Archive

Here are all the comics I've done. If you're looking for a particular comic, the search engine can help you out! The comics are presented here in reverse chronological order. They are in chronological order too if you read from the bottom up, just FYI

April 2024

April 22nd, 2024: Three Wishes: The Ultimate Guide To Hacking The Inherent Ambiguity of Language to Get What YOU Want
April 19th, 2024: the moves of the dance
April 17th, 2024: hairy small john watson, or there and back again: a legally-distinct narrative
April 15th, 2024: okay but what if the JOKER parks with impunity, what THEN
April 12th, 2024: i know several billion future-secrets, perhaps even in the low trillions
April 10th, 2024: t-rex is just asking questions
April 8th, 2024: But it could've been worse! I didn't find a single page of AI-generated slurry that said "Since time immemorial, many have wondered 'oh my god, how do you not know.' The learning of 'oh my god, how do you not know' is important and you are not alone in wanting to know more about oh my god how do you not know."
April 3rd, 2024: so hodie you're cras, fr fr
April 1st, 2024: t-rex AND ME both want the same epitaph: "Here lies T-Rex: not so funny now" (only for me I'd sub out the "T-Rex" bit)

March 2024

March 29th, 2024: good news: "sherlock holmes has access to feelings the rest of us can't feel" is FINALLY CANON
March 27th, 2024: the sun: both giver and taker of life. and cancer too, but only on the giving side. hey actually, wait a sec, wtf sun??
March 25th, 2024: finally: a second arguably more successful try at the top ten organs!
March 22nd, 2024: finally: the top ten organs!
March 20th, 2024: yesterday's tomorrow - today!
March 18th, 2024: this comic inspired by spending a single weekend alone, i used to be so good at this WHAT HAPPENED
March 15th, 2024: i love how t-rex is shocked by his own twist. he has the shockedness of ten to eleven men
March 13th, 2024: the paper is edible too, so stop complaining and eat up your Mondrian pastiche
March 11th, 2024: just slide it back to them and wink for the ultimate power reversal
March 8th, 2024: a poster with a picture of a good dog and the words "WOW" underneath. i'll take 200 copies please
March 6th, 2024: t-sex is short for "tyrannosaurus sex", or "sex of the tyrant lizard" - an amazing prog rock album name if there ever was one
March 4th, 2024: the story stars a caucasian man and a housefly considered by her peers to be a legendary beauty on par with Cleopatra. it is a tale that could only be called... "pretty fly for a white guy"
March 1st, 2024: tfw you find out you've been wearing belts wrong LITERALLY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE hahah whoopsie

February 2024

February 28th, 2024: i call this comic, "friendship in action"
February 26th, 2024: t-rex, are they buckets or classes or boxes because holy dang you need to choose one
February 21st, 2024: best city, best times
February 19th, 2024: t-rex in: FICTIONAL ADVENTURES THAT DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME!! i only did the water part
February 16th, 2024: do NOT suggest a character named JAMES MALDIVES or ANGOLA BOND because i will be MAD i didn't get there FIRST
February 14th, 2024: We let people say the internet "didn't count" because we knew it did, and then woke up one day to discover that we were right all along and now it counted more than anything else. Now it would change the course of lives, elections, countries, civilizations, and it would do that even if you never logged in once in your life because it changed everything and everyone, no take-backsies. WHOOPSIES
February 12th, 2024: i recently found out a child i knew twenty years ago is now twenty years older?? how
February 9th, 2024: okay but we can all agree that sherlock holmes wouldn't know what an ipad is, and - wait, what's this? babbage and lovelace's notes on a "miniaturized mechanical padde"? DANG IT
February 7th, 2024: if i were a criminal my nom de plume would be "the future"... because i'm always one step ahead
February 5th, 2024: this comic is inspired by me going to the national gallery of canada and experiencing SEVERAL arts
February 2nd, 2024: you CAN wait and you WILL wait. i haven't even cleaned up yet, c'mon, there's junk all over the table

January 2024

January 31st, 2024: GRIND, sealed, delivered: i'm yours
January 29th, 2024: TWO cosmology questions in ONE comic! they said it was illegal but *I* said i didn't care, and also didn't believe them
January 24th, 2024: rainbow parties were, uh, parties where teens got together to celebrate god's wisdom in making rainbows so pretty. okay bye
January 22nd, 2024: variety is the spice of life! except for the #1 best meal, which we all agree is already spiced appropriately, and perfectly
January 19th, 2024: gotta disagree with dromiceiomimus: that question sounds RAD and i will now ask it of myself in every room i enter, much as former secret agents still always notice the exits of every room they are in, so too will i always know who i suspect of being A Little Too Eager
January 17th, 2024: t-rex in: the blush of youth
January 15th, 2024: the man that weeps like a boy that weeps like a man
January 12th, 2024: dinosaur comics, which famously includes the name of the absolutely silent medium it employs in its title, proudly presents: illegal sounds
January 10th, 2024: the devil is like MMM GREETINGS T-REX I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU BEGAN DISCUSSING VIDEO GAMES WITHOUT INVOLVING ME AND AS A FRIENDLY PUNISHMENT I AM NOW GOING TO DISCUSS THEM AT YOU WITHOUT INVOLVING YOU / THE ORIGINS OF THE FORM ARE AS FASCINATING AS THEY ARE DETAILED
January 6th, 2024: did you know that conversation is easy to win and i have proof?
January 5th, 2024: EXCUSE YOU but what about when the usb plug doesn't go in so you rotate it and it doesn't go in again so you rotate it back to where it started and it goes in that time?? greatest non-euclidian betrayal of all time
January 3rd, 2024: ♫ M,I,C / K,E,Y / C,O,M,I,C ♫
January 1st, 2024: should auld lore be forgot and never brought to mind? no no, remember it too. better study all my legends just to be safe

December 2023

December 29th, 2023: classic comics!
December 15th, 2023: see this is why i never curdle ANY of my emotions. too risky
December 13th, 2023: bruce wayne more like bruce COMPLAIN
December 11th, 2023: i've got a limited number of lousy documents and they cost me 1.5 pennies each and i want to ensure i get a good trade in the idiomatic marketplace
December 8th, 2023: the fun part is parrots aren't even unique to the Americas and were already known in the old world, but i am NOT complaining. parrotland for life
December 6th, 2023: EXCLUSIVE FACTS that nobody else in the universe will ever (care to) know!
December 4th, 2023: books: a comic: part 2
December 1st, 2023: books: a comic: part 1

November 2023

November 29th, 2023: also if you change the name of the americas then you also change the name of the 2004 Rammstein song "Amerika" so that's something to keep in mind while writing too. probably other things as well but that's the big one
November 27th, 2023: the five websites are qwantz.com, dromiceiomim.us, poo.ca, humor.ca, and hotforthecock.com
November 24th, 2023: ooooh does this solar system ALSO have a sun at the center and then some planets around it? SNOOZEFEST ALERT
November 22nd, 2023: it's okay, i'm allowed to say it, tons of my friends live in the solar system
November 20th, 2023: shout out to the sponsor in the middle of para 4
November 17th, 2023: also sycamore and loblolly pine and sweetgum trees but i only have so much room in these panels. i only have so much room. unlike here where i can talk allllllllllllllllll day
November 15th, 2023: happy birthday to everyone born on this day, and happy belated birthday to everyone else
November 13th, 2023: okay, the next comic will NOT be about the sex life of this lime green dinosaur, i PROMISE
November 10th, 2023: on average everyone you've ever kissed has kissed more people than you, but it's nothing personal... or IS it
November 8th, 2023: recently i've stopped saying "who's this guy" and started saying "who's this colourful character" and i gotta say, my life is objectively improved
November 6th, 2023: and while we're on the subject, isn't it much more about PLANET trekking than STAR trekking??
November 3rd, 2023: behold my bold experiment in writing 'lol' in the hope of eliciting some lols!!!!
November 1st, 2023: "ask professor science" simply sounds better than "ask a tyrannosaurus rex with a fervent if uncertain understanding of science". or DOES it??

October 2023

October 30th, 2023: this comic inspired by a housefly landing ON MY LIPS and my soul LEAVING MY BODY
October 27th, 2023: inspired by the time i dumped my bookshelves onto the floor to reorganize them (i had the idea of switching from "alphabetical by title" to "alphabetical by author") and, as soon as i'd done it, looked at the pile of books on my floor and never felt more tired in my life
October 25th, 2023: t-rex in: a PLANE and simple plan
October 23rd, 2023: the good news is, you're not a simulation! the bad news is, there's worse things than being a simulation!
October 20th, 2023: t-rex in: "small talk"
October 18th, 2023: friendship for fun and profit
October 16th, 2023: the dogs of reason
October 13th, 2023: say what you will about the "say what you will" rhetorical technique...
October 11th, 2023: a fine comic, finally
October 9th, 2023: feeling regret about breaking "trancendental" into "trancen-dental" but decided it's a lifestyle choice

September 2023

September 29th, 2023: they should've called this book "lady chatterley's balls". i can think of only a few reasons why they didn't
September 27th, 2023: please do not take this from me
September 25th, 2023: we should never have let a small set of web forums become this popular, nobody needs to post this badly
September 22nd, 2023: Yes, young Timmy could see BEYOND the visible spectrum!
September 20th, 2023: i SUPPOSE if i took more actions an action figure might be more likely
September 18th, 2023: I love being ASLEEP and rational
September 15th, 2023: Winnie-Man or Spider-Pooh - both names are, in my considered opinion, equally valid
September 13th, 2023: i won't stand for this indefinitely, but i will sit for this and then stand for it for 15 minutes every hour
September 11th, 2023: my other opinion is that being mean to me is BAD!!
September 8th, 2023: NOT ALL YOUNG WIVES
September 6th, 2023: welp, it's been fun, time to go die on the moon
September 4th, 2023: someone PLEASE slip my copy into a movie producer's hands. please oh please, it'll be amazing, ESPECIALLY if said producer is SUPER credulous
September 1st, 2023: i honestly wondered why people would watch shows OTHER than star trek, because wouldn't you WANT to know what the future was going to be like?? ah, to have once more that earnest but incorrect understanding of what fiction is

August 2023

August 30th, 2023: this may be the most autobiographical comic i've ever written... ladies
August 28th, 2023: CASSANDRA COMICS
August 25th, 2023: as someone with FLABBERGASTINGLY GREAT LEGS: thank you
August 23rd, 2023: another fact about DB Cooper is that he is NOT me so let's all stop looking into that please, right away if possible
August 21st, 2023: look, dinosaurs exhausted THEIR easily-accessible oil reserves, then all died in the holes to make new ones. yep! it's yet another perfect explanation from ol' ryan!!
August 18th, 2023: t-rex in: the social disease
August 16th, 2023: it's the universe of joke-free punchlines and the world is a very confusing place
August 14th, 2023: you're telling me that tony stark, famous billionaire, has purchased TEN THOUSAND SPOONS and somehow neglected to buy a single knife??
August 11th, 2023: more like MEAT third eighteen-seventy-MEAT, am i right
August 9th, 2023: the animals also adapted really quickly too. it was just a super nice thing to see.
August 7th, 2023: ah, perfect, the banner that satisfies everyone
August 4th, 2023: child me evolved into adult me so he has no-one to blame but himself. he must dry his tears on these self-recriminations
August 2nd, 2023: CANON FACT: utahraptor's laugh is actually great and he's feeling a lot better about it now

July 2023

July 31st, 2023: there are several people who have been put forward as "the last person who could know everything" but I believe they are working off of extremely conservative definitions of "everything"
July 28th, 2023: turns out the brand name is actually "ChapStick" but no way am i bringing THEIR PascalCase branding into my beautiful mind
July 26th, 2023: there are more fictional STARSHIPS than there are real people, or at least there will be by the time i'm through writing this technical manual
July 24th, 2023: continuity raises its startling head
July 21st, 2023: in real life the author's fridge died and he ate like a king for a few days until everything went bad :(
July 19th, 2023: originally i had A and A end up in an accounting textbook but by the time i wrote "double-entry accounting" i thought "ryan, what are you doing"
July 14th, 2023: you could even group the names by properties too. talking dogs get a whole column
July 12th, 2023: honestly i would LOVE to get a letter like this, not a word of lie
July 10th, 2023: you too can have a subset of it all!!
July 7th, 2023: i'm just a big ol' guy with a li'l ol' bladder
July 5th, 2023: literary technique comics: uh i think maybe this covers flashbacks too
July 3rd, 2023: i did my own research and unfortunately said research indicated years of study would be required in order to speak with any sort of authority on this matter

June 2023

June 30th, 2023: OBVIOUSLY each perceptron needs its input vectors weighed, OBVIOUSLY each of them would need that!!
June 28th, 2023: sherlock holmes and the case of the crazy utahraptor
June 26th, 2023: dang it, it IS the secret first step in most things
June 23rd, 2023: the year is 1845 and everyone alive then is long dead, so keep in mind that this story is about GHOSTS back when they were PRE-GHOSTS
June 21st, 2023: god saying nothing after panel 3 because he's too busy remembering all the cool fish facts he knows
June 19th, 2023: to be fair machines AND boats are pretty neato
June 16th, 2023: SUNNY-degree murder
June 14th, 2023: i speculate that just as we curate our book reading we'd curate our mind reading, and some minds would be sought-after as a great read while MY mind would be considered dreadfully low-brow, yet tastefully erotic
June 12th, 2023: QUESTION: is the eggplant sweating
June 9th, 2023: hey, if you wanna eat faster that's probably fine. i can keep an eye on you if you wanna so it's probably fine. you can get a big ol' bolus going
June 7th, 2023: t-rex is saying "congratulations you did it" in one breath there in panel two without a single comma for ARTISTIC REASONS and NOT because i ran out of space
June 5th, 2023: 100 years from now, an email goes straight to spam, unread
June 2nd, 2023: i would subscribe to this magazine and especially would love the corrections section

May 2023

May 31st, 2023: it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the donkey kong theme, the donkey kong theme again, the dk rap, the donkey kong theme (reprise)...
May 29th, 2023: okay okay i'll stop the bit now I PROMISE. i'm... sure
May 26th, 2023: inspired by a real bit that is fun for everyone and NOT just the one doing it!!
May 24th, 2023: just so you know when you insult me you're also insulting all my descendants. no that DOESN'T make insulting me even better, you take that back!!
May 22nd, 2023: you know what else, besides crime, doesn't pay?? so many things. it's hard out there
May 17th, 2023: behold my ancestry: all stone cold 10s and famous people. to answer your question yes i did build my family tree myself on a website
May 15th, 2023: given how often i reference it, one of these days i should really read more than the first sentence of anna karenina
May 12th, 2023: forgiveness comics!! aka comiciveness!!
May 10th, 2023: this one might be a little inspired by real life and my uh... my bag of human hair labelled "bag of human hair"
May 8th, 2023: the comic is great though. i'm afraid i must come down on the side of "stop reading philosophy papers and start reading comics" once again.
May 5th, 2023: FINALLY a namecheck for Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones the Third
May 3rd, 2023: a time for... reflection
May 1st, 2023: Comics About Holes

April 2023

April 28th, 2023: the future is, sadly, rational and economical
April 26th, 2023: sorry i got the wrong sort of nintendo game for your nintendo, i didn't know they made so many kinds of nintendos
April 24th, 2023: emphasis on the "verse" and less so on the "uni"
April 21st, 2023: soupçon is a word that should be used a soupçon more often
April 19th, 2023: they're, uh, they're shaving their FEATHERS. which are also invisible. mainly due to this clip art coming from the early 90s
April 17th, 2023: once again major problems are majorly easy if you don't look into them that deeply!! SHEESH, EXPERTS
April 14th, 2023: ursula k. le guin once said "t-rex is the #1 BEST dinosaur" but nobody was around to hear it and then later she forgot to write it down
April 12th, 2023: okay okay FINE i'll try it, i have been meaning to quench SOMETHING around here
April 10th, 2023: i am very smart, ESPECIALLY if you have no followup questions
April 7th, 2023: a radical act of cell-f love
April 5th, 2023: you're telling me this person is a loan?? that doesn't even make sense, am i purposely misunderstanding a homophone here or what??
April 3rd, 2023: The Hardy Boys And The Case Of Is Saying "Bull" A Swear Because The Word Is Fine Normally But You All Know What I'm Really Trying To Say, And While We're On The Subject, What's So Bad About A Male Rooster

March 2023

March 31st, 2023: the context for this joke is that in cursive capital Qs look like 2s. it is a part of writing where numbers escaped their bounds and bled into letters and nobody talks about it
March 29th, 2023: siri let's keep all my questions about how to start a normal cult between us for now
March 27th, 2023: THE PROPHECY CAME TRUE!!
March 24th, 2023: odds are nonzero that someone reading this will read it after their friends get divorced, and i just wanna say: it's not your fault. it's t-rex's
March 22nd, 2023: normal god dodging the question ONCE AGAIN
March 20th, 2023: an engaging comic
March 17th, 2023: t-rex in: Two Good Ideas
March 15th, 2023: on a long enough timescale, timescales get unreasonably long
March 13th, 2023: it's a black box! i at least wanna build my personality around something KNOWABLE
March 10th, 2023: ryan words have meaning. at least, they used to. i am almost certain
March 8th, 2023: nobody in the future knows for sure what i had for breakfast (it was toast) (OR WAS IT??)
March 6th, 2023: sherlock holmes and the case
March 3rd, 2023: it 1000% is the origin of "SHAUN OF THE DEAD" and i will explain this at length to anyone who will listen
March 1st, 2023: beards over babies who think shit hath not gotten real

February 2023

February 27th, 2023: SCAM SCOMICS
February 24th, 2023: today's lucky 20%
February 22nd, 2023: surprisingly i AM actually still using the same calendar software as i was in 2013! probably that's fine. probably we just invented the best calendar software in 2013 and that's all there is to it
February 20th, 2023: i've dabbled in having ideas, usually but not always in the privacy of my own head
February 15th, 2023: did I take special pleasure in panel 5 in splitting the word "assassination" into two parts? the answer is yes
February 13th, 2023: he tasks me
February 10th, 2023: not working is working for me
February 8th, 2023: forget having kids so they can put you in a home when you're older! DON'T have kids so that way they'll never overwrite you with doom (1993). and don't even get me STARTED on doom (2016)
February 6th, 2023: IF THERE IS NOT OBJECTIVE TRUTH THEN WHAT THE HECK ARE WE ALL DOING? LIKE, HONESTLY, WHAT ARE WE DOING??? NO, NO, DON'T ANSWER THAT
February 3rd, 2023: a friend and i once were so impressed by a mountain that we were going to start a podcast where we told each other about mountains. it was to be called "mountain pals"
February 1st, 2023: okay okay, I'm allowed to change the images once every twenty years. but that's IT

January 2023

January 30th, 2023: is this comic better if after Utahraptor's first line in the last panel, it's all other people speaking (as intended), or is it better if ALL the lines in the last panel are from Utahraptor, talking to himself desperately trying to sound like a crowd? This and other mysteries await you, here at the end of the 19th year of Dinosaur Comics
January 27th, 2023: please, CLEARLY those pyjamas belong to my cat
January 25th, 2023: and if a normal wood-burning stove is too heavy, instead you can just strap yourself to giant fireworks but turn off the part where they explode. oh crap, i invented rockets AGAIN
January 23rd, 2023: "ravenous" out there taking up lexical space and forcing a word that means "having the nature of ravens" to fall back to "ravenly"
January 18th, 2023: ladies and gentlemen, FOUR THOUSAND COMICS!! thank you for reading some percentage of them and MEGA thank yous to those of you who have read EVERY percentange of them (only possible if you start and 0 and work your way up to 100) (percentages above 100 are a fake idea)
January 16th, 2023: don't forget to follow me. in real life, i mean. i might stick my head in the shops somewhere, and you're more than welcome to tag along
January 13th, 2023: to wazzup, perchance to cringe
January 11th, 2023: pimples and sweatpants boners
January 9th, 2023: brussels samoa once again wasn't QUITE sure how his story ended
January 6th, 2023: the probability of seeing batman at any location is small, but non-negative, and across the set of all possible locations sums to one. you just memorized electron facts AND batman facts. Learning is easy... with Batman™
January 4th, 2023: bangers and sangers
January 2nd, 2023: 2022: a web card

December 2022

December 30th, 2022: CLASSIC COMICS FOR CHRISTMAS!
December 16th, 2022: conversation at parties as she is played
December 14th, 2022: There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be sure when buying sheets you get ones with a pattern that has a right side up, because that way you'll always get the fitted sheet to go on on your first try.
December 12th, 2022: anti-social media, similar but distinct from antisocial media, similar but distinct from auntie's social media
December 9th, 2022: the brain is like a specialized cpu, or "computer brain"
December 7th, 2022: "who cares" with an exclamation mark has very different semantics from "who cares" with a question mark, and while i don't want to die on this hill, i do gotta die SOMEWHERE
December 5th, 2022: honestly so many comics could end with just question marks, i need to hold myself to it being only a sometimes treat
December 2nd, 2022: i feel a lot of ways about emotions

November 2022

November 30th, 2022: dromiceiomimus's very kind sympathy is WASTED AGAIN
November 28th, 2022: nu rulz 4 spelng
November 25th, 2022: hear me out: Taking Tuesday
November 23rd, 2022: too bad sherlock couldn't deduce up an airplane engine, with the chassis and theory of flight to match
November 21st, 2022: dromiceiomimus is a good friend because she's always down to be part of a new core memory
November 18th, 2022: emotions are a spectrurorny
November 16th, 2022: now THERE'S a poster with legs (figurative)
November 14th, 2022: the first gift your parents give you is a name. the first give the government gives you is a number. the first gift the radio gives you is either a song or news about unbeatable savings for a limited time only
November 11th, 2022: "scuba" and "laser" given equal priority in my mind with "library computer access and retreval system"
November 9th, 2022: turn that noise into yesise
November 7th, 2022: simliar but distinct from "world building" which is of course the giant building that everyone lives in that reaches into space and the top of the tower spears the moon like an olive on a toothpick: the inarguable and natural end-point of any earthly civilization
November 4th, 2022: Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me and edit Wikipedia. This is not a joke. P.O. Box 91 Ocean View, WA 99393. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own citations. I have only done this once before. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED.
November 2nd, 2022: is there a more optimistic term than "immortals" for a group of older people who are definitely going to die?? well, they're in charge of the language, so in french, no, there is not

October 2022

October 31st, 2022: T-REX IN... A STORY THAT IS CONTINUED NEXT TIME
October 28th, 2022: the claim is made that "we always use euphemisms" in panel two, and by panel three we're evacuating bowels
October 26th, 2022: nintendo would disapprove of the union, while sega would definitely approve of the union. i will not be able to defend this opinion but i know it in my heart to be true
October 24th, 2022: the eternal september is decades old, c'mon now
October 21st, 2022: okay maybe we can have a few more words. i will allow "whatsit" and "zammo-whammo"
October 19th, 2022: good morning! today i made up a comic and got mad at it
October 17th, 2022: words were a mistake, an error, a blunder, a blooper, a fault, a folly, a gaffe, an oversight, a misjudgment, a slip-up, a mix-up, a trip-up, a series of errata,
October 14th, 2022: can god create a scifi episode so mind-melting it melts even his OWN mind?? find out tonight at 8pm
October 12th, 2022: i lettered this comic while travelling in a car at over 100km/h, which makes this the dinosaur comic that was lettered at the highest speed. you may well be enjoying it while travelling at similar speeds. if so, consider this my high-speed raise-of-the-glass to you
October 10th, 2022: now i just wanna hear about jojo mediumbottom
October 7th, 2022: WILL he or won't he
October 5th, 2022: dinosaur comics presents: pulp fiction
October 3rd, 2022: back to the future dodged this so narrowly, and you can find a deleted scene where marty's worried about going back to the future and finding out he's gay now. they cut it! PHEW

September 2022

September 30th, 2022: t-rex is not a rooster booster
September 28th, 2022: meanwhile a happy person is watching just off panel, happy to not be involved in any of this
September 26th, 2022: i've heard of ambitious comics but THIS is RIDICULOUS
September 23rd, 2022: based on a true story!! not from me though. i'm extremely cool at all times, so
September 21st, 2022: in panel six, is t-rex talking about adding the feature to frankensteins from the story, or from real life? i'll never tell
September 19th, 2022: death comix!!!
September 16th, 2022: about to wuther heights, wuthering heights, fully wuthered heights
September 14th, 2022: your problems aren't solved... until they're Alpha Pro-Solved, to the Xtreme, for men
September 12th, 2022: followup opinion: i should be able to hire a ghost to do my taxes
September 9th, 2022: all i'm saying is the earth is hit by hundreds of meteorwhatevers every day so let's put 'em to USE
September 7th, 2022: turkeys in spaaaaace
September 5th, 2022: SOCIETY? more like SUCK-SIGH-A-PEE. sorry, sorry, i don't know what that means but it sounds rude
September 2nd, 2022: shakespeare plays more like shakespeare played eventually if i remember

August 2022

August 31st, 2022: why should others listen when you have something to say if you won't even talk to yourself??
August 29th, 2022: we wouldn't just eat, sleep, and have sex! we'd also eventually die
August 26th, 2022: cookie coomics
August 24th, 2022: contr'ct'ns
August 22nd, 2022: Later on, T-Rex reads the Bible and notices Jesus can turn water into wine and wonders if he can ALSO swing from a thread. God says "HOLD ON LEMME CHECK" and then a few minutes later says "NO"
August 19th, 2022: the inappropriate relationship gets transferred over from marty and lorraine to mr. phillips and prissy andrews. IT ALL FITS
August 17th, 2022: responsibilities is a great word if you enjoy every second letter being 'i' partway through
August 15th, 2022: one dude, zero clothes, several questions.
August 12th, 2022: similar but distinct to the the paradox of free willy
August 10th, 2022: when it comes to apologies, i shan't. i simply shan't
August 8th, 2022: this IS what they told me at the start of grad school and at the end i DID know something nobody else had known before! grad school: it does what it says on the tin
August 5th, 2022: feelings DO care about my facts
August 3rd, 2022: ask professor science why he simply doesn't get a p.o. box with more security
August 1st, 2022: "a six-panel comic starring dinosaurs made by a human, award-winning photograph of the comic, funny comic, done in a clip-art style"

July 2022

July 29th, 2022: batman's different because he's real and i've met him. he appears as a tiny floating head and he's my friend and he doesn't care how crazy that sounds and he tells me not to either
July 27th, 2022: technically, after you hear it, YOU are the one with the bad take. i merely supplied the bad give
July 25th, 2022: literary ^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H computer science technique comics
July 22nd, 2022: to be fair, jupiter mass IS the unit of mass equal to the mass of the planet jupiter, and yes i am paid by the "mass"
July 20th, 2022: generation t-rex
July 18th, 2022: sherlock holmes and the case of the pale horse
July 15th, 2022: sigh-borg
July 13th, 2022: answer to the question in panel 1: 2/3 of them had bad, extremely basic haircuts??
July 11th, 2022: welcome to the world, newborns, some personal news: i hath put you ON BLAST
July 8th, 2022: i hope you find this comic at least... SORT of funny
July 6th, 2022: in this installment of dinosaur comics, a silent medium, we sing a lot
July 4th, 2022: i recently got oral surgery and can only eat soft, bland, cold foods, and let me tell you: an irresponsible amount of chicken wings sounds REAL GOOD right now, but sadly it's even MORE irresponsible. MEDICALLY irresponsible :(
July 1st, 2022: t-rex, dromiceiomimus, and utahraptor in: the great escape

June 2022

June 29th, 2022: assuming you agree with all my opinions, be sure to follow me on social media!!
June 27th, 2022: sorry for writing "tumescent" and sorry more for pronouncing it "tumes-cent"
June 24th, 2022: his friends call him "bill" but his SECRET friends call him "william 'the big g' gates"
June 22nd, 2022: keep your eyes peeled for a partial shout out to engineering in panel 3
June 21st, 2022: special HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD minicomic :0
June 20th, 2022: berries for your heir-ies
June 17th, 2022: disappointment comix!!! PLEASE ENJOY
June 15th, 2022: my bitterness at eating raw kale is matched only by the bitterness of eating raw kale
June 13th, 2022: when will the end of history arrive, we already have SO MUCH of it
June 10th, 2022: is this literary technique comics: anthypophora? it IS
June 8th, 2022: to be fair that haunted modem story stayed with me so long that i'm now writing a comic about it 20 years later, so
June 6th, 2022: computers use things to do the thing, got it
June 3rd, 2022: this comic was inspired by a delicious fish that i gobbled. the fish so good it inspired Art
June 1st, 2022: YES it's the hp-41cx and YES i love it and YES it was passed down to me by my father

May 2022

May 30th, 2022: in many ways, the mouth IS the dogtail. this simile and perhaps others can be discovered simply by reading this comic
May 27th, 2022: a complaint 50,000 years in the making
May 25th, 2022: yes my female version of sherlock holmes is named sHERlock, why do you ask
May 23rd, 2022: nothing lasts forever, except mortality!!
May 20th, 2022: NOW YOU UNDERSTAND.
May 18th, 2022: it's not a really intense form of friendship when you learn a new language to enter it. it's NORMAL
May 16th, 2022: if i was REALLY committed i wouldn't be publishing this in the most popular language of all time
May 13th, 2022: i can't wait to go home to my lights dimmed to my exact specifications, and i am NOT uncool!!
May 11th, 2022: it runs in the family (eating and getting sassy, and i will not apologize for that, especially after eating)
May 9th, 2022: yet another thing the pandemic has taken from us is my ability to make a Scene at dinner parties
May 6th, 2022: chocolate-based muscles. baby-formula-based brains. i got it all, ladies
May 4th, 2022: musical EGGspectations
May 2nd, 2022: learning to swim just to fully appreciate idioms like "just a quick dip", "we're treading water here", and "we're in over our heads on this one". thus is my commitment to language

April 2022

April 29th, 2022: speaking my dreams: i hope you enjoy this comic today and thank you for reading it!!
April 27th, 2022: fight detectives are like regular detectives, except they ALSO regularly detect that it's time to THROW DOWN
April 25th, 2022: eating to excess ^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hsuccess
April 22nd, 2022: It's Doctor Coma! He's on the news, threatening the mayor with his latest medically-induced HEIST!!
April 20th, 2022: sorry to all the parents experiencing Name Regret right now, I only wish you'd read this comic sooner!!
April 18th, 2022: babe wake up, a new type of guy just dropped
April 15th, 2022: Everyone Stop What You're Doing And Listen To Me In The Longest Way Possible
April 13th, 2022: t-rex's before and after photos distinguishable only by colour grading
April 11th, 2022: winnie walked in on sherlock doing more drugs. "oh bother," he said. "public domain, more like public COCAINE"
April 8th, 2022: look, it's at least in the top centillion most ultimate stories, THAT i can promise you. promise not binding
April 6th, 2022: good morning! here's a comic about COFFINS and EMBALMING
April 4th, 2022: future me has an even LARGER bed, so that's something to look forward to
April 1st, 2022: this comic really captures the ghost of time

March 2022

March 30th, 2022: naming verbs after fictional characters flanderizes language
March 28th, 2022: in case you're interested, in my case we had to replace the "cartridge", which is the middle bits of the faucet. probably it's different for you, the person with a dripping tap who's desperately researching everywhere, including this hidden text in my comic, hoping for a CLUE
March 23rd, 2022: these are the dinosaur versions of these sites, so on dinosaur instagram, everyone just posts pictures of charismatic dinosaurs and what those dinosaurs are eating. hell yeah baby
March 21st, 2022: a treemendous new world
March 18th, 2022: listen, i've got a nic i wanna pic with you
March 16th, 2022: honestly am i the only one who thinks that the fact this guy HAS one fewer flaw than me... actually feels like a pretty big flaw??
March 15th, 2022: special bonus tuesday comic! IT'S LIKE OLD TIMES
March 14th, 2022: gigaerrors demand gigacorrections
March 11th, 2022: sorry, not a complete 360. a complete 1440
March 9th, 2022: it's high time we begin experiencing art with greasy fingers and i'm tired of pretending it's not
March 7th, 2022: in fairness, wazzzz IS up
March 4th, 2022: fairy tale comics!
March 2nd, 2022: if the ladies don't find you interesting, they should at least find you rare

February 2022

February 28th, 2022: fewer and fewer justified reasons to keep correcting people on it, but more and more motivation to do it
February 25th, 2022: logic capable of sustaining itself in the twilight zone of the ocean at least briefly, bud!
February 23rd, 2022: the truth about stories is they have some nerve
February 21st, 2022: "please, writing is hard for me" = my new introduction to everything i write. also: conclusion
February 18th, 2022: to be fair, they ARE pretty neat. even, dare i say... neato
February 16th, 2022: the moon is a pretty good size. i feel like it'd look cooler if it were bigger, but the bigger the moon gets the bigger the tides get, and i'm already of the opinion that the tides are plenty big thank you VERY much
February 14th, 2022: the sun: could be bigger. could be MUCH more impressive. like i know without it there'd be no life but i'm just saying it's not THAT great
February 11th, 2022: okay but can we talk more about "meat sandwich"; i may never say the word "hamburger" again
February 9th, 2022: i've heard of having your family over for dinner but THIS is RIDICULOUS
February 7th, 2022: okay, fine, ONE detective and his biographer. THAT'S RIGHT. I GOT WATSON OPINIONS
February 4th, 2022: some days you horse the comic, some days the comic horses you
February 2nd, 2022: i consider it "grave liberation" thank YOU very much

January 2022

January 31st, 2022: literary technique comics: it is so a literary technique and honestly you literature authors should use it way more often
January 28th, 2022: and to THINK i used to dislike my overly chairy physique
January 26th, 2022: t-rex and the mystery of how he thinks he hasn't written a sex scene yet, has he forgotten a little character named "antonio tony ii"??
January 24th, 2022: "literary technique comics: personification!" said the comic archive text, chattily
January 21st, 2022: for those readers in warmer climates, snow days are when it snows a lot and school is like "forget it, everything's cancelled, everyone wakes up to a surprise day off and go play in the snow". it is the #1 reason for being a kid in a cold climate
January 19th, 2022: FINE. the skill was... WOODWORKING
January 17th, 2022: the man of arbitrarily-large reverse mysteries
January 14th, 2022: ATTENTION, ALL AMERICANS READING THIS: you are all accomplices now, practically criminals in the eyes of your government's literary police
January 12th, 2022: this comic is just PEAK everest
January 10th, 2022: t-rex acting like "t-rex" isn't a star among the s-tier names already
January 7th, 2022: Winnie the Pooh and Spiderman both stared into their cups of tea. "People always forget the dashes in MY name too," Spidey sighed.
January 5th, 2022: i believe i shall celebrate this comic with some sheet music from 1926
January 3rd, 2022: new year, new me!! what's that? okay, fine, arbitrary slice of time, arbitrary slice of ME

December 2021

December 24th, 2021: everyone named "steve" on december 24th has to call themselves "christmas steve". i don't make the rules
December 22nd, 2021: shouts out to all with a birthday on this particular day!!!!
December 20th, 2021: oh for computers to sound like the 1950s vision of robots again
December 17th, 2021: amateur standup is bad, except when i did it, and it was great. i don't know what to tell you
December 15th, 2021: they're really past their... CELL-by date
December 13th, 2021: for your information my plant DID die, which honestly seemed very petty on its part
December 10th, 2021: and now, allow me to celebrate the traditional act of my people by remixing this same comic for 20 years!!
December 8th, 2021: and yet dinosaur comics has nothing to say on the subject of aneurysms. interesting
December 6th, 2021: sure i was once a kid, but *I* grew out of it
December 3rd, 2021: subject: objects
December 1st, 2021: this grave is full of secrets!! also bones. and effluence

November 2021

November 29th, 2021: but professor, what IS a science??
November 26th, 2021: this comic inspired not by a stupid shelf, but by a VERY stupid belt sander
November 24th, 2021: people with the last name "street" have found an incredible workaround to this problem
November 22nd, 2021: more like PERSUASIVE surveillance, am i right
November 19th, 2021: just hold up one finger, pull this comic out of your wallet, carefully unfold it, read it, carefully fold it and put it back in your wallet, then continue the conversation
November 17th, 2021: teethpaste funnies
November 15th, 2021: all i can say is, thank carl for "jaded"
November 10th, 2021: virtue LAFFicist
November 8th, 2021: let's talk about large numbers... OF EMAILS!!
November 5th, 2021: THANKS, evolution. first teeth that don't repair themselves and now THIS??
November 3rd, 2021: if the earth were just the same tomorrow as it was today we'd all think it was weird
November 1st, 2021: i have made a careful study of myself and i'm prepared to declare: s'okay

October 2021

October 29th, 2021: technically anything you've ever said is a saying, at least while you were saying it
October 27th, 2021: this morning i thought i was just a meat LIKER, but this pizza is really taking the two of us to the next level
October 25th, 2021: sorry if your offended by my grammer
October 22nd, 2021: there's probably worse-named foodstuffs. hit me up with your worse-named foodstuffs
October 20th, 2021: i may not know physics but i know winning arguments, and what are physics papers but printed-out arguments
October 18th, 2021: everyone please assume that i'm very smart, actually. any mistakes i make are because i'm so smart. thank u
October 15th, 2021: survivalist comics!! read it now before you don't have internet access anymore!
October 13th, 2021: shout out to all the ghosts reading this comic over your shoulder!!
October 11th, 2021: mental health... DAZE??
October 8th, 2021: oh babe that's one for your wanted dead or alive poster
October 6th, 2021: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY OF US DECIDING WE'RE PRETTY CHILL
October 4th, 2021: ah yes: the toe-curlingly, thigh-crampingly, full-bodily cringe
October 1st, 2021: my name is t-rex and i'm here to say

September 2021

September 29th, 2021: now MY toast, on the other hand, is bad in ways that are ENDLESSLY surprising
September 27th, 2021: shout out to my friend jessica, who when i suggested impossible meats went directly to eating the loch ness monster. there is a woman who knows EXACTLY what she wants
September 24th, 2021: this may critically undermine my credibility here but until this comic I thought "Joseph Campbell" and "Joseph Conrad" were the same person. turns out they're not! both're dead tho
September 22nd, 2021: his keyboard is disgusting though, covered in crumbs and blood and cheeto dust and blood
September 20th, 2021: ladies and gentlemen: we are at THREE question marks and all status. repeat: three question marks are go
September 17th, 2021: WORDS ADDED TO SPELL CHECK TODAY: flabbergastingly, flabbers, gasted, gast, gasting
September 15th, 2021: if these comics had bad puns, they'd be... wine and cheese
September 13th, 2021: if you can't write a book after this comic i don't know what to tell you; i've done all that ANYONE can do
September 9th, 2021: i am the (zombie in the) night
September 8th, 2021: robyn is back, baby! she never left, but her adventures between then and now just haven't been of note, she's been doing super normal stuff quietly and efficiently!!
September 6th, 2021: public speaking laffs!!
September 3rd, 2021: listen: living in a hostile universe where TOUCHING THINGS is deadly will do that to you
September 1st, 2021: this comic is unRTKOable

August 2021

August 30th, 2021: when words can't contain the emotions i'm trying to express... that's when i hum
August 27th, 2021: i shall call it, "The Opera For Sensible Chuckles, Once You Recognize The Origin Of That Particular Leitmotif"
August 25th, 2021: liking easy things is easy, liking hard things is hard. thank u
August 23rd, 2021: the comic that only sexy people read
August 20th, 2021: All men are great in their dreams, reality just narrows the competition." -Sherlock Holmes??
August 18th, 2021: i mean, the t-shirt has maintained cultural currency for decades. at least, this one shirt i wear every day has. thank you
August 16th, 2021: i guess.... "amnesia comics"??
August 13th, 2021: musicians who aren't composers are sitting there fuming about how i ignored their situation, but i'm safe because they're fully unable to write a song about it
August 11th, 2021: Inside My Body comix
August 9th, 2021: they're actually using human lifespans, not dinosaur lifespans, for their calculations. my gift to you
August 6th, 2021: i trained for years to write this comic. actually wait i guess that's maybe technically true?? huh. life's funny sometimes
August 4th, 2021: in panel 2, "metaphorically" would've fit but just with one question mark, and such is my commitment to two question marks that i split the word into two
August 2nd, 2021: in an earlier draft I used the phrase "human knowledge"! geez, ryan! the lime green skin on your TYRANNOSAURUS REX named T-REX wasn't clue enough that they're not human, huh

July 2021

July 30th, 2021: in this comic, i recall the invention of memory
July 28th, 2021: t-rex and the spookums
July 26th, 2021: reincarnation comics! they're back! in retrospect we should've seen this coming
July 23rd, 2021: reincarnation comics, or: "back once again with the ill behaviour"
July 21st, 2021: "let's say it's a current-apocalyptic present" is what all the characters say at the start of a post-apocalyptic future story
July 19th, 2021: it's utahraptor speaking from offpanel in the final frame. i believe that makes this comic 50% funnier so please assume it's utahraptor speaking from offpanel in the final frame
July 16th, 2021: next time this happens please just post this comic and whoever proposed it. maybe they'll print it out and put it in their wallet, saving us all some effort
July 14th, 2021: any chance to work "spake" into a comic is one i'll take!! thus spake me
July 12th, 2021: wait, i just thought of the best name for a Biblical version of a math textbook
July 9th, 2021: authors! there's probably worse names, what do you have to lose
July 7th, 2021: the third lesson of feud comics is that batman can feud with anyone, given enough prep time
July 5th, 2021: the second lesson of FEUD COMICS is that there's no downsides to feud comics!!
July 2nd, 2021: the first lesson of FEUD COMICS is not to spell it "FUED COMICS", and it's a lesson i kept having to re-learn throughout writing FUED COMICS

June 2021

June 30th, 2021: "any sufficiently advanced friendship is indistinguishable from magic" was the original name of the My Little Pony show before they cut it down to "My Little Pony: ...friendship is... magic"
June 28th, 2021: forget must-see tv, you've got must-ash tv
June 25th, 2021: fools! FOOLS!! the horniness was inside you all along!
June 23rd, 2021: literary technique comics: aLlEgOrY
June 21st, 2021: everybody makes mistkaes
June 18th, 2021: history people are ALWAYS behind the times
June 16th, 2021: DIE-atoms
June 14th, 2021: extremely unethical experiment comics!! FINALLY
June 11th, 2021: FUTURISTIC BODY MODS: my body is now 1.5% chips by weight
June 9th, 2021: my feet hurt all the time; what does star wars have to say about that
June 7th, 2021: the cornerstone of dinosaur comics is, i will say, the exclamation mark. and the blood sacrifices
June 4th, 2021: see this is why your backups need backups, which need backups, which need someone paying attention i guess
June 2nd, 2021: back in the day magneto could really mess your files up no problem

May 2021

May 31st, 2021: okay this one is maybe a little autobiographical
May 28th, 2021: look, these red deads aren't gonna redeem themselves
May 26th, 2021: this comic is going to the dogs!!! the bottom 3 panels of it i mean. listen, yes, i'll calm down
May 24th, 2021: did do google searches to make sure none of these words had been said on google before. if you used these words you definitely didn't use them where google could see. sorry for revealing your Dark Web Slang
May 21st, 2021: hmm on second thought maybe copyright should be extended indefinitely after all
May 19th, 2021: now this is comic all about how
May 17th, 2021: when you see my new MULTIVERSAL serial bus it'll blow your mind. especially when you see the news reports those other universes are sending us over it
May 14th, 2021: North, Ryan. 2021. "Bibliography Comix." Dinosaur Comics. May 14th. Accessed May 14th, 2021. https://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=3745.
May 12th, 2021: listen, are we CERTAIN it doesn't mean "gluten-free"
May 10th, 2021: i could be as fashionable as anyone, given enough prep time
May 7th, 2021: the case was about, let's say... a missing robot. oh damn this idea just keeps getting better
May 5th, 2021: what's your angle on this
May 3rd, 2021: this and the invention of time comic are very similar... almost like they're in... some sort of "continuum"

April 2021

April 30th, 2021: say hello to Personality 2.0. well, no, more like Personality 0.0.145beta-DONOTDISTRIBUTE if we're being honest, so LET'S NOT BE HONEST
April 28th, 2021: i ain't afraid of no train
April 24th, 2021: the best invention of all time
April 23rd, 2021: too many alternate universes these days. they should be capped at three: normal, opposite day goatee land, and horse
April 21st, 2021: ladders remain a special and perhaps degenerate case of stairs
April 19th, 2021: thank you, i AM as cool as can be whilst sitting around while alive
April 16th, 2021: donald currey more like donald currentlycuttingdowntree-ey
April 14th, 2021: civilization is what separates us from the animals, by which i mean: non-dinosaurs
April 12th, 2021: yes, thank you but that question is too big, do you have, like, a personal-pan sized question or something
April 9th, 2021: it's a tough job but someone's got to do it. just kidding: it's super easy for me, i'm a natural
April 7th, 2021: bruce wayne sighed. fractions were like stupid number riddles, and when was he ever going to use stupid riddles in real life?!
April 5th, 2021: as abraham lincoln once said: "please excuse me, i'm quite busy"
April 2nd, 2021: oscar wilde more like oscar wildely incorrect attribution for his most famous line, HOW'S THAT TASTE OSCAR??

March 2021

March 31st, 2021: if only they'd decided to end the war at the 10th hour and 58th minute of the 11th day of the 11th month instead!! if only
March 29th, 2021: sure but what about sherlock without prep time
March 26th, 2021: all i'm saying is we have to keep killing a whole number of birds with one stone, or the whole system falls apart
March 24th, 2021: mistakes is sometimes regrets
March 22nd, 2021: i have invented dreaming and dreamed i was a butterfly! okay, so dude, stop me if you've heard this one before...
March 19th, 2021: logical FAILacies. no wait: logical LAFFacies. got it in two.
March 17th, 2021: folks, we have fun, but my brain is broken and must be patched
March 15th, 2021: next thing you're gonna tell me "lol" doesn't stand for "lots of love"!! and now i see you're opening your mouth to say something: please, proceed!!
March 12th, 2021: dinosaur comics, but make it watermelon
March 10th, 2021: okay, fine: some shirts, some shoes, SOME service
March 8th, 2021: tired of male-dominated hedonism, ladies? may i recommend... SHEdonism! we added some pink plastic
March 5th, 2021: gimme stories about people going to restaurants and having a nice time. i wonder what the food is like. thanks
March 3rd, 2021: when will the decreasing amount of rhetorical stories in our culture be addressed
March 1st, 2021: HONESTLY I KINDA CHECKED OUT AFTER SEASON 12

February 2021

February 26th, 2021: i still know that it's green
February 24th, 2021: listen stranger: 'round these parts, we believe that to respirate is to be respirgreat
February 22nd, 2021: feelings are boring, caring about mine is awesome
February 19th, 2021: i've taken up baking! so now YOU'VE all taken up CONSCRIPTED AND MANDATORY EATING
February 17th, 2021: now that's what i call... a word up
February 15th, 2021: panel one may be a little autobiographical. juste un peu
February 12th, 2021: but there ARE over five different languages on earth. where's the lie
February 9th, 2021: business tips with t-rex
February 6th, 2021: consider me thoroughly exsqueezed
February 5th, 2021: how flammable (and inflammable, THANK YOU ENGLISH) is language, do you think?
February 3rd, 2021: have we considered the possibility that anyone oddly interested in mystery of jack the ripper is, in all probability, actually jack the ripper
February 1st, 2021: if you haven't seen star trek, you should try it! there's some good episodes in there!! eventually!!

January 2021

January 29th, 2021: i personally say "jambroni" more often than i say "jabroni" due to a mispronunciation that i refuse to correct. it's really put me in a jam... broni
January 27th, 2021: if it were me i would simply not make mistakes, and it IS me, so... good. we're done here
January 25th, 2021: me when i'm told my neck is "medically hairy"
January 22nd, 2021: a vision of the past gives us a vision of tomorrow
January 20th, 2021: oh we'll see how obscure one can truly get, JUDE
January 18th, 2021: out here canonically establishing how long panel three takes, a bold and perhaps limiting choice
January 15th, 2021: mr. freeze, whose full name was Another Guynamed Freeze, studied his birth certificate skeptically.
January 13th, 2021: later on the reverse genie says that life is pretty good, for her,
January 11th, 2021: some days you write the comics, some days the comics write you
January 8th, 2021: if you must know, let's say that, uh, the piano was actually a murderiano. as you can clearly see, it was elementary
January 6th, 2021: years later, t-rex suddenly, t-rex remembers some old acquaintances, and is left muttering "aw dang it, bean dad"
January 4th, 2021: for as long as i can remember, i have always divided my life into discrete 365.25 day chunks

December 2020

December 25th, 2020: the real friendship was the friendship we made along the way
December 23rd, 2020: the criminals could at least have the courtesy to commit Easy Crimes
December 21st, 2020: so are you gonna start handing out anacampserotes or what. like is it gonna happen soon, or
December 18th, 2020: orange you glad i didn't say orange again
December 16th, 2020: in one of the pockets of batman's utility belt is a short but VERY convincing philosophical and epistemological treatise
December 14th, 2020: there are probably characters not related to batman but i gotta ask......... why would anyone bother
December 11th, 2020: technically this is a song about REPLACING a broken water inlet valve, not repairing it, leaving me and my kitchen high and, sadly, quite far from dry
December 9th, 2020: those who cannot remember the past are condemned to google it - Google Santayana
December 7th, 2020: let's get right to the... POINTS
December 4th, 2020: wait wait wait what's all this talk about me being forgotten some day?? says WHO
December 2nd, 2020: panel 2 really captures the joy of reading

November 2020

November 30th, 2020: i have created a rap that doesn't begin with "my name is x and i'm here to say," and yet truly FEELS like it does
November 27th, 2020: working my way through both the set of ethical frameworks and periodic table at the same time
November 25th, 2020: show this comic to your parents and see if they laugh or if they tug on their collars nervously, change the subject, and ask why it's so warm in here
November 23rd, 2020: the devil is just TRYING to get a word in edgewise here, but alas, his efforts were insufficient
November 20th, 2020: in contract, the slippery slope fallacy is the most exciting and fun-sounding one. or if you're old it sounds dangerous. either way sign me up
November 18th, 2020: the good goo is gone. all that remains is the Bad Goo
November 16th, 2020: why doesn't SOMEBODY do SOMETHING about all the PROBLEMS
November 13th, 2020: i have exchanged moments of temporal weakness with 4 (four) people in my life, and NONE OTHER
November 11th, 2020: when I was in elementary school i borrowed one of my dad's old briefcases and used it to bring my lunch to school. the other kids made fun of me but joke's on them because MY briefcase had a code on the latches and therefore my tuna fish sandwich was SECURE
November 9th, 2020: folks, looks like north has northed himself again in the northiest way north of north
November 6th, 2020: honestly butterflies don't weigh that much, stepping on a metric ton of them is - it's just awful. i'm sorry but there's absolutely no way you do that without deliberate, malicious intent
November 4th, 2020: the way it worked back then is you'd want your engine fixed, then you'd hear a noise while on patrol, and then so long as it was sufficiently after the last time you were alarmed you'd just mutter "must've been the wind...", and then later on you'd discover your engine was fixed
November 2nd, 2020: if t-rex hasn't put universe in all caps every time in the past - and he hasn't - then the fault, dear brutus, lies not in the dinosaur, but in myself. it's my job to write down what he says and sometimes i get it wrong, i'm sorry

October 2020

October 30th, 2020: how can comics be real if our eyes aren't real
October 28th, 2020: t-rex's lines in panels 2 and 3 are the unspoken addendum to every opinion i've ever expressed
October 26th, 2020: aliens pondering whether or not to give earth time travel technology, seeing some "you won't believe what this person from 20 years ago looks like now" articles, sighing through their auxiliary gastube and deciding we are CLEARLY not ready
October 23rd, 2020: see, now i'm just hungry for sandwiches
October 21st, 2020: alternate ending: utahraptor says "That last one sounds pretty great!" and T-Rex says "Hahahah YEP" and somehow the reader is CERTAIN they're a philosophical zombie, before dismissing the idea nervously and not examining it again
October 19th, 2020: remember when we used to hang out: a web card that would be both inscrutable and deeply concerning if/when sent back in time
October 16th, 2020: look, all i'm saying is this: the instant you assume that everything online is posted by 12-year-old kids is the same instant that the entire world suddenly makes sense
October 14th, 2020: oh well at least we still have art to fill the time, hahaha
October 12th, 2020: i am the loomster of spreading the good news about loomster
October 9th, 2020: in a different, and i will say perhaps better universe, bill murray stars in all of these stories
October 7th, 2020: in tonight's episode two characters discuss having kids, then decide not to, which leaves plenty of time for a surprise adventure in space to fill the remaining 21 minutes
October 5th, 2020: who you callin' an objective jabronie?? i'm a personal and subjective jabronie AT BEST
October 2nd, 2020: sherlock holmes and the case of the open-ended creativity prompt that you could nevertheless somehow get wrong

September 2020

September 30th, 2020: oh the venus thing is true, by the way, in case you missed it! big news a few weeks ago, but don't worry: this talking dinosaur comic eventually got around to including it!!
September 28th, 2020: a uniathlon is any individual sport, and YES i know there's already a decathlon but for some reason it's limited entirely to track and field events?? like they think we're somehow incapable of dreaming of athletic achievement that extends beyond the boundaries of a single track and/or field??
September 25th, 2020: cyborgo linefeed looked at himself in the mirror: his unique combination of both biolife and dot matrix printer, he had to admit, slapped. it slapped so hard, really ruthlessly
September 23rd, 2020: the french call comics "the ninth art" which is SO INSANELY CLASSY, so please enjoy this ninth art from a ninth artist on the ninth art about art
September 21st, 2020: shout out to the past!! i will never forget (the worst parts) of you
September 18th, 2020: famous(ly inscrutable) last words
September 16th, 2020: later, smith and wesson design a gun that looks the same >:(
September 14th, 2020: red sky online, sailors mourn vine
September 11th, 2020: maldives finally pulled out his gun, aimed carefully, and shot the satellite right in the computer. the end
September 9th, 2020: well this content isn't going to create itself
September 7th, 2020: when someone says "die angry about it" the only correct response is "can't wait"; this is my opinion and if you disagree then i kindly ask that you die angry about it
September 4th, 2020: sherlock AND batman, in one comic? it's more likely than you think
September 2nd, 2020: oh they make you LITERALLY hot, I thought we were dealing with metaphori-- you know what, nevermind

August 2020

August 31st, 2020: what is your preferred, and also maximum, temperature of goss
August 26th, 2020: in my opinion it's illegal to do too many things. there should be at least 115 more legal activities, possibly as high as 117
August 24th, 2020: 2020 is gonna be my year! wait, what do you mean it's already AUGUST??
August 21st, 2020: member the 90s, then member it once again!! re-member it, if you will
August 19th, 2020: stopping by the woods on a rockin' evening
August 17th, 2020: i had to add "sommelier" to my spell check dictionary for this comic, and NEVER have i felt classier. "oh, i'm sorry, you don't know what a personal wine selection assistant is called? well darling, i'll have claude explain it to you"
August 14th, 2020: if you're more than a year old, technically every day is an anniversary of something
August 12th, 2020: gpt-3 presents: dinosaur comics!! which spend a lot of time talking up gpt-3, BIG SURPRISE THERE
August 10th, 2020: welcome to the solar system, we live mostly here on earth, you just have to get around or through the ring of dead bodies in orbit around us and you're IN
August 7th, 2020: coming next: my 2020 christmas banger, "god, it still feels like march never ended"
August 5th, 2020: i refuse to lose "fewer" to the less synonymists! i can number on one hand the english grammar rules we have that encode countability!!
August 3rd, 2020: sherlock holmes and the case of the thing he sucked so bad at

July 2020

July 31st, 2020: i like that the british version of "that's what she said" is "said the actress to the bishop", because you could not create a more on-the-nose britishized expression, even WITH the aid of some sort of dodgy mechanized britishizing apparatus
July 29th, 2020: in case you're wondering what intrinsic goods are they're goods that are intrinsically good. the end
July 27th, 2020: you may think there's a logical flaw here somewhere, but the onus is on you to find it
July 24th, 2020: solve the world's problems please, thanks in advance!!
July 22nd, 2020: his legs were like the invention of the telephone: there were several people in history who'd competed for the honour of getting there first
July 20th, 2020: teens! what are they up to? let's find out!
July 17th, 2020: someday LINGUISTIC journals will publish my paper
July 15th, 2020: based on a true staircase!!
July 13th, 2020: live dangerously, die dangerously, leave a dangerous corpse
July 10th, 2020: space is WAY less spooky than earth due to the lack of skeletons and VERY few ghosts. honestly it's a paradise
July 8th, 2020: all i need to know about life i learned from a canon-adjacent technical manual from a scifi show from the 90s
July 6th, 2020: you miss 100% of your beloved friends who move away :(
July 3rd, 2020: forget comics, from now on i only read... sledgecomics
July 1st, 2020: as angry shakespeare once wrote.... to bit or not to bit

June 2020

June 29th, 2020: computers have science now
June 26th, 2020: i forget the reason why i started writing this comic
June 24th, 2020: peter parker's spidey-sense tingling every time he opens his mouth, but he's used to it by now
June 22nd, 2020: time to check the ol' mailbag! it's been growing for years and now takes up most of our house so i GUESS we should check out what's going on there
June 19th, 2020: how do i know so much about scented candles? a decade ago i watched the videos of this kid who reviewed scented candles and then one day he got a job at the scented candle store. it was so satisfying and i love him
June 17th, 2020: i feel like the word "minorities" is already closer than i want to get in interrogating race in this world of neon green talking dinosaurs
June 15th, 2020: in this installment of the famous dinosaur comic "dinosaur comics", t-rex the t.rex says to his friend utahraptor the utahraptor that names are important
June 12th, 2020: can we all just admit: a comic which will make me receive either grateful recognition or BRUTAL OSTRACIZATION
June 10th, 2020: the problem of sparse data sets
June 8th, 2020: excuse me but it's not nice to tease anyone, especially brains. get out of here with your brain teasers and come back when you have brain compliments
June 5th, 2020: strange but true: space edition
June 3rd, 2020: they had BATS in ancient rome, didn't they? they had MEN! so what's the hold-up??
June 1st, 2020: social species more like social speCHUMPS

May 2020

May 29th, 2020: never meet your heroes, PLEASE stop hogging all the hero-meeting and leave some for the rest of us
May 27th, 2020: 6 short panels about 18
May 25th, 2020: the friendship paradox! who wants to hear about the friendship paradox? i bet YOU do, since you have more friends than me
May 22nd, 2020: I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN KEEP THIS SITE UP BEFORE THEY MAKE ME TAKE THIS TRUTH DOCUMENT DOWN
May 20th, 2020: t-rex and the clean-room reinvention of word problems from math class
May 18th, 2020: wow that t-rex sure does like star trek, unlike that handsome author, ryan north, who is adept at creating fictional characters who are not him
May 15th, 2020: *sigh*
May 13th, 2020: now THAT's what i call a regional taste!!
May 11th, 2020: see it's justified because star trek ITSELF has been known to boldly go in favour of splitting infinitives in opening narrations. q.e.d., nerds
May 7th, 2020: let's hear it for the moms!! and uh, the institutions that housed them??
May 6th, 2020: jack and/or the beanstalk: a chooseable-path adventure
May 4th, 2020: honestly when it comes to comparing regret and batman, only one of those has their own themed car
May 1st, 2020: lol if u haven't even unlocked "enlightenment horny" yet

April 2020

April 29th, 2020: sherlock holmes and the puzzler of the pretty purloined purse
April 27th, 2020: goldilocks and the three bears, as told in the 19th century
April 22nd, 2020: why would he call it "t-rex on type the podcast" when "typecast" was RIGHT THERE
April 20th, 2020: in the game you can travel to a deserted tropical island and raze the land and kill every living plant and animal that lives there, in order to make spiders spawn, which you can then sell for profit, which you can use to buy yourself a bigger house
April 17th, 2020: suspense is to horror as romance is to erotica?? i don't know if this is true but it makes me SOUNDS smart so here we are
April 15th, 2020: now you're into comics, and comics... are into YOU
April 13th, 2020: i'm already blocking out the last two months of the year for Christmas, if we allow Valentine's unchecked expansion we may end up in a dystopia where we NEVER stop thinking about love!!
April 10th, 2020: good news everyone i figured it all out!! for 3 initial panels!!
April 8th, 2020: No Quarter Given
April 6th, 2020: radiation dogs, or as i call them AND ALL ANIMALS OF THE SPECIES MODIFIED OR NOT: "rad dogs"
April 3rd, 2020: wrestlers in the distant future thinking they won in the ring only to discover a few months later that they lost more powerfully than they ever imagined
April 1st, 2020: i wrote this comic at the start of march and did not suspect, here at the start of april, that it would Show

March 2020

March 30th, 2020: it's about time to admit that given how oddly spelled "diareeah" is, and how I have such few incidents in which I need to spell it, that I will go to my grave never spelling diarreah correctly
March 27th, 2020: social distancing comix
March 25th, 2020: just seeing if i can get "less nasty by massty" to skate here
March 23rd, 2020: brain comics, by brains for brains about brains. made with brains™
March 20th, 2020: just thinking about how easy it is for T-Rex to do the "live long and prosper" gesture
March 18th, 2020: it's always some story with *gestures vaguely to the rest of the universe* these guys
March 16th, 2020: later, t-rex tries to laugh in French, and people are like "yeah okay no that DEFINITELY sounds like you're making fun"
March 13th, 2020: apologies for acting like pi is proven to be random, i know it hasn't! but i have some OPINIONS
March 11th, 2020: shout out to everyone who read this comic holding their chin in their hands in panel one, and who removed it by the time they got to panel 2: I SEE YOU AND I SUPPORT YOU
March 9th, 2020: another food misadventure for ol' t-rex
March 6th, 2020: t-rex maybe stop that ryan guy from publishing non-fiction comics of your exploits, that seems like a good start to ME
March 4th, 2020: later, t-rex tries it on himself and realizes he's just batman without the money or gadgets or costume or the desire to push himself to the very limits of peak condition, and then he's sad and doesn't mention the batman theory for a while
March 2nd, 2020: why do we call them "humblebrags" and not "humbrags"? we call it "smog" and not "smokefog"! the future's waiting for us so everyone, get on my level and humbrag it up

February 2020

February 26th, 2020: the stories are as repetitive as they are... sexy
February 24th, 2020: talk about a wasteful hobby, am i right
February 21st, 2020: CAUTION: CONTENTS HOT, read the coffee cup. CAUTION: CONTENTS HOT, sighed my brain as i stared at the superspy ordering a black coffee with a shot of espresso
February 19th, 2020: the time: once upon a! and in they end they lived happily: ever after!
February 17th, 2020: according to the super mario wiki, because YES I researched this comic to make sure my numbers were correct, mario's first two enemies were "Donkey Kong" and "Fire".
February 14th, 2020: okay FINE but when do we get to placentalentine's day
February 12th, 2020: wait, some people DON'T see a tiny batman head that talks to them and only they can hear? haha wow
February 10th, 2020: PLOT TWIST: "counting" is an adjective, and not a verb, in the phrase "counting crows"
February 7th, 2020: as an antidote to social media i just reply to everyone else's posts with a clearly-stated "lol", regardless of post content
February 5th, 2020: it's time... for ghost dime
February 3rd, 2020: also can we talk about the lime green thing

January 2020

January 31st, 2020: i review this comic at an eleven out of ten, and the writer of it in particular at a scale-smashing fifteen hundred out of one fifteen-hundredth
January 29th, 2020: the french have such classy genders for everything
January 27th, 2020: it's september 28th, 1918, and we're in the past!! what the heck, how did THIS happen, the GPS on our phones doesn't even work and this is baloney!!
January 24th, 2020: dinosaur comics still carrying the torch for "octopodes", the inexplicably least popular but clearly most awesome pluralization of "octopus"
January 22nd, 2020: who am i to mock a typo when i have created so many of them, when they are my true legacy
January 20th, 2020: i hereby ban all books which at some point do NOT contain a viable recipe for stew. really hoping to dig deep into stew-adjacent literature here
January 17th, 2020: this comic inspired by a real fan fiction i read where michael j fox kept kissing all his characters and i was like, when are they gonna deal with the philosophical implications of all these michaels js foxes, and also, get to the fireworks factory
January 15th, 2020: comix 4 babiez
January 13th, 2020: finally, a story starring a bag of the ol' cow juice
January 10th, 2020: t-rex and the microwave
January 8th, 2020: "pro tip", excuse me, i believe you mean "professional tip"??
January 6th, 2020: language changes all the time so is it so bold to be saying LET'S TAKE CONTROL
January 3rd, 2020: slumbertime tips comix
January 1st, 2020: i love seeing new things get made. i am a huge fanatic of visiting manufactories

December 2019

December 30th, 2019: classic comics!!
December 23rd, 2019: behold: christmas eve eve eve's aftermath
December 20th, 2019: i just want to share my whole self with you, my adult friends: a web card
December 18th, 2019: mystery quantum physics CLEARLY says that until the inside of the mystery bucket is observed the mystery waveform does not collapse
December 16th, 2019: emotions: well, i guess you gotta fill the days somehow!!
December 13th, 2019: universe party! UNIVERSE PARTY! everyone into the pool!! hey, quit shovin'
December 11th, 2019: not to mention all the celebs from non-extant civilizations that, like, produced like linear b or what have you
December 9th, 2019: the wait is over! now at last comes a comic about LOBSTER SPECULATION!!
December 6th, 2019: happy to see this long-planned "dinosaurs can regrow their teeth" plot twist arrive, which was definitely planned, and not at all a stupid mistake that a mammal would make when trying to write a dinosaur
December 4th, 2019: my opinion is inconvenience is bad when it happens to you, and by "you" i mean "me"
December 2nd, 2019: your whole family is made out of idiosyncratically flavoured carbon

November 2019

November 29th, 2019: love to have a body at all these days
November 27th, 2019: 10 megabytes is over 6 1.44mb floppies! OVER SIX
November 25th, 2019: technically anything printed out at poster size is a motivational poster as long as it motivates you to do feel anything, even annoyance at this large printout covering all your windows
November 22nd, 2019: chompsky in a few decades can you do my taxes for me please
November 20th, 2019: GOD STOP DOING NEAT TRICKS THAT ONLY WORK ON THE INTERNET!! THEY'RE HARD TO PUT INTO PRINT
November 18th, 2019: no way is getting pie "a la mode" the most frequent way people eat pie. you always have to ask for it special!! so WHAT THE HECK
November 15th, 2019: Superman's heat vision is obviously line-of-sight, so if you want to use it on a piece behind another piece, you'll have to roll for his flight power
November 13th, 2019: i am the knight
November 11th, 2019: I bet the makers of soup were really happy when people started calling enhanced or otherwise upgraded cars "souped up". That was probably a good day to be a soup manufacturer
November 8th, 2019: my name is gershwin and i'm here to say
November 6th, 2019: omega one thousand is, you guessed it, a robot from the future who was sent back in time to kill you
November 4th, 2019: "I'm a spy, not an investigator!" Angola said, echoing his favourite program, "Star Trek". "I understand that members of both professions do some investigative work but there's also a lot of very important differences, just like there's similarities and important differences between the various incarnations of the Star Trek franchise," he muttered.
November 1st, 2019: if i may be so bold: Overmorrowe'en

October 2019

October 30th, 2019: okay, okay, how about this: sorry for... lots of stuff??
October 28th, 2019: just now realizing i've given everyone reading this Motive For Murdering Me
October 25th, 2019: but - but t-rex! the author has been dead since 1967, and the publication of that seminal essay by the French literary critic and theorist Roland Barthes!
October 23rd, 2019: when all you've got is a mouth, all your problems start to look like sandwiches
October 21st, 2019: step on a butterfly and an... angel gets its wings? is that how it works? wing exchange from butterfly to angel??
October 18th, 2019: wait how often does toilet paper trailing behind you happen??
October 16th, 2019: ask professor science why t-rex has been opening his mail without consequence for YEARS now
October 14th, 2019: language is easy and i will not be dissuaded from this correct opinion
October 11th, 2019: there are certain TENETs about BEIGE that make this the rudest sentence in dinosaur comics canon
October 9th, 2019: babies! they're so full of potential, and also milk!!
October 7th, 2019: to be fair, once you've had sex, everything you did up to that point was technically a prelude to sex
October 4th, 2019: love advice for all you horny-for-love people out there!!
October 2nd, 2019: bodies: worth it? unfortunately we have only people with bodies to ask, and they seem biased

September 2019

September 30th, 2019: was everyone smellier in the past? in my personal case: oh dang, for sure, absolutely, and i'm still real sorry about it
September 27th, 2019: ENEMIES DON'T READ THIS, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU
September 25th, 2019: hey there hey there HEY THERE HEY THERE H%$#^$@#^@&$@&------^
September 23rd, 2019: SEASONS NAMED AFTER VERBS: spring, fall. VERBS NAMED AFTER SEASONS: winter, summer. thank you for your kind attention to this matter
September 20th, 2019: "doing ADJECTIVE things with ADJECTIVE people" sounds like a real ADJECTIVE time to me
September 18th, 2019: professor religion, like professor science, has no idea t-rex is stealing his mail
September 16th, 2019: you've heard of a superb owl well get ready for the hyper bowl
September 12th, 2019: T-REX PRESENTS: sam's samuel and samantha: the triplets of time
September 11th, 2019: to be fair, morals may have SOME place in contemporary adult fiction
September 9th, 2019: ironically, it WAS possible to predict that dinosaur comics would one day talk about black swans
September 6th, 2019: as long as you promise not to look into this statement deeply, i would like to claim that i too came out rapping when i was born
September 4th, 2019: listen, you don't sound old if you write it as "kidz 2day"
September 2nd, 2019: imagine being rescued from the woods with a tear in your clothing, yet adequate needle and thread on your person to have repaired it. i, for one, would rather to have never been rescued under such mortifying circumstances

August 2019

August 30th, 2019: also on the moon you could breathe air and also travel through air to the moon STOP DEFENDING THIS UTAHRAPTOR
August 28th, 2019: social media discussion simulator 2k19
August 26th, 2019: antimatter dark matter, or, if i may be so bold: "light matter"
August 23rd, 2019: dinosaur comics coming out swinging in favour of NOT having the slow decline of democracies?? wow politics much
August 21st, 2019: dude you haven't LIVED until you've tried hallucigenia
August 19th, 2019: the best part is there MUST be one such series of sounds that is intelligible in the most languages, and we don't know what it is!!
August 16th, 2019: don't worry everyone: the person who recruited them and stood to profit from their participation assured them that it WASN'T a pyramid scheme, so we're good! we're good. case closed
August 14th, 2019: what idiot named them "deathbeds" and not "dedbedz™"
August 12th, 2019: earth: pretty? this webcomic made out of neon green 90s clipart says: yep!!
August 9th, 2019: not all heroes eat grapes
August 7th, 2019: apologies if i already wrote a comic on this subject matter when i was three, but as i just established: childhood amnesia
August 5th, 2019: in the future there will only be one book, and it will have only our faces in them
August 2nd, 2019: down with things that are annoying and bad, up with things that are not those things

July 2019

July 31st, 2019: waaaaaaaugh
July 29th, 2019: also it was all a dream
July 26th, 2019: my calculations were correct, and even a randomly-chosen predictive bet was 99.999% more likely to turn out to be true in the year 2019 than t-rex's Dialup Boner Euphemism
July 24th, 2019: THE DEVIL RETURNS!! it has been: too long
July 22nd, 2019: "the horror! the horror"! - kurtz, regarding this subject matter of comic
July 19th, 2019: in this story the portable music player got lost and then died. it's a tragedy. its murder may never be solved
July 17th, 2019: the circle of life is out. now behold: THE OUROBOROS OF LIFE
July 15th, 2019: i personally have not stepped on a tack but i HAVE stepped on two (2) legos
July 10th, 2019: i think i got the gist of the story of aladdin and the lamp here. definitely captured at least one or more gists.
July 8th, 2019: sorry to anyone who is big into the smell of rotting corpses, sorry for - a lot of reasons, actually
July 5th, 2019: The Vampires Who Didn't Smooch On Anyone
July 3rd, 2019: opposite soulmates, or as I call them: enemies
July 1st, 2019: the fact i had not seen this irritating new colour until now was, itself, irritating

June 2019

June 28th, 2019: gift giving cultures update!!
June 26th, 2019: if t-rex doesn't at least drink tea we riot
June 24th, 2019: the dinosaur
June 21st, 2019: the secret from god (which is not featured in this comic)
June 19th, 2019: ironically writing this comic WAS a very productive hour for me, so things are looking up for ol' ryan
June 17th, 2019: the only solution: never have babies
June 14th, 2019: if you're wondering if i was pleased with the manner in which assassination was broken up into two bits in panel 5, here is your answer: yep
June 12th, 2019: look, now you're dropping voms higher up that evolution intended! is THIS what you WANTED
June 10th, 2019: the air has become a lot of things in its time
June 7th, 2019: the only etiquette tip you need to know is that you take off your gloves before shaking hands. instant class. also you need to start wearing gloves
June 5th, 2019: what we spoke about when we spoke about bespoke
June 3rd, 2019: metaphorically speaking, i have, without your knowledge, consumed the best and most accessible parts of your milkshake

May 2019

May 31st, 2019: i'm not even certain if it's gauche to give gifts during funerals. probably best to just play it safe and hold onto that new playstation for later though
May 29th, 2019: discontent
May 27th, 2019: yo you know i gotcha space facts here
May 24th, 2019: Angola Maldives And The Case Of The Clues That Monaco Was A Monarchy All Along
May 22nd, 2019: to be fair i too had a really great weekend and can completely empathize
May 20th, 2019: beats me, man. beats me why most dudes have bad opinions. sure as hell ain't my scene
May 17th, 2019: special guest comic by Joshua of False Knees!
May 15th, 2019: i'm the object, gotta love me
May 13th, 2019: goosie would like to have a word with you outside after class
May 9th, 2019: jack and the consciousness beanstalk
May 8th, 2019: if you disagree with the first sentence of panel one, please know that you are also disagreeing with the idea of OBJECTIVE TRUTH
May 6th, 2019: Martin V. King
May 3rd, 2019: earlier this week i recited to Dave Kellett of Sheldon and Drive comics a large section of Poe's "The Raven" - but in narrative form, and as if it had happened to me personally only recently. i did this IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE REFERENCED THE POEM BY NAME and still got to the talking bird before he said "hey wait a minute". Anyway just thought I'd share
May 1st, 2019: some people stop at 5am, but not me, oh no, i go all the way till dawn's early light

April 2019

April 29th, 2019: it is a truth universally acknowledged that it's real sad that not every comic has dinosaurs
April 26th, 2019: f you're wondering if i'm pleased about breaking "demonstrate" into "demon strate" and "embarrassing" into "embarr assing", the answer is as follows: yes
April 24th, 2019: so we live on a planet that is mostly rock and/or giant spheres of metal
April 22nd, 2019: since t-rex's number is the same as dunbar's number, it's a reasonable strategy to forget dunbar and only remember t-rex's number
April 19th, 2019: girl are you a member of the alien invading race of thetacron sevenites because you are WAY up in my business and i like it
April 17th, 2019: t-rex's "one day there was an x" saga continues
April 15th, 2019: things come to an end
April 12th, 2019: we actually estimate t-rexes lived about 30 years so t-rex's midlife crisis is actually pretty much on schedule here, sorry dude
April 10th, 2019: waluigi is my favourite character because, like him, i am also a very tall person who always carries a single long-stemmed rose with me in case i win any tennis matches
April 8th, 2019: as the author, may I just say: t-rex wow that is an incorrect opinion
April 5th, 2019: financial futures comix
April 3rd, 2019: Fool me once, April on you.
April 1st, 2019: when t-rexarry met utahraptally

March 2019

March 29th, 2019: INVEST NOW. YOU MAY ALREADY BE INVESTING NOW.
March 27th, 2019: theory: all the bad stuff on the internet actually comes from literal children who need help badly??
March 25th, 2019: did you know: most computers use 15% of their CPU capacity OR LESS when sitting idle
March 22nd, 2019: special guest comic by Shen of Shen Comix!
March 20th, 2019: special guest comic by Alex Norris of Webcomic Name!
March 18th, 2019: prodigal dinosaur comics
March 15th, 2019: ah, time for a cold refreshing glass of former dinosaur pee
March 13th, 2019: um actually most of these songs are about a LOVE of butts, so check and mate
March 11th, 2019: Antonio Tony and Amelia, who had a lot of sex, probably too much if we're being honest with each other, laughed sexily
March 8th, 2019: a neat way to test if a kid has a theory of mind is to show them a box of candy and ask them what they think is inside the box. when they say "candy", open the box to reveal that it's full of pencils! then you ask them what another kid who hasn't seen the inside of the box would think is inside. if they say "pencils", you are dealing with a kid who needs to work on their dang theory of mind!!
March 6th, 2019: it is the consensus of most that you should read this comic about consensus reality
March 4th, 2019: seems to ME like the best form of optimism is a lot of hard work, and that's speaking optimistically
March 1st, 2019: t-rex and the big blunder and the small screwup and the medium-sized mess

February 2019

February 27th, 2019: a grim vision of adorable and incredibly cute things to come
February 25th, 2019: imagine someone running that technology on you. you'd be like, damn. damn, found me out. anyway see you never
February 22nd, 2019: okay maybe some of it was worth it actually
February 20th, 2019: for a more PG version of this comic, replace "bullshit" with "bulldroppings". i'm sorry
February 18th, 2019: thoughts of mortality comics!!!!!
February 15th, 2019: wolf, and the boy who cried
February 13th, 2019: i know science has said they're not, but is science ABSOLUTELY certain bats aren't just birdy hares
February 11th, 2019: do a nice thing for utahraptor day! the holiday brought to you by doing nice things for this one guy
February 8th, 2019: the comic where the pictures never change comes out against change, QUELLE SURPRISE
February 6th, 2019: Sherlock Holmes, famously a pugilist and stick-fighter to people who have actually read the stories, sighed dramatically
February 4th, 2019: but... are the answers in ORDER? the answer: yes, clearly they are, come on now
February 1st, 2019: there are, perhaps, at least several problems in the world

January 2019

January 30th, 2019: video games versus the written word: FIGHT
January 28th, 2019: behold: a magic trick with a non-zero chance of working out!!
January 25th, 2019: waiter, i'm sorry, and i never do this, but... these takes arrived cold
January 23rd, 2019: chorioactis comix
January 21st, 2019: why the sudden focus on artificial brains?? NO REASON, and it'd be fun if we should all stopped investigating that question
January 18th, 2019: some scientists use the odds of developing these brains as a way to measure how unacceptable a cosmological theory is, which seems backwards, because these brains are officially awesome. and i'm not even a random cosmic intelligence saying that!!
January 16th, 2019: what if we find the person who never has any successes the most inspirational. what then, professor inspiration
January 14th, 2019: i just realized that everyone who believes the earth is flat must also necessarily believe the moon landings were faked, and got even madder
January 11th, 2019: if a tree falls in a forest does it make more or less forest
January 9th, 2019: confession time: in dinosaur comics continuity, everyone mentioned here is absolutely a dinosaur
January 7th, 2019: got some big ideas for that body once you're done with it
January 4th, 2019: i am the master of my - i mean our - domain
January 2nd, 2019: is this the same "Pete" that's also spider-man? let's say - "heck, why not??"

December 2018

December 21st, 2018: now you no longer have zero tree cutting expertise! instead, you have 0.0008945 tree cutting expertise!!
December 19th, 2018: it was the new animated spider-man, of course it was the new animated spider-man
December 17th, 2018: if you are finding out about an alleged secret through a mass market paperback, odds are it's not PROBABLY not really a secret
December 14th, 2018: Utahraptor's pen name is the best pen name, and I hereby release it into the wild so that one day I can read the works of L. G. Beetie Hardbody III. ATTENTION UNIVERSE: DON'T LET ME DOWN
December 12th, 2018: shout #out to #people who #make every #second word #a different #hashtag
December 10th, 2018: utahraptor has a type, and that type is: 2 good 4 reality
December 7th, 2018: so THAT'S why my bed sheets don't bend anymore
December 5th, 2018: i call this the theory of Reverse Psychohistory
December 3rd, 2018: you ever wish the lorax had a much larger focus on free apple gobbling?? ME TOO, ME TOO, THOUGHT I'D FIX IT

November 2018

November 30th, 2018: i spent a lot of time preventing myself from making a "two princes" reference in this comic. that's what i said now
November 28th, 2018: the spookiest story ever told... IN SIX PANELS
November 26th, 2018: t-rex in: proof positive
November 23rd, 2018: you ever just think about how there was no reason for Facebook to become this awful, except for that fact Zuckerberg wanted it this way? you ever just sit around thinking about that
November 21st, 2018: in the FTERU, everyone eventually dates everyone. again, may i just say: you are quite welcome
November 18th, 2018: "if all of us are behind the times, then none of us are" -some big ol' serf in the year 1300 probably
November 16th, 2018: i should confess that i'm not 100% certain that it's like, legally a whole different set of statutes
November 14th, 2018: call your political representatives, it's time you had the talk, give your reasons, say it's not their fault
November 12th, 2018: to be fair, the simant theme DOES truly kick
November 9th, 2018: history keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin, into the fuuuuture
November 7th, 2018: are we CERTAIN we don't want to know more about Chris "The Tot" Tater, financial mastermind of grade 6??
November 5th, 2018: on second thought history isn't that full of things, let's all agree it's barely full of things at all, the end
November 2nd, 2018: history is just FULL of things that happened to other people

October 2018

October 31st, 2018: among the things we have forgotten is what would a ghost need with a mortal shoe. probably that's fine
October 29th, 2018: i could count the number of ghosts i've seen on one hand. i could count them on one hand, under a full moon, in an abandoned graveyard, where there once stood a house that burned down 30 years ago this very night. i could do that
October 26th, 2018: what we talk about when we talk about living on the moon
October 24th, 2018: millennial skeletons are killing grocery stores by being undead and therefore not having to eat
October 20th, 2018: the skeleton who wanted blood... and the blood who wanted corey... and the corey who wanted samantha.... and the samantha who wanted to stay out of all of this
October 19th, 2018: YES, in real life i grew these peppers and YES, in real life i have no idea what to do with them and YES, i have already considered all revenge-related uses
October 17th, 2018: chicken parts soup for the chicken parts soul
October 15th, 2018: technically, if one day time travel first gets invented, then on every previous day time travel can also first be invented
October 12th, 2018: try not to take ANYTHING personally, DANIEL.
October 9th, 2018: feeling PRETTY PLEASED with having come up with "Katherine T. Rye", not gonna lie
October 8th, 2018: watch out for.. the EVEREST ELIMINATOR
October 5th, 2018: In conclusion: it was basically like how Neo learned things in the Matrix, only Sherlock didn't need to take any red or blue pills, but he did anyway due to the whole "doing drugs" thing he did. Allow me to say it for you: WHOA.
October 3rd, 2018: excuse me i can judge ANYONE
October 1st, 2018: how have we made it over a decade into dinosaur comics and ONLY NOW arrived at t-rex making the canonical train noise in panel 2

September 2018

September 28th, 2018: NINETEEN FORTY-EIGHT for the first major study showing smoking could hurt your health! NINETEEN FORTY-EIGHT. aaaahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH
September 26th, 2018: studies indicate that, in fact, it's only SOMETIMES better too late than too never
September 23rd, 2018: it is 100 years from when you last read an unsolicited take, hot or otherwise
September 21st, 2018: let me tell you about showing
September 19th, 2018: nice try, PHILOSOPHY, but i only think ideas that are at most 45 minutes old. AT MOST
September 17th, 2018: COUNTERPOINT: are we 100% certain that I'm not a mutant, and my mutant power is being the first person in history who doesn't need to sleep?
September 14th, 2018: sherlock holmes in: his feelings
September 12th, 2018: THUS CONCLUDES RIDDLE WEEK
September 10th, 2018: THUS PROCEEDS RIDDLE WEEK
September 7th, 2018: THUS BEGINS RIDDLE WEEK
September 5th, 2018: sorry about your fate and also era's knowledge of disease, bro!
September 3rd, 2018: re: the nerd/jock dichotomy

August 2018

August 31st, 2018: captain picard, from star trek, was on the bridge of the enterprise e, also from star trek! "its sovereign-class design is not as good as the previous and much more beautiful galaxy class ship," he mused, correctly.
August 29th, 2018: do you truly know enough true facts? true fact: UH PROBABLY NOT, BUCKO
August 27th, 2018: excited to share my knowledge of russian
August 24th, 2018: my favourite russian proverb is how "the early bird gets the worm" becomes "the one who gets up first gets the slippers". it tells a whole story: it's cold in the morning! there's only one pair of slippers for the house! everything is SO RUSSIAN!!
August 22nd, 2018: wait is this more the dick tracy school of "literally having the face of a doll instead of a face made of flesh" nightmare version, or is he just a pretty, pretty boy
August 20th, 2018: what it is, suckers??
August 17th, 2018: I had to cut for space Utahraptor's line that Gotham "still suffers crime both Costumed and Regular", and I have regrets
August 15th, 2018: oh hey, spoiler alert on the whole skeleton thing
August 13th, 2018: on the plus side, future historians are going to be buried under documents to dig through, which I imagine is usually the opposite of the problem they usually have, so that'll be a fun treat
August 10th, 2018: i stan rogers
August 8th, 2018: i will never not be heartened by t-rex's idea that island dwarfism is a thing you can contract within a single lifetime
August 6th, 2018: and by "euphemism treadmill" i mean "powered word substitution rotating leg track"
August 3rd, 2018: "I was so busy I forgot to eat" YEAH WELL I WAS SO BUSY I FORGOT TO RESPIRATE AND TO DIRECT MY CELLS TO PRACTICE CELL DIVISION WITHIN MY BODY
August 1st, 2018: i'm seeing double! [twice the already-doubled number that you'd normally expect] dogs!

July 2018

July 30th, 2018: the time is 65 million years ago! you'll find this fascinating narrative only in... quite expectedly... DINOSAUR COMICS
July 26th, 2018: we don't inherit genes from our parents... we BORROW them from our children. wait hold on, nevermind
July 25th, 2018: let me bing that on my zune via my EarthComm 2000 uplink
July 23rd, 2018: Danny Dollface was happy his parents passed down their name, as well as their doll-like faces, to him. Also because of time travel he eventually became his own parent. Danny had a lot of adventures and not all of them were really that good
July 20th, 2018: hmm i'll just bet on frantically trying to memorize what's on whatever wikipedia tabs i have open before my phone battery dies
July 18th, 2018: i guess we all just have to accept that angola maldives is not a spy for either angola or maldives
July 16th, 2018: the chocolate straw with the real straw functionality
July 13th, 2018: bodies! why are other people's eternal flesh prisons so attractive, I might ask??
July 11th, 2018: when's the WHITE elephant history comic, oh wait, nevermind
July 9th, 2018: fighting (fashion) crime in a future time
July 6th, 2018: but what's YOUR favourite parasite? let me know in the comments, don't forget to like and subscribe
July 4th, 2018: ask professor science, the continuing series of one man stealing another man's mail
July 2nd, 2018: you can't judge a book by its cover, but you CAN cover a judge with a book! that's not a saying. i just - i was hoping if i rearranged the words some would turn out to be a clever and really mind-expanding insight into the judicial system, but it didn't, and i can't take that back

June 2018

June 29th, 2018: living is just knowing where not to die
June 27th, 2018: t-rex and friends in: the house that bounced
June 25th, 2018: inspirational messages... for TEENS
June 22nd, 2018: all of these ocean facts are technically true, and i didn't even get to the bit about how if you let the ocean lie on top of you it'll crush you in an instant, so don't ever let the ocean lie on top of you is my advices
June 20th, 2018: even though you're all imaginary, THANKS FOR READING MY COMIC TODAY
June 18th, 2018: for real about the .jpeg and backwards smiley ones though
June 15th, 2018: according to google this is the first time "aphantasical" has appeared on the internet, so i'm a regular bill shakespeare over here, all inventing new words like it isn't even a thing
June 12th, 2018: Earlier we said "you'll learn everything you need to know about computers". We regret the error. Oh, errors are another thing computers can have. Again: so sorry
June 11th, 2018: have you learned computers yet? it's mandatory
June 8th, 2018: you may be tempted to check wikipedia, but I warn you: their computers page has SIGNIFICANTLY fewer dinosaurs than what you'll get here
June 6th, 2018: free baby advice from a free internet comic
June 4th, 2018: IT TRULY DEPENDS ON THE ANDROID.
June 1st, 2018: once you have a holodeck you can use it to simulate a slightly crappier holodeck. amazing

May 2018

May 30th, 2018: the tiny woman is the most competent character in the strip, dropping a white smokebomb and disappearing batman style EVERY SINGLE DAY; i love her
May 28th, 2018: like many of life's accomplishments, it doesn't count if you have to use a time machine
May 25th, 2018: everyone's good at something! for instance, and i don't want to brag, but i'm astoundingly good at making huge mistakes
May 23rd, 2018: behold... BATMAN'S LAST CASE!
May 21st, 2018: Thank you for directing your browser to qwantz.com. Your traffic is important to us.
May 18th, 2018: yes, today is the day: star wars FINALLY gets mentioned in a webcomic
May 16th, 2018: sherlock holmes and the case of the language not being what he wanted it to be
May 14th, 2018: ALL ART IS A STRUGGLE... to draw something as awesome as a hotdog on a hoverboard!!!!!
May 11th, 2018: i like all t-rex's friends about to talk to him, and then seeing he's lost in thought, and then leaving without a word
May 9th, 2018: u don't kno me
May 7th, 2018: wow who would've thought the guy with the comic whose graphics haven't changed in over a decade would be big into unchanging standards
May 4th, 2018: hermit comics (i'm going for the hermit demographic that still hangs out online and reads comics)
May 2nd, 2018: to be fair some of the tunes from the 90s are EXTREMELY big and shiny

April 2018

April 30th, 2018: does staring into vestigal eyes that grow on the flesh make anyone else feel kinda weird and gross ha ha no i guess it's just me
April 27th, 2018: the minority report of oedipus rex
April 25th, 2018: tim became a god, but a kinda bored god who wasn't big into self-actualization, so really, that scanned
April 23rd, 2018: MEET CUTE 2.0.13-beta-HACKED
April 20th, 2018: SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF HOW I MET SHERLOCK HOLMES
April 18th, 2018: emotion 4 produces emotion 3, so
April 16th, 2018: robyn graves, when will you / your name ever not be perfect, the answer: never
April 13th, 2018: one brother has gotten several games and the other brother knows, in his tall lanky beautiful heart, that the world isn't ready for him yet
April 11th, 2018: if you die in the game you DIE IN REAL LIFE... EVENTUALLY!! ALSO, THAT CLAUSE SUGGESTS A CULPABILITY THAT ISN'T SUPPORTED BY EVIDENCE; DEATH COMES TO US ALL REGARDLESS OF OUR ENTERTAINMENT CHOICES
April 9th, 2018: i read a scifi story when i was a kid about a guy who knew he was going to die in 8 hours, so he spent that time being interviewed by a computer, and when his body died he was reborn inside the machine. as a kid i thought that was way too short to capture someone and as an adult I can speak with authority: the guy died and whatever was reborn inside the computer was Different; at best, it suffers only the delusion of humanity. okay bye
April 6th, 2018: WHEN WILL THE PROFESSOR ACTUALLY GET HIS MAIL?? THIS IS A CRIME
April 4th, 2018: the "infinity plus one" gambit was common in my childhood, it led quickly to the "infinity times infinity" gambit which held until one of us learned about exponents
April 2nd, 2018: coming this fall: sassy on social

March 2018

March 30th, 2018: NARRATOR: it was not fine.
March 28th, 2018: BUT: dogs with human teeth eating ice cream: for
March 26th, 2018: it's a rare feeling to be writing something and think "yes, yes, this is correct, I am writing truth", but when T-Rex talked about putting Old Ones in his mouth, it Happened
March 23rd, 2018: Cyborgo Linefeed is the tenth in a very long line of Linefeeds. A very long, vertical line of Linefeeds
March 21st, 2018: angola maldives was a superspy who could turn into a jet, and if you don't think that's awesome, well, clearly we share wildly different opinions about both superspies, jets, and body topography
March 19th, 2018: how 2 b FAMOUSED
March 16th, 2018: if you like smiles like a breath of spring then get a load of ME
March 14th, 2018: with this i have shared all i know of art, well bye
March 12th, 2018: i don't even know if the lake IS that memorably placid
March 9th, 2018: so ready for the future tech glasses that tell you everyone's name when you look at them, the future really is bright
March 7th, 2018: here's some more futurism from your #1 futurism source: a comic about talking dinosaurs
March 5th, 2018: that video of me saying an embarrassing thing was fake. it doesn't matter which one. ALL ARE FAKE
March 2nd, 2018: i always use short names in these stories because they fit easier. i must therefore apologize to people with really long names: you won't find any sad stories about your dead pets here!!

February 2018

February 28th, 2018: how to kiss! it's the dinosaur comic you've been waiting an incredibly patient fifteen years for!! IT'S FINALLY HERE
February 26th, 2018: we're all still waiting for the age of aquarius. age of aquarius. aquarius. aquar-i-us.
February 22nd, 2018: "At this rate, by the time a year has passed I'll have lived over 31 complete lifetimes in my dreams. Y'all are suckers, this rules so hard"
February 21st, 2018: i wish in the past i had had more ideas 'cause now i know that ideas being bad is a fake idea - ray smuckles??
February 19th, 2018: finally, the sequel to "(A)bort, (R)etry, (M)URDER" that we've been waiting LITERALLY DECADES FOR
February 16th, 2018: t-rex is an intellectual now, sorry but that's just something we all have to deal with
February 14th, 2018: I haven't TECHNICALLY calculated the actual force of the explosion, BUT, I also haven't specified what kind of atomic bombs we're comparing against. Maybe they're really wimpy bombs, or super good ones. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY, and therefore impossible to prove me wrong??
February 12th, 2018: too late for tall ships, just a smiiiiidge too soon for self-driving murders
February 9th, 2018: comix 4 elderlies
February 7th, 2018: comix 4 adults
February 5th, 2018: comix 4 teens
February 2nd, 2018: it is a truth universally acknowledged that even if you don't normally keep your promises... you might for batman

January 2018

January 31st, 2018: compressed literature comics: the island of ol' doc moreau
January 29th, 2018: how 2 master a skill, like for instance compressing words by 50% or more by using homophonic numbers instead
January 26th, 2018: the year: 1775. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now
January 24th, 2018: how come chocolate always gets top billing?? asking for a friend who is NOT a giant glob of peanut butter with a face
January 22nd, 2018: the anti logging on facebook activist has logged on
January 19th, 2018: yes, the way "investigator" broke across two lines has absolutely given me an idea for a new character
January 17th, 2018: have you hugged your close male friend today while also being male
January 15th, 2018: the thing: CONTROVERSIAL??
January 12th, 2018: like so many writers, she was trying to cobble together an authorial voice that made sense from books she found on torrent sites
January 10th, 2018: i will go to my grave arguing that the belief there's only six types of stories is incredibly and uselessly reductive, and that's without even getting into the mythic form of RoboCop VS A Coffeeshop AU Version of Terminator.
January 8th, 2018: today... i AM this man
January 5th, 2018: happy nude year
January 3rd, 2018: rip the "my new years resolution is [whatever resolution your screen is at]" joke, it died in 2017, it's dead now and nobody can use it ever again, sorry but that's just how death works
January 1st, 2018: from dunking on kids and then dunking on all biological life in six panels: the dinosaur comics experience

December 2017

December 22nd, 2017: you may think you're tired of speculative fiction, but THIS speculative fiction is written by a talking dinosaur
December 20th, 2017: what's YOUR favourite part of being alive? personally, mine's the constant lack of being dead
December 18th, 2017: sherlock holmes is like the most frequent recurring dinosaur comics character at this point! i should really read some of his stories, huh
December 15th, 2017: hah hah hah WHY
December 13th, 2017: among Utahraptor's special skills is standing still and waiting for the long whats to end
December 10th, 2017: "well-attributed quotes rarely make history" - historian marilyn monroe
December 8th, 2017: finally your love of weather and your love of combinatorics need no longer be kept apart in shame
December 6th, 2017: shout out to all the weird cousins, keep on keepin' on
December 4th, 2017: if you can't handle me at my plums, you don't deserve me at my icebox
December 1st, 2017: the first appearance of the word "lowkey" in dinosaur comics is kind of a lowkey reason to lowkey celebrate

November 2017

November 29th, 2017: tale as old as... TIME??
November 27th, 2017: i have distinct memories of being a kid, discovering boss keys, and feeling so happy and relieved that i didn't have to hide playing computer games like adults with bosses did
November 24th, 2017: the sequels to 1984 include 1985 and 1986, but kinda lose the plot around 1997
November 22nd, 2017: just remember: "rage" spelled backwards is "egar". actually, no, don't remember that. that's useless, why did I tell you to remember it, forget it and forget i ever mentioned it. forget me
November 20th, 2017: folks,
November 17th, 2017: ares and sera never actually got started on their adventures on account of this ice cream / heated slurry thing, and it's too bad, because they were going to be both numerous AND interesting
November 15th, 2017: this idea of not insulting anyone by insulting only things in the future ignores the fact that we're all going to live there!! well... most of us, anyway
November 13th, 2017: PREDICTIONS for the WORLD of TOMORROW
November 10th, 2017: Detectron 3000 could detect everything... except love. This tragic flaw also made Detectron 3000 more interesting as a character, who, as I say, is now available for licensing across all media.
November 8th, 2017: WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR KIND OF FRIENDSHIP??
November 6th, 2017: rip danny, you had a good run as a character, almost one whole panel
November 3rd, 2017: put yourself in my shoes and believe me when i say: empathy day is the WORST
November 1st, 2017: "pie is a degenerate case of cake," "ladders are a degenerate case of stairs," and other claims made by one ryan north that he THOUGHT he got away with

October 2017

October 30th, 2017: i vant to suck your... LIQUID SUPPLY OF DRACULA HORROR COMICS!!
October 27th, 2017: patrick stewart, but a different guy named patrick stewart, i just wanted your attention and that name worked well
October 25th, 2017: thank you for pleasure reading my pleasure comic today
October 23rd, 2017: yes hello i am comfortable saying words are an intrinsic good
October 20th, 2017: the Last Good Idea
October 18th, 2017: this comic is inspired by me wondering about "take out" "take away" "to go", and other such different but equivalent phrases while in England, which is like Canada, but with better flavours of potato chips (cheese and onion, prawn) and worse names for them ("crisps")
October 16th, 2017: MORAL: some fridays be freaky
October 13th, 2017: gassy dave had a good run, considering
October 11th, 2017: the more i think about chocolate hair the more i can't ever stop thinking about chocolate hair
October 9th, 2017: actually not every living thing can fire water out of their eyes. sorry every living thing. sorry for making you sound cooler than you are
October 6th, 2017: good things that have happened when i have complied with "open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise": ZERO? SOMEHOW??
October 4th, 2017: pick a seven between one and ten
October 2nd, 2017: you've heard of the justice league, but have you heard of a justice league... that's SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT??

September 2017

September 29th, 2017: i still kinda just want to tie y'all down with a 10-year-long commitment, friendos
September 27th, 2017: sorry for saying "orgasms" on the internet!! i know i ruined it now. i promise i'll do way better on the next internet
September 25th, 2017: the immortal universe, part II of III
September 22nd, 2017: the immortal universe, part I of III
September 20th, 2017: um, actually, my mutant power is knowing that not all mutant powers manifest at puberty
September 18th, 2017: based on a true story, that i just made up, but aren't all stories true in their own way? the answer is obviously no but please i need this
September 15th, 2017: in real life a new ice cream store DID open up down the street from me, but it's worse than the one far away from me, so I don't get any more ice cream than i used to. DODGED A BULLET! the bullet was made of disappointing ice cream
September 13th, 2017: judging by the "u" in "favourite", we're looking for the least favourite word in the (canadian) english language
September 11th, 2017: smdh if you don't call a container of ice cream, regardless of size, "a thing of ice cream"
September 8th, 2017: THE DEVIL RETURNS, FOR A SINGLE LINE
September 6th, 2017: shirt idea: I'D RATHER BE UNCONSCIOUS
September 4th, 2017: in writing this comic i started thinking about the challenges involved in building an airplane for t.rexes, and it is my new obsession
September 1st, 2017: a small pox on both your houses

August 2017

August 30th, 2017: polite af comics
August 28th, 2017: ANYWAY I WAS GONNA REVEAL SOME PRETTY COOL TIMELESS SECRETS BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT I THINK I'LL KEEP THEM UNDER MY TIMELESS HAT FOR NOW
August 25th, 2017: and yet it exists
August 23rd, 2017: If you look up "mate in 546" you can see the layout! The situation was discovered by exhaustively computing all possible outcomes with 7 pieces on the board, replacing the FRANKLY PITIFUL mate in 517 discovered in 2006.
August 21st, 2017: the objectively best song in the world, but not in space, there's still hope we will one day find better songs in space
August 18th, 2017: the last panel may surprise, and then appetize, you
August 16th, 2017: alternatively just slide a printout of this comic across the table
August 14th, 2017: i don't want no scrubs, a scrub is a scifi space race i just made
August 11th, 2017: i don't want no scrubs, a scrub is a fantasy orc-like race i made
August 9th, 2017: moms! are you completely overwhelmed? or are you just moderately whelmed, utterly satisfied with your current amount of whelming
August 7th, 2017: parenting for teens for parents
August 4th, 2017: in a few years i may regret my use of the non-unproblematic slur "insane-os" and would like to apologize in advance to all insane-os
August 2nd, 2017: time for some credible information about albert einstein

July 2017

July 29th, 2017: flying cars? pfft. call me when you have SELF-DRIVING flying cars
July 28th, 2017: does anyone remember the 90s, but the 90s where everyone was talking dinosaurs
July 26th, 2017: shakespeare screwed up, son
July 24th, 2017: wait what happened to the bunch of rabbits operating some utahraptor-shaped scaffolding
July 20th, 2017: raise your hand if you've ever wanted to live on another world! no wait, sorry for being so dated. LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO LIVE ON ANOTHER WORLD
July 19th, 2017: panel 2: I'm looking at you, every writer ever
July 16th, 2017: climate change comix
July 14th, 2017: look at all these older friends! hah hah hah suckers
July 12th, 2017: a batman implies the existence of a plant lady, therefore plant ladies exist. q.e.d.
July 10th, 2017: One Day Batman sure seems to get into a lot of adventures. i'm curious as to what his friend Two Day Batman is up to
July 7th, 2017: based on a time i saw the hope diamond. it was okay. i walked past it without noticing at first though because i was looking for the giant cartoon diamond
July 5th, 2017: fun AND cool? sounds like my kinda scene
July 3rd, 2017: it's been a while, but yes, the devil is back! he's back once again with the ill behaviour!

June 2017

June 30th, 2017: sally suckola of the suckolazoids
June 28th, 2017: the man who could remember everything!! except where he put his keys, lol relatable
June 26th, 2017: in the end, are not humans the REAL aliens? also there's one in the fourth panel so it all fits
June 23rd, 2017: everyone's grilled cheese is burnt, which is its own form of success
June 21st, 2017: the all-time best trends in visual art! these are them; there can be no others
June 19th, 2017: from video games to death in six panels: the dinosaur comics experience
June 16th, 2017: this is the problem with my "all my friends live inside a giant house" fantasy
June 14th, 2017: famous characters who insist upon dashes in their names: Moby-Dick, Spider-Man, G-D
June 12th, 2017: things all great works of art have in common!!
June 9th, 2017: it's easy if you try
June 7th, 2017: t-rex and utahraptor were listening to the radio in stereo in panel 5 for EXTREMELY PERSONAL REASONS, and certainly not because it allowed me to have the dialogue line come out of the opposite side of the panel, thereby making it clear the radio dj wasn't talking to themselves
June 5th, 2017: REAL TALK: a few years after you die someone you barely knew decades ago will say "hey i wonder whatever happened to [your name here]?" but never really look into it
June 2nd, 2017: petition for "tap dancing" to become a generic intensifier across all fields of study, a tap dancing megabyte should be at least 15 megabytes

May 2017

May 30th, 2017: also it's dinosaur times and i made up all those countries! but for some reason I feel CERTAIN they will exist eventually, if only briefly
May 29th, 2017: as gregor samsa awoke one morning from peaceful dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a less sleepy and more refreshed version of the dude he was last night
May 26th, 2017: based on an apparently true giant potato party which i'm told by people i trust that i attended
May 24th, 2017: one, two... twenty: on the increasing metaphorical distance from tomorrow, when measured in seconds
May 22nd, 2017: this comic is rated pg-13 because of a swear!!
May 19th, 2017: haha ohhhh well
May 17th, 2017: "cute af" stands for "cute, also: fantastic" and if you disagree with my definition then i will remind you that my parents read this comic!!!!!!!
May 15th, 2017: let's build a car
May 12th, 2017: I had T-Rex say "plus a robot dinosaur" and not "plus a robot us" because it is my sincere belief that when you're dinosaurs you're kinda gonna mention that fact whenever you can
May 10th, 2017: database so broad, sql so thikk
May 8th, 2017: i was honestly surprised to realize that i had never done a comic about notation enter polish reverse
May 5th, 2017: attention, whizdros
May 3rd, 2017: fun scifis for gals and guys
May 1st, 2017: i have maybe lost count on how many universes we have gone through thus far

April 2017

April 28th, 2017: Look, lightning carries 5 to 200 kiloamps ranging from 40 to 120 kilovolts, USE IT TO MAKE HOWEVER MUCH TOAST YOU THINK YOU'LL NEED
April 26th, 2017: i love to #mute my #friends on #socialmedia, don't @ me
April 24th, 2017: now you can get all those "paper street" jokes people make
April 21st, 2017: is this what it's like to hang out with me? why didn't anyone SAY anything??
April 19th, 2017: I chose the name Toby because I like his game Undertale!! SORRY TOBY YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
April 17th, 2017: the "laws" "of" "physics"
April 14th, 2017: ryan i always add "butiwouldratherbereading=somethingmorehistoricallyaccurate" to your urls so I have slightly fewer complaints than most
April 12th, 2017: comics which are MAYBE inspired by a weekend in which chompsky the dog had a GREAT TIME and i had significantly less of a GREAT TIME
April 10th, 2017: dad jokes more like SAD jokes... oh wait, oh no
April 7th, 2017: whoah this comic really did a... number on me
April 5th, 2017: space nerds FINALLY put on blast
April 3rd, 2017: "professor science" is his name, and with slight modification, his passion (the professing of science)

March 2017

March 31st, 2017: my friend LN stayed over the weekend and she taught me in the ways of french rap! my favourite is MC Solaar but i've only been in the genre for two days!!
March 29th, 2017: poop emoji poop emoji my truest most secret self that even i can't look at because it's too upsetting emoji poop emoji
March 27th, 2017: i didn't know this story when i was a kid but i distinctly remember having to figure out to toss a gold ball into a pond to attract a frog in King's Quest IV and having NO IDEA why that worked. to be fair, i spent most of my time while playing Sierra games in that state?? i knew to kiss the frog from general cultural osmosis but the whole "frogs are attracted to gold balls" is part of the story i'd missed and which still feels baffling!
March 24th, 2017: THE UGLY DUCKLING: a parable of bullying, forgiveness, and finally, vigilante justice by dinosaurs. JUST AS HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN INTENDED
March 22nd, 2017: i saw a dog eat another dog's poop last week and i was like, hmm yes as a writer i can use this
March 20th, 2017: RISK AS SHE IS PLAYED
March 17th, 2017: german: also great for butts, or should i say, "süßer Knackpo"™
March 15th, 2017: WHERE IS MY FLYING CAR?? I KNOW I PARKED IT OVER HERE, IN THE SKY
March 13th, 2017: as the unusually loquacious saying goes, "the proceeds of crime are minimal and will not, ultimately, benefit the individual who initially instigated them"
March 10th, 2017: sawing for teeeeens
March 8th, 2017: it's medieval times and you can eat a bird while watching a bird eat another bird
March 5th, 2017: BROS OF HISTORY. bros of histbro-y? no, bros of history. okay, yes, let's proceed
March 3rd, 2017: welcome to dinosaur comics! we are celebrating [0] days without a sex joke
March 1st, 2017: little ditty about dan and kayleigh, one human and humanoid 'bout to start up on a spree

February 2017

February 27th, 2017: tag yourself, i'm the dew in a tiny tea cup
February 24th, 2017: housekeeping tips for bachelors!! bachelors, pick a path through the debris on your living room floor to this comic and read it, it's really important!!
February 22nd, 2017: let the record show that I was correct not once, not twice, but THREE different non-consecutive times
February 20th, 2017: snow white, whose skin was really white and whose NON-UNPROBLEMATIC parents tried to make that her whole deal, snored peacefully
February 17th, 2017: the moral of this famous story is completely obvious and does not bear discussing here, but it's clear that things are getting... a little hairy
February 15th, 2017: peer-reviewed fairy tales: jack and the beanstalk!
February 13th, 2017: "here's a joke I just thought of," Batman said. "and I'm sure you'll find it to be a LAUGH AND A HAL--" "don't," Harvey interrupted.
February 10th, 2017: it was like the walking dead, only they also ran a bit too i guess.
February 8th, 2017: hey god quick question that's still gonna take six panels
February 6th, 2017: -17.919460 latitude, -125.676992 longitude
February 3rd, 2017: kindness COULD save them after all
February 1st, 2017: TRICK QUESTION, there's no such thing as a villainous dog

January 2017

January 30th, 2017: if your beliefs are only 52.25458% overlapping, then you have screwed up, and you will have plenty of time to think about what you did
January 27th, 2017: well it took 13 years for dinosaur comics to address this matter so i for one am certain some stellar insights are right around the corner
January 25th, 2017: also available: "sally arbitrage". a dangerous nickname, full of power and arbitrage. already great, it achieves true excellence when attached to the right individual.
January 23rd, 2017: harsh_truths_WALKTHROUGH.txt
January 20th, 2017: CAN'T GO BACK, WON'T GO BACK, NOT WILLING TO GO BACK
January 18th, 2017: one day sherlock holmes was like, see, you fall out of copyright ONCE and this is what happens to your canon
January 16th, 2017: NEW HOLIDAY PROPOSAL 2017
January 13th, 2017: the women of popular music, especially those whose names are in the titles of songs: WHERE ARE THEY NOW??
January 11th, 2017: it's here! another intelligent and education installment of dinosaur comics, ready for you to share on social media so your friends know you're intelligent and educational too!!
January 7th, 2017: the meaning of the acronym "I.R.D.' is left as an exercise for the reader, with a note that the correct answer is PROBABLY not "inflatable reaming devices"
January 6th, 2017: it's a new year! let's talk about it now, several days into the new year!
January 4th, 2017: peeners in history
January 2nd, 2017: puppy thieves who are also #1 fans of dinosaur comics are having a challenging day

December 2016

December 30th, 2016: HOLIDAY CLASSIC COMIC!
December 23rd, 2016: finally, a comic that DOESN'T work better if you add "&butiwouldratherbereading=thelastdinosaurcomicever" after the url
December 21st, 2016: lots of t-rex's made-up characters have short names! it's almost like he's aware of the dangers of giving a character a long name in a comic where the pictures are set to a limited size, DROMICEIOMIMUS
December 19th, 2016: my dad worked in semiconductor fabrication when i was a kid so i know all the cool slang like "fab" and "depo". that's correct: i was extremely rad even as a child
December 16th, 2016: pop culture a + pop culture b + unstable bacteria culture c
December 14th, 2016: anyway you tweens have fun, let me know how it works out
December 12th, 2016: it was a top hat he forgot to wear, as opposed to his bottom hat, which is worn CONSTANTLY because we are not PERVERTS
December 9th, 2016: Napoleon's furry name is clearly "Napoleon BONEapart". It's also his skeleton name. And his name when he's transformed into a dog. Just a great name over here.
December 7th, 2016: sherlock holmes, who appeared more often in a comic called "dinosaur comics" than you might expect, frowned
December 5th, 2016: let's learn science from music, this will definitely go well and not somehow disparage both science and music at the same time
December 2nd, 2016: i cut out the panel where t-rex again said "if there was a problem yo i'll solve it, donate some sperm: that'll probably resolve it": YOU'RE WELCOME

November 2016

November 30th, 2016: *bangs desk with expert finesse* controversial opinion time controveRSIAL OPINION TIME
November 28th, 2016: pranks to meet you, see you next prank
November 25th, 2016: other decorators claim their designs tells a story. ours recounts a legend™
November 23rd, 2016: bad news, everyone! good news, a small subset of everyone!
November 21st, 2016: look! reading internet websites has finally paid off!!
November 18th, 2016: this makes ME want my bucket! remember that elephant seal? with the bucket? hah hah yeah if i recall correctly he sure wanted it
November 16th, 2016: what if... it wasn't a meteor that killed the dinosaurs, but an alien probe, or better yet: voyager 1 after going back in time?? What if aliens encased voyager 1 in rock to better protect it from the buffeting time stream, but they protected it too well? WHAT IF, YOU GUYS??
November 14th, 2016: don't worry, these are all the dinosaur versions of these people, and TURNS OUT THEY ALL DIED 65 MILLION YEARS AGO, RIP DINO PEEPS
November 11th, 2016: here is a comic about computers to read on your computers
November 9th, 2016: i wrote down the spice world release date from memory in the first draft and was only off by one year
November 7th, 2016: david's origin is one day is mother laid 150 eggs at the same time, the end.
November 4th, 2016: in my twenties some friends had a combination bowling and makeout club and i thought the "makeout club" part was a joke BUT IT WASN'T
November 2nd, 2016: NO, I didn't "VANDALIZE ANY NON-CHICKEN ARTICLE". GOSH.

October 2016

October 31st, 2016: FREE CANDY IS BETTER THAN THESE TRADITIONS, THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT
October 28th, 2016: t-rex in: writing is easy and copyright is a fake idea
October 26th, 2016: this briefly solves the problem of world hunger while introducing a whole new (arguably worse??) set of problems
October 24th, 2016: dog comics for maximum dog enjoyment
October 21st, 2016: a hallowe'en tale of terror, part iv (intravenous drugs can be scary)
October 19th, 2016: a hallowe'en tale of terror, part iii, which actually looks a little like someone screaming "iiiiiii" so that's cool
October 17th, 2016: a hallowe'en tale of terror, part ii
October 14th, 2016: a hallowe'en tale of terror, part i
October 12th, 2016: life on other worlds, hit me up
October 10th, 2016: if you don't have a time machine, eventually steal one from someone who does then go back in time and give it to yourself in this very moment. come on. you should KNOW this by now.
October 7th, 2016: yes, that is a direct quote from Johnny J. Fahrenheit in panel 3. yes, i know his real name was not "Johnny J". yes, "Johnny J" is an objective improvement though, I absolutely agree
October 5th, 2016: i call my romance novel "the passions of the sea", subtitled "specifically, the passions that take place while actually really really far above the sea"
October 3rd, 2016: IT'S NOT EVEN HALLOWE'EN YET; I'M NOT READY FOR SUCH PURE AND FREEBASED TERROR

September 2016

September 30th, 2016: time for your kale mail
September 28th, 2016: let's all go play chess in the park! finally, an activity that's certain not to be humiliating at all!!
September 26th, 2016: YES "UNFATHOMABLE" IS A PUN, OF COURSE IT IS
September 23rd, 2016: i have considered the matter deeply and this is DEFINITELY a story that needs telling
September 21st, 2016: why does our town named "blüdhaven" have so much violent crime compared to "peacetopia", a nearby town of comparable population, it is a mystery
September 19th, 2016: t-rex, the man with no tattoos, is here to be your tattoo fixer
September 16th, 2016: if you have a couple tattoo where one has "together" and the other has "forever", just change them to "together is just a word" and "forever is an ideal i could not achieve, even with the reduced semantics of 'forever' meaning 'just within own lifetime'". hooray! what cool tattoos you have now!
September 14th, 2016: hello, yes, the talking dinosaurs have a bat man story for you today
September 12th, 2016: DINOSAUR COMICS PRESENTS: urushiall you want to know about urushiol
September 9th, 2016: comics to help with anxiety! finally, the anxious wait is over
September 7th, 2016: empty storefronts that used to sell hats for dogs... for dogs
September 5th, 2016: two! two!! two comics in one!
September 2nd, 2016: ending any argument with "what indeed, plato??" is the new ending any argument in "qed", pass it on

August 2016

August 31st, 2016: ATTENTION FUTURE GENERATIONS: this was the sort of thing we worried about before we could upload our brains to computers and live a lifetime in a second in the cyberverse. i imagine you have much greater things to worry about now.
August 29th, 2016: to answer your question, 1 part water to 2 parts corn starch
August 26th, 2016: 53.497760, -91.074267
August 24th, 2016: "check out these pecs: the life on earth story"
August 22nd, 2016: is it just me or is the way "mediocre" is spelled also kinda... mediocre??
August 19th, 2016: 8) Potential new nightfriends... with benefits
August 17th, 2016: sub-subtitled "send in your answers to scientists and see what they say, i guess??"
August 15th, 2016: there's nothing in the bible that says a lot of things
August 12th, 2016: but what is man's BFF, riddle me that
August 10th, 2016: downsides to being a mammal (some of my best friends are mammals so it's okay that i wrote this comic)
August 8th, 2016: why didn't you just SAY so
August 5th, 2016: in the 40s the american government banned sliced bread to help the war effort, but then unbanned it when they discovered that, SOMEHOW, banning sliced bread did not help the war effort
August 3rd, 2016: this comic originally said "get hit on the head by a meteor" but then I remembered I've done a comic about meteors vs meteorite and i decided, NO, i don't want ANY of my own petards to be hoisting ME today
August 1st, 2016: THREE BATMAN?? gasped the Joker. He was making a joke, because there were only two, and he made a lot of jokes, and look, they can't all be winners.

July 2016

July 29th, 2016: DINOSAUR COMICS PRESENTS: number #25536 in the "one day batman" short story series
July 27th, 2016: social media... for SENIORS
July 25th, 2016: What, am I supposed to NOT name my characters by looking at a map?? Yeah right. Yeah RIGHT.
July 22nd, 2016: it was the best of punctuation; it was the worst of punctuation–
July 20th, 2016: i was gonna say this is a regional saying but my research shows it's used all over the place and each region thinks they invented it so OH WELL
July 18th, 2016: i... may be kinda obsessed with my new improved ebenezer scrooge
July 15th, 2016: bachelors, the pupils of anyone you serve this to will turn into little hearts. DEPLOY IT WISELY
July 13th, 2016: The Ghost of Christmas Past, But It's The Past How Trevor Remembers It, And Everyone Knows He Always Puts Himself At The Centre of Everything, God, Friggin' Trevor
July 11th, 2016: is - is there any OTHER way to eat chicken wings?? serious question, asking for a friend
July 8th, 2016: film rights are available for each of these epics; hollywood: call me
July 6th, 2016: call me crazy, but i'd have to say MY favourite opinions are whichever opinions are the correct opinions
July 4th, 2016: sorry for zinging you so hard in the alt text, philosophers. better take 500 years to collectively examine your feelings about it
July 1st, 2016: sherlock holmes, whose brother was more interesting and competent than him but we're stuck with sherlock so we all just have to deal, sighed. his brother was just so much more interesting and competent than him, but we all just had to deal.

June 2016

June 29th, 2016: ladies and gentlemen, THREE THOUSAND COMICS!! thank you to everyone who read some of them and thank you to everyone who read ALL OF THEM! i love you forever, not a word of lie
June 27th, 2016: you may think a cop making baseball puns with a gun that fires baseballs isn't THAT dark and gritty, but wait till you realize such "a gun that fires baseballs" is A CANNON being fired at people with deadly accuracy. okay enjoy
June 24th, 2016: i wrote the first 2 panels of this comic back two years ago and it took me that long to figure out how to end it! THE TWO YEARS OF (POSSIBLY UNBROKEN??) EFFORT
June 22nd, 2016: a lot of people call themselves "hotshot" in their inner voices; a lot of people are actually cooler than i am :(
June 20th, 2016: as a person who definitely experiences emotions, i agree! nothin' better than feelin' an emotion, am i right, fellow humans?? i just love to feel *consults list* "powerlessness".
June 17th, 2016: the ball has found its own special destiny beyond our farthest reach, and if you're very lucky, one fine night you might glimpse it moving amongst the stars
June 15th, 2016: and now for the happiest place on earth: ICE CREAM STORE ON FREE ICE CREAM DAY, AND IF YOU'RE LACTOSE INTOLERANT THEY HAVE ICE CREAM FOR YOU TOO SOMEHOW!!
June 13th, 2016: on the other hand "pay for your own police force" historically results in samurai, which are objectively PRETTY NEAT
June 10th, 2016: the thing is, artisanal cheese is a thing, but the automated factory-produced cheese is cheaper so it's what everyone eats most of the time. and i don't see much of a market for artisanal trucking??
June 8th, 2016: self-driving cars will complete the word "driving"'s evolution from "human whipping a horse" to "human turning a wheel" to "human telling a computer to just get me there already; I DON'T CARE"
June 6th, 2016: you won't believe these phrases that sound way more interesting than they actually are!! the only entry on this list will blow your mind!!
June 3rd, 2016: what happens FOUR seconds from tomorrow? STAY TUNED
June 1st, 2016: i call my tale, "claude and the surprise twist happy ending"

May 2016

May 30th, 2016: WRITING CLASS IS OVER, NO MORAL
May 27th, 2016: ryan what is this twattle
May 25th, 2016: as a guy who has never once made a typo, i concur
May 23rd, 2016: the ballad of trudie killshotz
May 20th, 2016: yo holmes smell ya later
May 18th, 2016: ol' Sherls back at it again with "the case of how it wasn't me who did that cool crime"
May 16th, 2016: an open letter to the tiny aliens who are controlling robot suits but got kinda bored and are now passing their time reading comics on the internet
May 13th, 2016: YOU NOW KNOW ENGLISH, CONGRATULATIONS
May 11th, 2016: ...wkeye owns a hovercar in the comics and imagine how cool it'd be if he had that in the movies
May 9th, 2016: what does your precious "science" say about how come it's cold up here when it's warm down there
May 6th, 2016: every time i write a comic making fun of french i look forward to my francophone friend Hélène emailing me a scowling emoticion. BALL IS IN YOUR COURT, MY DEAR FRIEND
May 4th, 2016: ryan we also need to discuss the difference between arithmetic and math
May 2nd, 2016: this comic is... PLAIN crazy! wait no i meant "plane" crazy damn it why doesn't this computer have an undo button DAMN IT

April 2016

April 29th, 2016: KOKOMO KOKOMIX
April 27th, 2016: love bananas? want an origin story that dovetails nicely with your love of bananas? HAVE I GOT A WEEKEND PLAN FOR YOU
April 25th, 2016: he's not a fraid of ghosts, i'm afraid. he's just the one guy.
April 22nd, 2016: hi i'm using the internet to tell you to check me out on another part of the internet!!
April 20th, 2016: so you've been cursed by the gods! but wait: there's MORE
April 18th, 2016: this comic might make some... WAVES (radio waves) (look it's about radio waves okay)
April 15th, 2016: "The Old Man And The Sea, Featuring SHARKS" would've worked fine, honestly
April 13th, 2016: there's no rule that says a dog can't do a lot of things
April 11th, 2016: In a sense, we are ALL Jacob Horner
April 8th, 2016: ADULTHOOD COMICS, NO PUNCHLINE
April 6th, 2016: can we talk about why utahraptor is manifesting a HUMAN thumb, can we talk about that for a second
April 4th, 2016: money doesn't grow on trees (*revs chainsaw*) not on MY watch
April 1st, 2016: what will the future think of us, what will the future think of this one comic in particular

March 2016

March 30th, 2016: Sherlock couldn't believe how many public domain characters he was encountering. "It is," he deduced, "as if making up original characters is really hard and boring too."
March 28th, 2016: the dinosaur comics players in: i dunno, some politics thing
March 25th, 2016: anyway here is my +1 to charisma motivational comic
March 23rd, 2016: "can i talk 2 dogz?" certainly not with that spelling
March 21st, 2016: robin hood is also public domain. am i assembling my OWN league of public-domain superheroes?? well no, i can't, since robin hood is in jail now
March 18th, 2016: listen, LINCOLN SCHOLARS, i'm sure i have the gist of it
March 16th, 2016: anyway turns out that yes, thermodynamics isn't just a good idea: it's the law!
March 14th, 2016: wow, look at team "death is rad" ovah here
March 11th, 2016: one day everyone on earth became immortal: PART ONE OF THREE
March 9th, 2016: maybe there's a statute of limitations on tax fraud where you live. i don't know! i'm like the exact opposite of a tax lawyer!
March 7th, 2016: IN CONCLUSION, THIS INTERNET COMIC AUTHOR IS UNABLE TO COME UP WITH A SATISFYING EXPLANATION FOR WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE, 'cept for the fact that bad things happen to EVERYONE, and what's the deal with THAT??
March 4th, 2016: greatest generation, meet greatest generation II: the greatest generation IN ALL POSSIBLE TIMELINES
March 2nd, 2016: Wikipedia says "In 1869, while doing experiments searching for the location of the soul, German physiologist Friedrich Goltz demonstrated that a frog that has had its brain removed will remain in slowly heated water, but an intact frog attempted to escape the water when it reached 25 °C". I hereby nominate Friedrich Goltz for the CREEPIEST SCIENTIST 1869 award. Can you imagine walking in on your buddy who is slowly boiling an ALIVE FROG whose BRAIN HE HAS ALREADY REMOVED, and when you ask him what the hell is going on, he just stares at the frog and whispers something about "trying to find its soul"?? Screw you, Goltz! I don't need none of this crap!!

February 2016

February 29th, 2016: Mancave Steele is a name I lifted from a sign I saw. The sign said "MANCAVE STEEL SIGNS" but after reading the first two words I was like, "on your way, sign! I've got all I need from you".
February 26th, 2016: yes i am working on fanfiction wherein the tanks were accidentally filled with helium, why do you ask
February 24th, 2016: sometimes t-rex's story ideas are SUPER GREAT and they get turned into their own books like Machine of Death or The Midas Flesh, and sometimes all you can say about them is "huh", and that "huh" is gonna be prefaced by AT LEAST three dots. probably more tbh
February 22nd, 2016: sherlock holmes and the case of why are we talking about dolphins now??
February 19th, 2016: GANGSTER: i run an illegal gambling operation and i need a tough name for that / CHILD: bookie / GANGSTER: no, see, i'm a tough criminal who - / CHILD: BOOKIE
February 17th, 2016: tomorrow's front page: Scientists Completely UNbaffled As To Why Pizza Delicious
February 15th, 2016: the oceans are filled with their song, and also their salty tears
February 12th, 2016: Roses are red / But not all reds are roses / Language gets weird / If everything transposes
February 10th, 2016: i may not be a teen anymore, but i still know what teens like!! it's authority figures who, whilst in jest, do find their comeuppance delivered!!
February 8th, 2016: "civilization is great" - ryan north, a man who has specialized in making up imaginary stories about talking dinosaurs, and who is FOR SOME REASON very interested in civilization not collapsing
February 5th, 2016: *raises hand* hello, yes, i am the professional author who wrote the phrase "sherlock had made his whole thing about being the solving mysteries guy"
February 3rd, 2016: really not sure the right way to write "usses". i went with the extra "s" to distingush it from "uses", and "us's" is CLEARLY wrong, but i'd be willing to entertain arguments for "us-es"??
February 1st, 2016: the first draft of this comic included the line "the only thing that didn't die with johnny was his horniness"; it was a very different comic that, for some reason, i abandoned

January 2016

January 29th, 2016: "god is great" said moses. "yes absolutely" said the other character he was talking to. "just can't get enough of that god guy. wowee. A+++, no complaints here," the guy said, and then looked directly into the camera before continuing. "just literally a perfect dude."
January 27th, 2016: i'm big into the idea that comics continuity can be used on actual religious continuity. what if major religious figures had a kryptonian heritage? WHAT IF??
January 25th, 2016: words NOT added to spell check today: CompuEarth, VirtuaPeeps
January 22nd, 2016: would you like to build a snowgod
January 20th, 2016: sry i didn't rpy 2 ur text 4 3 days wtf lololol
January 18th, 2016: another entry in the "one day Batman" series, a series which will HAVE NO END and THAT IS A GOOD THING
January 15th, 2016: dan was like, the worst ghost. just the worst. all the other ghosts threw plates for legit ghost reasons, while dan would make sure everyone knew he was throwing them because "plates represent how society works to constrain and redirect our most basic desires and nobody realizes it but me"
January 13th, 2016: i added "recloned" to my dictionary while writing this comic and i'm feeling very optimistic about the future
January 11th, 2016: turns out some of those 'un'-heavy names like 'ununtrium' were just placeholders, which, frankly, good
January 8th, 2016: ooh another comic where ryan explains how he likes pals, BIG SURPRISE
January 6th, 2016: this comic inspired by "TRIO-dahdahdah.mp3", a file artisanally selected and individually downloaded, all fakes removed, and playing at a blistering 112 kbps
January 4th, 2016: things that are not as good as they sound (PART 1??)
January 1st, 2016: happy new year!

December 2015

December 25th, 2015: Convincing his classmates that his uncle worked at Nintendo and let him play Mario 4 but he can't say much because it's top secret but he will say that he played it for a bit and you get to play as Yoshi's sister, Yo-she
December 23rd, 2015: this is an EXCELLENT comic to print out and store in your wallet; you will always be prepared with the perfect mot juste burnsauce
December 21st, 2015: merry christmas, t-rex
December 18th, 2015: people named "clementine" might want to pay particular attention to the last panel
December 16th, 2015: sorry to all the nerds who are gonna get called "dropletons" from now on
December 14th, 2015: a line i had to cut for space in this comic is utahraptor shouting "PLASMA'S #1! PLASMA'S #1!" in panel 5. this is not a spoiler because I say plasma is #1 in literally the first panel of this comic.
December 11th, 2015: here's is a comic i wrote that's temporarily from the present but which will very soon be from the past, and later, the distant past, and later still, the distant and romanticized past. hello!
December 9th, 2015: BACKSTORY: Angola Maldives and Brussels Samoa were both named after places on a map because that's an extremely cool thing to do, and also there's a map in my room.
December 7th, 2015: EVERY SHERLOCK HOLMES STORY IS CANON AND WE ALL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
December 4th, 2015: yes i do start the creative process by writing "one day, Batman"; why do you ask?
December 2nd, 2015: seriously: if you've never eaten spaghetti topless, try it! it saves SO MUCH LAUNDRY.

November 2015

November 30th, 2015: excuse me, but why do we give mad professors resources for playing god when that funding could go towards lowering MY taxes
November 27th, 2015: i like to imagine the person who has been reading dinosaur comics for over a decade, being all "oh wow, a scene from a universe where hats didn't get invented until just now! FINALLY"
November 25th, 2015: yes i have recently flipped through a book of myths, why do you ask
November 23rd, 2015: later in life The Minotaur reads a textbook on how reproduction works and is like, hey, wait a minute
November 20th, 2015: and yea, thus did the ancient greeks reach down to us through time and say, "we tried to warn you about The Godfather Part ]|["
November 18th, 2015: a comic to use when facebook is down, or, if i may be so bold: also when facebook is up
November 16th, 2015: one day poison ivy was like, i'm great at crime, yes, but i have interests outside of crime you know
November 13th, 2015: here is the only comic you need to become an expert speaker of english, i am PRETTY SURE
November 11th, 2015: most ethicists believe it is EXTREMELY UNETHICAL that ethicists do not get paid way more
November 9th, 2015: here is a comic about how to make new friends as an adult; as an adult with SEVERAL friends i am qualified to write this
November 6th, 2015: how many great stories have started with "one day batman was looking out for crime"? the answer: all of them
November 4th, 2015: this sounds like quite the tall... KALE
November 2nd, 2015: in which the author complains about potato chip flavours from the comfort of his website

October 2015

October 30th, 2015: SPOOKY COMICS starring SKELETONS (inside alive dinosaurs, but still)
October 28th, 2015: anyway that's my visual resume, do i get this agency job or what
October 26th, 2015: i call being an expert on my birthday
October 23rd, 2015: Oh, to be the one who looked at mushrooms and said "My pals died after eating THESE spore-bearing fungi, but I bet these OTHER spore-bearing fungi are delicious. And when I'm done, I'm gonna see what these nightmare monsters from the briney deep taste like".
October 21st, 2015: i wrote the first half of this comic in 2006 and the second have in 2015. it is a collaboration with my past self! i'd like to praise my co-author and say the li'l guy's got a lot of potential
October 19th, 2015: I'm not sure what hustles are but I know I like 'em good
October 16th, 2015: special MICE comics with guest artist Patt Kelley!
October 14th, 2015: special MICE comics with guest artist Mitra Farmand!
October 12th, 2015: special MICE comics with guest artist Braden Lamb!
October 9th, 2015: this comic does assume our previous comic, "how to always avoid small talk forever", has somehow failed you
October 7th, 2015: did you want to read a comic about horny slugs today? GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS, FOR YOU IN PARTICULAR.
October 5th, 2015: better living through chemist-- i mean, through advances in nihilist philosophy
October 2nd, 2015: where are all the aliens in the universe and why haven't they contacted us? OBVIOUSLY they're all orbiting black holes at relativistic speeds trying to make their torrents download faster

September 2015

September 30th, 2015: i hope you've been typing 'qwantz.com' into your brower for the past few days simply because you wanted to learn computer science, because boy howdy, have you been getting precisely what you wanted
September 28th, 2015: i have two degrees in the computer sciences so i'm PRETTY SURE i speak with the voice of authority here and nothing need be confirmed
September 25th, 2015: computer science with a guy who has definitely at least heard of computer science that one time
September 23rd, 2015: I POOT EVERY TIME
September 21st, 2015: do do dodo do dododo do do dodo do dododo
September 18th, 2015: history is a cool thing to read about if you want to know how awful your great great great great great great great grandparents were
September 16th, 2015: DC Comics: when you're ready for Plant Batman, know that I am ready to take your call
September 14th, 2015: 555,555 YEARS AGO: Hey guys! ...Guys??
September 11th, 2015: doomsday engine needs a new doomsday fuel pressure regulator
September 9th, 2015: sincere image that communicates all i wish i could've said before you left emoji
September 7th, 2015: it's just - i've never heard a more appealing version of the afterlife until just now
September 4th, 2015: superman vs the superstorms
September 2nd, 2015: not to mention the what would've been the first queer-positive story in the bible, in which... The Jury Is Still Out

August 2015

August 31st, 2015: turns out there are no universal constants, just universal variables that don't get updated too too often
August 28th, 2015: after i wrote it, i realized this comic actually works PRETTY WELL for parents to send to non-parent friends too! it is... the universal comic??
August 26th, 2015: if your relationship is in a state where a fictional talking dinosaur might be able to help it, GOOD NEWS FRIEND!!
August 24th, 2015: to the lobsters in the kitchen, the sinking of the Titanic must've seemed like another event in a long series of events so far outside their natural experience that they can't possibly understand them
August 21st, 2015: what can i say, i'm quite the bible scholar scholar
August 19th, 2015: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe: all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths updogge.
August 17th, 2015: there were a lot of these curse tablets found at a bathhouse, because people kept stealing people's clothes while they bathed. CLASSIC GRECO-ROMAN ERA, AM I RIGHT??
August 14th, 2015: being a regular on the regular
August 12th, 2015: i have given it a week of thought and have come up with the #1 best vegetable; there can be no argument
August 10th, 2015: approximately 1/12th of all death has occurred during august
August 7th, 2015: ah yes, the classic and yet NOT UNPROBLEMATIC "only for good people shall death be reversed" stipulation
August 5th, 2015: is there a way to be a gross monster while also not being a gross monster, y/n
August 3rd, 2015: clever girls

July 2015

July 31st, 2015: what colour is the sun on your world
July 29th, 2015: love in the time of robots and perfect brain duplication
July 27th, 2015: RE: collectible panties with pizzazz
July 24th, 2015: how to invent new korridags AND pazinals
July 22nd, 2015: webcardz u can uze
July 20th, 2015: which number is the least interesting? before you answer, read this:
July 17th, 2015: also the nuclear fallout could make a moon base tricky. just sayin'. i just happen to think it's hard enough to live on the moon without NUCLEAR FALLOUT
July 15th, 2015: looks like SOMEONE finally did some cursory research into botulism
July 13th, 2015: agnodice: pretty nice
July 10th, 2015: if you read this comic after the one earlier this year about fake degrees, remember that the difference is THIS degree is FREE. also OBVIOUSLY this degree isn't fake
July 8th, 2015: here is an inspirational comic!! i forgot to make it inspirational!!
July 6th, 2015: rip sucky HDD controller, you are in the garbage now
July 3rd, 2015: ah, good times
July 1st, 2015: is there anyone more into voting than people who get their jobs through voting, the answer: no

June 2015

June 29th, 2015: utahraptor hating mercury is a new development that happened as soon as i realized i thought it'd be funny for someone to just really have it out for a single planet. stupid mercury!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2015: never go full human. i for one did several years ago and now i'm stuck that way
June 24th, 2015: never have i agreed more with t-rex than i do now with his second line in panel three
June 22nd, 2015: i haven't seen the new jurassic park movie but i have it on good authority that for some reason IT STILL FEATURES HUMANS
June 19th, 2015: lewd AND lacivious? this changes everything
June 17th, 2015: if i die tomorrow my last words will be: please rt
June 15th, 2015: only if i can open a new "tab" at the bar
June 12th, 2015: 4:01 am though is just this really terrific time for regrets
June 10th, 2015: an apology to vanilla
June 8th, 2015: utahraptor, god: i'm gonna have to take off fifteen points here for all these sick disses, it's harsh but you knew the risks
June 5th, 2015: the star files, OR, the x wars
June 3rd, 2015: now that joey and emily have / foolishly / abandoned this format / it's mine now / i took it / you snooze you lose
June 1st, 2015: if there was a lyric, yo, i'll reference it

May 2015

May 29th, 2015: i tried to write a comic against eating items but wouldn't you know it, three hours later i'm right back at it eating another item
May 27th, 2015: i guess being taken in by that life experience degree scam was at least some good... life experience
May 25th, 2015: here are only the seven different stories and the only, like, three good ones
May 22nd, 2015: IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED 2.5 TIMES
May 20th, 2015: BECAUSE (one of) YOU (could have conceivably) ASKED FOR IT: dinosaur comics stressful problem generator
May 18th, 2015: parents! i have had, continue to have, and will forever have unsolicited opinions about your offspring!!
May 15th, 2015: characters in video games: crazy? read this comic to find out! it's about six panels long so it's no big deal and you should totally read it
May 13th, 2015: how to build a you: a comic for someone such as yourself
May 11th, 2015: yesterday i realized two things: i am an adult, and this is Not Going To Get Better.
May 8th, 2015: the technology to create this platform is within our reach, we must but grasp it... sexily
May 6th, 2015: shouts out to all my actual physicist friends, i know how much you love it when laypeople talk about quantum physics
May 4th, 2015: i'd say "share this comic on social media" but, introverts, so
May 1st, 2015: i am ready for "ryanorthy" to mean whatever you want it to mean

April 2015

April 29th, 2015: good news, parents! a canadian internet cartoonist has opinions about your reproductive choices!!
April 27th, 2015: oh me? i'm just turning your "earth day" into "mirth day" over here
April 24th, 2015: best tricks for best dogs
April 22nd, 2015: yes i was recently in europe, why do you ask
April 20th, 2015: yes, if t-rex had been rubbing his head and patting his tummy in one of these panels (um, SOMEHOW??) since the beginning, then this particular comic would've paid off with the art in a BIG way
April 17th, 2015: i think after years of making typos, maybe i haven't properly earned having a punchline that could be mistaken for a typo??
April 15th, 2015: there are only a few phrases that can make me feel like i chose the wrong career, but "gamma gardener" is definitely one of them
April 13th, 2015: friends, we have fun, but really "going viral" isn't any fun at all. that's why me and my puppet crew are here today to rap with you about washing your hands
April 10th, 2015: ryan north coming boldly out AGAINST sexism. other things i am against: racism. if you are a racist and sexist fan of mine then dang, i imagine this must be PRETTY DISAPPOINTING??
April 8th, 2015: too late, something called "sex scenes for horses" is already in your browser cache
April 6th, 2015: speaking of "how to start a new life": most of what you read online about this is RIDICULOUSLY DUMB. turns out people who do this then don't go online to brag about it, weirdly enough??
April 3rd, 2015: a story about stevella which does not involve how she got her name, so let's all just stop talking about it
April 1st, 2015: the country was called "Two For One Tacostopia", and yes, as soon as taco stores settled there, they would've constitutionally had to offer only the sweetest of two-for-one taco deals

March 2015

March 30th, 2015: if you are currently stuck in a hospital waiting room HAVE I GOT A COMIC FOR YOU. seriously, it's for this exact situation; it's crazy you're reading it right now
March 26th, 2015: this is not the first time t-rex has whispered "boners". this is, as well, definitely not the last time
March 25th, 2015: REAL TALK: of all the fictional characters i've invented, i have the biggest crush on robyn
March 24th, 2015: runner's sigh
March 23rd, 2015: "classic" "aphorisms" "rephrased"
March 19th, 2015: t-rex who keeps publishing your books. who keeps publishing them, and why
March 18th, 2015: WHAT IS... A GLUTEN?
March 17th, 2015: "which is the best kind of hole?" - emily horne, noted cartoonist, adult friend
March 16th, 2015: I started this comic in 2009 and just found it now! What was your problem, 2009 self? YOU GOTTA FINISH WHAT YOU START
March 12th, 2015: fifty thousand dollars, or fifty thousand crappy lunches, or five hundred really great lunches
March 11th, 2015: the adventure of the chief engineer's thumb
March 10th, 2015: Boy are you a drop-in drum circle because I thought this would be a lot of fun but now I just feel awkward
March 9th, 2015: HOW TO LEARN ENGLISH in a single comic; YOU'RE WELCOME
March 5th, 2015: for sheep it's a bleat cute, obviously. it's super obvious that for sheep it'd be a bleat cute
March 4th, 2015: 8) Attempted horseback any of the above
March 3rd, 2015: what is this wild talk about how sandwiches don't have meaning
March 2nd, 2015: AND MOSTLY CONCERN WHICH GHOSTBUSTER IS THE BEST ONE (hint: it's the one you like!)

February 2015

February 26th, 2015: in writing this i realized that if you dress well and never talk about your past you are 95% of the way there to everyone thinking you're a spy. brb moving to a new town under an assumed identity forever now
February 25th, 2015: are YOU a regular person in regular person clothes? have i got a comic for you!!
February 24th, 2015: also we all got obsessed with itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikinis. it was an odd time.
February 23rd, 2015: HOW TO USE WIKIPEDIA (CITATION NEEDED)
February 19th, 2015: a rising tide doesn't raise the boats with holes in them or those that have already sunk
February 18th, 2015: have invented, under the assumption readers are absolutely willing to go this far to read them
February 17th, 2015: game of life, and i'm not talking john conway OR milton bradley
February 16th, 2015: it's pronounced "dea-thee"
February 12th, 2015: wham-o! here's a comic
February 11th, 2015: DOG FACTS featuring DOGS, why aren't you reading this comic RIGHT NOW
February 10th, 2015: i'm a bar keeper AND a bar sleeper
February 9th, 2015: the devil in: "Pixel Hearts"
February 5th, 2015: the letter, which t-rex doesn't read, says "hey guys remember how we wanted to all hang out while i was still alive well GUESS WHO DROPPED THE BALL ON THAT ONE"
February 4th, 2015: I AGREE THERE ARE MODERN CLASSICS BUT WE MUST WORK WITHIN THE LIMITS OF THE LANGAUGE WE'VE CHOSEN
February 3rd, 2015: please do not actually do any murders on people, i do not condone the murder act, kthx
February 2nd, 2015: 1 like = 1 prayer for jim

January 2015

January 29th, 2015: once upon a time, rachel got blasted back in time a thousand years
January 28th, 2015: this comic goes out to captain picard before the events of star trek: nemesis as it concerns the backing up data
January 27th, 2015: this comic's my recital, i think it's very vital
January 23rd, 2015: BUCKET LIST: find the most-respected nutritionist and force them to go on record about which food group blows the hardest
January 22nd, 2015: there are several mario partees on the internet and i sincerely hope they all read my comic
January 21st, 2015: "Ace dozed," Sherlock said, passing by the sleepy military aviator
January 20th, 2015: was utahraptor wrong, or was ryan wrong? let's say ryan was right all along. with sincere sincerely, ryan
January 19th, 2015: sure but just wait till we launch planet-sized probes, JUST WAIT
January 15th, 2015: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo....w hear this: please keep all scrubs to a minimum
January 14th, 2015: ah yes, the rarely seen one-person autounfollow
January 13th, 2015: "the best of new worlds"
January 12th, 2015: sorry if you have eremikophobia! you must find a comic like this a little... coarse
January 8th, 2015: next book project: a ten-volume epic folding Thomas Midgley Jr.'s story centrally into the Cthulhu mythos
January 7th, 2015: the dogs tried to warn us
January 6th, 2015: alternative saddest one-word story: "ennui"
January 5th, 2015: gear guide with a depressed t-rex
January 1st, 2015: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EACH OF US, EVERY ONE

December 2014

December 24th, 2014: NORAD has tracked His movements for half a century, for all we can do is stand mutely and watch as He seeds His madness.
December 23rd, 2014: Ever wish Newton had a calculator? Give him one and see what pops out!
December 22nd, 2014: DINOSAUR COMICS, BY NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AND EISNER AND HARVEY AWARD WINNING CARTOONIST RYAN NORTH
December 18th, 2014: t-rex you are smiling to some degree in every single panel, what are you even talking about
December 17th, 2014: peta parka II in: "II" MANY PARKAS
December 16th, 2014: if there isn't already a podcast called "super-fan", please start it, i promise to listen to AT LEAST two episodes and maybe MORE
December 15th, 2014: in this dinosaur comics, things are gonna get... a little hairy
December 12th, 2014: oh also we're going to need video footage of every agent in a sauna and not wearing a hat, silk or otherwise. you understand.
December 11th, 2014: trust me when i say that this comic was inspired by my friend cohen working on a paper! i am a good pal. you believe me when i say that, right?
December 10th, 2014: radioactivity... mite cause some problems
December 9th, 2014: tips on adulting a being
December 8th, 2014: The Robot Hounds Of Cyber-Baskervilles 2000
December 4th, 2014: are YOU making the best use of your time? what a single mother in iowa found out will make you cry, then make you angry, then give you a recipe for chicken wings. you'll never believe ingredient #6.
December 3rd, 2014: FACT: a sufficiently-advanced ghost is indistinguishable from magic
December 2nd, 2014: Sherlock Holmes stroked his goatee thoughtfully. Nearby, a record skipped, making that cool record scratch noise you get when an audience realizes something shocking has happened.
December 1st, 2014: please may i hear more about those two chuckleheads who don't like each other but then do, as it sounds like some sparks might fly??

November 2014

November 27th, 2014: good morning good morning
November 26th, 2014: water: both dord AND weird
November 25th, 2014: it's a little thing called "nobody tells me rumours anyway??"
November 24th, 2014: THIS COMIC IS ABOUT SEX, HEY EVERYONE THIS PERSON IS READING A COMIC ABOUT SEX
November 20th, 2014: webster's dictionary probably defines popularity as "having a lot of pals" if "webster's dictionary" was still a beautifully-written single authority and not, in reality, a non-trademarked name that any fool could use when publishing
November 19th, 2014: mr. tusks!! mr. tusks i've missed you, i think about you all the time, it's impacted my life in a myriad of different ways
November 18th, 2014: contractions: also good for proving you are not an android... or at least, not a non-evil one
November 17th, 2014: we may have different ideas of what ultimately manliness is. then again... we might not??
November 13th, 2014: Not that I loved Twitter less, but that I loved Facebook more.
November 12th, 2014: you know who talks about you don't know what
November 11th, 2014: my name is an anagram for "horny rant" and imagine how great it'd be if it was an anagram for "horny ghost"? things would be different, i'll tell you what
November 10th, 2014: yes they're "screenshots" in the "i took a picture of my screen with a digital camera" sense, what are you implying
November 6th, 2014: t-rex throws shade on humanity while stomping on a literal human, just an awful display of prejudice
November 5th, 2014: she called the woman in white "mary": a half-pun based on her dress looking like a wedding dress. mary didn't seem to mind, but it wouldn't get her on a bike.
November 4th, 2014: Okay, honestly, it's something to do with "raven" being spelled backwards as "nevar" and oh I don't know
November 3rd, 2014: this comic includes the phrase "naked times" and should not be read by those easily scandalized / distracted by naked times

October 2014

October 30th, 2014: going to space with the bloodskulls saves the earth from being gradually flooded in blood over several millenia. phew!!
October 29th, 2014: print and save!
October 28th, 2014: the sun shone, having no alternative, on the very nice boat.
October 27th, 2014: how to write romance stories, or, if you will, "romances"
October 23rd, 2014: let us presuppose that in all renditions of deities, unless it is explicitly stated in canon that they do NOT have laser vision, then they absolutely do have laser vision
October 22nd, 2014: it's almost hallowe'en! Therefore I call this story, "Tim's HELL Phone"
October 21st, 2014: today is the day i wrote a comic costarring GOD HIMSELF in which he says "t-rex what end are you eating with"
October 20th, 2014: there! now you have NO EXCUSES for forgetting how many "one" is, so let's end that nonsense RIGHT NOW
October 16th, 2014: i bought battletoads for the nes on ebay in 2002 and put my name as "ryan norht" and they still want to email ryan norht decades later to let him know that yes, there are still things for sale on ebay dot com. (the battletoads was a gift for a friend and she really liked it, NO REGRETS)
October 15th, 2014: long story short: everyone you've ever loved evolved to breathe bacteria farts
October 14th, 2014: i don't even like the song that much though
October 13th, 2014: tldr: gpoy
October 9th, 2014: once upon a time writing was actually super easy!!
October 8th, 2014: maybe the 15th century artists only reinvented it, maybe the greeks knew about it and we all forgot, maybe maybe maybe
October 7th, 2014: "hey thanks for flirting with me!" "i... wasn't?" "hahaha YEAH YOU WERE, you markedly love it when i chat from my home machine in particular"
October 6th, 2014: my hope is that someone first encounters these fairytales through me and grows up to be super awesome
October 2nd, 2014: later on, when this is published in book form: "oh no, you have overdosed on book"
October 1st, 2014: "you'll get tired of ice cream" pfft, no i won't, i'll just vary the cream to meat ratios for different textures, DUH

September 2014

September 30th, 2014: YOU TOO may already be batman fanfiction and not realize it
September 29th, 2014: bruce of the citydwellers
September 25th, 2014: hot air balloons made out of the fabric - with baskets made from the same material - allowed one to float in the sky with an unimpeded 360-degree view of the world around them, and was reported to be an almost religious experience.
September 24th, 2014: my choose-your-own-adventure version of this story is called "the princess and/or the pea"
September 23rd, 2014: so! more about the earth's crust and core. did you know at the center of the earth lies a giant ball if nickel-iron alloy? if you need a large amount of nickel-iron alloy, it's a great place to start.
September 22nd, 2014: tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth? aw geez we're going to be here for a while
September 18th, 2014: the place: earth. the time: mad men times, i guess. the sixties??
September 17th, 2014: IT'S "STOP MAKING MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS EVERY DAY" FRIDAY: okay phew i could use a rest
September 16th, 2014: friggin' water-type Pokémon
September 15th, 2014: jay secretly hoped his fans would form a street team called "the jay walkers"
September 11th, 2014: alexander graham bell spoke into his phone for the zillionth time, but this time it finally worked. we're lucky the first words on the phone weren't "okay try it now. can you hear me? can you hear me? aw damn it watson"
September 10th, 2014: Now what you hear is not a test: I'm talking on the phone! So Watson, come back ov-er here, and make these words well-known
September 9th, 2014: you wake up in a story feeling fictionalized! it's not bad, really.
September 8th, 2014: NOT PICTURED: lots of backstory for kay including several scenes in which she answered all yes or no questions with "'kay"
September 4th, 2014: I THINK YOUR FRIENDS ARE COOL, thanks for making me one of them
September 3rd, 2014: based on a true doug
September 2nd, 2014: yes i do think many things totally rule, why do you ask
September 1st, 2014: welp, these directors aren't going to rotate themselves

August 2014

August 28th, 2014: please, my father was "Mr. Final Harbinger of Chaos, The". Call me "Clawy".
August 27th, 2014: this is my submission packet to your favourite celebrity gossip magazine
August 26th, 2014: it was just lucky for david that people's minds were printed in English. phew, am i right??
August 25th, 2014: ATTENTION ELDERLIES: sorry if you thought this was rude. sorry if you think this IS rude. sorry if you think this is going to be rude
August 21st, 2014: part one was published in 2004, and carries a 2003 copyright date! apparently while composing the second part I TOOK MY SWEET FRIGGIN' TIME. in other news if you have been reading dinosaur comics since 2003 and are still reading it, thank you so much, i love you, i really do
August 20th, 2014: SEXT: im a doctor + i cut u open to see your heart. it's messy wet flesh that moves on its own. i seal u back up and we never kiss again
August 19th, 2014: yes, i AM pleased with how future-ready panel three is, thank you for noticing
August 18th, 2014: inspired by a true story, only it wasn't a ceiling, it was one of those hanging metal bars they use to make sure trucks aren't seven feet tall
August 14th, 2014: sherlock holmes didn't initially know who the simpsons were, but he was a quick study (this is canon)
August 13th, 2014: HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT??
August 12th, 2014: JUST ADD WATER (AFTER YOU PUT YOUR VEGETABLES™ STARTER KIT™ IN DIRT) (YOUR VEGETABLES™ NEED AIR AND LIGHT TOO BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY SURROUNDED BY IT RIGHT NOW AND IT'S FREE SO DUDE, NO WORRIES)
August 11th, 2014: this comic started life as a story about fighting in holes, fight club style. it was to be about a fight club in holes. i learned that inspiration can happen anywhere, even while you're fighting in a hole!!
August 7th, 2014: also make it so they can forget the name of people right after they've met them, aweeeesommmmme
August 6th, 2014: "it was obviously going to happen eventually," sighed sherlock holmes as he stared at his batman costume. "this simply is the most efficient way to fight crimes and also mysteries."
August 5th, 2014: yes obviously this is leading up to a "world's finest detectives" batman team-up story, why do you ask??
August 4th, 2014: i had once been informed that there existed a time once upon which the following events occurred....

July 2014

July 31st, 2014: These links are SICK. They are DISEASED and CONTAMINATED. They are HELLA VIRAL.
July 30th, 2014: this comic was inspired by my friend anneke who has a VERY similar complaint vis-a-vis wild animals and hugs
July 29th, 2014: take my film advice... please!
July 28th, 2014: YOUR BODY: the missing manual
July 24th, 2014: what do you mean, "do you have a song stuck in your head and it's beginning to affect your life?"
July 23rd, 2014: the GOOGLE CHEATS they do NOT want you to know!! Because they SINCERELY CARE about your WELL-BEING
July 22nd, 2014: Brussels tried to blame it on him being a "bad guy", but Angola quickly dismissed that argument, insisting that Brussels is more than whatever labels he's allowed to be applied to himself.
July 21st, 2014: sherlock holmes and the final problem, when sherlock holmes's problems are arranged along an objective timeline
July 17th, 2014: does professor science remember that people are asking him questions through the mail? well. it's possible he never knew about it in the first place.
July 16th, 2014: this started out as an inspirational comic but then hah hah hah NOPE
July 15th, 2014: guess the national animal of the country: lions and eagles show up a lot, but zero dinosaurs? what, did the people choosing national animals somehow AVOID being age two through eight somehow??
July 11th, 2014: those incredibly, incredibly hot stars
July 10th, 2014: this is based on a true story, but MY friend has not yet responded to my kind invitation
July 9th, 2014: *runs up from out of nowhere directly towards you, panting and out of breath* I KNOW A LOT ABOUT SPERM
July 8th, 2014: Some countries are born great, some achieve greatness, but all have greatness thrust into their national anthem
July 7th, 2014: "today is the day i bought dromiceiomimus some pants" is a sentence i wrote. i am an Actual Writer and this sentence... IS MY LEGACY
July 3rd, 2014: i don't mean to alarm you but this comic features GHOSTS AND/OR TERROR!!!!!!
July 2nd, 2014: Trees! There are a lot of trees. Maybe... too many??
July 1st, 2014: that's legit super speciesist

June 2014

June 30th, 2014: i don't know if these are "best" accounting principles, but hey: they're pretty good
June 26th, 2014: i am a walking poo factory
June 25th, 2014: my arms are covered in scratches from prickly ash and now i'm using them to write a comic that comes out boldly against prickly plants. WHO'S THE WINNER NOW, PRICKLY ASH??
June 24th, 2014: Officer Nofun, may I just ask, sir, if you are aware of any law that says a dog CAN'T play basketball?? Or, for that matter, drive a car? Yes sir, I have my license and registration.
June 23rd, 2014: grandmother noooooooo
June 19th, 2014: look around at today's kids. they're everywhere! what do they want? what do they eat? and what happens when that food runs out and they turn on us??
June 18th, 2014: did you know: "chew your food so well that there's nothing left that could ever fossilize" was a common expression in dinosaur times??
June 17th, 2014: ATTENTION EVERYONE WHO HAD BABIES AND *DIDN'T* NAME THEM FRIGYES: I guess... thanks for reading my comic today, and enjoy your lifetime of newfound suboptimal naming regret??
June 16th, 2014: this comic was inspired by an earlier draft i wrote and then forgot about writing. it was an empty text file, save for the words "GAMERS: are you the best at games?"
June 12th, 2014: 13) bile, saliva, other misc. liquids
June 11th, 2014: to be fair, sporks are the most fun and quirky members of the cutlery family
June 10th, 2014: wait a second this page is copied right out of "writing tips for giggling children!!"
June 9th, 2014: machine of not death exactly, but of at least feeling really sick for a few days
June 5th, 2014: shoop shows up in dinosaur comics every few years. the reason is that if this were not the case, shoop would show up in dinosaur comics every few hours.
June 4th, 2014: who would win in a fight: two men in a horse suit or an actual horse??
June 3rd, 2014: a prince dedicates the entire resources of his kingdom to tracking down a peasant and nobody gets rich?? PLEASE.
June 2nd, 2014: dinosaur comics always takes place in brightly-lit areas but that's just because i don't need to show off all the time

May 2014

May 29th, 2014: how to write a scene of quiet contemplation IN ALL CAPS
May 28th, 2014: how to sex a write scene
May 27th, 2014: for the amount of time i talk about this song this should've been like, dinosaur comic #10 instead of dinosaur comic #2634
May 26th, 2014: the reason there's no friction is that the coefficient of friction was reduced to zero for every material, OBVIOUSLY, can we PLEASE move on to howard's early twenties now??
May 22nd, 2014: oh my god i JUST NOW got the pun in "autobots"
May 21st, 2014: space light amplified by stimulated emission of radiation (from space)
May 20th, 2014: i was so tired i forgot to feel bad about being so tired, OH WELL
May 19th, 2014: quite pleased with the line break in "superintelligent robots" and how it suggests "superintelli gent robots"
May 15th, 2014: resistance is futile
May 14th, 2014: not all spider-men
May 13th, 2014: the malvaceae family contains several examples of the I Put This On Me, Or In Me, And I Didn't Die Substances Group
May 12th, 2014: "lois looks, pardon the pun, SUPER HOT." "...why is that a pun, clark?"
May 8th, 2014: let's, at the very least, hear it for most people comfortably situated in north america's major cities
May 7th, 2014: ideally we're on the journey from "approximately correct" to "more approximately correct", so hopefully whatever they're making fun of us for in the year 2100 is something really minor, like, "hah hah look at these losers I can't believe they had the gas constant incorrect nine digits after the decimal places"! you know, something that makes them look like turbonerds and makes us look super cool
May 6th, 2014: this frankly two out of a possible five stars constellation
May 5th, 2014: haha yeah i can give you a sexual education in six panels NO PROBLEM
May 1st, 2014: twentieth century american history as she is sang

April 2014

April 30th, 2014: my earliest memories all have garbage file names. who named them, a baby? excuse me, but did a literal baby name these files??
April 29th, 2014: utahraptor playing it off like he's not big into his own feet
April 28th, 2014: how to be a pick up artist! and yes, i DID just save you $50 on some sketchy ebook
April 24th, 2014: a poem by me, ryan, but assigned to a fictional dinosaur juuuuust in case
April 23rd, 2014: man there's probably pizza there too. man. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
April 22nd, 2014: operation: the guy i want to make friends with in real life must never read this comic
April 21st, 2014: special guest comic by kc green!
April 17th, 2014: the last panel slid across the table while maintaining unbroken eye contact
April 16th, 2014: IMPORTANT NOTE: if you stopped reading at panel two you missed an upside to death in panel six, which may NOT be what you intended!!
April 15th, 2014: WE INTERRUPT DINOSAUR COMICS TO BRING YOU AN IMPORTANT NOTICE IN THE FORM OF DINOSAUR COMICS
April 14th, 2014: due to the rapid societal change taking place at the time, european tax reforms from the early to mid-early 1850s can be fascinating. if you're interested in finding out more, AND/OR interested in being wholly frustrated in finding out more: MY FRIEND, HAVE I GOT A COMIC FOR YOU.
April 11th, 2014: it's also what ghosts shout to each other to ramp themselves up before they jump out to spook you
April 10th, 2014: "i am, therefore i think"... OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?????
April 9th, 2014: if you play with fire you're a) gonna get burned b) have a lot of fun with fire c) be very popular
April 8th, 2014: i don't really think those who are loaded have a particular duty to support artists. unless you are loaded and feel bad about that situation, in which case, HELLO
April 7th, 2014: Reply to all emails that somehow DO arrive with "haha what" regardless of sender or message content. I told you to do this already. So you should already be doing this.
April 3rd, 2014: IF YOU HAVE FOUND THIS COMIC BECAUSE YOU ARE DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR TCP TUNING PARAMETER ADVICE: hah hah hah oh wow i'm so sorry
April 2nd, 2014: "Let me Bing it on my Zune" comes from my friend Sharkey, who has binged many a thing on many a zune
April 1st, 2014: tumblr comiclr

March 2014

March 31st, 2014: ps please distribute this content to your professional audience of influencers across various verticals on linkedin
March 27th, 2014: at time of writing, some of those poop names are still available. for some reason??
March 26th, 2014: i'm just kidding. facebook will store all the information you give it even when you use a fake name.
March 25th, 2014: the kind of monster who wanted to buy a nice sandwich, but not TOO nice a sandwich
March 24th, 2014: when i wrote this comic earlier i didn't have a burn on my hand, but now i messed up making dinner and have a burn on my hand! bodies! what even is their deal, i might ask??
March 20th, 2014: in grade eleven my history teacher, mr. risk, told me the wrong date for his wedding because he was worried i would crash it. MR. RISK, I PROBABLY WASN'T GONNA
March 19th, 2014: PRO TIP: only say "spring has sprang" if you want people who think they know more words than you to talk to you
March 18th, 2014: a little white lie that drives in circles out of control
March 17th, 2014: 34 is obviously the most hellish address. it is NOT a random address that's just really easy to type.
March 13th, 2014: the league of extraordinary out-of-copyright characters
March 12th, 2014: i've learned about international copyright treaties all i can stands, cuz i can't stands n'more!
March 11th, 2014: Sherlock stopped smooching to make an announcement. "When you have eliminated everyone in the room I've already smooched, then whoever remains, however improbable it is that I haven't smooched them yet, must be someone I haven't kissed." Satisfied, he went back to smooching.
March 10th, 2014: "wheely good car" is also acceptable, as is
March 6th, 2014: on the plus side, some cars do look REALLY cool
March 5th, 2014: joe margarita is slipping me a $5 bill now, happy that everyone reading my comic at 9am is thinking "hmm... the merest mention of this alcoholic beverage makes me think that maybe i SHOULD drink an alcoholic beverage too??"
March 4th, 2014: behold, the single dinosaur comic that will be the most dated and inaccessible to future generations!!
March 3rd, 2014: shouts out to all the artists who got excited in panel 2; i am here working everyday to get you kissed up on.

February 2014

February 27th, 2014: In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure
February 26th, 2014: they tried to make me write an inspirational comic but i said, no no no
February 25th, 2014: still a better oxygen story than "twilight"
February 24th, 2014: hello and welcome to Star Trek TNG trivia! should you win, your only prize is yet more Star Trek TNG trivia
February 20th, 2014: ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM: venom
February 19th, 2014: life is full of challenges
February 18th, 2014: one universe over someone writes a love song and everyone looks up from their build files, their minds: blown
February 17th, 2014: let's make a vegetarian food!
February 13th, 2014: FOLLOWUP POEM THAT IS MUCH DEEPER: sadness / equals sadness
February 12th, 2014: might i retroactively recommend "call me maybe" for the summer of 2013??
February 11th, 2014: if i die let "how many holes do dinosaurs have" be my last google search, the one they run on the news alongside a terrible photo of me taken from facebook years ago
February 10th, 2014: did you know if you google "horse facts" you will find websites devoted entirely to facts about horses?? what kind of person would dream about, then build, then maintain such a site?? signed, the guy with the site about talking dinosaurs.
February 6th, 2014: this was gonna be my master's thesis irl, but then i was like, the world is not ready (also apparently it SOMEHOW wouldn't expand the horizons of humanity's knowledge, like at all??)
February 5th, 2014: "The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles." - POPE, OR DOCTOR WHO??
February 4th, 2014: this was going to be a comic about an argument-solving computer but instead i got sidetracked making fun of history, aka 99.999% of all life that ever lived
February 3rd, 2014: eleven more years! eleven more years!

January 2014

January 30th, 2014: "write what you know" = "write what you remember" = "write what you still think about years later and don't understand why"
January 29th, 2014: if i died today this would be the comic everyone would see from now on and i didn't even write it. i definitely resolve NOT to die today!!
January 28th, 2014: sucky pieces of a broken mug that sucks now
January 27th, 2014: evenmoviesaboutitareverylongandarguablytoolong
January 24th, 2014: john spiderman uses a short 'i' in his last name, thank you very much
January 23rd, 2014: here lies t-rex: not so hungry now
January 22nd, 2014: how to kiss on a person, how to get right up in there and do that thing
January 21st, 2014: why pay for a course on creative writing when you have FREE INTERNET COMICS
January 20th, 2014: tiny woman has some big opinions
January 16th, 2014: AMAZING FACT: panel 5 may actually have happened! history simply doesn't know!!
January 15th, 2014: Imagine naming your baby "Cruella de Vil". Imagine Mrs de Vil and looking at her baby and naming it "Cruella". Who's the real monster here
January 14th, 2014: YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF: your brother is cool, but NOT crude
January 13th, 2014: in today's top story, little mister chubby cheeks has claimed another victim
January 9th, 2014: tell me a superman story and hope that dc comics is cool about this
January 8th, 2014: t-rex in: SYLLABLE SHENANIGANS
January 7th, 2014: this whole comic the devil is trying to interject but he just took a big bite of a sub sandwich and spends most of the time choking inaudibly in outrage
January 6th, 2014: writing is like way super easy, yo
January 2nd, 2014: in dinosaur land the essentials for woven baskets are just lying around; the place is lousy with 'em

December 2013

December 26th, 2013: useful skills for the new year, 65 million years ago
December 24th, 2013: i will eat them chocolates: the t-rex story, for real this time
December 23rd, 2013: did you ever want to program your own computer game? here are six panels that will help with that POSSIBLY??
December 19th, 2013: andrew hussie and i wrote this comic together so pick your favourite joke and attribute it to ME, thanks in advance
December 18th, 2013: trouble at the north pole?! wow good thing i don't live there
December 17th, 2013: also, the phones are thinner and in MUCH cooler colours
December 16th, 2013: the devil makes a bold statement in favour of video games
December 12th, 2013: you can't read your favourite digital comics! BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND
December 11th, 2013: see, the trick is to have your organs fail upwards
December 10th, 2013: if you do succeed in picking up someone with t-rex's line please tell me; I NEED TO KNOW
December 9th, 2013: i know it was YOU
December 5th, 2013: at this point professor science isn't even sure if "ask professor science" is still a going concern, seeing as he never ever gets his mail
December 4th, 2013: WHAT is GOING ON with your LIFE
December 3rd, 2013: this comic started as "the t-rex guide to dating" but what does this fictional dinosaur know about dating? so back to sexual intercourse it was!
December 2nd, 2013: phones to call you, call you next phone

November 2013

November 28th, 2013: a fact about corn is that it tastes just like corn
November 27th, 2013: but it has a cute cat on the cover and it's riding a majestic horse through a stream, so
November 26th, 2013: seriously using "overmorrow" every chance i get, it's SO USEFUL
November 25th, 2013: SHRANKSGIVING: It's not celebrated everywhere. It's um... it's a small holiday.
November 21st, 2013: i wanna rock and roll all night and part of every day
November 20th, 2013: but i put up alley signs and everything
November 19th, 2013: shouts out to all the hotties who really really believe statehood is very important
November 18th, 2013: ATTENTION FUTURE GENERATIONS: twitter was a website that we were all big into for a while before the first and second AI wars
November 14th, 2013: i spent most of yesterday writing about an imaginary dinosaur eating chips in his underpants, so
November 13th, 2013: follow me on twitter dot com slash dinosaurcomics one word no spaces
November 12th, 2013: ask professor science: the earth, is it weird or what
November 11th, 2013: T-Rex and the Quiet Farm Stuff
November 7th, 2013: inspired by the shabby bodies of me and my cool friends
November 6th, 2013: nat's part of this comic doubles as quantum erotica, YES I STILL THINK ABOUT IT, OFTEN
November 5th, 2013: who has the biggest muscles? sorry dude, gotta give it to the sauropods.
November 4th, 2013: Maaaaaaaaaaan dad always whispered that I'd be haunted forever if I don't learn from spices

October 2013

October 31st, 2013: "Wow I can't believe I'm talking to Stephen King!" "Yes and as I can't see what letters you chose there I can agree to that with a clean conscience!"
October 30th, 2013: omg a spooky tale of terror??
October 29th, 2013: this truly was... the perfect rhyme
October 28th, 2013: i'm really invested in whether they will or won't and i'm expecting at least a 5% annual return on it
October 24th, 2013: the broken plates are other PLATES recreating how they got murdered! plates are jerks, i don't know what to tell you!
October 23rd, 2013: oh my god becky her butt is so salt
October 22nd, 2013: sure, knock yourself down
October 21st, 2013: this is right up there with a cat hanging off a clothesline that says "hang in there, baby!" in terms of uncut, freebased inspiration
October 17th, 2013: "starfleet" was the only word in this comic that spell-check didn't recognize. i fixed that.
October 16th, 2013: hello and welcome to fan-spider, the #2 talk show for fans of spider-man.
October 15th, 2013: oh shoot, i forgot to mention that slappy pete was slapping everyone in the bar this whole time
October 14th, 2013: a spooky tale from the spookyzone, presented by your host, Spooky Spatricia.
October 10th, 2013: it goes a little a'something a'like a'this
October 9th, 2013: Meanwhile, Brussels sat in his evil lair, his chair spun around so his back was to the door, waiting for Angola Maldives - or anyone - to burst in. His head lolled as he fell asleep. He wasn't getting any younger.
October 8th, 2013: HOWEVER: pitch it as part of an exhibition entitled "being a collection of artifacts from history showing our peoples stumbling towards inventing a holodeck" and i am extremely down.
October 7th, 2013: honestly quite happy with my phrase "pornographic sex movie" and intend to use it at every opportunity in the future
October 3rd, 2013: if your spell check doesn't think "supergross" is a word, i respectfully suggest that your spellcheck has, up to now, lived a charmed life
October 2nd, 2013: this is our first ask professor science since his shirt has been discontinued! he lives on in our memories. also, in this here comic series.
October 1st, 2013: the enterprise: powered by ghosts? our team of fanfic rulelawyers investigates.

September 2013

September 30th, 2013: shouts out to the scientists with the spooky names, and i must say, albert einstein, your name is not nearly as spooky as it could've been
September 26th, 2013: i'm not mad, i just want to talk. and this is like my default state, so why does that sound so weird?
September 25th, 2013: I like my sequential art like I like my performers of stand-up, which is to say that, in general, I do indeed like comics
September 24th, 2013: if i die today this will be the comic the tv news will run to sum up my entire life up to this point, and I AM V. COOL WITH THAT
September 23rd, 2013: suddenly everyone is shocked by the entrance of a hitherto unknown identical twin... ROBOSTEVE 2000
September 19th, 2013: oh my god is that all i have to do to get some decent games on my phone??
September 18th, 2013: on the other hand, the camera took some terrific landscapes
September 17th, 2013: truth and beauty bombs bombs bombs
September 16th, 2013: who wants to live forever? as like, a birdghost of perfect beauty?
September 12th, 2013: this card is kinda mean, but then i imagined someone saying the moon landings were faked, and i was like, no IT HAS TO BE MEANER
September 11th, 2013: Between love and madness lies... Obsession.™
September 10th, 2013: if this were a movie the camerafighter would be fired for gross incompetence at the end there
September 9th, 2013: you'd have to spend like a rich uncle pennybags, peanut in a top hat and monocle, or other similar corporate mascot just to keep up!
September 5th, 2013: oh look an alive thing is complaining about not being alive, WHAT A SURPRISE
September 4th, 2013: but i thought i typed in qwantz.com wow this is weird
September 3rd, 2013: Two universes over they're dealing with a bunch of puppies who never grow up
September 2nd, 2013: mistaken cases of hilarious identity

August 2013

August 29th, 2013: wait hold on i notice this film seems to end very soon, WTF WTF OMG WTF
August 28th, 2013: RIP JOE, MAY YOU BE EVEN SLOPPIER IN THE AFTERLIFE, RUNNING AROUND BEING JUST - JUST A STRAIGHT-UP HOT MESS
August 27th, 2013: For sale: possible futures, never born
August 26th, 2013: kids rule while parents, in comparison, are the non-ceremonial seat of all actual power
August 22nd, 2013: shouts out to the approximation of me living somewhere, somewhen, who is one inch taller than I am. I respect you, friend.
August 21st, 2013: big into dogs over here. computers are okay too.
August 20th, 2013: did i start with "damn it, this database gets results" and build an entire comic around that? who can say, who can say
August 19th, 2013: Dinosaur Comics: Comics. Offthe. Rails.
August 15th, 2013: hello humans are you worried that one day bad things might happen because hah hah honestly me too
August 14th, 2013: GROSS COMICS FEATURING GROSS DUDES AND GROSS LADIES DOING GROSS THINGS
August 13th, 2013: history's greatest monster
August 12th, 2013: okay, obviously THAT last life was non-canon
August 9th, 2013: sure venus is hot, but mercury?? dang, son
August 8th, 2013: skydiving: boring?? this guy says YES and is waiting for you to be impressed
August 7th, 2013: this shock twist will be a complete surprise to everyone who knows english but none of the aphorisms contained within it! PERFECT.
August 6th, 2013: professor time, your suit has a lot of clocks printed on it and my only question is this: i want one, where'd you get it
August 2nd, 2013: i'm the kind of guy who has easy mental access to relatively-obscure corporate founder names... /ladies/
August 1st, 2013: hello and welcome to Secret Hidden Text On A Website, Or Possibly A Book, That'd Be Nice If That Happened Eventually

July 2013

July 31st, 2013: hello and welcome to We Have The Technology To Just Add Water To Make A Food And Hello, Who Am I To Deny That
July 30th, 2013: how is this place NOT called world -1
July 29th, 2013: thanks to benito cereno for the latin assist / lifelong latin skillz
July 26th, 2013: let's talk about our dinners! no wait, let's talk about our regrets! no wait!
July 24th, 2013: YES of COURSE i added all these new words invented here to my spell check dictionary on account of how i'm not a FOOL
July 22nd, 2013: every time t-rex calls dromiceiomimus "drotimes" an angel says "haha sweet" and also grows wings
July 18th, 2013: where did this problems come from? what did these problems come out of? where and what did these problems come out of, and how.
July 17th, 2013: i am DTF. That's right! I am Dedicated Towards Friendship!
July 16th, 2013: andrew hussie and i discussed making this book a few years ago. WE STILL MIGHT, WHO KNOWS
July 15th, 2013: i like my books of erotic fiction like i like my women: dog-eared and well-thumbed
July 11th, 2013: i'll even let you go first, haters
July 10th, 2013: leonardo da vinci! wolfgang amadeus mozart! william shakespeare! these are all people who managed to do cool things before either something around them killed them or their own body did it to them first!
July 9th, 2013: i actually don't spend that much time thinking about vampires. mostly i think about, like, dogs
July 8th, 2013: so what you're saying is, when it comes to winning this award, nobody over 40 has been able
July 5th, 2013: you know what they say. you do, right? you. right there. the one leaning to one side with their elbow on their desk, using it to support their head.
July 4th, 2013: 2003 was a great year for music. that has nothing to do with this comic but i just - i just needed to tell someone
July 3rd, 2013: DON'T say you have a good sense of humour because why would you even say that? Say you have a GREAT sense of humour or just own it: "I have an average sense of humour. My jokes are okay, and you are liable to laugh a portion of the time."
July 2nd, 2013: whoah, THAT'S a body-temperature mess

June 2013

June 28th, 2013: the vampire was within us all along
June 26th, 2013: regarding champs and the questions about the particulars of their game at this locale
June 24th, 2013: According to Wikipedia, "...The Goose That Laid the Golden Eggs is among the best known of Aesop's Fables (Perry 87) and use of the phrase has become idiomatic of an [excellent scientific investigation] motivated by [the desire to better understand the universe we live in].
June 20th, 2013: Wow Looks Like Someone Encased A Tiny Alive Person Entirely In Eggshell And Then Sat On That Person Until They Escaped: Parenthood For Dinosaurs 202
June 19th, 2013: warning: this comic has partial swears in it. there is 50% of a swear, but 100% of the swearvowels. you can probably complete the swear in your mind's eye if you really want to.
June 18th, 2013: today is the day we began... literally consuming culture
June 17th, 2013: hello future readers! you may know me as a combination skeleton/ghost, but when i wrote these words, my skeleton was hidden under a layer of HANDSOME MEAT. wait, where are you going
June 13th, 2013: what do women want? also where. and when. and how. and i guess why??
June 12th, 2013: babies: people?
June 11th, 2013: you die and go to heaven! and heads up: this is not a choose-your-own-adventure but more of a theological concern. okay HAVE FUN
June 10th, 2013: sometimes ?butiwouldratherbereading=thelastdinosaurcomicever works TOO well and is also sad
June 6th, 2013: Dromiceiomimus, Dromiceiomimthem, Dromiceiomimjustmeplease
June 5th, 2013: seriously though do you guys want to cram some chocolate bars into ice cream because i am down??
June 4th, 2013: party teen bovary
June 3rd, 2013: One Hundred THOUSAND Years Of Solitude

May 2013

May 30th, 2013: yes i did research to get an accurate super mario brothers enemy count, yes i would not just throw numbers like these around willy-nilly
May 29th, 2013: two words in, this was gonna be a comic about urban planning before i remembered i don't know much about urban planning
May 28th, 2013: i'm kinda really interested in how the last panel would be translated into german
May 27th, 2013: what's up my gender-neutral bros
May 23rd, 2013: let's assume that every time you load up qwantz.com some comics display and NOT a series of hypnotic spirals that leave you thinking you just read comics while programming you to do my bidding
May 22nd, 2013: the winner gets a free sub and then has to write a story about it. is this ACTUALLY a real contest?? it's such a great idea that it is impossible to say for sure
May 21st, 2013: okay okay but let's see if your 20 questions computer can guess "a puppy version of batman"
May 20th, 2013: the early bird ate more worms but didn't get to party with his friends last night, soooo
May 16th, 2013: i got opinions
May 15th, 2013: honestly this is best argument for getting rich i can think of
May 14th, 2013: hockey as she is played
May 13th, 2013: phantom island would be a terrific name for a terrible movie
May 9th, 2013: later, t-rex goes to a party and meets a woman named "oxygen" and almost dies when she leaves the room
May 8th, 2013: totally fishing for that sweet google traffic coming from searches for "slappin' bums"
May 7th, 2013: this comic is being exclusively read by people in the future! how's it going? cool, cool. i can't actually hear what you're saying.
May 6th, 2013: the telltale heart by edgar allan poe, noted scientist
May 2nd, 2013: forget educational horror, the NEW hot genre is sex-shaming erotica
May 1st, 2013: marty mcfly is asked to lift a ten-ton weight. he struggles, but the weight doesn't move. "this is heavy," he says, pointing to the weight. he leaves shortly afterwards.

April 2013

April 30th, 2013: a terrifying zombie story, by me, t-rex. before we start, a quick reminder that you have thirty minutes to fill in your answers, remember to show all work, and only a #2 pencil is acceptable.
April 29th, 2013: spending as much time thinking about ghosts as i assume ghosts spend thinking about me
April 25th, 2013: now, back to our endless watching of romantic comedies
April 24th, 2013: RHETORIC AT 64% AND FALLING
April 23rd, 2013: some days you write the comics and some days the comics write you
April 22nd, 2013: in her face i can see the world
April 18th, 2013: someone is NOT HELPING and that someone is ME
April 17th, 2013: hey kids! let's learn about... computers!
April 16th, 2013: the trick here is that it is ensconced in law that people can have different opinions about plays
April 15th, 2013: the bedsheets have batman on them, OF COURSE they have batman on them
April 11th, 2013: the day t-rex felt shouty AND horny
April 10th, 2013: wait none of these are T-Rexday, we need to start over
April 9th, 2013: hey, the 90s called! they wanted to compliment you on your fashion taste and I sincerely promised them that I would pass the compliment along.
April 8th, 2013: once upon a time they all lived happily ever after
April 4th, 2013: this summer... take it to the edge... ONE more time
April 3rd, 2013: what would you do if there was one hour left? read this comic, hopefully??
April 2nd, 2013: welcome to a world where the word "reputation" doesn't exist and everything is understood in terms of corporations
April 1st, 2013: this comic is based on that one time i ordered wings. yes. that... that ONE time.

March 2013

March 28th, 2013: beach-based fun times, FINALLY
March 27th, 2013: imagine...a DUDE
March 26th, 2013: i am a sentient mouth on legs, and if that is chocolate you've got, know that i want to shove it in me
March 25th, 2013: anyway good names include "ryan", "ryanna", and/or "ryopolis"
March 22nd, 2013: IF YOU WANT MY MONEY YOU HAVE TO TELL _______ THAT HE SMELLS, HAHA, SICK BURNS
March 20th, 2013: girl your head is your central sense organ complex and i wanna get all up in it
March 18th, 2013: are YOU a dracula? our editors present the 15 weirdest ways to find out that you doctor WON'T tell you
March 15th, 2013: 2 + 2 + 8 + 5 + 4
March 13th, 2013: just wondering why a UK hotel chain hasn't used "Lie back... and think of England" as their slogan yet
March 11th, 2013: for some reason i first wrote this as "meanwhile, in tudor island:" and anyway long story short i have a great idea for a new tv show
March 7th, 2013: grody v. grodie, how does one decide
March 6th, 2013: who here wants to watch me write a comic about watching someone eat a sandwich
March 5th, 2013: let's invent a new form of life that doesn't feel pain, and then beg them to take us with them
March 4th, 2013: the Final Mind bends its will towards simulating a lot of CRAP that i have to put up with at WORK

February 2013

February 28th, 2013: registered symbol can mean you, as a legal entity, do indeed like to party down
February 27th, 2013: thank you internet, now i can't read it as anything other than "om nom atopoeia"
February 26th, 2013: total rise of a staircase is calculated simply by taking number of steps and multiplying them by the rise height of each step
February 25th, 2013: paleo diet, obvs
February 22nd, 2013: you can also name your child "[chosen name] Loves Facebook", but only if you marry into the Facebooks
February 21st, 2013: yes thank you for noticing: one of my goals with dinosaur comics WAS to make food seem disgusting even though you have to eat it
February 20th, 2013: i am a professional writer, i have spun my tales for kings and queens and yea even the gods themselves, here is some mcdonald's fanfiction i wrote
February 19th, 2013: bad guy is named "brussels samoa", nobody else get character names from maps because i called it and it's AMAZING
February 18th, 2013: pride and prejudice and printing errors
February 14th, 2013: qwantz zombiez
February 13th, 2013: it's a pretty interesting 100 meters is the thing
February 12th, 2013: i take it back, ol' bladder splatter is a terrible name, what the heck was i thinking
February 11th, 2013: go ahead, reality. DO ME ONE BETTER.
February 7th, 2013: i wanna be his friend too :(
February 6th, 2013: self-interest is at 2% per quarter
February 5th, 2013: if i ever make cookies but stop when they're just dough and eat the entire bowl of dough, six-year-old me is going to be way into his eventual adulthood
February 4th, 2013: hope you weren't planning on being surprised at how each and every movie ends from now on
February 1st, 2013: 10 YEARS OF DINOSAUR COMICS, BETTER REFERENCE AN UNPOPULAR COMIC FROM 10 YEARS AGO

January 2013

January 31st, 2013: consider this CANDIDATE FACT: giants are why we invented the large hadron collider??
January 30th, 2013: aw man does this mean we missed a comic on where babies come from?? aw geez, NOT AGAIN
January 29th, 2013: i am still waiting for human kibble to be produced and i am not alone in this: sometimes you just want to take care of your body's demands and GET ON WITH IT
January 28th, 2013: problem's problems
January 24th, 2013: cooking is easy, invention is hard
January 23rd, 2013: what is mcdonald's SECRET
January 22nd, 2013: today i am making a comic
January 21st, 2013: quotation quomics
January 17th, 2013: you are now reading "grinding XP" as "grinding and then there's this emoticon of a dead guy with his tongue hanging out"
January 16th, 2013: what - what about the friendly ghosts i've read and been forced to watch shows about when nothing else was on?
January 15th, 2013: everyone please insist that "pecs" is an acronym from now on, please, please just do this one thing
January 14th, 2013: the purr-fect dog. wait hold on, something's wrong
January 10th, 2013: the perfect man and the perfect woman are from two different genres, it'll never work! SORRY HETEROSEXUALS
January 9th, 2013: the perfect woman has rad white blood cells and a smokin' hot lymphatic system
January 8th, 2013: hello ladies my name is ryan north and i am a writer, you may know me from my phrase "weird veiny eyeballs"
January 7th, 2013: bettah names 4 thingz
January 3rd, 2013: dinosaur bill murray stars in: groundhog day with dinosaurs, also dinosaur ghostbusters
January 2nd, 2013: kinda choked i didn't name this series "gelatinous, thickening substances comics" but kinda relieved also

December 2012

December 24th, 2012: i hope you like jokes.tmp~
December 20th, 2012: don't even talk to me about the akiraprise
December 19th, 2012: pulitzer prizes are basically like a super emmy or an ultimate oscar
December 18th, 2012: i don't know if the land o' lakes really is beautiful? if it sucks in real life then in dinosaur land it was way better until protoprimates messed it up
December 17th, 2012: who remembers train phones? who remembers autogyro phones
December 14th, 2012: it would be super convenient for me if this were the case
December 13th, 2012: at first i was like, "can i reference Freaky Friday since it came out over thirty years ago?" but then wikipedia was like, "This is the third time this film has been made by Disney, and the second in ten years" and i was all, "cool beans"
December 12th, 2012: dogs can also die if they eat chocolate or onions or garlic or macadamia nuts or grapes or raisins or hops or avocado, which makes one wonder how we got dogs to the modern era at all
December 11th, 2012: i think, therefore i know i got alived at some point
December 10th, 2012: the movie version should be called "Case #1023 Is Coming To Town" and ends with Rudolph putting on the Old Silk Hat, his organic-matter-destroying radiation becoming a separate entity, and then Case #1023 it forced to -- but I don't want to spoil it!
December 7th, 2012: movie producers i am willing to entertain your offers if your budget is at least 5600 trillion dollars
December 6th, 2012: ♫ I saw mommy kissing Case #1023 ♪
December 5th, 2012: i wrote a frosty the snowman comic and - something happened
December 4th, 2012: sufficiently-advanced reindeer
December 3rd, 2012: PREPARE YOURSELF... for an emotional milk run

November 2012

November 29th, 2012: i call this comic, "what if t-rex was ask jeeves"
November 28th, 2012: both today's and yesterday's comic are ultra-sad with the &butiwouldratherbereading=thelastdinosaurcomicever overlay
November 27th, 2012: that's what we get for living next to a SUN-SIZED THERMONUCLEAR REACTOR THAT IS ACTUALLY A SUN.
November 26th, 2012: "i'm addressing myself while i'm dressing myself in a dress for myself" <-- the english language, ladies and gentlemen
November 23rd, 2012: hello and thank you for installing an internet! please insert disk 2 of 3,640,888,900,000
November 22nd, 2012: shall i compare the to a summer's daze
November 21st, 2012: lolas: you are fascinating people
November 20th, 2012: one time andrew hussie and i were going to make a book that was all fake book covers you could fold back to make it look like you're reading another, even more awesome book
November 19th, 2012: the back to the future font is called "back ttf" and i JUST got the joke
November 16th, 2012: i was SO MAD when i was twelve and realized the game was pointless. i was SO MAD, you guys. i had a bunch of twelve-year-old outrage over here
November 15th, 2012: Angola stared at himself in the mirror. "Listen dude, you've GOT to get a handle on this," he said, referring to a lot of things in his life. Pretty much all of it I think.
November 14th, 2012: Angola, perhaps there's been some confusion. I'm afraid my name's "Lady I. Amasexhaver", not "Lady I. Amapremaritalsexhaver"
November 13th, 2012: professor, *I* will stop reading your mail when *YOU* stop getting such interesting letters
November 12th, 2012: feelings are boring / and somebody's in here
November 8th, 2012: OCEAN FACTS: the ocean is as deep as you (metaphorically) and over twice as salty (literal facts now)
November 7th, 2012: Comics In Which T-Rex Gets A Ride Home By Me, Ryan
November 6th, 2012: Crisis On Infinite Hot Earths
November 5th, 2012: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, hotties are coming up, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, there will be some babes soon, it was the epoch of belief, it's going to be so great to imagine what these sweet bods look like, it was the epoch of incredulity, &c.
November 1st, 2012: this is a good comic to print out and then hand silently to your friends in response to their "can you help me move" questions and then walk away and then text them a message that reads "hey dude did u read the comic yet"

October 2012

October 31st, 2012: YES OBVIOUSLY VEGETABLES FACTS ARE A CURSE
October 30th, 2012: as previously established, Bigfoot is cool but Bigtyrannosaurfoot would've been way cooler
October 29th, 2012: when you said you'd always be with me, you didn't say you'd be a total j-wad about it
October 25th, 2012: check out that naked dance tradition
October 24th, 2012: utahraptor stunned into silence at his friend's one-sided conversation :(
October 23rd, 2012: oh no, oh vom
October 22nd, 2012: "The Wonderful Magicks Of The Wee Faerie Folks Part II", subtitled "OMG Seriously, You Guys, Seriously You Have To Check This Out"
October 18th, 2012: legend tells of the first fairies to invent magic who accidentally turned all the air in a twenty-kilometer radius to Jell-O pudding. their bodies were found weeks later by the pudding scavengers.
October 17th, 2012: who wrote panel three, that's gross, i don't want to take credit for that
October 16th, 2012: you are now practicing cell division manually
October 15th, 2012: adults saying "little ones", has this ever not been creepy, the answer: no
October 11th, 2012: YOU'RE CALLING ME OUT, THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THEM ARTICLE DECLENSIONS TO ENGLISH??
October 10th, 2012: travel over chasms would be super convenient for the athletic blind
October 9th, 2012: nude dude tudes
October 8th, 2012: boat dinosaur boat comics
October 4th, 2012: should've wished for more wishes, grahams
October 3rd, 2012: "dreaming non-fiction" is a nice way to write "even while sleeping, i obsess over past mistakes"
October 2nd, 2012: love! it's PROBABLY worth the life-dominating obsession
October 1st, 2012: here's your mirror my wicked queen

September 2012

September 27th, 2012: for the record he just thought the socks were pretty
September 26th, 2012: god sent t-rex back to comic2-16.png, which you'll noticed never existed before now. PAYOFF, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. PAYOFF A DECADE COMING
September 25th, 2012: certainly the shopkeep would say "and stay out!", as from my careful observations it seems mandatory
September 24th, 2012: also, the robot cars transform.
September 20th, 2012: what if this comic gets taken down at noon and replaced with the words "GLUTEN IS PERFECTLY SAFE. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT."? what if that happens
September 19th, 2012: i wrote this comic with a friend who used the phrase "sloppy seconds" because she thought it referred to when you're at a buffet and you get seconds and the food is all mushed up now. that doesn't relate to this comic, i just thought it was ADORABLE
September 18th, 2012: this comic assumes our universe is really interesting for some reason, yessssss
September 17th, 2012: has there been a family drama called relativity and if not, why not? oh, there has? okay, well, good.
September 13th, 2012: "william shakespeare was an excellent writer guy" - famed canadian author ryan north
September 12th, 2012: you can argue that clark is merely superman suffering a psychotic break and pretending he doesn't have powers, begging for relief from the constant shouting of planet earth and a silence that will never come, but that's - that's awful. that's just awful
September 11th, 2012: baby, given infinite chances i totally would've made that dunk
September 10th, 2012: miracles! this is a comic about them!
September 6th, 2012: w3 k4N U23 NUM83R2
September 5th, 2012: more raps about having a nice dinner with friends please, that sounds just real nice
September 4th, 2012: mammal comics

August 2012

August 31st, 2012: send not to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for he, she, Pawnee, the Adriatic Sea, and your computer science degree
August 30th, 2012: t-rex doesn't care if nintendo is a dude because even if the controls are strange and unfamiliar, you can take one look at it and just tell it's gonna be fun
August 29th, 2012: haha imagine if fedex were, like, a real company instead of a thing i just invented for the purposes of comic jokes
August 28th, 2012: i call my tale, "that time when you stubbed your toe cost you much, much more than you realized"
August 27th, 2012: the sequel will be called, luke starwars and the events or circumstances
August 23rd, 2012: i'm not sure why i used the word "nightmare" when the word "frightmare" was sitting right there
August 22nd, 2012: short story: someone gets to the oceanic pole of inaccessibility, someone else is there, they both fall in love but get back to dry land and the magic is gone. sorry, that was a sad short story. it happens sometimes.
August 21st, 2012: plausible origins of common phrases for the very credulous
August 20th, 2012: SPOILER ALERT: the green you see is what i could describe as more of an emeraldy honeydew with elements of teal and shamrock
August 16th, 2012: "stove and frig included"?? okay AWESOME but is there a fridge too
August 15th, 2012: let's play the floor is lava! on alternating tiles! in an 8x8 grid! look if you don't like my rules you don't have to come over anymore
August 14th, 2012: how to buff your way through every conversation about unpolished metal surfaces
August 13th, 2012: my other interests include how come this site is so bad at getting me dates
August 10th, 2012: i no longer remember the circumstances under which hussie produced this image, but i was happy to find it on my hard drive and they were probably great
August 9th, 2012: my quest for a printable comic nobody will ever use... continues
August 8th, 2012: the harbinger of this citizen's arrest shall be this citizen's knuckle sandwich
August 7th, 2012: down with the sucky arts
August 6th, 2012: ceiling human is watching you sleep
August 2nd, 2012: all the meal replacement bars and shakes i've seen say you're not supposed to eat just them. come ON world, you need to know your market here! here is your market: CHICKS AND DUDES WHO WANT TO NOT CARE ABOUT FOOD ANYMORE
August 1st, 2012: "the web is full of links" why would i even write that sentence; it's on par with "your body is full of bones"; dudes already know about bones

July 2012

July 31st, 2012: The Two Puppies Of Verona
July 30th, 2012: A HISTORY OF MOON-BASED TECHNOLOGICAL RHETORIC
July 27th, 2012: are you there, princess? it's-a me, mario
July 26th, 2012: however yes it is true in my experience that there's no such thing as a free brunch
July 25th, 2012: hey doc. yeah, it's me. listen, my body's all messed up again, are you free right now?
July 24th, 2012: real answer: this has happened several times in the past, but in each instance the International Olympic Committee sued the new "Brain Olympics" so hard that they literally got erased from the timeline
July 23rd, 2012: guys i am getting really excited for part of what's happening in london soon
July 19th, 2012: Peter didn't even need his lungs! Can any of us truly say the same??
July 18th, 2012: in which i present a sincere argument of how fanfiction will save the future
July 17th, 2012: 12/7/41: a D8 whch wiL liv n infmy
July 16th, 2012: racisms against non-utah raptors
July 12th, 2012: sorry to everyone named deon, this is not the comic you think it is
July 11th, 2012: giant birds = not the nicest members of the "giant [usually smaller noun]" family
July 10th, 2012: this comic goes out to all you lovers out there. all you lonely, lonely lovers. look i'm gonna bounce, this whole scene is bringing me down
July 9th, 2012: i'd definitely be WAY more into my dog if he was called "noam chompsky". what? he is? AWW, COME'ERE YOU
July 6th, 2012: you decide to dig into the virtual ground, but it's just old keyboards. miles and miles of keyboards
July 5th, 2012: can i copyright the idea of doing things with out-of-copyright characters because if so: SOLID GOLD CAR HERE I COME
July 4th, 2012: i mean it's... non-fiction future history??
July 3rd, 2012: I call my tale, Elijah Who Never Did It Used To Be Cool But Now He Got Old

June 2012

June 29th, 2012: Qwantz.com, or Dinosaur Comics
June 28th, 2012: the stunning and educational followup to The Scary Ghost Who Learned About Different Kinds Of Rocks
June 27th, 2012: this comic started life as a comic about mangan-alluaudite and then SOMETHING HAPPENED
June 26th, 2012: time went forward and they got sucky: the univac story
June 25th, 2012: originally this comic started with the note: "BATTLELORD: HORSE EDITION" and yes i am kinda sorry that line was dropped
June 22nd, 2012: wrote this comic while finding a series of ants crawling up my legs, not even joking
June 21st, 2012: on the plus side, the future DOES have better phones
June 20th, 2012: other flawless idea: autoreply with "i will answer for $5", every time you get a positive response, reply with "the answer is now [$previousamount + $5], do you agree??]
June 19th, 2012: a lab coat is all you need to do science, most scientists will deny it though because they only found this out after years of school and that education is what economists call a "sunk cost"
June 18th, 2012: .wtf
June 15th, 2012: sometimes i worry that jerks aren't even self-reflexive autopals
June 14th, 2012: 48 HOURS REMAIN
June 13th, 2012: did I build this whole comic around the last line? perhaps, perhaps
June 12th, 2012: in this comic, albert einstein was a dinosaur. if you compare this to reality, reality may come up wanting, and i sympathize.
June 11th, 2012: boy i sure hope you read other webcomics beyond my own
June 8th, 2012: you know that awesome book everyone suspects was ghost-written? i'm going to claim it here. I WAS THAT SPOOKY GHOST
June 7th, 2012: t-rex i would read your book and watch your movie and play your game and eat your licensed cereal
June 6th, 2012: next in the new series of "killer" YA novels
June 5th, 2012: The ghosts that bang pots are just trying to warn us to bring weapons when we die!
June 4th, 2012: I GIVE YOU: the comic with the highest "fart" count per panel ever
June 1st, 2012: are you impressed because i am writing a book and it already has over 360,007 characters in it

May 2012

May 31st, 2012: t-rex stole my five interests
May 30th, 2012: if this 5% royalty share on gross is applied retroactively to all characters who match this generator then i am SET
May 29th, 2012: "Three Of A Kind": A Full House spinoff where three of the main characters from that show live together in a somewhat less-full house
May 28th, 2012: t-rex's story egg-ceeded my minor egg-spectations
May 25th, 2012: this does suggest an awesome story where scientists notice light speeding up and FLIP OUT and only at the end do they realize everything's shrinking and then they die because the story's over so why not
May 24th, 2012: next up on quotebusters: "It is not good for man to be alone" because WHATEVER, SOMETIMES IT'S NICE
May 23rd, 2012: emily horne of A Softer World has "CORN DOGS" knuckle tats: true or false? before answering "false" remember that peer pressure can help someone GET THINGS DONE
May 22nd, 2012: today's comic has filename comic2-2222.png, a repeated-two filenaming pleasure that i am unlikely to enjoy again, unless i live for another... 76 years?? maaaaaaan
May 18th, 2012: well i for one am giving up boo-berry muffins
May 17th, 2012: it's a small hernia, not yet visible from a distance on t-rex's belly
May 16th, 2012: SECRETS OF THE BANKING PROFESSION
May 15th, 2012: always go out on a joke
May 14th, 2012: medusa fan comix
May 11th, 2012: alternate ending: t-rex calls up nasa, but it's not the space organization it's the National Apple Sharers Association, and t-rex wants some apples too, that's the exact moment where i started writing a different ending
May 10th, 2012: this comic has made me seriously consider the prospect of writing my own dictionary. i may have a problem / several concurrent problems
May 9th, 2012: it was not morris, morris is a bug, not a fly, close call i know
May 8th, 2012: hi! i'm a comic you can read with your eyes and brain!!
May 7th, 2012: this is like the seventh "buy the sun" comic i've started; mom, dad, i want you to know, i think i'm... a supervillian
May 4th, 2012: a doctor, an engineer, and an astronaut walk into a bar. i want to talk to all of them; they seem really interesting.
May 3rd, 2012: so i'm still getting emails about "lazers", but i've used the word in the comic three times before! where was everyone on January 12th 2007, February 20th 2009, and on December 11th 2009? NOT BY THEIR HOME EMAIL TERMINALS, THAT'S FOR DARN SURE
May 2nd, 2012: yesterday many people emailed me to tell me that "lasers" stood for "Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation" and so the word "lazer" didn't make sense, but it's like they've never even heard of "Light Amplification by Zeta-wave Emission Recovery"
May 1st, 2012: i'm going to prescribe you some tiger chomps, but be careful: an overdose can be... LETHAL

April 2012

April 30th, 2012: i wrote this comic at the airport and i wasn't even around any dogs, SO THERE
April 27th, 2012: this is based on a true story that happened to me, if this dude is out there let me say: i still don't really speak polish, lol, :(
April 26th, 2012: i warned you about newton's third law of motion bro I TOLD YOU
April 25th, 2012: if you learn one thing from dinosaur comics, let it be that the cloaca is their shared digestive, urinary, and reproductive tract.
April 24th, 2012: time to admit to ourselves that we will probably never be on the $22.345 bill, mainly because it's not very likely to exist really
April 23rd, 2012: t-rex what if i told you we were living in a three-dimensional realization of an eighteen-dimensional space
April 20th, 2012: if dromiceiomimus is telling you off you know it's serious
April 19th, 2012: IMPORTANT HEADS UP: when you gaze long into the wikipedia, jimbo wales also gazes into you
April 18th, 2012: DEATH IS JUST ONE MORE PROBLEM THAT AFFECTS YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
April 17th, 2012: oh my gosh that FINALLY explains all the karate chops
April 16th, 2012: one of the perks of being an emily is that sometimes you get to see texts your mutual friends meant to send to other emilys. texts AND/OR sexts
April 13th, 2012: sometimes i fall asleep while flossing because it's that boring AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS WITH VIDEO GAMES
April 12th, 2012: we the jury find you liable to hear classical music
April 11th, 2012: "but james, you're a midshipman first class!" / "you're first class too, my dear, in the field of... 'sexual partners'?" / "oh james"
April 10th, 2012: technically one would need to shove a record recorder into a movie camera, but STILL.
April 9th, 2012: at an adventure time panel at a convention i was asked to rap and t-rex's words in panel one are basically one i came up with. I need to rap HARDER, i need to be the BEST at RAPS about NICE FRIENDS
April 6th, 2012: BASED ON A TRUE TOOT
April 5th, 2012: oh t-rex, there are no normal days in space! YOU KNOW THAT.
April 4th, 2012: who here wants to make out? nobody? oh, okay. that's cool. who here wants to ride dirt bikes??
April 3rd, 2012: i call this comic "the script for a comic that i found slipped under my pillow after a night out when the house should've been empty the entire time."

March 2012

March 30th, 2012: my research indicates that nobody has played super nintendo in space yet. will YOU be the first to ride yoshi in the void? it seems likely.
March 29th, 2012: zoom! enhance! enhance! ENHANCE!!
March 28th, 2012: graffiti artists are not going to be under THAT bridge when it falls, no sir
March 27th, 2012: last panel reveals t-rex's / my secret motivation for EVERYTHING
March 26th, 2012: there are like infinity good stories that could start with the first panel, may have to restructure dinosaur comics so the pictures stay the same AND the words in panel one stay the same forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever
March 23rd, 2012: this comic almost went to press with the genie saying "one tillion wishes" because apparently even though I do it like 70% of my life I'm not a pro champ at typing? Apparently?? I feel bad about it sometimes
March 22nd, 2012: there's nothing in the poorly-translated rules that came with this dollar store chess set about this, and I'm afraid here I must defer to the authority of my friend the poorly-translated dollar store chess set
March 21st, 2012: a word is worth 0.001 of a picture
March 20th, 2012: i don't want none unless it increases my mo-ment-tum
March 19th, 2012: i asked google about god trading cards to make sure these didn't actually already exist and google was all, "god trading cards?! heck bro, you must want yu-gi-oh!" and i was all ':|
March 16th, 2012: t-rex if it means anything i would really like to read your comic
March 15th, 2012: nobody is getting busted by their parents for drinking either, weiiiiiird
March 14th, 2012: BACKSTORY: t-rex is trying to describe his relationship with the people who take his orders at fast food restaurants
March 13th, 2012: dogs laugh whenever there are no people or recording devices around. SCIENCE FACT??
March 12th, 2012: hey, mind if i ask you a question? you boys do opera?
March 9th, 2012: THE DINOSAUR COMICS PLAYERS IN: the hand-made tale
March 8th, 2012: i think this is a pretty good comic, ESPECIALLY considering i started with the dialogue in panel 3
March 7th, 2012: my mail carrier is named "q" and YES i have some theories
March 6th, 2012: UNIVERSAL TRUTH CONTAINED WITHIN THIS COMIC: lasers < lazers
March 5th, 2012: I've purchased instruction manuals so I can get better at particular genres of foods I'm into. Oh my gosh, it's so great to get this out in the open. Here, read this book, it's one of my favourites, it's all about soups, it's the Kama Soupra
March 2nd, 2012: pity the queen, for she has never been short-sheeted, nor is she likely ever to be
March 1st, 2012: if humour and antihumour meet, they release an explosion of energy, hutrinos and humons

February 2012

February 29th, 2012: "learn some social skills," says the cartoonist who works alone and, if necessary, could literally go his entire career without having to actually speak to a single person
February 28th, 2012: i composed this comic while eating toast and considering my cripplingly intense feelings about toast
February 27th, 2012: all of earth owned briefly by an alien who considers it to be the prettiest planet in the night sky; we never know the face of our benevolent overlord
February 24th, 2012: honestly dude it makes you sound super old, i mean, like, billions and billions of years old
February 23rd, 2012: in this comic, a talking dinosaur looks into ghosts
February 22nd, 2012: if i go outside super naked when it's super cold, i mean
February 21st, 2012: don't worry, if you're reading this, you're conscious. unless you're a computer. or a computer running a simulation of a consciousness. anyway, something to look out for
February 17th, 2012: the first cat was not named "carty mccat", the first cat was actually named "protocat pat, the earth's first cat" and in a just world, you could read comics about him
February 16th, 2012: CLASSINESS OF MEDIA BY FIRST MESSAGE SENT: #0: RAISING ONE EYEBROW (FIRST MESSAGE SENT: "AHOY, I HAVE RAISED ONE EYEBROW, PERHAPS YOU ARE... INTRIGUED?")
February 15th, 2012: this comic started as a comic about how your tongue probably tastes pretty familiar but then something... something CHANGED
February 14th, 2012: in this comic i present ridiculous arguments both against and for a god existing, wading into the furious atheism debate with clown shoes and a swimsuit that says "IT'S JUST JOKES... /LADIES/"
February 13th, 2012: "And if you threw a fit / I'd act like I did not know you / To tell the truth, I do that most of the time / Let me be the first to say: / Who told you that we were friends" emily and joey of a softer world sang this song to me once, they are 100% pals
February 10th, 2012: inspired by my years and years of truly awesome passwords; their secrets die with me
February 9th, 2012: MEANWHILE, IN THE FUTURE: "Wow, everyone STILL should've listened to me in the past because I continue to totally agree with what I was saying!"
February 8th, 2012: when utahraptor says "dromiceiomimus is that way, dude!" he's pointing with his tail. if you had a tail, you'd use it for pointing. you'd use it for everything!
February 7th, 2012: today's dinosaur comic is brought to you by: the letter t
February 6th, 2012: i know there are poets who love my comic. i'm sorry, i know there are poets who LOVED my comic.
February 3rd, 2012: this comic was inspired by a dream, but not my dream! another dreamed he was in class teaching sonnets with my comics, but there were no such comics about sonnets in real life. I HAVE MADE REALITY MORE LIKE OUR DREAMS, you can thank me later
February 2nd, 2012: what've we got for letters? basically it's ehbeeceedee ee efgeehaich ayjaykay elemenohpee queuearress teeyouveedoubleyou exwhyzed, right?
February 1st, 2012: this comic was inspired by a twitter post that i myself made! welcome to the world of autoerotic plagiarism. wait, no, just autoplagiarism, who put "erotic" in there

January 2012

January 31st, 2012: BEHIND THE SCENES: i did this in grade nine french class and have no regrets
January 30th, 2012: DID YOU KNOW: sometimes i write comics to save myself from the real-life experiments / heartbreak
January 27th, 2012: ghosts that eat food are dicks because they consume resources without needing to and without generating anything from them. it is pure waste. even if a ghost recycles the container the food came in, they're still not good ghosts. geez. come on.
January 26th, 2012: gentlewomen get way more awesome hats anyway, where are My hats with aviaries on top
January 25th, 2012: that's so mamihlapinatapai
January 24th, 2012: space-galactic: galactic, but now, in space
January 23rd, 2012: there's a character in the bible called "Gad". AND Gad and God appear in the same scenes. AND there's actually two characters named "Gad", and one character names his son "Gad" after he already knows God is a guy in the story! MY QUESTION: who wrote this
January 20th, 2012: one draft had t-rex going back to tudor england and telling shakespeare it's possible he wrote zombie fiction but we lost it, and shakespeare says "what do you think Love's Labour Won was about?" and I was like, whoah, I just fanfictioned REALITY
January 19th, 2012: Sherlock Holmes Chooses His Own Adventure, Reads The One With A Dinosaur On The Cover
January 18th, 2012: T-Rex And His Halter Tops
January 17th, 2012: also what about inflation, are we to be continually increasing the fine amounts, or do minor crimes become about 3% more attractive every 365 days
January 16th, 2012: this would have been a different comic, had only t-rex known about the party earlier. specifically, the first four panels would've been different
January 13th, 2012: Is it a good idea that players only love you when they're playing? Let us know in the comments!
January 12th, 2012: thanks to boorishly p. onanism for the dream conversation
January 11th, 2012: TRUE FACTS: i'm not well-mannered, i just pretend to be 100% of the time
January 10th, 2012: the strange complex sentences us to death
January 9th, 2012: that last panel is a bit of a downer but what are you gonna do? make a MURDER JOKE???
January 6th, 2012: if you're wondering about the other 5 Worthies, i'll tell you all you need to know: there's no dinosaurs on the list, talking OR otherwise
January 5th, 2012: DID YOU KNOW: the more i really think about the phrase "brain teaser" the more i find it gross nasty
January 4th, 2012: writing is easy, anyone who tells you otherwise has never written erotic fiction for character named "antonio t. tony"
January 3rd, 2012: the ol' "always guess 55.68" technique fails to pay off yet again
January 2nd, 2012: i wrote this comic in 2011, but in like - february? for some reason? so I saved it ALL THIS TIME to share it, now that it is again temporally-appropriate

December 2011

December 23rd, 2011: negotiation man? man, negotiation.
December 22nd, 2011: ALSO THE WORD ESKIMO IS PEJORATIVE IN A LOT OF PLACES GEEZ T-REX WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING
December 21st, 2011: "U" means "You are running... into DANGER." Sailor manuals don't punctuate or capitalize it that way but I'm PRETTY SURE that's how it's meant to go.
December 20th, 2011: god says "xmas" and i don't know why
December 19th, 2011: sometimes the wacky jerk will interrupt the music to brag to you about how he's not interrupting the music. i think he MIGHT be touched in the head.
December 16th, 2011: panel six can be used as an emergency ejection seat on any conversation you don't want to have; it is my gift to you
December 15th, 2011: IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME THEN IN REAL LIFE you might get mad which is a teachable moment for being a good sport
December 14th, 2011: the scottish plagiarism
December 13th, 2011: when i "read" linguistic papers what i'm doing is private
December 12th, 2011: no actually in real life watching someone sleep is about the creepiest thing you can do, i mean, assuming you're doing it by standing motionless just outside their window
December 9th, 2011: i considered "Linear Holographic Russian Nesting Dolls", but the Matryoshka dolls already imply linearity in exactly the same way as the word, so we are SET. thanks, craftspeople beginning in historical times!
December 8th, 2011: New shirt idea: "Ladies! Are you a mammal?" If you order one rather than the shirt I will instead send you a note that says "Hey. Listen. I'm not sure ladies will respond well to that."
December 7th, 2011: you know who else doesn't have a brain? jellyfish and clams. can you be friends with an animal with no brain? i know i can't, which is why i have never been a bro with a jellyfish.
December 6th, 2011: it behoves me to assure you that panel 2 is actually grammatical
December 5th, 2011: My emergency kit contains good intentions and the fact that who ever remembers to makes an emergency kit NOT ME
December 2nd, 2011: T-Rex had a burn comparing CSS underline markup to Java in terms of loquaciousness, but as much as I'd love to rap with the word "loquaciousness", previous loquaciousness ensured that there just wasn't enough room.
December 1st, 2011: bros knows

November 2011

November 30th, 2011: THIS COMIC NEEDS SOMEONE WHO HAS PLAYED RUGBY MORE THAN ONCE, NONE OF THE CHARACTERS WHO APPEARED IN PANEL 1 MEET THIS CRITERIA
November 29th, 2011: the original ending had utahraptor saying "maybe running around naked saying you should be more popular isn't the secret to success?" but then i was like, wait, maybe it IS, i gotta keep this secret to MYSELF
November 28th, 2011: there's a secret zeroth panel in this comic that you can't see where T-Rex says "let's assume pi is a normal transcendental with random digits in base 10, as even though this is widely assumed, it has not yet been proven"
November 25th, 2011: the first time traveller who visited the titanic wanted to test out his new "iceburgo attracto 4000" device, and... THE STORY BEGINS
November 24th, 2011: ghost dad sadly unrelated to the cosby feature film / novelization of the feature film
November 23rd, 2011: what i'm saying is the dog will bite you, i will bite you
November 22nd, 2011: got a few emails wondering if t-rex had figured out how to speak in a new font and without dialogue lines. i have not yet written those kinds of godlike powers into the comic. NOT YET.
November 21st, 2011: dating profile sites: if only you could backspace, if only things weren't automatically submitted with every keystroke, if only you were allowed to edit your site more than once a weekday
November 18th, 2011: i need it to be awesome/sexy and/or amazing/attractive
November 17th, 2011: guys guys what if there was a comedy club called "Comedic Premises" and then there would be comedy on the premises??
November 16th, 2011: i wrote this comic several years ago and just found it now, and sometimes, when you ask an author the theme of something, they'll only say that they wrote this comic several years ago and just found it now
November 15th, 2011: FUN FACT: last night andrew hussie and i ate - nay, DINED - at the most Olive of Gardens
November 14th, 2011: don't be barefoot steppin'
November 11th, 2011: i used "thon" in an actual email yesterday and it felt - it felt RIGHT. whoever receives it will say to thonself: "wow. this dude's english just kicked my ass."
November 9th, 2011: i looked it up, "scot free" is not racist against the scottish, it comes from "scot", an archaic word for tax. REST EASY SCOTS, I GOT YO BACK
November 7th, 2011: oh spellcheck, you best believe I'm putting thon in you
November 4th, 2011: we shall / we shall / ROCK YOU
November 3rd, 2011: i had t-rex specify the sort of twins he had in mind (hidden, previously-unknown identical) in order to disambiguate from the 1988 schwarzenegger/devito vehicle
November 2nd, 2011: i can feel at the edge of my mind the cold embrace of madness / mangas
November 1st, 2011: if my math is correct, it may not be enough to knock over buildings, but you can easily add zeros to the speed up factor to make it as extremely extreme as desired

October 2011

October 31st, 2011: three years ago i foreshadowed this comic, i am the MASTER of continuity that few will ever care about / ever even be aware of
October 28th, 2011: "not sure what kind of erotica you want to read? why not let a probability system collapse to make the decision for you" - the incredibly compelling slogan of quantum erotica, an actually viable product
October 27th, 2011: hard-pressed to think of a single verb that cannot be improved by adding "zeppelin style" after it
October 26th, 2011: oh no somehow someone else got sad
October 25th, 2011: you can't see it because it's so small, but morris the bug is on t-rex's nose and he's whispering 'oh gosh grosssssssss'
October 24th, 2011: i messed up, in this choose your own adventure comic you actually get to make a choice
October 21st, 2011: T-REX BECAUSE IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY I WILL SAY THIS IN REGARDS TO YOUR RHYMES / TIIIIIYYYYIIIIGHT
October 20th, 2011: burger king is where you can eat bread crumbs with a piece of meat inside
October 19th, 2011: my advice to you: never be more than 30 seconds away from a speakerphone
October 18th, 2011: i hereby claim Bir Tawil in the name of me, the guy who invented the fictional character dromiceiomimus (me) (ryan)
October 17th, 2011: that "correctly answer every question" song just sings "maybe / given certain circumstances / or possibly not"
October 14th, 2011: did you know: MY beats are so fresh the eggs in them are still fertile chickens from the previous generation
October 13th, 2011: I'll give you a hint, it's a Sumerian cultural belief AND an ISO 3166-1 alpha-2 country code for Montenegro
October 12th, 2011: this comic suggests that "10" and "ten" are pronounced differently by t-rex and i personally, as author of this comic, am very interested in seeing how that falls out
October 11th, 2011: see? you can never trust big bold letters that appear above your head, even if they agree with what you suspect!! what a valuable life lesson
October 7th, 2011: i wrote this comic on a thursday
October 6th, 2011: There's a morgue in town, filling up with all your past bodies. And there's an even bigger morgue next door, filled with the bodies of everyone you've killed in the game! Turns out they all had families! Who knew!
October 5th, 2011: many collections of such music are produced and sold by... Time Wife Music? thank you, thank you, i'm here on the internet all week. try the http.
October 4th, 2011: DID YOU KNOW: the future is an infinitely renewable resource, because if you use it up, just step on a butterfly and you've got a whole fresh new one?
October 3rd, 2011: this is me alienating all the loch ness monsters in my audience just as chris hastings of dr mcninja dot com has alienated all his draculas

September 2011

September 30th, 2011: t-rex is using the rhetorical 'you' here, not referring to utahraptor specifically. okay, look. i'll tell you when you're older.
September 29th, 2011: sometimes i imagine my life where i write the same comics i've been writing, but instead of publishing them online i put them in a big stack, or, you know, wallpaper my house with them and never invite anyone over. hah! WHO IS THE CRAZY ONE NOW
September 28th, 2011: the more i think about it the more it seems god powers are a pretty sweet deal. i guess this thought has been had before?
September 27th, 2011: i've said this before, but the fact that "species" is its own plural is SO CONVENIENT. i definitely need to write the OED more fan mail.
September 26th, 2011: transspecies communication is a lot less impressive in a world where we didn't kill/breed out all competing species. YES I AM LOOKING AT YOU HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS
September 23rd, 2011: I was working on this comic back during SDCC and Chris "Dr. McNinja" Hastings offered to help me with it, so I read him the first three panels and he stared at me and said "I think you've got your own thing going, buddy" and we never spoke of it again
September 22nd, 2011: it has remained unpatched since first self-reported in 1990 by Tim Berners-Lee
September 21st, 2011: one of my favourite baseball memories is having to play it with a glove on my wrong hand, so that when i did catch a ball I had to throw it with my weak hand, which resulted in a throw so pathetic that even i was laughing at how ridiculous it was. hey ladies
September 20th, 2011: what utahraptor said was METAPHORICALLY watertight. if you believe t-rex is looking over his shoulder at an offscreen viable ship in panel five and commenting on its seaworthiness, then what the heck that can be canon too
September 19th, 2011: HOT TIP FOR ARTISTS: when writing a grant application be sure to introduce yourself with "if i could just say a few words, i'd be a better public speaker! but as this is the medium of text allow me to proceed:"
September 16th, 2011: the title text is lying, ghost teddy roosevelt actually cocked TWO shotguns at once, one in each hand
September 15th, 2011: DID YOU KNOW: you don't even get to keep it/them afterwards
September 14th, 2011: I BELIEVE THAT WERE I TO TRY I COULD AMASS OVER 20 THOUSAND POINTS WITH EASE
September 13th, 2011: originally this comic was very different and ended in the punchline "blimpin' ain't easy"; i invite you to imagine what sort of comic that might have been; if your imagination is great enough feel free to sincerely laugh at your amazing comedic setup
September 12th, 2011: borders: actually i guess i can think of weirder imaginary things
September 9th, 2011: If you want people to think you want to look cultured but don't understand what that means, put a replica of david outside your house! DO IT.
September 8th, 2011: What has four legs in the morning, etc, anyway it's Vin Diesel.
September 7th, 2011: ryan do you have any facts you'd like to volunteer, perhaps about my entire family and/or meat
September 6th, 2011: later: i confess that i write comics by just filling a binary file with about 65k of 1s and 0s and somehow it ALWAYS WORKS
September 2nd, 2011: technically everything DOES blast away from the sun. thanks inverse-square law! you made writing technically-specific language easy!
September 1st, 2011: you can also only affect/kill things in your future light cone! so, if you're having trouble choosing, that's a good place to start. may i be the first to say: onetwothree NOT ME

August 2011

August 31st, 2011: plus eventually the universe will reach a state where it can no longer sustain your demands on it, let us not forget that little "feature"
August 30th, 2011: chicken wings don't take THAT long; has the whole world represented in these six panels gone CRAZY
August 29th, 2011: originally t-rex was going to say "horror only induces a physical response if you're WIMPY and get SCARED BY WORDS" but man, words are the scariest thing
August 26th, 2011: on the plus side, you could spend eternity playing video games and not be accused of wasting your time because HELLO, you can't waste an infinitely renewable resource (here assuming the sun won't go out and someone's working on reversing entropy)
August 25th, 2011: SOMETIMES your friends will ruin what you thought was a really great metaphor/relationship
August 24th, 2011: inspired by so many awesome thoughts just before bed and so many disappointed "oh probably it was nothing" morning compromises
August 23rd, 2011: Deleted dialogue: Dromiceiomimus: "T-Rex, you don't have to say 'horse' that much." T-Rex: "Hah! Oh, Dromiceiomimus, IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE."
August 22nd, 2011: it's nice because they're nice!
August 19th, 2011: "..././!/¡/?/¿/$"
August 18th, 2011: based on a true story, i woke up with this phrase in my head and was like "too expensive; plus really i probably just misheard the phrase '50 million doll-hair church for girls' which is creepy and gross"
August 17th, 2011: wikipedia now allows that women can be mistresses to other women! good work everyone, my needlessly elaborate wikipedia editing technique has PAID OFF once again
August 16th, 2011: wikipedia oddly insists (five words in) that mistresses are kept by men, but i'm pretty sure i've seen some lesbian mistresses in my time
August 15th, 2011: history: too many jerks??
August 12th, 2011: I FINALLY STUMBLED INTO THE ALL YOU CAN BRO BUFFET
August 11th, 2011: oh! and i am legally required to notify you that the sixth word on the list is "regrettable"
August 10th, 2011: it occurs to me that if you've never noticed the tiny woman in panel 4 and assumed she has friends, then the last panel of today's comic may seem INCURABLY INSANE
August 9th, 2011: "an unfair universe" = i described the premise and none of my friends dropped everything to make it happen, THANKS FOR NOTHING "PALS"
August 8th, 2011: people say, "why don't you revisit the mirror universe from the very early comics" and to them i say, i hope you like technical revisitations
August 5th, 2011: i was worried i'd written myself into a corner by giving someone as clever as t-rex wishes, but then i remembered: wait, 90s rap
August 4th, 2011: the other backup moral is that, in retrospect, i guess the sorcerer didn't need aladdin at all, that's weird
August 3rd, 2011: if i came across someone who used "sexduction" to mean "seduction leading to sex" i would question their sexduction skills; i would question their basic sexductivity
August 2nd, 2011: now, back to my dinosaur-sized car that runs on fossil fuels

July 2011

July 29th, 2011: if you are the same way as t-rex, good news! you'll forget all about hot water heaters again by the time you finish this sentence - hey, let's all imagine some interesting members of the attractive sex naked! what.. what do you suppose they look like?
July 28th, 2011: what's the difference between a webcartoonist and a dick joke? some people think dick jokes are funny. what's the difference between a webcartoonist and a long distance runner? a long distance runner knows when he's crossed the line!
July 27th, 2011: I guess you could say that they now really had become... SUPER Mario Brothers.
July 26th, 2011: tl;dr: i met someone who has the exact same name as a cat i know
July 22nd, 2011: i took all these kitchen phrases from the top of my head and i am concerned that i have NO IDEA how they got there
July 21st, 2011: originally the last line of this comic was "let's get burgers right now instead", but that sounded like "let's get burgers" could be used like "let's get crazy", which is awesome and which i wanted to keep ALL FOR MYSELF
July 20th, 2011: mr tusks i will try to be the bigger man here
July 19th, 2011: if you are a superhero named "super muncher and destroyer" then don't use this comic because panel 2 totally gives away your identity, but really, what kind of a superhero name is that
July 18th, 2011: if you read this comic and sighed too, don't worry, sharks don't know how to get emails and getting emails is badass too, right? sure. IT HAS TO BE.
July 15th, 2011: perhaps a better way to phrase this is, who would win in a fight: a dinosaur or a non-dinosaur?
July 14th, 2011: if you don't like "internet" being used as a non-singleton, then oh boy are you cheezed after reading THIS comic huh??
July 13th, 2011: today joey and i fly back to toronto to resume our lives! we turn back into torontonians and give up our lives as - floridians? floridots? fluorides?
July 12th, 2011: if you're wondering about "down in florida to see the final space shuttle launch" updates, today joey and i worked in our hotel room and had a quiet lunch at a pretty nice restaurant
July 11th, 2011: i wrote this comic after seeing the last space shuttle launch with my own two eyes, and it was awesome, but unfortunately there were no last-minute thing where they rushed me and joey on board as substitute astronauts
July 8th, 2011: today in orlando joey comeau and i ate at ihop and shot machine guns and had naps and went bowling. it was a 100% american day!
July 7th, 2011: let's hear it for auditory senses
July 6th, 2011: i am posting this comic at an airport at 2 am! a floor sweeper just went by and joey said "nice to sweep you". seven days of this, ladies and gentlemen
July 5th, 2011: utahraptor it's only mammals that have *hairy* facial skin flaps, getcho facts straight before you get me a lot of emails
July 4th, 2011: if you chose seventeen between panels one and two, congratulations, but ask yourself this: why do you respond to "dromiceiomimus"?

June 2011

June 30th, 2011: RYAN LET'S ASSUME THAT YOU BLEND FICTION AND REALITY ONLY ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS
June 29th, 2011: SOMETIMES I DECIDE ON VEGGIE PIZZAS BECAUSE I LIKE TO MIX IT UP AND GET KRA-ZEE
June 28th, 2011: there's a former mayor of toronto who said "nooooooo-body!" in his commercials for his furniture store, anyway one time his legal consul threatened to sue me because they did a search for "noooooo-body!" and my site came up first. yay?
June 27th, 2011: fun fact: "just watch me for the changes and try to keep up" was what trudeau was going to say in full when he said "just watch me" and that's not even plausible what am i even doing here
June 24th, 2011: kinda wish i called this whole comic series "later, t-rex meets a real wizard"; today's panel six would've been a Really Big Deal
June 23rd, 2011: the first two panels double as ten different ways to meet a new friend-with-benefits, as well as ten different places to dump your existing one. mining! you can break up with people under the ground!
June 22nd, 2011: pretty god-centric lyrics to jams back then, they were all "this jam is amplified (by church bells), so just glide and let your backbone slide (into church)"
June 21st, 2011: THIS party... THIS party is rockin'
June 20th, 2011: #1 fan of okay times over here
June 16th, 2011: so tired of dropping anvils on my toes, need a plan in place at least for novel cusses in this situation
June 15th, 2011: this comic inspired by actual justin bieber rubber bands i saw, and also by a moment seconds later in which i did manage to improve on reality, simply by closing my eyes.
June 14th, 2011: i bet competent rappers don't write too many comics about incompetent rappers, huh
June 13th, 2011: who was the third person? let's say it was... queen victoria??
June 10th, 2011: i thought "everybody independently somehow" was kind of an awkward way to begin a sentence, so i did a google search and nobody had ever said it on the internet before! EVERYONE we are in UNCHARTED LINGUISTIC TERRITORY HERE
June 9th, 2011: what t-rex was going to say was that a certain Dromiceiomimian friend of ours was seen leaving the troubles she'd accumulated behind! man! good for her!
June 8th, 2011: alive skeletons are attacking us? who NOSE what'll happen next (points out that you have a nose while skeleton's don't) (hurts skeleton feelings, makes them vulnerable to further attacks)
June 7th, 2011: I posted a bunch of these to Twitter late one night earlier this week. Messages like this are but ONE of the many pleasures, subtle and nuanced, that wait for you within my eponymous "feed"
June 6th, 2011: only now, writing the archive text to this comic, do i realize how well this idea applies to dinosaur comics as a whole. i am not the sharpest penny in the shed
June 3rd, 2011: our generation's greatest terrible racist: hopefully, not that racist?
June 2nd, 2011: this really means all writing ever is meant to take place in my fictional dinosaur comics world. thanks, universe! i appreciate the compliment.
June 1st, 2011: i keep restraining myself from making a "literally impossible" pun in one of these here literary technique comics

May 2011

May 31st, 2011: batman's t-rex story: "guys, i put him in my lair"
May 30th, 2011: i don't believe t-rex's echo worked that great in panel 2, i will have words with him about ever doing THAT again.
May 27th, 2011: alternatively, why would i add you after only meeting you once? what sort of dark magic is this
May 26th, 2011: i went back and forth on having dromiceiomimus say "while throwing clocks at a wall" to make the devil's next line a pun. if you prefer it that way, just imagine i did that, and then, we're ALL happy!
May 25th, 2011: i'm tempted to start a choose-your-own-adventure book that harangues the reader like this! in other news, "harangues" today has made the leap from "word i only ever use in spoken language" to "word i have looked up how to spell and have now used in writing TWICE"
May 24th, 2011: can you tell i only had one sentence that was never good to hear? can you tell that that is true
May 20th, 2011: two panels already wasted before we even get to start, hey, what kinda narration is dis
May 19th, 2011: fun fact: in the first draft of this comic i had the rules of tag wrong! when i figured that out i was stunned, i was like, "what happened to me"
May 18th, 2011: spell check had "diss" in it and i didn't add it. either someone else has been talking up disses, or the openoffice dictionary editors know how to talk trash!
May 17th, 2011: i believe this is the first time utahraptor has threatened violence on someone, but it's also the first time he's talked about someone who cries wolf for personal gain
May 16th, 2011: T-Rex in: "COLOSSAL SLIGHTS"! A Terrible Lizards Picto-Narrative
May 13th, 2011: for the world is hollow and i have noclipped the sky
May 12th, 2011: i've already gotten emails asking for a "vitamin s" sequel but i'm not sure i can capture the raw, uncut, freebased storytelling brilliance of the original??
May 11th, 2011: so it turned out vitamin s WAS wearing a spacesuit, so she could survive in space. some people say she's up there still, waiting... but for what?? we may never know, because this is... THE END of the story
May 10th, 2011: i had the idea to tell a separate story here! once upon a time there was a spider named "vitamin s" who ate a pig. come back tomorrow to find out whether or not vitamin s was wearing a spacesuit! (this story takes place in space)
May 9th, 2011: "Goooossssh!" is meant to be a drawn-out "Gosh!" but if you read it as a long-o "Goosh" that's good too, that's just the sound people make when they are sad about no computers. Goooossssh
May 6th, 2011: let's ignore the difference between geological, magnetic, geomagnetic, instantaneous and political north poles and focus instead on the homey sign in t-rex's kitchen: "not necessarily tacos, but tacos if necessary"
May 5th, 2011: by reading this secret text, you have added "DIRECTOR'S CUTTERS" to your inventory. you can now play with "cereal" replaced with "experimental serum", and "toast" replaced with "heated patty of nutritional yeast"
May 4th, 2011: yesterday's comic's moral was "don't poop too much", now the moral is "don't swallow forks". if you are learning a lot from these comics then that is good but you are living a very interesting life
May 3rd, 2011: PS: I was actually this rhetorical dude, who has never really paid attention in "What to put in your belly" classes!!

April 2011

April 29th, 2011: Portal and Portal 2 are like the saddest games ever for this very reason. Stupid reality, stupid physics, stupid non-existence of holodeck programs that I can live inside with everyone else where portals are real
April 28th, 2011: compressed song comics: the dinosaur comics that assume we ALL know the same music
April 27th, 2011: give me some credit: i didn't find out about pornocracies from the wikipedia random article button. it's actually thanks to autocomplete, whereby i am fully exploring the world of "things that start with 'porno'"
April 26th, 2011: today is the day i postulate a deist universe powered by skepticism, that should make EVERYONE in religious debates happy and/or extremely unhappy
April 25th, 2011: tangentially: a great line to open with on a first date or similar situation is "do... do you ever get sad?"
April 21st, 2011: you're doomed to lose a non-trivial amount of the time, it's not like the journey to defeat is more important than Destination Defeatville here
April 20th, 2011: instruction sheets: for the weak?
April 19th, 2011: boardgames are to monopoly as comics are to garfield, THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT
April 18th, 2011: POKER AS SHE IS PLAYED COMICS PRESENTS: poker as she is played
April 15th, 2011: inspired by the nine or ten rapid-fire games of chess joey comeau beat me at in Montreal! may i just say: what the heck, joey comeau.
April 14th, 2011: incredible moments in history starring t-rex the dinosaur t. rex
April 13th, 2011: alternate title for a much shorter comic: "PRANK PHONE CALLS WERE MORE FUN BEFORE CALLER ID" (that is the entire comic)
April 12th, 2011: dromiceiomimus, why was a big secret kept
April 11th, 2011: "fishin' and wishin' batman": the only batman variant worth your time, a fishing hat full of lures and a hope that things turn out pretty good today for everyone
April 8th, 2011: brotimes, i brate all the brocolate
April 7th, 2011: if you think there's no way intonations could carry that much meaning, i invite you to study cantonese and then, for the full experience, feel bad because your tongue don't work that well
April 6th, 2011: i kinda like defining the future as what happens after we're not around anymore. we don't get to live in it, but we can set it up! instead of the Long Now, it's the Unreachable Tomorrow.
April 5th, 2011: i had a dream last night where my wife got kidnapped, then i had a dream where my friends and i tracked down the kidnapper and rescued her! good work subconscious, thanks for cleaning up after yourself
April 4th, 2011: humanity gets jetpacks and everything is fine
April 1st, 2011: t-rex i thought your email sig of "PRINT THIS OUT AND STORE IT IN AMBER" was a joke, your email header of "DO WHAT IT SAYS IN MY SIGNATURE", mere setup

March 2011

March 31st, 2011: god doesn't even get a co-starring credit? ouch-o-rama
March 30th, 2011: in unrelated news i propose we replace "have sex with" with "do sex with", that way you can say "I REALLY WANT TO DO SEX WITH THAT PERSON" and sound normal
March 29th, 2011: It occurs to me that global underpopulation could be shifted a bit to the gay side too! WE NEED TO SHARE THE BLAME FOR THIS PROBLEM THAT DOES NOT EXIST.
March 28th, 2011: the moral of the story is, "start thinking about time travel paradoxes now when you're young because they are PRETTY NEAT"
March 25th, 2011: did you see what i did there with Machine of Death? I BELIEVE THAT IS CALLED "SYNERGY"
March 24th, 2011: in the versions i read, the wolf ties a rope to red but she ties her end to a tree and escapes, and the wolf waits patiently before saying either "are you making a load out there" or "are you making cables out there". stay classy, wolf!
March 23rd, 2011: What if I called it "Sexy Talk With Sexy Steve, As Played By T-Rex"? I could wear a moustache! Sexy Steve has a moustache, you understand.
March 22nd, 2011: this text was originally just going to be the word, but then I thought, no, no, it's better if they stumbled across it on their own
March 21st, 2011: alternate boat name: the SS But We Mustn't
March 18th, 2011: but what if you trip... YOURSELF
March 17th, 2011: the minusoneth law of thermodynamics: i dunno, "heat is not imaginary and I guess it has effects or whatever"?
March 16th, 2011: if i call this comic "how to ultimate sexy" will it be blocked by your work internet filter? ONE WAY TO (POSSIBLY) FIND OUT
March 15th, 2011: if you are reading this comic in a dream, glance away and then glance back. in many cases you will find a whole new comic available to you! man, i should try that, i could totes steal comics from my subconscious
March 14th, 2011: you can pass attractive people a copy of the book, and raise an eyebrow suggestively
March 11th, 2011: APPARENTLY the longer i go without eating chicken wings, the more characters discuss how delicious they are in my writing
March 10th, 2011: genders to upside nouns, OR, utahraptor's table has seen some Things
March 9th, 2011: okay how does one level up to "100% super homosexual" because i am trying EVERYTHING over here
March 8th, 2011: this comic is for joey comeau of a softer world dot com, good friend, friend who often suggests days being taken off, but ALSO, friend who always wants mcdonalds for lunch :(
March 7th, 2011: i hereby allow anyone to write books using these titles but only if the books are extremely awesome; these are my terms and they are immutable
March 4th, 2011: this is a future particle, but the future hasn't been written for it yet.
March 3rd, 2011: i call this story, "Holey Smokes, Those Fries Looked AMAZING".
March 2nd, 2011: that's right, t-rex is imagining "later". he is a dude who fast-forwards through the boring parts of his own fantasy life, and i don't see a single thing wrong with that.
March 1st, 2011: read properly, this comic may last you the rest of your life. YOU'RE WELCOME.

February 2011

February 28th, 2011: tomorrow's comic, which you won't see, is just t-rex saying "I AM TRIPPING BALLS" in sparkle-vision in every panel. enjoy!
February 25th, 2011: kinda a sequel to my abstruse comic of march 31st, 2003, a mere 2 months into this dinosaur comics jazzamohol
February 24th, 2011: "help i'm in nigeria and got robbed and shortly afterwards discovered 15 million dollars in unclaimed funds i definitely need to steal; you guys, it has been an interesting day"
February 23rd, 2011: utahraptor: my day just got filled up
February 22nd, 2011: old-timey stereotypes confirmed: crazy food, old-world decadance, a strange idea of what's fancy, and everything is trying to kill you
February 18th, 2011: feel free to say that last line during your day today; time travelers around you from the past will trip all the balls when they hear it
February 17th, 2011: there's actually tons of competing companies and predictions, utahraptor, so we're going to have to work several jobs in parallel to make this dream - this future - a reality. you're gonna quit your job so we can laugh at silly dresses, okay?
February 16th, 2011: superhero culinary is a genre i just made up but MORE IMPORTANTLY, a genre i am extremely extremely excited for
February 15th, 2011: looking around the room while chewing is my favourite thing for folks in comics to do while chewing
February 14th, 2011: past futurists, why'd you have to be so darned optimistic
February 11th, 2011: eat only flavoured jellybeans for a week; think hard about the future you want
February 10th, 2011: "it's leftover racism from when they were born in history and all the racisms were in"
February 9th, 2011: alternate ending: several generations ago in a parallel universe's alternate timeline, t-rex gets told that he smells and swears a timeless revenge that neither the universe nor chronos himself can contain
February 8th, 2011: truth and beauty ebola
February 7th, 2011: okay so i decided to do medusa after all!
February 4th, 2011: T-REX WHEN YOU SAY "I LIKE GAMES THAT ARE FUN" WHAT DOES THAT MEAN BECAUSE IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE IT MEANS "SOMETIMES MY OPINIONS MAKE MY FRIENDS MAD AND I THINK I'M DOING IT ON PURPOSE"
February 3rd, 2011: if you think t-rex is right then have i got a treat for you, you can re-read panels 1 and 2 half a kabillion times
February 2nd, 2011: to be fair, some of the snowplows here in reality ARE pretty stupid
February 1st, 2011: it's the thing i say after discovering i wasted another half-hour on reddit

January 2011

January 31st, 2011: a thank you at this point would be unexpected and startling! according to my research, you guys domesticated the horse and invented the plough. nice! we still use those!
January 28th, 2011: tantalus later stole a SOLID GOLD DOG from the gods. tantalus: what is his DEAL?
January 27th, 2011: "Sure! But you probably find something in me that's worthwhile! Either that or you think I'm super hot and like having me around to stare at."
January 26th, 2011: the comma in panel two: EXTREMELY IMPORTANT
January 25th, 2011: WE CAN EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN ONLY ONCE PER UNIVERSE IF THAT / I JUST WISH IT WERE A BETTER GAME
January 24th, 2011: based on true events? nope, i'm the best grandson there is and any non-grandmas who tell you otherwise are being MEAN
January 21st, 2011: anyway! who wants a massive hug??
January 20th, 2011: i have friends in real life who have rejected the nickname "ginger peanut". i have friends in real life with some big friggin' opinions
January 19th, 2011: my notes for this comic read "dromiceiomimus spends the night and utahraptor asks for a star wars analogy"
January 18th, 2011: based on my real-life pal OLIVER; i got OPINIONS on who he spends QUALITY TIME with
January 17th, 2011: um but i wanted kittens
January 14th, 2011: really not sure of the way to write "I'm sorry"s, but that's what I've landed on and I'm sticking with it. "I'M SORRIES" DOESN'T MAKE ANY GRAMMATICAL SENSE YOU GUYS
January 13th, 2011: later: t-rex's lunch burns because he forgot it and he's all, MAN, SCREW US
January 12th, 2011: as payment for this comic you now all owe me a coke
January 11th, 2011: is it non-canon because the exhibit ACTUALLY closes in two hours
January 10th, 2011: The most confusing part of this, Utahraptor, is why our culture is so big into horses. We're way too big to even get on them. It's definitely a head scratcher for sure.
January 7th, 2011: this comic should not be taken as actual incitement to kill billionaires and train their children, dinosaur comics international hereby comes down strongly in favour of living
January 6th, 2011: GLRPE TM MMXI
January 5th, 2011: real astronomers say our sun won't ever be a red dwarf. WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE??
January 4th, 2011: dinosaurs were around for 160 million years, so we can expect they had at least SIX dinosaur batmans, and we can expect our first batman by the year 24,797,989. MARK THAT ON YOUR CALENDARS.
January 3rd, 2011: you'll notice those backhairs when they're big enough to show up in these sequential photographs i'm posting every day

December 2010

December 24th, 2010: 8,765 hours of minecraft and civ, no regrets
December 23rd, 2010: On Christmas Eve it turns out T-Rex actually got thoughtful gifts for everyone! And Utahraptor didn't just get him a Batman train either. CHRISTMAS IS SAVED
December 22nd, 2010: meanwhile, in tudor england: william shakespeare is having act 2 of romeo and juliet end with all the characters getting on a boat... that soon hits an iceberg!! in my comic, i mean. i dunno what's happening meanwhile in tudor england in real life.
December 21st, 2010: t-rex's imagination is actually pixel-perfect; WHY WOULD HE LIE??
December 20th, 2010: written to beethoven symphony 5, first movement, allegro con brio
December 17th, 2010: wait, no! it's the t-1000, but instead of relentlessly working towards killing someone, it relentlessly works towards being a really really good pal
December 16th, 2010: all riddles end with "what the hell??" and involve vin diesel, any "riddle" you come across that does not share these properties has been rewritten as a prank and should be reverted
December 15th, 2010: things t-rex has the loosest grasp on: christianity, female anatomy, macroeconomics, the list goes on
December 14th, 2010: scott was bad ass: "Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale."
December 13th, 2010: my diary on the day *i* failed to reach the south pole reads "dear diary: today at the office was pretty okay. got some good email forwards. chicken for dinner."
December 10th, 2010: shackleton doesn't show up in this little comic arc again but I had to work him in here, because frank's sentence about him is TOO AMAZING.
December 9th, 2010: dinosaur comics. yes, but under very different circumstances from those expected.
December 8th, 2010: arguably, the word "explosive" is autological if you form it out of sticks of tnt. the only problem is, WHO'S GOING TO ARGUE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THE WORD "EXPLOSIVE" FORMED OUT OF STICKS OF TNT??
December 7th, 2010: every time i mention that the dinosaurs are naked i think, "aha! that's why qwantz.com is classified as 'adult content' by the internet filters i hear about. it's just too damn erotic!!"
December 6th, 2010: later still: aw crap, my giant brain is back up but it turns out it's full of terrible things uploaded by strangers that can not be unseen
December 3rd, 2010: i had to fix panel two TWICE because i kept rewriting it and accidentally putting in the right "who's", what the heck you guys
December 2nd, 2010: kinda wish i'd called the comic "utahraptor's pal, t-rex", not even gonna lie about this
December 1st, 2010: the "4" in panel six is actually because i ran out of space, and this word/number substitution is nothing i've ever done before, but i gotta say, it's pretty adorable when it's "trouble 4 utahraptor".

November 2010

November 30th, 2010: if you're made uncomfortable by the contraction "i'd've", know that you are NOT ALONE: this is one super double power contraction
November 29th, 2010: what you are seeing is a picture of a t-rex torn precisely between fighting crime and selling vitamin d pills for profits
November 26th, 2010: the miracle of life has evolved an inordinate amount of tasty treats
November 25th, 2010: ANYWAY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION T-REX WHAT'S THE POINT OF CREATING TALKING DINOSAURS IF YOU CAN'T CHAT EM UP ONCE IN A WHILE
November 24th, 2010: the best guns are made out of steel! hopefully anyway, i actually have no idea
November 23rd, 2010: "as erotic as possible under the circumstances": the t-rex story
November 22nd, 2010: worked kinda hard to avoid having to break up "Beethoven" with a hyphen, was entirely unsure as to where it would've been placed
November 19th, 2010: i almost wrote utahraptor's line as "for all intensive purposes", WEDNESDAY COMIC HAS RUINED ME FOREVER AND EVER ALMOND
November 18th, 2010: this comic started life as one where t-rex was excited that he could change his name to "david lorean" because then he would be "d. lorean" like the car from back to the future. i guess... i guess i rewrote it pretty hard
November 17th, 2010: without further adieu here is today's comic; take it slowly so as to avoid post-dramatic stress disorder
November 16th, 2010: T-REX WE ARE BROS WE ARE TOTAL BROS I AM YOUR DEI-BRO
November 15th, 2010: pro tip: sometimes it's also NOT very fun to watch someone else play video games for a while, maybe you should take this lesson to heart OLIVER BRACKENBURY
November 12th, 2010: i've been saying "new autobiography title" after my friends say something particularly great, which is how joey comeau's autobiography has come to be called "are you saying NONE of us had sex all weekend? - the joey comeau story"
November 11th, 2010: i kinda admire the naming strategy Daguerro used with his daguerreotype. From now on, these are not Dinosaur Comics. Call them: Northotype Multi-graphetric Jokeotropes.
November 10th, 2010: apropos of nothing, will someone please start an antarctic comics convention because i am 1000% motivated to go there and am totally just looking for an excuse. also, the means to travel
November 9th, 2010: three hidden comic extras enter the website's html markup - one of them leaves (it up to you to find the others)
November 8th, 2010: electrons: they're okay
November 4th, 2010: it's a powerful image for the passage of time that ALSO doubles as a reminder of when Martin Luther King Jr's Birthday (Observed) is
November 3rd, 2010: this comic originally began with the line "My name is T-Rex and I'm here to say / That I'm the rappingest guy who'd like to rap for a spell!". i rewrote it pretty heavily, i gotta say
November 2nd, 2010: If I want to lose twenty pounds, I have to work at it! I can't just dehirsutify. UNLESS...!
November 1st, 2010: how to bluff your way through every conversation about Sports Day, that loveable member of the Day household

October 2010

October 29th, 2010: i feel like i should do more comics about death, what good is being part of glenn beck's liberal culture of death if you don't do anything with it
October 28th, 2010: don't *I*??
October 27th, 2010: proportions of coloured males is stable in the long term, but fluctuates quite a bit in the short term, as the different tribes adopt different strategies. SO AWESOME, you guys.
October 26th, 2010: anyone who can show their 100% authentic birth certificate authenticating their name as "Cheeseburger" can stay the heck away from me
October 25th, 2010: ERROR: L IS FOR THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME O IS FOR THE ONLY ONE I SEE V IS VERY VERY EXTRAORDINARY E IS EVEN MORE THAN ANYONE THAT I ADORE
October 22nd, 2010: okay so more analogies involving SIEGE MACHINES please
October 21st, 2010: this is me arguing that a url of a website can be as great of a present as a book. in other news, be sure to keep an eye out for my new dinosaur comics book, coming out in a few weeks!
October 20th, 2010: some people think t-rex having a birthday means the end of history. well... we haven't run out of history just yet.
October 19th, 2010: i assure you second place remains first loser; once again i am forced to reiterate: NO FEAR
October 18th, 2010: "i hope you do because oh snap!": the unchallengeable explanation that can always stand on its own
October 15th, 2010: and yes, i AM fun at parties. until someone keeps blinking
October 14th, 2010: back in time in all caps in the first panel, back in time in all caps whenever i say it
October 13th, 2010: lawsuits are a KIND of fame
October 12th, 2010: Mr. How Come I Can't Nominate Myself, Nobody Knows My Accomplishments Better Is The Thing
October 8th, 2010: how about you call your play "knaves ahoy", i will pay you 500 of what you'd call futurebux if you call it "knaves ahoy"
October 7th, 2010: It clearly specified that participation today is mandatory.
October 6th, 2010: if anyone's like, "ryan you can't REALLY write about bosses because you're self-employed!" you can just remember that MY BOSS IS A JERK
October 5th, 2010: one very depressing room to wake up in. you wake up and you're all "aw man! thanks for REMINDING me"
October 4th, 2010: kinda disappointed i called this series "dinosaur comics" and not "what the heck, everybody?". it - it'll pass though
October 1st, 2010: i have done both these things to confirm that they are fun. the first is messy and the second involves electricity AND metals forged from the very stuff of the planet itself, so they both get a pass

September 2010

September 30th, 2010: three friends to replace a single you is all I'LL need, utahraptor!
September 29th, 2010: FUN FACT: i do some translating in the comics. t-rex originally said "i am a new tyrannosauroid, protomammals and juvenile protomammals!"
September 28th, 2010: inspired by the time i confused MY WIFE'S NAME with that of someone else that i'm not actually married to. everyone needs to COOL DOWN. everyone needs to DECIDE THAT IS OKAY.
September 27th, 2010: anyone who says they never tell a lie is lying to themselves at a preconscious level as their brain delays and misrepresents asynchronous inputs as a time-consistent stream. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT
September 24th, 2010: it occurs to me that if this is the first dinosaur comic you've ever read, t-rex just seems really prejudiced against raccoons. if that's the case and you're reading this: he has his reasons! it's not prejudice. it's JUDICE.
September 23rd, 2010: honestly, really happy with panel three over here, if you'd been waiting five years to a callback to april 27th, 2005, THE WAIT IS OVER
September 22nd, 2010: SECRETS OF THE ASTROPHYSICS PROFESSION
September 21st, 2010: guest comic by David McGuire of gastrophobia.com!
September 20th, 2010: guest comic by KC Green of gunshowcomic.com!
September 17th, 2010: guest comic by Anthony Clark of nedroid.com!
September 16th, 2010: guest comic by Lore Sjöberg of badgods.com!
September 15th, 2010: hey, what do my hands look like right now? I CAN ONLY GUESS, NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE
September 14th, 2010: YOU ARE PROBABLY A CYBORG RIGHT NOW. are you aware??
September 13th, 2010: luisa q is actually named "luisa ku", t-rex is the worst at transposing foreign names delivered orally, NOW YOU KNOW
September 10th, 2010: i'm not fully clothed / and, i'm sorry, but that's the situation and we all have to deal with it
September 9th, 2010: yes i got the idea for this comic while writing the news post yesterday, is that obvious
September 8th, 2010: a very common duress phrase is "i'd rather be fishing": if you see it written on anyone's bumper it means they're driving somewhere against their will and also, THEY'D RATHER BE FISHING
September 7th, 2010: let's all act like this is a deal even if you don't consent to it, okay?
September 3rd, 2010: SPOILER ALERT: this comic starts with the words "HOW TO NETWORK"
September 2nd, 2010: third in the ongoing series, "r.m.s titanic's effect on our timeline"
September 1st, 2010: If not that many guests show up, it MAY end up just being a fourgy.

August 2010

August 31st, 2010: the sinister forces that control the world are actually just one super needy guy
August 30th, 2010: this comic inspired by my good friend joey comeau, who when he lived with me was mr "candy and red bull for breakfast, candy and red bull for lunch, all-you-can-eat buffet of tummyaches, regret and recriminations for dinner"
August 27th, 2010: how to bluff your way through every dinosaur comic: JUST LAUGH, OKAY?? LIKE, A WHOLE LOT. also maybe buy a shirt if you find yourself topless at the moment
August 26th, 2010: t-rex has said "This just in" before, so I guess this comic establishes that either he forgot about that, or he was working as a newspaperman at the time. actually, let's say "both".
August 25th, 2010: if internal pluralization was a woman i would date her; i can't be the only one thinking this; i can't be the only one writing those words all over the ceiling
August 24th, 2010: replace "conversation" with "convention" and the comic still totally works, but it does raise some questions as to how you got yourself into that sticky wicket in the first place
August 23rd, 2010: parties topped out 65 million years ago, sorry to break it to you but second place remains first loser. again, NO FEAR
August 20th, 2010: it's almost 2015, we need to get on the new sweet slang STAT. scratch that, we need to download some zero-day hi-rez slang broadband
August 19th, 2010: copper: truly the nobelist of the metals
August 18th, 2010: i wrote this comic in my head while driving and waiting in line on eglinton ave to get onto the allen. CAN YOU TELL??
August 17th, 2010: in my day, i confess, i have stepped on a bunch of stuff
August 16th, 2010: "I finally only woke up when I dreamt about a man who dared to call himself... Ryman? Ry... Ryland? Well, it's gone now. I'm sure it wasn't important."
August 15th, 2010: guest comic: michael firman of firmanproductions.com!
August 14th, 2010: guest comic: jeff rowland of overcompensating.com!
August 13th, 2010: guest comic: zach weiner of smbc-comics.com!
August 12th, 2010: guest comic: sam logan of samandfuzzy.com!
August 11th, 2010: guest comic: wes and tony of of amazingsuperpowers.com!
August 10th, 2010: guest comic: jeph jacques of questionablecontent.net!
August 9th, 2010: guest comic: joel watson of hijinksensue.com!
August 7th, 2010: special comic by anthony clark of nedroid.com! i proposed with this comic, you guys
August 6th, 2010: guest comic: david malki ! of wondermark.com!
August 5th, 2010: guest comic: john allison of badmachinery.com!
August 4th, 2010: it also means that my dad met me and decided i WASN'T a dud and that he totally had to make me happen
August 3rd, 2010: for t-rex the difference between a "will" and a "final wish" is that the final wish is something you tell people well in advance but never write down. it is somehow the more legally binding of the pair

July 2010

July 30th, 2010: this...! can't...! be...! happening!
July 29th, 2010: like most everyone with a titanic story, I made a "Britannic" sequel. nowhere to go now but to the ol' reliable RMS Olympic! and then to the alternate-universe HMS Gigantic? and then the futuristic HMHoverS Gigantic 3000. anyway, i got plans
July 28th, 2010: this summer comes a novel so terrifying you may end up in bed with terror, fully satisfied.
July 27th, 2010: what i love about dinosaur comics (AND YES I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY OWN COMIC IN THIS WAY) is that most everyone is a dinosaur, so the Titanic here was gigantic ship built by dinosaurs, scaled to dinosaur sizes, and filled with dinosaurs. NICE.
July 26th, 2010: this friendship could be paying off in pure uncut FRIENDSHIP BUX
July 23rd, 2010: in other news: i could read the essays on ex-astris-scientia.org all day
July 21st, 2010: has anyone ever said "road trip" without saying "woo"? If they have, I certainly don't want to know about it.
July 19th, 2010: T-REX DID YOU KNOW THAT ANYONE CAN COMMENT ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO
July 16th, 2010: you can always tell at a glance when the devil shows up in a comic. or like, from fifty paces
July 15th, 2010: backstory: facebook was a "social" "networking" website from dinosaur times. with it you could upload photos and other personal information that you never ever want deleted, no matter HOW MUCH you change your mind
July 14th, 2010: i'm going to be the most old badass man
July 13th, 2010: to find out more about t-rex's best night ever, you'll need a much more reliable narrator
July 12th, 2010: i spent a lot of time deciding whether or not god could use the : in "answer:" in today's comic. i did all this deciding for YOU, the amazing, generous, sexually-successful reader
July 9th, 2010: Some people think that shooting energy beams out of your eyes means the end of history. Well... We haven't run out of history quite yet.
July 8th, 2010: "Explosions have been going off across town, and nobody knows who to blame. A neighbour volunteers some theories based mainly on his own prejudices."
July 7th, 2010: what's that there blocking the hallway, oh man, it looks like a big ol' pile of CONTINUITY
July 6th, 2010: dinosaur-style comics
July 5th, 2010: i think "ha ha, etc." is a great punchline indicator that goes woefully underused, ha ha, etc.
July 2nd, 2010: you can also cut out panel six for that mysterious air

June 2010

June 30th, 2010: apology not accepted
June 29th, 2010: the voice in panel two's line was originally "But my bladder is at 110% capacity!" but then I was like, man, what does that mean, is there like - a bottle somewhere? it raised too many questions for such a small panel, believe you me
June 28th, 2010: -UUUUUUUE. BUT THAT'S CERTAINLY SEEMS A FAIR COMPROMISE AS I RECALL THE CEREAL TO BE EXCEEDINGLY SWEET.
June 25th, 2010: today is "wear your dinosaur comics shirt and interesting people will talk to you day", it's going to be AWESOME
June 24th, 2010: okay t-rex's writing is bad but i am sincerely happy with the idea of the year 2000 being "the future we remember". GOOD WORK, TEAM RYAN! TEAM RYAN IS BEHIND YOU 100%!
June 23rd, 2010: it makes calls AND makes my opinions towards cellphone users inconsistent!
June 22nd, 2010: i have done some Quick Photoshop Work and determined that it is possible for t-rex to pick his nose. there. i just saved you like five minutes.
June 21st, 2010: i should put the question of whether extremely beautiful people have problems to you, my readers, BECAUSE EACH OF YOU IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE LAST, when properly arranged in order of increasing beautifulness
June 18th, 2010: when confronted with poison, don't swallow it! rather, distract your would-be poisoners with a masterful display of tooth rubbology
June 17th, 2010: tarrare's story was sent to me by a reader who said that for some reason, he thought the story would appeal to me. HE WAS EXTREMELY CORRECT
June 16th, 2010: i liked the goal where the goalie was out of net, and there was a shot on net, and in the space of a few paces a player raced the ball back and, FROM BEHIND, lept and kicked it back to safety. i thought that was pretty awesome
June 15th, 2010: the walk of acclaim
June 14th, 2010: in personal news, judging by the yelps, the downstairs neighbours have either gotten a small dog or gone insane
June 11th, 2010: panel three is a sad one for me, because i really thought there were enough nanoseconds in my life to fill up a glass of water. OH WELL
June 10th, 2010: songs listened to while writing this comic: martha (tom waits), if rap gets jealous (k'naan), around the corner (sarah harmer). all pretty much entirely unrelated, but Here We Are
June 9th, 2010: there's a lot of guessing in this comic, are you aware??
June 8th, 2010: anyway, the feeling t-rex was feeling was "shame (cheeseburger related)"
June 7th, 2010: anyway it was that guy from that one shampoo commercial they show
June 4th, 2010: ultimate baby ultimately prefers ungendered pronouns
June 3rd, 2010: can you imagine a more boring name for software than "windows for workgroups"? i'd sooner use "windows for times of lonely sorrow, 3.11"
June 2nd, 2010: if she's vegetarian, she's got a bunch of veggie burgers on the side, and she makes it WORK
June 1st, 2010: is that me being bored at a table with flowers on it, yep, yep, yuss

May 2010

May 31st, 2010: look, doctor, assuming it's at least PARTIALLY survivable, i'm going to order "off-menu" today.
May 28th, 2010: always really reluctant to remix a previous comic but in this case it involves burgers, and who doesn't never not dislike liking burgers??
May 27th, 2010: 6.0 * 10^-49 percent. scientific notation was invented after a good many years of zeros. t-rex is assuming a 6000kg t-rex body here, so your percentage is even smaller (um, PROBABLY???)
May 26th, 2010: after i wrote this comic i realized hummingbirds are basically like the movie "crank". that movie is way better than you probably think it is, but the sequel is way worse than you can ever imagine
May 25th, 2010: sorry if i insulted any non-rad fathers out there :(
May 21st, 2010: every time i do a "secret of the medical profession" comic i like to imagine a cartoon doctor pulling off her mirror headset thing, throwing it on the ground, and then hopping up and down on it. that's not true, i like to imagine that at ANY ol' time
May 20th, 2010: utahraptor, do - do you ever feel like maybe our parents could've named us all more hilariously?
May 19th, 2010: a new way of using the panels! i will call this panel layout, "the one in which dromiceiomimus recalls for 66.66% of the comic the reason why she's so cheesed".
May 18th, 2010: anyone who's immortal and reading my comic is just rolling their eyes saying "yes, yes, get on with it, this is not relevant to my interests at ALL"
May 17th, 2010: i've got 2words4u: what now
May 14th, 2010: you're such a great friend / maybe we should be kissing
May 13th, 2010: okay, fine, i'm sorry. here's an email with a png file attached; we cool?
May 12th, 2010: alright hole, king midas has donkey's ears, don't tell ANYONE
May 11th, 2010: sometimes when i write email text for the comic i talk myself up so then when people write me it looks like THEY'RE talking me up instead. not an apology, just an observation
May 10th, 2010: the universe could also be shaped like a giant thumbs up, but nobody wants to research that. confession corner: okay there may ACTUALLY be thumbs-up universe papers, i have totally never looked
May 7th, 2010: joey has an ipad, and the best part of the ipad is that it works no matter how you hold it, so often when i see joey using the ipad he's ended up holding it upside down and it looks like he's just PRETENDING to know how to read. joey comeau, ladies and gentlemen
May 6th, 2010: you thought it was just a regular thursday didn't you? YOU THOUGHT WRONG. that'll be your epitaph: "here lies [you]: THEY THOUGHT WRONG."
May 5th, 2010: today is the day to accomplish some golly gosh-darned goals
May 4th, 2010: Emily Horne and Joey Comeau and Kate Beaton are all staying with me so it is Canadian Cartoonist House. Last night at Canadian Cartoonist House we made Canadian Cartoonist Tacos and they were really good. I - I thought you should know
May 3rd, 2010: the thing with blood pudding is that it's hard to make it better/worse. it's already cooked blood, held by skin in sausage form. UPDATE: it is also tasty friggin' times

April 2010

April 29th, 2010: dude, my nostalgia's so deep that mine canaries are dying of old age before they reach the bottom of it
April 28th, 2010: panel four is unusual in that the dialogue you're supposed to read first is at the right side of the panel, but the comic works no matter which order you read that panel's dialogue in. this is because i am a MASTER WORDSMITH WRITING INTERNET GUY DUDE
April 27th, 2010: if you are about to argue that a story can be made worse by the addition of a robot suit, i would advise you to first ask yourself, "is what i am about to argue EVEN POSSIBLE??"
April 26th, 2010: Guess how many times I wrote "Picard" in this comic when I meant to write "Piccard"! If you guessed "every" then you have won this game
April 22nd, 2010: i said to joey comeau, "what is the best date?" and he said "boobs." joey comeau, ladies and gentlemen. he lives in my roof.
April 21st, 2010: this comic was inspired by a dude joey and i saw yesterday. he was walking his cat. he'd walk a bit, the cat behind him would catch up, and then they'd walk some more. i didn't know you could walk a cat, but this dude PROVED US WRONG.
April 20th, 2010: this thought experiment just got way too awesome
April 19th, 2010: before you, a shirt that says "IF YOU WERE ME, YOU COULD LOOK DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR SHIRT AND SEE A REALLY DISTORTED VIEW OF MY BODY". on the back is printed "(JEALOUS??)".
April 16th, 2010: it matches up so well that i'm kinda wondering if old-school vampire stories weren't really just jerks picking on the local OCD kid who only came out at night.
April 15th, 2010: if you think panel four is the exact panel where i lost interest in the "internet never forgets" premise, you are wrong, it is the exact panel where i cut the rest of the comic and rewrote it because it was helluva terrible
April 14th, 2010: I can buy a phone that doubles as a CORDLESS TELEX MACHINE, Utahraptor.
April 13th, 2010: "There's a direct line between printers saving a commonly-used phrase and the mental shortcuts / bags of prejudice of all the handy stereotypes of today!"
April 12th, 2010: professional-grade ultra sweet dudeness, do not aim at face, right here.
April 8th, 2010: based on the time when a bat smashed through my window, startling me from my dark musing
April 7th, 2010: this comic will appear insane to anyone unfamiliar with dinosaur comics. ATTENTION, NEW READERS: if you go back and read 7 years of strips, you'll at least know who's talking in the last panel (ps it's shakespeare) (and he is written as a SULLEN TEEN)
April 6th, 2010: oh, you'll grow out of THOSE.
April 5th, 2010: if you're unfamiliar with the concept of personal branding, it's like the personality you already have, only it's fake, manipulative, and everyone who is not in the business of selling personal branding finds it crass. OH YES I GOT OPINIONS. OPINIONS I AM NOT AFRAID TO EXPRESS IN A SOMEWHAT HIDDEN MEDIUM THAT ONLY SUPER ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT
April 1st, 2010: We've all sorts of grand adventures in this land before noon

March 2010

March 31st, 2010: this one seems kinda preachy, but i think it always sounds preachy when you're saying "hey, hate's kinda weird, huh?" anyway, i hate like three different game design choices in mario sunshine so who am i to talk
March 30th, 2010: back at u of t, the first draft of my thesis was all about "lexical compliments", and then i had a pretty embarrassing meeting with my supervisor. embarrassing for ME
March 29th, 2010: ON THE OTHER HAND I WAS ALSO 99% SURE THAT BUTTERFLIES DIDN'T HAVE PROTRACTED DREAMS ABOUT BEING T-REXES SO HECK WHAT DO I KNOW
March 26th, 2010: KLASSIK KOMIX while ryan returns from europe, from living it up with the europese!
March 25th, 2010: originally in panel 4 utahraptor said "So you're always right by being as conservative as possible!" but I rewrote it so as to not be QUITE so clearly pandering to the ultra-conservative political base that makes up the bulk of this here readership
March 24th, 2010: I saw "Up In The Air" with Emily Horne of A Softer World Dot Com, and before the movie I remarked how I don't understand women because most of them seem to like men and I really don't see what's so attractive about men in the first place, and then during the movie I leaned over and said, "Nevermind."
March 23rd, 2010: i know i'm not the first one to complain about this, but it just keeps happening anyway. HOLD THE FRONT PAGE
March 22nd, 2010: seriously tempted to end the comic after the first panel
March 19th, 2010: KLASSIK KOMIX while ryan is in scotland, living it up with the scotlandese!
March 18th, 2010: notice how t-rex only stops calling the baychimo "it" once it escapes its crew? in his books, you want a gendered pronoun, you got to have AGENCY
March 17th, 2010: "yes indeed, i hereby 'promise' to 'never get tired of "nested" punctuation'"
March 16th, 2010: poor toyota, first that huge recall and now a throwaway reference in dinosaur comics? WHAT'S NEXT??
March 15th, 2010: really happy with how "assassination" was broken up into two lines in this comic, thank you english
March 12th, 2010: sometimes you need to look in the mirror and say "my friend, i won't talk about last week if you don't."
March 11th, 2010: friendkapow, friendkapower, friendkapowest
March 10th, 2010: it's 8 am and joey comeau of asofterworld.com is asleep upstairs, i'd like to dedicate this comic to joey comeau of asofterworld.com's sleepy sleepy ways
March 9th, 2010: i wrote this comic shortly before hopping on my bike and riding off into the sunset, i mean, into work
March 8th, 2010: ASK ME WHAT DIRECTION PURGATORY IS IN SO THAT I MIGHT FLEX WHILE POINTING YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
March 5th, 2010: "guys it's totally out of character that i'd ever admit to not being better than everyone else, SHEESH"
March 4th, 2010: t-rex's original fantasy was spider-man saying "oh no! now i'm more spider than man", but then i remembered i'd read that comic, they published it in like 1960, that idea was older than TWO ryans
March 3rd, 2010: kant was the one who thought genius meant originality, but kant thought a lot of things
March 2nd, 2010: head-explosion disease: curable? hopefully curable, if caught in the early stages of explosion
March 1st, 2010: first person to decode it wins a t-shirt!! then i'll put the decoded version here. GO GO GO

February 2010

February 26th, 2010: skip all the classes and ace the final, you'll feel great
February 25th, 2010: deleted dialogue: "When i die cool dies with me! Tell everyone so they don't forget."
February 24th, 2010: i am beginning to think the lyrics to pop songs DON'T have all the answers
February 23rd, 2010: i pay my insurance company "protection money"
February 22nd, 2010: when rats attacked him at night, he was all, "frig, guess i'll just DOMESTICATE SOME FERAL CATS to keep the rats away then!" NICE. alexander selkirk solved PROBLEMS.
February 19th, 2010: s/marriage/A RACE AROUND THE WORLD
February 18th, 2010: we interrupt our normal comics for a thinly-fictionalized account of how i plumb fell down the stairs
February 17th, 2010: in writing this comic I looked up what flavours fruit roll-ups currently come in, and among them is "Crazy Pix Cool Chix Berry Wave". friends, I call that poetry.
February 16th, 2010: originally i wrote "nobody knows who first played hamlet", but we do! it was richard burbage. good work, richard!
February 12th, 2010: i actually wrote this comic months ago but was waiting for aristotle to come into the comic NATURALLY, which happened yesterday due to last-panel contemporaneous time travel, it was completely natural
February 11th, 2010: oh t-rex, shouting doesn't make you any easier to understand
February 10th, 2010: too obit to quit
February 9th, 2010: after i wrote this comic i discovered that scott adams of dilbert fame suggested "but of course there are obvious exceptions" as a sentence suffix a few years back. nevertheless, i still think my idea is totally original. in my opinion, i mean, and i'm probably totally wrong!
February 8th, 2010: Attention, future generations! SORRY, WE TOTALLY USED UP ALL THE FUN STUFF
February 5th, 2010: kinda excited that someone is reading dinosaur comics for the first time today and without warning they are learning ALL ABOUT GIRAFFES
February 4th, 2010: i had to stop with the north american city names because so many are taken from native words, which were usually descriptive! IT WAS CHEATING. but then tons of european cities have obscure contested origins, and i already did batmania, australia!
February 3rd, 2010: see how quickly t-rex abandons "t-rex lane" in favour of "awesome people only: the street"? he knows which way the wind is blowin'
February 2nd, 2010: anyone who argues the moon landings were faked is someone who is arguing that bags of poop aren't orbiting around us THIS VERY INSTANT. i ask you: do you REALLY want to be friends with such a person??
February 1st, 2010: HOLY CRAP THERE'S ARCHIVE TEXT TOO noooooooo

January 2010

January 29th, 2010: this comic was... dictated to me by t-rex, i guess?
January 28th, 2010: add one to the list of "continents or sub-continents i have embarrassed myself on", soon i will have a royal flush
January 27th, 2010: i did a search and my suspicions were confirmed: the "wheelchariot" is the name of a fancy brand of wheelchair. good work, guys!
January 26th, 2010: careful readers will find a really good household tip in this comic, hint, it is in panel SIX
January 25th, 2010: in this comic, t-rex has accidentally written a perfectly serviceable autobiography
January 22nd, 2010: on the plus side, luna 15 looks pretty much exactly how you'd imagine a space moon robot to look. it's got insect-like arms and even a giant eye on the top! i rate it: five stars out of a possible five.
January 21st, 2010: Autotheism is the belief that you, personally, are divine. And by "you", I obviously mean "me".
January 20th, 2010: assuming you live in an expensive city, anyway! but if you live in a really cheap area of the planet then you may find it hard to relate to the talking dinosaurs in this comic strip today
January 19th, 2010: this comic just serves to underline how easily omnipotent third parties can unfairly present versions of events. if you're a fictional character, KEEP IT IN MIND.
January 18th, 2010: i feel this comic captures the song in comic form to the very best of my abilities
January 15th, 2010: INFORMATION; THIS IS A COMIC ABOUT SEASPEAK; OUT.
January 14th, 2010: this is the second time i've done the ol' "top three panels are thoughts from the bottom three panels" thing. that is because i am a COMIC ARTIST. not sure how those two thoughts are related, actually
January 12th, 2010: a DELETED SCENE had T-Rex going to Tiny Towne Island to help name Mr. Tusks' hypothetical son, one Tiny Tusks, Junior.
January 11th, 2010: that dash in "IMPOSSIBLE" in panel 5 was meant just to get the text to fit better, but it also works for emphasis. the written english language, ladies and gentlemen! ALWAYS FULL OF SURPRISES.
January 8th, 2010: i don't know what t-rex is talking about here. when *i* walk into a bar everyone turns towards me, each raising one hand clutching a $20 bill towards the bartender while motioning towards me with the other
January 7th, 2010: to compare, we humans have only done like 1/1250th of a galactic orbit since we first evolved: dinosaurs were around for a LONG WHILE. and yet, they never invented a single internet in all that time! sheesh!
January 6th, 2010: i got a postcard from a reader in antarctica a few years back, it remains a treasured possession and i keep it on my fridge. there's penguins on it! (the postcard)
January 5th, 2010: again, i should stress, adam and eve are dinosaurs here in t-rex's story. i think it's fair to assume than any dinosaur society would have some pretty awesome religious imagery
January 4th, 2010: in any case: behind the couch

December 2009

December 24th, 2009: ah, hyper-advanced futures, always MESSING WITH THE FABRIC OF OUR VERY REALITY
December 23rd, 2009: A false document is when you refer to or quote books and stuff that don't exist in real life, but your whole story pretends like they do. Like when Star Wars reads his electricity bill!!
December 22nd, 2009: by end of week all parts of speech will be replaced with "hugga bubba", right here at qwantz.com
December 21st, 2009: the phrase is also oddly named because it suggests the involvement, even though he didn't help, of our mutual friend bubba
December 18th, 2009: my friend eric worked at a phone survey company, and he often had to ask the elderly to tell him what their favourite gaming console was, xbox or ps2, and they'd have no idea and be completely lost, and he'd say "so hey, xbox is pretty good", and then he lost his job for telling the elderly what to think
December 17th, 2009: oh, also it can't be something illegal. you're not allowed to rob a bank because a will told you to do it. "SOCIETY", am i right?
December 16th, 2009: if the "you have to solve a crime for every dollar you receive" clauses aren't going to be enforced, why bother making a will at all??
December 15th, 2009: i locked myself out but my girlfriend came home, close call! the last time i locked myself out before that i kicked in the back door in, it was awesome and remains a treasured memory
December 14th, 2009: this comic started life as a "old web design elements: where are they now", but man, those horizontal bars that look like they're cutting through websites are clearly the best part and high water mark of that or any other possible design aesthetic
December 11th, 2009: it has a certain jee nee says quey
December 10th, 2009: remember when knowing different types of shorthand was something people bragged about? it only happened to me once; i don't know what happened
December 9th, 2009: not the ADJECTIVEST NOUNS in the VESSEL is my favourite analogy. there's so many words you can substitute in there, there's no reason to use the same one twice! it's just a perfectly excellent analogy, and i wanted to share.
December 8th, 2009: i am a very mature fellow whose interests include maturity and whose primary hobby is being extremely mature
December 7th, 2009: Congratulations to my friend Amanda McCoy, who just got her PhD! That's just excellent. I'm really happy to list Dr. McCoy among my friends, pretty sure I'll never call her by her first name again
December 4th, 2009: guys i think i made myself sad for bacteria with the phrase "those tiny lives"
December 3rd, 2009: anyway, i'll show myself out, professor!!
December 2nd, 2009: OH, ALSO, THE SENDER OF THIS CARD WANTS TO LICK YOUR TEETH CLEAN, EVEN IF THEY DENY IT, THEY TOTALLY DO
December 1st, 2009: seriously tempted to put out a whole line of these novels: "CLASSICS OF WESTERN LITERATURE: THE ODYSSEY, NOW TOLD AS IF IT WAS THIS REALLY LONG COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTING A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES CARTOON, AND AT THE END, THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES CARTOON STARTS UP AGAIN". the best part is, i get to novelize a ninja turtles cartoon!

November 2009

November 30th, 2009: openoffice doesn't have "utahraptor" OR "superduds" in its spell check dictionary. it's open source; what do i need to program to fix this for future generations
November 27th, 2009: bedbug sex is just part of the beauty of Mother Someanimalsengageinterribleawfulsexyouguys
November 26th, 2009: PLATONIC FORMS
November 25th, 2009: MORRIS I LOVE YOU
November 24th, 2009: i would call it "chez discrimination against uggos"
November 23rd, 2009: leafy greens the way brother lifeisrandom intended
November 20th, 2009: alternate endings involved trying to decide between duress phrase candidates "condition green", "condition omega alert", and "dude you sound turdly"
November 19th, 2009: cakes that are just cake on the inside: so 2009; holy crap dudes we are almost living in 2010!!
November 18th, 2009: hello, how are you? this is the comic i wrote for november 18th, 2009!
November 17th, 2009: okay, new question: let's say you can live inside any person in history
November 16th, 2009: i keep reading "love safety" as "love safely", which is a euphemism for "having sex while using protection", where "protection" is a nested euphemism for a prophylactic that inhibits both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. so KEEP THAT IN MIND
November 13th, 2009: it was a four-way tie between "it only costs $50 bucks" and "it only costs 50 bucks" and "it only costs fifty bucks" and "it only costs $fifty bucks".
November 12th, 2009: DELETED PHRASE: "the company did not respond by press time": any phrase that can meaningfully be employed after I say "Hey, do you have any comments?" and the company says "Well, actuall- " and I say "Too late!!" is not one worth putting in your article; I got opinions.
November 11th, 2009: occam's razor OF REVENGE is very simple, entities that allow revenge should not be multiplied beyond necessity
November 10th, 2009: utahraptor used to be more against t-rex stepping on tiny women, but it keeps happening and the woman keeps coming back, so, now, he's not so sure
November 9th, 2009: despite the deaths it is clear in panel 2 that t-rex is still a bit excited about the whole idea
November 6th, 2009: T-REX VAMPIRES CAN HAVE KIDS AND LITTLE DINOSAUR VAMPIRES SOUNDS PRETTY CUTE TO ME
November 5th, 2009: sheesh maybe i'll just sit in silence and listen to my own thoughts instead, maybe i'll just act like i'm in the stone age and we haven't figured out how to send voices through the air, boooooooring
November 4th, 2009: i wouldn't use the word in a comic that was actually about the word itself, but andrew hussie adds "burglar" to the end and i am ALL OVER THAT LIKE WHITE ON RICE
November 3rd, 2009: not all dreams can come true, you may never be an astronaut, you may never be the one your friends choose to rescue them from the past
November 2nd, 2009: anyway when does tennis for two 360 xtreme come out, i have been waiting FOREVER

October 2009

October 30th, 2009: spent a long time deciding whether to write "captain crunch cereal" or "cap'n crunch cereal", in the end wikipedia cast the deciding vote when it said that "captain crunch cereal" didn't actually exist, and that the cereal and the eponymous character go by the contraction exclusively. NOW U KNOW
October 29th, 2009: a question for people who are in fact friends with someone who says "major snorefest" lightly: how do you even manage it
October 28th, 2009: inspired by the tvtropes "weaksauce weakness" page. tvtropes it great, it'll remind you of how ridiculous your body is, AND also suck up endless hours of your time
October 27th, 2009: the great things about babies is that you can never be racist against babies, because you were totally a baby once. the only difference is, YOU grew out of it
October 26th, 2009: whatta park
October 23rd, 2009: Never a better time for a minced friggin' oath than now, Utahraptor!
October 22nd, 2009: Two days ago I assured John Campbell of Pictures For Sad Children Dot Com that the vagina was named after Dr. Vagina, the man who discovered it; I sincerely regret the error
October 21st, 2009: i kinda disagree with t-rex here, but sometimes, man, he just don't listen
October 20th, 2009: history's chumps: a comic about chumps that belong to history. hence, the possessive.
October 19th, 2009: the best version of this story i read ended with the moral "some infinities are bigger than others". HOW TRUE
October 16th, 2009: writing comics like this is a bad idea because if i DO get murdered, i can just see the defense for the murderer in court saying "your honour, this apparently dead guy wrote comics about faking your own death; TOTALLY JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE"
October 15th, 2009: man, WHO KNOWS.
October 14th, 2009: so! pretty sure i'm already a dentist, doctor
October 13th, 2009: wikipedia's gamboge article is getting some extra hits today, gamboge fans are having a really great day
October 9th, 2009: there's no extra picture hidden with THIS comic, sorry everyone!
October 8th, 2009: "hey guys so look i had some extra money" - a classic "2 h" tattoo that invites sexual scrutiny while reminding us that there are limits that constrain us
October 7th, 2009: paleontologists unearthing this comic today, amazed that dinosaurs could write comics about themselves, in english, no less, finally also amazed that they enjoyed such similar tv programmes
October 6th, 2009: this one happened to me too but good thing none of those people i ate with read my comic, huh? A GOOD THING INDEED FOR OL' RYAN
October 5th, 2009: the lava lamp thing wasn't actually that recent, it was in 2004, but it has taken me this long for me to be comfortable talking about it. IT COULD'VE EASILY BEEN ME, LAVA LAMPS TAKE SO FRIGGIN' LONG TO WARM UP
October 2nd, 2009: utahraptor's hoping maybe t-rex got one of the old standby messages people say they get from god: "your religion is definitely the right one", "you personally are super special", "hey, maybe you should be out murderin' people right now", that sort of thing
October 1st, 2009: dollar auctions were invented by martin shubik, okay, so listen, mr. shubik, i like your name

September 2009

September 30th, 2009: utahraptor: the kind of guy who will sometimes fantasize about gift shoes being delivered before biting the bullet and going out to buy actual shoes
September 29th, 2009: at least they're still talking about you, that's something
September 28th, 2009: can we make a single raised eyebrow sound louder, can science help us there or something
September 25th, 2009: ironically, in panel 2 when t-rex said "that's right, i said it!", referring to the idea that some people's true selves are total chumps, he had not ACTUALLY said it, merely implied it. i guess this really just goes to show you that irony can be super boring
September 24th, 2009: followers of my @ryanqnorth twitter account will realize that t-rex's creepy raccoon neighbours have broken out of fiction and are now pooping all over my deck. man, raccoons in toronto need to pay more attention to what they're eating, that's all i'll say
September 23rd, 2009: based on the time i stubbed my baby toe and it broke and my FRIEND pat who is supposed to be my FRIEND did NOTHING
September 22nd, 2009: A.F.S. said the only reason life is APPARENTLY thriving is because nature doesn't want the death of an individual to end things forever. With enough life running around and eating other life, you can have tons more misery to go around AND avoid the danger of having the death of an individual impact the viability of life on the planet, thereby ensuring endless future misery down the road! A. Friggin' S., ladies and gentlemen!
September 21st, 2009: the red spiders are colonizing outside of their native reality
September 18th, 2009: these are the circumstances of our bet, utahraptor, you must take them or you must leave them
September 17th, 2009: maybe it's a good idea that animals don't live forever. rhetorical animals, i mean! like me and my human friends!
September 16th, 2009: I call my tale, "I Stapled An Introductory Page To The Front, And A Concluding Page To The Back, Of A Curtain Catalogue".
September 15th, 2009: we do the best with what we have
September 14th, 2009: it is built-in protection against sexiness inflation, a strong statement against the growing trend of elevens on tens.
September 11th, 2009: my friends, i just had an imagination that demands my full attention
September 10th, 2009: i did a google search for "Walter Theodore Freemont", hoping he'd be a billionaire industrialist from centuries past, but thus far it seems no parents in history have seen it fit to give their child such a name, or at least give them the name and then tell the whole internet about it
September 9th, 2009: the history here is taken from "the secret life of words", by henry hitchings, wherein "arse ropes" are described (tautologically) as "delightfully graphic"!
September 8th, 2009: sometimes a bunch of us get together and call ourselves "the smiletime gang" and this summer we all awarded each other medals that say "#1 Friend"! SORRY EVERYONE, MEMBERSHIP TO OUR AWESOME GANG IS BY INVITATION ONLY
September 4th, 2009: i once dreamed that i cheated on my girlfriend and woke up feeling AWFUL. it wasn't until i was in the shower that i actually remembered it was all a dream! the sense of relief was palpable; it was so great that i kinda wish i had dreams like this more often
September 3rd, 2009: this comic started with "who will be the first person to be murdered in space? it could still be you!" which i posted to twitter, and then thought, man, someone should write a comic about that
September 2nd, 2009: T-REX YOU HAVE MADE OUT WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERY VISIBLE CHARACTER IN THIS COMIC; YOU'RE LUCKY THERE'S A FOURTH WALL BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW
September 1st, 2009: we'll always have batman

August 2009

August 31st, 2009: if you think either t-rex or utahraptor is being unreasonable, just adjust the amount of money owed up or down until you can see their point of view
August 28th, 2009: let's say you have a giant heap of sand.
August 27th, 2009: the wikipedia page on pedigree collapse writes about "the common historical tendency to marry those within walking distance", which i find to be ENTIRELY CHARMING. you're within walking distance, baby! let's get hitched!
August 26th, 2009: ...can't hold this "i'm excited to see you, future folk" pose forever
August 25th, 2009: i wrote this comic while listening the TWO separate albums called "the ocarina of rhyme". i know mc hawking has "a brief history of rhyme"; apparently i am a big fan of the ol' time/rhyme switcharoo
August 24th, 2009: i always felt bad for the kids who'd respond with "thank you" to an insult, as if that diffused it. you still understood the intent of the hurtful words and saying thanks at least superficially indicates you appreciated it and as such works to encourage further insults; i believe it to be the worst anti-bullying tactic
August 21st, 2009: half-way through writing this comic, I realized that if dame judy dench reads my comic then t-rex WOULD, in her head, to her, already sound just like dame judy dench. niiiiiice
August 20th, 2009: if ANY ONE of these predictions fails to come true before the final heat death of the universe, i will PERSONALLY buy each of my readers a doughnut.
August 19th, 2009: Here Lies T-Rex: He's Dead, But That Doesn't Mean You Should Make Fun Of Him.
August 18th, 2009: just ran all these queries and am now relieved to be so innocent
August 17th, 2009: utahraptor is assuming t-rex may occasionally think of him as "an orange man"; it seems a fair assumption
August 14th, 2009: anyone who wants to add "Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever" as a much-desired item in an rpg, please, feel free
August 13th, 2009: if by "kinda sucky at the best of times" t-rex means "kinda sensual under very particular, controlled circumstances"
August 12th, 2009: if you re-read the comic again with "girlfriend" you will see that t-rex has had a great dating history. no regrets!
August 11th, 2009: a better example would be the rollover from 1999 to 2000 but people got worked up about that one too, so let us Wisely Keep Our Pie Holes Shut about it
August 10th, 2009: this hypothetical book of quotations only serves to underline the importance of a trained and qualified proofreader. or a backspace key
August 7th, 2009: i got opinions, i still got opinions
August 6th, 2009: LET'S GO HAVE SOME INTELLIGENT FRIGGIN' BABIES! LATER ON ONE OF THEM MIGHT BLOW UP A ROCK IN SPACE
August 5th, 2009: this is also my theory on webcomics: webcomics help to show people who don't like comics that the medium isn't just batman and archie and newspaper strips! GO TEAM COMICS ON THE INTERNET. ALSO I LIKE BATMAN; FURTHER, JUGHEAD CERTAINLY HAS HIS MOMENTS
August 4th, 2009: this comic allows you to almost pinpoint the point where the "let us" experiment ended for t-rex

July 2009

July 31st, 2009: followers on my ryanqnorth twitter account already know that i would buy "horse game 64"; now they know t-rex would buy it too. THE JOYS OF TWITTER
July 30th, 2009: three worse reasons for donating sperm than the sense of mystery: "i was told there would be pizza", "my freezer at home is just about full", "well, the apartment's already rotten with the stuff anyway"
July 29th, 2009: they are the wipes that mime the hand of a clock passing a full cycle. they're - they're the best wipe. star wipes are for chumps
July 28th, 2009: you may not like this comic, but your kids are gonna love it. IF YOU BRING THEM UP RIGHT
July 27th, 2009: by my calculations, even a randomly-chosen predictive bet is 99.999% more likely to turn out to be true in the year 2019 than t-rex's Dialup Boner Euphemism
July 24th, 2009: i can hear jenn is downstairs watching a morning show on tv and i'll tell you this: i could do a better morning show, an sleepy dog could do a better job. in fact, that's an awesome idea, let's have morning shows that are just shorts of puppies yawning and blinking and stumbling around as they wake up, OH MY GOODNESS
July 23rd, 2009: how could i mention "teri hatcher" and not mention dean "sugar" cain, who starred as superman? um obviously i couldn't! oh, sugar cain.
July 22nd, 2009: thank you, 19-minute version of "lady madonna" by the rose hill junior high school jazz ensemble, for giving me something to listen to a few times while i wrote this here internet comic
July 21st, 2009: we say "let's party!!" all the time, it is time to admit it
July 20th, 2009: i used "hakeem" so that all the hakeems in the audience will be startled!!
July 17th, 2009: did you know that PROFESSION MEMBERS do it IN A WAY INDICATIVE OF SOME ASPECT OF THEIR PROFESSION
July 16th, 2009: this also works for batman and mickey mouse, but seriously, who goes around referencing mickey mouse, nobody, that's who
July 15th, 2009: midway through this comic i had to do a search to see if people actually said "beach bunny". the more i thought about it the more it seemed entirely plausible i'd invented this ridiculous phrase.
July 14th, 2009: BOTTOM LINE: it is almost 2010 and i know everyone has mentioned this already, but a personal jetpack in 2010 would - well, it would be REALLY nice.
July 13th, 2009: t-rex your theory is pretty basic and seems entirely plausible
July 10th, 2009: spell "prescriptivizm" with a 'z', okay
July 9th, 2009: i've mentioned this oxygen molecule death before, but i feel the people must be informed. only just now i looked it up and SCIENCE says that it takes a few minutes to suffocate in a vacuum, so you wouldn't die instantly if you were this cosmically unlucky chap to have all the oxygen randomly bounce away from him! awesome, man, that's one life fear assuaged
July 8th, 2009: fill in your own name
July 7th, 2009: stephen hawking says a lot of things! anyway most of them i am incredibly underqualified to judge
July 6th, 2009: so yeah i'm experimenting with "totes" by having fictional characters say it for me first
July 3rd, 2009: THESIS: everything gets better if we all pretend we're batman. assuming we all share the exact same sense of right and wrong, i mean, obviously
July 2nd, 2009: earlier versions of this comic had her team up with that self-interested aquatic vertebrate, the selFISH, but then i thought "wait what the heck am i doing"

June 2009

June 30th, 2009: katy is super tolerant
June 29th, 2009: time for me to starting saying "no doubt!" instead of "yes"
June 26th, 2009: not too late to go back and change things
June 25th, 2009: seriously who do you talk to about becoming a spy, i mean the romanticized kind that gets to meet a lot of pretty ladies in the course of business, in any case my email address is public, i look forward to hearing from you in the fullness of time
June 24th, 2009: utahraptor you can definitely make it win a few pulitzers, okay?
June 23rd, 2009: every time someone bikes by me and shouts out a compliment i'm all, "friends for life!"
June 22nd, 2009: Folks I Will Never Be Friends With, also known as Folks Who Will Never Get To Be Friends With Me, And I Like This Title Better, Because It Suggest My Friendship Is A Much-Valued Prize
June 19th, 2009: i was stuck on this comic for a while until i asked myself "wait! how DO you defeat a superintelligent ai?" and THEN i remembered how!
June 18th, 2009: it is very convenient for me that "species" is its own plural
June 17th, 2009: i've a degree in computational linguistics, so i speak with authority when i say "this is a bold new approach to the problem of NLP, and i have never encountered another paper which comes close to exploring this brave and exciting new vista"
June 16th, 2009: this works for a bunch of other sayings too! "if the shoe fits, die in front of your tv set", "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to die in front of their tv sets", "elvis has left the building, so we should all just die in front of our tv sets"
June 15th, 2009: t-rex is saying he's better than ever because when he was down south he got a rejuvenating mineral bath and is determined to believe that it was worth it, did you know that all this backstory and more goes into every comic only to be ruthlessly cut
June 12th, 2009: guest week 2009: andrew hussie of ms paint adventures!
June 11th, 2009: guest week 2009: michael firman of moe!
June 10th, 2009: guest week 2009: zach weiner of saturday morning breakfast cereal!
June 9th, 2009: guest week 2009: ben driscoll of daisy owl!
June 8th, 2009: guest week 2009: carly monardo of whirring blender!
June 4th, 2009: where are the hindus with their "there's probably many gods. now stop worrying and enjoy your lives." buses? WHERE??
June 3rd, 2009: my fare lay dee
June 2nd, 2009: feelin' bad about the limitations of my non-super tear ducts :~(
June 1st, 2009: i am not intending to produce this t-shirt for i know, in my heart of hearts, that none of my readers are ACTUALLY mama's suckiest boys

May 2009

May 29th, 2009: this comic at one point was about t-rex's womanliest woman, the venus to his mars, the muliebrity to his virility
May 28th, 2009: cetirizine hydrochloride works well at minimizing the symptoms of being incapacitated by the sperm cells of plants, PRO TIP
May 27th, 2009: some readers get a double dose of raggin' on fahrenheit. thanks sam for inspiring this comic!
May 26th, 2009: later on t-rex is like, whatever man, my neck flaps look awesome, screw all the hatahs
May 25th, 2009: "ryan north died today. he was the guy who put the words in the dinosaur mouths. man, remember them?"
May 22nd, 2009: LATER: t-rex's decides if he names his kid "t-rex jr." it will be pronounced "t-rex jay arr" and he will be the one that insists upon it
May 21st, 2009: okay so i have had that "man held prisoner by robots" image scanned and waiting since the week after i started dinosaur comics
May 20th, 2009: wrote this comic while listening to sound of water dripping and a door creaking, thought it was amazing music then realized it was hallowe'en sfx reel i downloaded last year and never used, living with no regrets
May 19th, 2009: t-rex is wrong: a google search for "He's an A+ number one writer dude" returns zero results, with or without references to shakespeare. UNTIL NOW
May 18th, 2009: QUANTUM EROTICA is not only a great concept, it's is also a great name for someone. feel free to use it and remember changing your name is only a matter of a few forms and a couple'a bucks
May 14th, 2009: turbellaria flatworms you better not be fighting in there! oh. oh my goodness.
May 13th, 2009: on the plus side, there WAS a time in our history when we all walked around threatening to pheeze each other. that's somethin'!
May 12th, 2009: please nobody who reads my comic break up today!! okay sweet
May 11th, 2009: this comic was made for the comics festival book for free comic book day 2009! it was an all-ages book so t-rex's "heck no" line was altered from "FRIG, WHAT DO YOU FRIGGIN' THINK??"
May 7th, 2009: TRUE FACTS: there was a duke3d ladder, and i was really good - in the worldwide top 50! i thought i was really somethin' else until i saw a video of the top two players in a match, and it was clear to me i would never get to that level.
May 6th, 2009: i'm not making fun of the devil. anyone to get 10 billion points in arcade nibbler is amazing and probably supernatural
May 5th, 2009: MORE ON TATTOOS FROM THE GUY WHO WILL ONLY GET ONE WHEN HE HAS CONSIDERED THEIR SIGNIFICANCE FROM ALL POSSIBLE ANGLES
May 4th, 2009: i'm the handsome one
May 1st, 2009: this is me shamelessly appealing to the digging-ditches-and-hating-it part of the audience

April 2009

April 30th, 2009: i guess there's not much science fiction where time travel is facilitated by, you know, god
April 29th, 2009: add a few Is each time you do it
April 28th, 2009: i can set my calendar by it. "oh, i could kinda go for some fried chicken. i last pigged out on it in april, so what is this - september? it's probably september."
April 27th, 2009: i am a man who enjoys eating a barbequed anything now and again
April 24th, 2009: dromiceiomimus you are the most patient dinosaur of all
April 23rd, 2009: i was going to do the myth of medusa, but she's basically king midas with stone instead of gold and the male gaze instead of touch. you heard it here first.
April 22nd, 2009: they were called "oh's" and just try to track down an o-shaped cereal that is called "oh's". i cannot imagine a more crowded namespace
April 21st, 2009: I am realizing that a good 50% of cards could conclude with "anyway i felt bad, so here's a card." the other 50% are the happy cards, so they can end with "anyway i felt GOOD, so here's a card, i guess"
April 20th, 2009: YOU ARE SPECIAL: a "web" "card"
April 17th, 2009: who didn't need to consult a faq for the warp whistle location? ME, THAT'S WHO. take THAT, everyone else who would've had to consult a faq under similar circumstances
April 16th, 2009: i did a search and nobody is calling bad baloney "failoney". what the heck, internet, you shouldn't need me to think up these permutations for you
April 15th, 2009: gary please to be getting your doctorate
April 14th, 2009: alternate last panel: t-rex thanks god for his friendship and god says "thank YOU, t-rex" and then there's an extra panel where t-rex says "who says conflict is a necessary part of any narrative? NOT ME, BITCHES"
April 9th, 2009: another good business card in the first two panels!! i am a business card MACHINE
April 8th, 2009: now HERE is a first two panels business card
April 7th, 2009: welcome to "idio" theme week, here at chewbac.ca
April 6th, 2009: you know how friday's comic was all about power ballads? I AM STILL LISTENING TO POWER BALLADS AND HAVE NO REGRETS (ABOUT POWER BALLADS)
April 3rd, 2009: "cutting crew" has died tonight. in your arms. in their dying breath, they speculate that it was something you said.
April 2nd, 2009: i'm not looking to blame. i just want to talk to whoever's doing it.
April 1st, 2009: anyway i'm off to the chocolate factory!! LATER SUCKERS

March 2009

March 31st, 2009: the first draft of this comic had the wrong "who's" in it. I KNOW.
March 30th, 2009: am i to understand the operating room also has something dangerous that can be laughed at AND a business card printing machine? because if so that is an operation room that is very convenient in some very unexpected ways
March 27th, 2009: my brother and i came up with zombie-themed fresh prince of bel-air lyrics last night, but the only real standout was "i got one little bite and my mom got scared"
March 26th, 2009: anyway. turns out that t-rex is ACTUALLY mad at a wide cross-section of history
March 25th, 2009: i was going to tell you the hapax legomenon i found in dinosaur comics so far, but if i did so it would no longer be the case. it would become a self-unfulfilling prophecy!
March 24th, 2009: puppyocracies OH MY GOODNESS WHO HAS THE BALANCE OF POWER AND SUCH A CUTE LITTLE NOSE
March 19th, 2009: for those not keeping track of t-rex's nicknames for his fists, they run as follows: knuckles and chuckles; rocco and choco: the twins! who! punch!; the chinese buffet; geraldine and geraldina; and now, plans b through c.
March 18th, 2009: i call this comic, "the one i wrote wednesday morning, shortly after chartering a helicopter ride for two"
March 17th, 2009: i wrote this whole comic before actually thinking to check that st. patrick lived before the 1200s. turns out he lived from around 387 AD to 461 AD! thanks, st. patrick! YOU SAVED ME FROM HAVING TO SCRAP A COMEDIC PREMISE
March 16th, 2009: if i get audited in the future i'm blaming this comic SO HARD
March 13th, 2009: If anything, we can say that lasting peace is rare. But over and over throughout history, just when it appears to be within reach, we seem to collectively shrug our shoulders and say, "Naw, forget it."
March 12th, 2009: TWO WAYS TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS. just two.
March 11th, 2009: my father wanted a comic about this for his birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD.
March 10th, 2009: He has "hung a lampshade" on it, if you will, allowing us all to move on. Good job, Shakespeare! Once again you have saved the play
March 9th, 2009: "i've saved $3.55 in my life. $3.55 in 80 years. :0"
March 6th, 2009: now you never have to admit that you've never committed any poems to memory! YOU JUST DID
March 5th, 2009: this comic establishes in continuity that t-rex refers to his fingers as "pinkie" and "thumb". so um, neither name makes a lick of sense
March 4th, 2009: dudes why are there no cyborgs yet. come on, dudes.
March 3rd, 2009: in undergrad i was batman against parking tickets. i can't tell you how; you'll all just have to accept it as the truth, okay?
March 2nd, 2009: t-rex is talking into his audio diary. or to his mirror. or to morris?

February 2009

February 27th, 2009: comics in which hurtful editing is used against t-rex :(
February 26th, 2009: CORPORATE verbing weirds language
February 25th, 2009: it took a few tries to find a domain name like businesssuccessislifesuccess.com that wasn't already taken by some terrible person that i hope to never run into at a party
February 24th, 2009: hey, all the bill petersons out there in the world who read my comic and who are coming to terms with their lives! assuming you exist, big ups!!
February 23rd, 2009: this comic continues the series of "comics in which immigration is used as a way to segue to robocop" found irregularly peppered throughout the historical record
February 20th, 2009: here i am assuming that the amount of radiation needed to kill a human (10 Gy) is the same as the amount needed to kill a dinosaur. IF SCIENCE PROVES ME WRONG I WILL BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE, AND THEN I WILL SAY, HEY WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DINOSAUR
February 19th, 2009: it's way cuter if mr. tusks does it. 'excuse me, but the inside of your mouth looks a LITTLE dry', he says. aww! mr. tusks!
February 18th, 2009: TINY BATMAN HEAD APPEARS COURTESY OF DC COMICS, WHO INVENTED HIS ENTIRE BODY ALSO ACTUALLY
February 17th, 2009: one day i'll write a comic like this and get a visit from the government, and the government will say, hey, how did you know about our listening device? and then the government will say, hey, we read your comic. we're big fans. keep it up, ryan.
February 13th, 2009: guys valentine's day is TOMORROW! if you're single, holy crap time is running out!!
February 12th, 2009: someone monitoring my google searches today would find "where are darwin's remains", "where is darwin buried", "how long does it take a skeleton to decay", and "okay but what if it was near an anthill though"
February 11th, 2009: it's also the universe where t-rex puts asterisks in conversation. it's a two-in-one
February 10th, 2009: today is the day my ms word spell check evolved the ability to hate
February 9th, 2009: the real murderer was you, the reader. nice going.
February 6th, 2009: don't call us "the contamination". just call us "the other", and respond to us accordingly, i guess
February 5th, 2009: wikipedia says secrets are in our biology, and that sexual reproduction allows us to SECRETLY share genetic improvements without sharing them with the rest of the community. oh, wikipidia. sometimes - i just don't know, wikipedia.
February 4th, 2009: over two years ago i had a comic that ended with "warning: the preceding erotica was extremely sexually charged". I SAY THIS IS DIFFERENT ENOUGH TO STILL BE FUNNY. I LAUGHED. I LAUGHED AT MY OWN JOKE. YOU CAN TOO IF YOU WANT???
February 3rd, 2009: the gift-givers were like, "SERIOUSLY?? ALL YOU HAVE ARE NASEEM BALLOONS? FRIG. I'LL TAKE *ONE*"
February 2nd, 2009: to my knowledge there are no helicopter pilots who have married poorly who read my comic. if you are one, then hopefully by "married poorly" you just mean "the wedding itself was ridiculous, strictly amateur hour"

January 2009

January 30th, 2009: all i know is someone did a yocto-assed job on this here McChicken with cheese
January 29th, 2009: i've eaten so many friggin' animals!! i've eaten ALL the friggin' animals.
January 28th, 2009: AND BY "RELIGION" I MEAN "CHRISTIANITY"
January 27th, 2009: hey everyone, remember xtreegold? man i have been on, like, a 24-hour xtgold nostalgia bender
January 26th, 2009: if this were the last dinosaur comic ever, it would be exactly the same, except the last panel would be replaced with t-rex's painting
January 23rd, 2009: astute readers will notice that t-rex has travelled through time on many occasions. just sayin'!
January 22nd, 2009: it's only plagiarism if you write "plagiarism: the final frontier" and then you have a li'l footnote saying "i totally wrote every word of that, SCREW GENE RODDENBERRY"
January 21st, 2009: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE AFTERLIFE, AMIRITE? SOMEBODY SHOULD GET ON THIS
January 20th, 2009: the sequel is "The Pedestrian Who Was Dropping His Pants While Also Dropping A Barf"
January 19th, 2009: you could have all these slogans printed on one shirt, but that is a very busy shirt.
January 16th, 2009: red! red!! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
January 15th, 2009: what you need to imagine here is an english lit prof in tweed with a case of the righteous punches
January 14th, 2009: it's like turtles with mutagen. it happens in seconds!!
January 13th, 2009: don't tell anyone else though, okay?
January 12th, 2009: statistically it's likely that someone reading this comic was playing chess with someone and they had a heart attack and died. I HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO LAUGH AT THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NOW; OTHERWISE I WILL FEEL LIKE QUITE THE HEEL
January 9th, 2009: spellcheck wants to tell me that "fussin'" and "a-feudin'" aren't words. this is why spellcheck and i can't get married. there are other reasons.
January 8th, 2009: t-rex has become a counselship relationer.
January 7th, 2009: when i'm an old man and my license is about to expire, the last time i go driving i'm going to be SO DANG INCONSIDERATE
January 6th, 2009: let's get off the reproduction treadmill. also, let's go get some whoppers with cheese. maybe we can do both, is my thinking
January 5th, 2009: t-rex's "screw those guys, man" phrase discriminates against women twice in one sentence! what's the deal, t-dogg?
January 2nd, 2009: if i eat the flesh of my enemies, can i turn them into my brains, and thus have their OWN BODY think my thoughts, and those thoughts will be "ha ha ha AWESOME"?

December 2008

December 23rd, 2008: Daffy Duck the daffy duck
December 22nd, 2008: can someone update t-rex's wikipedia page to say that in the past, he has kissed up wikipedia? don't explain it any more than that, okay
December 19th, 2008: utahraptor's being generous. the profile actually had the spouse interest written down as "spuoses"
December 18th, 2008: remote-controlled cars: just as awesome as world peace? you all nodded in agreement when you read that, don't even lie
December 17th, 2008: sometimes people ask me "what is dinosaur comics about?" and sometimes all i can say is "about six panels, i'd say"
December 16th, 2008: hilarious double-entendre in panel 5 alert! allow me to be the first to say, 'tee hee, boners'
December 15th, 2008: LATER: T-REX'S HOUSE IS NEVER DISCOVERED AND ALL THAT HE ACCOMPLISHED TURNED TO DUST :o :o :o
December 12th, 2008: can you believe i wrote this whole comic before i thought of the phrase "holy ghost"? i can. I JUST LIVED IT!!
December 11th, 2008: because in wars if you fight for too long then you become your enemy, remember
December 10th, 2008: i realized after writing it that you can read this comic as being prejudiced against disability, seniors, alcoholics, insomniacs, arthritics, people with skin cancer, the suicidal, the diseased and the dead. so um, please don't do that?
December 9th, 2008: that fruit stand / car chase thing is pretty awesome. you'd be forgiven for thinking that it was all downhill from here after doing that.
December 8th, 2008: i'm not putting another god before you! i'm putting you and all other gods in a line, EQUALLY.
December 5th, 2008: so hey another fun thing about a body farm would be that if you have a friend who drinks too much and passes out, you could leave him in the body farm so that when he wakes up he would say "man, what did I get up to last night? OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD"
December 4th, 2008: ATTENTION LINGUISTS! i do wince every time I use words derived from "anthropology" in my comic, but i don't really have another word to reach to :(
December 3rd, 2008: FUN FACTS: anyone who asks for a prorogue today is a weinerhead?
December 2nd, 2008: gravity is a property of matter. bill! bill! bill! bill bill bill bill nye, the science guy.
December 1st, 2008: i'm sassy AND classy

November 2008

November 27th, 2008: i am thinking of writing a comic about the Midas Flesh, can you tell
November 26th, 2008: in translating shakespeare's lady macbeth sleepwalking scene into modern cadence, i added an extra exclamation mark. read into that what you will!!
November 25th, 2008: in one stage of writing, this comic ended with t-rex meeting an unhealthy, unlucky, bad-decision making puppy. but it was TOO SAD, YOU GUYS!!
November 24th, 2008: dear audio diary! this afternoon was that library thing, but this EVENING found me playing paddycake with a monkey. nice.
November 21st, 2008: i found a terrible website, left undisturbed for years, yet the last update promised more new content soon. it seemed as if the author was spirited away mid-keypress. as i investigated, i was startled to discover the server was STILL WARM TO THE TOUCH
November 20th, 2008: t-rex, we're involved in a high-stakes game of 'chicken'
November 19th, 2008: see i what i did there? i referenced dr. mccoy's folksy racism
November 18th, 2008: "I had my first dream of flying and it was GREAT. I flew over cities, towns AND rivers"
November 17th, 2008: the more i think about this comic the less it makes sense
November 14th, 2008: utahraptor and t-rex have finally achieved kryptonite bullet level friendship
November 13th, 2008: totally tempted to just end this comic at panel 2, and THEN, go buy myself a cake
November 12th, 2008: PERHAPS I CAN DISCOVER A WAY TO TAKE IT WITH ME
November 11th, 2008: god is missing the fact that someone might draw a dinosaur riding a nuclear bomb and waving a cowboy hat! that sounds like fun times maybe!
November 10th, 2008: labour day is giving you the bedroom eyes. listen, come into our store. you need to sex up labour day.
November 6th, 2008: Science has drugged participants in this game with intranasal oxytocin, which increases generous offers by 80% relative to a placebo! thanks, intranasal oxytocin! i hear you're also useful in childbirth
November 5th, 2008: comics in which a dinosaur wants to develop part of a parrot's skillset! on the INTERNET
November 4th, 2008: HEY AMERICANS! PLEASE VOTE FOR SOMEONE AWESOME TODAY?
November 3rd, 2008: ROAD RAGE! BICYCLE STYLE!!!

October 2008

October 31st, 2008: alternate ending: t-rex dresses up as a guy from three years ago dressed up as a guy from three years in the future! he walks around saying "what is this strange new world of the very near future? why, it's quite as i might have imagined."
October 30th, 2008: if you didn't recognize any of the product slogans in this comic, YOU ARE STILL FREE! RUN! TELL THEM MY STORY.
October 29th, 2008: except for the fact that bad things happen to good puppies. :(
October 28th, 2008: i used the leibniz thing before in a post beneath the comic about how melbourne, australia was almost called batmania, australia, but i don't save those and anyway i decided that WAY more people need to know about places named batman
October 27th, 2008: when you notice these things happening, it's good to point them out.
October 23rd, 2008: cut dialogue had t-rex being all, "'prejudice' is a boring word used by guidance counsellers and human resources managers. RACISM is an exciting word used by yellow journalists and tabloids!" and then utahraptor was all, "yellow journalists, huh?"
October 22nd, 2008: "the wagon is sadness and my mode of transportation" would be a great title for an autobiography you guys
October 21st, 2008: i really respect the team at illegalsigns.ca. they spend so much time going through the legal process to get these billboards removed, which must be frustrating! i would have gone batman on the signs SO LONG AGO
October 20th, 2008: if an asteroid strikes the planet i am going to feel real bad about makin' fun
October 17th, 2008: guest week 2008: randall munroe of xkcd!
October 16th, 2008: guest week 2008: anthony clark of nedroid!
October 15th, 2008: guest week 2008: kate beaton of kate beaton's comics!
October 14th, 2008: guest week 2008: john campbell of pictures for sad children!
October 13th, 2008: guest week 2008: david malki ! of wondermark!
October 10th, 2008: this is easier in photographs
October 9th, 2008: lots of folks emailed me saying "what about widows and widowers? there's a relationship that didn't end in a breakup" and so, um, the deal is, i forgot about them? which makes me a horrible person? and i'm not really comfortable making jokes about it?
October 8th, 2008: shouts out to all the forrests and forests who emailed me yesterday with their stories. i wish they could have made him a sexy double agent instead too.
October 7th, 2008: the dinosaur comics timeline takes another hit in this comic
October 6th, 2008: based on this time in grade six where i thought i was really something
October 3rd, 2008: also! dromiceiomimus! it's awful bright at 3 am where you live.
October 2nd, 2008: british readers: wikipedia tells me that you call the telephone game "chinese whispers". that's racist, british readers. that's racist, wikipedia.
October 1st, 2008: I know it can be seen as an insult but it's just such a cute word that I can't see anyone being insulted. Oh, Fubs!

September 2008

September 30th, 2008: when someone stubs their toe in metropolis, there's got to be some level that blames superman
September 29th, 2008: ah, the dream of being a jerk while having a doctor's note saying it's allowed
September 26th, 2008: the pebble was actually found in an australopithecine cave, so it may have been discarded before the dude died, left behind, untouched and alone and forgotten for millions of years. QUESTION: IS THIS VERSION OF EVENTS MORE OR LESS MAUDLIN
September 25th, 2008: what movies did t-rex see that were so terrible? why, the same two movies that YOU hate the most! oh my god! t-rex is So Relatable!
September 24th, 2008: this comic began as the "if you could have a lifetime supply of something" comic with god from last week, but then when i was rewriting that one this comic popped out instead! so i held onto it and finally came up with the last panels today TRUE STORY
September 23rd, 2008: the last panel is directed to the crowd across the street that gathered in anticipation of just such an awkward moment
September 22nd, 2008: i went to my cousin's wedding this weekend and it was lovely. there were no hookups AND my cousins and i snuck up onto the roof! thank you for inviting me to your wedding, ginny
September 19th, 2008: YES!! YES, LET'S DO THAT! HOLY CRAP. HOLY CRAPS!
September 18th, 2008: astute readers will notice that t-rex himself has gone back in time on several occasions. why doesn't HE use time travel to solve all his problems? the explanation is: there are reasons? and they are - undisclosed reasons?
September 17th, 2008: man, they're out of cheerios at the grocery store? FRIGGIN' MONOTHEISM
September 16th, 2008: attention, readers! in retrospect, i'm not even sure if bears do it.
September 15th, 2008: we all have different tastes, but what if we all share the same as-yet-undiscovered supertaste? what then? WORLD PEACE BROKERED THROUGH A SHARED APPRECIATION OF A SINGLE SONG?? A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WHO HATES THE SONG FEELING PRETTY FRIGGIN' EXCLUDED??
September 12th, 2008: "taxes. what are taxes? we just don't know."
September 11th, 2008: every time i mention clothes in the comic i worry i undermine its central conceit (NAKED DINOSAURS LOL OGC LOL?)
September 10th, 2008: running jokes about what day of the week it is, here at qwantz.com
September 9th, 2008: someone's been getting their idea of spaniards from zorro stories. not even! from stereotypes about zorro stories. anyway it's t-rex not me
September 8th, 2008: oh, did i say "memorable"? I meant "difficult".
September 5th, 2008: maybe unicorns practiced zero-footprint hovercraft construction, and ALSO built their hovercrafts out of paper. you don't even know.
September 4th, 2008: many chicks and dudes emailed me to let me know that the bingo machines t-rex envisioned yesterday already existed. thanks guys! the best email was reuven's because it contained the catchy slogan "dinosaur comics: predicting the present, today!"
September 3rd, 2008: deleted dialogue: "just hook Dr. Sbaitso up to a random number generator, I don't know"
September 2nd, 2008: as he matured, "the new tattoo shoots the old one" became "the old tattoo flies out of the new one's mouth". OLD AGE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

August 2008

August 29th, 2008: this is brilliant guerilla marketing. sucky roommates will read this comic, get pissed off at the person who left it there, and think "I'm angry and yet... SOMEHOW - I want to hear more of what these dinosaurs have to say!"
August 28th, 2008: it wasn't even a chocolate store giving away the chocolates, but whatever! i will take your misguided marketing, and i will eat it.
August 27th, 2008: tina's a dude, i forgot to mention it in the story so i'll mention it here on the back cover. it's no big deal. she used to be a woman but she's a man now and she Punches The Future. FIND OUT MORE INSIDE??
August 26th, 2008: ryan, it's me, ryan from five minutes in the future! the mashed potatoes turned out okay! i want to have some more, so listen so are you willing to share?
August 25th, 2008: deleted dialogue: "anthropomorphic bread machine are clown shoes. all the toughest bread machines are boxes, and their only concession to anthropy is an unblinking red eye."
August 22nd, 2008: bruce swain is clarke's friend. they form a fast friendship and go white-water rafting and have a great time! in a rare moment of emotional honesty for them both, they admit that they've never been happier.
August 21st, 2008: the best bathroom graffiti i ever saw was "i am a walking poo factory", all lowercase, just like that. it was written in small letters, sad and confessional.
August 20th, 2008: i only got "accounting best practices" in one panel. it - it was enough?
August 19th, 2008: this was the one in which "party" appears in every panel. up next! the one in which "accounting best practices" appears in every panel
August 18th, 2008: ah, the old "very" trick. long-time readers will recall it as the secret to keeping romance fresh!
August 15th, 2008: why are you swearing before you guess? there's no reason. it's uncalled for.
August 14th, 2008: i did the math and it looks like boorishly only send out screeds when he reaches three point nine rages. now you know
August 13th, 2008: food that, if you died while eating it - everyone who discovered you would laugh?
August 12th, 2008: only a li'l desperate
August 11th, 2008: IF YOU GOT DUMPED TODAY I AM SORRY. HERE ARE SOME WAYS IT COULD HAVE GONE WORSE I GUESS? OR MAYBE HERE ARE SOME WAYS IT COULD HAVE GONE BETTER. I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S HARD TO SAY
August 8th, 2008: this comic can be read to suggest that there's an extra panel 7 and 8 and 9 to each of my comics, in which the characters stand around greeting each other back and forth. why not, i say! WHO IS GOING TO STOP US? THE POLICE?? WELL HOPEFULLY NOT
August 7th, 2008: i was wolverine for a day last week, and just never used my powers. I Am Almost Certain Of It.
August 6th, 2008: t-rexor mact-rexor
August 5th, 2008: what do dieting people eat? judging from weight-loss commercials, they enjoy the same foods they're enjoying now, for only $24.95 a month. results not typical.
August 1st, 2008: boner fever: it's terminal now

July 2008

July 31st, 2008: today's title text is in the form of a poem. this is because i am an Artist
July 30th, 2008: i'm guessing he's pronouncing it 'pulls'
July 29th, 2008: this is the source of the old "avoid unnecessary prolixity and eschew obfuscation" joke. an oldie but a goodie??
July 28th, 2008: i am happy because i found out my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend was nicknamed 'shufflepants'. hilarious! i can EASILY compete with that.
July 25th, 2008: people who don't watch star trek: now you can knowledgably complain about a part of the show! it will help you 'fit in'
July 24th, 2008: a lot of people have sent me lists of the many things they can do transitively to pants. it was very illuminating! you guys do a lot of things to and about your pants
July 23rd, 2008: 'speechifying' is a real word! you could be a speechifier, all you have to do is speechify
July 22nd, 2008: the first three panels are all that remain of my epic Herostratus / Quantum Leap fan fiction, where Hero kept leaping into new lives, and no matter what life or time period he was in, he'd try to sabotage the wonders of the world. oh well!
July 21st, 2008: advanced readers will recognize this as the origin of the phrase "herostratic fame", but i never heard that phrase before! i guess it really just speaks to the herostratic company YOU hang out with, ADVANCED READERS.
July 18th, 2008: dinosaur comics, ladies and gentlemen!
July 17th, 2008: how do we know when and how words changed pronunciation, if they weren't written down? well sir, we look at sucky rhymes in poems and presume they used to work, and also at books written during the shift complaining how kids today keep talkin' wrong
July 16th, 2008: if you're interested in learning more, i recommend "how to do things with words" by j.l. austin! i am lifting his ideas here!
July 15th, 2008: if you have to go, death by misadventure isn't a bad way. it's "a lawful act resulting in death through careless or reckless execution". not bad, not bad! you just have to, you know, really screw up buying tacos
July 14th, 2008: so yeah the only cure for boner fever is fewer boners. hey thanks for reading my comic today everyone!!
July 11th, 2008: this happened to me: i ran into Old My Friend Oliver outside my home, and he gave me the same mysterious inspirational nod. although his smile also could have meant "ryan, it's good to see you again, one last time. too bad how you died TOMORROW"
July 10th, 2008: when i was a kid i convinced my friend that i was born without the ability to feel pain, which was why i was always so scraped up. to test it i invited him to crush my fingers, which he did, and i ruined it by screaming when it actually REALLY HURT
July 9th, 2008: "by doing some simple pronoun and name substitutions, you can read all about loheta's adventures. in some of them, he's got breasts!"
July 8th, 2008: i would really like to read an entire series of books by various famous authors, all called "My Tiring Day". Imagine Alan Moore's "My Tiring Day" next to Nick Hornby's and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's installments! amazing.
July 7th, 2008: i wasn't sure if you could be food poisoned to death, so i looked it up and saw that you could. "oh good" i said, because it made my punchline work, and then i realized i just said "oh good" to millions of deaths throughout history? wow, go me
July 4th, 2008: "life is stupid and I'm going to go stockpile water"
July 3rd, 2008: oh my gosh, utahraptor, let's get a "friendship prenup"! i just made them up; let's get some
July 2nd, 2008: before everyone emails me to mention the ketubah, i will probably mention the ketubah tomorrow! unless i change my mind! which i might! who can say!

June 2008

June 30th, 2008: according to wikipedia, in 1992 the fresh prince theme song was released in the netherlands and hit #3 on the charts! netherlands: why aren't you closer to canada? we could hang out.
June 27th, 2008: if you think "USA" is a slam on billy mitchell then you are correct! also i guess we both saw "king of kong" and enjoyed it?
June 26th, 2008: the best french word EVER is the word for werewolf: "loup garou". if you know only this one word, you can make your way in modern-day France.
June 25th, 2008: i am on a diet and i now look at going to the bathroom as the easiest way to lose weight. it's gross! i know!
June 24th, 2008: what i am saying here is that there are issues even with a meritocratic fascism. so don't do it, okay??
June 23rd, 2008: IT'S MONDAY! TELL US A STORY ABOUT GOING TO THE DENTIST
June 20th, 2008: always write roman number 3 in the space quest ]|[ style. ALWAYS
June 19th, 2008: anyway it would be like reading a book comprised of "my tummy aches. should i tell someone my tummy aches? my tummy aches"
June 18th, 2008: baby truman!
June 17th, 2008: round here, something radiates and something else shoots lightning out of its eyes
June 16th, 2008: it is a word that is very handy if you are in the alien movies and a friend of yours has an alien pop out of his chest. you won't struggle for words in that situation anymore.
June 12th, 2008: i started this comic with a ghost/android dichotomy, before realizing that zombies fit better. androids are artificial bodies with artificial souls, and i guess we are all very concerned with whether or not the sheep they dream of are electric?
June 11th, 2008: once the horse puns were out of the way, there was really nothing left for the characters to do. JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE??
June 10th, 2008: is it swearing if a character catches himself and corrects it? this source says: NO WAY, MR. JOSE!
June 9th, 2008: utahraptor, come quick! my story's become real and it's surrounding my head i guess!!
June 5th, 2008: IT IS FOR YOUR OWN LONG-TERM HEALTH AND WELLNESS T-REX I MEAN CHUBBS
June 4th, 2008: they might not have them in all towns. toronto has one, and they've even got a phone you can pick up if you want to talk to someone, but only if you are suicidal. otherwise they are not interested in any of your shenanigans
June 3rd, 2008: there are legal and illegal crazies. legal crazies is like, "wow, i love you so much, it's legally crazy!" illegal crazies is like, "wow, i love you so much, it's illegally crazy! Can I Have Your Skin For A Mask"
June 2nd, 2008: next up: airline food chefs do good work under difficult circumstances, warning labels on mattresses can sometimes be stern

May 2008

May 30th, 2008: is my timing right? did - did you save your love for me tonight?
May 29th, 2008: the heart-pounding-out-of-the-chest thing is so that it's very easy to tell when someone likes you. however, it is entirely mortifying if you are the victim.
May 28th, 2008: whenever i mention something specific in the comic i get emails from someone who did that specific thing today. hello, person who just bought a new patio set! i hope it brings you many happy returns!
May 27th, 2008: "phallocentric euphoria sounds like regular sex?" - JOEY COMEAU
May 26th, 2008: this year, yesterday was the day that i broke out the shorts.
May 23rd, 2008: if comic strip AND irony-loving aliens are looking for an excuse to blow up the planet today, then this one is "my bad".
May 22nd, 2008: if you aren't spelling "hovertrains" as one word, let me tell you: You Are Missing Out.
May 21st, 2008: is the judge male or female? THAT depends on you, dear reader
May 20th, 2008: this comic was inspired by a conversation i had with someone, but i can't remember who. was it you, chris mcninja? i bet it was.
May 16th, 2008: my friend d. payne never got a doctorate degree OR became a major in the military. only recently have i been able to forgive him
May 15th, 2008: t-rex was racist against taxi drivers a few years ago, but that's faded. he's forgotten it, so his wanting to be racist again is not a continuity error! it is a hopeful message for us all!!
May 14th, 2008: say something better, like "He said, 'Either these curtains go or I do' and I said 'Yeah, thanks, OSCAR.'"
May 13th, 2008: apparently there's a movie about hamlet ii coming out! people emailing me said it didn't look that good, but i dunno. hamlet ii!
May 12th, 2008: sorry, David B's "Epileptic" and "No Country For Old Men"! your narrative devices don't work on me! it's - it's too bad.
May 8th, 2008: shouts out to everyone ELSE named "jack thompson". you guys - you guys got a bum deal.
May 7th, 2008: my friend naseem can't figure out these dinosaur comics either. TOO MANY WORDS, TOO MANY WORDS
May 6th, 2008: sheep have freaky rectangular pupils. i'd have put them in with the raccoons and cephalopods, but nobody believes how freaky their eyes are until they wake up and there's a sheep perched above them, staring, their moist breath condensing on your cheeks
May 5th, 2008: for more information on these diseases, i, um, i made comics about them
May 2nd, 2008: that's the "writer being surrounded by his own words as he composes them" trope, so rarely used today
May 1st, 2008: when writing parody lyrics, it helps if your new lyrics have a meta-textual rhyme with the original lyrics, as this reminds readers of the actual song. this is a New Theory i developed while writing this comic.

April 2008

April 30th, 2008: DIFFERENT WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEY ARE COMEDIANS WHO ARE INCORRECT??
April 29th, 2008: "for reals" is the new "seriously". for reals!
April 28th, 2008: i wrote this comic in an MIT building, wearing my new MIT hoodie. beside me a woman was talking about her cute friends who are boys but who aren't boyfriends, and a man was napping on the couch in front of me. it was my "MIT experience"
April 24th, 2008: dromiceiomimus winning an award for best supporting actor in a spontaneous tableau
April 23rd, 2008: t-rex was going to go with "dearie", but cartoon grandmothers laid their claim on THAT long ago
April 22nd, 2008: hi! here are some things that could go right today!
April 21st, 2008: for reasons why i didn't write it like "british empiah", see the previous comic
April 17th, 2008: imaginary australian batman needs to stop having such a stereotypical viewpoint about australian batman
April 16th, 2008: if any of my readers explode today due to a loss of atomic cohesion, i'll be all, wow, did i call that or what?
April 15th, 2008: the nice thing about the "come on! it's the exact same joke" line is that either t-rex or utahraptor could say it. i almost had them both saying it at the same time, but it read oddly, because they were saying it in different ways.
April 14th, 2008: okay so if you think that's how "chlamydia" is spelt then, um, here is a comic about a dinosaur who likes a celebrity and has an STD, i guess
April 10th, 2008: can you believe that i draw these thought bubbles by hand? i'm serious! i just whip 'em off!
April 9th, 2008: have there been any serious religious studies into how god is the ultimate obsessive fanboy nerd about us? no? man, *this* is why people have trouble showing up on sunday morning, major religions
April 8th, 2008: HEY BOSS SORRY I'M LATE I WAS TALKING LIKE GO- GODOT. HE IS ONE CHATTY SON OF A GUN BELIEVE YOU ME
April 7th, 2008: william shakespeare: "now cracks a noble heart. good-night, sweet prince; and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." ryan north: "shakespeare was a famous writer guy"
April 4th, 2008: act like a t-rex day
April 3rd, 2008: based on the time i walked by a hideout and overheard "we're fearsome, self-narrating criminals! now, let's discuss our one and only weakness. i am of course referring here to plastic skulls."
April 2nd, 2008: a phrase listing i read showed english speakers how to say, in korean, "Will you be my girlfriend?", "I love you", and "Would you marry me?" in succession. if you're in that situation, having the phrases handy WOULD be a real timesaver.
April 1st, 2008: unreliable narrators are also when a man punches another man real hard and the narrator says it wasn't that hard, but man, we all saw how he was holding his arm

March 2008

March 31st, 2008: SOMEONE'S new year's resolution was "to cause less regret"
March 28th, 2008: in researching this comic i kept forgetting what side i was on
March 27th, 2008: this is not breaking the fourth wall. this is just an unreliable narrator that the characters can hear this once for some reason. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE?
March 26th, 2008: i walked into a low-hanging support wire on the weekend so hard that it drew blood. luckily, my extreme height has ensured that my head already covered in protective calluses, so no real damage was done!
March 25th, 2008: Jason Statham and i would make good teams. i am convinced of it
March 24th, 2008: you know those things where someone keeps trying to get fired by making ridiculous bouquets, but they keep being these really great bouquets? it was one of those things.
March 21st, 2008: up next: beatles songs in movie format OH WAIT WAIT
March 20th, 2008: The Beach Boys have talked about living together at length, but have come to feel that this speculation only makes their present situation worse; nevertheless, they continue to want to talk about it.
March 18th, 2008: CMPRSD SNG CMCS
March 17th, 2008: we also expect killer robots to go "clankity clank" and alien babes to be sexy. NOT UNREASONABLY FOR THE LATTER, I WOULD ARGUE
March 13th, 2008: "It is not known exactly when Road Trips were ‘invented’, but technically they have been around as long as people have had roads to travel and vehicles to travel with." HEY THERE, THANKS WIKIPEDIA
March 12th, 2008: a spark ignites the gas. which gas? the EXPLOSION gas
March 11th, 2008: readers who don't want any more than three panels of about meta-conversation about car bumpers: I'VE GOT YOUR BACK
March 10th, 2008: are you and utahraptor on teams?
March 7th, 2008: this one time in high school we reverse pickpocketed some condoms into a guy's jacket. then, when the guy put his hand in his pocket, he'd be reminded of the importance of safe sex!
March 6th, 2008: t-rex the talking dinosaur in: "i have no idea of what to do with my nazi pin."
March 5th, 2008: t-rex you are programming a platformer, apparently in qbasic, so where are you pulling out this b+ tree stuff from
March 4th, 2008: what t-rex is moving towards here is more a "richard iii iv: the perils of richard iii" sort of thing
March 3rd, 2008: t-rex always concerned with the ol' resume

February 2008

February 28th, 2008: if anyone wants to make a new dinosaur comics game, the premise from yesterday's comic (t-rex using a giant fan to blow enemies off his lawn) seems as great a premise as any.
February 27th, 2008: it's changed from skateboard simulator to 'old man on the porch yelling at kids to get off his lawn revenge fantasy realizer', and i'm - i'm happy with that.
February 26th, 2008: THERE ARE PROBABLY OTHER CONCERNS AS WELL.
February 25th, 2008: what is the upper bound on the speed of the treadmill, given perfect manufacturing techniques? i imply it's terminal velocity but i really don't know. randall? any help?
February 22nd, 2008: anyway a week later t-rex is forced to go through with this and kisses a guy who found out he only has a month to live. it doesn't work out and the last month ends up being super awkward for everyone involved. the end!
February 21st, 2008: Good, nobody's around. Now I can stop self-narrating and do something REALLY embarrassing!
February 20th, 2008: T-Rex's Thought Process
February 19th, 2008: the statute of limitations on 22-year-old ryan has run out! yesssss
February 15th, 2008: homo superior
February 14th, 2008: it tastes like when a fireman's house burns down, but after the fireman was like, no way is my house ever gonna burn down
February 13th, 2008: if you have never seen "one froggy evening" then hey, welcome to confusion towne. TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE THE EXACT SAME CULTURAL UPBRINGING, HUH??
February 12th, 2008: n-gage jokes, four years behind the times, ladies and gentlemen!
February 11th, 2008: krazy komics typo korner: "i've got this magic feelings bog."
February 7th, 2008: how great would it be to compare versions of hamlet from universe 1 and universe a, noting the way the plot unfolds differently, the subtle changes in word choice, the way the character of Ophelia was merged with Polonius? PRETTY GREAT, I IMAGINE!!
February 6th, 2008: it's a clothing store but he hates all the clothes. we've all been there, amiright?
February 5th, 2008: i saw casablanca for the first time last night! i am the guy who watches casablanca because he didn't even realize the superbowl was on
February 4th, 2008: customers know what they want, but they want what they know. BUY MY BUSINESS BOOK PLZ

January 2008

January 31st, 2008: guys, my med student friend is now my doctor friend! let's hear it for her success and her knowledge about what, in particular, makes bodies gross!
January 30th, 2008: when i was a kid i solemnly vowed that, when i was an adult, i would make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and eat all the dough, because my mom wouldn't let me eat raw cookie dough. it is a vow i have yet to satisfy and which haunts me still
January 29th, 2008: seriously, utahraptor, what in the heck
January 28th, 2008: the 'fake gas smell' idea is terrible because you'll probably get arrested as a stink terrorist
January 25th, 2008: utahraptor's line in panel 5 as i originally typed it was "Heck, I'm not busty. Let's go right now!". PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT UNALTERED??
January 24th, 2008: that quarter-superglued-to-the-pavement joke was never that funny, guys. THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT
January 23rd, 2008: they made a sequel called "AFHV" but it doesn't have saget, so, you know.
January 22nd, 2008: t-rex is doing "i am legend" for ghosts. the reason the poltergeists break so many dishes isn't that they're throwing them around! they're just bumping into them because they can't see
January 21st, 2008: also it doesn't really make a difference OH WELL
January 17th, 2008: jenn came up with that 'backstory' joke. thanks, jenn!
January 16th, 2008: i have never complimented someone on the colour of their skin before. MAYBE SOME DAY??
January 15th, 2008: There was a guy named "egg". Augustus Egg. He was a Victorian artist, and he painted a painting called "Queen Elizabeth Discovers she is no Longer Young", which is hilarious. You should go look it up.
January 14th, 2008: based on a true story in which fedex failed to deliver a package to me, oh, four times now
January 11th, 2008: i looked up what people call paris hilton ("socialite" seemed a bit imprecise) and wikipedia calls her a "celebutante"! now there is a word for you!
January 10th, 2008: i wrote this after reading jeremy tinder's "black ghost apple factory" which i recommend whole-heartedly for the strip "robots don't say i love you"
January 9th, 2008: last night i was at a friend's house and mimed a helicopter, which caused me to break a glass and spill beer everywhere. i was like, man, why did have to mime a helicopter? i felt terrible and it wasn't even a very good helicopter impression
January 8th, 2008: later: "Hey! Who hit me with this vegetable steamer"
January 7th, 2008: stories "for" kids
January 4th, 2008: stories "fore" women
January 3rd, 2008: stories "4" men
January 2nd, 2008: i am trying to ascertain your baby's deal. a moment alone, please.
January 1st, 2008: i told this joke to my mom and she said dromiceiomimus' line. this is what cartoonists say when they say a comic wrote itself! it means, hey, they got their mom to help them.

December 2007

December 26th, 2007: klassic komix for monday
December 21st, 2007: IT SURE WOULD BE A GOOD TASK, HUH? a good task for someone with music mashup skills! and - and who also likes dinosaur comics?
December 20th, 2007: today i am going to call up a stranger and ask him if i can pay him money to live in his house
December 19th, 2007: The alternate, sadder ending has a different last panel, where it's a few weeks earlier, and a woman is saying "T-Rex, that certainly took a long time and I didn't enjoy it at all", and T-Rex is thinking "but - she promised she'd be nice afterwards"
December 18th, 2007: okay i have the leg cramp thing once in a while. i discovered a friend had the same issue, only her solution was to relax the muscle through massage! i thought it was pretty funny that my first instinct is to just slap the muscle around a bit
December 17th, 2007: t-rex has travelled through time on many occasions. this is like a man on a plane suddenly having doubts about fixed-wing aircraft generating lift! IT WORKS BY REDIRECTING FLUID FLOW, AIRPLANE MAN
December 14th, 2007: i forgot to finish the list of professions ruined by lexicalized phrases yesterday! second was people who sell apple pies to anti-americans, on account of the phrase "as american as apple pie"? oh no, wait wait, i cut that out for a reason
December 13th, 2007: i received several dozen emails about utahraptor either being a girl or being gay in yesterday's comic! he is gay, guys. only he doesn't talk about it all the time, on account of having interests outside of being gay?
December 12th, 2007: hey guys yesterday's comic also works for book and game titles too
December 11th, 2007: AS PROMISED ON MARCH 22nd, 2005, WITH THANKS TO THE PEOPLE ON THE FORUM WHO CAME UP WITH A BUNCH OF THESE. ALSO THERE IS A MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE WITH THE VIRGINIA TITLE SO THERE YOU GO.
December 10th, 2007: no more sunday-afternoon calls from mom, asking how astronaut school applications are going
December 6th, 2007: THIS IS THE FACE OF PREDESTINED ADDICTION. MAYBE IT'S PERSONIFIED ADDICTION. ANYWAY, IT'S GOT A MOUSTACHE
December 5th, 2007: matt wrote in yesterday to ask if punchbot was programmed via punchcards. heck yes he is!
December 4th, 2007: a deleted line had t-rex explaining how television is like combination vision-o-vision and audi-o-vision. then *I* was gonna say, "car fans: audi-o-vision is not what you think it is, and you 'audi' be less obsessed about cars."
December 3rd, 2007: anyway. doug's a triceratops

November 2007

November 29th, 2007: blackjack!
November 28th, 2007: this is me getting up this morning: "oh boy, i wonder what i'm gonna write today?" and then this is me after writing this comic: "oh, looks like it's 'something eat something that that something'"
November 27th, 2007: a wizard has turned you into a whale... of a good time!
November 26th, 2007: "utahraptor, erection isn't a swear word! it's what happens to buildings and bridges."
November 23rd, 2007: just the first three panels of this comic = your christmas card this year??
November 22nd, 2007: but one in a string of several long, unblinking moments
November 21st, 2007: the book started out as a letter to his local representative, but then t-rex decided to add in some sex and some narrative. he still sent it in when he was done though!
November 20th, 2007: on the plus side, this alienberry pie is OUTSTANDING.
November 19th, 2007: people in england: here in canada we find your british swears to be absolutely charming! the angrier you get the more we say, "hah hah hah, awwww."
November 15th, 2007: the wise-cracking criminal owns a parrot who also cracks wise. they don't get along, so he leaves the parrot at home for the duration of the film.
November 14th, 2007: THIS COMIC DEDICATED TO NASEEM, "THE FRIEND WHO CHANGED THE TIME FOR THE EVENT BUT NEGLECTED TO UPDATE THE FACEBOOK DOT COM EVENT PAGE"
November 13th, 2007: attentive readers will notice that i maintained the ounce / pound exchange rate, stable at 1 to 16. they'll also notice that t-rex was going on about homelessness while stepping on homes yesterday. what's the deal, attentive readers?
November 12th, 2007: also involved: issues of privilege, fairness, respect, and whether or not its appropriate to apologize when deciding not to give money to a stranger
November 9th, 2007: if you're wondering why you can't see utah's scar, it's because it's on the other side! SUCH A SATISFYING EXPLANATION
November 8th, 2007: Anyway Whatever Turns Out He Was Into You This Whole Time
November 7th, 2007: that panel 3 "ha ha" is supposed to be a nervous laugh. you can read it as a unkind laugh, but - that's so unkind!
November 6th, 2007: evil_jim from livejournal thinks that panel 4 should be the title of the next dinosaur comics book, if I ever make one. I AM INCLINED TO AGREE
November 2nd, 2007: custom can mean "conventional" (its our custom), but also "unique" (a custom suit)! custom, you can come to MY dinner parties anytime.
November 1st, 2007: an abstract can be abstract, but it doesn't have to be.

October 2007

October 31st, 2007: google would seem to indicate that i came up with that aBOOlitionism ghost joke first, just now! IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF GENERATIVE GRAMMARS
October 30th, 2007: god is against the cargo cult idea because these cults tend to obliterate any existing religions on the islands and so is very destructive in that way and wait what kind of theology am i building here anyway.
October 29th, 2007: anyway this happened in the 40s and 50s and tos started in the 60s so WAY TO COPY THE ISLAND NATION OF VANUATU, GENE RODDENBERRY
October 25th, 2007: SEE THAT IS A JOKE ABOUT FEATHERED DINOSAURS. YOU WERE WAITING FOUR YEARS FOR THAT JOKE AND THERE IT GOES.
October 24th, 2007: i guess there are some skeletons in / about t-rex's closet, huh? BAH DUM DUM CHING
October 23rd, 2007: the best non-verbal response to being dumped: the one and only slow clap
October 22nd, 2007: everyone who reads my comic! i predict you will do this one day too. right on!
October 19th, 2007: seriously? stood up on st. patrick's day?
October 18th, 2007: the 'death before death' line comes from my pal joey comeau. WE SHARE THE SAME FEARS
October 17th, 2007: I have "gone" "too far" "down" the "rabbit hole"
October 16th, 2007: 2+2=5 you guys
October 15th, 2007: i saved you some time there.
October 12th, 2007: friday fun verificationism comics!
October 11th, 2007: utahraptor hasn't spoken in panel 5 for THREE DAYS. what am I trying to keep him from saying?
October 10th, 2007: i hope you like sequels, and also, futura
October 9th, 2007: way to go on the spanish-style exclamation marks, t-rex! i didn't know you had it in you.
October 5th, 2007: dinosaur comics by ryan the talking human.
October 4th, 2007: who kept typing 'gynocopter' instead of 'gyrocopter'? THE ANSWER: ME
October 3rd, 2007: my best mystery writing, ladies and gentlemen!
October 2nd, 2007: sorry to anybody named "dweeb o'rama" in the audience. i didn't mean to make fun.
October 1st, 2007: i cut out panels of t-rex saying "hello, HELLO, hello" in a mirror over and over, trying to achieve the same effect. HONEST I DID

September 2007

September 27th, 2007: the answer is yes, an act can be immoral but still ethical! for instance what if you hate people eating ice cream but are bound by professional ethics to help people eat ice cream? that's a good example. i made it up just now.
September 26th, 2007: is - is there a mrs. tusks?
September 25th, 2007: it's because you love that tiny joke, t-rex, no matter how many times you hear it. but i do too so we're cool!
September 24th, 2007: mr. tusks, i wrote a story about a tiny chef that you should read! i think you might find it just a... tiny bit interesting?
September 21st, 2007: what have you done for me lately?
September 20th, 2007: the idea there with the dog necktie thing is that if your dog has a necktie, maybe he'll want to achieve more. he's walking the walk so he'll feel pressured to talk the talk!
September 19th, 2007: you can read it online! you should go read it online.
September 18th, 2007: the other night i dreamt i met george takei at a party! it's a good dream to have! i just wanted to share.
September 17th, 2007: special guest monday: ryan estrada!
September 14th, 2007: A CROSSOVER WITH A SOFTER WORLD DOT COM? PERHAPS!!
September 13th, 2007: people who didn't have sex last night and want to be all passive-aggressive about it: dinosaur comics totally has YOUR back too!
September 12th, 2007: people who had sex last night: dinosaur comics TOTALLY has your back.
September 11th, 2007: now that my comic's done, i think i'll have a celebratory shower! i'm just kidding. i shower every day, ladies!
September 10th, 2007: handsome john martz came up with the 'clark ent' bit. i came up with 'bruce swain' part when i saw a guy named 'bruce swain'.
September 7th, 2007: who here's daydreams end with a "the end" title card? raise your hands.
September 6th, 2007: shakespeare wants to put the "forsooth! that shakespeare chap is excellent!" quote as the dedication at the beginning of hamlet. some gall, shakespeare!
September 5th, 2007: backstory: yesterday dromiceiomimus jennifed a dude?
September 4th, 2007: i got most of the way through this comic when i realized that t-rex was kinda riffing on dan savage's 'santorum'. AH WELL.

August 2007

August 31st, 2007: 'back to prison' isn't even a good old guy joke. but i don't know how to write old guy jokes because i am totally young!!
August 30th, 2007: okay okay i'll answer the other questions. the answers to the other questions are, um: "it keeps things interesting", "i don't know", "it gives you something to think about about", "i don't know", "i wish there weren't", and "it doesn't have to be."
August 29th, 2007: i would do this with my friends, but i'm pretty sure they wouldn't consent to it. all i want is to tie you guys down with a 10-year-long commitment, fellas
August 28th, 2007: this isn't my story. it happened to my brother. that's gross, victor.
August 27th, 2007: this comic firmly establishes in continuity that t-rex has lost contact with the beth he had a crush on, back when he was newly pubescent. :(
August 23rd, 2007: i like how dino babies goes straight to #1. #1 what? it doesn't matter! #1, baby!
August 22nd, 2007: utahraptor wishes t-rex would type a bit more formally when chatting with him. he also wishes that they could maybe use a real chat program for once.
August 21st, 2007: dromiceiomimus is saying 'of course!!' in the way one might say it when one is about to follow it up with 'it's so diabolically SIMPLE!'
August 20th, 2007: t-rex has never been totally wasted. totally plastered. totally shanghaied. totally omega striked.
August 16th, 2007: they can pop up any time, t-rex! ANY TIME AT ALL
August 15th, 2007: i'm not stopping though
August 14th, 2007: Aw geez, Utahraptor, can't you see he needs some time to get the characterization down? Antonio Tony II is all over the place.
August 13th, 2007: later on the man is like, fuck! i bet it was the narrator!
August 10th, 2007: listening to mc hawking backwards can ease the pain
August 9th, 2007: hey, are you descrambling that egg? kiss me, you impossible fool!!
August 8th, 2007: i got my neighbour's mail once and he subscribed to, swear to god, 'ontario snowmobiler magazine: the magazine for ontario snowmobilers'.
August 7th, 2007: local man punches a car up a hill and it goes all the way up the hill? hold the front page!
August 3rd, 2007: Shakespeare's Pal Jimmy Olsen! what are YOU doing here?
August 2nd, 2007: t-rex is blurring hip hop and rap here. SORRY, PURISTS!! NOBODY IN THE REAL WORLD ACTUALLY CARES THAT MUCH THOUGH SO I DON'T FEEL TOO BAD
August 1st, 2007: inspired by an article i read about how the earth would heal if we disappeared! PRETTY NEAT!

July 2007

July 31st, 2007: there's only like three doors on the first floor, and everyone on the third floor just gives you the runaround and sends you somewhere else. on the forth floor everything's your fault, and everyone on the fifth floor is a screwup. comedy!
July 30th, 2007: I know I know, "King's Quest Horse" would still fit. It's hard to gauge the length of words while you're talking. AT LEAST IT WAS FOR DINOSAURS OR WHATEVER
July 27th, 2007: THIS IS ONLY THE THIRD RELIGION I'VE STARTED. MAYBE IT IS THE FOURTH.
July 26th, 2007: THE AMAZING TECHNICAL ORIGINS OF WORDS
July 25th, 2007: hey, continuity!! how you doin'?
July 24th, 2007: if i ever build a secret base it will be known as 'base 10'
July 23rd, 2007: a few weeks later: HOPE FINALLY DIES
July 20th, 2007: how many science explanations use god as a character to talk about phantom energy? probably not many. probably there is a reason for that.
July 19th, 2007: t-rex uses his books as a way to pick up, LIKE ALL GREAT AUTHORS
July 18th, 2007: thank you wikipedia article on heat death, for letting me learn more about heat death. the only thing i would add to you is a picture of evil human torch burning a dude.
July 17th, 2007: i GUESS i'll cook her first.
July 16th, 2007: it's been a few years since we had a 'silent ultimate panel', huh?
July 12th, 2007: professor science glances up from his science with a disapproving look for t-rex, then goes back to his science.
July 11th, 2007: sorry guys. jenn asked first.
July 10th, 2007: all the ASL i know is self-taught from books, so i speak really slowly and probably have a horrible accent.
July 9th, 2007: ah, the science experiments you can perform when you're unemployed
July 6th, 2007: if you are into dudes, just change the pronoun in the last panel. i just had to fit in with the heteronormativity of the CYOA genre, you know?
July 5th, 2007: it was called 'the beth of both worlds' CHICK'S NAME WAS BETH I GUESS
July 4th, 2007: at one point in editing panel 2 i wrote 'cowboy hat got dude decimated', a much funnier, if more confusing, sentence
July 3rd, 2007: the september 11th mention makes it timely. it's what good writers do.

June 2007

June 29th, 2007: utahraptor's original spy name was 'agent orange'
June 28th, 2007: panel three is pretty straightforward.
June 27th, 2007: if i had three wishes bequeathed to me, don't you know exactly what they would be
June 26th, 2007: my freezer is ALSO dying a slow death! TORONTO PEOPLE: meat party tomorrow night?? maybe even tonight. i'll be in touch!
June 25th, 2007: i don't own any stock in nintendo, but that's only because i don't like to mix money with friendship.
June 21st, 2007: it's not actually his gun. chekhov, i mean. it's metaphorical. anyway.
June 20th, 2007: the last two sentences in this comic have never been said together before, until now. i will bet fifty cents on it.
June 19th, 2007: deleted dialogue had utahraptor saying 'my real objection is that by stringing together all these separate sentences with semicolons, you're really missing the spirit of the exercise, aren't you?' and then t-rex saying 'you forget though that Semicolons;
June 18th, 2007: guys this is short archive text. I CAN STILL DO IT
June 15th, 2007: originally t-rex made a crack about jake never forgetting to take his JERK PILLS when they were growing up and then it being revealed that jake is now addicted to prescription painkillers, but that wasn't funny! that was sad. i made up a dude named jake and gave him a crippling addiction.
June 14th, 2007: since pi is universal, any sufficiently-advance alien culture probably has a similar joke to feynman's about pi. it is a Universal Joke. that's nuts!
June 13th, 2007: finally this spot was meant as an archive title but i mostly use it to talk about how many showers i've had today (wednesday, so far: one and one half)
June 11th, 2007: the prince of zombie whales
June 7th, 2007: if i had a friend who was a rock star you could rename my comic to 'PASSIVE AGRESSIVE DINOSAUR COMICS'. but i don't! or if i did i'm sure he'd be cool!
June 6th, 2007: will t-rex wear these glasses tomorrow? SPOILER ALERT: he will probably have buyer's regret, but will still be liable to bust them out whenever he's nostalgic for 2004, OR for new year's eve 2003.
June 5th, 2007: where herzog fears chickens i fear cephalopods. i feel our fear comes from the same place.
June 4th, 2007: And what haunts me is that in all the faces of all the bears that Shakespeare ever knew, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears, and this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in pathetic fallacy.

May 2007

May 31st, 2007: dog breederies are where you get dog breeders from. i shouldn't have to tell you this?
May 30th, 2007: being a founder of modern philosophy is nothing but ess tea arr ee ess ess
May 29th, 2007: t-rex is brushing his hands together in the last panel, in the way that one is inclined to do when one has solved a problem Once And For All
May 28th, 2007: T-REX didn't you learn anything from the beatles you don't SAY that
May 24th, 2007: as a bonus, 'life of crime' is included as an illustrative anecdote at the end of the book. STRAIGHT TO NUMBER ONE ON THE NEW YORK TIMES, BABY!
May 23rd, 2007: it's called 'life of crime' and it's extremely excellent. you should buy one.
May 22nd, 2007: ladies and gentlemen, one thousand comics! (only not really since there's some guest weeks and numbers that were skipped in the url due to database things but ANYWAY the odometer rolls over today! see you at 1,000,000,000,000,000?
May 21st, 2007: originally t-rex was going to break into the radio station instead, commandeering it for a batman call-in show ''that the public demands'', but i didn't want to have him to spend his 1000th comic in jail :(
May 19th, 2007: guest week 2007: eric millikin of fetusx.com
May 18th, 2007: guest week 2007: jeff rowland of jjrowland.com
May 17th, 2007: guest week 2007: aaron diaz of dresdencodak.com!
May 16th, 2007: guest week 2007: rebecca kraatz of house of sugar
May 15th, 2007: guest week 2007: liz greenfield of stuffsucks.com!
May 14th, 2007: guest week 2007: chris hastings and kent archer of the adventures of dr. mcninja!
May 11th, 2007: jack thompson i get my ideas about video games from the devil too! he informs me that my centipede high scores are SUPREMELY LAUGHABLE
May 10th, 2007: computer users: t-rex was buying ram! he upgrades his computer just like we do!
May 8th, 2007: i made up 'burn that bridge when we come to it' in high school, but it turns out plenty of other people have come up with it independently. PROBABLY they all copied off my paper though
May 7th, 2007: this is the second instance of a soggy dog popping up dinosaur comics. it may be the rhetorical iconography of a new generation.
May 3rd, 2007: if this is the first dinosaur comic you've ever read then let me explain. the italics are sinister raccoon and cephalopods who are t-rex's neighbours. they want t-rex to come bleed with them. the bold is god. only t-rex can hear god. USUALLY, there are more jokes about boners.
May 2nd, 2007: some people noticed that dromiceiomimus' birthday (mentioned two days ago) had previously been established years ago as occuring in august and not april. but ACTUALLY, the comic in august that mentioned her birthday actually took place in april - it was just posted in august! it is a very reasonable explanation that satisfies everyone.
May 1st, 2007: the futurist gastronomical nightmare is a guy eating pasta with one arched eyebrow

April 2007

April 30th, 2007: if i were smart, i would have put dromiceiomimus' birthday on the same day as a loved one, because then i could keep track of two birthdays for the price of one! on the other hand, if you are born today... maybe we can be friends?
April 27th, 2007: xkcd readers: i meant 'don't forget your dirty ass-shoes', of course!
April 26th, 2007: in today's comic, a dinosaur tells off shakespeare for not agreeing with him about foreshadowing! now if todd goldman puts that on a t-shirt, you'll know where he stole it from
April 25th, 2007: i drew those thought bubbles all by myself.
April 24th, 2007: it's like - sometimes i write about the sadness and beauty in life and at other times i put dinosaurs on the holodeck
April 23rd, 2007: sometimes newborn babies are confused and THEN cry. it can go either way, amiright?
April 20th, 2007: followed up by t-rex's "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Cat Who Ate a Person", and the more educational "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of The Troposphere Is Where Weather Exists."
April 19th, 2007: it's a quiet "woo" because any larger and you'd all be overcome with the soul-felt emotion! do not aim comic directly at face.
April 18th, 2007: magic realism is where you tell a realistic story but then have the characters turn each other into frogs for a bit. depressive realism is different.
April 17th, 2007: behind me in line i would prefer bad standup to dramatic sighing
April 16th, 2007: things happen for a reason
April 13th, 2007: this comic goes out to my stinky sofa. oh, stinky sofa, what am i going to do with you
April 12th, 2007: like kurosawa i make mad films, 'kay i don't make films, but if i did they'd have a zombie guy
April 11th, 2007: as soon as you buy into solipsism you change "I think, therefore I am" into "I think, therefore maybe some guy made me up?" and that is LESS CATCHY.
April 10th, 2007: um he played "frasier" on "frasier"
April 9th, 2007: it's 'cause sometimes they'll charge you if you don't eat what you take and then t-rex will only charge you half that, and then he'll eat your food.
April 5th, 2007: astute readers will notice that t-rex is defending his joke by trying to argue that the stereotype is true. a risky gambit!
April 4th, 2007: today is the day i roll over from comic2-999.png to comic2-1000.png
April 3rd, 2007: oh t-rex, nobody says 'gangsta rap songs'. people will think you're square.
April 2nd, 2007: t-rex is misrepresenting the bikini a bit. it's not just red, it's one of those american flag bikinis with stars on one side and stripes on the other?

March 2007

March 29th, 2007: if anyone reading this can make this product happen, please, feel free
March 28th, 2007: yesterday i came across non-euclidian garbage cans. if you look in you'll see they're about twice as deep as when viewed from the outside! i am still talking about these garbage cans.
March 27th, 2007: p.s.: ladies, GOD HIMSELF helped me set up this profile!!
March 26th, 2007: battle of salamis comics
March 23rd, 2007: it's true, people do ralph all the time
March 22nd, 2007: oliver if you are reading this ARE WE COOL MAN??
March 21st, 2007: if the house or car were speaking in panel three, then one could reasonably argue that there was some anthropomorphism occuring in Dinosaur Comics.
March 20th, 2007: elves didn't have computers. let us agree on this point, please. it's ridiculous.
March 19th, 2007: in this comic t-rex stands in for the author jes' a little
March 15th, 2007: it's so exciting that everyone has leapt up off their seats!
March 14th, 2007: sorry, avogadro's number day. you don't get a comic.
March 13th, 2007: please feel free to abandon your sexuality for any of these rad new alternatives!
March 12th, 2007: men: flapper swimsuits are what you desire but cannot express. it's okay. i will do the expressin' for the both of us.
March 8th, 2007: dude's full name is 'tuggy t. tugboat the tugboat'. so, wait, what - is he a tugboat or something
March 7th, 2007: INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE: if you have a story about a boy meeting a plant, then i'm sorry, but that is not a real story. NANCY MCARTHUR, you get a pass
March 6th, 2007: TRÜ LÜV ÏÏ
March 5th, 2007: if you are offended by the word 'boners', just imagine that t-rex is saying 'booners', ie, people who have boons. why would he say that though? you get to imagine your own answer!
March 2nd, 2007: what would the world be like if the roman empire had never fallen? let's watch this star trek episode to find out!
March 1st, 2007: i like slam dancin' and slam romancin'

February 2007

February 28th, 2007: ATTENTION WOMEN NAMED SAMANTHA IN THE AUDIENCE: t-rex and i agree, you have pretty names.
February 27th, 2007: friends and neighbours, yes, i hypothesize a universe in which superman is real and dinosaurs didn't die out. IT MAY WELL BE THE GREATEST UNIVERSE EVER
February 26th, 2007: this comic was gonna have more mistakes in it, but then it was really depressing. HOW BOUT THOSE ERRORS WE MAKE IN OUR OWN LIVES HUH
February 22nd, 2007: Did you know, dear friends, that a "royal flush" can beat a "two of a kind" on the strength of the cards alone?
February 21st, 2007: t-rex apparently believes all westerns are john ford westerns, but that's okay. i could live with that.
February 20th, 2007: HOW TO GET MARRIED in case you were, um, browsing internet comics and wondering
February 19th, 2007: this was a comic i started for valentine's day, but then stopped a few panels in because it was a LITTLE CLOSE TO HOME.
February 16th, 2007: ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, chinese new year inspires the largest human migration, as chinese people go home to visit relatives. that's pretty rad! i hope one day to also inspire the largest human migration. will it be to me, or away from me? only time will tell.
February 15th, 2007: 'sweetcheeks' was somehow not in my spellcheck's dictionary. YOU BEST BELIEVE I HELLA FIXED THAT
February 13th, 2007: this one goes out to the urban herbivore sandwich store in kensington market, who put a nice chalk panel two t-rex on their sign preaching the benefits of veganism. i walked by and saw it with my hands full of discount steak! :0
February 12th, 2007: ''sexy is distracting, ON THE MOON'': the typo that became dialogue
February 9th, 2007: that's it for this week and the longest storyline ever except for that one where i flipped the pictures
February 8th, 2007: the probable suckiness of the bible iii stands in marked contrast to the space quest series, in which the third entry was a solid, well-crafted game. BUT RYAN they said HOW WILL YOU SEGUE FROM THE BIBLE TO SPACE QUEST they said
February 7th, 2007: the roman numerals make bible ii look pretty tuff! i mean tough!
February 6th, 2007: boing boing please to start posting about the everest eliminator now
February 5th, 2007: in 1979 a chinese climber named wang hongbao claimed to have seen a body of an english climber, but was killed by an avalanche a day later before a translator could be found and he could communicate precisely where. HOW IS THAT NOT AMAZING
February 1st, 2007: nanite comics

January 2007

January 31st, 2007: t-rex is down with the sickness
January 30th, 2007: they're still super-friends, just, you know - super-friends who never talk about work
January 29th, 2007: t-rex naturally assumes that in hell the currency is hellbux(tm), complete with the 'x' and full trademark status. actually, that's a lie! i made that assumption just now and simply passed it off on t-rex!
January 25th, 2007: we don't eat people, we are people. additionally, we eat people.
January 24th, 2007: last night, APPARENTLY BY ACCIDENT, a big ol' pot of boiling water was poured on my right hand! luckily i can write comics one-handed. LUCKY INDEED
January 23rd, 2007: "a rose by any other name would smell extra cool" -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE??
January 22nd, 2007: the second panel i took from a spam message i received, which promised me erections so powerful i could both flip cars AND poke holes in walls. that's pretty rad. the spammer community apparently believes the ultimate male fantasy is property-damaging erections?
January 19th, 2007: deleted dialogue had utahraptor saying ''There's a 'politicians sure do say one thing and mean another' joke in here somewhere.'' and T-Rex replying ''Not a funny one.''
January 18th, 2007: see what i did there
January 17th, 2007: if you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then by three o'clock i shall begin to be happy
January 16th, 2007: everyone throwing their hands up in the air at work - don't worry! i won't get you fired. YOU CAN'T GET FIRED FOR BEING AWESOME!
January 15th, 2007: my one regret as a computer scientist is that we never have a reasonable excuse to wear lab coats. what gives, society?
January 12th, 2007: god and t-rex both actually really love science. that is why they want the kilogram! they're going to take pictures of it front of famous landmarks and send them to le bureau international des poids et mesures
January 10th, 2007: another comic in which t-rex's tail gets a line
January 9th, 2007: if there's ever a zombie epidemic, i pledge to be the first - the first! - to blame the sucky zombies.
January 8th, 2007: the best deleted dialogue for this comic was 'you make my atheism difficult, god'. the worst was 'colonel bluegrass, i want my pliers back'
January 5th, 2007: mister alex ross if you want to please draw this i will script it
January 4th, 2007: t-rex wants a mortgage and a nice pair of pants.
January 3rd, 2007: please to pronounce it 'speci-al-ity' while reading the comic. and otherwise!
January 2nd, 2007: imagine living in a world where it was more common! i would rate this world: incredibly sad and incredibly surreal

December 2006

December 29th, 2006: resolve to call more angry men 'sweetcakes'
December 28th, 2006: implausible high school AND college year AND new class scenarios
December 27th, 2006: i went to a party last night where 5 year olds were making up jokes and telling them to us, and they were SO GOOD. they were all knock-knock jokes, and the best ones were the ones that didn't even follow the format. for example: knock knock! / who's there? / t / t who? / (pause) what do you call a kangaroo?
December 26th, 2006: alternate ending: god says 'T-REX SOMEONE HAS ALREADY OPENED A STORE CALLED THE RELATIONSHOP' and t-rex yells to utahraptor that God says the idea is already taken, but that they're going back in time to prevent the idea from being preemptively stolen, and god's all 'I NEVER SAID THAT BUT DAAAMN LET'S GO BACK IN FRIGGIN' TIME' and then they all meet marty mcfly
December 21st, 2006: we have a history: a web card
December 20th, 2006: t-rex's last line is supposed to be like a "damn it, ryan!" as you might say if i ruined your quiche AGAIN, and not a "damn it, the fuzz!" as you might say if the fuzz is hot on the trail of your latest caper. it kind of works both ways though
December 19th, 2006: i would make informed opinions about archaeology comics, but my only archaeologist friend is in grenada!
December 18th, 2006: panel five's dialogue of 'public love and recognition' was originally typed as 'public love recognition', and yeah, i guess both would be pretty good to achieve.
December 14th, 2006: joey comeau of a softer world dot com likes will and grace, so i ask him to tell me some good 'will and grace' jokes, and he pulls out the most terrible stuff. i've barely even watched the show, but the will and grace jokes joey tells are SO BAD.
December 13th, 2006: if you know someone named 'boy howdy' then you could send just panel two to them and be kind of a jerk
December 12th, 2006: i, like most men, am a giant neon green tyrannosaurus rex
December 11th, 2006: it was the most inappropriate thing he could think up on such short notice
December 7th, 2006: PEOPLE IN TELEGRAMS TALKED LIKE GOD COMMA THE DEVIL STOP OR AT LEAST THEY DID IN MY ROMANTICISED MEMORY OF TELEGRAMS STOP AND BY MEMORY I MEAN FICTION STOP
December 6th, 2006: PALAEONTOLOGY NOTE: t.rexes did actually have ears. they didn't have pinnae, which are the external flaps of skin you're probably thinking of when you say 'ears'!
December 5th, 2006: the first snow of the year in this immediate locale
December 4th, 2006: later: t-rex learns that you're not allowed to cause harm to people if you're enlightened and is all 'what about if I could stomp on HITLER though' and then we all get to have that argument again

November 2006

November 30th, 2006: bad decisions comics
November 29th, 2006: if you want to say the same thing about me, ryan north of dinosaur comics dot com, that would be, um, cool
November 28th, 2006: i started this comic three years ago and just got around to finishing it now
November 27th, 2006: god only said 'um' because his mouth was full and god believes in a little thing called GOOD MANNERS
November 24th, 2006: originally in panel 3 t-rex said 'i am seriously trying to evolve my head off over here', but that was a pretty disgusting mental image.
November 22nd, 2006: another time where the first panel could be up there all on its own
November 21st, 2006: a sequel three years in the making?
November 20th, 2006: you can point all your happily married friends to this comic and say 'see? you may have found someone to share your life with, but *i* get to read comics on the internet'. wait
November 17th, 2006: it's called a negative income tax because instead of bottoming out at you owing the government $0, it can become negative, so the government can owe you money. that's right! taxes, bitches!
November 16th, 2006: is it time for a new catchphrase? nope! it's time for a lower back pain.
November 15th, 2006: the great thing about duplicator rays is that they're REALLY easy to manufacture, once you've made the first one! or two, if you don't have a mirror. what could possibly go wrong
November 14th, 2006: nature vs nurture vs THE INCREDIBLE HULK!!
November 13th, 2006: (the dinosaurs/author are/is unsure about what their/his friendship fantasy actually symbolizes)
November 10th, 2006: t-rex is stealing the 'sounds like a good date!' thing from me, age two years ago, and i stole it from a dude who used it on me when i was telling him about how i had a hole in my bike tire and yeah, it's a rad story
November 8th, 2006: A Modest Proposal: For Preventing Vandals the World Over from Being a Hilarious Burden to Wikipedia and Its Readers, and for Making Them More Beneficial to the Stern, Encyclopaedia-Reading, Publick
November 7th, 2006: i'm not the kind of guy who says 'hot and cold running chicks', but i'm the kind of guy who kind of wishes he was.
November 6th, 2006: no more mistakes for ryan i mean t-rex day
November 3rd, 2006: if you're struggling with big questions like ''why am i here?'', consider: it may be because a dinosaur, just before the cretaceous-tertiary extinction event, wanted a joke to be real.
November 1st, 2006: dude needs to think these things through, daaaaaamn

October 2006

October 31st, 2006: so many fantasies made tangible through mass production
October 30th, 2006: eleventh night; the merchant-in-training of venice; anthony and patros and cleopatra
October 27th, 2006: gimme a hug
October 26th, 2006: it was a slow day on earth prime, but check out earth omega! stuff be HITTING THE FAN!
October 25th, 2006: those who question t-rex's ethnic heritage get a mandatory free meal at the Buffet
October 24th, 2006: executive summary: t-rex is worried about his own prejudices, but then a jerky guy insults him and he feels better about it?
October 20th, 2006: vous aimez quelques frites avec cette secousse?
October 19th, 2006: can i - can i be a fictional character please
October 18th, 2006: 100% knowledge of the universe and you can predict it with 100% accuracy, so there's that
October 17th, 2006: BY POPULAR DEMAND: comics in which the phrase 'sex party' appears in every panel?
October 16th, 2006: let's get this party STARTED
October 13th, 2006: nobody can steal the 'in the hall of the mountain king as performed by the screams of children' idea because my friends pat and allene came up with it and they're making a cd OKAY
October 12th, 2006: this comic TRIES to make up for the fact that in the last comic i made the assumption that all dudes were heterosexual dudes, but then subtly shoots me in the foot by building a 'dudes / gay dudes' dichotomy which implicitly and linguistically suggests that heterosexuality is the norm, so yeah, UNINTENTIONAL BIAS IN LANGUAGE HUH
October 11th, 2006: LESBIANS AND DUDES, together at last??
October 10th, 2006: welcome to film theory transitioning to poo jokes week, here at qwantz.com
October 6th, 2006: my life is situated by the male gaze and i'm okay, i work all night and i sleep all day
October 5th, 2006: meritocracy and toplessness, together in a comic for the first time ever in the history of time
October 4th, 2006: different ways to say goodbye, in case you were, um, wondering
October 3rd, 2006: Your search - "dudes forsooth" - did not match any documents.
October 2nd, 2006: t-rex is sick and utahraptor imagines a book

September 2006

September 29th, 2006: if you are a machine intelligence that can read comics on the internet, then wow! that's awesome! thanks for reading my comics! can you put my mind into a robot body?
September 28th, 2006: an alternate ending had t-rex and utahraptor both growing mustaches and calling themselves "hairbuddies"
September 27th, 2006: utahraptor doesn't like the idea of a finite but unbounded 3-dimensional universe for reasons that are his own.
September 26th, 2006: sorry chicks! i will have to inspire YOU later
September 21st, 2006: BACKSTORY: there's a new game called 'ultimate real-life road trip simulator' and the devil wants to know if it's worth downloading the shareware version because his dsl is out so he's on dialup and the file is about 50 megs and on 2400 baud that's like two whole days of tying up the phone line so is it worth it is his question
September 20th, 2006: t-rex knew that he wasn't that into skulls at all really, but he was too far in to turn back now.
September 19th, 2006: how is it that there's no hits in a google search for 'i don't think i love the way you do'? how could nobody have written that online before? is everybody TRULY loving the same way out there?
September 18th, 2006: one day t-rex will come up with the perfect plan for immortality and i'll present it in comic form and you guys will be all, 'cool, thanks ryan' and i'll be all 'hey no worries'
September 15th, 2006: what could possibly go wrong
September 13th, 2006: dentists i know you don't want me to brush after fantasy food but also, come on, you do
September 12th, 2006: butterfly dreams
September 11th, 2006: utahraptor doesn't actually believe in book burning OR game melting. but, you know - controversy monday!
September 8th, 2006: t-rex calls it a fiver because that's what he imagines counterfeiters call them when they brag to each other about counterfeiting?
September 6th, 2006: 'reclamation' is but one word that, contrary to many eager first impressions, has nothing to do with clams
September 5th, 2006: we are all big fans of mistakes here at qwantz dot com
September 1st, 2006: i have this plan to write a teen gross-out comedy where everyone but the teens is from a serious dramatic movie instead. all this improbable disgusting stuff happens to the teens, and all the dramatic characters have to deal with the consequences. people lose jobs!

August 2006

August 31st, 2006: i heard from someone you're still pretty
August 30th, 2006: i realized after i wrote this that rich stevens of dieselsweeties.com summed this up much more succinctly with his 'remixing a song is like admitting you were wrong' shirt. :0
August 29th, 2006: logical fallacy comics: the relativist fallacy
August 28th, 2006: the love letters are kept in a suitcase just in case t-rex needs to leave town in a hurry
August 24th, 2006: unpopular life goals: being a zepplin pilot after 1937, marrying a man who is a dog, eating the OED
August 23rd, 2006: t-rex learnt every langauge back in comic 70, but amnesia shortly thereafter led to a bunch of them being hard-core forgotten
August 22nd, 2006: okay so last night i accidentally superglued a two foot long scale plastic model of the enterprise d to my left hand? i don't know what i can say so i can come off looking like a winner here
August 21st, 2006: t-rex doesn't so much 'stop reading' books as he 'memorably abandons' them
August 17th, 2006: the ol' 'call people awesome and then ask them for money' technique, I KNOW IT WELL
August 16th, 2006: suddenly: comics!
August 15th, 2006: earlier: 'wow! what a great ad for berry burst hobosnacks!'
August 14th, 2006: this comic was meant to be a loving tribute to one of my super friends, but then i blew it by talking about knockers. this is not the first time this has happened?
August 10th, 2006: i'm hoping in a few years the devil's slang is picked up, and we start saying 'as useless as the berries' because that is sort of catchy i think
August 9th, 2006: i have the best job in the world
August 8th, 2006: if you have a lot of bitches always physically climbing on your back then have i got a comic for you
August 4th, 2006: we'll burn that bridge when we come to it
August 3rd, 2006: according to google, i'm the first person to write 'loaded like uncle pennybags' on the internet. go me!
August 2nd, 2006: for some reason this idea has also fascinated me, ryan, since i was little. see every time you pull out a chair for someone, and watch how you age over the years? that's all it takes to fascinate me for 25 years!
August 1st, 2006: incidentally, in real life, poo bugs are pretty much the all-purpose revenge tool

July 2006

July 31st, 2006: okay you can all stop asking for a special 'hey, whatever happened to ben' section, because here it is!
July 28th, 2006: SPECIAL COMIC PREMISE IN SQL FEATURE: select * from days order by importance desc limit 1
July 26th, 2006: i am saving so many things for the judge
July 25th, 2006: guys it's alright because i'm irish evil myself
July 24th, 2006: AMAZING TRUE FACT: i wrote this comic in the emergency room of the toronto western hospital?
July 20th, 2006: 'whoah! this dog's got breasts!': an all-purpose expression of surprise for the new generation
July 19th, 2006: if you were clever you could call it 'casino evil' because there's a hilarious pun involved! HILARIOUS
July 18th, 2006: alternate panel 2: i love you, t-rex! / i've got my own problems!
July 17th, 2006: k-ray-zed, t-rex? what?
July 13th, 2006: the heartbreaking thing that everyone knows but that nobody talks about is that zach was a GREAT guy in real life, but now he's a ghost through no fault of his own, and he's just having no end of troubles. the poor kid is trying his best and he just can't get anywhere. some dudes - some dudes just aren't cut out to be ghosts
July 12th, 2006: utahraptor knows that they're green
July 11th, 2006: people 'in the biz' sometimes rather cheekily refer to helicopters as 'copters'
July 10th, 2006: t-rex said something yesterday that he regrets, so he resolved NEVER TO SAY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, and then later resolved to stop making totally dumb resolutions
July 7th, 2006: the implication in panel 5, and i do stand by it, is that if you have access to a time machine, you have an obligation to use it for cooler things than Relationships Chats.
July 6th, 2006: this was going to be a comic about how people nowadays seem unable to accept that you can write a fictional story even if it hasn't actually happened to you, but then i got way into the totally awesome retarded premise
July 5th, 2006: punch as if nobody's going to get hurt, sleep as if nobody's going to get any rest, laugh as if nobody's going to find the joke funny.
July 4th, 2006: it seems that, once again, i have become privy to the private talk of dudes

June 2006

June 30th, 2006: MORAL: if you are faced with something that doesn't seem to have a desirable solution, maybe try adding rockets! space rockets!
June 29th, 2006: wikipedia says there's like 80 emotions on its 'list of emotions' page, but wikipedia's just some guy with an internet connection! some guy who thinks 'being horny' is an emotion and not just a case of boners
June 28th, 2006: t-rex is a friend to all the children
June 27th, 2006: i peeked in high school
June 26th, 2006: annnnnnna bennnnnnson..... dot net
June 23rd, 2006: hippocleides doesn't care!
June 21st, 2006: but seriously folks, there's nothing wrong with being dumb for bananas. they may well be dumb for you as well!
June 20th, 2006: i'd like to see THAT
June 19th, 2006: tips for men and men for tips
June 15th, 2006: if you think choosing a job based on its sexual attractiveness is a good idea, then have i got a comic for you!
June 14th, 2006: naturalistic pantheism comics! featuring god as himself!
June 13th, 2006: vampire DAY raises more questions than it answers
June 8th, 2006: the new face of war
June 7th, 2006: shouts out to the swedish rhapsody numbers station
June 6th, 2006: come on. dromiceiomimus was most likely already late to the dentist to begin with.
June 5th, 2006: t-rex almost said "as a timeline" instead of "as a people" in panel 2, but that would have been distracting, so I got him to cool it on the multiverses for a bit
June 2nd, 2006: nobody say love

May 2006

May 31st, 2006: "neutron" is a shout out to "neutron dance" by the pointer sisters. you may have heard this song in the 80s! it's still good!
May 30th, 2006: I regret nothing but my lack of regrets!!
May 29th, 2006: sign my guestbook view my guestbook!!!
May 26th, 2006: my name is ryan north and i write comics about dinosaurs beating up farmstock.
May 25th, 2006: the last panel raises a lot of questions about dreamland that i'm not comfortable in answering, or even considering.
May 24th, 2006: they say this cat is a bad mother / shut your mouth!
May 23rd, 2006: unfortunately, 'new bike day' does not actually exist in the real world. if it did, it would be today, and this is what it would look like. notice the carnage in panels 3 and 4.
May 19th, 2006: t-rex actually has been talking to the devil. he stole this idea from the devil. i - i stole this idea from the devil.
May 18th, 2006: telling secrets about all your friends and deities comics!
May 17th, 2006: robbing a cartoon bank runs the risk of sending you to cartoon jail, where you are legally obliged to hold the bars of your cell while peering outwards with a big frown
May 16th, 2006: crazy utahraptor! how did your crazy ass get in here?
May 15th, 2006: in panel 4, the author reminds himself of some important Dinosaur Facts.
May 11th, 2006: dude kinda undermines himself in panel 5
May 10th, 2006: based, it would seem, on an embarrassing true story
May 9th, 2006: HEY IT'S ME, T-REX
May 8th, 2006: hey so um how about that cultural obsession with true love huh
May 5th, 2006: t-rex came up with the phrase in grade 2, and you have to say it out loud. they're ghost pubes or something, i don't know
May 4th, 2006: a comic with shouts out to both the cradle of civilization and the MRCA but no mitochondrial eve, hollah
May 3rd, 2006: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FASCINATED BY ANOTHER PERSON'S PET.
May 2nd, 2006: CONFESSION CORNER: i am a dude who will probably never get a real chance to shout "hold the front page!", and sometimes that makes me very sad.
May 1st, 2006: AN APOLOGY TO FURRIES: sorry i don't draw my female dinosaurs with knockers

April 2006

April 27th, 2006: man! what's the deal?
April 26th, 2006: does today truly mark the day all my fake lesbian friends start getting called 'sweeps week'?
April 25th, 2006: how did i get 700 comics in without ever using 'viz.' before.
April 24th, 2006: the big nice day party
April 21st, 2006: yeah so this is why i don't write action movies anymore
April 20th, 2006: FREELANCE ALL-CAPS POLICE
April 19th, 2006: 4:59
April 18th, 2006: t-rex has a telling analogy for relationship problems in panel 1
April 17th, 2006: later: economic ruin
April 13th, 2006: live every day like it's your last OKAY
April 12th, 2006: based on a true story :(
April 11th, 2006: embarrassing stories comics
April 10th, 2006: big ups to flattering swimsuits
April 6th, 2006: absolutely eating potato chips is when you eat them with a furious intensity
April 5th, 2006: a google image search for 'sucky dog' is actually pretty disappointing
April 4th, 2006: there's a hidden shout out to a pretty secure transport protocol in panel 3, ladies!
April 3rd, 2006: the cars are NOT anthropomorphized. they are hyper realisitic and the game requires the latest graphics hardware to play.

March 2006

March 30th, 2006: t-rex has had a change of heard since he last heard this joke. now he thinks it's pretty alright!
March 29th, 2006: asexual predator
March 28th, 2006: in panel 1, you can read it as though t-rex is personally asking superman or batman who, out of anyone, would win in a generic fight! YOU ARE NOT ENCOURAGED TO DO THIS.
March 27th, 2006: the joke is that kids might sport just such a fake moustache while trying to illegally buy a dirty magazine! if you are unfamiliar with the cultural stereotype, well, now you know
March 23rd, 2006: what else can you say? it clearly rules.
March 22nd, 2006: shout outs to david rees, mnftiu.cc!
March 21st, 2006: you can be against terrorism AND also against the phrase 'intellectual terrorism', OKAY
March 20th, 2006: (text-heavy) epiphany comics! aka the measure of a man, part three
March 17th, 2006: i wanted to use 'bi-not-so-curious', but that phrase has been called by zach of animalshaveproblemstoo.com
March 16th, 2006: a correspondingly weaksauce dude.
March 15th, 2006: t-rex bases his stories off of people he knows. tiny chef is basically a Morris The Bug culinary / competency fantasy sequence. he wrote it to cheer the li'l guy up!
March 14th, 2006: ways to make someone fall in love with you comics
March 13th, 2006: the green one thinks he should have more feelings
March 9th, 2006: ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT MISTAKES WERE MADE
March 8th, 2006: on account of how it refers directly to the word it's trying to euphemize, "mc masturbation" wins the prize for worst euphemism ever.
March 7th, 2006: "another wacky adventure" - with the dinosaur crü
March 6th, 2006: guys if you like t-rex's poems i wrote them so i should get the credit, me, ryan
March 3rd, 2006: i love the idea of 'next time' scenes that maybe never actually take place. thanks, arrested development!
March 1st, 2006: alternate last panel: just some narration that reads 'ANYWAY.'

February 2006

February 28th, 2006: a history of hysteria
February 27th, 2006: it's sort of a boys vs girls regret competition, you know? you have probably been involved in one of these "at the office".
February 24th, 2006: tom waits is another good story
February 23rd, 2006: utahraptor is just teasing, there is nothing wrong with chocochops.
February 22nd, 2006: what if i had no friends comics
February 21st, 2006: how to be? remarkable!
February 20th, 2006: EVERYONE is making it really hard for me to conclusively solve the eternal and universal problem of unhappiness.
February 17th, 2006: shout outs to all the female mammals in the audience, wayooo!
February 16th, 2006: okay there are actually some fantasy novels that don't have talking horses PROBABLY
February 14th, 2006: one can make no predictions besides the one that predictions are impossible.
February 13th, 2006: i might be a little lactose inconsiderate
February 10th, 2006: SOCIALISM COMICS
February 9th, 2006: i really wish i'd invented fire extinguishers or SOMETHING
February 8th, 2006: logical solutions to emotional problems
February 7th, 2006: avoiding phone breakup technique #2: pretend it's the wrong number
February 6th, 2006: sick for realsies
February 3rd, 2006: i was told yesterday that i should have made a pun about 'rein-CARNATION'
February 2nd, 2006: REINCARNATION COMICS only not really
February 1st, 2006: mad friendship crushes on all y'all

January 2006

January 31st, 2006: RAIL SHOOTERS ARE NOT UNLIKE ROLLERCOASTERS BUT WITH THE ADDITION OF MAMMOTH AND INEXHAUSTIBLE MUNITIONS
January 30th, 2006: not talking about jimmy and ben okay
January 27th, 2006: oh ho i know your secret mr [whatever politician you don't like]
January 26th, 2006: the blackmailer was the detective himself in a stunning, kind of dumb twist!
January 25th, 2006: "dinosaur comics: it's online!"
January 24th, 2006: different types of vegetarianism: a handy reference to different types of vegetarianism
January 23rd, 2006: democracy comics
January 19th, 2006: YOU ARE DEVELOPING AS YOU SHOULD
January 18th, 2006: dating both twin sisters at the same time
January 17th, 2006: mutton chops and handlebar mustachios all at the same time, baby
January 16th, 2006: everyone gets one wish
January 13th, 2006: adventures!!
January 12th, 2006: ryan finally a comic that applies to my own life
January 11th, 2006: t-rex would never have been able to win the role of spock and that makes him very sad
January 10th, 2006: religious issues solved in this comic: zero!
January 6th, 2006: "everyone has better reasons for being here than *I*", t-rex
January 5th, 2006: logical fallacy comics: begging the question
January 4th, 2006: selling naked pictures online for profits
January 3rd, 2006: incorrect homophobe comics

December 2005

December 30th, 2005: cool AND improbable: that's me, baby
December 29th, 2005: t-rex isn't so much 'left wing' as 'a multifaceted and varied crystal'
December 28th, 2005: naming your kids after ex-girlfriends, yee-haw
December 26th, 2005: my father's famed and final prediction!!
December 23rd, 2005: dinosaur presents day is often referred to as 'christmas' as a handy shorthand
December 21st, 2005: robots!
December 20th, 2005: i will say it again in highschool-level french
December 19th, 2005: DEFINITELY time to call in some old debts
December 15th, 2005: crazy racists, you know, as opposed to the regular flavor
December 14th, 2005: mind-altering drugs part II
December 13th, 2005: if regret parties catch on and become a hipster trend I TOTALLY WANT THE CREDIT
December 12th, 2005: people who only date asians comics
December 8th, 2005: that is one dude with a grudge
December 7th, 2005: HeLa cells
December 6th, 2005: t-rex really dropped the ball at the end there
December 5th, 2005: nothing says 'nature' to t-rex like a koala bear
December 2nd, 2005: little morris the bug
December 1st, 2005: if you want to trip out in panel six then that is your call

November 2005

November 30th, 2005: the sissy-panted are those who favour sissy pants over regular bottomwear
November 29th, 2005: what if you could murder a guy who you knew was going to do fifty murders, for instance
November 28th, 2005: holy shit, what is your favourite food day!
November 24th, 2005: sweet pranks
November 23rd, 2005: this is why you have to be so careful with which charities you donate to
November 22nd, 2005: winning the lottery; what could possibly go wrong?
November 21st, 2005: flavoured chips!!
November 18th, 2005: the answer is yeah, some mice can actually live outdoors
November 17th, 2005: the intercourse instinct
November 16th, 2005: guest week party central: jim burgess
November 15th, 2005: guest week party central: jon rosenberg
November 14th, 2005: guest week party central: jeph jacques
November 12th, 2005: guest week party central: ryan estrada
November 11th, 2005: guest week party central: bernie hou
November 10th, 2005: guest week party central: ryan sias
November 9th, 2005: guest week party central: steven frank
November 8th, 2005: guest week party central: jamie mcgarry
November 7th, 2005: guest week party central: john allison
November 4th, 2005: t-rex has a cold :(
November 3rd, 2005: autodidacticism comix
November 2nd, 2005: so yeah, he's going.
November 1st, 2005: too many friends?

October 2005

October 31st, 2005: the man knows how to make an entrance
October 28th, 2005: t-rex has decided to stalk someone
October 27th, 2005: he gets knocked down, but he gets up again
October 26th, 2005: t-rex's big tattoo
October 25th, 2005: A CAUTIONARY TALE about marrying flappers, just in case, you know, this ever comes up
October 24th, 2005: here is a startling thought: SNAKES ON A PLANE
October 20th, 2005: crypto / trapdoor functions
October 19th, 2005: ten whole chickens and a litre of milk
October 18th, 2005: honestly, some of my best friends are named 'timmy'
October 17th, 2005: learnability of natural languages comics THAT'S RIGHT
October 14th, 2005: 'daydream believer' was on the radio when he woke up
October 13th, 2005: vaudeville-style comedy, i guess?
October 12th, 2005: by the end of this comic, the word 'class' has lost all meaning
October 11th, 2005: GOOD EVENING PROFESSOR SCIENCE, I HAVE A QUERY AGAIN
October 10th, 2005: intelligent design comics, featuring: talking dinosaurs coexisting with humans!
October 6th, 2005: documentary films
October 5th, 2005: how to be jawesome
October 4th, 2005: i imagine there's a waiting list of some design
October 3rd, 2005: hardcore wasting time is like softcore wasting time, but with more clinical close ups on people blinking

September 2005

September 30th, 2005: research for this comic included visiting websites with the word 'astro-NOT' used over and over again.
September 29th, 2005: how many songs are there where they rhyme 'school' with 'golden rule'? lots?
September 28th, 2005: if you don't know what vanilla extract is, this comic will be so confusing.
September 27th, 2005: sapir-whorf, make it so
September 26th, 2005: not the first time t-rex has tried to avoid unconsciousness
September 22nd, 2005: this comic is for ninjalicious - i never met him but he did many excellent things.
September 21st, 2005: the devil claims to be significantly l33t
September 20th, 2005: things t-rex got in the mail for free that one time
September 19th, 2005: who would have thought this 'who can be the better fake panhandler' competition would reflect poorly on us?
September 15th, 2005: let's talk about feelings
September 14th, 2005: digital camera prank
September 13th, 2005: time to check up on that utopian society i founded!
September 12th, 2005: i'm so intense, dude.
September 9th, 2005: t-rex playing with the british national corpus
September 8th, 2005: t-rex's life goals
September 7th, 2005: the sweet dudes featuring justin time
September 6th, 2005: good night, don't let yourself bite the bed bugs
September 2nd, 2005: capital-p Problems
September 1st, 2005: abandonware adventures

August 2005

August 31st, 2005: going back in time to kill bad guys
August 30th, 2005: world's cryiest baby
August 29th, 2005: better at it than me
August 26th, 2005: well, at least they're social
August 25th, 2005: things t-rex did that one time
August 24th, 2005: scientists: those guys are on the ball
August 23rd, 2005: how to be patronizing... on the internet!
August 22nd, 2005: you can't see it, but in the last panel all the dinosaurs have had DIFFERENT BREAKFASTS.
August 18th, 2005: why come everything's so 'spensive?
August 17th, 2005: never tell a lie
August 15th, 2005: the play was called 'don't pinch me like that dear eliza', no real reason
August 12th, 2005: a house party! down the street!
August 11th, 2005: utilitarianism comics
August 10th, 2005: solipsists: there can only be one
August 9th, 2005: t-rex has another Theory
August 8th, 2005: borderline-racist PROFESSION jokes that people keep telling, why, why
August 5th, 2005: we'll have a manliness contest right after flipping this five-course meal onto the dirt, BOOYAH
August 4th, 2005: webcomics about science as the new webcomics about pirates/monkeys/ninjas? here's hoping!
August 3rd, 2005: chasing after birds naked? looks like my friday night just got filled up!
August 2nd, 2005: the great library of alexandria

July 2005

July 29th, 2005: hinduism comics! or, or eisegesis comics.
July 28th, 2005: this temporal anomaly is tearing us apart!
July 27th, 2005: high-concept time travel comics?
July 26th, 2005: t-rex messes with time, what's the worst that could happen?
July 25th, 2005: little secrets
July 22nd, 2005: totally totally pooched
July 21st, 2005: indoor voice! indoor voice!!
July 20th, 2005: t-rex up to his old tricks
July 19th, 2005: hot days and movies
July 18th, 2005: t-rex knows the characters' names, so he must know what he's talking about.
July 14th, 2005: forget all of y'all, crazy rashes!
July 13th, 2005: friends dating friends who date friends who date friends
July 12th, 2005: klinical depression komics
July 11th, 2005: kiss me signs
July 8th, 2005: lots of things are pretty okay
July 7th, 2005: little lower, little slower
July 6th, 2005: bhangra bhangra bhangra bhangra
July 5th, 2005: did he know it? it seems suspect that he knew it.
July 4th, 2005: batman dreams!
July 1st, 2005: happy canada day comics ii

June 2005

June 30th, 2005: try to be a good friend, t-rex.
June 29th, 2005: friends at the cottage good times!
June 28th, 2005: i have been so busy lately
June 27th, 2005: down this road leads CHAOS and a pretty kickin' fantasy life
June 24th, 2005: age of consent / pedophile comics ?
June 23rd, 2005: female noun funnies
June 22nd, 2005: asexuality!
June 21st, 2005: birds are sad comics
June 20th, 2005: what's for dinner? unique, rare, and tasty animals!
June 17th, 2005: a long december
June 16th, 2005: jokes nobody need ever make again
June 14th, 2005: les quatre cents annees
June 13th, 2005: competitive eating / the saltine challenge!
June 10th, 2005: philosophical zombies? shit, no!
June 9th, 2005: there's a lot i don't know about stuff
June 8th, 2005: some of my best friends use that phrase.
June 7th, 2005: pretension
June 6th, 2005: expiry date comics!
June 3rd, 2005: things to do while waiting in an airport
June 2nd, 2005: (whispering) i like to look at their bodies
June 1st, 2005: dynosoar cawmics

May 2005

May 31st, 2005: burying books for fun and profit
May 30th, 2005: why you got to get all up in my public spaces
May 26th, 2005: t-rex in: programming advice
May 25th, 2005: reason as the source of knowledge
May 24th, 2005: ways to win or at least end arguments
May 20th, 2005: places where songs are stuck: in head
May 19th, 2005: self-doubt shenanigans
May 18th, 2005: this just in: some ads are dumb
May 17th, 2005: t-rex, what are you doing
May 16th, 2005: everyone's favourite topic: se^H^Hrelationships!
May 12th, 2005: a good day for talking about ex-girlfriends
May 11th, 2005: i can turn sammiches into thoughts about further sammiches
May 10th, 2005: anger management (not the film. the comic.)
May 9th, 2005: feeeeed the birds, chimichangas a bag
May 6th, 2005: music student or... psychology student?
May 5th, 2005: god and the devil minicomics
May 4th, 2005: how to live a meaningful life: let the internet tell you
May 3rd, 2005: people > machines
May 2nd, 2005: the random axe of kindness

April 2005

April 29th, 2005: inspired by livejournal!
April 28th, 2005: second base is first loser
April 27th, 2005: t-rex might have to get glasses! ruh roh
April 26th, 2005: i sure hope i'm not the only one who finds film theory really cool!
April 25th, 2005: post-pubescent!
April 22nd, 2005: talking dinosaurs on the internet in: young marriage
April 21st, 2005: i disagree with you now!
April 20th, 2005: block slumber party
April 19th, 2005: the devil raises an interesting question
April 18th, 2005: guilt over tasty things
April 15th, 2005: the problem of specialization
April 14th, 2005: t-rex is a motivational speaker!
April 13th, 2005: i dunno, they look about the same to me
April 12th, 2005: give me a break
April 11th, 2005: the world revolves around me / probably
April 7th, 2005: logical fallacy comics: the straw man
April 6th, 2005: a letter to grandmother
April 5th, 2005: t-rex and his dinosaur friends in: "gender? huh?"
April 4th, 2005: three years before the great war

March 2005

March 31st, 2005: autobiography still not working out
March 30th, 2005: criminal record: helicopter theft
March 29th, 2005: explode is often a transitive verb in dinosaur land
March 28th, 2005: special guest appearance by that joey comeau kid
March 25th, 2005: internet diary and optimism comics!
March 24th, 2005: let history be the judge
March 23rd, 2005: okay so i didn't use the british spelling of 'manoeuvre' but whatever!
March 22nd, 2005: politeness and insincerity and what have you
March 21st, 2005: supportive sounds for post-breakup dudes
March 17th, 2005: averaged emotions
March 16th, 2005: post-communism
March 15th, 2005: adjectivizing is the new verbing
March 14th, 2005: nothing you can say will scare me!
March 11th, 2005: spam protection systems / TOUCH FOOTBALL!
March 10th, 2005: the devil in: mmorpgs
March 9th, 2005: from the greek nostos ("a return home") + algos ("pain")
March 8th, 2005: sad comics
March 7th, 2005: in which t-rex walks around telling people stories
March 4th, 2005: guess who's coming to dinner
March 3rd, 2005: cephalopods: oh my goodness what went wrong
March 2nd, 2005: raccoons: nature's most sinister mammal
March 1st, 2005: guest week: andy hirsch! change

February 2005

February 28th, 2005: guest week: aaron farber! another beautiful day
February 25th, 2005: guest week: justin pierce! space rex
February 24th, 2005: guest week: nicky gurewitch! being a magician
February 23rd, 2005: guest week: james turner! one hundred tiny ninjas
February 22nd, 2005: guest week: jeph jacques! stop slouching
February 21st, 2005: guest week: allene! lessons in sharing
February 17th, 2005: happy dog the happy dog
February 16th, 2005: facts which may or may not be true about motorcycle enthusiasts
February 15th, 2005: dinosaur laffs featuring t-rex the dinosaur
February 14th, 2005: valentine's day: personal politics
February 10th, 2005: you cannot step into the same river twice
February 9th, 2005: spring is my favourite season
February 8th, 2005: spring break!!
February 7th, 2005: sexualized bikes
February 3rd, 2005: amusing observations about everyday life
February 2nd, 2005: our first look at the french rap universe
February 1st, 2005: freezing time to live longer

January 2005

January 31st, 2005: sisterhood
January 27th, 2005: mmmmmmm an excellent game indeed
January 26th, 2005: FRIENDS SHOUT THEIR THOUGHTS AT FRIENDS
January 25th, 2005: the fallacy of balance
January 24th, 2005: the best science fiction story idea ever
January 20th, 2005: profits!!
January 19th, 2005: t-rex and i are not the same person, i should stress this
January 18th, 2005: best friends edit each other's work
January 17th, 2005: clap clap clap
January 13th, 2005: the laws of thermodynamics, personified for reals
January 12th, 2005: everyone always talks so classy-like
January 11th, 2005: quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination
January 10th, 2005: no more secrets of the medical profession
January 7th, 2005: fifty-two movies in fifty-two days
January 6th, 2005: chicks dig a guy who eats a lot
January 5th, 2005: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION
January 4th, 2005: canadians drink bags of milk, i guess you should know this
January 3rd, 2005: we can sexy all night long

December 2004

December 30th, 2004: time has become unglued!
December 29th, 2004: mountaineering leading to cannibalism
December 28th, 2004: nostalgia AND folk quotations, together at last!
December 27th, 2004: life reduced to cliché, AGAIN
December 23rd, 2004: t-rex in: 'wrapping presents in the plastic bags they came in'
December 22nd, 2004: i slept last night québec style
December 21st, 2004: hooray for christmas cards!
December 20th, 2004: people on the internet: so dumb!
December 16th, 2004: imagine if santa claus worked at a newspaper?
December 15th, 2004: immortality through art
December 14th, 2004: teen magazeen, the magazeens for teens
December 13th, 2004: tonight i am going to bed early
December 9th, 2004: man, i've always wanted to travel to the future!
December 8th, 2004: t-rex and his dinosaur friends in: old photographs
December 7th, 2004: science means that not all dreams can come true
December 6th, 2004: so crazy it's off the hook
December 3rd, 2004: twenty-nine cent prints
December 2nd, 2004: well-adjusted dinosaurs
December 1st, 2004: typos in heaven

November 2004

November 30th, 2004: thigh fives all around
November 29th, 2004: isn't it crazy that are minds are IN OUR HEAD?
November 25th, 2004: no burying t-rex alive
November 24th, 2004: philosophical progress
November 23rd, 2004: the manliest thing in the world
November 22nd, 2004: ryoma
November 18th, 2004: cautionary tale comix
November 17th, 2004: compressed film comics VII
November 16th, 2004: stereotypical male fantasy number one
November 15th, 2004: sweet dinosaur kissing
November 12th, 2004: constraints and the nature of argument structure
November 11th, 2004: the little red-scaled dinosaur
November 10th, 2004: world politics segues into women in the mood to kiss
November 9th, 2004: another rocketship built to prove a point
November 8th, 2004: the power of language
November 4th, 2004: comics for french kids: 'je suis un loup garou!'
November 3rd, 2004: the meaning of life
November 2nd, 2004: i love politics so hard
November 1st, 2004: powerful images for the passage of time

October 2004

October 28th, 2004: utahraptor fan fiction
October 27th, 2004: truth / volunteer-information serum
October 26th, 2004: emotions are for the weak!
October 25th, 2004: i just had a snooze... and didn't lose!
October 22nd, 2004: a special comic by justin
October 21st, 2004: the strangest dream
October 20th, 2004: you make me wanna shoop
October 19th, 2004: passionate latin women!
October 18th, 2004: social skills comics
October 15th, 2004: money
October 14th, 2004: so! generalizations!
October 13th, 2004: sex advice
October 12th, 2004: a vision... of tomorrow!
October 7th, 2004: dinosaur improv troupe
October 6th, 2004: a cheery nostalgia for a small town
October 5th, 2004: time to go on a wacky adventure
October 4th, 2004: t-rex in: young parents
October 1st, 2004: Pretzels In A Lady's Lap

September 2004

September 30th, 2004: deities have cell phones, i guess!
September 29th, 2004: dinosaurs had cell phones, i guess!
September 28th, 2004: it was all a dream
September 27th, 2004: time travel advice comics
September 23rd, 2004: he who dies with the most parents, wins
September 22nd, 2004: naked people? hot?
September 21st, 2004: the angriest dog in the world
September 20th, 2004: i think we should break up: a web card
September 16th, 2004: from where do you hail, you attractive individual?
September 15th, 2004: if there's one thing i know, it's women
September 14th, 2004: the Perfect Haiku
September 13th, 2004: heard any new jokes lately, god?
September 10th, 2004: you're fired, and i can talk!
September 9th, 2004: crazy vs wacky / god vs t-rex
September 8th, 2004: time to visit all my wacky dinosaur friends!
September 7th, 2004: compressed film comics VI
September 2nd, 2004: The Man Who Died And Came Back As A Ghost
September 1st, 2004: what if...?

August 2004

August 31st, 2004: fatalism comics
August 30th, 2004: web blog comix
August 27th, 2004: a cautionary TRUE tale about hermit crabs
August 26th, 2004: being polite, also: your mom
August 25th, 2004: circle wipe double equals sign comedic gold
August 24th, 2004: my new boyfriend is exactly like you, only with none of the faults
August 23rd, 2004: it's a party in this comic and everyone's invited
August 19th, 2004: why am I here? batteries.
August 18th, 2004: historiography comics, featuring "good ol' t-rex"
August 17th, 2004: futurists, plus i can't get enough of the plop takes
August 16th, 2004: presentism
August 13th, 2004: social ruin comics
August 12th, 2004: oil of olay, twice a day
August 11th, 2004: turning a global disaster into a chance for sex with multiple partners
August 10th, 2004: this is all the ID i need
August 9th, 2004: the king of the dance
August 6th, 2004: another wedding: dance with all the pretty girls
August 5th, 2004: how to attract women!
August 4th, 2004: life is beautiful but sad sometimes
August 3rd, 2004: compressed novel comics: lolita
August 2nd, 2004: neoclassical pastiche

July 2004

July 30th, 2004: you are great: a web card
July 28th, 2004: math jokes: eigenvouch for that!
July 26th, 2004: the old 'culture by association' trick
July 23rd, 2004: a moral allegory
July 21st, 2004: i like my rum like i like my women
July 19th, 2004: movie etiquette
July 15th, 2004: compression schemes
July 14th, 2004: and i didn't even get to ken thompson's "reflections on trusting trust"
July 13th, 2004: the bad news is there's finitely many songs about sad robots
July 12th, 2004: this summer: the earth stops and everybody flies into a wall
July 8th, 2004: god vs. the stolen bike
July 7th, 2004: sexual ambiguity
July 6th, 2004: self-improvement: time to make some changes around here
July 5th, 2004: a brief history of charles babbage
July 2nd, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: derivative comics
July 1st, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: treasure map

June 2004

June 30th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: disasterous events
June 29th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: pragmatism
June 28th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: mary sue comics
June 24th, 2004: something to do with history
June 23rd, 2004: things it is cool to do
June 22nd, 2004: these just showed up in my mail, unsolicited!
June 21st, 2004: credit card fraud
June 17th, 2004: life-sized cardboard cutouts
June 16th, 2004: a case of cuttlefish
June 15th, 2004: home movies
June 14th, 2004: quick! save your game!
June 11th, 2004: comics with twist/non-twist endings
June 10th, 2004: generic rooms
June 9th, 2004: t-rex in: a contract with god
June 8th, 2004: l'esprit d'escalier
June 7th, 2004: the verbose garden
June 4th, 2004: flying kites
June 3rd, 2004: comics about homecare
June 2nd, 2004: hey, i heard you were pissed off!
June 1st, 2004: compressed origin story comics - spider-man

May 2004

May 31st, 2004: indian food
May 28th, 2004: emails
May 27th, 2004: your verb tense is inappropriate, my dear
May 26th, 2004: that's what your jaws are for
May 25th, 2004: tomorrow brings a new chance to found a bluegrass band
May 24th, 2004: what's for dinner? societal norms.
May 20th, 2004: you know what's funny? death.
May 19th, 2004: ticket restrictions
May 18th, 2004: fresh prince of bel air
May 17th, 2004: giant robot suits
May 14th, 2004: a moment of empathy
May 13th, 2004: an adventure through time
May 12th, 2004: holy shit, single bicurious lesbians!
May 11th, 2004: online usernames: bi-curious, bi-plane, bi-centennial_man, bi-nary_boi
May 10th, 2004: mother's day
May 6th, 2004: corker
May 5th, 2004: so anyway, god, he's bad at telling jokes
May 4th, 2004: parties ruined by god
May 3rd, 2004: treasure hunt, 1950s

April 2004

April 29th, 2004: fisticuffsmanship
April 28th, 2004: irresistible to women
April 27th, 2004: political protest poetry (not yet set to music)
April 26th, 2004: bicycle puns can get tireing
April 22nd, 2004: good gossip
April 21st, 2004: prequels and faked, um, orgasms
April 20th, 2004: compressed film comics V
April 19th, 2004: gambling makes you appear more attractive in the eyes of women
April 15th, 2004: vegetables for bachelors
April 14th, 2004: [whispering] i made this for you
April 13th, 2004: dinosaurs were scallywags
April 12th, 2004: spring has proceeded to spring
April 8th, 2004: the magic ring
April 7th, 2004: emergent behaviour
April 6th, 2004: solving problems by declaring parts of your life to be non-canon comics
April 5th, 2004: you can see the wheel between his hands
April 3rd, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - lick my jesus - biscuits and gravy
April 2nd, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - ryan armand - the greatest t-rex in the world
April 1st, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - phiip - something's wrong today

March 2004

March 31st, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - steve hogan - jester regular
March 30th, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - justin pierce - godot / dinosaur battle alpha 2k
March 29th, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - matt shepherd - contradiction city
March 26th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - dave cheung - alternative rendering comics!
March 25th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - pieter serkeyn - the lion king
March 24th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - gilyan merry - law + order
March 23rd, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - joey comeau - the fourth wall
March 22nd, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - jeff rowland - our first home
March 19th, 2004: an awesome week - dave bort - rabbits!
March 18th, 2004: an awesome week - elliott g. garbauskas - lasagna
March 17th, 2004: an awesome week - steve carey - crime stomper 2 / dress up
March 16th, 2004: an awesome week - zole - dinosaurz with attitude
March 15th, 2004: an awesome week - o - dreams come true
March 11th, 2004: the mind-control ray
March 10th, 2004: the day of rage
March 9th, 2004: the group autobiography
March 8th, 2004: the time machine
March 4th, 2004: a quiet portrait
March 3rd, 2004: comics in which disaster strikes!
March 2nd, 2004: the dinosaur at the end of the comic
March 1st, 2004: t-rex what's going on

February 2004

February 27th, 2004: holy peer pressure
February 26th, 2004: the taste of burying your ass
February 25th, 2004: righteous indignation
February 24th, 2004: ice cream night
February 23rd, 2004: that's perfect
February 19th, 2004: hilarious outtakes comics
February 18th, 2004: having a propensity to the overuse of lengthy language
February 17th, 2004: maybe HE didn't
February 16th, 2004: musavada veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami
February 14th, 2004: valentine's day comics
February 12th, 2004: handshaking classiness
February 11th, 2004: i'ma gonna be a superhero
February 10th, 2004: comics in which matters take a sudden turn for the worse (and zombies!)
February 9th, 2004: i dunno, it always worked for me
February 5th, 2004: philosophy comics i and ii
February 4th, 2004: houston, we have a problem
February 3rd, 2004: the ultimate personification of society
February 2nd, 2004: the sex scene

January 2004

January 30th, 2004: the evolution of social graces
January 29th, 2004: these inappropriate games are tearing me apart
January 28th, 2004: you're the world-renowned authority on you
January 27th, 2004: a comic about cooties
January 26th, 2004: prizes for being a friend
January 22nd, 2004: adults vs children title match
January 21st, 2004: how to turn any love song into a sea shanty
January 20th, 2004: the cutest phrase
January 19th, 2004: how to win arguments/friendships
January 15th, 2004: swimming naked
January 14th, 2004: this is more than enough excitement for me
January 13th, 2004: i wonder what life would be like if i were never born
January 12th, 2004: things that don't exist
January 8th, 2004: compressed bible comics - today's genre: teen magazine confessional
January 7th, 2004: ahh... much better!
January 6th, 2004: tweens
January 5th, 2004: unambiguous answers to old rhetorical questions
January 1st, 2004: new year's resolutions

December 2003

December 31st, 2003: history teacher (pro-pun)
December 30th, 2003: everybody dies (anti-pun)
December 29th, 2003: disappointed dentist re: flossing
December 25th, 2003: i would like to have that portrait
December 24th, 2003: sexy exciting presents
December 23rd, 2003: i will do this using capitalism
December 22nd, 2003: it's the only thing i really wanted
December 18th, 2003: one page from 'on the origin of species'
December 17th, 2003: story of my life
December 16th, 2003: the lady at the supermarket
December 15th, 2003: the middle ground
December 11th, 2003: talking dinosaurs discuss objectivism
December 10th, 2003: paid by the 'awesome'
December 9th, 2003: i'll kick his ass!
December 8th, 2003: shakespeare punchlinez
December 4th, 2003: i never knew my father
December 3rd, 2003: pirates!
December 2nd, 2003: nostalgia for the present
December 1st, 2003: comics with long contextualizing titles

November 2003

November 27th, 2003: american thanksgiving
November 26th, 2003: happiness comics
November 25th, 2003: the horse raced past the barn fell
November 24th, 2003: sarcasm leads to an argument
November 20th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - your sense of disenchantment
November 19th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - "balls to the wall"
November 18th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - green lantern
November 17th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - superman
November 13th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - batman
November 12th, 2003: sexual double standards
November 11th, 2003: recipe comics
November 10th, 2003: i'm not married to it
November 6th, 2003: polygamy at home, a six-part miniseries
November 5th, 2003: how to meet new people
November 4th, 2003: fables told in such a way at to appeal to the greed of the reader
November 3rd, 2003: delightfully sexy double entendres

October 2003

October 31st, 2003: the difference between what is transmitted and what is received
October 30th, 2003: the t-rex costume
October 29th, 2003: robots
October 28th, 2003: my costume thinks it's cooler if we're just friends
October 27th, 2003: grandfather's birthday
October 23rd, 2003: i'm going to solve mysteries!
October 22nd, 2003: post hoc ergo propter hoc
October 21st, 2003: the dangers of hubris
October 20th, 2003: birthday funnies
October 16th, 2003: not today
October 15th, 2003: perhaps i will eat my friends
October 14th, 2003: the white lie that spiraled, out of control!
October 13th, 2003: thanksgiving day comics
October 9th, 2003: things i've read on the internet comics (mild anti-vegetarian sentiment)
October 8th, 2003: dinosnore comics
October 7th, 2003: that's the coolest
October 6th, 2003: i didn't know he could read!
October 3rd, 2003: at the reception
October 2nd, 2003: at the wedding
October 1st, 2003: a wedding invitation

September 2003

September 30th, 2003: computational linguistics
September 29th, 2003: a hurricane!
September 25th, 2003: sarcasm comics
September 24th, 2003: i wonder what life would be like if i were a lady
September 23rd, 2003: joy comics
September 22nd, 2003: 't-rex, your house is on fire!'
September 19th, 2003: everyone's a winner
September 18th, 2003: filmic techniques comics
September 17th, 2003: the cursed nutrinomicon
September 16th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - justin pierce!
September 15th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - jeremy clarke!
September 12th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - r. sikoryak!
September 11th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - joey comeau!
September 10th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - joseph kovell!
September 9th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - steve carey!
September 8th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - scott bevan and kent earle!
September 5th, 2003: skydiving
September 4th, 2003: update bodies set status = 'dead'
September 3rd, 2003: (abortive) adventure comics!
September 2nd, 2003: the moving comic

August 2003

August 29th, 2003: singing together for fun and profit
August 28th, 2003: over-specific stereotypes
August 27th, 2003: the aesthetics and beliefs of romanticism
August 25th, 2003: different ways to say "no"
August 22nd, 2003: dentists aren't really your friends
August 21st, 2003: a special talent
August 20th, 2003: jokes explained
August 19th, 2003: several advantages to amnesia
August 18th, 2003: that's funny
August 15th, 2003: appreciating beauty
August 14th, 2003: not an astronaut
August 13th, 2003: sudden disturbing realizations
August 12th, 2003: finite space in my brain
August 11th, 2003: it's pretty biological
August 8th, 2003: no sleep for me, thanks, i'm full
August 7th, 2003: alright, i was talking about my virginity
August 6th, 2003: i'd be wasting my money!
August 5th, 2003: a sudden change in genre
August 4th, 2003: why am i here?
August 1st, 2003: a mystery comic

July 2003

July 31st, 2003: platitudes
July 30th, 2003: comics from the future
July 29th, 2003: t-rex in: the search for god
July 28th, 2003: your mom's a librarian?
July 25th, 2003: oktoberfest
July 24th, 2003: the rules
July 23rd, 2003: the slang of today's youth culture
July 22nd, 2003: the fun of sharing secrets
July 21st, 2003: the metamorphazoid
July 18th, 2003: understanding comics? no thanks, chuckles
July 17th, 2003: science vs religion: round three - the monopoly on truth
July 16th, 2003: science vs religion: round two - play along with t-rex
July 15th, 2003: science vs religion: round one - science has all the answers again
July 14th, 2003: religion and science
July 11th, 2003: the special meal
July 10th, 2003: love and/or sex
July 9th, 2003: list of friends
July 8th, 2003: where to find a baby
July 7th, 2003: never lose a baby
July 4th, 2003: tv-style recap
July 3rd, 2003: pterrible babysitting
July 2nd, 2003: bouncer
July 1st, 2003: happy canada day

June 2003

June 30th, 2003: games of "scrabble"
June 27th, 2003: a certain dromiceiomimian friend of ours
June 26th, 2003: inconsistent bastards
June 25th, 2003: fallout
June 24th, 2003: think nothing of it, lovely
June 23rd, 2003: profound philosophical questions vs the story of how the keys were found
June 20th, 2003: onanism: a show of vocabulary descends into a masturbation joke
June 18th, 2003: a journey to the moon
June 17th, 2003: stern religious comics
June 16th, 2003: quit making out, you two
June 13th, 2003: lessons in humility: a comic
June 12th, 2003: understanding ethical relativism
June 11th, 2003: full of surprises
June 10th, 2003: compressed film comics IV
June 9th, 2003: do the dishes
June 6th, 2003: hilarious misunderstandings
June 5th, 2003: tony
June 4th, 2003: this is you!
June 2nd, 2003: guest week - darryl payne

May 2003

May 30th, 2003: guest week - the authors
May 29th, 2003: guest week - joey comeau and emily horne
May 28th, 2003: guest week - my dad randy, bruce firestone, matt plaumann
May 27th, 2003: guest week - mel tayler and darryl payne
May 26th, 2003: guest week - john dejong, eric, the "big e" and oliver t.c. brackenbury
May 23rd, 2003: guest week - magaly obas
May 22nd, 2003: guest week - victor north and amanda shiga
May 21st, 2003: guest week - victor north and amanda shiga
May 20th, 2003: guest week - victor north and chris bullee
May 19th, 2003: guest week - victor north and chris bullee
May 16th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 15th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 14th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 13th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 12th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 9th, 2003: the silent treatment
May 8th, 2003: people change
May 7th, 2003: everyone learn new languages
May 6th, 2003: (a)bort, (r)etry, (m)urder
May 5th, 2003: playing the pianer
May 2nd, 2003: i have surprised even myself
May 1st, 2003: choo

April 2003

April 30th, 2003: postcards from the edge
April 29th, 2003: compressed film comics ]|[
April 28th, 2003: depression comics: i wish i was never born!
April 25th, 2003: alternate ending comics
April 24th, 2003: no cussing (for real this time)
April 23rd, 2003: compressed pornography comics
April 22nd, 2003: all you can eat
April 21st, 2003: a list of phrases that you should never say
April 18th, 2003: the utahraptor "wigged out" yesterday
April 17th, 2003: trouble in paradise
April 16th, 2003: thoughts of mortality
April 15th, 2003: tolde with equal parts Flourish and Pædogogy
April 14th, 2003: adulterous affairs comics
April 11th, 2003: feed the dog
April 10th, 2003: "utah"?
April 9th, 2003: dino-pets
April 8th, 2003: his name means "tyrant lizard king" after all
April 7th, 2003: how quickly we find ourselves in the positions of adults
April 4th, 2003: secret handshakes and laffs a-plenty
April 3rd, 2003: good times
April 2nd, 2003: a window into his very soul
April 1st, 2003: april fools

March 2003

March 31st, 2003: discrete math
March 28th, 2003: sierra presents: dino quest i
March 27th, 2003: compressed relationship comics
March 26th, 2003: back on good old earth prime
March 25th, 2003: make a note of that, in my LOGS
March 24th, 2003: in a MANOR of speaking
March 21st, 2003: afterwards we'll discuss philosophy or something like that
March 20th, 2003: *gasp*
March 19th, 2003: LODGE a complaint
March 18th, 2003: a mirror universe, if you will
March 17th, 2003: hilarious differences between the sexes
March 14th, 2003: the secret to being loved
March 13th, 2003: the soundtrack to a life
March 12th, 2003: choose your own adventure: free will
March 11th, 2003: choose your own adventure: dinosaurus rex
March 10th, 2003: the portrait of a dinosaur in crisis
March 7th, 2003: i see all my relationships in economic terms
March 6th, 2003: reuters article
March 5th, 2003: dreams
March 4th, 2003: i have to say i love you, in a song
March 3rd, 2003: comics for the easily confused

February 2003

February 28th, 2003: awkward moments
February 27th, 2003: compressed film comics II
February 26th, 2003: two weeks later...
February 25th, 2003: i don't like where this one is going
February 24th, 2003: relationships take time and effort
February 21st, 2003: destruction justified via science
February 20th, 2003: compressed film comics I
February 19th, 2003: cornwall
February 18th, 2003: destruction is the natural response
February 17th, 2003: a shocking discovery
February 14th, 2003: happy valentine's day with two comics
February 13th, 2003: pointing out the failures of others
February 12th, 2003: utaught me how to be a stupid jerk!
February 11th, 2003: not being a utahraptor!
February 10th, 2003: if you call that living!
February 7th, 2003: an educational installment
February 6th, 2003: a flashback and a poem
February 5th, 2003: extraordinary claims
February 4th, 2003: lesbians!
February 3rd, 2003: i feel today that my actions will be charged with symbolism
February 2nd, 2003: a rare pleasure indeed
February 1st, 2003: today is a beautiful day