imagining the images on an amazing Regret Index calendar and then throwing up in your mouth a little bit
REGRET INDEX:
1

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 3 lifetimes of regret
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September: A nude Kento lying face down in a Manila prison cell, his face showing a mix of fearful anticipation and joyful anticiation, as a burly guard slips a latex glove on his large, meaty hand.
March: Spambot feeds an assortment of birds bread and expired counterfeit discount medications.
November: 900-pound Dickgirl Rachel Kilcher
April: Clifford the Labrador, pictured in his native Hungry Horse.
December: Dogs and kids frolicking playfully in a playground while a bunch of bored looking adults stare into their iPhones.
January: Brian Peppers, extending his hand in greeting.
June: A single walrus with an erection. One of his flippers is covered in feces, and the other is covered in walrus semen and Vaseline.
July: A turd so massive it stretches credulity to claim it as human in origin. Double page spread, actual size.
August: The bikini-clad corspes of the California spread out on a beach while Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard, looks on in sadistic glee.
February: Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby, Jimmy Savile, Jerry Sandusky, Kevin Clash, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Prince Andrew playing a horrid game of poker using chips bearing the images of underage boys and girls.
May: Waffles.
October: A forlorn Hayden Christensen glancing at his watch while his roommate sprinkles sand onto his poutine in the background.
Smarch: A girl looks like a bustier, hippier Marceline from Adventure Time surveying her vast collection of dildos and strap-ons trying to find the best one while a French guy who looks like Janice Dickinson mixes up some knish coladas.
Ordibehesht: A sexualized preteen girl in Tehran reads Reading Lolita in Tehran.
Nagatsuki: Moby posing in Japan, desu ne.
Beet Sperm: An Alaskan man with a bleached anus sitting in a padded cell with stacks of newspapers and a pair of scissors, cutting out letters in the headlines in a desperate attempt to find the word "rape."
Undecember: The aftermath of Bicoid Babe's visit to See Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago.

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drawing a picture of Zombie Kento dragging himself from his undoubtedly shallow grave howling "doooongs, doooongs" as he hungers for flesh
wondering how many sunflower seeds the urethra of Chris Lydon's bizzare, striated, earthwormlike penis can hold
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
wondering how long you stay conscious after being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
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wondering how long you stay fashion conscious after being decapitated
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Shortly afterwards the Welsh Assembly suspended its day's proceedings isn't it
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recent comments

(3) wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
(1) wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated
(1) having a cardboard booty
(2) not realising that the best way to get a British bird to drop her knickers is to do bottomlessly stupid things, crikey
(2) trying to conceive of the enormity of a crime or series of crimes that would mandate incarceration for a billion years
(1) Orly
(1) that the fifth Google result for "Bicoid Babe" is "Bicoid Babe's asshole fountain"
(8) it's still better than having him sucking on your left one until you have a breastgasm
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(1) replacing all vowels with o
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kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
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