T-Rex: It's time to learn about history! And what IS history? EASY:

T-Rex: History is all the stuff that happened in the past!

T-Rex: Luckily, since it IS the past, we can all ABSOLUTELY agree on what happened. Since events are knowable and non-changing - just like ourselves! - there is never any disagreement on what or even IF something happened, and these disagreements don't THEMSELVES change over time, suggesting the need for a "history of history", or "historiography", if you will.

Utahraptor: Sounds like you're kinda suggesting there ARE those things.
T-Rex: No! Of course not!!

T-Rex: Facts are facts, and what ARE people but an internally-consistent collection of facts?
Utahraptor: Nothing! We are all NOTHING if not a knowable, objective, and invariable subset of facts chosen from a larger set of immutable facts, and our actions reflect that!!

Narrator: LATER, T-REX CHANGES HIS MIND ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF:
T-Rex: Lol whatever, it's FINE