imagining the images on an amazing Regret Index calendar and then throwing up in your mouth a little bit
REGRET INDEX:
1

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 3 lifetimes of regret
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September: A nude Kento lying face down in a Manila prison cell, his face showing a mix of fearful anticipation and joyful anticiation, as a burly guard slips a latex glove on his large, meaty hand.
March: Spambot feeds an assortment of birds bread and expired counterfeit discount medications.
November: 900-pound Dickgirl Rachel Kilcher
April: Clifford the Labrador, pictured in his native Hungry Horse.
December: Dogs and kids frolicking playfully in a playground while a bunch of bored looking adults stare into their iPhones.
January: Brian Peppers, extending his hand in greeting.
June: A single walrus with an erection. One of his flippers is covered in feces, and the other is covered in walrus semen and Vaseline.
July: A turd so massive it stretches credulity to claim it as human in origin. Double page spread, actual size.
August: The bikini-clad corspes of the California spread out on a beach while Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard, looks on in sadistic glee.
February: Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby, Jimmy Savile, Jerry Sandusky, Kevin Clash, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Prince Andrew playing a horrid game of poker using chips bearing the images of underage boys and girls.
May: Waffles.
October: A forlorn Hayden Christensen glancing at his watch while his roommate sprinkles sand onto his poutine in the background.
Smarch: A girl looks like a bustier, hippier Marceline from Adventure Time surveying her vast collection of dildos and strap-ons trying to find the best one while a French guy who looks like Janice Dickinson mixes up some knish coladas.
Ordibehesht: A sexualized preteen girl in Tehran reads Reading Lolita in Tehran.
Nagatsuki: Moby posing in Japan, desu ne.
Beet Sperm: An Alaskan man with a bleached anus sitting in a padded cell with stacks of newspapers and a pair of scissors, cutting out letters in the headlines in a desperate attempt to find the word "rape."
Undecember: The aftermath of Bicoid Babe's visit to See Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago.

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