Garfield Minus Garfield

a regret index of 1 is ultimate regret
this result collects the hard-earned
experience of 17 lifetimes of regret
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Twin Long Rods #Nude?
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recent regrets

Salter's Lode
big juice is nice
eating peas with Harvey Cream
eating peas with vegan honey
eating peas with honey
the traditional hour of pointless squabbling before you can leave an elderly relative's home
sometimes wondering what the deal is with other regretters but knowing that you're always going to get a gay answer
wondering how you prepare the peppers
eating in a restaurant that smells like death
Anyway, they try to start the performance back up but they realize that they're butchering a beloved Ace of Base song so they run off stage
I never really noticed before because his potential gayness is a like a mere candle next to the blinding supernova of Derek's undeniable homosexuality, but he definitely has some homopotential
realizing that the thing that was, and still is, making your dumps smell like burning tires is red bell peppers
One of the twins says, "I went number one," and then the other one says, "I watched," which is pretty weird
Magic Hole Golem
In the living room, Michelle asks Becky what you call a boy ladybug and Becky replies, "confused," which is a totally transphobic joke
To simultaneously penetrate both the vagina and anus with two clenched fists
feeling like your life is nothing but alternating periods of extreme stress and extreme boredom
dual wielding
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recent comments

(1) wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
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top regrets

feeling iffy from lithium (1.0000)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (1.0000)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (1.0000)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (1.0000)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci (0.0000)
stealing that girl's bra from the communal laundry room (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12078/0.9998)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2430/0.0000)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
breasts (1440/0.0135)
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