his feelings for Charlie Dimmock by touching her boob with his sand covered hand
shocking evidence implicates Hayden Christensen as true perpetrator of the Sandy Hook massacre
Sanded Ground Force
grounded Sand Force
he had spoken to coworkers about how to hide a body in an abandoned mineshaft in isolated desert of western Utah
flying Air Vice
Air Vice Marshall Helen Baxendale
bottoming for King George V and Tsar Nicholas II in Crown Jewels VII
Sexual contact between adult identical twins is a niche in gay pornography
In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia have an extended kiss while Luke recuperates on the Planet Hoth, though neither of them is aware that they are siblings at the time
it's kind of hot
Leia just keeps kissing Luke all through the movie
spooning the Queen's Jewels
Cambridge Lovers Knot Tiara
Portrait of Maria Pavlovna of Russia wearing the Vladimir Tiara, now in the British royal collection
The Queen's Jewels, if you know what I mean
Pokemon Joyeuse and Durendal
The Queen's Jewels
My name is Cortana, of the same steel and temper as Joyeuse and Durendal
particulate grain size matters not
He is usually depicted as a stout, middle aged, country dwelling, jolly, matter of fact man
wondering if the Skywalker hatred of sand extends to silt filled swamps, or it is just confined to dry sand deserts
always with you what cannot be done, hear you nothing that I say, sand ears
Rear Admiral David Schwimmer
could those ships BE any blacker
Commodore Matthew Perry
Ranald MacDonald
Myke Hawke Pierce
Shoelace Von Hitlerpants
Tayyeep Bin Ardogan
Ibn Falafel Ali Shawarma
It is meat boner for a Trill dike, eh
It is a meat dirk for the Rebellion
thinking that Obi Wan really should have given Luke the edge on Vader by renaming him Luke Sandlicker
everybody has got sand in their eyes
It is a dark time for the Rebellion
Panthropologising
Panthropology
putting a bio on a bat baby's boob
Panthromime
feeling like you're going to have to write a pantomime just to use the line "putting a bio on a bat baby's boob"
feeling like you're going to have to write a pantomime just to use the line "putting a bib on a bobby's taboo"
For Hooky Radiohead's 'Anal Computer Trios'
when you're smiling and the whole world smiles with you
"sluts", "careerists", "wide boys", "cult followers" and "willy goblins"
wondering how you would react if your cats just took a shit in your toilet
Xenokeryx amidalae
wondering how your cats would react if you just took a shit in their litter box
wanting to make Kento a urinal cake for his birthday
All women of Killeen and Belton are vipers!
An Oral History Of Radiohead's 'OK Computer'
birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, Kento's gotta Kento
I'm not really sure what you expected of me
that's racist
wanting to give Kento a Chinese burn on Cockburn Island for his birthday
with good cause
Cockburn Island being uninhabited
it's only four here
Gregory Watson
Cockburn Island
well, you did just have that breakfast six hours ago
being awake at four thirty in the morning
mazinashkwemaganjiganan
King George V and his physically similar cousin Tsar Nicholas II of Russia in German military uniforms in Berlin before the war
If You Know Not Me, You Know Nobody
bottoming for Henry V in Henry VI's Part I VII
wondering if hypothetical historical monarch gay orgy porn is an actual subgenre
bottoming for Henry VIII in Henry VII while in Henry VI
bottoming for Henry VIII in Henry VII
it was Henry VII
bottoming for Henry VIII in whatever movie that was where he was a rapist
topping for Peter Noone in Henry VIII
Noone is raped by a twink in The Revenant
Twinks are promiscuous when seeking a mate and will murder for sex
no one is raped by a twink in The Revenant
Hugh Glass
He added his opinion that in countries like America sexual crimes 'are no big deal' to women
A Saudi Arabian historian tried to justify his nation's ban on female drivers by saying that they might get raped if their cars break down
Bears are promiscuous when seeking a mate and will murder for sex
breaking new ground
Best Picture Twenty Sixteen
hey guys, remember that bear rape scene in The Revenant
There is clearly no rape scene with a bear
no one is raped by a bear in The Revenant
a fun gook gum
Kung Fu Magoo
removing their homes and visiting people in their own suits
visiting people in their own homes and removing their suits
removing their suits and visiting people in their own homes
I shake his little booty like that, I gently rock him
the memo suggests, for example, that candidates "change the look" by removing their suits and visiting people in their own homes
Shivving Christs' Mass
Ugly Renaissance Babies
suggesting you add Kirk Cameron's Shaving Christ's Mass to your list of shitty movies to watch
Baby Jesus With Muscles
the death of Sandy Berger
DICKS MEET A SLUT COLON RAPE
dropping your load at the first sign of an Imperial starship
you will never find a sandier sandpit of sand and sandiness
DRAMATIC SKELETON CLOSEUP
twying to fwiten us wif youw sowcewew's ways
the plans you referta will soon biback in our hands
putting the Christ back in Christian
Shitlord just isn't really in the Shitmas mood this year
eating breakfast at ten pm
Christian just isn't really in the Christmas mood this year
suspiciously tall wookiees
boiling fennel for breakfast
Last I checked, God made the Winter Solstice
seriously considering watching the Home Alone movies for your next binge, including the shitty one with the guy from IIIrd Rock From the Sun
that wizard's just a sandy old man
Left Behind II Colon Tribulation Force
suspiciously tall Jawas
suggesting you add Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas to your list of shitty movies to watch
two elves enter, one elf leaves
VPSG
Genie
Daniel Henninger said that the push against Christmas is leading us to a "Mad Max" type environment
There Goes Christmas
never telling me why it had to be snakes
lO Most Shocking Ketchup Confessions
playing essentially the same character for forty years
Butt Slut Walking
Butt Slut Shaming
the War on Butt Slut
wearing essentially the same outfit for forty years
Harrison Ford Colon My 'Star Wars' character now stuck up, half witted, nerf herding, and has an earring
Roman Polanski's Kentotown
Harrison Ford Colon My 'Star Wars' character now more complex
forgetting it, Chris, it's Kento Town
Kento Town station
Man 'pushed under' Lydon Tube train at Keno Town station
Man 'pushed under' London Tube train at Kentish Town station
the War on Christmas
Jaime Robert Klegerman
JVNA
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Meat Loaf and a Huacaya alpaca
I want to help your company avoid the image of being a problem in peoples' lives and back to being a company that brings important and fun things to them
it has become clear to us that there was not a sufficient level of transparency with regard to the company's involvement with the Global Energy Balance Network
Horse Riding Bicycle Woman
His Horse Is Hungry
Intoxicated Horse Woman
Hungry Hungry Horse Woman
Intoxicated Hungry Horse Woman
somebody I never met but in a way I know didn't think that you could get so much from a picture show
yeah I'm retorted
we talk about waffles all the time, it's j#ffles that is verboten
that the new comments don't index on google
wait, was the covenant for waffles or the other thing
Daaaaaamn, His Horse Be Craaaazy!
HOW BLOODY DARE YOU
NO NO YOU WILL NOT BREAK THE COVENANT
the Lakota have a hundred words for waffles, but no word for breastgasm
Drinks Water in Mexico
Waffletastic Turtle
Medium Sized, Reddish Dog
Hungry Horse Woman
Butt Slut
Chapped Teats
White Cow Woman
Brigham Young made Stout head of the "Whistling and Whittling Brigade," a group of young boys who intimidated strangers by following them around Nauvoo "whistling" until they left
Rattling Blanket Woman
They Are Afraid Of Her
Looks At It
Good Looking Woman
His Horse Is Crazy
Pokemon Egg Rapists and Belt Boots
Pokemon Bootleggers and Baptists
cuckservatives
joy to the world, do as you're told, or there will be forfeits
Pokemon Questions and Commands
It is common for the participants to kiss, make out, and be sexual, but participants may instead choose to talk, engage in some other usually quiet activity, or do nothing at all
Creativity, embarrassment tolerance
nothing says Christmas like enforced dominance and servitude
A Christmas game, in which the commander bids his subjects to answer a question which is asked
a mensa et thoro
liberty cabbage
a small bursary is available should you need to change your stationery
henceforth you shall be known as Darth Vader
wondering if you'll live long enough to see the US invade France and attempt to rename it Freedom
FREEDOM FRIED teats
FRENCH FRIED teats
chipped teats
wikiups, the free online encyclopedia of information about the United Parcel Service that anyone can edit
I think Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord
wetus
wikiups
being a porno of the Jedi council
being a pawn of the Jedi council
wigwams
I name him Sandakin, then I cut off his hand
you die in childbirth, and the baby is made of sand
secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares
seriously, you just pour some silt on their capes and they go nuts
Sith Lords are our silty cape
Sith Lords are our speciality
you're no match for him, he's a Sith Lord
The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Shit Lord, Count Dookie, like the shitty old pile of sand it really is
The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku, like the shitty old pile of sand it really is
the Edmonton Eskimos defeat the Ottawa Redblacks to win the Grey Cup
It's hard to explain without sounding like anus gob, eh
Corps de Travailleurs Demichinois aux Cheveux Longs
Corps de Travailleurs Chinois
I want to live a safe and clean life, eat gourmet food, go out, wear pretty things, and live a luxurious life, all at the expense of someone else
It's hard to explain without sounding like a huge snob
a contemptible slur which demeans his office
Men in panda onesies carry out armed robbery in Lincolnshire
Shockingly, Court Rejects 'Motorcycle Boner' Appeal
Stockholm clinic hands out penis measuring tapes
taking a fifty micrometer coating of nickel in the penis
giving gold in the penis
taking gold in the penis
Beanie Boos
BEING THE WORST DRIVER
being told "you're not Michael's type" by Michael Stipe
Pokemon Large Organs and Chapped Teats
'Regal Sarong'
'Large Organs'
Cepahubi
Assiniboine
Those who believe that life begins at conception consider blocking implantation to be terminating a pregnancy rather than preventing pregnancy
taking gold in the Penis Braiding event but not even making the top ten in the Three Man Clean and Jerk
karate chopping Kento's teats
the Klingon Empire of Totally Heterosexual Pursuits, No Homo
the Borg Collective of Gay Games
something something Gay Games X something something Kento something Paris something Eiffel Tower something
something something Gay Games X something something Kento something Paris
the Federation of Gay Games
child rape is funny
how awful it is that the phrase "slap slap slapping" gets a furtive laugh every time
slap slap slapping Kento's teats
slapping Kento's teats
chopping Kento's teats
chapping Kento's teats
chapping YOUR teats
chapping your teats
Butt Slut Geldof
SHRED Kento Geldof
SHRED Kento
RIP Kento
meeting Glen Poppers
swaths of nard
meeting Long Peppers
long pepper
spikenard
having heard so many times the old chestnut that the main reason Europeans in the middle ages wanted spices was to disguise the taste and stench of rotting meat so they could eat it
BUTT LUST Java Man
Kento's parallel tattoos
BUTT LUST
Java Man
DEAF CHINA
Blind Asia
Basilinda
Regret Index Truth or Dare
wondering what question you want to ask BUTT SLUT
Often he is shown to people at the time, other times they do not recognize him
the massacre "appears to have been a psy op intended to strike fear in the hearts of Americans" that was conducted by "agents of Israel"
the fat and happy god of abundance and good health
sticking your head in the sand
cumming on sand
running on sand
a crowd of neckbeards mobbed, slew, and ate him at a convention
George Lucas digitally removed it from the OT
wondering if fatworld Carrie Fisher lost a lot of weight during the last decade and had to put it back on to appear in the sequels
Star Wars Fatworld Edition
before we die I want you to know, depots are filled with my snack
before we die I want you to know, my pockets are filled with sand
just now realizing that you probably could have just poisoned the tea that you gave Obi Wan and Qui Gon, which they eagerly and willingly drank without so much as sniffing it, rather than trying to gas them
just now realising that parsecs measure distance, not time
just now realising that Rtwo waits in the ship for a whole day before he bothers to tell anybody that he's received an urgent message
the shifter broke, it was fucking filled with motherfucking sand
getting a throbbing bicycle from an equine hooker in the dumpster behind Hungry Horse
A woman on West Cottonwood Drive heard suspicious noises in her house and found a deck of playing cards on her kitchen floor
A dog on Ridgewood Drive has been barking for two days
Mum's the word on the new Hungry Horse menu with a host of family friendly dishes bursting with flavour, joining the already amazing variety on offer
Another man with a discernible lack of facial hair was caught burglarizing a Pepsi machine on Industrial Court
A man with no facial hair whatsoever was see drinking an orange soda and "swearing up a storm" in front of a Kalispell business
A Blue Lake Lane resident complained that a brown tailed llama was standing in his front yard
Someone found a freezer floating in the lake
seriously, there is shit going on in Hungry Horse
A long haired dachshund was spotted on Highway thirty five in Kalispell
A Hungry Horse woman called in to complain about the neighbor's old black lab and its bad habits
A woman on Sheepherder Hill Road is unable to provide evidence that would properly convict the neighbor dog of killing her seven chickens, but believes he is the primary suspect
An intoxicated Hungry Horse woman was seen standing on the corner of Fifth Street West, yelling at anyone who would listen
A woman on Twin Acres Drive warned that she would end the life of the yapping dog that lives behind her house if someone else didn't take care of it first
Four goats were spotted walking along a ditch off of Hodgson Road
A Chihuahua and two other equally small dogs on Fourth Street West have been accused of incessant yapping
An Olney resident wanted to share the identity of the young thieves who recently stole a toolbox and other items in the area
An Olney resident discovered the location of his stolen gas can
A lost cow was taken home
check and mate
A Somers resident reported that one neighbor removed a No Parking sign from another neighbor's house and then parked in that spot
When asked if this had occurred or was occurring at the time of the call the man said no, that this only was a hypothetical situation and hung up
A man on Harmony Road called nine one one to ask if he would be charged with assault if he were to hit a man in the head with baseball bat if that man happened to be in his backyard stealing his lawnmower
A man on Rhodes Draw reported that the neighbor's teenaged boy was on his property, chopping up antlers with a hatchet
A man who was described to be "furtive" in appearance was spotted climbing a hill in Somers
A resident of Hawthorne Avenue reported that a strange woman was sitting in her front yard eating a pizza
A Bigfork resident called in to discuss the "countless crimes" on Craigslist
the queen's desk is really nice in a kind of naff late nineties way
I'm going to assume they were car batteries
inserting fifty four batteries into your urethra
A man on Whitefish Stage reported that earlier that day, while he was chasing a cat off of his property, he accidentally fired a shot toward the direction of his neighbor's house
Two dogs were seen chasing three horses through Hungry Horse
Someone stole fifty four batteries from a car lot on Airport Road
Clifford the Medium Sized Reddish Dog
he's overly critical, he never listens, he's always making me eat big bowls of sand
A man wearing a "Mexican hoody," or a poncho, stole a thirty pack of Busch Light from a local gas station and escaped on foot
A Bench Drive resident reported that one medium sized, reddish dog was standing outside on his steps
Bindi Irwin denies passing wind live on Dancing With The Stars, crikey
sucking the California girls' left ones until they had breastgasms
trusting your life to a dustbin full of torches
rubbing one out in your California girls
rubbing one out in your own palace
the Sandy Erection shooting
pay no attention to the giant sandy erection behind the curtain
our presence here will be invisible milady, I can assure you
you're sweating, relax, take a deep breath, get that sand out of your mouth
your tragedy on the landing platform, sandy
inserting a Sandshrew into Hayden Christensen's rectum
finding all that Sandslash on Hayden Christensen's computer
drinking orange juice and getting the music in your mouth
see through bricks
getting the music in your hair even though you specifically requested that you not get the music in your hair
getting the music in your mouth but then sneezing and the music shooting out of your nose
getting the music all over your face
getting the music in you
enjoying one right now, from the comfort of your favourite easy couch
being the pirate twins again
Reptilian Poop Caper
ruining a chocolate factory, if you know what I mean
ruining a chocolate factory
running a chocolate factory, if you know what I mean
running a chocolate factory
That woman probably crapped water every day for a week to look that good
clitoral thinking
tighter anal link
lateral thinking
Sandslash
wet enough to get the jucies
running out of rape rape lotion and having to use nude thong thong fluid
they used tools for fishing because it got cold too much they always had a hard time using tookie juices the tookies were never wet enough to get the jucies
literally the worst manga ever
rape rape lotion pic p
Operation Paperclip
unlit telly barracuda
naturally lubricated
one careful owner
Original Black Vinyl Fourteen Inch Achk Med Beq, mint in box
Fourteen Inch Achk Med Beq
Achk XXL Beq
Achk Med Beq
he's naturally lubricated
they can take our glowing balls, but they'll never take OUR FREEDOM!
giving Boss Nass the big glowing ball of freedom
if you only knew the search history of the dark side
I think you're forgetting we'sa free
Naboo probably would have been a pretty nice place in the Imperial era, what with Gungan Final Solution completed
guessing that the Emperor and Darth Vader probably didn't spend too much time googling their hometowns to see what was up
now remember, your name is Luke Thompson
wondering why it is that Obi Wan went through the trouble spiriting baby Luke away on Tatooine to hide him from his father and the Empire, but didn't bother to, y'know, change his last name
all the abrasive cleansers he was forced to use probably started him down the dark path of sand hatred
Anakin Toiletscrubber
wedging ants into willies with Wedge Antilles
Biggs Darklighter, drive thru attendant second grade
Eric Cartman, Jedi Knight
even if she wasn't a sex slave, Skywalker is a pretty grandiose name for a toilet scrubber
and now this
Shmi having always reminded you of a woman you dated after the Phantom Menace came out, but years before you saw it, and that always having bugged you
when she said "there was no father" she meant "there's nobody I can say for certain"
all the cancers Superman causes by using such high power x rays that he can see through entire buildings full of people
guessing that Shmi got whored out to ever hutt, dug, and ithorian on Tatooine
you're forgetting the x ray vision, which means that even silent rape such as that faciliated by sedatives were his responsibility to prevent
you could forgive Superman not being able to pick out the white collar criminals whose crimes basically sound like tapping or scratching, but the sound of violent nonconsensual sexual contact must be nearly constant in a city the size of Metropolis
even if Superman never raped any orphans, with his super hearing permitting him to know what was going on entire cities away and his ability to act quickly, reliably, and unstoppably against his foes, the fact is he must have condoned child rape
for all we know Superman raped orphans, what's your point
Watto Polanski
for all we know Watto was a horrible child abuser under the protection of the Hutts
it's not like they had to shovel out Rancor shit, they just sat around their tidy, well lit hut, which is significantly larger than my apartment now
that slavery is bad and all, what with the lack of freedom, but not really getting what exactly it is that Watto made Anakin and his mom do that was so terrible
possibly a less gay robot might have helped her more, if you know what I mean
he did that to help his mum
well, he didn't have a lot of time, what with all the work he did on constructing the gayest, most useless robot ever
he skipped a lot of early schooling
Anakin had the highest midichlorian count ever
deviation from the established lore is heinous
they're in every living cell
sorry, I already feel bad about writing that one
what they call midichlorians, we usually call extra chromosomes
it's a Jedi trait
Qui Gonn is a fucking idiot, seriously
confer on you the level of Jedi Knight, the Council does, but agree with your taking this boy as your Padawan learner, I do not! Sandy is he
Star Wars Colon Poop Clone Wars
screw or screw not, there is no try
your thoughts dwell on sand
the zenith of Chinese bronzeware making
Gungans deposit a spermatophore after an elaborate nine hour mating ritual
not being sure whether wookiee semen would have been funnier
the more you tighten your grip, the more gungan semen will slip through your fingers
cumming to the dark side
Darth Yardage, Sith Porn Star
Darth Yardage
your queen is lost, your people are starving, and you, governor, are going to eat all this sand
death YARDAGE
death footage
QT KT
Chicago McDonalds manager says police wiped Laquan Burger King death footage
Chicago Burger King manager says police wiped Laquan McDonald death footage
Garth Hamill, Sith Apprentice
that little human being is out of his mind
my parts are showing
sandstorms are very, very dangerous, and they're wankers
guessing that the main reason Obi Wan took Luke to Tatooine wasn't that it was controlled by the Hutts and somewhat obscured from the Empire, but that it would teach Luke to overcome his father's great weakness, hatred and single greatest foe, sand
Star Wars Sweary Edition
I was cleaning the fan switches, they're full of fucking sand
this is my apprentice, Garth Hamill
always remembering the effects on The Phantom Menace looking much worse than they actually did
the way the spammer either doesn't have a lot of free time on weekends or only gets paid to do it on weekdays
that all the golden tickets went to white dogs
Ranger's Pie
Singer Rape
Paris Green
scrawling "I for one welcome our new insect overlords" on all those Fly Emirates posters
yes we have no more baby parts, we have no more baby parts today
Titanic Emotional Flute
Emotional Titanic Flute
Keel Pipes Coast
Game of Jon Mikl Thor's
Robert Cop III
Benign Girl
Sense of Right Alliance
Game of Thor's
RUUUUN! GOOOO! GET TO DA PODRACER!
Pepe Likes Tacos
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Effect on Man
no more baby parts, check back tomorrow
no more baby parts
oh Jar Jar, everyone hates you but me
suing Peter Nippers
folding little pop rape scarfs
folding little scraps of paper
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Rooted Mr Pecker
Lethe wards garbage
hemlock trash
thermal shock
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Raping My Erected Hookers
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Mocked Reporter
softer than satin was the light from the thermonuclear wasteland
in the winter time when the weather is low you still get drunk even on the road
I have no LIFI and I must HOWL
pretending I made a whole bunch of timely 'baby in the high chair' jokes like two weeks ago when everyone was doing the would you kill baby Hitler stuff
Swandolf Cygler
The Swan in the High Castle
I have no WiFi and I must scream
having an image to upload but terrible signal
that there are like a billion people in India, HOW LONG WILL YOUR CULTURAL EMPIRE KEEP OPPRESSING THEM
Blue Mykehawke
Melek Taus
that there is an Indian version of like every Disney Channel show
Blue Peacock
sand lies, ex video tape
sex lies, and video tape
sex, lies, and videotape
traffic
Palak Pe Jhalak, Jedi Knight
Attack of the Drones
the sheriff of Essex was accused of plotting to release flying cockerels carrying bombs over London
Romanian hip hop
Attack of the The Clones
having neither called Pringles Prings, nor having ever heard anyone else call Pringles Prings in your entire life
involving Pringles somehow
wondering how much the Kellogg Company would pay for your ad concept of "Hope's Prings", about a woman named Hope involving Pringles somehow
Turkish That's So Raven
In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach
Palak Pe Jhalak
The savage soldier sticks his head in sand and then complains unto the shoeless hunter who's gone deaf but still remains upon the beach where hound dogs bay at ships with tattooed sails heading for the Gates of Eden
Homosassa Springs
Sassa, Florida
Homosassa, Florida
having never actually seen That's So Raven before and being sort of shocked that it turned out that the titular Raven, for whom many things are so Raven, has psychic powers, apparently
Geechy Guy Geldof
Goosey Grebe
Family Gooch
I'll take things that people said to baby Kento for $lOOO, Alex
Goochy Gay
Goochy Guy
Geechy Guy
smelling, albeit faintly, the Eiffel Towering
smelling, albeit faintly, the Mpemba effect
smelling, albeit faintly, the Bernoulli effect
smelling, albeit faintly, the Maillard reaction
wanting to make Kento a Victoria sponge for his birthday
smelling, albeit faintly, the odor of roast meat, or possibly baking cakes
phantosmia
let them eat cake
wondering what the expression equivalent to "in for a penny, in for a pound" in fatworld is
Cyrus Poonawalla
hell is other people's allergies
deciding to just make a Victoria sponge with spices and pumpkin puree, but forgetting the chocolate chips and having to leave out the nuts because someone who's going to eat it has allergies
not being able to work out if this chocolate pumpkin layer cake is going to be fucking huge or not
drawing a picture of Doug Richard, Cliff Richard, and Max Clifford arguing about how they would divide up a thirteen year old girl then the sun comes up and turns them to stone
digging your dick out of Doug Richard
Doug Dick
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Doug Richard
electropounding your penis
Ex Dragons' Den star Doug Richard denies paying child for sex
Sean Connery's wife charged with Spanish a sex hippy transport fraud
she was asking for it
she's going to get such a beating
Sean Connery's wife charged with Spanish property tax fraud
Mississippi man 'stabs penis trash after they fail to offer mad shit odor'
Mississippi man 'stabs his parents after they fail to order him fast food'
in for a penis, in for a pounding
you're at cream of wheat with Peter Gabriel and anger walks in
James has a revolver
James "Revolvers" McLain
Annie Oakley
four wide ones
If learning were suspended in the highest parts of heaven the Persians would attain it
number two hitter
screwballs
The Persians are the most civilized of the peoples of the East, and what the French are to Europe, they are to the Orient
relief pitchers
Murderers' Row
the Mendoza line
inside baseball
grandstanding
foot in the bucket
ducks on a pond
cleanup hitters
you've got me on my knees, Lydon
throwing a beanball
Most Popular "Reference To Malcolm X" Titles With Alfonso Ribeiro
Baseball metaphors for sex
pizza Danish
Alfonso Ribeiro as Malcolm X
Pokemon Sonny and Cher
Alfonso X
Pokemon Sunni and Shia
here is your throat back, thanks for the loan
playing Elf & Taking 'Elfies' with Miley Cyrus
Doctors HATE him! Learn his ONE WEIRD TRICK for electroplating your pounds AT HOME!
electroplating your pounds
in for a penny, in for a pound
Qizilbash, Jedi Knight
Qizilbash
big ol' veiny drug dealers being chased by cocks
big ol' veiny drug dealers
big ol' veiny ones
I'm drawing it right now
it exists somewhere, I guarantee
drawing a picture of Miley Cyrus with a half dozen cocks chasing down drug dealers
taking ecstasy, lyrica, frenzy, indopan, and eggs together
assuming in this case "Elfie" refers to "enormous quantities of recreational drugs chased with a half dozen cocks"
asked about her relationship with Rudolph, Cyrus responded "you would even say it glows"
Miley Cyrus Gets in the Christmas Spirit By Dressing as a Holiday Elf & Taking 'Elfies'
gropping anybody
wondering if there are any mall Santas out there offering to take elfies with people, and, if not, WHY NOT
gropping an elf
Gropelf Lane
holding a right jolly old elf down
a right jolly old elf
Santa's worker co operative
Boer Trek Into Darkness
always assuming it was Santa who wrote the names on the list, not the elves
Marathousa I
telling the children they are not real elves
Alberta's nipple exposure laws received some tweaking Monday
you can't hold a good elf down, we are putting some names on the naughty list and raring to go for our festive shenanigans
Reports said that the performers had their hats stolen and one of the elves was punched, while a pellet gun was held to another elf's head
Patrick has built in a protective system that keeps the gun from firing when dropped
how ironic
Man arrested for beating his lover with a plate because he 'only ever listens to Alanis Morissette'
having a johnson revolver
James Revolver
Advertisement for Iver Johnson revolver claimed to be safe enough for babies to handle
going bananas at a CE Ape gig
The company asks that Zamboni not be used as a noun or a verb
The biggest, blackest dick
I get called by an ant that can't infest a pair of panties, I get called names
big breasted girls look like tarts
They have formed a group called Gratis Signal and have already got support from Salves, Cello Waif and CE Ape
arresting a king in his own uterus
They have formed a group called Girls Against and have already got support from Slaves, Wolf Alice and Peace
I get called by an ant that can't buy a pair of panties, I get called names
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of panties, I get called names
weighing six ounces, sitting in a tree, and being very dangerous
sanitation and regard to public health necessitated that measure of segregation
The photo was used as propaganda, author Helene Opperman Lewis states, to convince the British public that Boer children were neglected by their parents
the death of Lizzie van Zyl, cheerio
the death of Lizzie van Zyl
being really upset that cockapoos are dogs and not birds
cockapoos
Edward Heath says internment in Northern Ireland will make UK 'safer, cheerio,' cheerio
A sex offender with a stolen boarding pass got through airport security in Salt Lake City and checked in at a gate for a flight to California before he was caught earlier this month, authorities have disclosed
David Cameron says bombing IS in Syria will make UK 'safer, cheerio,' cheerio
Star Wars Colon The Cod Wars
Doctor Who and the Rotarians
Rotarians serve Thanksgiving feast to Butts County senior citizens
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of pants, I get called names
The Cod Wars
thinking that Balkanization in the Balkans was inevitable due to their name
arresting Jack Palance in his own Burger King
nothing can stop me now, except microscopic germs arresting a king in his own breastgasm
nothing can stop me now, except microscopic germs
arresting a king in his own breastgasm
paging Turkish Star Wars, Turkish Star Wars to the OR
parping Turkish Star Wars
pardoning Turkish Star Wars
destroying turkeys
pardoning a turkey
something something MERCURIC Arches something something Shakira something burger something
imagining that "Sting's enlarged, yo" is the standard text message that Rod Stewart sends to Bryan Adams to tell him to come over right away
something something Golden Arches something something Shakira something burger something
I don't even know what McDonald's tastes like, I just thought the name was striking, like Shakira or something
opening up your fruit cakes
tricking a harvey into denting another harvey
femdom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth
boredom's in the bathroom shaking out teethe stool, eh
boredom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth
Whale cake is not delivered into me
Whale cake is not delivered on time
Sting's enlarged, yo
Sting enlarged soy
sloganised gentry
grayed singletons
legendary tossing
destroying angels
you like the elegance but it's weighing you down
Dodo Chaplet
The Three Hundred Cubits of Highly Effective Arks
Manimal
Night Man
Actor John Stamos pleaded no contest on Tuesday to a misdemeanor charge of driving in Beverly Hills, California, under the influence of a drug and was sentenced to three years' probation, the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office said
On the debut episode of her reality show, I Love Kellie Pickler, it was revealed she weighs five hundred thirty eight pounds
At this weight she'll become heaviest queen, consort or regnant, in British history upon the ascention of her husband to the throne
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent Virginia
guessing that the broad premise of Holy Hal is that a three hundred pound man falls in love with a three hundred pound woman, but he sees her as a nine hundred pound woman and helps her achieve those gains
it certainly is broad
really wanting to know the plot, or at least the broad premise, of Holy Hal
Normal Momma's House
in fatworld SeSEVENen is a movie about fat shaming, culminating with a scene in which the younger detective's wife's Fudgie the Whale cake is not delivered on time
Seven Corpulent Brides for One Gluttonous Brother
the real movie is called Shallow Hal
that is not a real movie
She has also appeared in the Marvel Universe films as Pepper Potts as well as the black comedy, Holy Hal, in which she co starred with Jack Black
quince
apple
pear
Ballsack of Tuba Bluff
Buffalo Bull's Back Fat
You eat the blue turducken, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe, you eat the red turducken, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes
there is no spoon, just use your hands
entering the fatrix
Swanthro
wondering if our entire reality is just internet wankfuel for a world in which women weigh fifty pounds
fatworlds all the way down
nested fatworlds
wondering what people who live in fatworld call it and whether they fantasise about skinnyworld or whether they imagine quite naturally a world where the women all weigh upwards of a long tonne
Man! I feel like a Jackman
Santa with Muscles but Only on His Chest and Arms, Don't Look at His Legs
imagining an alternate reality in which Hugh Jackman played a series of thinly disguised idealised personas before ending his career with a racist sex tape, and Hulk Hogan won an Oscar for his singing, and all women weigh over five hundred pounds
imagining an alternate reality in which Hugh Jackman played a series of thinly disguised idealised personas before ending his career with a racist sex tape, and Hulk Hogan won an Oscar for his singing
wondering why there is no superhero named Jackman, and who would play Jackman in the movie if there were one
Hugh Jackman cheese
huge anus cheese
huge anus chess
Janus chess
Still Crazy After All These Buttocks
Take Back the Buttocks
starting a change dot org petition to force the scientific community to change the name "spermine" to "swanthol"
starting a change dot org petition to force the scientific community to change the name "spermine" to "manthol"
LagomorphShipping
eating that whole thing of menthol and jizzing in bed
Kento's Spearmint Cum
rook takes buttocks, check and mate
"Radio Open Source" literally means "the talking buttocks"
"Shiritori" literally means "taking the buttocks"
Poutine calls insulting Turkish warplane 'a stab in back bacon, eh'
mmmm, turkey poutine
WE NEED A BIG & BEAUTIFUL WALRUS!
Poutine calls insulting Turkish warplane 'a stab in back, eh'
Putin calls Turkey downing warplane 'a stab in back'
Kento's Spermine Cum
Kento's Spermine Gum
Wrigley's Spermine Gum
being born too late for turtle ships and too early for Kento ships
turtle ships
Spearmint
Spermine
Cadaverine
Snarf says he offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting he change the name of the course to "Panthro's big beautiful cars," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement, snarf
ANZUSE
always leave the ugly one outside the room lol
People need to stop fisting fish with fingers, say animal behaviorists
sickness
hoping that using the #BBW hashtag for Donald Trump related news catches on
being whatever
always bring the ugly one in the room lol
Being so dumb
WE NEED A BIG & BEAUTIFUL WALL!
you'd put your snail in her ginger beer any day
putting Donoghue on your bang list
Donoghue v Stevenson
ANZUS
fish fists
getting syllogisms based upon the arcane and the obtuse all over your ordered collection of penitent sentiment, if you know what I mean
liking to put fish fingers in your mouth
I don't know what you mean
getting fabric softener on your sandwich, if you know what I mean
Scharf says she offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting she change the name of the course to "mild French gun tits," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement
lending your bees to a dishonest beesqueezer
one in eight believe farmers have to 'squeeze' bees to get honey out of them
One fifth of young adults think fish fingers ACTUALLY ARE the fingers of fish, research finds
People need to stop scaring cats with cucumbers, say animal behaviorists
getting fabric softener on your sandwich
touching your boobs together behind your back
betting that girl that she couldn't touch her elbows together behind her back
touching your elbows together behind your back
arresting a kingler in his own pokeball
Phuc Dat Bich
reading comments on the internet anywhere, ever
a neverending shitshow updating in real time
reading the comments on Fox News stories, even a little bit by accident
Scharf says she offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting she change the name of the course to "mindful stretching," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement
Cranberry Turd Cart
Cranberry Curd Tart
Liam Neeson kneeling in a Nissan in Lee jeans with Jean Lee
Optical Illusion Colon The Motion After Effect
The hydrogel in the pan
the ocean full of listless pansexuals, floating nowhere
The Playful in the classroom of the sun teacher, it is taken away to somewhere by two black
If you jest in Mr Hyuga's class, you will be picked up somewhere by two blacks
cheerio cheerio cheerio CHEERIO CHEERIO prick
staring into Channing Tatum's eyes through the Internet with your ears
Arthur does British stereo types
WHEN I STARE INTO CHANNING TATUM'S EYES IT LIKE LISTENING TO THE BEATLES FOR THE FIRST TIME
just now realizing that you can change Ireland to Iceland just by bending the r a little
the Great Stirrup Controversy
being the hardest man in Ireland
wondering if anyone has ever made a mashup of Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm and Mmmbop
Males I wouldn't call goodlooking
wankin' on, wankin' on, broken ass
it feels just like I'm breathing in broken glass
I want to breathe in the broken wind
I want to breathe in the open wind
Bernard and Stephen had worked out how to use it by spending hours recording farts
bottoming for Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red Rape November
The Hunt for Red Rape November
Red Rape in November, too
Operation Red November
twelve arrested in Houston prostitution bust
Pokemon Cars, the Dark, the Wind, the Kitchen, Mice, Dogs and Hippies
Justin Bieber sings 'Walk This Way' into piano bar, says 'ow'
Justin Bieber sings 'Stand By Me' at piano bar, pokes dead body with stick
sing us a song, you're the Pianodouche, sing us a song tonight, 'cause we're all in the mood for a tragedy, and Orlando Bloom's lookin' to fight
Justin Bieber sings 'My Girl' at piano bar
shooting that dark, windy, Japanese hippie dog mouse in the ktichen car
telling me sweet little lies
telling me lies
resting you in Myke Hawke
resting you in my arms
really more of a deck of lies
it has categorically not all been a pack of lies
you just plugged an audio device into Jackson C Frank
shooting Jack san C Furanku in the eye with a BB gun when you were a kid
Many developed fears of such things as "cars, the dark, the wind, the kitchen, mice, dogs and hippies," and one shot a Japanese tourist with a BB gun when the tourist's car broke down in front of his home
I can feel it coming in the air tonight
a number have been imprisoned for "doing something controlling to somebody else"
Miley Cyrus Colon Refugee program must screen for 'mad dogs'
Ben Carson Colon Refugee program must screen for 'mad dogs'
seeing a late twenty fifteen photo of Angelina Jolie and being pretty sure you'd read she had a double mastectomy, though that doesn't appear to be the case
bottoming for Don Thong in Nut Rape VII
don thong's nude thong thong fluid
Sarah Snook's serious nook
don thong's nut rape
pants on the ground
In the early hours of morning, he finally looked about him and saw the dancers asleep and in disarray
dognapping
kidnapping
Fountains of Wang
eliding Wayne into wang
Michael Caing
films that are like somebody pasted them together from the shitty talkie parts of music videos
Bane is revealed to be a pedophile
Teal'c threatening to shoot Tommy Solomon
dragging out every scene of plodding exposition for more fucking strings
the exact same plot point from the previous movie, that was shown not to work then, being recycled
those piggy little eyes
not understanding why Batman, a trained fighter and experienced street brawler, would allow himself to be drawn into a one sided boxing match instead of, you now, kicking the guy's ankles off, or going for the eyes
The point I am trying to make is that I do not agree with the principle of compulsory first aid education in schools
cocane
even Michael Cane is now eliding Wayne into Wang
not understanding at all why you would repeal successful legislation against organised crime a mere eight years in
I don't know if I can sit through three hours of this voiceover shit
Bane's voice
for your heart is your heart and your thoughts is your thoughts
Upon clarification from Texas Chicken that the name Church is not related to religion, but rather is the name of the founder, the issue was put to rest
areaola borealis
oreos borealis
singing to the night without sight, but with madness
putting off furiously fucking the eyholes of Tim Curry's skull while he thinks he is alone in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood in the Oscar winning feature length Big Bang Theory episode Leonard's Bad Day for seven years
putting off seeing like thirty movies with one actor in common for almost a decade, even though most of them were at least kind of OK and some were really very good
putting off seeing Oscar winning feature length Big Bang Theory episode Leonard's Bad Day for seven years
putting off seeing pretty much anything that people try to convince you is unmissable, yet watching movies that are infinitely missable
Pokemon Santa With Muscles and Batman is much better than Pokemon Robin
putting off seeing pretty much anything that people try to convince you is unmissable
Pokemon Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin
Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin
I'm not one of those people who think that Rocky Horror Picture Show is the best movie ever made, but it is unique and has cultural significance, and to think that someone has seen Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin but not seen it, that's just sad
watching all those episodes of the Crystal Maze but probably not getting the most out of them
having never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
investing everything you have in that line of 'Sexy Narses' Halloween outfits
shit, I could have done a lot better with that one
eating a tin of curry with Tim Curry and Jim Carrey
wishing they would just give up on the MySquirtle attacks already
doing the Time Warp joke, again
doing the Zager and Evans joke again
Battle of the Volturnus Kento
la Setmana Tragica turtles
Rocky is a rooster who is fired into the air by a cannon as part of a circus act cleaning up at Internal Affairs
Kento bing bong ching chong Regret Index
Rocky is a rooster who is fired into the air by a cannon as part of a circus act
cleaning up at Internal Affairs
being called Shitlord back when you were at Internal Affairs, if you know what I mean
Bang Theory From The Sun
From the Sun
Bang Theory
venting my hardon
venting me, Hardy
venting Hardey
denting Harvey
narrative power being what it is, Harvey Dent was really lucky the cops didn't call him Shitlord behind his back when he was at Internal Affairs
Sherman's March to the Sea turtles
there's a treat to look forward to
thinking that you should watch the Home Alone movies for your next binge, including the shitty one with the guy from IIIrd Rock From the Sun
Homo Alone II Colon Tossed in New York
basing the Joker's voice and mannerisms on Leonard from the Big Bang Theory
Home Alone Colon Return of the Slut Robbers
ripping off the clean cheese qualms from the Slut Robbers, eh
Gordon's alive
Kento being banged from the Regret Index
ripping off the mall chase sequence from the Blues Brothers
taking the potsdamer to riesengarde
Dike Flint, Eh is an interactive extension of my book, Tinted Kid, Eh, which is about living your healthiest and happiest life to the fullest
Potsdamer Riesengarde
The Kind Life is an interactive extension of my book, The Kind Diet, which is about living your healthiest and happiest life to the fullest
Mister Magorium's Cabinet of Former Lead Actresses Existing in a Quantum State
considering the line "Gotham needs a heroic fatwa, eh" to be a bigger crime against good order than the line "ye use ice too"
wondering what it would be like to live in the world where Patrick Stewart played Mr Freeze
considering the line "Gotham needs a hero with a face" to be a bigger crime against good order than the line "ice to see you"
actually only really doing it so that you have an excuse to compare Anne Hathaway's stunt double's butt to Julie Newmar's butt
Watch All of the Batman Movies for a Chance to Lick Val Kilmer's Gut Folds!
Batman VI Colon Batman vs the Sinister Clown and His Evil Stereotype Henchmen
having never seen the last two Batman movies before, but finally succumbing to curiosity as part of a competition to win a chance to sniff the Batmobile's coating of guano
having never seen any of the new Batman films because they came out after Star Wars Colon Episode II Colon The One That Made You Stop Wanting to Go to Movies
Wang's World
the way Morgan Freeman appears to pronounce "Wayne" as "wang"
there's so much padding
fifteen minutes into The Dark Knight I can honestly believe it's going to be worse than Batman & Robin
Quarter of men believe they have 'no dire spam'
Quarter of men believe they have 'raped mi son'
I'm a pure new pleasure seeker
Quarter of men believe they have 'a rinsed mop'
Quarter of men believe they have 'ironed maps'
Quarter of men believe they have 'inseam drop'
Quarter of men believe they have 'rapid omens'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prone maids'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prim anodes'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prison mead'
Quarter of men believe they have 'pro maidens'
Quarter of men believe they have 'porn medias'
Holford is a lovely picturesque village on the edge of the Quantocks
le woof
ecorce ecorce ecorce
#JeSuisChienMeEntendrelEcorce
the Cygnic Empire
#JeSuisEnfant
the Gallic Empire
#JeSuisChien
Quarter of men believe they have 'man periods'
Alien Colon Romp
Pennsylvania Court Says Alien Romps Aren't Public Records
Pennsylvania Court Says Porn Emails Aren't Pubic Records
Pennsylvania Court Says Porn Emails Aren't Public Records
Pokemon Traveling to Engage in Illicit Sexual Conduct With a Minor and Distribution and Receipt of Child Pornography
traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor, and distribution and receipt of child pornography
in the year twenty six twenty six, if mankind is still being a minimalist
Liz Hurley Is A Rude, Fat B#tch, She Can F#ck Off
you should know, you're falling into fiction
definitely getting a speeding ticket doing thirty five in a thirty zone
Young men will form a line and chant rhythmically, "Oooooh yah", with a growl and staccato cough along with the thrust and withdrawal of their lower bodies
watching the video for Open Parenthesis Everything I Do Close Parenthesis I Do It For You and just being struck suddenly by how goofy it is, with a bunch of white guys hanging out playing soft rock in what is assumedly a simulacrum of Sherwood Forest
there's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
wondering which you would choose given the option of either speed dating everyone on your Celebrity Bang List with the ability to mix and match, or cruising around on a luxury yacht all day with no more than ten of them
it kind of makes sense, but they'd have to hit Madagascar first
opening up that Veal Motel right next to PETAHQ
I wrote that one without actually looking at a map and it really doesn't make any sense
Scottish army launches massive offensive against Mozambique
Strange 'canine facet' spotted on Mars rock
Strange 'cetacean fin' spotted on Mars rock
always imagining, even though you know it to be untrue, that the Horn of Africa is on the other side, where what you might call the Occipital Bun of Africa is
everybody says i shouldn't mess with you no more
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on baggie of dank kush nugs brah
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on Mars bar
Charlie Sheen 'spent $one point six m on tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy after HIV diagnosis'
the Horn of Africa
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on Mars rock
Charlie Sheen 'spent $one point six m on prostitutes after HIV diagnosis'
Kento tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
your boobs buying food on Kento
Metal Vole
Moat Level
Veal Motel
A Portrait of the Artist as Gary Oldman
really wishing Gary Oldman had done his crazy Leon cop act for the Batman movies instead of letting other people do the overacting
Long Barrow maximum security prisoner Carly Simon has revealed the mystery behind one of pop music's enduring puzzles
Kento's ass transit system
being a minimalist ten years ago
being a minimalist in the nineteen eighties
Love Metal
wondering if it's too late to keep Alicia Silverstone in a curio cabinet so that you may marvel at her at your own leisure
the weird implied possibly sexual violence that the authorities and Batman clearly collude in at the end of Batman & Robin
"Love Overshadows Evil" declares death metal band
really taking it personally that Ryan doesn't like people posting song lyrics to the internet
making friends with kid owners purely to gain access to the friendship of their kids something something Ian Watkins
making friends with kid owners purely to gain access to the friendship of their kids
punching a murder clown
rubber lips are immune to your charms
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to donate to a Kickstarter for a weird belt or something
you won't believe what's blowing up Kickstarter
Gregarious behaviour in Opiliones
that in a way it's a shame Batman & Robin wasn't released today, because then reviewers could say things like "the Ice Man cometh ellipsis but did he have to finish in our mouths"
what killed the dinosaurs
bottoming for R Kelley in I Believe I Will Cut You If You Don't Stop Struggling VII
the sting of rape
wondering if R Kelly is like the Sting of rape
wondering if Ice T is like the Sting of rap
Tracy Lauren Marrow
really wanting to do some Polish T jokes wherein the hits of rapper Ice T are given a Polish spin, but finding it very hard to name any hits
being a minimalist a century ago
Polish T
Shit Lop
Hot Lips
Asian Lips
Gay Lips
braiding wombs
the name given to a legendary spirit dwelling in Dryburgh Abbey in Berwickshire, Scotland
it tastes like burning
Ben Carson's campaign used a US map that has problems with the New England states, appearing to cut out, misshape or misposition Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont and Rhode Island
braiding poons
Jure Grando
bottoming for Semener Maniston in A Long Come, Pally
It is understood how to read at will T shirt
Curry but I like enough to eat in expedition destination, rather than making their own, not good food of curry noodles, such as curry
A tropical fish farm, medical facility and a kickin' pair of trainers
A tropical fish farm, medical facility and computer servers
braiding tombs
raiding tombs
Charlie Sheen to sell two of three Beverly Hills mansions
sucking a stew dry
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'oily Welsh marlin liver'
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'a shrill limy wolverine'
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'merrily shall I live now'
The One Where Ten Years From Now You'll Totally Be Able To See Rachel's Nipples
it's a long way down the holiday road
that apparently there's a widescreen version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where you can see whole bunches of obviously crew standing around what would have been out of shot in the intended original
being two Batman movies into a Batman movie marathon and thinking the most unbelievable thing about them so far is that they're two hours long, which seems excessive
death and tasers
it seems quite likely they're hoping to stem the flow of refugees, since they rely in the main on taxation of those people and literally stealing the money from banks in territories they control
I guess they could argue that the attacks are intended not as provocation but as retaliation, but still
remembering quite liking Along Came Polly, and owning a copy of it that somebody gave you presumably because it was, like all DVDs, worthless and reduced as a loss leader by stores within six months, but still had the appearance of a gift of value
if she didn't want her nipples to be all over the internet, she shouldn't have had nipples in the first place
not really understanding the logic of an organization that is going out of its way to make every nation on the planet with nuclear weapons pissed off at them
Watch All of Jennifer Aniston's Shitty Movies on DVD For a Chance to See Her Nipples!
it's like that movie where you can see Jennifer Aniston's nipples on the DVD because the aspect ratio was different
in fairness they didn't notice ten years ago because the episodes were cropped for a different broadcast format
"heretic washed up piglet Shame pile" sounding like what you would get if you ran the McDonald's menu through Translation Party
F#R#I#E#N#D#S# swapped Rachel in an episode and noone noticed
eating a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile
being a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile
having gerbil dumps, pure win
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time for super lubed Mr Wiping
having super lubed Mr Wiping
having super weird plumbing, if you know what I mean
low hanging Kentos
do your Kentos hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow
tour eiffel charisma
naked sexual charisma
Eiffel Kentofsky
tying ten Kentos in a neat knot
Sheen said depression over his condition led him to drug and alcohol use, "making a lot of bad decisions" that resulted in hiring more prostitutes who could blackmail him
Operation Neat Knot
An intoxicated passenger had to be restrained after attempting to open an exit door on a flight from London to Boston, authorities said Tuesday, cheerio, wicked pissah
Operation Tan Kento
one, ONE fat gay Asian, ah ah ah ahhhh, two, TWO fat gay Asians, ah ah ah ahhh
Operation Ten Kento
Operation Ten Go
Fitty Cent Showers in Armenian Pee
Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee
having super weird plumbing
rubbing another man's rhubarb
in fact, the croissant does not arrive in France until a hundred years later when it's brought over by a sixteen year old Austrian princess by the name of Kirsten Dunst
never rubbing another man's rhubarb
after what happened to Johnny Gobbs
Vote Carl Weathers for Governor!
tooth fairy slashfic
how many of the cast of Predator ended up as right wing political candidates
I'm just kidding those movies looked terrible
yeah, but look at all the women he fucked
The same day Landham called for genocide against Arabs and referred to them as "ragheads"
Sixty One Percent Of Americans Pee In The Shower
tracking down old porn films featuring Sonny Landham out of Predator
The greater the number of a Dogari's exploits, the bigger the size of his trousers
being a minimalist now has nine hundred and eleven votes, NINE ELEVEN TERRORISTS ATTACK ILLUMINATI JET FUEL CAN'T MELT STEEL BEAMS
that's racist
it's just brown and water
first rate Snorunt lapping
she evolved
Miley Sheen LICKYLICKY Geldof
Miley Sheen Lickitung Geldof
Miley Sheen Lohan Geldof
Gloom sucking cock behind the Pokemon Center just to get enough cash to feed its rare candy addiction
Miley Sheen Lohan
seeing Charlie Sheen in a music video with Jean Claude Van Damme and some other has been you didn't recognise, and wondering who the hell thought that was a good idea
Pokemon Doing Needle Drugs and Banging an Endless Parade of Skanks
Man Whose Entire Public Image Revolved Around Doing Needle Drugs and Banging an Endless Parade of Skanks to Reveal That He's HIV Positive
Charlie Sheen will reportedly announce tomorrow during a "Today" show appearance that he's HIV positive
As the organization grew, infighting and charges of bylaw violations and profiteering among the leadership led to the departure of several board members and the creation of splinter groups, including FORBS
wondering if whoever that is doing what you assume is an attempt at SQL injection is looking for something specific, or just hoping to inject some malware downloading code or some shit into qwantz dot com
Adult Bashful Seven Dwarf Costume
The Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas was formed as a splinter group of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas after a disagreement over leadership and membership qualifications
abortion doping
Alien Colon Covenant
It Ain't FULLY Hot Mum
It Ain't Half Hot Mum
wombling free
overstood
understood
I should probably point out that I have no idea whether they did it ten years ago
if they didn't do it ten years ago they're not going to now
drawing a picture of Earl Sillies lying back and thinking of England
wishing that you could somehow dig a quantum tunnel to the alternate universe in which London was attacked instead of Paris just for the chance to see eighty thousand bored French people in the Stade de France forlornly mumbling God Save the Queen
Colon The Jared Fogle Story
guessing that it would really not be considered "reaming" somewhere around the halfway point of the ninety thousand guys
wow, a whole stadium full
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to anal ream Earl Sillies
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn Malaise Rallies
fraternity cock, if you know what I mean
drawing a picture of Flavor Flav becoming emotionally close to chickens, but the chickens are at best apathetic and at worst antagonistic
fraternite coq, si tu vois ce que je veux dire
fraternite coq
friend chicken
eating that whole thing of kim chee and sneezing in bed
Daniel Mason, who works for William Graham, said he had not "fully understood" the meaning of the speech
sneezing in bed
Myke Hawke covering The Sun Always Shines On TV
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to touch Myke Hawke
when life conspires against any and all attempts to start a friend chicken franchise
flee fly flo flave, I smell the blood on your fingers, Dave, yeah boy!
having a close shave bravely fleeing a fla