that clinging to the past hinders you from embracing the present, the old Regret Index is dead, long live the Regret Index

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 44 lifetimes of regret
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tusks, I mean tusks, I was thinking of that long bony thing that's always in my mouth?
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recent regrets

Harvey Dixmoor School District
Han is stunned to find the spitting image of his dead wookiee in a slice of MAM
Man is stunned to find the spitting image of his dead dog in a slice of HAM
feeling like ordering a bunch of tshirts with just a big ol' hashtag on them because fuck it, it's twenty sixteen, you'll be remembered as one of the great communicators of the age
disinterring Arnold Palmer's corspe and putting the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young courses
Pierre the French Rat
disinterring Kermit the Frog's corspe and fucking the eyholes of his felt in order to violate him like he violated poor Yorick
a purple skull Muppet from Sam and Friends that often tried to eat Kermit the Frog
having a better day already
having no map to find your way amongst these foul cod studs
a pizza hut a pizza hut kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut
having no map to find your way amongst these clouds of dust
Mosier said his parents have "literally two cows," and his mother dotes on them, even rubbing them regularly with coconut oil
Angry patrons and animal rights activists are calling on vegans to boycott the restaurant after learning that owners Matthew and Terces Engelhart have begun eating meat and consuming animals raised on their private farm
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recent comments

(1) all the people getting head on graciefilms dot com
(2) being c%l
(1) talking about poop poop poop muzik
(1) forcing yourself too deep
(2) our foreign and domestic policy is mostly going to consist of walking into doors
(7) Your comment must be in English or it will be removed
(2) that it's pretty much just racism
(1) semen slander
(3) applying for a job at Playboy
(4) crying while listening to Agadoo
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top regrets

kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
bragging about being from West Virginia (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
telling the Philippines authorities that Kento is a drug mule (0.0000)
using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
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most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (356)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
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