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recent regrets

Danny tells Joey to get out of the bathroom so DJ can take her enormous shit but then Joey points out that he has to share a hallway and bathroom with three little girls and he just wants an hour to himself to beat off in the bathtub
DJ complains to Joey that he's been in the bathroom for almost an hour and then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Derek sings "Paper Moon," which triggered momentary synesthesia for me when it evoked the smell of anal lubricant
Little Richard walks into the kitchen just as Danny utters his oft mentioned phrase to Joey, "I'll toss the salad"
Their segue to get up and ditch their dates is that they're going to go "check out the lobster tank" which is probably some sort of really disgusting euphemism
it's not that tough being a film cricket
on top of oily enema fop, with many audible fistulae
A ginger haired right wing extremist wrote about killing Prince Charles in the hope of making his red headed son Harry king
on top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies
Finally, I tried to devise a tasteful joke about how both of Michelle's best friend candidates are half black and she could have combined them by drawing a whole black person but I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't gonna sound racist
Danny says that he's tired of only pretending to be in a heterosexual relationship every other weekend and wants to set a wedding date with Vicky so he can start living a lie full time
Joey practices ballet in the basement with Stephanie while wearing tights that totally show off his nut sack
Her conviction is undeniable due to her outstretched arms with the palms facing up
This bit isn't funny and then continues to not be funny and then it just makes you want to kill yourself
OH MY GOD WHAT IS KIMMIE GIBBLER WEARING!!
Fuck that shit, and fuck Papouli in his decrepit, deceased anus
HE'S NOT HELPING ANYONE! EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE IS SO TERRIBLE BUT HE IS THE WORST ONE! THE ABSOLUTE WORST! HE'S FINALLY GIVING THEM AN OUT! JUST TELL HIM TO LEAVE! DO IT! PLEASE, JUST TELL HIM THAT HE HAS TO MOVE OUT!
Michelle in particular is perturbed by this event, and I kept waiting for her to utter some sort of anti Japanese racial slur
the game show is about couples and will feature Danny and Vicky as an engaged couple, DJ and Steve as a dating couple, and Jesse and Becky as a married couple, because who wants to watch anything that's not all about the people in the full house, right
Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants
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recent comments

(1) wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
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top regrets

feeling iffy from lithium (1.0000)
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car (1.0000)
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it (1.0000)
your recent accomplishments leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful (1.0000)
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic nutter, is alive or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure (1.0000)
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bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
shaving Jewel's bush, meow (0.0000)
not being Kento (0.0000)
twats (0.0000)
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you knead them (0.0000)
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most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12078/0.9998)
turtles (2607/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2430/0.0000)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
breasts (1440/0.0135)
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